#im out here like 🤡🤡🤡

[soldier-poet-king]

Lmaoooooo

Last week had a meeting with someone who is not my boss but who I've been voluntold to help with website design BC I'm young and apparently that means ik what I'm doing (which, to be fair, this is very basic uxd with Squarespace, I CAN do that). Said person was like "oh don't be afraid to give feedback I'm not the kind of person to get all upset and offended"

Me, yesterday: sends feedback, which mind you is hard to do without visuals but I'm a good little grunt and do what I'm told, and I described the integration of hyperlinks as "clunky and unprofessional", in the sense that most modern site design would try to integrate them more seamlessly and it is this unprofessional by current design standards. I also prefaced this with a "I might suggest...." and a "to me, this feels".

This morning. Said person doesn't come to talk to me like the adults we all are, but apparently is so upset that they go to my BOSS and complain(which tbh IS unprofessional). At which point my boss sits me down to talk and tries to be like 'oh some people interpret things in a different light', (no really? I'm a fuckin idiot and don't understand how communication works), shes like 'i didn't read it that way, but PERSON was upset, try to phrase it differently in the future' and she did it in such a way that she managed to once again talk down to me like I'm unaware of the existence of office politics, while also bright red and uncomfortable as if I were to burst into tears and get offended that someone complained about my feedback

Like??? Yeah fragile teen me might've cried. But this is just. So fuckin stupid???? That I can do nothing but shrug it off with a handwave and give my best fake smile and promise to be more politic?? I'm going to have lunch BC frankly this is laughably immature and overly sensitive, and IM THEE MOST SENSITIVE PERSON ON EARTH. Like I even said 'oh it's no big deal' [to my boss, reassuring her I wasn't upset] and she took it as "oh it's no big deal that PERSON is upset and I'm not taking this seriously enough". But in the same conversation managed to complain, in a non politic way, about a different one of our coworkers, and I DEFINITELY knew who she was talking about and she knew I knew

My god. I know it's partially generational maybe. But also. I was EXTREMELY clear in my email, and welcomed further questions if I was unclear in my initial feedback. I didn't bother pointing out that I had been specifically asked for feedback and that person "wouldn't be offended by it because I have thick skin" (my boss was present when that claim was made). I would've been CORRECT had I mentioned it, but it's not worth being accused of being a petulant child bc I can't respect my elders or whatever

Truly this is a clown office and I'm so increasingly goddam tired of being surrounded by ppl who don't value my work because they don't even understand what I do, it's just "archive computer stuff", so they just expect it to be done despite having no idea how to do it themselves, and then taking my work for granted, and treating me like I'm some sort of intern student to be talked down to (frankly, I wouldn't treat an intern like this either)

The only person I work with regularly who doesnt drive me insane and treats me as an equal and values my opinions and actually looks our for my professional interests, not just what I can do for this org, is REITIRING IN THE NEW YEAR and I'm just

Clown behavior all around. Yes I'm grateful to have a job, and benefits, and pay that would otherwise be okay were we not in a rent crisis. But also like. I have ambitions. Workplace culture aside I have no interest in working at this kind of org long term, I will be actively looking at jobs at larger institutions going forward.

I'm supposed to be part of this long term 5 year plan for this org and I'm just like. Hm. I am not planning on being here in 5 years unless for some reason I cannot find a job in my field elsewhere. And sure the higher higher ups are nice, even if I don't think they really know what I do, and treat me sort of like an affectionate grandchild, but also like. I don't work with them directly.

A horrible spiteful part of me would be happy to leave and have them have to figure out how to fill my position on that long term project, but I know that's mean. (Not to mention, any idiot out of archives school with basic knowledge of a handful of common database programs could do my job. They might just not be as self effacing and unfailingly friendly in the process)

#the duality of fran #i am SO smiley and friendly #even when I'm like. bloody murder. #gahhhh #once again. kip mdang i understand u more and more every day #im out here like 🤡🤡🤡 #i know i can be awkward but like. IM not the one misreading and misinterpreting everything and being a sensitive baby #this is a LAUGHABLE thing to. 1 get offended over. 2. go to my BOSS instead of me directly #like im a child needing discplining #i cant tell if im going insane or everyone at my work is #truly ppl cannot be this dense #i have had workplace issues before but never over such stupid shit #and i managed to manage university and grad school department politics with ease #so like. :///// MAYBE im not the issue here

[myork]

sweaty messy hair jungkook for @jung-koook ♡

#bts #btsgif #jungkook #dailybts #jungkooksource #maknaelinegifs #trackofthesoul #mgfs #happy birthday sky !! ♡ #thank you for always being so kind to me and always helping me out <3 ur truly one of the nicest people here and u deserve all the support #and love <3 don’t let anyone tell you otherwise !! 😠 #this is for u i hope u like it 🤡 i made it under an hour because i desperately didnt want the clock to hit 12 but then i realised ur day is #probably already over :/ #anyways ignore how inconsistent and random this is i just wanted to whip up something quick for u wish i had taken out time and made #something more coordinated :/ im sorry:/ but anyways i hope u enjoyed ur day <3 god bless and have an amazing rest of the year ahead <3

[bunnihearted]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[nerime]

I had breakfast at a "vintage cafe" and this is what I was served on

fellas ...... we old

#neri stfu #also just in tags bc i feel like i only rant and amnoy everyone here lately #but i legitimately feel like an alien that got dropped on earth by accident and has to copy everyone else's behaviours to look normaler #i am not feeling it. i guess for a long time I've been in a bubble of my close friends now #who just. get it. and get that sometimes i need to be alone or just idk that im insane and im gonna freak out if they do particular things #and they don't do things that make me uncomfortable or idk. mental illness support circle i guess since we all just Get It #🤡👍 #prompted by me being at a very uncomfortable social situation today (AND tomorrow...)

[hauntedpearl]

hate being so ill all the time. literally every time I talk to someone I have to be like "hi sorry I've been sick. what's up!" perpetual state of sickness. it's tired and i want out

#i feel so bad for my mon #she has to take care of me because i keep passing out and shit #and it's like. IM SORRY I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE TO. IM JUST HERE #she's going on a trip today tho. for the week. #and im not worried about being alone but i am anticipating a crash by thw time she comes back #me when i can't get off the bed or eat : 🤡👻 #anyway. we are STAYUNG SILLY I PROMISE #just venting tho

[spainkitty]

not only have I almost been in two different cults twice, I'm now part of the disillusioned dummy-thiccs (or is that just me) who'd been taken in by illuminaughtii (sp??) and James Somerton. I DID stop watching illuminaughtii more than a year ago, I thought her videos had gotten too repetitive, so I wasn't tooooo upset, but I was totally taken aback by the JS twist in hbomb's video 🙃 This might say something about my gullibility, someone tell me so I can believe anything you say

#kitty babbles #you do NOT understand my shock when my very NON yt watching friend #came at me like DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE DRAMA #and im like well i watched that hbomb vid but is there tumblr drama too? #her: thats the drama! You know about it already? #Me: 🤡🤡🤡 ive watched every single one of those yters involved #toddintheshadows REALLY knocked me out #BABE WHY ARE YOU HERE.... OH NO

[lavenderjewels]

ive complained about not knowing nobaras dead or alive status but i will be distraught if it’s revealed she’s genuinely dead

#jjk spoilers #HALF of me is: ok it’s vague to make it a huge reveal since gege added that healer character out of the blue #and it would parallel the other ‘jokes on you im alive’ yuuji and geto (kinda) moments #other half is: gege wasn’t sure if she’d fit in the story so left it open and will confirm if she’s dead or alive later #the latter would kill me like nothing else #also!! gojo Cannot get unsealed before we learn about nobara I refuse to think it’ll happen #(watch as next chapter arrives and proves me directly wrong) #just like that time I was so sure yuki would survive and then 🤡✨ #excited for next chapter though now we’re getting everyone together and REALLY pushing things along #it’s always when im most enjoying the story that I feel the tension of whether or not I’ll like what comes next #i probably posted on here before about this but #I always thought megumi didn’t reeeally shine as a character until post shibuya and was the weakest of the trio beforehand #but now we had all this time with him—I want nobara to have focus if she’s alive #‘if she’s alive’ 🤡🫠🤒🙃😞😔😫🥴 #kugisaki nobara #jjk manga spoilers #just in case 😅

[soldier-poet-king]

Oh we have reached the dry itchy stage of tattoo healing and I, a compulsive skin picker, am SUFFERING

#the duality of fran #the second skin bandage has to stay on until tmrw evening #but its SOOO wrinkly and dry underneath i am SO ITCHY #my nails are gonna be nasty by the end of the day. ripping out all my cuticles to cope #ITS BAD I KNOW. ITS A COMPULSIONS #ive ALWAYS been like this even as a kid. 99% of my scars or discoloured patches of skin are from picking #IM SORRY. #i just wanna take the bandages off and moisturize. i need to moisturize SO bad #i am a fool. i had very little pain or itching up until now. excepting the first day #so i thought i had avoided it #booboo the fool out here thinking my body is somehow special and would avoid the usual healing stages 🤡 #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #and i am also bored at work so v little in the way of distraction either

[girlbob-boypants]

I've got to stop wanting more from the story of an mmo it truly brings out my most clownish side

#girlbob.txt #🤡 #wayfinder is like 'it turns out your best friend is just as much a construct of magic with sentience as you are' and its like. #a two line thing with absolutely no time spent on it #par for the course with mmos but god the concepts being toyed with here are just not being used #because its not a single player game its an mmo #and mmos use their story as set pieces/transports to the next gameplay #and i know this #i understand this #Omen i love you im sorry the game wont let us sit and talk

[pepprs]

i think i need to go back to br*ghton and get my phd there im going to be SICK

#when i was there in 2020 a new centre had just opened at my host uni and i follow them on ig and i just saw the codirector do an intro post #AND WHY ARE WE LITERALY THE SAME PERSON AND WHY AM I LOOKING UP THE PHD PROGRAM SHE RUNS IN… WHATS IT CALLED… #ART AND CREATIVE PRACTICE????? I. AM. GOING. TO. BE. SICK. the way my heart is pounding and my stomach is flip flopping rn. omw to write her #an email and see if we can talk I DONT EVEN WANT A PHD BUT I DONT BUT I DO BUT I DONT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME #purrs #and they have conferences in FUCKING BRGIGHTON ABT WRTMAKING AND COMMUNITY BUILDING AKA THE EXACT THING IWANT TO DO. just say the word i #Will SWAN DIVE across the fucking pond right NEOW. good god help me. naur bc why are the opportunities for that kind of thing here so few an #and far between BUT I WAS THERE AND THIS WAS ALL HAPPENING AROUND ME AND I DIDNT EBEN KNOW IT FUCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!! #naur the way i am meant to be there and jsut stifling my true self probably just so i won’t r[redacted out of embarrassment]. LIKE HELP #<- ​ok well im not meant to be there im just um. 🤡. but i am thinking about it. i am Really thinking about it #also omg no bc what if i email this lady and she asks to see my research and i literally gave up halfway bc i was having a mental breakdown😭

[chaotictomtom]

head hurts so much I HATE YOU SUMMER I HATE YOUUUU :'(((((((

#i keep saying to myself i would love summer once i get a top surgery but!!!! im not really sure!! #i would have to not be poor so i can get a real fan and/or an AC to ever enjoy summer. #and i hAVE TO GO OUT THIS AFTERNOON AOUGH!!!! i don't want to bind im so tired :(((( staging made me have to bind almost everyday this month #and i have a 8 month contract coming up 😵‍💫 even if it'll go through summer and i'll get to wear more layers #but will be stealth so 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 will probably have to bind everyday too. thank fuck i'll work only during the morning #but even the thought of 8 month of binding half of the day is making me so miserable i hate itttttt #hater mode rn im so grumpy i hate the heat i hate sweating for no reasons and i hate it here and not having access to top surgery #like i would like to try to raise money to get a new binder so i don't spend 8 hellish months #but 1) it sucks ass that i have to buy a new one 2) no one will probably be interest enough in my art to buy anything #3) only the small size is not out of stock on the binder w/ zipper i want 🤡 4) would rather to raise money for top surgery #but that's truly not the same budget. innit. #tomtom_is_rambling #tomtom is GRUMPY!!!!!! TOMTOM HATES LIVING IN DA SUMMER!!!!

[kuiinncedes]

aksndbdhdhdhhd

#watch me fuckin scream lmfao bro #i’m on a trip sorta to a conference thing that my dad has kinda made me and my brother go to lol and #we’re sharing airbnb and ig the whole trip w a few ppl he knows that i don’t know at all #and i have to room w this 13 yr old girl in like not even a full bed 😭 #and like it’s partly a lot funny bc why am i so scared of this situation lmfaooooo like i’m absolutely more scared of her than she is of me #i keep thinking of that john m/uIaney bit abt 13 yr olds or whatever being the meanest ppl in the world LOL #she’s not mean afaik i’ve barely talked to her bc i am a fully functioning twenty fucking one year old 🤩💀 #idk bro i had a trip earlier this yr where like i could’ve shared a double bed w one of my best friends but we found out the sofa was a #sofa bed so we didn’t and i was highkey relieved jfchdhdhdbh #but here we are also apparently after we get back from this i have to share a bed at home w another near stranger who’s staying w us 🥳 #like it’s not that big of a deal i feel like i’m not super uncomfortable or anything i just feel like whining and i don’t want to do it #lmfaooooo 😭😭😭 #anyway 🫡 #it’s fine everything’s fine im just getting kinda annoyed on this trip by the two other strangers my dad knows #who idk are fine they’re fine i just wasn’t expecting any of it 😭 and i don’t like #new ppl apparently DNBCFJSBCHXNDB anyway #🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 <- waow it’s me #jeanne talks #but bro sharing a bed isn’t gonna make me alr not super great at falling asleep in new places fall asleep easier 🤩 #and we have to be up early lol not that that’s usually a problem for me anyway #rly the point is i just rly wanna whine and complain <3 #it’s rly not that serious #so sorry LOL 🤡🧍🏻‍♀️ ok lemme go to sleep bc i am actually tired sndbchhdjdhc

[wonderloste]

The second hospital is very suddenly throwing us out (discharging) even though my fiancé still can’t swallow super well ???? Bro I’m sick of hospitals and doctors i hate medical professionals so much

#yesterday they were like take it slow you have time uwu #today they charged im and told us they’re discharging us and the hospital is busy so we might have to vacate the room #before our ride gets here #(my nurse mom is literally leaving work for a bit to come get us) #(bc i left my car at home) #💩🤡 #i fucking hate these ppl #they made a speech therapy follow up for next week but he literally can’t get #into rehab until they clear up financial stuff at that appointment ugh #why do doctors even go into their field other than to torture us #mobile tbd. #I’ve been made so bitter by American health care workers i don’t even trust gen doctors anymore for check ups jfc #anw we’re going home today 🤡🤡🤡 I GUESS!!! #medical tw #hospital tw #this hospital started out so well lmfao i am the clown

[comfortfrogblog]

i really be wanting a knight in shining armor to save me from myself and heal my wounds and remind me that im worth something and then i realize i forgot about jesus

#lol #christianity #christian memes #jesus blogging #im really out here clowning around rn and gods up there watching me like🧍‍♂️ #hes like man whens this dumb girl gonna stop missing whats right in front of her🤡🤡 #ion know tbh is tough rn #and i guess i’m being a depressed lazy coward

[monstriiss]

gathering my mutuals up into my arms and giving each one of you a kiss on the noggin

#i feel like goob when he was like 'they all hated me' while everyone was like HEY! HI! COOL BINDER! #wrestling my negative inner monologue to the floor rn #like i sit here like a clown thinking dumb thoughts and yall come out with support and im like 🤡🥺❤️ honks my clown nose #ANYWAY I WILL BE DELETING ALL THIS SAPPY NONSENSE SOON i just wanna say that i appreciate you guys ❤️ #;; ooc. #;; tbd.

[lilake]

living in hamburg means asking yourself if I'll ever be warm and dry (and happy) again three thousand times a day

#god the weather is terrible here #not a great place if u have migraines that are triggered by changes of pressure 😃🤣🤡 #btw ive been at lab for 9 hours now and it doesn't look like im gonna be able to get out soon 👍🏻 #*in the lab lol #dont go into academia if you want to have a life 💀