#im just so sick of doing and feeling bad

[silenthillbunni]

.

#im just so sick of doing and feeling bad #im stressed af for my schoolwork. bc all my energy goes to dealing w my anxiety and i barely have energy to do my work #i NEED to talk to someone bc im doing so so bad. but i've contacted my healthcare center & the psychiatric #but everyone just sends me on to the next place bc they cant help me :// so now im stuck waiting for this new clinic to contact me. #and with my health issue.... i need to wait up to 3 months to get an appt with a surgeon. then wait 3 months for a surgery appt #i might not get rid of my gallstones problem until april next year ._. #and bc of my gallstones i cant eat much at all. so im losing sm weight. #im actually so worried abt it bc i already feel weak and tired. and dizzy and ice cold. i will literally turn into a skeleton.... #and like it feels so lonely when i realize nobody cares. i contacted my healthcare center and said i was worried and dont know what to do #but all they said was 'yeah... u just gotta wait' #so... i need to prepare that i wont be able to eat or drink for another 6 months before surgery :D #this next phase in my life is gonna suck so fkn bad and idk how to get thru it #i just wanna feel ok. have energy. be able to eat and drink whatever i want. not be in pain. i wanna move forward not be sick

[puppyeared]

Why are ppl scared to call it what it is and say we’re still going thru covid on top of seasonal illness. Like. That’s pretty important right. I was watching the news and they were like oh yeah we have an unprecedented number of flu cases “as well as other sicknesses” without actually saying Covid. No announcement abt vaccinations or masking or anything. Also if I hear someone joking abt “war flashbacks” for mentioning covid I fucking hate u

#source: most of my family members are nurses and it was so bad for one of them they had to be put on a ventilator. in the hospital they #worked at. looking back I think I had a reason to feel a little offput by the shows of support early pandemic #with people tying blue ribbons around trees and lighting signs blue to support healthcare workers #I get that it was supposed to be moral support when we couldn’t do anything but follow health advisories #and it did matter to make them feel uplifted and do something than nothing. im not gonna deny that #but. you can still help now. u know that right. you still have a responsibility here #u can still mask up. u can still get vaxxed and call in sick to avoid infecting others #don’t leave it on healthcare workers to pick up the pieces just because they were doing it before. do u think they had a choice? #nobody likes picking up the slack for someone else and now that we have more tools to do smth couldn’t we just. do it???? #im not a virologist but i also feel like continuing to let it get worse by letting more mutations develop #could continue to set us back since this virus is pretty good at fucking us up long term and finding new ways to do that #while there are ppl still researching covid which is STILL A RELATIVELY NEW VIRUS. and studying possible treatment and cures #yapping #vent

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

#‘queer people were banned from and shamed for having sex and that’s where a lot of our activism stemmed from’ and #‘not liking or having sex is considered abnormal and a mental illness and also needs to be destigmatized’ are concepts that not only can but #often do coalign #it’s esp important to consider that a lot of lgbt ppl who have a tricky and strained relationship with sex are like that because of trauma #which is very common for queer folks #it’s really not an ace-only thing #like i am sex repulsed but it’s very hard to discern if it’s because i’m asexual or if it’s the trauma. either way i deserve to have those #feelings and be included in lgbt spaces and discussions about sex and treated as just another queer person with a different experience #instead of being alienated because my feelings about sex don’t directly line up with yours #im so sick of people in this community trying to pit us against each other. as an ace lesbian that shit is so toxic and harmful #my relationship with sex is fluid. im sex-positive always‚ but i often find myself sex repulsed. im otherwise neutral about it but im sick #of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan #and it’s often aphobes who bought into that ‘aces are puritanical celibate straights who want ppl who have gay sex to die or think they’re #‘dirty’ or some shit. and it was literally 90% crypto-aphobes pretending to be aces to get people to adopt that into their belief system #the same way crypto-t/rfs pretend to be trans women who want to prey on the ‘innocent women’ #and y’all will use those posts/screenshots as ‘evidence’ that whatever scapegoat you’ve selected is actually inherently bad/homophobic/ #misogynistic/etc and not even #acknowledge the giant hole in your logic cuz you’re too busy trying to find a scapegoat #it’s the same tactics and y’all fall for it every time #text post #like. lesbians are CONSTANTLY getting hounded and told that we’re broken or mentally i’ll for not showing interest in (having sex with) men #for the same reason asexuality is considered bad or wrong or weird #not showing interest in heterosexual relationships or sex is why this is so important #anyone that falls outside the scope of heterosexuality is part of this community whether you like it or not

[oh-katsuki]

DENJI, AKI, POWER - Chainsaw Man PV 2

#chainsaw man #csm edit #csm #denji #power #aki #NFBVNJKREABRHJE FINALLY #i love them so bad look at them?? #i MADE GIFS OF THEM #sick bc ive never actually made gifs before #but here they r #this rly is gonna change my life i think #ive seen the top of gifed a bunch of times already but i'd feel weird not doing it myself #so just for good measure i did #since im not sure how... gif ettiquette works #this blog is minors dni :))

[transmechanicus]

Really fucked up that two ppl can care about each other and make their best efforts to communicate and still end up hurting each other so badly they cannot stand to be in the same room.

#my stuff #i feel soooo bad talking to my therapist about the same topics over multiple weeks #like i feel like they're sooo sick of it like damn can this bitch get Over It alreadyyyy #hi yes actually can we talk about the near catastrophic sense of betrayal and loss that has haunted my soul for over a month? #can we talk about how I overcompensate for other's possible feelings and emotions to desperately mask my terror at feeling out of control #can we talk about how even when I know ppl acted with logical reasons necessary for their situation it still hurt me? #and that this pain fills me up with so much anger and frustration that I'm powerless to put anywhere that won't hurt someone #so it just cooks me inside and makes me grind my teeth constantly for weeks #im so angry i did not deserve to be treated like this it's not fair and I have no capacity to fix it or control when it feels better #i just have to survive and wait until i forget about it and hope they don't decide to reach out and fuck it all up #cause i can see that happening #i'll finally be free of thinking about them and generally going about my day unbothered and they'll ask to get coffee or something #and I have no idea what I should do in that scenario. because I don't think we can be friends. #and you have not treated me with the compassion and warmth I treated you #i would want to say mean things. hurtful things. I would want to bite back for once. #and that's not me. that's not who I want to be. #i don't wanna see you. go away. don't talk to me if you're not going to make the pain go away.

[phoebespenglers]

can we please stop telling people to kill themselves and to rot in hell and that they deserve to be bullied and that they are inherently horrible people who deserve to die and get doxxed. please. can we please stop doing that.

#like #okay first of all. do you understand the gravity of what youre saying or are you just throwing words into sentences #second of all. that kind of language is so fucking harmful for people with ocd or just obsessions with morality #because i mean not to make this abt Me (though this is kind of a vent ) but when i see people saying that it just. Sends me into spirals #because if people can say that to other people then what if they say it to me because i secretly believe the same things (even if i don't #-most of the time!) #what if im an inherently horrible person deep down? am i going to rot in hell for feeling slightly bad for this person? #i cant imagine that others dont feel like this or something along those lines. #im so fucking sick of death threats they do nothing. they do fucking jackshit except make more people feel terrible. #if you send death threats to people or say shit like this im blocking you. i dont want you in my space #bee.txt #moral ocd #scrupulosity

[nostalgicsneeze]

this is the only website i post art nowadays and i’ll keep doin it but DAMN…

#is there anywhere thats GOOD!! #and i just really dont like twitter anymore or anything with the same set up (bluesky) #its just so bad for art because there is basically no tagging system and everything is too fast paced for me #like im curious artists/writers where do u actually enjoy posting these days ? #tumblr is the only place where im actually happy to be and doesnt make me feel like my brain is rotting and YET… #but honestly what big site isnt selling your data #oh well i’ll be here unless it fully crumbles #i think i’ll start posting on youtube more this year too because im just sick of all these fast paced social medias i wanna take it sloww #and none of this AI shit pleaze #anyways ill be on here and youtube posting art whenever i have it ❤️👍 we’re taking it slow from now on forever and always #dont let all these places get to u. be human or whatever #give ur art a kiss

[starjunkyard]

"Im not even sure anymore if we get to choose who our friends are" There is a part of me that resents you for making me a worse person than i want to be but i am inexplicably uncontrollably drawn to you. You make me a worse person which is the last thing i want yet i want you in every way. If i could leave i would. Maybe i can but i dont want to. I have fun with you. You challenge me and you captivate me and you push me and pull and run circles around me and it makes me feel like a younger man. For the price of being a worse person i get to feel truly, wholly alive. You are the blood that runs through my veins; vital, inseparable. I was reborn when i met you and you are the womb that haunts me. You are the one person on planet earth who knows me. I wish i could leave, move on and be the man im supposed to be but my heart is tied to yours in a gordian knot. There is a part of my soul that rests in yours, magnetic. For as long as i love you i cannot be better than i am. But maybe thats something i can learn to live with. Gregory House-- I think you're worth it.

#house md #james wilson #gregory house #hilson #johan being crazy about yaoi md #johan's mindpalace #Im crazy #like im tearing up #this scene is so romantic it genuinely makes me nauseous #the lowlight setting the lingering stares the soft little smile a dam thats finally broken #I need a 12 gauge bullet in the thigh #Please watch this scene screencaps do not do it near enough justice #do you know whats so genuinely actually sickening #its been months since i finished house md #and i have not watched a single show that has managed to fill even a quarter of the gaping bleeding hilson shaped hole in my heart #shows that have actual gay people actual representation and not a single one has managed to alter my brain chemistry the way hilson has #since day 1 episode 1 #Like its actually nauseating a little its so over for me for the rest of my life #Like im actually never recovering #people say “they dont make xyz like they used to haha” But Guys they Genuinely dont #Im going through withdrawls #I need my yaoi cocaine so bad but my plug died 12 years ago and i cant fucking Move #House md capital of fatphobia homophobia transphobia early 2000s edgy humour outshining modern shows with actual rep like im sick #Its not even because i want to like i feel like there are worms in my brain. I feel like ratatoullie if the rat was evil #This is not what the stonewall riots were for #I feel like so nausous why couldnt i be crazy about an actual gay pairing like a normal gay person. Im gonna throwup #Why couldnt i like music and girls #Its not even that house md is objectively logically better than these shows like no. Im just crazy #Im so sick they make me so sick i feel like there are worms in my head. My head #Dont know when i will ever be onorlmal again. Sorr

[235uranium]

I haaaaate when ppl treat ford being upset over his identity being taken and his house getting turned into essentially a mockery of his research was completely unreasonable

like, was stan doing his best with a terrible situation? absolutely! would ford kicking him out be an actually fair option? fuck no!

but he's been in this dimension for probably 12 hours. god knows the last time he's slept. he'd been nearly dead prior to going thru the portal and now has to deal with the fact that he's lost everything. he doesn't even have his own identity anymore.

I honestly don't even think half the shit ford says to stan is truly about stanley or ford's opinion of him, so much as it is about his own issues and how weighed down with guilt he is.

I think its worth noting that ford only ever says mean things about stan when he's pissed off- when he's not angry, he's much more willing to actually discuss things and try to find common ground (such as when he invites stan to play d,d&d).

it honestly comes off more as him not knowing how to communicate anger outside of hurting people than it does genuine malice towards stan. and also I don't think ford ever really internalized that stan was homeless in the duration of the show

#☢️.txt #ford pines #gravity falls #like again its an asshole move but the sentiment (im upset that you brought me back to the apocalypse i caused and i cant even have my name #isnt like. abnormal?? #ford is really really bad at just fucking telling stan how hes feeling and instead chooses to be vague and then explode #and again its not stans fault! he didnt have a whole lot of choices! and what ford said WAS hurtful #also yeah i genuinely do not think ford has processed like anything stan has said about his past #like hes told about it while having a psychotic breakdown and again after nearly getting killed #and then getting dragged back into his own dimension and realizing that bill is almost certainly going to win #hes not processing 'i was homeless' all hes thinking is how he personally has doomed everyone in this room #he has the realization at 4 am months later and feels Fucking Terrible #90% sure the reason i read his actions this way is my autism tends to make me do this #and having a dad with anger issues teaches you to have worse anger issues so that hes fucking sick of dealing with you

[edsbacktattoo]

we really need to stop making people feel guilty for fucking everything. “stop sketching with a pencil and don’t use an eraser,” “stop brushing your teeth with a regular toothbrush,” “stop using so much detergent in your washing,” etc etc. we’re all just trying to make it until tomorrow. be lenient with yourself and others this shit is hard and all these rules are fucking arbitrary.

#IM SO SICK OF ITTTT #i watch one (1) instagram reel #i deleted tiktok bc it was so bad for this #and i don’t want to have to delete instagram but i may have to #like just be fucking kind to each other #i’m frustrated ignore me #the sketching one really got to me tbh #stop making artists feel bad for doing literally anything #we are all just trying to survive and that shouldn’t be a sin #i may delete this later i just have to Scream

[pansyfemme]

i think this time of year is cursed

#last year i got horribly sick and depressed #this year i had to flee my dorm and miss classes to keep myself safe from harassment until i could work out moving times #im so fucking angry i am fuming i am furious i want to scream #i did absolutly nothing to deserve this. this wasnt a mutual argument this wasn’t a bad roomate thing this was a person using the fact that #i am a traumatized trans person to intimidate and harass me and make me feel unwelcome in my housing #i feel sick with rage. #im well liked on campus im doing fantastic in all my classes i am doing everything i can #and one person decided he hated me and fucked up my entire semester #the good thing is i am never sleeping there again. i am not returning to that dorm until i am there to move out and i am greatful #but im just so upset about the whole thing. #everyone on campus agrees i did nothing. that i didnt cause this. but i still have to carry the burden of moving #he will be talked to and i dont think he will ever feel welcome on campus after this but i am so angry he thinks so little of me he thought #he could make my life hell and face no punishment for it.

[jvzebel-x]

#i am so tired. i cant do a description right now im sorry. :// #this entire case is just. im so tired of hearing this story over and over and over and OVER again. #these murders took place in 2010 iirc. these details are heinous&im so disappointed w the level of numb i feel toward it. #i am so fucking sick of hearing about just how little our lives as sex workers matter. i am so fucking tired of these stories. #undescribed #(the article is behind a paywall otherwise i would link that too. but also checking out decrimsexwork is never a bad idea.)

[skeletons-in-ur-closet]

how do i make myself unattractive to all men forever

#i seriously cant man #so recently ive had a few conversations at work with this one dude right #and hes chill we got a few things in common #and yesterday he asked for my ig and for some reason mine wasnt popping up #so i just gave him my phone so i could follow his acc #tell me why this man added himself as a contact to ym phone without asking and texted me after my shift #and then tonight he sent me the fuckin two eyes lookin to the side emoji after i didnt reply to his last message at 11 pm #keep in mind hes 32 #idk i just hate when dudes flirt w me bc it makes me feel so nauseous and uncomfortable like STOP LOOKING AT MEEEEEE #its probably just bc im a flaming lesbian BUT STILL!!! HOW DO I STOP THIS!!! I HATE IT it makes me feel so sick everytime #then i feel bad but at the same time leave me aloneeeee bruh

[napping-sapphic]

I’m not cut out for even slightly more intense health issues than my usual stuff yall so here’s my will for when i die of feel too bad disorder: i’d like to dedicate my few life achievements to all the sapphics out there and also they can have all my stuff i guess

#i did not go to a doctor yet because i was better yesterday #and it is now worse again!! rude!! #now i have to consider going today🙃 #i do have a few general health issues but i don’t ever get sick or anything #so now im an absolute WIMP when it comes to feeling bad #im ready to fight whoever invented feeling bad cause it is not fun!! #also ready to pass away so pls enjoy my objects i love them a lot #you guys don’t get to have my books though please bury them with me as my final request #you can however keep my degree which is useful as tinder or perhaps a part of a decorative stack of useless papers #this is a joke and im over exaggerating and probably fine btw #just some things acting up probably not anything bad or serious #however the only thing im yearning for rn is for this to go away #so probably won’t have enough yearning for women to make many posts #unless i find some in my drafts or some such #idk #but i wanted to post about it since i know sometimes radio silence gets yall worried #so!! im good just going through it lol

[puppyeared]

for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........

#MOTHER FFFFUCKER #to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants #im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night #at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn #to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS #the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori #but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey #consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!! #just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick #outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to #animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better #at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH #i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc #im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over #where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands #there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE #ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles #but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your #health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!! #im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves #also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet #im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to #have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to #to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up #their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ #yapping

[colesstar]

”STOP it doesnt matter if this doesn’t fit your theme REBLOG blah blah”

yea well actually

I REALLY DO NOT CARE PLEASE STOP GUILT TRIPPING ME I AM OVERLY EMOTIONAL ITS ANNOYING AND UPSETTING

#Like yeah i WAS going to reblog it and now you’ve gone ahead and upset me because now i feel obligated to reblog it so i DONT want to do it #This is me talking into the void bee tee double you #I am SICK of these posts btw i do not give a fuck it could be the most life saving thing ever and one simple “please reblog” is okay #But when its more than that it’s just PLEASE stop dont say im a bad person or that it doesn’t matter if it doesnt fit my blog its MY blog #I will reblog what i want why are you judging me #maybe im overreacting #But ive seen like 6 different ones over the past week i do not like it