BOUQUETS – leah williamson
in which leah, famous hater of tiktok joins in on a trend, for you.
one thing about your girlfriend that not many people knew - is that she is secretly an absolute dork, through and through. her signature frown and grumpy expression when she focused, meant that not only was she endlessly teased by you for it, and jokingly reminded that if the wind blew she’d be stuck like that - but also that she gained a reputation for being very serious, and rarely showing her emotions, particularly on the pitch.
you however, and anyone who had the pleasure of getting to see her behind closed doors, and truly knowing her - knew that that was the furthest thing from the truth.
which, is what led you to now.
you’d been sprawled almost flat on top of her in bed for what had felt like hours on end, your favourite place to be on the rare occasion that you both had a day off, when an unusual silence settled between the two of you.
unusual, in the sense that these private moments between the pair of you were usually filled by leah’s rambles about anything and everything, a narration of every single thought that had remained unspoken over the time she wasn’t with you.
“what are you doing?” you protested, breaking the silence and grumbling into the crook of your neck, not even a millisecond after her fingers stopped trailing through your hair.
“nothing, grouchy! just trying to figure out this stupid thing. bloody tiktok i swear! i don’t know how you and the girls love it so much, makes no sense!” she waved her phone in the air, eyebrows furrowing and that frown deepening - but her fingers instantly resuming their actions in your hair, causing you to slump once more.
“wait babe why are you on tiktok! you hate tiktok!” the realisation hit you rather slowly due to your state, your mind flashing back to the what must be hundreds of times that you begged her to do a cute video with you - only to be met with a rant about how much she despised the app.
“oi! mind your business. you’ll see! just need some patience my girl!” she chuckled, bopping you on the nose as she tilted her screen just out of your eyes’ reach.
to say you were confused was a major understatement. you knew you could’ve seen her screen if you really wanted to, your position on top of her giving you a rare power.
one that you knew not to test, however. so, you let yourself shrug off her strange behaviour and settle back into her, being pulled in by the addictiveness that was her skin, and her scent.
“there! done!” she pushed her phone into your face, so suddenly it almost made you jump.
and what faced you, confused you almost as much as when it was hidden from you.
it was her lockscreen. a new one, replacing the picture of the two of you.
a bouquet of flowers.
they were cute, undeniably. dainty little illustrated cartoon flowers, in a variety of colours and styles, put together in a bouquet - in the middle of a plain background.
but not enough to match the shit eating, proud yet almost shy grin that was spread across her lips.
“it’s….cute? lee i don’t get why you’re showing me this though?” your frown mirrored her previous one, confusion visible all over your face that made her giggle, and prod at your flushing cheek.
“look silly girl, it’s some trend on tiktok that beth showed me. there’s a flower for each letter of the alphabet, and people have been putting them together and spelling out their partner’s names to make a little bouquet and i thought it was cute, okay!” she said, almost sheepishly - looking away from you as you sat up, grinning.
“you’re so cute oh my god.” you peppered kisses all over her face, ignoring her protests.
“the team cannot hear about this. kay? i’m their captain, i have a reputation to uphold!” she met your lips in a kiss, almost immediately proving her own point wrong.
“i think everyone knows how much of a dork you are baby i’m afraid, we’re way past that point!”
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i keep seeing sad posts talking about "may castellan making sandwiches every day waiting in hopes that her son will return" and.
guys.
there is no hope for may castellan. she is not waiting at the door with lunch and a tentative smile, waiting for him to come home even though he didn't yesterday, or yesterday, or yesterday, or yesterday. "in hopes" implies that there will come a day when that hope fades. in hopes implies she knows the odds are bad. in hopes implies reality will eventually catch up to her.
there is no hope for may castellan.
she is not waiting in hopes for her son to return. she is preparing, day after day after day (after day after day after day after day after) for the inevitability that luke will return to her. she does not know he is dead. she does not understand he is gone. she does not realize that time has passed; to her luke is nine, still. to her she is still placidly awaiting to return of a fourth grader. luke is not nineteen and betraying his camp. he is not twenty and housing a titan. he is not twenty one and watching his friends get slaughtered in an arena, twenty-two and forcing his sister to hold up the sky, twenty three and realizing, soul shuddering in his chest, that he has made a mistake he can never take back, that he can never undo what he has done.
luke castellan to his mother is a child who has not yet lost all his baby teeth. the cookies she makes for him are soft, because she remembers that. he still leaves the crust behind on his sandwiches. he has scrapes on his elbows and dirt on his nose. he flinches before he hugs her. he spends a lot of time outside, but he comes home before dark.
may castellan's tragedy is not that she is penelope waiting for odysseus to one day return and we know that he will not. may castellan's tragedy is that she does not understand her hero has left at all. may castellan's tragedy is that she will never understand, and she will continue to age, and continue to deteriorate, and one day she will die and she will spend eternity walking the dying poplar fields, whittled down to the memory of something missing from her.
there is no hope for may castellan.
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One thing I find really fascinating about this last ep is that the confrontation with Laudna, in Orym's own words, "brought [him] back to himself, a little bit." Because of this, he chose not continue his plan of using Ishta, a blade Dorian refers to as "clearly a threat." Orym turns away from it and admits it's probably a good thing he's been diverted from this path.
Meanwhile, both Laudna and Dorian use Orym and his (now defunct) desire for the sword as a point of comparison and/or mental justification for their own ill-advised risks. Laudna leads with, "Just as Orym wishes to wield that sword, I wish to wield Delilah" (obviously this was said before Orym gave up the sword, but his doing so has not, as far as we know, dissuaded her from this path at all), and Dorian holds the Gambler's Blade "thinking to himself about Orym last night, and how serious he was, how dedicated he was to the cause of wanting this sword that was clearly a threat" and sits with the reality of the situation he's in and decides to take an extra risk on his own life.
All three of them, in some manner, are pinging on the same concept: that the stakes to this fight are enormous and taking a massive risk might be necessary to finish this mission. But in this specific scenario, Orym is the one who backed off, re-evaluated his position, and decided the potential risk (to both the cohesion of the team, and his own mental health/morality, presumably) wasn't worth it. But the impression was already made. Laudna still wants to bring Delilah into this fight (something she'd already basically decided, but chose here to really double down on), and Dorian made the active decision to lower his chance of survival for a better chance to hit. Both of them doing the opposite of what Orym ultimately did, while still keeping Orym in their minds as they do so.
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