#im going to therapy now

[willsimpforanyone]

i'm very sorry that i haven't been posting much- as an explanation, my mental health has declined significantly in the last couple months and its affected my motivation to do... anything

thank you for all your lovely messages, i really appreciate all of you and your endless patience <3

#im going to therapy now #so hopefully that helps #i miss writing but i struggle to get out of bed rn #i love all of u tho

[ando666detonao]

don't you ever read a piece of fanfiction so good you just

#yes im-abanana im looking at you #now i might be wrong on my predictions but #if you take DD's words at face value and make them go through a therapy session w stickler im going to lose it beyond repair #expect fanart of the saga.this is less of a warning and more like a threat #OHSHIT I JUST CHECKED NOTIFS AND SHE STARTED FOLLOWING ME SOME MINS AGO WHAT WHY HOW omg hiiiii

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[prompt-master]

I know that Haibara is a genuinely tragic character but also its so funny how often she sees something slightly tragic and goes "it's just like me fr"

#detective conan #''this football player is considered a traitor and hwted by everyone. this is so me. im now going to be mentally stuck on this for #two episodes'' #i swear she could see an ice cream parlor where no one is picking the vanilla and be able to spin a metaphor to herself from it #i say this with love #my girl needs so much therapy <3

[curioscurio]

Got up early (for me), ate a light and healthy breakfast, applied to some jobs, took a long mental health walk with the dogs, gave one of them a bath, and even did some phone calls and messaging regarding my medication and pharmacy problems and managed to sort it out without breaking down!!! And! Showered!! Kicking ASS at mental health today

#im studying myself like a bug. with no judgement or compulsive self hate when i see the results. and then doing something different based on #those results #and its working #ive noticed that im much more productive when i have someone else to help or listen to. its a little uh sad because im not easily able to #to take care of myself and do things for MYSELF. but if its for someone else then its like i gain momentum #going out to clean out MY car? well i dont care how gross it is im not worth the effort. #cleaning out my car for my brother who i drive to therapy every other week? fuck yes its going to be nice and clean because therapy is impo #rtant and i want to help you stick with it and so we make it not a chore but lighthearted sibling time #like do you get it #anyway slow progress is still progress #the number of good days are slowly catching up to the number of bad days #post beginning of the pandemic 2020 was so brutal on me. moving back in with my parents especially #but i have a plan now . a real one. and friends to help me as well ! #oops rambling in the tags haha #long tags

[valyrfia]

im afraid the brocedes brainrot has taken me. childhood friends who banded together because no one else liked them who spent years growing up together and helped each other to set up their karts and went on holiday together then ended up at a team (bought for them) before getting to f1 and living their childhood dreams and becoming teammates and outright saying that nothing could get in the way of their friendship only to be proven wrong in the most slow, agonising and horrific way possible and suddenly all those childhood secrets that you share become important weapons in a war against your arch nemesis as you turn an entire team against itself and you can’t eat can’t sleep all you can think about is beating your enemy, your rival, your best friend, your closest confidante and the fallout of the civil war that raged inside your team, inside your friendship, and inside your own head is so toxic and absolute that you can barely say each other’s names years later all you can manage is thinly veiled apologies on TV or declarations of love and remorse to the entire world except the one person you hurt the most and you’re adamant that even though the world whispers in quiet remembrance at the destructive nature of this war they have no idea what really went down or how completely you destroyed each other.

oh and also throughout all this you lived in the same apartment complex and take the same elevator and you do still.

#to love is to destroy. no one can do it like them #brocedes #like look i love lestappen it is my favourite I am a girlie of lestappen through and through #but there’s a toxic addictive element to brocedes you can’t find anywhere else it’s the you’re my only true equal element #and you’re also the only person who could destroy me completely and you did just that #the fact that everyone involved (toto wolff included) had to go through copious amounts of therapy to process 2016 speaks VOLUMES #nico saying he’s still my best friend :( Lewis saying he’s a better teammate now :( #im so ill over them #also like. brocedes are the ones who should’ve made it but didn’t. lestappen are the ones who shouldn’t have made it but did #thinking thoughts about brocedes thesis and lestappen antithesis

[sluckythewizard]

these are A BIT OLD but uhhh here check out these aggio doodles i did forever ago. still VERY happy w my colors :3

#this was back in uhhhh jan 2023!! hot dog!! and its still perfeclty good to eat! #i think kian and chip would get along. they could talk about feelings. kian could give chip the therapy he needs. maybe kiss? who said that #jay and rand could also get along i think. smoke buddies. cigarette fans. i bet they could play dnd together. or build a contraption togeth #also WAUHG the way i colored in kira here is SO PERFECT.. SHES SO SPARKLY N PRETTY. ALSO THAT HOOORNN i remember bleeding for that #shading is HARD lighting is HARD drawing a crazy unicorn is HARD but SOOOO WORTH IT I SITLL LOVE HOW IT LOOKES..... #waht else is there. oh yes the prime defender doodles #i love mark so much.... i miss being crazy and strange abt mark winters... i need to draw him killing more people someday #anyway i gotta go to bed soon to keep my sleep schedul on track but I DONT WAANNA!!!! recently relistened to bitb. that might release spore #im also chippin away at that am i in heaven animatic between workin on commissions. I GOT RLY FAR!! i think that i could finish it within #like. 3 or 4 more inspo waves. it wont be unfinished forevcer..... its so close... just 4 more full scenes to rly fleshh out #so basically another 2 years. YEAH BABy. in the meantime i have a backlog of things i can poast. i got plenty o drawings and doodles to sha #alrigh thats all the ramblin im gonna do for now. sleep well everyone hope shool or work goes easy on u in the coming week

[kindheartedgummybears]

"Anthony canon soul survivor" this, "What if Megan was soul survivor" that.

Okay but just imagine, James and Anne survivors. Just imagine.

#Just #✨imagine✨ #it came to me while listening to its quiet uptown from hamilton and washing my hands. #raghhhhhhhhhhh #ohhh the angst of losing all of you children oooooooo #im not sorry(i am actually im going to go cry now) #Little Hope #LH #James Clarke #Anne Clarke #Tanya Clarke #Dennis Clarke #Anthony Clarke #Megan Clarke #IM SORRY I AM NOT NORMAL ABOUT THE CLARKE FAMILY ISTG #they are forever in my head #rent free #they dont even pay my therapy bills #🙄🙄

[cerealmonster15]

rewatched That One Scene to get the Vibes for this. it’s fine. okuyasu just needs 2 have his mind palace moment 😌

ref:

ty @gaminegay​ for sharing the cool pose refs post w/the world ily

[the post in question] [send me some suggestions if u so desire]

#jjba #josuke higashikata #okuyasu nijimura #josuyasu #Cereal tries to draw #ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm #jojo jumpscare. angst jumpscare. not the brand of my usual things LOL jksdlfjds #it's ok hes fine he's FIIIIINE im allergic to perma angst #<- watches jojo which is full of perma angst #BUT THIS SCENE ISNT SO #‼️IT'S FINE ‼️ #anyway. i love josuyasu. i miss them i need more of them in my life always and constantly #usually i just copy paste the pose ref in the image but #i didnt feel like it this time bc i been here for like an hour or two LOL #i did not. mean to sit here for this long #i have therapy in da morning i gotta go to BED #ok anyway bye !!!!!!!!!!!! this was fun. i want to do More Of These #i LIKE the selection of poses #brain activated #not now tho it needs to deactivate so i can slep #BYE!!!

[strzygon-x]

I don't appreciate my brain being a little bitch like sir can u stop making me depressed? give me a break bro 😞

#im just tired #im trying to figure it out on my own #any tips how get my shit together? #pls no 'go to therapy' #i aint ready for this for now

[figofswords]

the post grad why did i get an art degree what am i even doing what do i want in life where am i going crisis has finally hit i want to. lie down in the dirt. or something

#WHAT AM I DOING!!!! #i get up i go to my stupid retail job i stick labels on bags they pay me fucking thirteen bucks an hour i come home i lie on the couch #too tired to draw in too much pain to go anywhere no energy to reach out to college friends to do anything fun #no idea where the even start with getting an industry job no clue what i even WANT at this point #trying to remember what i loved so much about comics i want it BACK i HATE this #WHAT IS THE POINT!!!! WHAT DO I WANT WHERE AM I GOING!!! WHAT COMES NEXT!!!!!! #there's no clear career trajectory i can't do freelance i need structure i can't work too much i need free time #my brain doesn't work every job requires me to move across the country the irs just took fucking three hundred stupid dollars from me #my friends live in different states i can't get a job without experience i can't get experience without a job #i can't work on my portfolio with no energy and no time and i dont have any money and everything is so expensive all the time #i can't get anywhere bc i dont drive and im too stressed to think about taking driving lessons again #and WHAT DO I WANT! #THE MOST INTERESTING THING I DO EVERY WEEK IS GO TO PHYSICAL THERAPY! #I AM EXCITED EVERY WEEK FOR PHYSICAL THERAPY!!!! WHY!!!!!!!! #anyway WHATEVER i need to go to bed #delete later #i got into spx. today. so. had to have a crisis about how i felt when i attended spx (energized. excited. a part of something. ambitious) #versus how i feel now (tired. unmotivated. kind of apathetic about art. disconnected) #i dont miss the stress of school but i miss being around other artists. ppl who speak your language and who want the same things you want #ppl who are excited abut art and that makes YOU excited about art. ppl who get you #i miss that i want that back #whatever. its 1am i gotta go shower i have an 8.5 hour shift tomorrow. wahoo. $13.50/hr lets go

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[shrimplovercat]

my dentist genuinely sounded so proud and happy when he announced that this was the most he’d seen my mouth been able to open. i am getting a good grade in going to dentist

#the dentists assistant too 🥺 #ive been going to dental therapy for months now #and ive really been seeinng results #that clinic is genuinely so nice im glad we found it #(besides their scheduling issues lol)

[inkskinned]

maybe i'm a bitch but if i hear you go out of your way to judge someone's weight, i immediately lose trust in you & will probably forever find you a little unbearable . yes also the little floating bar over my head will start reading [hostile]. this is natural and u caused it.

#IF you do the therapy to stop being an asshole and make a POINT of being like #''i used to be a jerk about this but now i'm not'' #..... we can reevaluate .... #btw i hope this doesn't need explanation and everyone can be normal on this post #and not be like #what if i am a DOCTOR and i was aSKED #like we all know what i'm referring to here #you're like in target and lizzo is playing in the background and they're like #DID YOU NOTICE THAT LIZZO IS FAT? #or ur on instagram and like some dude's comment is like #NICE ART BUT WHY ARENT YOU THIN #like .... okay we get it. we get it . go to sleep . go to therapy. bye. #ALSO BTW i am in recovery for an ED and im saying this AS someone with Brain Problems #pls do not clown on this and be like ''actually i'm allowed to be rude and judgemental'' #no u aren't. none of us are. having an ED is not a pass for being a fucking dick #it can make you ACT like a dick. that isn't something you should be proud of or seek to continue #hence.... therapy!!!!!!!! #i know it's kind of controversial to say it but frankly i don't believe in infantilizing mental illness #by being like ''oh they can't help themselves'' #bc that kind of thinking is .... unbelievably toxic lmafo #you might not be able to control your split-second thoughts/judgements #i have ocd i understand #but like. . . .. you know #we both know #this post is not about ''u blurted something u regret'' #this post is about. THAT GUY

[b4kuch1n]

tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"

#bakuspeech #number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u #he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up #(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out) #we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment #and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here #but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something #but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku #but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this #this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and #that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing #but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it #its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with #and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually #I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay #but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol #not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real #and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself #and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god #that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao #but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them #have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway

[72graves]

thinking about how arthur shoved a dagger into his own throat to save john from the king because john's his friend and he loves him. and then when arthur finally collapses beneath all of that pain and grief and guilt he's carried for years john saves him from being buried and then saves his life in the mines and arthur believes it's because john feels the same. they're friends and they love each other so of course. of course you would do anything to save the one you love.

so he trusts him. he trusts him all the way to new york and doesn't think for a moment that there could be something amiss. that john, his best friend who killed the last person he loved and whom he himself almost willingly died for, is lying to him. again.

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #call me cain because i am going to bash kayne's head in with a rock SO HELP ME #john bestie real quick on a scale from 1 to 10 #how sad is whatever deal you made with kayne gonna make arthur just real quick #i am so unwell season 4 is coming straight for my jugular #i know john loves arthur but when arthur finds out The Truth™️ it's going to get either really ugly #or so incredibly sad i become terminally ill #and god i can't wait im living my 100k angst hurt/no comfort dreams right now #annd yes i would benefit from therapy thank you for asking #🪦