#it is both a flaw and a strength of his and i know i mention it all the time but it's a superior arc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fanficimagery · 1 year

Text

Girl in the Painting

After taking a closer look at Xavier's paintings, Wednesday realizes he wasn't having dreams of her at all. But she does know the girl in the paintings and she's decided that this one good deed shouldn't kill her.

Words: 6.6K Author's Note: Wednesday AU. I'm well aware Xavier never had dreams of Wednesday; he just painted her because he'd seen her and "instantly fell in love". For this, however, I'm saying he's dreamt of her, possibly even before she showed up to Nevermore, and she realizes later on she was never actually the center of his dreams. Also, TRIGGER WARNING for mentions of past attempted sexual assault. It's brief.

As the students of Nevermore are packing up and readying themselves for their trips home, a group of girls are sitting around the charred fountain in the courtyard.

"So what are your plans for summer?" Bianca asks, fingers skimming the water. The dark skinned siren smiles when Enid blushes prettily, her gaze immediately darting to the ever stoic Wednesday. She's been wondering, as of late, if Enid's feelings towards Wednesday were leaning towards romantic rather than platonic.

"Going to Wednesday's home," Enid finally says. "Gonna spend a couple of weeks with the Addams' family."

"Yeah? I didn't think our resident living dead girl was into slumber parties."

"It's going to be a blast," Wednesday deadpans. Yoko chuckles, sipping on whatever concoction she's mixed up that satiates her bloodlust. "You two are more than welcome. Apparently the more, the merrier."

"Sorry," Yoko muses, "but the coven's gonna travel all summer. I'm quite looking forward to it."

"Mmm. And as much as I'm loving the new attitude, I got some things to take care of before we come back to Nevermore," Bianca says, her silver eyes glowing just the faintest. She really couldn't wait until she finished this favor for her mother and her new creep of a husband. "Besides, I can't be seen painting the nails of the girl responsible for my break-up with Xavier so soon. I at least gotta make it seem like I've made you sweat."

Wednesday just blinks at Bianca's reasoning, but Enid frowns. "Wait, what? I thought you broke up because Xavier was being his emo artistic self?"

Yoko grins around the straw of her drink. "She wishes."

"I actually found a sketch of Wednesday in his journal before I even knew who Wednesday was," Bianca confesses. "Here. Look." She takes her phone out of her pocket, scrolling through her pictures. "I snapped a pic to see what I could find out online, but shockingly nothing was solved until Wednesday showed up here."

"I find social media to be a soul-sucking void of meaningless affirmation."

"Yep. Sounds like you," Bianca says. "Look. See? He drew this before you even stepped foot behind Nevermore's gates."

Wednesday takes the phone and Enid leans closer to take a look. Both girls scrutinize the sketch, both equally baffled to see who everyone has assumed was Wednesday herself smiling. But just as Wednesday is about to hand the phone back, something catches her eye and she brings the phone closer to her face to scrutinize it.

"I can see why you thought this was me," Wednesday says, "but I assure you, it is not me who's apparently caught Xavier's fancy."

"No?" Bianca huffs. "Sure as hell looks like you."

Yoko nods. "Could have fooled me."

"I thought it was me as well, but this sketch proves me wrong. Look here." Wednesday zooms in on the picture, focusing on the right eyebrow. "You see that scar? I don't have it."

Bianca stares before rolling her eyes and reclaiming her phone. "So Xavier gives you a flaw and you immediately don't think it's you?"

"It is not a flaw. It's a sign of strength." Bianca, and the ever-smiling Enid and Yoko frown at the tone Wednesday has now taken on and the steely glint in her eyes.

"What are you talking about?"

"A couple of years ago, me and my siblings decided to walk into town after a tiring day at school. A group of older teenage boys cornered us down an alley, and they held me and Pugsley back while making us watch as they tore at the clothes on my sister's back. They mocked her tears and promised that whatever they did to her, no one would believe her since even our sheriff hated outcasts like us. They wanted to break her because we were different. But in a bout of bravery that I will forever be proud of her for, she took the small blade our uncle Fester gifted her and stabbed one of her attackers. In return, they hit her in the face with half a brick and fled with their friend."

"Shit." Bianca blinks in surprise. "Is your sister okay?"

"She's fine. They only left her with a scar and a fear of normies. She used to have the social personality that Enid possesses, but now she haunts the halls of our home rather than leaving it. I tried to get her to attend Nevermore, but even I failed in doing so. Xavier's sketch though, it shows her smiling. That tells me she will be okay."

"So… Xavier only thinks he's infatuated with you?" Yoko wonders.

"It appears so. But if I can manage to get him to my home, maybe he'll see for himself it wasn't me he was having dreams of."

Bianca huffs a laugh. "Sounds fun. Now I'm really glad I can't make it to your slumber party. The breakup is still too fresh to see him fawning over someone else. Maybe the time away will do me some good."

"This sounds like my kind of drama." Yoko sighs wistfully. "Too bad I'll have to miss it."

"Yes, well, Xavier did gift me this phone." Wednesday pulls out a sleek iPhone. "Perhaps if I had your number, I could text you updates. Or death threats."

"Done and done. Gimme." Yoko happily takes Wednesday's phone, typing her information into it. Then taking a selfie, she hands the phone to Bianca who does the same, but makes sure Wednesday understands that she doesn't want any updates.

"We're going to have so much fun!" Enid happily bounces in place, accepting Wednesday's phone to type in her own information. "I can't wait to meet your family."

At 001 Cemetery Lane, a gothic looking manor stands tall and proud behind a sentient gate.

With your fingers running through the dust along the wall, you quietly walk down the hallway as your sister's friend can be heard babbling on and on. Enid Sinclair had shown up only a couple of days ago, her bubbly personality breathing life into your usually dark home. You'd have kept your distance had you not learned she was from Nevermore, but upon learning she was a werewolf, you found yourself leaving your room while there was a guest in your home.

Halfway down the staircase, the doorbell ominously tolls and Lurch appears from the next room over to answer it. You freeze, wondering who would dare walk up to your house.

Lurch opens the door and your breathing ceases for a moment at the sight of a teenage boy standing there. He's around six feet tall, give or take a couple of inches, and he sheepishly runs a hand through his chin length hair.

"Hey, uh, is Wednesday home?" He's staring up at Lurch who's towering over him, nervously tugging at the sleeves of his coat which seem to be torn on one arm. Lurch turns and looks up at you, and you startle when the boy's gaze lands on you. His brow furrows before he smiles. "Hi. I, uh, I think your gate tried to eat me."

Your lips faintly twitch and your heart rate starts to slow. If he knows Wednesday and isn't freaking out too much about Gate, there's a good chance he's from Nevermore as well. "He's temperamental. You need to be quick to avoid his swing." Then without waiting for a response, you turn around and call out, "Wednesday! There's a boy at the door for you."

A small weight lands on your shoulder and you grin at the sight of Thing. He trembles excitedly, tapping and pointing and making gestures as you giggle at his enthusiasm.

"Oh, hey Thing! Long time no see." When you glance back at the door, the boy is now inside your home with the door shut behind him and Lurch nowhere to be found. Thing scrambles off your shoulder and rushes towards the boy, and it's not until the boy squats down to fist bump Thing that you catch yourself admiring how cute the boy is. Immediately you shut that thought down and wipe any form of amusement from your expression. Then when the boy glances back at you, he stands tall and smiles yet again. "I'm Xavier Thorpe," he then introduces himself.

"YN," you deadpan. You hear Wednesday's nearly silent footfalls behind you and nod at him before you take a step back up the staircase. "Enjoy your stay here. Don't touch Mother's plants. They bite."

As you turn around, you're unsurprised to find Wednesday looking right at you. Her eyebrow twitches, your eyes narrow, and you clasp your hands behind your back before marching back up the stairs.

At the top of the staircase, Enid is practically beaming at you. "He's cute. Right?"

"Ask my sister. He's her guest."

"What? They're not-"

But you pay her no mind and trace your steps back to your room.

At the bottom of the staircase, Xavier watches as Wednesday's sister disappears. "How long have you known?" He asks.

"That it was my sister you've been having dreams of and not me?" He gives her a deadpan stare and Wednesday nearly smiles. "Only since our last day at Nevermore. Bianca showed me the first picture you ever drew and the scar in her eyebrow tipped me off. You're welcome."

Enid skips down the stairs, sighing as she approaches her friends. "Well you're going to have your work cut out for you, Xavier. She thinks you're here for Wednesday."

"Technically, I am." He shrugs.

"And now you're here for her," Wednesday says. "Protect her heart. You so much as bruise it and I'll dissect yours."

Xavier blinks in shock and Enid giggles, skipping to his side and hooking her arm with his. "Let the wooing begin."

Over the past couple of days, you keep your distance from Wednesday's friends. You've heard them around the house, sure, but only managed to really be in the same room as them when you all had dinner as a family. You always sat between Wednesday and Pugsley, across from Enid and Xavier, but your eyes never strayed too far from your plate.

One morning, you have the urge to visit what used to be your favorite part of the manor.

The sunroom towards the back of the manor used to be your space- filled with vibrant flowers, plants, and vines and even a small fountain in the corner. But ever since the incident, you've tried to find solace in the one place you loved, only to have everything you touch wilt right before your very eyes. And now- now the sunroom is filled with black and gray and brown plants.

Finding what used to be a rose, your mother's favorite flower, you pick it up and gently cradle it in the palms of your hands. One of its petals crumbles beneath the pad of your thumb and it takes everything in you to not cry.

"I was wondering where you've been sneaking off to." The voice startles you and you turn to see Xavier standing under the archway of the entrance. His hair is pulled back into a small knot at the back of his head, a few strands left loose, and you quickly squash down the thought that he looks really cute like this. "Sorry," he then apologizes. "I thought you would have heard my footsteps."

"...no worries."

You turn back around, gently laying the dead flower back down. Exhaling softly, you then move towards the door leading outside, unsurprised when you hear footsteps following you. "So this place is… awesome."

You huff a laugh, stopping just inside the door and only peering outside towards the family cemetery. "Believe it or not, it wasn't always like this. I used to be able to breathe life into this room."

"Yeah?"

"Mhm. Now everything I touch seems to die."

"Oh I wouldn't say that."

"Really? Take a look around, Mr. Thorpe. I did this." Xavier takes a look around, frowning and trying to understand you. Exhaling softly again, you paste on a friendly grin and turn to face him. "If you're looking for my sister, she and Enid have Uncle Fester in the electric chair up in the attic."

He barks out a surprised laugh. "What?"

"He loves it." You shrug. Then as you're walking away, you say, "Fair warning; if Uncle Fester tells you to pull his finger, don't."

"Why? Because his farts are killer?"

"No. Because he'll electrocute you."

You leave Xavier chuckling in your wake, finding it a little easier to be in your sister's friends presence.

Then two days later, it's your turn to find Xavier in the sunroom. His hair is back in the little knot that you couldn't stop staring at, dressed in paint splattered clothes as he stands in front of an easel.

When he catches sight of you, he offers you a smile before he focuses on his canvas once more. You continue walking closer and when he doesn't say anything, you walk around to see what he was inspired to paint. Surprisingly, it's a black and white portrait of your sister sitting behind her cello mid-stroke.

"Oh wow," you breathe in awe. "Xavier, this is amazing."

"You think so?"

When you chance a glance at him and notice the faint pink surrounding his cheek bones, you smile genuinely at him. "Of course. You're really talented."

"Glad you think so." Xavier steps back, looking at his work as he stands side by side with you. "Wednesday, uh, she played the cello one night and it was amazing. No one thought her capable of it."

"Why? Because she's death incarnate?"

Xavier chuckles, bashfully averting his gaze. "Something like that." Then looking at the painting once more, he says, "Your mother saw one of my pieces at Nevermore and asked if I could recreate it so she could hang it here."

You nod in understanding, unable to tear your eyes away from the way Xavier has captured your sister. Then right before your eyes, the painting slowly comes to life- Wednesday's bangs blowing in the wind, one hand pushing and drawing the bow across the cello strings as the other holds down certain strings in a muted song.

You quietly gasp, eyes widening in surprise. You watch in awe before turning towards your companion, only to find him holding his hand out towards the painting with his eyes closed. "Oh." You utter in realization. "You're gifted and then you're literally gifted."

Xavier's eyes open and he nods, eyes sparkling. "I have the gift of animation."

"Marvelous."

You continue staring at the painting, finding the foundation of your walls quaking and feeling a bit more comfortable in the presence of the boy who has decided to share his power with you.

You're so used to sitting between your siblings at dinner that you're thrown for a loop when you find Enid in your usual place. Your eyes narrow suspiciously, but Enid and Pugsley merely smile while Wednesday arches an eyebrow at you.

Xavier fidgets nervously in his chair, smiling sheepishly at you. "Come on. I don't bite," he muses as he gestures to the empty seat.

Against your will, you blush.

"Pity," Wednesday drawls. "I think my sister would have quite liked that."

"Wednesday!" Your mortification makes Enid giggle. You nervously take your seat before your father takes your mother's hand, pressing kisses to the back of her hand and all the way up her arm where he then proceeds to mockingly bite her. "Oh my god. You're all so embarrassing."

"They're cute." Enid beams at your parents' affectionate behavior.

"Someone drown me," you mumble.

"Only after dinner," your mother says.

Xavier snorts and you briefly flash him a grin before fiddling with your utensils.

Lurch brings the food out, everyone having a pasta dish with the exception of Enid who'd been brought out a medium-rare steak. You quietly dig in, gaze darting from person to person as the conversation flows around you.

Eventually, when the dessert is brought out, Enid addresses the younger crowd.

"So the cinema is playing a werewolf movie and I really want to go see it and make fun of it. Is anyone else interested in going?"

"Sure." Xavier shrugs. "Sounds fun."

Wednesday sighs. "If I must."

"I have plans with Thing," Pugsley says, smiling apologetically at Enid.

All eyes turn towards you and you fight the urge to shrink in your seat. You gulp, but before you can come up with an excuse to not have to leave your house, your mother is urging you to go. "It sounds like fun, sweetheart. Surely you'd love to go with your sister and friends."

"I-"

It's been years, darling," your father says. "I think it's time to get back out there. You're not that naive little girl anymore, mija."

You let your mouth close, everyone ignoring Xavier's, "Am I missing something?"

Wednesday's giving you her usual deadpan stare whereas Enid is smiling and nodding, encouraging you to go. Both your parents are smiling, anticipating your answer, but what makes you cave is the fact that a part of you actually wants to go. You want to be somewhat of a normal teenager, being out and about with your sister, Enid, and a cute boy.

Reluctantly, your shoulders sag and you give a nod. "Fine. I'll make an attempt."

"I'll take it!" Enid blurts.

Wednesday looks pleased with your answer and you finish the rest of dinner without uttering another word.

Then the next evening, you're being picky about what outfit you should wear. You'd taken to wearing different shades of black and gray, but tonight you want to look good. All your dresses and skirts are out of the question, and eventually you settle on a pair of burgundy plaid leggings and a black sweater crop top. You fix your hair to your liking and then slip your feet into a pair of black combat boots before lacing them up tightly. Then deeming yourself ready, you shove your phone, cash, and ID into a miniature backpack that is adorned with skulls and crossbones.

Inhaling and exhaling deeply, you finally make your way downstairs.

Wednesday, Enid, and Xavier are waiting for you, and when Wednesday sees you… a smile slowly blossoms as she takes you in.

"What are you-" Enid turns around and her jaw drops. Then she beams and practically hops in place in her excitement. "You're wearing something other than black!"

Xavier turns, his gulp very obvious. "Wow." You think he must've wanted to keep that to himself because he blushes and nervously runs a hand through his loose hair. "You, uh, you look nice."

You arch an eyebrow at him, grinning. "Thanks."

Walking past them, you walk outside to where Lurch is waiting by the car to drive you into town. He hums when he sees you and you wrinkle your nose at him as he opens the back door for you. You climb in to sit on the bench seat directly behind the driver's seat, holding in your surprise when Wednesday and Enid shove Xavier in right behind you. He practically falls into his seat, righting himself as smoothly as he can, and Wednesday and Enid take their seats across from you.

Enid and Xavier keep the conversation flowing with you and Wednesday occasionally humming in response.

After several long minutes of driving, Wednesday is instructing Lurch where to drop you all off. It's a couple blocks away from the cinema, but your sister apparently wants to go for a brief walk. Though the second your feet are on the pavement and Lurch drives away, you freeze.

"Hey. You okay?" Xavier asks.

Your hands are gripping the straps to your backpack and you gulp, subconsciously stepping closer to him when he gently touches your elbow. "Y-Yeah."

"Come on. Wednesday will leave us behind if we linger."

"Mhm."

Gently pulling on your arm, you stiffly follow Xavier. Your eyes are peeled for anyone staring, hands tightening on the straps of your bag. The only time you feel yourself exhaling with relief is when Xavier puts himself between you and the street, letting you take the part of the sidewalk that's closest to the buildings.

Enid and Wednesday are walking in front of you, elbows linked, and occasionally Enid giggles over her shoulder when she glances back at you. But you're too paranoid to pay her any mind and try to focus on the silent strength that Xavier is unknowingly offering up.

At the cinema, Enid asks for four tickets to the latest werewolf thriller, and she happily claps when Xavier pays for everyone. At the snack counter it takes everything in you to not bolt or hide out in the bathroom, but you shakily manage to retrieve your own cash to pay for some nachos and a drink.

So far no one's stared or shouted and you find yourself relaxing, especially when you take a seat in the movie room and everyone is paying attention to their people that they showed up with.

Sitting between Xavier and Wednesday, you find yourself breathing a little easier.

Enid has several hot dogs balancing on her lap, Wednesday is chewing on black licorice, and you and Xavier had the same idea to get nachos. He, however, also nabbed several boxes of candy and a bucket of popcorn.

"I hope you choke on a kernel," Wednesday says as she watches him stuff handful after handful of popcorn into his mouth.

You giggle, licking the cheesy goodness from your fingertips and sipping on your drink.

And halfway through the movie, you hear Xavier actually choke. A laugh slips out of your sister before her lips are pressed closed once more, and you offer Xavier your drink. Sharing a straw doesn't bother you, so you nod in reassurance as he stares at it.

For the rest of the movie, you and Xavier share your drink. And when you run out, he quickly leaves the darkness of the room to get you a refill.

After the movie, you're standing outside in front of the cinema as Enid talks about the horrible cosmetics they used to portray a werewolf. Wednesday is tapping away on her phone before she puts it away, cutting Enid off mid rant and giving her a nod. She squeals and happily claps her hand, and you stare at them in confusion.

"There's a fair going on," Wednesday says. "Enid wants to go."

You slowly tense up. "Oh."

The bubbly werewolf's smile falls. "But if that's too much for you, we don't-"

"No. It's fine," you assure her. Your hands are back to gripping the straps of your backpack. "We can- we can go."

Enid is back to happily clapping, but Wednesday curiously studies your demeanor. And when she sees you're not about to have a meltdown, she turns and follows after her friend.

"We can always hang out front of the fair if you really don't want to go in," Xavier says. You startle, somehow having forgotten he was there. "I don't mind waiting with you."

"It's okay. Really." Your smile is shaky as you look up at him. "Just, uh, maybe don't leave me alone in there?"

"Stick by your side. Got it." Xavier grins as he offers you his elbow and you're quick to latch on. "I'll even win you the ugliest prize we can find if you're up for it."

You chuckle and let him lead the way, occasionally glancing up at him. "Christ, I forget how tall you are sometimes."

"I'm not tall, you're just really small."

"Ha. Ha."

When you eventually make it to the fair, Xavier hesitates with you as you warily glance around. Then taking a deep breath, you press on and practically make yourself flush against his side. You walk around for a bit, smiling when you see Wednesday and Enid pass you by, Enid already holding tightly to a stuffed unicorn.

As you're walking around, your eyes are drawn back to a green and black dragon that's about half your size. Xavier must notice because he decides to try his hand at basketball in order to win the prize and it takes him four tries to win it.

You don't know what it is about Xavier that makes your guard start to drop, but you find yourself smiling and laughing a bit more easier. He tries winning a panda next, but in between his dart throwing, he notices as you keep your back to the game and are staring from side to side.

You're too distracted to notice he's watching you, your arms wrapped around your dragon as you nervously chew on the bottom corner of your lip. He sighs a little dejectedly, turning around so he can see where you're staring off to. "So who's the lucky guy… or girl?"

"Excuse me?" You look up at him, brow furrowed in confusion.

"You keep glancing around." He faintly grins. "Are you waiting for someone?"

You study his features, eyes subtly widening when you notice something. Was that- was that jealousy clouding his expression? "Wednesday didn't tell you," you then mumble in awe. You for sure thought he knew why you never left your home. After all, Enid did.

"Tell me what?"

You gulp, glancing at the carnie listening in to your conversation. "Let's go for a walk. I'll fill you in." Shakily exhaling, you gesture for Xavier to follow. Side by side, he walks with you with his hands tucked away in the pockets of his coat. "A few years ago, Wednesday, Pugsley, and I were attacked by a group of normies. It… wasn't a pleasant experience for me and it's actually how I got this," you say while gesturing to the scar on your eyebrow. "They were ripping- uh, they were ripping off my clothes, so I stabbed one of them." Your breath hitches and when you chance a glance up at Xavier, you find that his jaw is clenched. "I stopped them from doing that to me, but they managed to hit me with a brick before they ran away."

You make it a few more steps before you're being tugged to a stop and then Xavier is walking to stand in front of you. Gently cupping one side of your face, you manage to hold back a flinch when his thumb brushes over your scar. "You're safe with me. You know that right?"

"I'm starting to realize that."

"That was a shit thing those normies did and I'll be damned if they do anything on my watch." When you meet his gaze, he offers you a small smile. "Now let's go win Wednesday the brightest stuffed animal we can find and make her take a picture with it."

Slowly smiling, you chuckle. "Okay."

And by the end of the night, you and Xavier have won the most terribly bright and fluffy stuffed animals, shoved them near Wednesday's face, and had Enid hurriedly snap a picture of your glaring sister.

You're smiling and skipping alongside Enid towards a waiting Lurch, laughing with all the stuffed animals crammed between your arms and bodies before crawling into the idling car.

For once, in a very long time, you've had fun and didn't worry about any normies looking in your direction.

Xavier's just got off the phone with his father when a familiar song being played on the cello draws him towards Wednesday's room. The door is open, the room is empty, but there's another door that leads out to a balcony.

Following the music, he's not surprised to find Wednesday playing Paint It Black while Thing turns the sheet music for her. Gomez, Morticia, Pugsley, and Enid are also on the balcony, staring at something down below.

"What's going on?" He asks, stepping closer to the railing.

Enid glances at him, beaming. "Take a look for yourself."

Xavier glances down, gaze falling to the gazebo that's been strung up with white fairy lights. But what draws his attention is the twirling figure inside the gazebo, adorned in a black leotard and a multicolored tutu. His jaw subtly drops. "She dances?"

"She dances." He looks over at Morticia Addams, tears glistening in her eyes. "It's been years since she's put on her slippers though."

"This week and a half with you and Enid have brought our daughter back," Gomez says. "Thank you."

Paint It Black fades into Nothing Else Matters and a majority of the white lights darken into purple. Xavier is entranced by the way you twirl on the tips of your toes, the stretch of your neck whenever your head is thrown back, and the long stretch of your leg when you twirl on the tips of your toes only on one foot.

As the music fades out, Enid breaks out into applause.

Your head snaps up at the sound of clapping, chest heaving, and your face burns when you see everyone watching you. Your little brother whistles as he claps too, but it's your parents' beaming and tearful expressions that keeps you from fleeing. Well them and Xavier who looks more than a little awed.

So before you do take your leave, you give them a little bow and then rush back inside the house.

Sitting on the floor in the middle of the sunroom, you're staring at the lockscreen on your phone. You never saw when the picture was taken, but apparently Enid had been keeping tabs on you and Xavier when you were at the fair, and now it was one of your favorite pictures.

In the picture, you and Xavier are walking side by side, one of your arms wrapped around your stuffed dragon with the other arm looped through his. You're looking up at him and he down at you, both of you smiling. But what made you grin at the picture the most was the height difference between you and Xavier. Enid was spot on when she described you two as tall and smol.

Hearing approaching footsteps, you block out your screen and climb to your feet… and speak of the devil.

Xavier walks in, smiling. "Knew I'd find you here."

"Did you now?" Walking over to a bench seat, you gesture to the space beside you. "What's going on?"

"Nothing. Just wanted to see if you were up to going into town. The cinema is showing this new cheesy horror flick and I thought you might be interested in going before my time here is up."

"Oh. Uh, yeah." Your heart starts to hammer in your rib cage. Could this be a- "Just us or are Enid and Wednesday waiting for us out front?"

"Just us?" His answer is more of a question, his cheeks tinting pink the longer you stare.

Eventually you grace him with a bashful smile. "Sure. I'd like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." You laugh. "Are- are we leaving now?"

"Yeah. We can, uh, window shop and all that fun stuff before the movie."

Warmth surges through you, at the thought that Xavier wants to spend time with just you. You're not sure if this is actually a date, but you're looking forward to one on one time without a family member lurking around the corner. "Alright. Let me just go get a bag." As you stand up to leave the room, a vine falls over the entrance. But not just any vine- a vibrant green vine that hadn't been there moments before.

"Huh." Xavier huffs. "That's the first colorful plant life I've seen in this room."

Your eyes widen and you glance all around the room, taking notice how the dead plant life isn't looking quite so dull anymore. "No way," you breathe in awe. Turning towards where the fountain sits, you rush over and pick up one of the dead water lilies. Cradling it in the palms of your hand, you notice a couple of changes in the once dead flower. Feeling Xavier walk up beside you, you ask, "Remember how I said I used to be able to breathe life into this place?"

"Yeah."

"Watch." Bringing the water lily closer to your face, you let your eyes fall shut as you inhale deeply. Then slightly pursing your lips, you blow out slowly and you can feel the water lily coming back to life right there in the palm of your hands.

"Wow." Your eyes open upon Xavier's exclamation. "And here I was thinking you had a green thumb or something. Not that you actually breathe life into them."

Huffing a laugh, you blink your tears away and gently lay the water lily back in the fountain. "I haven't been able to do this for years. I guess I had a mental block and then you- you and Enid show up and I feel more at peace than I have in a while." You step up on the side of the fountain then, turning towards Xavier as you smile. "Thank you." Then leaning in, you press a kiss to his cheek.

He suddenly turns bashful, angling his face downward so his hair shields his blushing cheeks. "I never realized how small you were."

"Shut up. You're just freakishly tall."

As Xavier glances at you through his curtain of hair, you wrinkle your nose at him and then hop off the fountain siding less you do something to ruin the moment.

Like kiss him on the lips rather than the cheek.

Spending the day with Xavier alone goes so much better than you had expected, so much so that you find yourself incredibly sad the day he is set to leave. It was clear to your entire family that something had shifted between the two of you when you'd come back home, hand in hand with a never-ending blush staining both your cheeks.

Enid was more than ecstatic and Wednesday took to sharpening her short swords whenever possible.

You're in the sunroom, clipping roses with your mother when Xavier walks in. In hand, he has a covered canvas.

"I have something for you," he tells you. "But I'm sure your mom is going to take ownership of it after she sees what it is."

You smirk at him, setting down your clippers and walking over to him. Your mother isn't far behind. "Did you paint me something?"

"I did." His hands dig into his pockets after his hands are free when you take the gift from him. You stare at the covered canvas, trying to figure out what it could possibly be. "You inspired me the other night and I just had to capture the moment."

You glance up at him, eyes narrowing though you continue to smile, and pull the cover off your painting. Your mother's delighted gasp is what makes you glance down and you're struck speechless.

The painting… is of you.

Specifically you dancing in the gazebo with the only color in the painting being that of your tutu.

"Xavier, this is…" You trail off, staring in awe. A moment passes and he brings the painting to life. Your mother starts to clap, even more delighted now as the miniature version of you dances away. "This is amazing. Thank you."

"I must show your father. This is just splendid." Your mother takes the painting, but not before gently grazing her nails along Xavier's jaw and smiling at him. "Thank you, young Mr. Thorpe."

"Y-You're welcome, Mrs. Addams."

Your mother sighs wistfully before glancing at the painting and then leaves the two of you alone. As soon as she's out of your sight, your hands are reaching for the lapels of Xavier's coat, his hands are clinging to your waist, and he's leaning down to meet you in a kiss.

You giggle when his hair falls forward to tickle your face and it makes Xavier smile.

"We really should have started this sooner," he says as he hesitantly straightens himself out. "I'm gonna miss you while I'm at Nevermore."

"What if… what if you didn't have to miss me?" You ask, your hands smoothing down the wrinkles you'd made on his coat.

"What?"

"What if I came to Nevermore?" He's quiet a little too long for your liking and you start to feel like maybe you read too much into whatever you two were. "Or not. I just thought-"

"Are you kidding me?" You barely manage to hold back a wince and Xavier's sudden laugh has you wanting to crawl into a hole. But when you chance a glance up at him, his expression is not what you were expecting. He's actually excited! "You're going to Nevermore?!"

You shrug, grinning sheepishly. "Mom's been talking to Principal Weems. I have a meeting with her in a couple of days to see whether or not I'll be a good fit."

"Hell yes." His smile is boyish and you can't help but giggle. "You'll make it in. I know it."

"I hope so. I love my parents, but they're not the greatest of teachers."

"You're gonna love it. I can introduce you to my friends and show you all the cool hang out spots. We can-"

"Xavier. Xavier!" You laugh, trying to talk over his excitement. "We don't even know if I'll get in."

"I'm telling you, you will. And if Principal Weems denies you, I'm pretty sure Wednesday will bug her until she grants you a place at the school."

"Oh. I forgot what going to school with a sibling was like." This time, you do wince. "People are going to dread another Addams roaming the halls, aren't they?"

"Some will." He grins. "But once they get to know you, they'll grow to like you."

You sigh but end up shaking your head in amusement. "If I do get in, how shocked do you think everyone will be if Wednesday's sister shows up dressed like Enid?"

"You'll confuse the hell out of everyone. Do it."

"I will. Now come on. We got away with one kiss. I have a feeling if another happens, a dagger will whiz by out of thin air."

"Xavier." The boy in question flinches as your sister pops up out of nowhere. "Your ride's here. Stop sucking my sister's face and go home. You'll see her soon enough."

He rolls his eyes, even as you laugh in the face of your sister's glare. "Always a pleasant encounter, Wednesday."

"Not really."

He huffs and glances back down at you, his gaze falling to your lips. But before he can get carried away, Wednesday's grunting and dragging him away. "Okay. Okay!" He laughs.

"You're gross. I never should have introduced you two."

You follow after them, trailing behind until you're standing under the archway of your front door. Wednesday pushes him down the steps and he walks to the car that Lurch is putting his suitcases in. He offers you one last look, one last smile, and one last wave before climbing into the vehicle his father had sent for him.

Once the car drives out of the gate, Wednesday turns towards you. "Are you happy?"

"Uh, yes?"

She quietly groans. "And here I was preparing Enid to hide a body in the family cemetery. She'll be let down that all that studying was for naught."

You bark out a laugh. "Stop corrupting Enid, Wednesday."

"Never." Her lips twitch in amusement. "Now come on. Let's go visit Principal Weems."

"But my interview is still a couple days away."

"So? She needs to be kept on her toes. She'll have to grow used to having two Addams' in her school."

"If you say so."

"I do."

#xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe imagine #xavier thorpe fanfiction #wednesday imagine #wednesday fanfiction #xavier thorpe #wednesday addams #enid sinclair #wednesday #wednesday on netflix

4K notes · View notes

chrollohearttags · 10 months

Text

make it back to you • detective eren + P.I. reader

content warning: nsfw under the cut :), gun violence, cop/police things, soft, intimate sex, eren being so hopelessly in love :(, P.I. reader, (he and reader are engaged), pet names (baby, sweetheart, my angel) him being vulnerable/affectionate for once (and so vocal) marking, crying, overstimulation, breeding, pregnancy mention

📝: he is on my mind so heavily today and I wasn’t much up for writing anything today but I could not stop picturing this.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

thinking about him just finishing up a very dangerous undercover mission. Spending days..even months taking on a new persona and lifestyle, all for the sake of taking down a high profile criminal. The operation finally comes to a head and they arrest their suspect. It was risky, downright reckless and there were times where he felt as if he may not have made it out of some of those situations alive but he’s thankful to have overcome this hurdle. Surrounded by his subordinates and superiors alike, getting pats on the back after successfully taking down some deadly drug dealer who was seconds from putting a bullet in his head if he hadn’t made the shot the first; subduing them long enough to get them restrained. His nerves are rattled…hell, he can’t help it. No matter how many times he does this. That fear of being snuffed out implanted fresh in his brain..a reminder to never let his guard down and stay vigilant. Not only for his own life..but the one waiting back home. the one he cherishes more than anything else in this wretched world. The one he fights so hard every single day to protect. Despite the fact you are two sides of the same coin: brave crusaders of justice, sworn under oath to stop those wishing to do harm. Even so..he wants nothing more than to see you. His beloved, precious pain in the ass (y/n). Who was probably investigating your own cases but right now, he was being selfish!..

selfishly whisking you away from your office back to your shared high rise condo, where’s he had you holed for the past four hours. Making love to you underneath the rhythmic pitter-patter of falling rain against the windows. Crisp white linen covering his waist as he hovers over your body..hips rutting into the cushion of your thighs with deep yet delicate strokes..

“R-rennnn…okay, baby..okay. Please..”

tapping faintly against his abs because it’s all the strength you could muster. He’s driven out at least two orgasms from your now fragile body. Working towards an inevitable third with no plans to halt anytime soon..his pace is wavering, rhythm constantly fluctuating; rough and short, soft and long…anything to stay inside of you. To be one..despite the fact he’s already filled your womb twice as well. Even sloshing and fucking his own cum out of you. Sweat bearing down his forehand and slicking those thin strands of hair skin. Jade colored eyes glosses over in a small sheath of tears and burning red from the immense pleasure. He knows he should quit..he knows he’s probably beaten your poor little cunt to a pulp at this point but he can’t bring himself to pull out or pull away. Not when the opportunity to ever make love to you again seemed so far away. When some nights, he lied in the cold, desolate room of a bando, surrounded by addicts and sex workers..wondering if you were okay. If you missed him..or if you’d still love him. If you found forgive him for up and leaving right after he finally found the courage to propose after three years of dating because revealing his mission would’ve put you both in immense danger. Your professions didn’t allow for the traditional love story and still, you two made it work. Flaws and all..

“ ‘M sorry…so fucking—ahh! Sorry, baby…can’t leave you now. Please don’t make me..you feel so good..”

“No, keep making love to me, ‘Ren. Please don’t stop..oh my God..”

so as you lie there…arms coiling his back as those sharp nails clawed his olive, tan skin, you’d beg him for more. That flesh, marked by your ferocious scratching and the two dragon tattoos he acquired while trying to fit the part of this hardened thug. His freshly formed mustache and beard rubbing against your lips as they met in sloppy, passionate pecks. Tongue kissing so intensely, you thought you’d climax from it alone. Your long legs finding home around his waist; hooking around to ensure he never let go. He’d even utter a slight chuckle when you’d ask why he was fucking you like this. The answer was truly simple and very apparent:

“I can’t live without you, sweetheart. It took me nearly dying to realize that shit. I don’t want to lose you..”

finding himself amid a long winded tangent..spouting off both affirmations and his heartfelt confessions into your ear whilst pounding your pussy like a man unhinged. No matter how uncontrollably your body shook. The imprints of that fat cock beginning to reach the very bottom of your belly with just a very slight bulge. He was buried to the hilt, slamming into you in hopes that you’d just keep begging for more. The way that heat so casually wrapped around him and refused to let go..like a hug.

“Squeezing me so tight—I love you, (y/n). You’re my everything. Please…stay here with me. Forever. I want us to grow old together..I want you to have my baby—“ the words eliciting another twitch from your spasming hole..even evoking tiny splashes of squirt and another sharp gasp heaving from your chest. He couldn’t help but to smile at your reaction. Brushing the side of your face, Eren burrowed himself further to kiss the top of your head. “Yeah? You wanna have my baby? Get your pretty ass pregnant?…swear you’d look so fucking good..full of me like that..” almost primal and feral in his lovemaking at this point. Huffing and sucking his teeth as that pace became more sporadic. Everything he said, you lingered on it…your lips quivering and brushing against his whilst nodding your head, submitting and consenting to him wholeheartedly.

“Yes! Give it to me!…fuck!” At the same time, those orgasms ripped through both of your bodies like paper through a shredder..tearing about your systems and bringing you the ultimate, insurmountable pleasure. Your womb filled to the brim and a vice grip on his cock. A milky sheath all over that pale member…dumbed out expressions glossed over both of your faces as well as strained tears falling from your eyes. “S-so..good.” “Here, look at me..” just then, he’d cup your chin into the cusp of his fingers and kiss you with the passion of a man who had just returned from the brutal woes of war and truthfully he had but it was all worth it the end.

“I told you, my angel..I always told you, I’d make it back to you.”

503 notes · View notes

blueskittlesart · 1 year

Note

can we talk about how rauru is literally like. just zelda’s dad. like in that one scene where zelda looks like she’s gravely contemplating turning into a dragon and then rauru goes “i believe the answer lies in more research and understanding your power!” and she looks at him with such shock and awe. zelda’s adventures in the past are literally like her life but with a better dad. the queen promises her to help her figure out her power but dies before they can figure out a way how to use that power to safely save everyone. zelda desperately wants to help everyone and is clearly feeling the pressure of it all and the king is the one to tell her “hey i understand how hard you’re trying and how much you want to save everyone and we’re thankful for what you’re doing”. rauru actually acknowledges zelda’s dedication and the importance of research and technology, he is kind to her and never blames her for any of the bad things happening. he also never pushes zelda to make sacrifices and is the one sacrificing himself in the end - in botw, all the champions and zelda have to choose to make sacrifices to save the kingdom, but in totk rauru doesn’t ask that of any of the sages, instead recognizing his own responsibility as king and basically dying to save his kingdom. he’s literally zelda’s better dad.

same anon as the one raving about rauru also the differences between how the two kings treat link. they’re both tutorial figures but the way they guide is SO different. pretty much the first thing rhoam does is lie and pretend to be a random old man, being quite annoying as he sends link to do a bunch of challenges for a paraglider. the framing is so fundamentally different, rauru freely offers the information he has to link upfront, he apologises for the body modification, acknowledging link’s potential distress. rhoam basically keeps link on the plateau arbitrarily, presenting giving items and teaching link about things as challenges for link to overcome. rauru on the other hand aids link as best he can, tells him what he needs to do from the beginning (tells him to open the door which is pretty much the last thing he’ll need to do in the tutorial, telling him about the ultimate goal from the beginning), proposes solutions when it doesn’t work out (directs him to the shrines as a way to help him gain the strength he needs, as opposed to making him complete challenges to get a paraglider that in the moment seems like literally arbitrary conditions). rhoam telling link how much responsibility and pressure he has on him all of a sudden and how much he needs to do vs rauru telling link that it was wonderful to meet him and zelda’s accounts of him were all true. like. the framing. the difference in character. the deterioration of knowledge within hyrule falls parallel to the deterioration of its king’s kindness and virtue.

the differences between rauru and roham are crazy to me because one of them was so fundamentally good and one was so fundamentally flawed and yet. neither of them were able to save their kingdom. no matter how good a king of hyrule is, no matter what he gets right or wrong, he is still doomed to die. rhoam tried to sacrifice his daughter to keep hyrule alive. rauru did everything in his power to make sure she DIDNT have to be sacrificed. and in the end the outcome was the same. but the KINGS were not the same, and that difference in framing you mentioned i think is fundamentally a difference in legacy. rhoams legacy is to forever be the king who sacrificed children to save himself and died anyway. rhoam died a loser through and through, a king atop a throne of nothing but failure. i think that’s partially why he appears as an old man at first, because he KNOWS what being the king of hyrule means and he’s EMBARRASSED that his legacy is what it is. but rauru. in complete contrast, rauru was so GOOD. rauru died with his sages and his DAUGHTER alive to see another day. rauru ENSURED they’d live no matter what. he wouldn’t LET them sacrifice themselves for him. rauru put everyone else before himself. he didn’t expect or even tolerate self-sacrifice and yet when the time came he sacrificed HIMSELF selflessly despite knowing that it wouldn’t even WORK. rauru’s legacy is something to be proud of. he’s open to link because he has nothing TO hide. no regrets or stupid decisions. and he is remembered so much more favorably because of it.

#all rhoam had to do was not sacrifice child soldiers but that is apparently too high a bar for him #even in death rauru is like. apologetic to link about having to do all this shit too #which is crazy different from rhoam ‘go save my kid who i abused for years. fuck you no paraglider’ hyrule #LIKE. rauru and sonia are transparently the father and mother zelda never had. and then they both DIE. AGHHHHHH #totk liveblog #totk spoilers

550 notes · View notes

ch3rriiii-bunn · 1 year

Note

Hello! I’m new to the demon slayer fandom and I’m in love with the upper moons (specifically Douma and Akaza) haha.

I was wondering if I could have some headcanons for each of the upper moons + Muzan and what their s/o would be like? Like personality wise, what would their s/o act like, or what would make them fall for their s/o? If that makes sense?

Thank you very much! If you don’t feel comfortable writing that, that’s totally fine! I really enjoy your writing!!

Their type♡

AS YOU SHOULD!! I've been in the Fandom for so long I'm glad more ppl are loving the upper moons omg. Also thank you so much!! Hope u like this one♡♡♡

Warnings: mention of manga spoilers, gender natural reader, mention of killing

Akaza

Akaza type of s/o is someone who's kind and gentle. Having a person or even a demon show akaza genuine kindness wasn't always on his side even as a human, so he seeks out someone who can give him genuine kindness and have a gentle approach and not a hostile one.

Akaza's love language is acts of service. He wants to take care of his s/o, protect them, and be there for them mentally and physically. A love language he'd want in his s/o are words of affirmation

Akaza loves to be told he's appreciated for the things he does, praised and even admired for what he does.

Akaza falls for his s/o because he admires their strength. Man or woman doesn't matter, He hates weak humans and finds them better off dead and would gladly do it himself but when meeting his s/o for the first time in a fight they never gave up and saying powerful words like "my weakness of being human is what makes you strong"

Akaza can't help but love a strong human, and finding an s/o is strong is definitely the way to make him catch his heart

Douma

Douma hasn't really given it much thought on what he likes in his s/o personality, but one thing douma happens to get in everyone around him is someone who's more straightforward and direct.

Douma maybe all jokes and giggles and not seem to have a care in the world but he likes to have a person in his life who can clarify mistakes and even call out his own even if it makes him upset.

Doumas love language is gift giving. He'll listen to the things his s/o likes and will buy or even try to craft the things his s/o likes and give gifts at random. A love language he'd like in his s/o is someone who can communicate which can fall under quality time

Douma deep down needs a person to sit down and understand him even if his words and mindset can be unusual but even so he wants to know there's someone out there who can love douma for his flaws of having a lack of understanding feelings

Douma falls for his s/o because of how understanding they can be and can solve out a problem logically without bashing him or judging him.

Kokushibo

Kokushibo's type of s/o is someone like him, but also have a humorish side to them. Someone who is mature and relaxed but also doesn't mind when his s/o wants to tease or bother him

Kokushibo's love language is quality time. A love language he'd want in his s/o would be physical touch

Kokushibo is a quiet man. He only speaks unless spoken to, most of kokushibo and his s/o times together, whether they're both on night walks or even sitting in the same room, no talking always needs to be involved, just kokushibo having his s/o by his side holding his hand or hugging him is enough

Kokushibo falls for his s/o because they genuinely enjoy his company. Despite him being the strongest upper moon even he needs someone to stay by his side and not find him boring or toss him aside for someone eles

Muzan

Muzan's type of s/o is someone who is submissive. Someone who follows what he says down to the letter and not question any of his decisions. Muzan's tone of voice wouldn't change with his s/o and speak to them like how speaks to others but would sometimes have a more gentle approach, depending on the situation

Muzan would want an s/o whose love language is expression of affection and love. He expects to be loved and admired from his s/o and have his s/o show how their love for him also comes with loyalty. Muzan loves when his s/o kisses his hand when he's achieved something, hugs when you complement how healthy and strong he looks every day

Muzan's love language is physical touch. As scary and dominant as he can be, when it's time for him to lay down or even sleep, he wants to have his s/o in his arms. If he's having a meeting with his upper ranks, he won't allow his s/o leave but instead sit his s/o on his lap with his hand on his s/o waist while having the meeting.

Muzan fell his s/o because of their understanding of his fear of death. He knew he was a coward and how brutal he could be to save his own skin, but someone who could somehow understand his twisted ways made him his heart skip a beat

Nakime

Nakime's type of s/o is someone who is artistic and passionate about it. Nakime isn't picking with arts, but her s/o just has to be into some kinda arts like herself to bond over it

Nakime's love language is quality time, and she'd want an s/o whose love language also loves quality time. She would want someone to listen to her biwa playing and acknowledge her for her musical skills rather than her blood demon art for just being useful to muzan.

Nakime would like if her s/o is talkative. Someone who keeps the conversation going when she wants to talk about her interests and even listen to her s/o interests.

Nakime fell for her s/o because they wanted to hear her music. It is Canon that Nakime used to make music in her past life as a human, so when you listened to her music and praised her talents it made her it made her fall in love instantly

#demon slayer x reader #kny x reader #kny fluff #akaza x reader #kokushibo x reader #douma x reader #nakime x reader #muzan x reader

695 notes · View notes

wutheringskies · 9 months

Text

The Twin Jades

dude sometimes I just come across such bad meta. it's even worse if it starts off good and turns bad.

Good Meta Points:

• The Lans really love younger child Wangji (no pets allowed, but wangji can have them. Wangji wants lotus pod seeds and gets them etc.)

• Instead of giving agency to his actions and thoughts, they think he's being influenced or corrupted by others to act in such ways (especially Lan Qiren.)

Bad Meta Points

• Lan Wangji is spoilt, similar to Nie Huaisang or Jin Zixuan.

• Gets the lowest punishment at all times (pfft.)

• "I get it you waited 13 years but you fucked off into the sunset with your husband leaving your emotionally unstable brother and duties"

• "Good to see people talking about Lan Wangji's flaws" - mentions him being spoilt and demanding instead of his actual flaws.

Like... you cannot seriously point out how he gets to have rabbits as a point of him being spoilt. Lan Wangji has made like one error in his life in his studies. He's assigned himself punishment for stuff that wasn't even done by will (coughs, wwx). He's made his decisions and lived with the consequences.

Despite what you say, Lan Xichen isn't a terrible brother to Wangji. Neither is Lan Wangji a selfish brother.

Sibling relationships are complex, and between two individuals with their own set of values. Lan Wangji is totally righteous, even more than Nie Mingjue. He can't stand exaggerated, political loopholes and unrighteous acts. He does what he can do, working on the ground level.

Lan Xichen isn't Lan Wangji. He knows the world is filled with corrupted people, and challenging each and every one of them would lead to your own devastation (read: Wei Wuxian's biography). Thus, he tries extending his sympathy to all, and draws conclusions that allow the least possible damage. He does think Lan Wangji made a dire mistake with Wei Wuxian, because if not, he will have to face the fact that the world punished his brother for his righteousness and it would shatter his whole foundation (like it does).

But despite that, both of them share similarities. They both want the better of the world. Lan Wangji is brave enough to challenge the whole foundation of the cultivation world. Lan Xichen is brave enough to lay down peace even when it's so painfully obvious there's no option of it.

Lan Wangji trusts his brother enough to bring Wei Wuxian back to Cloud Recesses after getting stabbed at Jin Tower. Lan Xichen lives up to this trust and helps them investigate the matter. Lan Wangji even assures Wei Wuxian that his brother would not stand for Jin Guangyao if his crimes were true.

See, you don't have to completely have the same sort of sets of beliefs to be siblings. Sibling relationships are complex. Both these brothers know each other, their strengths and their weaknesses well. They may be exasperated at each other's insistence, yet they are well aware that they both have to walk their own paths.

Lan Xichen could never take away Lan Wangji's pain or fix him. Neither can Lan Wangji fix Lan Xichen.

But both of them will always have each other's backs. They are each other's families. Each other's brothers for life.

But at the same time, they have each their own paths to walk. People need to understand that it's not about a lack of sense of responsibility on Lan Wangji's side, but the realization that if he went back home, he may lose Wei Wuxian again. His uncle wants to take him back, lecture him and lock him into seclusion. His uncle wouldn't accept his proposal to be married to Wei Wuxian.

He doesn't give his uncle the chance to "accept" or not.

And he literally returns three months later.

I can't help but feel that those who say he was selfish do not have siblings. Or have bad sibling relationships. I'd say Lan Wangji and Lan Xichen have a perfectly good relationship if despite their differences, their terrible parentage, their opposing personalities, the roles they both played in each other's life (with Lan Xichen being sworn brothers to Jin Guangyao who played a major role in Wei Wuxian's fall, and Lan Wangji being Wei Wuxian's husband, who in turn, set the case back onto Jin Guangyao, thus hurting Lan Xichen), the things they couldn't help each other out of, but yet, they do trust each other and love each other.

And I trust that Lan Xichen will one day figure stuff out. There's a lyric in this MDZS song called unfettered. It is like:

The past is akin to dew in the morning. Even if it can be comprehended, it lays under layers and layers of fog.

In the end, hatred, love, resentment, debts and regrets all come to pass.

Just like how Lan Wangji is not his father, Lan Xichen will also not be his father. I don't think both of them had hurtful intentions towards the other at any point.

It's not like "Yunmeng bros" where JC intentionally wishes to cause pain to Wei Wuxian. It's not like the Nie bros, where NMJ has to be super over-protective of Huaisang.

It's just two siblings with their own lives choosing to be with each other, in happiness and in grief (mostly in grief uhm) in a terrible world where the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

#Lan wangji #lan xichen #twin jades #twin jades of gusu #my meta #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #mdzs meta #mdzs essay #my essays #my thoughts

307 notes · View notes

mingigoo · 2 years

Text

Halloween 🍂 k.hj (m)

based on Halloween by phoebe bridgers

🍂 pairing ⇢ roommate! Hongjoong x medical student! (fem) reader

🍂 summary ⇢ life is the same, no matter a holiday. You wake up, hear the sirens from the hospital down the street, go to work, and come back home to your beautiful roommate, Hongjoong. It’s an endless cycle, but this Halloween, you could be anything—do anything. You decide to give into your infatuation, causing life to take a turn for you both. Happy Halloween, I guess.

🍂genre/au ⇢ Halloween au, roommate au, friends to lovers

🍂 warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ minors dni, mental illness (anxiety attacks), unprotected sex, hongjoong is a literal chef and certified sweetheart, literally the best roommate you could ever have, dreary, sad vibes, hongjoong has a cat, spooky season vibes, mention of death, oral sex (female recieving), best friends that dont know how to express their feelings, halloween party, yunho makes an appearance, hongjoong makes music, roommates to lovers, plz let me know if I missed anything.

🍂word count ⇢ 13.5k

🍂taglist ⇢ @atinywhore@meowmeowminnie @roe-sinning @yeritheloml @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @sanshineeeeee @8tinytings @yukine-smx @jjhmk @yesv01 @halesandy @ch0isa99ie @y00nzin0 @spiderrenjunfics

Halloween. The time to dress up and act like someone you’re not. To have that insatiable feeling to be someone new—to put on a mask. To be absolutely anything you desire…

But the thing is, it’s not just you. You're not the only one feeling this way, and it's ever so apparent on one singular day, when everyone has a chance to hide their flaws behind comical masks or tedious costume designs. It's all out of fun, people say. It's the trend, it's the reason for the occasion. But, out of everything, you are becoming whatever you want—the same way Cinderella became a princess overnight, only to get it taken away from her the minute the hour of the next day struck.

To you, Halloween was your excuse to become a different person. To gain a new strength you never had. To free your mind into an alternate reality and explore those deep feelings you've been keeping away from spilling over the surface.

And this halloween, you were going to find your way out of that dark room you called a mind.

—

You sat in your cozy nook of the townhouse you shared, a mug of steaming coffee next to you while you read. Slow, gentle rain drops fell down the glass of the window, the soft pitter-patter creating an intimate environment. Your roommate’s cat added to the feeling, as she was curled up in a ball at your feet, dusty fur matching your fluffy socks.

It's finally october—your favorite time of the year, although there was no reason for it other than the tasty coffee flavors and the colorful scenery. Your roommate also adored the season, as it reflected in his peculiar food concoctions and outfit choices. Sometimes you would just sit and watch his eyes sparkle as he would do his favorite things, keeping your admiration in check.

Of course, he was on your mind way more than a roommate should be. Even now, as your eyes move from word to word across the smooth pages, you begin to think of his smile.

It was a Saturday afternoon. Your shift at the hospital ended the night before, three hours later than normal. It's gotten to the point that you would shiver whenever you hear sirens—and you were blessed with not only hearing the sirens at work, but also at home.

The hospital was only down the street; the closest one on this side of town. You had to keep those intrusive thoughts away, telling yourself someone better be dying just because the sirens are getting out of hand is a bit of a stretch, someone should slap you for thinking that way. In all honesty, you didn't actually mean it. The sounds were just so overwhelming, it felt like death was looming above you no matter where you turned.

Hongjoong hasn't returned from his morning classes yet. Luckily for you, you were doing your hospital internship and didn't have to take a bunch of classes this semester. Although basically living at a hospital isn't exactly any better.

You sighed as you watched the man of the hour walk through the lifeless leaves on the pavement through the window, keeping your heartbeat steady as you admired him. He had headphones on, hiding his cute little ear piercings and pieces of his faded rusty hair.

God, he made you sick.

The crimson door of the townhouse swung open, revealing the man you were just daydreaming about. He stood in the doorway, looking down at his damp, beaten up converse before bending down to untie them. He got impatient, and just pulled them off of his feet, leaving him only in his cute little pumpkin socks.

“y/n, I brought you a croissant,” he called out to you, not realizing you were only a glance away. He set his bag down on the table and took off his headphones, shaking his head to fix his hair. “You better get over here before I eat it.”

“Is it chocolate filled?” you asked him quietly from your nook, to which he whipped his head to look at you.

The minute he laid his eyes on you, he broke out in a huge smile, his gums showing. “Well, yeah. That's your favorite.”

You stared at him intently, setting down your book on your lap and sitting up a bit. This caused the kitty to meow, which had an immediate effect on your roommate.

His eyes widened. “Oh!” he gasped, running over to the cat to pay attention to her. “Look, baby, we’re twins,” he pointed to his pumpkin socks, smiling proudly. You knew that he only got those socks because of the pumpkins—and because his cat was named pumpkin. “My sweet little pumpkin.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” you scoffed, sliding out of your blanket and setting the book down. You made your way over to the table, which was where he set the croissant bag. “Anyway, thank you, joong.”

He looked over at you and smiled as a response, but it wasn't enough. You wanted him to come over to you and hold you tight, kiss you on the forehead, and let his soft breaths hit you as he would breathe for you.

Now, you weren't always like this. He’s been your roommate since freshman year, all the way back when you used to live on campus. You’ve been in three different living situations with him, but for some reason, living alone with him in a townhouse with a cat and a cute garden in the back just made your mind live in delululand. Dear god, you felt like a married couple at times, as he would spare no second to cook you dinner or help you with your laundry.

There was just something about him that was so domestic—the same thing you craved every chance you got. But yet, here you were, still daydreaming about it all and never getting it to happen.

And you know exactly when it started. On that halloween, three years ago, when he held you tight in his embrace after finding out your grandmother had passed. It was one of the worst panic attacks in your history. He takes care of you when they happen now, but back then, it was all new to him.

It wasn't supposed to be the type of moment you think about how his hair smelled, or the way his dainty hands caressed the tears away. It wasn't supposed to play out that way. But yet, it did, and you were still stuck with the feelings years later.

Halloween is less than a month away now—this year, it was a chance for you to hide away, or show your true colors.

— —

It was midnight and cold and all you wanted to do was curl up in a ball in your bed. Being in the emergency room was even harder than you imagined, and you knew you had a night of tossing and turning ahead of you. Luckily tomorrow was a rest day, and you would be back on campus for a seminar. You needed a break from the hustle and bustle of life versus death, and you started to think that maybe you just weren't cut out for it. It was far too late for your indecisiveness to kick in, as it seemed to jump up and surprise you every now and again. Hey! This isn't what you want to do, right? What about this? Ah, no, that's not what I want….

A never ending cycle of your life. Wake up, think about hongjoong. Drink coffee made by hongjoong. Have your shoes tied by hongjoong. Go to work and nearly die. Come home from your commute and see hongjoong. Hongjoong makes food for you. Hongjoong smiles for you. Hongjoong…..

Hongjoong, Hongjoong, Hongjoong……

He’s everywhere; Is everything. You know you wouldn't survive without the helpful, caring hands of the man you called a roommate, but you also don't know what will happen when you graduate and part ways. Knowing that he has no mental ties to you quite in the way you have him tied around every morsel of your psyche, it nearly breaks your heart just thinking about it.

Would you crumble right there? Like an old painting or a sculpture, would you cave in without that constant attention? That constant affection for just your existence?

Giving up on your existential thoughts for the night, you slowly glided up the few steps of the brick townhouse, nearly tripping on the last step. You've already done that one too many times, as there is a permanent mark left on your favorite pair of shoes.

Finally opening the door, you entered your humble abode with a grimace, chucking off your shoes to reach the kitchen table. You sat down grumpily, putting your elbows up onto the table when the sweet smell of baking filled your senses.

“Joong? Whatcha makin?” you playfully spoke. He was leaning against the counter across from you, his arms crossed and his eyebrow raised.

“What does it smell like?” he asked you.

You shrugged, breaking your stare to rest your head on the cold table. “I guess like cookies.”

Joong took a second to respond to you, and ran a hand through his rusty hair. It used to be a vibrant red—just like the leaves of the trees.

“Are you feeling alright?” he spoke softly, moving from his distant position to come a little closer, now leaning against the table. His arms held him up, and from your line of vision, you were able to see a few of his fingertips painted black. “Was it a bad day at the hospital?”

Sirens bellowed loudly from the street, as if on cue of the topic. You groaned and nodded. “God, yeah. There was so much….death. I mean, I thought I knew it was going to be bad but I never thought it was this bad.”

Hongjoong sighed, backing up to get the cookies out of the oven. “I have a question,” he said, his voice strained as he reached into the heat.

“Shoot.”

He set the tray down onto the stove, turning off the oven.

“Are you happy?”

His words made you raise your head, meeting his worry-filled gaze. You always hated the way he looked at you, it wasn't in the way you wanted. He always seemed so worried—like he was pitying you. He knew your whole life story, from how you were only raised by a grandmother that lived her life for you, to how you deal with the anxiety that breaks through you like a sickness. It hinders you to the point where you hide it from others, but joong—he knows everything.

You smiled at him, hiding your true colors because he always seemed to break down your walls. In truth, you were feeling anxiety all day—maybe it was the woman who reminded you of your grandmother today. The same woman you witnessed flatline with her granddaughter gripping her pale hand. You watched the young girl’s tears smack onto the linoleum, your heart aching and letting your own tears well up.

Your grandmother was all you had. Your parents passed away in a car accident together, the world taking them both away from you in the same night. You witnessed it from the backseat, the cracks of the windshield and the dark, pooling blood you wished wasn't your parents. It was some sort of miracle that you survived unscathed, but in your sweet grandmother’s words, you were an angel.

You didn't believe in any of that religious shit now, but maybe it was due to all your ups and downs. You didn't need to have some godly figure in your life to know that you were damned no matter what. So you lived your life in fits of anxiety and happiness, all swarming around you. Your anxiety made you believe that you didn't deserve that happiness, and the happiness made you believe you didn't deserve the anxiety.

And hongjoong? He was your happiness.

You sighed, remembering that he asked you a question long before your mind started wandering. You smiled, a real smile, right at him. “Yes, if you're here with me, I'm happy.”

He scoffed playfully, still directly across from you. The only thing in your way was the kitchen table, creating some sort of barrier with your feelings. You could just…walk around it and enter his world, touch his face, run your hands through his hair…

“Well I’m just checking up on my y/n,” he smiled, that beautiful smile of his. He pushed up his sleeves, and turned away from you to pick up a cookie off the tray. “Come here.”

You obeyed like a well-trained dog, making your way past that invisible barrier. He stood close to you, his eyes bright and sparkling as he looked down at you. “Open,” he said, and once again, you obeyed like you owed him your life.

You opened your mouth for him to give you a bite, his fingertips gliding against the corners of your mouth. You ate the cookie from his hold happily, and when he was going to pull away after it was gone, you suddenly gripped his wrist with your hand.

“What are you—”

“Shh. there's still some chocolate on your fingers,” you teased, looking into his eyes as you licked the tip of his fingers, trying your best to distract your horrible thoughts. Now your focus has moved to tease him, hoping to get a reaction out of him.

Your lips moved down onto his fingers, sucking on them until the taste of chocolate was dull. You shut your eyes, not able to see the look of lust radiating from hongjoong’s glare. It disappeared the moment you met his eyes again, and he let out a chuckle as you pulled back.

“You really like chocolate, huh?” he carried on, his eyes moving back and forth from your eyes to your hand gripping his wrist. His vision was hazy as he pulled out of your grip, moving to distract himself with something—anything. “I thought you preferred my gingerbread cookies?”

You nodded, looking at him up and down. “Yeah, but only around christmas time.”

“Ah,” he gulped, reaching for the small towel that was hanging from the oven door. He wiped his hands hastily, moving away from you towards his little study–converted into a studio. “I gotta go finish my song, alright? Why don't you eat more of the cookies?”

He shut the door of his studio room with aggression, leaving you in a warm, chocolatey kitchen with flour all over the floor. You smiled down at it, making you think about him spilling it and cursing like a sailor.

You loved him.

—

The week flew by, it was now mid-october. Your favorite season was slowly fading away with a blink of an eye, and you spent most of your autumn days cooped up in the emergency ward or your room, hiding from the sirens. Maybe this isn't for you, but once again—

You were too far in to quit, now. You loved it, you really did. You had that feeling–that ability—to save someone's life the way your parents’ lives could have been spared. You were doing a good thing, you couldn't handle the anxiety for the expense of someone's life.

You found yourself curled up in your cozy blanket in the corner of the couch, hongjoong sitting on the other side. He stared at you—watched your movements. He noticed everything about you, and knew when you were about to have an attack.

“y/n? Why don't you put on your favorite show?” he asked you, but it was more of a demand. When you stared at him blankly from your curled over position, he sighed and stood up to grab the remote from the coffee table. After turning on some cartoons that you loved, he left the room to grab a glass of water.

When he came back, you were sitting up straight, staring off toward the window, looking at how the raindrops fell. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Just a desperate breath for air. You fisted the blanket in your hands, holding back your shakes.

Hongjoong sat the cup of water down quickly, making his way over to you with a rush. He sat down next to you and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his face into your shoulder. “Come on, angel. It's okay, I promise,” his voice echoed through your mind, your breathing getting unsteady and your hands twitching in your grip for them to stop. The feeling overwhelmed you—it was as if you were dying. His touch only helped a little in the heat of the moment, and he held you tightly as your body shaked.

You gasped for air, the tears of fear rolling down your cheeks. No matter how many times you go through these attacks, each time makes you feel like you wont make it through it. Hongjoong’s facial expression looked pained as he reached for your hands under the blanket, gripping them in his own so you weren't cutting crescents into your palms.

“Let's play the letter game, okay?” his head was still buried in your neck, his voice strong. “An animal. Okay? An animal that starts with A?”

You gulped, tearing into the skin of his hand with your nails. “A…animal?”

He chuckled, nodding. “Yes angel, an animal. What animal starts with the letter A?”

“Uh,” you breathed, the tears now staining his shirt. “A-ant eater?”

He pulled away from your neck, his free hand running down your cheek to catch the tears. “Good job. B?”

You took a second, panicking when you couldn't think of something. Hongjoong ran a hand through your hair as you shook, holding onto you tightly. “It's okay, I'll help you. Bear? Buffalo? You like buffalo sauce, right? You like the spice.”

You nodded, smiling at his efforts. He did this with such love in his eyes that you could have sworn he was in love with you. That he cared for you this deeply.

He smiled, brightening up your heart. “Good, good. Now C?”

“Cat.”

“Wonderful,” he cooed, running a hand down your arm. He carried on through the alphabet, until he reached H.

“Hongjoong,” you smiled, finally feeling a bit more like yourself and not some mummy locked in its own body.

He laughed melodically, causing your smile to brighten even more. “I’m not an animal,” he teased, pulling you to his chest and running a hand down your back. “Are you feeling better?”

You nodded, your hand tremors dying down. Hongjoong didn't let go of your hand yet, still holding onto you as tight as he could.

“I just want to take it all away,” he whispered softly, his lips near your ear. Little did he know that he did take the pain away. He was the source of your happiness—you needed him.

“You do,” you hummed back raspily, your heart on your sleeve as he kept you close to him. “You do take the pain away.”

He sighed, kissing your temple with such softness, you crumbled in his hold.

“I don't think it's enough.”

You didn't say anything after that. He did let go of you reluctantly after you said you needed the water, but the minute you finished drinking it, he was back to holding you, his head against yours as silence enveloped you both in the darkness of the room.

You were certain friends don't kiss each other like that.

—

The next week of October came—the week before halloween. This time, you felt better than last week. The constant presence of dressing up as something this year was heavy on your chest, knowing your colleagues have invited you to a party. You have yet to ask hongjoong to join you, as you wouldn't dare show your face alone.

You took a day off on the first day of the week, hongjoong sick as a dog and your heart aching for him.

You brewed some hot tea and fixed him up a bowl of his favorite soup, caring for him the same way he catered to you. The thing was that he denied it most of the time, leaving you standing alone with your heart in your hands, ready to give it to him.

You set the bowl of soup on a tray you normally used as decor, spilling it slightly that the wood of the tray darkened. You rolled your eyes at your clumsiness, and then set the mug of tea on the stained wood.

Making your way up the thin, creaky townhouse stairs, you reached his room at the end of the hallway. He left the door open a crack, inviting you in at any given moment. So you entered the sunlit room, his curtains pulled back and his head hidden under the duvet. All you could see of him was his little wave of orange hair and a foot peeking from the cover.

“Joongie,” you cooed, cautiously entering his abode with nervousness. You knew him for ages, took care of him for ages, but everytime you got close to him, you felt your chest get heavy. Almost as if something was pushing you down. “Are you awake?”

He groaned something inaudible, tossing around in the bed until half of his body was out of the covers. He was shirtless, his smooth, slightly toned stomach glistening with sweat. You sighed, collecting your dirty thoughts.

You set the tray down on his nightstand, pushing aside the cough medicine and dirty tissues you would clean up after. Little pumpkin was sitting at the foot of the bed, watching your every move.

“I have dinner for you,” you hummed, reaching over to him, but pausing at his unclothed body. It was as if you were a feral animal—you wanted to devour him.

You ignored the instinct and pulled up the covers.

“What is it? I’m not hungry,” he groaned groggily, his eyes barely opening. He let out a cough, and it made you want to take his sickness away.

“You need to eat, you haven't eaten all day.”

He sighed, pushing himself up on the bed, revealing his body after you concealed it. He leaned up against his headboard, sniffling. His eyes were sunken in and his lips were pale, but you still thought he was the most beautiful being in the world.

You wanted to kiss away his chapped lips.

“Soup?” he said raspily, looking over at his night stand. He went to reach for it, but nearly spilled the tray.

You grabbed the bowl, and went to sit on the edge of the bed, next to his sweating frame. He definitely still had a fever. “Here, take it while I take your temp.”

He grabbed the soup out of your hold, his warm fingers brushing against yours. He didn't hesitate when you leaned over him, but you heard his breaths get shallow when you brushed away the hairs off his face to place your hand on his forehead. “Stay away from me,” he blinked at you, and even though his words seemed harsh, it was all out of love. “You’ll get sick. I don't want you to get sick.”

“I’d rather be sick than watch you suffer,” you smiled at him, your eyes lingering on his chapped lips for a moment too long. “You look better than you did this morning.”

He swallowed a spoonful of the soup, shutting his eyes tight as the warm liquid coated his sore throat.

“Thank you,” he said. It was only an acknowledgement in words, but his eyes pierced through yours as you sat inches away from him. He meant it, but you were too involved to read between the lines of his breaths.

He breathed for you.

You stood up to leave him peace, but your breath hitched as his warm hand reached your thigh, causing you to look down at it cautiously.

“Don't—” he paused, lifting his grip and moving to set down the bowl of soup. “Don't go.”

You didn't let the smile creep up onto your lips. “I thought you didn't want me to get sick?” you instigated, but nonetheless moved further onto the bed, holding onto his overheating frame with all the love in the world.

“I don't, but I want to be selfish today,” he coughed, nuzzling his head into you. His lips were pressed to your neck, sending chills down your spine. Your fingertips caressed his bare skin, hoping to take away his sickness.

You held him until the sun went down, thinking that was enough for him.

Feeling as though he was sleeping, you tried to pull yourself out of his grip, to which he pulled you to him even tighter. Now your faces were an inch apart as you both lied on the bed, his hot breaths tickling your lips.

“Where are you going?” he asked you.

“Nowhere,” you smiled, looking into his tired eyes. You leaned forward, resting your head against his. “I’m sorry.”

He sighed in contentment, letting out a breath as his arms tightened around you. He didn't speak—he just looked at you with hearts in his eyes.

“Don't leave me,” he whispered.

You ran a hand through his messy hair. “I won't, I won't.”

He fell asleep in your arms, all while your mind kept you up the whole night. You knew this isn't what normal friends do—but this is how you were together, which was normal for you.

You got sick the day after.

—

On the third day of the week before halloween, you both were finally feeling better. He seemed back to normal, but you still had a slight sore throat that made you not want to eat. Hongjoong insisted the same way you made him eat the soup, and he cooked up your favorite pasta meal.

“You need to eat,” he muttered, using tongs to place a scoop of pasta onto a plate. You sat across from him at the table, your head in your hands.

“I have a splitting headache,” you groaned, lifting your head up to catch the glimmer in hongjoong's caring glance.

He handed you the full plate, your nose filled with the delicious scent. “I’ll get you some medicine.”

“I’m fine, joongie,” you mumbled with a rasp, twirling your pasta around in your fork, but not lifting it up into your mouth. You stared at the thin noodles that dangled from the metal, distracted as the sauce splattered onto the plate. Hongjoong watched you, an eyebrow raised and his lip curled up.

He sat down across from you. “I uh…is there a hair in it or something?” he asked you, but a joking smile dawned on his face. “If there is, still eat it. I won't do take-backs.”

“Awe, how kind,” you chuckled, finally lifting the fork up to eat the delicious pasta. You closed your eyes as the taste filled your senses, opening them to see the look Hongjoong was giving you.

“You look pretty today,” he acknowledged, his eyes dancing around your features. He blinked at you, waiting for you to brush it off.

Boom boom.

Your heart picked up its pace. “Don't lie, joong. It doesn't suit you.”

He rolled his eyes, resting his head in his hands as he stared at you. Your phone buzzed with a text message from your work friend, which reminded you about something that happened earlier during the day.

“Oh,” you muttered with a mouthful of food. “Some guy asked for my number today,” you took another bite.

Hongjoong tilted his head at you, and then moved his gaze to his own plate of food, grabbing his fork to stab the noodles. “Oh really?”

You nodded, swallowing the food as he glared down at his own. “Yeah. he was cute. What was his name….uh, yun..yunho? Super tall, let me tell you. It was like staring up at a skyscraper—”

Hongjoong interrupted you with a loud scoff, accidentally screeching his fork against the plate. “Did you give him your number, though?” he asked you, acting as if you didn't.

You studied him for a moment, feeling confused. He seemed to care more than he should. You honestly gave the cute skyscraper your number, but you didn't have a thought in your mind about actually texting him back.

You shrugged, playing with him a little bit. “Yeah, I did,” is all you said, smiling to yourself. You were sure hongjoong thought you were smiling about yunho, when in reality you were smiling for him. “He was too cute to reject.”

At that, Hongjoong’s fork clanked onto the plate, causing you to jump and look at him. He looked mad—too mad. You swallowed the lump in your throat, feeling like you hit a nerve.

“Joong? What's wrong?”

He laughed devilishly, his eyebrows raised and his mouth slightly open. “So what? Are you gonna go on a date with him or something?”

You knew you were pushing his buttons a little too far, but you furrowed your brows at his unusual behavior.

You leaned forward, setting your own fork down. “Hey,” you narrowed your gaze while he practically had smoke coming out of his ears. “Are you jealous? Should I not date him?”

He blinked at you, and looked down at your lips for a second.

“No.” is all he said.

“He seems like a good fuck. Should just fuck him silly instead and—”

“y/n I swear to god,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair aggressively. “I, uh. Fuck,” he hissed, unable to look at you. “Thanks for the image.”

You frowned jokingly. “Ah, I see. You were visualizing me getting fucked?” you smirked, knowing you were taking it way too far. “Do you want to watch? Or join?”

You reached your arm out, sensually touching his fisted hand. You ran your fingertips in circles around his hand, a smirk on your lips.

He pulled back and stood up abruptly, causing the chair to squeak against the floor. “I-i have to go—I mean, I have a song to write…I uh…” he coughed, glancing at you for one minute and then storming out of the room, leaving you all alone with cold pasta and a frown on your face.

He didn't show his face to you that whole night.

—

Two days later; it was a friday. You had to go to campus early in the morning to listen to a required lecture, which ended up by you sitting next to hongjoong on the commuter bus.

He sat stiffly, his knee bumping into yours occasionally whenever the bus hit a pothole. You couldn't lie, you wanted him to stay touching you.

Ever since two nights ago when you brought up fucking someone and having him watch, he acted distant with you. You felt bad, hoping you didn't make him too uncomfortable with an image he probably never wanted to see in the first place.

Joong leaned against the cold bus window, looking out at the leaves that matched his hair. In his ears sat wired earbuds, attached to the jack of his phone. You leaned your shoulder into him, looking down at his hands in his lap.

No words were spoken. He lifted his head to look over at you, and after a moment, he sighed, and handed you the earbud closest to you.

“Here,” he hummed, barely audible.

You took it wordlessly, putting it in your ear to hear the soft strum of a guitar. You didn't recognize the song, but you felt the emotion fill through the little speaker, breaking through your heart. You always loved how he would share his favorite things with you, even if he was upset with you.

“I’m sorry, joongie,” you sighed, resting your head on his shoulder. He didn't say anything; maybe he was waiting for you to continue. “I shouldn't have said those things the other day.”

He mumbled something you couldn't decipher, but then nodded shortly. “It's not something to apologize for. I’m sorry I ignored you the whole night.”

You looked at his hands. He was rubbing his knuckles anxiously, so you reached out to hold them. He jumped slightly, and you gave him a side eye.

He eventually settled with your hands on top of his, and your head against his shoulder. You listened to his whole playlist—and his heartbeat—until you had to leave.

—

The same night, you brought up the halloween party.

“I need you to come with me,” you said, your eyes pleading.

He sat next to you on the couch, pumpkin sleeping adorably in his criss-crossed lap. “Why don't you take the skyscraper?” he said blatantly, his expression unreadable. He held a bottle of soju in one of his hands and had the tv remote in the other.

Was he actually jealous? At this point, he hasn't been himself since you told him about Yunho, who you didn't even know his last name.

You looked over at him, as he was paying strict attention to finding a movie. You began to overthink like you always do, convincing yourself that Hongjoong doesn't want anything to do with you.

“Do you still want to be friends with me?” you ignored his question about yunho, now feeling a bit unstable.

He noticed the shake in your voice, and sat up straight. He finally looked over at you, his eyes softening.

“y/n,” he sighed, setting the remote down. “Of course I do. Don't worry about me leaving you.”

Your gaze shot right through him. “But…you just seem off. Ever since I joked about….you know,” you sighed, running a hand through your hair. “It's something you probably had no intention of visualizing, so I feel bad—”

“No, uh,” he gulped, looking anywhere but you. “It wasn't that…”

You raised your eyebrows. “Huh? Really? What was it then?”

He looked deep in thought—and a little nervous. You wanted the words that came out of his mouth to be a love confession, something straight out of a movie. You knew it wasn't going to turn out that way, but you couldn't stop your heart from beating out of your chest.

“I just,” he paused, afraid to look over at you. “I just worry about you. I want the best for you.”

Ouch, that wasn't a confession.

Come on, hongjoong. How hard is it to say, “Oh, y/n, I love you. I’ve loved you ever since I met you?”

You hid your dissatisfaction with a smile. “I can hold my own, joongie. I may be the most anxious person alive, but I can still meet guys.”

“I know you're capable, it's not you,” he admitted, looking a bit embarrassed as he shook the bottle of soju. “It's them. The guys. You deserve the world and I don't know what I would do if a guy took it all away.”

You sat and stared as he finally picked a movie—the nightmare before christmas. It wasn't your favorite, but something about it reminded you of Hongjoong. After it started playing, he tossed the remote onto the coffee table.

“I appreciate that you care,” you told him softly, looking down at your hands in your lap. “But you don't have to worry about guys.”

You sat in silence for a little, your heartbeat finally slowing down. He scooted closer and closer to you until pumpkin jumped out of his lap angrily. He saw that as an excuse to stand up and finally plop down next to you, his shoulder brushing yours.

“You’re special to me, y/n,” is all he said as he rested his head on your shoulder, cuddling up to you under the warm, cozy blanket.

—

Tonight was the party. You were rooting through your closet, tossing things at hongjoong, who sat on your bed among the pile of clothes.

“We're being pirates, right? I’m sorry, but I doubt you have pirate shit in that closet of yours.” He teased, lifting up a shirt from the pile to fold it.

Maybe you should have planned this better.

“I have to have my corset in here somewhere,” you ignored him, knowing you were just going to toss on a slutty ass dress and put the corset on over it. “Hongjoong come here, will you?”

You heard him let out an ungodly sigh as he stomped over to you, kneeling right next to you. “What am I supposed to wear?”

“Hongjoong you literally have every possible article of clothing in your closet.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Shush.”

He stayed quiet then, and after a moment, he started to root with you. After a bunch of irritated sighs and groans, hongjoong found your corset.

“This?” he raised an eyebrow playfully. You reached out to grab it, only for him to stand up and back away from you. “Come and get it.”

“We don't have time for this, joong,” you groaned, but still stood up and followed him. He was cackling as you tried to jump for it, standing on his tip-toes as if he thought of himself as a giant. You moved forward, lunging at him with full force, which sent you tumbling down onto the smooth comforter of your bed.

You landed on top of him, his warmth radiating through you. Your hips met his hips, and something stirred inside of you. His lips were inches from yours, his hands over his head and his eyes wide.

You felt more of him than you should, but you didn't want to move. You wanted to invade his space forever—if it were a job, you’d be a professional.

He didn't say anything—he looked up through the sea of your hair, his gaze resting on your lips. He frowned, and you wondered what he was thinking.

You wanted to reach out to him. To hold him right here, forever. You wanted him to be yours and only yours.

You studied the shapes of his face, similar to how an artist evaluates their subject. He had to be sculpted by a god or something, with the way his lips curve just right, and with the compelling wonder that swirled in his eyes.

Before it got too weird, you pushed yourself up despite the ache to become one with him, and you ripped the corset out of his hands. “Thanks,” you coughed, and he still didn't move from his position on the bed.

He stared up at the ceiling—the ceiling you decorated with those tacky glow in the dark stars. The room was dimly lit from the warm-toned lamp that sat on your dresser, right next to your pile of anatomy textbooks.

You both listened to silence for a while, Hongjoong now sitting up after a few long moments. You found the dress you wanted to wear, and gave him a look.

“I’m gonna change, so if you want to see every part of me, you're welcome to stay.” you muttered, your fingertips on the waistband of your leggings. He looked at your hands, his eyes growing darker.

He raked his eyes all over your clothed body. You wondered about what he was thinking—did he want to rip the clothes off of you? Did he want to stay and watch?

Your curiosity ended when he stood up slowly. “Come help me with my outfit then. After you change, of course.”

A small fraction of your heart caved in as the door shut behind him, but the ache for him remained standing.

You slid off your clothes, wishing your hands were his.

—

You waltzed into the party, which was at your colleague, yeosang’s place. He was born with old money, and it showed through the exquisite taste of his home. He was nowhere to be found though—which was normal. He wasn't exactly sociable. The one who took it by the wheel was his best friend wooyoung, who seemed like he would embody a party.

“I didn't pregame enough,” Hongjoong gulped as he stared at the strangers around the home, some guzzling alcohol from bongs and others simply conversing with each other. On the other hand, there were a bunch of people blowing big puffs of hazy marijuana smoke, and others snorting shit that you never touched before.

Joong shivered. “Aren't you guys like…medical students?” He raised an eyebrow, his one eye covered with an eye patch and his other one wide. “You have to know that snorting cocaine is not beneficial to your health.”

You slapped his shoulder, feeling out of this world already. Maybe you shouldn't have slammed those shots. “Whatever. Lets go get fucked up so i don't have to remember this tomorrow,” you wrapped your arm in his, pulling him into the grand kitchen that had a chandelier dangling from the vaulted ceiling.

“I think you’re blown out enough, to be honest.”

You reached in the cooler to grab a bottle of some sort of alcohol you didn't recognize. “I’m guessing this shit is like millions of dollars,” you shrugged, handing it off to the pirate you called hongjoong.

He looked fine as hell in his own corset, brown leather wrapping around that thin waist of his. He had on a half-unbuttoned white button down, pulled up at the elbows. His pants were tight, leaving your mind wandering back to earlier when your hips bucked against his. His rusty hair was hidden under a bandana that matched your dress, with flakes of greens and dustings of gold.

“y/n? Hello?” he snapped his fingers in front of your face, his one eye piercing into yours. “You zoned out for a minute.”

“Ah, oh sorry,” you sighed, looking down at your own outfit. Your dress was flowy, but only reached about mid-thigh, showing leg and tits at the same time. Your legs were covered in fishnets, and you noticed many partygoers staring at them.

You reached into the cooler to grab yourself a drink, guzzling it like water. Hongjoong watched, and then did the same. You both pulled away at the same time, expressions matching like twins as you scrunched your eyebrows.

“Thats strong as fuck,” he hissed, but still drank the rest of the bottle since thats what you were doing. His eyes locked on you as you finished the last drop, and you reached for another. “Yo, slow down. You downed like five shots of vodka earlier.”

You rolled your eyes, finally feeling like yourself. You loved the feeling of being drunk—you felt like you could finally be the person you were under the surface. The person without anxiety. The person who didn't have to hide how to feel.

“You know,” you hummed, setting down the second bottle onto the gold counter. You approached him, your hands finding the collar of his unbuttoned shirt. You watched him swallow hard, his Adam's apple bobbing—you wanted to lick it. “Did I ever tell you how hot you are?”

Hongjoong’s eyes—eye— widened at your words, and set his hands on your elbows to pull you off of him. “You’re obliterated and we weren't even here for five minutes.”

“I’m not,” you rolled your eyes, pulling out of his grip and grabbing his arms now.

He didn't even get to say what he wanted to say as the skyscraper himself came up to you, bending his head down slightly to see if it was you.

“y/n?” His tone of voice was smooth and cool, your name rolling off his tongue with ease.

“Oh!” you exclaimed, moving your attention away from hongjoong. “Skyscraper!”

He laughed, looking from you to hongjoong with a confused glance. “She must be drunk, she’s usually quiet at work,” yunho said to hongjoong, not expecting the glare of death to radiate from his single eye.

“Oh no, she’s loud and obnoxious at home,” Hongjoong growled, reaching out to steady you.

The tall vampire tilted his head at the pirate, a smirk on those full lips. “Home?” he inquired, looking at you with that same smirk. You glanced up at him with a smile, not purposely ignoring your roommate. You were just a teensy bit drunk—call it tipsy—and you were fascinated with the red contacts in Yunho's eyes.

“Did you change your eye color?” you asked him in all seriousness, looking over at the cooler filled with alcohol with longingness. Hongjoong scoffed at your words, and couldn't stop you as you reached out to touch Yunho's face, which remained in a smirk as your fingertips brushed against his skin. “Even your skin is sparkly.”

“You never answered me,” he hummed lowly, hongjoong feeling like the third wheel now. The vampire leaned down towards your face, a lustful smile on his lips. “About that date?”

Hongjoong had enough. He muttered a goodbye, but you weren't able to hear it.

“Hmmm…” you clicked your tongue, tapping your chin slowly. “I’m sorry, count dracula. I have someone in my heart already,” you proudly proclaimed.

He smiled despite the rejection, his white teeth bright under the dim lighting. “I’m guessing it’s that one-eyed pirate, hm?” he asked, but he knew the answer.

“Yep. even though he’s a little bitch sometimes,” you bowed to him then, lifting your gaze to meet his red eyes. “Sorry again.”

He nodded with a smirk. “Well your pirate just ran off somewhere, so you better go find him before he thinks something different.”

You might have been a bit out of it, but you knew enough that yunho was a good sport. He walked away before you could say anything else, leaving you all alone in a sea of people. You recognized some faces, like wooyoung and some guy named yeonjun from the general surgery department who hit on you during a surgical lesson. You surveyed the scene, meeting eyes with some random men who kept looking even when you moved your gaze.

You grabbed another drink from the cooler, flipping the cap off and dumping its contents into your mouth. After the rush of warmth hit your body, you pushed through the bodies of people in search of your person.

“Anyone see another pirate?” you yelled to no one in particular. “He has orange hair and a pretty face. Has one eye and—Oh, he’s kinda short too. Like a little leprechaun.”

Now you were just blabbing into nothingness as your vision split. You know damn well your alcohol tolerance was scarily low, but you still got yourself fucked up to the point of no coming back.

You weren't sure where you were going, but you found yourself outside now, behind the extravagant mansion. You stood on the patio, shivering from the lack of clothing and cool autumn air.

You looked out towards the yard, intricately covered in plants and flowers. If you were sober, you’d call it a garden. For now, it was just a pile of vegetation.

“Joongie! You yelled loudly, as if he was going to suddenly fly out of the bushes to greet you. There was no one around—not even a bug. “Joong? Pirate king? Captain—”

“You’re too loud,” his sweet voice filled your eardrums, but it sounded dull—like he was irritated. “Why don't you go entertain that vampire?”

“Because…” you drawled out, turning towards him in the ocean of flowers. You stood in the middle of a surreal garden, but it was too dark to see the colors. There was a small lamppost above you, only coloring a quarter of the flowers in your view. “Because I want my pirate.”

His eye studied you for a moment, and then he sighed, leaning up against the post. “Y/n, I—”

“Shh,” you whispered, drunkenly leaning up against him, unable to tear your drunken eyes from his lips. “You have something on your lip,” you hummed, the pads of your fingers brushing against his soft lips. There was nothing there; you just wanted to touch them.

“ah-ah-Okay, I think you got it—”

“ —I want to kiss you,” you whined, crushing your head against his chest. You heard his heart race as you touched him. “I want to kiss you so bad.”

He stiffened underneath you, his arms at his sides as you held onto him. “You're drunk.”

“I know, but I want to kiss you even when I’m sober,” you lifted your head up, frowning when you only saw one eye. You brushed your fingers against the soft skin of his face, gripping onto the eye-patch softly. “And I want to see your pretty eyes.”

He kept quiet and still, letting you lift the eye-patch over his head, your hazy gaze meeting his starstruck one. Your hand didn't leave his face even after the patch was gone, and he just stood there with all the love in the world in his gaze.

You leaned forward, slowly, carefully, and met your lips with his. You gripped his shirt, your knuckles turning white and your eyes shut tight. He finally snaked an arm around your waist, parting your mouth open with his own. He kissed you hungrily, as if he couldn't hold back even if he wanted to. It felt like ecstasy, two worlds colliding. You now felt like you could tell the colors of the flowers—you felt like you could do anything.

And once he gripped the back of your head to deepen the kiss, you woke up drenched in more than sweat, your clothes missing and your hair like a halo around your head.

What the fuck?

—

Was it all a dream? Did you even go to that party? Did you…did you even get to kiss Hongjoong?

You looked under the covers to see the same underwear you put on before the party—paired with the matching bra. You felt drenched to your core, dreaming about something—

“You're awake,” hongjoong gave you a weird glance as he walked into your room to toss you a hoodie of his. “Put this on.”

“Where are my clothes?” you asked with an eyebrow raised. “Did we…”

He stopped in his tracks, looking at you like a deer in headlights. “Did we what? Fuck?” he scoffed, turning away to walk out of your room. “No. and I took your clothes off because you threw up all over them.”

“So, did we actually go to the party?” you barely spoke, gripping the blanket tightly in your hands. “I had this weird dream…”

He swallowed hard and nodded, turning back to you but not meeting your eyes. “Yeah, we went.”

So you blacked out? Or was your dream possibly real?

He left the room then, leaving you all alone in a mess of yourself—and your thoughts.

After a bit of time wallowing in your own self-pity, you managed to leave your comfortable hiding spot you called a room to go downstairs, where hongjoong had a bowl of hangover soup ready for you on the table. He was nowhere to be seen, though, so you assumed he was out doing something or in his little makeshift studio.

Telling yourself it was all a dream so you wouldn't get your hopes up, you plopped down onto the chair to eat. You stared down at the soup, swirling it around with the spoon like you’ve never seen it before, your mind everywhere else but the idea of eating.

Eventually you raised the spoon to your mouth, but the thoughts of hongjoong didn't subside. He was the reason you wanted to keep on living in this god-forsaken world, and you couldn't risk the possibility of ruining your friendship. You decided to not speak of your dream, or even express your feelings, for the sake of keeping him by your side.

After you finished your breakfast, you tip-toed through the creaky floors to peek and see if Joong was in his hideout. As soon as you saw the rush of orange hair, you smiled, and left him alone. Pumpkin was staring at you through the glass window, lying comfortably on the plush carpet he had.

You walked away then, tossing on your jacket and a pair of shoes, and made your way to the convenience store around the corner. You didn't want to interrupt Hongjoong’s focus just to tell him that you wanted some banana milk.

You left him in peace, not knowing that he was going to worry about where you went.

—

You walked slowly towards your townhouse, watching the leaves land on the sidewalk. Some leaves even left imprints on the pavement, greenish-hues as the remnant of when they once lived.

Halloween was right around the corner. The party was over. You kissed the love of your life—in a dream, of course. It seemed like the world was moving so fast, as if you had no time to hold on as it moved.

You swung the door open, finding hongjoong in panic mode, his hand in his hair and the other one gripping his phone.

Your eyes widened. “Joong?” you tilted your head, slipping off your shoes before moving further. “Everything alright?”

He let out a sigh of relief, dropping his hands to his sides. “I didn't know where you went. You didn't answer your phone.”

You frowned, patting the pockets of your hoodie—hongjoongs hoodie. “Oh? I must've forgotten it.”

He scoffed as you walked past him to reach the fridge. You emptied the bag, putting the banana milk into the fridge and pulling out the cheap, single rose the store had at the register.

“You don't know how worried I was,” he groaned, rubbing his eyes in irritation. “You can't just leave without saying anything, I thought you were kidnapped.”

You chuckled softly, smiling to yourself that he cared. The smile began to drop, though, as you began to think it was only platonic—and that's all it will ever be.

You turned around to face him, a forced smile on your face. “Here,” you said, handing him the nearly-dead red rose that had a slightly bent stem.

He looked down at the token of affection, confusion washing over his features. “A r-rose?” he stuttered slightly, eyes meeting yours. “For me?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, taking a step closer to him.

“Why?” he inquired, his eyes searching yours for any type of answer.

You gathered what you wanted to say, swallowing hard. “Because you're my best friend. I never want to lose our friendship.”

You saw his hesitation then. It was as if you said something hurtful, but all you spoke was the truth. He let out a little laugh, and reached out to grab the decaying flower.

His fingers brushed against yours, sending chills down your spine. The minute your skin made contact with his, you replayed the kiss you shared in dreamland, hoping that if you kept thinking about it, it would come true.

“Ah, Best friend…” he smiled—almost sadly—and inspected the rose. “Thank you.”

You sniffed, feeling like you just ruined something. But there was nothing there to begin with. You nodded, and turned on your heels.

“I uh, I’m going out then,” he spoke up, his hands feeling the petals.

You stopped, looking down at your bare feet. “Oh really? Where?”

He paused. “With friends.”

You nodded, but didn't turn around. “Have fun.”

He didn't say anything else, and just let you trudge up the stairs. Your heart felt like it was about to crumble, and without reason. Nothing changed, nothing was broken. You said the truth, he told you he was going out. A typical day in your household.

So why did it feel like your world just ended?

—

Days fly by. Hongjoong ended up coming home the next morning that day, and without a word, he locked himself up in his studio.

It was halloween. You felt like it was pointless now, unable to connect to your hongjoong like you never had a connection in the first place. As if you didn't spend every waking moment together. Birthdays, holidays.

You stood in front of your full length mirror, critiquing every single angle of your body. You knew deep down you were beautiful; some days you just saw everything wrong all at once. You stood there, lost, alone, and still thinking of hongjoong like he was living in your mind.

And one day, you’ll watch hongjoong leave, causing life to lose all its meaning.

You sighed, pulling your jeans up slightly to button them. You slid a t-shirt over your bra, feeling like you waited for this day for nothing. You felt numb—like the anticipation was worth nothing. You slid on a pair of festive socks, finally getting your bare feet off the cold, wooden floors.

It was still early—not even noon. Usually you’d be at work and joong would be at school, but you were both home, locked away in your rooms, acting like you don't exist. Well, you didn't want it to play out this way—you wanted to run into his arms, tell him you love him, and bury him in kisses in the halloween haze.

You had no plans, despite it being the night of the year for you. The party was over, your heart was aching, and you felt like you could crumble to the ground like an old building. It was just one of those days that you didn't feel like yourself—and what better time than the night you're supposed to be anything but true.

After grabbing a hat to keep your ears warm, you waltzed your way down the hallway, only to cause hongjoong to peek out of his doorway. He looked tired.

“Where are you going?” he asked you softly, his voice scratching your brain just right.

You didn't realize you were picking at your fingers until he looked down at them. You put your hands at your sides, and looked up at him. “To go get candy for the tick-or-treaters tonight,” you hummed as a response, staring into his gaze, getting lost in it for a moment too long.

He looked at your outfit, his eyes examining you the same way you looked at yourself—however, he wasn't critiquing. He was admiring. No matter what you wore, he looked at you like you were made of gold.

He nodded, tearing his gaze away from your eyes. “Okay.”

You turned around after it felt too awkward, feeling as though something was ruining your relationship. There was no warmth, no comfort. It all happened after you gave him that rose, holding back your feelings like he held back his tears.

Time passed like the world was spinning too fast, and you went on with your day as if it was any other day.

When you came back from the store, you poured the candy into a cute little serving bowl, stealing a chocolate bar like you were a kid again. A part of your soul ached as you stared down at the bowl, thinking about the days when you were the one grabbing the handfuls and eating too much candy. Back to the time when life was simple.

Hongjoong was in his studio, and you heard the dull vibrations of his voice. He was singing like he always did, but this time, you wanted him to sing for you.

You ignored it as best as you could and forced yourself to dress up in a slightly more modest pirate outfit, and after the sun began to set, you found yourself sitting outside on your porch alone. Bundled up in a blanket and a mug of hot tea in your hand, you waited patiently for the kids to come around for the candy.

Sirens blared loudly, an ambulance passing the street in front of you. You watched as the bright reds and whites reflected off the windows of the houses around you, and how the wind from it knocked more leaves to fall to their death.

You watched them crumble to the ground in front of you, small little feet stepping on them as they walked by your home. One little girl came up to you, her little shoes crunching the decaying life underneath them, and you looked up to her from your seated position.

“Trick or treat?” she asked you, her face covered in paint and her smile as bright as can be.

“Take a handful,” you murmured, forcing a smile onto your pirate persona. She smiled at you and tossed the candy into her bag, and you were too distracted to hear the door open behind you. The only sign was the brightened look on the girl’s face as she looked behind you.

“Another pirate?” she mumbled, dimples showing through her scarecrow face paint. “Is he your boyfriend?”

You hesitated, but shook your head. “Oh, no. He's just my friend.”

Hongjoong forced out a chuckle, and came up to sit next to you. “Happy Halloween,” he smiled, his leg bumping yours. You didn't shy away, but you didn't move any closer.

As the girl left, you sat in silence with hongjoong for what felt like ages. You smelled alcohol on his breath, wearing his mask like normal. You were dying to know his true feelings about everything. You lived with him for years, but yet, he knew everything about you and you knew very little about him.

A few more kids stopped, grabbed some candy, and left. As if the time flew by once again, the bowl was empty, and so was your heart.

“I have to go use the bathroom,” you let him know as you stood up. He looked from you to the empty bowl, but made no effort to come inside with you.

“Okay,” he nodded, not looking in your direction. You left his presence, needing some air.

You walked towards the bathroom that was past his studio until you noticed the door open. Pumpkin was sitting on a pile of papers, and knowing how finicky your hongjoong was, you quickly entered the sacred grounds to get the cat off the pile. With your luck, you startled pumpkin, causing her to let out a scared yelp and leap off the pile, knocking over all the sheets at once.

You let out a gasp, followed by a groan, as you quickly tried to pick up the papers. That is, until you came across some lyrics of what it looked like a song…

A song for a lover?

It was titled, halloween, and as your eyes ran across the words on the page, a few stood out. Words like roommate, coffee, watching movies, hugs, dinner, and home. His home was her. His home was with her, his love was for her.

You were his…home? His love?

“Put that down,” Hongjoong growled behind you, but his tone of voice wasn't harsh—it was defeated. “It’s nothing special.”

“I think otherwise, joong,” you murmured softly, still reading the lyrics as they made your heart race. “Is this about…me?”

He came up beside you, his face right next to yours. He ripped the paper out of your hands and held it behind his back as you turned to him. “Yeah,” he breathed, but shook his head. “But it means nothing now, okay? So don't misunderstand—”

“Can you sing it for me?”

He stared at you, wide eyed. You both were in your pirate garb, his one eye covered by the eye-patch. You thought back to your dream of lifting it up, kissing him, holding onto him….

He didn't say much. He just stared for a while, unsure about your motives. Clearly you made it known that he was just a friend to you, but little did he know that you wanted everything under the sun with him.

He sighed, and sat down onto his bench in front of the keyboard. As his painted fingers slid across the keys, he started to sing to the lyrics that were meant for you. He bled through the words, telling the story of you and him, sharing a space, and putting on masks. It was halloween, the song was called halloween, and he sang with all the love in the world to you.

It had to be a dream. There was no way he was sitting in front of you, tipsy, and proclaiming his years-long love for you through a song. It was unreal, and when he stopped singing and turned to you, you saw the concern drip off his face as he looked at your expression.

He swallowed hard, standing up to face you. “Listen, don't think much of it. Like I said, it’s worthless now and—”

You gripped the back of his head and kissed him, holding him tightly as he stood stoically. After a few moments, you pulled away, leaving his lips a mess of red from your lipstick. “I–I’m sorry. That was a little—”

He took a step forward, like you were his prey. Gripping your arm, he pulled you to him, his lips on yours with no spare of a glance. Your hands found their home in his hair, gently sliding off his eye patch with your fingers. You kissed each other as if it was your last—as if this would only last the night.

You pulled back, resting your forehead on his as his hot breath kissed your features.

“I…what does this make us?” you gulped, counting his breaths, happy that he was living at the same time as you. “Its…its halloween…we can be, you know,” you got distracted as his gentle hands caressed your arm. “We can be anything.”

He smiled at you, love dripping from his gaze. He kept his hold tight on you, and mumbled his answer into your head.

“I’ll be whatever you want,” he breathed into you, and you found yourself melting into his hold.

His lips, his hands, his breath—everything collided. Two became one once again as he kissed you, kissed you so hard that you lost your breath. Your hands meshed within the rust of his hair, your fingertips painted in orange. His tongue met the roof of your mouth the same way your hands gripped at him, repeating his words over and over in your mind.

Whatever you want…

I’ll be whatever you want…

He lifted you up then, holding onto your body tightly to set you onto his desk, knocking off all his music sheets and crumbled up papers. His finger nails pierced against the bare skin of your thighs, his lips now on your neck as you fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

He let out a moan as your fingers grazed his chest, finally pulling his shirt off his body to admire him. You let out a content sigh, wanting to taste the soju on his lips. Not yet, though, as his hands gripped the corset you were wearing, untying the laces and ripping it off your body, slightly rough but his touch was smooth.

You sat on his desk, ready for him to claim you as his own. Even if it was just for the night, you weren't thinking long term as his strong arms pulled your dress right over your head, leaving you only in your underwear.

“My god, I always wanted to do that,” he groaned, his lips meeting your neck as his hands trailed down your stomach to meet the waistband of your underwear. As his fingers slipped underneath the fabric, you arched your back into his touch.

“You like that, huh?” he whispered in your ear as you looked down at the bulge of his pants, seizing the opportunity to get him flustered. “You turn me the fuck on, you have no idea, y/n.”

Your hands brushed his erection, a sinister smile on hongjoongs pained face. He smacked his head into yours, his teeth bright white as he showed them. “Careful, baby. I’ve been waiting years to fuck you. I don't want it to end too quick.”

“Years?” you breathed into his lips your head tilted up as his hand found its home and started to slide the underwear down your hips.

He didn't answer. What he did do was pull them down your legs, and then as soon as they were off, he kneeled down onto the ground in front of you, treating you like a peasant would treat his goddess. His lips met your heat, the warmth from his breath stirring your mind into mush. You gripped his russet hair, fisting it as his tongue slipped inside you. You hissed, throwing your head back as you saw stars.

He worked magic, his lips becoming something you never wanted to lose. Eventually, he found his place above you, his fingers tilting your head back to look up at him. His hands reached out to pull your bra off, giving you a look of affirmation before gently lifting it over your head.

He stood in front of you, vulnerability showing through like sunlight through a window. He was your sun—your warmth—your love.

No words were spoken after that. You unbuttoned his pants while he kissed your lips, entangled in each other's love and infatuation. He carried you up the steps then, gently setting you down onto his bed, the creak of the mattress springs underneath you. He kissed your forehead, your nose, your temple, your lips, and trailed all the way to your breasts, admiring them like they were all he dreamed about—you were all he dreamed about.

You looked into his stare, his dark brown eyes above yours. You felt the heat of his body, and every breath he took. You wanted to count his breaths every day for the rest of your life until they stopped. You wanted to entangle yourself into his soul, spinning yourself around his finger like the red string of fate.

You wanted to make love to him every night, crawl into his embrace like he was the only human on earth. He was like a warm fireplace on a cold winter day, the fall of snow during spring. And after all, at this moment as your eyes met before he entered you, his lips moved, your senses heightened as he spoke.

“I love you,” he hummed, his eyes sparkling in the dark. You were his source of light.

After those words, he collapsed into you, his hips meeting yours and your lips meshing together. He didn't give you a chance to respond—maybe he was scared of rejection. He had nothing to worry about, and as he made love to you, you ran your hands through his hair to keep it out of his eyes.

You moaned as he rhythmically crashed into you, his lips parted and his arms tightened. You wrapped your legs around his thin waist, his upper body crashing into yours, forehead to forehead, lips to lips, chest to chest, hearts beating the same beat. His hands found your breasts, grabbing them as if they would break under his touch. He trailed his lips down your neck to your chest, kissing you sensually, tastefully, treating you like a work of art.

Your vision became hazy as you reached your high, and after he noticed your climax, he smiled to himself, letting out a moan. “Good girl,” he praised, and then flipped you over onto your stomach with a groan. You positioned yourself for him, back arched as his fingertips glided against your skin. His hands ran down your sides, his hips meeting your ass as he gripped it with his hands, entering you once again like it was his home.

“I want this every day,” he pushed into you, his breaths hitting the back of your neck, causing you to tumble onto the bed, unable to hold yourself up from his strength. “Every night. For the rest of my life, I want you.”

You wanted to cry out of happiness. You wanted to turn around and tell him you want it too, that you’ve loved him since that one day he held you. He was all you ever wanted; ever needed.

He fucked you, made love to you, as if it was the last time. His body clashed into yours, letting out the most beautiful moans. He was born to be yours, you were born to be his. Your bodies fit like pieces of a puzzle, and as he reached his ending, you gripped onto the pillow underneath you, crying out as he came into you, him spilling his love for you, through words and actions.

He breathed and breathed and breathed, his body collapsing onto yours, afraid to crush you. He pulled out of you slowly, finding his spot next to you on his bed. Your eyes met, then your lips, and then your love.

“I love you, too,” you smiled at him, your eyes blurry as his beauty took over. His hair was stuck to his forehead from all of his sweat, and you reached out to brush it behind his ears.

He was breathing heavily, staring into your eyes like they were the most beautiful color he’s ever seen. To you, it might be bland. To him—they were the only eyes that mattered. The only window he wanted to look through.

His arms snaked over your naked body, his touch feeling like ecstacy. You fell asleep deeply for the first time in ages, his soft voice humming you to sleep as the moon began to fall.

—

The next morning was just like any other. You woke up alone, no Hongjoong in sight, but the warm, delicious smell of breakfast reminded you that it was all real. You looked down, no clothes, no underwear, just you. The sheets were crumbled all messily, your heart feeling just the same.

You smiled after looking around, noticing little things around his room that just made sense. Everything about him made you feel butterflies.

You made your way down the stairs after tossing on one of hongjoong’s shirts, hoping to stir something up with him. It almost feels unreal with the way you proclaimed your love so quickly, and after all this time of hiding your feelings, it was now all out in the open.

The minute you reached the kitchen, you found hongjoong sitting in the chair next to a plate of food meant for you. He sat with his legs crossed and his eyes on you. His pretty hair was messy, and his lips were curled up in a smirk.

You smiled at him shyly.

“Oh no,” he shook his head at you, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked you up and down, smirking even more as he noticed the shirt that covered your upper body. You decided against pants, only coming out in your underwear and his shirt. “Don't go all shy on me after last night. And not when you look like…this.”

You cautiously walked towards him, and the minute you reached him, he tugged you into his lap, holding you with a look of admiration.

“About last night—”

“If you're going to say it was a mistake, I will politely decline, angel,” he kissed your lips, lingering just a moment too long. It was blissful, despite your morning breath. “I need you. I can't be without you.”

I need you…

Did anyone need you? Was he the first person to actually want you?

You smiled sadly, but his expression made you feel comfortable. “I was just going to say that I enjoyed it,” you hummed, nodding. He chuckled at that, his arms tightening around your waist.

“I’m sorry I couldn't tell you sooner. About my feelings, I mean,” I babbled on, leaning his head onto you. “I got a little jealous with Yunho, and I couldn't stand the idea of you with someone other than me. And when you kissed me at the party, I got worried that you only made a drunken mistake—”

“Wait,” you raised your eyebrows, pulling back to look at him. “I actually kissed you at the party? I thought I dreamt that…” you spoke softly, subconsciously lifting your hand to your lips.

Hongjoong stared up at you for a moment and then smiled. “Ah, yeah. But you were so out of it. You passed out on my shoulder right after you made out with me.”

Your eyes widened. “Oh my god, I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, no. It's okay,” he swallowed, looking a bit nervous. “I…want to take care of you when you're drunk, and when you're sick, and when you're depressed. I want to hold you while you have your panic attacks—even though I wish I could take them all away.”

You sat and listened, watching the way his eyes bounced around the room as the food got cold. It wasn't even a thought in your mind as he told you he loved you without even saying the three words.

“I want to go through everything with you. Good, bad, whatever. As long as it's with you,” his eyes met yours then. “And as long as I can kiss you whenever.”

You picked apart his expression—his eyes were glassy and his lips were parted. His smile was a bit worrisome, as if he wasn't sure you wanted what he did. You smiled then, and gave him a kiss on the forehead.

“I’ll be expecting showers of kisses,” you smirked, kissing his lips like they were made for you. “And shower sex. I love shower sex.”

He laughed musically, his voice always so soothing to you. You knew that your time in this house was ending, as this was the last year before graduation. You weren't sure what time had planned for you, but you hoped it was him.

There’s a time for everything. Your time with hongjoong was predetermined by fate. He was your soulmate if they existed. He was your sun, your moon, your universe. You spun around him like the moon to its earth, orbiting his existence like it was your destiny.

—

two years later,

Halloween Night

You stood on the steps of the townhouse, your phone clutched tight in your hands and a bag of candy in the other. Your heart ached the same way your feet did from all your running around at the hospital, your mind falling apart at its seam.

You stared at the red door, decorated with a festive autumnal wreath with the letters of your names.

You pushed through the door, your senses in overdrive as the smell of apples took over as a candle burned on the table. Sitting next to it was pumpkin, staring at the flame, and then at you, letting out a meow.

It was two years since you got with hongjoong. Two years before you graduated. Two years before you got swamped in work, having a hard time balancing work and romance.

You and hongjoong kept the house, deciding it was your home. You had nowhere else to go if he wasn't with you, and you graduated in love and in bliss.

Two years later, a mess of love and homemade meals, watching movies together, commuting together, sleeping together, you had a ring on your finger, a permanent mark of your love that would last forever.

You weren't planning anything—you let life take the reins. The love of your life stood in the living room, in his hands was a single rose from the mini mart—the same type of shitty rose you bought for him to ruin your relationship. Clearly it failed, as he stood, love in his eyes and a smile on his lips.

“Hi, angel,” he whispered, his hair no longer orange. It was his natural black, grown out and curled around his ears. He was beautiful in every way, a knight in shining armor, holding out a decaying rose as the leaves fell from the trees beyond the window. “Happy two years.”

You scoffed, setting down the bag of candy onto the table next to pumpkin. “A rose?”

“Mhm,” he murmured, smiling brightly.

“Why?” you inquired jokingly, walking closer to him.

He smiled prettily, his heart upon his sleeve. You watched him study you, look at every part of you. He loved you dearly, and as did you. You got a bit of butterflies from the deja vu, lost in the ocean of his eyes and drowning in the sea of his love.

He held out the rose.

“Because you're the love of my life.”

#hongjoong #kim hongjoong #ateez fic #hongjoong smut #hongjoong fic #hongjoong x reader #ateez #halloween au #best friends to lovers #roomates #hospital au #ateez smut

1K notes · View notes

teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

Illicit Affairs | Chapter VIII: My Tears Ricochet

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter V Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: All secrets are revealed and both you and Neteyam have to live with the consequences of your actions.

Warnings: pure angst, mentions of death, mental illness, addiction, self-injury, limited mentions of Y/N, did i mention angst, angst and more angst?

Word Count: 10,3k words (the first couple chapters were 3k, how did we get here??!)

A/N: This chapter killed me a little inside. I cried multiple times writing it, so I guess fair warning. I wanted really badly to build strong, round characters who had flaws and strengths and strong reasoning for acting a certain way/doing certain things. I wanted to write this story from both character's perspective, so it is clear that in life, each person will think they are right, that their reasoning was the correct one, when in reality, we are all a little right and a little wrong in everything we do, and it is always worth trying to see things from the other's perspective. We are coming towards the end of this first series, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rest of this journey. As always, thank you so much for everyone who engaged with it, I loved reading ALL of your comments and replies, they really make my day.

(Also, I feel like I am playing my own little game of "how many Taylor Swift and OG Avatar lyrics/quotes/references I can reasonably fit in a story without it being obnoxious" and I can't tell if I'm winning or not.)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace Cause when I'd fight, you used to tell me I was brave And if I'm dead to you, why are you at the wake? Cursing my name, wishing I stayed Look at how my tears ricochet

You registered the girl asking you if you were alright, but you couldn’t see in front of you, the entire room spinning like the inside of a mirrorball. You felt your body rise from where it was sat next to Neteyam’s, and shakily made your way out. Neteyam’s mate. Neteyam’s mate was next to you, asking you if you need help. It all got too much, and you lunged your body forwards and threw up on the ground next to your tent. You were panting, trying to somehow get a grasp on your mind and push the hurt aside, enough so you can see and hear the world around you.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” you manage to blurt out weakly.

You heard more commotion, and faintly made out Jake’s voice and his arm on your shoulder, trying to bring you back to them.

“Neteyam, what the hell happened?”

You didn’t hear Neteyam speak. He was quiet and you were glad. You didn’t want to hear his voice, not now, and not for the rest of your life.

The world came back to focus eventually, and you spit aggressively trying to get rid of the taste of acid in your mouth. You removed Jake’s hand from your back, and left. The thought of speaking or even looking at any of them was too much to bear. You ran, harder than you ever had before, back to where you just came from, the Ikran nest in the village. You immediately recognised your own, beautiful, gold and white, pure, unlike the rest of this world. Neyn (light colours, shades of white)… fitting name, you thought. You made the tsaheylu quickly, and without a second thought, took off.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE III: DEPRESSION

You had no thoughts as you flew above the forest and made your way towards the general direction of the Hallelujah mountains. You realised you didn’t know where you were going, you didn’t know how you were going to find your way back, but it didn’t matter. Were you even going to ever return? There were no tears, no sadness, just emptiness. The pieces of your heart broke so finely they turned into dust, blown away in the wind of the night. Eventually you found the mountains, easy enough to spot, even in the darkness, the fluorescent flora marking the territory with an easy-to-see glow. You flew like this, for enough time that your lungs were running out of breath and your skin felt battered by the wind, but you kept going. You felt so free, so weightless. There was a calmness to your thoughts that you haven’t felt in years, probably since your mother died.

You saw a distant mountain that looked brighter than the others, and you made your way to it and were amazed to find a little cave in it, bright and colourful, a little piece of heaven on a planet that was heaven in and of itself. Neyn landed softly on the edge of the mountain and you dismounted effortlessly and approached her head, giving her pets on her neck, to which she cooed gently. She was the only friend you had, you realise. You were all alone.

“Neteyam, what happened?”

Neteyam was dragged in the tent by his dad, who was fuming. No matter what feelings his dad was feeling, they couldn’t compare to Neteyam’s anguish and terror. Why the hell was she there? She just had to wait another couple of hours and this would have never happened.

“She was patching my wound up when Tiongli came in the tent, announcing to the world she is my mate. Said mother told her about my injury.”

“Don’t you dare blame this on your mother, boy.” the Sully patriarch’s nose was flared, eyes looking at him intensely with anger and disappointment. Neteyam’s eyes filled with tears, and he felt his heart hurting so much like the gash was there instead of his arm.

“I was going to tell her tonight, dad. After dinner. I was going to tell her everything, and I was going to ask her to be my mate. I was going to come to you both and ask you to undo the engagement. I understand that a year and a half ago I gave up on her, I did it for a reason, I thought there was no future for us, and that we were hurting each other. But things have changed. She has changed. She’s going to be one of the people soon and I want her to be mine.”

“Neteyam, you can’t undo the engagement. You have known Tiongli your whole life, her family’s been expecting this since you were both young. You gave your word before Eywa, son.”

“I love her, dad. Do you understand that? I have loved her all of my life. It killed me having to leave, it killed me knowing there was no future, because she was human. But she’s not just human anymore. I was willing to go through with this for the sake of the village, for the sake of the family and the future, but if there is any chance I can have the love of my life by my side, instead, I will cling on to it for dear life. Mother was betrothed to uncle Tsu’tey, and she gave that up for you. It was done before Eywa, and she didn’t care. Because she loved you and she knew that was enough. She gave up being Tsahik, her birth right, so she can have you. I will not give up on her, dad. Mother wouldn’t have given up on you.”

“I have to find her. I have to make this right.”

You were sprawled on your back, feeling goosebumps form along your limbs from the cold grass. You were staring at the sky, noticing the bright stars you now knew were actually bright death sentences, each of them beautiful and devastating. Will you even still be alive when they come? Will everything you have gone through these few months matter? Will everything you have gone through in this life matter? All the pain, and the hurt, and the grief, just so you can die at 18 from a virus. The universe was cruel, you thought. It was a fitting end, though. Meaningless and daft, like your entire life was. Born on a planet you were not made to be able to survive on, your real planet a long-forsaken dream you will never experience for yourself, surrounded by nature that could kill you in an instant. Alone, never fitting anywhere, orphaned by human diseases: cancer and greed. Left to fend for yourself when you were just ten, learning to navigate a life that only seemed to want to clobber you to the ground whenever you thought you finally could stand up again.

There was no light at the end of the tunnel, not anymore. You wanted to fight for something, for the chance at life, or at retribution, or at love. You were dying and Neteyam killed whatever hope remained in you. They all did. Norm, Max, Jake, Neytiri, Lo’ak, Kiri, Spider, all accomplices, all aware, all willing to lie to your face for weeks with no remorse. You thought you were good at spotting liars, now you just knew how little you knew about everything.

The pain in your soul mirrored the one in your body, as you felt the morphine wearing off and your human body struggling to keep the mind steady for the link. You had to bear it, because this pain was more manageable than the one you knew waited for you in your human form, when you would be alone in a dark room with only your nightmares to keep you company.

With a sigh and a peer up at the sky, you hoped whatever comes after death was better than the hell you’ve lived in the majority of this life.

Neteyam waited the whole night in your tent, waited for you to come back, becoming increasingly worried as the hours passed and you didn’t show. He wanted to go and look for you, but knew that as soon as you got on your ikran, the chances of finding you were thin. He would go to the lab as soon as dawn broke, but for now, he was praying that you would just burst through the tent opening so he can talk you down.

He fucked up, badly. He cringed at the thought of how much he seemed to not be able to get anything right when it comes to you. Everything he did or didn’t do ended up hurting you more, the only thing he didn’t want, the only thing in the world he continuously tried to avoid.

He was consoled by the fact that he would have a lifetime to make it up to you. He will not give up trying, no matter how long, no matter how hard, he was determined to win you back and keep you, forever.

As you made it back to your human body in the early hours of the morning, you regretted waiting so long, as your body was in indescribable agony, the likes with which you didn’t know was possible for the human body to ever experience. Your heart was beating a mile a minute, you were sweating bullets and every bone and muscle in your body throbbed with enough intensity to make it almost impossible for you to get up from the pod. Everyone must be asleep at this hour, you thought. You had to make it to your bed, you had to get at least a couple of hours of rest if you were going to live to see another day. As if you were taking the Iknimaya again, you made your way form the lab to the medical ward and injected another dose of the morphine in your system. There was no going back now, you were too far down the rabbit hole to stop and why put yourself through more unnecessary pain when this will all be over in a few days anyway?

You crashed in your room for a few hours and quickly made your way back to the pod before anyone else was there to talk to. You started the linkpod by yourself and got in without hesitation.

Waking up in your Avatar body was a strange experience, as you were still in the Hallelujah mountains where you fell asleep last night. Neyn did not leave you, you noted, and she was peacefully resting next to you, cooing softly in her sleep.

“Hey, beautiful girl. Time to go back. It would be useful if you knew the way.” you pet her gently, trying not to disturb her. She woke up and pushed her snoot in your chest, and you felt it swell for this animal that you had an unbreakable bond with; you were grateful you had done the Iknimaya and at least gained a life companion from that horrible day.

As suspected, Neyn knew where to take you, and in about an hour you made it back to the village. You dreaded it, dreaded the inevitable interaction, but you knew you had to go back at some point and inform them of your whereabouts.

It was still early, so the village wasn’t quite bustling with energy yet. You quietly made it back to your tent, which you found empty. You grabbed your bow and arrows, knife and gun and a couple extra magazines. You didn’t know if you were going to be back. As you were making your way out, your head bumped into a large, muscular chest.

Fuck.

“Where the hell were you all night, kid? None of us slept a wink last night worrying.”

“Out.”

“What the hell do you mean out? Out where? You leave without telling, you don’t come back the whole night, do you have a fucking death wish?”

You laughed at the irony of his words. He caught your arm as you were walking away and pulled you back forcefully so you can face him.

“You are not going anywhere.”

“Let go.” Jake raised a brow at your words. He was not used to being spoken this way, you realise.

“How long?”

His grasp on you loosened, and his gaze softened when you peered up at him through eyelashes to which tears clung.

“How long has this been going on?”

“Kid…”

“How fucking long, Jake?”

He let go of your arm at your curse, which had never been directed at him before.

“Watch your tone, kid.”

“You made me feel like shit for learning to shoot guns without you. It made you feel bad, right? Knowing I purposefully left you out of something you could have been useful at, something we could have bonded over? I hurt you, by pushing you and Neytiri away for so many years, and I am sorry for that, but you have never, in your life, tried to understand me. So you gave me shit about something you didn’t understand, and I hurt so much inside at the thought of all I gave away by my reluctance to trust, to love, to let people in. So I changed. I let you in. I was here, everyday, acting like a perfect little daughter for you, the daughter I knew you wanted. Strong, capable, skilled. I let Neytiri in. I started calling her mum in my dreams, and although the guilt for my own mother gnawed at my insides silently, I was also relived, to finally have a family again, or for the first time.

You made me love you and break down these carefully constructed walls so you can be comfortable and sleep well at night for not breaking your promise my mum, and then you fucking stabbed me in the back.

I trusted you, Jake. You fucking lied to my face for months. Every time I asked where Neteyam was at dinners and you told me he was practicing, every day you plotted to get me out of the village as early morning as humanly possible and get me back after everyone else was fast asleep, I knew it in my heart you were lying, but you were all so good at it, I thought I was going crazy. But no, it was all a carefully planned ruse to not find out you made me come here and be part of the people just to watch the man I love belong to someone else without even a chance to decide for myself how to feel about it.”

The fight brought out the rest of the Sully family out of their tent, and they were all watching you now, concern and sadness displayed across their beautiful faces.

“You all lied to me. Looked me in the fucking eyes and lied to me, every day, multiple times a day. You were supposed to be my family.

The humans are coming. I will be here. I will stand and fight, you know I will. I will be your little soldier, and be who you made me into.

But I want to make this perfectly clear. As far as I am concerned, you and I, we are done. I am done.” You looked at every Sully one last time, and left.

You were no longer delightfully numb, but burning with anger and earth-shattering sorrow as you stalked away from the village, leaving everything behind. Your eyes were blurry with endless tears, mourning this life and this family that you managed to gain and lose within the span of a few weeks, reeling from the wounds within your heart that never had a chance to mend before being opened again, over and over. You didn’t want to go back to the lab, knowing Neteyam was most likely looking for you there. You couldn’t go to the clearing for the same reason. You had no home anymore, no place in this world, once again. You could only think of one place to go, one place where no one would ever look for you.

Your knees were shaking furiously as you walked, and you were scared of another flashback that you would have to ride out by yourself, but it never came. You just walked, crying and panting from all the pain the last 24 hours brought, and eventually you made it to a place you never thought you would ever see again. The clearing looked peaceful, with rays of light penetrating through tree branches, creating Mandalas on the ground that you found yourself tracing with your eyes.

In the corner, lay a decrepit exo suit, and you made your way to it, settling on the ground next to it. You knew now this exo suit belonged to your dad, and you removed some vines that grew on top of his name, Gideon Barlowe. A beautiful name, you thought, and your mind wandered to the past, a past way before you were even born, and wondered what your grandparents did back on Earth. Did they encourage their son to leave his own planet in pursuit of planetary colonisation, monetary gain and murderous acts? Did they know? Did he know? Was he like that his whole life, or did he start off fighting the good fight, and was corrupted by the jagged and monstrous lifestyle? You wondered if this was what he has always dreamt of doing, or he had secret dreams of being a painter, or a gardener. Did he play guitar, too? You snored sometimes, did you get that from him? You had so many questions for this man you shared half your DNA with, but have never met. For the man that died on a planet far away from home, alone, with no one to mourn him.

Was that going to be you? Would Neteyam remember you in 20 years, when he would tell stories about his childhood to his kids, when he remembered the good old times? Would you get a Na’vi send off? Or were you going to be buried somewhere in the forest, for someone to stumble upon in a distant future you would no longer be a part of?

Sobbing uncontrollably, you heard yourself speak in between wails. “Why am I here? Great Mother, please tell me there is more to this life, there is more to life than this, because I cannot do this anymore. I am so tired. I have tried to keep going my whole life, even when I wanted nothing more than to cease to exist, blissfully collapse in an ether where I didn’t have to feel anything anymore. I kept going because I wanted to make my mum proud, I wanted to honour the body and life she has given me. I am trying so hard, but I am really fucking tired.”

A little past eclipse, you arrived at the lab, and used the keycard you remembered to bring with you. You hoped Neteyam would be gone by now, in case he was trying to find you here. You made your way through the hub and into your bedroom, which looked tiny in your Avatar body. You realise how uncomfortable it must have been for him to be here so often, then cursed your brain for making you think about such things. Your Avatar body needed a bed, so you walked slowly to where the other Avatar bodies usually were laid to rest for the night. There should be an empty space where your mum or Grace used to sleep. It didn’t take long for you to wake up back in the linkpod, as with most nights recently, you were barely able to maintain the neurolink by the time evening came.

Max was waiting for you. “Neteyam came by. He’s been looking for you, said you left the village yesterday and didn’t come back. He was worried sick.”

You didn’t answer him, as you slowly got out of the pod and tried to steady your feet on the ground, harder than it seemed when the entire room was spinning around you.

“What happened?”

“The mate you all hid from me for weeks came announcing herself in my tent as we were just about to kiss.”

“Any other questions?”

You didn’t wait for a response before you made your way out of the room, stalking towards the medical ward.

As you retired to your room for the night, you noted the morphine was not working as well as used to anymore. You sat on the bed, looking at the arm that was getting blue at the amount of needle holes it had, and you knew then you didn’t have much time left. Maybe a couple of days. A couple more days of this. And then it would finally be over. You gave it a fair shot, this life thing. You couldn’t say you felt particularly sad at the thought of it ending. You pressed play on your vintage record player and let yourself sleep.

“Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe, all the hell you gave me?

'Cause I loved you, I swear I loved you, til my dying day”

You spent the next 2 days in a haze, drugged out of your mind, waking up before eclipse and leaving to your dad’s grave and sleeping in the woods until the night, barely able to make it on your own two feet. Even in your human body, Neyn recognised you, and stood by you, which gave you some peace of mind. You made sure to bring her fruits from the lab, and she cooed warmly as she settled next to you.

When you made your way back that night, Norm was waiting.

“Where the hell have you been? Everyone’s been looking for you for 3 fucking days.”

You removed your oxygen mask and made your way to the room, where he followed you. You were in so much pain you couldn’t see straight.

“I am talking to you!” he took you by your arm and spun you around. The motion made you instantly sick, and you struggled to keep down the fruits you shared with your ikran.

“Let go of me, Norm.” you had no strength in your body anymore, so it took you awhile to shake him off.

“You look like shit. What did you do?”

You managed to make it to the bathroom, where you shut the door behind you and got in the shower. Fortunately, for you or him, you couldn’t tell, Norm was gone when you came out.

The next morning, you woke up desperately searching for pain relief and didn’t know if you were going to be able to make it to the ward before your knees would collapse on themselves. You were shaking and dizzy, out of your mind with agony and walking to the bathroom felt like the most intensive workout you have ever done. You peered up at yourself in the mirror and were scared at the eyes watching you, rabid and wild, like an injured animal waiting to lash out. It was too much for you to bear, and before you could even think or rationalise, you felt your fingers curl into a fist and make contact with the cold glass of the mirror, shattering in dozens of pieces, and it made you weirdly happy to have a visual representation of how your soul felt. The instant pain of the all the wounds the smash caused also gave you a weird sense of euphoria, and you realised it was taking away from the pain in the rest of the body, which was only able to focus on one agonising sensation at a time. This felt like a kiss by comparison, and you knew then you could go on a little longer, you could continue with the rest of the day.

Norm came bursting through the door at the loud crash.

“What the hell happened? Are you okay?”

You came out of your bathroom, blood dripping all over the floor as you made your way to the bed, sitting down on it.

“Leave, Norm.”

“What?”

“Leave.”

“What the hell has gotten into you recently. you are rude and brash, and you hurt people’s feelings with no remorse. This isn’t you.”

“What the hell do you know about me, Norm?” you say, laughing bitterly.

“Ace, stop.”

“You don’t know anything, Norm.” you kept going, the fury and hurt getting the best of you, once again, your need to destroy everything in your path as a way to cope with your own heartbreak winning by a landslide.

“Did you know I have needed pills to sleep and to live a normal day-to-day life since I was 13? I have been slowly depleting our sleeping pill and benzodiazepines inventory and replacing it with multivitamin pills I found in one of the drawers. I mean thank God none of you suffer from anxiety or panic disorder or need help sleeping cause I would have been busted so long ago.”

You laughed mockingly at his shocked face, jaw so close the floor now you could trip on it on your way out.

“Did you know I am about a week and a half away from dying after I accidentally smashed a vial of infected blood and got it in my mouth?”

You stand corrected, you think now his jaw was close enough to the floor to trip on it.

“Did you know I have upgraded from a pill addiction to a full blown opioid addiction in order to not collapse on the floor in excruciating pain because of the way this virus is eating at my insides? Yeah, yeah, that’s right. We’re almost out of a whole vial of morphine after I injected it in my veins every day for a while now.”

He had no words. “That’s about right.”

“I do know one thing you do know, though. You know that Neteyam had his mate announcement ceremony that day I took off. You were there to see the two love birds announce their love and pledge their commitment to each other the one day I was not there. And that’s why you were acting shifty. You know about that. And somehow you forgot to tell me, every day, for weeks. How does that work out, Norm, hmm?”

“I felt so bad for snapping at you a couple of days ago. I felt like a horrible fucking person for hurting your feelings. I should have been watching my back, instead.”

You got up from your bed and started walking towards the door.

“If I were you I would not linger in a room with poisoned blood dripping on the floor for too long.”

You found some paper towels at the side of your bed and wrapped them around your bleeding, pained hand, and with that, you left.

After you upped the morphine you usually took, you went to the lab and prepped a hood for some more experiments. Work was a good way to get your mind off things, to mindlessly do something that had a purpose other than driving you to the brink of insanity.

You heard a loud banging noise coming from the entrance, and you had a sneaking suspicion you knew who it was. You heard Norm open the door.

“Is she here?”

“Yeah, but Neteyam, I think you should go. She’s not in a good place, and I really don’t think doing this will end well for either of you.”

“I don’t care, I have to talk to her, I have been looking for her for 3 fucking days.”

You heard the door to the lab slide open and hissed at the man you knew would be trying to come in, realising hissing in a human body doesn’t have nearly the same effect.

“Get the fuck out, Neteyam. This is a sterile room.”

“I don’t fucking care about the room, Atan. Where the fuck have you been? Please come out so we can talk.”

You threw your head back and laughed, really laughed.

“You really are delusional if you think there is any way in heaven and hell I would want to hear anything you have got to say. The time for talking was a couple months ago, Neteyam. The time for talking was the first day I got my Avatar body, where in addendum to telling me you own my ass now, you could have also sprinkled in the fact your are now mated with someone else.”

“I am not mated with anyone, for fuck’s sake. Just come out so we can talk, please. I will explain everything, please!”

You stopped what you were doing and looked at him, for the first time since that day. He looked exhausted, anguished. Deep purple bags under his eyes, that were burning red where the whites should be. He has been crying. Good, you thought. He looked panicked and miserable and desperate for you to give him the time of day, for you to allow him to explain the unexplainable.

You sighed and your heart constricted in pain. Neteyam will not be happy until there was nothing left of you, until he took everything from you. At the same time, you were curious, morbidly curious as to what has actually happened, what led to this moment. You knew he loved you. You knew that much, but it didn’t seem to matter in this moment, as he broke your heart for what felt like the thousandth time in your short life.

“Go to the clearing, I’ll come when I’m ready.”

You half considered just leaving him there to wait, abandoning him just he did to you. You finished splitting your cells and treating them, and in about an hour, you went into the linkpod and took your Avatar for a walk in the woods. You reached the clearing shortly, as it was close enough that even child you could do it without getting too far away from the building.

You saw him standing there, his back turned to you and his legs submerged in the river that was rushing violently downstream. It was a cold day, and rain was trickling down your body like shivers from a kiss. There was tension in the air, and you knew a storm was coming. You could practically feel the charge in the atmosphere, and were expecting thunder to start any minute now, ready to mirror the agony in your soul.

“I’m here.”

He didn’t speak for a while. Just stood looking at the river, deep in thought.

“So many of our moments throughout the years happened here. Remember when I taught you to swim in the river? Now, in retrospective, that was a bad idea since the water kept taking you away, to the point I had to wait at the end so I could catch you in my arms, like you were a baby.”

You winced at the memory. You thought you could do this. You felt numb in that lab, numb on the way here, but as soon as your eyes focused on him, tears starting pooling in your eyes and pain overtook your body, that you tried to counteract by wrapping your arms tightly around yourself. He’s caused you so much hurt, so much grief in the years he’s known you. But he was also at the forefront of most of your happiest memories. You could fill endless manuscripts with the beauty of his love, that shone so brightly over you your whole life. He was the light in all the darkness and you honestly didn’t think you would have survived this journey without him.

That is why this hurt so much, why your body was convulsing on itself in insurmountable grief. And also why you owed him this much. Owed him this conversation, and the right to explain his point of view, that you were still unfamiliar with.

“I remember. I remember even at the time, thinking this was a good metaphor for our relationship. Life kept sweeping me off my feet, but you were always there to catch me, before it could take me away. I had so much faith in you back then, you were a fact of life, like the eclipse. You were the one person in this world I thought would never hurt me.”

“Fuck, Y/N, all I did before I left is hurt you.”

“What are you talking about?” You were confused at the turn this conversation took. What did he mean? You couldn’t recall a single time Neteyam hurt you before you left. Sure, you would fight and bicker sometimes, but it was a normal part of any relationship, you thought. And he always made it up to you, would always come to the lab and sit with you with flowers he collected or trinkets he found in the woods, always holding you and kissing your forehead to make sure you were over it before he had to leave. Fighting with him was ironically one of your favourite things, because you knew the aftermath was the closest you ever felt to being in heaven.

“I almost fucking killed you. Or have you forgotten? Have you forgotten how I manipulated you into getting on top of an ikran when you were just a 13 year old human and almost watched you die? Have you forgotten I took you to the woods and raced you to your dad’s remains? I was a walking magnet for disasters in your life and I was tired, so fucking tired of watching your life fall apart all around me. I had to watch you learn to walk again, limp because of my actions, for years. I had to pull you out of flashbacks and nightmares you developed because of ME. You were always fine in the woods with Lo’ak or Kiri, but everything bad that has happened to you happened around me.”

He was crying, panting and angry, at himself or you or the universe, you couldn’t tell.

“I thought that if I left, you would be ok. I just wanted to protect you. My whole life, all I have wanted was for you to be ok. But it seems no matter what I do, I keep fucking up.”

You had no words to speak as you lay there, listening to him letting you in to a secret you have spent so many months agonising over. The reason for his departure haunted you for a year and a half, even when you refused to think about him, about it, it was there, constantly emerging from the depths of your subconsciousness, taunting you in your dreams. Why? Why? Why?

Because he wanted to protect you?

You didn’t have time to process all of this new information, before he continued.

“The night you found your dad, I was shaken to my core, in a way I have never truly been before. I was so heartbroken, for you and for myself, for knowing this will haunt you for the rest of your life. I went home and mother found me, and told me that maybe I can’t help you in the way I’ve always wanted. That maybe it’s better for you that I remove myself for a while and leave you room to breathe and heal. So I did. It took me a long time to get the strength to do it. Every time I thought today is the day, I would see you and you would smile at me, and we would sit on your bed and you would read to me or play me songs or just be there, just you and me, and I couldn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. You were everything to me, my light in all the darkness.

A year later, you sang me the song and you were smiling at me singing it, and I knew you were confessing feelings we have both felt for years and couldn’t say out loud. And I knew that if I stayed, whatever we had would escalate past the point of no return. If I stayed, that would be it. And that’s when I decided. I thought I was doing us both a favour. I knew it would hurt you, just as much as it hurt me, but I thought the pain would subside in time.”

You were crying now, you realised, tears falling silently and effortlessly down your face, with no intention to ever stop, instantly washed away by the pouring rain. There were no sounds, no sobs or wails, or panted breaths, just the sounds of rain and hopeless, soft cries and muffled sniffles, for the man in front of you, for all that you have lost, for the past you shared and the future that you would never have.

He got up from where he stood and turned around to face you. He walked towards you until he was so close to you could feel his breath on your face. His stare made goosebumps appear on your entire body, so earnest and desperate, so full of intensity for the words he was trying to convey to you.

“It didn’t.” He said, at the same time you thought the same words in your mind.

“A few years ago, mother and father told me I would one day have to find a mate. They knew and I knew it was expected of me, but I always put it off, so they eventually dropped it. I learnt later they both knew about us, so they didn’t push me into anything until they felt I was ready. A few months after they realised I decided to leave, they started bringing it up again. I didn’t want to hear it, but they said it was time, as I had refused for years longer than what was acceptable in the clan. I met with so many girls, all from good families, all healers in training, all wrong. Beautiful girls, smart girls, skilled healers and singers, and it was like looking at the grey walls of your lab. I felt nothing, I felt sick just thinking about it, like just the thought would be betraying the memory of our bond. Eventually, I told them they can decide. Grandma can decide whatever she thinks is best, and, as Tsahik, I would listen to her voice and wisdom, and do my duty to the clan. She chose Tiongli. I knew her growing up, and we were friendly, so I tried to make an effort. I would go to her tent, and she would show me her training sometimes, I would let her heal my wounds and imagined it was your hands touching me instead. I visited her family and paid my respects, and had dinner with them whenever they invited me. I hoped in time, I could learn to care for her, to lessen the distaste in my mouth whenever my family or the clan talked about the future, about the ceremony, about the life I was supposed to lead that I hated even the thought of.

And then, one day, my dad sent me to get Lo’ak from the lab. I was so scared of knowing I would have to see you again. It had been so long, and so many feelings gnawed at me on the walk there, terror and anxiety, guilt and longing. But then I saw you, and there was only one feeling: love. Like no time had passed at all. I knew then I was going to love you for the rest of my life, and that will never change. That was my fact of life, my eclipse.”

He slowly took your face in his hands, and his thumb was caressing your cheek trying to wipe the tears and raindrops that were falling mercilessly. You saw his face slowly getting closer to yours, and you knew you should pull away, you should remove yourself from his grasp before the kiss was going to remove the last ounce of happiness from you. You knew what you had to do, knew that no matter what information or answers or justifications he would give you today, they wouldn’t matter. You should pull away, because there is no future, no hope. But you couldn’t. You didn’t know what waited for you in the afterlife, but if there was any chance you would have your memories, you wanted this kiss to haunt you forever, to remind you of the life you left behind.

His lips touched yours so gently, it felt like a whisper. Like a hug, tender and warm, it was so different than your first kiss. Tears were still running down your face as your lips moved, entangled with his and begging for more. Your hands went to his chest, to his neck, to his back, just touching him, trying to memorise his body, this feeling. You wanted so much more, you wanted to be his, you wanted to feel him, you wanted him to own you, like he did your heart, which has been his your entire life and will still be his after your death.

You were a mess of wet tangled limbs and panted breaths by the end, and eventually, he broke the kiss to look at you through teary eyes.

“I love you, I will always love you. I am so sorry.”

“I love you, too.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, Neteyam.”

“Thank you, for finally telling me why you left. For giving me some closure for something that has plagued me for so long, it became a constant part of my nightmares. Thank you for having my best interest at heart; it couldn’t have been easy to leave, if you didn’t want to, it took a strong heart to do something that hurt you for what you thought was the lesser evil. But it doesn’t change anything.”

“You left me. You broke me. And you never gave me a chance to make my own decisions. To figure out for myself what was the path forward. I have NEVER blamed you for my misfortunes. The ikran ride is still a beautiful memory to me. You made it a beautiful memory. If it weren’t for your quick thinking, we probably would have both died at the hands of Toruk. You saved my life, Neteyam. You carried me home and stayed with me while I was having surgery, you stayed with me after, while I recovered. You pulled me out of the worst panic attack I have ever had when I found my dad, and you rode out so many of my flashbacks, I have lost count. You weren’t the cause or the common denominator of these events, I was. I am the one plagued by misfortune and hurt and death. Not you. And if you tell me you had to leave to save your own peace of mind, I would respect that. I don’t know anyone in this world who can take this, take me and all the shit that follows me everywhere I go. I don’t blame you.

But if you tell me that you did this for me, that I can’t accept. I didn’t ask for any of this. You gave me no choice, and no say in this relationship, in our shared life. You just left. I deserved better than that. And I deserved better than to find out about a mate after months of lies and manipulation and deceit. I don’t care. I don’t care if you are going to say that you didn’t want it, or you were going to undo it, or that you’ve always loved me and never her. I don’t care. You lied to me, you manipulated me. You accused me of fucking your brother as you were promised to another woman that you hid from me for months. I do blame you for that, and I will never be able to forgive you.”

“Please, Atan…I will tell her no. I will tell her -.” he was sobbing now, his hands still on your face, pleading.

“No.” you slowly took his hands in yours and removed them from your face.

“I think you should do it, Neteyam. She is a good girl, she will make a good Tsahik, and a good mate. Your mother was right, there is no future here - there never was. I love you, so much. But I think you have broken my heart one too many times. I am done.”

You turned your back and walked away from him and the life that was lost - forever.

You were completely soaked when you arrived in the lab, and you went straight to the Avatar laying room and cried. Cried until it felt like no more tears could possibly come out of you. You cried yourself to sleep and then cried in the pod, on the way to your bedroom, and in bed until your human body eventually collapsed from exhaustion. You cried in your dreams, in which Neteyam was kissing you and touching you, doing all the things you were silently begging him to in your mind just a few hours ago.

Eventually, nightfall came, and you had to get up to do the rest of your experiments and top up your analgesic. Ironically enough, you were making real progress on your work. You found a combination therapy that was showing incredible potential in slowing the virus down. It wasn’t enough to stop and eradicate it, but it was enough to give people more time and hopefully give the scientists more time to find a cure. It wouldn’t help you, but maybe you could still help others.

At some paint through the night, as you were making up some reagents, Norm bursts through the door holding a bunch of equipment and some pills, you realise. He puts them down on the bench behind you and speaks.

“Right, stop whatever you are doing, right now.”

“I am in the middle of something.”

“I don’t fucking care. Stop, now.”

You were taken aback at his words and attitude. Norm never got mad, or lost his composure. He was so most well balanced person you knew.

You put the pipette gun down and turned around to face him.

“I still need to adjust the pH on this.”

He ignored you while he prepared the myriad of little gadgets he brought with him. He motioned for you to take off your lab coat, and you rolled your eyes in annoyance, but did as you were told regardless. You were too tired to argue anymore.

He raised the sleeves of your top until they couldn’t go any further up your arm and put a blood pressure monitor on you. You felt tension as its sleeve tightened around you painfully, but eventually it gave out with a puff, and you heard beeping as the machine finished its reading. You looked to your right where the monitor lay, and saw red lights flashing, letting Norm know your blood pressure and pulse were dangerously low. His eyes widened slightly at the sight, but he held his composure, removing the gadget from around your arm and putting it away. He then read your oxygen levels, which you saw were constantly dabbling between 89 and 90%. Not good, you thought. No wonder you could barely breathe anymore. Norm cursed silently under his breath, trying to not let you see him, but if there was one thing you were good at, it’s reading people. Well, you thought you were, at least.

“Did you do any tests on your blood? How is your complete blood count looking?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Why the fuck not, Ace? It’s not like you don’t know how to do it.”

He was angry, really angry. You’ve never seen Norm this angry, you’ve never seen Norm acting this way towards you.

You just shrugged. With a huff of annoyance, he took your arm and prepared a needle and syringe to collect some blood. He gulped and you could see tears forming in his eyes when he looked at the violet bruises and needle holes that were plastered along the length of your brachial vein.

“Just didn’t get around to it.”

“You didn’t - Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“What medicine have you been taking? Did you take the Relenta, or the combination therapy we have been working on?”

“Neither.”

You swear you saw Norm’s entire body enter a catatonic state and he turned so red you were worried he was going to release steam out of his ears.

“You have been sick for a month and did not take anything, none of the treatments we have been working on?”

You couldn’t look him in the eye anymore, finding comfort in the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“I can’t believe you. I didn’t peg you for someone who would just throw their life away meaninglessly. Your mum had to die because we didn’t have a way to treat her illness, and here we are, with a solution that YOU came up with for your own illness, and you will just not even try?”

You were quiet, not really having a way to rebut his questions.

“Fine. We will start you on the combination treatment tonight and take it from there. There’s other things we haven’t tried yet and I’m sure -“

“NO.”

“I’m not asking you. I’m not letting you fucking die.”

“Why must you always fucking try to fix everything, Norm? Some things can’t be fixed. I don’t want the fucking pills. I am done. I want this to be done.”

“So you’ll just die? Is that what you’re saying? You want to die, and not even fucking TRY to see if there is more to this life. Goddamn it, Y/N. I thought having the Avatar would help you realise life is worth living, there’s beauty in this world beyond the walls of this lab. You got your first kill, you did the Iknimaya, you’re going to become one of the people. Don’t you want to see what your future holds? Don’t you want to live to see yourself grow up? Fall in love, start a family. There are more guys in this world than just Neteyam.”

You gave Norm a dirty look and got out of the lab.

Neteyam felt his whole body reel after your conversation. It didn’t change anything, he thought bitterly. He thought explaining it to you, allowing to see that he had good reasons for his actions would allow you to forgive him, to at least allow him the opportunity to make it up to you through time. You left, just like he had so long ago, but there was a finality to you that he didn’t feel then. Back then, he always had hope that a miracle would still be possible, one in which you got an Avatar, healed and loved him, forever. He wanted to love you forever, but his apology and explanations were not enough.

He lost you, again.

He spent the night flying on his Ikran, just flying and letting the rain soak his thoughts and hurt away. He just wanted to disappear. He wanted the rain to melt his bones until there was nothing left of him but the memory of happier times.

In the early hours of the morning, he made it back to the village, trying to hide his cried out eyes and calamitous grief. He was dreading having to talk to his parents, to explain to them what happened, to have to go through with Tiongli and this future he didn’t want and will have to suffer through for the rest of his life. He didn’t have time to worry about it too much though, because, as he managed to get to the tent’s entrance, he heard Norm’s voice and his dad’s, intertwined with his grandma’s voice rising above them.

“It won’t work. Eywa will not allow her to come back.”

“Why not? She has taken her Iknimaya, she has completed her kills, she has spent her entire life in the village’s service, trying to help the best way she knew how. If she doesn’t deserve this, who does?”

“It’s not that she doesn’t deserve it. It’s that she doesn’t want it. She doesn’t want this, Norm. The Great Mother will not transfer the conscience of someone with no future.”

“But maybe if this happened, she will realise that she wants to live. Once she’s rid herself of her weak body, of this disease, maybe she will -“

“The Great Mother’s word is final. She will die, because she wants to die.”

Mo’at’s voice rang in his ears so hard he thought his eardrums would pop.

She doesn’t want it.

She will die.

What were they talking about? Who would die?

No… it couldn’t be. No, the Great Mother wouldn’t be so cruel.

He didn’t wait to hear the rest of the conversation, running as fast as his feet could carry him back to the lab. He reached soon enough, he was faster than most other people in the village, and started knocking on the door of the lab with all his might.

“Y/N, OPEN UP, I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE!”

Eventually, Max came to the door, through which Neteyam burst without consideration for the tiny human next to him.

“She’s not in, Neteyam. She left before any of us had a chance to say anything.”

“Was she in her Avatar body?”

“No, the body is in the den where they sleep.”

He didn’t bother thanking the man, as he turned on his heel and started running again. She was there, had to be.

It was still raining, the clouds relentless as they released drops that poured gently down his face and body, and Neteyam thought the Great mother was crying, mourning the love being washed away like a pebble in the river of the clearing, just like he was.

You were there, of course you were. A current shocked Neteyam at the sight of you. This was the first time he has seen your human body in months, and he found it hard to reconcile the image of you he has known all his life with this current one. You were incredibly thin, so thin, whereas a few months ago he could trace your muscles, he could now trace your bones. You were pale, almost ashen, and the hair that he once spent so long admiring was now brittle and dull, obvious even as it was, wet and clinging to your back. You looked lifeless. He felt a lump form in his throat and tears pool in his eyes that were still not dry from all the pain this day has brought.

You didn’t notice him yet, your human ears much less sensitive than your Avatar, so you were just sitting on the riverbank with your chin resting on your knees, which were brought to your chest and your arms wrapped tightly around them. You were looking at the water, and it was like you weren’t actually there. You were in your own world, far from here, from this hurt.

“I was going to ask if it was true, what I heard Norm talk about in the tent today, but I think you’ve answered my question.”

Neteyam saw you flinch, and it felt like even that brought your weak frame pain. You were trembling when you looked at him, and your face made his own drop in shock. Your beautiful features, the blush in your cheeks, the glimmer in your eye, the pink of your lips, your animated expressions or raised eyebrows, were all gone. Your eyes looked glossed over and numb, your face looked ghostly and sunken, and Neteyam swore he could trace every blood vessel on your forehead and neck. The sight of you made whatever happiness or hope he had left dissolve and trickle down his bones, until it reached the ground where it was eventually buried, never to be seen again.

“I didn’t think I could make myself any clearer, Neteyam.”

“tell me it isn’t true. Tell me he’s lying; he’s making it up.”

“What part?”

“All of it.” Neteyam was angry now, trying to contain the temper rising in his chest.

“Tell me you’re not dying.”

“Norm has a big fucking mouth.”

“Can you for once in your fucking life just answer a question? This is fucking serious!”

You winced at his words, then struggled to get up, but did eventually and fully face him. The state of you hit him like bullets, piercing and scraping at his every organ, leaving bleeding wounds behind.

“It’s true”.

Crack, crack, crack.

“When?”

“The night you gave me the guitar. I was so busy being in love with you I forgot to put the proper protection on, and I smashed a bottle of infected blood. It got in my mouth, in my nose.”

“I thought you were working on a cure.”

“Haven’t found it yet.”

“But you said you have something that kind of works, something to give people more time.”

“I’m human, it doesn’t work that way for us.”

“So, you’ve tried.”

You weren’t looking at him anymore, just staring at the ground in front of you, somewhere next to Neteyam’s feet.

“Tell me you have fucking tried.”

It thundered aggressively as Neteyam said that, and he saw you once again tremble at the loud sound. You have never been a jumpy person. You were the bravest person he knew. You were the strongest person he knew. It was unspeakable having to watch you now, sitting meekly in front of him, when just a few days ago you took the Iknimaya, taking the climb to the toughest tests known to the Omatikaya, doing it like it was nothing, just another day for you. To know that this is what was hiding underneath, this is what you hid from all of them, made him both impossibly miserable and strikingly enraged at the same time.

“TELL ME YOU HAVE TRIED.”

“NO, OKAY?? NO, I HAVEN’T FUCKING TRIED.” You were sobbing now, your tears washed away by the rain and wind as soon as they fell down your cheeks.

“Why?”

“Because I am tired. I want this to end.”

“I thought you were happy. I thought you were better. You seemed better in the Avatar.”

“I was better… in the Avatar. Because that wasn’t my life. That was just a beautiful dream, while my life was the never-ending nightmare. It was easy to pretend in that body. It was easy to be the version of myself everybody wanted me to be. But I have to live with the real me every night. And I don’t want to do it anymore.” The more you cried, the more Neteyam’s blood boiled in his veins.

“That’s such fucking bullshit.”

“You know what I think?”

“I think dying is fucking easy. It’s your easy way out.”

You looked up at his much larger frame incredulously, and he saw how your mood was starting to mirror his own.

“What did you just say? You think this is fucking easy for me?”

“Yes, I think it is. I think all you’ve done since your mum has died is take the easy way out. Put everything and everyone in your little bottom desk drawer, keeping everyone at a distance. Do you know how much mother and father suffered every time you refused to come out, to come to the village? My mother cried herself to sleep at the thought of you alone in that lab, at the thought that you preferred that soulless, empty place to her, to us. Did you know that?

You have not once opened that drawer, not once dealt with anything. All you do is numb yourself down, pretend you are fine and the issues you have suffered through do not exist. Well guess fucking what, Atan? They exist. And until you deal with that pain and let it pass over you and through you, you will always take the easy way out.

You have made me feel like the worst person in the world, for leaving, for lying to you. But what the fuck have you done, huh? You lied to me about dying, for weeks! About dying! What, was I supposed to find you dead one day and that was it? That was what I deserved from you, after all the blood, sweat and tears I gave you? You said I took your choice away. You wouldn’t have even given me a choice to say goodbye to the love of my life before you fucking died!

I left you for a year because I wanted to protect you, you are leaving permanently because you refuse to fucking deal with the pain and hurt I know you feel deep down inside. You had a choice. You could have come to the many people who love you, love you unconditionally, and told us, and let us in, and let us help you. You could have gotten help, taken the pills, fight your damn hardest to make this work, to find a cure, for the life your mum gave you, the life she would have to watch you throw away. You have a choice now. To want to live, to want to fight through this and come out the other side a new, better person. To let me love you, let people love you. To do the consciousness transfer and be with me, and be happy, forever. And you’re choosing this.

You are a coward.”

Neteyam turned on his heel and walked away, before he got a chance to see you collapse on the ground, giving your last few breaths in the place he used to imagine both of your children laying in his arms peacefully while you sang them to sleep.

Tag list (I hope I didn't miss anyone, thank you so much for asking to be tagged <3): @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @inomoikawa @jackiehollanderr @jaysarchiv3 @meivap @dakotali @hlhl99 @eskamybeloved @erenjaegerwifee @winchestertitties

#neteyam #neteyam x human!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #loak reader #avatar loak

656 notes · View notes

twenty-qs · 1 year

Text

Megumi and Tsumiki do not have a good relationship.

Jujutsu Kaisen is a Greek tragedy. Our heroes are flawed and those flaws bring about their doom. Plenty of people have given great analyses about how this relates to Megumi’s and Yuuji’s relationship, but today I want to talk about the Fushiguro siblings.

Initially, we only know about Tsumiki from Megumi’s POV. She’s sleeping beauty, the archetypical absent female character whose tragic fate propels the male hero forward. He clearly holds her as the ideal of a ‘good person’ in his mind.

So I was quite shocked when we finally see what their relationship was actually like.

First of all, Megumi visibly resents her. He rejects all of her attempts at caretaking, and he’s blunt and cruel about it. And Tsumiki is not the perfect patient princess we’ve been led to believe. She lashes out, kind of violently—she doesn’t regret throwing the carton at him, only that it still had milk in it. (Lol.) She didn’t throw it because Megumi got in a fight, she threw it because Megumi said he hated her. Megumi says Tsumiki was kind to him and supported him, but the only thing we’re shown is this really acrimonious exchange. It creates an uneasy feeling. Can we trust Megumi’s perspective? Is he misremembering something?

Clearly, these two did not get along. They’re both traumatized children who were abandoned by their parents, and Tsumiki coped by trying to play house, while Megumi coped by being distant and angry. They can’t understand each other or communicate properly. They must have constantly fought as kids. All they have in the world is each other, and they resent each other for it.

Immediately after this scene, Tsumiki does the test of courage and gets cursed—so this might be the last time they saw each other before Tsumiki fell into a coma. (I’m not super clear on the timeline, but it would make sense.) Megumi, like a child who only appreciates something’s value after it’s gone, finally realizes Tsumiki’s true strength of character.

And you would THINK that he’s learned something. You would THINK that their relationship would be different now that Tsumiki’s finally awake again.

But once they reunited, did he apologize? Did he say “Hey sis, sorry for being such a brat”? Did he say “I’m glad you’re awake again, I love you”?

No! Basically the first thing he says, after a brief mention of the culling game, is “You can go back to sleep.” After she’s been asleep for over a year and a half. After he’s been waiting faithfully for her to wake up for a YEAR AND A HALF.

Imagine Sleeping Beauty suddenly waking up by herself, and then Prince Charming going, wait, actually, nevermind. I don’t need you. Nobody needs you. I haven't killed the dragon yet, you're not supposed to be awake. GO BACK TO SLEEP.

That’s cruel. Tsumiki, and the curse possessing her, know that’s cruel. Nothing has changed in their relationship since before she was cursed. Megumi is still too wrapped up in himself to think about her perspective, too busy going off on his own sacrificial missions without once stopping to ask her what she wants. And in response, Tsumiki is still smiling at him with daggers in her heart.

If Megumi had paid more attention to Tsumiki, if he had bothered to try to talk to her and cultivate a real connection once she woke up, maybe he would have noticed something was off. Maybe Tsumiki would have been able to fight off the curse somewhat. Maybe Megumi would have been able to tell the difference between his beloved sister and a monster.

But he didn’t. And he couldn’t. And that’s nobody’s fault but his own.

#jjk manga spoilers #jjk meta #jujutsu kaisen spoilers #jjk 212 #tsumiki fushiguro #megumi fushiguro

621 notes · View notes

aveegrex · 2 years

Text

ONE PIECE DATING HEADCANNONS

Monster trio + Smoker and Crocodile gn!reader, SFW cw: mentions of murder, mentions of blood (all metaphoric), PDA, jealousy

Sanji Vinsmoke:

At first he’s really incredulous, still shocked his feelings are mutual. So instead of his usual over the top antics, you get a smitten clumsy boyfriend who stumbles upon everything he does and says.

“Bonjour appétit", “In this dress you look like a swamp, eh-... A SWAN! I MEANT A SWAN!!” - yeah, he’s a mess at first

In fact, he’s so anxious and nervous that the Strawhats suspect someone might have kidnapped him and they are sharing the deck with an imposter, because for a few weeks he undercooks, oversalts and burns every meal. You decide to step up and put an end to that chaos, sitting him down for a long reassuring talk.

When he gets used to his new status as a taken man, it’s like watching a flower bloom: he’s confident, attentive, his strength grown tenfold.

Expect a lot of touching. Kisses, hugs, cuddles: his head on your knees when you chat with Nami on the deck, his fingers interlaced with yours as you indulge in reading, his legs intertwined with yours as you both doze off at night. This boy has been touch starved for years and you’re the one to make up for all that hunger with.

You’ll definitely be waking up to fresh flowers every morning, even in case the ship has been cruising for days without a speck of land in sight. Don’t ask him how he does that. There are secrets only to be shared between a gentleman and his fridge.

He’ll be super inquisitive about EVERY detail of your daily routine. This precious baby needs to know everything, from the ways you do your hair to your toothpaste preferences and favorite islands in all the seas.

If you have dietary restrictions for whatever reason, throw those at him without hesitation. It’s no disadvantage, but a challenge to him. Lactose intolerance? Hell yeah, prepare your nipples, oats and almonds. Vegetarian? Eat up your steaming veggie stew. No garlic and onions? Fuck those, vampires are hot!

Never misses a single important date or event. I personally hc him as someone who has a tiny notebook in his pocket at all times, so everything that matters is written down, ingrained in both his brain and paper.

Zoro is grateful for your existence since now his quarrels with the cook die down way faster and cost him way less bruises and nerves than before. And he gets to nap longer.

Which leads to an unexpected outcome: on yours and Sanji’s dates and outings you never get interrupted because the mosshead is secretly guarding your calamity from afar, keeping all possible troubles at bay.

On a sadder note: I believe Sanji is a rather self-conscious guy around those he loves and values the most. So it’s hard for him to stand his ground and state his boundaries, since he’s scared of being “too much trouble for you” or “scaring you away”. You gotta be patient and weave the truth out of him. It does get better the longer you are together, but at first you should be on guard for the little tell-tales of his discomfort.

His jealousy is not obvious, but it is there. It stems from the same fear of losing you, so you gotta be the one to initiate the talk in this regard too. Since his adoration and love are pure, and his respect to you is immense, it doesn’t take much explanation convincing that when you’re making Zoro laugh or talking to some other man you still love him and him only.

His flirtiness towards other people dies down a lot when you start dating. He doesn’t turn into a stone-cold robot, of course, still treating women gallantly, but his heart eyes are for you only now.

Most thoughtful gifts ever. He has a special compartment in his brain dedicated to information about you, and his imagination never runs empty on how to make you smile and kiss him in excitement.

Overall score: absolute husband material. Even though he does have flaws, he’s open to growth and listens carefully when you express your discontent with something.

Please treat this baby with patience and care, and don’t abuse his love. He deserves the world.

Roronoa Zoro:

It might seem like Mr Bushido doesn’t undergo any behavioral changes when you two start dating. It might seem so. He does though.

He’s now more careful with his words, which only you, Nami and Usopp pick up on at first. He’s well aware he can be brash and rough around the edges, so even though he’s simply trying his best to be better for you, he perceives being more attentive to other people’s feelings as a way to train this new trait. Wrong route - correct destination. Whatever works, works.

Since you prefer to take your naps on the actual bed and not just shove your body in the corner on the deck, he now does the same thing. Zoro is happy since he gets to sleep with you. You’re happy since he’s treating his body with more care. Chopper is happy since Zoro doesn’t get colds and sore back anymore. Win-win-win situation.

Trains even more. He views himself as your main protector, and although he knows you can stand your ground just fine, he would never forgive himself if something happened to you.

Might forget important dates and details, but does make up for that. It’s not for the lack of attention, but more so of his usual unawareness of temporal and geographical context.

Absolute shit at giving gifts though. He’s not very materialistic, opting for asceticism in his belongings, and he subconsciously transfers the same thought process onto other people. If you need something, it’s better for you to get the thing yourself. If it’s not a necessity, why even buy it?

Eventually (with Nami’s help, Sanji’s patience ran thin here) gets the concept of cute little nothings like flowers, candy and trinkets, but still opts for things of use. Lost a hairband - he’ll buy you the prettiest one. Need a clothing article - let’s go shopping. Your weapon broke down? He’s already at the blacksmith’s with the remains.

He’s not a very touchy person, and absolutely not into PDA. All the signs of affection are happening in private, please and thank you.

Being a pirate with a huge bounty over his head, he’s careful not to show his infatuation with you, since he doesn’t want his enemies to use you as a way to get to him.

But being a loner, he surprises you with propositions to do things together all the time. Training, eating, hunting, picking up food and utilities for the trip - you name it. You’re doing it together.

Even the crew doesn’t know you’re dating for the first couple of months. Luffy was just looking for Zoro once and barged in on two of you making out, quick to announce his discovery in his booming voice. Saving Luffy’s ass from drowning became Usopp’s responsibility for the next few weeks, your boyfriend just watching the captain sink with bloody revenge in his eyes.

His jealousy is more of a “protect the territory” type. He sees outsiders as danger, and is quick to assume the worst intentions. Deep-rooted issue which he dutifully works on with your help.

He spent most of his life alone, relying on no one and needing no one. Joining a crew was a huge step for him, and opening the deepest bottoms of his heart and soul to you is even bigger. He’ll be cautious, awkward at times, rough around the edges, but if he ever hurts you he’ll make it his life mission to make up for that and to never repeat the same mistake again.

In the world where he’s not bound to any land, floating in chase of his dream around, you’re his little anchor that reminds him how precious here and now can be.

Captain Smoker:

Absolutely horrified at the thought of doing something wrong and letting you get too close at first.

Does eventually find great comfort in you, making it his priority to be as open about his feelings and hesitations as possible.

Not very much into PDA, he has a reputation to uphold and begs you to understand that the “White chase Smoker” should stay a bloodhound with a foaming mouth to every single pirate out there. Bloodhounds don’t hold hands with beautiful angels like you. Please. PLEASE.

Allows the crew to see how he kisses you hello and goodbye. Those fuckers should treat you like royalty and serve you tea the second you’re around. If anyone dares to look at you the wrong way, he’ll growl and bark till they piss their pants.

Luffy knows about you.

When in private, melts under your touch and looks at you with bloodpuppy eyes. He worships the ground you walk on, kisses your hands when you’re in his lap, nuzzles his face into your neck. The setting of his job is rough and brutal, cold and has no space for intimacy and love. Smoker gets every ounce of those he can from you.

Let him vent to you about the higher-ups. There might be a lot of swearing, but after he’s done for the day, he’ll hug you tight and mumble sweet nothings into your chest.

Might easily miss the important dates due to his line of work. Buys you a small snailphone and calls you the second he’s free to talk if he’s away on the job. If someone dares to disturb the call, they risk getting murdered, dried into thin paper and used as a filler for his cigars.

The one to call you his husband or his wife the week after you start dating.

Tashigi is now getting her degree as a marriage counselor by the way. Make sure to remind him to cut her a little slack from time to time, the poor girl was not expecting this when submitting her job application.

He struggles with loving words or elaborate gifts and surprises, but when those happen, they stun you for life.

To your surprise, not a jealous type. He’s confident in his partner and knows that you both value trust and loyalty in a relationship. Even if someone advances you romantically, Smoker won’t interfere, just watching from afar amused as you kindly reject.

Sir Crocodile:

Big thick daddy 3000 gives no shit about someone finding out he has a significant other. He’s a fucking warlord, wealthy and powerful man, and it’s his whole damn right to parade you and show you off to everyone around. You’re his prized possession, his love, his one and only.

In fact, he shows you off so openly many people find it straight up obscene and indecent. He has you on his lap in all his meetings, his huge hand resting on your hip or even on your ass. When he wants to highlight how little he thinks of his collocutors, he’ll purposefully feed you berries and fruit from his hand, not even looking at the person speaking, but listening intently. He does it so openly that it’s them who get flustered and embarrassed.

Huge sugar daddy energy. He earned his wealth, he can allow himself to splurge on whatever it is you want. Clothes? He’ll have a separate warehouse built for your wardrobe. Jewelry? Baroque works get overtime to find the rarest pieces. You want to visit some new restaurant? It’s closed for other customers for the whole evening. And don’t even think of getting out of bed with him if you want to eat something, just snap your fingers and everything will be brought to you on a silver platter.

If he misses an important date, no he doesn’t. He’ll only care about remembering your birthday though, other things like anniversaries and whatnot being moved around to fit his schedule. Sorry not sorry.

Takes you with him on every trip. His big ass ship is a fortress, and is fit to accommodate any of your needs and desires.

Does like venting into your neck about his day, please listen to him mumble and whine, it’s a rare sight.

Is very rare to get vulnerable with you, but when he does you know it’s his earnest feelings and emotions being shown to you. Make sure to cup his face and look him in the eyes when he’s in that state, and he’ll go above and beyond to never lose you.

The realization that he loves you dawns on him when he takes off his hook before joining you in bed. He never cared for such consideration before, but with you he just does it on autopilot. He then later extends the “no weapon” rule to any situations where he’s in your presence.

It’s hard to make him jealous though. Like really really hard. What did you think, he’s a mature weathered man with a bottomless bank account, confident in himself and in your infatuation with him. So no, whatever advances someone might try on you won’t ever make his heart sting.

Overall, being in a relationship with Sir Crocodile gives you a very clear sense of stability and security. He’s a lifetime partner. You two are mates for life.

Monkey D. Luffy:

He hasn’t changed a bit since you started dating. Well, of course some habits come and go, some new rules and skills are learnt, but overall Luffy stays the same old Luffy.

He just announced it to the Strawhats one morning, casually chewing on Sanji’s artwork. “We’re together now. We love each other. Is Zoro still asleep?”. And that was it. You do in fact feel like you’ve always dated, because it feels only natural to have him wrapped around you at night, to have him holding your hand, to have him kissing you in the night.

Spends a little more time with you, but since he always liked your company, it doesn’t feel like a change. Although again, if he’s off to do something stupid, he forgets about everyone, including you. That is something to work on, and he’s trying.

Absolutely no jealousy. Like none, what’s that? When you’re chatting away with someone and Nami asks if he’s jealous, Luffy’s like “Huh? Why? We’re together, remember? ”.

Doesn’t understand what PDA is because if he feels like kissing you, he’ll do that right away. What do you mean there are people around? They probably kiss too from time to time.

Might easily say something stupid and hurt you. Needs a lot of explanation on why that was hurtful, but even if he fails to get it, he knows that “if it hurts it’s no go”. So just tell him it was not a nice thing to say and he won’t do that again. Baby’s clueless to social subtones.

Also might easily forget the important date. Again, he’s really not aware of his surroundings, and that includes date, time, location. The guy fell asleep when chasing Crocodile and has thrown Zoro off the ship accidentally more times than anyone can count. He just is not aware. So in this regard, please tell him right in the morning that it’s actually your birthday or anniversary, and he’ll bring you the most unexpected and heartfelt present ever.

Have beef jerky on you at all times and you’ll be best at finding him when he’s lost.

Relationship with Luffy is a journey, an adventure, You’re in for a good time and you live today. Tomorrows mostly don’t exist. Carpe diem.

He loves you with all his heart and soul. If something happens to you, the world is over. Everyone’s fucked. Villain Luffy arc ensues.

MDNI, reblogs and comments are welcome, wish everyone finds their love

2K notes · View notes

completeoveranalysis · 2 months

Text

[1]

Chapitre 210 - The Words One Would Like To Know

FLASHBACK TO PIFFLE ARE YOU KIDDING ME

PERFECT 10/10

GIVE ME EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT AT THE SADDEST POSSIBLE MOMENT

SYAORAN CONTINUE TO REMINISCE THROUGH HIS HAPPY MEMORIES THROUGH THE VARIOUS ARCS IN TSUBASA

AND HERE WE HAVE HIM BONDING WITH FAI AS THEY SERVE LUNCH

Specifically when they first meet Tomoyo

And SPECIFICALLY AFTER THAT ONE CONVERSATION FAI MENTIONED JUST A FEW CHAPTERS AGO, WHERE FAI HAD A GENTLE TALK WITH HIM ABOUT NOT BLAMING YOURSELF FOR EVERYTHING AND JUST DOING WHAT YOU CAN

HOW I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS WOULD BE THEIR LAST BIG 1on1 BONDING MOMENT BEFORE SYAORAN’S SOUL WARRANTY RAN OUT

AND FROM THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING THEIR LAST BIG BONDING MOMENT EVER

AHHHHHH I am compacting myself into a cereal box of emotion

OK OK OK LIKE LAST TIME Syaoran’s outfit matches the same colours in the same locations as Fai, and both have matching expressions as they look toward centrepage

Oh the splash text! What’s it say.

The bitterness, the pain,

That person changed it all,

Into kindness

YUP SENDING MYSELF IN A CEREAL BOX TO MOON

THE THINGS SYAORAN SAW AS POSITIVE TRAITS IN HIS DADS

THE WAY HE LOOKED UP TO THEM AND LEARNED HOW TO BE LIKE THEM

How Kurogane’s reliance on strength and Fai’s outward positivity were a type of trauma response, a flaw they had to grow around and overcome, BUT THEY WEREN’T NEGATIVE TRAITS TO SYAORAN. HE LIKED THEM AS PEOPLE THE WHOLE TIME.

AND THEY JUST WATCHED HIM GET STABBED.

#QUITE DRAMATICALLY TOO #Watch me furiously ignore the number of times #People have been stabbed like that in Tsubasa and DIED from it #It’s a lot #Many of them are Sakura #… OH BUT IF THEY DIED OF MATCHING WOUNDS?#PARALLEL DESTINIES?#OH ITS AWFUL I LOVE IT #Liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #Tsubasa #Vol 210 #Syaoran #Fai #And Piffle giving us everything all over again #Hey remember Piffle #Remember when we were hanging out with Tomoyo and racing #That was fun #ANd LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE NOW

51 notes · View notes

neteyamyawne · 1 year

Text

A/n : I'm in my Jake and neytiri feels for now so I'm gonna write all their requests now 🙂😩🤌🏼 y'all get ready. It's freaking 7.2k words wtf? I thought it'll be 4k max, i think i just proved myself wrong 😭💀 I'm so sorry this took so long 😭

Snarr ♡

Pairing : Jake x reader x neytiri

Summary : request

Light 🕯️

❈ Warning : mild to no angst, war, mention of blood, blacking out, injury, fluff, mutual pinning, etc. Let me know if more

❈ Word count : 7.2k , not at all proof read

"word" - dialogue

❈ Note : holy shit 7.2k? Even I'm surprised i wrote this much lmao

❈ Glossary : y/n - your name, y/t/n - your tulkun name, yawne - beloved, tiyawn - love , tsmuke - sister etc. Let me know if any were left out

I was swimming with tsireya when we heard the horns blow, it was uncommon to have newcomers here on Awa'atlu, i looked at tsireya who was already looking at me, this was new, just then we saw a few creatures flying over us, first i mistook them for tsuraks but then i saw them closely, these were different, i had an inkling what they were but i needed to see it myself, getting on a ilu, Reya and I, glided over to the shore.

As we reached the shallow waters, i dipped in, Reya following me, standing up i brushed away the hair that stuck to my neck and chest while i looked at the more bluer Na'vi than us, my eyes trailed, what looked like, the family of six, more exactly on the couple who stood in the front, their eyes were such beautiful amber color, changing every now and then in the sunlight, their hair beautifully braided with beads and trinkets, their attire had vines and ropes creatively threaded together, as i was looking them over, i made eye contact with the gorgeous woman who stood with courage and strength oozing from her, i smiled and blood rushed to my cheeks as i looked down when she gave me a slight smile back, walking towards tsireya and standing by her side, in between tonowari and her, while slapping ao'nung's shoulder when he made fun of the newcomer boy.

The atmosphere in the air was thick with tension as Ronal criticized the family roughly, they were here for uthuru, which has not been asked since years before i was born, the group of kids looked tired from the trip and so did their mother, though she was trying not to show it, Ronal then pointed out their flaws, i cringed as she raised the boy's hand who ao'nung was making fun of earlier, their father stepped in " look, look" he held his hand up, "i was born as a sky people, but now I'm Na'vi ,you can adapt." He let out an exhale "we will adapt, okay?" His statement clearly made a point, but then his wife said " my husband was toruk makto! He led our clans to victory against the sky people '' though her words were said with defense, toruk makto looked at her in retaliation, ronal's voice spiked up after that " you call this victory? Hiding among strangers? It seems eywa has turned her back on you, chosen one" i reeled back when the other woman hissed at Ronal and the tsahik did hold back either. I shared a look with tonowari, we both knew this was going too far, so he stepped in, holding a conversation with the man, i didn't hear the rest as my eyes focused on the little girl who stood with her family, while everyone was busy raising their voices, i waved at her smiling and and she waved back, taking a step away i knelt down to her height, she came forward her smile as bright as the daylight " hii, I'm y/n, what is your name little one?" She giggled and said "I'm tuktirey but you can call me tuk" but before i could respond her mother called her back, her eyes lingered on me, i backed away as i did not want to cause a scene.

Soon tonowari and Ronal accepted them, while ao'nung and tsireya were given the task to train the omaticayan kids, i was introduced to them by Ronal , walking beside tsireya with a basket of fruits and fishes in my hand as we showed them the way towards their mauri, tuk was bouncing on the pathway smiling in her own little world, neytiri and Jake , which i found out to be their names, walked behind us, i stopped in front of the empty mauri that faced a beautiful section of the sea, letting the couple enter i heard Jake say "this is nice? Yeah?" Followed by a sickening thump when neytiri let the mats in her arms fall down, i quickly put down the basket, ushering tsireya out with me to give the family some alone time to adjust to the new surroundings.

»»————-　✼　————-««

It's been a few days after the sully's arrived, tsireya and ao'nung were teaching their kids, i sat in the open common patch, where all the kids shuffled and talked, i taught the metkayina kids the sign language, so when they get into water one day for longer period, their communication can be better, but not only was i their teacher, i was the clan garment weaver as well, as the noise of the children got louder , i shushed them all, their doe eyes wide when they were caught, i was about to start talking when i saw movement behind the kids, Ronal, neytiri and tuk walked towards me, i got up warning the seated kids to behave i walked to them.

"Y/n, ma tsmuke, i need you to add another pupil to your class" ronal said putting a gentle hand on tuk's shoulder, the girl looked at me with the same sunshine smile, i smiled back holding out my hand for her , she happily took it, i nodded at Ronal, giving me a small smile like she knew something i didn't, she left, i shook that out of my head and looked at neytiri " don't worry, tuk will be safe here, I'm happy you decided to put her in my care" she nodded giving me a curt thank you and told me Jake would came take tuk after the class before leaving, i picked up tuk in my arms and took her to introduce her to the class.

After hours of laughter and teaching them some signs they could fit and remember in their little brains, i waited for each and every parent to come pick their kid up, everyone left except tuk, who was now dozing off in my arms, Jake still hasn't come yet, it was getting dark now so i decided why now drop tuk off myself? Making my way to their pod, i knocked on the entrance circle, neytiri's head whipped towards me, i waved at her, motioning to a fast asleep tuk in my arms, lo'ak and kiri were in a corner discussing something but stopped when they saw me, neytiri stood up , standing infront of me she asked in a soft voice "didn't Jake come to take her?" I adjusted my hold on tuk as i said "no, he didn't, maybe he must have been stuck somewhere and couldn't come, but it's okay, it was no problem for me to bring her" and for the first time from the moment she has been here, i saw her smile, a real smile , with her head tilting to the side slightly, and in that second, she looked gorgeous but i stopped myself, what was i thinking ?she has a mate, mentally slapping myself i moved to hand tuk to her but this girl was not ready to leave my neck, i awkwardly looked at the woman in front of me but she took a step back motioning me to step in, not wasting any time i walked in, trying hard to gently lower tuk onto the hammock and not to wake her up, straightening up i turned to look at neytiri who sat near the fire again, i was about to bid my goodbyes but she started before me " we'll be happy if you could stay with us for dinner, that is if you want to and thank you for bringing tuk back" i was seconds away from refusing but then thought about the lone dinner with no one to talk to back at my own mauri, atleast I'll not be so lonely tonight and agreed.

Jake was surprised to see me when he got back but before he could say anything, Neytiri talked his ears off about not going to pick up tuk and that I had to carry her all the way. I did not get in between , I valued my life more. Neteyam sat by my side, giving me a sheepish smile at their bickering parents, neytiri huffed at him, throwing her hands up at her mate's excuses, she made her way over to my side sitting down and serving me the food, Jake sat in front of me giving me an apologetic smile, i just chuckled under my breath at his tries to please neytiri.

The dinner with them was one of the best I had in years. Tuk woke up in the middle of it and no one was happier to see me in this world than she was. Immediately she sat with me, giving my introduction to everyone. Especially to her sister kiri, who was talking to me earlier about how to weave seashell necklaces, as she was having some trouble with hers and i was more than happy to help her, neteyam and lo'ak were busy bombarding me with questions about the sign language, though i tried to answer them all but they had way more to learn. when the dinner was nearing the end and my time to go home came closer, something in my heart panged, it looked like Jake and neytiri felt the same but i could be wrong and it's just my thoughts, i hugged each of them, giving tuk the extra longest as i departed, both the adults lips were pressed in a thin line, even if no words were said, feelings were changed that night.

I laid in my hammock, staring at the ceiling of my pod, the time of dinner played again and again in my mind, did neytiri really brush her hand against my cheek during the dinner or was it nothing? Was Jake really staring at me all that time or was it just me? My mind was in chaos, I was falling for a mated pair , what is wrong with me? I groaned, turning on my stomach and buried my head into the pillow, i hated this feeling but then again loved it more than life itself.

»»————-　✼　————-««

It's been weeks after the dinner and now it's a regular occurrence, I'd drop tuk at their pod and stay for dinner like it was all normal while i died a little every time i saw them, the longing increasing more and more, right now i sat with neytiri as i taught her how to weave a seashell and pearl top, just when horns blared across Awa'atlu signaling the return of the tulkuns, the return of my spirit brother, i dropped all my work and grabbed neytiri's wrist tugging her along, i said in a hurried tone " come on, my spirit brother is here, i need you to meet him!" We met Jake on the way along, they dived in behind me, i connected my queue with an ilu bringing Jake behind me as neytiri bonded with another, my eyes roamed to see a familiar tattooed tulkun, meeting his eye i had to suppress a giddy giggle that was about to escape me, hugging his side i said " it's so nice to see you again brother, i have so much to tell you, and about someone i met, well two people to be exact but you get my point!?" I signed as fast as i could, his chuckle reverberated in the water, neytiri and Jake watched in fascination, i motioned them to come closer and they did, taking support of his fin, i introduced them to my spirit brother, while he side eyed me, giving a all knowing look, i just rolled my eyes at him.

Jake and neytiri were thrilled to Meet y/t/n, plus the Olo'eyktan announced a celebration in return of the tulkuns, i dressed in the best pieces i made, and helped Ronal, neytiri, kiri , tuk and tsireya get ready as well, tsireya being my baby i gave her the top i was working on, and it looked gorgeous on her, at least now the forest boy's attention would be all on her, but it's not that his attention wavers from her anyway. I smiled walking out of my pod, after getting everyone ready, I was now late for the celebration myself and no one even waited for me…..as usual, i sighed.

The celebration was at its peak, drinks were being passed, couples danced together near the fire it, i went near the drink stand, the liquor glinted in the fire light, i sat on a log that was tucked into a corner, enjoying the songs bobbing my head to the tune, but soon enough my eyes trained onto the couple who stood up from the crowd automatically, their azure skin reflecting the soft shades of oranges so beautifully, their bright honey eyes looked ablaze in the moment, neytiri's top, that i gave her, accentuated her looks even more, their smiles making my heart flutter, just then Jake caught me staring, giving him a hurried smile i looked down at my drink swirling it in the shell glass, this was now getting worse, if this didn't stop soon i knew I'd get hurt, i get up to go for a walk as my mind would not stop reeling back to them. as i was about to walk out a hand rested on my shoulder , i jumped turning back only to be met with a face i was yearning to see but was too afraid to, Jake smiled, it was like a warm trickle of light on my skin, and neytiri stood beside him, she came forward taking my hand in hers, at this point my heart was racing faster than a tsurak on hunt, Jake leaned forward grabbing my other hand and i looked at them wide eyes, mouth agape, is this really happening? Are they BOTH choosing me? But before getting the answers to my questions, lo'ak popped up and we all jumped apart, the boy stopped in his track, looking at his parents then as me, as both jake and neytiri held my hands, i immediately wringed my hands out of theirs, looking at lo'ak as heat rushed to my face , lo'ak raised an eyebrow at me and i chuckled nervously asking " what do you want lo'ak? Is there any problem?" He still looked skeptically between the three of us as he replied " yeah, i was looking for you , y/n, i wanted to ask how you made that armband for neteyam, i want one like that too" I sighed in relief ushering him to come with me, i looked behind that them, both of them having a sly smile that i knew the answers to all my questions were giving without uttering a word. The whole night after that was too hot even when the breeze was chilly.

»»————-　✼　————-««

I sat with all the sully's laughing at something Jake said, neytiri lightly hit Jake on his arm, tuk snuggled in my arms and lo'ak leaning on me, as i patted his head, neteyam sat with neytiri, and kiri's head rested on Jake's lap as she was napping, i was being consumed by this family and i had no problem with it at all, Jake looked at me, his ears up, tail swaying side to side and i blushed under his gaze, neytiri wasn't any less, there was something going on between us, even the kids could sense it but we haven't given this "situation" a name , yet, we all knew what we wanted but still kept quiet for some reason, by now i practically live with them, I'm at their house almost all the time, even at night now i slept in their pod, it felt more normal than sleeping in my own mauri.

Brushing kiri's hair, I applied the oil to her scalp, massaging it gently, pressing on the point to make it enjoyable and she quite literally melted beneath my hands "do you like it?" She let out a loud sigh and said " like it? This is the best massage I've ever gotten, from now on will you, please, always do my hair?" I laughed at her request " but your mom does a better work than me" , "noooooo, she's good but you do it different, please please please, don't tell mom though" we both giggled at it but in the end i agreed, just then neteyam walked in, he looked at us, raising an eyebrow at kiri is said " i thought only mom could do your hair, huh?" Kiri just huffed and replied " ohh yeah, just try it and then you'll understand bro, her massages are like no other" her eyes closing, clearly enjoying the massage, so neteyam did exactly what she said, pushing her out of the way he sat in front me, kiri exclaimed loudly at being pushed as well as being interrupted in her massage " HEY! It was my turn, get up you skxwang" neteyam just smirked at his sister not budging when she tried to push him, in the end i had to break the fight, promising kiri I'll give her more massages later, while neteyam sat smugly, it was funny seeing the siblings bicker but it was homely like this, i unbraided his hair, brushing them back and carefully applying the oils, he let out a long sigh as he leaned back a little, i smiled he was liking it and that's a good sign "kiri was so true for this, you really do it different, ah" after the massage i rebraided his hair nicely, matching the metkayina style and adding the beads of his choice, all the while have good chats, the time well spent after he was done, he went to flaunt it to lo'ak on who did his hair today, shaking my head, i got up , arms aching but still content they were happy, i walked into the sully tent, meeting Jake i sat beside him, exhausted leaning on him, he grabbed my hand, caressing his thumb over my knuckles "long day?" I shook my head "no, it was a fun day!" I said, smiling at him.

»»————-　✼　————-««

I sat roasting a fish on the fire, as Jake was cutting fruits and neytiri was taking out the plates to eat, the kids were out swimming and training with tsireya and ao'nung, i laughed as Jake tickled my side suddenly and neytiri grumbled "i dealt with this for 15 years, eywa know how" at that even jake bursted out laughing, but my laughter died down when i saw a very serious looking tonowari walking towards our mauri, Jake and tiri noticed as well, and what tonowari said next made goosebumps rise throughout my body.

The other clans were being tortured for information but due to one word from wari they haven't revealed Jake yet but everyone knew this won't last long, my appetite evaporating as i looked worried at neytiri, she just placed a hand on my shoulder, rubbing the spot for reassurance, i let out a breath , sending a prayer to eywa for our safety, we thanked tonowari, now thinking about what we're going to do next, but something in the back of my mind nagged at me that something's bad is going to happen….and i was not ready for it

»»————-　✼　————-««

I rode on a ilu, beside Jake and neytiri who were seated on Jake's tsurak, my heart shattering in a million pieces as Ronal wailed for her now dead spirit sister, her roa, who just bared her first babe, who also now layed dead by his mother, tears streamed my face, sobs wracked my body as the memories of Ronal showing me to her sister for the first time, this should not have happened, those demons did this, rage kindled in my chest but my sorrow was too great, i swam besides Ronal, who hugged me instantly, ohh how excited she was to show her newborn to her sister, they were going to be mother's together, now she'll never get the chance too, i held her close to me, this was not how it was supposed to be.

The clan screamed and shouted for revenge on the sky demons, they were killing our tulkuns, this will not go without consequence, i stood beside neytiri, my heart thumped inside it's cage, i grabbed her arm in fear, the people raging towards Jake, blaming him for all this, my heart panged for Jake, he hopped onto the elevated rock and spoke "listen, you have to tell the tulkuns, to go away, far away as possible" but Ronal hissed at him lunging forward, i had to get in between to stop her, she hissed again before saying "you live with us and still haven't learnt anything!" I cringed back but held my ground, looking back at Jake he said the next best thing he could think of, grabbing the red tracker he raised it above his head, showing it to everyone "tell your tulkuns, if this was attacked on them, then swim away fast! Tell me and I'll come deactivate it" everyone looked unconvinced and i shouted at them to get them moving " go, move, tell every tulkun you come across, now!" They grabbed their weapons and dived into the waters, i knew a war was brewing deep in the sea, everything weighed on me, my knees gave out and Jake caught me, i held onto him for dear life, neytiri came closer hugging us both and i melted between them, and for the first time after whatever this is between us started neytiri kissed me, on the lips, i was surprised but kissed back in seconds, as we pulled back Jake groaned "heyy i wanted the first kiss with her!" Neytiri just smirked and said "looks like you lost, ma' Jake" with that she kissed me again but Jake got in between, this time he kissed me and i couldn't be more happier, we still stood in the communal tent, but none of us cared one bit, i leaned on both of them as their arms enveloped me, my mind going silent as no unwanted thoughts plagued my mind for now.

I packed my bags for later, they both asked me to come live with them and i couldn't be more happier, the smile that started from the kiss still lingered on my face, i was shaken out of my thoughts when tsireya burst into my mauri, tears ran down her cheeks and she barely stuttered the words out " it's lo'ak, he's going to tell payakan, come we have to go with him" dropping everything i sprinted with her towards the shore, we swam towards the three brothers rock, where neteyam, lo'ak , tuk, ao'nung and rotxo were pulling out the tracker from payakan, my eyes widened at the scene, "ohh no, no no no" they were targeting payakan, i looked around to see any sign of the sky demons, relieved when none in the sight i got onto payakan's fin, and helped tug the tracker out, and as if lo'ak saw me for the first time he shouted even if he was seated beside me "mama, what are you doing here?!" And my work stopped as I looked at him, wide eyed, did he just call me mama? If i wasn't fighting to save this tulkuns life I'd probably hug him and cry but right now all i did was "yes, listen to me lo'ak, call your parents right now, we do not have much time, the hunters will be here any minute" he nodded not even registering the fact that he called mama, i got back in pulling the tracker, finally after so many tries that piece of metal was pulled out, just when the demon ship rounded the corner.

I took the tracker from neteyam, yelling at them to scatter as i got onto my ilu, swimming away, i look back and some kind of ships following , i threw the tracker away rounding about when one of the ships caught my ilu's fin and i was thrown over, i wanted to scream but stopped, trying to swim away but the other ship was catching up to me, just as i thought i was caught my wrist was pulled, taking my whole body with it, lo'ak smile down at me as tsireya pulled me closer onto the ilu, the ships still chased us, weaving into the long seaweeds, the machines got stuck, leaving our ilu we swam towards plant that created an air pocket inside it, when i broke to water surface, i was surprised to see tuk there, gasping for air i held tuk against me, we calmed down, catching up on air, we had to get out of here soon, so taking in a deep breath we got out, swimming towards the seaweed but our path was blocked as some of the weird shaped machine shot out a net trap, that captured me, tsireya and tuk, lo'ak got out somehow but held on to the net as we were pulled out of the water, tuk latched onto me crying in my neck, my brain was distrort on what was happening but i held on.

The net was thrown onto the ship, our bodies hitting the hard metal with a thud, i groaned , the net was opened and someone ripped tuk out of my arms as i screamed and thrashed to get her back, fear gripping my heart, another one of the soldier wrapped his hand around the nape of my neck, pressing my cheek on the cold metal, my wrists were cuffed behind my back, right after i was dragged to the railing and strapped to it, even after tugging it hard it wouldn't budge, lo'ak was on my left, tsireya beside him while tuk was on my right, fat tears rolled down her face, i tried to comfort her but couldn't do much. To my surprise one of the men grabbed my face making me look at him, he leaned down and tuk screamed " MAMA!! Leave her alone, please" the demon Na'vi who held my face, tilted his head and said in a low voice " looks like sully got himself another blue bitch" he chuckled and so did the others, lo'ak bared his teeth at him, tsireya and tuk crying out when a brut pulled at their queues. The demon who held my face shoved me and lo'ak hissed at him, but the man ripped the transmitter from lo'ak's neck, speaking into it " Jake, tell your friends to stand down. If you want your kids and wife back, you come out alone. You know better than to test my resolve" he points a gun at my head " I took you under my wing, Jake. You betrayed me. You killed your own. Good men, good women. I will not hesitate to execute your bitch" my breath wavered, eyes jumping from him to lo'ak, fear evident in his eyes, i couldn't catch what Jake said but i prayed he would take a good decision rather than a hasty one.

I looked at the horizon, plenty of Na'vi floated on the water and saw Jake coming closer, my heart dropped, he was giving himself up, i tried to pull away but the demon hold my queue yanked me back and a scream erupted from my throat at the pain, i inhaled deeply praying to eywa for his safety, absorbed in my thoughts i didn't see payakan coming up, the splash of cold water brought me out of my prayers, payakan fell on the ships deck, slapping of several sky demons with is fin while crushing many of them beneath him, lo'ak whooped for him, celebrating in the moment, payakan slid down from the edge falling back into the water, but before i could say anything the ship started to move forward picking up speed, it didn't stop even when we approached a rock Island, the collision shook the whole ship as we were lifted up into the air, slamming down my head hit the railing, hard, my vision blurred for a moment and pain bloomed at the back of my head but i didn't say anything, looking around frantically, i saw tuk pressed against the cold deck, tsireya holding onto the bars for dear life and lo'ak trying to get a grip on the rod, sitting up straight, i saw neteyam bolting up onto the ship, running towards us he cuts up tuk's binds, then tsireya's and mine, lastly lo'ak's, i pull tuk to my chest, standing up, i lost my balance but straighten up quickly, pulling tuk and tsireya with me, i look back at neteyam and lo'ak who didn't follow me " c'mon we have to get out of here" lo'ak hesitated but said " we have to save spider, we can't leave him here" neteyam looked conflicted, sighing, i had to get tuk to safety and as far away as possible, so i spoke " be careful please, if you do not find him, turn around, okay? I do not want you two to get hurt, am I clear?" They both nodded quickly running to the hallway.

I swam with tuk and tsireya when the latter stopped me, her voice barely above a whisper "y/n, you are bleeding" i shushed her, nodding, it wasn't much, i just had to get through this, it can be taken care of later, we met kiri inbetween, i heaved a sigh of relief hugging her, but there was no time , just as we started to swim in the other direction, a roar boomed above us, two big talons grabbed kiri, pulling her up as she screamed for the rider to let go but to no avail, they took her to the ship, tuk pulled my hand, i looked at her, she signed towards the ships pulling me "baby we can't go there" , my mind frantic, i had to save kiri life but i can't risk tuk's as well, she shook her head " sully's stick together" so we swam to the ship.

we popped above the water and hauled ourselves up, crawling around until we saw kiri bound to the railing of a pool, we ran towards her, trying our best to free her but we were too late as the demon walked towards us, he pushed tsireya into the pool, i screamed but as quickly as i blinked he shoved me down and his men bound me and tuk besides kiri, tuk wailed " i can't believe I'm tied up again!" He looked at his soldiers, huffing he said "we can still get this done" and one of them replied with a "hell yeah" and We waited for a long time with bated breath,before the man who held a gun at me earlier spoke " Did you hear me corporal , same deal as before, you for them" he was talking to Jake, i knew it, he walked around us "I need the answers Jake or there's gonna be consequences" i couldn't hear anything what Jake replied with , i sighed inwardly, exhaustion was creeping in but i fought it, the blue demon walked towards his attendees "Let's get this guy, that's what we came here for" clicking his gun ready.

he walked towards us, pointing the gun out, he looked through the lens for a couple of seconds before he said " hold fire" they all looked around here and there searching for Jake, by the look on the sky demons face i knew he lost sight of him too, he swirled around and spoke into the mic after a while "Talk to me corporal, the ship's going down and your girls with it, only one way to keep 'em safe" a few minutes of silence before a blast was heard, the ship groaned at the explosion, tillting down, people were screaming and running everywhere, minute by minute people were being killed, then like a ray of hope i heard Jake's voice, but the demon crouched in front of us to trap Jake, i screamed at the man in front of me " THEY'RE COMING FOR YOU!" and tuk hissed at him.

I heard neytiri's screams from a distance, my head turned in that direction, heart dropping to the floor but before i could react, a hand clamped on my mouth as he undid my cuff from the railing, pulling me back against the metal wall so we couldn't be seen, i tried to scream but they were muffled by the hand on my mouth, he leaned down to my ear and whispered " one more sound out of you mouth and your pretty little lover won't be alive" i stopped thrashing against him as he held a knife to my throat, i saw Jake rescuing tuk and kiri, he pushed me forward , walking into Jake's eyesight, knife still held against my neck, Jake and tuk walked forward but he stopped tuk as she cried "mamaa" Jake put out his arm, he looked between me and the man who held me " kill him Jake" the demon pressed the knife even harder drawing in blood as i recoiled, " c'mon sully, weapons down" quatrich threw a orange band at him " cuff yourself, Do IT!"

Jake grunted, he threw his axe and gun away , bending down to pick up the band, " you son of bitch" Jake bit back, "not one step corporal" my blood coated the knife now, burning the place where it rested against my neck, tuk and kiri were behind Jake, and i didn't not see neytiri come up behind us and so didn't quaritch, she pounced out gripping a boy holding a knife against his throat, "you think i care about that boy? We're not even the same species" quaritch said, she tilted her head, lips pressed into a thin like as she spoke " a son for a son" dragged the blade up, plummeting it down towards the boy's chest with a yell, quaritch screamed "No, NOo" taking the knife from my neck and holding it up, i yelled at the sensation, letting me go Jake pulled me behind him, neytiri let go of the boy and hissed viciously, she towards us and tuk pulled her back gently, we all backed away slowly.

the ship still sank down second by second, quaritch stayed back but called out to Jake " I'm coming back for you, when i do, I'll kill you and your whole family" baring his teeth, Jake stopped in his track looking at back at quaritch "let's get this over with" and he pounced on to quaritch, i propelled forward to stop him but neytiri pulled me back, shaking her head, we dived into the water, swimming away but there was an oil spill and it caught on fire due to the blast, making us stop in our way out, the human boy from earlier, spider, yelled to turn around towards the ship, neytiri grabbed my arm as we swam back, getting onto the ship, i pushed kiri forward to go ahead of me, neytiri was with tuk, i turned back to her, i went to grab tuk but her foot slipped and she fell into the doorway, my heart lurked and i went in after her, neytiri right behind me.

I fell onto my side the water cushioning my fall a little but i didn't care, i grabbed tuk and neytiri was there beside me, i ushered tuk to go forward , we ran to the door in front, neytiri tried to open it, water was trickled our calfs, finally after a hard pull she opened it, the water pumping us forward, our yells and shouts muffled by the water, we got into a room with lots of tables, the ship was turning so we had to climb up them, i pulled tuk up by her hand, pushing her up to neytiri, we got to a closed door again, water up to our waist now, neytiri struggled to open it, i stood beside her and pulled the door with her, with all my might, finally the door gave away, quickly letting tuk in, me and neytiri swam in after her and the door slammed shut with the pressure.

i looked ahead but there was no other way, water was filling up, neytiri pulled me and tuk closer to her and we stood there, the wound was throbbing and being tossed around while coming here was taking a toll on me now, my head felt light, vision blurred, my hand latching onto neytiri's, she looked at me worried but i couldn't even explain what was happening, tuk answered for me " she hit her head on the bars, when we were on the ship, there was blood coming out too" now neytiri was worried sick, i shook my head trying to change the subject " it's okay, I'm fine, it was nothing" but she looked skeptical, there was nothing she could do either, there was no way out , i leaned on her " stay close to me please" time passed agonizingly slow, the pain in the back of my head now slowly spreading down my back and arms, water levels were rising fast, the ship sinking down faster, we were trapped and there was no way of getting out.

i looked at neytiri, all hopes of my survival leaving and i said those words before it's too late "ne- neytiri, this is not how i wanted to say it but ole ngati kameie, i see you and Jake, I've never known love before you two came in my life, you were the ember in my darkness, the light that led me to meet you, if this is the time we get in this lifetime, then all my hardships were worth it, you both were my light in the darkness that lead me to love you, if this is the only time I'll get to spend with you, than, would not hesitate to do it all over again " i smiled at her, tears spilled down her face , she placed a hand on my cheek wiping my own tears with her thumb, tuk wrapped her arms around my torso " you're going to be okay mama, i want you with me" new tears formed in my eyes, i leaned down kissing her forehead, neytiri spoke after a while " you're going to be fine yawne, we'll get out of this and you will live with us, do not lose hope now when we are so close, ole ngati kameie ma' y/n but please do not leave me, not now" she pressed her forehead against mine, i savored this moment, feeling every bit of it, exhaustion made its way but i fought back.

the water was now till our necks, i tried my best to keep tuk afloat as well, it was getting harder to breath, the lights went out a while ago, it was pitch black, so when a golden light flooded the place we all turned to the source of it, golden fishes swam in the water we stood in and then popped in kiri's head, i laughed in relief pulling her in for a hug, oh I've never been happier, we are going to be saved at last, she pulled back, taking the air giving creature off her back and put it on my back, connecting my queue to it, and surely air rushed to my lungs, i nodded, they all took a deep breath and Kiri lead us out, neytiri held my hand all the time while the other was in tuk's, after weaving through doors and passages we finally got out, seeing the surface both neytiri and kiri pulled me up and we all broke the surface and i gasped for air, i looked around and saw payakan, with Jake and lo'ak on his fin, we all swam to them, more like neytiri dragged me to them " ma' Jake - ma' Jake!" We both said in sync and he pulled us for a hug, i was hauled onto payakan's fin, and finally i let myself go, as i lost my fight against exhaustion, my head falling onto Jake's shoulder, eyes rolling to the back of my head, i pass of completely.

»»————-　✼　————-««

I open my eyes but the blinding bright sunlight stopped me, squinting, i looked around me, neytiri sat beside me and i looked up at her, memories of war flashed through my mind, me, neytiri and tuk being stuck, kiri coming to save us, me passing out on payakan and i bolted upwards, sitting up but the pain in my back took over and i cried out, neytiri immediately held me close, i didn't even notice Jake until was was beside me as well, checking on my bandages, my breathe uneven and labored, everything felt like it was on fire, every nerve in my body ablaze, i sighed in her neck, getting a grip on myself i leaned back, meeting their faces that held the brightest smile I've ever seen, i laughed lightly, then they started laughing and in the end we all laughed together, at what? I don't know, but I'm glad the great mother deemed me worthy to hear it again.

The celebration was full blown at its highest note, people danced in the joy of our victory, elders sang the most treasured songs in the name of another achievement, my heart swelled as i saw tsireya and lo'ak dancing together, i sat with Jake and neytiri, in between them while they both crush me beneath their body weight, as the party progressed, Jake took us both out for a walk, it's been a week since the war, we mourned the fallen now we must move past it, celebrate a new phase, i walked on the crunchy sand, the moonlight illuminating the bioluminescent dots on our bodies, Jake's tail wrapped around my thigh, while neytiri held my hand in her's, fingers intertwined, we got to a grassy part of Awa'atlu, where the sea was still visible, it was where the forest met the sea, the plants and surroundings glowing, it looked magnificent, we sat down on the soft grass, the silence comfortable as we laid there, under the blanket of stars, but it was disturbed when Jake and neytiri sat up, i looked at them confused, they helped me sit up and Jake cleared his throat and i stared at him " umm i know, this is long over due now, hmm i- will you-" but neytiri completed the sentence for him "will you do the honour and make us happy by agreeing to be our mate, tiyawn?" Jake nodded hurriedly, blood rushed to my face as it heated, not much as it was already hot whenever I was with them, i nodded smiling " yes, i loved to be" right after i said it, they attacked me with a hug as we fell down again on the grass, both of them peppering my face and neck with kisses as i giggled between them, soon Jake brought his queue in front of him, and so did neytiri joining hers, my mind literally dancing i brought mine coiling around both of theirs, the tides of emotions washed over me, as i looked at them mesmerized, their love for me wafting over to my side, seconds later i was huddled in their arms, warm and protected, this is all i ever wanted and that's all i got, i didn't know how much time went by at the celebration but as i saw the first rays of sunlight illuminating the dark sky, i knew this was eywa's way of telling me that this was it, this was my share of the love and i couldn't be more happy about it.

A/n : i finished writing this at 2am in the morning, it's still not proofread so bare with me please, I'll proof read it soon 🫡😊🤭 i hope y'all like it, share your views.

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @ducks118, @itscheybaby, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli, @im-in-a-pansexual-panik, @theycallmesia, @killua2dot0, @ilovechickenwings, @kylobensgirl, @darling-imobsessed, @majathepapaya, @sweetirilly.

290 notes · View notes