#ignore this its just my weird feels

[sodiumsorbae]

people who say that life without love isn't worth living haven't experienced setting things on fire

#my words! #aro #aromantic #i'm dating someone now which makes me feel weird about posting aro stuff but #romance ain't all that #i'm still aro i i guess #i'm not like fully allo #yall should ignore these tags #there isn't a word to explain how i feel about romance but lets go with not quite apathetic #maybe its just: amatanormativity(i cant spell that shit we need a shorter word) sucks shit

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #ok i love seeing the IT gang up on him its my soft spot #but also this is the kind of scene i was talking about prev #about how dunking on your friends is itself intended to be a demonstration of your closeness #yosuke's trying to make teddie feel better about himself but then he ends off his remarks with a joke #as he tends to do to diffuse tension! by being light hearted and playful #im not sure if naoto was intentionally playing into the joke here considering how new into the team they were but rise definitely was #i think a lot of Yosuke's jokes tends to take on the tsukkomi-and-boke kind of routine. #although yosuke frequently plays the tsukkomi/straight man by calling out his friends' weird logic during comedic scenes #in this scene i think rise (and naoto)'s quick reaction is very similar a tsukkomi follow up #so its not just a matter of ribbing on yosuke but also them knowing his humour well enough to follow up #and that makes me so happy because the more tragic more isolatory thing. would be for him to he ignored entirely. #he's good with his queue

[cemeterything]

why is it that i love socializing on my own terms and go out of my way to talk to strangers (when my paranoia isn't seriously acting up at least) and get excited when my friends message me or ask to arrange to hang out and love dressing in weird outfits that i personally think look nice even if everyone else finds them weird and judges me but the second i get invited to a party my brain goes full carrie white about it

#🐉 #i guess its probably because being invited to a party means i owe it to the organizer and the person its for #not to make them feel uncomfortable or draw attention away from them by being weird and strange and myself #whereas in public people have the option to ignore me if they dont like my deal and my friends of course accept me and love me for who i am #but still. ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #like i dont need social approval but i DO need to make sure i dont 'cause a scene' at someone elses special event #ALSO!!! i hate the concept of overdressing why the fuck is that a thing im gonna kill you just let me wear my little outfits

[rebellum]

I feel like... Perhaps... Arguing that transphobia is defined by murder and that anything other than murder doesn't even matter... May NOT be conducive to fighting for trans rights.

Like... people want the right to exist as they are. They want to have access to hrt and surgeries and prosthetics. People want access to clothes that fit them and reflect how they want to be seen. People want access to medical care (eg. Getting screened and treated for sex-based forms of cancer can be impossible if you have the "wrong" sex listed to receive those tests). People want to be respected and treated well. People want to not be sexually assaulted and beaten and abused. People want to have access to housing and jobs, and the protection to not lose those things for being trans. People want access to shelters for homeless people or survivors of domestic abuse. People want name changes.

Acting like all of those things don't matter because at least they weren't murderered by an individual (and instead die of suicide or state violence, or survive and suffer) isn't okay.

#'hey people are forcibly detransitioning you and raping and beating you and you lost your job and are going to be homeless and #probably die of infection from being stabbed for trying to go to the bathroom. but at least you arent part of a demographic that has a #higher murder victim rate! shhh just ignore that we dont actually have data on the murder rate of your group.' #do ppl like. forget state based violence exists. and that thats most violence minorities face. #idk man im just. mad about people on here acting like youre only oppressed if youre a perisex trans woman who was AMAB. #cause i exist at the intersection of multiple minorities and being told hey u experience violence but at least you wont be murdered by an #individual feels like a slap in the face. #like it doesnt matter if i have to mask my neurodivergent behaviour bc if people see they could assume im on drugs and call the police and #i could potentially be really hurt but not die but hey at least i wont die just be horrifically traumatized by police brutality! #there are millions of people with mental illnesses similar to my own around the world who are institutionalized and forcibly medicated or #living on the streets or dependant on horrifically abusive caregivers #but hey at least they arent being murdered! #like. the way the transphobia discussion on tumblr rn discusses (and doesnt discuss) race and ability and class and health makes me #feel very invisible. #like if people had to choose who to believe about my experiences between listening to me a black/mixed mentally ill maybe disabled (used to #be disabled) hella nd trans nonbinary person #or listen to a white middle class trans woman's take on my experiences that theyd choose her. its such a weird weird microcosm. #its like a monkeys paw like people are finally listening to trans fems and finally recognising the violence they experience and finally #actually caring about them but for some reason decide that in order to do that its necessary to throw every other minority under the bus #like fuck man have you seen how 'anti transandrophobia truthers' discuss race? its NOT okay #we all matter we all are so similar and are part of the same groups and same communities we need to stick together #stop using trans fems as a battering ram to hurt other minorities challenge #cause like. yes its some trans fems. but its mostly NOT? #like its non trans fems telling other non trans fems that they arent oppressed #and even when many trans fems are like what the fuck dude of course other trans ppl matter whats wrong with you #the group of like 80% non trans fems 20% trans fems are like 'hmm if you are defending other trans people you must not really be trans fem' #like. denying trans fems their identity bc they disagree with them?? dude someone doesnt stop being a trans fem cause they recognise #people other than trans fems matter and exist #its just all so WEIRD its a weird little tumblr microcosm #i wanna stress. for those of you who dont have access to other lgbtq+ communities. how much it seems to be primarily a tumblr thing. to

[tethered-heartstrings]

having a blog that feels more like a performance or meeting a made up expectation instead of a place to just be and exist and vibe and share vague but maybe personal stuff or just silly jokes and flop textposts that relate to nobody but me was a mistake

#delete later #the speaking clown #its a rough monday lmao you can ignore me #I feel my blog is in a 'make it or break it' vague wobbly wooshy state of uncertainty and possible indifference #who knows #there is a line of 'this is too personal and may dox me' and 'this is personal enough no one will give a shit or get a weird judgy feeling' #and if it is the latter i shouldn't care and yeeeeeeettttt #i had rootbeer alcohol this was a mistake..... anyway.... #also a fear of the people who wish ill will on me seeing me struggle as if struggling isnt a human experience #bc ik for a fact that just bc i blocked those fuckers doesn't mean they arent under fake accounts and sneaking in bc it isnt hard to do that

[farmlesbians]

ghosting someone after a date is something like wildly unfathomable to me which is why i’m still kinda like…. ouchie ow owie over it a couple months later like what do u MEAN??? how can u do that to someone so casually idk maybe i’m too sensitive but how can u treat people u have met so disposably (not a word)

#like its not even about the person who did it to me its just like huh????????????? my brain does not comprehend how u could do it and not #feel guilty forever. i don’t think i’m made 4 dating like just tell me straight up and i’ll be okay with it now i’m just like ????????????? #and i know theres not something i did to ‘justify’ it like idt its rly justified ever unless the person is a genuine threat but its like ? #?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? #like ‘nobody owes anyone anything’ but like why do u only do things if u think ur obligated to cause u owe it to them just be a decent pers #woke up at 7:40 am after a weird dream ignore me #my friends keep telling me that i gotta get used to it but like…… 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅 why cant people just be decent

[houndfaker]

i dont think ive flat out drawn kikumitsu before but the beast awoke tonight i guess

#p3 #persona 4 arena ultimax #p4au #mitsuru kirijo #kikuno saikawa #kikumitsu #kikuyukamitsu #<- mostly for organizational purposes on my part even if the stupid gay archer isnt anywhere to be seen. #quinn moment #quinn drawings #goinjg to be a weirdly long tag ramble sorry i have a lot of thoughts rn it is almost definitely because at the time of writing this its 3a #funfact kikunos back was arched at least like 30% more in the original sketch and i adjusted it after being like well thats scary actually #i produce A Lot about the kikuno/yukari aspect of kym because theyre by far the duo touched on the least in the polycule #i find their dynamic really weird and gay and funny so i doodle about it a lot #but it occurred to me i actually havent touched a whole hell of a lot on the kikumitsu side of things because imo they have the most #like...complicated thing going on? #special and particular relationship one that is beyond friendship. not even in the romantic sense its just that their roles and their #feelings towards each other transcend expectation. #in my little scenario its just really interesting to think about them navigating this shift in their bond. the deep feelings each one had #either set aside for ease or ignored in fear of misunderstanding. bits and pieces of themselves they opted to hide for their own or one #anothers protection. slowly bearing to one another that oh it was never just that i thought you were strong. it was never just that i wante #your happiness. i wanted to be by your side too. always. i am selfish underneath try as i might to never appear as such. #getting used to being able to want. getting used to knowing its not a bad thing to want. changing is scary but its good its ok #i get the impression theyre shy about each other. but also very eager. theyve been holding onto these pent up feelings for such a long time #that its only natural theyd want to be able to express them freely. but they have to take it bit by bit. save for moments where #it just becomes too much to bear i think? and they have to express it to each other immediately and desperately. which is what i wanted to #convey here i think. #god rest your soul if you read through all this it is sooo early in the morning and i have no reason to be getting this sick over #an obscure and underrated dynamic i dedicate unnecessary amounts of thought to

[maaaxx]

dont get me wrong i am more excited for this atla remake and the inevitable renaissance part 2 than i have ever been for anything in my life. however im also terrified of what changes this is going to bring to the fandom. Obviously the 2020 renaissance brought a lot of new and good things (zukka, a ton of amazing fics, etc). But more people joining the fandom means new people joining ao3 and interacting with fics and authors and artists too. Even in the few years that i've been active in fandom i've noticed a dramatic shift in how people interact with artists and authors especially. And I can't see this not getting worse as more people whose main social media experiences include tik tok and instagram coming to ao3 and tumblr. Like these people are used to content creators who revolve their content around what their audience wants because its their job, and I know this isnt going to translate well to the culture around ao3 writers especially when unconsolidated comments and 'advise' is already a problem for a ton of authors. And for people who dont understand that fics and fanart are supposed be transactional in the sense that you need to leave comments and kudos and reblog stuff when they're used to simply liking something *maybe* being enough. Idk whats going on with other fandoms, but I do know that these things have been an ongoing issue for the atla fandom and like I said, I can't imagine having another 'renaissance' and this stuff not getting worse.

#ive been plotting out new fics to post soon with the same energy as someone trying to start a business during a recession #but like i said idk if this is an issue with other fandoms because the atla fandom is the only one im active in #but i *know* that this is an issue for the atla fandom #Like people are commenting less and less on fics but demanding more frequent chapters #and people want to leave critism that the authors didnt ask for while also not leaving an ounce of praise #like there has been an influx of people just being so shitty to authors #and im not sure if its because of ignorance and people genuinely not knowing how fandom works #or if its entitlement and people are expecting the same thing from fandom creators that they do from influencers or book authors #like fandom has been so weird recently and it is a huge reason of why i havent been updating fics and stuff #when i started posting i wanted a community of people who shared my interests #not people who look at me like a celebrity who they can critisize like theyre leaving a review on rotten tomatoes #idk people have gotten a lot more hostile and its not as fun as it used to be and im scared that another flood of people #joining the fandom is going to make in unbearable #this feels kind of whiney but i am curious if anyone else has noticed it #fandom #ao3 #zukka #atla #max thinks shes relevant

[virtuousbliss]

BLISS BLISS HI BLISS I MIGHT JUST EXPLODE. IF YOU EVEN CARE.

i Don't even know what to say. This thing is INCREDIBLE !!! Its like if i was a beast of some sort. i would Love to be a Beast

#answered #bliss #PIPAAAA OH MY GOD THERE IS A BEAST IN MY INBOX ITS NOT EVEN FUNNY. ARAGGHGHRRR #you are literally so nices and so sweets #literally putting a tiny thang in my inbox #Also. bare with me while i decide what i want bliss's text to look like #she is strange and unusual and i want to convey that in her text but i also feel compelled to #do all the proper writing text. but im not sure !!!! #Im going to keep playing around with it for awhile until i figure out how i like it i think #also ignore if this side view of her antennae is weird ive never even thought about what she;d look like. if she turned her head #so this is just me experimenting with ideas and seeing if it is presentalbe #Omg i love you rambling in tags ok bye

[peachypizzicato]

you gotta be fuckin kidding me /pos

#FULL CIRCLE FULL CIRCLE #its really starting to look to me like this might be the last in the series? at least mainline maybe?? #idk it feels like theres been too many hints at this being a finale of sorts to ignore #which im totally cool with this installment is gonna be fuckin SICK #its just weird to think about lmao #squid games my beloved #not ship related #moneposting #splatoon #splatoon 3 #deep cut splatoon 3 #peachymisc #splatposting

[familyofpaladins]

I HAD A REVELATION

okay so I was thinking about gender. My gender. And my feelings about being a cis girl over time.

When I was little I used to wear all kinds of dresses and wore nail polish and even occasionally makeup (but like. Sloppily as a 7 year old would lol) and how overtime I stopped wearing nail polish and stopped wearing dresses and despised make up. I dont really remeber why I stopped with nail polish. Maybe because it flaked off too easily or maybe I was sick of the few colors we had idk. I know I gradually stopped wearing dresses and night gowns because I was sick of being told I couldnt "put my legs up [up against the wall or just straight up in the air] or that I had to sit a certain way while wearing one. So I wore more and more pants.

I think about how i used to stand in the toys aisles while my mom did grocery shopping and look at "The Boys" section and think how much cooler it was than the girls section.

And I think about how my music teacher told us one day we'd hit puberty and we'd grow and us girls would be like "[in a high pitched voice] OH MY GOSH I LOVE BOYS AND DID YOU HEAR ABOUT SO AND SO" and I looked over at my classmates and friends to see if they were also terrified of becoming annoying teenage boy-obsessed girls.

And i think about how when I was at my friend's house and we were building "tree forts" in the woods i would wish I had a penis for the convenience of being able to just go pee behind a tree, because squatting near the ground was Not Fun and I hated walking all the way back to the house. And I think about how I hated that I'd have to wear a bra once my boobs started to come in

Now you might be thinking. Friend I think you want[ed] to be a boy. But the thing is, i dont.

I may have hated being restricted in dresses but I dont actually hate them. I've gotten a couple dresses in the last 10 years (for prom and graduation and a [not my] wedding) and how I actually did like how I looked in them and enjoyed wearing them for that time.

I think about how I was jealous of the boys selection of toys, but also how I had a ton of barbies that I massively enjoyed and how if I'd been a boy I probably wouldnt have been able to enjoy them (thanks to pressure from society) as well as a bunch of other "girly" items and shows and movies. I think about how I'm actually Asexual and that I wasnt scared of becoming "a young woman", I just didnt understand the obsession with sex/romance/boyfriend&girlfriend stuff.

And while having a penis is more convenient for peeing I also remeber thinking that it would suck to get kicked in the balls and/or that trope of falling on soemthign between your legs that happens in so many movies (not that it feels any better with a vagina honestly). And that if I had been born a boy I'd most likely have to deal with all the toxic masculinity forced on me, and I'm glad I dont have to deal with that.

And while me and my boobs dont always get along, I remember that after getting my first cute bra, I thought. Oh well maybe this isnt so bad. And I mostly wear sports bras now because I do wish they were smaller and I HATE that so many bras (EVEN THE SPORTS BRAS) are already padded into cup shapes, and while I don't mind Having Boobs, i Do Not want to show them off. And sometimes i think that maybe i wouldn't mind chopping them off, but then i think how my figure/outline/silhouette would look with out them, and that seems worse.

And i think about the times I've accidentally been called "Sir" from tired fast food employees when wearing gender nonspecific clothing and felt happy about it. But not "oh it feels right to be called sir/he/him" , but more of "hehe I fooled you! You thought this was a dress but its pants!"

And really this is all to say. I was born a girl and grew up that way so it's what I'm used to. If I'd been born with a dick then I guess I'd be a guy. If you magically stuck me in a male body right now, would I feel like a Guy or feel like a girl in a guys body? I honestly dont know. So am I non binary? Maybe that that doesnt quite feel right either.

Being a girl is what I've grown up as and into, and it's what I'm used to and going by anything else is… odd. Maybe itd be better and maybe it wouldnt. It's like an old blanket. You've had it forever and maybe its frayed and patched maybe a little too small and it's not what people expect you to have for a blanket, and maybe you could do with a new one. But nothing feels right with out it. No other blanket feels the same. It's what you're used to and its familar. It's a comfort blanket.

And that's why being a [cis] girl is my comfort gender.

#Sorry that got LONG #This is a very personal post and I dont mind it being reblogged if anyone wants to #But dont be weird about it please. Dont tell me I'm an egg or actually trans or nb. Cause I'm not #*points at post* I'm a girl. It's my comfort gender :) #(edit: I don't mind if the 'wrong' pronouns get used. Like if someone uses he or they for me I'm not gonna be upset #I more just dont want labels put on my gender besides cis or comfort gender ) #Man I need that post where it's like so many asexual people are removed from gender. Cause yeah that kinda fits #Maybe I'm agender or soemthing. But mostly I'm Chill With Being A Girl #Also feel free to also totally ignore this post #I'm just rambling about thoughts #Gender identity #Comfort gender #Its after midnight so I apologize if none of this makes sense or like. There are unfinished thoughts lol

[possibly-eli]

curse of ireland's only real known, widespread influence outside of ireland being a youtuber and a musical artist. like babes im so sorry to ruin whatever quirky fairycore bogland or super hype loud fun idea you may or may not have of ireland but. it isnt that im sorry. its literally just a place

edit: i put too many fucking tags on this post and it broke so youre just going to miss out on my immaculate rants. tumblr fucking hates me

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[strangerhands]

if any of you ever notice me liking, un-liking, and re-liking your posts, (sometimes multiple times a day. sometimes multiple days apart.) please (try to) ignore me. i am sorry. i am insane. thank you. have a good day

#i like actually have issues #i need to ''line up'' and semi-organize my likes (which act as my bookmarks) #and like. it drives me insane when things arent how i Need them to be. #like for example three fics of the same character need to be one after the other and stuff #it goes kinda deeper and more insane but just to give you a general idea #so catch me constantly liking and unliking and reliking things a billion times #also do it to like put some things back at the top of my likes because so much gets buried so quickly and i just need to remember its there #both with things i that havent read yet and with things that i want to reread #i feel like so insane and annoying about it all the time🧎but like its just something that i Need to do... #like it actually kind of upsets me #if i dont. but also when i do. #it also honestly makes me scared/nervous that people will get really annoyed and or weirded out by it if they see/notice it happen:/ #i definitely have further mental issues #anyways #basically just im sorry and please ignore me #talkin shit #maybe i should talk to someone about this. or go down the research rabbit hole. aaaaaaaanyways. #goodnight! #it is 8am and i dont know how im still awake! #this was a certified talkin shit post #absolute wall of tags jesus #sorry :p #if you read all of this. i am sorry and i love you (big deal for me) #(another issue of mine) #🧍 #hashtag unnecessary off putting weirdo rant😝 #my specialty #okay bye #just had to edit this post a billion times. #woah tag limit reached. its a sign for me to shut the fuck up. note taken. thanks tumblr.

[burgeaux]

ok now that I'm in elpis I'll probably just post/react and shut off my phone immediately after more than ever to avoid spoilers and allusions and such

#i hope people dont see it as rude but #is this a safe space #maybe its just me not handling sttention well but people's obsession with sprouts livetweeting is a bit weird sometimes ngl #either people not letting sprouts actually go in without any allusion whatsoever #or talking about future events IN MY OWN REPLIES LIKE YALL STOP TALLING ABOUT VENAT IN A TWEET THATS OBVIOUSLY COMING FROM SPROUT IGNORANCE #i mute any tweet that gets traction and isnt my own art anymore just b #people cant help themselves and i see it in other sprout's replies #and dont get me wrong i love people being excited to watch me go through it its very fun but damn some randos are weird #it just feels bad when i can tell people follow for that and not burgeaux/my art #and i know the solution is to stop livetweeting but why should i sacrifice the way i talk/post on my side account of all things #i hope this doesnt make me sound awful i really am appreciative and love talking with people about the story #it just puts a bad taste in my mouth sometimes and im not used to attention like this i guess

[gibbearish]

its been fun watching the hbomb subreddit try very very hard to stick to the "if anyone harasses james on my behalf they wont see the light of heaven" by imo overcorrecting to "any time anyone mentions somerton ever it's because you're obsessed with him and want to pick on him because he's the villain of the week" bc its like. yknow actually i dont think people keeping an eye on his various attempts to weasel back into the spotlight and keep doing his same old shit over the last /two months/ is the same as harassing him because it's hip and fun. i think maybe those are not the same thing

#and like obv yes its possible to do both but idk #im just kinda like. 'dont harass him' and 'ignore him completely even if hes continuing to do shitty things' are um #different. those are different #origibberish #i will say though that subreddit is very good for gauging if im getting weirdly parasocial at him #like i still have yet to do that at a celebrity i like afaik because i just. Dont Like Celebrities usually #so now that i have one (1) that autism brain has finally decided to look up to im like Uh Oh Is It Finally Time #and then i see posts on there sometimes and im like. ohhh ok no i get it now #and i mean i can see why they feel that way‚ its the hbomb subreddit and Thats The Most Recent Hbomb Video #and it had yknow. immediate and impressive results #so of course people are going to a) talk about it a lot and b) talk about the aftermath as it happens #and if youre in the 'only talking about this one guy' group and that one guy has only talked about one other guy in the last Year #like. yeah . youre mostly gonna be hearing about that guy #oh parasocial abt hbomb not abt somerton i just realized how the phrasing there was weird jwhfksbfk #that being said i literally made a post like two weeks ago abt how i didnt actually know his first name so like i think im probably good #my scope of knowledge about him extends Exclusively to whats In His Videos #or well and i guess to like. patreon posts too but i tend to just dismiss patreon notifs without reading them a lot KENFKSNFMDB #like yeah yeah this show i follow posted their podcast i dont follow early for patreon subs i dont care get out of my way