#it rlly isnt just a good or bad situation. its just a situation that happened and wasnt tackled properly bc. this stuff rarely is

[jabberwockprince]

your tags on the studio heartbreak post are incorrect, they have never done nfts nor is there any evidence they have done so. they have actively said they dislike nfts. it's a harmful rumor about a collection of independent artists.

damn it's crazy how there's no proof about one of their members, lead director alicemaoart, doing nfts under a different account named alicedotxyz or the official studio heartbreak account making a statement that pretty much confirms these accusations were all real

screenshot 1 / screenshot 2 / screenshot 3 / screenshot 4 /

and not weird at all to see popheadz, the nft company this artist has worked with, constantly show up in any comments made against her

tweet 1 / tweet 2 (original qrt now deleted, sadly)

and then the artist herself posting these in instagram stories (obviously I can't link these since they're instagram stories and her instagram also seems to have been deleted?)

granted, the official statement released by the studio does mention "outdated comments by one of [their] directors" that "don't reflect her current views or efforts" - if the artist stopped making NFTs, good for her! people are allowed to grow and change their mind and be given the benefit of the doubt! if she's really stopped making NFTs, then I personally would fucking LOVE to support the studio because as filipino diaspora im fucking starving for content about my culture

the harassment she faced is definitely fucked up (considering all of her socials are blank, gone or private) and there IS something to be said about the harsh scrutiny LGTBQ+ and POC creators go through constantly. or example, Kitfox Games adding a warning in Boyfriend Dungeon for a toxic shitty stalker because people wouldn't stop complaining about it AND harassing the VA who provided the voice for said stalker. some of the hate studio heartbreak is getting DOES come from that shitty mindset and some criticisms come from ppl genuinely upset that. this artist was specifically doing nfts in secret bc she was fully aware of the backlash she would receive

but whether you want to separate her career from studio heartbreak or not, that's up to you - i think people who want to support this film (because HEY. WE FINALLY GET. CONTENT FOR US. LITERALLY CATERED TO US ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE US IN PLACES WE RECOGNIZE AND ALL. I GET IT) for whatever reason despite this nft stuff coming up are in the right to do so. and the people who don't want to support it because their lead director makes/used to make nfts in secret or for whatever other reason is also fair. personally i dropped out of supporting them after seeing the pics above

the official statement also apologizes for the lack of tact when these nfts started coming up, which is good! cause posting fish titties in an attempt to get ppl to forget the issue sure is. a fucking choice

no clue how to end this post, so hey have a nice day!

#i fucking despise nfts with all my life and thats the main reason im not supporting this project anymore #even if im. so fucking desperate for toxic filipino lesbians #but thats my personal choice. yall do yall! i rlly understand the giddy excitement from other filipinos #it rlly isnt just a good or bad situation. its just a situation that happened and wasnt tackled properly bc. this stuff rarely is #transparency wouldve been nice. the artist going 'yeah i did this. sorry about that' when the pics started coming up wouldve been good #but again. the harassment deffo didnt help

[arty-cakes]

being both a bretta and zote fan is so so painful actually ppl will always find some way to make sure they never interact again or use the latter to (seriously) demonize zote for stuff he never did while also mischaracterising bretta and i 💥👊💥🥊👊🤜🤛💥🤜👊🤜💥🤜💥🥊 🤜👊👊👊🤜💥 im not good at putting into words why this is frustrating

either make them divorced mortal enemies or reluctant friends who actually enjoy eachother's company either of those are funnier but why make up stuff that didnt happen and then pretend its canon and the reason why they should never talk again..... thats so boring

i was gonna leave this in the tags but no i wanna talk

i know im complaining here but its honestly not an issue i see a-lot like i do see them being enemies or friends in fancontent and to the ppl who do that ily very much. its always cool. and people like my dynamic too and when they let me know it makes me rlly happy lol

but i feel like people need to understand that not every situation is good or bad sometimes they are just. situations. like bretta and zote

and i still feel like there's this general misunderstanding about zote that needs to be cleared up which is that he's not actually.... a liar lol. or i mean the only person he lies to is himself and he's not pretending to be a knight he really BELIEVES he's a knight. don quixote coded like he rlly believes he killed the vengefly king and won the colosseum tournament and whatever. all confirmed by his dreamnail dialogue like it makes it REALLY CLEAR that he believes what hes saying. he's actually having delusions thats why most people in hollow knight choose to help him out its why he cant process life threatening situations. he's still annoying just because of his general personality but NOT because of his delusions. (i'd say something profound about how usefulness ties to worth in most people's subconscious and its rooted in ableism and its why zote hate is so loud and normalized but i dont know how to) basically he is not out here 'manipulating' anyone wtf

bretta's delusional too btw the game literally calls her out (gpz godhome description i think). personally i like that canon decided these two should meet and the result was this awfully tough dreamgod that u can fight 10x that's hilarious to me. if a fan made this up and it never happened in canon i would be like 'holy shit this should be a dlc this WOULD happen' because these two are just like that

also people seriously forget that bretta didnt just leave because of zote she left because of ghost too. girl just had enough of short knights ok she was done with both of them if you bring her back to town she's not suddenly gonna realize ghost is heroic and cool and be apologetic and want them back and zote's mad and jealous. <- this out here is mischaracterising ALL 3 of them its so juvenile what.... and i just dont think she'd care that much about either of them, a lot like how zote barely gives a shit about the infection or never realizes she left, they both have tunnel vision these two are the same do you see it

also tell me he was lying when he called ghost a beast because they are thats all they've been striving for this is a compliment to them i know it

this isnt reallyyy a rant. its a personal grievance because i like them both so i care about their portrayal and interactions and i like it when they aren't lonely. but also they're really light-hearted characters so why not just treat them like that....they go through shit and then they move on easily and go through it all over again. its been 7 years can we cut them a break. i dont wanna see anymore mischaracterising unless its really funny

#i get that this is specifically a hk fandom problem #so my only real solution was to leave the fandom 🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️i dont engage with it that much anymore i usually talk to my mutuals+friends #it actually has made me happier! #and yeah there are a lot of fandom problems here i usually ignore them but this is one i actually want to call out a little

[wandering-koyote]

Im using this chance to scream about my mortal kombat hot take that turned into a rlly long ramble (only loosely related bc its about two normal humans lol):

Everyone says Cassie and Jacqui shouldn't have been in MK11, since Cas has had the main character spotlight in MKX and Jacqui has the personality of cardboard, while Takeda/Jin are more interesting. HOWEVER I actually think they deserved to be in the game 500% more, but that Netherrealm completely fumbled them. Jacqui more than Cassie, like horribly so.

Both really need something 'unique' about them, and MK11 was that chance, but instead Jacqui is just. A plot device really. She only exists to support other character arcs and be a borderline macguffin for Jax to have motivation- her own damn tower ending is her dying to further someone else's life. MK11 should've given Jacqui something to define herself a bit more in the story! Some kind of plot!! Cassie's story is sorta interesting, but Sonya coming back kinda dulls the impact of Sonya, yknow, dying. Hanzo's death is more impactful since his character arc was just wiped, Sonya doesn't get that. The whole "you're my mom who just died but not yet because you're from the past and im really conflicted about this" angle was, as my dad who watched me play said, "really fucked up" (in a good way imo), but they really only confined that to one scene. If you're gonna go at that angle, put ur whole pussy into it babe!!!

Takeda/Jin have more than enough to separate themselves from their parents, so yeah Cassie and Jacqui really needed an extra game to grow. Unfortunately they didn't, they're just kinda static. So im delving into personal story ideas!

Cassie would've really benefitted from gifted kid syndrome- girl just killed a god and saved the world, mk11 shouldve rlly leaned into the idea that shes pulling herself apart to try and keep being the main character. Kid of Johnny and Sonya, god killer?? Make that shit keep her up at night. Make her take charge in every situation where the older characters aren't there, make her self sacrificial, make her want to be the hero not because she wants that fame again, but because earthrealm is notorious for crumbling without someone to protect it and she cant bear to have anyone else shoulder that weight. She did it once, she can take it again. Then make Sonya die doing exactly what Cassie's doing, sacrificing herself for the mission and for Earthrealm.

Then she comes back, younger and a little less hardened. I think it's infinitely better if we flip the whole "ur my mother" thing- make Sonya conflicted that this is her child who is writhing in agony over her mother's death and Sonya isn't sure what shes meant to do. Everything screams to go and comfort her- its her DAUGHTER for crying out loud, but how would Cassie react? Would it only make things worse? What the HELL did her future self do to make Cassie look at her with such mixed emotions? It's mentioned a few times that present Sonya valued work heavily over her family, and that it got worse and worse over time, so i think it should culminate in a scene where Sonya from the past tells Cassie that her future self was wrong- the mission isnt everything, and she has family she needs to look out for. I think it'd mirror the Johnny's well too, since old Johnny literally beat the shit out of younger Johnny because he refused to take his (future) family seriously.

Jacqui on the other hand? She just needs her own damn arc. Keep Jax becoming a bad guy, thats fine imo, but touch on the mother's death and Jacqui's feelings about it. Her damn MOTHER died and the story is completely "ohhh jax became a bAD GUY ABOUT THIS" and I don't even think Jacqui gets to like, I dont even think her death is mentioned around Jacqui at all. I think just adding a few scenes between present Jax and Jacqui would fix a lot. Have the two not talk since her death; Jacqui really wants to talk about it, acknowledge what happened and try and heal, while Jax is ignoring her attempts and distancing himself (depression) and simultaneously trying to protect Jacqui. Replace the Kronika and Jax scene with a scene of the two in a fight, Jax trying to tell Jacqui to leave the military and dodging any conversation about how badly theyre both hurting, while Jacqui is pissed that he's shutting himself off and is basically regressing her into a child as a way to cope. Jacqui leaves in a huff, and Jax alone going "please, i just want to protect my little girl", queue the clicking of the grandfather clock stopping the tears freezing midair. Dont even show us the conversation, just hard cut away- the fight tells us everything we need to know about why Jax is doing what hes doing. I think that ALONE would help with Jacqui a lot (we've acknowledged she has feelings about her mom's death and that she has a conflict with her dad going on now), but going further you might be able to replace the cassie/raiden scene with JACQUI instead. Have Jacqui be upset that Jax is so deep in grief that hes joined the bad guys, and that she cant even tell what type of person her father is anymore. Is he the father that pushed her on the swing when she squeeled 'higher!', who hugged her so gently with his metal arms, or is he the man he is now, joining with criminals and thieves and murderers in the name of her 'protection'? Is that who he's always been? Have Raiden tell her that it doesnt matter who her father is, but who SHE is. Is she the type of person who give up on her dad? Or will she look him in the eye and tell him "I love you despite everything" and fight to save him?

Jax and Jacqui should reconcile before the boat scene entirely so they can get a plot beat to just talk. Too much action for a pause in the boat scene. My timeline of events is iffy but maybe this can happen at the Tiara scene- iirc Cetrion LITERALLY threatens to kill Jacqui and Jax is STILL on Team Kronika after this. CMON. Have Jax switch sides and attack Cetrion when she tries killing Jacqui- Past Jax is a bit iffy to me as an addition to the scene, he doesnt rlly add anything. Have Jax snap out of everything at the realization that its not the military putting Jacqui in danger, its HIMSELF. Have him admit hes wrong, and the two finally get a moment to grief (even if briefly bc the world is dying again). Have Cetrion note this interaction too. Whens the last time her mother ever hugged her like that? When was the last time they grieved the loss of Father? Even MENTIONED Father? Is Kronika even her mother beyond just the name? Hot take but have Cetrion try and betray Kronika at the end of the plot because of this moment, and Kronika goes "lmao no" and absorbs her essence anyway.

VERY LONG ASK I KNOW BUT I NEED TO GET THIS IDEA OUT!!! It also adds a layer of theming around family and love, something thats vaguely there in MKX and MK11 but its like. Hidden and an afterthought. Jax protect Jacqui bc shes family. Cassie is grieving the death of a family member. The villian is the mother of two other villians and kills one and discards the other. Cassie and Jacqui deserve better thats my message im here all night folks

Yesss! The family themes need to hit hard! This is why I’m sad they rebooted when we could’ve had more familial growth, but maybe we’ll get it in the next few games 😭

I don’t have much input because I agree with so much (if only I could ring up NRS and get you hired)! BUT IM POSTING CUZ YOU COOKED FR FR AND NEED RECOGNITION 🔥🔥🔥

#mortal kombat #johnny cage #mortal kombat 11 #Cassie cage #jacqui briggs #jax briggs #sonya blade

[dramallamas]

The (unserious) notes of Beyond Evil, Episode 2!

Previous Episode || Next Episode

bro this body really dragged everyone out there. all our side characters are here.

"there's mud everywhere" my guy youre in a field what do you expect

"could it be a pervert obsessed with feet?" that doesnt narrow down the list that much in this day and age...

Lee Dongsik was sexy in his 20s 30s and 40s not every man can pull that off. Lee Dongsik the man you are

oh and he's here too (Juwon)

Dongsik is also a little shit and i love him for that.

“Do you like me that much?” Houston I’m deceased.

HE DIDNT SAY NO

Man we get flirting in Episode Two damn we get fed well as a community.

“Isnt she your sister, Lee Yuyeon?” LIARRRR

“The recording room isn’t your bedroom.” As in both of theirs? Because I have read the fics 👀

How warm is the recording room is my question. Because if its like my bedroom then shits freezing

I have said this once and will say it again lee Dongsik is a sexy mf

“I got lured?” Juwons face pls he is so confused.

THE SCORE AND SOUNDS GOD PROPS TO THE MUSIC PPL

Juwons disgust is so amusing.

Bro it must suck to be talked about when you are right here.

Part of me is curious as to how Dongsik went from Lee Dohyun Dongsik to Shin Hakyun Dongsik. Like we get hints in flashbacks but not much more.

We act like Juwon had this sudden shift in how he reacts to Dongsik after his Busan trip but it was there the whole time just a lot more subtle.

Juwon looking at dirt is me looking at Jinmuk. Fricken gross.

“Touch it (my phone) again and your fingers will…” shit man

Also unpopular opinion incoming: not the biggest fan of minjeong. Shes tragic and interesting enough but she is also the type of person I would avoid being friends with

We dont give Jeongje enough credit for him standing up to his mother passive aggressively.

THE FIRST RAIN SCENE ITS HERE

All good things happen in the rain in this show and I stand by that.

This one melts my heart (and Juwon’s too)

He just stares at Dongsik smiling… perhaps he cant be all that bad hey Juwon.

HAN KIHWAN GTF OUT OF HERE

Also juwon can I have that jumper pls? At least tell me where u got it (that blue one he wore with the stripes on his arm).

Juwon in casual clothing is smth we dont see enough of especially at the start of the show

Juwon proving he is just as insane as Dongsik in this scene but also just as driven about solving what really happened. Two sides of the same coin.

Also we do not give the camera ppl enough credit either the way they shoot the scenes is incredible and rlly captures both the character and their thoughts/feelings as well as their situation and vibes of the scene.

“I don’t like solving riddles” juwon aint that ur job…?

Tiny hc: jeongje learnt some english words and slips them into his conversations to add fuel to his lie of ‘studying in america’

“There isnt a single cop in the country wjk would prioritise such a case.” Jeongje says to Juwon, who is prioritising such a case.

Juwon nearly losing his cool is so interesting and important to me.

Juwon doesnt fuck with people telling him to stay quiet thats for sure.

Ok so Dongsiks mum sees Dongsiks dad frozen to death and calls him 동식(이?) 아버지 (Dongsiks dad). like imagine u mother calls ur dad "(your name)'s dad!" is this a thing in korea or a script choice?

Tfw you hear the tragic backstory of ur suspect/future bf

part of me thinks dongsiks limp/leg injury might be psychosomatic, at least a little bit.

jihwas contact name for dongsik being 똥식 is so funny. (동 is how its supposed to be 똥, pronounced only slightly differently means shit/poop)

Underrated friendship Jaeyi and Jihoon moment.

God I hate clubs sm (I have been and ended up stressed depressed and just on the verge of tears by the end of it and I was dead sober)

Dongsik is in protective dad mode and he stands for womens rights (and probably womens wrongs) and i love that.

I am aware that this episode 2 notes is mostly just me loving Dongsik.

Everyone beind done with minjeon is also me.

"Dongsik I wasnt cheating on you..." girl youre giving Juwon the wrong ideas. also dongsik would deserve better than you anyway

Juwon rn "this girl is insane... idk what i expected because this is manyang but she rlly is and I am not dealing with it"

Juwon not being a physical touch person and valuing personal space a lot and Dongsik being an exception is everything to me.

also underrated duo moment of Juwon and Jihoon

Honestly Juwon Jaeyi Jihoon friendship trio should be a thing in fics

Actually Dongsik isnt that much shorter than Juwon... huh...

The shot where they are both looking down... I should use that as my laptop wallpaper tbh

Minjeongs death sequence gives me the chills every time.

Them talking about the death body and Jinmuk being in the shade in the background with Jaeyi... means smth but im not smart enough yet.

Dongsiks case wall for Yuyeon in his basement genuinely makes me cry knowing the truth about it

'hey bitch 😏' is the energy we have rn

Bro cannot control his emotions well around Dongsik

“Let me give you a thorough tour of our jurisdiction” is Dongsik code for, ‘follow me I need to show you something’

I remember this scene being the netflix preview (the one where juwon states that he wants to move to manyang) for beyond evil and I remember thinking… what a shit scene to preview to convince ppl to watch the show. However… I think otherwise because…

“Just what about me interests you so much? I don’t think it’s that I’m a cop. Perhaps that I’m a suspect?”

“Let me ask you. Just what about me interests you so much? You obviously seem to be dying to know what I was up to at Foreign Affairs.”

THAT PART IS CONVINCING ASF HELLO

And then… pain.

Juwon hesitating and genuinely looking torn deciding what to do. Does he call it in or… what? Comfort Dongsik? Probably considered how he reacts upon hearing Dongsik start to cry before realising why. His entire face screams “I’m so sorry…”

And Dongsik oh my god. Even though we know he put them there I think this is the first time he properly grieved it, even if only a little.

He probably did it to bust the case back open again so he and the vicitims can get justice.

And fin. See you next ep!

#beyond evil #jwds #괴물 #kdrama #jtbc beyond evil #han juwon #lee dongsik

[regryrth]

#drdtdevappreciation

Im so proud of how you all as a fandom handled this so well 💙 I know things are still pretty shaky in places and no one can rlly say this problem is “solved” or “forgiven” unless DRDT Dev specifically says so (which I dont mean to say they should or have to comment on anything, I know they mentioned theyre nervous and now uncomfortable interacting which I understand and accept responsibility for) But it really makes me happy to see how for the most part We’re turning something bad into appreciation. So for the fandom here. I appreciate all of you.

Even the ones who mightve gone too far. Just like me u had good or at least non malicious intent. Which turned out bad but there are still ppl who respectfully understand where youre coming from. Maybe its not wanted- But I appreciate and care for you too. I dont know how youre handling this all, But if its anything like how I did, I hope you understand nothing is ur fault just like how people have said it’s not entirely mine and not DRDT Devs. Even if it wasnt the best thing u couldve said in the moment. I understand u didnt want to harass anyone. It was a mistake made cause it’s human to act emotionaly have opinions and want to be understood with that. That can make ppl say and post things online that get deserved back-lash like I did. And the things u say can seriously hurt people like I did. I cant say how anyone else feels with everything thats happened But if Im right about everything so far. Its okay. To me at least which I guess isnt much. Even If u dont feel real remorse- You feel u were justified- But just dont want to be lectured in paregraphs over and over. Thats ok to me too. No one has to be completely justified in how they feel and it would be hyppocritical of me to say u do. And you shouldnt have to be looked at as any worse then the rest of us for stating your mind. Ur a great DRDT fan and person too and no one should claim any different for anyone. So while no one can throw around the word “forgive” for an incident that isnt ours to forgive- I “understand” u.

On a lighter note- The people who defended DRDT Dev without harassing anyone. U all acted so maturely in response to everything I honestly envy u a little. Does maturity and not making mistakes like these come one by one for you? When I make mistakes like this I feel like something with no real sense of right or wrong- Then I mess up and ppl come out to tell me where I went wrong and the “right” thing to do- And I piece together all the life lessons and “right” responses little by little until I feel safe with myself. Like a kintsugi piece. And like the cake in chapter 1! Did u have to do the same? I wonder if everyone experiences this. But thats not so relevant to appreciating you- So thank you for seeing every side. Even mine. Thank you for taking this whole situation and turning it into something good for everyone. We should talk about stuff like this more- While I still wish I hadnt posted that confession Im happy with whats been made of it- Even if the damage was still done. Because disrespecting and dehumanizing creators like DRDT Dev who put themselfs through so much to make wonderful content for us is never ok and to sweep it under the rug Like nothing ever happened is even worse. I know I requested the original post be deleted But Im ok with it being up on other blogs and posts because its important to hold stuff like this accountable and talk about it. And u guys did just that which is why Im so proud and thankful for u. This isnt a Thanksgiving dinner But u all deserve to be appreciated for doing good things too and supporting DRDT Dev.

And that brings me to who I appreciate the most- DRDT Dev. Everyone has said it so perfectly already I cant think of how to say it myself. But theyre so strong for going through all this. With their health. And going through and finding things like what I said. And other things none of us know about because they work to prioritize us over themself. And yet they still dont give up. They still keep going even with everything. They dont have to do this. But they do anyways and we should all appreciate them so much for that. Because sometimes we forget they and there team are human- I forgot that too. Doing things like my confession and taking their work for granted and other things is never ok. Im so happy we can do something to share our appreciation for DRDT, DRDT Dev and their team. Bad things and arguments and DRDT Dev being hurt by me had to happen first. I wish it didnt and that fandoms would give this much love and support to their creators without some incident happening first. But Im happy what happened let us appreciate the dev for there work now. And even if the DRDT Dev doesnt create side content anymore because of this- Its alright. They shouldnt have to push themselves past their boundaries or limits for us cause they already do so much. Even if we dont know much about them- We know enough to say theyre a wonderful person and we all love their content and them so much.

I know a lot of ppl apologized on my behalf and I suppose I wrote a longer apology to DRDT Dev and the fandom. But Ill say again as the anon themself- I am deeply sorry DRDT Dev for what I and others have said and done. I hope that you are well. And that youre able to see our appreciation through these posts.

I love you all 💙

#drdtdevappreciation #drdt #danganronpa despair time #despair time

[new-hyperfixation-every-month]

(SPOILERS FOR TPP SEASON 4 AND A BIT OF SEASON 3 IG)

so i just finished season 4 of tpp and damn it i have some WORDS TO SAY

i rlly dont know how to feel abt nureyev rn. he clearly expected dark matters to attack the carte blanche, and although he probably isnt working with them, the fact that he also told whoever he took the loan from that he would be bringing them all the items he and the aurinko crime family stole makes me think he didnt just escape from dark matters. he probably used this as an opportunity to escape from the family as well, especially since in the journal he literally tells juno not to look for him.

i hate to say this, bc nureyev is a huge comfort character for me, but i think hes up to smth rlly bad. and i cant believe hes pulling this betrayal bullshit AGAIN

(also i understand he wants juno to learn more abt him and his past, but how did he expect juno to react to the love of his life ranting abt how smitten he was for another guy in a journal made FOR HIM)

the vulnerability in nureyev's journal makes me incredibly happy you have NO IDEA

im such a sucker for characters who mask emotions finally showing vulnerability through stories of their past, in which they didnt feel the need to hide or were only starting to. (for example, the contrast between younger nureyev talking abt the world knowing his name versus older nureyev who can barely even speak it himself; "just...call me what you used to.")

im kind of scared abt the whole slip jackson situation. slip seems completely in love with nureyev, which makes me think nureyev is probably the reason they broke up. he probably did smth hypocritical like lying or betraying slip, and genuinely idk if i can take seeing nureyev do anymore shitty stuff ok i RLLY LIKE HIM and am sick of seeing him being a dick.

SO ANYWAYS bc ive caught up on tpp, ill need a new podcast to listen to soon (RECOMMENDATIONS ARE ALWAYS APPRECIATED) but this is also the perfect time to work on that recap video project i talked abt in another post, so if i do end up doing that, ill update anyone whos interested on the progress as it happens.

ALSO does anyone know when the next episode will be out bc i think im driving myself insane by listening to these unfinished podcasts and now that i think abt it the next two episodes wont even be junoverse so im gonna have to listen to the second citadel thingy too (gimme opinions on that bc i wanna know if its actually good)

#SORRY THIS IS SO LONG #i have a lot to say but i wanted to focus on nureyev for this one #i will make a post abt juno and rita soon bc they mean sm to me #tpp #the penumbra podcast #junoverse #juno steel #peter nureyev #podcast #podcasts

[checkers-dance]

anyway after that we ended up talking about nct AND THIS LEADS ME TO THE FICS I WAS GONNA TELL YOU ABOUT BUT FORGOR. anyway, i was telling noxia abt how i remember discourse over the johnny/mark ship because people thought they "acted like brothers." so we ended up watching a video compilation of them (ill admit, i think they're kinda cute, they have this very dudebro x dudebro dynamic that i find really amusing). we read the comments and people are like genuinely terrified of admitting they like the ship its so fucked up 😭

so i got curious. i wanted to know if anyone had taken that idea and played with it. and yeah there were some incest fics IVNFJNJFNV. there was this one where johnny and mark hadn't seen each other and then when mark was asleep Stuff Happened. kinda messed up. and then there was another fic inspired by that one where the same thing thing happened but mark woke up and then they consensually fucked. good for them. im kinda obsessed with that idea ngl VBFJVNFJ.

anyway there was also some incest play so like not actual incest but still fun.

BUT THEN THERE'S THESE TWO THAT IM KINDA GENUINELY OBSESSED. BUT THEY HAVEN'T BEEN COMPLETED AND IT MAKES ME CRY, I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

so the first one is this omegaverse fic where johnny goes in a rut at the same time mark goes into heat and bro. BRO. im such a fan of siblings doing stuff impulsively and then regretting it immediately and thats exactly what happened. neither of them were thinking straight so the next day they are both disoriented and confused and they both feel awful ITS SO GOOD, I NEED INCEST WITH GUILT AND COMPLICATED FEELINGS. but the fic hasnt been completed yet, and it was posted last year... im so scared it may never come back. i think im probably gonna dowload it just in case it gets deleted because i would not be able to handle it, im so attached.

AND THEN THE OTHER ONE.... i didnt think i would enjoy it much because it was dadson but bro. the writing is so good and the dynamic is so interesting. so basically mark is johnny's kid except he didnt know because it happened when he was a young teen and the mom never told him and gave up mark for adoption and its only now as an adult that hes making effort to contact his biological parents. (actually they meet when mark is like seventeen but they dont actually start interacting properly until mark is an adult). anyway, his adoptive parents turn out to be shit and they kick mark out because they find out hes gay. and also his ex was a dick and they broke up. he moves in with johnny and bro. they are so sweet. like they have this really interesting dynamic where they have a really cute familiar bond but then they also have a clearly romantic/sexual thing for each other thats also really loving and caring. BUT johnny isnt as happy about it as mark is because he wants mark to have a normal life eventually. but then he also indulges both mark and himself and then pulls away so mark is rlly messed up about it and it all ends up leading to this really bad argument between them. and then when johnny comes home mark is fucking GONE, HE LEFT, AND THERE'S JUST A NOTE TELLING HIM HE'S LEAVING, AND JOHNNY HAS NO IDEA WHERE HE IS. WHEN I TELL YOU I FELT PHYSICAL PAIN READING THAT, I WAS SO EMOTIONALLY INVESTED AND THEN THIS HAPPENED, NOOOO. AND THATS THE LAST CHAPTER... THE FIC HASNT BEEN FINISHED YET.... IM SO FUCKED UP ABOUT IT.

NOOOOOOO NOT BOTH OF THE FICS BEING UNFINISHED.....AND THE CLIFFHANGER TOO....why are u so unlucky when it comes to this 😭. I hope at least one of them is continued. Also yes, please download the fics, it would be devastating to have a repeat of the jackson/jooheon fic deletion situation

And gjskfksjf, it seems like the discourse over this ship has spawned a lot of fucked up ideas in fic, I love that. The dead dove writers always win in the end <3

But hmmmm....dudebro4dudebro.....I was going to compare them to jookyun but I don't think either jooheon or changkyun can rlly be considered dudebros 😭

#asks

[maverickflare]

(context; this concept exists in my little kh au ive been doing and strelitzia specifically has a 'died and came back wrong' thing going on and ended up becoming a false prophet for a bit. dontworry abt it i just wanna be insane for a minute.)

i rlly rlly do think strelitzia/elrena/aqua could be soooooooo.... in the right circumstances. the inherent beauty of three women all entering a will they wont they scenario together. bc well strelitzia is still dealing w her thing + doesnt want to 'further disrupt' elrenas life after the whole. dying on her tht one time. so she isnt sure how to navigate this situation of rekindling their friendship and discovering that erhm. well she still has some emotions there (they briefly dated as teenagers and never got to have closure on tht front on account of the horrors). and elrenas like "ive got a good thing going w aqua right now which is crazy because i have no idea how i did that" and at the same time still clinging to the idea that she can salvage something from her youth (ie. her relationship w strelitzia) despite claiming to have Gotten Over It and avoiding giving any real answers whenever aqua tries to bring it up. aquas fine talking abt elrenas problems but as soon as the focus is on her, shes like please never ask me how im doing i cant answer that. but also if nothing she can hypothetically Fix happens in their relationship she will get freaked out and assume something bad is gonna happen soon so they HAVE to talk about it. they Have to talk abt strelitzia and elrenas nebulous thing at some point but they will not. aqua and strelitzia will jsut awkwardly make eye contact and pretend they dont want to talk abt this whole thing and instead talk about something asinine or what the realm of the heavens was like or if theyve read any fun books lately bc its so much easier than asking "why does my girlfriend cry sometimes when she wakes up after dreaming of you, even though youre still here and still alive." which is kind of a lot to ask someone, especially a woman who only recently clawed her way back to reality. who knows.

#dave rants #el and aqua r kind of having a thing by the time strel is introduced to the situation bc i think they can do anything they want forever.

[ecstaticmari]

YOU!!! PLEASE GIMMIE YOUR MARI HCS RIGHT NOW BC YOUR MIND IS SO HUGE AND I REALLY WANNA HEAR WHAT YOU THINK OF HER! MWAH THANK YOU <33

mari thinks shes always right and shes def a “my way or the highway” type of person

shes bad at recognizing when she actually hurts someone elses feelings (ie. sunnys stress and unhappiness with the violin) like she really is just “i do not see it”. like honestly i do not think she reconized what was going on with sunny until it was too late

sunny is def more of “suffer silently” type of person and mari was too caught up in trying to make everything perfect that she didnt catch the signs. which im not excusing her actions but like, lack of communication is key to what happened.

mari is kinda implied to be a pedestal child. parents favorite. n like. This is a form of child abuse. mari was pedestal child and sunny was the Other one. different kinds of abuse, still abuse tho

which i feel like is smth overlooked a lot like mari probably had her own shit going on. she probably thought being pushed past her limits is normal. like both mari n sunnys situation with their parents was awful just in different ways. also i can imagine her perfectionist tendencies came from this too like. shes scared of messing up or being imperfect in any way so she pushes herself past her limits to make sure shes perfect in everything

but yeah just. i think having all these unrealistic expectations and all this pressure on her is smth she sees as. normal. also like. maris 15. yes, she shouldve been able to acknowledge sunnys feelings as his elder sibling, but shes still a kid whos also still developing herself n again probably thought this was Normal.

but yeah basically what im saying is i think mari can be genuinely mean and pushy without realizing shes being like that

she enjoys teasing others n pulling what she thinks are harmless pranks but she never rlly has the intention to hurt others but sometimes it Happens but shes not good at reading that stuff u need to Tell Her. shes a little shit and proud!! also stan a queen whos bad at social cues and is in the toxic mindset where she believes shes always right and can do No wrong.

also pls understand im not trying to make mari look like a complete asshole or anything!! shes a nice person and loves her friends dearly, but she enjoys causing problems on purpose and can 100% be an asshole but shes not trying to purposely hurt anyones feelings. also shes 15

my biggest reasons for all this (besides subconsciously projecting. this is possible) is the unused dreamworld mari sequence (which i know isnt canon but i feel we should put it into consideration bc we dont have too much on maris character honestly despite her huge role. also this sequence was written with the purpose of being in the game so we can safely say its canon to their personalities)

like.

in the unused sequence, we see her be kinda be.. mean? mainly after hero disappears. mari is openly rlly annoyed when hero vanishes without Saying anything.

kel expresses a lot of worry and uncertainty and mari just. REALLY brushes it off. even when kels like “hero wouldnt run away without saying anything somethings wrong. we should go back”

when her minds Set on smth she doesnt wanna listen to what anyone else says. What she says is always right after all!!!! also even when the player/omori themselves say they dont want to continue, she forces u to go forward... shes a bit stubborn

but yeah thats just how I interpret her character with the little we have

and completely unrelated headcanons:

- (modern au) she’s read a handful of warrior cat books because sunny likes them a lot. maris probably a mapleshade stan

-she enjoys scary stuff! horror games, books, movies, haunted houses... she loves dragging her friends to scary places or making them watch scary stuff with her. she loves watching them squirm

-she stims!! “plays” the piano on tables with her fingers, shes a pacer, obsessive nail biter, flaps her hands, bounces her knee, hums, makes noises when she Really excited..

-actually isnt a great cook lol. she has a few recipes she knows by heart that she does rlly rlly good but thats it? if shes making smth shes not familar with she needs help and guidance.

-bigender bisexual disaster. she/he pronouns. its canon i dont make the rules

-if she had lived, she would of never grown past 5’5 and wouldve become one of the shorter ones in the group.

-cram schooler, obsessivly pratices.. she pulls off so many all nighters

-mari swears. a lot. she just tries to avoid doing it infront of the kids and youd catch her dead before she swears infront of her parents. sunny knows she swears n does Not give a shit. mari has def slipped up infront of the kids tho. mari is where aubrey learned her swear words ❤️

- toxic postivity !!!! kel got it from somewhere

#hcs #asks #mari #omori

[scamoosh]

talk about komaeda!!!

anon i am holding ur hand so tenderly and blowing u a little kiss....

going 2 ramble 🏃

i am thinking abt komaeda 24/7 but he has been on my mind sm recently i love that guy😔i am just going 2 ramble abt some of my thoughts and hcs 4 him bc i need 2 type too much abt fictional guys or ill die

-he is BIPOLAR!!!!! yes this is partially me projecting but he isssssss not only in the like . stereotypical mood swingy way that ppl like to point to but in the way that he has trouble gauging the severity of situations and reacting appropriately.,,, like not only reacting strongly but like. not being able to moderate his reaction even when he knows its unreasonable. and putting extremely high expectations on himself and others bc if everything isnt Very Good its Very Bad and feeling like even one failure to meet one expectation cancels out any good done by any other successes.,,,, idk. i feel like a lot of the ways i experience my own bipolar-ness can b pointed out in how komaeda thinks and acts and that is kind of comforting idk. bc his thought processes feel so obvious to me even tho i can recognize where theyre flawed and wrong idk. like one of the biggest things 4 me is feeling guilty bc u know a lot of the time when u get upset abt things u Know ur overreacting bc ur bipolar so when things Actually genuinely rightfully upset u its rlly hard to allow urself to feel upset without feeling guilty or worrying that its unwarranted and just a symptom . and like . thats komaeda too he feels so extremely but either feels excessively justified in it when hes riding the high or insisting that he never has any right to act according to his own feelings oughhgh. oh komaeda we're rlly in it now

-hes nonbinary :))) yes i am projecting again but i also must stay true to my theory that every danganronpa protag is trans and bi and every dr antagonist is nonbinary and gay <33 um. he feels a disconnect to (and occasionally a disgust for) his body. not 2 say that all trans ppl are unhappy w their bodies but idk komaeda has a very specific way of shifting between 'this is what i am and it is what it is' and like 'this is atrocious sorry 4 everyone who has 2 look at me' and that specific back n forth is smth that i personally can relate to? also i like when ppl draw him w lots of cute little accessories bc i think he would like little things like that w/out being concerned w the fact that ppl might associate them w femininity. plus w his whole complex abt junko and his obsession w her u know for sure he has an appreciation (even if for the wrong reasons) for femme culture <333 also i think he and mikan do each others nails sometimes :) and it takes like 4 hours bc theyre both nervous and clumsy as shit

-ok going back 2 the mental illness thing he also makes me rlly sad bc has moments of like . total self awareness and is like damn it sucks that i feel so unstable and act like that towards other people and deep down i wish i could change i want to be good i want to be loved but like . that doesnt change the fact that it happens again idk. his behaviors feel very cyclical which feels v real idk. farquad pointing meme MENTALLY ILL!

-ok wait typing that also made methink abt how in his final little hangout event convo he confesses that hes always wanted to be loved and that hurts my feelings so bad man. like that is the culmination of getting to know him is him confessing that he wants to mean something to someone else even tho he is 100% certain he doesnt deserve it and so should never Get it oughhhhhh. the overwhelming guilt that comes w being treated well is so real.

guys i love komaeda. this is so unorganized and dumb i just care him

#thank u that is all #potential warning 4 talking abt mental illness #but like . its komaeda so obviously #sorry 2 anyone who reads that i am just feeling emotions..... #komaeda tag🍀 #asks

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

#ask.🌧 #anon #pattering on the roof #char.🌧 multi #again these r just the ones ive thought about so sorry if i didnt bother with any chars u care abt ajkhsfbgsjdhfb #thank yall for asking LMFAO any excuse to ramble abt this shit #it does impact the way i write these chars #obviously #bc this is meta more than anything else and so is fanfic lol

[eating-rigatoni-may24]

LUCIFER 5B SPOILERS: my thoughts on lucifer 5b in no particular order

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SO. that was really really good imo. first of all, my gay ass can not stop watching the bad to the bone+no scrubs ella and maze duet, DUDE ugh theyre both so talented and beautiful. also mazeve is official now i am very happy. next up, dan. i cried so hard during the end of that episode. especially when trixie came in saying that she just wanted to see her dad, and that none of this was happening. thats a stage of grief that i can relate to so much. also really sad abt remiel dying, she was a rlly cool character. AND ella definitely has mental health problems, ive seen a lot of people in that situation with that going on, so it makes me really sad linda didnt assure her she could get help. with that out of the way im gonna talk about the war. they finally actually showed the angels actively flying, so that makes me happy. also, it makes me kinda sad lucifer could never share his actual reason for wanting to be god too, because the real reason is far better than love. also seriously thought chloe was gone forever heehee. also genuinely thought michael was feeling guilty of stabbing chloe when lucifer was standing there, hell even when he was standing over chloe’s “dead” body, but then, being michael, he just tried to kill her again. i mean, its not surprising, but disappointing that he had no growth whatsoever. also this sounds annoying but when lucifer came down and pulled his whole mature good person “this isnt you” and “everyone deserves a second chance” thing just kinda didnt feel like him. it sounds odd, but the whole show hes been immature, totally not serious, and honestly not that godly. even though hes god now, i thought he wouldnt really be a godlike guy, just like childish sexual lucifer but also god now. idk, not that i didnt like that part though lol. ANYWAYS yeah thats my very unimportant thoughts on lucifer 5b (also being a good place enjoyer im pretty happy that when mr said out bitch was in heaven he said “whatever the fork that means” :) )

#lucifernetflix #lucifer #mazikeen smith #lucifer morningstar #dan espinoza #ella lopez #mazeve #mazella #chloe decker #lucifer 5b

[fagarlic]

going on a tolerance break, feel free to read more or ignore as you wish, but as always do not. r.b.

so im gonna give up a few of my vices for a good while. ive been at a place w some of my habits where im not rlly getting the result im wanting from them and its kinda just dragging me down. like if im gonna be feeling dissatisfied and irritable with it i can very well just deal with feeling dissatisfied and irritable without it. ive been watching a lot of stuff lately about general drug use, even stuff that i have not and will never knowingly mess with, and w all this info on what separates good experiences from bad ones really comes a lot down to the chemical reactions to the stimulus and mindset. like basically any behavior has the potential to become addictive if it causes a particularly strong reaction with the dopamine receptors. and the whole developing tolerance thing sucks. and itll happen whether its a substance or a behavior (though strong chemical addiction moves beyond problematic to genuinely dangerous in terms of withdrawal - thankfully not for anything ive got issues with - so itll suck but i dont have to worry that doing a tolerance break will like. kill me or fuck up my organs. honestly my lungs will be a lot happier if i also pause on the cbd bud as well, depending on how i tackle this. i have a tincture but i know it also contains a small amount of thc. its only like 1.3mg/serving and generally im only taking that or 1.5 servings which would still be like 2mg/serving but part of me still feels like id need to cut the thc out more than that idk. ik the cbd flower has a very negligible amount of thc so if im just missing the habit i think id do alright w switching over to cbd flower since that was actually going rlly well for me for a while (not in a trying to quit way, just in a mental health management way) so for a while there i was getting real strong into the cbd aspect, then i did some blends w some more thc heavy strains, had a few notable experiences and now im here. it sucks bc i KNOW that if i were literally just living on my own i wouldnt be having the problems im having with this stuff. like so much of the drive w my maladaptive behaviors (which im absolutely not saying these things Definitively Are, All The Time bc they really arent, but rn im not doing them bc i enjoy them, im doing them bc 1 im chasing the dragon and 2 its a way to get away from my family bc the way ive been living has been driving me out of my mind. truly the only reason i didnt lose it sooner was bc there was a long stretch of time (aside from the points where my sleep schedule was super fucked up, largely in part due to trying to figure out what way i could behave in my situation to make myself feel safe + i was out of the house for most of the day p much every day for months and months, which obviously helped. honestly if the weather werent what it has been right now id honestly be fine being outside just reading but its been wet and cold and now its getting super dark too so its a lot harder for me to find affordable ways to be somewhere that doesnt make me go fucking insane. and at least if im smoking weed it feels like i have a reason to be out in those conditions and it does make me feel better about them to a certain degree (aka barely enough lol) like literally if i just had my own tiny shack (properly weatherproof) in the middle of [redacted local nature area, and if u know me irl no it isnt the one youd be guessing]. enough for a bed Only or chair Only id be better off than i am right now. and i would absolutely be able to maintain healthier habits. i finally applied for housing but i havent got any notice of being pre-approved yet so i guess i still have to wait on that. i really hope i get to the top of that list sooner rather than later cuz i really am losing my fuckign mind. if youve read this far tell me about ur day or something cool uve been wanting to share but feels too weird/random to bring up normally idk lol. ily <3

[zhuhongs]

なんか私の想いが溢れ出した. i went out with some friends last night and every time i go out i always realize just how bad i am at communicating and how bad I am with people. (long meandering post under the cut. feel free to ignore its unfocused and long.. like 2k words under there)

I’ve mentioned this before but I don’t really talk much irl. I don’t talk, I can’t connect properly. Every time I’m out with people I just feel fundamentally, like… different. So a group of my irls friends plus me were going to the movie theatre and I personally really hate movie theatres. I knew we were going to one and prepared myself thinking “oh it’ll be fine bc you'll be with friends, just enjoy their company '' But god I really hate movie theaters. It’s been so long, i forgot how much I really really hated them. They’re so loud and bright. I’d much rather watch a movie at home but tbh I also just don’t like movies bc I can’t sit through them and I can’t focus and I don’t get invested easily and I need to be doing something with my hands at all times. To make matters worse, my friend's friend that I really don’t like came along. I just, I don’t like her. She’s just too loud and attention seeking and childish. Like she says things for a reaction, like rlly not okay things sometimes and I just can’t stand her. like we went to see godzilla vs king kong and then entire movie she kept YELLING "IF THEY DONT KISS I WANT MY MONEY BACK" and i was like... you are 21 yrs old oh my god.. this isnt ur tumblr blog in middle school. shut up. But here’s the thing, I don’t know how to tell her or anyone that. Like I just can’t figure out a good way to say it, so I put up with it. Things like this just make me feel incredibly annoyed. I always talk on here about how if I have an issue with anyone, I’ll just say it like an adult. But in face to face situations I just don’t know how to say things. Well I do know how to say it - it’d be easy.  I just hate having to do it. Like I don't have to say the whole thing about how I don’t like her but when she says like “simp” when she’s nonblack I could just be like. “Hey don’t say that, here’s why” and I’m sure she’d stop. Yet I can’t bring myself to have that one moment of discomfort to tell her to stop yelling in my ear or stop saying things that make me annoyed. I feel useless in a way. ちゃんとできない。 ちゃんと伝えない。During the entire movie I was thinking to myself that I’d rather be home watching a drama by myself and doing hw. I also hate going out for other reasons. I hate being seen. I hate my appearance. I know I don’t have to be pretty, I only need to exist for me. Like wow, I just have so many body image issues, and they all manifest heavily as soon as I go out in public. 

But afterwards I changed my mind a bit. There was a moment where we were outside running around in the street and it reminded me of that one scene in AIB episode one with Chota, Karube, and Arisu in the street and I was rlly like… wow… maybe human connection really is good. It doesn’t matter if I’m pretty or good at talking, sometimes, to laugh and be silly wth others is all you need to make your night. Just one moment, just one person really is all it takes. We all went out for dinner afterwards and it was really really fun. I enjoyed it, there really is something about eating with someone that brings you closer to them.  

The entire time though, I didn’t talk much. I don’t really know when to cut in in a conversation to a point where it feels right. I feel like by saying my piece I’m interrupting others just to say something that wasn’t really of any use. Really, I prefer silence with others. I’m bad at talking in social situations but I’m great at talking in classes and at work because of the context. Because I’m expected to engage there. The pretense is different. Like you’re supposed to contribute in those places. It’s acceptable to talk there. But for me, it doesn’t really feel acceptable to just share about myself like that in a social group setting. I wish I could always communicate like how I am doing here. It’s so much nicer online. I get to post my full complete thoughts without bothering any of you. My words can easily be disregarded and just flipped through. It’s passive. Posting is passive, talking is active. And sometimes, people don't really want to talk to others, they just want to say their piece. Like when talking about their problems, often we just want to say it and the act of saying those words is all we need. We don’t want input, it annoys us. I don’t like to cut in, and I can never find the right words to say. Even right now, none of this feels like it’s coming out correctly. None of my words feel like they’re coming out correctly nowadays, but this is the only way I know how to be. If I can’t post my thoughts on here, even if they come out crooked and ugly, I may never speak again. I have to keep talking, and typing, and trying otherwise I’ll never get any better. And I know it’s okay to do things wrong, but still, I can’t let myself do that. Again, I do fine when I’m at work and school. I’m functional, normal, you would never be able to tell how much is going on in my head. But in private, I may never speak again if I wasn’t spoken to. 

When I was younger, around 12 or 13, I remember something a friend posted on my first online community. They posted, quite honestly, that they never wanted to meet anyone on there irl. No matter how close we are, it would never be the same IRL. I didn’t get that sentiment at the time. To me, why wouldn’t you want to see your friends everyday in person? That would be great. But I think I get it now. I’m afraid that if I ever met any of you someday it wouldn’t be the same. I’m not really the same in person. I’m bad at talking, bad at connecting. I’m not a proper person. But I feel like that’s okay. It’s okay to just exist on here as I am. While my friend was talking to me on our drive back to her place (we carpooled) she was telling me about her life. And she was apologizing like “oh I’m sorry I keep talking about myself” but quite honestly I was glad to just be able to listen. At some point my friend kept asking me what was up so I decided maybe I’ll tell them the arcane secrets of how I’ve been into guardian and how all the characters rlly hit for me for personal reasons. That was really the only thing I thought that was of note to tell her about. Really I don’t think I’ve done or felt much new since I last talked to her. But as I was trying to explain I just wasn’t doing it right. She just didn’t get it and trying to talk about something like that just made me embarrassed to the point where I just dropped it and tried to just say, “oh yea, you got it, that’s it.” and move along bc I didn’t think she’d get it. She’s the type that doesn’t really get how you can make meaningful connections online. So whenever I try to talk to her about certain things, it just doesn’t register. I’ve learned to choose my battles. I didn’t really think she wanted to get it. So I didn’t tell her. I tried telling her about stuff I liked in the past and I just always stop halfway through. I can’t communicate properly. I can’t speak in a way that I think is worthy of being heard. So I don’t talk. It frustrates me to no end. It feels like everyone else can do it so easily, that I’m the wrong one. 

I had another friend from Uni message me about something and she was like “so what’s new with you, twin” (we have similar bdays and get along well so we call each other that) and tbh I just, didn’t know what to tell her. I had talked to her in a long time, so things had happened but nothing so easily said that I could just tell her over text. SO I just was like “work, school, yk how it is” and yea. I really am the one choosing not to let people in. It frustrates me to no end but I don’t know what a good starting point is ever. I feel like I should just send all my IRLS my long reflection essays next time they wanna know what's up. All the secrets to why I am the way I am are in there.

I’m scared of telling people how I feel about anything. IRL when I say something I often speak quietly, moreso like I’m only talking to myself. People often don’t hear what I had to say. And I don’t repeat myself. If it was something someone didn’t hear, in my head, that means that it wasn’t important enough to repeat. I’m afraid of talking and being misunderstood and never being able to be interpreted the way I mean. I want to convey all my thoughts correctly the first time. So i don’t repeat myself, not bc I’m mad at the person who didn’t hear me. It’s not about them, it’s about me. I don’t believe my words to be worth repeating. I don’t want anyone to stop the conversation for me. Just keep going, it won’t come out the right way anyways. I was taking a uquiz a week or so ago and one question was “what power do you want” and one option was smth like the power of comprehension. Which would make it so every time you spoke, that person would understand you the way you intended. That is the most ideal power for me to ever possess like it was unreal. I’m still thinking about that quiz. It was good.

I know that I’m worth being listened to and that my words are valuable enough to be heard but I don’t want to do that. I’d rather listen. I only like talking when it’s safe like it is here. I’m trying my best to get better though. I keep saying that I want to be a proper adult. I want to live right and without regrets and i really think communication is key to that. I’m trying. It’s hard but I’m trying. But still, I can only talk here a lot.  I can’t talk any other way. I don’t tell my friends about my interests, it embarasses me to no end. 

Being on here is comforting though. When I talk about stuff like this, I always see a lot more people than usual like my post. I feel like you can all relate. Really, people are more similar than not. We all have very similar burdens and pains and baggage. It’s comforting, I'm not alone. My words might be able to help someone. Because when all of you talk about the same things, i also feel seen and comforted and since we are so similar, then the same is true for the things I say.

But anyways, I did a lot of listening tonight, and it reflects the sentiment above. People are the same. I was listening to my friend’s friend talking about her mom earlier and the entire time, I really resonated with what she was saying. I got it. Her mom’s situation was really similar to my own mom’s situation in the past. And I was just amazed at how I barely knew this girl but I felt really similar to her. I saw her differently after learning all that. It was really a great thing. ANd on the way home, my friend was telling me about her life recently and some things andi really understand what she was going through. I didn’t say anything, because again, I don't like to interrupt. And when I try and be like ‘oh me too, it's the same for me too” I feel like I’m derailing. I know I’m not but I really think she needed to say her piece. So I let her. But the entire time, I thought about the things in my life that were the same as what she was feeling and it was beautiful. Life and human bonds are beautiful. Even when they are hard and messy and annoying, people all want the same things. They want to be loved and seen and understood. And in those moments when we feel seen, it’s worth more than any of those complicated feelings that come along with it. Not to be cheesy but wow… in order to reap the rewards of being loved, you really do need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known. I was glad I didn’t stay home watching a drama. I was glad that I went out. No matter how alienated I feel from others, there’s still merit in being around other people. No matter how much others may misunderstand you and annoy you, they are almost always worth more than being alone. That;s because deep down, we’re all the same.

I’m not good at reminding myself that. As I said here, I don’t let people see me. I don’t let people in, I’d rather keep them out. I’m a picky, boring person. I don’t like people easily and I don’t tell them much. I stay inside my own head and I don’t like to come out. I was raised that way. But people are worth it. Communication is worth it, no matter how hard. It’s all worth it. I need to try harder so I can be a person who is able to see and enjoy more beauty in this world. I spent my hr long drive home listening to music and ruminating on these thoughts, trying to plan out all the words I wanted to say here. I don’t think I said any of it right. I’m not satisfied with how I write nowadays. But writing, talking, conveying emotions, all of these things are worth doing. So no matter how crooked and awkward it comes out, I will keep doing it. It is my goal. 

#🐌.txt #i wrote this last night bc i had a lot of thoughts driving home and the entire time i was out but they didnt translate well to type #i tried fixing it this morning and its still just off and im sock at reading it so into the void it goes #honestly i could make a playlist to describe my emotiona better at this point but ill never listen to those songs again.. ita just the like #uesterdays vibe #anyways good morning tho.. im gonna make a cup of coffee and take a shower now #i love u all im glad ur here

[ayzashl]

Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Crack (i think)

Also um, im new to these so sorry for possible gramatical errors or typos (i dont double check bc I literally was bored doing this and just, decided to share it on tumblr lmao)

Disclaimer, I made this out of boredom because I was thinking about exams and stuff and was wondering about how my husbando would react about my situation, having placed on high ranks barely putting efforts towards studying lmao (Not rlly bragging im sorry if it came out as bragging :((, i jusy rlly be curious and hopefully I portrayed it like how I expected for him to react, sorry im new to writing bc I mainly draw🌚👉👈)

***

It was already sunset. The hues of yellow, orange and red envelops the dorms of U.A high school, its gradient tinting the windows of the students occupying the rooms shine bright, displaying its vibrant colors on the inside of each dorms facing the sunset.

You, who were sitting on your knees, switching positions time to time, searching for a particular pose to get comfortable while drawing on your boyfriend's kotatsu in his dorm, door leading into the balcony open, making the cold breeze of late October allow itself to enter the room.

Autumn has already arrived, and that also means midterm exams. It had just finished today. After a almost whole month of preparing for the exams, and the 3 days of taking it, the students of 1-A was relieved and relaxing in their rooms as the days of hardhips were finally over, plus its a Friday so the students were scattered on each others dorms due to the upcoming weekend.

You were taking a sip of your juicebox, almost emptying it now out of frustration for having a hard time drawing a hand. In your opinion, the struggle was equal or actually a lot harder than your midterms. Art frustrates you a lot and your boyfriend wonders why you still do it, yet never really ask you since he can also tell you're really passionate about it than your other hobbies.

He was sitting on his futon, leaning againts the wall as he stare at your back figure, watching you scribble something on your sketchpad and aggressively erasing it afterwards, making the papers crumble into the direction on where you rub it, making you groan in annoyance even more.

As he observes your actions, a thought runs up his mind, asking himself the same particular questions over and over again.

"Why?"

He asks himself. Why were you putting most of your effort into this drawing? Why were you more irritated in this than the midterm exams?

"Just..... why?"

Shoto had noticed you since the start of your so-called-library-dates, although its mostly just you accompanying him to gather resources for the upcoming exams while you just scan your notes or draw, or read a completely different book whose topic is not related to your exams.

Its always been like that everyday, he never really saw you offer a lot of your energy in terms of studying, like most of the students does, as he noticed the library being almost full as soon as October started.

He saw you scan your notes time to time, yes. But full on concentration on studies? no, never seen you. The most of what he saw were you fixate immensely on your math notebook before exams started, and that was it.

The exams ended abruptly on the second day but there was extra curricular on the Hero's Course on the third day before their final grade were posted. And yes, both of you did well. After the announcement, Shoto (and you) were shocked to find out that you were in 6th place and he placed in 5th. You both exchanged congratulations, you mostly squealing out of joy to actually achieve this particular rank.

Shoto on the other hand was, doubting?. Of course he feels happy for you, but at the back of his mind, he was a little agitated. You both got the exam results at the end of the third day and to his surprise (and also yours, but internally) your scores were high, almost having the amount of same mistakes as him, except your math which you devastatingly, almost failed (lmao), which merely affected your overall result since your scores were high anyways.

Your boyfriend wasnt the type to get irritated over these things, heck yeah he feels ecstatic over your accomplishment, signal the kiss he gave you on your forehead plus the soft look he gave you with a slight smile displayed on his face. But there was a faint thought of doubt running through the back of his head, how did you get such results when you were barely even studying? There was no way you would cheat right? He didnt want to accept it, he didnt want to doubt you, but it was the one of the highest possibilities that was mostly that likely happened, as he could think of right now.

He couldnt let go of this thought unless he confronts you about it right now, so he decided to ask you, waiting for a few moments, observing you, waiting for you to calm down a little from your work.

"Y/n...."

"Hmm?" you hum, not turning yout back at him, eyes and most of your attention fixated on the paper.

"How did you manage to get a high rank even though I barely saw you studying?" he finally asks, hoping you wont get offended by it, but this thought had been bothering him a little, and he wouldnt be satisfied until he gets his answer, as the stubborn man that he is.

"Are you doubting me?" you say in an offended tone, although you meant it sarcastically, turning your back, giving Shoto your full attention now as you crawl towards him, pencil dropping in the background as you make your way towards your boyfriend, offering him to lay down as you pat his futon. He complies so, already knowing you wanted to cuddle whenever you do that certain action.

You cuddle next to him, facing him as you give him a smile to reassure him that you werent offended by him back then. "Did you notice that in class, I always, almost bury my head on my notebook, writing on it almost 24/7 whenever lecture starts?" you ask him, as you start to fidget his hair on the sides which you and him really enjoy, making its way up to his bangs, and back and fort.

"You were.... writing?" Shoto asks, raising an eyebrow with the same stoic face who seemed not to show a lot of emotions, a little dumbfounded. "I thought you were doodling". You burst out in laughter from the small misunderstanding of your boyfriend.

"Of course I was. You see, whatever the teacher blurts about that sounds important to me, I write it down because, you know, its usually what appears in exams" you explain to him, closing your eyes time to time as if you were a philosopher, passionately explaining your beliefs, only with an added self-sense of humor. As he was on the other had was, fascinated.

I mean, who knew?

"Also just to clarify things, I do put some extra effort on, some of my studies"

"By some you mean just the science topic you reported you keep rereading everyday"

"......yes"

Shoto lighlty chuckles as he moves your head to his chest, placing an arm on your head, planting a kiss on your forehead, as a sign of affection like he always does. He feels a little guilty, assuming you were cheating but in the end, you were just and always has been the genius that you were. Heck if you actually put a lot of effort in your study, you might actually come out at the top in the class, but he's aware you have other things to focus and worry about as his eyes gaze at the table with a slightly crumpled juice box standing out.

"Were you mad?" you ask, out of curiousity. You had assumed he was maybe upset about the results because he gets a little too competitive or has the sentiment that he has to prove that he only isnt good with his powers, but in academics as well, considering his situation.

He lightly shook his head as he fully encloses you to his grasp, leg placed on your sides, locking you in as he settles his face on your hair, inhaling the sweet scent of your lavender shampoo in which he always adores.

You on the other hand, was relieved now that the matter was somehow resolved? Putting those thoughts at the back of your head, your perception of relief was shortly replaced by a wave of worry as you lightly chuckle of uneasiness.

"Shoto?" you tap his sides, body tightly secured onto his. This was the one that made worry. His hands tightly clutching you, but not too much, leg on your sides, locking you in so that you wont get away easily, to him it made him feel happy, knowing that you werent going away and draw for a while. You've had situations like these already and all you ever do is give up and shower him with affection, already knowing he was slightly, probably getting a little touch starved, craving for your attention and affection. But in your situation right now, it was, unpleasant, so to say.

Not after you just finished your juicebox.

-Disclaimer, uh, I made this from

He hums in response, head tilted a little more into your head's direction. He was sure you would have given up already, knowing that he will never let you go.

"I need to pee"

"..."

"Shoto..."

"........"

"Sho"

"All I can say is good luck getting out"

"......"

"Noooooooohohohoooo!!!" you exclaim, with a sarcastic crying in your tone. This was gonna be one hell of a struggle.

.

Im bad at explaining things, hope you did enjoy reading this as much as I did though :))

#shoto todoroki x reader #shoto torodoki #todoroki shoto x reader #shoto x y/n #shoto x you #todoroki x reader #todoroki imagine #one shot #bnha oneshot #bnha crack #bnha fanfic

[batz]

Alternate timeline coomer and tommy who turned out to be the evil guys in the end

i remember in one of the commentary streams they mentioned that coomer and tommy could be potential Good Villains and honestly YEAH

itd probably be a bit different than the whole bubby and benrey thing tho. like, coomer is 100% the orchestrator to whatever fucked up thing happens to gordon, BUT its less out of spite (like with bubby n benrey) and more out of necessity? a situation where he thinks, and in some way is, the good guy in the situation! the games going to End, which means coomer and his friends are going to End as well, and coomer figures immobilizing gordon will make it way too difficult to win the game. if its too difficult to win the game, then the science team will Stay Alive, Live Forever! think The Trolley Problem, either kill one person to save many ppl, or kill many ppl to save one person.

coomer definitely doesnt Like being an antagonist, he was gordons friend after all! but what other choice does he have? tommy ends up being like,, a reluctant right hand man kinda deal, he's only w coomer bc hes scared of things ending bc what happens once the game shuts off??? he wants to hang out with his friends adn see sunkist snd drink soda,,, the possibility of things just. Ending. is terrifying. theres no books or wikipedia articles that say what happens to them once gordon leaves, and tommy doesnt like when something doesn't have a definitive answer. so he obv sticks by coomer bc coomer seems to Know what hes doing and Knows how to stop this!

bubbys 'never leave a man behind' mindset (that he apparently has??? lol) clashes with coomer and tommys mindset so he obv sticks with gordon and benrey. he kinda figures like hey if the games gonna end its gonna end like theres no use fighting it, we Shouldn't fight it. also being stuck in half life 1 forever sounds like super boring. benrey just kinda sticks by gordon bc hey wtf the script was changed why is he not the big bad anymore why isnt he the endgame battle???? realizing that bc of coomers choices it was switched around and now COOMER is the final boss, benrey just kinda tags along w bubby n gordon bc he wants 2 see what happens.

the final boss battle would be cool tho. big ol glitchy superplayfeature coomer. v much the same as benreys battle with the whole 'hey pls stop fighting bc i have no choice but to fight back'. less funny nonsensical lines and more shouting abt how 'theres nothing there'. maybe tommy has a change of heart and is on gordons side again bc he doesnt wanna hurt his friends, even if it means things potentially ending. now The Trolley Problem is reversed!!! now coomer is the One Person thats gotta be killd to save Many Ppl!!!! o shit what a twist!!!!

the scene where gordon gets shot w the portal gun and goes back to black mesa to destroy his passport has like, same circumstances, except coomer is Normal Sized and probably just calmly follows him to the locker room trying to convince him to like. Not Beat The Game. bc the science team may just be polygons n pixels to him, but they are very much Alive. and shutting off the game can only really mean one thing. everytime gordon tries to shoot him the bullets kinda just phase through coomer, who looks just, so disappointed in gordon. he rlly hates how things turned out..! pre-aware!bubby is the one that ends up opening the portal back to xen for him, even tho he rlly doesnt want to, bc it like, takez a LOT of effort and is super tiring like hes gotta use mind powers hes gotta use his brain to shoot a whole ass portal at a WALL like bruh but he does it anyway bc timelines or whatevr but he WILL complain while doing so

coomer is VERY glitchy and a lot more fucked up looking than benrey was when gordon returns, like hes just constsntly morphing and its suppper spooky! forbidden science evil moments!!!maybe coomer controls sunkist now too? sunkists got thos mspaint angry eyebrows and mspaint evil red eyes its SOOO spooky oOoOo. seeing that coomers got control of sunkist tommy goes full rambo on him like tommy is def the one that delivers the final punch n coomers eventually defeated!!! the ending scene is essentially the same, and the final speech is the same too! although a good portion of the speech is an apology to gordon bc. y eah. he def kinda deserves one. but he still mentions the science teams files being transfered, and Saved! he also makes sure to say that he Understands if gordon doesnt want to transfer over his file too, considering he did break the game. he just wants to make sure the rest of the science team gets to see the world bc they deserve it!!!!

tldr; if coomer and tommy were the villains itd be a completely different story and tommy wouldnt rlly be a villain fr long and coomer would be villain w grey morality / flawed morals n everyone is aware that its a game and its honestly probably a little bit more sad:(

#frank.txt #hlvrai #long post #this is rambley but YEAH #ok to rb