#is there a be gay eat a lot of bread' option I can do instead?
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SENSES & OTHER SPECIFIC HEADCANONS.
WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE SMELL LIKE? Nothing much. Sometimes he smells like the leftover of spells, such as whatever ingredients he was using, as he dabbles a fair bit in casting or alchemy that has physical components. Otherwise he’s like, a guy, rather than an adventurer arms deep in monster guts or someone with need to make themselves smell nice. He does not have much cause to smell like anything in particular.
WHAT DO YOUR MUSE’S HANDS FEEL LIKE? Generally soft. Nerd hands- though he has quite a lot of tiny little scars on his hands and fingers from various misadventures he probably doesn’t remember at all before he got decent enough at healing to patch up mistakes without leaving marks. He’s dexterous with his fingers, and nails are kept short or he’ll start picking at them.
WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY EAT IN A DAY? He dislikes the physical need to eat (meaning: he likes food and has nothing against the act of eating itself, he simply finds it annoying that he has to do so daily at minimum) so generally whatever he eats is whatever has the minimal amount of time/effort spent procuring it. Oftentimes someone else where he’s at will make dinner to share with him- at the Sands everyone simply trades cooking duty. Uri doesn’t mind cooking when it’s for people other than himself, and will put effort into it then. Otherwise he usually only eats a proper dinner, because that’s the communal meal, while breakfast will be bread and coffee and lunch is either nonexistent or whatever he can grab without effort.
DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE A GOOD SINGING VOICE? Nah. He has a good reading aloud voice, though. For singing he’s got like a three-note range, and generally doesn’t sing at all as an idle activity anyways.
DOES YOUR MUSE HAVE ANY BAD HABITS OR NERVOUS TICS? his bad habits are numerous. talks either too much or not enough, lies by omission often but terrible at lying on purpose, a fervent hypocrite without a trace of self-awareness or irony to him, lets his mind wander when he should be listening if he happens to think something that interests him more. nervous tics include fidgeting and refusing to maintain eye contact, alongside popping his knuckles/thumb joint when he’s either nervous or preoccupied (this changes to poking at his rings when he has those on instead). if he has the option of pulling a hood up or otherwise making his face difficult to see, he’ll do that.
WHAT DOES YOUR MUSE USUALLY LOOK LIKE/WEAR? like a nerd. a man in a potato sack. guy engulfed in fabric. alternatively, pretty gay to be wearing gold spangles, why are u sparkly, to catch the eye of other men? anyways he wears dark colours and loose fabric, generally disliking clothing that’s particularly tight-fitting. if i ever draw him wearing pants, assume ive been killed and replaced by an evil clone. he dresses for comfort and isn’t picky about clothing, only changing outfits when necessary due to changing seasons. his tendency to cover his face is directly connected to his level of comfort in a situation and a physicalization of how much he’s willing to ‘put himself out there’, and he likes having the option of a hood to lurk behind if discomforted.
IS YOUR MUSE AFFECTIONATE? HOW MUCH? HOW SO? physically not affectionate at all unless he is assuredly in private, it’s one of his many odd neuroses. emotionally he is extremely affectionate and loves others quite a lot, though rarely verbalizes it, instead expressing affection largely in a desire to keep others safe. his willingness to go behind people’s backs is, in his brain, an expression of care for them as he attempts to protect them from dealing with something unpleasant. (disregard the fact that generally lying is Bad.) he also gives people Information as show of affection and/or attempt at friendliness, though at times cuts himself off if he remembers most people don’t enjoy trivia. please rest assured, while he might have the self-awareness of a walnut and a difficult time verbalizing emotion, he loves you so so much.
WHAT POSITION DOES YOUR MUSE SLEEP IN? On his side, arm around his own midsection or over a pillow. If he’s sleeping near anyone else he will end up using them as a pillow as soon as he’s more asleep than awake, bc if he’s awake hes too self-conscious for that. bro sshh we are spooning now bro.
COULD YOU HEAR YOUR MUSE IN THE HALLWAY FROM ANOTHER ROOM? Nope. He is an exceedingly quiet person normally, whose usual clothing and voice are soft enough not to carry sound far. Even in his ast gear, it’s the gentle click of metal at most when he moves. Uri also just has a habit of... being very quiet normally. He doesn’t mean to lurk, per se, he just does and often ends up accidentally sneaking up on people.
Tagged by: STOLEN
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hello hi , it is g , ur friendly local neighbourhood hindu indian ( as in south asian ) ! so a few people requested that i just make a guide-esque sorta thing on hindu indian characters ! im not really good at guides , so instead , these are just little things i’ve noticed or picked up on that could really potentially strengthen the next indian character u ( pretty please ! ) pick up !
disclaimer : i am writing this from my perspective and it is NOT definitive , nor do i speak on behalf of all hindu indians ! i am a 23-year-old bisexual cis female hindu indian , with one older gay brother, and a Train Wreck middle brother . my mother is from new delhi , and my father is from nairobi but has indian heritage ( not sure which part of india bc he’s an Engima ) . i have extended family in india and have visited india about 10-15 times throughout my entire life .
so firstly , im so glad u all are here and want to write more hindu indian characters ! please please do so ! i hope this helps , encourages u , and isnt too confusing !!
psa : i need everyone to know that this is a very basic ‘ guide ‘ and theres a lot it DOESNT touch on or address bc i didnt want to get too Extensive and Detailed and have people Turn off and not Read it . this is just written in the terms of hopefully helping build character / be relevant to characters a bit better that ive employed into writing my OWN hindu indian character creations ! but if u have any other questions pls reach out to me or any other indians in the rpc and im sure we’ll try our best to assist u !
FCS:
one thing i’d really like to say is that its great to see fcs like dev patel , deepika padukone and avan jogia picked up every now and then in rps , but there’s actually a LOT of other indian fcs you could be and should be using ! the main reason people don’t seem to know them is because they’re not ‘ hollywood ‘ stars per se ( it was a super big deal when pr*yanka broke out of bollywood and into bollywood but we don’t talk about her on this Blog ) . they’re usually bollywood stars and i don’t really see bollywood discussed that much in the rpc !
if you’re after MORE indian fcs , i have a tag of indian females here , and indian males here . the fcs on my blogs are also not ALL that exist . there are plenty of other blogs out there that post indian fcs , such as sonamhelps & bollymusings !!! there’s also some really great faceclaim directories out there that include a LOT of indians with resources !
unfortunately , i do not know of any trans indians or nonbinary indians but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist . indian cultures and beliefs are still quite Old School and not super progressive . india only just had it’s first wlw mainstream bollywood film released last year . lgbtqia+ issues are NOT really spoken about in india or within indian families at ALL , and if they are - they’re usually dismissed or reacted to Very Very Badly . ( again this isnt definitive and im sure and hopeful that some indians have had GREAT coming out stories and been accepted by their families but this has not been a common thing ive seen or witnessed from my cousins my age , indian friends , myself and my brother who are lgbtqia + )
FOOD :
we do eat with our hands and we eat like PROS with our hands . we can shovel it so easily and quickly . i don’t know how to describe it but you use the first three fingers of your hand to place the Food there , and then use your thumb to kinda scoop it off and into your mouth . this is NOT unhygienic because indians wash their hands very regularly and most of the time we aren’t actually touching our mouths to our hands !
indian food is MADE to be eaten with your hands for the most part . it is literally NOT practical to eat food with a knife and fork . here’s a really great article explaining things more in depth re: indian food and using our hands !
cows are seen as Very holy beings in hindu indian culture , and for that reason - there isn’t a lot of beef being eaten or consumed. sure , some indians DO eat beef but i don’t think its super common, but in my personal experience as a non-beef-eater this results in A LOT of me asking ‘ oh , sorry what sauce does that pasta come with ? ‘ ‘ oh those are beef sausages ? sorry i can’t eat them ‘ etc etc . beef is in a LOT of things , and this makes me very very careful and almost pedantic about what i do eat and ask about , food wise !
indian food is seen as stinky by a majority of white people . it has a very very strong smell as im sure u know , and opening ur lunch box as a little kid to a Curry or Dal ur mum has made u ? one way street to being bullied . i also remember a time a real estate agent continuously told my dad nobody was interested in buying our house bc it smelled too much like curry, despite my mum not having cooked curry in Weeks ( just say what u Really mean , bitch ! )
indian curry exists but so does dal / daal . this is curry-like dish that is usually made out of lentils . so if ur going to talk about indian food and u know curries and samosas . . pls also bring up dals . and sabji ! ( sabji is usually just boiled vegetables plopped together . a lot of potato usually )
desserts are what we call Indian Sweets . this is stuff that is usually very VERY sugary and a bit of an accustomed taste . theyre very colourful and LOOK beautiful but even i , for one , can not eat many indian sweets bc they are a Lot of Sweet and Sugar . examples of indian sweets that u can google : gulab jamun , burfi , rasgulla , jalebi etc . here’s a great link for more !
give me spiced food or give me death . literally . . put some cumin in . . put some garam masala . . put some chillies . . flavour ur Food for my Indian Taste Buds
FAMILY :
if you are the oldest son of an Indian Family . . congratulations . you are now the Head of the family and must carry every weight and burden alone . it is extremely isolating and taxing on you ( my dad is the oldest indian son , and also - so is my eldest brother , obvs ) . there is a LOT that is expected of you to do . you are expected to quite literally run the family and be the ‘ man of the house ‘ by yourself .
if you are a daughter . . . even BIGGER congratulations ! you are basically a maid to every male or guest who EVER comes over to your house . you must be a Hostess , you must be in the kitchen cooking , serving snacks, bringing tea , and then washing up and basically waiting on Hand and Foot . you will not be included into a lot of dialogue or engaged in a lot of conversation and TRUST ME ! THAT WILL GRIND UR GOD DAMN GEARS IN THE 21ST CENTURY !
if you are a boys’ boy ( aka straight and Sporty ) , then congrats ! you get it the easiest : you are the favourite of every social event . the uncles and cousins love talking to you and dude-ing it up with you , and the aunts fawn over you and think you’re the Best Thing since sliced bread . sit back , put your feet up , and expect to be treated like a God. you can do absolutely no wrong . ( my middle brother is this to a T and listen . . he’s been in and out of jail for physical violence and ab*se for over 5 years . and family still FROTH over him . my teeth are gritted to dust thinking of this again )
indian aunties are lethal . they gossip like teenage girls . they will find out everything . they will bitch behind your back . they can NOT be trusted .
everyone is ur uncle or aunt, sister or brother . literally everyone . ur cousin ? no. thats ur sister . ur dads friend ? no , thats ur uncle . you will call them as such . EVERYONE is family .
family is in general a VERY BIG THING in indian culture , too . ‘ what will it Look like to everyone else if we don’t all arrive together ? ‘ my dad usually asks dskjdfjn . it’s all about Looking Right and Standing As A United Front . that being said , indian family has undying and unwavering loyalty for one another , they just show it in a very Weird way .
FASHION:
female hindu indian formal�� clothes are usually really embroidered to hell and back and this makes them very scratchy , uncomfortable, and HEAVY . you aren’t running anywhere anytime soon in a full blown lehenga or saree
most ‘ modern ‘ hindu indian women do not wear full Indian Clothes all the time . some do , but usually it’s a lot of wearing a kurti tunic with jeans , or just normal everyday clothing . again , this is going to be different based on which parts of india your character is from , though !
usually , older women and married women wear traditiona hindul indian clothing quite often . i know my mum wore a sari AT HOME everyday when i was growing up, until i was like 13 and took her shopping with me to get something Else to wear .
bindi’s just stick right onto ur forehead but they do fall off a lot , especially when ur wearing makeup or sweating . again , you don’t need to wear a bindi everyday , unless thats ur preference . i usually only wear them for festivals . ( festivals means indian celebrations , not like . . coachella ((which u should not be wearing a bindi to , if ur not indian fyi )) )
male formal clothes are usually just literally anything Formal and buttoned up for the most part , and u can get away with that , or you can wear a really nice kurta
indians wear white at funerals , not black ( not sure if this should go in the fashion section but this entire thing is being organised into a Mess by now anyways ) . you CAN wear black to a funeral of course , but its common to wear white !
DATING ( tw’s for islamaphobia ):
modern day indian / desi fuck boys exist and my god they are Something Else . hasan minhaj did a really good piece about this and explaining them to a T ( starts at 1:43 )
( THIS IS THE POINT THAT WILL MENTION ISLAMAPHOBIA AND HOMOPHOBIA ! ) basically according to Older indians , , ur dating options in 2020 go like this ( if ur a cis female like me ) :
hindu indian men are god tier , white men are Not Okay But I Guess So Bc We Have To Accept They’re Everywhere , females / being lgbtqia+ is not Taken Seriously , and muslims are literally not even close to being an option or Accepted . again this isn’t definitive but based on a lot of indian media i’ve consumed and seen how they portray muslims in general as well as Dating Options , as well as talking to other indians , both who are older / traditional and hold these ideals , whereas Younger gens generally do NOT hold these ideals / actively are Against these backwards ideals. i remember when i was in year 6 and had my first boyfriend . . he was a muslim and my dad FLIPPED the FUCK out . it’s not even that i was dating someone / young / his only daughter . . it was mainly because i was dating a muslim . again , this is a very OLD SCHOOL and traditional way of thinking and it is NOT CORRECT . pls don’t take this as a note to be islamaphobic if u write an indian character bc . . thats literally the opposite of what im trying to tell u here .
yeah arranged marriages are definitely still a thing for us , even now in 2020
YES if u are an unmarried / single indian ( ESPECIALLY if ur a woman ) about to enter ur 30s . . ur in DANGER and u are the black sheep and theres probably something Wrong With You bc why are u still single ?
TRADITIONS / BELIEFS / SUPERSTITIONS :
idk if its just me and my family but we are SUPER superstitious . if you say anything like ‘ he hasnt gotten sick in years !’ immediately , everyone knocks on wood or their head . if you were planning on leaving the house and sneeze ? thats bad luck , stand and wait for five minutes then u can leave . we have a strong belief in drishti , or alternatively : The Evil Eye , and making sure we don’t invite it into our lives . a lot of our prayers are about warding drishti away .
the evil eye is kinda Complicated but basically its an ill-wishing upon an unsuspecting person . if somebody is jealous of you or angered by you , they may wish upon you or cast upon you the Evil eye ( or even just glare at u whilst ur not looking and thats Big Bad ) .
a lot of older indians , like older people in general i guess , are not super progressive or Open . this isnt ALWAYS the case but older indians can be very very stubborn in their beliefs in what is Right and Wrong , Normal and Not Normal
theres a LOT of hindu indian festivals and events ! tbh too many for me to even keep up with . but without fail at least once a year ill say to ONE of my friends ‘ oh sorry i cant make it . i have an indian Thing on that day ‘ and its usually about a festival , so pls be aware that there are a LOT of indian festivals and if ur writing an indian character , its perfectly understandable and Relatable for them to say they can’t make it to a party or hang out with their friends that night , for that very reason !
the main / most popular ( ? ) festivities that i personally do celebrate every year without fail are :
diwali ( the festival of lights , celebrating goddess lakshmi roaming the earth . in my household this is usually turning on literally every single light and lighting candles and fireworks / sparklers and saying some prayers , and eating a formal dinner all together ! )
holi ( the festival of colours . celebrating victory and love . again personally for me , this was usually celebrated at the temple with all of us Kids running around throwing paint on each other ! )
rakhi / raksha bandhan ( a day of sisters celebrating their brothers . you tie a rakhi which is usually a bracelet / holy string around your brothers wrist , feed them some food , pray for their wellbeing and in return they gift you something . in my case, i usually get money from them ) .
navratri / durga puja ( 9 nights and 10 days of celebrations but tbh u don’t have to do all the days . or i mean . . i don’t . i fast one day from morning to night and then i slide on over to boogie and dance dandiya which is literally the MOST FUN dance ever bc its based off some Historical Fight and u go faster and faster and keep going until ur absolutely SPENT bc u dont wanna lose ur place in the circle )
there are SO MANY HINDU INDIAN GODS too . and so many prayers to all of them and to just general Life Wellness . chances are that ur character will know at least ONE aarti / gazal / prayer off by heart and have sung it at least 30 times in a monotone voice . the ones i know off by heart bc ive had to sing them 3000 times ? om jai jagdish hare , & the gayatri mantra
GENERAL LIL THINGS I DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO CATEGORISE ( tw’s for skin whitening , colorism and classism ) :
( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR SKIN WHITENING AND COLORISM ) lets hold indians accountable right now : we advertise SKIN LIGHTENING CREAM . i think they finally stopped that earlier this year / due to BLM ( i’m not entirely sure / could be wrong ) , but thats literally how bad it is , that we would openly advertise and encourage people to literally bleach their skin rather than look darker .
( THIS IS THE POINT THAT NEEDS A TW FOR COLORISM AND CLASSISM ) colorism is a BIG thing in india and usually linked to class . generally speaking , the people who are Darker Skinned are usually people who work outside / labourers or homeless even , and are therefore seen as lower class / bottom class . the lighter skin you have , the more privileged and advantaged you are bc ur seen as working a Good job out of the sun and having a home . it’s incredibly classist as well as just generally Fucked Up . why am i telling u this ? mainly so u understand the importance of using a dark skinned indian fc vs a light skinned indian fc which i know is hard , bc a lot of darker skinned indians arent in hollywood / have resources , but its still something to Think About .
i have a long Ethnic name . literally my first name is 10+ letters , which i know doesnt seem that long Necessarily but its also a Super Ethnic name with e’s and and j and n . it Flows and Sounds very clearly different from a christian name . it is VERY important to me that my name be said Correctly because i’ve spent so much time having it said incorrectly or Westernised . i also know a lot of indians my age who ( like me ) have had to dramatically shorten their REAL first name ( which is usually also pretty long . not always , but it is Common ) , to fit their name into white people’s mouths better . please put some thought into ur indian characters name !
not all indians speak hindi ! hindi is one of MANY dialects within india . there is also tamil , urdu , bengali , punjabi , telugu and SO many more , so pls research which part of india ur character / their family is from bc hindi won’t always be the default language for them !
not every indian is hindu ! of course ur character doesnt have to be religious at all , bc if im being honest IM barely religious but my FAMILY is and this is smth u should think abt bc religion is a pretty big thing for indians . so even if ur character isnt hindu , they were probably raised with SOME religious beliefs . have a think about which religions they would have been brought up with ! there’s a very large percentage of practicing muslims , sikhs and buddhists too ! and even christianity !
WRITING WISE / CREATING AN INDIAN CHARACTER WISE :
the first step should be to consume indian media ! listen to indian music . watch bollywood movies ! theres SO MANY out there on everyone’s netflix . if u want some recs , let me know and i can try my best to find smth for u ! if u want smth thats Hollywood-indian . . . Hasan Minhaj is great to watch , especially his episodes on indian culture / politics , and Never Have I Ever on netflix was rlly good / relatable for me personally as an indian growing up in a western society !
i would really really love to see more indian rep in general , but i’d also like to discuss the Stereotypes that ive seen indians portrayed as in mainstream hollywood media :
indian women as soft spoken and subservient beings who are abused by their husbands and have no say in anything
heterosexuality within indian relationships and indian dating
indian men as sleazy
indians in general not being seen as Sexy or Sexual beings with any sex drive at all
Stumbling , Stuttering , Nerdy awkward messes of men who don’t know how to interact with anybody they find sexually appealing
an indian character that everybody ( usually white ) finds Uncomfortable and Weird and is seen as usually the Butt of the joke .
i think those mentioned above could be helpful in how to plan your next indian character and think about how to SUBVERT a trope theyre often portrayed as , or create an indian thats not stereotypical !
so what and who SHOULD you write ?
an indian character who is proudly and openly gay , or bi
a trans or nonbinary indian ( PLEASE ! )
an indian character with really super accepting parents and family
an aromantic indian
an indian who is focused on their career first and not their dating life
a fuckboy / fuckgirl ( honestly . . i’d love to see it )
a indian character who is a party animal
an outspoken indian female who takes no shit and is strong in every sense of the word
a confident , smooth talking indian businessman who is Sexy and Lusted After ( not in a gross christian grey way but just . i’d love to see indian characters seen as Sexy . not in a fetishy way , either , but just because it’d be a nice change in pace ! )
a character who IS traditional / religious but also very progressive and forward thinking in their beliefs
honestly just any character that isnt whats mentioned above
#guide#writing help#rph#rpc#islamaphobia tw#colorism tw#classism tw#idk if this is any good and i was very uncomfortable putting in the part abt how a lot of older indians feel abt muslims#but i mean . . lets just call it the fuck out bc its Gross Behaviour so lets call it out and work to change it#anyways every trigger is tagged super clearly in every point that talks abt it#i kept those parts Brief and as Direct and Honest as possible#pls let me know if u need me to tag anything#and lastly . . . pls write indian characters !!!!
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Oh, that's so swag about sharing a b-day with Nagisa! /gen /pos That's neat tbh /gen
In terms of Vocaloid/UTAUloid recommendations, I've currently been listening to Pyrite Girl and What Gave It Away, both songs made by R.I.P. (with Pyrite Girl originally sung by Kagamine Rin, and What Gave It Away originally sung by Otomachi Una) on loop. Oh, and if you ever wanna listen to some good Kasane Teto covers (and I genuinely mean good /gen), look no further than Tanjiro Taidana and their covers. They're an amazing ass UTAUloid song artist/tuner, and while they primarily use Teto, they also occasionally use other UTAUloids and even Vocaloids.
Yeah, buffalo wings can be spicy, heh. In terms of wings or the sauce of whatever food item, there's usually a mild option, a medium option, a hot option, and so forth (sometimes). Depending on that, they can be spicy. However, I have a tolerance with spicy food, as well as a huge love for spicy food, so I'm a bit bias in terms of if a certain food is spicy or not /lh However, I completely respect you not tending to not like spicy food! /gen /nm I get that it's not everyone's cup of tea.
Yeah, I can definitely understand your opinion on the artstyle. Looking at the examples you provided, it honestly makes complete sense /gen (not /s). And considering I've completed DRV3, yeah, it's kind of unique compared to the other two [main] games /neu
Oh, and as for the air fryer thing you mentioned in the tags, you can usually figure out how to use it+how to airfry certain things by looking it up! Just type in Google if you can airfry XYZ food, and it'll usually give the suggested temperature and time. I'm sure you can airfry sweet potato fries, as you can airfry regular French fries (whether they're frozen or from a fast food place)! /gen /nf I feel that sounds dumb and easier said than done, but if it makes you feel better, I didn't know how to use it at first for quite awhile /gen /lh (not /s)
Oh oh, and don't worry about not adding reply icons! It's all good /lh /gen /nm
TBH I want to like spicy food but it's a sensory issue for me because I can't tolerate the pain very well, and I don't like a lot of flavors of the actual food that has spice. But oddly enough, I like Japanese style curry. It's super good. Apparently as a little kid I liked spicy food though which makes it super weird I grew out of it. I really like sour food, though! I think the issue is that spice stays in your mouth even after eating, but sour goes away super fast (unless you injure your mouth/tongue from too much/too strong sour food).
I just generally don't like things with strong flavors...like, I don't even like how black pepper tastes. I tend to eat...bread. And sweet baked products. I usually just eat a lot of samefoods but my sister is an incredible cook so I eat whatever she makes when she cooks! Otherwise I just kinda graze on snacks.
Also I listened to the music and it's super interesting /positive, I like finding smaller vocal synth artists! Also yes yes I've heard Tanjiro before and he's GREAT at utauloid tuning. I feel like utauloids are often tuned better than vocaloids nowadays because you have to put in more effort to get them to sound good and it's easier to just put less work in for vocaloid.
Airfryers are just super intimidating IG I think we got ours for free from someone who didn't need it??
Also to make it clear I don't like...dislike v3? It's a cool game, it just doesn't satisfy the itch the first two games give me, which honestly makes sense. The original Danganronpa series ended on purpose--they reached a good end for it. V3 is kinda like a new beginning so you can't go into it wanting what the original series had. I feel like the graphics/art style for Danganronpa didn't age well with time. For the original games, it made a lot more sense considering when they came out and the consoles they were released on, but that kinda sloppy, eccentric style doesn't transfer well when there's a higher production value like v3 has I think.
I think the WEIRDEST thing is how...much worse the games got in terms of jokes/content. Like, the things about incest and any homophobia got way worse. Kaito says slurs against gay men/trans women in the Japanese version more than once, I think.
In SDR2, most characters are implied to be bi and wlw or mlm. There's less in DRTHH, but they're still there. The original games write queer characters subtly but in a very good way. You still have this subtle writing for v3 but they completely upped the explicit jokes to the point it isn't silly or funny...just uncomfortable. (Mikan, Teruteru, Kazuichi, Nagito, Hajime, Imposter, and Nekomaru are all implied to be queer off the top of my head. Makoto, Mondo, Taka, Chihiro, Hifumi, Mukuro, Junko, and Leon are all implied to be queer iirc as well.)
Like with Leon in DRTHH, his cousin has romantic feelings for him, but he makes it SUPER clear he hates it and it makes him super uncomfortable. But then I think v3 just has straight up incest with the monokubs? I'm not sure if the other characters reacted uncomfortably to it or not, though. But just...the way the characters talk/the jokes they make totally changed. It's super odd to me. It really takes me out of it and it
I guess my main issue is the shift in how the characters act, less context for the behavior of the characters (like, DRTHH extends into SDR2, and vice versa. Each game lends into each other), transferal/execution of the Danganronpa style, as well as the user interface. The user interface is super busy and confusing for me.
Also, the characters are intense like usual but in a super weird way. Like...negatively? In DRTHH, they were all extreme in a way normal teens could be. Instead, they feel like...superheroes. Like, their whole talents are pushed too hard. In SDR2, they were still extreme but in an, again, rather normal way.
I just seriously love the characters though. I think it's a good game, but you can't play it and expect an experience like the original series. You can only really play it and do your best to not compare it at all.
#asks#mod hop#long post#hmm#incest mention#danganronpa spoilers#ndrv3 spoilers#drv3 spoilers#SORRY I HAVE. A LOT TO SAY. IM SUPER TALKATIVE
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After Josh's attack, he gets an unexpected late-night visit from Buck. However little he may have in common with his good friend's little brother, what he knows is that he doesn't want to be alone.
“What are you doing here?” Josh blinks dumbly at the man before him. Behind his front door was Evan Buckley, his colleague turned close friend’s little brother. At half-past ten on a Sunday night no less.
“Ooof.” Buck pulls his handsome features into a grimace as his eyes wash over the cuts and bruises, still swollen and painful, but not as bad as the night before.
“It looks worse than it is,” Josh says shortly. He sighs before taking a step back and beckoning a hand behind him. “Come on in.”
Buck nods in thanks. He closes the door gently behind him as he takes a look around the other man’s apartment.
“I suppose Maddie told you, huh? I should have known.”
“She just didn’t want you to be alone.” Buck follows him into the kitchen and sets a bottle of red down on the island, a peace offering. A brief, awkward look crosses his face for a split second before he masks it with a shy grin. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Hell no, Josh doesn’t want to talk about it. “Maybe after a glass or two,” he finally says.
“Attaboy,” Buck says with a grin that should be too attractive to be legal.
Josh looks away and pretends to busy himself looking for wine glasses—he pretends not to notice. Nothing to make him feel even more self-conscious than usual like having a really hot guy in his apartment.
“Us solos gotta stick together,” Buck says as he drops himself down heavily on Josh’s couch.
“Oh no no no,” Josh cuts him off right there, his tone somewhere between annoyed and exasperated. He hands the other man a glass of wine before taking a good drink from his own. He’s careful to leave a good two feet of space between them as he sits.
Buck tries to meet his eyes, but Josh stubbornly evades him.
Fuck, they barely know each other, Josh thinks. Where the hell could this night be going?
“What is it?” Buck presses as the other man refuses to meet his gaze.
“Don’t… just don’t compare me and you. It’s—” Josh groans and drops his head back onto the couch. “It’s embarrassing. As if I wasn’t humiliated enough,” he adds. Poor gay, single Josh, who thought for a second that some nice, sweet guy could have possibly been interested in him.
What an idiot he was.
Buck awkwardly turns his head away. He couldn’t honestly say that anything like that had ever happened to him before. But he hopes he can be a good friend about it. When Maddie told him what happened to Josh, he was shocked for a moment, and then furious. Not that he was even remotely close to the guy, but he still wanted to do something to help.
Which is why he came over tonight. Unannounced.
“What did you mean by that?” He eventually asks.
Josh stares at him.
“Don’t compare me and you,” Buck waves his hand between them. “We’re not so different, you and I.”
“Ha!” Josh can’t help but let out a laugh, which he immediately regrets because it pulls at the cuts on his face. He winces and touches his tender lip. “Come on,” he looks at Buck, eyebrows raised because it’s so obvious.
Buck stares at him like it’s not.
“Look at you!” Josh finally says. “You could get anyone you want! Man or woman, people are constantly jumping at the chance to get with you! Tell me I’m wrong!”
Buck pulls a face and looks away. He’s shaking his head when Josh cuts him off.
“Please! Firefighter. Hero. The brave and courageous fireman who literally fought his way back from hell after a life-changing injury in a serial bomber attack. You’re amazing,” Josh says with a grin before his expression turns somber. “And then there’s me. Sad, pathetic loser who can’t even get an online date that’s not a scam.”
“You’re not a loser,” Buck says quietly.
They nurse their drinks as a quiet moment passes between them.
“I’m just… humiliated,” Josh finally says.
“I’m sorry,” Buck says quietly. He doesn’t really know what else to say.
Josh is starting to think spending the night alone would have been a better option when Buck speaks up again.
“I bet I could tell some war stories that would make you laugh.”
Josh snorts, already chuckling at what Evan Buckley might consider a dating war story.
“Come on,” Buck throws him a bright grin, “What d’ya say?”
“Alright,” Josh nods. “Give me your best shot.”
Buck’s grin grows wider and he shifts, turning his body to face him on the couch. “Alright, picture this,” he raises his hands like he’s painting a picture. “First date, with a beautiful woman. She’s older.” Buck fucking winks at him. “And mature. And I mean, I am just head over heels for this woman. I swear, I’d never met anyone like her before. Never met anyone who made me feel that way before, you know? Like those butterflies in your gut that tell you it’s something really special.”
Josh doesn’t know, but he’s not going to mention it. He swallows and beckons the other man to continue.
“So we’re at dinner. Really nice restaurant. And I’m doing my best to keep my cool and not say anything embarrassing. We’re eating Italian by the way. Everything’s going great… and then I start choking.”
Josh raises his eyebrows.
“I don’t mean I’m not able to perform,” Buck clarifies with a stern look. “I mean, I am literally choking on my food.”
“Oh my god,” Josh bursts out laughing.
“The waiter tries the heimlich—nothing. She’s pounding me on the back and I can’t fucking breathe. I pass out.”
“No way.”
“There’s no time to wait for the paramedics! No, no, no… in 911 operator fashion, she calls for help and…”
It takes him a second. “Emergency tracheotomy?”
Buck nods and ducks his head, hands raised in finger guns. “Got it in one.”
“You’re serious?” Josh laughs. “That is insane.”
“It was mortifying. But also kind of hot to have a chick save your life like that.”
“Okay, you were right,” Josh admits, bowing his head in defeat. “That was a pretty bad date.”
Buck sighs and looks a bit forlorn. “Hot date with a beautiful woman ruined by complimentary bread.”
Josh snorts and takes a drink from his glass.
The two of them lapse into a comfortable silence. Buck finishes his wine and carefully looks over before speaking, “I really am sorry for what happened to you. I can’t even imagine what that feels like…”
“I don’t need you feeling sorry for me.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you,” Buck clarifies. “I think you’re feeling sorry for yourself. And speaking from personal experience, after the last six months I’ve had… feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t get you very far.”
Josh shakes his head. “Having hope is the worst part. I actually thought, for a minute, I actually thought this cute, funny, charismatic guy was attracted to me. I feel like such a moron.”
“You’re not a moron, you were the victim of a sociopath. I’m serious,” Buck says when the other man rolls his eyes. “There’s so many crazies out there, you’re lucky all they wanted was your wallet.”
But there’s something in the way that Buck says it, a twinge of something dark and bitter that causes Josh to frown and do a double-take. “What do you mean by that?”
Buck suddenly seems to realize he said too much. “N-nothing,” he stutters, looking away. “Forget I said anything.”
“Buck. Tell me.”
Buck looks genuinely uncomfortable for the first time that evening. “Alright,” he finally says. He bites his bottom lip and asks, “do you want to hear the story of my actual worst date?”
“What could be worse than your date cutting into your windpipe?”
Buck shifts uneasily and starts, “it was a year or two after school. I was… kind of lost at the time. Doing a bunch of random jobs, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. I was sleeping around… a lot. And, one night… I met this guy at a bar.”
Josh can’t help the flutter in his chest. Maddie mentioned more than once to him that her brother likes both, but the vibes he got were hard to read the few times they met. He didn’t want to get his hopes up.
But when Buck continues, his words are the last thing he wants to hear.
“Anyway, we really hit it off. We talked for hours, and then I brought him home for a night cap.” Buck pauses and frowns. “The weird thing is that I always considered myself having a pretty high tolerance for alcohol. In school, I was the one who never puked. Last one standing at the end of the night, you know?”
When Josh realizes Buck is looking at him waiting for an answer, he stutters, “kind of.”
“There was no way a half dozen drinks over three hours at the bar plus a light beer, leaves my head spinning and me not able to see straight.”
Josh’s heart drops into his stomach. “Buck, did he…”
“He tried. It was real fucked up. But I managed to sock him in the face and then I stumbled-ran into the bathroom.”
“Did you call 911?”
“See now, that would have been smart,” Buck nods. “Instead, I threw myself out of a second-story window and broke my arm in two places.”
“Shit, Buck.” Josh doesn’t know what else to say. “That was…”
“Attempted rape? Yeah,” Buck says dryly. “So they tell me. I guess he didn’t think I was a sure thing. Shocking, I know.” He adds, after seeing the look on Josh’s face.
“That’s awful.”
“I was fine. Nothing actually happened.”
“That doesn’t make it okay, Buck.”
Josh must have made a face because Buck looks away. He hopes it wasn’t pitying.
“It was a long time ago. I’m over it.”
But the thing is, Josh has heard enough over the end of a phone line to know that this isn’t something a person just gets over. He knows there can be scars, deep and invisible. And if not properly cared for, they can fester.
“Is that why you don’t date guys?” He asks softly.
“Nah,” Buck finally says after a while. He gives him a small half-smile. “Just haven’t met the right guy.”
Josh feels his cheeks warm and he suddenly fixes his gaze on a spot on his lap as if it were the most fascinating thing he’d ever seen. “What I would give for someone to think of me as the right guy.”
“You’ll find someone,” Buck says lightly.
Josh doesn’t feel very confident about that. Not when the dating pool is already limited due to his sexuality. Add in the muggers and would-be rapists and it’s suddenly a pool he has no interest in jumping in.
“What’s wrong?” Buck asks.
“It just… feels bad complaining about a few scrapes and bruises when you just told me… you know.”
Buck winces and looks away. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, it’s fine! I’m glad you told me. I’m glad you feel like you can confide in me. I mean,” Josh swallows and takes a shaky breath. “We barely know each other.”
Buck’s eyes drop. The normally bright crystal baby blues suddenly look grey in the dim light of his living room. Josh kind of has the feeling Buck’s not quite in the room anymore.
“I never told anyone what really happened.”
“Not even the police?”
Buck slowly shakes his head. “The guy was long gone by the time the paramedics got to me. I told them I drank too much and fell out the window trying a dumb stunt. I never mentioned the guy and… I guess they just ignored whatever they found in my system.”
Buck pauses and looks up. “I never even told Maddie. Please don’t…” His voice trails off, looking more vulnerable than Josh had ever seen him.
“Of course not,” Josh says quickly. “Thank you, for telling me.”
Buck nods slowly. “Therapy isn't really my thing, but… it kind of feels good to get that off my chest. You’re a really good guy, Josh. Anyone would be lucky to have you.”
It was kind of touching, except the context was trauma and gay-bashing and how is anyone supposed to trust anyone in this day and age? He wants to be mad. To scream that good people don’t deserve bad things happening to them. But instead, he just feels tired.
“I just want someone to notice me,” Josh says softly. “I mean really notice me.”
Buck smiles bitterly. “Don’t we all.”
“So there is a guy.”
Buck groans and looks away. But there’s a smile tugging at his lips. A welcome sight after the melancholy of their evening.
Josh smiles. “You don’t have to lie to me, you know.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know pining when I see it.”
“You don’t know—”
“Eddie Diaz?”
Buck sputters helplessly and it says more than an entire novel. “How did you know?” He finally asks.
“Oh, I’ve heard things,” Josh teases lightly.
Buck pulls a face. “From Maddie, right?”
“Not just from Maddie,” Josh clarifies. “But yes, she is convinced that you two are meant for each other and that you’ll grow old together after raising that sweet boy of his.”
Buck chuckles and looks genuinely embarrassed. The way he gets whenever someone mistakens him and Eddie as a couple, or calls Christopher his son.
“It’s… it’s the look on your face when you talk about him,” Josh explains. “It’s like he is your entire world, and nothing else matters to you but his happiness.”
“Do I really look like that?” Buck sounds honest-to-god surprised.
Josh nods, eyebrows raised high. He saw the look on poker night when Buck couldn’t stop gushing over Christopher. He saw it the day Maddie invited him to happy hour with the 118 crew and Buck was glued to Eddie’s side the entire night. Never has he seen a man so in love, than the way Buck looks at Eddie.
The one upside to the painful jealous gnawing in his gut—knowing that he might never find a man to look at him the same way, is that it doesn’t get his hopes up about Buck. The last thing he needs is to be the guy pining over his friend’s hot brother. Her really, really hot brother.
“Yeah,” Josh finally says with a small grin.
“Shit.”
“You’re in love with him,” Josh says simply. “It’s so obvious, a blind man could see it.”
“Everyone except him apparently,” Buck says forlornly. He sighs heavily and finally admits it out loud. “I’m in love with him.”
He looks to Josh, a mix of desperation and pleading in his eyes. “What do I do?”
“Babe, I wish I had the answers for you,” Josh grins softly. “But I don’t. And I think you might be on your own for this one. My advice? Let him know how you really feel. His answer might surprise you. And let’s be real… people like us could really use a win right now.”
Buck tilts his head, a small grin on his lips. “You know… I didn’t think I’d be baring my soul tonight.”
Josh gives him a light shove with his elbow. “And I didn’t think I’d have the pleasure of the company of such a cute guy in my apartment.”
Buck laughs. “I guess I’m alright. Not exactly a catch.”
Josh manages a derisive snort. “You are totally a catch.”
“I’m a recovering sex addict in love with his straight best friend.” Buck chuckles and tries to laugh it off but Josh reaches over and grabs his hand in a firm grip. He’s stern and confident and feeling uncharacteristically sure of himself.
“Evan Buckley, you are a wonderful man. You are strong, and courageous, and loving, and you have so much to give.”
Buck blinks and takes a slow shuddering breath. “Thank you,” he says softly. “You know, I came over tonight to make you feel better.”
“You did,” Josh says honestly. “And I definitely appreciate the company.”
And then Buck does something completely unexpected. He leans over and presses a gentle kiss to his lips. It’s soft and sweet and only lasts a brief moment. But it causes those butterflies in his stomach that Buck was talking about earlier.
“Um… what was that?” Josh asks hoarsely after they part.
“I just felt like doing it,” Buck whispers.
Josh grins and presses a hand against the other man’s chest. He pushes him away gently. His cheeks burn and he really hopes it’s not noticeable.
“Alright, slugger. Maybe it’s time to sleep it off.”
Buck laughs. “Don’t worry, I’m acting of my own volition.”
Josh leans back and grins. He doesn’t need to figure out Buck’s misguided drama. He knows where he stands, and he certainly would like to think that Maddie had given him enough warning about her unpredictable brother to fend off any foolish advances.
Though not necessarily unwanted.
“This was really great, Buck… but I don’t want you to regret anything.”
Buck nods solemnly and leans back, closing his eyes. “I don’t have the best impulse control,” he admits.
“You’re better than you think,” Josh murmurs.
Buck hums under his breath. “Maybe I should go.”
Josh laughs lightly. “No judgment, Buck.” He leans back as well and watches the ceiling. “It’s good that you’ve found someone, you know.”
“I guess,” Buck says softly. “Doesn’t feel great sometimes.”
Josh doesn’t say anything. He blinks slowly and closes his eyes. No one has the answers, and no one has the magical words that will fix the injustices of the world.
But for now, they sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company. And for a moment, everything is okay.
#911#911 Fox#Evan Buckley#Josh Russo#Buddie#my fics#this is my first fic in a year#holy hell I can't believe it
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Thankful for my Brother
There the textwas sent. I thought to myself. Well there is nothing I could do know.
A hour passed, and I thought I was in the clear. Maybe my brother didn't care after all. But it was to good to be true. My phone started ringing.
"What the fuck, bro! You can't just text and say your not coming to Thanksgiving!" He yelled
"Well I thought it wouldn't be a big deal." I responded.
"Of course it's a big deal! Is something wrong? I could tell you've been pulling away lately." His voice changed from anger to concern.
"No, I'm good. It just now that I'm in New York and your all the way in California, it's hard keep in touch." My voice fails to hide my depression.
"Come on dude. That maybe part of it but, I know more is going on. I know when your lying. For christ sakes, I had to act like brother, mother and father to you. You know we can be honest with each other. We are all each other gots."
He was right about that. I was 12 when my parents died. And, he was 18. He was already to graduate high school and begin his college life. But that all stopped.
Being only children, my parents had no family left. So, everything they had was left to us. And, it was a pretty good amount of money. However since we were both under 20 most of the money would be locked under a trust fund. Then their was the case of my custody. I remember the exact phrasing, as the lawyer read the will.
"And, if we should die before Alex turns 18. We ask that our oldest son Jason becomes his legal guardian. But, it must be his choice to want to go through with this." My heart stopped. What was going to happen. But, before I could think about anything he started talking.
"Of course I'm going to keep my brother. He's not going anywhere." He stated strongly but with tears running down his face. He put is arms around me and pushed me close to him. "We are all we got, now."
I was happy. I was glad he liked me enough to keep him. After all the annoying things I did and the fights we had, he cared about me. But, at the same time I wanted to tell him no, don't do it. But, I couldn't. I didn't want to lose him. Maybe I was being selfish. But even at that young age, I knew how much he was giving up.
Instead of going to college he got a job. We, also, moved in to a small apartment after selling most of our parents things, because we could no longer afford living in our old house. Part of the will was he had to take financial responsibility class. So, that help.
And, he was able to help me. He helped me get through puberty, he taught me how to shave, he taught me how to talk to girls, he helped me with my homework, he made sure I always ate, and so many other things a brother, mom and dad would do.
By the time I was 18, I wanted to get a job to start helping my brother. But, he pushed me to go to college. He wanted my life to be all it could be. In a loving way, he wanted my life to make up for his. Luckily, we now had the money from the trust fund so, my college was paid for. I spent four years at a local university, majoring computer engineering.
My brother also got a break. At this point, most off his friends were finished with college. And, some of them were starting there own businesses. So, one of his good friends, offered him a better job. During this time he even met the love of his life. Over the course of a few years, they started having kids. And, I started feeling like a burden on their life. My brother's wife, came from a big family. And, they would always come around. They quickly accepted my brother, as their new son. And ,yes, they were kind to me. But, I felt like a third wheel. So, after college I knew I had to leave. It took a few years longer than I wanted, but I got a good job offer from a tech company in New York.
Being away from him, I realize why I left. I was jealous of the happiness my brother had. I wanted the love he had. I guess the death of my parents have affected me more than I thought. Unlike, my brother, I had relationships and commitment issues. Over my college life, I was becoming a bit of a play boy. And, it didn't help that I was Bi because it meant I had more options to mess around with. Now that I'm in New York with a good paying job, most of night end with going to clubs with my friends I've made, get drunk, and find a one night stand.
"Come on say something." My brother voice cut through my thoughts.
"Oh sorry ... it's just I don't want to be a burden. I don't want you tell feel like you need to have me there just because I'm your brother. I mean you got a new family now, you don't need me around anymore." I say.
"See, I new something was wrong. You sound depressed as fuck. Don’t do anything stupid. I’m going to take the next flight to go see you?”
“No, don’t. I’m not suicidal. Plus, your going miss thanksgiving with your family.”
“Fuck it, they’ll understand. I mean the holidays are a rough time for us. Especially since it’s around the time mom and dad died. And, this is the first time your all alone for it. It’s natural to be sad, heck I’m still sad, even though I got my wife and kids. Are you sure you don’t want me to fly over? I think it would help you feel better.”
“No, you don’t have to take care of me. I’‘m 26 for fuck sakes! I appreciate everything you had too sacrifice for me. and, I still love you. But, you don’t gotta fucking babysit me anymore. With this time apart, I just got to find out some things for myself.” I said aggressively.
“Okay ... okay, I understand ... I understand.” my brother says, trying to calm me down..
Tears in my eyes and I feel guilty. “Sorry ...sorry ...sorry. I don’t know where that came from. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Just recently I’ve been discovering how broken I am. I’ve actually started seeing a therapist gain. Turns out I have a lot of guilt from forcing you to take care of me and ruining your life. And at the same time, I’m jealous of you, your life, and your ability to love.”
“Hey! You didn’t force me to do shit!. What kind of person would I have been if I sent you away. I did it cause I wanted too do it.” He responded with a stern loving tone. “And you didn’t ruin my life. I got a good job now. I got a wife. I got kids. I’m happy. You shouldn’t feel guilty about anything.” He said with amusement. “But, I’m not going to lie. I was jealous of you. I mean you got to live the life, I wanted. But, I understand ... there are just somethings you got to do, for yourself.”
“Thanks for understanding. I’ll probably just hangout with some other friends, who won’t go back home for the holidays. But, I’ll definitely be there for Christmas. And, I’ll find a way to make it back up to you, for not coming to Thanksgiving.” I reply.
“Actually ... I was never going to use it. But, after hearing how you feel, I think I know how you can make it up to me.” He says.
“How?” I asked.
“Let’s swap lives.”
“What”
“Let’s swap lives. I’ll be in your body and you be in mine.”
“Yeah ... I heard you the first time ... are you okay?”
“oh ... yeah ... I know it sounds crazy but, my friends company has been working on a device to swap bodies. It’s in beta so ... so far the swap is permanent. And, we just said we always have been jealous of each other. So, now we can be each other”
“But, what about your life. I don’t know about your family dynamic. no, offense but I’m not sexually attractive to your wife. I wouldn’t make a good father. You don’t know anything about my job. If you could swap our bodies we would just mess up each other lives. And wouldn’t you miss your wife and kids.”
“Yes I love them. But, if we swap none of that would matter. I could set it up so we have all the information we need to get through our new lives. My love for my wife and kids would be transferred to you. All our skills will be swapped. So, you will be a good father and husband. It won’t be like I’m leaving them, because now I’m leaving them in your hands.”
I was so confused. Did my brother snap. Is he crazy. But, experiencing my brothers happiness would be my dream come true. “Okay, but how does it ...” And, Suddenly the phone hanged up. My vision became blurry. The world around me spun. And, then my vision went black. I woke up filling heavy. I was no longer om my couch. My suit was gone. Instead, I was in a truck. I was wearing a very dad type outfit, with a baseball cap on my head. A phone was in my hand so, I unlocked it using my finger print. I turned on the camera. My brother’s breaded face was looking back at me. I could feel his bigger muscular body underneath the layer of clothes he had on.
I got a text from my phone. Thank you little bro ... or should I say big brow now lol. Hope you enjoy your new life. See you at Christmas. New memories flood my mind. Happy, sad, angry, scared memories . My body start seizing up. Finally, it stopped, In mere seconds, I experienced my brother’s entire life. But, I still knew I used to be my little brother. It’s an odd feeling. But, I look at my front door. And happiness fills my mind for the first time in a long time. I can’t wait to see my beautiful wife and kids.
A few day pass, and I hope my little brother is enjoying his new life. I’m sitting at the table enjoying all the food and my family. My kids are are being silly. My father-in-law is watching football. My wife’s sisters and brothers all around the table talking. my mother-in-law making sure people eat more. Being surrounded by all this love is all I ever wanted.
Then, I get a text. My brother sent me a picture. I see him on the far right. He actually looks happy. his text reads, “Damn bro. It rules not being tied down. Last night, I had my first threesome with some girls. Now, I’m going have my first gay threesome, with these hot ass guys, tonight. Thanks for the swap and I hope you found everything you were looking for in your new life. I sure have. See you at Christmas, will catch up.”
I’m glad he is happy. I’m just thankful we both are truly happy.
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Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander
Thoughts on Ep. 511
Ok so this episode is like the perfect embodiment of my love/hate relationship with the books. And the show, but since the author wrote it, the books too, and her writing/plotting in general. I hated the other episode she wrote so my expectations going into this were *rull* low.
This episode was like a series of character-driven vignettes, which is what I like most about her writing (and why I bother even sticking around): random scenes here and there that I really enjoy as standalone bits. But, in true Outlander fashion, it also like ticked a lot of the boxes for stuff plot-wise that I can’t stand. Namely, yet more violence against multiple women, Marsali and Fergus getting shortchanged, Lord John crossing just over the creepy line for a sec with Jamie and the situation with Ulysses’ legal status. It didn’t check the rape box, but we may have to revisit that next week. I sure as fuck hope we don’t have to, but seeing as this show never met a rape it didn’t think was ToTaLlY nEcEsSaRy to include... *preemptive sigh*
Show-wise this very much felt like a penultimate episode and in that respect it accomplished what it was supposed to. In the overall arc of the season though, much like when considering the whole book series, a few solid standalone scenes here and there do not equal a good whole. To be in this fandom is to be an expert in eating around the moldy parts of the bread to get a few nibbles of good stuff.
Anywho, SCIENCE!JIZZ 5EVA!
Fuck yeah PB&J, and Claire is forgiven for not mastering fluff yet. But fluffernutters are also a staple in any growing kid’s diet.
Poor burned girl. It’s not her fault she vaguely resembles a walker so I spent the whole time thinking about TWD.
Omfg I got like PTSD flashbacks when I saw that dress in the title card. KILL THAT DRESS WITH FIRE!
There may not be fluffernutters, but Bree and Claire fluff and Young Ian and Jemmy fluff are good substitutes.
This kid is adorbs tho.
They’ve been really blasé about mentioning time travel in front of folks this season. First Marsali and now Young Ian. The latter will be remedied, but I’m still lowkey annoyed that Fergus and Marsali aren’t brought into the circle of trust... Esp. when there was a perfect opportunity for it later on.
I cannot with men, tbh. Seeking justice for a daughter who’s been “dishonored” by killing the dude is like the most overused trope of toxic masculinity ever. And now we’re supposed to be all like oh look how relatable the Brown guy is! Because our tropey men wanted to kill a dude like that last week! Hard pass. Also, fucking his kid wasn’t raped, she loves a guy who happens to be married, but everything was super consensual. Sooo like double gross points for you, dude.
And yes, I know it’s ThE pAsT, but I am not in the past, I am in the present, and the show is airing in the present, so thinking this sort of behavior is gross is totes ok. So the fucked up squad of randos who always jump into my notes about how they like “their men to be men” can just shove it, ok? Ok.
They’re like really not subtle with the foreshadowing this episode are they. But then again, when has subtlety ever been a thing on this show. That’s a nice still you got there, shame if anything were to happen to it...
I’m really digging the decor in this living room.
Oh hey! They finally decided to stop pretending like Young Ian was dumb and didn’t notice literally *gestures* everything about Claire.
I’m still salty they never told Jenny and Ian in S3 tbh.
Shockingly, considering who wrote it, so much of this episode is directly from the books. So I’m sure the Cult of Herself folks will be obsessed. And like yeah, some of the stuff in this episode is some of the bits I really like from the books as individual little scenes. However! I know some in the cult will use this as a reason why the show should StAy TrUe To ThE bOoKs more. And please, for the love of fuck, fight that instinct. Parts of this episode aren’t good “because they’re from the book,” they’re good because they’re emotional moments between characters, which is where both the books and the show are strongest. “Sticking with the book” on everything would make an already not great show even worse. I mean, the show ain’t great, but thank fuck they’ve streamlined the book stuff as much as they have.
Yes, I did notice the Pamela easter egg from the book. No, I’m not one who gets excited about shit like that.
Aaand here we get the problematic af bit about Ulysses and his legal status. In the book, he was offered freedom and turned it down to stay with Jocasta. Which is twelve kinds of fucked up. Here, he *is* a free man and he chooses to stay and cosplay an enslaved person so he can chill with Jocasta? FUCK THAT NOISE. That is some “benevolent slave owner” bullshit. They don’t get overt with the Ulysses and Jocasta are banging stuff from the book, which is also epically fucked up considering the power dynamic and how a fuckton of men enslaved their own fucking kids because they’d raped the mothers and children take the status of the mother. I’m glad they didn’t come right out and say that. But it’s like lowkey implied and even if it’s not supposed to be taken as canon, having a Black man be given the option to get the fuck out of there and choose to stay with someone who enslaves other Black people is like some dangerous white fanfic nonsense.
Also, thinking about the slave/master relationship dynamic today really makes me wish I saw Jeremy O. Harris’ play while it was running...
Oh yay, Bree and Roger are actually leaving. Much like the Bonnet shit, credit where credit’s due, I’m glad they’re not dragging the will they/won’t they go out for another season.
Don’t sound so butthurt that you didn’t get to murder a guy, Jamie.
Poor Young Ian. Buddy needs a hug. And more screentime for his story. Like, do we really need something else traumatic to happen to Claire when we could explore family dynamics instead? This time with Young Ian and his wife and their Mohawk family?
THERE ARE SO MANY OTHER WAYS TO HAVE DRAMA AND CONFLICT THAT CAN TAKE UP THE RUNNING TIME OF A SEASON THAT DON’T INVOLVE CONSTANTLY PUTTING THE WOMEN IN PHYSICAL DANGER.
Lol at the thought of LJG “working the land.” Like, buddy, have you seen yourself?
“No doubt there a great many things I shall miss about being here.” Don’t make it weird bro.
Yes, I know he’s like gonna miss their friendship and stuff. But he’s always been just a smidge too intense about it. And by a smidge I mean the gay guy openly in love with his straight best friend a gross trope and I don’t like it.
Ok so if we’re following the “rules” of the show that the production used to recite ad nauseam to justify why Jamie and Claire barely seemed to even like each other for a few seasons (”they’re married, we don’t need to see them fuck!” “we already know they love each other, it’s a given!”), this sex scene shouldn’t exist. Because it’s really not essential to the plot. Which just proves the “rules” are and always were bullshit excuses. And the author/writer of this episode def spouted that bullshit too, so she can also shove it.
Because this scene *should* exist and those “rules” *were* complete crap. Because Jamie and Claire are very sexual/physical people and, especially when they’re going through things, use sex to center themselves where they are and in their relationship. Bree and Roger are leaving. Jem’s leaving. They’re sad about that. But they’re also happy that they made a family and got to be together as a family and are glad to have had that chance. (And, they just like to fuck.) So of course this is a good character moment. This is the kind of shit we should be seeing instead of just a constant barrage of plot and violence. And the crew can fuck all they off with their not at all convincing talking points about “rules.”
Also this is a much better use of sex than them constantly having them fuck after a fight instead of actually working through the issue between them.
Also, fuck yeah, get it gurrrl.
SCIENCE!JIZZ! (I’m gonna need a gif of Claire’s face when Jamie’s figuring it out because that’s gonna be in heavy reaction rotation.
I just love Claire fuck yeah science Beauchamp.
It’s also another scene that does nothing to advance the plot, but is a nice respite from the constant trauma. The show has yet to find a balance between the two, which is annoying af because they’ve had five seasons to figure it out. So like whenever there is fluff, folks pounce on it like starving animals. Which some in the crew (and some fans) like to point out like “see, you all like everything now!” Or “look, why are you whining so much, we gave you this!” Or “wow you hate the show but now you like this part? Hypocrite.”
But like, no, that’s not what it means. Not giving someone water for days and then throwing them a small canteen doesn’t mean everything is hunky dory. It’s still super fucked up. So no, enjoying the fact that there are a few fluffy scenes in an episode doesn’t mean the show is good. If they made more of an effort to center the characters and spread the fluff around a bit more instead of waiting until there was like trauma fatigue and throwing in a fluffy life raft, the show as a whole would be stronger.
</rant>
Ok it’s super fucked up they hadn’t told Bree about Willie yet, but I’m glad Jamie is the one who tells her.
“And it wasn’t a matter of love between us, but it was her choice, and that’s all I’ll say about it.” BECAUSE SHE RAPED HIM. COERCION IS NOT CONSENT AND ALL THE PEOPLE WHO ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT HOW “HOT” THAT SCENE WAS ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING AND THE PRODUCTION IS DISGUSTING FOR SHOOTING A FUCKING RAPE IN THE MANNER THEY DID. AND ALSO FUCK THEM FOR HAVING IT BE A RAPE IN THE FIRST PLACE WHEN IT COULD HAVE SO FUCKING EASILY BEEN CONSENSUAL.
This show is so fucking not good.
This scene with Jamie and Brianna is super nice, but like, we saw nothing of them building their relationship. He didn’t even fucking hug her after Murtagh died. The scene loses so much of what it could have had because they never did the legwork to show us what they mean to each other.
It’s the same old shit they pulled with Claire and Jamie. “Oh they’re together and endgame so we don’t actually need to show you them building and working on their relationship that much. Because you know they’re together so just go with it.” Like no? Fuck you? That’s not how this works?
FERGUS AND MARSALI DESERVE BETTER!
Of course Marsali’s preggo again. Why the fuck should she do anything but spit out babies. Also, THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT TIME TO HAVE THE FRASER KIDS TALK ABOUT TIME TRAVEL.
And Bree’s become a sister to Marsali? We saw one fucking scene of them together. See above rant. Fucking show us them becoming sisters. Sorry to interrupt your constant stream of violence and trauma, but fucking actually SHOWING characters building relationships instead of TELLING us they did the thing is how this is fucking supposed to work.
I’m rull pissed we never got quality Fraser kid bonding, y’all.
And ditto with this scene with Lizzie. We saw more of Bree and Lizzie than Bree and Marsali, but like we never really saw them becoming friendly post Bree’s rape and Rogergate.
All the goodbyes are like making me feel inch deep feelings because they’re rooted in nothing we’ve actually seen. And I’m not a Bad Fan or dumb for not filling in the feelings myself. I’m the viewer. It’s not my job to fill in the show’s gaps. It’s the show’s job not to have emotional gaps.
Oh hey! Another shitty man who hurts his wife and another woman trapped in a physically abusive relationship who thinks the abuse is her fault! On Outlander? Who’da thunk they’d have something like this?!
I’m so tired, y’all. So. Fucking. Tired.
I HOPE YOUNG IAN FINDS HAPPINESS TOO, ROGER.
Ok but for real, every time Lord John talks about how Willie and Bree are like Jamie it has that gross tinge to it. Like I know he’s not meaning it like a creeper, but they leaned so fucking hard into him being so into and not over Jamie that the layer of grossness is always there.
Also like, grannie and grandda, we got like one scene of Claire and Jamie playing with Jem. WE COULD HAVE FELT SO MANY MORE FEELINGS ABOUT THEM BEING SEPARATED IF ONLY THEY HAD TAKEN THE TIME TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIPS ON SCREEN.
Claire making everyone PB&Js is fucking adorable and I love her.
Old timey forks will never not be fucking weird looking.
“And now it’s just you and me again.” Uh, Fergus, Marsali and Young Ian might be a tad offended by that sentiment, Clairebear.
Ok but like do they really think a rope is gonna hold up to fucking magic time travel rocks? It’s gotta just be like a mental security blanket thing, right? Because if not, loooooooooool.
Ok but the really just let their kiddo run off like that in the middle of the magic time travel rock circle? Dumbasses.
Ok but like what’s the betting they ended up in like a RenFest type thing and think they haven’t traveled but they have and it’s like lol look at them fitting in with their old timey clothes vs. skipping them going back to the future and doing the going adventuring around the even past-er past part but with them all together instead of Roger and Buck?
I’m just hoping it’s something completely different than the books because I have zero interest in Bree and Roger in the 20th century and hate the Roger and Buck nonsense with a fiery passion.
Erm, that’s a little close to the house to build a privy, my dudes.
Is the setting a guy’s dislocated shoulder thing supposed to be a cute callback? Because like hey wink wink, first she was kidnapped and then set a shoulder and now she’s setting a shoulder and then getting kidnapped is kind of a fucked up “joke.”
But how about we get more of Nurse!Marsali and less of Marsali just being constantly preggo.
“Sort of like the opposite of what you do when ya joint a hog.” I JUST LOVE NURSE!MARSALI A LOT OK.
Aaand now that we’re all good and docile little fans who have been placated with some fluff and Fraser fucking as a treat, we can go back to the regularly scheduled violence against women. Because we literally just had a violent abduction last week. So clearly it’s time for another.
Everything in this story has been done before...
I swear to fuck, if they do the thing I think they’re gonna do next week, I hope they get rightfully dragged by fucking everyone.
And if by some fucking miracle of Caitriona putting her foot down they don’t do the thing next week, they get zero brownie points. You don’t get rewarded for doing what you should have done the whole time.
And of course the closing is Jamie lighting Flaming Dildo 2.0. His men swore oaths to him, not any government or crown, and protecting his family has always been the top thing for Jamie. So good choice there with saving Claire being the reason he calls up the men.
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Remus’s Trip to the Grocery Store
notes: 3,582 words. originally posted to ao3 on august 22, 2020.
non-magical, modern au. first meetings, fluff, humor.
told in 5 parts, the first two happen at the same time but are told from different POVs, same for the next two, then part 5 happens only once.
4:26pm – 4:36pm: Remus
Remus grabbed a red grocery cart and pushed it forwards. He didn’t have a lot of items to buy today, since he was really only stopping for tonight’s dinner and tomorrow morning’s coffee, but the choice between lugging around a basket that increased in weight over time or leaning heavily on a cart that helped maintain a personal space buffer was a no-brainer.
He grabbed his list from his back pocket. Once an envelope containing unsolicited credit card advertisements, it was now a neatly folded rectangle bearing thin but neat cursive lettering, with items such as “bread,” “premade salad,” and “fucking caffeine.” In the middle of deciding which items to grab first, Remus looked up and suddenly locked eyes with a worker at the cash register, immediately forgetting the pros and cons of his most-recently proposed efficient shopping route. The worker was strikingly handsome. Remus took in his medium-length dark hair, blue-gray eyes, and prominent facial structure, before also realizing that he himself was (1) staring, (2) caught in the act of staring, as well as (3) blocking other customers from utilizing the easiest navigational pathway between the frozen foods aisle and the produce section: a triple grocery store sin.
Shaking off his stare-induced stupor, Remus returned to the task at hand: buying groceries and going home before rush hour, eating a moderately-healthy dinner, getting into bed at a reasonable hour, and then reading until 3am. As he compared the price per ounce between two different boxes of granola bars, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander back to the worker. They look to be about the same age, he could also be a student at the local university. Remus wonders what his major might be, and if he prefers to sit in the front or the back of lecture halls, or if he ever skips classes altogether. Before he can decide if grocery-store-cashier-boy is a pen-and-pencil note-taker or a laptop note-typer, a woman’s exasperated “excuse me” comes from his side. Realizing he was blocking the cereal section with his cart, Remus made a hasty apology, before mentally cursing his lack of grocery store etiquette. Normally a champion of the unspoken grocery store rules, Remus determines that it must be the boy’s fault for distracting him. Mentally, he cursed him too.
4:26pm – 4:36pm: Sirius
Sirius flicked the switch under the counter, turning off the light above his cash register. He gave a sorry smile to the woman who had been walking towards his lane, basket in hand, before realizing he was temporarily closing the register. Sirius pointed her to his left where Dorcas was finishing a transaction with a mom and two small children. The smaller of the two kept tugging on the mom’s hand, and asking if he could dye his hair all the colors of the rainbow, like Dorcas’s undercut.
“Sure,” the mom said, laughing, “but only once you’re older.”
“I dyed mine years ago, when I turned sixteen,” Dorcas told the little family. “My parents were furious.” She handed the receipt over to the mom with a dramatic flourish, and offered the kids a conspiratorial wink.
“Hey!” Sirius stage-whispered, “stop corrupting the kids with your lesbianism!”
“It’s not like you’re a saint, with your gay-ass rainbow pin!” Dorcas laughed.
“The day I take off this pin is the day I break Effie Potter’s heart,” Sirius declared. “She was so excited to give it to me the day after Planned Parenthood tabled at her work.” Sirius’s voice trailed off at the end when he heard Dorcas return to her customer service voice, asking her next shopper if she had any trouble finding her groceries today. The rainbow pin actually meant a lot to Sirius, as it represented the acceptance and love shown by his adoptive mother, in sharp contrast to the biological mother who threw him out for his “lifestyle choices.” An additional perk of wearing it at work was that he could scan the groceries of complete strangers and not get flirted with. Except for the occasional man who was encouraged by the pin, but Sirius handled those occurrences on more of a case-by-case basis.
Sirius was clocking out for his break on the computer, when he looked up and saw a customer pushing a cart, wearing the thickest sweater he had seen in use all summer, and carrying a real-life paper shopping list. Sirius couldn’t help the small smile that formed on his face at the sight-- the whole combination was too endearing. His eyebrows shot up when the stranger lifted his head and looked right at him: he was gorgeous. In a very sweater-wearing, paper-grocery-store-list-making, probably-falls-asleep-while-reading kind of way, but still, gorgeous. The shopping boy broke eye contact first.
“Break break break break break!” James’s voice crescendoed as he hopped over towards Sirius’s register, before grabbing Sirius and squeezing just under his ribs, making Sirius jump and swat his hands away. Sirius is not ticklish, except for that one spot, which James annoyingly exploits on a daily basis.
James leaned over Sirius to use the computer to clock out as well, officially making them both free of work duties for the next twenty minutes. There was a break room in the back, but James and Sirius preferred to take their breaks at a closed register line, in the middle of the action, so they could continue to distract all of their coworkers. Sirius silently noted that their oddly-extraverted break-taking location would allow for an excellent vantage point, should the sweater-wearing boy want to make any more eye contact.
“So,” James began, drawing out the word. “Are you going to tell me who it is?”
“What are you talking about, James?”
“Who it is.” He repeated. “You keep craning your neck like a tiny little baby giraffe, looking all around the store. It’s precious. It’s endearing. Who are you looking for?”
“What? No one. Also, I’m not short.”
“Sirius. You are a very abnormally short little giraffe. Who is also looking for someone.”
“Oh my god, you are the most annoying person.”
“But I’m also three inches taller than you.”
Sirius narrowed his eyes. “Dorcas, back me up here.”
Dorcas looked up from weighing a customer’s bag of apples, looked back down to her computer, and said “No.”
James cackled unnecessarily loudly. “It’s one of three options. Number one, you’ve done something wrong and are hiding from the authorities. Number two, there’s a shopper here who you don’t want to see. Number three, there’s a shopper here who you do want to see.”
Sirius tried to keep a sufficient poker face, steeling himself to ride out James’s upcoming monologue.
“Number one is the least possible option. As is common knowledge, Sirius Black is a trouble-maker, which I commend him for. However, he is also an excellent escape-artist. In recent events, Mr. Black has been known to assign the blame to others, even his own brother,” James paused for a dramatic gasp, “in order to avoid the responsibility of his actions. If there were an authoritative body present in this fine establishment, and Mr. Black was on his government-mandated twenty minute break per four hours of hard labor, which he is, then there would be no reason for him to remain in such a visible locale.” James paused theatrically.
Sirius bit his cheek to hold in his laughter; he didn’t want to give James the satisfaction. “Are you done yet?”
“No. Possibility number one has been refuted, but possibility number two is also dethroned by the logic of scenario numero uno. If you were avoiding a customer, you would go to the break room. Therefore, ladies and gentlemen…” James made a sweeping motion with his arms, looking in turn at Sirius, Dorcas, and Dorcas’s current customer, an elderly man who appeared to be either a wizard or quite unaware that Woodstock had ended and his hair had turned gray.
“I’m still not listening,” Dorcas added, although her customer evidently was, having now turned himself fully towards James.
“Possibility number three is the only answer. Mr. Sirius Black has his eyes on a customer!” James gasped and covered his hand with his mouth. The elderly/hippie/wizard customer gasped as well, though not as loud as James.
“James, there is no customer, I was literally just looking because I thought I saw a girl from class. But I don’t think it was her.” Sirius lied. He knew that James wouldn’t mind hearing about the gorgeous sweater-clad boy, and Sirius knew he would probably tell him all about their five seconds of eye contact once they were both at home later. But, Sirius also knew that given the opportunity, James would do his best to embarrass Sirius in front of someone Sirius found attractive. It was best to keep James away during first impressions.
“Liar!” James scrambled onto the table where groceries were bagged, and grabbed the handheld barcode scanner. Now apparently conducting an interview, he spoke into the barcode scanner as if it were a microphone. “Mr. Black, do tell us, who is the unlucky victim?”
Sirius realized that he wouldn’t be able to compete with James’s energy level today, so he decided to join him instead. Speaking into the faux-microphone with a deeper-than-usual voice, Sirius answered. “Well, Mr. Potter, it was a shopper, you see, who is simply adorable, and no further questions will be taken at this time.”
“A-ha!” James announced with glee, and flung the barcode scanner down. “So there is someone!”
Returning to his normal voice, Sirius laughed and offered, “yes, you were right, you are always right, and I saw a boy, but just don’t do anything and maybe I’ll invite you to our wedding eventually.”
“Wow, wedding bells already? Must be a rather dashing young lad.” James could read Sirius like a book, they were practically brothers, and he knew when Sirius was done with a joke. Hoping that he would get to witness an interaction between Sirius and the customer today, James mercifully changed the subject to their weekend movie plans.
4:37pm – 4:42pm: Remus
Ten minutes later finds Remus’s cart holding all of the items on his list-- with the addition of two non-list items: one bar of 80% cacao dark chocolate, and one small pack of green tea mints-- and en route to the cash registers.
Remus noticed that the boy is still at his register, but that he was now joking around with another worker-- a boy with equally dark but messier hair and glasses-- who appeared to be dodging erratic jabs of an uncapped sharpie marker and laughing. Remus momentarily considered avoiding them altogether, but since (1) they are the only register without a line, (2) Remus isn’t buying any weird groceries, and (3) is capable of casual grocery store chatter with someone attractive, Remus steered his cart towards them. Glasses Boy saw him first, and momentarily frowned before his eyebrows shot up into his curls. He poked Attractive Boy, who turned towards Remus and smiled, before turning back towards Glasses Boy to smack his arm. Remus is now close enough to read his name tag, which states Sirius, and is glad to be able to stop referring to him as “Attractive Boy” in his head. He also happily noticed the rainbow pin clipped under his name. The other worker’s name is James, but Remus wasn’t looking away from Sirius for very long.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?” Sirius asked, as he quickly types something into the computer. His words may come from the same required script he uses for every customer, but Remus noticed that his tone sounded friendly.
“I did, thanks, how about you?” Remus returned, pleased at keeping his voice calm despite talking to the most attractive person he had ever seen. A beat of silence followed before he realized what he said, and immediately blushed. “I mean, wait, sorry–”
Sirius’s laugh is warm, and it feels like he is laughing with Remus instead of at him, somehow, before he leaned in conspiratorially and offered in a slightly lower volume, “You know, I think I did find what I was looking for.” His eyes remained on Remus’s shocked expression for another moment before he returned to scanning the groceries. Meanwhile, the other worker, James, groaned loudly and took a step backwards.
Now speechless, Remus felt his face get even warmer and was certain he was now the same shade of red as the cart. Could Sirius possibly be flirting with him? Remus knew he wasn’t unattractive, but he didn’t think someone like Sirius would show interest in him.
4:37pm – 4:42pm: Sirius
Now with only ten minutes left of their break, Sirius and James have covered all of the conversational topics available to them within the workplace-- they have updated each other on the happenings of their last two hours, exchanged weird customer stories, discussed the pros and cons of “double texting” the red-haired girl James met in his Anthropology class study group-- and have moved on to entertaining themselves by play-fighting. Naturally, it escalated in volume, and as their manager would say if he was actually on the floor, “obnoxiousness.”
James brandished the barcode scanner and waved it over Sirius’s forearm-- sleeve pulled up to display his constellation tattoos-- screeched a remarkably accurate “BEEP,” and proclaimed that Sirius was worth a total of ninety-five cents. In retaliation, Sirius uncapped a black sharpie marker, and began trying to draw on James. James laughed as he dodged the swipes.
Suddenly, James froze, and looked just beyond Sirius’s shoulder with a small frown. Sensing that their mayhem had finally become noticed by a manager or shift lead, Sirius capped the sharpie and began to draft the perfect story that would get himself out of trouble and throw James under the bus. He was pulled out of his lie-crafting when James poked him in the side, now looking mischievously excited.
Sirius turned around to see the cute boy from earlier, and smiled reflexively. The boy was pushing his shopping cart towards Sirius’s register, and Sirius realized that the boy must not know that his lane is currently closed.
“Oh, yes,” James whispered with glee.
Sirius smacked him and issued a simple warning grunt.
Sirius stole another look at the boy. Now that they are closer, he took in the warm hazel eyes and the few faint scars running between his freckles. Already ignoring the anticipated tormenting he will receive from James later, Sirius quickly logs back in to the computer to be able to ring up the boy’s purchases, despite still being on break.
Now that the boy is actually standing in front of him, Sirius is surprised to find that he is a little nervous. He’s always been a successful conversationalist, and a very effortless flirter. James always pointed out that roughly fifty percent of the annual Thanksgiving food bank donations come from Sirius’s customers. Looking for something to say, he blurted out the first thing he could think of.
“Did you find everything you were looking for today?” Sirius quickly cursed himself for sounding so boring.
“I did, thanks, how about you?” The boy answered, and Sirius immediately loved his voice. He had the timbre of an audiobook narrator. “I mean, wait, sorry–”
Sirius’s laughter interrupted him. Deciding to double-down on the flirting to make up for the fact that he opened with a line about groceries, he put the charm back on and leaned forward just a bit. “You know, I think I did find what I was looking for.”
James groaned loudly and took a step backwards from the grocery bags, but Sirius knew he was still listening intently.
4:43pm – 4:50pm: both
“Is your name actually Sirius?” Remus blurted out. Sirius looked surprised, but Remus spoke again before he could respond. “No, it’s a cool name, I really like it actually, but I work in a coffee shop on campus and sometimes I steal someone else’s name tag because my name is Remus which is kind of a weird name but I just realized that I’m rambling so I am now going to stop talking.”
Sirius smiled at him. “Nice to meet you, Remus. I like your name too.” Time paused as their eye contact held, and small smiles began forming. The moment ended when James started making gagging noises, empty grocery bags in hand.
“Bye James! Your grocery bagging skills are no longer required.” Sirius said, shoo-ing him away without looking away from Remus. “Good luck with that girl who won’t text you back!”
James smiled mischievously as he began to make his way towards the previously unused break room. “Good luck with your foot fungus, Sirius! Don’t forget to apply your poultice at the top of every hour!”
Sirius shook his head before returning to Remus’s groceries. “You said you work in a coffee shop on campus? Which one?”
“Oh, it’s the UCenter Caffeine House.” Remus is pleased to have successfully said one sentence to Sirius without butchering any social or conversational norms.
“Are you a student then?”
“Yeah, I’ll be a Junior this fall. Are you also a student there?” Remus hoped his question didn’t sound too excited.
Sirius beamed. “Yeah, I’m going into Junior year as well actually!”
“Oh cool, what are you studying?” Remus asked.
“Philosophy. But I’m thinking about adding an Education minor because I’ve been thinking about becoming a teacher.”
“That’s awesome! I’m studying Psychology, but minoring in Education because I want to work in elementary schools.” Remus thought briefly of his seventh grade guidance counselor, Ms. McGee. “I hope I can help people the way that I was helped.”
Sirius paused his scanning, holding the green tea mints in the air, and looked up at Remus again. “That is really powerful to hear. I owe a lot to the psychologists that worked in my schools while I was growing up.” Remus was pleased to hear that Sirius is appreciative of his path, but also that he seems to actually value therapy and social work. “These mints are so good by the way, I just eat them like candy.”
Remus took advantage of the available lighter conversation topic. “Oh good, they reminded me of one of my favorite drinks at work! It’s a blended matcha mint tea. Although I usually add some chocolate sauce to mine.”
Sirius laughed, now scanning the dark chocolate bar, “Sounds like it matches your shopping cart items. Maybe I’ll have to come try this matcha mint drink, when do you work next?”
Now it is Remus’s turn to smile. “I work a closing shift tomorrow! So I’ll be there starting at 4pm, but the baked goods are half-off after 5.”
“Sounds like I’ll see you at 5 then, Remus. Will you be wearing your own name tag?” Sirius asked innocently.
It took Remus a half second to realize that Sirius was referring to his earlier embarrassing ramblings about his name. Not one to be out-done, even by ridiculously attractive grocery store workers, he replied with his own faux-innocence. “Yep, and if you’re coming right at five o’clock will you need to apply your foot fungus poultice at the shop? We have a bathroom inside.”
They both laugh, and Sirius can’t help but feel warmer, as if somehow this boy walked into the store and ended up talking to Sirius for a reason. They maintain a comfortable eye contact, before Sirius decides he should complete the transaction, having long ago finished ringing up Remus’s groceries.
“Did you want a plastic or a paper bag for these? My bagger seems to have returned to his break.”
Remus pulled out the compact folded reusable bag from his pocket. “Oh, I brought my own actually.”
“Perfect,” Sirius said, and they both began placing Remus’s items inside.
“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “did you say return to his break? Are you on break right now?”
Sirius sheepishly pointed up to the box above his register. Compared to the other lanes with workers, it is not illuminated. “James and I usually take our breaks out here, um, because we like being, uh, a part of the action?”
Remus’s face fell. “I feel so bad for making you work during your break; I didn’t realize your lane was closed, but, you were too nice to say anything. Although the thought of you wanting to stay on the floor during your break makes my introverted soul shudder.”
Sirius laughed, “No, don’t worry, I would have told you I was closed if I didn’t want you here.” Remus smiles in response. “But,” Sirius said, drawing out the vowel, “my break did end while we were talking and I should probably start ringing other customers up.”
“Oh, yes, of course, let me stop distracting you.” Remus picked up his bag of groceries, and took a step towards the exit. “It was nice to meet you, Sirius, and sorry again about interrupting your break.”
Sirius looked up from his station, and despite having already turned on the “Lane Open” sign, called out again. “Wait, Remus, um, your receipt!”
“Oh, I don’t need it, but thank you–” Remus was cut off by Sirius handing it to him, their fingers brushing for just a second.
“I’ll see you tomorrow at 5!”
“Yeah, see you!” Remus smiled as he walked out of the store. His smile grew even wider when he unfolded the receipt to see a phone number scribbled in black sharpie.
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for the "hi, I’m not from the US" ask (sorry its so many ldsfksdj): 2, 8, 14, 22, 26, 29
You are an angel and i love you for asking so many questions ^^ <3
(for context, i live in Australia)
2. do you prefer spending your holidays in your country or travel abroad?
honestly i’m too poor to think about going to other countries most of the time so i can’t go to other countries unless it’s a family trip anyway ^^; but when i can i do like seeing other places, especially New Zealand or Europe. I went to the US once but it was a lot to take in so i kind of prefer those other countries.
that being said, Australia is really beautiful and i do like going to different places in it that aren’t the beach (beaches are lovely but they get kinda boring after a while). once we went to Thredbo, in the mountains, which was absolutely gorgeous, and my parents went to Tasmania once and i’m jealous of them cos it looked really pretty. And I’ve been living in Adelaide for the past year and a bit which is actually gorgeous, i love it. so while i like travelling to other countries, i also do like spending my holidays in Australia too ^^
8. do you get confused with other nationalities? if so, which ones and by whom?
i get very confused by a lot of attitudes in America - especially tipping, i still don’t understand it. when i went to New York me and my friend just left 20s with every payment cos we’re gay and can’t do maths and servers deserve at least that much imo. overall tho america was just scary cos it was a massive city with very different street customs.
I went to germany once and apparently they knock on the desk to clap instead of actually clapping??? confused the hell out of me when i saw it lmao - also they have really big lunches, like that’s the main meal, and dinner tends to be leftovers rather than cooking something new. they also eat a ton of bread but i am a-ok with that cos i love bread.
I’m sure there’s things about new zealand that confused me at the time but i can’t remember them tbh, it was a good 4 years ago we went.
otherwise any other country i visit that isn’t a western one i assume i’m gonna be confused by some things cos it’s just a different country - but some western country customs make me very confused.
14. do you enjoy your country’s cinema and/or TV?
not really and yes?? Australian cinema is either: movies with hugh jackman about sheep farmers in the 50s where everything is dusty as hell and someone usually dies but there’s a happy ending and not an indigenous person in sight, movies specifically about indigenous people’s stories that are really good and heavy to watch but like necessary if you’re white (Rabbit Proof Fence is a good one), or indie films that are the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen (like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YqZyqSu4XII). so overall not a ton of options but there are some good things in there
Australian TV tho, THAT is interesting - various shows about white people crying over cooking, building or animals, or satire shows about music or current events, or shows about people watching shows (yes gogglebox is a real thing and i love it). if it’s not a reality show or competition show, it’s not worth watching - neighbours is so fuckin old and home and away is the australian version of riverdale but Was Here First so don’t bother with them lmao.
22. what makes you proud about your country? what makes you ashamed?
I like that Australians tend to have an attitude of ‘have a fair go’ and most of us try to live by that. i don’t like that this doesn’t extend to refugees, immigrants, our own indigenous people or anyone who isn’t cis, white and able-bodied.
i’m ashamed that it took us till 2017 to legalise gay marriage in the country. i’m ashamed that we’ve been holding refugees from the middle east in camps on Nauru and Christmas Island since 2007 and still haven’t stopped. I’m ashamed that there are over 400 deaths of indigenous people in custody and not a single person has been charged or investigated over them. I’m ashamed that the only thing we have that’s better than america is our healthcare system and gun laws, cos in so many ways we are the same or worse.
i’m still proud to be australian, but there’s a lot of things i’m ashamed about with this country.
26. does your nationality get portrayed in Hollywood/American media? what do you think about the portrayal?
*thinks about every exaggerated australian accent americans do ever* hoo boy
literally the only proper australian accents i’ve ever heard in hollywood and american media are Lou from ocean’s 8, and Matt Mercer doing an australian halfling blacksmith in like a couple of critical role episodes (thank you matt mercer you are a god i love you).
everyone seems to think we’ve all got REALLY exaggerated nasal aussie accents??? and we say crikey and mate all the time??? it’s jhfgkdls wild. like sure i say mate occasionally but not every second word, and i don’t think i’ve used crikey in more than 10 sentences in my life, ever.
it’s not like, important, or anything, but it annoys me when american’s just do the most stereotypical dumb accent ever and say dumb shit they think is true (it’s PRAWN on the barbie you fucking heathens) and it’s just like guys. please stop.
thank you for the ask!!!
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Symphogear, EP. 6
Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:
Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.
Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.
And so, the journey continues...
Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...
Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.
“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”
“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”
“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”
Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.
Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.
It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.
Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.
The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.
“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”
On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.
“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”
“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”
“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”
“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”
“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”
“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”
And so, they both just kinda... stand there.
“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”
Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.
“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”
“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”
“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”
Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.
“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”
“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”
“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”
It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.
“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”
Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.
Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.
It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”
Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.
Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.
“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”
“this is the last straw.
i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”
“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”
“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”
The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.
“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”
“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”
Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.
“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”
“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”
I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.
This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.
Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.
“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”
“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”
“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”
“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”
“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”
“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”
“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that
i...
i larp.”
“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”
“.....................................im super into realism.”
“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”
As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.
“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”
“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”
“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”
Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.
“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”
“a westaboo?”
“westaboo?”
“did he just unironically say westaboo”
“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”
“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”
Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...
“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”
“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”
“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”
“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”
“sure!”
“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”
“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”
“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”
“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”
“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”
“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”
“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”
“for the cause!”
“yes hibiki... for the cause...”
Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.
Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.
“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”
“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”
“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”
“HOLY SHIT”
“you are already”
“dead.”
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hi so i have a question !! do you know of any spells on protecting a relationship from external forces and negative energies ? if not fo you have any suggestions on what to use or do to create one ? thank u sm !!
I don’t normally answer spell requests, but I figured this might be a good opportunity to show how you can use a pre-made spell and deconstruct it if you need to adapt anything or make substitutions. So this post is about:
Deconstructing spells and making well-informed substitutions (and a love spell I guess)
The basic steps I’ll be walking you through are: reading through the spell as it appears in the book or online, identifying the purpose for each item or action, finding equivalent or more powerful items or actions as needed, performing the spell and knowing whether or not it worked.
If you just want the fish then I guess you can read the first part and go home, but I’m giving you the “learn to fish” option (better deal, imo).
(This spell is mine btw, so please don’t repost it anywhere. This also means it’s based on French Canadian folk magic, which might differ from your personal practice.)
The intent of this spell is: “These individuals are happy together and prosper, and are protected from hindering forces/energies.”
The spell:
- Two apples- One knife- One pack dry yeast (they’re usually about 7g)- 1.5 tablespoons of white sugar- 1.25 (one and a quarter) cups of warm water- 0.5 tablespoons (half) or 1.5 (one and a half) teaspoons- 1 tablespoon of oil- 3 to 3.5 (three and a half) cups of flour - enough twine or string to wrap around the apple, 100% cotton NOT synthetic (butcher’s twine for example)- Baking tray or bread mold- Oven
1. Before you start any kind of ritual, you want to cut both apples in half top down (vertical through the core). Don’t worry about perfection, it doesn’t matter, but you need to have this step done before you cast any kind of circle if that’s something you do. 2. If you have any kind of “pre-spell” activities such as casting a circle or cleansing your space, go ahead and do that. 3. Bring one half from each apple into the ritual space (”ritual space” as in wherever you do your thing, does not have to be an altar or anything of that nature… I do mine wherever is practical, in this case the kitchen counter) as well as the twine. Put the two halves together, wrap the twine around them three times and tie a knot. If you like to say something during your spells such as a mantra or a sentence setting your intent, to this while wrapping the apple and tying the knot. If short, repeat it three times. French Canadian folk magic often has short rhymes repeated during spells.4. You’re gonna bake some bread. You can use a different recipe than the one linked, and change the list of ingredients accordingly. When kneading, focus on your intent and the two people the spell is involving. There will be long pauses while you let the dough rise: what you do during that time doesn’t matter for the spell. The second time you let the dough rise, you need to put the apple into the center of the dough FIRST (so it is enclosed completely) and let the bread rise around it. Don’t worry if the bread rises funny or caves in the middle.5. Bake the bread with the apple in the center. Ideally you should use a bread mold, but you can just shape it roughly round and put it on a baking tray if you don’t have one. 6. Score a cross shape into the bread using your knife (straight sharp blades work best).7. Once the bread has baked and cooled, each party the apple halves are representing must eat a piece of the bread. Depending on the environment you’re in and the apple you used, you’ll have varying levels of edible bread. If your loaf looks roughly normal, you should be able to each eat from one extremity. The closer you get to the apple, the more chances there are that it’s gooey, undercooked, or mushy from the juices. It’s not bad for you, just kinda gross tasting. Feel free to eat it if you want. The more weird your bread looks, the more your center is sketchy. Wonky bread isn’t a bad omen and won’t affect your spell, it’s just physics and stuff. 8. Enjoy your magically enhanced relationship, and don’t forget that no amount of magic can help if there are too many mundane issues left unresolved.
The rest of this is below the cut because this is already long af. The counter-spell is also under the cut, all the way at the bottom. Please forgive typos, I’m a very tired gay.
Link to the upcoming giveaway, on the offhand chance you like free stuff.
Interlude:
Before you deconstruct a spell, it’s important that you determine whether or not the spell should be deconstructed. If you’re using a random spell you don’t know the source of, or something written by someone on the internet (like this one), you can usually make a significant number of (logical) changes and substitutions.
However, in the case of spells that have centuries of history, such as spells found in old arcane texts and grimoires, the more you change the more likely you are to get an unpredictable result. Spells that have been passed down survive because they work as written, and every change will decrease it’s likelihood of success. Ideally, you want as many checks in the “keeping as is” column as possible, and very few checks in the “changes” column. Sometimes there are things you just have to modify because life has changed since the 1700s, and that’s fine, just make sure you’re changing only when necessary and using sensible substitutions. More importantly, be prepared to deal with any consequences that may arise.
Deconstruction:
Here I’m going to give you the purpose and meaning behind each element of the spell. The next section will show you how to come up with substitutions.
• Apple: In French Canadian folk magic, it’s a symbol of love and unity. Each full apple represents the person as a whole, and we put the two halves together so they can come together. You want to avoid using only one halved apple, as that implies that each person is incomplete until they are paired with the other half, which can create codependency or abusive relationships. One tradition is to use a half with a stem to represent the male in the relationship, and a half without the stem to represent the female. This is obviously heteronormative and might not work for your situation, so in the substitutions section I’ll list some other options. You can also just ignore the stem situation completely, and just determine in your mind which is which.
• Twine or string: The twine is representative of the relationship itself, keeping the two halves together. It’s all the good things in the relationship, such as communication, honesty, common traits, etc. We wrap the twine around the apple three times because the number 3 in French Canadian folk magic is used to “strengthen” a spell or intent.
• Flour: Flour represents prosperity in the home. It does not represent excess. It is having enough to eat, to stay warm, to live happily and comfortably. The type of flour doesn’t matter.
• Other ingredients: Everything else is used as part of the bread making process, and has no significant meaning otherwise.
• The joining of the apples step is explained pretty well already in the apples info, so I’m going to move on to the bread baking. Kneading the dough and preparing the bread are all symbolic of the time and work it takes to maintain a good relationship with someone, and are important steps if you’re able to do them. During kneading, you should be focusing on your intent for the spell.
• Placing the apple in the center of the bread is to bind the symbol of the couple (the apple) with the symbol of prosperity and happiness (the bread). The water from both will mix, and water is like the “and” in your spell if it were a sentence. You’re saying “These individuals are happy together AND prosper”.
• Scoring the bread with the cross is your symbol of protection from outside forces. Since French Canadian folk magic is heavily entwined with catholicism, the cross is a protective symbol.
• Eating the bread can be considered both the activating of the spell, as well as the closing element. It is enforcing the properties as it is ingested by the people involved, and is symbolic that they have accepted the intent of the sorcier or witch.
Substitutions:
I obviously can’t possibly cover every single option here, but I’m going to do my best to give you a lot of suggestions that should give you a pretty good idea of what kind of changes you can make and how to adapt the spell to your abilities, correspondences, and what you have available to you.
• The apples and twine can be substituted for anything else that would represent the individuals and a loving relationship. If your local folk magic has a symbol that is different from apples, you can absolutely use that instead. Likewise if you have a personal correspondence that is stronger to you, or tag locks for the individuals in question (just remember it’s going in bread, so hair might not be your best option here).
• The stem situation, as I mentioned in the deconstruction section, is not a mandatory part of the spell. Nonetheless, I wanted to provide some alternate options. You can of course you two stemmed apples, two unstemmed apples, you can cut the apple into more than two pieces (so long as you can roughly fit them together, and you would use a corresponding number of apples), etc. Keep in mind that the stems don’t need to represent anything at all, and they can be unrelated to gender (for example, stem representing the taller person and no stem being the shorter one). You can make it whatever you want. If you would like the stems to represent gender, non-binary genders can be a bent stem, a half stem, an additional stem (just stick it in, don’t put glue on it please), whatever you want. Again, you can completely disregard the stems if it causes any kind of anxiety for you or if you’re like me and massively despise the binary implications of it.
• If you can’t find cotton twine or don’t have cotton string, you can use anything else that would tie the two halves together. The important thing to keep in mind here is that it is going inside the bread, so you definitely don’t want to use synthetic fibers as they could melt in the oven and go into the bread (don’t eat that). The important thing is that there be something going around the apple holding the halves together. You could even use a long strip of dough from what you’ve kneaded. Another important thing is that you don’t do something that will go through the apples to keep them together, such as using toothpicks, as this has a different meaning and will change the intent of the spell.
• The bread baking is a step that might be problematic for individuals who are not open about their practice, or who are physically incapable of making the bread because of the kneading, or multiple other reasons. If the issue is the kneading, you can use this no knead recipe instead. If you’re dealing with any other issue for the bread step, you just need to find a substitute that would represent the same thing for you or for your culture. Some examples: using rice in place of bread, writing your intent to fill up an entire page of paper (or typing it and printing it out) and wrapping it around the apple, burying the apple outside, etc. If visualization is your only option, go for it.
• Eating the bread is your activation step. If someone is allergic to gluten or has a dietary restriction, you can change the type of flour you use accordingly without changing the intent of the spell. If you didn’t bake bread, any alternative that feels to you like the intent of “the individuals involved accept the intent of this spell” will work. It can be as simple as them both holding the apple and reciting a line if you wrote one, or simply reciting the intent of the spell, etc. This step is going to be dependent on what you’ve already changed if anything. Ultimately, there should be an overall impression of completion afterwards.
Counter-spell:
You should always, always have a way to undo any spell that you’ve performed. I personally keep the twine somewhere safe, and will cut the twine in half or burn it if I need to reverse the spell. Alternative options would be to have a set of words as your counter-spell, or some other symbolic means of reversing the spell. Be careful that this information is only available to those involved with the spell, so no one wishing ill on the relationship can do any damage.
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And now onward to my dumb headcanons about dadtagonist Iggy!
The official ingame term for the character creator is ‘dadsona’ (lol) but I dunno, I’m just used to something-sona being literally drawing yourself in the style of the game. I did take some screenshots back at the beginning of making myself in the character creator, but I’m asexual so i kinda feel uncomfortable playing dating sims as myself. like.. I don’t like romance stuff for the same reasons, yknow? I like reading about other people’s love, it doesn’t mean I want it to happen to me. Its why i still really love Fire Emblem Awakening even though that game has a load of plot problems and some rather offensive anti-LGBT stuff. (And somehow even more in the sequel that added gay marriage?? HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT) That game was like the only thing ever where you can pair up your party members with each other instead of just with the protagonist. I really liked that cos like.. they actually had more personality and it wasn’t just seeing one side of the romance with the protag being a blank slate and all. Tho it seems the dadsona in DD is less of a blank slate actually, which can be kind of a problem sometimes cos there’s stuff that’s canon that I’m just gonna have to ignore for Iggy. Like, for example, I didn’t realise that one line later on would say that the portagonist is bad with computers, I decided that Iggy’s career was in electronics.
OH YEAH LETS GET BACK ON TOPIC ANYWAY
So yeah, randomly I decided Iggy is a tech genius and computer repairman! I mean, the protagonist doesn’t seem to have a job or anything so I wanted to think of one. Also all the romance options had a slogan during prerelease materials, like ‘coffee dad’ and ‘sports dad’ and ‘bad dad’ (who was really more specifically ‘cryptid-hunting private detective with a funky leather jacket’ but I guess that didnt fit in a tagline XD) So I figured I needed to think up a ‘dad theme’ for my protagonist too?? But like.. he doesn’t have a particularly unusual personality or any hobbies or anything? He can’t be ‘shy dad’ because like half of all the romance options have some form of adorable shyness, even the bad dad!
Oh, and PERSONALITY! I probably should have talked about that first!
Iggy is super shy and has self-confidence issues. He’s a big cuddly pushover! There’s actually quite a few dialogue options for the protagonist that let you roleplay this way, there’s some super funny and relateable social anxiety moments. Like one I saw during the intro was a big ‘ol hilarious rant about the complex process of visiting a fancy coffee shop and not knowing the Unspoken Social Rules of how to order something. Definately gonna screenshot that when I get to it in my own playthrough!
But also its kinda unavoidable to get loads of sassy funny dialogue, its like the protagonist’s default setting in conversations that don’t have choices. So I liked imagining that as a neat kind of personality, actually! Someone who’s very witty and outspoken when he’s comfortable around people, but his anxiety keeps him from showing this side of himself all the time. Like a blossoming social flower! So mr shyman Iggy still has a super sarcastic internal narrator voice, and goofs around a lot with his daughter. Who will be the lucky man who loves him enough to also receive his amazing comedy?
But I’m not gonna be picking any of the more reckless and outgoing dialogue options, canon dadtagonist is a bit of a rebel lol. A very complicated guy who can have all these personality traits at once, PLUS whatever ones you decide with your choices! O_O
Oh and also I ended up deciding his dad theme is Vampire Dad because.. well, why not?
Who cares that I’m throwing random fantasy into this game, its not like its exactly down-to-earth and super serious. Plus seriously there’s just SO MUCH comedic potential!
I’m thinking he’s just like.. super casual about it. Completely normal dad. Just happens to be slightly undead. Absolutely no angst plots or anything, it’s just like a disability he deals with. “hey old man don’t forget to drink your blood and take your pills”
I can’t even think of a deep backstory about it, really?? If it’s going on the classic movie vampire rules of passing on via bite, then he probably just woke up with a hangover one morning and was like ‘hey these fangs are new, I guess that guy at the bar was a vampire’ *carries on life as usual*
Or like if it’s on old myth rules of vampires coming from any improper burial or sinful corpse or whatever, then I think maybe the ‘grudge’ that brought him back from the dead was just determination to look after his daughter. Like “god dammit you already lost one parent, I won’t make you cry a second time!” *forces himself back into life through sheer willpower* Even though he’s normally cowardly, he can summon the courage to do anything if his baby girl needs him!
Anyway, he just diddly deals wit it. Buys animal blood from the butcher, works night shifts. No biggie. And besides, turning into a bat is cool! (imagine him doing it to cheer up lil toddler amanda :3)
Tho lol obviously all the events of the game don’t take place at night. So like, either I switch the order of stuff around in my headcanons or I just say that that’s a weakness that doesn’t apply to vampires in this story. I mean, they’re like one of the least consistant myths across fiction, lol. If I recall correctly, wasn’t it like that in dracula, actually? Like he just lost his magic in sunlight, he didn’t die instantly.
Ehh lets just say maybe Iggy’s on a nocturnal sleeping schedule now and sunlight mildly saps his energy. He doesn’t really have any magic to disable in the first place, aside from the bat thing. He’s like the most boring down-to-earth vampire.
Also actually I think Craig’s route would be even cuter if Iggy’s going to even more trouble to do gym stuff with him. He’s not only not really interested in exercise, but also waking up at the equivelant of 2am and dragging his tired ass out in the sunlight where he doesn’t even have any superstrength anymore. Don’t want to dissappoint the bae!
And lol from what spoiler stuff I saw about Hugo’s route, there’s a bit that would violate the whole ‘vampires can’t enter a home uninvited’ rule. I think it would be funnier if Iggy has like zero vampire benefits and all of the most obscure ridiculous vampire weaknesses! And that whole scene would play out even funnier if it was with him standing 20 feet behind everyone and yelling through a window XD
...though I’m imagining he’d be positively mournful if he couldn’t eat garlic bread, so lets swap that out for ‘can’t cross running water’. Iggy spills a glass of orange juice in the kitchen and traps himself in the corner til his daughter comes home and saves him. Probably does the same thing with a salt circle the next day. Yes, this is prime cuteness. All of the cutest vampire features!
#bunni plays dream daddy#I DONT CARE NOBODY CAN TELL ME NOT TO PUT VAMPIRES IN THINGS#DOMESTIC NICE GUY VAMPIRE IS LIKE ONE OF MY TOP TEN STORY CONCEPTS EVER#DOMESTIC NICE GUY VAMPIRE + ALSO A DAD = THE GREATEST#HOLY SHIT YO#oh and amber isn't a vampire but she's the one person who knows her dad's secret#he'd probably confess when one of the other characters becomes his boyfriend but like..#no angst plots plz#seriously just giv me happy vampire man who is happy#no wrestling with his humanity or anything#just like that vine of the possessed guy who's like#friend: what do you want for dinner#demon: THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT#guy: a bagel#demon: NOOOOOO#guy: two bagels#iggy takes a left turn at any and all deep dark plotlines
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It’s Not Just Avocado Toast
Millenials complain. A lot. They probably don’t consider their concerns complaints, but quite often they are. I’m a Millenial, so I can say that. In case you missed it, that’s a play on a common, eye-roll-inducing phrase used by, you guessed it, Millenials (but by Boomers, too) when they attempt to explain how they “get” how a person of color or LGBTQ person or some other minority demographic feels about something-- “I’m Asian, so I can say that,” “My cousin is gay, so I can say that.” Anyway, I thought it was funny, so I said it. Moving on.
Millenials like to complain. Specifically, Millenials like to complain about how older generations complain about Millenials. Many Millenials take offense at the assertions made by older generations and the media that Millenials are “ruining everything.” And, in some respects, Millenials are probably justified in those complaints.
But, not too long ago, there was a New York Times article suggesting that Millenials could afford to buy houses if they just skipped the avocado toast. Why? Because avocado is freaking expensive, and you’re buying it in droves. Millenials were outraged by such an assertion-- “or maybe it’s because we’re tens of thousands of dollars in student loan debt,” “or maybe it’s because the Baby Boomers tanked the housing market,” “or maybe it’s because the minimum wage doesn’t correlate to cost of living increases.” Millenials explained away the assertion that avocado toast was the reason they could not afford to buy houses. They were really offended at the idea that their spending habits were the reason why they can’t afford houses.
And, again, maybe those complaints are valid. Maybe it’s not all Millenials’ fault. But, at least some of it is. I’m a big advocate for self-responsibility. I started working when I was 15. Why? Because I wasn’t legally allowed to start working at 14 (that’s my dad’s favorite line). Since high school, I’ve been responsible for any extras that I wanted. I have been blessed with hard working parents who did as much for their kids as they could. We never went hungry. We lived in a nice neighborhood. We went to Catholic school-- because all of that was really important to my very hard working parents, who each worked at least two, but often three or four jobs my entire life (not just my childhood. My entire life. As in still. At 60 years old.). But, there weren’t a lot of extras. Extras we had to pay for. I had to pay for concert tickets or to go to the movies or to go out to lunch or to get guac on the side (just kidding, I don’t even eat avocado, but the point remains). We had to work if we wanted anything beyond necessities. And we were, and continue to be, better off for it.
Now that I’m grown, I recognize that I still have to decide which extras are worth shelling out for. I like to drink Starbucks, I like to get my nails done, and I like craft beer. I like to go on trips if I can and eat at different restaurants. I don’t care about having nice or new clothes. I’ve been wearing the same pair of yoga pants for six years. I buy dollar store makeup. I prioritize what I spend my money on based on what I care about.
And, if I cared about owning a house, I’d have to make a choice-- spend less on extras and more on achieving that goal.
So, Millenials are probably right-- it’s not just avocado toast. But it might also be that you pay for Spotify; that you use Blue Apron or some other meal prep service; that you use Pea Pod or Amazon Pantry or some other grocery delivery service; that you spend $100 a year on Amazon Prime so you can get “free” shipping on stuff that you probably don’t need in the first place; that you use Uber instead of walking or taking the bus; that you use Stitch Fix or some other service that frequently refreshes your wardrobe; that you recycle your cans and bottles instead of returning them for the five-cent deposit; that you insist on buying organic even though you probably don’t know the benefits or lack thereof to doing so; that you need Beats headphones because they’re “just the best”; that you need a tablet in addition to your smartphone because keeping a paper calendar is just too difficult to keep track of; that you pay extra for gluten-free bread even though you don’t have a gluten sensitivity or upgrade to almond milk even though you’re not lactose intolerant; that you pay to access Khloe Kardashian’s website; or, yes, that you get guac on the side even though you *know* it costs extra. None of those things are bad. But, they’re extras.
It’s a combination of things. The reason you, as a Millenial, cannot afford a house certainly has something to do with staggering student loan debt and a crummy housing market. And it’s not necessarily JUST because you spend too much money on avocado toast.
But, buying a house is a big decision, an important, adult decision. Making adult decisions means making adult sacrifices. And it means taking responsibility for your predicament instead of complaining.
I’m not an economist. I don’t do numbers. But, I do observe. And I see a lot of Millenials spending a lot of money on things that older generations didn’t even have the option to buy when they were looking for their first homes. I’ve got to believe that a big part of the problem is spending priorities and resource allocation.
If you want a house, save for a house. A way to start might be to cut out the extras, even if they don’t feel like extras. That might include making yourself breakfast instead of buying your weekly avocado toast.
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