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thepoetfrommars · 1 year

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What were you waiting? A sign or something else? I guess I was a bit slow, but that's just how I am.

I always knew you cherished our moments. I just wanted your confirmation. It's a conversation between us, and we are damn awful liars lol. It's fair I guess, i was scraping for hope at anything I could get. But oh well, it didn't work out, so past is just the past.

With this mask of nihilism off I'll tell you what I think: happiness without you is not complete, but I'm trying, and that's my thing. I'll never be perfect and that's just how it is, but I'll work on doing something cause that's all I can achieve. You can count on me with all of your endeavors, it'll be hard for me not to fall in love again, but hey, that's a risk I'm willing to take. It doesn't pain me anymore, after all the world has changed. This is a bit too confusing isn't it? So let's go to the next.

(ive always been a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol)

It's a thing we have in common lol, the difference it's just the act. I wanted to see you really badly, but it hurt so bad to see your smile and know it's not mine anymore that i just couldn't afford it. Now and then I still heard your name (Brasília is a really small place) those moments I stopped and listened, finding out you were happy gave me a sense of peace. (Told you I'm a sucker for the cheesy stuff lol) .

My moon, on that we are equal. Life can change but I'll always love you. Through cloudy skies above or the sun shining over you. You're not the star, youre my moon. Elegant, beautiful, perfect in your own way. Being apart it's a pain, but it's one I'm comfortable with. One which I will learn to deal with. And I'm fine, really. So stop worrying and drink some water lol, don't make me another task on your life.

I can't ingore my moon, not for long anyways. At least once a month she's full above the sky peeking through my window. You can be needy, after all the love is yours. You just have to ask for it.

How you've been doing?

- I'm fine. Working on myself. Looking for work, studying what I wanted, going through life. And you? How've you been? Has life been treating you right?

What happened to you all this time?

- a lot. Life is a bitch and she is a really naggy one lol. But yeah, family got smaller, my grandpa and great grandma have passed, so we're dealing with it. Of course I passed uni, but thinking on where should I really do it. A lot happened, and a lot is happening. But hey, I'm still alive right? Lol

How's the rpg? (Real important, I miss it)

- it's going well. We paused that campaign but before it we made some adjustments to the whole story and shit. Ennon hung up the sword and is now dating that bartender he flirted a while back. They have a daughter, so that's that. We're going to continue it after a couple months, "another story" per say. I'm the only one with a new character lol.

How's your uni?

It's hard lol. For me that is. It's complex and my teachers are not that good. But it doesn't help I'm going through meds and life itself. But it's good besides that. It's more than what I dreamed of. Which is a good thing lol.

I noticed you really like ocean animals and such, do you consider going to USP? You could try, idk if it's a thing for you tho

- Ive bern looking for stuff, but I'll probably go out of the country to study. If not a degree than my specialization on marine animals. (Cetaceans that is lol)

Are you happy? No need to lie

- not yet. Been working on it. But... Oh well... You're a psychologist, you'll analyse me and see if I'm happy or not lol.

Would you like to go on a date? Lol I really want to give you your stuff tho, it's been here for like, 3 years now

- i would be delighted to go on a date lol, just set the date.

"As always, it's kinda of a mess"

Don't know if I responded, don't know what's going through your mind, but I'm always open. A shoulder to cry on, a person to tell a joke to, someone to share memes, anything really. It's all open to you.

Not a poem, just a couple thoughts

Sorry, i just woke up from a nice dream and wanted to write this lol

But hey, i guess I got the message across.

Responding in a poem seems a bit bad, so here's my proper response.

- From yours one and only, Milan.

(ps: i never had a tag lol, it's just me being childish as ever)

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seduceme-lovestruck-thearcana · 5 years

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SE MCs background chapter 9: First Love

This is probably gonna be short?? Idk. But anyway after this chapter I will be writing a little short, not rlly a chapter, story or whatever about their childhood memories to show some sweet sibling love and stuff! Those memories will be related to throughout the story so I just decided to make a whole little story (?) about them or something. Anyway enjoy! Also, the way a person in here meets Sarah is so cliche but whatever-

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“Sarah! It’s time to get up!” I opened my eyes and instantly felt too tired to move. It was Monday and 8 am. No one deserves to be awaken at this time. Especially me, a person who only gets like 4 hours of sleep a night. However, it had to be done. I was in college and I had to get used to waking up early on Mondays. But at least I get over with all of my classes at 3 PM! It’s like regular school, but the classes are so harder, but it’s to be expected of a college. I was studying to become a teacher. I loved little kids and wanted to teach them. It didn’t matter what it was, I just wanted to teach them. So, it’s why I was learning to become an elementary teacher. Sepcifically, a 3rd grade teacher, or anything below that. I’d rather deal with little children and not children who are going through a lot of emotions (5th graders). I could barely handle my emotions at that age, so dealing with maybe 20+ kids? Nope, nada, no.

I groaned and decided to get up and get dressed. I wore a black dress with black leggings. It was hot, so probably a bad decision, but I didn’t care. I always make bad decisions. I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen to see everyone up. I must’ve been the last one. “You’re 24, when are you going to get up by yourself?” Alexandra said to me, with a little smirk on her face. She’s the eldest and has always been the best. Well, in my eyes, she was the best. Sure she had her flaws, but she kept us in line and loved us all. I stuck my tongue out at her and grabbed a cup and poured myself some orange juice. “Whenever I start sleeping better,” I told her. Her eyes got soft and worried. “Well, have you been taking that medicine?” I looked away and shook my head. “It doesn’t work. 5 mg of melatonin isn’t working. Maybe I need to up it a little bit more?” “Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough,” I heard someone say behind me.

I turned around and noticed Zed sitting there, eating his waffles like he did every day. He loved waffles. I was more of a pancake gal, but whatever. I stuck my tongue out at him, like I did to my sister. “Hey, I do try. I just...suck at sleeping.” Zed made a hum sound and continued to eat. I sat down next to him and Alexandra and drank my orange juice peacefully. “You going to eat? You have to eat so your stomach won’t hurt with your medicine.” I have ADD and I take medicine for it. However, my stomach hurts if I don’t eat anything. I shrugged. “I’ll get something on campus.” Alexandra didn’t like that answer.

“Eat. Now. I don’t want you to be distracted by your stomach,” she said in a harsh tone, but I knew she was concerned under everything. I rolled my eyes in a playful way and got a croissant biscuit thing I could heat up in the microwave. I decided to be a bit greedy and got two. My stomach would thank me later. I heated everything up, ate it, and got my backpack and stuff ready for my class. “Where is everyone else?” “Mom and dad are at work, Jacob is sleeping in since his classes start later, and Christopher is doing the same thing.” Lucky. I wish I could sleep in. “Okay. Well I’ll see y’all when I get home.” Zed and Alexandra both wished me a good day and I walked out the door.

I got into my car and it was so hot. The summer heat is terrible these days. I turned the air conditioner on and began to drive to my college. I got there with 10 minutes to get to my class. I grabbed my backpack and ran to my class. I was in the building and was close to my class when I ran into someone. We both ended up falling to the ground. The person was carrying books but now they were all over the floor. Luckily, my backpack was closed. I looked up at noticed a guy with blonde hair. He had pink eyes but with a dazed look on his face. “Ah, I’m so sorry! I was just rushing,” I told him as I helped him up and handed him his books. He took the books from me and had a soft smile on his face. Now that I looked closer, he did look pretty handsome. From the books he had, I could tell he was studying about welding, or something to do with cars.

“It’s okay! I can see that you’re rushing,” he said with a smile. Man this guy seemed really nice already. I smiled back and started to run off again. “Sorry! I hope we can talk more soon!” I yelled as I ran through the halls towards my class. I sat down in my chair in my class right before the late bell rang. I sighed and class began. I couldn’t help but think about that boy throughout class. I don’t know why he stuck with me, but he did. I payed attention and before I knew it, class was over. I had no more classes that day, which was my lucky day. I began to walk down the hallways to get back to the parking lot. This time I had no rush and I looked around the hallways. There were different rooms and other hallways.

I eventually passed the cafeteria and I saw that boy once again. He was talking with another boy and he seemed very shy, or anxious, I have a hard time reading people. I shrugged it off and continued my walk to my car. However, the boy must’ve noticed me because I heard someone shout “Sarah!” I turned around and saw that boy jogging up to me. I smiled and waved at him. “Hey,” I said a little bit shyly. He smiled and introduced himself. His name was Oliver. He was my age too, that was nice. I looked into his eyes as me and him talked for awhile. He seemed like a nice guy, so we sat down and continued to talk. I noticed that his eyes glowed once. His pink eyes getting a bit pinker and brighter. It was weird and I shook my head.

My mind must be going crazy. However, I felt the need to be closer to him, to know him better. It was weird. I never usually get this close to people this fast. I just...felt this urge to want to be with him. Maybe love at first sight? Who knows. I’ve never really believed in it, but maybe it is real? I just continued talking to him.

As the days went on, I began thinking a bit more about it, I even got his phone number so we could chat from time to time. He asked me to hang out a few times and we had a blast. Alexandra and Jacob would always give the usual “if he hurts you, I’ll kill him,” speech. They did it to everyone in this family. Alexandra would do it to Jacob if he had a date, Jacob would do it to Alexandra, they would both do it to me and Christopher, and it was all a mess. But it made me feel happy. It showed me that they actually cared for me. I usually doubted if I was worth caring for. But they made me feel worth it, so my self esteem was rising slowly. Not getting too high, but I began to feel a bit better about myself.

One day I was playing my violin in the orchestra room of my college. I wasnt going to school to teach music, but it would be interesting if I did. Maybe I’d go back to school one day and learn more about music so I can teach kids about it. However, I still loved playing my violin and playing new songs. It kept me at peace and helped me relax from a hard day. The sounds it can make and how soft or loud it can be makes me calm. Ive played since I was in 6th grade, so I’ve been playing for a long time. I still have to write the letters underneath the notes, but that doesn’t matter. I was playing my 2nd time through “This is Halloween” on my violin, when I heard a knock at the door. The door was open so I turned around and saw Oliver leaning against the door.

“Sorry to interrupt,” he said with a smile. My heart did a little leap. I put my bow on a stand but didn’t put down my violin. I motioned for him to come closer. “Whatcha playing?” I smiled and blushed. I was happy he was interested into my music. Even if he only asked ‘what are you playing’ it still made me happy. “This is Halloween,” I told him. I picked up my bow and began to play it once more. It’s not because I didn’t want to talk to him, but I did want to show off. Maybe impress him a bit. I don’t know when that happened. I just wanted to impress him all the time. I ignored my feelings and let my hands do the work. The bow would go down slowly, then faster, then fast but soft at the same time, and I loved it. I occasionally looked over at Oliver and saw him watching me. I blushed a bit and messed up but kept going. That was almost the number one rule in playing. If you mess up, keep going. If you’re in a big orchestra group, wait until you know where you are in the music and start playing again.

I finish the song and he starts to applaud me softly. I smile and take a bow. We both laughed and he just smiled. “What?” I said while smiling back at him with a blush on my face. “Oh nothing. It’s just. You look so beautiful when you play the violin. You put your heart into it, and it’s amazing.” I was caught off guard. No one had ever really complimented me about my violin other than my siblings and my parents. It made me feel special. I put my violin down. “Thanks,” I said while taking his hand. His eyes glowed and I felt heat rise into my body. Before I knew what I did, I leaned in and kissed him. He closed his eyes, as if he wasn’t surprised by my sudden action. He pulled me closer and his body was so warm. It felt amazing.

After a minute or so, he pulled away from me. “Wow,” he said while trying to catch his breath. I laughed. I looked down, feeling a bit embarrassed. I don’t know why I did that, I just felt the need to. I mean, I did feel some feelings for him but I wasn’t sure if they were like that. I guess it doesn’t matter right now, I already did something I can’t take back, and I think I know my feelings. “It’s forward but, do you wanna be something? It’s fine if not, but Id like it if it could happen,” he said while blushing. I think that’s the first time seeing him blush. It was adorable. I nodded and smiled so hard. It’s been awhile since I’ve had a boyfriend. Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve loved anyone else other than my family. I’ve stopped dating for awhile since everyone seemed just not right.

Let��s see how this one goes.

#se #sweet enchantments #se MC #sweet enchantments mc #my writing

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wildfangz · 5 years

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@liliithvatore tagged me in that simself thing thats been goin around DAYS ago but here it finally is! also thank you for the tag this was fun :-]

I tag @slythersim @thelurgoyf @seoulchii @weicyn @solitasims @daisydezem @raha-plays-the-sims if they want to do it & anyone that just wants to do it in general! message me and I’ll even @ u directly if u want.

anyway lets DO THIS shitload of questions under the cut u’ve been warned!!!

1. what is your name?

julian

2. what is your nickname?

jewel, jules

3. birthday?

oct 26th

4. what is your favorite book series?

percy jackson and the olympians will probably always own my heart & soul

5. do you believe in aliens or ghosts?

yes & yes. tho i do think a lot of alien sightings and conspiracy theories and what not are bullshit

6. who is your favorite author?

maggie stiefvater probably? also cornelia funke but its been years since ive read anything by her so i cant be sure BUT i loved inkheart & the thief lord so much

7. what is your favorite radio station?

ummm when i listen to the radio at all i kinda just switch between two rock stations and our popular music station.

8. what is your favorite flavor of anything?

blue raspberry !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tasty and i love a blue tongue

9. what word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful?

cool. or bitchin’. i play it simple

10. what is your current favorite song?

hands like houses - revive

11. what is your favorite word?

roulette and inhibition which i never get to use either as much as i want !

12. what was the last song you listened to?

emarosa - givin’ up ! its a bop!

13. what tv show would you recommend for everybody to watch?

the new she-ra on netflix its so good. and gay

14. what is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down?

moana. its also like the only movie i dont have trouble getting thru despite how many times ive already seen it

15. do you play video games?

16. what is your biggest fear?

idk... being inherently unlovable i guess n ending up alone? also spiders !

17. what is your best quality, in your opinion?

im fairly open-minded and laid back. Unless someones being like, purposely nasty or something I generally don’t get defensive or aggressive. also a lot of little quirks that piss others off dont bother me im very u do u as long as its not actually harming anyone and ive had people tell me this makes it easier to open up to me so thats probably my best quality....

18. what is your worst quality, in your opinion?

....at the same time though i do get very sensitive when faced w/ criticism even if its of the fair variety when its not phrased really gently for various reasons and i dont like that. especially since I have a tendency to not even talk to people about it. I’ll just immediately start distancing myself. also other than that i think overall I have a really high tolerance lvl but if you cross that line I hold a grudge like a motherfucker

9. do you like cats or dogs better?

cats! dogs are good too but cats are a lot easier for me to handle...and quieter generally but even when they’re loud cat sounds dont get to me quite as much as barks do

20. what is your favorite season?

autumn but im starting to really like summer for some reason? wack :/

21. are you in a relationship?

nope

22. what is something you miss from your childhood?

the lack of responsibility, probably. that sounds real bad lmao but for me its like...I know I’ve grown in various ways over the years but I also feel like so many of my experiences, my trauma, my mental health has held me back and I don’t think I’m mentally where I should be for my age. so all the responsibility of adulthood is just..really overwhelming for me sometimes, even though ive been given a pass from certain aspects of it and the rest is pretty simple its the idea!!!!

23. who is your best friend?

my ex

24. what is your eye color?

25. what is your hair color?

26. who is someone you love?

my mom

27. who is someone you trust?

not really anyone rn unfortunately...would like 2 work on that

28. who is someone you think about often?

are my OCs a fair answer because i am always thinking about my babies.....

29. are you currently excited about/for something?

my favorite webcomic (that also has two of my all time favorite characters in it) just came back!! the artist disappeared back in 2015 like the day after I binge-read the whole fucking thing & i was so disappointed but its BACK and 2018 has been redeemed

30. what is your biggest obsession?

sims probably! i could talk about anything relating to it for hours

31. what was your favorite tv show as a child?

there were so damn many its hard to even think and figure out the most notable ones...i really, really liked teen titans though?

32. who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone?

my ex, again

33. are you superstitious?

not terribly so but somewhat. I take certain things as signs and I mean I do believe in astrology & such to a degree

34. do you have any unusual phobias?

i used to be afraid of mirrors but thats all i can think of and its not even a thing anymore...the only other thing is tornadoes but i dont think its unusual. but it definitely sucks for me ‘cause i live in tornado alley!

35. do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it?

behind it....like taking pretty pictures and dont like ppl capturing my image 2 film

36. what is your favorite hobby?

sims.....also singing!!! and drawing!!!! video editing!!!!!!!!! the works

37. what was the last book you read?

The Dream Thieves....havent finished it though because last time i went to read it a spider was lying in wait and im traumatized

38. what was the last movie you watched?

coco i think???

39. what musical instruments do you play, if any?

drums, various other percussion instruments, and violin mainly

40. what is your favorite animal?

ferrets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

41. what are your top 5 favorite tumblr blogs that you follow?

uhhhhh @bratsims @liliithvatore @cabsim @wildlyminiaturesandwich @keysims pls dont feel bad if i didnt include u these were just the first to pop into my head and ive been following some of them since I first made my blog!! and have kept up with their stories completely and enjoy them etc check them OUT !

42. what superpower do you wish you had?

shapeshifting!!! dysphoria? gone. ugliness? gone. want to morph into a fucked up clown and scare people when they realize all the classic clown features are a real actual part of my face? possible!

43. when and where do you feel most at peace?

chillin’ at the pool in summer during the part of the day when no ones there.... swimming is always relaxing 2 me then i love just resting under the sun and drying off afterwards especially since we have a little pond nearby and i can hear the water! its nice

44. what makes you smile?

always and without fail? interacting with anyone i have a crush on. i’ll look like a dope the whole time

45. what sports do you play, if any?

i used 2 play basketball a lot. Like not seriously but it was a thing

46. what is your favorite drink?

dr pepper and monster energy (original flavor) pumps through my veins at this point. we love a carbonated beverage

47. when was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody?

two years ago for my ex and I’s first year anniversary... I never got it mailed but I did at least take a picture of it (with included caption because my handwriting is atrocious). i was very up front about being a romantic and see heres the PROOF

48. are you afraid of heights?

nope! very excited by them actually

49. what is your biggest pet peeve?

i cant stand passive aggressive behavior. my stance is either get over it or quit acting like a bitch because otherwise im just going to ignore you thats the scorpio way (in all seriousness I really, really do recommend not putting up with it and ignoring it until they decide to be up front with you. it can be exhausting constantly reading into conversations and its not healthy for you or them. if they have something to say they need to learn to talk about it properly, and that lack of social skills is not ever on you)

50. have you ever been to a concert?

yep! i think about....six or so? i love them...which is really funny im autistic and EVERYTHING about them should freak me out and they do in other circumstances but at a show i just live for it

51. are you vegan/vegetarian?

nope! ive thought before id like to go vegetarian...but i couldnt do it with my health problems. also i love shrimp too much

52. when you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

ive always wanted to do something creative! when i was rlly young I thought a lot about singing and acting and writing in particular...all things im still interested in.... also i wanted to be a dictator ages 4-7 because i told my mom i wanted to be president of the world and make people do what i say and she said “honey thats a dictator not a president”. i then made that known at school and that turned into a situation!

53. what fictional world would you like to live in?

pokemon universe or bust.

54. what is something you worry about?

never being able to do things i want to do or catching up with others because of my disabilities

55. are you scared of the dark?

yes but a reasonable amount i think

56. do you like to sing?

yes :]

57. have you ever skipped school?

yes i used to play sick a LOT and as my parents caught onto it id even go all out to convince them. i was good at school but i hated it so much

58. what is your favorite place on the planet?

dunno! malls maybe i love shopping and looking at material objects i wish to own

59. where would you like to live?

oregon! portland in particular thats been my dream for a few years now

60. do you have any pets?

a cat! he lives with my dad & grandma though...hes grown up there and likes going outside so I felt bad about taking him with me when i moved out but anyway this is him hes fat and stupid and i love him his name is coffee

61. are you more of an early bird or a night owl?

night owl because my rhythm is all fucked up but in my heart....an early bird...if i get a good nights sleep i’ll be up early yacking your ear off and so excited for the day

62. do you like sunrises or sunsets better?

sunsets are prettier...but sunrises feel more refreshing

63. do you know how to drive?

nope ! im gay !

64. do you prefer earbuds or headphones?

headphones. better sound quality also discourages people from talking to me slightly more

65. have you ever had braces?

nope! but i need them

66. what is your favorite genre of music?

post-hardcore maybe?

67. who is your hero?

every trans person living their truth and being open and loud about who they are past present & future. the worlds not particularly kind to us and our existence alone is considered a radical act, so its always given me hope to see others refusing to pretend to be someone they’re not in this environment and I’ll always have mad respect for that

68. do you read comic books?

i read manga and webcomics...ive always wanted to get into superhero comics but the amount of issues and different versions is ridiculous and makes it inaccessible 2 me

69. what makes you the most angry?

i mean its hard to pinpoint what makes me angry the MOST...but a contender is definitely how some people feel free to treat others with cruelty and think its their god given right to deny or attack someones existence in some way, & how acts of kindness, even the most basic are branded as liberal bullshit or whatever....it goes against everything i was taught growing up

70. do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book?

real book! electronic device can be easier but....rough on the eyes after a while and nothing beats the real thing for me

71. what was your favorite subject in school?

language arts...at least when we did creative writing stuff

72. do you have any siblings?

two older sisters & an older brother that passed away years ago but. still my brother u kno

73. what was the last thing you bought?

mocha frappe baby!!!!!

74. how tall are you?

5′4″

75. can you cook?

a little bit....not as much as id like to though but im learning

76. what are three things that you love?

storms, cheesy breadsticks, and cat purrs

77. what are three things that you hate?

unnecessary rudeness, being talked down to or generally treated like im stupid, grapefruit which is the worst thing on this list

78. do you have more female friends or more male friends?

female i think?

79. what is your sexual orientation?

im the big bad promiscuous bisexual your parents warned you about

80. where do you currently live?

oklahoma. gofundme campaign to get me out

81. who was the last person you texted?

my friend jojo! just Now!

82. when was the last time you cried?

yesterday afternoon but im a changed man now thats behind me. i will cry about different things soon

83. who is your favorite youtuber?

the mcelroy brothers. also super best friends play. matt, pat & woolie are all great tbh

84. do you like to take selfies?

depends on whether i feel ugly or terribly dysphoric that day or not

85. what is your favorite app?

ummmm....love live school idol festival ive been playin for years its an addiction

86. what is your relationship with your parent(s) like?

dad = bad mom = okay. theres some issues that strain it but its not too bad

87. what is your favorite foreign accent?

i have no idea what the fuck australians are talking about half the time but i dig it anyway

88. what is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit?

Italy, Greece, Germany, Japan, Mexico, various other states (ive only been out of state three times. twice to texas and then once to kansas. for five minutes)

89. what is your favorite number?

6!! 26 also

90. can you juggle?

ive always wanted to but alas.... :-[

91. are you religious?

i suppose...but im rlly not into organized religion

92. do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting?

space probably theres so fucking much of it man!

93. do you consider yourself to be a daredevil?

not to brag but sometimes i eat my mcdonalds hamburgers cold from the fridge so you can figure that one out yourself B)

94. are you allergic to anything?

pecans. not deathly allergic though so catch me eating turtle pie anyway!

95. can you curl your tongue?

nope :[

96. can you wiggle your ears?

nope :[

97. how often do you admit that you were wrong about something?

usually as soon as i realize....unless someones being real smug and annoying then i might be stubborn about it

98. do you prefer the forest or the beach?

ive never been to the beach but i love her!!!

99. what is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you?

probably that you have to look at your accomplishments differently when you’re disabled or just struggling, to not be so down on yourself because its a fact that what might be a mole hill to someone else is a mountain to you and you have to judge yourself accordingly. Like maybe you weren’t able to clean the whole house, but washing the dishes and tidying your desk doesn’t usually get done but you did it. That that should be celebrated because while it would also feel good if you did more, you still did something and thats great all things considered.

100. are you a good liar?

sometimes, really depends what im lying about and if im like....into it at all. If my guts against it for whatever reason I’ll have trouble

101. what is your hogwarts house?

i always get slytherin or hufflepuff! usually with like 1 point difference

102. do you talk to yourself?

i am talking to myself right now as i fill this out

103. are you an introvert or an extrovert?

extrovert mainly! i used to think i was more introverted but now i think a lot of exhaustion when theres any comes from me just going the extra mile and actively trying to read people and pick up on social ques.... if I just chill im fine

104. do you keep a journal/diary?

nope...ive tried but i just cant keep up with it so i do the next best thing. shouting into the void on the internet to a bunch of strangers

105. do you believe in second chances?

depends on what you did the first time. Some people just don’t deserve taking that risk imo...but i can be a little guarded so maybe thats a bit too harsh

106. if you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do?

turn it in, unless there was no identifying things in it & it was found somewhere kinda random. Then I’d maybe hold onto it unless my gut challenged that

107. do you believe that people are capable of change?

absolutely. i mean thats all we do throughout our lives is change and evolve...that being said I think extremely drastic changes are maybe not entirely impossible, but extremely rare, and the residue of the former self usually sticks around in some form

108. are you ticklish?

yes, dangerously so

109. have you ever been on a plane?

nope

110. do you have any piercings?

one day hopefully!

111. what fictional character do you wish was real?

asra from the arcana.....even if he wasn’t my boyfriend thats just a dude u could chill and eat some pomegranates with u know. Before I downloaded the app my friends kept telling me he was made for me and he really was he ticks like everything on my Favorite Characters Feature List except villain but he has that particular allure & attitude i like so much in villains so thats not a single point off hes perfect

112. do you have any tattoos?

nope...one day! hopefully!

113. what is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far?

accepting my genderqueerness and bisexuality definitely. Self Love hasn’t been perfected just yet but that was such a huge step in the right direction

114. do you believe in karma?

yes! she doesn’t get shit done as much as id like however

115. do you wear glasses or contacts?

glasses. not contacts yet because my eye doctor is a bitch

116. do you want children?

I do....just not sure if id be a good parent. Its really important to me if I had a child itd be for the right reason and I could raise them well in a healthy environment & be able to take care of all their needs yknow

117. who is the smartest person you know?

probably my friend jojo

118. what is your most embarrassing memory?

one time i looked outside and the sunset was really pretty and i wanted to get a photo of it so i walked out.....and stood like right by the street so there weren’t trees in my way...and then i realized mid-pic 1) i am not wearing pants & my shirt is full of holes 2) id been depressed for days so my hair was a tangled mess. I tailed it back inside so i didnt even get a nice pic it was blurry!

119. have you ever pulled an all-nighter?

120. what colour are most of you clothes?

black i didnt even have to think about that one

121. do you like adventures?

they are pretty swell

122. have you ever been on tv?

a few times when i was little. always photobombing the news reporters 4 what i thought would eventually lead 2 fame & fortune

123. how old are you?

124. what is your favorite movie quote?

this is technically lyrics to that lil song in moana at the end but

“ They have stolen the heart from inside you. But this does not define you.”

hits me hard every time! emotional impact? i know her

125. sweet or savory?

sweet!!!!!!!! gotta balance out my bitter somehow

#tag meme #about #srry if theres any weird grammar or spelling going on half of this was written when i had a monster headache #and was doing everything but laying down!!!!

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doctor-desi · 5 years

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Alrighty, for the Angst Questions: 3, 6, 15, 19, 25 and 30; and the Quesiton About Creating Your OCs: 1, 3, 8, 9,12, 13, 19. (Sorry if they're too many, answer as many as you want!!)

HAHAHAHA! I ANSWERED THEM ALL! PREPARE YOURSELF FOR ALL THE BLAINE KNOWLEDGE YOU COULD EVER WANT (jk there is probably more but this is still a lot... so be prepared)

Angst Questions:

3 Have they ever lost a loved one? What happened to them, and are they the same as they were before they lost them?

I have never actually thought about this question for them before, because at least a few generations of their family have lived in Saker Keep. I imagine at some point she has lost a grandparent, but same with her parents I feel she isn’t super close to her older family members. She’d still mourn, be there for her family members that were closer to them, and respect them for who they were in life. But in terms of her changing because she lost them, I just don’t really think she would change at all. If it was the first death she experienced she might come to respect the ideals in rituals for those passing on. Like learn to make peace with the death of others. But it wouldn’t really be life-altering for her. (However I can’t say the same if she were ever to lose Ms. A, her siblings or any of the gang. If one of them all died, then she might break down and become kind of numb for a bit. She just has no real idea how to deal with a super impactful death since she isn’t super close to the majority of her family.

6 Have they ever committed a crime, or something they felt was wrong? What was it?

Oof, okay another thinker. Hmm, well here is the thing. I came up with this idea that her parents own the general store type shop in the area (cause I need it for when we go there for reasons). So as a kid, I can imagine her being there a lot, and maybe one time she accidentally takes something. Someone not from town catches her and drags her to her parents saying she stole, and her parents just shake their heads, explain she is their kid and berate her. She has a pretty good moral compass besides that, so unless she does something on accident, or something she wasn’t taught bad, then she would not purposely commit a crime or do something she felt was wrong. She just doesn’t like going against what she knows as right, so she would never do something bad on purpose.

15 What is their biggest fear? What in general scares them? How do they act when they’re scared?

Well from the campaign, she is defiantly scared of dogs and heights. Id almost say that she is also kind of scared of water now, or maybe the unknown of what is under the water more? Cause of what happened when they are on the ship. I think her BIGGEST fear though would be like her insecurities and messing those up… which I’ll talk about in your next one actually! And how she acts.. well that depends. If it is something like someone dying where she couldn’t do anything, then she’d like break down and become almost a shell of who she was, really numb to the outside. If its something else, like something she could change in the moment, she would take action to remove herself from the situation or remove the thing that is causing her fear. Either way, whatever it is would likely stay in her mind a long time, she tends to overthink things in general, and this would be no different.

19 What is your character insecure about?

Okay, so there are a few of these I believe. First and foremost, she is insecure about her abilities and has the fears of disappointing those around her. She grew up in a small town and although she doesn’t doubt Ms. A’s teaching abilities, she is worried she will not be enough in times of danger. That kinda leads to another insecurity that she will not be able to protect those she’s grown to care for. She is scared that those around her will die and she will not be able to do anything to prevent it. Another insecurity she has is about herself and her past. Since her family history is partly a mystery to her, she is kind of almost unsure of who she is as a person. Like she knows who she wants to be as a person, but she doesn’t know who she is through who her family were if that makes sense… Yeah, she might have more too, she kind of really hides her insecurities and doesn’t let people know about them much. OH! Another one is she is insecure about who and how she trusts. After the mask incident she kind of doubts her ability to read people and situations as to whether they are real and should be trusted. Okay… I think I got most of them.

25 Do they find that they care what others think of them? Or do they not really mind how others view them?

Oh yeah. She doesn’t show it at all but she super does (kinda mentioned above). She feels like she is not enough a lot of the time, so she does like approval from others. Knowing what others think (especially if it is good) makes her feel more secure like she knows what she is doing is right or wrong.

30 What makes them feel safe or secure? What makes them feel insecure or unsafe?

Honestly what makes her feel safe and secure is being home. Being out of her little town makes her feel unprepared and a little scared, but also really excited which is why she set out in the first place. Knowing what is going on in a situation makes her feel safe, having a weapon, basically having control or a strong understanding makes her secure. What makes her insecure or unsafe is the unknown, though like I said before she also gets excited (idk its king of like how some people get watching horror movies). Um… having to face her fears and stuff, I don’t know really, she just likes to know things so not knowing kinda makes her uncomfortable.

Questions About Creating Your OCs:

1 What was the first element of your OC that you remember considering (name, appearance, backstory, etc.)?

Ooookay… honestly I have no idea. I want to say that I wanted to play a dragon born first? But it also could have been that I wanted to play a sorcerer. It was one of those though I believe. I think maybe the latter cause I wanted to play a magical character, so I looked through the different types and settled on a sorcerer cause they were KINDA both fighting and magic.

3 How did you choose their name?

Yeah… this one I don’t have a super fancy long answer. The name popped in my head and would not go away so I was like “Okay, Blaine it is then.” … yeahhhhh thats pretty much it.

8 What (if anything) do you relate to within their character/story?

For what I relate to in their character I’ll answer in the next one (spoilers its pretty much everything). However for the story I can say nothing really. I’m an only child while Blaine has two siblings. I have a pretty good relationship with my parents while Blaine had an okay one but didn’t interact with them much. I guess I kind of had a traumatic experience when I was younger? But its not like it unlocked any magic abilities… I wish. I didn’t have one specific mentor though I had some pretty good teachers growing up…. Yeah nothing in the story really is related to me, character though is a completely different story.

9 Are they based off of you, in some way?

Yes, completely yes. I mean, I’m not a dragon born sorcerer, but in terms of personality (besides Blaine being a little more extroverted) we are pretty much the same. I base a lot of how she acts and reacts and stuff like that based on how I would, so as a person, Blaine is pretty much me aside from a few details.

12 What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

Hahahaha… the fact that I made her a dragon born and I CANNOT DRAW DRAGONS TO SAVE MY LIFE. LIKE IDK HOW AT ALL SO I CANT EVEN DRAW HER IF I WANTED TO. So, yeah drawing has become frustrated where when I even try I get so sick of it I can’t do it anymore. Writing though is great! Ive began writing a lot more short stories and I love it! Im actually in the middle of writing a couple of things with her and the gang and I’m really excited to post them :)

13 How far past the canon events that take place in their world have you extended their story, if at all?

Um… well Im not entirely sure how far canon will go really so… not entirely sure. At one point I did have her death planned, but that even has changed and I don’t even have a concrete idea for it. I suppose I kind of planned a little farther in her future when she is older, but not much besides she keeps helping people as long as she is physically able.

19 What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Mm, okay I have two really and they are both super stupid silly things, but you asked. One is that Blaine is the Door Killer™. She has and will destroy all the doors with a single blow. And the other is that she always will have a multitude of daggers on her. Even as a kid she found/had daggers so much that her siblings stopped trying to take them from her and instead just taught her how to handle them safely.

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rainbowoxytocin · 7 years

Text

I Need to Vent~ unfiltered

Okay kids, im in a very bad place and i need to vomit my internal stuff everywhere, just to get it out. Here’s everything that’s on my mind right now (in no particular order). Hold on tight...

i feel like i could have done so much better in college. I dont feel like an expert on anything, and my degree is in such an intangible field. I dont feel like I really accomplished anything, esp becuase i think a lot about how many things I wish i had done differently. I feel like i wasted my time there and have nothing to show for it. i get esp upset when i think about my comp, which was a year of very hard and difficult work which ended in an almost failing grade. it felt like a stab in the back and really damaged my trust for advisors and confidence in my intelligence and academic abilities.

my relationship with carlos is probably ending. im so tired of us both being so deeply upset all the goddamn time. and I feel like im always doing something wrong, even when im doing things we have agreed are okay. because it hurts him so much and because im so used to being told that my thoughts on things or my instincts and desires are wrong. Earlier we were talking. i was syaing i was going to have a friend over becuase i was so upset and didnt want to be alone. he said he was worried. i thought he was worried i was going to break up with him, turns out he was worriedd that i would make a move on my friend. which was both understandable and pretty insulting. im tired of not being understood and needing to explain/justify myself. i always hesitate to talk about things i want to talk about because it will upset him. its not healthy for either of us. I know he can never be okay with the things that i want. ive just been a coward to let it go on this long. Ive always been a coward i think. i have no idea how to tell him. idk what ill do if he tries to change my mind. im too weak to hurt my partners by leaving when i should. and i was going to visit him on campus and now i doubt that will happen, which means i wont see all my other friends...

I have to find a job and a place to live before the end of the month. I have absolutely no idea how to do this and im terrified and i feel useless for not knowing how to find a job or a place to live. i have no idea how to narrow down my search or pick well. I will probably make a bad choice.

I have feelings for so many people. I have not, despite the years that have passed, moved on from robby and tim. or even sean, cristina. sometimes i still think about alex. and now chris and mike. and of course carlos. It takes so little for a memory to be triggered and my mood to darken. it happens every night and most days. to me, having so many people seems matural and right but i have been told for so long that it is wrong. and i have no idea how to act on these feelings, esp in such a bad time in my life. Ive already made a few mistakes and it hurt a lot. I have no confidence in my ability to make a successful relationship.

I have been rejected from the Peace Corps twice now. also not helpful for my feelings of value and confidence. i was on the fence about going if i was accepted, considering my mental health, but still... it would have been nice to feel valued

I have no idea where my career is going. just like every other aspect of my life...

With everything going on, i havent been eating well, and i am getting more aware of my weight getting out of hand again

I am extremely lonely. i have very few friends from high school around, even fewer of whom i feel like i can go to when im upset. ive never been that person, and idk how to start. ive always been the person people go to for comfort and i have minimal support like that that ive ever used. i miss all my friends from school, and am sad that people dont reach out to talk to me very often. This often makes me feel left behind and forgotten.

I havent journalled in weeks, since i got back from cuba. it is the first time in four years i havent made a daily journal, and it has made me feel very insecure and lost. and yet, for some reason, i havent journaled, which is very easy to do....

So thats the storm in my head. At least as much of it that i can articulate at 2:30 in the morning after an emotionally draining day. Maybe ill add more tomorrow.

#emotional.#breakup #tired #word vomit #depression #mental health #feelings

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