#it constantly feels like we're an afterthought

[ale10ander]

In core Cyberrats, downtime is sort of an afterthought. The game assumes that you spend the bulk of your time going on missions, and afterwards you spend a few minutes reflecting on how it went and how it changed you.

But something happened during play. We noticed that people wanted to spend more and more time in downtime, spending time getting to know their characters and letting them interact with other Operatives.

Players wanted to know what the home base was like, not just the rooms that they had built, but to get a sense for how it feels to live in this place.

So a lot of the Briny Bastards expansion is about making the base into a character of its own, about making Downtime into a phase that's just as important at the table as the main Mission phase.

It starts with relationships. Operatives can develop crushes on one another, or become rivals or nemeses.

But there's also downtime activities. You can spend your downtime gambling, or sparring, recovering in the clinic, or wandering through the trophy hall reminsicing about Operatives who have since retired.

Your players are Operatives. They spend a lot of their lives running missions for a soulless megacorporation.

But they're also people. They have free time, they have friends and hobbies. And sometimes it's nice to peel off the armor and just let them sit around the water cooler and talk.

That's the ethos we're bringing into this expansion.

Yeah, Cyberrats is a tactical, XCOM-inspired Shadowrun-fueled, fast-paced alien invasion combat sim. But it's also about letting your fuzzy little rats hang out and vibe in a base you're constantly building onto.

That's the dream we deliver.

#xcom #cyberrats #cyberpunk #shadowrun #ttrpg design #ttrpg dev #ttrpg community #ttrpg #ttrpg art #furry #capitalism #dystopia #downtime #Putting the roleplay back in rpgs #Get you a game that can do both

[karizard-ao3]

One of my favorite things about Eren is that he actually went on and asked his older brother, who he’s not close to, for girl advice. Also this wasn’t 15 year old impulsive Eren, he was 19 (!). And in the middle of a war and discussing a genocidal plan. And in true Eren fashion, he tries to disguise his intentions and keep cool and collected, while Zeke immediately sees through his act and just tells him Mikasa likes him. The concept of Eren being so desperate for Mikasa that he actually turns to Zeke out of all people to ask for dating advice never fails to send me. Can you just imagine how this scene plays out in a modern au?

Eren is such a dork. I can just see him bringing up Mikasa constantly while they're plotting because he's got her permanently on the brain. Zeke's like, "We're going to need to fight our way out in this contingency," and Eren is like, "Mikasa Ackerman is soooo good at fighting. That wouldn't even be a problem for her."

In a modern au, I think we're looking at Grisha being originally from Germany and moving to the US for his work (and let's say this is the cause of his divorce from Dina), so Zeke is in Germany and Eren hasn't had much of a chance to get to know him. However, Zeke very much wants the chance to be the big brother he always dreamed he could be. When Eren drops out of college to mope around at home in his childhood bedroom, Carla and Grisha decide to send him off to see his older brother and see if a change of scenery will help get him out of his slump.

Eren's trying to act like a cool tough guy but he is, in fact, just exposing himself as a down bad loser who can't get over his best friend who, when he tried to get her to confess her feelings before he left on his trip, froze and said he was family because she didn't know what he was after.

Zeke, luckily, eats it up. Big brothers help with girl problems and so that is what he will do! And, it's clear from Eren's endless ramblings that she likes him, too!

I could totally see Zeke stealing Eren's phone and texting Mikasa for him in secret. Like, he grabs it while Eren is in the shower and really quickly sends off, "I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I would take you on a hiking date," then just doesn't tell Eren about it so when Mikasa texts back, "I miss you, too. When are you coming home? We can go for a hike together here..." Eren sees her message, sees the message from himself that he does not remember sending, and starts to wonder if he's going crazy. But, like, Mikasa seems down for a hiking date, so........ is there really an issue?

Meanwhile, Zeke is sitting there, schemer that he is, tapping his fingers together and smiling smugly to himself because it's all coming together and if he plays his cards right maybe he can be Eren's best man at their wedding (he can't. The honor goes to Armin. Zeke doesn't even get invited except as an afterthought because Eren is happy to go on pretending he's an only child.)

#my asks #answered asks #ask me things #eremika #attack on titan #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #zeke jaeger

[lemony-snickers]

so i went to karaoke on friday night. and the friend i go with, she's got an incredible voice. like, a legit could be on broadway voice. i don't. i know that. but i enjoy singing and i at least have a decent ear so i'm not usually too off key.

but my friend, man. people come up to her all night to tell her how good she is. to compliment her. high five her. one person came up and literally said, "i never heard that song before but i just looked it up because you made it sound so good, thank you for introducing me to it."

it happens every time, this revolving door of gratitude and compliments. sometimes while she's singing people will come up to me because they know we're friends. "my god she's so good, isn't she?" and she is. i know she is. and i tell them that. i love watching her perform. i'm also a little jealous. who wouldn't be? sitting in conversation with someone that is nearly constantly interrupted by others who just have to tell her how incredible she is. and some of them, not all but some, they will notice me sitting there, smiling and listening as my friend basks in the glow of their praises and they say to me, "you're really good too!" just as they're leaving. a conciliatory afterthought, you know?

i don't expect people to tell me i'm good, no matter how much i wish i could be. i know i'm mediocre at best when it comes to pretty much everything i do. i get that.

and yet it still feels like such a cruel knife. plunging slow, you know? deliberate and separating muscle from bone. a deep, deep wound. the same one left every time (and there have been so very many) that a person goes on & on at length about how pretty my sisters are. how hot my mom is. the "of course, you look good, too," on my wedding day. the addendum. the afterthought. the backtrack.

the wound deepens. festers.

i'm not the person you came here to see. to talk about. to compliment. i'm not because no one says any of those things about me. no one ever has. not until they notice my flattening gaze, the way my eyes are dull and fixed, trying not to show my disappointment at yet again being The Less Important Party.

and it's the same thing here on tumblr where i can barely get 20 interactions on a fic most days and i see someone post a "hey i'm gonna write this fic soon, who is excited?!" post and get 700+ fucking notes with dozens of comments and reblogs and just general, genuine enthusiasm for their yet-to-be-revealed work.

i don't want to be anything but happy & supportive when others receive this kind of reaction or praise, but it's like the wound is infected, turning green at the edges with envy, poisoning my blood. my thoughts.

i have spent my whole life being the less talented less attractive less successful less funny less spectacular add-on. i just wish that just once i could be The One People Compliment, you know? the person they came to see. and i realize that's a selfish self-involved thing to desire. i do. but i've spent the entirety of my existence smiling while other people bask in that glow, always standing off to the side just out of the spotlight. an onlooker. an uneven wheel.

the fact that it will never be my turn at center stage just fucking stings, y'all.

#lemony crumbles #ignore me

[captainheartless]

I got talked into writing again for this months carnival of aces. Let's see if I can figure out how to work Tumblr through this app! No promises that I'll check responses on any app anywhere, ever. Cross post.

For this month's carnival of aces, I wanted to reflect on how our use of the concept of sexual orientation has changed over the past couple decades, and how that's affected my view of orientation as a concept.

First, it's worth noting that sexual orientation, as a concept, has always been shifting. The model of 4 exclusive identities of heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, and asexual has it's origins as psychological diagnoses. These identities, even before asexuality was widely known, were meant to capture the entirety of logical space with regards to what gender someone could be attracted to. Asexuality was the last of these gender-focused labels, basically an afterthought we had to invent because the previous model (again, due to originating from psychology) assumed everyone was sexual (or, alternatively, asexuality was previously theorized as a lack of sexual orientation).

But because asexuality is a null answer to the "what gender?" question, it quickly lead us to develop other terms to describe our internal experiences that didn't revolve around sexual attraction to gender - after all, we didn't want people to think that because we're asexual we have no feelings at all! There were a couple ways to do this: 1) develop other types of attraction (romantic attraction, aesthetic attraction, etc.), and 2) develop models of sexual orientation that aren't based on gender (i.e., demisexual, sapiosexual, some types of kink, etc.).

I don't know about everyone else, but I know I eventually felt unsatisfied with our attempts to develop newer and more inclusive models. In my younger years I still had a desire for totalizing systems, for a complete model to explain everything. It was also based on a desire to be seen and understood. But this was doomed to failure for two reasons. First, it's impossible to ever have a complete model. We've seen this demonstrated in the split attraction model.

Second, and perhaps more importantly, even coming up with a model to explain myself personally was always doomed to failure because I've come to realize we are all enigmas. We all have elaborate histories and are constantly carving and recarving that uncarved block of raw experience to create and define ourselves. But no set of concepts or identities will ever capture all of the nuance and complexity in those histories. As soon as we moved away from a simple (and generally useless) gender based diagnostic model of sexuality towards trying to use identity as a form of expression, we were doomed to failure. At best I can express bits and pieces of myself through long stories and bursts of character, but lists of identities will always feel like a taxidermied version of myself.

So how did I end up so disappointed? It was the desire to be seen or recognized in some complete sense, and the appeal to authority of a clinical/medical/scientific standpoint to achieve that. It was the sense that those authorities are the most "valid" perspectives. It was the desire to have a set of terms I could put on a profile - or in a medical record - to be "known" or "seen." And when I put it like that, it seems silly! The medical (and especially psychology) community has a long history of seeking to "cure" and "fix" sexuality. If they reject us, why should I care about appealing to their authority? And if they (or for that matter anyone else) doesn't have the concepts to see and understand me, why should I care? That's their loss; I can't write my life as a story for every single audience, nor can I expect every audience to get the same thing out of that story.

There's a different path here, which I've seen a lot of us travel over the years. Alongside this reorganization of identities is decades of queer theory and queer community organizing. Instead of trying to use identities as diagnostic, complete, and often exclusive descriptors we can recognize them as serving social functions. Identity can be an act. Identities can be signals of compatibility. They can be a way of trying to create a community with new norms, or with political goals. They can be signals for what kind of culture, community, and frameworks we are familiar with. Combining contradictory identities - or refusing to reveal or use specific identities - can be a way of speaking through contradictions and lacunas to try and capture the enigmatic nature of ourselves that escapes all the concepts we (currently) have.

So this is a long way of saying that perhaps my disappointment with the shifting use of orientation came precisely from the fact I had still internalized the norms they were shifting against: the idea that identities are diagnostic categories meant to capture and express non-social facts, the kind of neat homogenizing tools that algorithms thrive on, which also appeal to elite authority. What I hope we end up doing is something different: egalitarian, bottom up creations of communities, full of shifting and ambiguous borders, and comfortable with the messy and undefinable nature of existence. And I think whether we intend it or not, that's what we've been witnessing.

#carnival of aces #asexuality

[boyswanna-be-her]

I'm having the hardest time getting together with this one friend group. Friend 1 is my best local friend and I have the most fun when we do solo stuff, but friend 1's partner, 2, just has less in common with me. That is fine, 2 is fun and cool, but I really dislike their friend 3, who always also gets invited. It's starting to rub me the wrong way. It's a trend that I'll make plans with 1 & 2, then 2 will reach out and ask me if 3 can come like an hour before our plan.

3 completely throws off the dynamic to the point that I don't even enjoy my time with 1 & 2. For example, I had a friend in from out of town and I invited 1 & 2 to come swim with us at my client's pool. 1 & 2 brought 3, who didn't make any attempt to speak to my special out of town friend, be friendly to them, really talk to any of us but 2. At one point we were all hanging out and 3 walked off and straight took a nap by the pool? It felt super awkward. Like do you not wanna be here? Why did you come??

I think the solution is that I need to do more things and specify that I only want to see 1 & 2, and that any more than those two people feels like too much right now. But 1 & 2 themselves are also not respectful of the fact that I live across town from them and usually have to drive 40 minutes to hang out. Like I'll have already driven to their neighborhood then suddenly they won't be ready to hang out for another 90 minutes because of some miscommunication or something.

And a lot of times the things I wanna do are things that 3 legitimately does not like (they're not interested in ANY movie genres I care about and that's 99% of my personality, and they don't really enjoy being outdoors which is the other 1%). But 3 apparently wants to come along anyway, and they sit there silently which pings me in all the wrong ways. And fuck I've done a lot for 3 when I think about it! Bought food for the group many many times, gave them tons of edibles on different occasions bc I didn't want them to feel left out from smoking/drinking (they do neither), even brought them back a present from Colorado this summer bc I felt weird getting presents for 1 & 2 but not 3. None of this has ever been reciprocated so I guess I should quit doing that shit!

I just!!!! Want my friends to consider me more! I don't like constantly canceling on them. It makes me feel like a flake and a bad person. But the last time I was with all three of them, I literally sat there thinking that I'd be having more fun sitting in traffic by myself than trying to make a conversation work. And I hate that. 1 has been in my life for a while and we've been through some shit and we're not the type of friends who say "i love you" to each other a lot but we do! So stop treating me as an afterthought, or whatever is happening!!

[kikimaymay]

So I just finished reading"Killers of the Flower Moon", which I very very highly recommend. As a very rare non-fiction reader, I was constantly torn between captivated and absolutely disgusted and furious with the entire situation--including the lack of information about it in the US educational system and general public. Quick aside-- this isn't our fault, it's very intentional, as it becomes increasingly obvious throughout the book.

ANYWAY, weird coincidence, I'm *finally* watching the X-Files (wanted something spooky lite? Boy have I made a mistake) and ended up on an episode that mentions the 1973 Wounded Knee Occupation. Okay, interesting, gonna google it.

First hit?

Alright, this immediately smells weird. Especially this, in only the THIRD paragraph.

"Two Indians would also unfortunately be killed." Its a fucking afterthought, but god forbid the US Marshals spend a few weeks away from their family. You know, just doing their fucking jobs.

The stark difference between the .GOV website and Wikipedia should make us all angry. Yes, we're continually learning more about the US Government lists of (still ongoing!) atrocities against indigenous Americans, but they're all still actively trying to make the federal government look like the good lawful boys and girls always on the side of the Right.

It's so fucking infuriating, and maybe it doesn't feel like we can do anything (besides participating in our local government please vote) but I feel like even sharing this misleading/straight up misinformation is really important. I don't know. But I hope.

#killers of the flower moon #wounded knee #x files #seriously though wtf #us marshals #just fbi things #.gov #david grann

[jollofhome]

seeing

So I've been watching Jesse Gender's video on JK Rowling's failures with the Harry Potter series (this one), and despite not having finished it I realized how much of that series is botched representation that I missed as a 4th grader, and a 5th grader, and hell, even a 10th grader. It's amazing how someone could go and give a black person the name SHACKLEBOLT and I never noticed. It is easy to miss a lot of things that people do when pretending that can screw up proper representation of a group.

For example, the kid in s2 e7 of helluva boss. I don't want to assume because that's part of what makes JK Rowling such a bad writer, but it does feel a little unrealistic for a deaf/mute child to make their way into a theater without any help from someone in a world where everybody else seems capable of communicating with their mouths, in a way that makes this seem like an afterthought.

But that's not really my point. My point is it took me upwards of 7 years to realize that Harry potter not only has a pretty bland story but a world that could be described as a poor caricature of ours where nothing really changes and no one from our world is represented. It took me until just while writing this post to come up with the point of the deaf/mute kid from HVB, and that is something I notice a lot.

That without paying attention, we lose sight of the problems with whatever we're looking at. For example, I never noticed that stairwells don't have security cameras until a friend pointed it out today. That is incredibly unsafe, but it happens all the time. The way unlit streets allow for crime, another thing just pointed out to me today. It's amazing how much we miss because we don't look around. Maybe we should more.

I do this (or try to) with all the stuff I see. My family hates me for it because I'm constantly judging the stuff we watch :') But I think we should do it more often. Because if we don't see it, we don't try to fix it. And that's the biggest issue, in my opinion. That we could be doing so much better, and aren't, simply because we don't see the problems or ignore their source.

And sometimes that leads to stepping out of line, or being too vocal for everyone else (Like Hermione in the HP series), but that doesn't mean we should stop or listen to the haters. Because we can't grow without occasionally removing obstacles.

#jessie gender #helluva boss #harry potter #jk rowling is trash #jk rowling is a transphobe #male-centered civilization sucks #awareness

[viscountessevie]

What really gets me is the Kanthony fans, some of them brown girls (!!!!), policing people’s reactions to Simone missing, accusing us of “living in misery” and to stop being negative. All day yesterday they were going on and on about dilf Tony. Disgusting how Kate/Simone isn’t even an afterthought for them. She’s just an extension of him just like the show will treat her

Answering all these together because pretty sure the first three are by the same anon and the last one is in a similar vein.

Related to this post and the fallout of leaving Simone out of the S3 filming announcement video (where the fuck was S2's video fuckers???)

Okay so I am revoking all these desi people's brown cards. Like I know we're not a monolith and you're allowed to want to be happy your fave show is coming back and not have criticism on your dash but guess what? Use the block button. Don't fucking invalidate everyone else's feelings about how racist production has been to it's main Indian lead who has been constantly sidelined since DAY 1. And don't use your brown card as if you speak for all of us. It just gives the yts leeway to use your voice to hurt the rest of us and it's fucking annoying. Just because you align yourself with them isn't going to make them like you. They'll stay rotten and love their racist fave.

I'm really disappointed in those Kathonys who only focus on Anthony. Like whooo the fuck do you think makes him a DILF? Also Simone Ashley isn't campaigning this hard for a baby since Peeta Mellark (thank you to Nia for this joke) for yall to be sidelining her. My interpretation/theory is it's not so much they only see her as an extension of him but rather they hate that Kate is a WoC now and can't project onto her and put themselves in her shoes as a self insert 😒 at least that's the vibe I get from Anthony lovers who don't like Kate anymore (which feels impossible cos how fo you not love Kate?? Well turns out when you're a Sai Bennet!Kate stan 🤢)

The second ask is a clarification to my post here.

Yeah as I said, toxic positivity ain't going to help any of us and stop invalidating the rest of us' concerns and frustrations. It really doesn't make you special to hear you say we're all just so miserable or talking over our voices when talking about how Simone and Kate have been sidelined during her own season.

Lol peaceful Kathonys, I honestly have never met one. Maybe on their blog they are but I bet they're all bitching away in their group chats. Listen the captains of our fandom are Anthony and Kate Sharma-Bridgerton. They are intense clowns who have no chill and we're a reflection of that. But yes it does show how much we love Simone when even the peaceful Kathonys are speaking up on the backlash as we should. We should just keep bullying production into giving us more Kathony after they fucked us over in S2.

Of course they think its easier to market the white guy especially since if they don't talk abt his sexuality they can just let him pass as straight 😒. Honestly I'm starting to see that this show was never for us. They don't care about the POC demographic, it's just tokenism porn for the yts to pat themselves on the back for being so "enlightened" and watching a show with diversity. Same with production for doing the minimum yet pretending like they did so much for their POC characters and audiences.

So yeah fuck this show and we really need to start taking our views elsewhere and since Mr. Malcolm's List is out, we should probably throw all the money at that team so they can create similar shows for us and hopefullly it will outshine the cracker season.

[Also I have this queued so by the time its posted I'll be watching Mr. Malcolm's List so feel free to send me asks abt it! I'll answer them after I finish the movie as a cleanser from discourse!]

#bridgerton #kate sharma #simone ashley #kathony #Bridgerton Fandom Racism #Bridgerton Discourse #Block me or that tag if you don't wanna see this on your dash #Nothing becomes queue Lord Bridgerton #Bridgerton Asks

[isadeisa]

I need to write about this. Laila & I read through HTN the other day and I read some more through the night yesterday, so Saturn if you feel tired, sorry. But that book is just so incredible!! And I feel so seen because they are just like me!!! Like us!!!! Gideon being the afterthought in the back of Harrow's head and being constantly erased, because Harrow is grieving and in so much denial of what she did. Blurried realities. Detaching from your own body. Laila I know you will see this, that's why I'm writing this and leaving it for you. I know you love the book as much as I do and that's awesome, I've never felt more connected to you. But you are Harrow and I'm Gideon. Stop trying to erase me, pushing me in the back of our head. It doesn't do you any good! We're just trying to shoulder whatever is thrown at us. Let us help you. Don't just push Saturn up all you like whenever you don't want to deal with living. This body is yours just as much as it is our own too. Please.

[the-dualsnake-duelist]

this was originally going to go on our system blog but i made this blog for me so i'm using it for this too

nghh i. i hate spaces that go all "would rather endos/non-traumagenics dni" (or more rarely vice versa but i've only like. seen one or two instances of the opposite and that's extremely uncommon) as if like. being endogenic and traumagenic at the same time isn't possible

i'm part of a multigenic osdd system. like collectively our origins are kinda fucky and a blur?? and we all have the right to choose whatever origin labels we want for ourselves (individually i mean) so we fall under labels under traumagenic and endogenic by default when considering them all collectively. i use labels that can fall under both

and i'm so sick of systems like us constantly being excluded from spaces or feeling like we're an afterthought. like! yeah we're traumagenic and also disordered but like. not going to fucking ignore parts of our origins that aren't! so where the fuck do mixed origins systems go in that ridiculous binary some of y'all have created huh because y'all are already denying support to a shit-ton of us with it

not entirely sure if i worded it right but. yeah lmao i'm kinda tired with it

#rant #multigenic #mixed origin system #pluralgang

[fanofbirdsflying]

kpop idols (groups) vs. live singing: a constant fight in fandom:

the video below is a music show performance from the 2nd gen girl group jewelry

why am i showing you this video?

with every generation choreos in kpop have gotten more and more difficult (generalization) and dancing became more and more important. and while this might make performances more exciting on the one hand, it also impacted live singing of idols on the other hand. with every generation it feels like, plain live performances are more and more difficult to find. we now have to play detectives to figure out if the performance we're watching is a lipped version of the studio version, a pre recorded live taping of the idols singing the song without dancing, how loud the backtrack is in comparison to how loud the mics are, if filters and pitch correction is used on the mics and whether or not the audio was heavily edited in post production before the performance was uploaded.

jewelry wasn't known as the greatest vocal group of all time, but they were a liked and recognized group. only 1 member, the one in the pink skirt, among them was famous for "not singing well/not knowing how to sing". the vocal performance of an idol in 2nd gen who was known for not being that good, feels like an average and sometimes even decent vocal performance of the following generations.

this song, i really like you, doesn't have the most difficult choreo, but most members in the group are able to move while also delivering decent vocals.

in kpop currently it feels like dancing and visuals are the most important thing, while singing feels like an afterthought. idols are constantly given songs that are too difficult for them to perform, whether it's just singing the song standing still or singing the song while also executing a difficult choreo. for some idols and groups the right move would be to tone down the choreo so that they can try to do their best with their vocals. for other idols more time taking actual singing lessons with good vocal teachers would help. some idols just need to work on their stamina. some idols just need different songs that suit their singing and skills.

we've have now reached a point in kpop where asking for decent live vocals is "a big demand". "you guys are never happy. when they lipsync you complain, when they perform live and make a few mistakes, you complain. you just want to hate!" is what a lot of fans of idols whose singing was criticized say. and it's true that there are ppl like that in the kpop fandom. but it's also true that a lot of idols just struggle with singing, and singing THEIR OWN songs and parts. this is a an issue. this is an issue of an idol and their respective company. part of managing an idol is to give them the right tools so that they can perform well. what i want from idols is to sing their own songs without being scared. but they know that they don't have the skills so they are scared when it's time to sing live without backtracks or audio correction/editing etc. part of an idol's job while performing is to sing, so they should know how to sing a little. nobody expects ppl to be whitney. having off days or making mistakes is normal too but there is a general skill issue with many idols. sometimes it feels like the idols spent and spend more time learning how to dance than how to sing.

i am aware that within the korean entertainment world there is a distinction between singers (for example park hyoshin, ailee) and idols. singers have the reputation of being skilled while idols have a reputation of being untalented, which is actually really sad. it takes a lot of skill to sing live and dance but it's not necessarily recognized as such because lipsyncing has become the default. (i totally understand when lipsyncing happens sometimes because of vocal rest, being sick, lack of good sound tech etc.) but again not singing live is normal now.

#th #Youtube #kpop #kpop live singing discussions

[rosietherivendell]

I am having such a weird time right now I'm arguably in the best mental health I've ever been despite being unemployed but today was just bad. Lots of old thoughts/ fears came back and I am so tired.

Woke up to a text from a friend saying "are you free today?" and nothing else and dragged my feet responding because I was exhausted and wanted to sleep a little longer and didn't think it needed an immediate response and once I did respond asking what was up he was like well we're all at brunch now but you can come hang out after at our friend's place (my best friend's place) when we're done and then he never got back to me to tell me that they were there so I texted my best friend because I wasn't getting a response and then it took her an hour to respond even after that. They were all just hanging out/ halfway napping their mimosas off and no one thought "wow it's taking a while for her to get here where is she? We should text her"

I live a 20 minute walk away from there and no one was concerned and no one texted.

Like? First off his initial text didn't include any information. Generally if you're planning on doing something relatively soon you include that info. If I had woken up to a text saying "are you free today? Going for brunch with so and so at 11 want to come?" I would have actually woken up and responded. And that's on me. I didn't respond. I understand that.

But none of them texted me when I didn't respond. There was no follow up. And then no one texted me when they were leaving the restaurant to go back to their place. So did any of them even want me to go to brunch? Or did they assume Mikey gave me all the info and think I was ignoring them? Did they even want me to meet up with them after?

And when it was hours after brunch and everyone was sitting around maybe they assumed someone else texted me fine I can believe that but no one realized that it was taking me forever to get there? No one? Not one of them was worried that a 20 minute walk was taking forever?

Obviously I was an afterthought. Maybe they didn't mean me to be but that's what their actions said. I wasn't anyone's first thought. I'm not part of one of the couples and I'm not part of the original friend group from their high school I'm just a floater. I get it. It is what it is. But would it kill anyone to just keep me in mind once in a while?

Completely reinforced the fear that I'm not actually wanted there and that if I don't constantly make an effort to be seen I'll just be completely forgotten. And I WAS forgotten so like is it actually a fear or just reality?

So I spent the rest of the day in this weird funk. Had a really good time at game night with my book club friends but when I got home it started bugging me again so I texted my best friend and her boyfriend (also my friend) to see if they wanted to watch the eclipse together and they've planned a day trip to go see it at totality.

I know and understand that they are a couple and I am not expecting to be included in their trip. It was just after the morning I had and the rest of the day feeling off to get that text saying they'll be going on a trip and can't do an eclipse watch with me was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I am so very tired of not having a partner. I am so tired of being an afterthought to literally everyone in my life. Everything feels like it sucks right now and feels like no one wants me around and I can't shake it.

Probably going to delete this tomorrow. If anyone's read this whole thing, my friends are good people who don't normally act like this which is why it's hurting so much. Logically I know that it's not that serious and it's probably nothing. I'm spiraling and needed to get this all out.

#pity party under the cut #kristin talks

[unluckyxse7en]

Ngl the post on 'fearing growing old + getting sick is Ableism' rubs me a bit wrong but. I think it's bc I'm coming from a place of 'already constantly in discomfort, with little chance of ever getting a break or reprieve, and not exactly looking forward to it getting Worse' which is a slightly different flavor of fear than 'being healthy and being Scared of ever not being healthy'.

I'm sure there's still ableism in my situation so I'm trying to temper my response, but on another note too - I do think it's also unfair to just. Assume that a fear of Pain and Unwellness is a bigoted response....?

Societally it's been turned into one, and is consistently beaten into us and inflamed in unnatural ways, yes. I can't argue that. but it feels like the implication is that you shouldn't fear it for yourself At All when like.... In order to survive, it is hardwired into our being to be Scared of pain. Of threat. It's Instinctual to be a little scared of getting hurt, or yes even sick or disabled. It's not good to act out on that, or turn it into something to Pity automatically. But not fearing such things just... Also isn't exactly natural, either.

I'm not putting this on OP's post though because it's besides the point, and I think too I'm reading too much into essentially two sentences almost tossed on as an afterthought. I'm sure if OP discussed it more it'd be Obvious we're both on the same page, so me replying with this is a bad faith take. But sometimes my brain picks at a thing endlessly until I get it off my chest, so I wanted to dump it here so I could do that.

#blablablah

[infernal-feminae-archived]

REFLECT (Hestia) (Wrxthfulguard)

She supposed it was inevitable. And yet it came as a shock to her all the same when it finally happened.

Hestia loved her parents and she loved her older sister. But she resented them. No matter how she tried to be the good Christian daughter they raised her to be, her parents paid her little attention. She assured herself that they did love her, but even then, she knew that Christina was their favorite.

Christina could do no wrong. Christina was perfect. Christina could get away with murder and she would be the one to get criticized for letting it happen.

Christina would always come first in her parents' minds, and she would be a mere afterthought. Sometimes she wondered if her parents forgot that they had a second child. That's how little she meant to them.

It was not fine.

Hestia truly did respect and admire her sister. And sometimes, she fantasized about switching places with her. Just so she'd know what it felt like to be constantly praised, to be adored by everyone who met her, to feel beautiful for once in her life…even if it would only be for one day.

When her parents told her, "Esther, we're sending you to St. Mary's convent. You're leaving tomorrow morning." She could only stare at them, dumbfounded by what she's been told.

She knew this was coming. She remembered clearly her parents discussing at one point "giving" one of their children to the church. Of course it would be her and not Christina. Yet, it still came as a complete shock. If only because it reaffirmed what she already knew but denied for a long time: she was not good enough.

And she never would be.

Like Hel she was going to stick around and let her parents control her life. And so, she packed up whatever she could carry, gathered her meager savings and left in the middle of the night.

She didn't plan on ever coming back.

#🔥ꜰɪᴇʀʏ ʟᴀᴅʏ: ɪᴄ ʜᴇꜱᴛɪᴀ #❖ᴄᴀɴ'ᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴍɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇ: ᴀꜱᴋꜱ #mobile #wrxthfulguard

[bitcofun]

tl; dr How we secure individual info while abiding by existing laws and policies. Recently, we've gotten concerns about why we periodically evaluate particular accounts and request more in-depth individual details about the owners of those accounts. Simply put, we do this to satisfy our regulative responsibilities. Here's a more comprehensive description: At Coinbase, we aim to be the most relied on platform for purchasing, selling, and exchanging digital properties. Trust is the very best method to assist more individuals take part in the cryptoeconomy and reach our objective of increasing financial liberty all over the world. Earning and preserving trust needs us to guarantee the stability of all deals supported by our platform. And a fundamental part of doing that is complying with appropriate laws and policies. We've constantly thought that for crypto to get the authenticity required for mainstream adoption, compliance can't be an afterthought-- it is core to the method we run. In practice, this indicates following laws and policies in various jurisdictions, a few of which are more rigid than others. Crypto is an extremely controlled market, with numerous parts of it supervised by several federal regulative firms, private states and others-- which's simply in the U.S. If we wish to use Coinbase services in other nations, we likewise need to adhere to regional policies. Sometimes, this consists of the Travel Rule, which needs business like Coinbase to exchange info about the individuals in crypto deals under particular scenarios. Over time, the benefits of web3 might permit individuals to develop and own central identities, sharing much less details with 3rd parties and keeping that details more safe. We're likewise delighted about advances in digital identity which might move us far from dependence on standard types of recognition, like motorist's licenses and other paper files. For now, business like Coinbase are needed to follow existing policies, some of which have actually been on the books because prior to the Internet even existed. This implies we need to ask our clients for fundamental info about themselves and their services. Often, and for an extremely little portion of our client base, we require far more comprehensive details. This assists us to abide by "Know Your Customer" guidelines and keep Coinbase and the cryptoeconomy safe. No matter what, we are devoted to safeguarding our consumers' personal privacy and supplying a smooth and instinctive client experience. As part of our continuous efforts to keep our consumers safe, we've likewise arranged a union to assist other business adhere to worldwide guidelines, following market leading safeguards to secure consumers' personal privacy and security. To join this union, and get Travel Rule info, all individuals need to fulfill anti-money laundering, security, and personal privacy requirements. We've likewise established exclusive blockchain analytics abilities to assist protect the crypto economy from bad stars. And we have continuous discussions with policymakers worldwide where we promote for constant and affordable requirements that safeguard our consumers' personal privacy. While some within the digital currency market have actually questioned the application of more standard Know Your Customer (" KYC") requirements in this unique area, extensive adoption of crypto will depend upon structure and keeping the trust and stability of the environment. For crypto to prosper, individuals require to be able to purchase digital currency with typical payment approaches, and feel safe doing so. The only manner in which can occur is if business like Coinbase follow regional laws and guidelines, while partnering with policymakers to direct the next generation of rulemaking in this area. Simply put, if we desire crypto to be extensively accepted, compliance can't be optional. That's why we'll keep working to be a market leader in compliance-- securing our clients, maintaining trust, and constructing the cryptoeconomy.

[catgirlelric]

hey if anyone knows any good sci-fi/fantasy stuff with specifically transfem major or main characters can you send it my way i am feeling spectacularly bummed about never seeing myself in the kinds of stories that i like. massive bonus points if its wlw

#i just feel like i read so much wlw stuff but literally none of it has any trans women #and if they do happen to be there they're always like. the friend or the helper or something #never the main character #and i feel like. #im seeing more trans characters in the type of genre media i consume #but they're all transmasc #like the only stuff i ever see with trans women as the main characters is stuff that i'm not interested in #like pose or euphoria #like thats all well and good but why are stories about trans women always vaguely sad-looking dramas #like why do we never get to be the fucking like fantasy heroes or space explorers or whatever #even in like self-published webcomics i go into the transgender tag on tapas #and for every abandoned comic with a transfem main character #there's about a hundred stories of all kinds with transmasc mcs #like is there something that makes us less palatable to creators or what. #i just feel like im about ready to tear my hair out here i feel like theres walls surrounding me just like all the time #like no one writes about us. no one draws us. even when i see artists who draw nothing but wlw art hardly any of it has trans women #its just like what the hell #it constantly feels like we're an afterthought #and whenever we are included its only ever for woke points #like maybe one of those wlw artists will draw a nice little piece for tdov or something #and then immediately go back to ignoring us for the rest of the year #im just so tired. like when will i get to see trans women in the stories i like to read #when will i get to pick up a book that everyone's recommending for wlw romance and see a trans woman in one of those main roles #its just so tiring and im honestly just sick of feeling like this. like just. abandoned. an afterthought #sorry for the massive rant in the tags #im just. anyways this is why representation in media is important