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beatcroc · 2 days

Note

How do you feel about Theodore Noisevelt? As someone with ADHD I can feel it oozinf out of him so bad I love him so much

noise is the one guy i've kept intentionally 1-dimensional/ comic relief because i simply enjoy tormenting him too much and if i gave him any real depth i'd start feeling bad about it shjsdjsdf. also i dont even TRY to reconcile the unmasked 'just some guy' Theodore J. with noise's regular look because theres just way too much mental dissonance there. hes not allowed to be normal like that theodore j. isnt real he cant hurt me

i started trying to come at this one like 3 different ways and it turns out i have a lot of trouble organizing my thoughts about noise too. he sucks and i hate him. by which i mean hes great and i love him. I think he's one of the best examples of how to make a character legitimately fun and enjoyable despite being a horrible little shitlord with zero redeeming qualities. You just gotta 1: keep it light, 2:CRUCIALLY: make him funny, and 3: as a potent extra bonus in noise's case specifically, make him a huge fucking loser who is only /almost/ able to fully convince you of the contrary.

Point 1 is like 90% just because this game is funny cartoons and leans hard into that, and noise is like, the MOST cartoons out of everyone. like when i say unmasked noise haunts me it's because he does not feel like he should be A Guy. he is a Cartoon Entity. but seeing as pizza tower can also pull a surprising amount of gravitas when it wants to, that last 10% is really just that like. Noise isn't really actively mean? He is an absolute hellion but he's not Mean. More than anything he just wants to get a rise out of people, and though this often entails being destructive, none of his bastardry really does much lasting or large-scale damage [compared to, perhaps, lets say, pizzahead]

2 wraps pack into both other points; he's funny both because it's cartoons, and because he's a huge loser. A tangential point to both of those that fits here though is that he's fucking like pathologically obsessed with peppino. Which is really par the course for like half the characters in this game, and i do think at least half the reason he targets peppino so much is just that peppino is Incredibly Easy to get a big reaction out of, but it also seems like there's more to it that just that? and for noise specifically there's like zero logical reason for it??? He is, in nearly all walks of life, far better off than peppino, and yet. Here he is. Seemingly quite jealous and insistent on tormenting [and perhaps even imitating?] this guy who is realistically quite far beneath him. And like. Why. Don't you have better things to be doing mr. TV star? You literally have better things to be doing but this is what you're dedicating yourself to you fucking little weirdo. And it's not even like a genuine hatred! It's a bit! They're still like lunch buddies off-camera or whatever! I forgot where I was going with this im moving on

Point 3 is just. He doesn't have any fucking friends? You can kinda get the vibe of this normally but getting his campaign REALLY drives home how much emptier all his shtick is than peppino's. And this would potentially be kinda sad if not for the fact that 1. He doesn't care at all and 2. It is his own damn fault. for being such a such a petty little gloryhound. like for the most part the cast of this game is pretty befriend-able but noise is only particularly interested in being the center of attention at all times; and he will lie, cheat, and kill to make sure it stays that way. and again hes allowed to do this because its funny cartoons. and also because no one cares. its just like yeah, that's noise, he's our local bastard, whatever. he puts on so much bravado and no one is phased by it they all know he is full of shit. he never drops the act because GOD FORBID he not be the coolest and best at everything forever and everybody else just kinda lets him believe it and/or let him believe he has them fooled. there's also the occasional peeks that he hates but then like BRO WHY ARE YOU DOING IT???? YOU CAN STOP. NOBODY WOULD MIND!! IVE SEEN YOU HAVING CASUAL LUNCH WITH PEPPINO!!!! anyway. i think thats pretty much everything i wanted to say.

tldr: thank you funny cartoons

#pizzaposting #this turned into a mini essay which i did not really intend. sorry for taking a month </3

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angelicmichael · 3 years

Text

living after midnight

Brooke Thompson x Montana Duke

Summary: Brooke and Montana get a bit intoxicated and get a bit carried away while going night swimming. Based off this post I made a week ago hehe

Words: 3.1k+

Warnings: mentions of alcohol and also vague mentions of weed, stripping (no nudity tho LOL), lotssss of sexual tension, lots of fluff, slowburn, friends to lovers, weird yearning angst for like .02 seconds lmao

A/N: Hey guys, sorry if this is random but I got random inspo for brotana so.. here this is lmao. Believe it or not I did try to make this under 1k words but.. I got carried away so I’m sorry that’s it’s long 😭. But the fic happens sometime after Brooke and Montana meet but before any camp redwood fuckery happens lmao. Anyway I hope y’all like this!! This is also probably the fastest I’ve ever written a fic so I hope it’s atleast decent haha. Anyway enjoy <3

A gentle breeze danced against Brookes exposed skin. The midnight air cold on its own regard but it seemed to blend perfectly with the extensive heat that radiated from the bonfire she sat in front of.

The night was entirely pitch black. The moon was vacant from the sky, leaving the only source of light to come from the giant fire that sat at Brookes shoes.

It was admittedly a bit unsettling being in almost the total darkness, especially with how many girls had recently gone missing in L.A as of late but the beer in her system had mostly put those thoughts to rest. Plus, being with three men and Montana was also reassuring. Even if she didn’t exactly know Xavier, Chet or Ray that well but.. she knew Montana.

It was nearly impossible to forget about how they met.. in the girls locker room in the showers and well; it’s not as if things were any less weird now. Showers or not.

It’s not as if Brooke and Montana were best friends or super close, because that definitely wasnt the case; but they weren’t acquaintances either by any means. The weird tension and ‘playfulness’ that lied between them ruled out being friends.. or that’s Brooke liked to think anyway when she had one too many things to drink. Like now.

Her legs twitched a bit restlessly; content at the ambience that surrounded her but not content with her current state of being. Like how she knew she should be enjoying herself, drunk, not caring about particularly anything at all but instead all she could do was fucking care. Her thoughts were purely infiltrated with Montana and it was embarrassing, to say the least but now that she was intoxicated there was really no harm in fighting it. No matter how annoying and taunting those thoughts truly were.

After all, Why should she not think about how nice it would be to feel Montana’s hands (which she knew had to be soft and delicate) on her waist and down her back? Why should she not think about Montana’s soft lips moving against her own, a few strands of her bleached hair (which definitely had lost it softness due to excessive over bleaching) brushing up against her face accidentally?

That was a rhetorical question; because she knew exactly why she avoided those type of thoughts on a normal day to day basis. Not because it would make things awkward between them but because it was beyond fucking painful to imagine scenarios that would never happen.. Never.

The smell of the fire and the sounds of the wood crackling, which was far too dry and poorly stacked (neither Xavier, Chet or Ray could build a proper fire to save their life), helped bring Brooke out of her thoughts and bit more into reality. So did the gentle sway of the tree branches which she could see in her peripheral vision, since they were right on the cusp of a forest that cut off to a beach. Ocean waves which slowly dragged across the sand were also soothing to listen too, albeit distant over the sound of Brookes friends screaming and laughing and being heavily intoxicated over what was more than just alcohol and weed.

Brooke reached down and swiftly grabbed the beer can which was previously lodged upright in the sand. Lifting the can up to her lips and cringing and unconsciously tensing up as she swallowed until the can was nearly weightless - wiping her mouth with the back of her hand just to see-

“Montana?!” Brooke nearly yelled. Both alcohol and temporary shock making her speak way louder than what was realistically needed.

Montana, who was previously standing several feet away with the boys was suddenly seated right next to Brooke on the log with no warning. Probably having moved over while Brooke was poorly chugging the alcohol she hated.. but she couldn’t help but to notice that their thighs (as well as basically their entire sides) were touching as she tried to wipe the alcohol that had embarrassingly dripped down her front in a frenzy.

Chet and Xavier looked back at them from a few feet away as they smoked what Brooke knew had to be a joint. Briefly laughing and giving the pair of women an amused glance before turning around and immersing themselves in whatever conversation they were previously having.

Brooke sheepishly met Montana’s gaze, feeling her cheeks grow nearly unbearably hot at the awareness that she was now being watched.. studied almost.

“Sorry,” Brooke added with a giggle.

Montana responded with a slight upturn of her lips; amused with Brookes actions not because she found it necessarily funny or pitiful, but for the sole reason that.. it was cute and endearing that Brooke couldn’t really hold her alcohol for shit.

It made her unique and different from everyone else Montana acquainted herself with. People that Montana had to basically learn to keep up with.. but Brooke on the other hand was different.. She was a breath of fresh air, and that’s why Montana assumed she was so attracted to her (besides her looks, of course).

Montana tried her best to ignore and not be bothered by the fact that Brooke was wasting perfectly good alcohol by wiping it off herself (alcohol that Montana wouldn’t necessarily mind licking off Brookes lips.. or her neck, or really anywhere else off of her). Instead focusing on how suffocated she felt here.

It wasn’t necessarily anyone’s fault. After all; she loved Chet, Xavier and Ray dearly but.. they were also undoubtedly preventing anything from happening between her and Brooke.. and that needed to change.

Montana huffed. Her deep brown eyes quickly flickering at the flame and then Brooke before speaking.

“Im bored,” she announced. Suddenly standing up and not letting her eyes break the gaze she suddenly held with Brooke.

Brooke responded with a simple hum. Her jaw quickly dropping once she noticed that Montana’s bright red nails quickly darted down under her own shirt. Hooking the material under her fingertips before quickly raising the shirt up and over her head. Throwing it back somewhere behind the log Brooke still sat on.. somewhere where Brooke was almost certain Montana wouldn’t be able to locate later.. which was probably done on purpose.

Brookes jaw still stayed ajar when she saw Montana’s hands automatically fly down to the small jean shorts she was wearing. She could do nothing but watch as she saw the button unhook- wait.. what exactly was happening?

“Montana, what are you doing?” Brooke asked with a laugh.

Brooke tried her best to fight the urge to look at her friend who was now well.. in her bra and underwear, out of what she was trying to convince herself was respect, but it wasn’t working. She knew for a fact her cheeks had to burnt bright fucking red; she tried to laugh off the feeling but Montana still stared.. her smile slowly growing wider until sudden laughter momentarily broke the tension again.

Brooke and Montana both looked behind them just to find the boys laughing and whooping as well at Montana’s sudden lack of clothes.

Brooke smiled back at them but it only lasted a second before she found herself overtaken with a emotion she never really felt around Montana before.. was it jealousy?

Just the sight of them staring at Montana (who obviously didn’t give a fuck, or was thriving off the attention more than anything) was enough to make Brooke stand up.

“Go swimming with me?” Brooke suddenly proposed. More than certain that her sudden impulsivity was coming from the alcohol more than anything.. it had to be, right?

Brooke looked Montana in the eyes again as she watched the other woman’s expression suddenly change at her words; looking utterly shocked and.. maybe a bit thrilled.

“You want to go swimming?” Montana nearly sneered, her tone reeked off utter disbelief, “and what are you gonna wear?”

Brooke laughed at what the other woman was implying. Her dark brown eyes slipped down to admire the rest of Montana’s body that she dared not to look at previously. Only looking for a second at the matching cherry red set that Montana wore. A bra which was most definitely too tight and cut a bit small, along with a thong with sat a bit high on her hips which only accentuated her figure even further.

She didn’t have time to think; her eyes darting back up to meet Montana’s which she knew were watching her.

“I’m not going naked-“

“You don’t have too. It’s not like their gonna see us anyway once we get away from the fire. Here.”

They both spoke in hushed whispers. Weirdly paranoid that maybe the boys would overhear and wanna join which- was something they both clearly didn’t want, although unspoken.

The distance between them was minimal enough due to alcohol (and other substances in Montana’s case) running high in their systems. Making personal space something that was now nonexistent.

Montana extended her hand out to Brooke to take. She quickly grabbed her hand, hoping desperately it wasn’t sweaty from how close they were to the fire and also.. just from the situation she was bound to find herself in. But due to Montana’s reaction (or lack thereof) she knew she had nothing to worry about.. sweaty palms or not, she knew Montana wouldn’t judge her. No matter how insane the circumstance; Brooke always felt safe around Montana. That’s why she supposed she was currently following her into the pitch black - her vision getting more and more sparse as they walked away from the fire and into some nearby trees that framed the beach..

“Are you sure they can’t see me?” Brooke asked, trying her best to look through the trees and see if any of her friends happened to be looking but - she couldn’t really make out anything besides the subtle outline of her surroundings which included Montana.

“They can’t see you. Relax,” Montana said with a giggle. “Now do I need to help you undress? Your taking forever and I’m hot- and it’s not like I haven’t seen you wearing less-“

Brooke tried her best to look offended and shocked by her reference to how they met. She knew that normally with nothing in her system she would’ve easily sidestepped Montana’s ruthless flirting but.. something felt different about tonight. After all; why should she keep trying so hard to resist something they both felt? And it wasn’t like anyone could see them anyway..

Brooke quickly turned her head to where she knew Montana was and stepped closer until they were barely a foot apart. Her feet nearly stumbled on Montana’s from the proximity; biting her lip to prevent herself from stupidly giggling once she felt hot breath on her cheek.

She grabbed Montana’s hands which first held hers back limply but briefly held hers tighter before Brooke directed her hands on her shirt.

“Take it off,” Brooke uttered. Her voice barely audible but not quite loud enough to be discerned as a whisper.

Montana didn’t hesitate as she quickly took Brookes shirt off, barely feeling the soft fabric against her fingertips before she quickly threw it behind them into the forest. Montana didn’t wait for Brooke to say anything before her fingers were quickly undoing the button and the zipper of her jean shorts which were only thrown somewhere in the forest as well (hopefully near her shirt.. Brooke could only hope).

Brooke tried her best to not look bothered by her sudden lack of clothes but she also knew that was purely idiotic since they were in the pitch black.

Nevertheless she looked down at herself, trying to discern whether her figure was actually visible or not but Montana grabbed her hand again. Making her gaze snap upward as she led her out. She knew they were going out to the water now; the sand under her feet and the fire now visible from a distance as they continued to go out. The sand becoming more grainy and nearly painful to step on as they got closer to the water.

Brooke quickly looked over her shoulder before she took the first step in - still holding onto Montana’s hand. She quickly glanced to see if any of the men they had came with were watching but surely enough they were still talking and laughing as if they didn’t even notice they had gone missing.. and they probably hadn’t given how fucked up they were.

Perfect.

She continued to hold onto Montana’s hand as she went further and further into the water; not phased by the sudden coolness she felt as the water wrapped around her legs.. submerging her further and further until they both finally stopped. The water lapping around Brookes waist, and well, nearly Montana’s chest since she was a few inches shorter than Brooke.

The water seemed to be a perfect temperature despite them being at the ocean; and the rocks had since disappeared under their feet and changed back into soft sand which also made the current situation a bit more enjoyable.

Brooke tilted her head back a bit, worried momentarily that her hair might get wet but it was worth it. It was absolutely breathtaking.

The night sky which previously looked completely black and void of any light whatsoever was now painted with what looked to be a million stars.

“Do you see this?” Brooke asked.

“What, the stars?” Montana answered, her voice holding a bit of amusement to it and almost as if she was trying to hold back a laugh.

“Yeah,” Brooke affirmed with a nod. Still keeping her gaze fixated to the night sky.

“What about them?” Montana asked.

The water rippled a bit as Montana started to a take a few steps closer towards Brooke, dissatisfied at the distance between them.

“Nothing. I just- it’s beautiful. I never do things like this,” Brooke responded, tilting her head down to make eye contact with Montana as she finished her sentence.

Montana smirked.

“Never?” She asked with a laugh. “C'mon. I’m not wet enough, let’s go deeper.”

Before Brooke could protest, Montana grabbed both of her hands and pulled her deeper in the water.

“But I didn’t bring a towel!”

“Your not gonna need one. We can warm up by the fire, remember?”

They continued to keep wading until the water almost spilled over Montana’s shoulders. The water barely touching Brookes collarbones but getting some of her hair wet regardless.

She hesitantly let go of the other woman’s hand in the water, intent on using her hand to help her gain balance since a few rocks were still on the ocean ground but - the exact opposite happened.

Brooke didn’t even have time to gasp or scream before her left foot quickly slid on a random rock that just.. of course.. had to fucking be there. Her hands quickly landed on Montana’s shoulders; the rest of her body accidentally falling into the other woman’s but she only felt Montana’s hands suddenly grab gently at her back. Holding her in place against her body.

Brookes eyes instinctively closed shut but when she slowly opened them and reluctantly lifted her head higher up (silently cursing herself for accidentally getting her hair almost entirely wet now) she noticed.. how close they were to each other.

Her nose was only centimeters away from Montana's shoulder.. which meant-

“Are you okay?” Montana asked softly, speaking unintentionally right next to her ear which made a shiver run up Brookes spine.

“Mhm,” Brooke responded.

She rose her head up further - her vision fully black now due to closing her eyes so tightly and being disoriented from slipping, but she knew from hearing Montana’s voice that she had to be close. Very close.

Moving her head a bit to the left.. almost microscopically, not wanting whatever ‘this’ was to necessarily be clumsy but she knew she didn’t necessarily have a choice in the dark.

“What are you doing?” Montana continued to whisper.

Brooke couldn’t help but to smile and let out a giggle that made her sound far more drunk than she actually was. She knew exactly where Montana’s lips were now due to her speaking. Thank god.

“You’ll see.”

Brooke leaned in slowly. Briefly bumping noses before catching Montana’s lips with her own. The feeling so heavenly and overdue - not enough but simultaneously far too much to take in all at once.

The taste of dull, gut wrenching beer started to flood her mouth. It was all that Montana basically tasted like.. that and a bit like smoke but Brooke didn’t mind. If anything it made the feelings of infatuation temporarily stronger. Brookes nails started to pierce the other woman’s back; wanting nothing more than to just have.. more. More of Montana; her taste, her hands, her touch.. the feeling was both pathetic but impossible to fight any longer.

The mere thought that this was something she was previously holding herself back from having was almost laughable but- that would be something to think about for another time.

Montana’s lips softly broke from hers.

“Eager.. aren’t you?” She teased.

Brookes eyes still refused to adjust but she knew Montana had to be grinning.

“Sorry.. I just-“

“Don’t be sorry. You have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to do that,” Montana said lowly.

Montana suddenly leaned in with no warning. Her hands softly grabbed Brookes shoulders; leaning in to pull her bottom lip with her teeth.

After she let go, the feeling to kiss her again was strong but.. she thought of something better. The thrill of the chase was something Brooke always enjoyed, after all.

Brooke took a few steps back suddenly before quickly heading for the shore. Not really going that fast at all due to the resistance of the water pushing up against her legs but she laughed regardless.

She could hear Montana laughing and calling her a jerk in the distance but it was all just noise at this point. Her voice, the water rushing, the fire and their friends (which grew gradually louder as she approached) all started to sound the same.

Maybe the alcohol was finally kicking in.

Even though Brooke definitely felt tipsy, she still felt nervous the closer she got from being fully submerged out of the water. Maybe it was due to the fact she wasn’t certain what was going to happen at the fire, or if their friends had even heard anything but she knew atleast now she would have Montana. Exactly how she had Montana was something to be determined later, but as she finally stepped out and away from the nearly black ocean waves and ran up to the fire to go wait for Montana - she was comforted by the thought that things would now never be the same and forever would be different between the two of them.

Which had to be a good thing; right?

Taglist: @michaellangdonstanaccount @langdonsexual @jimmason @blakescoven @dark-mei-rose @9layerdevilfoodcake @prophecy-is-inevitable @matildaofoz @beautyiswithinchaos @frenchlangdon @king-with-no-crovvn @melodylangdon @littledemondani @celestialrequiem @sojournmichael @ritualmichael @waitinvain @twilightzone24

Let me know if u would like to be added or removed to the taglist hehe

#brooke x montana #brooke thompson x montana duke #brotana #ahs fanfiction #ahs fanfic #my fic #will post to ao3 soon 😌#did I procrastinate my Andy fic to write this?? maybe lmao #I’m almost done w my Andy fic tho I swear 😭#i know I never talk about brotana so this is probably random asf but I just wanted to write something wlw 😌

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botheredbuck · 3 years

Note

29, 31 for the dialogue prompts ✨

29 - “I’m not going anywhere.”

tw for mentions of bruises and violence (only as bad as in canon) and allusions to childhood abuse (again similar to canon) x

When Callum stumbles back through the front door of the Mitchell house, everything still feels fuzzy, like he’s seeing everything through fog. It has done since that morning, since Stuart, since Thompson. His chest still burns but it’s at the back of his mind, just breaking through the haze. There’ll be a bruise there, he knows it- knows too well what it feels like to be hit like that.

There’s guilt burning through him too, for saying what he’d said to Stuart, for walking out on him like that. He feels like a petulant child and he hates it, but he doesn’t know what else to do. He’s panicking, losing it because everyone that he’s tried to protect is getting too close to the truth and he’s not convinced how long he can hold onto the secret for. Everything he’s tried so hard to protect could be taken away from him, and now that Stuart’s put himself into it too there’s just another person for him to think about, to worry about and he can’t take it-

He’s not looking, stuck in that haze and he collides straight into one of the kitchen chairs, corner colliding with his chest where the punch had landed-

“Fuck!” he shouts and he knows it’s childish, and that it’s stupid because there’s a good chance Lexi could be in the house, or Phil, or someone else to judge him for it but he just doesn’t care anymore. The pain throbs through him once again, and flashes of it come back. But it’s not just that, it’s every time he’s ever been hit like that. He leans forward, grips onto the chair too hard, knuckles burning from the grasp because it distracts him from everything else at least a little. He stands there for a minute, breaths shuddering through his chest and he’s losing it but he can’t do that here, can’t cry in the middle of the Mitchell kitchen.

He’s distracted again, the fog even heavier, and suddenly there’s a hand on his arm and he flinches away, tearing it off and stumbling back.

“Woah, woah, hey! Just me, babe,” Ben’s voice cracks through and he finally registers his presence, standing at the other side of the kitchen. His face is unreadable, and it makes Callum panic even more. “You okay?”

“Fine, Ben,” Callum says, too harsh and he hates it but it comes out before he thinks it through properly. “Sorry. I’m fine, just didn’t see you.”

Ben goes quiet, and Callum looks back to his face. There’s so much there and Callum doesn’t understand it until suddenly Stuart’s behind him, a look of guilt and determination on his face and it hits him, all at once.

The facade is falling down.

“Stu? W-what are you doing here?”

“Bruv, I’m sorry. I-I was worried about you, I couldn’t just-” he starts, but Ben beats him to it.

“He wanted to talk to me,” he says. “About something he saw happen to you earlier.”

Hopelessness burns through him like a fire and it feels like everything’s falling apart and he doesn’t know how to cope, how to protect.

“Look, whatever he’s told you-”

“He told me your boss hit you!” Ben says, almost shouts, anger evident in his voice and it scares him, even though he knows realistically that it’s not aimed at him. “Callum, what aren’t you telling me? ‘Cause this ain’t just out of the blue.”

He’s quiet, and maybe that speaks volumes more.

“This- this ain’t the first time, is it?”

“It is, Ben. It is, he’s- he’s never done that before. And it was nothing, it was just-”

“Just what, Callum? He hurt you. That ain’t nothing,” he growls out. “Fuck- I’m gonna kill him.”

He starts towards the door and Callum moves on instinct, grabbing Ben’s arm before he can get out.

“Ben you can’t- you can’t, please-”

“Then talk to me!” Ben shouts and he flinches back, almost on instinct. He hates it, but it’s his reality now. Just until all of this blows over, he tells himself but even he doesn’t believe it anymore. “Look, Callum, you can’t just- pretend you’re okay when I know you’re not. I ain’t blind.”

“Please, Ben-”

“I’m not going anywhere. Just- talk to me.”

He hates himself for it, he hates himself.

“I can’t, Ben.”

“Callum-”

“I have to do this myself. I don’t have a choice,” he says. This urge to protect still burns through his veins, and there’s nothing else.

(sorry for the kind of weird ending?? i couldn’t decide where i wanted to go with it heh)

31 - “I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

(okay but i love this prompt im not sure if ive done it justice but there ya go x)

“I can’t keep kissing strangers and pretending that they’re you.”

It’s painfully honest, more than he’s been to anyone in as long as he can remember- and he’s not even drunk (okay, he’s had a few but he’s not drunk enough for this). This is brutal honesty, the kind of thing that leaves him open and vulnerable and bleeding and it’s something that he doesn’t know how to deal with. So he ignores it, ignores the way it makes his heart race.

Because Callum is different. Fuck, he’s always been different. From the moment they kissed the first time, where nothing felt quite as important as the way Callum was there right in front of him it’s like he’s been in a trance, and his mind is occupied by the other man. Maybe it’s something to do with the fact that he sees so much of himself in Callum- so much of the old him, the man he’d been before he’d properly come out. The man he’d been before Paul. It scares him somewhat, because he knows what that’s like and he can pretend all he likes that he feels nothing for the man in front of him, that he doesn’t care about him but it’s all a blank lie. He cares too much, and that’s terrifying.

“Ben, you’re drunk-”

“No I’m not, Callum,” he replies, and it’s something like the truth. “I can’t get you out of my head, and I hate it. I get that you think you’re happy, alright, I get it. But I know you.”

Callum sighs, looking around him like he’s forever doing. He hates it, that nervousness in his behaviour. Normally the thrill of the affair would get to Ben but it’s not the same this time, not when there’s so much more. Because Callum isn’t just a man that he’s met in a dark bar, blue eyes shining out in the darkness- a nameless face. He’s something, and Ben doesn’t know what to do with something.

“I know where you’ve been, and you can’t keep lying like this. I wanna give you a chance,” he says, pleading. “Maybe it’s for me too, I don’t know.”

The admission- it’s something else. He knows there’s some element of selfishness to this whole thing but this is the first time he’s outright said that there might be something more to this for Ben. He reckons maybe Callum already knows something about it because the man sees through him like no one else, but he doesn’t need to think about what being seen makes him feel.

Callum sighs, and when he moves his head the streetlight catches on the tears in his eyes. He doesn’t know how to deal with it but it breaks his heart.

Callum steps aside a little, opening the door wider. “House is empty.”

His voice is empty and nervous and hopeful all at the same time and Ben’s not sure how that’s possible but it doesn’t matter right now.

He steps in, and it feels like moving forward.

(I hope you like these!! thank you so so much for leaving me requests and sorry they took a little while <3)

#answered asks #ballum #ballum fic #eastenders #ask requests

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ellohcee · 3 years

Text

Okay let’s try this again long AU (The Mad Ones) under the cut (not mine these were sent in by @jubilantscribbler / @jubilantwriter )

yeah samE i said that about hadestown too fkldsf anYWAY im sending this in multiple asks so that you can hide it under a readmore okayy here i GOO- SO. It starts with David driving away from the city and heading out to somewhere - maybe to see the ocean, maybe to go hiking in the mountains, maybe to take a trek in the great plains, maybe to venture out into the countryside - he's not sure yet, but he's hyping himself as he drives and drives, just watching the city fly by. (1)

BUT. He blinks and he's still in the city. Even worse, he's still in his mom's driveway, sitting in a car with the key still in his hand, and his foot is still firmly on the brake. He blinks and feels crushed under the fact that he's not going away to go hiking forever in nature, but instead, he's supposed to be getting ready for college because he just graduated, and just as he's about to start crying, he hears Jasper speak up like, "Damn, and here I thought you wouldn't choke." (2)

David turns and sees his best friend, his childhood friend, sitting in the passenger seat and grinning like he always does, and David nearly cracks and whispers, "What are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here." And Jasper just shrugs and rolls his eyes like, "Sure, but I'm here anyways." And David's like, "You're not real, I'm sitting alone i-in a car-" and Jasper's like, "Yeah, my car. Alone. What are *you* doing?" (3)

GHHH what a cold open, David in his happy daydream and suddenly snapping back to a cold terrible reality. AHH I ALREADY LOVEHATE IT.

(4) And David's sputtering and trying to convince himself and Jasper that David's supposed to be getting ready for college, and he just needed a moment, he's stressed, he knows what he wants, stop questioning him, stop doubting him, this is what he's supposed to do, this is what he needs to do, so leave him alone like he's supposed to be, and suddenly there's too many thoughts, too many memories happening at once- and then Jasper snaps him out of it for just a minute.

(5) Jasper calms him down by reminding him of the one time he managed David to skip school, and it's enough for David to just relive the moment with Jasper vividly, and he remembers feeling that freedom, of being happy and alive and enjoying the moment with Jasper. It's all to calm David down and getting him to cheer up as David remembers that good time and reminding him of what he really wants, and David gets lost in the memory until reality breaks the memory and he's stuck in the present.

(6) Now with his "imaginary" Jasper, as Jasper calls himself, and him back in the car, David remembers that he lost something irreplaceable and can't get over it, and now he's sitting in Jasper's car without Jasper with his future looming over him. But Jasper gently nudges him and reminds him to remember why he's in the car in the first place, and why he has the keys in his hands in the first place. Because he had a plan, and maybe all it takes is a little bit of remembering.

This is already so awful, they had plans together AAHFHHD. But Jasp is always so good at calming David down, bringing him back. As much as I hate that Jasper’s dead this is one of my favorite kinds of setups. Like someone’s heartbroken and it’s kind of a “but how can I go on without you?” feeling and it’s like “You can, you HAVE to.”

(7) Jasper puts the key in the ignition for David and has David go through his memories of his senior year. David remembers Jasper, when he was still alive and bright and in the midst of his rebellious streak, and Jasper laughs as David chastises him for all those times he skipped class and nearly dragged David along with him. But David wanted to go with him. They had dreams - David had dreams that only Jasper knew, and as the end of the crept closer he grew more and more anxious.

(8) David isn't at odds with him mom, but his mom wants the best for him, even if it means pushing him towards a future he doesn't really want, but is stable and ensures he'll live an okay life. Gwen is the voice of reason in their friend group, always telling them off for having their delusions of grandeur, especially Jasper as he seems to lead David into living life based on impulses. He cares about them both tho, and wants to take their advice to heart... when it doesn't stress him out.

(9??) Jasper's the only one who really gets David, and he encourages David at every chance he gets which reveals David's deep seated love for nature, and how he yearns to get out of the city, and not be trapped by gray walls and mediocrity and studying a major he doesn't care for and living paycheck by paycheck, and also he really needs to get his license because he can't depend on everyone all the time or else he'll never truly be independent.

I love all this dynamic it’s so fitting, so perfect. Especially Gwen, she’s so down to earth and she has to be the one with her head on and thinking logically. So fitting. But David and Jasper just wanna be FREE AND IN LOVE DAMNIT FUCK

(10) Despite his internal conflicts, he still applies to colleges and even manages to get into the same one as Jasper, with mixed feelings. They end up touring the college together and partake in a party that leads to David exploding and saying that Jasper doesn't *do* college, Jasper is wild and free and exciting and takes them on roadtrips and is amazing and incredible and doesn't trap himself in the status quo and WOW he's drunk, no he's not, stop laughing, Jasper!

bWABAAHAHA FUCK YOU TUMBLR. (11) Jasper convinces David to recite one of David's favorite passages from his favorite book (because the book is important in the musical but let's pretend it's about the mystique of the wilderness and the freedom of exploration and freedom), and David recites and hypes them both up because of how excitedly he recites it with passion, and Jasper suggests that they do it, that they run off together and explore and Be the Mad Ones and Live Free and Wild.

(12) Jasper gets more and more excited by the aspect of just... going on the road, just the two of them, doing whatever the hell they want without anyone telling them what to do. And David's trying to be like, "Okay but we need to be prepared and stuff-!" but he's getting more and more hyped by it, and they both start getting excited- up until Jasper gets into his car and begs David to get in. And David freezes and panics and realizes he's... not ready to run yet.

Not crying bc they wanted to run off together NOT ME. BUT LIKE. YOU KINDA DO NEED TO GRAB SOME ShIT FOR THE ROAD JASP WHAT DO YOU HAVE WITH YOU??? AN EXTRA HOODIE AND SOME CRAP IN YOUR CAR? COME ON. Give him a little time you can take off in a few days just don’t tell people about your plans to elope???

(13) Jasper gets upset because they need to leave now before someone stops, but David feels unprepared and they argue and snap and- the memory breaks, and David's facing off imaginary?Jasper and blaming him and saying that Jasper never plans anything and it would have gotten them no where, and Jasper blames him back saying that David put the breaks on, and they keep blaming each other until Jasper yells that if they'd just left that night, he wouldn't be fucking DEAD!

nnoonOIFIDH wHy they figting WJHY ARE THEY FIGHTING I HATE IT. DON’T SAY THAT SHIT JASPER. What’s ten times worse is that this is David’s projection of Jasper therefore his own thoughts so he’s blaming himself through Jasper I hate it???

(14) David storms away from Jasper in tears as Jasper tries to call back to David and apologize, but David just runs to his room and locks himself in there and inevitably buries himself in more memories, but none with Jasper in it. He remembers that after their fight at the party, he went to his other best friend's house - Gwen. She asks about the college visit, and David, still running off his anger fumes, says that maybe college isn't for him, and he should do something else.

(15) Gwen tries to talk some sense into him, telling him that life isn't about always about having fun, that college is the way to go or else they'll NEVER achieve their dreams, and David snaps back that maybe he doesn't NEED college to achieve his dreams, and Gwen yells that real life isn't some fucking book, and if he thinks that's how life works, then he needs to get his head out of the fucking clouds and look around them.

(16) Life isn't like it was back then, it's labor and capitalism, and it's a fucking struggle, but that's the hand they were dealt, and they have to live with what they got. She gets upset and cries because she doesn't want to live like everyday sucks, but that's how it is, and she doesn't get to dream like David does, because she has to work harder to even begin to carve out a dream like David's. She implores him for once to stop trying to live ideally, but to live realistically.

WHY IS EVERYONE FIGHITNG STOP IT

(17) He ends up leaving and going back to his mom's, where his mom worries about her son and the state of his being, and tries to get him to open up to her, and it takes a while, but after some coaxing and cookies, and he opens and tells him about his argument with Jasper and Gwen. She's disappointed that David feels that way about college, but suggests that he finds a compromise - one that's realistic, but still gives him what he wants. He weakly agrees to her because he's tired of fighting.

(18) David goes to bed, only to wake to the sound of a phone ringing. His heart leaps, and David's stuck between the past and present, unsure of where he is. As he stares at his phone, Jasper sits down next to him and suggests he pick it up. It's then that David realizes that he's in the present, but still stuck in the past. Instead of living in the present, he suggests that he doesn't pick up the phone, because like, that'd mean like it never happened. Which means that Jasper... is alive.

David needs THERAPY it sounds like he’s having some serious issues with reality and stress and loss please he needs hterapy hahddha

(19) Jasper plays along and is like, "Okay, if I'm alive now, then we're doing senior year *my way*." So they craft an amazing, fun, incredible senior year filled with laughter and highs and love, and David gets to experience a year with Jasper by his side, and maybe he finally confesses, and maybe they go on a million roadtrips, and he's happy, he's so happy because Jasper's here, and he's alive, and- the phone rings. And the fantasy breaks, and he's in the past again. And he picks up.

FHDShHF THEY COULD’VE HAD IT ALL THEY COULD’VE BEEN SO STUPID IN LOVE TOGETHER

(20) Jasper's mom was the one who called him to tell him that Jasper had died. He'd been crossing the street to return a book - the book he read for David, because it was his favorite book - to the library, and didn't see the car in time. David's world collapses around him, and all he can remember is that night at the party, and why didn't he say yes, why did he say no, and it crushes him as he remembers it over and over again, and he realizes that he can't remember the rest of senior year.

SOBBING HE READ DAVID”S BOOK

(21:) For once, Jasper isn't there to snap him out of it. David has to snap himself out of it, and he digs through his memories of that horrible senior year and remembers the one thing that broke him out of his depressed stupor - Gwen. Gwen was dropping him off at the DMV to take his driving test (again). She's holding a familiar book, and she's trying to smile and talk to him while he's stuck in his head, and finally her voice gets through to him when she suggests something.

(22) While they're waiting for his turn, she says that she read the book he loves, and she kinda gets it now, wanting to explore and see the world, and she suggests that they take a roadtrip together before college, and they can go anywhere, and be anywhere, and it'll just be them two, and he won't have to worry about anything because she'll take care of things for him, and he can just... enjoy. And she smiles, desperate but hopeful, because she wants to see him smile again. But he doesn't.

(23) It breaks him out of his stupor, but only because her words make it sound like it's what he wants (what does he want?), but it's not what he wants, and he remembers Jasper's words of how someone's always gonna come along and try to assume they know what he wants, instead of letting him decide for himself. Gwen's doing it here, even if it's in good faith, he knows this isn't what he wants. He doesn't answer, and she looks heartbroken. Before he can get a word out, his # is called.

SOBBING SHE READ DAVID’S BOOK. SHE’s TRYING GOD SHE’s TRYING BUT THAT WAS THEIR THING THE ROADTRIP

(24) She tells him to go take his test and wishes him good luck. He gets in the car and starts his driving test, stressed out and mind a mess. Suddenly it's Jasper in the passenger seat pretending to be the DMV lady and telling him to listen to him, and that he can help David. He wants Jasper to go away, but suddenly it's his mom, telling him to be careful and slow down, and he needs to take less risks and stay in his lane, where he needs to be. Jasper's voice grows frantic and then it's Gwen.

(25??) Gwen is telling him to follow her instructions, and she can keep him on track and safe, so just keep going straight and drive. David argues that he doesn't want to be safe, and Jasper asks if he wants to take a risk instead. His mom says that risk is fine, if he prepares for it and plans for it. David says he doesn't want to plan for once, and Jasper gently tells him that he can take whatever path he wants as long as it feels right to him, before Gwen says that they need to move on.

Therapy therapy therapy please DAvid I’m beGGING YOU you have so much shit in your head babe please. Fighting to figure out what he wants vs what everyone else wants it’s too much

(26) She begs to him to go with her, even if it's hard, they need to make the right choice. David argues with himself, tries to figure out what he wants as everyone talks over his thoughts and words, his mom begging him to slow down, Jasper begging him to remember, and Gwen begging him to go, before David snaps and tells everyone to listen to him. Finally, he tells them what he wants. He never wanted to go to college, never wanted stay, never wanted to run away. But he wanted to go out and live.

(27) He wants to drive with no clear destination, drive to see and feel and live and nothing else, just by himself. Even if, even if he wishes... he wishes that Jasper was with him. But he knows that he's alone in Jasper's car, talking to himself and remembering, and he hears Jasper say to remember, his mom saying she'll let him go, and Gwen saying she'll step back. And David tells himself to look ahead, don't stop, and don't look back in the rearview mirror. He blinks, and it's just Jasper.

SOBBING

(28) It's just Jasper and David, sitting in Jasper's car in his mom's driveway. Jasper smiles, and reminds David that he passed. He's free. He can leave now. David cries and says that his mom will hate him, and Jasper shakes his head. He worries about Gwen, and Jasper says she'll understand. Jasper encourages him to be wild and free and mad and happy, and to NOT crash his car or he WILL haunt him, smiling through his tears as David reaches for him.

(30) David sobs. "I never got to say goodbye." Jasper takes a deep breath, looking away for a moment before turning back to David with a broken smile. "Sometimes you don't get to say goodbye." "...I miss you." "...I know. Total bummer, right?" David grabs onto Jasper and hugs him tight and begs, "Can't we stay like this?" And Jasper clings to him and says, "You know we can't." "Just for a little longer?" and after a moment of silence, Jasper asks with a soft cry, "What do you want, Davey?"

(FIN) David finally says that he wants to feel the wind in his hair with the windows down, the crunch of dirt under his boots, the smell of the pines, of living just to live. Jasper pulls away with a smile and reminds David that he'll live in David's wants and actions now that he's gone, and when David blinks, Jasper is finally gone. And he's finally moved on. And David finally puts the key into the ignition and starts the car. And he drives away.

NNNGNNDJ I HATE THIS BUT I LOVE IT. I hate every time you kill Jasper and make me love it. My poor boys I’m sO SAD FOR THEM> THEY HAD PLANS THEY WERE IN LOVE THEY WERE GOING TO DO ALL THE SHIT THEY WANTED. Jasper didn’t even get to see SENIOR YEAR IT’s NOT FAIRhFH And poor David just like BLANKED OUT that year of his life and WHO COULD BLAME HIM

When I do listen to this I’m going to have to prepare myself hardcore because I’m going to be a fucking wreck mess especially now that it’s firmly attached to Jaspvid in my head UHHHHH HTHANK YOU

#ellotalks #begging the readmore to work this time please this is so long #i haven't even had my coffee yet please spare me #the mad ones au #and i'm sorry hope it's okay that i tagged you #credit where credit is due YKNOW

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renaerougr · 5 years

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My thoughts on Chameleon (Overanalysis... kinda)

Before starting let me remember you that:

Overanalyze: to analyse (something) in too much detail.

So don’t expect this to be super realistic ok? This is gonna be absurdlyyyyyy long and I tend to blow things out of proportion a lot I’m just saying

So let’s start with the less important and more boring stuff (Actually I’m analysing scenes in order of appearance, but there’s not really much to say about the beginning aside from “Lila is a bitch lol”)

ok so,

guys,

GUYS

Idk if you all have realised that from all the students in the class, they chose to use Sabrina to be serving Lila, which is kinda weird. If you pay attention, it makes sense for all the other people around her to be there (Mylène and Rose love helpinh people, Juleka is always hanging out with Rose, Max is the nerdy type so he probably loves learning about the bs Lila is making up and since Kim isn’t exactly smart he’s fascinated with Lila’s lies too) but SABRINA?!?! That girl is always following Chloé everywhere, one of these two things has to be happening here:

1. Sabrina had an argument with Chloé? I’m sure Chloé wouldn’t let her hang out with other people so easily (She doesn’t have anyone else to be with if Sabrina hangs out with other people)

2. Since Adrien is nowhere to be seen in this scene either I’m assuming both Chloé and he don’t have lunch at school, which makes sense, they’re the rich kids™ . This means this is the only time of the day when Sabrina can spend time with her other classmates, and she’s using it to serve another person, that’s kinda sad.

I think it’s more likely to be the 2nd one, but anyways this could be foreshadowing that we’re not going to see Sabrina with Chloé that much anymore? (Miraculous can be VERY subtle with foreshadowings)

Honestly, even if Sabrina is the character I like the least, I can’t say I’m not going to be mad if she stops going after Chloé to go after Lila. On the positive side this implies that Chloé would be forced to look for new friends, and obviously she’d go to Adrien, and do you know who Adrien hangs out with???? Yeah you’re right Marinette, Alya and Nino!! Does this mean Chloé could be part of the main squad in the future? :o I mean they already have to deal with her in superhero mode

Ok let’s continue;

This isn’t really important but lmao I can’t believe Lila has been 5 mins inside the school and she already knows about Mari’s crush, this girl is so obvious

(FJASHFJDFJHJKFHJSDK HER FACE IM SORRY)

“I only tell people what they want to hear”

When I heard this line the first time I found it interesting, I wonder if it has to do with Lila’s backstory (If she even has one), or if she has come to the point she believes her lies are true, since she never seems to admit she’s “lying”... This is also what compulsive liars tend to say, but I think we all already knew that she is one lmao

Anyway, shortly after that, Lila switches to this pose:

(Chloé’s picture is from Season 2, Malediktator)

And as you can see, this pose is Chloé’s pose (Like seriously I can’t be the only one who instantly thought of Chloé when she did that pose). In my opinion this small gesture is trying to tell us that she’s the new rival, kind of like a substitute for Chloé who is now supposedly redeemed, we don’t have to fear Chloé anymore Lila is the new villain in the school and she’s much much worse. (jfhasjkfdhk I just realised right after this scene Marinette says something like “I thought Chloé was evil but Lila really takes the whole cake!” so I guess I was right lol)

Nothing important, just wanted to mention that she looks like hawkmoth when he says “*Akumatized person name*, I aM hAwKmOtH”,,, I guess that’s intriguing

Ok so after this we have an angry marinette and then a short scene with adrien and lila which I don’t really care about, tho in that specific part, her voice in the english dub sounds so annoying (”sO I hEaRd YoU pLaY pIaNOoOOoOo”)

Then the episode cuts back to Marinette in the bathroom stall, she’s angry so the akuma comes closer.

I know it’s painfully obvious, but, now we know that akumas fly directly into the miraculous! For some reason I always assumed that if she or adrien were to be akumatized the akuma would fly into Mari’s purse or Adrien’s bag.

Why does this matter? Well, this confirms that Adrien getting akumatized would be much worse than Ladybug getting akumatized, because if Chat was akumatized no one would be able to destroy the miraculous to take the akuma out of it, but if Ladybug was akumatized Chat could use cataclysm and after that and Mari could purify the akuma and everything would be ok again

YOU CAN GRAB AKUMAS WITH YOUR HANDS

This might seem silly but this implies that you can fight akumas lol,,, seriously tho I wonder if you can kill akumas or something by crushing them into the wall or stepping on them. This also proves that akumas can’t get into living objects which is great I guess, we don’t want to slice people just to purify an akuma.

Another thing that I have to mention is that she put the akuma in her earring, in. her. EARRINGS. Like at this point I’m sure this is foreshadowing that she’ll get a miraculous, I don’t know how but come on

The first time she got akumatized the akuma landed into a fake fox miraculous

(Season 1, Volpina)

The second time she got akumatized the akuma got in her bracalet (Turtle miraculous? Anyone?)

And now it’s her earrings

Like I don’t know what this girl is planning but I’m 99.99% sure she’ll get her hands on a real miraculous, and it’s gonna be real dangerous if she does. Maybe she gets to steal the Ladybug miraculous? Maybe the Cat one?

(I’m gonna talk about the leak now so skip the next few lines if you don’t want to know)

Imagine that Volpina gets the Ladybug miraculous and tries to get the cat miraculous by herself without Hawkmoth’s help, Chat being confused asf goes to see Master fu (supposing he finally learns about him), he gives him a miraculous, like he usually does when marinette comes,and Adrien chooses the mouse miraculous. Obviously he gives it to her good fRIEND Marinette.

TALKING ABOUT THE LEAK IS OVER

Dude I love Lila but why does she have to be so evil dammit

ok let’s proceed

lmao this screenshot

“Hawkmoth, I am Lila.”

THIS IS SO COOL BECAUSE at this point Lila thinks she’s in control but she’s really not, I’m 100% sure she’ll end up being used by Hawkmoth and then “thrown away”, Hawkmoth has the powers after all. Yet by not even letting him start talking she’s showing that she thinks she’s superior and that she’s the real villain, she doesn’t even realise that without Papillon she isn’t anything. Can’t wait to see how their relationship evolves or if she’ll really get betrayed by Hawky AAAAAAAAA

This is not relevant but, honey... What friendship? You (Adrien, not Lila) have ignored him for a whole season.

THIS. SCENE.

I’m dying because I KNOW this scene means something but I can’t figure it out, doesn’t Lila hate BOTH Ladybug and Chat Noir? Doesn’t she hate all superheroes?? And still, even if she doesn’t, why would she take Chat Noir’s balloons??? WHAT DOES THIS REPRESENT? Maybe there’s nothing behind it?? I don’t know man

After that Lila throws Adrien (herself) once again from the Eiffel Tower, she knows that Adrien is important for Ladybug, she took the CN’s balloons before, dammit does she know their identities?????? It doesn’t look like it but perhaps she’s the only smart parisian who figured out their identites (I mean, the fact that Adrien and Marinette are the only ones who know she’s lying makes them suspects right?? I feel like I’m reaching with this tbh)

Lila once again with her superiority attitude and going against Hawkmoth plans, lots of villains do this so it isn’t surprising but still. Interesting how she is convinced she is in control, I’m curious if this “bad attitude” with Papillon will grow bigger and bigger in the rest of the season... I mean, akumatized people always have a little bit of respect for Hawkmoth

Our boy Nino out here having an existential crisis over losing his cap lol

Oh BOY we’re going to see much more from Lila in this season. With her and Mayura season 3 is going to get dangerous asf for Mari and Chat. Again, I’m really excited to see what she’s planning, I’m really excited to see what everyone is planning tbh

And lastly, we have this small conversation between Marinette and Adri. I know that what Adrien said caused a lot of backlash but in my opinion it makes sense.

At first I thought he said so because it’s unecessary to cause more drama and the class wouldn’t believe her anyway, so what’s really the point? But then I realised he was saying so because of Lila’s probable response, she gets really angry when she gets caught and she wouldn’t even want to admit she was lying even if it were obvious that she was. As Chat Noir, his job is to make people not upset so there’s less akumas, specially Lila since she’s proven that she’s a tough enemy. Also, he’s right about not making the bad guy suffer, it never works so that’s another thing.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I’m convinced that sharing this secret will help them bond, I can see them ranting about Lila’s lies or Adrien comforting Mari when Lila gets her on her nerves. This is not the best way to make evolve the love square but I’m all here for it, even if Lila’s lies are not the best thing to bond over, it’s their little secret.

Maybe when everyone is hanging out around Lila these two will keep company to each other uwu (And probably Chloé, Alya and Nino will end up joining them as soon as Lila mentions the other heroes)

oh hi there hawky

SO I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this, I’m sure I’ve missed lots of things (Although I skipped some stuff because they’re everywhere on Tumblr already) So please add the interesting stuffs you’ve seen on the episode!! Also feel free to debunk all of what I said!! That’s cool too! Don’t worry I’m not an expert on Miraculous and it’s better not to spread “false” theories

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kwamiwayzz · 6 years

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Citrus Spoilers - Final

Anyway I just wanted to say that I have aSCENDED into another plane

I avoided my tumblr blog for as long as I could and even ditched my discord for awhile to avoid sPOILERS at ALL cOSTS and LET ME TELL YOU. THE FULL EXPERIENCE WAS SO FUCKN WORTH IT

I’ve been following this gosh darn manga for about 5 years and let me tell you it was such a WiLd RIDE. But I am so glad and thankful to both Sabu and Chaosteam for everything they’ve given us thirsty fans. I remember back when I first read this manga as a smol sexuality-confused sophomore in high school, I thought to myself, “oh lol they’re step-sisters, idk where this is gonna go but it seems interesting”

[More spoilers under the cut]

I went from “I’m not really expecting much of a happy ending (on a realistic sense)” to “LET THEM BE HAPPY SABU *gross sobbing*” all the way to “FFFUUUCCCCKKK YEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS #LOVEWINS”

I know that the ending seems rushed and idealistic but like....bruh having them be married, especially after all this shit and turmoil those two went through feels dAMN EARNED. I was kinda on the edge of my seat when i read the first few pages of the chapter when Mei was just telling Yuzu to get lost and im like “bruh bruh bruh??!!?” After all that time you’re still running away from your bae????

But then I kinda realized that while it seems almost like a step-backwards for Mei to continuously keep running away from Yuzu despite growing more comfortable and open and vulnerable, the fact still stays that she was groomed and conditioned to live in a set path and never leave it. So, having to change her mindset wasn’t going to happen overnight. While I did wish for Mei to be the one to chase after Yuzu, I actually could see why it needed to be Yuzu to reach out to Mei one last time in order to convince her that they can be happy together.

BUT ENOUGH OF THAT DEEP ANALYSIS HERE’S MY THOUGHTS ON THE REST OF THE CHAPTER

WHEN MEI TRIED TO CONVINCE HERSELF THAT SHE HATED YUZU BUT STARTED CRYING *INHALES* I ALMOST STARTED BAWLING

2.5 pages of no dialogue and everything is completely fixed XD

MEI FINALLY FUCKN SAID “I LOVE YOU” TO YUZU and she was being such as blushy blushy mess I was like AAAAAAAAAA

YUZU’S WIDE-ASS FUCKN GRIN WHEN HER BAE TOLD HER SHE LOVES HER

THE GODDAMN WEDDING

Oh and there were ppl there I didn’t expect would be there lol like Yuzu’s friends who like...lowkey trashed her relationship with another woman but hey depending on this timeskip ppl can change, GRAMPS (like im betting that everyone else had to convince him, especially his son. And I also feel like...again, depending on this timeskip, Gramps does care for Mei as his granddaughter rather than seeing her solely as an Aihara heir on some occasions--tl;dr he’s either there by obligation or to actually support her)

Mineko, you know that one lady with the sombrero hair that lectured Yuzu on her first day at Aihara Academy, I didn’t know she’d be there lol

AND MEI

FUCKN

GODDAMN SMILING AT HER BRIDE

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

LOOK AT THIS PRECIOUS SMILE

I HAVENT SEEN MEI SMILE SINCE LIKE FUCKN CHAPTER 6 OR SOME SHIT AND LIKE UFIIHOAIJSDFAUISDF

also i think this is a lowkey smile XD

also i wanted to bring this panel up again

like the emotion in this

I could really feel for Mei, constantly running away from the person she wants to be with the most because she feels like maybe she doesn’t deserve to be with Yuzu not that I know what that feels like amirite But you could see from the way she’s holding her hands to her chest, squeezing her ring, that was suffering as much as Yuzu

tho i will say ahem...yuzu, why did have to mention you two as sisters...like you were doing so well earlier, honey, sweetie???

I’m so glad Mei said

Character development right there for Mei <3

Anyway, to cut my incoherent babbling short lol, like many other people, there was a point where I no longer expected a love scene between the two because I felt like at this point, it wasn’t necessary and it didn’t need to be necessary. also a marriage is like 12/10 much MUCH better and besides.......mei and yuzu will have pLENTY of time to do all that good stuff later in their lives ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

I still can’t believe we got this <3 As someone who struggled with accepting my sexuality back in high school, having see the end result of these two after 5 fucking long years

It reminds me of the time when Korr(a)sami became canon <3

Also and one more note, ever since this chapter came out, now whenever I go back to writing I’m like aNGST whOM? drAMA whAT?

#glass memories will never be finished LMAO #that chapter tho #fuckn 12/10 #despite it being rushed #i loved it regardless #<33333 #YUZUMEI #AAAAAAA #citrus spoilers #manga spoilers #i think i had more to say but my thoughts just got more and more incoherent lol #so i just wrote whatever i could #citrus manga #it was a wild ride #and now i can die in peace

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

Text

Episode 6 | “His best Amanda Kimmel "Go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation” - Liam

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ryrU-tXQbMyAa2Sl_GFiJb61i6qUNY-x/view?usp=sharing

aj went home??!?!?! hello!? JAKE SURVIVED SO THERE IS A GOD

Who feels like shit? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And now I remember why I feuded with Jakey... he literally did what ever he wanted. Which is very inconvenient for the rest of us. I know he put my name down. Granted 3 minutes ago I was sure it was Dan but after briefly snapping at him I put it together. Dan, 7:21 PM Seriously I’m not mad about it ahha I can see how my words were taken. And then I definitely said this afternoon we hadn’t talked and that was why I thought you would be the vote on my end Yeah you were a target before AJ started throwing my name out. I own up to that 100% So now it's time to play voting detective... yaayyyyyyyyyyyy (em llik) This entire vote started off with Jakey and Dan. Dan claims that he didn't bring my name up, but it would be an ass pull for Jakey to come to me with Dan wanting me dead immediately after the immunity challenge and then suddenly manifest it. Jakey immediately comes to me and I immediately come to the Dumb Betches (tm). I want Dan out but it's just not realistic as the other side isn't as comfortable playing with a pure beauty team. Next day we form the Thots R Us alliance and Jakey and Scott plead their case for AJ to leave and we, like idiots, go for it. Dan continues to campaign for me. Devon gets into the mix at some point and tells Dan that AJ is voting for him. Dan changes his vote. Now according to Augusto around this point, Jakey mentioned the possibility of having an extra vote before completely shutting it down. Claiming it to be "unnecessary". I think this sparked the idea to tell AJ about the vote under the guise of "golly gee I don't wanna vote for Dan because honor and stuff so I'm voting for you". I assume it's around then he wrote my name down. Like a bitch. Sorry I'm trying to be less hateful and aggressive but man it's harrdddddddd. My guess is that he wanted a beauty out no matter what and figured he'd have better luck convincing the others to vote for me in a situation where an idol is played. He probably also wanted me and Dan to turn further against each other. Unfortunately for him, I spent all of my impulse control that day on not chewing Dan's head off and I snapped immediately afterwords and so some things were cleared up. It has to be Jakey not just because of all the things lining up and not just because it is in his character but I genuinely can't imagine anyone else doing so. - AJ and Amir are loyal hoes. Plus if one of them did something that absurd, it wouldn't exactly benefit them. It puts strain between our relationships with the other players and honestly I don't know why they'd waste a vote on me when if an idol is played they risk losing a beauty majority. - Devon doesn't seem like he would make any waves and seems to have taken a liking to me. Granted I'm less sure about him then the others but he did put most of the work in convincing Dan not to put my name down. Plus he doesn't seem to have anticipated AJ having an idol. - Scott, to do something like this would have been risky. I'm his primary connection to the beauty alliance, if AJ were to play an idol he would have risked losing an asset. - I truly think Dan isn't lying to me because he genuinely believed if he didn't vote for AJ he'd be fucked. He wasn't comfortable with where the votes lied, to throw a vote towards me would have been pretty dumb and insanely reckless. Jakey is the only person I can think of who would go out so out of his way for something like this. Chaos is more or less his calling card. Plus it would be in his best interest to keep around someone in his majority alliance and get rid of a beauty. And he probably thought that I was a better option considering past history or whatever. :/ So now we have to sacrifice Jakey to the survivor gods not because he wrote my name down but because I can't trust him to keep his shit together and vote with us. We were going to target Dan next and he probably won't be chill with that. He probably would prefer to aim for Devon or One of the beauties. And that well, wouldn't be in my best interest either. In the mean time, I'm just going to sit still and look pretty.

Ok, I need to make a quick apology. Talking to Autumn and Duncan has been the highlight of my game thus far. Autumn went to the same undergrad as me and Duncan is one of the most genuine guys I've ever met. I feel terrible for ever being doubtful of being on the same tribe as them. Because now I really think I have two more people that I feel I can trust and move with further, which (in the words of the perfect Mrs. Kim Spradlin) means I have options, and I think this can guarantee a spot for me at merge and a really good group to make some moves with that isn't as obvious to people. If we were to go to tribal, I think my target would be Connor which should be an easy vote given his general lack of activity on the tribe thus far, but I'm also not against the prospect of blindsiding Ali as I think there's a chance he has that Apis idol and I'm certain he has a few tricks up his sleeves.

okay soooo i have two LONG video confessionals uploading from the last two days but wow stuff is happening... so first off, the nuThoth tribe voted off... AJ?! which is so unexpected, that shakes up the game completely, like now it means the game is changed... it means the brawn four on this tribe sticking together is a really bad idea, and it just... everything has changed. i'm so so glad jake has survived, which keeps one good ally in on nuThoth. I'm still scared of Augusto/Amir/Kendall/Scott, but hopefully one will go if they go to tribal again? idek but yeah a lot of this will be repeated in my video, but god is a woman. and her name is autumn, i called with autumn for TWO HOURS yesterday and it was a transcendent experience, i literally love her so much. and it was such a good conversation, like i 100% overshared but it was great to kinda link up... i talked to her about adam (more on him later), she filled me in on the brain hot goss and she is of course someone i want to stick with. on this tribe, the two i feel best about are tj and autumn - tj i was SO mean to at the start but i actually get really good energy from him now? i really want to solidify something with him, i definitely want to stick wit him. jordan i think trusts me a lot but for some reason i continue to have anxiety about him (but he is a good shield in a merge situation). i for some reason get really good vibes from connor? i think i would love to talk to him more (will pm him today) - i think connor gives off good vibes and particularly since adam's conspiracy of a beauty illuminati is over i think i could trust him a lot? we haven't spoken much but he has really good ally potential imo. adam is a tricky one. for some reason i do NOT trust him. he is in EVERYONES pms peddling this same narrative and is just doing a lot? i think he is a real slippery player, and i feel like he is a fish who if we release into the ocean of a merge tribe we will never get back? i have such anxiety about him making it far so i'd love for him to go as soon as possible. its tough tho because now that a beauty majority voted off a beauty, i feel like the brawn four on this tribe need to do similar? so maybe i need to vote off liam? its just annoying because i trust liam, and i'd LOVE to get adam out but i dont see the numbers to pull that off. so i feel like we have to vote liam to give ourselves wiggle room as brawn players, but from there idk... because i want adam GONE grrrrrrrrrr its frustrating. hopefully we win this challenge, and the other tribe has another chance to get rid of someone... like the less decisions i have to make the better at this point i take it back jordan is so sweet, he is like a teddy bear... its just whether he is a care bear or lotso from toy story

i cant remember what my last confessional said so im just gonna start with last tribal: aj got voted out ........ of all the false beautys it had to be him the ONE who actually was nice to me and was the whistleblower on that main alliance? when i said it'd ironically beautiful to me to see one of the beautys voted out he was NOT any of the ones i was talking about then we get our next immunity and oh would you look at that... THREE people have to sit out meaning there's gonna surely be another chat with 5 people in it to say lets vote adam out AGAIN.......as soon as i saw this challenge my ptsd immediately was triggered and i was trying SO hard to sound like i wanted to be in one of the things even if i wouldnt have been good at it just so i could rest easy but it didnt really work out, in fact the highlight of the challenge was actually me and duncan and our contribution of sitting on the sidelines looking pretty while they all flopped but bless their hearts at least they tried, so now we're going back to tribal, and again i didnt compete in immunity which apparenly is cause for a target now so ... im HOPING that doesnt happen again, and if it does then i probably deserve to go home! i was kinda just.... not in the mood to talk to anyone much of yesterday or even today just because um.... i didnt want to dfakdfs mostly due to that dumb bitch DeDe Pressión just making me wanna do nothing but lay in bed and torture myself by watching more real survivor but i woke up today in a better mood, the moods they come and they go, much like me i love being elusive so hopefully people just dont think im like such dumb bitch who doesnt wanna talk or whatever, because believe it or not the gorls can be so hateful over you not being able to recite their whole life story back to them at the final triabl! they ripped me to shred my first season because i couldnt tell them so and so had a purple sheep back on the farm in late october 2007 like gorl plea .... so yeah ive been trying to talk to more people today to compensate, not sure where it will go, it did reassure me a bit that liam messaged me like RIGHT after the challenge and began already saying stuff about connor like ooh gorl michael_jackson_i_love_this_song.gif, but i just need to be careful because i dont want to seem like im the one controlling the vote, because odds are im gonna get made to look a fool and ill go home, or be left in the dark, but im gonna try to have slightly more faith in these people and hope they're buying what im selling, because it's pretty good stuff, i just want to feel like im the most expensive iphone in the store you know, like i want to be able to say im building relationships nonetheless and will make people come running to ME with information but who knows. I'm either playing decently and in a good spot right now, or im a fucking delusional schizophrenic so im hoping tribal reveals something like that one way or another. at least if i get voted off i can stop letting this game stress me the HELL out in the middle of a fucking pandemic

youtube

When AJ leaves and you can trust your new alliance with the beauties and Jakey https://media.tenor.com/images/b4c2f5c658c1d3ade7e506ee7ffe3c5e/tenor.gif When you win your first tribal immunity challenge of the season https://i.imgur.com/8xzlbRW.gif When you don’t have to see Alyssa and Jess at tribal https://media.giphy.com/media/6nuiJjOOQBBn2/giphy.gif My tribe when I get to go to bed early because I don’t have to stay up stressing about tribal https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/58c16a15208b4945c3920cf0/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/nicole-kidman-seal-clap.gif

Second tribal of the game for me and I am feeling good once again. i see myself in a position where I dont think i am being targeted and I really just have room to grow and form my social relationships. I feel bad for connor cause I think he will be going home barring anything crazy happening. He was someone I wanted to work with going into this game, but ill be honest his social game is just abysmal he needs to talk to people more. I originally thought he was just not talking to me cause he assumed we were good but apparently everone feels like they cant have a convo with him. Its way too early for me to do something crazy and deviate so I think hes gonna be blindsided tonight. Maybe I want to lock down a final 2 with TJ soon im starting to trust him more and more and hopefully he feels the same way. Im pretty confident that were gonna merge at 12 because thats the first time my legacy advantage is coming into play but im not sharing that information, that power is as locked to the chest as can be I will not tell a soul all game about it, thats how you become a fan favourite game changer sierra dawn thomas and I will not be her, married to joe anglim what a thought. Im off focus, either way Ive talked a lot about feeling very rocky in this game so far and feeling like I havent found my footing, but Im getting a foundation built now and once I get going, theirs no stopping me.

Is it seriously only Day 14..? Ugh, this game drags on for so, so long. Tonight is gonna be deja vu of Kvaloya in which I once again send home Connor, hopefully unanimously again. I respond to his fucking messages, and he's doing his best Amanda Kimmel "go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation right now. It's ANNOYING. I can't work with someone who does this!

oh duncan. oh duncan duncan duncan. every single time we play together you underestimate me as a player and it is infuriating? so this time you don't want an alliance with me? that's fine... but don't think i wont find out. i'm literally my blood is boiling that he thinks he can get away with this... grr. but also i love autumn for telling me, it shows me i can trust her and we are gonna go the distance. anyway so i do think connor is going to leave tonight and me freaking out will only make it me instead... so i will go with it. but now im waiting to see what jordan and tj say... and to see if they tell me. i dont think tj will tell me, but i do think jordan BETTER. i'm defending him to autumn, so he owes me plus he says we are a duo so he better JKASLDFAF. so now? i feel like i need to trust adam and stop being so nervous to trust him... he is on the bottom with me and we need to flip this upside DOWN. if me/adam link up, that will be good... because im not down to be stuck on the bottom for more than a vote... being on the bottom is how to go home and that's not my thing

So now that the vote is looming, I think that we have it fully on Connor now. Duncan and I came up with the fake vote of Adam which Connor seemed to take? Although he's asking questions that seem fishy, so let's just hope he buys it. And Duncan and I made an alliance of me, him, Jordan, and Autumn which is perfect to have going into merge. I still need to figure out how best to integrate the two so that they can know Jakey is going to work with us but not enough so that they don't know that me/Jakey/Jordan also have an alliance together. But this is awesome going into the next round, and I'm just praying that we don't see an idol played, because that would be DISASTER!

the way i've called adam shady for days and days and now i trust him one of the most? wow a growth arc. i'm still heated about duncan. he is SOO likable and charismatic, and is someone who is genuinely always just fun to play with? so him being in this gamebot really dry state is so frustrating because ik if he just relaxed and let his natural personality out he would snap?! he is just so fixated on doing well this season that he is getting in his own way (at least imo, but this is coming from mr im not in an alliance so im bitter KJSAFD). so anyway now that duncan is not a viable ally anymore, i need to solidify the other connections... and i think adam and autumn are the move. adam is clearly just desperate for allies and while he is over-eager, i think he is earnest so ill stop being paranoid about him. autumn is just a queen and a goddess so im gonna stick with her too... liam is lovely too... i just want duncan OUTTTTTTTTTTT he will not get away with this, i am the meddling kid(s) who will ruin his plans... will duncan go to the end as the gamebot leader... well... https://gph.is/2dmg9hV

also can i just say i love tj?! like i sent duncan very similar messages about feeling like i've been out of it, and the difference in their responses is remarkable: tj: I think everyone understands that you haven't been 100% the last few days, so I doubt anyone is going to fault you for that. And everyone knows that it's a game, real life does come first. like... sweet, supportive without being patronising? validating duncan: and i don't think things have really kicked off over here yet, i think its going to be an "easy vote" but we'll see what happens duncan.... immediately to game, almost his own conversation... i'm... over it?

well we have tribal in just a few hours, and tonight it's gonna be pretty clear cut in the sense that, ill finally have answers because um it's either gonna be me or connor ive been doing my best to lead this smear campaign against him, only because he made the wrong move by coming for me first and continuing to lie to my face about it so at this point i wish i felt bad but i dont. I could be completely delusional but I do think it's working because people have come to ME first and said they want to vote connor, because of both what i was saying and because he just hasnt been talking to many people besides right after the challenge so like... people can see how transparent that is pls also because MULTIPLE people have approached me first today telling me he plans on voting me out so unless they're specializing in some hardcore reverse psychology...i think i have a shot at it being 7-1 connor but once again i literally could be being made out to be a whole ass goof and not even know. or even worst have got all the numbers on my side but then get idol'ed out fdhaskj both very likely scenarios because things never seem this easy in this game ive been trying my best to get to know people and i feel like im slowly connecting more with some of them, so i guess tonight at tribal will be a test on those relationships because all the people ive been talking to will either, believe me, trust me, and wanna play with me, or theyre gonna listen to connor and vote me out, and honestly if they vote me out over him then i completely deserve to go home because clearly im doing something wrong my biggest fear is im hoping i havent come off too strong trying to play by painting this narrative of the old hathor's and connor being so against me, because while yes obviously i want connor gone for my own reasons, the trick is i dont want people to think im leading a charge against him (even tho i absolutely am) because i dont want that kinda target on me but truly who the fuck knows, i could very well go home but idk. this game is like walking into a serial killer convention and trying to stay alive, that's how i feel like im putting my faith in the hands of killers, it's making a bitch shook so i guess we'll see but in a perfect world..... connor will leave....which may look bad because of old tribe lines, but im really trying to wor any magic i have to where me being the only beauty on this tribe would be beneficial for me to hopefully be sought after by any brawns or brains, but if you ask me old tribe lines are about to be nonexistent. even though there will be 4 brawns next round, ive been trying to connect to some of them in the hopes that theyll ditch any old alliance they have to work with me but only time will tell so um yeah keep me in your thoughts and prayers pls

Not gonna lie, I haven't done much of anything this round but I don't mind it! Sometimes I just wanna be a lazy bitch yknow? But yeah, Thoth FINALLY beat its 0 challenge wins curse and we won immunity which I am thankful for given tribal would've been extremely messy? With the Kendall vote last round (which I think was Jakey or Jakey telling Dan to do so), who knows what would've been the outcome! Yay for safety <3

hiiiii no video because i no longer want to do them. let the record show that i was the 1st to say adam's name, if he goes, i did that. if i go, i did that.

i didn't make a confessional this round and tribal is about to start! im going to expect connor to go but this would be a shitty last confessional if i go home tonight. I'm hoping to establish trust within this new tribe. Wish me luck! XOXO Gossip Girl. also my dog just ate the cake i left on the counter >.> thats why im late.

I can't give y'all a real confessional right now cause Cagayan has me screaming but I believe Connor is going home 7-1 and I gave the green light to an alliance I plan on turning on whew so see y'all soon

So basically, tribal happened, beauties lost a number unanimously, theres pros and cons to this. Pros: ppl think the idol left, beauty is less threatening, we show loyalty to more people and build relationships. Bad: someone lied. that kendall throw away vote was to ensure a beauty went home in case aj played an idol, and everyone claims it wasnt them, so someone on this tribe has a case of the LIE-ABETES. * anyway, here is Shit I learned today aka dirt on ppl: 🎃Devon - told me that dan was afraid of an all beauties thing 🎃Jakey - told me dan Ali him and Jordan were a majority - told me Ali has the idol - told me Ali is a rat who warned lovelis - called Adam annoying and ugly - said he wants Devon out next - thinks Devon voted kendall 🎃 scott - told me Devon screwed him over and got himself voted out on brains - told me autumn and Duncan are a duo 🎃 Dan - told jakey that he thinks the brains tribe voted kendall to divide beauty and brawn 🎃 kendall - hidden secret alliance with Jakey - hates dan 🎃 augusto - super close with Devon - wants to blindside Jakey - thinks Jakey is the kendall vote

#BackWithVengeance

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mythril-mine · 7 years

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IM STILL SO CURIOUS ABOUT THE CUTE PRINCELING BOY but tell us about Emmerson!! :D

Ahhh thank you, Hannah!! ;7; I can do both for you!!

My little Princeling is a very new character so I’m still figuring some things about him and his story out, but I’ll list what I’ve got so far! This actually helped me figure out quite a bit about him, so thank you again haha! And Emmerson is my most good good boy of all my characters so get ready for that haha. ;;

Under a cut because together they’re rather long!

Princeling:

Full Name: Ralis — his name will be fuller than that, but I have to figure out some things related to his Kingdom, first. He is, however, known as the Star Prince (the astronomical body, not like he’s in the limelight haha).Gender and Sexuality: Boy, and I can guarantee Ralis has never thought about his sexuality or even dating a day in his life. This is less due to him really being aromantic or anything (though he might be ace because most of my characters are idk) and more because of the following factors: 1. he doesn’t have a lot of prospects where he’s from, 2. he assumed from day one he’d be in a political marriage, 3. he’s actually relatively young, like 14-16 depending on how writing the story goes, and 4. despite his young age he’s actually very driven and focused on the state and wellbeing of his country more than anything else.Pronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: Sky…. person….? I don’t have a name for his people yet hahaBirthplace and Birthdate: He was born in the Kingdom of the Sky from a Star but I haven’t picked a birthday for him yet.Guilty Pleasures: Humans! He’s incredibly interested in the humans below and how they live because he’s been so far removed from them due to political reasons, and he’s curious about them and if they can be useful towards his goals as a Prince. He observes them often and his story begins when he gets a little too close.Phobias: THIS IS A REALLY GOOD QUESTION that I honestly haven’t figured out for him yet, I’ll have to think about it!!What They Would be Famous For: Well he is the prince of the entire Sky, Day, and NightWhat They Would Get Arrested For: Probably Trespassing. ;; Ralis forgets that being a Prince doesn’t mean he’s the Prince of everything. ;;OC You Ship Them With: There is one, maybe! But he doesn’t have a name yet. He’s human and gets up to hijinks both with and without Ralis, though, and definitely always BECAUSE of Ralis.OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Mmmm I’m still figuring out the story, but probably Somnus, who’s royalty from another kind of Domain… thing, other than the Sky.Favorite Movie/Book Genre: He wouldn’t have access to much but it would definitely be something with themes of political intrigue and espionage.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: The weak and oblivious prince/princess that needs saving. Ralis works hard to NOT be this trope, and yet he finds he’s often still viewed this way. He hates it, and would hate seeing it in media, too.Talents and/or Powers: He’s fairly persuasive and charismatic, and decent at acting. Incidentally but not really related to anything, he’s also good at weaving. As for powers, he has a cloak that allows him to decent the distance from the Sky to Earth safely (and also disguises him as a shooting star as he goes!), and he has a tattoo running up his right arm that allows him to use… kind of light-related powers? I’m still figuring out the mechanics of that and what it does, because I keep changing my mind about the purpose I want it to serve.Why Someone Might Love Them: Some people definitely just love him Because He’s The Prince, and he’s not into that. He just wants to be known as Ralis. But he’s really trying his best to think of what’s the best for his Kingdom and his Court, and although he doesn’t know much about Humans, he is always trying his best to learn and understand things that are foreign to him (even though sometimes he might need to be convinced that he didn’t already understand something in the first place). Why Someone Might Hate Them: Some people definitely just hate him Because He’s The Prince, and he’s not into that either. But also, he’s cocky as heck and full of himself due to his position, and as a result of how he was raised kind of judgmental even though he tries to mean well. He’s also very brash and impulsive, prone to acting on plans without thinking them through literally at all, and this can get both himself and other people he’s with in trouble, or make them angry.How They Change: Over the course of his story Ralis learns so much about the world outside his Court in the Sky that it would be impossible for him not to change. He becomes more empathetic and a more balanced leader, eventually actually being able to strategically assess what’s needed for his Kingdom rather than just fool-heartedly rushing into what he thinks is right.Why You Love Them: I’m not gonna lie I’m just really excited to draw his character design HAHA but also I’m fond of young and brash character-types, as well.

Emmerson:

Full Name: Emmerson Lu (Full Disclosure: I’ve never been able to settle on a last name for him, and literally picked this just now. I think I like it for him, though.)Gender and Sexuality: Boy, gayPronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: HumanBirthplace and Birthdate: Fictional city in Northern California, November 17thGuilty Pleasures: He LOVES animals!? Emmerson volunteers part time at the local animal shelter after school, not because he needs to fill any kind of time quota but because he genuinely enjoys it. I don’t know if that’s really a ‘guilty’ pleasure because that’s also community service, but he really loves taking care of them and helping get them adopted into loving homes.Phobias: Losing those he loves, and although it’s not to the point of a phobia necessarily, he’s also scared of forgetting people and things that are important to him.What They Would Be Famous For: Emmerson is actually on the football/soccer team! I don’t think he’s really good enough to become famous for it, but he’s pretty alright and has a great relationship with his teammates because of it!What They Would Get Arrested For: Emmerson is actually the most cautious, voice-of-reason character in this story for the most part ;;;; If he gets arrested it’s absolutely for being an accomplice to Todd.OC You Ship Them With: Todd!OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Clair, I guess…? None of the characters in Skulk are very violent LOL but Clair thinks Emmerson is a bad influence on his brother Todd. (I forgot to put Clair’s name in my tags, whoops.)Favorite Movie/Book Genre: He actually likes superhero/super team genres, because he hates media where people die, and likes the idea of them still getting saved even if it’s an ridiculously disastrous situation where that wouldn’t be realistic.Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: See above, so for that reason he doesn’t like any war/disaster movies or tv shows with the ‘everybody dies’ cliche. It’s too sad for him.Talents and/or Powers: This is an only slightly-supernatural slice-of-life story and Emmerson is human so nothing too exciting, but aligning with the above he’s very good with animals, and his patience with them makes him a good listener and (usually) level-headed advice-giver.Why Someone Might Love Them: Emmerson is a good good boy!! ;7; For much of what’s listed above. He cares very deeply about his friends and helping them and does his best to generally be nice and good to everyone. His Momma raised him well.Why Someone Might Hate Them: Emmerson is actually also incredibly stubborn, to the point of having a bit of a temper about it sometimes. He can get very heated about certain subjects that are extremely personal to him, and although I mentioned he’s usually pretty level-headed about other things. Although, this distanced-approach can make him seem as though he lacks empathy (even though he’s actually trying very hard to help and come up with what he thinks the best solution to a problem is, he just doesn’t always express the emotions he’s coming from).How They Change: Emmerson suffers a huge loss at the beginning of the story, so despite of a lot of what I’ve described here, he’s actually very sullen, depressed, and closed off when things begin. It also makes him a little more reckless and irritably stubborn about certain things he needs to open his mind to, which he’ll work to overcome much with Todd’s help over the course of the story.Why You Love Them: He is a soft and sweet boy and doesn’t deserve to suffer, but whoops. ;; Also, most of the characters in Skulk represent something about human interaction that’s important to me and/or that I wish people (including myself) were better about, so in Emmerson’s case it’s a lot of taking time to understand yourself and be vocal about how you feel rather than bottling it up, and also the importance of not being too stubborn.

#asks #applegumi #oc meme #emmerson #ralis #thank you!! ;7;#ocs

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wdfa · 7 years

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coming back from winter break like HELLO NAUGHTY CHILDREN ITS RELAPSE TIME

warning for... um. lots of stuff. a loooot of self hate/negative self talk. internalized transphobia/cissexism. discussions of sexual experiences (not in detail). menstruation mention. depression and symptoms.

im struggling so hard rn ugh so many Symptoms.. especially with feelings of worthlessness!!!!!!! like i just feel like im annoying ppl with just my existence!!!! UGH like i know it’s irrational bc so many ppl love and care about me and they have voiced these facts as well as affirmed them through actions! and they continue to do so! it kinda has a lot to do with my dysphoria? im not sure how to like. explain it??? because there is Context.

last saturday my frat had a brothers-only party and it was fun and cute and i had Such a Good Time because i love my brothers! some alumni came too like i got to see my grandbig again and my 2 adopted grandbigs LMAO... one is dating my gbig so she’s step-gbig i guess not adopted? but the other one is in my family line, and he has 2 “real” grandlittles but he adopted me and one of my fifth (?) cousins. ANYWAYS it was really tender because that literally happened that night, he said “as far as im concerned, i have 4 grandlittles... plates, kali, billy, and u” and im not kidding i almost cried it touched my salty ass heart. and that was pretty much the theme of the night, just me loving on everyone and everyone loving on me!

i was kind of worried about that tbh because i was wearing one of those douchey ridiculously large arm-hole tshirts and my scars were pretty visible,,,, but like everyone was really cool about them like i got some compliments actually haha mostly they were just like “aw im so happy for u/proud of u” but one of my older bros (who happens to also be a bass!!) said smth like “yo those are really cool thats so hardcore!” which pleasantly surprised me because he’s a very aloof and sarcastic kind of person, so getting something genuine was really neat. and so much good happened that night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great!!!!!!!!!! but also like. ugh. i guess more context needed.

in my pledge class of 7 only 2 of us were virgins and im one of them. like ive literally never had any Sexual experience, and it was always because i was never comfortable enough with my own body due to dysphoria. even when u get past that my high school was fucking tiny so who was going to love my fat trans ass 8^) and my pbro’s situation was a little different, but he’s gay and his high school was similar so he never had the option to explore anything either. and we were like. together on that u know? i had kind of accepted that it wasnt realistic for me to want things like that, and while that realization hurt, i knew that i had someone in the same boat. but then he goes and loses his virginity!!!!! and this is where i get MESSY LMAO IM NOT READY FOR THIS BUT HERE GOES

first of all i want to say that i am 100% happy for him because he’s my friend i will support him until the end of time and he told us it was important for him finally being able to celebrate himself and grow up and operate with sexual/personal autonomy and live his own DAMN LIFE and im so so SO proud of him for that!! and i HATE myself so FUCKING MUCH for being selfish and feeling this way and taking something so important to someone i love and making it about myself, but. now its like im left behind. i hate this feeling so fucking much i hate being left behind/forgotten about/ignored/excluded from anything and everything. and now this is something that everyone has gone through but me. and it fucking sucks even more because i know the main reason that i havent done this is because im trans!!!! like i didnt ask to be this way!!!!!!!! trust me! its so fucking difficult!!!!!!!! i hate being different sometimes, i literally just want to be like everyone else, i want to be fucking normal for once. like i know that ‘normal’ doesn’t actually exist but im tired of having to struggle through things that other people dont. and ive really just been dwelling on this and extrapolating like “welp no one will ever wanna hook up with me or date me or love me and im gonna die alone like the piece of shit i am” and it’s just opened up soooooo many Bad Feels that i either havent thought about before or did a really good job at repressing! literally just shitty Dysphoria garbage!!!

and now its like. “ok well u dont want to be a virgin anymore then go out and have sex” WELP it doesnt really work that way!!! i’m very masculine in appearance (or at least i try to be) and the people who are attracted to me expect me to be a Cis Male, because unfortunately we assume everyone is cis until proven otherwise. bottom line is theyre gonna expect me to have a dick! but i dont! what happens when im into someone and theyre not aware of this fact? what if we Get Going and start Doing the Do but theyre like EW GROSS DIE??????? i just keep thinking about this!!!!!!!!! its in my head and i cant get it out!!!!!!!!!! like i Did Not go to bed on sunday night because i just keep dwelling!!!! i went to therapy on tuesday and told all this to my psychologist and usually that gets it out of my system but no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she’s usually really helpful because she approaches things logically rather than emotionally but that didnt work in this case i guess!!

i told my pbros about some of these feelings and they said the shit your friends are supposed to say to make u feel better and it was reassuring that they loved me at the time but like. i guess it didnt stick lol because im still convinced that im unlovable even though mccoy sat on my lap half the night and david let me casually touch him (he does not like physicality so that was kind of a Bigger deal) and ben laid on top of us and we were all so tender but i literally cant translate that into permanence i guess!!!!! but also bad things happened at meeting that kind of validated my fears bc me n a few bros were talking, i think it was me and a gay guy and a girl who thought she was straight but shes questioning if shes bi and i cant remember who else because i was Turnt but these two were like the main source of conversation. the guy was like “im definitely gay like i know i dont like girls because vaginas are just gross” and the girl was like “yeah i dont know, im attracted to hot girls but idk if i could ever fuck w/ a girl because ew vagina” LIKE im.... ... standing............ right .... here...................... and i said something! like “thats transphobic not everyone w a vagina is a girl” and i cant remember exactly but they totally like. brushed me off. i initially have all of these doubts, then my bros are like “yooo that’s irrational, everyone loves u” which makes me feel better and kind of makes the doubts get less awful BUT THEN this happens and we’re back to square one SO.

it doesnt help that i fucking started my period on monday. i havent had it in over a year. but i had to skip a dose of T before my surgery and my ADHD ass forgets everything so i ended up skipping like 3 so apparently this is what happens when you stop taking it :) im really hoping that this is the reason im so emo about everything right now UGH.

all of these feelings are just taking such a toll on me its like im weighed down,,, i was supposed to do some studying today and take some notes but instead i stayed in bed and played games on my phone lol!!!!!! i didnt even do anything fun!!!!!!!!!! and now im alone on a friday night doing NOTHING just like i did fucking NOTHING all day today!!

what sucks about this is that im alone because i feel sad.... but being alone makes me feel even MORE sad........... like im happy when im with my friends, im happy when im with my brothers, im happy when im at the house! but for some reason i cant just text a bro at random whenever im feeling down. like if i did, i know that no matter who it was theyd give me the support i need/the support id get at the house with everyone there. but i cant make that move, i cant take that risk, because i must Avoid.... like i know talking to ppl and being around them makes me happier, and i know if i did gather the ‘courage’ or w/e to do that then the odds of getting a positive response would be 99% but i just. Cannot initiate. because that 1% chance of rejection is just too much. im terrified of it. even if i did take that chance i dont even know what i’d say??? “hey lol im kinda craving death because im a worthless abomination haha wyd” ????? im still not comfortable w talking about being trans. like i am a bit but only with certain people. definitely not with the brotherhood. maybe my big? but she just got a new girlfriend so i dont want to bother her. honestly i dont want to bother anybody!!!!!!!!!! which is Wrong because i tell ppl all the time that their emotions are valid and theyre not bothering people who care but HERE WE FUCKING ARE KIDS!

ok i think im done now i just. really had to get that out. replies and likes and asks are welcome but the other thing is not allowed. the thing with two arrows that kind of go in a circle. none of that.

#trumpet hate #personal #wow this was..... so much..........#literally no one is gonna read this but it was mostly for me anyways so [shrug emoji]#caps /#negative /#self hate /#transphobia /#cissexism /#menstruation mention //#the experience #ask to tag

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survivorinternational · 5 years

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Episode 11 - "Me??? ANGRY??? That's the most bizarre thing" - Vilma

Last round I had to vote Stephen because I think he wanted Liana out and wanted to be odd number at f7 and make whatever move he wanted to make but instead I blindsided him with Allan pat and Liana. I really wanted this endurance immunity but I fucked 4 times in a row which costed me and Tyler won which is not good because I really hope no one tries to blindside me or plays an idol.

Oop it's confessional time. Honestly this week has been a pretty easy week so far (maybe too easy??). Right now the plan is for the 4 we have solidified to vote Jacob, along with Vilma. This week, for me, has more been a dilemma of where to go with this game. Clash and I finally solidified a final 2 but it's going to be hella hard to win against him in a final scenario Pat and I have been discussing getting to final 5 with the four and Vilma and then blindsiding Clash and it's a very enticing thought but I also think that the final 4 vote will be a lot more up in the air if that happens so I really don't know what to do.

So it seems like every round something drastic happens right before tribal and my earlier confessionals have no meaning anymore. Basically what happened is Tyler sensed he was in danger and faked having a continental drift idol which would have saved him and another person from a different starting tribe. I never really bought his story because it just seemed like a too powerful advantage, Andreas and Dennis just don't strike me as hosts that would do something like that! But there was always the possibility Tyler was telling the truth and people started scrambling like crazy. Mind you, this all happened, like, 45 minutes before tribal. Oh wow tea Uhhh Is that idol for real? Sounds way too powerful to be true Would you guys do that???? This feels like sapphire idol all over again Would you guys do that???? IF I GO BECAUSE OF A WEIRD SUPER IDOL AGAIN IM GONNA BE SO PISSED I SWEAR TO GOD LOL So Stephen had just made an alliance chat with myself and Tyler in it, but he felt completely blindsided by Tyler's fake idol and felt like he couldn't trust him anymore, which resulted in him wanting to split the votes between Tyler and someone else, preferably Allan or Liana. Too bad Allan and Liana are tight with Clash and Pat and they obviously didn't like the plan, so they came up with a plan to blindside Stephen instead, leaving him, myself and Tyler completely out of the loop. I knew I wasn't been told the truth, because I was trying to get a name out of people pretty much until two minutes before tribal, and everyone would just beat around the bush and avoid saying a name to me. Finally people just told me I should vote Tyler and that they would split half the votes on someone else, but they never specified me who. So I ended up voting Tyler by myself like a big idiot. I knew my name had been in consideration once the scrambling started, so I was fully expecting to go home at tribal, and I was pretty surprised it ended up being Stephen instead of myself tbh. What a great play by Tyler to save himself! So after tribal Clash called me and explained me everything, claiming that people thought I was close to Stephen and that's why they couldn't let me in on the vote, to prevent leaking and idols being played. Which, you know, makes sense, but it definitely solidified I'm only a number to use for their core alliance, not someone who they would trust. I'm trying to like imagine an ideal boot order from my perspective but it's honestly so tough with these numbers I need to get one of Liana/Allan/Pat out soon They're more UTR compared to Clash and they're going to the end together if someone doesn't stop them But how could I do it without pissing them off so they'd still be open to working with me later on Out of the three Pat is showing the most interest of working together so I'd preferably vote Liana or Allan out first Liana feels like a safer bet since she already played her idol Allan could still have one But I don't know if it's realistic anyone would turn on her atm Clash is like the one person that alliance could potentially be willing to vote out But I don't know if it would be smart to do that yet Or just let them pick one of Tyler/Jacob out and keep my fingers crossed it wouldn't be myself I guess I'm gonna have to just try and talk to people and see how they're feeling Lol I wish Jacob wasn't so pissed at me we haven't talked in a long time And his responses to me are 'yeah' 'okay' If we actually communicated better we could've forced a tie last round But idk I probably would've only done it if I knew for a fact the other side was planning to leave me out of the Stephen vote For some reason they still think I'm likely to have an idol Which I don't have So whenever someone tells me my name is out there I'm just gonna let them know that I know So they think I'm playing an idol on myself And they have to switch to someone else Ugh I'm so close to beating my best Tumblr placement and I really wanted to win this immunity, but Tyler ended up beating myself and Clash by two points. That basically means one of myself or Jacob is pretty much guaranteed to go home tonight, and I just hope it will be Jacob over myself. People keep reassuring me the vote is going to be Jacob but I'm always suspicious. On another note, Patrick and I had a good talk last night and he is definitely starting to plan a blindside against Clash. I know Clash is already expecting people to turn against him, which is why I need him to think I'm 100% loyal to him still. But if an opportunity arises, I will definitely take Clash out. Even if I'd rather have it be Allan or Liana. It's not like I'm in any position of power here with zero advantages in my pocket, so I need to take the opportunities I'm given. If I just manage to make it through this round my possibilities of moving further are much greater! What was maybe even more interesting, though, was that Pat told me Clash has told people I'm mad at them!!!! So Clash has been telling his side I'm ANGRY at them And Pat, like, believed it Me??? ANGRY??? That's the most bizarre thing I would never be angry over a game and if they knew me one bit they would've instantly known that was absolute bullshit hahah Pat and I agreed that he has definitely tried to prevent us from bonding together and control communication between the different sides. It's funny because I had heard all these stories about Clash running around telling weird things about me, but I was suspicious about them before. Now I start to believe that they were all indeed true. I think Clash wants all of us to be close to HIMSELF and HIMSELF only, so he could control us like his little puppets. And I'm definitely going to continue embracing my role as his sweet little puppet to get myself further in the game. As far as I know, Clash is my one and only true friend in this game. Who even are the other players???? Here let me present you a list of all the ways crackhead Clash has tried to bullshit people to change their perception of me: 1. Telling his side that I'm REALLY angry at them because they voted out Emily 2. Convincing Stephen that I was trying to target him, which resulted in him playing the vote mirror against me 3. Trying to get Tyler to hate me because I voted him last round 4. Saying that I'm mad at him for not including him in the Stephen vote. ... And probably a lot more that I'm not aware of. Regardless of all this Clash fuckery, I think my strategy of clinging onto Clash like a leech and making a f2 deal with him has greatly benefitted me in this game, and I don't regret doing that at all. If Clash didn't think I was close to him and 100% loyal to him, I would've been much more likely to go home at every tribal since the Emily vote. The others are way more willing to budge compared to Clash. In addition to that, Clash has been the perfect shield for me since his target will always be even bigger than mine. Nobody wants to go to the end with him. NOBODY. So when the time is right, they will try to take a stab at him. He could still definitely have an idol though, so I need to be careful. So long story short, Jacob or myself will most likely go home tonight, and I just hope they choose Jacob instead of me. Thank god he's been beasting those challenges, it definitely helps my case here. I kinda still hope idol paranoia would cause them to split the votes between Jacob and myself, however, because then Jacob, Tyler and I could manage to make a voting block and take someone from their side out. I'm just not sure they'd be willing to take that risk.

honestly, this game. So like im absolutely struggling, absolutely no longer on top of things but HEY im still IN. Honestly just doing some good old self preservation trying to #StayIn so thats FUN for ME. Made two fake idols and i highkey think it kept me safe that round so thats a hoot ;) AnyWAY jacob is probs going this round and theres nothing i can do about it! ✌🏼 People seem to be willing to flip on clash next vote tho hehe t

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ceceliapegasus · 7 years

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girl excessively bitter, no one cares

lmao so im just high key bitter abt my relationshits in life, u read tht right, and im just here to complain yet again

aye i made dat b on my tests doeeeeeeeee

so my childhood “friends” which i will refer to as “childhood friends” for the sake of clarity, and everything will be fact unless stated otherwise

-did not invite me to go to a con the first year they started going when literally everyone else was invited

-second year i coincidentally met them walking down the hall and suggested we hang sometime, to which 2 people turned and ignored that i was present, the present boyfriend, one whom i did not know, texting on his phone bored-ed-ly ( ? ) and the girl promptly replying to my “oh! we should totally hang or something later! if you have time.” with “yeah, uh, we can hang out of my friends arent doing anything and im bored later, later!”

-excessively tries to convince me, an extreme introvert with massive social anxiety, “you just gotta put yourself out there to make friends! i’m outgoing and weird so its not hard for me to make friends! just do it!” whilst, yes, physically quoting the meme... me: “thats just really hard for me, you know? haha...i mean i try but--” them: “well that’s how you make friends so.”

-me, the year after their first con: “hey, we should totally room together! it’d be fun!” them: “oh, sorry, i already made friends at (previous con) so we’re staying with them.” me: “oh okay, next time!” them, literally: “nah, if my friends dont go i wont go”

-before spawn of their first con, them: “yeah if you need room we have some space.” me: “cool, yeah! i have a friend from out of town thats coming in so could she stay with cause she’s with me ??” them: “no, sorry, i dont trust anyone ive never met once before, even if she’s your friend, she could be a serial killer or something, you know?? haha.”

anywei the above are multiple verbal accounts of me being shut down and im just a bitter hag b/c i can deal with “nah” or “i hate you so, you cant bunk with us” or any iteration of such but being brushed off and ignored drive me up the wall to no end especially with such high hypocrisy rates i could form it into a knife and commit suicide.

AND THE POINT OF THIS SUPER REDUNDANT POST, BECAUSE GOD KNOWS IVE COMPLAINED ABOUT THIS SO SO /SO/ MANY TIMES, IS THAT IM FINALLY HITTING AX FOR THE FIRST TIME AND IM SO HAPPY BUT THIS GROUP OF PEOPLE ARE ALSO GOING TO AX AND LIKE.... I DESERVED IT FIRST ??? LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLllllllllllllll

MY PARENTS FINALLY LET MY CON BAN GO PROLLY B/C IM IN SCHOOL DOING WELL BUT IM JUST SO BITTER ABOUT THESE HOES CAUSE 2 RIDE COATTAILS, ONE IS BACKED BY HIS RICH PARENTS AND THE LEAD GIRL IS ( PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE @ ME & ) AN ENABLER B/C SHE HAS THE MEANS AND THEY MAKE DISGUSTING JOKES AND HAVE NO BOUNDARIES AND UPSET ME AND THE ONLY REASON IM BITTER AND I KNOW IT IS THAT THEYRE SUCH PRIVILEGED PEOPLE WITH THE ABILITY TO DO WHAT THEY WANT WHILE IM BOUND TO MY HOME 90% OF THE TIME AND ONLY WHEN I USE THEM AS AN EXCUSE CAN I DO SOMETHING I WASNT ABLE TO BEFORE

AND I DESPISE THEM FOR IT

all of my childhood friends had older siblings that got along and connected them while i had nothing and i feel like my problems stem one from another and i just hate hearing about them and how they’re all together 100% of the time and doing shit together and going places together and “why dont you hang out with them” “because i wasnt invited” “invite yourself!” “how do i invite myself to something i didnt know existed” AND ITS OBVIOUS MY PRESENCE WASNT REALLY WANTED ? IF I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE and their con/cos start was for all the wrong reasons and i know just b/c something started out “not good” doesnt mean anything /now/ but all i do is think and hate and nobody hates them or knows these things that murder my emotions and stability from the inside and it kills me inside that i can be insulted and pushed aside so easily by them low-key but its not a thing i can just tell people and have them share my self-pushed hatred because its not right and its just a thing that happend conicidentally with a snowball effect to me only because of how we related and these people are jUST so popular in the community and so well known and i encounter them ridiculously too often for people who OBVIOUSLY ? want nothing to do with me b/c nobody in god’s name uses your friend is an actually possible murderer when there are 30 other excuses or ill ttyl if im bored and alone lmao or im just fucking stupid, who goddamn knows

i dont think they realize they did these things to me in hindsight and its so awkward i try so hard to be friendly and relate and shit but im still so awkward and theyve known me so long it doesnt really slide where new people are “so happy” and “youre cute” but so im just extra baggage who talks to thin air and gets to go out impromptu during get togethers btwn our parents when its a requirement to drag me out somewhere so they dont look bad ( and this also adds fuel to my fire ) and like i try to be nice and i always get really sarcastic answers to realistic, hopeful questions and theyre literally always in the neighborhood but i just , dont get it honestly lol

this pointless situation literally causes 35% of my stress levels and it consumes me because i have no ways to cope--nobody to vent to, no “regular con friends,” no freedom, nothing. im probably gonna give myself ulcers but i mean if i dont who will lmao

my life is honestly just a moot point and i just want people to like me and enjoy my company and be with me etc etc and i feel like im close to that buts its like 1 step forward and 2 steps back kinda job and im just LOL

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anyway better question after the 40m it took me to cry abt this bullshit: if i only have a carry on what the fuck cosplays should i bring to AX.....i only realized today that i have like 3 school uniform cosplays with gray blazers of different design omf

#ami pls stfu #u dont wanna read this tbh lmao

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