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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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I'm Already Sick of the Masturbation Jokes - The Bachelorette Season 17, Episode 1 Recap
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Image from abc.com
In my final post for the most recent season of The Bachelor, I concluded by saying that they were "giving us just enough time to recover from this shit show before diving headfirst into the next one." This was not true; I have not recovered. I am still exhausted from the absolute trainwreck that that season became. Nonetheless, I must trek on.
Before we start, let's acknowledge the elephant in the room. Or should I say not in the room? Chris Harrison has made his exit from the Bachelor franchise after he thought it was a good idea to yell at a Black woman about racism. To replace him, producers have brought in previous Bachelorettes and fan favorites, Tayshia Adams and Kaitlyn Bristowe. It was immediately obvious they were much better for the job than Chris ever was. When Katie spoke about her nerves, instead of nodding solemnly like they knew all the secrets of the universe, they actually gave her advice, and it was good advice because they've been in her shoes before. I never disliked Chris as host, to be clear, but having previous Bachelorettes host was so clearly a great idea it's crazy no one thought of it before.
Now, let's get into the recap, starting with introducing the Bachelorette herself, Katie Thurston.
Katie, 30
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Image from abc.com
Katie, from Washington state, was a contestant on Matt's season and made quite the first impression when she got out of the limo holding her vibrator. Many worried that she might get stuck being "the vibrator girl", but she avoided the title and became a fan favorite when she continuously stood up to the squad of bullies on her season. (For more detail, you can check out my recap of each episode here.) She was sent home on a one-on-one date when Matt friend-zoned her (or realized she wanted an actual relationship, not an Instagram relationship, like what he has now.) She feels her biggest relationship obstacle is that she is always "too much" for guys. It seems the contestants this season are also capable of being “too much”.
As I did for Matt's season, I'm not going to recap all of the contestants, but rather run through the five that stood out the most to me.
Thomas, 28
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Thomas was the first guy out of the limo, and Katie was immediately smitten. As always, the headshots do nobody justice. He was much cuter on TV, and also VERY tall. If I'm being honest, I don't remember much about his personality or what he said to Katie, but I do remember he was tall, and that's all that really matters when looking for a husband, right? Katie definitely seemed to like him, so I see him sticking around for a while.
Tre, 26
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Tre had a gimicky limo entrance, but it was actually cute rather than the usual cringe. A pick-up truck pulled in the driveway, and then Tre popped out of the ball-pit in the bed of the truck. During the cocktail hour, Katie climbed in the back with him and they chatted. I don't know how far he will go, but he was sweet and he actually pulled off a limo-entrance-bit, so I have to give him kudos.
Connor B., 29
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Speaking of doing bits, Connor B. Connor is first introduced to the viewers from his video package where he is sitting naked in a bathtub, playing the ukelele. He then reveals that he is an Eighth Grade math teacher, and I cannot even imagine being 13 and seeing your math teacher doing that on reality TV. His classroom must have been in absolute chaos on Tuesday. If not because of his naked ukelele playing, perhaps because of what he wore on the first night. This man showed up in a full cat costume, complete with face-makeup-whiskers. If I were the Bachelorette, I probably would have told him to get right back in the limo. But, Katie did not and actually seemed to be kind of into the catsuit. (We do not kink shame here!) During the cocktail hour, he even gave her ears and paw-shaped mittens of her own, and then the two of them made out -- like, fully made. out. Like, it probably could've been the steamiest make-out in Bachelor nation history if they hadn't been dressed like cats. Afterward, he is positive he will get the first impression rose, and I actually thought he might as well. But, Katie just can't give her very first rose to a guy wearing whiskers, and Connor B. is left to lick his wounds. (I'm sorry, I had to make one.)
Greg, 27
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First of all, I have to point out for those who may not have watched the episode; this is a bad photo of Greg. No contestant ever looks good in their headshot, but this may be the worst one yet. Greg walked onto the screen and immediately became a fan favorite. He is adorable and charming, and has a niece and nephew that he loves to talk about; he even brings Katie a macaroni necklace the 3-year-old niece made for her. And, because I already stalked his Instagram, his grid is comprised of sweet photos of said niece/nephew and him hugging his mom, and it only takes two scrolls to get to his first post in 2013. Did someone actually come on this show for the right reasons? Katie seemed to think so, as she gave him the first impression rose. In response, he asks if he can kiss her, and boy can he.
Jeff, 31
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To start, Jeff is a surgical skin salesman, which is not actually a creepy job, but it sure does sound creepy. Jeff shows up in the RV that he lives in, and it's not some cool, aesthetically pleasing tiny house. It's just a straight-up, normal RV. During the cocktail hour, he gives Katie a tour of said RV. When offering her a drink, he feels the need to say, "this is just soda. Don't worry. I'm not gonna take you in my RV, get you drunk, and try to sleep with you." Um, WHAT? Why would you say something like that?! 
Katie was not into any of it and sent him home at the rose ceremony. Along with Jeff; Gabriel, Austin, Brandon, Landon, Marcus, and Marty all left without even unpacking their bags.
Before wrapping up, I have to mention that randomly in the middle of the episode, two guys named Aaron and Cody start yelling in each other's face, "I don't like you!" and I don't understand how you can already not like someone there; you don't even KNOW anyone there. Anyway, we get absolutely no context for this fight, but it seemed like maybe the producers were planting a seed for drama later? Who knows. See you guys next week.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Valley of the Dolls and Hollywood's Desire to Self-Protect
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Valley of the Dolls (1967) tells the story of three young women working in show business in the 1960s. Originally adapted from Jacqueline Susann’s 1966 book by the same name, the screenplay was written by two women, Helen Deutsch and Dorothy Kingsley. The director for the film, though, was a man, named Mark Robson. The plot centers around three protagonists, Anne Welles, Neely O’Hara, and Jennifer North. Their stories connect and separate several times as they each navigate Hollywood, growing in stardom and fading into oblivion. All three storylines follow two themes, the role of women in the 1960s and the abuse of drugs by these women to deal with the pressures of their culture. The film largely stays true to the novel, but alters some important aspects in order to soften the critique that Susann originally proposed. Valley of the Dolls is an attempted commentary on societal demands on women in the 1960s, but is unsuccessful in its criticism due to continuing to perpetuate several misogynistic standards and Hollywood trying to alleviate itself of guilt.
Valley of the Dolls is one of few movies from its era that centers on multiple female leads without allowing for any male characters to come in and dominate the narrative. The story goes further than to just portray women, and even passes commentary on the harmful expectations put on them by society. There are messages about the workforce, body image, and marriage roles all present. Still, while the film may seem to have a feminist message for most of the plot, it falls short in its final moments. The two women, Neely and Jennifer, who are outwardly ambitious and more sexually promiscuous, are punished for their behavior, while the virginally pure and soft spoken Anne is the one who gets a happy ending, though not in the traditional sense.
The first woman to look at is Neely O’Hara (Patty Duke). Neely, the youngest of the three, is also the most talented and the most ambitious. While her two co-protagonists experience minor stardom, Neely becomes a full-fledged celebrity. As Neely begins her rise to the top, she is forced to work out, despite already being nearly rail thin. During her work-out montage, she even asks her trainer, “you call this acting?” This moment serves to show that for women, being an actor was not strictly about their talent, but also the way they looked. Working out is a part of the job for Neely because if she gains weight, people will no longer want to look at her and thus she won’t be able to be on stage or screen.
The affect of her ambition on her womanhood is also seen through the depiction of her first marriage to her hometown sweetheart, Mel (Martin Milner). When Neely gets her big break, she asks Mel to marry her, flipping the tradition of a man asking a woman. This is the first evidence of the gender role reversal that will be present later. In one scene, after Neely has made it and begun earning more money, the audience sees that Mel is now in charge of keeping house, a job typically meant for the wife at this time. The two get into an argument and Mel, sick of being bossed around by Neely, states, “I am not the butler,” to which Neely retorts, “you’re not the bread winner either.” The two get divorced shortly after. In the beginning of the movie, as Neely is about to be cut out of the broadway show, Mel gives her advice on how to handle the situation in a way that is both best for her career and best for earning money. Mel is more than happy to support Neely’s ambition when she is starting out and he is controlling her success. When Neely grows beyond his grasp, begins to overshadow him, and no longer needs him, the turmoil of their relationship begins. Mel’s male ego cannot handle having a wife who not only is not reliant on him, but who he is reliant on.
In contrast, Jennifer’s fatal flaw is not her ambition but her body. The audience is introduced to Jennifer (Sharon Tate) as she is scantily clad in a leotard with a giant showgirl headpiece on. Her first line is concern that she cannot walk, “I feel a little top heavy,” to which her director replies, “Dear, you are top heavy.” This is met by a chorus of laughter from the men in the room and clear distress from Jennifer’s face. Jennifer’s sin is simply her breasts and her beauty; she is punished for merely existing in her natural form. On the phone with her mother, she states, “I know I don’t have any talent, and I know all I have is my body.” She recognizes that she has no marketable skills, but with the way that society has commodified the female figure, she can use her natural assets to get ahead.
Jennifer’s plot line introduces the character of Miriam (Lee Grant), the sister of Jennifer’s husband, Tony (Tony Scotti). Miriam also manages Tony. This is interesting because all the other women in the film are controlled by men, but Miriam is not only not controlled by a man, but controls one herself. Jennifer, who seems not to have a manager, but operates as an independent, eventually is taken on by Miriam, emphasizing the way that Miriam acts as a male figure, controlling and dominating her world like men normally do. Miriam eventually sells Jennifer into porn. When Jennifer tries to protest, Miriam insists, “Tony wouldn’t know the difference.” Jennifer’s plea of “well, I would,” falls on deaf ears. Miriam views the world like a man, thinking only a husband should be offended by his wife’s immodesty, not recognizing that the woman is also a person with feelings about the exposure of her own body.
Jennifer’s whole life and career is based on her body. When she is diagnosed with breast cancer and must get a mastectomy, she states, “all I ever had was a body. All I know how to do is take off my clothes.” She is realizing that without her breasts, she will have no way of earning a living or supporting herself, as she has done her whole life. This drives her to suicide, deciding she would rather die than lose her body. The message of this scene is clear; despite the fact that society has deemed her figure the only thing that gives her value, her exploitation of it still must be punished by death. Women are supposed to surrender to the forces of the patriarchy, not use them to their own advantage.
The third protagonist, the redeemable protagonist, is Anne Welles (Barbara Parkins). Anne is introduced at the very beginning of the film through her own narration as she tells the listener that her family’s home has been around since the revolution, showing that she represents American tradition. The story of George Washington drinking from their well symbolizes that people like Anne are what give America life. This American idealization is what protects Anne throughout her career. As she enters the office for the first time to the slut shaming of a pregnant cat, the audience immediately knows that this place will not be very friendly to women. This is fortified when her boss tells her she is “too good looking” for her job and talks about getting her “broken in”. This is exemplifying the idea that beautiful women aren’t meant for work while also objectifying them by talking about women like they’re shoes.
Her romantic interest, Lyon (Paul Burke), who is also her boss, calls Anne, “barely pink” when he first meets her, admiring how young she is. He later tells her that jewelry is not for her, and that she should only be gifted flowers, specifically white ones. These are both attempts to preserve Anne’s delicacy, or “pinkness”.  Diamonds and gold are too flashy for a soft spoken woman like Anne, and the white flowers clearly symbolize purity. Constantly throughout the entire film, the audience is reminded of Anne being special and unlike other “bad” women such as Neely or Jennifer. At one point Lyon tells Anne that no other girls compare to her because they can’t “stand up to her image”. Not her actual person or personality, but her image. Anne does not have actual personhood in the eyes of Lyon, but exists only as the idealized woman.
This is further exemplified when she becomes the Gillian Girl. The man who hires her says he wants someone known with Gillian exclusively. The idea here is they want her to be only an image of beauty and innocence; if she works with other brands or as an actress she becomes more than one-dimensional and people can discover that she may have flaws. Anne’s ability to maintain her image of perfection and purity throughout the entire film is why she gets to live happily ever after at the end, unlike her two counterparts. She returns to her hometown and lives out the rest of her life as the embodiment of American tradition.
This movie gets its title from the nickname that Neely gives the pills that she and the other two protagonists all become addicted to. The name, “dolls”, calls to mind a picture of girlhood and female adolescence, highlighting how young Neely is (only 17) when the story begins. Many movies of the 1960s, such as Dennis Hopper’s Easy Rider (1969) were depicting taking psychedelic drugs and having crazy trips. Valley of the Dolls shows a different type of drug use, the abuse of painkillers. Though the main characters are movie stars and models, their drug habit was likely more relatable to the suburban movie-going audience than that of Hopper’s characters. It was all too common for housewives to be prescribed “mother’s little helpers” to deal with what was condescendingly written off as “hysteria”. Another difference between these two movies is that psychedelic trips were portrayed as freeing, eye-opening experiences. In contrast, the painkillers are entrapping for the women and ultimately ruin their careers and end their lives.
The character who has the least interaction with the “dolls” is Anne. This is done to keep the idea of Anne as the “pure”, “good” character. The way she begins to take the drugs is interesting, though; she first picks up the bottle when she realizes that her long-term boyfriend, Lyon, is having an affair with her best friend, Neely. This serves two purposes. This first is that it shows that the pills are not used for pleasure, like psychedelics would be, but for numbing purposes. This also displays the corruptive force of Hollywood; it is not until the plot moves from New York to Hollywood that these women turn sour. Because of this city, Neely betrays her best friend and sweet, innocent Anne is driven to drug use.
Jennifer is seen taking the pills two times, twice as often as Anne is. The first time she takes them is when she learns about Tony’s illness. Again, they are used to numb emotional pain. The second time Jennifer is shown taking the pills is when she purposely overdoses on them to kill herself. This is the most extreme version of numbing difficult emotions a person can take, and the most obvious way that the movie could show that these drugs do not provide enjoyment but rather stop misery. What the “dolls” provide is nothingness, and Jennifer takes this nothingness to its maximum.
Neely is the character whose story is most entangled with drug use. She begins when her trainer gives her diet pills to slim her already thin figure. During this montage, the audience clearly sees Mel, the symbol of her pre-fame life, shake his head and tell her no, but she responds with a shrug, as if to say, “what’s the worst that could happen?” Shortly after, she tells Anne that she takes sleeping pills that are so strong, she has to take red pills to counteract them to wake up in the mornings, but then must take the sleeping pills again at night because the red ones have not yet worn off. Taking the pills is an endless cycle for Neely that will lead her to spiral to rock bottom.
In a following scene, Neely is seen being an absolute mess on the set of a movie, causing them to call for her husband to take her home because she cannot work under such strong influence of drugs and alcohol. When Anne and Lyon go to check on her, Anne lectures her about the danger of drinking while taking the pills, but Neely asserts that she must do so because it makes them work faster. This moment shows the desperation Neely has to stop feeling. Later on, after getting drunk in a dive-bar, having sex with some random nobody, and being robbed the morning after, Neely overdoses and nearly dies. Anne implies that this may have been intentional, despite Neely insisting otherwise. The audience is left to wonder.
During the third act of the movie, after Neely has gone to rehab and gotten clean, her older rival, Helen Lawson (Susan Hayward), brags about how she never needed pills like Neely did. Lawson claims her current sobriety is only temporary and Neely will eventually return to her old bad habits. The character summarizes Neely’s entire story with one line, “nothing can destroy her talent, but she’ll destroy herself.” Lawson’s words come true; Neely’s final scene sees her relapsing on opening night of the show she’s supposed to star in and being replaced by her younger understudy, the very thing she was afraid of. Her story closes on her drunk in an alley, screaming her own name.
To properly analyze this film, one must compare it to its source material, Jacqueline Susann’s novel by the same name. Though the movie stays true to the novel in most major plot points, there are distinct narrative changes and omissions that drastically alter the story. One of the most distinct examples of this is that Lyon refuses to marry Anne until the final scene of the film. In the novel, he marries her when they first reunite in Los Angeles. When he begins his affair with Neely, Anne is pregnant with their first child, which gives Anne a stronger motive to turn to the pills than she has in the movie. The book version of the two women are also much closer friends, which creates a more dramatic change in Neely’s character than in the film. Removing these two extremes makes Neely’s character arc less impactful.
Another aspect that was removed is Tony’s obsession with sex. An important part of Jennifer’s characterization is that she has always been made to feel that her body is her only source of value. This is added to, in the novel, by the fact that sex is the foundation for her relationship with her husband. This is only alluded to in the film with one line when they are walking in the park. In the novel, it is emphasized explicitly at multiple points. One of the reasons Jennifer chooses to kill herself rather than lose her breasts is because she believes she will lose even her husband’s love. The film likely made this change, as well as the marital change, to make the characters of Tony and Neely more sympathetic. While this goal is accomplished, it also softens the harsh realities that Susann was trying to expose in her novel.
One final difference between the film and novel is the ending. In the film, Lyon finally proposes to Anne and she rejects him, getting to move on with her life and live peacefully. She gets a happy ending. The novel ends with Anne and Lyon still married, her discovering that he is having yet another affair with a client, and her returning to the pills. This final note makes it clear that there are no happy endings for women in this city. The change is another example of Hollywood trying to show itself in a more flattering light than the one Susann placed on it.
Valley of the Dolls, the novel, was written by a female author as a way to condemn the mistreatment of women in the 1960s, specifically the mistreatment perpetuated by Hollywood on women in show business. The film adaptation tries to duplicate this commentary, but fails for multiple reasons. The first is that it chooses to save the “good girl” character. In the written work, all three stories ending in tragedy shows how no woman is safe from the effects of the patriarchy. Opting to protect the “pure” character alters the message completely so that it is no longer a criticism but a continuation of the idea that ambitious, promiscuous women deserve punishment and good, virginal women deserve happy endings. In addition, it omits important plot points that provide motivation for the characters self-destructive actions, such as Anne taking the pills for the first time and Jennifer committing suicide. By removing the catalysts, the characters are turned into cliché hysterical women. The film fails to adapt Susann’s novel correctly because it replicates the sensational bits while omitting the message. Unlike the book, the film serves only to entertain and not to critique.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Still Not the Worst Thing She's Worn - Emily in Paris, Episode 9 Recap
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Poster from IMDB
The episode opens with a shot of a bar in Chicago, full of people pouring champagne all over themselves, celebrating the Cubs winning the World Series. It then turns into an advertisement for Champère, and the screen enlarges to show us that Emily is pitching the idea to her coworkers. Now, if you follow baseball, you know that the Cubs last won the World Series in 2016 (and before that, the last time was 1908). This show takes place in 2020 when the Cubs did not make it past the first round of the playoffs. This is all to say that this must have been rough to watch for Chicago Cubs fans and as a bitter Phillies fan, I find that funny.
Anyway, Emily does her pitch. She seems to have ditched the “a bottle to sip, a bottle to spray” tag line in favor of “extravagance accessible.” I prefer the old one. Sylvie thinks the entire concept is tacky, and she’s not necessarily wrong. We also learn in this scene that Sylvie is ignoring Antoine’s calls. While I like that she’s cutting him out of her life, I don’t think she really has a right to be mad at him for picking his wife over his mistress. She knew what the situation was when she entered it.
Emily has a lunch meeting with a woman named Judith from an association called the American Friends of the Louvre. The two talk about hating how the French don’t pronounce the letter "r", and I have to say that there is something about a woman with a Southern accent saying she misses the "hard r sound" that just doesn’t sit right with me. Judith asks Emily if she can get Pierre Cadault to donate a dress for an auction the American Friends of the Louvre is hosting, and Emily says she will try her best.
Emily calls Mathieu to see if he has time to meet, and he ends up inviting himself to Camille's art gallery, where Emily was bringing Sylvie and Luc that night so they could talk to Camille about Champère. The four of them meet Gabriel and Camille there, and when Emily is speaking alone with Camille and Gabriel, Camille says she thinks Mathieu is into Emily, but Emily insists that they are meeting just for work. Emily is just so oblivious, and I hate it.
Mathieu and Emily leave the gallery to get dinner, and Emily doesn't bring up the dress donation (the whole reason for the meeting) until after dinner when they are walking around Paris eating crèpes (I did not know it until I saw it, but this is my dream date). When they say goodbye, Mathieu kisses Emily's hand in a rather suggestive manner.
Emily internet-stalks Mathieu and all his famous ex-girlfriends at work the next day and is interrupted by Sylvie who also thinks there is something suspicious about Emily's relationship with Mathieu, not that Sylvie is in any position to judge about mixing business with pleasure. Speaking of which, Antoine sends Sylvie a gift, which she refuses to open. After she leaves, Luc opens it, revealing the gift to be earrings for nipple piercings. Honestly, Sylvie does seem like the type.
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Emily shows up to the auction in an absolutely atrocious raincoat-dress, but she is still somehow not the worst dressed there. That tile goes to a pair of designers for a brand called Gray Space, who make "avant-garde sweatsuits," a phrase that means absolutely nothing. They're wearing what I guess are "avant-garde sweatsuits" and carrying backpacks that suggest their fashion-muses are Doctors Venkman and Stantz.
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While they are all waiting for the auction to start, Judith gets a call that the model for the Pierre Cadault dress is stuck in Dallas due to a flight delay. Absolutely wild move for her not to call until 10 minutes before the event begins when she's literally on another content and definitely knew she wasn't going to make it way before then. Judith enlists Mathieu to help, asking him to call one of the countless models he knows from working in the fashion industry. Instead of doing that, he uses the opportunity to hit on Emily, saying she should model the dress.
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That she does, being awkward and playfully shy and then becoming super-confident the minute one person bids on the dress. The guys from Gray Space end up winning the auction, and the moment they do, they walk right up to Emily and use their backpack hoses to shoot paint all over the dress. Pierre is obviously horrified.
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The next morning, the story is all over the news, and all the vultures men come to feast check in on her. First Mathieu texts to see if she's alright, seemingly more concerned about getting laid than the PR nightmare she just helped create for the business he runs. Then, Gabriel knocks on her door with a French newspaper, offering to translate the article about her. He tells her she should just skip work that day, which is absolutely horrible advice since she is already on the brink of being fired.
She does go into work, thankfully, where she tries to tell Sylvie this isn't that bad; it brought Pierre Cadault into the conversation, and the articles are just discussing "the old guard vs. the new." Sylvie astutely (and obviously) points out that it is not a good thing to be called the old guard and asks what exactly the conversation is about.
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After a lame-ass confrontation with the Gray Space guys, she heads to Pierre Cadault's place, where she finds him lying in bed with a tray of crème brûlée, which is a move I can definitely get behind. He's actually just smacking the hard tops as stress relief, not eating them, but even that is pretty iconic. Pierre laments that his customer base has gotten older, and he now makes clothes for old ladies, and the younger generations mock him. Emily tries to cheer him up by insisting that Gray Space was not mocking but celebrating him. They chose quite the disrespectful way to celebrate, but okay, Emily. Whatever you say. Emily then presents Pierre with a Gray Space-style sweatshirt with his logo across the front and suggests that the two brands do a collaboration. Pierre hates the idea, as he should, and kicks Emily out of the room.
Emily then meets Mathieu in the entryway, who comforts her with a very familiar handhold. He then says, "do you know what the French did while bombs were falling in World War 2? They made love," and then kisses her. I'm not really sure why World War 2 is being compared to a ruined dress, and I also feel the need to point out that France wasn't really bombed during World War 2, as they surrendered to the Nazis quite easily.
The episode ends with a cliffhanger that I think was supposed to leave us in suspense but ultimately just left me confused. I cannot even imagine what's going to unfold in the season finale.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Seriously, What the Fuck Did I Just Watch? - Emily in Paris, Episode 8 Recap
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Poster from IMDB
I literally cannot believe everything that happens in this episode happens. I honestly may not be able to even write this blog; that's how insane it all was. The episode begins with Emily leaving her apartment at the same time that Gabriel and Camille are leaving theirs, but Emily hides to avoid running into them, meaning we don't get to start our drinking game just yet. Camille then texts her asking if they can meet for lunch and talk about "something important."
At breakfast with Mindy, Emily is sure Camille knows that she and Gabriel kissed (for the second time). Mindy gives Emily some pretty good advice, "just don't kiss Gabriel," but Emily insists that "it's not that easy." It literally is, though? Like, just don't put your lips on his? It's really not that hard? You see tons of other people every day, and you don't kiss any of them, right? Or is Emily just going around and kissing literally every person she sees? I highly doubt it. The conversation moves on to Mindy, who has friends from her old life in China visiting because one of them, Li, is getting married. Mindy is nervous about seeing them again because they don't know that she's a nanny now.
For lunch (did she go to work at all or just out to eat?), she meets Camille at a sushi restaurant, clearly following Mindy's advice to avoid anywhere with steak knives. It turns out that Camille doesn't know about her kiss(es) with Gabriel and just wants Savoir to represent her family's champagne company. Emily says she will pitch it to her coworkers, and Camille invites her to her family's chateau for the weekend to learn more about the company. Gabriel will not be coming because he has to work and is still upset with Camille for asking her mother for a loan to help him buy the restaurant.
When she finally does go to the office, her coworkers are not very interested in the champagne company since it's so small. They then begin to roast Emily about the love triangle she's in with Gabriel and Camille. Without Sylvie, Luc, and Julien, this show would be completely unwatchable.
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In the morning, while loading her belongings into Camille's tiny car, Gabriel shows up, and it's revealed that he is coming because he got the weekend off work. Emily is less than happy since she is still trying to avoid him. In addition, due to their bags, the three of them all have to squeeze in the front row, making Emily sit on Gabriel's lap. As they're driving, Camille asks, "everyone okay?" in a weirdly suggestive manner, and I again have to wonder if there's going to be a threesome at some point. It almost feels inevitable. But then, Camille also says she wants to set Emily up with her brother, so who knows.
At the "chateau", Emily meets Camille's mother, Louise, who is extremely cold to her and speaks French despite being fluent in English, and Camille's father, Gerard, who is naked by the pool, his genitalia covered by a very well placed champagne bottle. Louise sends Gabriel to the market, and he tries to get Emily to join him on the bike ride. Emily says no, as a bike ride on the French countryside to a farmer's market is way too romantic to do with someone who you are trying to avoid kissing, and then Emily and Gabriel get into a fight on whether they can be friends, Gabriel saying it's no big deal and Emily insisting it's best if they keep their distance.
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Emily decides to go on a tour of the winery instead, where she chugs champagne like it's a natty light and she's an 18-year-old named Brad pledging Kappa Sig. She hits it off with the hot tour guide and discovers that he is Camille's brother, Timothée. Every Timothée is hot; this is only the second I've ever seen, but my point still stands. I also must point out how much he looks like Gabriel. But they're from France, not Alabama, so I won't say what I am thinking.
Gabriel cooks dinner for the group, and I have to say that making your girlfriend's chef boyfriend cook you dinner, in your home, on his weekend off, is rude. Let the boy have one night where he's not working. Gerard makes a lot of uncomfortable comments about the taste of Gabriel's coq and eggplant, and Louise lectures Emily that women aren't supposed to touch the champagne bottle at the dinner table, and you shouldn't talk business there either. Then Camille's parents start telling Gabriel that he should accept the money they've offered him, and it gets even more awkward than when Gerard was implying he sucked off his daughter's boyfriend. Emily posts a photo of her and Camille to Instagram, and we learn that her account has grown to 21.7k followers, which is only a 1.6k increase in 3 episodes, so it seems her meteoric rise is beginning to fizzle out.
Mindy texts Emily that they look very "cozy" and then tells her to check out her friend's livestream because she's about to surprise the rest of the bachelorette party. We then cut to Mindy in a jazz club with her friends, who announce that they're there so she can sing again. They reveal that they know that she's a nanny and don't care; they just don't understand why she's given up on her dream of being a singer. They finally convince her to get on stage. She insists she can't and tries to give the microphone back to the MC, but when he tells her no, she starts belting immediately.
Emily watches through her phone, and when the livestream ends, she can hear through the wall that Camille and Louise are fighting in French over the loan to Gabriel. To get away from it, she goes outside to sit by the pool. Timothée comes out to join her with a bottle of champagne. They have a heart to heart, and Emily says she left the US because "there were no decisions left to make, not even wrong ones."
Just when I was thinking this show is actually pretty good, the craziest thing that's ever occurred in the history of television happened. Emily asks Timothée about the difference between a Champagne flute and a coupe glass, and he tells her the coupe was designed using the shape of Marie Antoinette's breasts. Emily then takes the coupe glass and puts it up to her own boob. Timothée, without moving any closer or saying even a single word, reaches out and grabs Emily's other boob. Emily then guides his second hand to her tit that originally had the glassware on it. Seriously. This happened:
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There's then a jump cut to Emily and Timothée having sex, and Timothée is bad at it. I mean, rapid jackhammering and weirdly intense concentration bad. Emily actually tells him to stop and repeats his own advice about drinking champagne back to him, "slow down. You're supposed to savor it." I threw up a little in my mouth.
The next morning, Emily wakes up with a hickey and then joins Camille's family for breakfast. There is a new man there, and Camille introduces him as the brother she wanted Emily to meet. Confused, Emily asks about Timothée, and Camille says Timothée is her younger brother and is 17. Just then, Timothée joins them, kissing Emily and apologizing for her hickey before sitting down. Everyone at the table realizes what happened, and Gabriel has to get up and leave to keep from laughing. Emily repeatedly insists she "didn't know," but I'm not sure how well that would hold up in a court of law. (For those curious, as I was, France currently does not have an age of consent but has a bill waiting to be passed that would set it at 15.)
Louise asks Emily to speak privately in her office. Emily immediately begins to apologize profusely, thinking Louise is going to yell at her over the whole accidental-statutory-rape thing, but Louise says she "doesn't care about all that" and just asks if her son is a good lover. I think Emily's face says it all:
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Emily lies to Louise and says Timothée was sweet and gentle. She then uses the opportunity of having Louise alone to finally talk business since Louise had been dodging her all weekend. Emily comes up with an idea to get rid of their excess inventory, based on an Instagram that Mindy posted of her friends spraying a bottle of champagne over themselves in a club. She pitches the idea of "a bottle to sip, a bottle to spray," and says their champagne could be "the official 'spray' of Paris." I have to say; this is actually genius. Maybe Emily isn't completely terrible at marketing after all? Louise is worried about the legacy of her family's company since it's a little tacky of a pitch, so Emily proposes they create a second label and name it after Louise's husband's nickname, "Champére". Louise agrees, and the episode ends with Gabriel, Camille, and Emily piling into Camille's car to head back to Paris and Gabriel mocking Emily for being a cougar.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Remember Parties? - Emily in Paris, Episode 7 Recap (Spoilers!!)
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Poster from IMDB
While on her way to work, Emily spots Sylvie checking out at a clothing store and obnoxiously bangs on the window to get her attention. Of course, Sylvie is horrified, but she allows Emily to walk with her to the office, anyway. Sylvie tells Emily she's going away next week but won't say where (a gossiping Julien reveals later that it's to St. Bart's with Antoine), but first, for this week, she puts Emily in charge of babysitting an American actress named Brooklyn Park who is hosting an event for them.
At the office, Emily tells Luc and Julien about how she loves Brooklyn Park, who is known for Romantic Comedies. The boys tell her that Rom-Coms are not very popular in Paris because they prefer a "French Ending" — one of tragedy. Julien also says that happy endings are American, which seemed very relevant to this show; it's clearly a very Americanized version of life in Paris, and all the episodes have a happy ending. Luc finished by telling Emily, "thinking you can escape life is your problem. You can never escape life. Ever." Maybe someone should get Luc a therapist?
Emily picks up Brooklyn (Carlson Young) and brings her to her hotel. Emily mentions to Brooklyn that marijuana is "highly illegal" in France, which actually shocked me. I even googled it to see if it was true - it is. France seems like the kind of place that would be really chill about drug use, but I guess not. When they get to the hotel suite, Brooklyn immediately gets undressed. Emily tries to go over the agenda with her, but Brooklyn kicks her out of the room because she "has to" masturbate after a long flight.
Emily has dinner with Camille and Mindy at Gabriel's restaurant. Gabriel comes out to sit with them, and Camille announces that Gabriel has the opportunity to buy the restaurant. Before they can celebrate, though, Gabriel clarifies that he can't actually afford to do so, but Camille counters that he could afford it if he accepted money from her parents. It's awkward.
The next day, Emily takes Brooklyn to Pierre Cadault's dress shop to find something to wear to the party - finding a way to promote one client at a party for another is an actually good marketing idea from Emily. Color me shocked. While Brooklyn is in the dressing room, Emily meets Pierre's nephew, Mathieu. Mathieu tells Emily that he is in charge of the business side of the company, and Pierre did not actually have the ability to hire Savoir for marketing. He agrees to put them on a one-month trial but tells he she has to make "memorable posts". Telling a marketing professional to make memorable content is the equivalent of telling your surgeon not to accidentally kill you; it's literally the main goal of their job.
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At the party, the company hosting, Fourtier (clearly a play on Cartier), makes Emily sign a waiver for the two million dollar watch that Brooklyn is wearing. Gabriel attends the party, but Mindy and Camille are both conveniently out of town. In addition to this, Antoine shows up with his wife. Emily runs off to warn Sylvie, who tries to act nonchalant and asks "who cares", but it's pretty evident that she does. Later on in the night, Emily finds herself in the middle of a conversation with Sylvie, Antoine, Antoine's wife, and Gabriel. The wife (whose name I do not believe was said) plays a trick, saying she was accidentally copied on an email about a trip that Antoine was planning to surprise her with to St. Bart's next week. It is obvious she knows the truth, but Antoine plays along. Sylvie is upset and leaves, and Emily chases after her. When she finds Sylvie outside, she again puts up a stone wall and pretends nothing bothers her. Out of nowhere, Brooklyn appears in a car window, says goodbye, and then drives off, still wearing the expensive watch.
Gabriel and Emily call her driver to find out where she's going and then chase her down at a club. Instead of getting the watch from her and returning it to Fourtier, Emily and Gabriel do shots with Brooklyn and start partying with her. The two dance horribly, like literally the worst dancing that has ever happened, and then they make out. It took literally one shot for her to get to this point. Clean it up, Emily.
Emily comes to her senses and stops making out with her friend's boyfriend. She then notices she has a bunch of missed calls from Fourtier. They call again, and she picks up this time. The man asks her where the fuck their $2 million watch is, and Emily says she didn't know it was supposed to be returned immediately. She is really just too dumb. She goes to get Brooklyn but discovers she has disappeared, still wearing the watch. Emily begins to freak out, but luckily there's a man (Gabriel) to save the day.
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Emily rides on the back of Gabriel's Vespa without a care in the world, but when they arrive at Brooklyn's hotel, she is suddenly an anxious mess again. The man working at the front desk refuses to let her up to Brooklyn's room (she literally had already been up there and knew where it was. Why she didn't just walk right past that guy is beyond me), and the two of them decide there is nothing else they can do and go to get a drink at the hotel bar.
Seated in moody blue lighting, Emily stresses about the very real chance she gets fired the next day. Gabriel tells her that maybe it won't be so bad to lose her job, since now she can travel and fall in love. Do men not realize that women have career aspirations and life goals that don't involve men?
Emily changes the subject to ask Gabriel about buying the restaurant, and he says he doesn't want to take the money from Camille's parents because he doesn't want to be "owned". I have a feeling that he also doesn't want to be that committed to Camille, considering he keeps kissing Emily. Sylvie then finds Emily flirting at a bar rather than doing her job and gets her back on task. The two women go back to the hotel clerk, and Sylvie intimidates the fuck out of him, and he brings them up to Brooklyn's room.
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There, they find Brooklyn in bed with some random guy, and Sylvie grabs the watch from the nightstand. The dress Brooklyn was wearing happens to be tossed on the floor in a perfect flat-lay, and Emily snaps a shot for Cadault's Instagram. In the elevator back to the lobby, Emily confronts Sylvie about the drama with Antoine and his wife. Sylvie says she doesn't want 100% from a man or to give 100% to a man because happy endings don't actually exist. She tells Emily there is no such thing as a knight and a white horse, and as she says this, the two women step out of the hotel to Gabriel, leaning against his pearly white scooter. Sylvie rolls her eyes and walks off.
Gabriel asks Emily if she wants to go share a crepe and watch the sunrise. Her conversation with Sylvie made her realize that she does want 100%, and hanging out with a guy with a girlfriend is not the way to get it. She tells him, "I'm not somebody who can share a crepe. I want the whole crepe." I could not agree more about not sharing dessert. Fuck anyone who asks if I want to split a dessert.
The next morning, the photo Emily took of the dress gets almost 200,000 likes on Instagram, and Mathieu messages her that she "made Pierre Cadault sexy again." I guess she did know how to do her job, asshole. Of course, based on the first 6 episodes of this show, I kind of understand why he was doubtful.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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I Am In This Episode and I Don't Like It - Emily in Paris, Season 1, Episode 6 Recap (Spoilers!!)
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Poster from IMDB
Birds having sex. That is how this episode opens. Shots of birds fucking. We then cut away from this to Emily lying in bed, unable to sleep because Gabriel and Camille are having extremely loud sex. I have heard neighbors through walls and the people above me's bed banging on the floor, but never have I heard the people who live below me (like Gabriel and Camille do to Emily) having sex. They must be really loud. Also, based on this scene, Emily sleeps with full makeup (including lipstick) and her hair perfectly curled. I honestly think the production team wanted this show to be mocked.
The next morning, Emily is again eating at a café with Mindy, who is whining about how her dad wants to buy her a BMW and a mansion. Her life is honestly so hard. She then reveals to Emily that she was on a singing competition show in China, where she failed miserably and became a meme. Not to repeat myself, but I think the show's goal is to be mocked.
Emily gets to work, and we learn that, because they are meeting with an important couture designer that day, she was told specifically to wear all black. At least the show is self-aware with how terrible her outfit choices are. They arrive at Pierre Cadault's studio, and it is clear that his aesthetic is definitely not all black - more beiges and pastels, just like the rest of Paris. I think the writers were thinking of New York when they chose all black; someone should tell them fashion isn't the same everywhere. Cadault comes to meet them, sees Emily's tacky Eiffel Tower bag charm, and calls her "ringarde" or "basic,” and then storms out of the meeting. A bit dramatic, if I’m being honest, but also, the bag charm was pretty basic:
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That night, Emily is minding her own business eating dinner alone when some (not even cute) man begins talking to her about whether a couple at another table is mother-and-son or dating. After a cut to show that time has passed, Emily finishes the story of her meeting with Cadault. The man, named Tomas, says that it is "ringarde" to call someone "ringarde" and then says he doesn't think she's basic - he clearly does not know her very well. He then starts a pretentious speech about known sexist pig, Pablo Picasso, and a bunch of other buzz-word names. Tomas is a know-it-all asshole and reminds me of every guy I have ever dated. Emily is impressed, nonetheless, and sleeps with him. Do better, Emily. Also, while I love Lily Collins, she is not great at acting in sex scenes; it was unbearably awkward. By the way, even Emily's bras have pictures of Paris on them:
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The next morning, she runs into Camille, who tells her that she can hear Emily just as well as Emily can hear her and Gabriel. The fact that they all hear each other, but not any of the other neighbors, is pretty solid evidence for my no-one-else-lives-there theory.
At work, Emily brags to Julien about how Tomas quoted poetry to her, and Julien rightfully says that's boring. As an English major who has had to deal with many men interested in poetry, it's only hot in theory. In practice, it's boring and annoying, and they always expect you to be so impressed that they can quote the same Shakespeare sonnet that everyone had to memorize in High School Brit Lit. Emily then learns that Sylvie is holding a meeting without her and not speaking to her because she lost them the account with Cadault, one of Sylvie's favorite designers. Apparently, Emily is not the only person at this office with no sense of professionalism.
Emily meets Mindy at their bench in the park, and they are again talking about Mindy's singing career. I cannot express how little I care about this plotline. Mindy says she has too much PTSD from her failure on "Chinese Popstar" to audition for a local jazz club, but when Emily asks her to sing for her right there, Mindy is belting in the middle of the park with very little convincing. (Here is the moment where I take a break from my criticizing everything to say I absolutely love Ashley Park's voice. Please go listen to "What's Wrong With Me?" from the Mean Girls Musical soundtrack.)
That night, Emily and Tomas run into Gabriel and Camille outside their building, because of course they do. (It was at this moment that I realized the actor who plays Gabriel, Lucas Bravo, could very easily fill the Armie-Hammer-sized hole we currently have in society.) Being her always-friendly, always-oblivious self, Camille forces Emily and Tomas to go on a double date with her and Gabriel. Gabriel sees right through Tomas's bullshit, which is probably easy to do since Tomas is blatantly rude to Gabriel because Tomas is the type to only be polite to people he wants to fuck. Back at her apartment, remembering her conversation with Camille that morning, Emily tells Tomas that they need to be quieter when they have sex. They are (somehow) even louder than before.
Because the whole premise of this show seems to be that Emily lucks herself into things, while walking to work the next day, she notices in the corner of a sign for a ballet that Pierre Cadault designed the costumes and that opening night is that night. After Sylvie refuses to go with her (and rips up the original tickets), she invites Tomas to join her.
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As she's leaving for the ballet (in an absolutely ridiculous outfit), she runs into Gabriel again. Are you guys as tired of reading that phrase as I am of writing it? We may have to turn it into a drinking game. Gabriel tells Emily the truth about what he thinks of Tomas, calling him "an asshole masquerading as an intellectual." I loved that line. He also tells her that she is "wasting her time with a guy who doesn't deserve her," and um, what exactly is so great about Emily?
When Emily arrives at the ballet and meets up with Tomas, he asks her if he is playing a joke on him by bringing him to see "Swan Lake", which, according to him, is "for tourists". "Swan Lake" is actually my favorite ballet, so fuck him. Emily then has a moment of clarity and finally realizes what her horniness had kept her from seeing the last three days; Tomas is a pretentious douche. (Emily actually said "snob" but I feel "pretentious douche" is more precise). Tomas responds by calling Emily "simpleminded". When he realizes she's offended by this, for some reason, he tries to better the situation by calling her "simple but beautiful". I believe the sound I made at this point would be called a "guffaw". When she still isn't happy, he tells her to go to the ballet, and he'll meet her afterward and "treat her to some amazing sex." She flips him off and walks away, which is actually a lot more polite than how I would've responded in that situation.
She then finds Cadault and explains to him that she always wanted to be Serena van der Woodsen and would buy bag charms because it was the only thing she could afford from the designers that she worshipped. Cadault turns out to be a Gossip Girl fan, which is revealed by having him spoil Gossip Girl. Seriously, he just straight-up SAYS who Gossip Girl is. I know it's been 8 years, but there should've been a spoiler warning or something. I already knew, but what if I hadn't? It was rude. Anyway, the next day Sylvie gets a call from Cadault that he wants a meeting with her and tells her to "bring Gossip Girl". Everything always works out for Emily in the end.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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There Was So Much Crying - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 11 & After The Final Rose Recap
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Image from abc.com
We made it. We finally arrived at the finale of what may have been the longest season of The Bachelor ever. Perhaps not in weeks and episodes, but definitely in years it took off my life. The episode opens with shots of Matt and the two remaining ladies, Michelle and Rachael, all looking very serious. Rachael was even staring pensively off in the distance while writing in her journal. Every season there’s a shot of one of the final girls journaling, and I refuse to believe that that many people keep a journal. I try to journal, and I am good for like two entries a month, and that’s only until I completely forget about journaling for half a year until I find the notebook in a drawer I never open.
Matt then goes and sees his mom, Patty,  and older brother, John, who looked so much like him it was actually distracting.
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Matt’s family first meets Michelle, and Patty starts crying almost immediately. Michelle and John then go off to speak privately, and it was clear that John prepped for this conversation. He had a line of questioning memorized, and they were personal, such as “When was your last relationship?” and “Why did it end?” I think John would get along well with Michelle’s kindergarteners.
Patty then gets a chance to talk with Michelle, and the two of them had an instant connection. Serious bonding happened. Patty starts crying (again) because she is so happy that Matt has found love. I would be remiss if I did not say that if my boyfriend’s mom were crying like this, it would be a red flag for me. Like, why are you this grateful that someone is willing to be with your son? What is wrong with him that you’re not telling me?
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The next day it is Rachael’s turn with the Jameses, and John lays into her just as much as he did Michelle. He hits her with questions like “How many relationships have you been in?” and “Have you ever been in love?” It did not seem like he was as satisfied with her answers as he was with Michelle’s. When Rachael talks to Matt’s mom, they discuss the importance of religion in both of theirs, and Matt’s, lives. Patty cries, and Rachael says that the show is “God’s way of bringing her and Matt together.” God, Chris Harrison, same difference.
After Rachael leaves, Matt gets a chance to debrief with his mom and brother. His mother seems to like both girls, which was probably quite unhelpful for Matt, who needed to decide between the two. She also says that she does not think Matt is ready to get engaged, which was pretty evident at this point. She then goes into quite a speech about how “love ends,” and it’s “not the end all be all.” Patty’s clearly been through a lot, and desperately needs to go to therapy. John counters by telling his brother that he supports him no matter what, but he also shouldn’t jump into a decision if he is not ready.
This whole conversation (understandably) confuses Matt, and he asks to speak with Chris Harrison. He tells Chris that he’s unsure if he’s ready to get married and fills him in on the conversation with his mom. Chris simply replies, “that’s a lot to unpack,” which is a very fitting response. He then tries to talk Matt into it in an attempt to salvage what has ultimately been a complete shit-show of a season. My personal opinion is that if you’re not sure if you’re ready to get engaged, you’re not ready to get engaged. You need to be 100% confident before you get down on one knee. (I also think you need to be 100% confident the other person will say yes, but I won’t get into that right now.)
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The next day, Matt takes Michelle to the top of a building and brings her dangerously close to the edge with her eyes closed. When she does open her eyes, he announces that they will be repelling down the side, and that would be the point where I would break up with him. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t ask her to risk her life. Matt was really bad at the repelling but still took it upon himself to explain how to do it to Michelle, who was having no issues. That night, Matt goes over to Michelle’s hotel room. She gives him a gift; matching “World Changing Warriors” basketball jerseys with “Mr. James” and “Mrs. James” on the backs and he then breaks up with her. She says to him, “just tell me where you’re at,” and he responds, “I don’t think I can get there with you.” Harsh, to say the least.
The following day, we see Rachael getting ready for her own date with Matt. Chris Harrison then knocks on her door, and she is delighted to see him, unfortunately not realizing what is happening. Chris Harrison does not show up with good news. Chris tells Rachael that Matt’s going through some things and doesn’t want to see her today (imagine getting stood up on The Bachelor), but conveniently omits that Michelle was sent home the previous night.
Matt meets with Neil Lane, the official diamond provider of Bachelor Nation. Neil asks Matt if Rachael is expecting a proposal, and he says, “she’s expecting honesty.” Uh, no, Matt. She is definitely expecting a proposal.
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Rachael gets a date card asking her to “meet me by the lake,” which is extremely ominous. Rachael does meet him and gives her pre-proposal speech, which is filled with clichés like, “I’m not gonna run when it gets tough,” and “when you’re hurting, I’m hurting.” Matt then tells her that he can’t propose to her (then why the hell did he get that ring?), but he still wants to “commit” to her. Then they all lived happily ever after. Just kidding, she got exposed on the internet, and the whole show exploded.
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Which brings me to the third hour of the finale, “After the Final Rose”. Because Chris Harrison decided celebrating slavery was defendable, he’s been put in time out, and Emmanuel Acho was asked to step in and host. For those who are not familiar, Acho is a former linebacker for the Philadelphia Eagles (go birds!) and current analyst on Fox. He also wrote a book titled Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man and hosts a video series on topics involving race.
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Emmanuel brings out Michelle first, who looked stunning. She tells Emmanuel that after she was sent home, she asked for two minutes with Matt, not to change his mind but just to get closure, but he refused, which is actually pretty shitty of him. Emmanuel then asks for her thoughts on Rachael’s scandal. Michelle, very tactfully, says that those photos hurt her and that she does believe Rachael has a good heart, but she was just ill-informed and inconsiderate.
Matt then comes out to speak with Michelle. She confronts him over how she was forced to walk away without closure, and he says he wishes he had pushed more for that conversation. This phrasing interested me because it implied that not speaking with her may not have been his choice alone. As Oprah would say, was he silent, or was he silenced? Emmanuel asks Michelle if she still loves him. She says that she still cares for him, and he will always hold a piece of her heart. She also roasts him by saying he needs to come up with more phrases than “thank you for sharing that with me.”
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It is then Matt’s turn to speak alone, and oh boy, did he look tired. It was so painfully clear that he just wanted to be done with this whole thing. He and Emmanuel discuss how he was under extra scrutiny because he was the first Black bachelor and how he is the only representation of a Black man in some of the viewers’ homes. Matt speaks about how other leads would only be asked to find love, but he also had to represent all Black men. Emmanuel asks him how much of the pressure may have been internalized, and Matt responds that the pressure comes from the fact that Black people are conditioned to make people comfortable with their Blackness.
Their conversation then shifts to his relationship with Rachael, and Emmanuel asks what made Matt first fall for her. He says her authenticity, which is a bit ironic in hindsight. Matt then breaks down their trajectory after leaving Pennsylvania. At first, they were in a honeymoon phase. When the rumors started bubbling about Rachael’s past, Matt dismissed them as rumors and just tried to be there for her. He said that “you hear things that are heartbreaking and pray that they’re not true.” When he discovered they were true, he was taken back to growing up in the south and the people and places that made him feel unwelcome. Eventually, he broke up with her. He said it was a tough conversation, but “if you don’t understand that that’s problematic in 2018, then there’s a lot of me you won’t understand.”
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Emmanuel then spoke to Rachael one-on-one. He shows her the controversial photo, and she says she sees “someone who was living in ignorance without thinking who it would be hurting.” Her use of the phrase “someone who” is important to note because she is separating herself from the actions and thus not actually taking responsibility for them. She also says that she never asked herself about where the tradition comes from because if she had, she would’ve immediately realized it was problematic. Remember she said this, it’ll come up later. Emmanuel asks her who is to blame for her ignorance, and she says there is no excuse. This is the point where it became painfully clear that everything she was saying had been scripted and rehearsed a thousand times. Acho also asked her what steps she was taking to educate herself, which she did not actually answer. She said it wasn’t about reading books and watching documentaries (you know, the tools of education) and even said, “we need to take action.” I’m not sure who the “we” she was referring to is exactly because she was the only one on that stage who was photographed playing Slave-Owner.
Matt joins Emmanuel and Rachael, and calling the situation awkward would be an understatement. Matt clearly didn’t want to have to talk to her anymore, and it was evident that a lot more went on during their break up than either of them were willing to say. Emmanuel asks Matt if there is anything else he has to say to Rachael, and he was silent for a long time. They went to a commercial break, and when they came back, he was still silent for a good 10 seconds. I would’ve taken that as a no, but they just kept on waiting. Eventually, Matt says that the most disappointing thing was having to explain to Rachael why the party was problematic. Remember back when Rachael said, “if I had just asked myself where the tradition came from, I would’ve immediately understood it was problematic”? Well, apparently, that was bullshit because in the year 2021, she didn’t, and she clearly fought with Matt about it and defended herself. In addition, Matt tells her that she doesn’t fully understand his Blackness, and she wouldn’t understand that for their kids. He also points out to Emmanuel that he didn’t sign up for this conversation, which I found such a perfect encapsulation of why this entire situation has been so unfair to Matt. Emmanuel asks Matt if the door is still open for a relationship with Rachael, and Matt says that feelings don’t just go away, but she needs to do the work on her own. I.e., Matt doesn’t want to be her babysitter and shouldn’t have to be held responsible for her actions or inactions.
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After a palette cleansing commercial break, we return to a different graphic on the screen, that of The Bachelorette. Michelle and Katie then come out and announce that they will both be the Bachelorette, each with their own season, and Katie going first. Katie’s season will premiere in May, giving us just enough time to recover from this shit show before diving headfirst into the next one.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Congrats on the Sex! - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 10 Recap
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Image from abc.com
After last week’s nonsense, we return to the main plotline with Michelle, Bri, and Rachael all waiting to go on their fantasy suite dates. To be perfectly honest with you guys, I missed the first few minutes of the show because I lost track of time brushing my hair post-shower, and then my TV was being difficult, so I don’t know how the episode started.
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When I did finally tune in, though, Matt was saying that he needed to have an important conversation and then opened the door of his house to reveal his estranged father. Obviously, Matt consented to having his dad invited on the show and having their conversation used for content, but the whole time it felt very much like it should not have been filmed and broadcast on TV. The subject matter of their conversation felt so personal that I honestly don’t feel comfortable commenting on it, so I am just going to give a rundown of what was said. Basically, Matt tells us that he has a lot of fears about long-term commitment because he never saw a strong example of it since his dad was never really around. Through the discussion, it became clear that his father had quite a few affairs and even started at least one other family, but it seemed it might have been multiple. His dad first made excuses based on his own childhood trauma, but eventually, through the course of the conversation, apologized for his past actions. Matt then says in a confessional that this is not a one-time thing and their relationship is fixed, but he felt like they took a good first step. He also says that this conversation helped him realize that he is his own person and he does not have to follow in his father’s footsteps.
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Moving on to the less heavy stuff, Michelle gets the first date of the week. She and Matt go on a Pennsylvania Dutch Spa Day, which neither of them, nor I, who grew up an hour away from the Pennsylvania Dutch community, knew what that meant. When they first enter the room, Matt begins just sticking his fingers in things and sniffing them. Apparently, a Pennsylvania Dutch Spa treatment consists of sticking your feet in oatmeal, smearing butter on each other, and bathing in milk, because that’s what they did. I am not entirely convinced that they were not just being pranked by production. Michelle commented that being in the milk bath with Matt “felt like home,” which did make me wonder about Michelle’s home life.
During the night portion of the date, Matt tells Michelle about his conversation with his dad, and the whole time it was painfully clear how hard he was trying not to cry. Michelle asks the right questions and says the right things, and they grow closer. Michelle then tells Matt that she views him as her person and that she loves him, to which he does not verbally respond but just kisses her. The next morning, they both go on and on about how “happy” they are, and I think we all know what they meant by that. Michelle again tells Matt she loves him, and Matt then, once again, says, “thank you for sharing that with me.” How in God’s name does he think that is a good response?!
Michelle then returns to the other girls and fills them in on her date. It was so uncomfortable and awkward, and I loved it.
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Bri leaves for her date. When she meets Matt, he greets her with a backpack and informs her that they are going hiking. If the girl before me got a sensual spa day, and then I had to go hiking, I would probably quit the show. And I actually kind of like hiking. When they arrive at a clearing, Matt has her pitch a tent, and she starts to freak out that this is where she will be spending the night. Finally, he lets up, and they leave to get ready for the night portion.
Matt tells Bri about his conversation with his dad, and she relates to him by talking about her relationship with her own estranged father. I’ve noticed that all of their deep conversations seem to center around them both having been raised by single mothers, and I cannot help but wonder if that is really enough to build a marriage off of. Also during the night, Bri says she’s in love with Matt, and he does not reciprocate. The next morning, it is abundantly clear that they enjoyed their fantasy suite time, and we see a cute moment of them making breakfast together.
When Bri returns to the main estate, she tells Rachael and Michelle about her time, and Rachael is really struggling. She walks away to cry, and I cannot express how little I cared.
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Rachael’s date consisted of making ceramics, and of course, they did the cliché ghost pose. Matt brings up her falling during their last date again and talks about how much it affected him and put things into perspective for him. I have to wonder if Rachael hadn’t fallen, would he still feel so strongly about her, or if the other girls would stand a chance.
I say the other girls don’t stand a chance because, during the night, not only does he tell her he’s falling in love with her, he says it before she does. The two of them had even said it before, weeks ago. He also talks to her about his dad, and it’s clear she didn’t know what to say because she just repeated the word “clarity” like 20 times. They then go to their fantasy suite, and as they make-out in front of the window, fireworks go off outside. Why did she get fireworks when none of the other girls did? Also, we don’t see any of her morning-after, which I found quite suspicious.
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At the rose ceremony, Michelle and Rachael get roses. Bri makes a beautiful goodbye speech and definitely upped her odds of being the next bachelorette.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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That Could’ve Been an E-mail - The Bachelor, Season 25, Women Tell All Recap
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Seriously, that was exhausting. While we left off with three girls waiting to go to fantasy suites, we have to wait another week until we see what happens next because this week was dedicated to the Women Tell All. Honestly, so much happened that it would be impossible to cover every detail, but I’m going to try my best to hit the main points.
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To begin, Chris Harrison introduces all the girls, and, of course, Victoria is wearing a crown. Already, I was sighing from exasperation. We hit the ground running with the drama, starting with Jessenia vs. MJ. MJ claims that when she got called out during the two-on-one, she owned her mistake and apologized for being a part of the bullying. She seems to have forgotten that we all watched the two-on-one go down on national TV and know that this is blatantly false. Mari, who I don’t think got more than 10 seconds of screen time before she was sent home, inserts herself into the drama. She did this multiple times throughout the night, and I feel confident saying she successfully secured her ticket to Paradise.
We then move on to Victoria vs. Ryan, and Victoria has the gall to ask Ryan if she may just be sensitive, citing all the mean things that have been said about herself online (guilty as charged) and how she just lets it roll off her back. She does mention specific things multiple times, though, indicating that she’s not as above it as she likes to claim. My girl, Kit, then comes to Ryan’s defense, saying it’s okay to be sensitive when mean things are being said about you.
The conversation pivots to Katie vs. Victoria. Victoria says that name-calling is unacceptable (remember, she was the one calling people names), “life is a “learning experience” (a favorite phrase of hers this episode), and that “we’re all facing backlash” (actually, Vicky, the girls who weren’t horrible are probably not). Katie points out that the backlash is karma for how they behaved, which Chelsea takes issue with because it was a little strong. Katie concedes this point and says that death threats and body shaming are (obviously) unacceptable. Chelsea should’ve quit while she was ahead, though, because she goes on to imply that everything was peachy-keen until Katie went and talked to Matt, and she was the one who made the house toxic. If the house chemistry was so great, Chelsea, then what did Katie have to talk to Matt about?
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In an effort to diffuse the drama (or throw gasoline on the fire?) Chris Harrison sends us to commercial break, and we return to Brittany in the hot seat. Her conversation with Chris was honestly heartbreaking. She talked about how she’s usually bubbly and confident but felt wholly destroyed within 24 hours of entering the house. When she got home, she closed herself off and found it difficult to reach out to friends and family. She also mentioned that if you google her name now, the first 20 results are about her potentially being an escort and says she will be defending her name for the rest of her life.
Brittany also says that Anna never reached out to her, and Anna then takes the opportunity to apologize, now that the cameras and the eyes of America are on her. Mari asks Anna her motive for starting the rumor. She says she spoke out of a place of anger and insecurity (duh) but that she had no motive. How Anna thought this was a solid defense is beyond me. Victoria, who has no right to participate in this conversation considering she helped spread the rumor, asks Anna who her sources were as if that fucking matters. Apparently, it was Brittany’s ex-boyfriends. Obviously trustworthy sources of information, because absolutely no one has made up nasty shit about an ex.
To cut the tension, the producers drop in some funny moments from three unseen dates with activities that included pulling rings out of giant boxes filled with bugs, eating a pile of pancakes and chugging beer, playing hide-and-seek, and climbing in a giant hot-tub in the middle of the woods. These dates looked way more entertaining than listening to Victoria say “literally” and “slore” over and over again, so why they were cut is beyond me.
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The next one up is Katie. They begin with her iconic entrance, and Chris refers to her dildo as a “magic wand,” which was a choice. They then move onto her relationship with Matt, and Katie discusses how she always felt that her personality was a lot, and being with Matt was the first time she didn’t feel she had to water it down for a guy. I related to this a bit too much. Chris then asks Katie what she thinks went wrong. She says she wasn’t paying attention to the other relationships, which is how she was so blindsided but watching it back, she realizes that their timing was off and other relationships were just developing faster.
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Abigail is the next on the hot seat, and she discusses all the messages she’s gotten from the deaf community after going on the show. It was beautiful and made me cry. Chris asks her about being so open with Matt about her hearing ability, and she says that she felt honesty was important because she didn’t want to go through the process holding onto her insecurities.
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Peiper, the last girl sent home before hometowns, follows Abigail. Peiper admits that though she never said it outright to Matt, she was “100%” in love with him. She also talked about Matt’s “amazing ability to make everybody feel really special.” She felt that her relationship had the same issue as Katie; she wasn’t paying attention to where everyone else was, and thus got caught off guard.
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Serena P., who just last week sent herself home, was the last girl in the hot seat. She tells Chris that she felt confident going into hometowns and was just looking for her family’s reassurances, which is definitely not what she got. Talking to her mom brought her clarity, just the wrong kind; it made her realize she had been ignoring her gut feelings.
Chris then asks her if she thinks she made the right decision, and she considers it for a minute. Finally, she says she didn’t want to hurt him, but she would’ve been doing him a disservice by staying; she couldn’t give him 100%, and she knew the other girls could. She concludes by saying that she only wishes the best for him and hopes he is happy.
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Finally, Matt shows up, with quite the change in appearance. He is asked about watching the drama on TV and says he never went through it from their side, so who’s to say how he would’ve acted. (I’m willing to bet he wouldn’t have called any of the other men prostitutes, but I guess he knows himself better than I do.) He also says it’s clear that some of the girls had lapses in judgment, but there comes a point in time when you have to be held accountable for your actions. Victoria then talks to him, and, for some reason, she’s crying now. She says that she didn’t appreciate how he ridiculed her after she was sent home. If you’re confused over what she’s talking about, she’s referring to how Matt says he “hopes she self-reflects” after she yelled at him and trashed all the other women. How dare he!
Some of the other girls asked him questions about their own relationships, and none of it was interesting. Then there was a five-minute reel of bloopers that were mostly “you had to be there” moments. The episode concluded with a preview of next week and me taking a huge swig of wine because that was two hours of my life that I will never get back.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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There’s No Place like Nemacolin Resort and Spa - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 8 Recap
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There are only four girls left (Michelle, Serena P., Rachael, and Bri), which means we have officially arrived at Hometowns Week. It somehow feels both like it took forever to get here thanks to the exhausting drama and like we got here way too quickly, thanks to there being 36 contestants and TEN remaining at the beginning of the previous week. Due to that pesky pandemic, traveling across the country (and to Canada) in one week was not an option for Matt, so all the girls’ families had to come to him.
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The first girl up was Michelle. When Matt and her meet, they discover that they are wearing matching outfits, once again proving that they are soul mates. Michelle has planned a bike ride for them, and the producers secured adorable bikes with wicker baskets. I cannot ride a bike and therefore I was quite jealous of how romantic a bike-riding date seemed.
Their ride ends at a huge lecture hall (seriously, what DOESN’T Nemacolin have on property?) and on the projection screen is a zoom with Michelle’s elementary school students. I am not too proud to admit that I cried when I saw this. The children do not hold back at all, laying into him with questions like, “Have you kissed?”, “Do you want to have babies?” and “Are you going to give Michelle a rose?”. There was also my personal favorite to ask when meeting a new guy my friend is seeing, “How many girlfriends do you have?” Matt handled the third-degree like a pro, and the kids seemed to give him their stamp of approval.
That night, Matt met the family, and Michelle’s dad had the best voice I have ever heard. While speaking with his daughter alone, he asks if she would say yes if Matt proposes, and Michelle nods without hesitation. Mr. Michelle’s Dad then speaks with Matt privately and asks him if he is in love with Michelle. Matt responds that he is falling for Michelle, but he is not going to tell her he loves her until he is ready. What Dad doesn’t know, though, is that Matt has told other girls (namely Rachael) that he loves them, so this is a bad sign for Michelle.
After meeting the family, Michelle and Matt go outside to talk one-on-one before saying goodbye. Matt mentions that he is willing to move to Minnesota for her, and she tells him that she is falling in love with him. Matt responds with what Michelle described as “a positive smile,” which I guess is a bit better than the “thank you for sharing that with me” that Jessenia got.
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The next day Matt has a date with Rachael, who, for some reason, decided skydiving was a good idea. As they’re about to board the plane that they’ll be jumping out of, Matt asks, “what could possibly go wrong?” Call me superstitious, but that is just BEGGING for a parachute not to open.
Nothing that bad happens, but Rachael does take quite a tumble while landing (you can see the slo-mo here), which may have been caused by the fact that her guide was a child.
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Picture from Twitter
Matt rushes to her side and has a full existential crisis over thinking she was dead, and Rachael just stares at him like, “Dude. I’m fine.”
Before they even meet the parents, we see her dad expressing his doubts that they could have fallen in love so quickly. Rachael hopes that Matt will ask her dad for his blessing (further evidence that she is not aware that it is not 1950), but it’s probably fortunate Matt didn’t do this since it seems unlikely her dad would’ve given it. When they are saying their goodbyes, Matt tells Rachael he didn’t ask because he doesn’t want to ask everyone’s parents just to check a box (unintentional ricochet shot at former-Bachelor, Colton), but when he is sure, he will call her dad and ask. Rachael is disappointed to learn that the other three girls aren’t being strung along just for content.
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The next morning, Matt meets up with Bri to go off-roading in a neon-green Jeep as a callback to their first date when they wiped out on ATVs. At night, Matt meets Bri’s mother and her best friend, who is also named Bri. I think you can tell a lot about a person by how they react to people with the same name as them. Personally, if I meet another Maddie, I immediately hate them. There can only be one.
Bri’s mom also brought Bri’s newborn sister, and Matt was TERRIFIED of the baby. When Bri speaks with her mom alone, they have a beautiful conversation, and her mom tells her that, worst-case scenario, they’ll be mending a broken heart together. Wow. I fucking love moms. I’m emotional just thinking about that line.
As they say goodbye, Bri tells Matt she loves him, and he answers with another version of “thank you for sharing that with me.” It might be curtains for Bri soon.
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Serena P. is the final date. Her Canadian heritage is very important to her, so she (read: a team of production assistants) creates a mini-museum to teach Matt about Canada. She was adorably excited. Activities included pointing out her hometown on a map, reviewing flashcards of common Canadian slang, and tasting traditional dishes like poutine and nanaimo bars. The date was so cute that I am currently eating poutine as I write this, in Serena’s honor. They finish with a game of one-on-one hockey.
At night, Matt meets Serena’s family. Her mom is wondering what made Matt pick Serena out of 30+ girls. I know my parents would also be like, “why would you pick her?” if I was ever on this show. When Serena talks to her sister alone, she tells her that she is falling for Matt but not yet “in love” with him. Then her sister does what only a sister can do and calls her on her bullshit. The sister tells Serena that she can tell something is missing because Serena clearly isn’t smitten and says she knows this is due to Serena overthinking. Serena then talks to her mom and breaks down, talking about how her last relationship left her with baggage, and now she overthinks everything. She then says, “I want to be out of my head for like five minutes,” and dear lord did I feel that.
The next day, Matt is left with the feeling that something isn’t right with Serena, so he goes to talk to her before the rose ceremony. They have a conversation, and Serena admits that she just doesn’t feel like Matt is her person. They break up, and she then walks him out, like the queen she is.
Now that there are only three girls left, the rose ceremony is strictly ceremonial. Before it begins, Matt admits to the girls that Serena broke up with him (usually the Bachelor spins it to save face) and says that these roses are important to him, so they better take accepting them seriously. All three girls get a rose, obviously, and Bri starts to question why she got the last one and if it means her relationship is in trouble. I want to say she’s just overthinking it, but I do have to consider that he didn’t say he was in-love back. Unfortunately, we will have to wait two weeks to find out, as next week is the Women Tell All. Lord help us.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Mass Exodus - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 7 Recap
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The first two minutes of this episode were the same as the last two minutes of the previous episode, with Heather interrupting Matt and Pieper. When Pieper informs the other girls of what is going on, mass-hysteria begins over the prospect that Matt will ditch them for this new girl he doesn’t know. It is honestly concerning how insecure these girls are in their relationships with Matt when they are preparing to get engaged to him in three weeks. Pieper freaks out more than the others, which is especially bizarre considering the fact that she already has a rose from her one-on-one.
Heather explains herself to Matt, saying that (allegedly) Hannah Brown sent her because she thought they would be a perfect match. I am skeptical of this story, however, because it makes no sense that Hannah wouldn’t have introduced them before Matt even applied for the show. I prefer the (much more plausible) theory that this whole thing was set-up by producers.
Matt tells Heather that he needs a moment to think, and she goes to speak with the other girls, who immediately attack her because of course they do. Chelsea, Serena C., and Jessenia give her the third degree about what she’s doing there, and the irony of Jessenia bullying a new girl (the very thing she condemned MJ for doing) was not lost on me. Ultimately, Matt sends Heather home because obviously that was what was going to happen. But at least Heather secured her spot in Paradise.
At the rose ceremony, Matt sends home Chelsea and (thankfully) Serena C. This leaves only eight girls; Kit, Michelle, Bri, Serena P., Pieper, Jessenia, Rachael, and Abigail. Of those remaining, only Jessenia and Abigail have not had one-on-ones.
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Despite this fact, the first one-on-one goes to Serena P., who gets to join Matt for a class on tantric yoga. Serena P is exceptionally uncomfortable the whole time (which, like, valid) and expresses that she’s not even into standard PDA, which I very much agree with. Matt, who has likely never not had a girl falling all over him, begins to think he is being friend-zoned by someone who gave up ten weeks of their life and came on a reality show to compete against 30 other people for the chance to date him. At night, the two discuss the potential of Matt meeting her family next week for hometowns but don’t seem to actually fortify their relationship in any meaningful way. Matt still gives her the rose, though.
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There seemed to be no day-portion for the group date, as only a cocktail party is shown. In their private discussion, Bri tells Matt how she quit what she referred to as her “dream job” to be on this show. Quitting your job for a man is bad; quitting your dream job for a man you’ve never met is terrible. And if I were Matt, that would be a red flag for me.
Abigail, whose presence on the group date means she will not be getting a one-on-one before hometowns, confronts Matt and asks him if he sees a future with her. He admits that because they had such an instant connection on night one, he got overly comfortable in their relationship and pursued others to the point where they progressed past his relationship with her. Unfortunately, he walks her out and sends her home.
Kit then takes Matt aside and has the exact opposite conversation to Bri’s. She tells him that she has 5-year-plan and wants to focus on her career and traveling before settling down and starting a family. I think it’s fair to say that absolutely no one thought the 21-year-old was ready to have kids. She leaves the conversation feeling confident that she will be getting the date rose.
For some reason, he gives the rose to Racist, I mean Rachael, despite them having spoken about nothing of importance during their one-on-one time. Matt and Rachael then leave the others and attend a private concert of Aloe Blacc, which was shocking because usually, only nobodies perform on this show.
Later that night, Kit goes to Matt’s place and breaks-up with him. She says that hometowns are not for figuring out the relationship, and he deserves someone sure of what they want. Based on their relationship on the show and the way he spoke about her on the “Chicks in the Office” podcast, I genuinely think that she may have won if she had not sent herself home.
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The final one-on-one is with Jessenia, and the activity is “stunt driving.” While the set people did a lot of work to make this date look cool, at its core, it was doing donuts in a parking lot in a Dodge Charger, like they were 16-year-olds from a fly-over state in 2005. At night, Jessenia tells Matt that she is falling in love with him, and he replies with the worst response of all time, “Thank you for sharing that with me.” Needless to say, she does not get the rose and is sent home.
The episode finishes with another rose ceremony with only five girls left. Pieper is the only girl sent home, meaning next week we will be meeting the families of Bri, Serena P., Michelle, and Rachael.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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She Doesn’t Even Go Here - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 6 Recap
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Last week’s episode ended with MJ and Jessenia going on a pre-rose ceremony quickie 2-on-1. As they wait for Matt to arrive, they begin to go at each other’s throats, and he inevitably ends up walking in on their bickering.
Matt speaks with Jessenia first. During her conversation with Matt, she says that MJ is the one who began the drama, which is objectively not true. While MJ was a bully, the actual bullying was definitely started by Victoria and Anna. Jessenia was right to call out MJ, but there was something sketchy about her in this moment. Her whole speech seemed very rehearsed, and her tone was calculated. I don’t know why, but she just comes off as fake to me.
MJ, meanwhile, is crying and calling Jessenia a “little bitch”, which isn’t great for her “not a bully” argument. She then collects herself, fluffs her hair, and declares that she had a “weak bitch moment” and “forgot who [she is] for a second”.
Matt then talks to MJ and says that the person Jessenia described did not match his experience with her. It seems that Matt actually had a connection with MJ, which was shocking since I don’t remember them ever speaking before. I really think the drama this season has overshadowed the actual romance, which is expected to some extent but also annoying when it gets to this point because The Bachelor is a dating show at its core.
MJ gets sent home, and even on her way out, she refuses to take ownership of her actions, instead claiming that Jessenia “sabotaged” her. Jessenia gets the 2-on-1 date rose, but it isn’t shown. I think this may be the first off-screen rose in the history of the franchise. Sketchy. 
Shortly after the rest of the girls arrive, Chris Harrison joins them and tells them the cocktail party has been canceled, and they’ll go directly to the rose ceremony. The last mean girl standing, Serena C (pictured below), then declares that the toxicity in the house never should’ve been brought to Matt’s attention and blames Katie for the lack of time she’s spent with him. As Katie correctly points out, Matt canceled the rose ceremony because he knew who he wanted to keep. If he sent Serena C. home, it was because he didn’t have a connection with her, not because of anything anyone else said or did.
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Image from abc.com
Unfortunately, he does not send Serena C home. Instead, he says goodbye to sweet Magi, who we better see in Paradise, as well as “new girls” Brittany and Ryan, leaving Michelle as the only remaining member of the second batch of ladies.
The next day, Serena C. decides she needs to “confront” Katie. What her actual argument against Katie was, I could not determine. She seems to think that bullying, harassment, and slut-shaming should be allowed to continue if stopping it could affect her chances with a guy. Serena C. contains so much internalized misogyny that it actually makes me miss the #girlboss feminism that this show usually espouses.
After all the yelling (there was a lot of yelling), Serena C. goes downstairs to talk shit and says of Katie, “she came in hot with her sex positivity,” like being comfortable in your sexuality is somehow a bad or shameful thing. This actually makes a lot of sense; Serena C. doesn’t know how to properly masturbate and possibly has never cum. Maybe an orgasm would make her a little more pleasant to be around.
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Image from abc.com
The first date is a one-on-one with Pieper. She and Matt go to a private carnival in the woods at night that looked absolutely magical.
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Photo from Twitter
She opens up to him about having a different love language from her parents, who express themselves through actions instead of words. She explains that this has made it hard for her to open up. Matt says he used to struggle with the same thing, and she gets the rose.
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Photo from Instagram
For the group date, Matt takes the girls bowling. Why you would want to touch communal, uncleanable objects and then eat finger food in the middle of a panoramic is beyond me, but to each their own, I guess. The group is split into two teams, and only the winners will get to go on to the night portion. The girls who lose are understandably upset, specifically Abigail, who has grown frustrated with the process as she feels she and Matt are growing apart rather than closer. Kit has yet another funny one-liner, asking Matt, “what do you want in a wife? A bowler?”
Shortly after the losing team gets home, they are invited back to the date since Matt doesn’t want stupid games affecting his time with anyone. This is a great PR move for Matt with the girls. Also, it suggests to me that there was someone on the losing side who he really wanted to get to talk to…
Michelle, who was on the winning side, gets the rose, but I don’t know why because I don’t pay enough attention to the parts with no drama.
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Katie finally gets a one-on-one, and the “activity” is pranking Matt’s best friend and bachelor nation heartthrob,  Tyler C., while he gets a massage. The two sit in a hidden room and whisper directions into the masseuse’s earpiece like Impractical Jokers, if it was actually mildly entertaining and the hosts were attractive. During the night portion, Katie gets friend-zoned, and we sadly have to say goodbye to one of the only good people on this season.
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Photo from Twitter
Oh! I just realized I forgot to mention this entire episode has been littered with 30-second snippets of Heather Martin quarantining to get a chance to meet Matt. If you’re unfamiliar, Heather was on Colton’s season of The Bachelor, and her storyline was that at 23-years-old, she had never had her first kiss. Colton did eventually kiss her, and according to other contestants of that season, he was not very good at it. But doesn’t everyone’s first time suck, really? So it was fitting.
Anyway, as the cocktail party is beginning, Heather pulls up (in a minivan for some reason), walks right past all the girls, and goes directly to interrupt Matt and Pieper. As soon as Matt sees her, he burst out in laughter. Now I do not judge him for this, as I am also a nervous laugher, but this still cannot be a good sign for Heather. All the girls are angry, but Pieper specifically can best be described as “big mad”. Cue the cliffhanger.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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So Much is Happening All the Time - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 5 Recap
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Buckle up. This one’s a doozy. We begin the morning of the cocktail party and rose ceremony, the day after Katie snitched to Matt. Victoria says to Kit that the new girls have nothing to complain about because she “hasn’t even begun the hazing process yet,” and Kit laughs nervously because she is genuinely afraid for her life. I have no idea what Victoria is talking about because “hazing” is definitely not part of the show. This is The Bachelor, not the fifth choice sorority at a state school.
Meanwhile, fellow mean girls MJ and Anna discuss the rumor about Brittany, and MJ tells Anna that she “did the right thing”. I have no idea in what context MJ could mean that. Did Anna do the right thing when she spread a lie about someone being a sex worker behind their back? Or when she then confronted the girl about the rumor in front of the whole group, ensuring that anyone who hadn’t heard it yet, did now? Or maybe when she continued to make fun of the girl even when she knew it was a lie? Or perhaps when she still didn’t apologize for all of her shitty behavior? While Anna and Victoria are the main villains so far, MJ is right behind them. She becomes more prominent later in the episode, so here’s her picture. Please pretend you’re not super jealous of how gorgeous her hair is.
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Image from abc.com
The cocktail party begins with Matt addressing the bullying and the rumor spreading, and the producers blessed us with a zoom-in on Anna’s “oh shit” face.
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Photo from Twitter
Matt then asks to speak to Brittany privately, and Victoria immediately turns on the group and asks who snitched. Anna realizes that this is obviously about her and repeatedly insists that starting the rumor was “one single comment” and “out of her character,” but I find that hard to believe as we saw her make the comment multiple times over several days.
During Matt and Brittany’s conversation, he does a great job of listening and comforting her. He says he wants to make this a safe space for the girls, and I genuinely believe him; I just don’t think that’s possible. This is The Bachelor, for God’s sake.
Matt then takes Anna aside and gives her a chance to explain, but ultimately sends her home before the rose ceremony even happens. If I were him, I would’ve walked up to her on the couch, in front of everyone, and sent her home right then and there. No excuses, no apologies. Just, “Bye bitch. You’re out.” She leaves (without ever apologizing to Brittany) and says she’s going to go cry in the shower. Honestly, relatable.
In an effort to save themselves, all of the girls who bullied (MJ, Victoria, Serena C.) start denying that any bullying went on, and all the girls who silently watched the bullying start apologizing and saying they had no idea any of this was going on. Do these girls not know that there are cameras, and we watched them sit there and do nothing?
Victoria does apologize to Catalina but laughs through it and insists that it was just playful and not malicious. She actually has the gall to say, “I don’t think you were treated fairly,” as if she wasn’t the one mistreating them. We all heard your hazing comment, Vicky!
Matt wants to check on the other new girls, and while speaking to Ryan, she names names, specifically Victoria’s. She tearfully tells Matt that because she is a dancer, Victoria called her a hoe. In my opinion, “hoe” is not that bad a word. Like the slut-shaming aspect is terrible, but I just don’t feel like “hoe” carries much weight. If someone called me a hoe, I’d be mildly angry. I definitely wouldn’t cry about it.
Victoria, wearing a visible bra as well as granny panties with her slit dress
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goes to defend herself to Matt. Matt, like an idiot, tells Victoria that Katie is the one who snitched. He then brings up the “hoe” comment, which she claims was taken out of context. He asks her what the context was, and she has no answer.
After their conversation, she goes outside to complain to the producers, within earshot of the other girls, about how she is “literally the only girl who can be his wife,” she’s the only intelligent one, and the rest of them (specifically Katie) are idiots, and how she’s so nice and the rest of them are fake and toxic. Trashing them all where they can hear you is a wild move when trying to prove you’re not a bully. She starts listing what she thinks are positive traits about her and includes “spoiled” in the list multiple times. She also asks, “does he want a wife who is creating drama all the time, or does he want me?”
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Photo from imgur.com 
The rose ceremony begins, and Matt gives the first roses to Ryan and Brittany, sending a clear message about the new girls vs. OG bullshit. The girls who get sent home are Lauren, Mari, Catalina, and (finally) Victoria. When it is her turn to say goodbye, she walks up to him and says she feels bad for him that he’s stuck with those girls instead of her for a wife. When he got home that night, Matt probably danced with joy.
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The first date of the week is a one-on-one with Rachael, and he takes her shopping at a store in the resort. She gushes about him “getting” her all of these things. Before she goes all gold-digger, someone needs to tell her that he isn’t “getting” anything; the production company is definitely footing this bill. She returns to the house, arms piled over with shopping bags, and shows off everything she got, including Louboutins. Everyone is jealous. Everyone that is except socialite-Kit, who could not have looked less impressed. Girlie got her first Louboutins before she took her first step.
During their night-date, Rachael talks about having never been in love and says it’s because she struggles with confidence. Matt, who also doesn’t consider himself to have ever been in love, gives her the rose.
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The next day brings a group date. After watching Rachael be gifted thousands of dollars worth of clothes, the rest of the girls get to spend their day shoveling animal shit on a farm. All of the girls complain about being not getting a one-on-one. I am so sick of people complaining about group dates every season. It’s part of the show that you signed up for. Shut the fuck up. Of course, maybe they had a point, proven by MJ trying to flirtily chase Matt with a broken egg, only to catch him full-on making out with Peiper. Yikes.
That night, Matt asks MJ what she thought about the bullying going on in the house. She tells him she was shocked even to learn that there was bullying going on. He responds by telling her that someone accused her of being a bully, and she gets real defensive real quick. She insists that she “leads by example,” which sounds like something a junior-high soccer coach said to her once. It also means absolutely nothing because you could also lead an angry mob to torch a house by being the first to light a match. When MJ rejoins the girls, she asks who said her name, and Jessenia, who looks 12 (as seen in the photo below), owns up to it. Thus begins the newest feud in the house.
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Image from abc.com
Also during the group date, Abigail talks to Matt more about her hearing loss, and opens up about her father leaving after she got her hearing aid. Matt was also raised by a single mother, and relates to her in this way. Abigail gets the group date rose.
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The final one-on-one date goes to Kit. When she gets a date card that implies they’ll be cooking on her date, she cries because she has spoken to Matt about how much cooking means to her. The date consists only of a night portion; Kit goes over to Matt’s house and they bake cookies together. Before she arrives, we see Matt cleaning his home so it’s nice for her, as well as checking his outfit because he knows she cares about fashion. Absolutely adorable.
When she arrives, he tells her that he believes in ordering dessert first, and I think I may be falling in love with Matt. She says how growing up with a famous and successful mom has put a lot of pressure on her, which is not something he, or most people, can relate to. They both talk about wanting to fast forward through the process and just be together outside of the show. They cuddle up on the couch and she gets the rose. Some people online think Kit seems braggy and pretentious, but I really like her. And I think you’d have to be an idiot to not realize that Matt really likes her as well.
The next morning as the women wait to get ready for the night, a date card arrives inviting MJ and Jessenia on a mini-two-on-one before the cocktail party. They ride over in complete silence, but when they arrive they break out in yelling. MJ insists she “preaches peace and harmony” or some bullshit, but the face she makes insists otherwise.
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Photo from Twitter
The show leaves off on yet another cliff-hanger. My prediction is that Matt heard the yelling, sends MJ home on the spot and Jessenia home at a rose ceremony, if not that night then the next one.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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The Girlies are Pressed - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 4 Recap
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Image from abc.com
The episode begins with Matt still coping with Sarah having left. I’ve been thinking about it for the last week, and Matt begging Sarah to stay even after he knew the situation with her father was actually pretty selfish of him.
We then cut to all the girls sitting around and talking about Sarah, the majority of them talking shit. Victoria says of her, “the trash took itself out,” which prompts Katie to tell her to shut up. She then tells all the girls off for talking about someone who is not there to defend themself, which is mostly met with condescending giggles.
Because of Sarah’s antics, the day portion of the group date must have been canceled because the second group date of last week (they cut these episodes so strangely) is only a cocktail party. With a temporary lapse in drama, Matt can actually talk with the girls and seems to be making connections with them. He talks to Chelsea (pictured below) about her having grown up as a black girl in a predominantly white community, the complicated relationship that created for her with her own hair, and her decision to shave her head. As a mixed-race man himself, Matt connects with the story and gives her the rose.
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Image from abc.com
Back at the ranch, Victoria confronts Katie about telling her to shut-up and demands an apology for not being allowed to call people trash behind their backs. Katie, while remaining composed and mature, laughs in her face and stands her ground. It is becoming abundantly clear that Victoria is used to being able to intimidate people, and also that Katie is not someone who is easily intimidated.
The next night, the girls go to the cocktail party and discuss how nice it is to not have drama in the house - how naive! Matt and Kit seem to be clicking, as he comments on how he loves spending time with her. Then, as Victoria is sitting down with Matt, she gets interrupted by none other than Chris Harrison. The producer’s choice to make Victoria the one who got interrupted is why they are truly the best to ever do it.
Chris informs Matt that there will be five new girls joining the other contestants, and never has a man looked more scared and overwhelmed than Matt did at that moment. I honestly would’ve respected it if he had just been like, “no thanks. I’m struggling to remember the names of the women already here, I do not need to learn more.” The first woman that Matt meets is Brittany.
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Image from abc.com
Brittany introduces herself by “making up for lost time,” grabbing Matt’s face and sticking her tongue down his throat. The girls who were watching from the window did NOT like that.
Another new girl, Catalina, is Miss Puerto Rico Universe because we must always have at least one beauty queen per season.
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Image from abc.com
She walks in wearing her sash and a tiara she actually earned and didn’t buy at Party Palace, which destroys any shred of decency Victoria had left in her body. Victoria tells Catalina that she is the “real” queen of the house. (Actually, Catalina is really a beauty queen; you’re just an insecure slob, Victoria.) Then Victoria SNATCHES THE CROWN OFF CATALINA’S HEAD. I gasped. Loudly. You do not touch another girl’s crown. In an effort to get Victoria to give the tiara back, one of the girls tells her that the tiara doesn’t match her outfit. Victoria agrees and then puts the tiara out of Catalina’s reach on the table, instead of handing it back to her as any normal person would have. Catalina proves the statement “she is beauty, she is grace” and doesn’t so much as bat an eye through the whole exchange. (I know she isn’t Miss United States, just let me have this.) The rest of the cocktail party ensues, and the original girls (“OGs” as they have unfortunately dubbed themselves) freak out that the new girls want to meet Matt.
During the rose ceremony, Anna spirals because she still has not spoken to Matt. She also displays the craziest crazy eyes I have ever seen, and I feel comfortable saying that because I, too, can have crazy eyes.
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Somehow, she stays another week. The girls who get sent home are Khaylah from North Carolina (hand up, I called that one wrong), Kaili, who I swear I had never seen before, and one of the new girls, Kim.
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Photo from Twitter
The first group date of the new week is an obstacle course, which leads to some funny (and some bitchy) moments. Magi gets stranded in the lake while failing to paddle a giant pumpkin across, and Chris Harrison had to confirm on Twitter that a producer finally went to help her.
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Photo from Twitter
The course also involved dressing as a squirrel and finding an acorn with your name on it in a pile of leaves, and Anna hides newcomer Brittany’s because she knows people from back home who don’t like her. Mari “wins” the race, but it is not clear what the actual prize is.
At the night portion, Anna finally gets her chance to speak with Matt and has absolutely nothing to say. She blames this on being distracted by Brittany waiting in her peripheral vision. Mad that her time (which she was not at all using effectively) has been interrupted, Anna complains to Victoria and then tells her that she has heard rumors that Brittany is an escort and “entertains men for money.” The only evidence Anna has to back this up is that Brittany “knows rich men.”  Let the slut-shaming commence.
It made me sick to see women tearing each other down and calling Brittany a slut, a whore, and a disgusting mixture of the two, “slore.” I, of course, support sex workers and genuinely believe that that line of work needs to be destigmatized. To make matters worse, the rumor appears to be completely untrue. I genuinely think that crazy-eyed Anna mentally snapped and came up with this bullshit on the spot just to try to “ruin�� Brittany’s life. The truly terrible part is that it will work, to some extent. While many people online are not believing the rumor and are saying it’s wrong to slut-shame whether it is true or not, not everyone in the world is so kind. Lies like this follow women for the rest of their lives, especially when made on national TV.
The group date rose goes to Bri, but because of the slut-shaming drama, the audience didn’t even see her and Matt speak.
The next day Anna tells Brittany the horrible things she said about her, admits that they were horrible, apologizes, but does not explain why she would say something so horrible. Nothing is resolved.
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Image from abc.com
The one-on-one date goes to one of the new girls, Michelle, and she and Matt fall head-over-heels in love, and the show is basically a wrap at this point. The two embark on the world’s most romantic scavenger hunt. They start with zip-lining (I would’ve quit the show at this point), then pop balloons with questions to help them get to know each other and say they want three kids at the exact same time. Finally, they ride (and make-out) in a hot air balloon. The other girls watch them through binoculars from their balcony.
During the night portion, Michelle tells Matt about being a teacher during 2020 and helping her students cope with everything that happened. She relates this to his charity helping underprivileged kids. She then begins to quote Maya Angelou, and Matt finishes the sentence, as it is his personal favorite quote. These two just might make me believe in soulmates. She, of course, gets the rose.
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Image from Twitter
The second group date is a literal boxing match. The girls go out to the woods (why are they in the woods?) to be trained by boxing champion Mia St. John. They only get a couple of matches into the fights, though, because Serana P gets punched in the face, and Matt doesn’t want to see one of the girls he actually likes get hurt.
At night, we see Matt and Rachel speaking, and he asks her what she needs from him to know he wants her to stay. That’s a great sign for their relationship.
We get a cutaway to Anna and Victoria back at the house, calling the other women stupid bitches and dumb whores. They are literal demons, and they need to go.
Katie, who is on the group date, comes to the same conclusion and decides that she needs to make Matt aware of the situation. She finds him talking to a group of producers, who leave to give them time to talk. She tells him that there are bullies living in the house and that some of the women are starting “life-ruining” rumors. She does not name names, which some people online were celebrating as mature, but I think it allows for a lot of finger-pointing and false accusations. Matt declares that he will address it the next day, and the episode once again ends on a cliffhanger. I am cautiously optimistic that this indicates Victoria and Anna will be leaving the house next week. Let’s keep our fingers crossed!
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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What the Fuck Does “Sees My Heart” Mean? - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 3 Recap
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Image from abc.com
This week picked up right where last week left off with Sarah “fainting”. I put fainting in quotation marks because based on how she acts throughout the rest of the episode, I seriously think she may have been faking it. (We all saw Bridgerton, sweetie.) I am not alone in this thought, either, as Anna and Victoria also indirectly accuse her of feigning her faint.
Sarah is totally fine and apologizes to the other girls for wasting time (her first apology of many). The rose ceremony carries on, and five girls are sent home; four irrelevants (Alana, Illeana, Kristin, and Sydney) as well as enemy-of-the-plastic-crown, Marylynn. Victoria’s talking head tells us that now that Marylynn is gone, she wants to get rid of Sarah next. Victoria is like a sniper picking the girls off one-by-one until she is the last woman standing (of course, she might meet a speedbump when she realizes Matt hates her).
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Image from Twitter
The first date of the week is a group date, and to not-at-all-subtly advertise Chris Harrison’s new erotica-novel, the girls are tasked with writing self-insert fan-fiction about Matt. To top it off, they must read it aloud in front of each other, Matt, Chris Harrison, and previous contestant, Ashely I.,  as well as all the other girls who weren’t invited on the date. Katie, the girl who brought the dildo on night one, got really into it, as one would expect, and Victoria’s was so dirty that entire sentences need to be bleeped out. What we did hear included choking and hair-pulling (we do not kink shame here).
Sarah, who was not even on the date but was forced to watch from the sidelines, begins to fall apart. She says it’s hard for her to watch the other girls “be intimate” with Matt. By “be intimate” she means, “stand on stage while giggling over poorly written, nameless, third-person erotica.” I wonder if Kendall Jenner got jealous over fan fiction when she was dating Harry Styles.
The audience girls are dismissed, and we move on to the night portion. Don’t think this is the end of Sarah, though. No, she crashes the group date to tell Matt that him dating 20 other girls is hard for her. No shit. I love how every season, there seems to be one contestant who was not told the concept of the show before they started filming.
Unfortunately for Sarah, she picks the wrong girl to interrupt. Katie takes no shit. First, she goes to the other girls and lets them know what is going on so that they can all join her in being angry. Then, she returns and repeatedly checks in to make it clear to Sarah that she is not stealing all the time. As Sarah is (finally) going to leave, Victoria finds her out front and tells her that it was selfish to interrupt the date.
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Image from knowyourmeme.com
Then, Katie comes out and much more eloquently explains to Sarah how her actions were rude. Rachael ends up getting the group date rose; I don’t even remember her and Matt talking, but I guess they did. Here’s her photo in case you (like me) forgot what she looks like:
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Image from abc.com
 Anna (pictured below) then tells the camera that she has not spoken to Matt once since arriving and blames Sarah for this. It’s been three weeks though, at some point, it’s on you, Boo. She better get her time in at the cocktail party, or it’s curtains for her. 
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Image from abc.com
The next day, Serena P. gets a one-on-one. When Matt arrives, he decides the best way to start a date with another girl is to go jump (literally) into bed with Sarah. Sarah then gives a class on Emotional Manipulation 101 and essentially makes Matt beg her to stay. To call her “needy” would be an understatement.
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Image from abc.com
For the date, Matt and Serena (above) go horseback riding and then have a lovely picnic surrounded by nosy donkeys. It was adorable. Serena teaches Matt how to make the perfect charcuterie board, confirming that she is ready for the influencer lifestyle that comes from being on The Bachelor. Of course, based on his tweet last night, Matt might need another lesson.
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Image from Twitter
During the night portion, they discuss past relationships, and Matt confesses that he doesn’t think he has ever been in love. Serena tells him that right now, she is “falling in like” with him but could see herself falling in love with him down the road. I like her, as does Matt, but this comment does make me worried that she might be too normal for the show. Matt gives her the rose, so she is at least safe for the next week.
Back at the chateau, Sarah, who had been hiding in her room all day, tries to sit down with the girls and apologize for the previous night. They are having none of it. When she remarks that she has made friendships with some of the women, Victoria asks, “who exactly are you talking about?” No one defends Sarah. She attempts to explain why she did what she did and how she is seriously considering leaving, but she also wants to pursue things with Matt. The girls tell her if she does choose to stay, they will make sure she does not feel welcome.
The next morning, Katie finds Sarah crying alone in a room (she put on a full face of make-up to do this). Katie tells Sarah that she needs to make a decision. If she is leaving, she is wasting Matt’s time that he could be spending with girls who are serious about the process. Katie also points out that if Sarah does have a strong connection with Matt, she needs to explore it until its end because Katie does not want Matt wondering “what if?” or to be Matt’s backup plan. Sarah opens up to Katie about how her dad has only a few weeks to live, and kudos to Katie for not asking her why she would even come on a reality show in the first place then.
Sarah eventually decides to leave, and Katie goes to the other girls to fill them in. Without giving any details, she explains that Sarah had other family stuff she was dealing with and that they all should have been nicer to her. If Katie doesn’t win this season, she’s my pick for Bachelorette.
Sarah goes to tell Matt good-bye, and he again begs her to stay (not good for the other girls). Despite her having assured Katie that she wasn’t leaving because the girls bullied her, she tells Matt that she was chased out by some “really nasty” people still left in the house. She doesn’t do him the courtesy of naming names, though, which means the next week or two will 100% be a witch-hunt. Matt then walks her out in the weirdest way possible.
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 As she (fake) cries in the car, she tells the camera that she knows Matt let her go because he “sees her heart”. 
To summarize, the reasons Sarah said she was leaving were that she couldn’t stand watching Matt with the other women and because the other women made her feel unwelcome. Not because of her dying father, just so we’re all clear. Unfortunately, I doubt this is the last we’ll see of her this season.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Who Made You Queen of Anything - The Bachelor, Season 25, Week 2 Recap
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Image from abc.com
As I (and everybody else on the planet) predicted, Victoria made herself the center of attention for the entirety of this episode. We begin with Bri getting a one-on-one date, which causes all the other girls to mope about not getting the first one-on-on, Victoria included. One of the other girls who isn’t interesting enough for me to have learned her name yet tries to be friendly and comfort Victoria by saying, “It’s okay. We’re all jealous.”
Victoria then has an absolutely incredible response; “I’m not jealous; I just want what she has.” For anyone not familiar with this word, “wanting what someone else has” is the definition of jealousy. My jaw dropped at this line. And yet, that was somehow not the most shocking thing Victoria did in this episode.
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Image from abc.com
Bri’s date was pretty boring; the two ride ATV bikes, and the rest of the girls watch them leave from 10 feet away. I live for this type of awkardness. They have a staged fall in the mud, then Matt chops wood shirtless, for some reason (I am not complaining), and I think there may have been a hot tub, but honestly, I was making myself a sandwich during the day portion of the date. During the night portion, the two bonded over both being raised by single mothers, and Matt gives her the rose. Overall, pretty blah date.
Back at the ranch (i.e., the “chateau” the women are staying in), the drama starts. Victoria, out of nowhere, decides to pick a fight with her roommate, Marylynn, for a reason I cannot figure out. From what I understand, Marylynn told Victoria that she wanted to get to know her better since they were sleeping in the same room. Victoria somehow interpreted this as “bullying” and decides to sleep on a couch in the living room instead of having to share a room with someone so evil as to ask her what she likes to do for fun. Marylynn will come back up later in the episode, so here’s a photo of her for those who may not remember who she is:
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Image from abc.com
The next date is a group date of 18 girls. Usually, even at the beginning of the seasons, group dates max out at around a dozen people per date. Immediately, I knew this was going to be intense. The date begins with the girls getting into wedding dresses and taking fake-wedding photos with Matt. While this may seem insane to a bachelor-nation newcomer, this date actually happens every season. Victoria and Matt’s photo is laugh-out-loud funny and makes it abundantly clear that she is a producer plant:
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Image from Twitter
While the photo shoot is going on, Chris Harrison emerges to announce the second half to the date; the girls are split into two teams of nine for a Hunger-Games-style round of Capture-The-Flag, and only the winners will go to the night-portion of the date. The producers clearly expected the girls to be a lot more vicious than they were; it was mostly giggling and flailing and over all boring.
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Image from abc.com
During the cocktail hour, Lauren bonds with Matt because of the importance of religion in both of their lives. If you watched The Bachelorette last season, you will know that Tayshia broke up with one of her final three because their religious beliefs did not line up, so Matt giving Lauren the rose here seems significant.
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Image from abc.com
The third date is another one-on-one with Sarah. The day-portion consists of them flying around in a bi-plane and landing in the middle of the woods. If it weren’t for the camera-crews and producers, Sarah probably would have been terrified she was about to get murdered. During the night portion, She tells Matt about how she quit her job to become a full time caretaker for her dad who is dying of ALS. This is a moving moment, but, as my mom and sister pointed out to me, it is a bit overshadowed by the fact that she is spending a portion the six-months her father has left to live on a reality show. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and say maybe she is trying to expedite the marriage process so that he can be there for her wedding. That sounds believable, right? Maybe? Anyway, Matt deems her trauma-dump worthy of a rose and she gets to remain for another week.
The next evening at the pre-rose-ceremony cocktail party, shit hits the fan. While having some private time with Marylynn, Matt presents her with orchids because he remembers they are her favorite flower. (Note: it is not common for the bachelor to do things like this.) Marylynn then rejoins the girls who, obviously, ask her where she got the flowers. She politely and humbly explains, and Victoria’s brain breaks. She rushes to go sit down with Matt and tells him that Marylynn is “toxic” and “bullying” her, but does not give any proof (because she has none).
Matt then speaks to Marylynn to clear up the situation, and, I think, realizes that nothing Victoria said makes any sense with Marylynn’s gentle personality. Marylynn is, understandably, upset and then tries to take Victoria aside so they can discuss their issues. Marylynn handles the situation politely and maturely, and Victoria refuses to let Marylynn even sit next to her on the couch. Even in the face of this ridiculousness, Marylynn still manages to stay calm and collected. Marylynn is impressively nice and I will be truly pissed off if she gets sent home because Victoria dragged her into made-up drama. That being said, Marylynn may be too well-adjusted to be on this show.
The rose ceremony starts, but in the middle of it, Sarah faints. The producers take her aside and Matt goes to comfort her and the episode ends on a cliffhanger. The Bachelor does a lot of lame cliffhangers, but this might be the worst. She already has a rose, so they’ll likely let her sit out of the rest of the ceremony and give her a glass of water and we’ll be on our merry way. Still, there are just things that go together; peanut butter and jelly, cookies and milk, The Bachelor producers and manufactured drama.
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girlsgonemildblog · 3 years
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Influencer 101, but None of the Information is Correct - Emily in Paris, Episode 5 Recap (Spoilers!!)
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Poster from IMDB
I think this show may be good. The jury is still deliberating, though, so I will let you know. The episode begins with Emily and Mindy at a café, and I would be remiss if I did not mention how cute both of their boots are.
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Emily accidentally orders condoms with her breakfast, and the waiter is quite rude about it even though he knew what she meant. (Can you believe I am defending Emily? Who thought we would see this day?) The two girls then begin discussing the love-triangle Emily has found herself in with Camille and Gabriel when Camille joins them. Talk about awkward.
At the office, Emily knocks on Sylvie’s door as she enters, and Sylvie explains to her that she needs to wait for a response before entering. I am 120% on Sylvie’s side here; I’m currently staying with my parents, and the room I am using as an office has a closet full of files for my dad’s business, and he always does this. He even once asked me why I don’t say “come in” after he knocks, and I had to explain that it is because he doesn’t give me enough time.
Anyway, the two of them, with Julien and Luc, discuss campaign ideas for the mattress company with whom they are working. (Antoine is not in this episode, thank God.) Luc suggests making an innuendo to the sex position, the Eiffel Tower. Where exactly he thinks you can post ads with an extremely explicit sex position is beyond me.
Because Emily’s Instagram account now has 20.1k followers (followers do not grow that fast, but ok), she gets invited to an influencer lunch for a cosmetic company called Durée. The CMO of the company, Olivia (Xanthe Elbrick), apparently has beef with Sylvie, but there is no explanation of what it is. Olivia invites Emily to speak with her and tells Emily that Durée does not work with a marketing agency but instead relies on partnerships with influencers. I probably don’t need to say this, but that’s not how influencer marketing works; you still need an agency to help with that strategy, fostering the relationships, writing the copy for the posts, and planning the events like the one Emily attends.
When Emily arrives back at her apartment, she runs into Camille and Gabriel (I am convinced that every other apartment in that building is vacant), leaving for a date, and Camille insists she comes with them. How does Emily not just say she has a migraine? Even if you’re not attracted to and haven’t kissed the boyfriend, who wants to be a third wheel? They seem to have fun on the date, though, and I’m starting to suspect that there’s going to be a threesome at some point in this season. They end up at a gallery projecting Van Gogh’s works on massive walls, and Emily comments that “Starry Night” is one of her favorite works of art. Camille tells Emily that Van Gogh painted it while in a mental institution, to which Emily replies she didn’t know about Van Gogh’s nervous breakdowns. Not knowing the history of one of her favorite pieces just fits too well into Emily’s characterization. She is just so dumb.
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Photo from IMDB
They sit down against one of the walls, Emily sandwiched in the middle, again laying the groundwork for a threesome in a later episode. Camille sees someone she knows, leaving Emily and Gabriel alone, which allows them to talk about their kiss. When Emily notes that Gabriel kissed her back, he asks, “this is the normal reaction, no?” and let me just say, Fuck No! Pull away from her, push her off of you, do something, dude!
While we’re on the love triangle subject, I want to note that I love that I like Camille. I said in my previous recap that I am sick of the girls-fighting-for-a-boy trope, and one staple of this trope is that the “other woman” is a bitch. It would have been easy for the writers to make Camille the cliché snooty, anemic French girl-type, but they chose not to do that. Camille is sweet and the type of person who goes through her new friend’s Instagram and likes every single post. If there has to be a love triangle (which, for interesting plot purposes, there kind of does), I am glad it is one like this.
The following day, Emily gets a lunch meeting with Olivia from Duvrée and is again wearing gorgeous boots.
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Have I been sleeping on Emily’s shoe collection? Olivia makes Emily an offer to be her brand ambassador, and Emily explains why this is a conflict of interest. Olivia leaves (despite not having eaten yet) by giving Emily an ominous warning about Sylvie, which is entirely unnecessary because we have met Sylvie and know she can be a bit of a bitch (I say this as a compliment).  
When Emily’s team meets with the woman from the bed company, she pitches an idea of placing their bed in iconic spots around Paris, such as the Louvre. She has no way of getting the Louvre to agree to an ad campaign in the middle of priceless art, as Sylvie later points out, and as is proven later in the episode, but the client loves the concept regardless.
Sylvie and Emily then get into an argument over the emilyinparis Instagram account. Sylvie is correct that Emily should not be posting ads on her account for free, but wrong that the account should be deleted. What they should be doing is using the account as a tool and charging people for Emily’s posts.
Mindy and Emily meet for dinner, and Mindy insists that Emily should sue because her boss can’t make her delete her account. Your boss definitely can make you delete a social media account if you are not representing the company well; the difference is that in this instance, it is not a good idea. The two of them then get drunk and go all over the city as a last hurrah for the account, and literally, who cares that much about an Instagram account? 
At the end of the night, Emily, of course, runs into Gabriel at her building. As they are walking up the stairs, a slow indie beat plays that very much suggests that they’re about to have sex. Gabriel stops Emily to tell her that he also “felt something” during their kiss, to which Emily replies, “Good night, Gabriel,” and goes to bed. Good for Emily! Though I was excited about their kiss, and do want them to get together, the circumstances are not the best for Emily, and I’m glad she had the self-respect to stop what was happening.
The next day at work, Sylvie tells Emily that the bed company saw her posts from the night before, wants to put the bed in one of the locations she visited that night and wants her to be the first post for the campaign. What a great idea to use her Instagram as a marketing tool, I wish I had thought of that. Camille ends up being in this photo, which Emily captions, “#getinbedwithus”. Gabriel likes the picture with a look on his face that suggests that he, at the very least, is interested in the threesome.
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