#im the same way. im calling myself out too | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

laithraihan · 3 days

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now i’m kinda curious to hear what you think of proshipping.. if you don’t mind of course

I'll share my thoughts, and if theres anything I say that doesnt make sense feel free to point it out to me because I mostly write with the help of a translator. Under the cut because I wrote too much stuff.

TLDR: proshippers hate me because I dont want to look at glorified depictions of pedophilia/incest/etc, antis hate me because my content isnt 100% sanitized. I stay around anti circles because I find it slightly easier for me to talk about my headcanons with them even though I think they can be insufferable.

So the thing about proshipping. From what I've seen it means being "anti-harassment" and being in support of curating your online experience, which sounds great on paper and that's practically what I do. I have over 3k accounts blocked on my personal twitter to navigate the website more easily and I also dont care if someone blocks me if they dont like my stuff.

Except proshippers never consider me a proshipper because I am uncomfortable with viewing glorified depictions of topics like pedophilia, incest, rape, all that stuff. The same way people are uncomfortable with excessive blood and gore (which I also can't really handle seeing). Whether or not it's always easy to tell if it's glorified is an entirely different topic, which is precisely why I stay away from all depictions in general to avoid being intrusive.

And what's interesting is that I do not label myself an "anti". Mainly because I don't even know what the term "anti" is supposed to mean ("anti-" what exactly. Genuinely please tell me because I actually dont know) But the ones who label themselves "proship" always call me an anti, because again I do not wish to engage with content related to pedophilia etc, and that alone apparently enough to be considered "a person who harasses others over fiction" even if I mind my own business and have no interest in forcing my personal tastes on others, especially if they make it clear that they wont change their mind. Which makes me believe that for a lot of self-identified proshippers, the definition of being "proship" would be more similar to "I love fucked up stuff and if you dont then youre lame and it obviously means you can't tell the difference between fiction and reality" which honestly seems like insecurity to me.

Forgive me for bringing up this up once again but I want to mention an example to make it easier for me to explain: yknow the whole thing with me drawing Minori and Reigen and labelling it "non-cp" which caused a wave of both self-identified antis and proshippers harassing me over that (I'll say that proshippers were more bold about it since the antis harassing me were all anonymous). Proshippers saw me saying "I dont ship that" and interpreted it as me being defensive and in denial, as if I said "guys I swear Im an anti !!! please dont think im a proshipper !!! ", when I meant "I dont want to discuss this with others in a shipping manner because thats not how I see it and I dont want to enter a space Im not comfortable with"

I admit I responded to this situation in a petty manner, but this was after several days of harassment done directly in my inbox and publicly (sometimes I wish yall remembered that group chats and priv accounts exist). My point is that simply saying you don't like seeing pedophilia in fiction is enough for proshippers to believe it's justified for them to harass you over it (and I'm fully aware they'll say it's not harassment, only when antis and "puriteens" do this to them then it's harassment)

Now about the anti side. Don't get me started on them either. If proshippers see me as an enemy then this must mean that I always get along with the ones who call themselves "antis" (I do not). Note that Im only talking about adults here, I dislike beefing with children and I think their feelings about this are entirely reasonable (I'll elaborate on this when talking about internet safety)

But anyways. I think a lot of adults are discourse-brained and do way too much. Im thinking of nonsense like "this ship is problematic because they are 'sibling-coded' so thats basically incest" "siblings giving each other a hug gives me proship vibes" things of that nature. And you're not allowed to do anything that even has the smallest possibility of being interpreted as "problematic", because then they'll harass you for it, and if you clarify your intentions, they expect you to apologize for "misleading" them because clearly they didnt do anything wrong by making assumptions about you.

There's almost no room allowed for creativity with them, everyone has to follow fanon because they consider it canon, if you ever want to try something other than the same boring domestic fluff then it's "too much" (and not even platonic affection is acceptable to draw in certain cases). Which is incredibly fucking boring to me who wants to see different types of content. People even said I was enjoying incest for drawing Reigen selfcest, and that I was "making others uncomfortable" by drawing it. Genuinely seems to me that they only care about moral superiority, that they never think about anything in depth, and I dont think they realize that it also shows in what they create: boring and repeated fanart and headcanons where the only thing you can say about it is "thats cute", nothing more because you saw it ten billion times already. You cant draw two people showing platonic affection that absolutely nobody would bat an eye if it happened in real life, you cant discuss something specific in more depth without people saying you have a fetish for it, and then they'll harass you based on their speculation that it's a fetish. I dont think many realize this, but fandoms are full of autistic people, so it's normal to see people who are interested in very specific things that dont make sense to others! I wish people were less judgmental, but at the same time I dont care if people think Im weird. I think what I mean is theres no reason to mistreat weird people who do no harm to others.

So yeah if you call yourself an "anti" I'll assume youre spend too much time engaging in fandom discourse and you're the type of person to believe that fanart where two people are holding hands is the equivalent to drawing them fucking each other. Which I think is a very childish mindset to have and it's worrying that many adults think this way. I also think that as an adult they should be capable of blocking stuff they hate instead of constantly arguing with people online because at this point it's just mental torture.

The thing about internet safety I mentioned earlier, I'd say this is the one thing that I'll always prioritize discussing whenever proship discourse comes up.... To put it simply: filter and limit the visibility of your content, do not put triggering stuff in the main tags, stay in your own circles. Whether or not you believe fictional rape/pedophilia/etc is bad is irrelevant, my point is that these are objectively triggering topics and should be filtered just like how there are warnings for violence and blood even if it's not real.

"But it's the parents' responsibility to control what kids look at online, this has nothing to do with me!" and I agree with the parents being the ones Primarily responsible. However the reality is that children are online and there's nothing you can do to stop it from happening. Kids will also enter spaces theyre not allowed in, theyre children and children are rebellious especially teenagers, I was like this as a teenager too. You'd be lying if you said you were always obedient since childhood and never did anything you were told Not to do. And you can't really expect teenagers to always block and not interact if they see something triggering. It's your responsibility to block them if they interact with you, because what I see most of the time is adults bickering with teenagers who are uncomfortable, calling them "puriteens", putting them on blast and allowing other adults including NSFW accounts to dunk on them.

Humiliating and degrading teenagers does not "teach them a lesson", it only makes the teenager more stubborn and reactive. Adults must accept that kids will always find their way in there even if your content isnt easily accessible. So I think it's stupid to feel offended at a child because they got upset when they found upsetting content like how any normal child would react. Which is why I wish more adults would keep blocking without saying anything petty to provoke teenagers.

Before someone pancake-waffles me and says "so youre fine with antis doxxing people" no I do not support doxxing. Ive been doxxed so I know it sucks. However the only times Ive seen it go this far is after continuous arguing because nobody knows when to stop. Im not saying this applies all the time nor am I saying doxxing is fine, but there are ways to minimize this sort of outcome as much as possible. Both sides have doxxed people over petty arguments that couldve easily been avoided if they just blocked each other and moved on.

The topic above (internet safety) is probably the only thing related to this where Im actively telling others what they should be doing. It's not only teenagers who are triggered by depictions of pedophilia etc but also adults like myself. In my case Im old enough to block content I dislike without saying a word, however I cant help but think that there's not enough being done about filtering especially when I do not search for this type of content and I still see it all the time.

I also think it's important for me to mention that I have a very poor sense of morality. I do not have a personal moral code that I adhere to, and I mostly stick to the basic universal ones that make sense to me. So I will not discuss the "morals" of consuming this stuff because I am not adequate to share an opinion on this, and I know the most popular topic of discussion related to proship discourse is morality which I frankly find counterproductive. I dont understand why people should care so much if I find something morally correct or not, unless it's to make themselves feel better about having a "superior opinion" to mine. Though I will say that if a man tells me he's into rape "but only in fiction!" then I dont think it will stop me of imagining myself bashing his skull repeatedly with large rocks. Maybe Im too mistrustful of men in general.

Final point I want to clarify is that I am not trying to assert some sort of superiority over people by disliking both sides, like saying "Im not an anti or a proshipper Im a Normal person" or something like that, and Im not expressing a "neutral" stance on the topic of fiction's influence on reality either. There are topics like racism and orientalism in fiction that Im vocal about (which is expected since Im Algerian). I genuinely believe there are many things that are interesting to discuss and should be prioritized, but too many people are chronically online, subjective and defensive, at this point I dont even think it's accurate to say that disliking one side automatically means you support the other side regarding fiction. To me, "proship discourse" is not about the debate of the effects of fiction on reality, censorship in media, etc. It's about everything I described earlier that happens online.

#asks #hopefully this doesnt start anything bad

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ifeelthereforeimnot · 3 days

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GUYS HOLY SHIT I just realized I, at one point in my life, had a Dean.

I don't remember how we became friends, he was just always around until I couldn't remember a time before I'd turn to my left and there he was. And even now, I miss him like a limb I wasn't born with but had grown so used to that I still feel pain where there's nothing.

I realize now that he didn't love me, he owned me. Or maybe it was both. Maybe he didn't know how to do one without the other. But I loved it. I loved being loved. I loved being his. I loved that he had a name for me and only me and would snap at anyone else who used it. "Only I get to call her that." Like a brand, like a collar. And I handed him the leash attached to it, yanking my own head back because the leash is too short but it's the only one I have "here, you dropped this."

He was never impressed by any of the guys I dated. They weren't good enough. He was not interested in hanging out with me and my boyfriend. But he'd always insist I come along with him and his girlfriend. He'd make inside jokes and play funny songs and look into the rear view mirror but never at her. Always at me. "You're about the same size, right?" when buying a gift for his girlfriend. I am. The exact same size. I wonder if he knows that.

"You're like a sister to me," he said. Then he'd hold my hand in class, hidden under the table. Pinkies inching closer and closer until they interlocked, neither of us moving, neither of us so much as breathing so as to not disturb the fragile moment we've created. The bell would ring and we'd pull apart and never mention it again but he'd always sit with his fingers curled around his chair.

"You're like a sister to me," he said into my ear as the wind whipped around us. It was pouring rain but we didn't want to go home. Never wanted to go home. I don't remember why but we were wrapped in each other's arms. It was the logical place to end up. It was safe. It was home. We stayed like that for a long time, pressed chest to chest, cheek to cheek, long after the moment had passed. Long after the intensity had calmed and the passion had simmered and the cold and rain seeped into our bones because we couldn't feed moments like that. We just couldn't.

"You're like a sister to me," he said, turning to face me as we laid on the roof of my old elementary school. It was winter, it was cold, but we had cigarettes and the buzz of adrenaline to keep us warm. We stood at the railing, leaned over the edge and I threw my arms out. He put his arms around my waist, head on my shoulder, go ahead. "IM THE KING OF THE WORLD" and I was. For a minute.

"You're like a sister to me," he said into my hair, loose-limbed and wasted for the first time. I was sprawled across his chest, finally FINALLY. We were always touching but the alcohol lowered every inhibition as to how much. I had only gotten to lay with him once before, after days of no sleep, clinging to each other barely conscious. There was really no other excuse for us to touch this much. So I relished in it, floppy and warm and dizzy myself. "You're like a sister to me," he'd said, "but if you weren't..."

And he just let it hang there. Left me wondering if he'd meant it, if he'd even really said it in the first place. He just left it there like a dark stain on the thinly veiled friendship and now it was there and he acknowledged it and it was there and no amount of scrubbing could get that stain out. Not really. Not completely.

I loved him in a way I'd never loved somebody before. I still don't know, years later, where to place him. He was a brother to me but I'd never had a brother so maybe he wasn't. To call him a friend would be blasphemy, an insult to the way a brush of his fingertips lit up my heart. But to call him more would be a lie.

I can't just put him in a box and tuck him away so that box is just sitting there, still open. It will always be open, I'll always miss that limb. And I think that's why Sam's wife is blurry and his son is named Dean and his impala is sitting in the garage, pristine. He couldn't close the box either.

#tessa thinks out loud #supernatural #sam winchester #dean winchester #wincest

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jinxedshapeshifter · 1 year

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please he's so autistic in this

#espio the chameleon #the murder of sonic the hedgehog #the murder of sonic the hedgehog spoilers #when i say 'hes so autistic in this' im specifically referring to his complete lack of being able to read the fucking room in this scene #im the same way. im calling myself out too #like this is literally just a massive mood #'i have something to admit. i fake-murdered one of our friends' 'bro read the room this is serious'

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inkskinned · 1 year

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the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining)#and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually.#my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY.#anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

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franeridart · 6 months

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The Housecat Philosophy - Ep 37

Ep 00 || < Prev || Next >

Read the next four episodes on Patreon || support me on ko-fi~✨

#the housecat philosophy #artists on tumblr #original comic #webcomic #original art #my sketches #ah i love writing sal and lu in the same place #can't wait to get deeper into them they have probably the most ridiculous relationship i've ever made up #anyway as a psa #i was actually hoping to post this one with an announcement that the comic was finally on webtoon but!!#the process of prepping it for the site is turning out to be surprisingly long ????#apparently my meant to be read top to bottom comic is too meant to be read top to bottom for the read top to bottom site #i've drawn panels that were nearly too long for the max length allowed by the site hahaha........#wow cropping strip 38 is gonna be a nightmare #ANYWAY just to let you all know im working on it #who would have thought letting 37 strips pile up would mean having 37x the work to do not me that's for sure #i absolutely did not call this upon myself in no way whatsoever

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melatien · 5 months

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tried a new brush! it felt foreign to draw after so long

(sorry for not posting for a while, its hard to find motivation when you're on holiday!)

#this was meant to be a warmup sketch before i drew something else but i got distracted :sob:#i tried a diferent colouring style too! i call it the 'not overdoing it' style #way more difficult then expected!#i had to restrain myself from rendering the shit out of this #im not used to not putting in 100% and still being able to like what i produce all the same #its immensely refreshing though!#less stressful lol #shigaraki yoichi #yoichi shigaraki #mha #one for all #my hero academia #my art

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ef-1 · 4 months

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girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year.#when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍#not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :)#like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢#and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up-#when people mention it 😍#last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her)#and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook”#and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?”#im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 8 months

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phone calls my detested

#i had to make a vet appointment and Wow i am not cut out for this whole independent adult thing lmfao #i had to write down a little script for myself...#i feel so bad for the receptionist i was stumbling and 'uhhhhh'ing my way through that call #fuck and when i was supposed to end the call. i didnt realize #I DONT KNOW THE PROTOCOL OKAY #do i hang up??? do i say bye??? she didnt say bye so was there something else i was supposed to say #she hung up so Yay but oughhhhhhh what the fuck #youre telling me people just Know how to carry a conversation? they just Know the routine? sounds fake #i had to rev myself up for the call too #put on a hat. put on sunglasses to trick my brain into thinking we're outside doing things thus fabricating confidence #phone in one hand fidget-dodecahedron in the other. Pacing #my brain is a normal brain that works perfectly fine thanks for asking #absolutely unprompted #i feel so connected to my neanderthal ancestors when i have to make a call #theyre being stalked by a smilodon... i have to talk to a person... same Fear <3 #no but fr whenever i have to talk to someone my thought process shuts down Completely and i forget that im a living human being #fight or flight - neither. freeze and play dead #i think in my next life... i would like to be... a decorative plant #perhaps one of those tall ferns outside a seaside barbecue restaurant #i'd Win at that life. id be so good at photosynthesizing & rustling in the ocean breeze

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opens-up-4-nobody · 2 months

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...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

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dayurno · 2 months

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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers #literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live #so you may be subjected to some nonsense #that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings #the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass #the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that #the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check #im joking of course dont quote me on it #jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml #jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated #a character with many moving parts im sure #there were a few things i did not care for #namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion #i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense #i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on #all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family #so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me #which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean #i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest #uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him #andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck #two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other #the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier #but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited #uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably #pedestrian #not necessarily in a bad way #it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters

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queen0fm0nsterz · 4 months

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Reading my fave thin man and lady fic. Kicking my feet a lot because tbh. Sometimes a sad man really is just a weird woman's science project in a way that is so homoerotic

#carols.txt #when i tell you i've been re-reading this single one shot religiously every single month for almost three years I mean it #《straight》 ship so good we call it queerbaiting #LMAOOOOOO #call it yaoyuri the way these old people r tragic and doomed by the narrative or whatever #listen as a bi person on the aroace spectrum whatever this fic was trying to convey really strikes a cord #while its not the same as my own this characterization of them is so intriguing. im so hooked on it #^^ one thing i think this person really nailed was thin man's immaturity (stemming from his emotions oftentime being too big to control) ->#and the desire of attention that comes with said immaturity while also having the lady be both cold (normal) and intrigued in a way that ->#that really fits her character. curiosity is one of the many facets that make up her character that don't get explored much and i think its #done so well here for like no reason💀 THIS AUTHOR COOKED TOO HARD YOU GUYS #like ofc she wouldnt send him away. shes studying him under a microscope. even though hes annoying as hell #thin man is plagued by sassy man syndrome in this which is really fucking funny cus it lasts a total of 3 seconds before she finds him out #PLUS THE TALK ABOUT THE TOWER AND THE WORLD... AUGHHH #i need this author to give me their brain NOW #AUGHHHHHAAGGGHEEHH #everyone needs to start doing thinlady the way this person was doing it #this is the biblically accurate old people (in case my theory abt baby lady having been in the pale city is wrong)#live laugh love. its my birthday. spoiling myself a bit. goddamn.

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dykeinthedark · 1 month

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venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her.#but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core)#but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke.#like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to???#everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those)#i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women''#which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love)#i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it??#even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses??#that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger???#and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

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badolmen · 7 months

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Wrote out a big long phone call rant to have with my mother later because as much as I hate it she is my closest irl spiritual confidant 👍 here’s hoping her response to ‘hey I’ve been spiritually depressed and disconnected for like 8 months and for some reason these last two weeks advocating for Palestine has me feeling alive and burning with divine passion and love in a way I’ve never felt before in my life’ isn’t like. ‘Talk to your psyche abt your meds hun’

#ra speaks #personal #religion #oh god these tags got out of hand. look away I’m rambly today.#outing myself as deeply spiritual and devout on main oops #‘aren’t you gay and trans and -‘ listen Israel the person received that name after literally wrestling with gd in the desert #I’m allowed to put my faith leaders in a spiritual headlock for past and present crimes while I live my joyful life #maybe a physical headlock too. I’m down to body slam some wueerphobic racist pos who claim to be faithful while never exercising such faith #also lmao of the idea of a queer leftist being deeply spiritual makes you uncomfortable…bro everything about me makes ppl uncomfortable #I’m bi gender I consider myself a trans gay man and a nonbinary dyke at the same time. I’m disabled and ugly and autistic. im not palatable #accept the inherent apparent contradictory nature of the varied human experience and move on.#sorry thought about that post complaining abt observant jews being excluded from the conversations about queer jews like #you don’t have to get it. you don’t have to think it’s real! but it’s real to me! it’s important to me!#so are you gonna be my transphobic uncle and call me sick and deluded the same way he talks about trans people?#or are you gonna keep your mouth shut accept that you don’t have to understand someone to respect them and move on with your life.#anyways uh. here’s hoping I don’t lose my voice or start crying like I did while typing the script up.#vocational woes

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the-casbah-way · 8 months

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i am always really grateful to get comments and feedback on my fics, but you don’t need to insult other peoples’ work in order to be nice about mine. it’s not even a compliment to me, really. you could’ve just talked about what you like about my writing rather than the fact that you dislike someone else’s. if you haven’t managed to find any fics in a fandom that are for you, i’d be more than happy to give you some recommendations of my own. the natm fandom is one of the most creative fandoms i’ve ever been a part of and even i, someone who barely reads fanfiction and is extremely picky about the tropes i want to read, have managed to find a tonne of fics that i absolutely adore. if it wasn’t for those fics i wouldn’t be writing my own. you can be picky about what you read, like i am. but it doesn’t mean that every fic you aren’t interested in reading is bad, and it doesn’t mean that only the fics you enjoy are good. i do agree that putting your work on the internet and in the public eye is inevitably and inherently opening yourself up to the possibility of criticism or negative feedback, but personally i think that fanfiction isn’t exactly the same as a published novel. we are writing this for free, and providing it for free, with no guarantee that we’ll get any traction or appreciation for it at all. if you don’t like a fic purely because you just didn’t like it and you don’t have anything helpful or productive to offer, it’s generally better and kinder to keep that to yourself. just be nice <3

#to clarify: this person wasn’t insulting a specific fic writer or fic #it was just a general statement about the fics in this fandom #this is absolutely NOT me calling out or getting mad at the person who left the comment because like #there is every chance they didn’t mean it like that !! maybe i misinterpreted it #do NOT be rude or mean to the person i’m talking about on here or on ao3 please and thanks #that’s not what this is about #i’m just saying it’s good to be mindful of how you talk about other peoples’ fics and stuff #just be nice. you like what you like and that’s ok but you can be kind about it at the same time #i am so grateful that you read and enjoyed my fic !! but i promise there are other fics for you out there too #i don’t believe in ranking or comparing fics myself but #if im being honest there are a million fics in this fandom and half of them are way better than mine #and like i said. if it weren’t for those wonderful and beautifully written fics i wouldn’t have started writing my own

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