#im kinda crushing on you a lot!!!

[katkatrak]

#196 #r196 #rule #gay shit #im so fucking gay for woman #god please can this one specific person do that to me #im kinda crushing on you a lot!!!

[angry-roomba-army]

what if the journals ranging from jealousy to near worship weren't that bad what if it was just william's gay ass theater kid poetry about his crush that looked really bad to a divorced police officer without context. i don't actually think that's what happened its just fun to think about. like what if

#angry roomba whirrs #five nights at freddys #fnaf #william afton #william afton fnaf #fnaf william afton #do you think hes a cannibalism as a metaphor for love kinda guy or does he go for a more catholic guilty ohh my love is corruption angle #like i dont really know much about catholic gulit or catholicism in general cause im not a catholic but like ive seen the tumblr posts #and the gay religious fanart #oh shoot i forgot to tag willry #willry #willry fnaf #fnaf willry #ok done PHEW #so anyway like what would a divorced police officer know about romance? firstly hes a cop secondly hes divorced so clearly not much #and we all know william hes theatrical hes a romantic or at least he seems like the romantic type im kinda jumping to conclusions here #so he would write gay ass theater kid poetry about his crush! he would! #and then when some normie ass unpoetic cop reads his DIARY of course hes not gonna understand the poetic passages dedicated to his love #like HELLO????? thats not ““““raving”””” its a SOLILOQUY come on man #and! he read his DIARY. like idc that he was investigating a murder you! dont! read! peoples! diaries! #if i were will and someone read my diary i would be so horrified like im surprised that HE wasnt the one who built a suicide bot after that #also! if you picked a random ass average target goer probably likes golf or something and showed them cannibalism as a metaphor for love #poetry they probably wouldn't see the poetic devotion part of it i think that they might think that you're crazy #or maybe. im just severely underestimating the poetic literacy of the average golf playing target goer that could be true #but anyways maybe thats what happened between clay and will like clay saw his poetry and was like yeah this is weird #oh shit i just realized a lot of the contents of williams diary are just public knowledge now like at least a mention of the raving passage #has to be somewhere in the case file just for anyone to access. oh god they live in a small town too word travels fast ohhh crap #well he kind of brought it upon himself like idk maybe don't kill children and your diary won't be read #by poetically illiterate and romantically stunted divorced cops #sorry im yapping. im yap deprived i needed to yap cough cough yeah that's me coughing from how yap deprived i am cough cough cough

[britneyshakespeare]

i hate that i've been complaining about everything in my life lately but if you're a frequent reader of my personal posts (side note, if you are: why. also i'm sorry) but if you remember earlier this week on tuesday i slipped outside and hurt my knee. i didn't end up seeing a doctor about that bc they literally had no openings when i talked to the secretary she was like i am so sorry sweetie. we can't take you for the rest of the week and i was like oh. and after a couple days it didn't hurt sooooo much although i think the limp ive been walking w has not been doing me any favors. but now today especially (? for some reason) BOTH of my legs were really hurting. i'm wondering if that might somehow be related to me getting my period today bc sometimes. you know how period pain can just end up wherever it wants. but then around 8 o'clock today i stubbed the SHIT out of one of my toes and i think i might have injured it (? i dont think it's broken but i cant stand on it and it's been hours). this is my left foot and the knee i hurt on tuesday was on my right leg. i am literally limping on both sides of my body now and i cant stand or walk.

#shout out to me being irritable with my family. sowwyyyyyy #EVERYTHING HURTS WHEN I TRY TO MOVE FROM PLACE TO PLACE #i dont know if i can handle seeing people tomorrow and it's Literally Christmas #i told kaily i wanted her to carry me to my bed earlier like im a little kid who fell asleep in the car and she said no :( #sisters are USELESS #tales from diana #menstruation cw #injury cw #maybe i shouldve gone to urgent care or the er about my knee earlier this week #i was starting to think i didnt seriously injure it but now im having doubts? or maybe i walked on it too much yesterday #i really was doing WAY too much walking yesterday but i kinda couldnt help it #my adhd body Wants To Move all the time even when i know i should be taking it easy #thats always been a problem w me whenever ive needed to limit my exertion. i just want to wander and fidget #i have a hard time staying still it makes me feel insanely unhappy #theres no better way to describe it #but i cant. move. now. sooooo #i dont know if i mightve broken my toe or not but its kinda swollen #how common is it to break a toe really? theyve got. theyve got a lot of little tiny bones #i dont know id think its more common to break a toe if you crushed it under something #i stubbed it. REALLY hard. like harder than even a normal really bad toe-stubbing. #i dont know. i dont know. i dont know. #can i have a wheelchair for christmas just for like a week at least #and get someone to carry me up and down the stairs?

[featherymainffins]

My only criticism of Dunmeshi is that this pyramid of desires makes no sense at all

#im gonna be real with you author of Dunmeshi the desire for recognition is a real common ome #*one #so is the desire for eternity. that's like. VERY common. #else we wouldn't have 5 ways of dealing with your unavoidable death and 4 of them wouldn't be bad for you #and the only good one wouldn't be the rarest one #the fact of life is that most organisms will fight tooth and nail to survive and they'll want to keep fighting like that forever #a lot of people subconsciously or consciously desire to live forever. very few people accept their own death #what's less common is that Thistle's desire doesn't seem to concern him as much as it concerns his...friend? brother figure? crush? #which is also like. kinda common but i wouldn't say it's as common as the natural desire of avoiding death for yourself

[slimeciclecock]

Forgive me for the person I'll become when Missa releases all his new music <- delusional

#been on a missa kick lately which I've never really shared #been getting reeeeally into some of his music and lowkey getting a crush on him 😳🥰 #and like. who cares if its been a month or smth. im still very obsessed with that stream he did where he showed off music he was working on #like his voice is insanely good and im going crazy like. to this day i still dont know if he plans to release all that or if that was just- #-scrapped music. with how excited he was when showing music i dont think its scrapped? but idk #dont wanna get my hopes up but. gah #also im just gonna come right out and say it. missa sinfonia is fucking hot as hell #he's so insanely hot and attractive and the music makes him hotter and he's so funny and grhgrgjfrh #ive been a little bit a lot obsessed lately. oh my god how are you so damn attractive #ive kinda told myself that if i ever get a partner the first thing i would do is show him missa and make them fall for him like i did #he's like. handsome like a guy from my culture. does that make sense #missa sinfonia has malay guy swag #i think i can say that here yeah. ive spoken my mother tongue language here #sorry im reaching he just reminds me of someone irl. but also. missa is hot asf i need someone to shake hands with me #frickin. schoolgirl crush on a funny mexican youtuber #ive watched more missa videos than i thought i would and its embarrassing how giddy i would get watching like #i am in my 20s but i am resting my chin on my hand like 🥰 #brother I've fallen someone pull me back up i cant do this today

[oh-cramity-its-amity]

its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

#NOT TOH FANFIC #see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this. #the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR. #*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though. #my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people #its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus. #anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to-- #--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS #still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria #they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot... #actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up. #we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh. #anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner #i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them #and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose. #STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH. #we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS. #...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up. #shitposting shit #idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how #mentally ill i was back in 2020 #talking into the void yk how it isssss

[yuukimiyas]

( ´༥` ) good mornie!! <33 its thurs!! yk what that means!! only one more sleep until friday & the wknd!! ٩(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )و woohoo!! we got this!! :3 im smoochin you extra so you have the v best day ever!! mwah!!

#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals! #hii hiiii!! :3 ik i’ve been kinda ia lately im so sorry!! ໒꒰ྀི っ◞‸◟c ꒱ྀིა i’ve just gots lots & lots goin on irl :(( #its just been insanly busy bc one of the managers is sick w a cold so we all gotta do extra stuff :(( #& also!! i have a…crush..& its on a BOY!!!! ૮꒰ྀི ´∩∩` ꒱ྀིა EEEP!! we’ve been chatting a lot & he is v cool!! <3 #he loves jjk & angel beats & guran lagann !! & MOVIES!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ so we’ll see if we go on a date soon hehee i’ll DEF keep you all pos #okie i gotta get ready for work!! ilya SO SO SM!!! <333 MWAH MWAH!!

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

I really don't wanna dislike him but between fandom's tendency to forget the bad stuff he did but also seeing people ONLY talk about the bad stuff he did and basically never bring up the good aspects of his character and seeming to resent him I'm worried that's rubbing off on me and like. I don't dislike him but liking him is getting a lot harder these days and it's genuinely upsetting to me

#smol has a vent #Im sure yall know who I'm talking about cause like he's why I'm in the fandom! He's my lockscreen! My first proper fictional crush! #I don't want to not like him! He made me so happy in those first 2 games and seeing him show up after made me happy #But idk man it feels. Weird. Difficult. To talk about him with others cause it always seems to come back to #'ugh he did all this horrible stuff why does fandom love him' and I know I KNOW you're right but please. We know why. He's a good character #Bad stuff included. It could've and SHOULD'VE been written better like a LOT in this franchise but it's especially egregious here #Look this ain't at anyone in particular it's just no matter how often you say 'I still like him BUT' at this point I don't really wanna tal #About him cause I think it's just gonna make me sad. I'm holding off on getting to that point but I ain't got the best mental #Or emotional fortification so. Yeah. #Im just kinda sad tbh.

[moonsidesong]

Yo idk if this was answered but, while reading 14-Crush I wanted them to just confess but they never did before it ended. in cannon, will they ever confess or will they just forever be too shy.

i had kind of an idea for what i wanted to do eventually for a confession ? i knew the kind of mood i wanted it to have, but i didnt really have anything resembling a real script for a comic or anything. i dont even know When i would put it LOL in a hypothetical timeline where crush continued it probably still wouldve taken a while

#i wanted it to be very lowkey and sentimental #i like dramatic confessions as much as the next guy but i dont think something dramatic would suit eighthato #as much as i played on the ohh mutual pining is obvious but theyre SoooOOo oblivious trope <-- (because i like it...) #i think they would kind of acutely understand mutual feelings were there. Eventually. #and they just had a hard time bringing it up to each other bc they were both kinda worried about a lot of things like. #what if it isnt the right time what if im misinterpreting the other's feelings entirely and its awkward etc #so in a confession scenario i envisioned they would finally just talk about everything #still emotional of course just more in a 'oh my god its finally off my chest and we can just be the way we want with each other' sorta way #instead of a 'oh im so happy you feel the same i didnt expect this' sort of way #anyway i know this message is kinda old sorry Goin thru ye olde inbox #bri talks #14 crush

[silverselfshippingchaos]

now hear me out here

#ive been playing x.enoblade x if you couldn't tell #honestly... ive been struggling with the gameplay- its kinda hard!! #im not really an open world person either #(s.kyrim is different!!!) #but this woman has been on my mind a lot 😳 #she's pretty or whatever 😳 #ash rambles 💚 #just a teensy little crush is all

[jonny-b-meowborn]

gays will have silly little dreams where they meet the mechanisms (the actual immortal pirates from space) and get a lil flirty with at least one of them

#i mean tim obv #in my case #i never have dreams where they appear as the real life actors its always as if the immortal pirates were just real #and in like 90% of those dreams theres a vaguely awkwardly flirty vibe between me and tim #like its always kinda. he is this almost inhuman being that also happens to be in a band so hes aware that people will get celebrity crushes #and im the one with a celebrity crush on him #and you could say this has fanfic energy with how im allowed to like flirt w him without being perceived as a stalker type of fan #yknow #its realistic in how this is never taken seriously and im very awkward but its very unrealistic in how its just okay for me to do #and unrealistic in how its reciprocated for shits and giggles and his ego or whatever #i love having gay little dreams #lmao #i mean i guess its pretty tame in my case #like im assuming that aa lot of people have more like. serious dreams? yknow i mean actually dating the celebrity/fictional crushes #and all that #honestly im not sure if ive ever had a dream where i was actually with my celebrity/fictional crush #it always has that lil bit of realism where i know its not possible to be w them and im always almost as shy and awkward and anxious as irl #and honestly i prefer it that way #y'know with the way my brain works #how i often feel like the people i think about can see my thoughts and all that delusional bullshit #so its nice that even in my dreams where i have 0 control over anything i still dont really cross any boundaries #so i dont feel guilty afterwards i dont feel like i violated anyones boundaries #i know that dreams are absolutely not my actual thoughts im just sayin that its good for my paranoid brain #its just that in my dreams the celebrity/character likes me in some way and thats pretty much it #anyway i love making a meme shitpost thing that can be enjoyed by everyone and then in tags i say things that i should only tell a therapist #hhshdjdjshxbsjnd #the mechanisms #bee buzz

[britneyshakespeare]

it is weird being an aromantic asexual who is incidentally attractive. like. i just came back from a concert with my friends who have known me for years and know that about me. some of the very few real-life friends who know that about me actually and i only told them relatively recently. regardless. the only reason i had bothered to bring it up w them is that they had seen me in SO many situations that telling them “i’m asexual” was if anything just clarification. just confirmation, like, don’t worry. it’s not an inability to attach to others or whatever. if you can’t tell. like they’d seen me be pursued by quite a few people in our time as friends and at some point it seems like a curious thing if i only ever seem to feel negatively about anyone who’s attracted to me, ever, no matter who it is. and they were understanding and i knew they’d be. yeah.

we were talking on the way back about bucket list concerts we’d still like to see. we saw stromae which was a really big one of mine (my fucking boy btw, i had an amazing time). i mentioned that i don’t have very many, as i’m rarely the person to be like “yeah, let’s go to a concert” unless i have people i know i wanna go with. like i’ve been meaning to see the jonas brothers w my sister and sisters-in-law ever since they came back because it’d be a fun thing for us since we always listen to them together. 

but i would genuinely love to see super junior someday, like just for myself, wherever whenever if i was just able to get transportation (i don’t drive). i’ve loved suju for years but i got really back into them in 2020 in the pandemic as a sort of nostalgia comfort thing (but also the music they’ve put out in recent years is like, literally the best in their discography, they just keep getting better w age). and i had to go on this tangent to explain it, right?

in the first months of the pandemic, there was something weird happening to people psychologically. some kind of end-of-the-world loneliness. i mentioned that i had like 5 or 6 different people in my DMs at the time interested in me. not all of them men. and the friend who was driving said “you know, diana, if this were literally anyone else talking, i would think that this is some enormous humblebrag—”

and i like. didn’t even think about it that way. i was just trying to make my point that i had a serious thought in 2020 of like, when the world opened back up, just doing one (1) seriously manipulative thing in my life and convince one of those men who was thirsting for me to buy me tickets to super junior and go with me. it was hypothetical. this hasn’t happened and all but certainly will not. i would not feel good taking advantage of someone’s feelings like that. 

but i had to go on a tangent even before that because i was like. oh my goodness. i didn’t even realize that was a humblebrag. i’m sorry. i’m just telling a story.

#the politics of being a pretty young woman #tales from diana #i also wouldn't have felt comfortable telling anyone that anecdote about myself if they had known less about me than my friends i was with #so i guess i wouldn't be in danger of humblebragging. but sometimes i think i do? by mistake. #like when i talk about my social life in the past i always mention no one openly liked me in high school. not one person. #it very much affected how i saw myself. bc bullshit. young girls. male approval. y'know. #but in retrospect now i'm better able to tell when a boy had some kind of crush on me so i might mention it like 'he thought i was cute' #and one time a different friend i had. but one who i have also told im asexual (im trying to do that more) said to me #'you know for how unpopular you say you were in high school it seemed like a lot of ppl liked you' #i mean. yes? it's complicated. i was most certainly not popular i can tell you that. #i was more of a 'hey goob nice binder' 'hey goob wanna hang out at my house after school?' [narration: they all hated me...] kinda kid. #i probably kept myself from making friends wo realizing it but also lots of cliques i would've liked to be part of very much ignored me. #i was hot on the margins. a truly underrepresented social archetype... except that's literally every teen movie so maybe not. #i didn't have a big win in the final act that's the difference. #also before the concert we were talking about one of our other friends who is just. so fuckin funny. #like we were all talking about how much we love him. and they said they had been talking about who in the group chat we're in #has the most 'pull' and im like. pull? #like who could pick up the most ppl successfully. hypothetically. #both of them ranked me high :^) i was like. thank you. #they asked me to ponder on the topic myself and try to come back to it but i think im just confused by the concept of 'pull' itself #stromae has pull. that is all.

[bumblingbabooshka]

Voyager Relationship Chart[s]

#I know missed something...I know I did #'?' indicates the person isnt quite sure #also double arrow is mutual and one-way arrow is unreciprocated #I FORGOT ABOUT THE EMH IM SOORRRYYY #st voyager #also its hard to see what the emh's yellow '?' is and its for B'Elanna...he does not know if she is his friend #The Doctor seems like the type of person who /could/ daydream about a relationship with anyone #'hate youuu <3' = I'm really enjoying this bickering thing we've got going on #Whatever weird thing Tom has onesidedly going on with Tuvok & Janeway...study it #I put Seven as 'hate you fr' for Tom bc in my version of Voyager she has a crush on B'Elanna #Seven & B'Elanna issues = so deep so vast so interesting but they can get through it #I think B'Elanna would resent Janeway and Tuvok a lot more than she seems to in canon #also B'Elanna and Tuvok....issues...mostly from B'Elanna's pov...I think they should have fought. Like physically <3 #Seven would also resent Janeway MUCH MUCH more than she seems to in canon #I love how many people are 'issues' to Janeway #Harry is friends with literally everyone BUT her #People: (feeling complex and conflicting things about Janeway) #Janeway: (In her lane. Withering. Moisturized bc Tuvok makes her. Very bothered. Unaware.) #she gave a guy who has no issues with his real mother mommy issues with HER specifically - her immense power #Tom thinks he and Tuvok are kinda pals :) aww he acts cold but he likes me ~ he's a funny guy! Meanwhile Tuvok thinks he's kind of a menace #Tom thinks he 'gets' Tuvok while Tuvok thinks Tom can choke #unfortunately that blue arrow goes both ways #um...also I think Kes having a little crush on Harry would be cute <3 he doesn't feel the same way and that's fine #crushes dont have to be serious~ #I believe in Janeway/Seven but only if its so weird and unhealthy and never really comes to be #HEHEHthisis all...SO specific to my mind...my mind to your mind...my thoughts to your thoughts...

[baby-tart]

In genuine anguish rn

#shallotposting #like. i cannot sleep because i am burdened with thot #and i need to be up in like 5 hours #but im developing a new crush and i dont like that #and i have all these plans i’ve made #like im gonna go to a con and do a cosplay #and that is gonna cost time and money #and im excited for it. so im thinking about it #and also im thinking about my partner who i miss #and my other partner who i miss #and my friends whose shit i would platonically sploink #and im generally kinda wound up #and then the tenderness comes and bitch slaps me #and i think about like. holding my crush’s hand #and then Another crush messages me. i am just such a fucking mess #if i had a nickel for every crush i’ve had on a trans man who has schizophrenia and i cannot tell if he has genuine interest in me or not #i’d have two. it’s not a lot but- yeah you’ve heard it before #and also bc im up so late my stomach is hungry and i know i shouldnt feed it #but now the hunger is Bugging me #anyway. if you are reading these tags and think or know that you are one of the people mentioned here #you have not seen this post. i am so normal. #are we clear? #not even kidding #this shit is embarrassing #also if u r one of the trans men mentioned you Especially havent seen this not even to be coy and tease me about it ok!!! #i will Actually Cry #2amposting

[hornyhoursblog]

okay this is my long proper update about work crush :)) and reminder i treat this as a personal diary and my place to store all of these :)) so last saturday was my first shift back after a few weeks so i was a bit worried that like the energy wouldn’t be the same but it was fine it was good it was still the same teasing flirty energy like usual ✨✨✨

literally as soon as i walked into work he like kinda looked me up and down and made a face at me (like scrunched his eyebrows its a thing from before) and was like hey stranger ✨ also he looked really fit yesterday i kept sneaking glances at him when i was still working downstairs 😓😓😓

anyways i worked upstairs for most of the night but the beginning and end bit of the shift i was downstairs with him and in that time it was a few things, he stole my cup again (a regular activity and one that started thing whole thing) literally down most of the bar and then came back and pretended to give it to me and then took it back you know what i mean, he also smeared the fridge door i was wiping like ran his finger on it, and he splashed a little water on me when we were by the sinks (hehhe)

oh also when i first came back downstairs he was like where were you?? SO my delusional (i mean am I actually that delulu who knows) self has interpreted that as He Noticed I was gone as in man looks out for me hehehee 🥹✨

also the fridge are on the floor so to wipe them down i have to crouch/kneel down Anyways i was at like knee/thigh/crotch level when he was next to me and at one point he was taking ages closing the bottles on the bar in front of the only fridge door i had to wipe still so i went and was like move for a minute and that and then anyway when i dropped down to wipe it ALL that was on my mind was how badly i want to suck this man off I want to be on my knees in front of him you know 😓😓😓😫😫😫

we also had a few minutes of sitting upstairs waiting for other stuff to do, a bit of it was us alone and it was fine it was a little awkward then a friend of mind came up so we all talked a little it was fine still a little awkward, but anyways this is kinda cringe But i needed man to know i was available so i was mostly talking to my friend but obviously he’s there hehe I brought up how someone asked if i have a man and if he get my number and asked my age etc- work crush then asked like oh you’re 18 right hmhm ask more questions about me feed my delusional self (also the guy I didn’t mention this then but just for here was like fully talking in my ear saying how im beautiful but im too young or something like that all i caught was you’re a beautiful girl thank you good sir i will hold onto that 🫶🏻)

I think that’s basically all thank you for reading 🫶🏻

#work crush #s at work #he also when we were talking i said something about how I actually kinda missed work and he called bullshit #like bro i enjoy it in general geniunely but You are a large part of it 😓😭 makes it a lot more fun you know #anyways moving on #thanks for reading #🥹😁🫶🏻 #WHILST im here just to rant a little the normal night buses weren’t running because technically wasnt term time yet #and it took me over an hour to get home #me and two friends walked for a bit then decided to get an uber #wait for ages for the uber and then it says it 3 meters away for ages and CANCELS #so we get another one thats fine fairly quick all good #we get it to girl no1s house so me and my other friend was to her place like a merging point between hers and mind #and I hadn’t seen her in ages so we stood and chatted for a while #then eventually I continued walking to my place another like 15 minutes #oof #was light outside by the time i went to sleep #🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

[mrfoox]

Once I learn the difference between me having a crush and me being (hyper)fixated on a person, it's all over

#miranda talking shit #Autism tag #I do kinda have some idea.... But its hard. I think the biggest difference is how nervous and 'diffrent' i am around them #As usual i struggle to say excatly what it is im feeling for a person. I just know at the bottom i care about them a lot #But do i have a crush or am i just fixated bc they are intresting to me? Who knows lmao #The few moments i had my doubts with fabian it was fine tbh. But my fixation with him was intense bht short-lived #Now im just like... He baby. I got an idea how he works so i am no longer obsessed #Unfortunately oliver ive still not gotten an handle on. I found him intresting from the first few months of knowing him #But after a year it just became way deeper since we started to discuss such topics. Now I'm like... I probably dont have a crush on you #I probably just really want to understand you. But who knows honestly but please talk to me more i got to ask more things #As i turned 18 and had my breaking point and then started to recover and meet a lot of new different people... #I slowly but surely got so intrested in people unlike myself. Usually unknown things scare me but something changed and since then it just #Wants me to hear more and understand as much as i can about them. Guess its my autistic brain seeing them as a mystery or a puzzle #Challenging things mentally like that really is something i love. I love to think and thoerize and wonder. I do however hate it #Like... I feel creepy about it. I know i dont feel this way intentionally but i also can't tell anyone about it without them thinking im #Weird or creepy etc. Or i guess i am scared people will think i dont care about people but just want to study them? Its more the other way #Around. I care about people and thus want to understand them? Dont enjoy it though. It feels wrong and i feel guilty :')