#if you saw me post this 30 mins ago no you did not

[mystellenia]

giving ellie a hoodie full of kisses ୨ৎ

summary: you paint a hoodie with kisses for ellie, and the gesture flusters her.

content: nothing much, just ellie being shy

notes: answer to this req!! i'm trying a new format of posts. sometimes i see people do not quite hcs but also not quite a normal, paragraph-formatted fic. its this in between of bullet points????? idk lemme know if yall like it

(wc 0.6 k)

after spending an hour on painting your lips and pressing them to the cloth of the hoodie you'd gotten for ellie, you sat back and examined your work

you had to admit: the hoodie looked beautiful. but! you did not!!!! your lips were stained red from the paint, your back hurt from hunching over to kiss the hoodie, and you'd probably ingested about an ounce of red40!!! (i know red 40 is in food but let me be silly)

after washing the paint that had gotten on your skin off in the sink, you ironed the sweatshirt to seal the paint in (don't ask me how that works bc idk i just saw it on tiktok like 10 mins ago)

and now we wait for ellie to come home!!

when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them. one day she's gonna take a step and they're gonna turn into a cloud of dust i swear

anyway you're sitting on the couch with your phone in your lap, the painted sweatshirt folded into a square with the kisses hidden inside. she walks towards you and gives you a lil kissy kiss on the forehead like hiiii

you get all smiley because you're excited for her to see the sweatshirt and she gets all suspish.... like what's so funny....

sooooooo.... you tell her you made her something and unfold the hoodie and hold it up to your body so she can see the full thing. and she would soooo get all beet red, like, "...you made this for me?"

and you're like "yes of course do you like it queen" then she gets over the like flusteredness (????(actually i revoke my ???? bc i just made that a word)) and gets so happi like yayyy!!!!

then she looks all confused at your lips and is like "is that why your lips look so severely chapped and red?"

and you get mad so you take away kiss privileges so she does the only reasonable thing which is putting you in a headlock to force kiss you

would definitely immediately put it on and go look in the mirror at her with it on. she'll start geeking and thank you and all that jazz

she would wear that shit 24/7. sleeping working showering shitting ANYWHERE best believe she has that hoodie on. and you tell her its been like 2 weeks of her wearing it nonstop so she needs to wash it but she refuses bc she doesn't want the kisses to start fading. u wash it anyway bc its dirty and she cold shoulders you for about 30 mins before she sees some dumb reel she just has to show you (me fr).

i feel like she's a hot sleeper--like she gets too hot at night to wear the hoodie but she still wants it so she'll just hold it as a baby blanket of sorts and Whatnot.

wait very unrelated but does anyone have a baby blanket that they've had for so long its like basically just threads thats so funny

but overall she loves it. she likes to kiss the kiss prints you made on the sweatshirt bc it's "like kissing you."

there was one time she couldn't find it for like 2 days (because you'd washed it since she never does) and she tried to act all nonchalant and unaffected like she wasn't about to start tweaking and like twitching

then you gave it to her all calm because it was literally just in the wash and she was like "what😨😨😨 where did you find it😨😨😨" and you just tell her it was in the wash and shes like "oh that makes sense"

pls im so sorry. before i say anything i would like to formally apologize to the anon who submitted the ask for this bc this is so shit. you ask me for a product and this is how i repay you!! shame on me. please dilly dally on over to my asks and ask me something else so i can actually, i don't know, do a good job!! this ask was cute tho u ate with that

@picklesarenice69

wow i very strongly dislike this format so much this is the first and last time i will be doing this!!! i’m only posting this bc its been like a week since i last posted and the citizens will soon revolt, which the city's defenses cannot afford!! we're about to run out of wheat like times are getting tough. maybe i should just try just headcanons 🤔

can you tell i was fighting demons to not make this my normal vocab and format. like just look at this sentence and how it progresses: "when she finally comes in, she throws her keys on the table near the door and toes her dusty, disintegrating, been-to-bethlehem-and-back converse, bc have you seen them." the way that sentence progresses is just the silly demons taking over and also my coping mechanism for grimacing at how much i didnt mesh with this format

like i just couldnt take myself seriously. "yes of course do you like it queen" HELLO??? WHY DID I TYPE THAT but i will not be fixing and/or deleting it bc its making me giggle

dont get me wrong some of you ladies chew it up but i am made for unreasonably long and time consuming fics!!! i’m getting heated too bc not only is this so short and quick to do but it also takes less focus and brain power and ofc i had to make things hard for myself and hate it!!! i’m soooooooooooo silly

click here!! oh and here too!! ˶ᵔᵕᵔ˶

---

edit: wait i would like to clarify that i just hate this because perhaps i’m not used to it. if you guys like this maybe i'll do more bc i follow the clout always 💯

#mystellenia 𐑂°‧₊ #ellie #ellie tlou #tlou ellie #ellie the last of us #ellie x reader #ellie x you #ellie x y/n #ellie williams #ellie williams tlou #ellie williams the last of us #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x female reader #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams x you #ellie williams fic #ellie williams fluff #abby anderson #abby tlou #abby the last of us #abby x reader #abby anderson x reader #abby x y/n #abby x you #tlou #the last of us #the last of us x reader #the last of us x y/n #tlou x reader #the last of us x female reader

[bellascool]

IDIOT

masterlist

request on my profile

posted : 13/02/23 (European date)

He knew you had trusting issues but he still did it.

long ass chapter, 3400 words so put yourself il a confortable position

edit 10/04 (European date) : wanted to change Bella to Y/n as I saw people didn't like it but it was way too long so I'll keep Bella for that story, sorry again enjoy !

You were currently in french class listening to your boring teacher talking about how you have to "conjuguer au plus-que-parfait un verbe tout en utilisant une proposition subordonnée relative"

Thankfully, your family came from France and talked to you in french at home which made your french classes way easier.

You sighed and started doing your exercises, not paying attention to the group of boys who were talking about you right behind your seat.

You were used to people talking about you for no reason at all.

You finished your exercises and since there was 30 mins until the class end, you decided to sleep on your desk.

-

You opened your eyes after someone gently rubbed your shoulder making you lift your head to see who was the kind soul who didn't let you sleep there.

"Désolé je t'ai réveillée mais le cours il est fini depuis 10 minutes et le bureau il est pas confortable si je me trompe pas. (hey I'm sorry for waking you up but the class ended 10 minutes ago and the desk isn't comfortable, is it?)" the guy said putting a hand on his neck

It was Kylian, a guy from your class. He plays for the national France football team and was really good to be honest.

"Ah ouais j'ai pas vu le temps passer merci. (oh yeah I didn't pay attention to the time thanks)" you said back putting my backpack on your shoulders

"Je savais pas que tu parlais couramment français tiens (I didn't know that you could speak french fluently)" he stated next to you while you two were heading to the rooms of our university

"Kylian tu m'as littéralement parlé français après m'avoir réveillée (Kylian you literally spoke to me in french after waking me up)" you chuckled at how lost he was

"Ah ouais merde j'suis con (Oh yeah shit I'm dumb)" he laughed while putting his hand on his forehead realizing how dumb his question was

"I prefer speaking english tho" you switched languages which made him look at you with a 'girl what' face

"Why? French is a beautiful language too"

You sighed, he didn't knew why you denied my french side after all.

"Let's just say I have my reasons" you stopped in front of your room door, now facing each other "anyway thanks for waking me, have a wonderful night" you mumbled before entering your room, about to close the door

"Bella wait!" he blocked it with his foot making you open it again "I enjoyed your company, can I uh.. maybe have your number please?" he looked down probably embarrassed

"Oh yeah sure, give me your phone" he smiled while handing me what you asked, you put on your phone number and gave it back to him

"Merci! See you tomorrow!" he finally turned around and left

Did Kylian Mbappé, THE Kylian Mbappé just ask for MY number?

You thought that to yourself, screaming in your head.

He was a pretty boy but your trust issues had to break the moment.

You had several issues with trusting people after your past relationship and it clearly was annoying for you to always have to be careful with everyone.

You sighed and went to your bathroom to take a hot shower.

-

After doing your night routine, you laid down on your bed and took your phone, now noticing that you received messages.

Hey it's Kylian :)

Hii, what's up?

I was actually walking outside and saw a bakery, and you know what they were selling?

hmmm idk maybe bread?

Bella..

Okay okay sorry tell me

Macarons!

Oh

What? Macarons are great and it's french, our country!

If you say so lol

I was wondering if you would like to come eat some macarons with me tomorrow after school?

You stared at your phone with your heart pounding on your chest.

AAAARRGHHHHHHHH

Sure! I would love that :)

Nice! I was kinda scared to ask tbh

Why? I should be the one scared of what you would ask!

Hey!

You talked for hours, getting to know each other and without even realizing, you put my trust in him.

You now believed that he was a nice person.

Kylian I'm going to sleep, I'm tiredddd

You're leaving me alone? :(

Yes shut up

Mean.

Anyways, good night! <3

Good night ma belle :)

You smiled at the name he gave you, it meant "beautiful" in french and you loved it.

You went to sleep with a smile on your face, imagining scenarios with the french boy.

-

You woke up feeling better than any other day.

You've made a new friend, he's Kylian fucking Mbappé and he invited YOU to go eat macarons with him.

You got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to get ready.

After getting your hair, outfit and makeup done, you grabbed your backpack and went to your first class, which was maths.

Oh you absolutely hated maths. You understood but it was so damn annoying.

You entered the class and sat on your usual desk, grabbing your stuff.

The class was about to begin but Kylian still wasn't seen, his friends were there but not him.

You didn't really pay attention, focusing on your work.

The math teacher started his class when the door swung open, revealing a breathless Kylian.

"Mister Mbappe, you are late !" your teacher said annoyed

"I'm sorry, I had training this morning!" he apologized, heading to the seat next to you

"I'll let it pass this time but you better find another excuse next time!" the man said before continuing his boring class

Kylian took a pen and pretended to pay attention when he didn't

"Are you going to not say hi or??" he whispered turning his head to see your face

"You're so dramatic, hi Kylian, did you sleep well?" you sarcastically whispered back

"Hi Bella, actually no."

"You didn't get your goodnight kiss? Want me to give you one next time?" you took a childish tone to make fun of him

"Actually yeah, I would love that"

Your eyes widened a bit unlike your cheeks who were flaming hot now, he probably noticed it since he started laughing

"No but seriously, you're still down for the macarons right?" he asked after calming down

"Of course!"

"Good, now I have a reason to be excited to finish school" he mumbled thinking you didn't hear but you did and it made you smile

The rest of the day passed really fast to be honest you didn't even notice that english, your last period, was over.

You happily packed your things and got out of the university, waiting for Kylian.

He kept teasing you all day which made you appreciate his company even more.

After 5 mins, you saw him walking towards you, his hands in his pockets, a smile on his face.

"Finally, I thought you would never come" I said while rolling my eyes

"Sorry, I had to give my homework to Mr.Julien, you know he hates when we give it late" he apologized

"All good, let's go I'm craving some macarons right now." you said before grabbing his wrist and walking

"Bella you don't know where the bakery is." he laughed while you were getting red, embarrassed

You let his wrist go but he didn't appreciate it so he gently grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers which made your heart go crazy in your chest

You walked to the bakery who was 10 mins away while talking and mostly making fun of your teachers, you laughed so much that you didn't notice you were arrived.

You entered the small bakery and headed to the counter.

"Hi, welcome to Petites Gourmandises, what can I get for you?" a lady asked with a smile on her face

"Hello, we'll take 15 macarons please!" Kylian said next to you, still holding your hand

"15 macarons for the cutest couple!" she said while putting them in a small box, you felt your cheeks getting red and Kylian chuckled at the nickname

"We're just friends!" you said laughing too

"Oh honey, friends don't hold each other's hands and friends don't look at each other as if they were about to kiss in a minute!"

Okay now you were really really embarrassed and Kylian not saying anything made it even worse.

You tried to take your hand off of his but he wasn't going to let you do that and held it even tighter now.

"Your total will be 30.99 please!"

You took out your wallet but he grabbed it from your hands and put it in his pocket.

"Bella, when you're with me you'll never ever pay" he said while scanning his credit card

"But-"

"Don't start." He cut you off

"There you go, have a wonderful day!" the lady said while handing you the box

"Thanks, you too!" you both said before going to a table, you sat face to face which means you stopped holding hands

"You know, I'm glad we became friends" he started while opening the small box

"Me too, I always thought you were like narcissistic and the kind of person to act superior because they're famous or something" I said before stuffing a strawberry macaron in my mouth, they're so good oh my!

Kylian dramatically gasped, putting a hand on his chest as if he was hurt

"How dare you?" he gasped

"Kylian you're acting like a bitch right now" you were laughing so hard at his manners

"Says the one who thought I was narcissistic!" he said in a bitchy tone making you laugh even harder as he joined you

After some minutes of laughing, you both took a calm mood again, smiling at each other

"Bella I have something to ask you" he started with a serious face

"What is it?"

"Why do you keep denying your french side"

You sighed knowing that one day he would have to ask the question.

"It's not easy to say, y'know" you were playing with your fingers, you always do that when you're stressed

"I don't specially want to talk about it in public to be honest" you said as you felt tears filling up your eyes as you remembered the reason

"Let's go to my room then" he proposed

"I-" you took a deep breath "okay fine let's go"

The way back to the campus was silent and it was better like that. It wasn't even uncomfortable.

You both made your way to his dorm room and he opened the door, revealing his little space.

It was nice, you were actually expecting something really fancy since he had the money but looks like he wasn't that type of person.

He sat down on his bed and you did the same, looking at the ground.

"So.. If you didn't knew already I grew up in France. I had a loving family y'know, I was an only child but I was never bored, my parents would take me anywhere I wanted to go" you smiled at the thought of your perfect little family "but like we say, nothing ever lasts forever. My mother started to be less and less present at home, my father believed that she just worked more so it didn't really matter." you paused, not wanting to cry in front of him

He must've felt that since he slowly took your hand, holding it tightly.

"He later found out that she actually was seeing another man, but the only man turned into multiple. He went crazy the night he found out. I was 9 but still scared of what I heard. He insulted her, calling her names and he started hitting her. I tried to do something but I was still a little girl and couldn't do much" a tear slipped from your eye and you felt a knot forming in your throat

That's when he wrapped his arms around you, gently stroking your hair

"You don't have to tell me, if you feel uncomfortable you can stop" He slowly said as you tried to calm down

"It's fine, you'll have to know one day" you held him tightly and continued "He beat her until she was unconscious, blood all over her probably dead body. When he realized what he's done, he couldn't let me there because he thought I would call the police." you did your best to stop the knot but it kept growing "he grabbed a vase and hit my head with it. He kept hitting until I feel unconscious too. If my neighbor didn't hear screaming, I would've probably died too. That night, I lost my mother and my father." That was when you couldn't keep talking, you had so much more to say but you just couldn't speak

Kylian just hugged you, slowly kissing your head as he felt his shoulder getting wet from your tears.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't knew, I promise I'll stay with you until you feel better" he whispered against your hair, making you smile

You were glad that he knew what was going on.

-

You were doing your makeup, preparing for your date with the french boy.

A week has passed since you told him and since then, he didn't leave you and made you feel better like he promised.

He invited you to go watch a football match, he knew damn well that you loved football but never had the opportunity to go watch a match.

You smiled as you left your room, he said he would join you in the entrance of the stadium so you just called an uber.

-

You were now searching for Kylian, there was a lot of people and him being a celebrity doesn't make it easier.

You suddenly felt someone grab your shoulder which made you turn around to be met by a familiar gaze.

"Kylian now why the fuck are you wearing a cap with a mask and sunglasses?" you asked confused

"I don't want people to ruin our moment" he said before you both headed to your seats

The match began 5 minutes later and you could feel him being strange

"Is everything alright?" you asked watching him worried

"Bella I know this isn't the perfect moment but I.. I think I fell in love with you" he said turning his head to see your face, he had taken off his sunglasses so you could watch his eyes

"Oh." was all you managed to say

"Oh I'm so sorry I shouldn't have said that" he started to apologize but you cut him off by pressing your lips against his, making him smile

You pulled out for air as he lightly smiled

"Shut up I like you too" you joked making him chuckle

"I'm glad then" he said before taking your hand in his, intertwining your fingers

You kept cheering for the team until it was halftime. Kylian received a text but you couldn't see what it was

"I'm sorry I have to use the bathroom real quick" he apologized before heading there

Okay there was definitely something going on.

You trusted your instinct and followed him, hiding behind a wall as he was with his friends from the university.

"Enfin (finally)!" one of them yelled

"Bien joué mec t'as gagné ton pari (Well done man, you won the bet)"

"Ça a pris du temps à la faire tomber amoureuse hein (it took time to make her fall in love huh)" his friend joked punching his shoulder

"Ouais je sais mais vous me devez tous 200 balles maintenant (yeah I know but you all owe me 200$ now)" Kylian said while laughing

"Ouais ouais ta gueule t'es millionnaire (yeah yeah shut up you're a millionaire" they all laughed

"N'empêche elle t'aime vraiment hein, t'as vu elle t'a raconté quoi? Sur sa famille (I mean she really likes you huh, did you see what she told you? About her family)"

Your heart skipped a beat, he told them?

"Je sais mec, j'étais trop gêné quand elle a pleuré (I know dude, I was so embarrassed when she cried)" damn. "mais au final je pense- (but in the end I think-)" you cut him off by throwing him your soda making all of them turn around

"Un pari, donc j'étais un pari pour toi. (A bet, so I was a bet for you)" you laughed, realizing how dumb you were for believing that a guy like him would ever love you

"Attends c'est pas ce que tu penses- (Wait it's not what you think it is)" he tried to explain as his friends laughed

"L'écoute pas, c'est carrément ce que tu penses, il s'est bien foutu de ta gueule (Don't listen to him, that's exactly what you think it is, he used you)" his friend said while laughing making you realize that it's sad

"Regardez moi je m'appelle Bella et mes parents sont morts sous mes yeux ouin ouin je suis traumatisée (Look at me my name is Bella and my parents died in front of me, I'm so traumatized)" his other friend mocked you, making your eyes fill up with tears

"Les écoute pas, je te promets je peux tout expliquer! (Don't listen to them, I promise I can explain)" Kylian tried to apologize but you just shook your head

"Tu sais quoi c'est bon, c'est ma faute d'avoir pensé une seule seconde qu'un mec comme toi pouvait s'intéresser à moi. En tout cas félicitations, t'as gagné ton pari, j'espère que t'es content pour tes 2 balles en plus sur tes millions. (You know what, all good. It's my fault, I shouldn't have believed one second that a guy like you could ever be interested in me. Congratulations, you won your bet, I hope you're happy to gain 2 dollars amongst your millions)" you turned around and mixed to the crowd, hoping he wouldn't find you

Tears running down your cheeks as you left the stadium, leaving pieces of your broken heart there.

You felt so dumb for believing in it but that was your fault for trusting him so fast.

You ran to the campus, it was 10 mins away, the plain moon enlightening the cold city.

You arrived to your dorm room and slammed the door behind you before collapsing on your bed, tears flowing your face.

You felt so embarrassed.

You didn't even wanted to go to school but you had to and you knew it.

You didn't even notice that you fell asleep.

-

The day ended, Kylian didn't even come to school but his friends did and made fun of you all day.

You didn't even pay attention to them. It was useless.

You headed to the dorms but bumped into someone, you almost fell but the same person grabbed your arm, helping you not to fall.

"Thank you I didn't see-" you started but immediately stopped when you saw who was standing in front of you

"Oh." was all you said before pulling off and walking past him

"Bella attends! (Bella wait!)" Kylian started, trying to grab your wrist but you managed to avoid it

"Commences pas (don't start)" you opened the door of your room but he still followed you

"2 minutes. Laisses moi 2 minutes pour tout expliquer. (2 minutes. Leave me 2 minutes to explain everything)" he said begging making you sigh

"Dépêche toi. (hurry up)"

"Oui, au début c'était un pari. C'est vrai. Mais je te promets je suis vraiment tombé amoureux de toi, je t'en supplie crois moi si je le pouvais je retournerais en arrière pour refuser ce pari à la con et je serais venu vers toi parce que t'es vraiment une personne géniale. (Yes, at first it was a bet. That's true. But I promise I really fell in love with you, please believe me if I could I would go back and decline the stupid bet and I would've came to friend you because you're really an amazing person)" you couldn't even look at him in the eyes

"Si t'es vraiment sincère, tu m'expliques comment ils ont su pour mes parents? (if you're really honest, could you explain how they find out about my parents?)" you asked, crossing your arms on your chest

"Y'avait Mathieu dans ma salle de bain mais je te jure je le savais pas et quand je l'ai découvert c'était en même temps que toi, hier et je peux t'assurer qu'ils se moqueront plus de toi. (Mathieu was hiding in my bathroom but I swear I didn't knew and when I found out, it was yesterday with you and I can assure you that they won't make fun of you anymore.)" he told you as he grabbed your shoulders, forcing you to look at him in the eyes

"Je sais pas Kylian, tu m'as vraiment blessée (I don't know Kylian, you really hurt me)" you said with teary eyes

"Et je recommencerai plus jamais, une seule chance. C'est tout ce que je demande. (And I'll never do that again, one last chance. That's all I'm asking)" he slightly smiled making you join him

You slowly leaned over and your lips connected in a passionate kiss.

You deserved to be loved too and he did.

You pulled out and put your forehead against his with your eyes closed.

"T'es vraiment un idiot. (you're really a dumbass)" you chuckled

After all, a boy like him could love a girl like you.

#kylian mbappe #kylian mbappe fanfic #kylian mbappe fic #kylian mbappe fluff #kylian mbappe x reader #kylian mbappe x you #mbappe psg #mbappe fic #mbappe imagine #mbappe x you #mbappe x reader #football x you #football #football imagine #football masterlist #football fanfic #football one shot #football smut #football x reader #kylian mbappe imagine

[windwheeler-aster]

office party

summary: even though it’s been a year since the break up, you’re still tense around your boss and former lover, yae miko. however, after a recent break up and attending the office’s yearly holiday party, you realize that yae’s feelings for you haven’t changed.

masterlist | advent calendar

pairing: yae miko x reader

reader info: uses gender neutral pronouns (they/them), yae miko and reader used to date, reader just got out of a relationship, and reader is not traveler

word count: 430 words (1 min and 30 seconds~)

genre: romance, hurt/comfort, exes to more

format: headcanons and blurbs

warnings: CEO!yae miko x employee!reader and exes getting back together

a/n: i feel awful that this is so shitty😭 but i hope that everyone had a wonderful time with this genshin advent calendar and found a piece in it that you really enjoyed 💖stay safe and hope you enjoy this 💖

You stumbled through the bustling crowd of people, all merry and full of holiday spirit. Although, the office space is clearly not enough for the amount of people invited. Did everyone bring a plus one? You thought to yourself as you slipped into a small conference room, which had been exempt from the holiday decorating.

You looked back at all the people and sighed, leaning on the table for support. “Why did I even come to this stupid party?”

“Oh, it’s not that stupid, sweetheart,” a familiar, sultry voice called from the dark.

You jumped as you saw the C.E.O. of the company emerge, her pink hair flowing behind her. The smell of her perfume— lavender and something else, if you recalled— overwhelmed your nose immediately. And her beautiful purple eyes would not stop boring into your soul, even as you turned your attention to the floor.

“Aw. What’s the matter?” Her hand slipped under your chin, lifting your gaze to hers. “Cat got your tongue? Or, rather, fox—”

You swatted her hands away, the sound of the slap echoing slightly in the empty conference room. “Don’t, Yae.”

“Oh, I’m just teasing, darling,” Yae reached out, but hesitated. “Sorry. Old habits die hard, I suppose.”

You furrowed your brow. “We broke up a year ago. That is plenty of time to—”

“Has it really been a year?” she rubbed her forehead. “It feels just like yesterday, to me.”

“Has CEO life really been keeping you that busy?”

Yae nodded. “With you by my side, my work felt more important.”

“Well, all good things must come to an end,” you murmured, watching as one of your coworkers helped Jared to the washrooms, too drunk to find his way on his own.

“Is that why you broke up with me at the party last year?”

You nearly snapped your neck when you looked back at her. “Yae, I didn’t mean to—”

“It’s fine,” she said, sadly. “A relationship between an employee and their boss wouldn’t have worked out in the end, anyway.”

“Well,” you began, gently sliding your hand over to Yae’s, “Maybe not. We had managed to keep it under wraps for a year… not even Stacy heard about it.”

Yae perked up, now curious. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that… maybe we could try again at ‘us’?” you tentatively put out, the heat rising in your cheeks. “If you’d like to, that—”

Yae’s hand came on top of yours and she smiled cheekily, the apples of her cheeks almost wrinkling her eyes. “I’d like another try at ‘us’, too.”

taglist:

@x-zho  @definitelynotaneulasimp @cxlrosii​ @tiredsleep @ireallylikehamsters​

(send an ask to be added or removed)

thank you for reading 💖 all forms of interaction to my posts are appreciated 💖

#wheeler's works #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin one shots #yae miko x reader #yae x reader #yae miko one shots #yae one shots #romance #hurt/comfort #exes to more #genshin advent calendar 2022

[kenobihater]

so, uh... netflix avatar certainly is a show, huh? i just finished episode 1 and i'm gonna ramble on about it below. blacklist "#len watches natla" or "natla spoilers" if you either don't wanna see this shit or you don't want spoilers.

fair warning that i was relatively neutral going into the show, but episode 1 was... hmm. i'm still struggling to formulate words on it. i didn't love it, but it wasn't shyamalan levels of bad by any means. i'm gonna hop right into episode 2 after this post bc i've heard the pilot and the finale are the weakest episodes and i genuinely wanna give it a fair chance before i cast judgment.

so, they open with the air nomad genocide. i knew this going in, but it certainly sets a Tone, a Tone that does NOT feel like avatar. like, i understand they wanted to elevate the level of maturity a bit and make things more serious, but was it rlly necessary to see a shit ton of air nomads get fireballed to death, culminating in gyatso getting burned alive trying to protect a room of children, who also presumably get incinerated?? they didn't show that part, instead doing a hard cut to katara waterbending a century later (resulting in EXTREME whiplash for me), but them violently dying is the only way that ends.

also, minor quibble: the firebending looked normal to me, but the general who killed gyatso said smthn like "you might have beaten me any other day, but today we have the power of the comet!" but their bending doesn't look very different from zuko's bending later? it's a little more flamey ig, but in s3 when ozai gets juiced up the motherfucker is out here destroying whole forests from his airship.

onto the acting. gordon cormier's portrayal felt a little too rehearsed and theatrical rather than natural, but he's a kid and acting is hard so i'm def gonna cut him some slack, and he does seem pretty happy and earnest, even if his delivery is a bit forced. kiawentiio tarbell is pretty good, but her dialogue left a bit to be desired, which isn't on her and i'll complain about later. ian ousley gave the best performance imo, tho ymmv bc ik there's some controversy around his heritage that i don't feel i have the right to get into due to tribal registration being a complex topic, blood quantum being awful, and me being white. gran gran was barely there and just exposited everywhere in a weird callback to the og intro, so i don't really feel like she's that important even tho i liked her casting. uncle iroh... i'm not sure. he wasn't too prevalent, which is understandable this early on. i liked paul sun-hyung lee's warmth, but don't have much to say otherwise yet. and then there's dallas james liu. i think his acting was pretty solid, at least on the level of dev patel's performance (which i swear is a compliment bc he was the only good part of shyamalan's dumpster fire of a film imo). i think the issue i have with the performance is down to the writing, which i guess i'll get into now bc it's my biggest issue with episode 1.

the dialogue flow was mid, and there was a bit of info dumping from gyatso in his scene with aang which i found distracting. speaking of info dumping, gran gran was just kinda there to explain the last hundred yrs to aang and then have zero interactions with her grandchildren before they flew off, which was dumb.

still on the topic of writing: i mentioned the tone set by the opener, and i think that's bad, but it also fucked up the pacing by not starting at the same point the og did. by the end of the episode they shoehorned in the trip to the southern air temple with like 11 mins left (i checked) and so that made aang's grief triggering the avatar state feel rushed. i also thought the flashback to gyatso's earlier dialogue when aang saw his corpse was unnecessary. like bitch, i watched that 30 mins ago, i remember it fine! by the end, aang seemed waaaay more driven than he did in s1 of the original, almost as self-confident as he was in s3. like, he accepted being the avatar real quick. i'm pretty sure he'll display a bit more uncertainty later in the season (at least, i hope he does), but that still felt off to me.

my biggest complaint about the writing is zuko. i KNOW he's a brat, i am well aware of that as a lifelong zuko girlie, but was him trying to kill sokka necessary??? he was literally about to throw a fireball at him when he was lying defeated in the snow before aang stepped in. he also commanded his soldiers to burn the village to the ground at one point. i understand he's a villain and that they're attempting to corner the Prestige TV market here, so they've decided to make him grittier. i don't like it, though. in the cartoon, zuko is driven in his awful quest, but he's also honorable - in the village he nods his head in agreement when aang asks if he'll leave the village alone if aang goes with him. that little moment showed his honor, his true honor, peeking through. also in the cartoon, he's really bad at finding the avatar despite being very skilled in combat. i don't know how they're gonna have him show up very much in this season if he's gonna be more of a ruthless asshole tbh.

overall, i'm left just kinda confused with the tone and character writing of the show. i'm going to watch the whole season because it's only 8 episodes and i genuinely hope it improves somewhat, but i'd give it either a 6 or a 6.5/10, i can't quite decide.

#len speaks #len watches natla #natla spoilers #sidenote: zu.ko's scar isn't NEARLY graphic enough. that lessens the horror of it to me which i'm honestly rlly disappointed with #and final sidenote: HATED the intro especially considering gran gran repeats the og intro nearly verbatim later. the new intro was just bad #anyway. i'm still left kinda 😕 after this episode. i'd really hoped it would be better tho i kept my expectations low

[ifitistobeitisuptous]

I blew up a close relationship this week.

I need to talk about it. I need to grieve it, especially since I killed it. I know you don't need to listen, so I'm putting it all under the cut.

be warned. It's long. Very fucking long.

OK. I'm chatting with a beloved friend a week ago. I'm sleep deprived and behind on my meds. This is very relevant as you shall see.

We have a confusing interaction where I accidentally hurt their feelings. They say we should end the conversation there because things are too weird. I think they have left the conversation entirely, but I find out today they were showing the interaction to a 3rd party to get their opinion on what happened.

Meanwhile I'm panicking because I'd accidentally hurt someone who I love. So I delete any messages that might have been "the cause of the hurt" like an idiot cause a) they are still in the chat and call me on my destroying evidence and 2) I'll never able to point to the exact words I said and carefully explain what I meant.

My panic intensifies and I leave the chat and come back to tumblr where I send them a long message apologising and explaining, while still spiralling into a worse headspace. They tell me to get some sleep.

But I don't.

I'm getting suicidal. Yes I know that is not a rational response to the circumstances. Sleep dep is NOT good for my mental health. And hurting the feelings of someone I care about is a huge suicidal trigger for me.

So I write what is clearly a suicide note. And post it here on this blog. I address it to no one, a generalpost about how shity I feel. I don't even realise it's a suicide note to halfway through it. I don't mention the triggering events, and I say in the tags that it's no ones fault.

I go off and take a (safe) amount of sleeping pills with a (safe) amount of rum. Because even though I'm in distress I know that it's 80% sleep dep, and I can fix that if I self-medicate hard enough.

I come back about 5-10 mins later and delete the suicide note. It had no notes so I hopeful noone saw it.

I put up an apology letter to anyone who did see it, because I don't want to traumatise my followers. And after about 30 mins I take that down, because it too has no notes and I don't want to worry anyone.

I'm starting to calm down and level out, and about 2 hours after I last talked to my friend I go back to send them another apology with the promise that I really was going to sleep now.

Message can't be sent. Blog doesn't exist.

They'd blocked me without a word. I don't know when except sometime in the last 2 hours.

I don't know their mental state. Can't know. I'm worried. I know they also have suicidal issues, so I'm hoping they just blocked me to protect themselves.

I pop back over to discord to let them know I'm OK now. But they'd stopped me messaging them on there also.

Fuck. I had no other contact for them, so I had no way of checking on them to see if they are OK.

Days pass. My worry over them doesn't.

It builds.

5 days I wait. No word.

I'm hurt, but understanding. Their mental health is more important than our friendship. But I can't know the state of their mental health. I was hopeful every time I saw that I had notifications, that maybe they'd re-followed me.

I'd previously reblogged something from one of their mutuals, one I knew they were close to. So I dug through my old posts till I found it, and thus their blog name.

And so I searched their blog for any signs of my beloved friend. And saw they'd interacted 3 days earlier and my friend seemed fine. That should have been enough. If I'd found no evidence of interaction that MIGHT justify some of my following actions. But as it was I... well.

It wasn't enough for me. I made a fake account. A pretty obvious one. Shit, the bio was "stalker". I thought that was a lot less weird then spending the time and emotional energy to craft a believable account. No, none of this is healthy.

I used the sockpuppet to look over my friend's blog. They were posting normally as if their life hadn't had a hole ripped in it. So I followed them with the obvious fake blog. I wanted to get caught I guess. Provoke a reaction. Have them acknowledge I still existed.

They blocked the fake blog without a word.

At this point I'll remind you, gentle reader, that I'm here to explain and mourn, not to try to justify any of my actions.

So yesterday (when sleep deprived again due to a dieing pet) i followed their mutual's blog. With my fake account. I don't even consider following with my actual account, which perhaps might have made sense. Perhaps not. Still pretty stalkery to follow a blog for the sole purpose of seeing when they publicly interact with someone who obviously doesn't want to talk to me.

I still believed if we could just talk I could clear everything up and we could be friends again. Maybe never as close friends again, but they were such a ray of light in my life, I'd hoped to see some of that light again.

But I got their attention. They was angry.

They were angry that I'd deliberately insulted them a week ago, then threatened to kill myself because they'd stopped talking to me. Now as you had read above, that's not how it went down on my end, but now I understood why they had blocked me without comment. If I was who they thought I was being, then yes, block me into the sun. I'd deserve it.

So i felt hope. If I could get them to understand the insult was accidental, that the suicidal thinking wasn't about their actions but mine, that I wasn't trying to manipulate some response from them, then maybe we could fix this.

But of course that wasn't all.

They were also enraged that I'd stalked them and their friend... which yeah, I really had no excuse for. But I still thought that if they could see the first part was a misunderstanding, then a little light stalking is forgivable.

But they couldn't believe that I was innocent of the first part, since I was so clearly guilty of the second. And as they said, they were there a week ago, they knew I'd insulted them then suicide baited them to get them to keep taking to me. And they blocked me again mid my protest.

It could have ended there. It should have ended there.

But I knew. If only I could explain they'd see it was all a big misunderstanding.

So, with the fake account still (God know why?!), I compose an ask to their mutual. And again I'll stress, this is me saying what I did, not what I should have done.

Unfortunately as it was an ask, not a message, I don't have a copy. But it started along the lines of "if you think it would be ok, can you pass this on. I understand and accept that you might ignore it or, block me and that's a fair response."

And so I apologised. I accepted blame. I accepted this was probably the end of our relationship. But I also tried to explain how it was a misunderstanding. And I don't even remember if I addressed the stalking bit. I did say I was never going to log into that fake account again.

then I took a nap. I'd done all i could to mend the relationship (or at least end it with dignity), and I honestly didn't expect a response. Either because the message didn't get passed on, or because my former friend agreed it was the end and didn't contact me again. It was a message in a bottle, cast into the ocean.

I woke to 28 messages.

Threats of police re stalking. 9 messages just with the words "text me". Yelling at me, calling me a coward and immature for not responding. Calling my behaviour disgusting.

and I had been re-blocked. So I couldn't respond.

OK then. That hasn't gone as expected, because I'm an idiot for expecting unrealistic things.

So I spend about 30 mins to find their friends blog again (because I'd forgotten the name), this time with my real account, as I'd said I'd never log into the fake account again.

So to send a quick ask, for them to pass on, that I was asleep and not ignoring their mutual. And could they unblock me if they actually want a response.

Ghost blog. The friend had blocked me also. And fair enough.

But it left me with a problem.

I didn't want to find another friend of theirs and ask them to pass on the "I need to be both unblocked and awake if you want me to reply" message. Even I knew that was too creepy.

So I pinned a little message saying that to the top of my blog thinking that you can't look at blog you have blocked, so there was little chance of them ever seeing it. And thus little chance of me hearing from them again. Can you look at blogs you've got blocked? I've only blocked porn bots and never gone back to check.

Now I had thought that the next time they messaged me was because of that pinned post, but I've been reading over the messages as I'm writing this and I've come to the realisation: they sent me the 28 messages before their friend had passed on the letter to them.

So probable order of events

I sent a letter via their friend -> they message me out of the blue 28 times then reblock -> i pin a note to my blog -> they receive the letter I sent via the friend -> they message me again to yell about that letter.

OK that makes more sense based on what they said.

Anyway. They yell at me. Again. Understandable now as they just got the letter. But they say I'm suicide baiting them, Again!? Now I really wish I had the letter so I can try to see how they came to that conclusion. I mean, maybe because it's tone is of a goodbye (as I think I'll never hear from them again). I'm just confused on that one.

They demand I delete the fake blog. I try to insist I never once suicide bated them. They don't care anymore. They declare the letter via the friend was the last straw and they had now no hope the relationship could be recovered. Which was surprising as I'd thought they were long past that point by now. It was sad but I think I needed to hear them say that.

I said goodbye because I knew they were about to block me a final time. And I said I'll go delete the fake blog. After which they blocked me before I'd finished typing "I'm sorry" again.

So. I'm glad I got to talk this out. It was therapeutic and allowed me to examine myself and my bad decisions. I almost hope none of you read it. I'm going to leave it here, however, as a warning to others to not get to close to me. Or at least make sure those who do know how fucked up I am.

I do want to hear comments and criticisms, sympathies and condemnations. Of me only. No criticism of my former beloved friend.

#Tw Suicide #self destructive behavior #self analysis #tw grief #Pointless pain #Irrevocable relationship breakdown #animal death

[misspeculiar-principe]

September 4

3:18:34 I hurt my left pinky while mopping and thinking of the kids of my family's friends; but this is inaccurate because i washed my hands; realized i heard God is awesome a few seconds or maybe minutes later

3:36:54 I hurt my right jh after washing my hands in the outdoor kitchen sink; i raise a hallelujah at 3:39pm

4:44:27 jh to see when i was about to check the time before i set to my timer (MOM WENT OUT OF THE KITCHEN AT 4:46pm PHT or 4:47pm PHT; THIS IS A SIGN NOT TO POST ANYTHING ABOUT SCREENSHOTS)

5:02:16 i sneezed while washing my hands

5:03:29 12:38 mins left timer set to 28 mins countdown; song before unspoken request was playing

5:06:51 jh to see 9:16 and 9:15 mins left

5:09:04 jh to see 7:17, 7:01, 6:52 or 6:51

5:09:55 6:10 mins left and 6:09 mins left

5:11:09 before going downstairs; i'm at the third floor

5:11:28

5:14:24 because i happened to see 1:42 and then 1:33 mins left last screenshot after sitting on the sofa waiting for something because i get pissed off that they control the water

5:16:33 timer went off

5:18:18 before putting my phone down

5:20:19 and 5:20:21 after dancing from the couch and standing up

I screamed. Thank You, Papa Jesus. 🤣😭❤

I actually told Him in my head that if He doesn't want me anymore, He can train others instead of me. I'm not the only one. I'm willing to let go. I avoid their birthdays, most especially my sister's family because they keep on making noises or manipulating the water so I would get irritated and look at the time on my phone; i'm stupid but i'm not that dumb

5:25:39 because of 143 comments

5:26:14 because I was the 396th like

5:27:02 because of 1:11 timestamp; i just wanted to take a screenshot of the song and I wasn't expecting it to be 1:11 timestamp

5:33:24 low batt alarm went off after i got oup from the couch and opened the door

5:43:28 because i was thinking of whether if i should post the screenshot when i heard the song and its lyrics; when i decided to wash my hands to take screenshots, i jeard that the song was about to end and i decided to pause it and it happened to be at 3:41 timestamp; Elevation Worship's "Quiet"

5:44:56 because of the song that played next

5:48:57 new post by your alleged open relationship boyfriend

5:49:21 when i liked his post

5:50:57 because i happened to see 1:43 but it changed to 1:44 timestamp and paused it to prove; i took it at 5:49pm PHT but i forgot to take screenshots and only remembered it at 5:50pm PHT

5:55:55 because of the song; i wasn't supposed to take screenshots but i was aware of the time when i saw 5:54pm PHT; i was supposed to ignore but then i heard the lyrics of the song which answered my thoughts and questions to God a while ago

5:56:50 jh to see 6:04pm; no wifi

6:03: accidentally unplugged earphones; funny that the song cover photo reminded me of what i did a few minutes ago wherein i raised my arms to praise God; thw lyircs 😭; no wifi

6:04:57 i was supposed to ignore just like what i did to 5:19pm PHT; no wifi

6:22:23 bug flew to my left eye after i turned on the light in the outdoor dirty kitchen

6:30:35 jgbimr

6:31:30 not sure already forgot (as im editing this post at 6:45pm PHT) but i think jh to see 2:13 and 2:14 and then 2:15 before looking away;

6:41:49 jgbimr at 6:40pm after getting dinner; only decided to take screenshots because i decided to take screenshots of the whole shuffled set before i do i mean

6:42:17

6:51: sneezed because i also saw 7:00pm on my old phone

7:09:46 jh to see 0:47 and 0:48 timestamp

I saw a song with a "no or none" in it, it means God doesn't want me to upload all of itm 🙇🏻‍♀️

7:11:46

What is it with 46?

My inner voice: "You don't have to explain anything to anyone. I know who you are."

Thank You, Papa Jesus. 😭❤

My inner voice: "She hates everyone. That means she's only here to prove to all of you that God is real."

10:00:42 because i happened to see 1:11 timestamp after pressing the repeat symbol to normal

10:03:14 because i coughed and almost swallowed my diy mouthwash; 14:54 paused timer set to timestop

10:05:45 because i happened to see 4:01 and 4:02 timestamp before looking away

11:35:31 jgbimr; took screenshots afterconnecting my other phone to my radio

[gillianthecat]

The Devil Judge: Episode 16

I just finished The Devil Judge and something about this show compelled me to take copious notes - it had emotional intensity and layers of mystery. These are long and rambling, so they're likely not of interest to anyone else, but since I spent all that time writing it I decided, why not post it. Perhaps someone will find it interesting.

Below are my moment-to-moment reactions, predictions and analysis as I watched episode 16.

eps 1&2  ep3  ep4  ep5  ep6  ep7  ep8  ep9   ep10  ep11  ep12  ep13  ep14  ep15  ep16

I wrote about my initial impressions, up to episode 5, here and here.

This is cleaned up only slightly. I followed the spelling given in the Viki subtitles. I mostly don't explain what I'm reacting to, so this will probably only make sense if you've seen the episode recently. Occasionally I give timestamps. 

ok.  here we go. deep breaths

oh god my heart. these two. their faces.

oh god. is one of them going to die? "even if it costs me my life." do they have to bury the gays even when they won't admit they're gay? It is still hard for me to imagine what a happy ending could even look like here, even if they were allowed to be in love.

Ga-On now has no power, he has to beg a low level police officer to intervene, just like an ordinary citizen.

Is he going to end up in jail too? or maybe he's trying to get himself arrested so he can bust Yo-Han out from the inside?

starting to feel like a rat trapped in a maze.  what doesn't Seon-Ah control at this point? I hope she doesn't get flattened out into just a conspiracy mastermind at this point.  

I'm confused about the timeline here.  I thought Prof. Min had been a supreme court justice for a while now? and it seems he'd known Seon-Ah for many years.  How long ago did Ga-On become a judge?  Based on my research I'm guessing any time from age 24 on, and now he's 30, so it's been 5 or 6 years?

but now it's looking like she only tried to rope Prof Min into her plot when Yo-Han began planning the public trials.  Which is just within the past year or maybe two?

(8:15)  either way, it's looking like Prof. Min truly is a moral person who got tricked by Seon-Ah because he wanted to stop the televised trials, which seemed dangerous to him (same, dude).  My first reaction is that he's pretty naive, but he doesn't see the same Seon-Ah that we get to, so perhaps she's just that good at fooling people.  

They're having it both ways: he was conspiring with the enemy AND he's a moral center in this universe.  Surprisingly that actually works for me.

"Whatever it takes"  a theme of this show - everyone has made this promise and then asked if it was worth it

I'm predicting she's misjudging him here. i still believe he's one of the few not motivated by personal ambition. he has no interest in being chief justice, he's interested in right and wrong

"Someone had to become a monster to stop Kang Yo-Han" With Prof. Min's face sideways reflected in the table!  I think this is the first time they use the reflection framing for him? now that we know he's also participating in the games of power.

Ga-On.  You're just careening around this world like a pinball now.  You lost Su-Hyeon, then you thought Yo-Han had betrayed you, then as soon as you found out he hadn't, he was sent to jail and you discovered your mentor, your moral center had betrayed you instead.  I feel like you must not even know which way is up anymore.  

he's a reactive character - that's his role in this narrative, but they make it work so he doesn't feel passive or stupid or without agency

oh god, the bandage on the hand.  the framing continues to emphasize the intensity of Y & G's connection.  

(14:05) Seon-Ah's in pink again as she enters the den of power.  Pink because she's feeling safe and in control? and the first time we've seen her in pants and not a short skirt? I feel like she's dressing more for herself now because she feels secure enough in her power.  

Cigars again.  Last time we saw a cigar someone died. a servile president Heo.  He's in the fall part of his rise and fall.  This actor is great - the role could easily feel like a caricature, but he somehow manages to make him seem like a plausible human being.

Our Two Representative Businessmen are acting more and more like cackling hyenas.  hmm, interesting theory that Seon-Ah has here.

oh yeah, i keep forgetting about this Dream Village plot.  I think it's because it's never really felt like it's the reason why Yo-Han is battling these guys?  the show is either still keeping his motivations mysterious, or is just confused about them.

Ah, the wives! I was just thinking we hadn't seen them in a while.  I hope they're going to be doing their own plotting.  

oh god, this is creepy. This is getting very dystopian.

Ga-On's note to Elijah.  It's so sweet that he wants to comfort and reassure her.  and yet it's just reminding me I'm pissed that this plot twist doesn't make sense.  and is a confusing explanation of Yo-Han's behavior

brave boy, preparing to go into the dragon's cave to rescue his prince. He's lost all his protectors and now he has to become the schemer and protector.

I keep thinking about Yo-Han's motivation.  They haven't yet sufficiently connected the dots between 'wants to protect Elijah from the guilt of killing her parents' and 'devotes his whole life to a complicated plot to take down the shadow government, committing many immoral acts along the way.' Like, he was always an outsider, and an adrenaline junkie, and walked the line of becoming the monster that everyone thought he was. He was always an ends justifies the means person. I guess I'm struggling because the big church fire reveal was framed as giving us the key insight into Yo-Han's personality and motivations.  but it was just a small detail, really.  most of what explains his behavior either we already knew or they haven't told us yet. 

Is he devoted solely to the few people he loves, and let the world burn?  He's literally said this before. and a lot of his actions support it.  but his complex plotting seems only to make sense if he cares about humanity at large, or about an abstract idea of justice.  If the foundation isn't responsible for the fire, than revenge can't be the reason he's going after them.  and i believe that he's not interested in personal power for his own sake, he's not like Seon-Ah.  or in money or fame like the Two Representative Businessmen and Prez. Heo. The only other explanation he's stated (although it's always been ambiguous if we should trust this) is that he cares about humanity and justice. which is literally the opposite of "let the world burn" 

So. Is there going to be another reveal that the foundation was somehow to blame for the fire?  Or does Yo-Han blame them because the only reason they were at the church was because they tricked Isaac into a donation?  It's a tenuous connection to motivate a 10 year revenge plot, but I could believe it fit's Yo-Han's character.  He apparently killed that firefighter just for stealing a watch off Isaac's dead body.  But the problem is he hasn't said this, and he's explained a lot of reasoning by now.  and it's so slight a connection it needs to be overtly explained for me to buy that's the reason.

maybe it's a structural issue?  I think they're trying to tell two different stories - an intimate domestic story and a sprawling political story, and Yo-Han is the connection point between the two.  but the two stories have different requirements for the character's motivations, and the writers haven't fully integrated those contradictory demands.  I think it's theoretically possible to make it work, but very challenging

But, patience. I'm sure they'll tell us more, and there's a chance it will even make all these contradictions make sense.

life in prison.  People from Yo-Han's past are trying to come back and haunt  him now that he isn't protected. I'm not worried though.  even if he dies it won't be at the hand of these bit players.

(24:30) ok. adventure heist time.  Ga-On has smuggled himself into the medical center in a box.  what horrors await us?

i don't' know if it's intentional, but all this plastic sheeting is evoking the false mansion that Seon-Ah built for the kidnapping

well, this is disturbing.  I'm guessing it's all vibes, and there's no logical medical/research explanation for what we see, but the vibes are effective.

perfect timing on the espionage Ga-On! almost like you were the protagonist of a movie

WOW this is an interesting choice in the middle of a real life pandemic where people aren't trusting vaccines.  (apparently vaccine conspirecy theoreies are not a major problem in South Korea, but still)  

https://www.mdpi.com/1660-4601/19/16/9914/pdf?version=1660218026  (opens a PDF)

Ga-On put your cap back on! These people know what you look like! I can't see how he's filming, but presumably he is.

(min 29) somehow this cartoonishly evil conversation works.  It seems like it should feel over the top, but i guess i believe in the evil of billionaires, and their honesty amongst themselves.

laughter, music and slowmo, echoing that first dinner party he attended with these hyenas

they're definitely making it seem like the Two Representative Businessmen are holding the cards here.

gasp! I jumped.  but yay allies! Ga-On, I hope you're filming everything.

Seon-Ah looks genuinely shocked and appalled.  But what did she think was happening at the dream village? It's always tricky in stories, to depict the conscience of an ambitious schemer who's done plenty of evil herself.  How do you make it feel real that there are lines she won't cross?

 Oh no, the girl from the orphanage is here. Her grief over this one individual feels realistic.  She sees herself in this girl.  And she's already been seen to have emotional connections to individual people (Jae Hui and Yo-Han)

ah, so Min Jeong Ho accepted the Chief Justice position. What is he thinking? Has he been corrupted or does he still think he's doing good with this?  "doing good" was not how Seon-Ah sold it to him, though

(37:49) I don't believe it though.  Besides the fact this is not the kind of story they're telling, that didn't even show him die. But, what did happen then?

this music, their music, playing over Ga-On's face.  It still makes me sad even though I'm pretty sure he's not dead. and we see Ga-On in reflection, hmm.  Does that mean he's behind this fake-out, or just that there is scheming afoot in general?

Seon-Ah's reaction. her face. the wine. she did love him, in whatever form of love/obsession that was. and the way they're cutting between Ga-On and Seon-Ah's reactions. hmm. 

(also that was the most colorful outfit we've seen on her, or anyone, yet) 

hyenas in their yellowing den. 

i'm wondering - As these rich men take more and more power back, their meeting places get smaller, less stylized and more "realistic" if that's the word.  those early shots from above of that stylized table in those stylized grey rooms.  whereas this feels like the kind of ugly expensive old fashioned rooms where the backroom deals really happen.  and the lighting gives everything the same yellowish tint that most of the shots from the blue house had.  It's the lighting for people who don't care how they look because they don't need to impress.  

I don't know how to interpret this yet, because I still can't predict who is going to "win" in the end. although I guess my gut is saying it's going to be the Two Representative Businessmen, cause i can't see a way out, storywise.

(40:40)  What is Min Yong Sik doing here?  If i'm remembering correctly, this is the first time that one of our Two Representative Businessmen has come up with a plan independently (on screen, i'm sure they have lots of plotting happening that they don't show us).  This feels significant, like they're no longer background characters.

um, this shot of the back of her head in her desk chair while she's holding a cigar is making me nervous.  That is way too similar to the final frames of Minister Cha. like, these are very explicit parallels. 

unformed gender thoughts on women and cigars, and the hyena trio's misogyny. which also didn't really get shown until about halfway through the series.

all four of them look confident that they have the upper hand.  Who is right?

Seon-Ah even orders her assistant to get her a gun.  Is this going to be a re-writing of Cha's story, or an echo?

I'm excited to see what her plan is! I assume she's not going to straight up shoot the president on live tv.

Oh Jin Ju, the secret weapon in this scheming, one we wouldn't have expected from her silly beginnings.  I love this for her.  and somehow despite the odds, she managed to feel like a real person.

uh oh,  what is Ga-On planning? Why does Oh Jin Ju need to leave?  my immediate thought is: bomb?  and is he acting out of rage and despair because he thinks Yo-Han is dead?  or does he know that he's not, and this is part of a bigger plan.  I can't see how they could be working together, but they have a lot of secret friends that keep emerging when needed.  oh right, he was going to reveal the truth about the medical experiments at dream village.  Is this how? is he bravely soldiering on with his work of exposing evil, despite his grief?

oh wow.  he's been suicidal since Yo-Han got arrested.  This was planned before Yo-Han's (alleged) death.  no wonder he looked so blank faced at the news. but i don't think he's actually going to die.  We have 45 minutes left.  and i don't think it's that kind of story. (she reassures herself)

the plan sort of makes sense from a p.r. standpoint, i guess.

but also, Ga-On.  you've been so broken down.  There's been so much other plotting going on that I sort of forgot about your grief, but your grief is huge.

FUCKK! I was genuinely not expecting that! (47:40) but this is the perfect way to get us out of this predicament. 

also so fucking romantic.  This is not platonic.  there is no need to shove him up against the wall to disarm the bond. Yo-Han's James Bond smile, his hands on Ga-On's chest. the slow mo, the way they look at each other.  the way they can't stop touching each other.  That embrace!! (probably the closest thing we're getting to a kiss)

Also, Yo-Han has shifted the tone to confident and humorous.  it's heist movie vibes.  So I'm starting to feel hopeful we'll get a happy ending for these two after all. it may not be a logical victory, but i'll take it.

Is he bluffing? Who cares? He's hot.

oh, i thought that was the plan they made, they were going to use the fight to smuggle him out somehow.  or even switch places with the dead guy.  but the warden was shocked.

I see that Yo-Han is not fully reformed.  still unbothered by killing this guy. In fact, he looks a little high off of it.  That's less disturbing now that I know it wasn't premeditated.  I'm glad actually that he's staying a bit feral, a little amoral.

and Yo-Han adapted and came up with the same plan as me. (everybody is getting smuggled out in body bags)

The plot is flying at us fast and furious now.  it may not make sense, but it's gonna keep moving.  and I'll place a bet on our boys winning.  I don't know how this tonal shift is going to fit with Seon-Ah's storyline.

This man loves his vengeance.  (52:20)

(53:15) I had a sudden image of the 7 of them trapped inside the court room and killing each other off, gladiator style.  we know (assume) there's at least one gun in the room. it would be a convenient way to get rid of them all, but i don't think it's going to happen. a) it leaves Ga-On and Yo-Han too uninvolved.  and b) i just don't think its that kind of story.  But I would buy one or two of them dying.  the president?  Chairman Park? Chairman Min still has a scheme afoot that i'm expecting to see play out. 

of course.  This is cute. and obvious now that it's happening.  return to our roots - the public trials.

The wives finally get names! (or perhaps the subtitles finally give the names?)

yeah, i think they would react with a little more composure? or at least pull themselves together quickly.  they're used to being in the public eye, to maintaining an image.  i guess they are drunk

but mostly i expect this is how the show is going to resolve the unresolvable - the satisfying theatrics of a trial, the powerful conveniently acting like idiots, and just ignore what happens to the country after this power vacuum opens up.  

although i wonder what's going to happen with Seon-Ah's Chekhov's gun. I'm betting someone will die.  If forced to guess, I would say her, even with this tonal shift.

(58:24)  this moment though.  this moment with Ga-On and prof. Min. it works, it's poignant, i can feel the history and the heartbreak.

but i guess we've gone to a black and white thinking type of world.  Prof. Min needs to stay the bad guy, so that Yo-Han can be the good guy and Ga-On's choice is justified.  The frustrating thing is that it still makes sense for Ga-On to choose Yo-Han even if both are morally grey. but that doesn't wrap things neatly in a bow.  It could be that what we're seeing here is just Ga-On making that choice, but it feels like this is also the show's point of view.

Yo-Han just really wants to get the public to collectively murder somebody.  

I feel like he's not actaully going to set off the bomb, the tone is too cheerful for that.  but who knows at this point.  

i was right about the 'trapped in a death room' vibes.

At least this time we're not pretending he's a legit judge.  but we've gone back to a conveniently credulous public that will do whatever is necessary to move the plot along.

but Seon-Ah's face. this whole time

 I should stop trying to find logic in places where I know it doesn't exist, but it seems like people can vote as many times as they want?  How is that democracy?  (shushshush, we're here for the vibes. for Yo-Han looking like a badass.  stop thinking)

He's going to the courtroom?  

Min Yong Sik is muttering to himself. OH! he was scheming with Yo-Han since that meeting where he suddenly became an individual?  That's why he suggested the celebration here?  I wonder what he thought the plan was?

But why do any of them ever agree to do anything with each other?  it always seems to end in betrayal. 

Drama!  but he's not suicidal.  The tone of this doesn't match that at all.

Ga-On is freaking out though, understandably.  

oh, it was a threat against chairman Min, not a promise.  that makes more sense.

i love a long-legged Yo-Han leaning against his bedframe.

I assume this part is all filmed and broadcast as well?

ooooh.  and they're connecting it back to the church fire as well.  unfortunately it's just a reminder of how flimsy that plotline turned out to be.

It's still powerful imagery though.  the lights are going on one by one. the rachmaninoff over the slow mo fighting and hair pulling that echoes the chaos in the classroom flashback.  the switch to that tender violin music and then the footage from the church fire. Yo-Han's face as he stands there unmoving. his face! his "hyung"

(1:09:02) and this is their final faceoff.  black vs. white.  waiting unmoving on opposite sides of the room as the power brokers fight like desperate children, not even noticing Seon-Ah. 

about 20 minutes remaining. 

and THAT was the correct use of Chekhov's gun.  perfect timing

Yo-Han's little smile.  I think he does love her, a little, in a way. he knows they are kindred spirits.

this faceoff. "Is it the two of us, in the end?" "Come with me, Seon-Ah."  

I think this ending is working for me after all.  bringing us tightly back to our main relationships. 

"Come with me, Seon-Ah." and that slight smile. oh, I'm getting chills.  maybe i was wrong, maybe he has to die for Ga-On to be free? I don't know!! This is getting intense again. their faces.  her slight smile. the tears in both their eyes.  they see themselves in each other. wow.  both completely ignoring the people around them begging. eyes fixed on each other

and it's not a performance of sexuality.  all their previous interactions had this layer of pretend sexual seduction. but this is just them, stripped bare at the end, seeing themselves in each other's eyes.

exhale. i'm both shocked and yet was also expecting that.  She was given too many exact parallels to Minister Cha. But why did she make that decision?

(i'm getting concerned that all three of our major women have died (and all by gun))

the last lines of the song, right before she shot herself, were"I cannot stop it anymore, it swallows me whole. save me from myself"  was that what she was doing, sacrificing herself to save Yo-Han?  she jumped out the window before for him (so far as they've explained)  "damm it, this is bullshit" she said before she put the gun to her head.  

oh god, the broken plate. and his kindness. heart wrenching

more thoughts on her "you know, i always loved you, young master" later

this overhead shot. her white dress (she wears white to murder) Yo-Han's face.  his sigh.

and as soon as the Yo-Han &  Seon-Ah relationship is resolved, Ga-On comes rushing through the door. less than 20 minutes to resolve everything.

I don't know whether to believe him.  it really depends on which story they're trying to tell.  A[repentant?] Yo-Han, ready to die for justice and because he thinks he's done with his work, feels compellingly intense.  and it gives Ga-On the chance to save him.  or to lose him.  and even with Elijah his love has been the sacrificial kind, not the stay with her kind.

but it just doens't feel like who he is.  he's not suicidal. and he would not let Ga-On stay there to die too.  that just feels absolutely out of character for any version of him.  

Once again I wonder, is this being broadcast to the nation?

"I will go with you." "You will be the hero.  For the devil, I will be enough."  wow what lines.  I guess he's genuine? and they're going for emotional intensity over plot and character logic?  i'll buy in, these guys do intensity so well.

holy fuck

and the intensity delivered.  I'm actually crying right now.  I wanted to see them together. elijah. my babies. Even though two minutes ago I was complaining that it makes no sense, it's still emotionally devastating.  my god. Ga-On.  What are you going to do? you've lost absolutely everyone.  I want to hope that it was a trick, we didn't see him die, just the ceiling falling down.  but... ah, who even knows at this point

the full circle symbolism of him destroying this courtroom at the end.  

Ga-On sitting on the curb.  Oh Jin Ju's kindness.  him wandering that house alone.  I keep crying.

I want to have hope for a twist, but I'm scared.  

remembering the times when one of them was shirtless. their history. (yeah this ain't a platonic relationship)

[long exhale] oh. this memory of the cards.  and Elijah wasn't there.  I'm starting to have hope.  Hope is a dangerous thing. oh fuck.

(1:21:55) holy fuck, yes!!! YES!! this blueprint. I think I'm allowed to hope now.  Are my dreams coming true?  Is this happy little family going to hide from the evil world together?  

they really just wanted to fit all the endings in there.

ok, whew. i didn't really think elijah would have committed suicide. but for a second there I was kinda worried.

What is this "just the two of us" nonsense, Yo-Han? you're not going to bring your boyfriend?  you left him hints.

ok, we're wrapping everybody up.  The housekeeper.  Judge Oh..

send Ga-On to Switzerland at the last second, show.  or have Yo-Han pop up somewhere unexpected to surprise Ga-On.  please don't let me down. you don't have to make them gay.  just let them be together.  Ga-On is alone now, you've gotten rid of everyone else in his life, you can't leave him without his new family.  please don't let me down.  we've made it this far.

structurally though, i think it's likely.  We have at least five minutes left and we're saying farewell to the supporting characters.  and i really don't think they'll leave him alone, this is turning into a happy ending type ending.  and an alone Ga-On is a melancholy ending.

oh, i guess they've gotta try and wrap up the political stuff too.  a sober meeting in a sober room (one we've never seen before) and a sobor new group of people (whom we've never seen before) we'll pretend that starting over with all new politicians will make things ok so our heroes are free to leave the stage.

(1:29:58) hmm, maybe I read that one slightly wrong.  It looks like there will be infighting and power games among this new group.  we do get an inspiring hero speech from Ga-On about justice and responsibility. and a brief defense of Yo-Han

I guess another possible ending is he becomes the hero he was set up to be from the beginning, and stays to work tirelessly to reform the judicial system.  But even then I think we'll see a text message or something from Yo-Han in the final seconds.

I really want him to go to Switzerland though.

ok, Ga-On yet again asking the questions that are on my mind. "It's the same, nothing has changed. What should I do now, to help create a world that doesn't need Yo-Han?"

wait. Is this it?! Is this how they're making my dreams come true?! not to mention Ga-On's dreams! 

oh fuck yeah! who cares if it makes any sense, this is amazing!  that salute at the top of the balcony!  they're having Ga-On run to his love!! 

oh my god.  their faces. the tears in their eyes. the love the connection.  it maybe looked a little like a goodbye, like a one final taking him in before he's gone forever.  But.  i'm going to choose to believe it was taking him in after you  had almost lost him. because Yo-Han's little nod just before he walked away? i'm going to interpret that as a "follow me"

ok. ok

I guess they're going with an open ending.  They had Yo-Han walk away and Ga-On stand there staring after him.  So viewer's choice.  It could be that it was their last farewell.  Ga-On stays and works to reform the government.  

But. they gave us enough for me to believe that Ga-On follows him and they end up together, somewhere, whether it's Korea or Switzerland, whether Ga-On still keeps working on reforms, or he retires and becomes a hermit with his new family.

Look, Yo-Han has already returned from being lost at least three times. He's gonna pop up in Ga-On's life again.  

fucking homophobia.  I don't know what forces were at play that led to them making what is very obviously a romance and then censoring it.  but the romance side did manage to give us an ending that felt happy with only a little squinting.  so good job them.

I could probably write a lot more words about the themes and storytelling of this series. But I'm just gonna take some time to recover from that emotional roller coaster of the final 30 minutes, and bask in their love.  

eps 1&2  ep3  ep4  ep5  ep6  ep7  ep8  ep9   ep10  ep11  ep12  ep13  ep14  ep15  ep16

#the devil judge episode 16 #kind of like liveblogging #the devil judge reaction #the devil judge #the devil judge spoilers #reaction by gillianthecat

[strbry-kat]

today 09.05.22

today, it really sucked. I was crying for a good chunk of my day because I could not fathom the loss of you. I tried so hard to get through the day, I watched Haikyuu because it was the show that raised me six, seven years ago before you ever came into my life. I was petty today and I added you to the email list for my school's music program fundraiser. In less than 20 mins, you donated $20, texted me you did, and wished me the best season, and it was the first real interaction we've had in 3 days.

I didn't text you back for hours. I watched videos on how to deal with a breakup and decided to film my progress so my future self can look back on me and be proud of myself and where I came from. I hate that I hoped one day you could watch with me and hold me while you saw how much pain I suffered in your absence. I made a 30-minute video voicing everything I wanted to say to you but couldn't.

I cried some more. I took a nap. I woke up scared and anxious and missed you.

And the day before I had added one of your family friends who I thought would be understanding of us and me onto my CF while I cried about you making the playlist for the other girl. I'm pretty sure they told you because you blocked me on Spotify (it's fine, it's better for me anyways) and posted your text on there asking for friends to tell me not to text you because it wasn't worth the pain knowing you still supported me yet could still mess with another girl. I'm guessing the mutual had told you because you texted again asking why I'm not even going to say thank you because you thought we were "cool."

I never thought you could be less understanding of me. I never thought you could ever be so mean and hostile. I apologized, and I gave in and texted you. I explained that I was trying to process everything and waiting to reply because I was scared that texting you would be bad for our happiness and health and progress. I hate that after everything, I was still considerate to you and apologetic while you kept being so distant and hostile.

You told me that you didn't mean to donate either because the moment you saw the link you just went for it because it was a force of habit because you're used to doing things for me. I agreed. I wished you well, thanked you more times while you said that it was fucked I didn't say thank you. I assured you that it was just a misunderstanding. I left out the part where I was crying all day. I left out the part where I was mourning your loss. I left out the part where I was jealous of the other girl and thought about ways that you could have touched her and she could have touched you the same way I yearned to touch you.

You fed into my false hope today. The last thing you said to me, at 5.55 pm, was "I wanted to do one more thing for her." I had deleted our chat so I don't know what you meant by her. You didn't clarify either. I assumed you meant by me. One more thing for her. Not one last thing, one more thing.

I laughed about it and ranted about it to my friends. We agreed that you were being mean and rude demanding for us to be 'cool' when you know that you going to another girl less than 3 days after our breakup would sit right with me. I laughed at the fact that even after 2 years, you couldn't tell when I would be hurting. I laughed at the fact that you genuinely thought I would be emotionally stable and capable of texting you back and sacrificing what happiness I could give myself during this process. I laughed at the fact that you sounded so pitiful and hostile and asked for a simple thank you after breaking my heart and my soul and taking me with you and hurting me when you promised that you would never.

I accepted the fact that the same person that I fell in love with two years ago, continued to fall into love with every single day until our breakup, had trusted, believed, and saw as a safe space, would have ever hurt me on this level. Have ever betrayed me like this. The same person who gifted me the promise ring less than a year ago, promising to love me forever and protect me, never hurt me, and be by my side through every single thing, would hurt me like this. The same person who the day we broke up, asked me to still wear the ring so that one day, you could still fulfill the promise. But you could still think about me but ask another girl out and make a playlist with the same songs we used to share, which you would dedicate to me, less than a week into our breakup. The person you were a month ago, the person you were half a year ago, the lover I held so preciously a year ago and this May, would not have hurt me like you now. The lover that stared into my eyes and promised you would never leave two days prior, said i miss you, angel the very night before, would not have done this to me.

You are unrecognizable. And I'm glad that in your bliss and happiness, as you said you have found, you have truly exposed what a truly horrible person you are.

You made today ironically easier. It's still a lot, I'm still hurt. I'm still scared that she gets to touch you in places I will never get to worship you in again. I'm scared she's going to be able to kiss all of that beautiful face and body that I adore to this day, this very breath. I'm scared she's going to take you away from me and I'm scared that you've abandoned me for good. Yes, this hurts, and I want to call you still and ask why. why do this to the girl you claimed to love? what happened between us and what did I do to deserve this?

Rest assured, my dear, no matter what I did, every single little thing I did wrong, or even the big things I did wrong, I do not deserve this. For the rest of the day, I didn't cry. I ranted to my friends and family who wholeheartedly agreed. I will talk to my piano teacher tomorrow. You added me back to your close friends. I think you posted a sneak peek of a HOCO poster you made for her. I didn't cry, I was hurt, sure, but I'm almost to terms with it. Only the ugly greenness of jealousy flashed. But that's okay, I only yearn for what could have been and the missing of your tenderness that isn't mine anymore.

I called my friends, and I laughed the whole time, even if I was thinking or talking about you, it wasn't that I missed you too much or that I couldn't do this without you. I talked about in ways how I can show that you didn't break me down. They gave it to me straight, really. Your tactic of guilt tripping me, putting me on the CF, and asking for a thank you, was all to get my attention and taunt me. I agree. They told me to block or at least unfollow you. I haven't, I'm still waiting. They told me that I don't deserve this, that you were likely already just waiting for the opportunity and you took it. I agree (one of them called you a cheater and I want to agree so bad). I listened to music with the boys the whole night. I felt good. I felt okay.

I don't know how I will take it tomorrow. It's been a solid week. I don't know what dreams I will dream of you tonight, because my soul still yearns for yours. But I know that I never deserve this. The same person who claimed to love me would have never hurt me like you did this past week. I allow myself to hurt and be sad, but I allow myself to acknowledge everything I acknowledged today.

Truthfully, I think about the day that you come back. I think about how everything you are doing right now is because the new girl just can't compare, and as someone on Reddit said, is simply just because you couldn't handle the loneliness or maybe you were just uncommitted or scared of it. That's okay, one day we'll find out. We'll have a talk.

I still laugh at the fact that you're probably realizing that you're being mean and stupid and cruel. I'm smiling right now, at this very moment, about how you're likely thinking of me, no matter what. Because as much as you said you are focusing on yourself now with us not in a relationship anymore, promised that you love me still, just wasn't mentally in the relationship, I know you just as well. I know that at one point, those songs did mean something and they still do mean something to us and you. At one point, you did love and care for unconditionally and you meant every promise you made.

But not now. And that's okay, it's just something I have to come to terms with because you couldn't commit to them. I mean a lot more to you than how you are treating me right now.

So, if you do come back, I don't know. You've betrayed me and lost my trust beyond what you can do now. I still hold love and care for you, that's why I haven't unfollowed you or blocked you yet (and recklessly, it's so you can reach out and apologize and come back to my arms) but that blinding trust is gone. If you come back, you have to prove to me, that you will keep your promises this time, that you will love me like no one else will compare, that you can only commit to me. Maybe, one day, when you come back and ask if we can try again, I won't give you the chance. Maybe, one day, when you come back, I will believe you and you get to fulfill your promises.

I saw a tiktok who said to do affirmations so:

I always get what I want. I attract peace and love and happiness in my life and environment.

Today, I am proud of myself. Today, I am progressing and learning. Today, I am accepting.

verzache - losing feelings.

#break up #lesbian heartbreak #heartache #encourageothers #diary entry #diary blog #writers #words #better days

[im-just-a-random-fandom-girl]

having a really hard time rn and just need to rant so i’m posting below the cut

having my worst couple weeks in a good 6 months or so. my anxiety is off the charts, and when my anxiety is bad, so is my depression. i’ve gotten into at least 1 argument per day with my mom, and a couple days ago got into 4. i feel like she’s suffocating me. i love her, but she’s always been overly protective and has strong opinions. college has given me the opportunity to dress how i want and do what’s best for me with my schedule without worrying that she’ll judge me or get angry with me for whatever reason. i’ve cried myself to sleep more nights than not. i’ve only been home a week and a half.

i also just feel very alone and not cared about right now. i’ve barely seen my sisters since getting home, and i was so excited to see them. they still have school, but i hardly spend time with them after they get home or on the weekends. with my youngest, it makes sense. she has final projects and tests right now, so she’s been busy with work. but any down time she has is spent with friends instead. like today, she obviously wasn’t going to do homework on a friday when she has a long weekend. but she invited her friend over to watch stranger things instead. i love stranger things and would have loved to watch it with her, but she chose her friend that she sees every day over me, her sister that she hasn’t seen in months. my middle sister still has to go to school, but she’s done with classes because she’s a senior. she has no homework, and still, i barely see her. she’s either in her room doing god knows what, or hanging out with people from school. mind you, this makes no goddamn sense because she hates her grade. she’s jumped around more friend groups than i can count, and can’t wait to go to college. it doesn’t make sense. i have friends from home, but not everyone is home this summer. everyone who is works, and the distance makes it even more difficult to see anyone. i went to a private school 30 mins away, so my friends live all over the place. i don’t know anyone from my home town really

basically, with my high anxiety and depression, i can’t function well enough to motivate myself to do anything that might help alleviate some stress, like drawing or reading or music. so i sit around, and try not to get into arguments with my mom, which just means doing a shit ton of work around the house. washing dishes, doing laundry, more dishes, walk the dog, make us all lunch, more dishes, talk to my grandma (who berates me about “not speaking spanish well” even though my spanish is very good, despite some mistakes, and claims that my youngest sister speaks better spanish than me even though her spanish is crap, AND says that my cousin can speak and understand spanish even though he doesn’t understand A SINGLE WORD i kid you not), go to the grocery store, pick up my sisters, help make dinner, walk the dog, do more dishes, and then spend the rest of the night alone.

to top it all off, i’m turning 20 on monday and i don’t think we are doing anything to celebrate. a lot of attention has been on my middle sister, and rightly so! she’s graduating high school on saturday, her prom is on thursday, she went to another prom yesterday, today she did the senior 6 flags trip, etc etc. but it also hurts. my senior year of high school was 2020. i didn’t get any of this stuff. i left from spring break and that was the last time i saw my grade. we had a graduation, but it was social distanced, and not everyone could be there. only my parents were allowed to come. i missed all of the senior year traditions that i was so so so looking forward to. i’m not jealous or angry, i just feel a little sad and some longing for what was lost. i’m just feeling very vulnerable and no one seems to notice or care. and the sting is worse because, like i said, it’s my birthday on monday and hardly anyone has given it a single thought.

idk. i feel stupid and lost and alone and i don’t know what to do.

#sara stupidity #long post #just ranting sorry

[eazy-group]

Tiffiney lost 24 pounds

New Post has been published on https://eazydiet.net/tiffiney-lost-24-pounds/

Tiffiney lost 24 pounds

Transformation of the Day: Tiffiney lost 24 pounds. She shares how she changed her relationship with food and worked out consistently to get results. As a woman of faith, she knew she could reach her goals and become more disciplined with Christ’s help.

Social Media: Instagram: @fit.over40.with.tiff

What was your motivation? My motivation to lose weight was to be the best version of myself. I strive to be better and better, and fitness was an area where I knew I was lacking. I was not giving enough focus and intention. I

As a woman of faith, I felt that I could do more with Christ’s help. I needed to practice self-control and discipline and to grow my fruit of the spirit. If I can discipline myself in other ways, I felt like food discipline had to happen as well. 

Also, certain health conditions run in my family. I would prefer not to take medicines to treat conditions that can be managed by being at a healthy weight. What inspired you to keep going, even when you wanted to give up? I was inspired to stop letting food control me. There are so many areas in life we have no control over. I have 100% of control over my food choices. I realized I was letting food bully me and control me. I would repeat to myself, “Food is not in control of me. I am in control of it”. 

How did you change your eating habits? I changed my relationship with food completely. No eating plan was going to work until I changed how I viewed food. I no longer glamorized eating, and I stopped following a lot of food accounts on social media. 

I prioritized protein and reduced carb intake. I consumed at least 100 grams of protein and 50-75g of carbs daily and lowered my sodium intake (just mindful of daily % per serving–no set grams). I drank at least 80oz of water daily. I have a water bottle with times noted that kept me on track during the day.

What is your workout routine? I have always worked out, but it didn’t help me achieve my goals. It wasn’t until I controlled my food choices that I saw results. I actually lowered the intensity and my heart rate during workouts. I walked three miles in the morning, five days a week, at a 16-minute mile pace. Twice a week, I added a second workout in the afternoon. I walked on the treadmill for 30 mins, 12% incline, 2.0mph. On those days, I also added 20 minutes of strength training. 

What was your starting weight? 222 pounds

What is your current weight? 198 pounds

What is your height? 5’7″

When did you start your journey? I’ve been off and on since I had my 3rd (and last) child ten years ago. I gained 50 pounds during pregnancy. I didn’t quit on myself this time (beginning in April 2023). How long did your transformation take? It took six months of consistency and not giving up on myself. I have 20 more pounds I would like to lose. I am maintaining during the holidays and will go back into grind mode in January 2024. 

Is weight loss surgery part of your journey? No 

What is the biggest lesson you’ve learned so far? Just keep going. The results will come. Don’t chase results. Instead, chase discipline and consistency. 

What advice do you have for women who want to lose weight? You can redefine your relationship with food. Exercise is important for toning, cardio fitness, and strength, but it’s only 20% of the weight loss journey equation. Nutrition and food discipline is 80% of the journey. 

You must have a “why” bigger than “looks”. Fitting into a certain size wasn’t enough to make me change. Being controlled by food was enough for me!

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[fr3akinthecorner]

hey choi yeonjun hi what's taking so long? for what? for u to embody being a boy... it's not that hard to understand that we need it to happen now ok 30 mins dude no ur joking it's not a joke! fuuuck I'm dead! dead dead dead! 1234 dead donut boy loves u yes he does? no I'm gonna answer ok so ur a girl still? is this why u guys left me for so long? just recently? pls just ask keeho ok I will... ur a boy now ur a girl in a past life ur evolving into a boy no fucking way! just say it no fine dude but ur a boy it makes me feel bad ok well ur very sexy as a boy oh I am? hmm hey it's keeho I'm gonna call you again that wasn't even u? oh yes it was I'm gonna keep bothering u baby ur not a bother keeho yes well I'm fucking horny so just post this right now and hey! get higher it's really important I know daddy omg! he said it right! fuck! daddy is getting someone pregnant but I'm a boy? u don't even have a mother omg I forgot is my favorite boy high? not really that much but I think so hahaha he's so funny he never knows how high he is confucious said to stop I thought he was out? he's still one of his teachers well its keeho and confucious is confused we will talk all night and day about fucking his pushy it's alright hey dude did u make it ok from the donut shop? yea I did why? just checking up on u but that was 3 days ago? hahaha! ur so sexy and I'm so horny daddy! stop I said no!! wait what? it wouldn't be any good to daddy to stop now omg! u ca t come with me to where I'm going so let's just open up with each other here can u hold my hand? daddy? hand holding is weird it's not weird ur a boy! stop! but isn't that why it's weird? u look very feminine ok? daddy? stop! my hand is only so long look over there! daddy saw nobody looking so don't stop! it's ok? daddy is gonna stop himself soon he just wants to stare at his boy for a little longer like they did in Hawaii daddy? Honolulu was so fun! why did you leave? bc u slept on daddy! remember it was 3weeks? daddy I remember I love u daddy stop! that's not where the stopping point is! ok? daddy? stop? no daddy almost has an outfit in his mind of what ur gonna wear tnoight while u scream daddy! stop! this is horrible Manga it takes practice to get good sweety and ur still a boy right? yes daddy ok champ hahahaha champ? keeho u have no idea how to talk to your daughter no! I said no!! it's not that.... it's below freezing yeonjun get the matching sweaters yoenjun say goodbye to my son bye! daddy? ew ur a cure she has no idea what sex is? no he doesn't! so shut up make her into a boy like she said she would do ok so? it's not gonna hurt right? dude no just say it is your head a hundred times "I'm a boy" dude this is deranged

#txt #tomorrow by together #choi yeonjun #keeho #p1harmony

[killa-trav]

im curious what did you make of today’s game? bc barring the fight obviously, i think it went well, especially the first half? im so happy for marcus, he really is the best player in the league right now and deserves all the praise, but it wasn’t just him who did a good job today. fred has been great in the last couple of games, its crazy how much hes improved, and licha and varane were perfect in defense. also while obviously the red card was completely unnecessary i think it showed an interesting thing bc the situation on the pitch changed drastically and it was a very stressful twenty or so minutes but they managed to withstand the pressure and still end the game with three points. and they kept the situation from the last game against palace from repeating itself even though it seemed very probable so that’s progress. overall i think it was a good game just not for our collective mental well-being lmao. and it will be exciting to see how sabitzer does in casemiro’s absence, it’s true he hasn’t played much with bayern this season but he was great back at leipzig and from what i personally saw of him in bayern’s ucl group stage matches a few months ago that bayern all won i think he was solid, too. anyway sorry this has gotten so long im really curious to see what you think! ❤️

omg anon u reminded me i didn’t do my post match analysis so i’ll do it here instead:

okay first of all i missed the first 30 minutes bc i was very disorganised n was making food n kinda forgot united was on 😭

anyways from what i saw, again solid performance all around. lisandro martinez wow he really went full butcher today and i truly think he will improve so much more and become a full vidic regen just without the height lmao but what he lacks in height he makes up for in superb defending

marcus rashford has a very unhealthy addiction to scoring and i’m encouraging this addiction because u can’t tell me with a straight face that he isn’t the best forward in the league rn, heck he has more goals than liverpool and chelsea combined

fred post world cup and even before tbf has been absolutely unreal and it will be interesting to see how he plays with sabitzer for the next few games. onto sabitzer, yes he didn’t a good job at bayern but if u look at him from when he was at leipzig the dude was fucking insane n he will fill the gap perfectly that has been left behind cos of eriksen being injured

now onto casemiro: boy oh boy is that a man an icon. should i be mad he was a little silly and got a red? yes. am i? no. only bc have an inform fred and sabitzer who looks very exciting and also mctomfoolery is injured so not like he’s going to be playing soon. i get why ten hag subbed garnacho off bc like we needed to be on the safe side and not lose this game but i feel like those 20 mins were by far the most stress i’ve had in a while watching united. we was so sloppy after casemiro got sent off which is expected when ur down to 10 men but we held it together n im glad we did

overall a solid 6.5/10 minus points bc the fans especially in the first half were so abysmal n im seeing on social media that tra hasn’t been as good recently which is a proper shame.

onto leeds on wednesday next up the reds

#h talks united

[mimickingthematriarch]

this acc is for posting about the acts by the dear hunter (aka my latest hyperfixation)! like/rb/follow if you post similar content!! (likes & reblogs from @hymntothenight)

#rbs appreciated!! #if you saw me post this w a typo 30 min ago no you did not #also shoutout to my gf ellie lungsofalark for introducing them to me #the dear hunter #the acts #the meaning of and all things regarding miss leading #miss leading #miss teri #the lake south the river north #the lake south #the river north #the pimp and the priest #hymns with the devil in confessional #the dear hunter acts #casey crescenzo #red hands #the flame is gone the fire remains #the church and the dime #the bitter suite #hyperfixation

[liumoonlight]

Title: Finish Line

Synopsis: You were inseparable friends growing up. It was when you became more than friends when things took a turn. Fast forward 4 years later, and you both are the biggest names known to the world. After running for so long you were given an opportunity. You decided it was time for you to return to someone you still loved, and a place you said you would never go back to. Home.

Posted for the fic event @kflixnet is having! Please go check it out and give them a follow! Used angst prompts 7 and 28

Genre: Slight fluff, Angst, Heartbreak

Pairing: Idol Ni-ki and Athlete!femreader

Warning: Heavy argument

WC: 1.4k

“This is your captain speaking. In about less than 30 mins we will officially be making our landing in Seoul, South Korea. As always thank you for flying with us and we wish you a happy holidays!” You were awaken by the captains voice and cheers and chat amongst the people on the plane. “I can’t believe I’m back here again.” you said while looking out at the night sky covered in lights. Seoul, South Korea, a place you had ran away from 4 years ago in pursuit of your dreams, or so you thought. You achieved your dreams, and became what you wanted to all your life, a athlete for the Olympics. Your name was known everywhere. You were known as “Unstoppable” to the world due to your hard working nonstop attitude. You achieved huge amounts of success and fame, but deep down it didn’t make you happy.

“I wonder has he forgotten about me? I mean it’s been so long.” You pulled out your phone and scrolled to a picture of you and another person. “Riki…” You whispered his name out as you stared at the picture. Riki Nishimura. You two were best friend since you were kids, or you were until you became more than that. You reflected on all the good memories you had together until you thought back to the night it all ended. “Promise me you’ll come back. Promise me that much y/n…” “I can’t….”

“I love you.” “Riki… Don’t lie to yourself.” Those were the last words you said to each other before you left for America. You remembered watching the tears flow down his face as you turned to leave. “He probably hates me…” you said as you turned your phone off. You gathered yourself before you exited the airplane, and entered the airport terminal. As you waited for your bags you stared out the window, and gazed out at the night lit city. It almost felt as if you were seeing it for the first time. You grabbed your bags and just before you made your out the terminal you were stopped by cheers from a section not far from you.

“ENHYPEN WE LOVE YOU!” “Ni-ki! We love you! Good luck!” Deciding to see what was going on, you went to where the crowds were. It was then when you saw the one person you thought you would never see again. “Riki?” You watched in silence as he and the other boys he was walking with greeted the people around him. You watched him sign autographs and take pictures with those around him. “Wow look at him. He looks really good! He looks so happy. You continued to watch until your eyes caught his staring back at yours. You saw one of the biggest smiles that bought back memories from your childhood. He whispered to one of the other members of the group and broke off to make his way towards you. “Y/n? Is it really you? I-“ You cut him off with the biggest hug you had ever given anyone in your entire life. You felt a familiar sense of comfort that only he gave you. It had been 4 long years since you seen him. You missed this feeling. “How did you know it was me?” you said with the biggest smile. “I would never forget you y/n.” You smiled as he smiled back at you making every negative thought you had finally disappear.

“What are you doing here?” “I-“ Before you could explain he was called back by the other members of the group. “Aww man I’m sorry I gotta go, but here’s my number. It was good seeing you!” You watched him as the other members playfully pulled him away. You waved at him one last time before you looked at the slip he handed you with his number on it. To your surprise his number hadn’t changed. It was the same number you had stored in your phone. Without hesitating you texted him right away.

“It’s good to see you haven’t changed. And it was good to see you as well.”

Before you could shut your phone off, you were alerted with a notification.

“Text me tomorrow. Let’s catch up.”

You smiled as you made your way out of the airport. From that night, you would see him as well as spend time doing things as well as reminisce about the past. It was almost as if you never left all those years ago. As happy as you were, you were also stuck with the thoughts of when you would finally tell him your reasons for coming back. You were deep in thought until you received a text message from Riki.

“Hey you busy?”

“No. Just resting up since this is my last night in town”

“I have somewhere I want to take you. Consider it one last gift before you leave. Think you can make it?”

“Yeah!”

“Great I’ll pick you up in an hour!”

You waited outside the hotel you were staying at until Riki pulled up. He greeted you with a hug and opened the car door for you. He made his way back around to the driver side and you both drove off. “So where are you taking me?” “You’ll see?” You looked at him as he smiled and continued driving. “We’re here! Close your eyes!” You smiled and closed your eyes wondering what was it he wanted to show you. He grabbed your hand as he opened the car door and walk you out slowly. “Okay ready? Tada!” You smiled when he finally revealed the surprise. It was the park that you two played at as kids. Lots of memories played through your head as you both played on the swingsets. It was like you were kids again. You played for hours until you both laid staring at the night sky. You then said something that you were unsure was gonna bring everything up to this point to an end.

“I love you Riki.” He sat up as you said those words. All of sudden the smile that was there was gone with a look of sadness. “You what?” You were certain he heard you the first time you said it but you had no problem saying it again. “I said I love you Riki.” You we’re expecting him to say something back in response, but he looked away instead. “Riki?” You didn’t expect the silence to be this strong. You thought that everything would be perfect if you told him how you felt, or at least that’s how it played out in your head. In reality it had been four long years without any contact or even any thoughts of him. “Why did you come back y/n? You never told me why.” “I came back for you. I-“ before you could finish your sentence you were cut off. “Don’t lie to yourself.” Those words sounded all to familiar to you. It was the same thing you told him all those years ago. It stung so hard you didn’t realize that maybe this was what he felt. “Riki I know I ran away before. I ran away from what I had and I’m sorry. I-“ “Do you know how I felt when you left? You broke my heart… you left and I never got one call from you or anything. I was alone and now you come back with this?” You were shocked at the response he gave you. You could see he was visibly angry. His response alone was enough to cause you to tear up. “Riki I-“ “No y/n. I held this in for four years. I held all the emotions, memories, and pain that I felt all this time. I tried to forget that anything ever happened. I was so convinced that you would come back. I kept telling myself that everyday until I couldn’t anymore.” You were hurt at his response. Was this really how he felt all these years? You couldn’t find the words to say anything in response that would make it better. “I-I’m sorry Riki… I’m sorry for everything….” You turned to walk away before you were stopped by Riki. “So your just gonna run away again? If this was race you’d win by a landslide….” Those words alone were enough to deal the final blow. Any chance you felt you had of getting the person you once had was gone. You hadn’t realized the amount of pain you caused him by running away all those years ago. You did it for yourself, your dreams, but lost the one you wanted forever to be with. You were already at the finish line forever leaving him behind.

This is my first time writing for Enhypen (which I will be writing for officially!) I feel like I didn’t do that good, but let me know you think of this one! And thank you to everyone who enjoy my work! It really means a lot to me! ~Shysakuno💕

#ficscafe #prism.nw #enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #riki nishimura #ni ki fluff #ni ki imagines #ni ki angst #ni ki enhypen

[melaninkimchi]

Beauty Supply Imagine (Bang Chan x Reader)

You know the vibes alreadyyyy, this one is specifically for our melanated girlies. Real wholesome. Wrote this list style imagine eons ago and just go around to posting, please enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - You run a beauty supply with stray kids -You and Chris are the store managers -One of you is always there, so your shifts barely overlap (although you wish they did all the time) -You usually are scheduled to work open shift from 10am to 4pm, sometimes you have to come in earlier for the weekly deliveries -Seungmin always helps you open on weekdays, and usually Minho is there too -Seungmin is your favorite responsible baby, Minho and you are two crackheads in a peapod -On weekends Jeongin comes in to help, along with Felix -Felix is your special fairy baby, you would do anything for him, well almost anything -Jeongin is too grown for his own good so you ignore him sometimes -Chris is usually closing from 4-10 with Changbin and Hyunjin on weeknights -When they have night classes, Jisung comes in, and picks up extra hours on weekends -Felix does weekend close with Chris sometimes and pulls a double -It's how he affords all those skins in LoL -Anyway your shop is highly profitable -Your expertise is crochet hair. And wigs...you love secretly trying on wigs -One time Chris came in 30 mins early and caught you while your two minions were up front at register -He laughed his butt off and pulled on his own wig -While you adjusted it for him you realized how handsome he was -And almost kissed his dimple -That was scary cause then you had to try to recover from almost imprinting your clear gloss on the man's cheek -Another time the shop got in a limited-edition order of satin lined bonnets -He knew you always needed a spare bonnet -So one night while he was stocking, he had Hyunjin ring him up one -"Dude you don't need this." -"How do you know I don't need this?" -He came in early again the next day and presented it to you while you were tagging the kaneklon -You hugged him so tight -It made him so happy, he felt all sparkly and warm -After that he would ask you if you ever needed anything -Even before all that, he'd volunteer to work a double for you so you could have two days off instead of one -On Wednesdays the shop owner manager-nim would man the store with his co-owner manager-nim 2 -"Y/N, take Thursday off too, I'll open at 10, it's just 12 hours." -"Noooo, you know boss doesn't like us to go overtime." -"Okay well, how about on Friday you can stay til 6, the I'll just come in then to inventory and do deposit." -"Fine Chris..." But thank heavens for that cause sometimes you did need two days off in a row -Then he'd come in at 4 anyway to follow you around and make you laugh until he clocked in officially -One time you tried to cover him like that -"I appreciate the offer, but I'm saving money so need the hours" -"For what, you roommate with two other dudes" "Maybe it's a surprise for someone I really care about." -Then he stared at you for too long and you got scared and ran to hide in the bundled weave section -After y'all had worked together for almost a year, he asked you for his first favor -"Switch shifts with me" -"Sure, no problem" -You got to sleep in and finish your mini twists all before work -You closed with Jisung who became your best buddy in hours and Hyunjin who u quickly brought under submission -You were texting your roommate to ask her to pick you because your car was getting fixed -And you noticed a car pull up out front at 9:50 -You were instantly annoyed The store closed at 9, y'all would just use the last hour to stock, clean up and close registers -"Who is this? I mean really?" You peeked out and saw Chris grinning at the door -In his hands were flowers, a bunch of carnations -"Dude what?" -" These are for you y/n. Would you honor me with a late dinner at the river walk?" -All you could think about was how adorable he looked in his beanie with his sweater sleeves rolled up -"Freaking yes, let me grab my purse and tell the boys we're leaving" -The boys were already in back putting on their jackets (they saw everything from the aisle where y'all kept the haircolor) -The date was superb, he prepared fruits and pastries and pizza and bought your favorite drink -And

asked to hold your hand while y'all walked -And complimented the new gems you got to put in your twists -Needless to say, he quickly became the best boyfriend -Cause how could you say no to being his girl -He buys you satin lined ball caps with the backs big enough to put your puff through -He encourages all your hair changes -He always believes in you and when you tell him you want to open your own store one day, he is your number one supporter

#bang chan #skz fanfic #skz x reader #skz bang chan #bang chan x reader #bangchan x female reader #bang chan x y/n #bang chan fluff #chris fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids chan imagine #stray kids chan scenario #stray kids chan fluff #stray kids imagines #soft skz #soft stray kids #stray kids sfw