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mybrothershands · 3 years

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MBH/Dumpling 2

second installment, same art because otherwise you'll be waiting on it all day tomorrow. Characters by myself and @diddlesanddoodles and editing by @thundering-susurrus

The giant pinched up his face as if he smelled something bad. He then prodded the lump in his chest-pocket. "Get up, you lazy fool."

Several emotions crossed Yale face all at once, from anger to confusion to relief. Now that he knew where to look, Yale could see a distinctive lump in the man’s front pocket and heard the smaller voice emanating from within. Well, if he had a human companion of his own, that was a welcome relief. But he still kept his hand on Nenani. Grinning, he jerked his head to indicate the lump on Ka's shirt. “Ah, well I suppose that answers that. He yer assistant then?”

"Parasite, more like," he said, fishing around in his pocket until he caught the man by the shirt and pulled his shoulders over the lip of the pocket.

"Why you little two-ton son of a hog-bellied cob, I ought to--" The human smacked the hand away.

A nervous laugh escaped the giant, and he clasped his hand over the smaller man's mouth. "Er, this is my brother. He took care of me when I was small," said Ka.

Yale had been watching Ka fish around in his pocket and smirked at the human’s grouchy reply. The human’s snark immediately reminded him of Farris, but upon hearing Ka call him his brother, Yale gave pause. His curiosity was piqued.

“Wha –? Really? Can’t say I’ve ever heard ‘a that. That must be one hell of a story,” he said and jerked his head towards Ka. “Ye must’ve had a time of it keepin’ ‘im fed and clothed proper.”

The giant paused, then seemed to draw back within himself and looked away. Cairo, however, had no such loss for words. "Got that right. Ungrateful, too. You should see the spot in my side where he--" The massive hand clamped over his mouth again.

"I, erm," Ka cleared his throat, worry painted on his face. "I was old enough to work when he took me in. I cleared land for a human farmer in exchange for food. Cairo paid for my clothes and gave me a place to stay."

Polly then decided to use his leg as a scratching post and began rubbing her face up and down the side of his pants, leaning into him. "Woah, hey!" Ka said as he was knocked off balance. Once he found his feet, he pulled her bridle back over her ear and straightened her forelock. "But yes, I'm," he waved his hand in a circle, "I can work with humans just fine. They just need to let me know they're there and keep away from my feet."

“Ah, well no worries there,” Yale said with a light laugh as he pulled his apron aside to reveal Nenani at his hip. “You know better than to be underfoot, ain’t that right Dumplin’?”

Nenani nodded while she observed the new giant and silently marveled at his height. Despite the way in which he towered over them, he had a kind face, and she was not afraid.

“Farris doesn’t like it if I’m on the floor,” she explained. “He doesn’t trust the footmen to keep a look out.”

Ka's expression softened. She was a little thing, even for her kind, with auburn hair that shone in the sunlight. Somehow she met his gaze without fear, and it gave him pause. "H-hello there," he said quietly. "I am Ka. It's nice to meet you, miss."

It took the giant a moment to realize that the young man must have been hiding her, and why he had questioned him so. Come to think of it, he had not seen a single small person, nor chest pocket since he had entered this town. Pieces began to fall into place, and he decided he should not stay here for long. Not with Cairo. Absently, his hand found its way to his pocket.

“Hi. I’m Nenani,” she replied back, trying to look friendly. He looked so nervous, she thought. Yale easily scooped her up and sat her on his leg. After getting comfortable, she gestured up at the cook and said, “And he didn’t say so, but this is Yale.”

Looking confused, Yale looked down at her. “I didn’t introduce myself at all did I?”

“Nope,” she replied. “That was very rude. Lolly would swat you.”

“Ah, well,” he said, giving Ka and Cairo an apologetic shrug. “She wouldn’t be too pleased with me bringin’ the lil’un on this errand either. So there’s that.”

Cairo grumbled as Ka fawned over this little girl. She seemed unafraid and even kind towards his brother, which he respected. Still, he regarded Yale with a critical eye. Hooking his elbow over the frayed lip of the pocket, the human raised his voice. "What kind of kitchen is this anyway, boy? It's a bit late in the day to be fetchin stuff. What are you doing out here now?"

“Best kitchen in Vhasshal,” Yale fired back with a smug grin. He pointed over his shoulder towards the castle behind them. “That being the royal kitchen.”

“But Gjerk didn’t clean the chimney and it ruined the luncheon roasts,” Nenani supplied with a frankness that made light of the true disaster. “Almost caught the whole kitchen on fire.”

Yale frowned and, blushing just a bit, agreed with a muted nod. “Aye. Well, even the best kitchen in Vhasshal can fall victim to inattentive tenderfoots. So we’re needin’ to shuffle things ‘round a bit. Headin’ to a merchant who raises and sells field rocs.”

Ka's face became a smiling mask with a blank stare. Royal kitchen? Was this boy not worried that some stranger picked off the street could poison someone Important? Even the king himself? What if something went wrong and he was blamed for it and put in prison? Even he himself was not sure he deserved such trust, and yet kept his mouth shut in hopes that there was something he did not know.

Cairo, meanwhile, looked the man up and down, and then the girl in turn. They seemed easygoing and honest, if not a bit frank. At last he nodded. "We will accept your offer."

The giant balked. "Cairo, I'm not sure--"

"Shut up," he said, waving a hand. "Your belly's been a'growling all day, and I'll have no more of it. This is an easy job, and you're gonna take it," Cairo barked.

Ka paused, a hint of frustration on his face. Still, this was Cairo. The giant seemed to let go of his worries and nodded. "Just tell me what to do," he said, fixing Yale in his gaze, "and I'll help as much as I can."

He seemed eager enough, Yale thought. And even if his kitchen skills were minimal, so long as he could hold a knife, he could find something for him to do. Ka’s human companion was clearly the more dominant of the two, which Yale found to be quite amusing. And even a bit refreshing. He was so used to humans reacting to him with fear or at the very least nervous suspicion. Not that they did not have a valid reason of course.

He decided he liked Cairo.

“Well, first we gotta go collect them rocs and scurry on back,” Yale said with a grin. “So if we just wanna follow along we’ll go get that done and we can get ye to work.” He paused as he considered Ka. “And get ye somethin’ t’eat. Farris might gripe at me fer it, but believe me. He’s gonna be thankful fer yer help. Even he don’t show it. Or say it. Or yells at ye.”

Yale flicked the reins to usher Polly forward, bringing a hand up to hold onto Nenani when she almost fell off his lap.

“Ah!”

“Oh, sorry there, Dumplin’.”

"Oh," said Ka as he backed away and let the animal slip past until he could walk beside the cab. This Farris fellow seemed a bit crotchety. "Thank you," he said above the creaking wheels. The mention of food set his mouth to watering. They had had so many good things down at the market, maybe now he could get his hands on something. "I can pay you, but I'm afraid my coin may just be trinkets to you."

From his pocket, Cairo squinted one eye, adjusting his position to better watch the small giant. "Why you call her 'dumpling,' anyhow?"

“It was a joke,” Nenani explained with a flat look. “Wasn’t a very funny one.”

“I dunno, I thought it was a pretty good one,” Yale replied with a knowing grin. He poked her belly and the girl squealed and laughed, batting at his fingers. She lost her balance and almost fell back off his lap, but Yale was quick enough to catch her and place her safely down on the bench beside him. He ruffled her hair into a bushy mess. “Anyway, I caught this one here after she’d nicked some fruit. And right in the middle of the King’s weddin’ feast too. Don’t think I’ve ever been that stressed in my life.”

“He threatened to eat me...” Nenani said with the same flat expression.

As lovely as he found the girl's laugh, Ka's smile quickly faded as the girl voiced the joke. He made a sound half way between a choke and a quack. "Hmm?"

Cairo looked more surprised at the noise his brother made than Nenani's admittance. "Oh he did, did he?" He sat up, eyeing Yale. "He looks like a pansy to me."

Yale could not help the smirk of satisfaction at seeing the way Ka reacted. But his focus drew to the man’s pocket and the human within. Leaning towards them and planting his hand on the other side of where Nenani sat, he grinned at the human man.

“Big words fer a fella who travels by pocket,” he challenged. “Why not come on outta there and I’ll show ye how much of a pansy I am.”

Nenani glared up at Yale and grabbed onto his sleeve and gave it a firm tug. “No fighting.”

Cairo merely laughed at the girl's reaction. "I ain't stupid. Think I'll stay in the pocket, eh?" He slapped Ka's chest.

The giant rolled his eyes. He kept pace with the cart fairly easily, even as the Svaldifari trotted. He cleared his throat. "Keep acting like that and I may just let him have you."

"What!" he exclaimed, clutching a hand over his heart. "He might skin me, don't you think? You brute, you should protect your poor old brother."

Ka sighed, plodding along. "You can take care of yourself just fine."

“Smart man, your brother,” Yale said to Ka. “With him taggin’ along, ye might just survive a day in Farris’s kitchen.”

There was something very comforting about watching Cairo and Ka banter. It was all too easy for Yale to be drawn back to the horrible memories of the war and the way it seemed to him at the time that the bloodletting would never cease. Yet before him was a man who openly and easily called a human his brother.

“As fer skinnin’: nah. Too much of a hassle. Much easier to just toss ye into the stew and pop the lid on.”

Beside him, Nenani rolled her eyes. She had become nearly desensitized to all staff’s banter about eating and cooking people. Cairo didn’t seem like the sort to take Yale seriously. But Ka, she observed, seemed to not care for the jokes at all.

Ka lolled his head back, exasperated, then clamped his hand back over Cairo's mouth. "Ne- Nena-nani, er..." he chewed on his tongue for a moment, still trying to decide how many syllables the girl's name had. "Nenani," he said decisively. "He... Yale. He said he found you stealing?" said the giant, desperate to change the subject.

There were a few shoves and knocks on his hand before there at last came a double-tap and Cairo's mouth was freed. However, he kept his mouth shut for once and watched the road ahead. The mare seemed to need a bit of guiding, unused to going this way, but Yale was not quite paying attention. He peered ahead. Was this the way they had come before? Where was the market?

“Oh. Yeah,” she replied as she fiddled with the hem of her skirt in slight embarrassment. “But it’s not like what Farris and they all thought at first. I’m not from the Hill Tribe, I’m from the Southlands. They were loading a bunch of carts near the docks and I tried to sneak in and grab a persimmon before anyone noticed, but the basket was really big and I just...kind of fell in. And got stuck.”

Yale stifled a snicker as he corrected Polly’s path. She whinnied at him in annoyance. “I remember all them peels, lil’un. It was certainly more than one.”

“I was in there for three days,” she said and stuck her tongue out at Yale. “What else was I gonna eat? The basket?” When Yale only shrugged at her, she continued. “I grew up being told stories about Vhasshal and I was really scared. So as soon as the caravan stopped, I tried to run.”

“Caught her tryin’ to make a run fer it,” Yale added lightly pinching her arm. “Didn’t get all that far. Like...a half a dozen yards maybe before I got ‘er.”

Ka frowned. He did not like the way that last bit sounded. He steered away as they passed another cart on the road. He wanted to ask the stories about Vhasshal, and why she had been so frightened, but the girl had not seemed a bit embarrassed about that point in her past. Come to think of it, maybe he did not want to know. "Persimmons... have peels?"

The edge of the village was approaching, and Yale could hear the sound of the rocs long before their pens came into view. Their destination was a handsome little cottage just at the end of the tight clusters of row homes. Though was an older building and had but a thatched roof, it was well maintained and clean. Behind it were the roc pens. There were a dozen or so of the birds loose in the larger space, and Yale felt relieved. He was only going to need ten for the luncheon service, and he’d be able to get a few extra just in case anything else went horribly wrong today.

“Well, I think they’re actually husks,” she was saying. “They’re from overseas somewhere. But you’re not supposed to eat the outsides because it’ll make you sick.”

“Ye did get sick though. Just not from eatin’ fruit,” Yale pointed out. His eyes trailed after the other cart as they passed, having seen the way they had been gawking at Ka. Poor guy must get that a lot.

“Yeah, I had the red reap,” Nenani said. “It was terrible. But Farris took care of me and gave me medicine and watched me all night while I had the fever.”

Ka blinked, trying to make sense of this new information. He had no idea what red reap was, but then again, he was not familiar with most diseases. "It sounds terrible," he said, worry on his brow. The way she had explained it, it sounded deadly. He could not imagine having to care for someone through the night, not knowing if the little thing would make it.

Though he had not yet met the man, Ka found himself reconsidering this Farris guy. If he was the type to yell at someone new, it seemed a bit backwards that he would worry over a thief. He shook the thought away. He had not met him yet. Maybe he would understand later.

It was then he heard some bird-like squabbling, and looked up to find a pen with some frighteningly large feathery beasts. "What... are those?" He felt a bit stupid for asking, but then again, nothing was familiar to him here. Nothing at all.

"What, you never seen a chicken before?" Cairo butted in.

“Oh them ain’t no chickens,” Yale answered, giving Cairo an amused sideways glance. “Those are common field rocs. Those beauties eat chickens fer breakfast. Literally. They’re birds of prey. And they’re what we’re here fer.”

Yale maneuvered the cart towards the pens and when they were close enough, he pulled the reins lightly and Polly came to a gentle halt. She turned to her head back at Yale, expectation in her eyes. With a chuckle, he reached into his apron pocket and pulled out a pressed oat cake. Turning to Ka, he held out the treat. “Wanna give Polly her reward while I go spend the king's money?”

A grin spread across Ka’s face, and he chuckled. "Seems she's in good hands," he said, gently taking the biscuit from him.

~~~

Twelve common field rocs were in the back of the cart, their wings tied down to their sides and hemp sacks placed over their heads to keep them docile. Nenani hung off the back of the driver’s bench, looking down at the immobilized birds. They were as large as cows, and it was a little daunting to think that there were birds that big in the world.

The trip back was fairly uneventful, except that news of Ka seemed to have made its way around the village, They seemed to be getting more stares than before, but Yale made a point of staring down whatever gawkers he noticed. But he did not have the same presence as Farris did, and mostly, the people just kept on staring.

Nenani found it to be pretty rude, and to several she stuck out her tongue.

As they approached the back gate that led to the kitchen courtyard, the guards stationed there did double takes as Ka came into view, but Yale was quick to head off any questions. “He’s here to help out for the day. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Farris.”

There was enough of a threat in those words that they were allowed to pass without any form of harassment.

“Don’t let those guards make ye nervous none, lad,” Yale said to Ka. “Most of ‘em are real decent fellas.”

Yale was still looking towards Ka as he directed Polly along the road, around the last bend, and into the courtyard. He pulled the reins and was about to say something else when felt a tug on his sleeve and he looked down at Nenani. “Hm? What’s it?”

Nenani merely pointed further ahead of them and Yale’s gaze followed along. A large fire pit had been lit in the middle of the yard, and the largest of their cooking pans was placed over the top, with a sizable pile of pumpkins next to it. Saen and Avery were in the middle of carving a few up but had made little headway.

But what had caught their eye was none of them, but the solitary figure just a short distance away. Standing with his arms akimbo and looking very displeased was Farris. His green eyes narrowed at Yale.

“Yer fuckin’ late.”

Ever since the border guards, Ka had gotten increasingly fidgety. As soon as Yale quieted down, he slowed up and walked behind the cart. The castle ahead was bigger than any he had seen, especially this close up. He ran his hand up and down his sleeve, trying to create some warmth as his breath crystallized before him. Upon hearing the voice, the giant's first impression was how gravelly and frayed it sounded, possibly from overuse. The second was that it did not sound happy.

"What's it to you?" Cairo muttered under his breath. It was more of a knee-jerk reaction, than anything, but it was enough to remind Ka to keep an eye on him. The human's left arm and legs lolled out of the pocket. He picked at his teeth as the giant walked. "Move over, Ka, I want to get a look at this meathead."

Ka merely shook his head, hand straying up to cover the man. "Be careful here. We don't know for sure if it's safe yet." There came a grumbling and a shove at the fingers, but for the most part he kept his mouth shut.

Before Yale could even begin to explain himself, Farris caught sight of Ka, and the kitchen master’s eyes widened as his gaze traveled up and up and up until he met the taller giant’s eye. “And just who in the Seven Hells are ye?”

Before Ka could answer, though, Yale jumped in. “Came across him on the way to get the rocs. He was lookin’ fer some work, and I offered to let him help us today.”

All through Yale’s explanations, Farris sized Ka up with a critical eye, pausing at the distinct bulge in the tall man’s pocket. His eyes narrowed suspiciously before turning their vitriol onto his assistant.

“Oh ye did, did ye?” he demanded. “Are ye fuckin’ daft boy?”

Yale hopped down off the cart. “We need the extra help, and as mad as ye are, ye can’t deny the big fella could be of some help. Hell, he’d make short work breakin’ down the pumpkins.” Yale leaned around Farris to yell past him towards his fellow cooks. “A whole lot faster than them two knobheads!”

Saen and Avery looked up from their work to glare back at Yale. Avery waved his knife in the air, calling back, “Go fuck yerself, Yale.”

Yale was still grinning when Farris drew his attention back with a growl. “And ye think I’d let just anyone off the street come in and cook in my kitchen, do ye?”

Yale glanced over his shoulder at Ka and then back to Farris. With a shrug, he said, “Honestly boss, I don’t think he’d fit. Be a bit tight.”

Farris’s ever-present glare faltered as an amused smirk crossed his lips. With a grunt he looked back at Ka. “Ye have any experience in a kitchen there, son?”

The giant clutched his fists against his chest, shoulders hunched and brow scrunched with worry. Though the man was half his height, he scared Ka. He looked like someone who knew how to fight and just might if aggravated.

"Y-yessir, just a bit, sir." Ka stuttered, coming out from behind the wagon. "Look, I promise I mean no harm, sir. I just, well I- I- I was looking for some work is all. He was nice enough to give me a chance. I promise I'll do my best if you'll only let me help."

Farris was silent for several moments, eyeing Ka once more. “Where ye from?”

The giant straightened up a bit, a slight hope welling in his chest. "Benhyke, sir. I'm... trying to find my way back there, actually."

“Never heard of it. So ye mean to tell me yer as tall as a fuckin’ house with no proper sense of direction?” The kitchen master didn’t give Ka a chance to answer before walking over to the cart where Nenani sat. He laid his arm across the drivers bench and looked at the girl. “What say ye Dumplin’? Think he’s some sort of secret assassin tryin’ to worm his way into the castle?”

Nenani blinked and shook her head. “No.”

“Well, if yer so sure,” he said with a small smile and scooped her up. Tucking her into the crook of his arm, he turned back to Ka. The warmth he had spoken to Nenani with was gone and the harsher tone returned. “Ye got a name?”

He scratched his head, still harboring the initial insult in his mind, and had not quite heard him speak to the girl. "What? O-oh I am Ka. And this is--" he paused. At first caution took over, but once he saw the way he cared for Nenani, the fear melted. "--Cairo," he finished.

Upon hearing his name, a single hand came out of the pocket and gave a dramatic wave. "Evening to you, you motherless goat," he called, then the hand disappeared again.

Farris’s expression darkened and, behind him, Yale was making a frantic motion with his hands at Ka that translated roughly to “Bad idea. Stop.”

“I’ll give ye fair warning now, boy,” Farris warned as he walked towards Ka. Pressing further into his space, he stared up at the taller giant and pointed towards his pocket. “Keep that one’s mouth under control or I’ll be doin’ it fer ‘im. I’ve had plenty of humans toss out insults at me and, one way or another, they learn not to. If ye wanna work, I’ve got work fer ye. And you’ll be paid fair wages fer it. But if that one skulking in yer pocket don’t watch it, he’s gonna become intimately acquainted with the inside of a roasting pan.”

Ka's face paled and he backed away, clutching one hand to his pocket. "No! No, please, he's my brother. Y-you can't--I won't..." He seemed to get ahold of himself then, squared his shoulders. "Take that back," he said, regaining his ground. If it were not for the girl in his arms, Ka was not sure what he might have done.

Farris did not back away, and his only movement was to use his free hand to cover Nenani as though to shield her. He met Ka’s eyes with a firm unwavering stare. “I don’t take it back. This is my kitchen and my word is law.” Farris let a small smirk come to his lips. “Just keep in mind though, I didn’t say nothing about actually cookin’ ‘im.”

The giant blinked, relaxing a bit. "What?"

At this point, Cairo heaved a dramatic sigh and pulled himself up. He looked the man up and down and came to a conclusion. "Ugly lump."

Nenani poked her head out from behind Farris’s hand. “No fighting.”

At Nenani's word, Ka took a step back. There was still anger in his blood, and he elected to stay on his toes, but any hostility was snuffed out by the girl's voice.

Farris only adjusted his hand to ruffle her hair. “Well ye ain’t no Blue Thorn Beauty yerself,” Farris shot back at Cairo, then raised an eyebrow at him. “Ain’t ye a bit old fer being carried ‘round like a babe?”

Cairo raised a brow, then patted the chest behind him. "This one here's the baby when it comes down to it, little man. Now--" He cut himself off as if he had heard something. "Alright already," he grumbled at apparently nothing. "What do I have to do to get your sorry bag of bones to do something decent, eh? This boy's half starved."

"Cairo..." Ka hissed through his teeth. "I haven't done the work yet."

Farris huffed and rolled his eyes. “Yale,” he called without taking his eyes from the pair. “Go grab this one one ‘a the leftover meat pies.” He paused, reconsidering the man and his height. “Make that two.”

“Will do, boss,” Yale replied, flashing Ka a wide grin before running off towards the stairway that led into the kitchen proper.

“I don’t run a charity here,” Farris told him sternly. “But if yer gonna be any use to me at all today, it wont be with an empty belly. Ye’ll eat and then ye’ll work. Understand?”

"No," Cairo said blatantly before Ka had a chance.

#crossover with doobdles

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verslorimto1986-blog · 5 years

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writing4lovebangtan7 · 5 years

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Note to Self: Bring Cold Medicine [BTS Imagine] Part 4

Line up: Reader X Bangtan (yes all of them)

Genres: fluff, sweet, friendship bonds (I wanted to write something adorably sweet)

summary: you are a Korean translator from america and project coordinator with BigHit, you have an idea for a future project with all seven of the group members and are staying over to begin the process of laying the ground work and preparing to start, you have previously been on a run episode with the boys teaching them art techniques, now, you wake up sick, and waddle your way to the living room wrapped in a blanket trying to plan your escape so you can recover, but the biggest boy band in the world has other plans.

I don’t have a window, so light shouldn’t be streaming in. What I wake up to is not sunlight and soft magical music that tells me I’m better. Instead I wake up to the feeling of hunger and the light of my phone going off. Blaring some annoying ringtone, I set it to. With a killing vow, I open my eyes and lift my hand to pick up the phone and answer it.

“hello?”

“ah y/n-sshi, are you okay?” its one of the managers, checking in I guess

I tell them I’m okay that I’m just come down with the flu.

“that’s not good at all! the boys told us you gave them the project and they are working on it as we speak, are you unable to join them at this moment?”

I tell them I can, I’ll just need a moment to ready myself and gather my notes.

“wonderful! Im sure you would be happy to know that according to the group, you slept a good portion of yesterday onto this evening”

Evening? I had fallen asleep at 1 yesterday, how was it already the very next day?

I don’t have time to say anything due to the loud rumble my stomach makes.

“thank you, I will be going to join them now”

“please take care of yourself, y/n”

I tell them I will and hang up, looking at the plushies I ask them quietly to not make fun of me for look like hell. Chuckling to myself I get up and gather a new change of clothes, I’m hungry, dizzy and still a little nauseous thanks to over sleeping. Before I head out to find the shower, I take more of my cold medicine, the recommended dose is only two every four hours and to not exceed eight doses. The regular over the counter medicine that is easily self-prescribed if you know what you are dealing with.

Naturally I got exactly what I needed. Feeling like time was short, I waddle to the bathroom and take a hot shower. I chuckle to myself thinking that if this was a comedy, one of the boys would knock on my bathroom door and shout for me while I’m comedically exposed behind the sheer wet glass.

I hear a knock and I flinch while under the hot steamy shower. I really wish my wild imaginations wouldn’t come true like this because things would get really hectic.

“noona?” oh my god its Jungkook, why is he in here?

“oh she is showering we need to leave now” there was namjoon’s voice

I don’t say anything because I’m to done with my situation. My skin feels to good under the hot water for me to want to leave now. However, I hear the door close and I feel safe again. For some reason I was vary worried the boys might open the bathroom door to look for me. Frankly, I would have been very pissed if they did. I was not hired to be a convenient stage show for them. So I would be raising all kinds of hell should I feel any kind of uncomfortable vibe from the boys at this stage of the job.

Finishing up, I step out of the steamy shower and dry off. Putting on fresh clean clothes, I check my self out in the mirror. Dark purple hoodie, another set of yoga pants with the text “Strong” across the butt. It made me laugh to wear it and I’m sure the boys would get a laugh out of it too but I made sure my hoodie was big enough to hide my butt. I messed with my hair a little bit before settling for letting it hang down again. The headache would be to much to deal with again today. Finally leveling my gaze with myself, I took a moment to consider my feelings about myself. Everything about myself…today, because of BTS, I was starting to love. I had wondered about the psychology of music and how it truly helps people over come some tough times. My theory is, because BTS has music that makes us say nicer things to ourselves like how jin’s epiphany gives us the moment of “maybe I am the one I should love” forces the negative thoughts aside and gives us a moment to say “maybe…” and that, I think is another reason why so many fans fell in love with the band’s message. It literally forced them to rethink self-love and help them love themselves more. Even if just a little bit, and that speaks volumes to the boys.

Smiling to myself despite the yucky feeling of being sick. I step out of the bathroom and throw my dirty clothes into the basket by my bed. I know I need to face them, I check the time and confirm that I did in fact sleep for half a day. Yikes is the only thing I can think as I grab a notebook, a sketchbook and some color pencils, pens, and an eraser. I take my phone charger with me as I am walking towards the door. Making my way towards the living room I hear rustling of papers, pencils and some cups being lifted or placed down. Soft mummering voices discussing the concepts for the cards.

“Yaaa, why would you copy noona like that Jungkook?” I hear jin say as I walk in.

They startle me as yoongi looks up and makes a small ooh! Noise, they turn so fast to see me that I jump a little.

“Hey guys” I say in English and chuckle, switch back to Korean takes me a minute because my head starts to pound.

“I need foo-“I’m stopped by jin before I could finish, he tells me there’s food in the kitchen

Suddenly, Jimin stands up and grabs my hand and leads me to the kitchen, the boys also follow us and say a lot of things to me excitedly. they told me about their ideas for concepts, game rules and even new games for armies to play with the cards. I couldn’t really understand half of the games so I’m sure I would need to make a more linear process for the new card games. So far, Jungkook liked my beauty and the beast idea but jin and namjoon believed it would not be fair to my original idea.

“No I like it, but for jungkook’s concept I think what you are looking for is Alice in Wonderland Jungkook-shii”

His eyes sparkled as soon as I mentioned the title of the old children’s fairy tale. When I looked down, I realized I was now sitting and there was food placed in front of me. Cooked by our one and only jin. Pancakes, eggs, ham, some noodles, and something else I don’t know what it is but it looks like rice. After my plate is filled by nearly all the boys trying to take care of me carefully. It turns out that it was in fact rice. Jimin was trying to feed me but I stop him with a laugh

“boys I’m still holding my stuff” I say, lifting my left arm that held everything.

Taehyung reaches over and takes my supplies and sets them on the counter closest to the fridge, away from the stove. The boys at this point are now settling down and waiting for me to eat so that they can start telling me more about the plans. I eat this time, slowly, enjoying the flavors now that my tongue can taste but to my deep disappointment. My sickness prevents me from really enjoying the meal. My tongue still has this dull sense of taste, and everything seems to taste the same except for the noodles. I like the texture of the pancakes, fluffy and warm, the eggs were nice and had some seasoning on them. The ham was honeyed which made me sad because I really wanted to enjoy that flavor but after looking at everything over again…

“Jin you didn’t cook this did you?” I say, laughing as all the boys turn and look at him with knowing smiles and he gets flustered.

“I am world wide handsome and you are accusing me of lying?”

“there’s no way you cooked all of this in little time and only because you knew I would wake up ten minutes ago”

They all are holding in laughs and trying to get me to eat more, which, knowing that jin didn’t work so hard to make me anything, I eat everything on my plate despite my stomach telling me to not eat to much. I feel better, my head is now clear, but I feel the feeling of my head going fuzzy. I have no other way of describing the feeling. But after I eat, and the boys assure me that they ate food before I showed up. We go back to the living room and I sit down at the same spot I was at yesterday. The couch still has my blanket there, there’s water bottles where my glass was. Good I’ll need to stay hydrated today. Taehyung brings me my art supplies and they all get back to their respective spots, jin has some color pencils, jimin only has some black pens, yoongi has one single ball point pen. Namjoon has a koya pen with some crayons. Tae and Jungkook are sharing art supplies.

This is going to get really wild soon, I can just feel it.

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ashavant · 6 years

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The American University System: Oppressing the non-elite.

So let me get this straight...in the 70's there was a community outcry to lower the amount of tax money that got put towards college tuition for future generations? American tax payers used to cover over 70% of college costs, allowing the young students straight out of highschool the ability to work a minimum wage summer job to literally pay their entire tuition. Those with part time jobs while in school were not very common. This allowed for an ability to succeed without the unnecessary baggage of financial stress and lack of sleep at 18 years old while taking 14+ credits, which for those of you who dont know is a true 40-60 hour work week alone. All of this hard work and achievement paved the way for these kids to enter adulthood as educated, debt free, and with the world at their fingertips. Not to mention, they had the incredible privilege of not having to become a self sufficient adult in the middle of the worst economic crisis since the depression...

Compare that romantic reality to our drastically different reality today. I will use my experiences as an example for this, while probably on the extreme spectrum of experiences, they are valid and carry merit nonetheless. I was always told as a child, "you have to go to college, its not an option" Yet, when i graduated highschool, my parents grew quiet. I grew up in a 5 person household in Orange County, CA (one of the most expensive places to live in the country) in a family who made roughly $40k a year, give or take (thats poverty folx). My step-father was an electrical contractor so income was often spuratic. Anyway, needless to say they had not one penny saved for my college tuition. My parents failed to put a single penny aside for anything regarding my well-being honestly. With no car, no money, no job, and no idea when or how I could recieve a college education, I was kicked out of my parents at 17 years old with nowhere to go. I couch surfed and was able to get a couple jobs, one at a crafts store and one at a sandwhich shop. After 2 long years of working my way out of homelessness, all I wanted was to start college! So, at age 19 I applied for financial aid. However, I was told because I was under 25 I needed my parents tax information. Well, my parents never filed on time and were incredible dodgy with communication. So, after months of going back and forth I ended up paying out of pocket for a full time coarse load at a community college. I was able to work my jobs and pay this, but with nothing left over for rent or food. I ended up getting kicked out of my place, had to apply for foodstamps, and had to start over from square one. Little did I know I would have to wait 5 years before I could finally give college another shot.

I had almost given up the idea of higher education. I was making good money in the food industry at this point and had a nice company car and a great home with an awesome roommate. But then, I met a boy. We traveled the country for three months with his bluegrass band and saw 32 states. Afterwards, we again found ourselves broke and homeless. We hunkered down, worked 80+ hour weeks, saved up, and moved to Portland Oregon, "where young people go to retire". Little did we know, retire would be the LAST thing we did when we got there. Cost of living was rising in Portland, but still nothing compared to Orange County, CA. We got good food jobs and nested for about a year. My boyfriend (we will call him N) got great grades in highschool and high test scores in his exit exams, so in 2014 he chose to get back into school as a Music Composition Major at age 26. His journey is a whole other terrible story. I wanted to return to school so badly, but knew I had to wait until I was old enough to not warrant my parents tax info. Finally, at age 24 I filed my FAFSA and went to a career counselor. I was directed in the career of Civil Engineering. Having no prior knowledge of this career or topic, I dove in blindly headfirst. I chose a community college due to the fact that I barely finished highschool and did not take ant exit exams. To my surprise, I did very well in my college settings. After one year I was able to transfer to a university! Me! I WAS GOING TO A UNIVERSITY! I could not believe it, and was soo excited. I had no clue how hard this would be, not the work, but just surviving through it. I should mention here that I have a mild dissability. I have endometriosis which is a chronic illness linked to hormones, ovarian cysts, and all that jazz which can result in disabling pain and in my case an emergency surgery from time to time. I also suffer from a mild form of PTSD. So, with those alone handling high stress loads can be very hard on my mental and physical well being.

Ok, so I was a 24 year old first generation college student (first person in my family to go to college) disabled lower class person wanting a higher education. Seems logical right? Well, once I got accepted to the university, I chose to change my major to Architecture, I had taken an intro class for general ed and fell inlove. My beginning of my first year was great! Lots of lectures and reading. Aside from my tuition multiplying literally 3x from my community college tuition which did not affect my financial aid disbursement, I was fairly stress free. Now keep in mind, my partner and I are both working 20-30 hour weeks to make ends meet while taking 12-14 credits. Its basically having 2 full time jobs. Anyway, the last term of my first year came around-my first studio class. I was so excited! Time to actually do architecture! I got the syllabus and was told was supplies were needed to be successful in the class. I was also told that doing all of the requirements for the assignment would result in a C grade, if any grade above that was desired extra work had to be put in. I thought, no biggie, bring it on. The next thing she said was, "absolutely no sleeping in the studio!" Thats when I had a feeling I was gonna be in trouble. After class I went to the art store got my supplies. I almost started crying as they read my total to me: "$682.80, please." And that was with my student discount and not including all of the future supplies I would need just for that term, which I will tell you now after all the drawings and models ended up being about $2,000. That is a whole lot. These studio classes also require many all-nighters just to have enough time to complete the assignments. Many times, due to having to work outside of school I could not complete my assignments or had to do them with less craft and care than I would like just to turn it in. This year, I recieved less in financial aid, my rent has gone up significantly, tuition went up, and there are new grade requirements: if you get anything less than a B-, youre immediately dropped from the school of Architecture. So, not completing assignments isnt an option anymore. This last term costed my much less money, but once I told my instructor I was out of money, his response was, "well, this is Architecture school." What the fuck am I supposed to do with that!? A roll of Velum (drafting design paper) costs $50-$70 pencils are $2 a piece, models cost like $100 each, the list of tools go on and on. I am already paying $10k a year for tuition, ensuring at the very least $70k of debt including my masters degree which you need to get your Architecture license. And at least $100k with the $500 a month I need to borrow a month for rent. I should not need to add thousands more of that for supplies my school should be providing. And this insane pressure of pulling all nighters to get done the amount of assignments it would take us to do in a whole week last term in 2 days!

The moral of this very long story is that college is not meant for those of us trying to climb the life ladder. Its meant for the already elite. Its meant for kids right out of highschool with parents who make enough money to pay their tuition, their rent, their whole lives! Meant for kids who travel to Europe for the summer instead of working 60 hours a week to make up for the money lost during school cuz you physically cannot work more than 25 hours. Its meant for kids who can call their mommies and complain about how mean their teacher is, not for those of us who cry every night about being afraid of ending up back on the streets in the snap of a finger. Its meant for kids who can work and think about school all day every day, not those of us preoccupied with being able to pay all of our bills and being able to afford food and health insurance.

HOWEVER, even if you are like me, worse, or better, YOU CAN DO IT! I have a damn 3.7 GPA. I may only get 3 hours of sleep a lot, cry almost weekly, probably have lost years of my life due to stress, and feel scared for my health, but shit IM FUCKING DOOOOIN IT! Even though our government, or school presidents, and pretty much everyone in power disagrees, you are so worth it and you are so capable of success no matter how much harder you have to work than everyone else. Because we have to work so much harder now, we will get to party that much harder when we make it. I WILL GRADUATE IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL SUCCEED IN SPITE OF THE SYSTEM! I WILL CHANGE THE FUCKING WORLD CUZ I AM A BADASS AND CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PRIVELEDGED FUCKS CAN DO, JUST BETTER!

#university #college #university system #academic witch #academia #opression

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shaycoldiron8-blog · 6 years

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Ostentatious Activity.

Pretentious • I found Susie unbearably pretentious. • Although the decor may be actually pretty official, there is nothing at all ostentatious concerning the meals, which is actually down-home remarkable • So Princeton appeared helpful for college till I found their ostentatious admittances rep • The restaurant is suffocating, pretentious, as well as unbelievably expensive • He grumbled that my headlines were pretentious and hazy, and also smelt of the blue-stocking. • He may be pretentious in various other methods, but he was not presenting at the key-board • a pompous flick • Bangers and also mash is actually far better compared to pompous nouvellecuisine, though you could probably be actually a little bit much more initial! • He has a pompous design of creating, using 4 extremely hard phrases where one basic one would certainly carry out. • It could seem to be ostentatious to say therefore yet that is planned in Gramsci's conditions as an organic intellectual work. If you have virtually any questions with regards to where along with the best way to employ mountains of mourne sheet music [http://vidasaludables17.es], you possibly can contact us in the site. I feel that along with numerous wonderful characters throughout guide that everybody will have the capacity to discover somebody they could relate to. I additionally experience this will definitely hold true as the handful from people who have reviewed that thus far all have had different personalities for who they have actually connected to directly or even really loved and even hated. People are actually not simulating on their own, rather, their existing urbanity is actually violating across your plain-speaking truth. Leo understood something was actually taking place, however he didn't have an idea in order to what this Gauntlet concerned. Every age possesses musicians" that typically aren't really artists yet only pompous tryhards, nowadays our team merely possess simpler ways to discover all of them. Activity growth is such a resource consuming risk presently this is actually tough for the people doing this to justify slamming up the risk by taking opportunities along with divisive concepts. While you could talk about the quotes on their own in a suction and whether they are actually purposeful or worthless, I believe that examining the way people strongly rush and/or decline to label them is much more interesting. As well as permit me inform you one thing ... going to that stage in the game at the young age that I was actually pissed off over a few folks to claim the minimum. It ended up that a few of these people may possess suited up in a different way to me and perhaps led an other lifestyle to me but they were thus charming as well as enjoyable! What appears is actually a soaking up story told in a style that's antiquity without being dated, affluent however never ever pretentious. What most definitely turns up is actually a soaking up story informed in a type that's vintage without being actually dated, never pompous yet abundant. Pretension sets the amateur versus the professional in a video game trumped up through tradition, certifications and also institutional approval. This is actually not a ready anyone that loathes it when points are actually left up in the air as well as those who perform possess trouble locating their personal tale throughout the method from conforming. People along with large self-prides are actually usually so packed with themselves that they do not think any individual can probably challenge all of them. Mentioning that an individual is pompous may be a method of calling out the features as well as incongruities from power. Im simply unfortunate that its own over however I performed acquire an excellent 7-8 months of very little play off the game thus im delighted. To be honest, I 'd rather spend time along with these people compared to with along with you, as you come upon as extremely distressing. If the game possessed one objective, one story, one ending, one red threat to comply with, this will remove the originality of every players experience as well as worse, that will inform those that have actually not fully recognized the game or even misunderstood that, that their point of views are wrong and also they rather have to think just what the hivemind and/or producer have actually made it to imply. Coming from there, individuals can easily either read them or even in fact utilize them in their internet magazines. It is actually the best crucial video game since the beginning of when you started reviewing this. In some cases Wendy believed that talking in the middle of the evening and also would contact her best friend, Phillip, at 2 a.m. This habits seemed insulting and intrusive to him, however when he attempted to talk with her concerning the issue, she was difficult to disturb and also really did not seem to be to become listening. Individuals should let alone using fashion trend that examine blood stream flow as well as those that scratch the pompous location. They were actually established by women in the Heian period and also are actually still thought about feminine by Eastern people. When you were actually suddenly greeted along with collection puzzles, if the activity was based around accounts then you 'd be actually ideal to anticipate additional accounts as well as right to be dissatisfied! This is also highly recommended to name Pretentious.install _ spectator early to become capable to generate far better installations. The fifth video game ends with Magenta saying that she'll wait on Gray to be free of cost, so she could not have actually separated him nevertheless. This turned out that some of these people could have dressed differently to me and possibly led a various lifestyle to me however they were actually so attractive as well as exciting! What appears is a soaking up story told in a style that is actually vintage without being actually dated, never ever pompous however wealthy. What absolutely appears is actually an absorbing tale told in a design that is actually antiquity without being dated, abundant but never pretentious. Just a basic talk in between the two people motivated me adequate to write an article located around this, and also I'm a single from countless folks that he speaks with daily. Pretentiousness issues due to what this uncovers regarding exactly how your identification relates to everybody else's. Lots of people go back to square one, job really hard along with the best of intentions and also eventually become unconcerned or even upset with their shortage from development. The 5th activity pays attention to Magenta's emotions towards Gray, both before and also after the events of the previous activities. I think that the video game should be actually free and your capable to play all the levers certainly not must spend thus dirt for the levels entirely. Through presenting advertisements through an Activity this affects the buyer's understanding to the content creating the interaction procedure even more efficient, through supplying a delightful system for customers to come to be entailed with the label and also its own advertising and marketing notification. Lots of folks are a lot too vulnerable concerning this emotion, and also it's possibly a bad feeling to have, however it is actually very complicated to subsist leave. The chrysanthemum is one of the absolute most insusceptible cut blossom and also that will definitely adorn your home for a very long time, over 2 full weeks. She usually went to sleep around 3 a.m. and also will get up at 7 a.m. sensation vitalized for her day at institution. Due to the time you are actually to borrowed, which is a verb which indicates to go against or interrupt, like lawful tips are actually infringed upon through those that don't note their guidelines and ingratiated, which is a verb which indicates to deliver yourself to another people choose, and might be exemplified through public servants ingratiating on their own to their areas individuals through providing cash to charities in the region, you're nicely on your means to recognizing Level F Unit 2 vocabulary sessions responses. So I ONE HUNDRED% 'd The Witness a couple of days earlier, acquired it a pair full weeks ago after reviewing the meeting where he aspires to produce something like GR, I in fact installed windows just to play that. I am actually not a big challenge fella as well as this is definitely the first brand new video game I have actually played in about 2 years. He performed time for his session, but was always kept waiting on 2 hours in a little standing by area along with very old publications until he was actually called. The primary step in conquering your pompous developer propensities is to identify all of them and also accept to all of them. The accuser of allegation - naturally believing on their own to become the genuine bargain, in ownership of an enlightened and discriminating thoughts - believes that somewhere else on earth there is actually a legitimate write-up that the pretentious factor or person desires be, but is actually falling short of or exaggerating this. These are all weary and very noticeable opening techniques that the majority of astute customers know. This might function sometimes and acquire you some perks, yet commonly this is actually a foolish, apparent video game and as our experts both understand, this does not work! Yet claims to ordinariness and salt-of-the-earth merit are on their own ostentatious. It's a technique of claiming that contemporary fine art is actually a con" and also subtitled films are challenging" - that they carry out not appeal to everyone and therefore must be actually targeted at the sorts of folks that believe they are actually far better compared to everybody else. Take, for instance, the picture on p. 2 with the lettering The complete image of the carbon dioxide cycle.

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wormvalentine444 · 6 years

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if u wanna know how my year went

anyway 2017 was far worse for me than 2016 2016 I had a couple jobs at least and I was thriving for the most part even though I was using alcohol to drown out my trauma from breaking up with my abuser in 2015. I had friends and I went out and it was good. in 2017 I spent the whole first half of the year drowning in an eating disorder and trying to find a job, going to many many interviews and always failing. in 2017 I had two “best friends” that I introduced to each other so we could all be friends together but they would constantly trigger the fuck out of me (one of them unintentionally but I'm pretty sure the other intentionally) so I would spend all my time locked in my house starving myself because I didn’t feel worthy enough to hang out with them until I was skinny but obvs you can’t survive on 500 calories a day (and burning it all off at the gym) forever so I starting b/ping and I did it every single day. i’m surprised I didn't die tbh. and I'd look on snapchat and see my two best friends hanging out together and living and having fun while I was wasting away. anyway I cut them off but summer is always terrible because my boyfriend is an alcoholic and I just spent the whole summer feeling this weird mix of missing out and also being angry at the fact that he’s an alcoholic. like I get this weird feeling that I want to be an alcoholic too because when I was in 2016 I was my happiest and people liked me and I experienced a lot and life was better. but my eating disorder wouldn’t let me drink and I just didn’t want to sink down that whole again I guess. and my boyfriend had this TERRIBLE roommate and his house was absolutely filthy all the time and they would drink every single day it was so fucking toxic and disgusting. beer cans and moldy dishes and fruit flies everywhere. and I hated his roommate too and I still do he’s my boyfriends best friend and he’s a shitty fucking person. he’s racist sexist and homophobic and fucking full of himself. and my boyfriend would never come over to my house so I always had to go there and his roommate would not ever leave us alone so in order to hang out with my boyfriend I HAD to hang out with this shitty fucking dude and watch them drink disgusting beer and play videogames I hated and talk in their shitty little inside jokes that were so unfunny. I felt like a third wheel and I felt disgusting in that house. LUCKILY he found a girlfriend and moved out asap and my boyfriend asked me to move in so I did (it took weeks to clean the place btw). I moved in in august then started going to university in September after not being in school for two years. and I guess this huge change in my life so quickly just took a toll on my brain. for the first few weeks I felt NOTHING I was so disassociated and depersonalized all the time. it felt like hell but it was nothing compared to what was coming. in September I had my first real panic attack. I thought my friends had drugged me with acid. it really felt like I was going to die. I felt so dizzy and disorientated and just terrified. I went to the ER and they told me nothing was wrong. after that I'd always be almost having a panic attack all the time, like one was about to come at any time. after that I had many mini ones and another big one in November where I called the ambulance because I thought I got poisoned. this is around the time I started to get agoraphobia. I tried to go to class but when I did I would get the symptoms of a panic attack and I'd have to leave class (hot flashes, dizziness, dp/dr) and by the end of it I just stopped going to school. I dropped out of my art class (mostly because I hated that we were only painting boxes and I'd just rather use the expensive supplies for my own art) and I missed one of my final exams. most likely I can get it deferred but it’s possible I can’t. for my final portfolio in English I have to write two short stories and 3 poems and I haven’t started any of them yet and they were due on MONDAY with two docked marks each day. I don’t know why I haven’t started. I feel so disassociated and out of it I just keep sleeping all day and binge eating. my philosophy final is on the 22nd and I hope I'm able to leave the house because I haven’t been able to leave the house in weeks. sometimes even leaving my room is too much. the house is a mess again and it makes me feel disgusting. I keep trying to starve but it doesn’t work I'm too stressed. I got prescribed Paxil but I'm too scared to try them. I also got prescribed klonopin and im almost out and I honestly don’t know what I'm going to do without them. I think I might die. Christmas is coming up and I don’t want to go to parties I just want to hide. everything is too much right now. that was my 2017 folks just delayed trauma from my 3 year abusive rleationship that ended in 2015!!! good things that happened in 2017: seeing bob Dylan live in July, going to the rocky horror picture show on halloween with my two best friends and my boyfriend and then afterwards seeing my favourite local band play and having one of the members tell me I had a good vibe, seeing Andy shauf live and crying the whole time and meeting him afterwards. I made two really awesome friends who are both aries and we started a band together!!! I reconnected with my best friend and she moved and now lives a 15 min walk from me!! in 2018 I'm going to try and lose weight healthily I'm going to buy ice skates and go skating on Sunday by myself and I'm going to walk to school everyday and maybe go to the gym and weight train sometimes and I'm going to eat 1000-1200 calories (I know it’s still kinda low but it’s better than what I initially planned) and I'm going to start hula hooping too and I'm going to buy roller skates in the summer. one I lose enough weight I'm going to try and build muscle so I can be strong I'm going to an ear nose and throat doctor at the end of January because I have fluid in my ears which may be causing some of my dizziness which is one of my panic attack triggers. I'm also going to a psychiatrist at the end of January and hopefully get a nice cocktail of drugs that will help me. I’’m really hoping for Wellbutrin or something that combats fatigue because that will really help me so so so much. I'm also seeing chad vangaalen for the third time in January!!! I'm going to try and do better this term and keep up on all my school work. I'm taking biology which is my favourite and I'm really excited!! I'm going to try harder than I've ever tried before to find a job. I might have to wait till February to clear my mind a bit and become more mentally well. I'm going to make a lot of art and make prints of it and sell it all in the summer!!! it’s one of my dreams to be able to make some money off my art but right now I just don’t have enough of it. I'm going to try and make it my goal to do some art everyday. I'm also going to get back into music because it’s one thing depression took from me. every time my boyfriends at work I'm going to practice music and eventually I want to make an album of my own and one of my goals of 2018 is to perform on a stage for the first time. I'm scared me and me boyfriend are going to eventually break up. My aquarius moon wants to live on my own so so so so bad but my venus cancer needs companionship. also I can’t afford any bachelor suites or anything anyways. I love my boyfriend so much and we are best friends but his friends are so so so so so toxic. a lot of his friends I dislike but most of them I love dearly but they are all alcoholics and some are coke addicts and I just hate being around that kind of stuff so much :( I hate the anxiety of going to a prrty and knowing theres going to be coke there because I got slightly addicted but I know I can’t do it because I have heart problems and it could easily kill me. sometimes I get too drunk and I don’t care and do it anyways and thats so fucking dangerous. my boyfriend is a social person and needs to hang out with his friends all the time but they can never hang out sober. they ALWAYS drink and thats such a toxic friendship tbh and it makes me really upset and drinking causes pretty much %100 of our fights but you can’t really change someone he told me he’d go to counselling for me but how are you supposed to quit/slow down on drinking when all of your friends drink every single day......so as much as I love him I feel that his friends and his alcoholism are eventually going to lead to our end, but I'm trying to be optimistic. I hate a lot of things and I hate a lot of people and I'm going to try and change that because I feel like I'm such a Debbie downer all of the time. people annoy me easily and I get mad easily and I'm so irritable. maybe pills will help with that. I'm going to try and make more friends that I enjoy the company of and maybe they’ll make me a better person I told myself 2017 would be the year of glowing up but I didn’t at all. moving out and going to school is an achievement but I feel like personally I have made no progress at all. I feel so stuck. I want to grow. I'm going to try my hardest to grow this year.

#rant #ed tw #I have no one else to talk to

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