#im not mad at him i dont even really blame him that much im just lonely | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

batmanisagatewaydrug · 15 hours

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hi, im an 18 year old pre-transition trans guy and ive grown up in an incredibly repressive fundie household which has caused me to really struggle both socially and with my sexual development. ive been homeschooled nearly my whole life and am currently getting everything set up to enroll for college this fall, this will be my first time living away from my abusive household and im very nervous about it..

anyhow, im in a really really weird situation right now. because of my shelteredness ive always been extremely isolated irl, ive never had a consensual romantic or sexual experience irl and all of my friends are online friends. well, one of my online friends (a cis guy who i knew from an online forum) and i started fooling around a bit, flirting and then eventually very explicit conversations, trading nudes and sexual video calls. we were extremely emotionally close and the relationship was pseudo-romantic but we both agreed we didn't want to do online dating after both of us having a bad experience with it previously.

this whole situation allowed me to experiment sexually more than i ever have, and i really felt more sexually confident than i ever have.

when we met, he told me he was freshly 19. and for the whole relationship i was under that impression, he didn't give me any reason to doubt it. but two days ago he couldn't handle lying anymore and revealed that he was 15. needless to say that was an incredible shock and i dealt with it as responsibly as i think i can.

the reason i'm coming to you about this is because i feel really weird about the whole thing, i dont blame myself for believing him and im not mad at him because i understand what lead him to those choices, but now i feel really awkward about all of the good things i got out of the situation before the reveal.. this was my first time ever really doing "real" sexual stuff with someone (beyond just texting i mean, i had never exchanged nudes or done vidoe calls like that before) everything sexual i encounter now makes me feel awkward because of all of this, its really weird and uncomfortable and i don't know what to do :(

im not sure what im hoping to get out of telling you this but i can't really talk about this to anyone else i feel like, so i guess i just wanted to get it off my chest

(if anyone responds to this accusing me of taking advantage of him or not handling the situation correctly, firstly you have basically no context and secondly you don't know what i did to take care of the situation. let me and my close friends be the ones to judge how i handled it, this is an extremely complicated situation for me to be in and you being judgmental does nothing positive for it.)

hi anon,

oofah doofah, what a sucky situation.

I totally understand feeling grossed out by the reveal; those feelings are real and deserve recognition. it's not nice to be lied to, especially when the truth casts all of your previous experiences in a totally different light - and a much scarier one, since you could very well have been breaking the law by exchanging nudes with a 15 year old, depending on where you live! this person could have gotten you in huge trouble by lying, which makes this whole situation that much worse.

having said that, you don't need to feel good about having had a good time and having gotten some positive experiences out of this dynamic. you were enjoying a relationship that you had every reason to believe was above board and it did great things for your sexual confidence! that's not retroactively untrue just because you were being misled; all of the good things you felt are still real.

think of it this way: when a couple breaks up there's often a urge to feel that they've been wasting their time together, that all of the energy and devotion they brought to their relationship was ultimately a waste because they didn't die together in bed holding hands at the tender age of 107. but that isn't true! no relationship is a waste of time, and even when things don't work out, that doesn't mean the good things didn't count. every time those people made each other laugh, everything they encouraged each other to try, every new thing they experienced together, every time they had sex, every meal they shared - all of these are real and matter and helped shape them for the better, even if they ended up parting ways as romantic partners.

the same is true for you. take your time to sit with your hurt at this loss and betrayal of your trust, but don't throw the good out with the bad. this wasn't ultimately a good relationship for you, but that doesn't mean it brought nothing of value into your life, and you can carry what you learned about yourself forward with you as you seek more appropriate partners :)

#sex edventures 2024

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sneez · 1 year

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a whole bunch of drawings of my warhammer 40k oc tervis :-) they are a tech-priest dominus and they have a horrible life and then they die. i love them extremely. i also put them in pathologic and mechanicus just to see what would happen

/ id in alt text, except the text in the final two images which was too long to fit. the text in the penultimate image reads:

Tervis: “Why do you force me to live? Damn you! Your cure is poison to me. Now I shall never be blessed. You should have left me to bleed.” Below are three dialogue options: “Don’t be absurd. I wasn’t going to watch you die.” / “What makes you think you deserve suffering?” / “I wish I had.” At the bottom of the image is a line of dialogue which Tervis has just spoken: “The air is foul. There is rot in this place. The stench of corruption shall be -- what was it? What was it? The stench of corruption shall be...swept aside...”

The text in the final image reads:

Tervis: “There is no time to delay. This place reeks of corruption. We linger at our peril.”

end id /

#artwork #warhammer 40k #adeptus mechanicus #tervis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D :-D :-D #i dont think ive talked about tervis here at all but ive been going insane about them on twitter for a few months. my special girl #i may explain their backstory at some point but it is horrible and awful and people would probably be mad at me for it #that makes it sound bad it's not anything dodgy shes just. Not the best representation for the minority groups of which she is a part #(he uses any and all pronouns btw hes not got a gender so i just use a variety. for funsies)#a big part of their character arc revolves around being disabled and having chronic pain. also they are trans and gay and things #hopefully the fake screenshots give you an idea of his character but mostly hes very snappy and irritable and generally unpleasant to be #around #but he was small and anxious initially and even when hes got 18 arms and legs hes still small and anxious. deep down #OH ALSO they are called tervis because dj named him after a tervis cup so really you can blame dj for this. [pointing at dj] YOU!!!!!!!!!!!#(hi dj kissing you)#ALSO also the fake pathologic screenshot is because i was inspired by emm so you can blame emm also. hi emm kissing you too #anywayUhh i have much more i could say but i will just throw him at you and leave. high-speed tech-priest to the forehead. im gone

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freebooter4ever · 6 months

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my 'ive given up on life but i cant live off maple syrup marshmallows and peanut butter sandwhiches i need to get groceries' outfit. for some reason it looks like i took this in daylight but its dark as night outside despite only been 6 and its the most depressing thing i should have gotten groceries in the sunlight ugh hindsight.

#journal shit #see here's the thing and its a thing specific to LA.#all my friends here need two weeks of notice to plan anything because everyone is so damn busy #so me keeping this entire weekend free under the assumption that we would do something was big for me lmao haha im so dumb #like i knew i wouldnt have time to see him during the conference and i planned no volunteering this weekend to make up for it #he must have known in advance he was gonna do this or had some hint??? a text message that cold is not a sudden decision #meanwhile i was still daydreaming about airplane museum trips and bringing him to the rest of my favorite running spots and blah blah blah #i got blindsided and i get to be the one stuck without plans #i guess you cant really give two weeks notice for the Hey This Isnt Working Out text though lollllll #im not mad at him i dont even really blame him that much im just lonely

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sanjisblackasswife · 11 months

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i was wondering how would the monster trio react if they randomly got a boner and bro im SURE sanji’s cock twitches 47 times a day given the thoughts he constantly has 🙄🙄 zoro gets them while he sleeps so he waits for his dick to calm down before standing up,, people think he’s lazy but he’s just hard and doesn’t want anybody to know🤭🤭

luffy’s dick gets hard when he thinks about being the pirates king 😒😒

“𝕎𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕋𝕙𝕖𝕚𝕣 𝔻𝕚𝕔𝕜 𝔾𝕖𝕥𝕤 ℍ𝕒𝕣𝕕 ℝ𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕠𝕞𝕝𝕪”

All are very canon cuz i seen it for myself.

Ft. Zoro, Luffy, Sanji

Blk Fem! Reader in Mind

CW: Dick talk, established relationships because i wanna project and include myself😓

Luffy

When he gets hard it’s really rare and i feel like it’s partially because of his rubbery body….does that even make sense

He gets hard from very few things and they’re always so minuscule or random its hard to know if he’s actually turned on or if his body is just trynna be funny.

You once made him a dessert that you really wanted to try without the assistance of sanji and when Luffy ate it he not only fell in love with you, but loved the sweet pastry so much you noticed a tent grow in his shorts

Very shameless in the morning by the way.

Every man gets morning wood at least once a lifetime and when Luffy gets it

everybody knows.

“LUFFY PUT THAT THING AWAY?!”

“Calm down, Nami it’ll go down in a sec..😄”

Has been heard by the guys a few times with him jacking off late night when his hard on is just so bothersome.

“GO DO THAT SOMEWHERE ELSE—“

“OR GO SEE Y/N!”

“Dont wanna. Shes too far. Im almost done dont worry.”

Usopp ends up pissed the entire day.

His boners can ironically go down quickly if he eats meat.

You swear his dick has a mind of it’s own, all you did was tell him about how much higher his bounty would get after defeating Kaido and his dick started poking you in the back.

Now he is still a guy and guys also can be attracted to women so you being his girlfriend—you’re not necessarily excluded.

However he gets hard at the simplest things you do.

Taking his hat, Calling him captain, even play fighting with him he ends up getting hard so hopefully youre a good gf and willing to help him out when it happens😁

Zoro

He claims he can control his erections .

No he cannot.

If he’s in a relationship with you he’s more shy about letting you know about his dick problems because you dont want him to think hes a pervert.

He can’t control a damn thing his dick does which is why he blames you.

“I had more balance before I met you—“

“Wh—HELLO?”

“LOOK. WOMAN.”

All you did was hug him.

Like u said: When he gets morning wood he is usually laying around a little longer. He has tried jacking off while in the room with the guys as they slept but he heard Luffy sleep walking (with his own hard on) and immediately just went back to sleep.

He very rarely does get hard though. However you plan to find out every single thing that turns him hard and so far you only found 2:

The first one is kissing, hes a touch starved man and you can never help yourself when it comes to locking lips with him. Your tongue wrapped around his, your hands on his chest and straddling him as he gropes your ass, he’s so needy it’s almost too cute to handle. and the look on his face when you feel him poke you is absolutely EVERYTHING.

The one that shocked you the most was when youre arguing with him. He doesnt know why he gets turned on by how mad you get whether it’s at him or someone else but the blood flow of his dick is damn near on fire. Maybe it’s because you have an accent when you speak fast, maybe it’s because it’s a rare occurrence, or maybe zoro is a freak. But seeing you so pent up and pissed makes his pants tight

Zoro getting hard consist of him being irritable, quiet, and trying to isolate himself until he or you fix the issue

Sanji

He’s always half hard.

Wanna know something else, his blood fits he has (the ones that didnt turn into a fucking plot point) are representing each time he gets hard.

Anyways though, he masturbates regularly. If he’s not cooking or out with the crew he is in the bathroom helping himself.

His hard ons are easy to spot because he’ll hide himself behind a counter with blush on his face or stand behind you.

He is shameless with his hardons only when you’re around.

He can get hard just by seeing you smile so have fun with that.

But he gets incredibly hard(and even easier) after you both have had sex before

If you all are on the deck and you wanna wear another thin ass bikini of course he is going to get hard. Thinking about the things he’d do to you if you just gave him the green light.

Which is also why Sanji stares at you a lot.

So he will come behind you and bury his face in your shoulder or neck whining.

You don’t mind it. It’s cute to see him rut up behind your ass, his accent slipping through .

“May we..go to your room please?”

If you say yes he will walk SUPER close behind you tying to hide his painful erection, mumbling small praises and thanks for you being so understanding.

He’s so grateful for you :(

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certainduckanchor · 5 months

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PITIFUL part 1

pairings: gojo x reader

genre: angst

Disclaimer: Read at your own risk.

Gojo hate the fact that he's married already. He don't want to be tied with someone at the age of 28. He has so many plans for himself. He wants to be free. But here you are acting so sweet, kind, and timid in front of him, which is he hates the most. Why would you ever agree to be married to him? Is it because he came from prestigious clan? You want his money?

He don't even know you, where you from, or even your name, he don't give a damn. It was his parents and elders idea, practically thinking that it would be best if the strongest sorcerer get married and has heirs.

" why are you here? " he asked you look irritated. Everyday he always asked you that question. Thinking why are you living together.

" because im you wife." you said softly. You heard him took a deep breath. You didn't bother to look at him because you know he hates you. Every single thing about you hates him, well you can't blame. The strongest sorcerer suddenly get married to someone like you. Someone who is far from his status.

" wife my ass! Are you really that stupid and pathetic?" he mocked. Trying to make you mad.

Everyday is like this since you two got married. It was so sudden that no one knew. It was a simple wedding celebration just you and Gojo's clan.

He also made it clear that no one should know that you're married together. Even in school, he specifically told you to stay away from him and you agree. You respect his decision, after all your life is meaningless anyway. You don't want to burden him.

" call me what you want, Satoru. But I don't need to answer you." you simply said not bothering to look at him.

He grabbed your arm which made you look at him. He looks dangerous. He's blue eyes is piercing through your body. It made you shiver.

" what do you want woman?! My money? My body? You want heirs?! Tell me and I'll fuck you right here and now!"

" let me go." you whispered. You don't want to start a fight with him.

" what did you say?!"

" let me go Satoru..." you warned.

" what if I don't? What can you do? You're nothing but a weak woman, pathetic, stupid, bit--"

You slapped him so hard. His eyes widened in disbelief, what you did boils him.

" I-i'm sorry, I-i didn't mea--" you tried to touch his face.

" how fucking dare you!" he grabbed your arm. You cried in pain. It's like he'll break your arm.

" S-satoru please.. l-let me go. It hurts. Please! Please! Just let me go. I'll do anything you want!" your begging. You tried to calm him down. Suddenly he stop, grinning at you. This is what he likes, he likes you to beg for him. He wants you to realized that marrying him is a wrong decision.

" get out of this house. I don't want to see your face." you nod and he leaves. If this is what he wants, I'll give it to him.

You packed your things. Wondering where you will stay the night. Hotel? it's expensive. You dont have much money, even if Gojo is your husband you never touch what's his. So you're only living in your salary. You decided to stay the night in your dorm.

Just a little. You just have to endure everything in this life.

- ff -

" yn-sama. you're late. " the maid bowed at you. She gives you a robe.

You look at the door infront of you. You thought you will finally escape from them after marrying the person they trully want but you can't. You're so sick of them, but whenever Gojo sees you you can't help but feel bad for him. You really don't want this to happened - to ruin his life.

You entered the hell, this was hell from you ever since you're young.

" yn we've been waiting for you." it was your mother. You bowed to them.

" I'm sorry.. there was something i nee--"

" i don't give a damn. So how's your married life with the strongest sorcerer?" she asked.

Every month, every last friday of the month. You were told to report from them about what it's like to live with the strongest sorcerer.

" it was great mother. he's so powerful and a kind person." you lied, still bowing to them. You feel sick, every month you have to make an excuse just to please them.

" that's good to hear. how about heirs? are you pregnant now?" your father asked.

This is their plan, to get you married from the strongest sorcerer, have his money and give birth to him. It was all their selfish desire.

" no father.. Satoru is so busy being a sorcerer and clan leader." you bite your lower lip.

" what?! you're married for 5 months already still no child?" he looks at you angry. Cursing you because for him it's your fault. You mother who was sitting beside him looks angry too.

" why don't you seduce him! Use your fucking mind! We want heirs now!" he shouts at you.

You silently clenched your fist. You're tired from this. Tired from your life. Tired from everything. You just want to die.

" I'll do my best next time father." you whispered.

" you better be or else you know what will happen to you!"

Suddenly the door opened, it was the maids. You know the drill what will happen next. They will beat the shit out of you at the basement.

You let them drag you, you didn't bother to squirm. Hoping this will be the last, hoping you will not survive from this. No one will really cares if you died here, even your husband who dispise you the most.

They lock you up for 2 hours. Whipping and beating your body. You didn't make a sound nor cried. You felt numb, growing up from these beatings made you strong enough not to cry.

After beating the shit out of you. You just dress like nothing happened. Still wondering why you didn't died today. You were used to this.

Is this the purpose of my life? I just wanted to be happy. But why is this happening? Why do I have to endure everything? Is it too much to ask?

When you arrive at your dorm. You locked yourself crying. Everything hurts. You're tired from everything. Maybe it's better if you killed yourself now. That's it. You'll end this suffering.

You stared at the mirror. Smiling at your reflection. Reminiscing your childhood trauma until Gojo Satoru entered your useless life. Gojo was right. Who wants to gets married to a woman like me? A woman who looks stupid and pathetic. A woman who's weaker than him. I'm just a bug in his life, a woman who ruined his life.

You drive yourself to your shared apartment. Satoru was there, for sure. Today you will end ties with him. You're finally giving him the freedom he deserves.

When you arrived at your apartment, you heard a moan coming from your bedroom. Not a surprise anymore.

" Satoru..." you called. His eyes widened and he immediately cover his body together with the woman he's fucking.

" what the hell! why are you here?" he angrily said.

" I'm sorry.. " you started. " Sorry for ruining your life. Sorry because I agreed to marry you. You're right, I'm just a pathetic and stupid woman. I don't hate you actually. Thank you and sorry for everything. "

He was stunned. This is so sudden. The woman in your bed looks confuse too.

" I'm cutting everything we had. Don't worry I'm still keeping your secrets. I wish you a happy life. You deserve so much. " you smiled for the last time. You bowed at him leaving him in the bedroom stunned. He can't believe you did that.

You genuinely smiled to him. Gojo Satoru swears that this is the first time you smiled at him.

You went back to your dorm happily.

Later that night..

They found your body in your dorm, lifeless, full of scars, bruise and wounds. The sound of their cries echoes through the hallway of Jujutsu High. Their beloved teacher yn is gone.

No proofreading.

P.S. thank youuu @kawaiivillainess98 for suggesting a title ❤️

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #anime and manga #gojo angst #gojo x y/n #jjk gojo #jujutsu gojo #gojo x reader #gojo satoru #gojo x wife

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ppnuggie · 7 months

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can you do a haedcanon of a fem human just drinking SO MUCH COFFEE like cup after cup an she is litery shaking in her seat her entire body is like a maraca an she she swerves bar so can u do headcanons for this for first aid, perceptor, brainstorm, chromdome an cyclones just teacting to this madness

　　　　　　LOST LIGHT x fem reader

　　　　『　first aid ,, brainstorm ,, perceptor ,, chromedome ,, cyclonus ,, female reader 』

　　-> reader who drinks too much coffee and gets really hyper

　　— fluff ,, sfw ,, crack ,, magnus is forever suffering

　　— here you go !! :3 tysm for requesting !! tried to make it funny 🫡 hope you enjoy it <3 i loved writing this one but be warned as i dont drink coffee nor rlly know much for the side effects or smt from drinking it 😭😭 even though im literally working at dunkin rn and they only rlly got coffee

- first aid

| • he'd be worried at first with the amount of coffee you've consumed ,, having learned about humans and other things concerning them incase of an emergency

| • in this case ,, itd seem the knowledge he learned wasnt too helpful

| • bouncing all around the medbay and just hyper in general was quite a pain for first aid to deal with

| • but he didnt want to be too rude to you ,, and gently coaxed you into spending all that energy of yours running laps around the edge of the medlab where you wouldnt get too hurt

| • though when you finally wear it off ,, he'll be quick to scold you ,, holding his digit in front of your face and waving it side to side in a 'no no' motion before taking you to his habsuite and laying you down for a nap

- brainstorm

| • he honestly doesnt know better okay ? you could tell him anything and suddenly he wants to put it to the test

| • so when you said you could drink a bunch of cups of coffee and wouldnt bat an eye ,, he was immediately like bet and then that led to the current situation

| • perceptor is facepalming and immediately making brainstorm take blame for encouraging you to do this ,, because now theres a hyperactive human running around the lab

| • i mean you're practically flying around with how much coffee youve drank ,, hell you could probably beat blurr in a race

| • official you wouldnt say that out loud because lord knows some of his fans to be a bit crazy and would immediately be on your case saying "no you wouldn't !!" and maybe a few death threats involved as well

| • dont mention it in front of brainstorm either because hes already calling blurr to set you up for a race

| • hes no help ,, dont ever tell him your ideas or encourage his crazy ideas unless you wanna end up in magnus's office ,, having him scold you like a dad does to their child who drew on the walls and is trying not to laugh at the situation

- perceptor

| • thanks to brainstorm ,, you chugged too much coffee than your body ever really needed ,, and with perceptor as your not-so-official-but-official-in-his-mind-protector-slash-guardian-slash-alien-robot-boyfriend-slash-fun-killer he just sighs and takes you out the lab

| • he doesnt have the patience to deal with any acidic spills from you bouncing off the walls left and right

| • nor does he really need you getting hurt in any way shape or form

| • lets just say its an awkward trip to the medbay to see if ratchet has anything to help with your situation

| • and when he comes up empty handed ,, percy resorts to scolding you whilst the caffeine starts to wear off

| • it taught you better than to listen to brainstorm again because bro was yapping at 100 words per minute you swore he couldve talked faster than blurr at that point

| • bro was an absolute chatterbox just yapping and yapping that you fell asleep

| • never again would you do that ,, or think about doing that because the headache afterwards when you woke up was so not worth it

- chromedome

| • he also doesnt know any better ,, but he's definitely more responsible than brainstorm is

| • he'd know to at least keep a lot of caffeine or high sugar products out of your reach ,, just hiding it on your top shelves or above your cabinets like parents do with their kids' halloween candy

| • though when you accidentally made too much coffee ,, and didnt really feel like wasting it ,, you drank it all in one go ,, or well multiple big ass gulps

| • and then rewind walks in on the scene and sees how hyper you are and is honestly thinking youre sick with some make-a-person-crazy-illness-virus-disease-thing that he swears is somewhere in his database

| • and now chromedome has to play dad and parent you the whole time

| • bro probably put your ass on a leash ,, locking it in so the rope only goes so far and just stands there as you run around

| • this is what he gets ,, he thinks to himself ,, its the last time hes putting something so low in your reach again

| • at this point ,, hes just gonna store all your unhealthy and junk food away in a desk in his habsuite

| • he'll leave you fruit and vegetables but if you want coffee ever again youre gonna have to behave really good to get it

| • and its only a spoonful ,, as a little treat

- cyclonus

| • so you just trying to show and answer tailgates crazy ass questions that youre not even sure where he got them from

| • he probably got them from his ass at this point ,, asking if the coffee gives you super powers and you have to explain thats not true before he spreads lies around

| • and if that happened ,, you shivered at the thought of magnus banning your coffee aboard the lost light

| • that was pure trauma to even think about right there

| • anyways you made too much ,, and instead of storing it away or pouring it down the drain ,, tailgate dared you to drink it all

| • and well ,, momma aint raise no pussy but she did raise someone who makes bad decisions

| • because the moment you get your spurge of energy tailgate runs to cyclonus and tells him all about it

| • bros going on and on about how youve lost your mind and he thinks youre gonna die and cyclonus had like 600 heart attacks right then and there

| • he busts in like hes the damn swat team ,, door kicked down and pieces of it flying everywhere as you're running around like a wild banshee

| • he's looking for the demon and meanwhile youre out here acting like a damn demon ,, almost frothing at the mouth from how insane you are from the coffee

| • lets just say it makes magnus ban tailgate from ever daring you to do anything ,, bans you from having your coffee ,, and bans cyclonus for ever kicking down a door like that ever again because it was so unnecessary

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tokio-motel · 9 months

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i wanna laugh and i wanna laugh rn😪

its been so long(literally a few days) since i sent smthhh

ill boost u bae dw

AHEM

mk so the whole band(um seperate fic duh) with a bf who be freakishly nice n shit(i feel like ivd sent this bf dont expose me if i did) like if a band member accidentally hit him in the face he would say sorry and say some dumb shit like "im so sorry i shouldn't have been in the way of your elbow. " like what💀💀

or if someone was trying to confess or smth he'd be like "i really don't want to hurt you but no." maybe even as a band memeber is right next to them

and arguments with this mf is probably hell like if it was a band members fault he would accidentally make them think it wasn't and it was his(sometimes its on purpose but they figure it out later) OFC these r examples use what u want🧍🏾

BAHSBDKDBDO I CANFT STOP LAUGHING ON THE FIRST ONE

THE BAND X EXTREMELY NICE READER

teehee i have an essay to write but ummmmm that doesn't matter rn 😇 uhh also if it's bad sorry idk what's going on with me

BILL:

・He's so confused how you can be nice all the time

・He really does try to be nice but he just snaps sometimes omg 💀

・He wonders when your breaking point is

・Like if he turns around carrying something and wacks your fucking face he's so confused why you're not YELLING at him

"Yeah and then- *WHACK* -OH SHIT M/N I'M SO SORRY ARE YOU OKAY?! -"

"No, no Bill I'm fine! It didn't hurt that much."

"..what."

・He just stares at you with his jaw dropped low, slowly nodding to himself

・Or like if he knocks something over and you apologize for it

(I've done that so many times...)

・Reassures you it's not your problem 🤞

TOM:

・nahh you got him FUCKED UP bae.

・He doesn't understand how you can be so nice, I feel like he's a brutally honest mf 💀

・If your in public and somebody is being rude to you and you're just kinda standing there, still staying calm???

・He's just looking at your features trying to find ONE small piece of anger or frustration

・I feel like y'all are couple opposites.

・Like he'd obviously have a soft spot for you 🤗 but he doesn't see the reason to be nice to others when he knows it's not his fault

・Arguments with him oh my god...

・If you keep apologizing and saying it's your fault he eventually sits next to you to comfort you, assuring you everything's okay.

"It's not your fault, M/N. I promise.."

・You'd somehow warm him up a bit, he barley notices himself becoming more kind and carefree.

GEORG:

・was his color green or blue omg i can't remember

・He's...so confused.

・Like if he accidentally smacks you with his elbow and you aren't crying or cursing

"M/N? M/N ARE YOU-"

"I'm okay! It just stung for a second haha..!"

"..."

・He gets you but he doesn't.

・He just can't see himself being so giddy and happy and nice.

・Anger turns into confusion in arguments, why are you so mad at yourself?

・Loves you so fucking much though, always reminding you that you are amazing and didn't do anything wrong.

GUSTAV

・AHHHH HE GETS YOU!!!!!

・He understands you so much oh my god, he just loves you even more now.

・He'd also try to keep you from blaming yourself.

・Like if he knocks something over and you apologize.

"Oh shit I'm sorry I should have moved it-"

"No honey you're fine, I should've looked where I was going.."

・MWA MWA HE LOVES YOU

・Very slightly confused on how you never snap, how you always keep calm

・He wishes he could be like you bae 💔💔

・In arguments he just tries to calm himself and you down, actually sitting down and talking about how you both feel

OH SHITTT I NEED TO DO THAT ESSAY

#tokio hotel x reader #tokio hotel x male reader #tokio hotel x you #tokio hotel #bill kaulitz #tom kaulitz #bill kaulitz x male reader #bill kaulitz x reader #bill kaulitz x you #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz x y/n #georg listing x male reader #georg listing #georg listing x reader #gustav schäfer x reader #gustav schäfer #gustav schäfer x male reader #gustav schafer x reader

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biggiedraws · 9 months

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thinking about post-implantation wash again.....

cause like. the rvb writers dropped a lot of balls, but this is the one i find personally the most upsetting. like. a soldier getting irreparably fucked up by an experiment gone wrong is the kind of premise i read fanfiction about (that probably says something about me but im not gonna examine it. moving on). especially since he STAYED with freelancer???? you could take this in so many different directions- his fellow freelancers are worried about him but he pushes through anyway. his fellow freelancers ARENT worried about him and push him harder than he can handle. the director pulls the ai fragments and theres hostility from more than just the one-dimensional "raging bitch" character. the director DOESNT pull the ai fragments, which seriously calls into question the ethics of the whole operation (which i believe is more in line with the pfl that was described in earlier seasons, but thats a story for another time) AND puts potential pressure on wash to get another implantation (oh my GOD. show me THAT version of pfl).

and of couse. how could i possibly forget epsilon. there is something so uniquely tasty about 2 characters who went through something traumatic together and then didnt see each other again until ages later- ESPECIALLY when one of them was the cause, even though they werent directly at fault, and the other was just unlucky enough to be involved. like holy shit????? the TENSION that would cause???? the discomfort being around each other? the guilt? having nowhere to place the blame except the director?? oh my GOD literally any interaction between them couldve had so much FLAVOUR. im not saying they need to be the main focus of the story or anything but we didnt get a single interaction!! not even a crumb!! like. do something with the fact that wash needed to have alpha in his head in season 6 despite refusing to ever have another ai after epsilon. do something with wash needing to SEE and HEAR and TALK TO epsilon again. do something with epsilon remembering fucking exploding in washs head!!!! im not asking for a lot here- asking for a lot would be suggesting a scenario like the one from season 6, except wash needs EPSILON in his head for some reason and gets legitimately triggered by it or cant bring himself to do it. thats the kind of shit i want to see, but i understand that that isnt carolina-centric enough so ill get it from fanfiction as god intended. but cant i ask for at least some awkwardness? maybe an uncomfortable confrontation? irrational hostility? SOMETHING. it doesnt have to be the focus but it should be THERE.

and like. youd think that this is an issue with retconning. and it kind of is, but its more about missed opportunities. like. i dont mind the retcon that freelancer was always its own thing, or that church was always an ai. those things are cool! they take the story in a more interesting direction! yeah it makes things more confusing and id prefer if the retcons werent necessary, but. its not the end of the world. but the thing with wash is. they did a really cool and interesting thing by having an ai COMMIT SUICIDE in his fucking HEAD. and then they went back on it! they very quickly went from "this clearly left a lasting impact on him" to "oh well it was bad, probably worse than hes letting on, but some of it was an act! so he could take em down from the inside!" to "yeah i mean he screamed while it was happening but he was fine when he woke up. no lasting consequences" and then it was never addressed again. and im mad about it!! they didnt even properly retcon it- they just decided that it had no consequences anymore, and it made washs character LESS interesting.

#anyway. having a lot of wash thoughts lately #rvb #red vs blue #rvb washington

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specialstay · 10 months

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[05:35am]

very angsty with some self-doubt, him being very distant

This feeling in your chest again. Burning with pain and somewhat with love. Love hidden underneath a layer of disgust, pain and confusion.

Disgusted at yourself for still plaing his game, listening to his cards and words who seemingly have no intentions in making you feel loved nor wanted at this moment.

Pain because a part of you still sees him as your loving boyfriend who once would never hurt you in any kind of way, who would hold the door for you in pouring rain and would always make sure that you know how much he loves and appreciates you.

Confusion for his actions and words he has said to your face, ignoring how much he hurts you and ignoring the tears that make your face shimmer in the moonlight.

You didnt know how to react in situations like these. A part of you knows that hes not really feeling this way when he says that you dont matter to him right now, when he says that he wants to be alone right now and when he says that he doesnt care about anyhthing right now.

Right now...

Those two words that you hated at this point in your relationship.

Because yes, right now you dont want the leftover chicken in the fridge but throwing it away would be stupid because you were already planning on eating it for luch, but not right now.

Has he no sense for the future?

"Im getting sick of this" you finally say after hours of silence in your shared apartment.

"Aha" was the only response you got and he didnt even look up from his phone, nothing new when he was mad.

"I did nothing to deserve this. I did nothing wrong and I'm very much able to look objectively on a situation and acknowledge a mistake of mine" you said a little louder but you never screamed. Anger wont help your situation and would only make it worse.

To no surprise you didnt get an answer which only made you angrier. But who can blame you?

"I only told you "good morning, " but apparently, that was enough to make you mad again, and im really running out of options and patience here! Tell me, what was it this time? Was my morning breath so bad? Was there not enough toilet paper in the bathroom today?" You couldn't help the sarcastic comment, but at least you never shouted at him.

His eyes showed pure annoyance, and he doesn't even have to look you in the eyes for you to see that. You were considered a lucky start if he looked you in the eyes when he was mad.

"I dont wanna talk" was a surprisingly long answer for his circumstances but not long enough for you to be satisfied. Angry you stood up from the couch were the both of you were just sitting on and went to the kitchen.

Maybe going to your moms house for a few days was a good option for now.

"You never wanna talk, it's eating me alive! I did nothing but the best for you the past few weeks, i was always silent when you were angry because of some bullshit and I'm always hoping for you to be you again! Im hoping that the old you comes back, the one i fell in love with" you said loud enough for him to hear in the living room, you knew exactly that he never looked up once since you left the room.

"The old me is gone! The "one you fell in love with" is fucking gone and he wont come back" he finally answered while you grab your keys and coat. "No he is not! He is just hidden beneath all that self hate of yours and has trouble coming back, trouble i cant help with!" You finally shout now and unlock the front door, your heart screaming to go back inside, hug and kiss him until you both find a solution and finally fall alseep in his arms like you used to.

But your brain is telling you to go outside that door, leave him here and potentially risk your relationship and leave all the good memories you both have behind, just like leaving him behind on that couch.

Would he even care?

Would he even care now that youre about to leave this appointment?

Care about you and your feelings?

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xwiedzmax · 4 months

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Icarus keeps falling into a river of denial and lies, over and over..

spoilers for "falling and falling..." lore Ragh Fable makes me so mad. He is so well voice acted which makes me even more mad at him. This man always tells what people want to hear to get them on his side. He has sacrificed lives of so many for his selfish reasons. As much as I dont want Icarus to die, everyone has one life, they shouln't be an exception. Fable has destroyed the lives of so many. Broken families, broken relationships, all that because of him. He was selfish in his actions. Says he wants to stop death, and to some extent I can believe him, but he's making so much more death for the sole reason of stopping it. He started a whole god damn war just to kill Alerion, blaming him for the death. Now hes about to start even more death. Killing all the gods to gain power to stand against the primordials. Now he can take everyones powers with the reaver. Which, I guess, he can do without killing them. But husked gods aren't really living, are they. Also the fact that Icarus valued (values, probably) Fable more than Isla hurt a little. Isla has been the one taking care of them for most of their life after all. She loved both them and Rae, she protected them as best as she could. And still, Icarus believed Fable, even though he didnt really care for them, before Isla was abscent anyways. I think little Rae told Icarus what he saw, but Icarus kept not listening to him. Or, he didnt tell them because he was scared. After all Isla did for them both, Icarus didnt care about finding her. They only cared about finding Fable, always lying to Rae about their goal. Little Rae deserves a hug man, I wanna give him a hug so bad- anyways, also shoutout to all the people who thought of Fable tearing the pages of As It Is being the cause of the resets, its been my theory for a long time and im actually really happy it was right

#fable smp #fsmpblr #fable smp icarus #fable smp sherbert #fable smp fable #fable smp rae

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biomic · 6 months

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i feel like dudes who go like 'KAMEN RIDER GOTCHARD IS MID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' are the real life equivalent of that Sonic 'NO FUN ALLOWED' meme. have fun, why dont you. go out and go to the circus. not everything has to be Build, 2! where it just gets more and more dramatic and dark. gotchard is allowed to be a fun Fourze-like.

it's not entirely fair to say everyone not feeling gotchard is being an edgy hater about it. there's valid criticisms to be made about how things have played out so far, and i can't blame anyone for not vibing with a particular season. im enjoying the show a lot so far, but i can see what people mean when they say the cast has some growing to do or some episodes feel a bit aimless/poorly paced

that being said, there's definitely a vocal subset of fans who are being very Loud and Obnoxious about how much they think the show sucks. i know the translator for eigo has gotten a bit of flak on twitter for defending the show (what do you want him to do??), and there was a whole hubbub a while back about how hotaro is So Bad that toei is going to outright replace him with kamen rider legend (sure.), and it's like. this is the show you're getting Mad™ about? you really want to plant your flag as the #1 Gotchard Hater? who has time for this

it reminds me how ghost has been the fandom's punching bag since it started airing. "well, saber was dogshit but at least it wasn't ghost!" "ikki was the woooooorst, still better than takeru though!" and now, not even 12 episodes in, i think gotchard is gonna be in that same boat. three, five, maybe even ten years from now i can very easily imagine this show being used as the benchmark for a "bad season", and as someone who's been down this road before it's already tiring. no more fighting hold my hand

#apessimisticjackass #asks #kendrix morgan died for our sins #kamen rider for ts

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holocephal1 · 1 year

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JEAN VICQUEMARE?

STUPID IDIOT MOTHERFUCKING JEAN VICQUEMARE GOD DAMN FOOL INSULT GENERATING BOOTLICKING PRACTICALLY A CHILD BASTARD SHITHEAD IDIOT OFFICER OF THE WHORE BIGGEST CLOWN IN THE CIRCUS LAUGHED OUT OF TOWN COWBOY MOTHERFUCKING JEAN HERON VICQUEMARE.

STOP PINNING ME WHEN I TALK ABOUT JEAN VICQUEMARE I HATE HIM SO MUCH WHY DOES HE HAVE SO MANY FUCKED UP COMPLEXES WHY DID HE DECIDE TO FUCK AROUND AND FIND OUT JUST SET EVERYONE AROUND YOU LOOSE IS HE DEAD YET IS HE A BASTARD MAN HAS SUCH A VISCERAL AFFECT ON ME NOT EVEN IN THE ROOM SEEN TOO MUCH OF THIS MANS FACE AND I KNOW HE HAS THE WORLDS SHITTIEST BEARD GET AWAY FROM ME

if i wanted to get into heaven and god said jeanvic’s waiting inside i would kick god in the dick for the sole purpose of getting sent back down (piss removed for disco purposes)

if i have to deal with jean vicquemare speaking one more word in person in text in in game not only will i close the tab i will delete my file out of spite and have to replay the entire game again for the experience of being able to skip all the times when he is mentioned or alive

i know EXACTLY why i hate him so much and i am just mad because i am angy

he better have some ACTUAL fucked up backstory to explain this if he blames it on fucking clinical depression again ill blow up this entire fucking room, survive and then blow it up again

BETTER have had him kill a man and feel responsible cuz if he didnt Im going to make him kill another one just for the guilt

paypal.com/IFuckingHateJeanVicquemare

Game’s not even about him. He’s in like three scenes, has basically no bearing over the plot, is literally the worst ever but *don’t forget about jean* anyway!

where the fuck is jean vicquemare if hes still alive im going to remove him the joy of dying by his own hand

Rancid little guy

ill punch vicky and i dont CARE if it does nothing because he works out to cope, get a better fucking relationship dynamic, i will explode him with my mind and he will disintegrate until all thats left is one final case he kept on him at all times simply titled This Jackass Really Fucked Up in the worst handwriting imaginable

im not breathing im hyperventilating at this point

my buddy will ENSURE theres a date given for when jean died or will die so i can make it a reminder on my phone

everyday once a year i will see it and do anything but pay respects to the man who had no fucking clue about how anything worked ever

#i got possessed #and this was on my computer when i woke up #jean vicquemare #disco elysium #leitner rant #elysium! at the disco #shout out to my buddy who literally killed him <3 #i dont even hate him i really dont #i just. it was too funny a bit to pass up

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sieglinde-freud · 16 days

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Can I get you started on the derailment of Duncan and Courtney?

what is this, a total drama vent blog now? but yeah you can :) under cut

i think the derailment of courtney is like five thousand times more annoying than duncan but that might j be bc i dont really like duncan (hes fine in island, kinda boring in action (didnt deserve his win idgaf that shouldve been harold there. yes im still mad lindsay went home instead of him in rock n rule), and the entirety of that mid section of world tour just revolving around him and the stupid love triangle drama is SO annoying. and then he makes final five FOR WHAT??? FOR WHAT???? im sick of his ass. what was i talking about. right) but either way theyre both two very major characters so its just really sad to see them both fall victim to horrible characterization? cuz you start in island right and in general island is a lot more grounded than the other seasons and leans more into the fact that theyre all 2000’s teenage stereotypes so in island theyre just the good ol cliche good girl/bad boy couple its iconic, its cute, WAY more entertaining than gwent (but they get a pass cuz gwen was basically the main character of that season. u go girl. go get that bag AND that boring wet dog man) and its just nice. courtney shows signs of being controlling but for the most part duncan’s attitude gets courtney to loosen up a bit and have fun and courtney made duncan a better person.

and then action happens and then courtney is like. rightfully mad she got screwed out of the season after harold gets her kicked off and no one gaf but its like. you can see where this could go and it doesnt look great. not much happens for duncan except he gets more insufferable bc they didnt give him any friends this season? unlike when he geoff and dj to bounce off of now he just picks fights with harold and the other gaffers which IS funny but. basically action is where the red flags start being put up. their relationship is. fine. like i liked it at the time but knowing where it heads is upsetting. anyways

then u get to world tour and theyre close to their island dynamic again (with the exception of gwen being there…) but then duncan quits first episode which i think was actually a great choice bc of how courtney finally gets to stand on her own as a character without him (i actually really like duncney. but her character was always tied to him in some way yk?) and make her own friends and it was looking great! until i see london and everything goes to shit. dude comes back, cheats on courtney, and then everyone on that god forsaken plane gets involved. first of all, ISLAND DUNCAN WOULD NEVER??? no fucking way. not even action duncan. dude was HOOKED on her crazy ass. AND FOR GWEN?!?! who has never been the same since island but thats a different thing. but they had literally zero romantic chemistry. all they have in common is that theyre both alt kids. NOT EVEN THE SAME KIND OF ALTERNATIVE! just alt. ugh. and then courtney gets sent into a spiral which, is a valid reaction to getting cheated on i do not blame her. and w/ someone you thought was ur friend like i GET IT. and i am on her side. but then her character goes back to ONLY EVER BEING ABOUT DUNCAN except this time its how much she hates him and her character just. pauses! she doesnt go anywhere else from i see london until shes eliminated inn… what was it. chinese fakeout? like shes just a hater who makes zero meaningful relationships aside from getting played by alejandro and shes just. like its just. its not good. and to know that any of this only happened bc the producers forced a duncney break up. girl sit DOWNNN

and then all stars just tramples them even more. since when has duncan ever gave a shit what people think of him? jojo siwa acting ass with this “im a bad boy!1!!!!” act island duncan would never. and then courtney. ohh courtney. she got flushed down a toilet force feeding herself ice cream with bird shit on it. all i gotta say (but also. nerfed bc she literally has an iron stomach in chinese fake out. whatever)

i still love them though. well, i love courtney. duncans alright but still neither of them deserved any of that

#asks #all of this was j pure stream of consciousness so unsure how clear it is #but yeah. their fate makes me so angry #and like i would even get breaking them up if they just did it well. but for GWEN?!?!#ugh. UGH. it was so bad. courtney my queen i’ll get u out of there i’ll save you

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pinkandpurple360 · 13 hours

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i think house of asmodeus was supposed to be that “call-out” scene, like ozzie praising stolas for giving up everything “for a thrust” was a great twisted way of the villainous-ish character doing the whole “your approval fills me with shame” trope.

but then stolas faced zero consequences so it made it all pointless.

like if we’re looking at officially released materials (not leaks, not speculation, etc.) what has stolas lost bc of his relationship with blitzo? right now, as of s2ep7, he still has his title, his house, his daughter, his servants. he “lost” his wife, but he initiated the divorce, and he never loved her anyway

so why didnt they have ozzie either be like “if you keep going down this path you’ll lose everything you love” not as a warning, but bc he’s a demon and loves watching people self-destruct. or have ozzie’s happen AFTER stolas loses immortality/his daughter/his job/etc.

and if we want to keep asmodeus as a more “heroic”/morally grey character, just have ozzie’s be him basically calling stolas out for pressuring blitzo into the deal. arguing real lust is everyone losing themselves in their desires, not coercing someone who feels nothing for you

better yet, make FIZZ the one who calls stolas out! maybe at this point he’s still mad at blitz about the fire but even he sees thru stolas’s bs. and deep down, fizz cares. he did look up to blitz once upon a time. i dont have the time or energy but im sure someone could write a blitzfizzozzie fix-it fic out of this

“your approval fills me with shame”

Yeah I loved that too! He really wasn’t saying he disapproved but he was saying how proud he was, like “that’s the spirit! Give up everything for sex!” It was just such a complex situation and I don’t think dating fizz changed any of that, the only thing it changed was mocking moxxie and millie but when you think about it? All they said was ‘it’s not the place’ which isn’t that big a deal. The hypocrisy accusation was built up well, but the fallout was kinda ruined by the ‘i knew it!’ Scene.

To be honest, stolas may still lose it all from what we’ve seen. He did not heed Asmodeus warning, or take Octavias worries to heart, at all. Hell even after Striker stabbing him and being left alone in hospital and singing his LMW song he STILL is obsessing over running away with blitzø and that’s scary levels of delusional thinking. It’s really not Blitzøs fault he became obsessed with him, and he doesn’t owe him a relationship or equal feelings. Seeing him be blamed for someone else’s choices is so frustrating.

Arguing real lust is losing themselves in their desires not coercing someone who feels nothing for you

The out of pocket “lust shouldn’t be forced, it’s an art” “no never that” exchange is the best we’re gonna get here

“if he’s maybe sorta my prisoner what kind of monster does that make me? 🥺🥺” as well. Like…crying in self pity because you aren’t sure if you maybe have been assaulting someone all this time.

Fizz could have said something about it in Oops but it seems like they want us to forget the lyrics and meaning behind house of Asmodeus instead framing it as an actual date.

— Cage Scene Rewrite 🎬—

“I saw princey cosying up to you at Ozzies. You’re both disgusting.”

“Says the royal chickens peppy sex doll!”

“Don’t play that card with me. That’s different, much less gross”

“The hells so different about it?”

“Oh I don’t know, the whole married with a family thing?! Even I have the sense not to make shit like that paraded around in public.”

“That wife of his aint exactly a saint from what I’ve heard, and I could give two shits about some royal demons marriage. Probably an arranged bullshit.”

“Maybe the wife is a piece of work, maybe their shit marriage didn’t have anything worth salvaging in it. It’s not just that. You know my one rule, the one thing people do, that I hate.”

“I…oh. Kids.”

“Yeah. Hurting kids. Scaring kids away, you’ve always had that in spades. But being a damn home wrecker?What a mess. The Blitzo I knew protected family no matter what, united people with none. Made them..made them feel like a part of something. Look at you now. Feh.”

“I…still try to do that. For Loonie and for-“

“Loonie?”

“None of your business. I wouldn’t fuck him at all if I had the choice. I can barely stand the sight of him, he’s hotter as a damn human than a slimy twig ass owl and those fuckers look downright awful. I’ve helped him mend things with his kid a bunch of times, chased her round LA, drove them both all the way to that damn knockoff Lo—-loo…

“Huh?”

“Uhhh….local uh. Bowling alley.”

“That was weird. Anyways. Big deal. You’re still trash. Bet she hates your guts.”

— cut 🎬—

Anyways yeah it’s still wonderful that fizz is the catalyst of everything that happens from the beginning. Butterfly effects always unite the two, he’s helping him with the crystal without him knowing, and he’s even helping him with gear for the sex client. Not fully understanding how gross it is..but the show would rather die than paint stolas in a bad non sympathetic light for the bad things he’s done.

#helluva boss critical #stolas critical

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poly-star-trio · 5 months

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Do you have any Least Fav Episodes of SMG4 that you despise and why?

Umm. I really dislike. A lot of them. Hah

The first ones that come to mind are "All i want for christmas is for mario to freaking behave" and "the resurrection" and. Hot take. But i dont like the Its gotta be perfect movie. Sorry

Rant below

The christmas special speaks for itself i think (an episode where someone ruins something and maryo gets the blame for it. ALSO they retconned how melony got axol jr in the first place she did NOT get him at a pet store MARYO GAVE THAT AXOLOTL TO HER) so i wont say much about it

The resurrection. Just makes me mad . I feel very strongly about maryos feelings constantly being sidelined/played off as a joke to make way for Other characters feelings. This episode is a prime example of that . Maryo is grieving greg . Meggy takes the spotlight with implications of desti . Dude

Now listen im not saying it was wrong for meggy to still not be over desti but Come On. Maryo was on his knees crying and all they did was turn it into a life lesson of "Maybe we shouldnt mess with the afterlife..." .+#)!& DUDE!!!!! DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then his grief got played off as COMEDIC!!!!!!!!!!! Meggy already got a whole movie dedicated to her and desti we couldnt have gotten a 5 second scene of someone patting maryos back and telling him its gonna be ok

The Its Gotta Be Perfect movie.... oohh boy. I Liked the movie. I really realy liked the movie. I just dont think it fit with what the climax previously set up .

Like. Okay. You have mar10 day. Maryo sets up this whole party to celebrate himself. He plans a special event to basically say "Shoutout to my bestfriend in the whole wide world" but his best friend is crazed and extremely. Not himself.

Party ends up being wrecked. Maryo spends the entire episode CRYING because the person he was going to give the award to ruined everything

Sounds like the movies gonna be about maryo and four reconciling right? Sounds like theyre gonna save four and then fours gonna apologise to maryo for doing all of that right? WRONG! MARYO GETS COMPLETELY SIDELINED FOR THREE TO TAKE THE SPOTLIGHT. HELLO

OKAY. NOW. I am not mad at the fact that someone else got the spotlight cause honestly maryo gets a lot of screentime BUT. HIS FEELINGS ARE NEVER FOCUSED ON. HE IS CONSTANTLY TREATED AS COMIC RELIEF. THERES LITERALLY A PART IN THE MOVIE WHERE EVERYONE BUT MEGGY FORGETS THAT MARYOS EVEN THERE

AND!!!!! THEN!!!! THE AWARD!!!! IS!!!! *NEVER BROUGJT UP AGAIN*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#smg4 #FUCK #I could say so much more but i feel like ive already said enough

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markets · 27 days

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For some reason this song will always remind me of the girl who will never realize what she did to me. i was always good friends with her ex boyfriend and she was always good friends with mine, and the way she acted around him sometimes bothered me once we broke up but i never said anything about it. one day she decided i was too close to hers and accused him of a bunch of stuff (none of which was true) while also saying god knows what to my ex about the whole thing even though he and i were still friends and im pretty sure a big reason why her ex would go to me for advice about their situation was because i was the only one of his friends who didnt tell him to just block her. i remember telling him that if he wanted to stop talking to me for the foreseeable future i genuinely wouldnt mind, because i didnt think it was worth all the trouble it was causing him. but he kept being my friend and ill always appreciate him for that

i would also constantly tell him to tell her to talk things out with me because i still considered her a close friend despite all the vile stuff she was doing to her ex months after they broke up, and she eventually did but i know she was just scratching the surface of what was really bothering her because her ex told me that before she even talked to me she'd already decided to just distance herself. sometimes he'd point out the hypocrisy in her getting mad at us being friends while she was close to my ex and i always told him to be careful, since i knew that she could easily twist that around to make me look jealous of their friendship even though, at this point in time, i wasnt anymore.

I now know that that's exactly what she did, since when my ex told me he couldnt be friends with me anymore he cited her as one of the main reasons. We used to be so close and then she got slightly mad at me and immediately went for two of my most important friendships, the worst part is i dont even think she realized she was doing it. i knwo i ruined my own life these past few months but if i were to blame anyone else, it would be her. She honestly scares me and i really dont ever want to talk to her again. And yet the other night i saw her crying on some stairs and ran to her. my ex boyfriend, who im not speaking to, came in from the opposite direction and asked me what i was doing, i said i was there to talk to her and he said ok you can talk to her then and i said no you can and he said no you can and walked away, i said "we both can" but he didnt hear me. I sat down next to her, gave her a hug, and asked what was wrong, she started talking about how her ex didnt care about her. when i assured her that he did, because he had no reason to talk to her if he didnt, she just shook her head. she kept talking and she was saying everything i was thinking about my own situation, and it almost made me cry until i remembered that she had everything i didnt, in every sense of the phrase. she had someone who cared about her, who wouldve been willing to stay with her if she hadnt done everything she did, who still loved her. I knew id fucked up but id tried so hard in ways she never had and yet i didnt have anything, not even my best friend. who she also had. I hated her so much in that moment but i just hugged her harder.

if she ever asks me about the whole thing ill tell her all this, and i know she'll pick out one small thing from it and use it to tell everyone im a horrible person, but i dont care anymore. Yesterday the planes over me were flying lower than ever and all i could think about was if any of them were going home

#angiemarkets.txt #Spotify

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