#ill be 29 as of tomorrow isn't that fucked up

[izzy-b-hands]

i need a new icon on here. The picrews I've used in the past aren't working and like. yes i have a recently taken selfie if i want it to Actually Look Like Me that's an option but also absolutely not (I'll post the selfie randomly like anyone else would thank u v much, ppl only need to see that Once, not on every post i reblog)

But no character pics feel right either. or cute animals. utter disaster over here, it is. twenty injured fourteen dead but somehow only three of us in the house at the time. but it was That Bad

#text post #i took the selfie to update my LinkedIn actually lmaoooo #bc it's more of 'what they want' with plain background and shit #i think with it not clear that what's behind me is a regular ass white plain bathroom door it looks like im being held hostage somewhere #but if that's professional to ppl then alright have at lmao #ill be 29 as of tomorrow isn't that fucked up #that doesn't sound real if you told 18 yr old me I'd be 29 someday they'd snap ajsndkfngjg #this icon thing is the most pressing matter on my plate rn ofc/s and will be addressed before professionalism in pics and my bday #that and mum struggling to not be with me for my bday bc i Know it's gonna come up tomorrow #she and the bf are actually on a trip out of state to help her not think of it so she won't be sad #i hope it works bc im having my own Feelings abt my bday and will still help handle hers if she needs but also #would be nice to just handle my own rn. AFTER the icon change is done tho

[moku-youbi]

I wanted to do something fun for Halloween, and then it ballooned into a monster, but I'm still pretty happy with it. It's almost complete. The last chapter should be up tomorrow. I wanted to get it done today but trick or treating with the kiddo got me sidetracked!

Five/Klaus, Explicit ~30k

A successful biotech CEO at 29, Five is unwilling to accept a terminal diagnosis. The deck might be stacked in Death's favour, but if anyone could beat him at a game of chess, it would be Five. Klaus, the new PA sent by the temp agency, is happy to help him practice, although he presents a distraction Five just can't indulge with everything else happening in his life...

Tags: AU No Powers, Klaus isn't a Hargreeves, Terminal Illness, Grief/Mourning, Everybody Lives, Personification of Death, Happy Ending, Falling in Love, Fast Burn, Smut, Rough Sex

(Despite the Terminal Illness and Grief/Mourning tags, I want to stress it is a happy ending and no one dies. Five is going through some shit, trying to come to terms with his diagnosis, but I've tried not to dwell on it overly much--if you're concerned it might be triggering, feel free to reach out and I can give you details or answer any concerns)

Snippet:

“Is there anything you’re not good at?” Five muses, over a round of Spite and Malice, where Klaus’ stack is down to the last three cards and his own still has at least fifteen.

Klaus rolls his head to the side along the cushion of the couch to look at him. He moved around to watch the show during dinner, and never went back to his own side. Probably not the most conducive to gameplay, but Five’s not gonna say a fucking word. From this angle, the slit in Klaus' jumpsuit offers a view of the soft dip of his stomach.

“Candy Land.”

Five laughs. “You are so ridiculous.”

“I mean it!” Klaus says. He sits up, animatedly waving a hand. “I always get stuck in the Molasses Swamp with fucking Gloopy.”

“Yes, I’m certain that’s just the thing to have Death take you seriously,” Five says, still grinning wide enough to stretch his cheeks. “Showing up to challenge him with a children’s game.”

“Maybe he’d appreciate the change of pace,” Klaus says. He turns a little, to lean sideways against the sofa, one arm on the seat to rest his head against his palm.

“Maybe Death is tired of everyone taking him so seriously. Maybe you’ll amuse him.” Klaus reaches out with the tip of a finger, nail barely brushing the curve of his cheek. “Maybe he’ll take one look at your pretty face and decide to let you cheat him.”

The expression on Klaus’ face is open and fond, and it aches–that dull ache in Five’s stomach, a steady pinpoint of hot pain, his body eating him from the inside out. It aches, to think that maybe, were circumstances different…

Five cuts that thought off and shoves it aside. There’s no space for it in his life as things stand.

“Klaus,” Five admonishes. He catches Klaus’ wrist in a gentle grip.

There’s sombre understanding in Klaus’ gaze, tender as the touch of a loved one. There and gone in an instant, before his whole demeanour shifts. Bubbly and bright and irreverent once again. He reaches for his beer bottle to take another swig. “All I’m saying is anything’s gotta be better than chess!”

“What’s your problem with chess, anyway?” Five asks, curious and amused.

Klaus holds a hand to his lips as he hurries to swallow, clearly excited. “God, it’s just such a lazy choice when there are literally thousands of games to pick from,” he bursts out, swinging his bottle around in a wide, sweeping gesture. “How many fucking games of chess as the poor guy played in the last half millennia?”

“It has to be better than the stories from antiquity. I don’t intend to shackle him or stuff him in a sack.”

“Shackles can be fun,” Klaus says, speculative. He pauses to slip the joint between his lips and strike a match to light it, then draws in a lungful. “It’s all about consent, Fivey.” The smoke billows from his lips. “You can’t just invite a guy over to your house for the first time and slap the cuffs on the second he walks through the door.” Klaus smiles, and holds the joint out to him.

Five hesitates. His doctor has mentioned it as a possibility for pain management, but Five has never smoked, not when Diego and Viktor were going through their rebellious phases. Not now that almost all his siblings use it casually. Five has never been one for vices. Even with alcohol it’s never been about getting drunk. He’s never liked the idea of losing control before now, but simply being in Klaus’ presence has that effect. 

Klaus has just begun to withdraw when Five reaches out to take it. “Slow,” Klaus murmurs. Five meets his eyes, looking for guidance, as he brings the joint to his lips. “Just close your lips around it, and let it fill your mouth, without inhaling.” Five obeys, and Klaus gives him a sweet little smile. “There.” He takes the joint back. “Now breathe in, just a little, and let it out slow.”

There’s a slight burn. Nothing like he was expecting. The taste is more pleasant, too. “How long will it take?”

“Oh, you’ll feel it soon,” Klaus promises. He takes another long, deep drag. “Anyway, my point is…” His brow furrows. “What was my point? 

“Fuck chess?” Five prompts, with a tease of a smile.

Klaus eyes go wide with feeling. “Fuck chess, Fivey! Like, Death could be playing, I don’t know, strip poker, but all these basic ass bitches think they’re gonna flex on him.” He shifts his weight a little, folding his leg up against the sofa to rest his chin on his knee. “Incidentally, there’s another game I might lose. But. I mean…” His fingers toy with the necklace hanging loose in the opening of his jumpsuit. Brushing bare skin like an invitation. “Even when I lose, I think we all win, in the end.”

“Of course you’d lose,” Five snorts. “You’re wearing a onesie.” 

“It's a jumpsuit,” Klaus corrects, haughty. “This is high fashion, Five”

“Sure. Regardless, Death wouldn’t be a single hand away from defeat. He isn't going to be wearing a onesie.” He thinks the pot might be kicking in already. It’s not at all like being drunk. His whole body feels light and easy. The shadows in the room are smudges blurring into the light, everything just lightly out of focus.

“It’s a jumpsuit. And he might be,” Klaus sulks, bottom lip jutted out. “You don't know what he's got going on under that cloak.”

Five laughs, helpless. His heart squeezes painfully at how much he loves being around Klaus, how he wants to keep him near. How he wants to reach out and touch. To pull Klaus in, fingers carding gently through his curls, and catch his pouting lip between his own. He has no defence against this magnetic attraction. Again and again he can tell himself not to want. He can make a mental list of the many reasons why he can’t. He can apply all his formidable logic to try to reduce what he feels towards Klaus to serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine, but it’s all in vain.

How can he ignore that longing thrumming within him? Constant and insistent, in time with the beat of his heart. Five has never been one to hesitate–less out of any sense of bravery, more of a lack of fear. But he’s afraid now, of what he’d do to Klaus, if he allowed himself to have this.

In their game, Klaus plays the rest of his hand to clear a stack and flips over the top of his bank to reveal an ace. Five shakes his head in disbelief and dismay. “Just call me Death,” Klaus crows, “the way I’m owning your ass.” Off the look on Five’s face, he dissolves into giggles. “Okay, okay, let’s try something different.”

#klive #my fic #the umbrella academy

[timeoverload]

Today was a pretty easy day for me. I had 29 cases but it wasn't as stressful because they weren't moving too fast. Nothing bad happened except I still haven't found that muscle hook. Hopefully it turns up tomorrow. I was happy that I got to eat breakfast and lunch and it wasn't terrible.

I did get very angry with the morning team lead earlier. He started telling me how he feels about trans people and I do not agree with his opinions. I told him I didn't want to have a debate about it but he wouldn't stop so I sort of blew up on him. He was telling me that he thinks trans people are mentally ill and he refuses to treat them with respect because he doesn't believe in that. He's always preaching about God and going to church every Sunday but obviously it hasn't taught him how to be a compassionate person. I remember a verse from the bible that says, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." I think he needs to read the book again. I believe if God exists then they created trans people and Jesus loves everyone. They have always existed and it's not a trend. He tried to argue that they are just "seeking attention" but I don't believe that's the case. I think all humans can be attention seeking and that's just the way we are. He needs to stop hating people just because he doesn't understand them. He said that we will have to agree to disagree and I was so mad that I had to leave the room. I also don't think that was an appropriate conversation to be having at work period. I don't want to be forced to be around a transphobic asshole. I barely said a word to him the rest of the day. He says so many horrible things and thinks it's funny. I don't think he realizes how mean he is. He was talking about one of the surgical techs and couldn't remember her name so he referred to her as "the ugly bridge troll". He makes so many disrespectful comments about women. He told me he would leave his fiancée if she didn't shave her legs and I think that's shallow as fuck. He believes a man should make all of the decisions in a relationship and I don't agree with him. He is just so rude and has the biggest ego. He's always pissed about something. I know I have been complaining about him a lot but I am forced to spend hours of my life working with him by myself. I hate coming in to work in the morning now. I think maybe karma is starting to catch up with him because he has been having a lot of bad things happen to him. He has been having a health issue and may need to go on leave. I don't want anything bad to happen to him just because I don't like him but it would be nice to not be around him for a while. He said he is going to come back to work the next day after his procedure because he "lives to work". He's crazy and irresponsible. He also spends at least half of his day talking instead of working anyway. I already know his doctor isn't going to let him do that. He thinks it's fine for him to come in to work anyway and is expecting everyone else to wait on him and bring him stuff to do while he sits. I'm not doing that and that's a bad idea for so many reasons. I really need to stop talking about him but I have been bottling it up and he has been driving me bonkers. I am going to try to stay away from him as much as possible. I'm sorry for going on a rant.

Anyway, there was an add-on at 4:15 and that didn't get done until 4:45. I didn't leave on time because it took me a while to get everything cleaned up but it's ok. I'm so glad I'm home and that it's almost the weekend. I am feeling strange right now. I think I might be getting sick but I can't tell. I have a sore throat but it's not that bad so maybe I will feel better in the morning. I am very tired and achy though. I'm sorry I haven't been on here as much. It's hard to use my phone at work and when I get home I am so sleepy. I am probably going to order a new phone on Friday. I have fallen asleep several times lately with the light on and my keyboard in my lap. I think I need to go eat something really quick and get ready for bed. I need to relax because I have 32 cases tomorrow and it might be a rough day but I hope it isn't. I don't like Thursdays very much but I will try my best to make it a good day.

I hope everyone else has a wonderful day tomorrow!!! Thank you for listening to me vent because that means a lot to me. Talking about stuff usually helps me feel better. I love you all!!! :) 💖💖💖

#personal

[dearcat1]

(Undercurrent)

Part 29 of An Exercise in Patience AU

For the next few weeks, they're both fucking exhausted all the time. It led to the interesting situation of both Xanxus and Tsunayoshi just falling asleep on the couch together, too damn tired to make it to their rooms. Xanxus isn't against it, if nothing else, it soothes his instincts a little. Tsunayoshi hasn't gestured yet whether or not he's open to being scented but if he sleeps in Xanxus's arms every night, just their closeness has the omega smelling enough of Xanxus for the alpha to feel calm. All of his packmates smell of him, like they should, and the omega is comfortable enough with them to snuggle up to Xanxus when he's feeling vulnerable and done for the day. It's a big improvement. 

When Xanxus mentions this to Squalo, the swordsman sighs but takes Tsunayoshi's hug, rubbing their cheeks together. "Screwed." 

Xanxus snorts, watching Tsunayoshi leave them behind in favour of the kitchen. "What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." Squalo shakes his head. "But when it finally dawns on you, look back and remember how stupid you looked."

"No guns in the kitchen!" Tsunayoshi warns, waving the spatula.

Given that they treasure Tsunayoshi's food too much to risk it, Xanxus holsters his guns and contents himself with sending Squalo a warning glare. "You're being a little shit."

The swordsman huffs. "Mark my words," he eyes Xanxus's coffee with a little envy and cowers a bit under Tsunayoshi's glare. "You'll remember today."

Tsunayoshi flashes Squalo his fang, nuzzling Xanxus before going back for more coffee. "I might be tempted to forget that tomorrow is your day to pick desert."

"Shutting up now," Squalo sighs. "I'm just saying you're both making this more complicated than it needs to be."

"I thought you were shutting up." Lussuria admonishes, hugging Tsunayoshi for a second. "And yet here you are, still talking."

Xanxus eyes them with a little more suspicion, pulling the omega against him when he passes them by again. "What are you plotting?"

"You'll like it." Tsunayoshi climbs up to Xanxus's lap, hiding his face against his neck. 

Right. Xanxus narrows his eyes, ignoring the doe eyes and the innocent look. "That wasn't my question."

Tsunayoshi pouts, slumping a little but he leans forward and presses a pleading kiss under Xanxus's jaw. "Please, alpha?"

Damn him. Xanxus sighs but allows Tsunayoshi to cuddle closer, briefly squeezing his nape in empty warning. "If I end up not liking it, you're going to be in trouble."

Squalo's snort goes ignored.

"Ok." Tsunayoshi rubs their cheeks together before pulling away. "I'll make steak today."

Xanxus isn't above being bribed. "Alright." 

The alpha knows whatever Tsunayoshi is planning is big, there's no way it isn't. Not with the amount of softening Xanxus up that the younger Sky is doing. He should stop the omega but he's enjoying the extra attention a little too much and he knows Tsunayoshi enough to trust it's not ill meant. Xanxus hums, digging into his breakfast and ignoring Tsunayoshi and Lussuria's urgent murmuring. 

Mammon sips their strawberry milk, reaching for a sandwich. "If you ruin this for me, I will take everything you own."

"Am I the only one seeing how overly complicated this is?" Squalo protests. "Fine, I'll back off. Voi, what a mess."

#khr #xanxus #katekyo hitman reborn #sawada tsunayoshi #a/b/o #an exercise in patience au

[little-bloodied-angel]

So my birthday is this Friday, and:

-I'm sick as a dog currently, can't see my doctor until tomorrow, and it may be covid, which would mean I'd have to be in isolation.

-In no small part thanks to my mother, I haven't hit my weight gain goal. I feel guilty but also just look awful in general, and I'm weak and in pain

-I look even worse because I've been sick and depressed during the relapse, so I haven't kept my eyebrows up after my last professional appointment, which was really difficult to do at home without equipment anyway and being nearly blind. And the appointment was in July anyway. I also haven't gotten my hair done like I usually do around my birthday. And I couldn't replace my gel nails because my mother keeps putting it off because she's a cheapskate, same as the eyebrows, so now one is broken and the rest are overgrown (I got them done in late August). There's no time to fix any of it even if I could pay for it because there's no way I can get the appointments. Even if I could, I can't call for those appointments until I'm tested negative for covid, and seeing the first point that's going to take a while

-Because dealing with my BDD and ED isn't enough, I got my period and I'll still have it on Friday, so I'm going to be super dysphoric. And only able to wear black clothes in case of stains. And not being able to take a nice bath either (can't use insertion object type sanitary products).

-My uncle/godfather is completely ignoring me

-My father has basically disappeared and hasn't mentioned my birthday once

-My mother is a piece of shit as ever and now she's taken to leaving me completely alone to go to her father's house despite me being actively sick now and not "just" disabled. Which means that I'm coughing my lungs up and with such a high fever I see double, and I still have to at minimum take care of the dog and feed myself. The last time I was walking the dog I got so dizzy because of the fever and general weakness that I almost split my head on the edge of the sidewalk but when I told her about that all she did was yell about me not being careful enough. The only times my birthday has been mentioned in the house at all is whenever I bring it up and she complains that I want everything to be about me and "ridiculously expensive things" like the nails. Btw she's still living off the money she gets both from my dad and from the government for having a disabled child and living in my house without paying rent or mortgage. So even if I was really asking for expensive things, that's my money.

-My only irl best friend dipped on me because she mixed up the dates related to an event that features one of her comics.

-Most of my online friends aren't talking to me either

-Something else that I'm really upset about but that I can't mention in a public post for more than one reason.

There's more stuff going on but these are just the recent developments as of like last month. It's like some force of the universe heard me complain about not wanting to turn 29 and also about how difficult it was going to be to celebrate and decided to make it outright impossible. Most of my birthdays have been pretty sad and lonely, especially lately, but man I suspect this one is going to take the cake. The only one that probably can't be topped is the one where I planned my super special 18th birthday for months and then I died during the party (coded during a seizure) because my chronic illness finally had it with me and suffered a steady decline ever since then.

It's really looking fucking great. Alone, looking horrid, being depressed, no party, no presents and no special food. Of all the things I wanted I am going to have literally zero.

And of course if I ever do make mention of being sad about this my mother becomes even more emotionally abusive than usual.

What's the damn point anymore?

#me #personal #abuse tw #ed tw #anorexia tw #weight mention #period mention #tw periods #dysphoria #gender dysphoria #neglectful parents #loneliness #tw seizure mention #tw suicidal ideation #tw covid mention #abandonment #birthdays #chronic illness #depression #lmao even the person I'm commissioning a bday present for myself from has disappeared on me #trees #sunflower #ali #sam #negative #negative self image #negative self talk #body dysmorphia #body dysmorphic disorder

[per1shed]

I'm not good at words so I don't know what to say but 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

I'm older and what I want to say is that until 29 at least there is time for anything to change for the better at least three times over. There is so much time in your twenties and you only realize it when you run out of it. I never went through anything as painful as you,it was just a couple of mental illnesses for me,so this might be just pointless toxic positivity since I can't fully know how you are feeling. But there were many times I thought there was no point in continuing and then the tide would suddenly turn and some small change would bring some unexpected luck forward. The worst part of being young is how intense literally everything is,but the best part is is that everything can reach you and even small actions still have a lot of power.

I'm sorry I can't give any actual helpful advice,but just,please don't give up.

I'm currently just floating,so I can't say I'm making any effort to survive,but spite or anger or envy are sometimes more motivating than the other emotions(if i had a therapist they might disagree on that). Yoongi gets to be at a stage in his life where he can say "i'm happy,i'm calm i'm healthy"? wtf,I want that too? I want to have a future diary that goes something like "December 27,2027,i'm eating bibimpap that i made together with some friends(ok maybe having more than one friend is too ambitious but whatever),and tomorrow is a workday,but not the worst,and I just have an absolutely ordinary life in some normal city in some country that isn't a trashcan and i'm just able to work and survive on my own(i'm suspending my disbelief a lot here but fuck it) and life goes on,and i'm actually not dreading it or being terrified of my future for once".

So yeah,what would you write in your imaginary good timeline future diary? or future weverse post that you write in 2024+ that bts is gonna reply to?

you don't have to post this unless you want to or if you feel like it

I hope tomorrow will be a better day and next year a better year for you🌻🍀🌱

hey my love thank you for your kind words <3 first i wanna say that struggling with a mental illness is bad enough so there’s no need to compare, your struggle is just as valid as mine is! even before i got physically sick i was very very ill, so i know it’s bad enough. i think i’m at a point where the only option i have is to constantly try to find small things to get me through a day, if i wouldn’t do this i would contribute to my own suffering and i can’t do that bc then i would actually kill myself. so your advice isn’t useless! i do have very little hope left in me but it’s there and it’s what keeps me going. also i’m the same way hh, whenever the boys talk about how they’re doing i’m happy but i’m also very envious, i wish i could live a good life. i think you have a very good mindset and i really hope all your dreams will be fulfilled one day! <3 i also just want to live an ordinary life. a peaceful life, i think once you become really really sick you realize that the only thing in life that counts is health, when you’re not healthy you have nothing. i want to be healthy and happy, that’s it. i hope we can live a life like that one day <3 i hope in 2024 my living situation has been figured out and i have a diagnosis for my physical problems, i hope it’s something i can recover from even if don’t think it is. i hope i’m better than i am now. and i rly hope you’re having a good day too, thank you for your message dear anon ily <3

#anon