#if it was strawberry instead of root beer this would fuck

[the-cannibal]

Slashers with a s/o who has weird cravings for inedible things

Have you ever looked at tide pods, erasers, basically anything with a big DO NOT EAT CONTACT POISON CONTROL IF INGESTED sticker on them? Me too! So here’s a funny little thing for that!

Ps: please don’t actually eat any of the things in this- there are alternative things that you can actually eat that are similar to these things!

Gender neutral reader - they/them and you is used

Slashers included: Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Jason Vorehees, Michael Myers, Brahms Heelshire, Billy Loomis and Stu Macher

Vincent Sinclair:

“Vinny Vinny Vinny!”

“???”

“Can I eat some of that wax?” You pointed off to the scraps on the table by the art piece he was currently working on.

“?!?!?!” Cue frantic signing - ‘Y/n no- you can’t eat that, it will make you sick! Why would you even want to in the first place?’

You shrugged. “I dunno. It just looks warm and tasty!”

Vincent will now make sure to keep an eye on you anytime you are around wax.

But one day your curiosity won, and he caught you mid lick on one of his sculptures.

Yeah he was all mother hen on you for a while.

Bo Sinclair:

Bo was in his garage (surprise surprise) working on a car. You decided to tag along.

“Hey Bo, can I drink some of that?”

“Sure darlin.” Bo had said without looking up. He has just assumed you were talking about the glass of ice tea he has sitting next to him.

It wasn’t until her heard you spitting up something into the dirt that he actually looked up and saw the bottle of oil in your hand…

“Y/n what the fuck?!” He shouted at you. He was angry sure but he was mostly concerned and didn’t want you to fucking poison yourself, so he stuck two fingers down your throat and forced you to puke.

“Why would you do that?!”

“It looked like root beer!” You shouted between coughs.

“God you’re almost as bad as Lester…”

Jason Vorhees:

Oh if you think this man will even let you get anything inedible anywhere near your mouth you are wrong.

Jason has had to swat out jelly erasers out of your hand while you were working on a drawing because the fake pink strawberry inside it was just too tempting for you. You now only get to use boring white erasers… which you were banned from for a while when you thought they looked like marshmallows.

“Hey Jason, what do you think tidepods taste like?” You are no longer aloud to do laundry by yourself.

But he would help make snacks for you that have said texture of whatever thing you want. Wanna eat sand? Here’s some granola he’s made and crushed up to look and feel like it!

Michael Myers:

You’ve probably eaten a lot of stuff you shouldn’t have- dude isn’t the most observant at first.

But the second he does catch you, he’s watching you like a hawk.

He about yelled at you when he saw you munching on one of his (thankfully clean) jump suits. But he didn’t and instead took it away from you, lightly tapping you on your nose, scolding you like you were a teething puppy.

Actually that is what he saw you as when you’d do this-

He isn’t a cooker or a baker but if he finds anything edible that he thinks would satisfy your cravings then he will take it.

Brahms Heelshire

“New rule! Y/n is not aloud to eat anything without Brahms’ permission!”

“Brahms I don’t think that’s gonna work-“

“THEN STOP TRYING TO EAT THE PIANO KEYS!”

What? The Heelshire’s have a lot of old stuff! A lot of old tasty looking stuff… like the piano and Brahms’ records.

Brahms sometimes feels like a nanny for you when it comes to food. He now sits on the counter and watches you like a bird hunting it’s prey to make sure you aren’t sneaking anything in your mouth you shouldn’t. Don’t worry Brahms! They’d never do that!… would you..?

Billy and Stu:

Stu does the same thing as you.

Billy feels like he needs to keep you both on those little backpacks with those leashes that keep kids from running into traffic.

He has put you two in them before… he calls it ‘dumb snacking jail’

You make a comment about how Billy would know all about being in a jail.

That earned you more time in dumb snacking jail-

“They aren’t hurting anyone!” Stu shouted

“Stu they are trying to eat rocks…”

“It’s not hurting anyone!”

“ITS HURTING THEM-?!”

#bo sinclair #house of wax 2005 #slasher x reader #house of wax x reader #vincent sinclair #bo sinclair x reader #michael myers #vincent sinclair x reader #billyloomis #stu macher x reader #stumacher #jason vorhees x reader #michael myers x reader #brahms x reader #brahms heelsire x reader #brahms heelshire #billy loomis x reader

[lizisodd]

I'm halfway through The Bear, and in honor of starting it, I decided to eat at the Chicago classic drive-in Superdawg. (Not an Italian beef joint because I just don't love them.) Naturally it was raining and a bit chilly, perfect drive-in and ice cream weather. 🙄

First, everyone needs to see the impeccable packaging. These are the Superdawg mascots, Maury and Flaurie.

I ordered a Whoopskidawg, aka a Polish sausage. It was fucking delicious and I'm two seconds from going back for another for dinner.

@gardenerian peep this (blurry) pickled green tomato, Superdawg's signature. I would eat way more tomatoes if they were naturally like this.

Original Rainbow Cone, a Chicago staple I rarely get because it's not convenient to me, had its ice cream truck at the restaurant, so even though it was cold and I already had a pineapple ice cream soda (think root beer float but with syrupy pineapple soda instead), I got this and regretted nothing. Remember, always splurge for a waffle cone. From the top: orange, pistachio, Palmer House, strawberry, chocolate.

Also The Bear is great, and I will be murdering Richie and Tina, more thoughts later.

#the bear fx #superdawg #original rainbow cone #chicago food #chicago #cw food

[dballzposting]

Future Trunks is soooo funny like DBZ is old so the line quality and colors Look Like That and he looks all soft and pink and the artstyle is changing and so how it looks at this point is more unique than it's ever been. And they draw Future Trunks's hair slightly different in every shot. And he has seen fates worse than hell but also he does not operate in a senseless stack of mental layers and repression and detrimental self-consciousness, rather he lives like hes playing Tetris and is constantly clearing out the bottom rows, taking life one event at a time and eating it the best he can, extracting the most nutrients out of it, he has an easy spirit that just wont quit. Hes a bright-eyed youth and hes calm and courteous and kind and courageous. Hes bashful and sensitive and during that one movie he was waiting in line with Roshi + Oolong + Krillin to see some beautiful hot chicks. With his hands in his pockets looking all stoic. But with an unmistakably soft and cute face still.

He was not reared on the processed chemicals of city slop and instead ate what could be hunted and plundered and grown. This is to say that he is of good health and his skin is very smooth.

But he does have bad acid reflux and he doesnt think much of it becasue there are much bigger things to worry about than that. He just thinks that everybody wakes up with a bitter taste in their mouths. His teeth will probably hit the shitter before hes 30 but seeing how fucked his timeline is, that's not that bad.

He has opinions about water that you dont really hear about becasue he doesnt like to complain. But if water is too clean it tastes like the inside of his mouth or like vomit to him and he does not like it. He has opinions about what water tastes Metalic or Rusty or Hard or Green or Yucky or Bitter or Clean and whether that's good or not. For example he likes snowmelt. It's pure with some rich dirt. He likes metallic water becasue it disguises the taste of his own mouth. Rusty water he dislikes however.

This is to say that in a good timeline, he probably would just stop drinking water. He would always be seen with a fun beverage. Always a different cup (plastic boba tea cup, milkshake glass, hurricane glass, all types of fun glasses, sparkling water cans, etc) and often with curly fun straws. He tries coca cola but gravitates toward fruity stuff in the end. Dr Pepper he likes more than coca cola. He had a Root Beer float once and wished that the ice cream was strawberry instead.

This of course aggravates his acid reflux immensely.

Hes 17 and is a very nice young man. Hes considerate and smart but also hes 17 and can be so so stupid at times. And he fills his stomach with lemonade and other acids and wonders why his teeth feel thinner than they used to. He gets the acid reflux from Bulma but he has Vegeta's digestive track otherwise which means that it is very Sturdy and Efficient unless something is wrong. When hes sick it all comes out the other end. As a liquid

Future Trunks is hands down the coolest concept to come out of anything. Toriyama was touched by a god when he came up with him. Concept is flawless, execution is flawless. Hes a pretty young man with bright eyes and a sweet smile and he appears on merchandise with pink hair. And he has a sword for NO REASON. Just becasue hes straight up epic. Not to mention his debilotatingly charming fashion sense. And he looks excellent in fuschia

#dballz posting #And hes Jesse McCartney. Forgot to work that in

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #187

Do you typically eat breakfast or skip it? I basically always eat it.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? An orb weaver spider at my sister's house. I hope she's still there, but I'm kinda doubtful since her web was attached to the kids' playset, and their dad is the kind of ignorant redneck that kills any harmless spider or snake he sees.

Do you have a collection of anything? Yes, primarily meerkat-oriented stuff.

How did you discover your favorite band? Ozzy, I discovered really through my mom; I grew up sometimes hearing him and eventually gravitated towards his music on my own. I first heard Rammstein in a Guitar Hero game.

What was the last big decision you made? uh... I don't know.

When was the last time you performed in front of a group of people? Not since I was a teenager (or maybe a very very young adult) in dance.

Did you ever used to make cookies, cakes or pie with your grandma? The only thing my maternal grandma (the only one I really knew) ever made me was pissed off lmao, no.

Do you burn incense? I like to, but I rarely do it.

Do you smoke weed? I don't, I'm not interested in smoking anything. It's also illegal in NC because this state is horribly behind with like... everything.

Have you actually been through a devastating natural disaster before? Yes; I was a baby when it happened, but Hurricane Floyd was no joke. It ruined certain areas around here, like there are certainly places where the weather damage was never truly fixed and houses withered. I've endured many hurricanes since, but none - I think - that were on Floyd's level.

What fast food place, in your opinion, has the best french fries? Bojangle's. I also like McDonald's a lot, but I think everyone loves McD's fries, lol.

Do you believe one day aliens might take over Planet Earth? Personally, no. The hell do I know though, I won't bet my life on that. Sometimes I feel like the world would be better off if aliens did say fuck y'all, lol.

Do you like soda pop? If so, which is your favorite and least favorite? Soda is my dietary weakness, easy fuckin' peasy. My favorite is Mountain Dew, specifically the Voltage kind, which is blue raspberry. I also enjoy strawberry Sunkist A LOT, but it's not something I have almost ever. I'd say my least favorite is root beer probably, it's not a flavor I really enjoy.

Does it bother you when people burp around you or do you do it too? I really don't give a shit, I wish basic bodily functions that are entirely normal weren't treated as if they're gross because I think it's had a very negative effect on health and caring for various things.

Ever had a friend named Alex or John? Alex, yes. We were very close online friends then she just like... fell off the face of the earth. I miss her a lot.

What kind of stuff do you like on your hot dogs? I'm pretty basic, just ketchup and mustard. Bits of finely diced onions is fine, too, but I don't go out of my way for it, and I definitely won't want a lot.

Where did you kiss the last person you kissed? In my bed before he went home.

Do you think it’s right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? ...................... bitch what???????????? of course it's fine??????????????????????

Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced? I've had my right nostril pierced twice in my life, and I want to get it redone again. I just always had issues keeping studs in.

Would you ever donate blood? I've done it twice now and absolutely plan to keep going whenever Girt goes to one. It was very fulfilling, plus it was a fun thing to do together.

Describe the main problem with your last relationship? We were/are both very mentally ill individuals and instead of helping each other stay upright, I feel like we dragged one another down.

Do you have any pictures of celebs saved to your computer? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Do you find hands attractive? I can find men's hands particularly attractive. It doesn't happen much with women; like I love elegant-looking hands aesthetically, but I'm not like, attracted to them. Hands aren't a major thing for me, though.

Do you think it is silly to give names to vehicles, or other inanimate objects? I don't care. I don't do it, but I don't care about it.

Is there a hair color/style you really like but don’t think you could pull off? I LOVE bald women, like oh my god y'all are so fucking hot but I could never do it.

Out of all the Disney/Pixar animal “sidekicks”, which one is your favorite? Dory.

If your mom was a teacher, would you want to be in her class? lol my mom HAS been a substitute (or assistant? idr) in an elementary class for me before. My mom was a fabulous teacher and I'd ALWAYS want her at the head of my class.

As a kid, did you love playing on Neopets? I sure did, I consider it the start of my Internet addiction.

Would you ever get a pet turtle? Why or why not? No, they're just not my kind of pet. I love 'em, but don't want to have any.

What shop/store/brand would you model for, if given the choice? Hot Topic, I guess. I don't really wanna model for anyone, I'm way too self-conscious, even if I wasn't fat.

If I search your room will I find birth control? No.

Have you ever been told you were a good writer? Since I was a very literal child. It's one of the extremely few skills I'm actually confident in.

What is the most outrageous thing you’ve done for God? Been a complete fucking asshole who thought she was doing good.

The last piece of roadkill you saw, what kind of animal was it? Uhhhh I think a raccoon?

Has anyone ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend with you? Yes.

List 5 things that have happened in the last 7 days. (They can be anything at all, anything that’s happened involving you, or your family, friends, partner) 1.) I had an antidepressant med's dosage increased, 2.) Girt got jumpscared to shit by a massive spider in the mail lol, 3.) I went shopping with my mom in a store for the first time in a VERY long time and I was very pleased with how my legs did, 4.) I finished a Wings of Fire book, and 5.) I fed Venus.

Random fact about the person you love/like? Tying into the last question, Girt's super super cute when he comes over on a night Venus gets fed (twice a month); he's wary around snakes and has never even touched her, but he gets hype about "rat day" and likes watching her eat.

How many pets do you want? And of what? A lot, mostly reptiles and various tarantula species. This is very dependent on where I live though as well as how easily I can provide for those I have. I refuse to hoard animals I can't give proper, healthy lives to.

Have you ever asked someone out? Yes, more than once.

Is the last person you kissed a virgin? No.

Who makes you the happiest? Girt.

What are your views on spontaneous human combustion? This shit is a super creepy concept, and I am so not a scientist that can give you a proper stance here. I FEEL like there's been at least one confirmed case of this killing somebody, but I might be wrong, and honestly I hope I am. The idea of this being possible is absolutely terrifying.

What was the last zoo/aquarium you went to? Some aquarium by the beach, idr its name.

What does the last message in your Facebook inbox concern? Girt's sister Ashley sent me some pictures of car decal she got because she knew it was a topic I cared about.

How did you meet the person you fell hardest for? Technically Facebook; he reached out to me after apparently seeing me in the school hallway and having an "I need to know her" fairytale moment, asking a friend who I was or something. Nowadays it's like... thanks for the trauma bro lmao

What was your favourite thing about the person you fell hardest for? He was very unique, and completely unashamed of who he was. He was so comfortable being him, which I couldn't and still can't relate to but wish I did.

Are you a strong swimmer? I mean, I'm fine at it. I prefer to just doggy paddle, lol.

What was your worst fear as a child? Have you overcome that fear? Tornadoes, and no, not really. I'm less hysterical in situations where one might occur, but I am still very much terrified of tornadoes.

What kind of music do you listen to the most? I'd say industrial metal/rock, probably.

Have you ever tried veggie burgers? Yes, I had a vegetarian phase. I had okay ones, but they weren't spectacular or anything. Nothing like an actual burger.

Would you rather have another job? I'd like to have *A* job... One I can actually do and not have to keep going into a bathroom to have a panic attack and cry.

Did you ever live in a house with more than one story? No.

Do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother? No. My mother's the one who BUYS any clothes I put on my body, so... lol

Do you have your national flag hanging up anywhere outside your house? ew no

Do you look older or younger than you actually are? Younger. In about the past year-ish, I've been mistaken for a teenager twice.

What was the last show that you watched a full episode of? It was a Naked and Afraid-type show with Mom.

Do you have any significantly older siblings? Yes, both my parents have kids from relationships before theirs together.

Which parent do you feel the most affection for? My mom.

Do you know anyone who hates/dislikes chocolate? My maternal grandma only liked chocolate in the form of Reese's, and my nephew Ryder is weird with chocolate, too. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't, but I know he definitely prefers vanilla.

Have you ever hated yourself? oh boy have I

Did your parents ever ground you? Mom did, my dad didn't do much in terms of raising us kids and deciding things about us.

Do you like your smile? No.

Were you/are you popular in high school? I wasn't.

Who is your female celeb crush? (If applicable) Rhea Ripley could break my back and I'd nut ok

Who is your male celeb crush? (If applicable) Richard Kruspe could also break my back and I'd be cool abt it

Do you have a favorite Marvel character? Deadpool, probs.

Favorite DC character? Harley Quinn.

Do you read comic books? I don't.

Name a few historical figures you find interesting. Why? I find Sarah Winchester, designer of the Winchester Mystery House, to be EXTREMELY fascinating. She was the widow of the creator of the Winchester rifle and never stopped expanding upon her mansion in an attempt to supposedly confuse and flee the spirits killed by her husband's firearm design. She was very involved in spiritual practices and she just really intrigues me, all the while I feel deeply for such a haunted, miserable person.

What is your favorite historical film and why? The Boy in the Striped Pajamas because the feeling it leaves you goes so far beyond words. The Holocaust in general just SOUNDS so fake in how evil it was, and while the movie may tell the tale of made-up kids, the general gist was so real. It's a movie that has left me feeling so cold each time I've seen it.

#survey #surveys #random questions #personal questions #questionnaire

[ukai-simp-services]

hq character’s favorite lip smacker flavors

warnings: none, just slight cursing

a/n: wow the way this was one of my best ideas... anyway some of these are kinda repetitive so bare with me 😭

karasuno

hinata

i feel like hinata would be down for one of the really fruity flavors, like watermelon or mango sunrise. forgets it at home or in your car a lot so you always buy him extra.

kageyama

kags is def giving me the classic strawberry or cherry vibe, like the one that ALL stores sell. they’re the easiest to find and he likes the flavors.

daichi

ok i feel like daichi would use the peppermint flavor a lot, but i can also seeing him use the cinnamon flavor every now and then too, spice things up a little.

sugawara

i can see suga using some of the sweeter flavors, like strawberry as a daily chapstick and maybe sugar cookie when he wants to switch things up.

asahi

mans got the whole berry pack. uses them pretty frequently throughout the day, has a different flavor in different places. like one in his school bag, one in his gym locker, one at home, etc.

tanaka

ok tanaka probably doesn’t use use them that much, but when he does, he fucks w the soda flavors. like coke and sprite.

nishinoya

i don’t even think he knows what lip smackers are....but let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say he would use one of the sugary ones. like the skittles one.

tsukishima

vanilla. no pun intended. i just totally see him using the vanilla flavor, probably the coconut one too.

yamaguchi

i can see bby using the pink lemonade,,,maybe the cucumber melon too mmmm. applies them a lot.

ennoshita

he uses that lime flavor (i forgot it’s exact name) but that and probably some fruity shit like tropical punch.

ukai

PLEASE. he wouldn’t sell lip smackers at his convenience store so he’s like ?? tf is that babe ?? but, once you show him he’d definitely be down for the rootbeer or coke flavor, he’s a soda man what can i say. BUT i imagine he’d keep it simple most of the time w peppermint. (u also make him start selling them so he ends up trying the fruity flavors~)

kiyoko

god, i wanna say the cherry flavor bc of the mf katy perry song (pls tell me if yk what im talking about) BUT i can also see her using the mint one and the coconut one too. queen has multiple flavors, as she should.

yachi

100% one of the candy flavors, like bubblegum. definitely the cotton candy one too. yachi’s lips always taste good period.

nekoma

kuroo

another cherry chapstick lover, but he spices his shit up with the cherry cobbler flavor. wants to taste good at all times for you~

kenma

doesn't use it often, but when he remembers or you remind him, he'll usually use a fun soda flavor like from the fanta pack,, or even just regular grape.

yaku

giving me grapefruit delight vibes...idk why but he just is. i can see him whipping it out in the lockerroom before practice starts, quickly applying it before any of the other guys come in.

yamamoto

omg ok so i feel like similar to some of the other guys, he’d shy away from using it in front of anyone. but i can see him using the tropical punch flavor ??

lev

tell me lev wouldn’t use the vanilla icecream one...like i can just see it. i feel like he would lowkey take pride in it too, like he knows that shit taste good.

seijoh

oikawa

this mf uses peppermint religiously. but this is oikawa we’re talking about so i think he definitely would have multiple flavors; definitely watermelon, probably chocolate mint, and for sure starburst.

iwaizumi

he’s kinda shy about using them so he sticks to the more lowkey flavors, probably like blue raspberry or kiwi. (pls gimmie a blue raspberry kith haji)

mattsun

i feel like he wouldn’t use it much, but he’d use the lemon drop flavor. loves using it during the winter bc of the weather.

hanamaki

another soda lover. i feel like he sticks to the coca cola flavors, like vanilla and cherry. (i love the cherry one omfg) maybe the root beer one too.

kunimi

bubblegum. that’s it. that’s the flavor. it’s always on him at ALL times. like that shit doesn’t leave his pocket, he once even accidentally washed his pants with it still in the pocket.

kindaichi

mmmm i think he’s definitely a berry guy, likes mixed berry or wild raspberry.

mad dog

yes i just labeled him by his nickname instead of his real name what about it- anyway. why do i think he’d use orange creamsicle on the LOW. like mf HIDES that shit. can never catch mad dog applying mf orange creamsicle chapstick. nope.

fukurodani

bokuto

omg ok bby definitely uses strawberry cheesecake or sour apple. ik they’re like two totally different flavors but, he just DOES. and he’d pucker his lips towards you every time he applies it like “BABY GUESS WHAT FLAVOR MY LIPS ARE” like ok bo c’mere then.

akaashi

he’s a simple man, he enjoys a nice strawberry banana lip smacker on his lips. maybe even pumpkin latte (during the fall of course) bc he’s festive <3

konoha

mans is using the dragonfruit flavor (i forgot if it’s just dragonfruit or if there’s another flavor combined in there) but, he literally just uses that flavor. like idk what to tell you. he just does.

yukie

ok i love her sm, i just know she would have strawberry kiwi and probably strawberry banana too. mmm yummy.

shiratorizawa

ushijima

i feel like kageyama, he would only buy the ones he sees at most stores...so a classic like mango or kiwi.

tendou

ohmygod, mans has a whole mf collection. like first of all, he has the fanta soda collection, obviously. then, there’s the candy pack with nerds, fun dip, laffy taffy, jolly ranchers, etc... he also fucks w any sour flavors. basically, everytime you kiss this man you’ll be tasting something different.

semi

another blue raspberry mf, but also i can see him using the dr pepper flavor LOL....i wanna taste>:(

goshiki

he’s a sucker for the grape flavors, regular of course, grape jelly, grape fanta, etc.

shirabu

mmm i can see him using pineapple. it’s a subtle flavor, but its the one he likes best. i don't think he'd use it all that often tbh, but when he does his lips taste absolutely ~fresh~

date tech

aone

PLSSS i just know mans wouldn't even know what a lip smacker was, would probably just be using normal burt’s bees like most people - till you introduce him to the wide range of flavors that lip smackers have to offer. he'd be like “hm, banana.” LIKE. either THAT or piña colada, he’s really trying for y’all.

kanji

cake donut?? do i have an explanation?? nope. i don’t even know what that would taste like, but i can imagine pretty sweet? just give him a mf kiss.

inarizaki

atsumu

PLEASE. he’d use the strawberry flavor ALL the time. like ok maybe occasionally the vanilla icecream too. but im so soft rn for ‘tsumu’s strawberry lips T_T

osamu

omg he’s such a cheesecake mf i just KNOW, so he’d have the strawberry cheesecake flavor. probably use chocolate moose sometimes too if he’s in the mood.

kita

this is NOT up for debate, he’d 100% use berry pie all the time. kita get ur ass here rn, we’re bouta smooch.

suna

pls bc he’s another one that’d only use it on the low. i’m feeling watermelon,, he’d always apply it before he sees you too.

aran

ooooo i can see him using cinnamon swirl, but also grape on a more common occasion. yummy....

extras

terushima

HHH sour apple for sure. he’d try to put on you all the time so you can taste like him too, he’s like “baby c’mere ;)”

saeko

bitch omg, why can i see her using the cherry cream soda one.... i literally don’t know where she could buy it but she’d fucking have it, like for SURE.

sakusa

STOP bc he’d definitely reprimand you for using lip smackers instead of a brand like ChapStick or burt’s bees. like shut up bitch...but also if you’re persistent like me, then you’ll definitely sneak the lemon drop flavor into his jacket pockets whenever you have the chance. you know it’s his secret guilty pleasure <3

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq fluff #haikyuu!! #hq headcanons #hq hcs #haikyuu smau #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu hcs #karasuno #nekoma #aoba johsai #aoba josai headcanons #seijoh #shiritorizawa #fukurodani #date tech #oikawa toru #kuroo testuro #coach ukai #asahi azumane #sugawara koushi #iwaizumi hajime #bokuto koutarou #tendou satori

[coffee1-1cat]

🌸Best binge tricks🌸

💫Juice a lemon in a tall glass of water and add a few drops of liquid strawberry flavored stevia sweetener, add ice and it tastes just like strawberry lemonade 🍋 DOESN’T BREAK A FAST ❕

(if you don’t have liquid strawberry stevia, you can use any sweetener you like and a fruit flavored extract of choice!)

💫See that extra coffee in the maker from breakfast? Refrigerate that and come back later. With the coffee, put in ice, a splash of almond milk, your favorite sweetener, and extract flavoring of choice ☕️ DOESN’T BREAK A FAST ❕

(any liquid under about 35 calories does not break a fast, just make sure that you aren’t drinking multiple things that are 35 calories if you are trying to fast)

💫Drink diet soda/any fizzy drink. I personally LOVE coke zero, sprite zero, diet mountain dew, diet root beer, and sparkling ice drinks! DOESN’T BREAK A FAST ❕

💫Instead of binging on ice cream all night with your friends, try Vanilla Halo Top Ice Cream (280 calories per pint) or Breyer’s Delight Vanilla Bean (260 calories per pint) in a bowl with some diet root beer, and BAM, root beer floats! You don’t have to eat the whole pint either if you’re sticking to a calorie limit, one serving is 65-70 calories!

💫Try to “binge” on fruit, if you must eat something. Fruit is healthy, is basically just stored as energy, and rebalances those electrolytes

💫Go on a walk if it’s nice outside. You can recollect your thoughts and ask yourself questions like: In two hours, would my binge still be worth it?

💫Do your hair. Practicing how to do certain hairstyles always distracts me, and plus, it’s fun 🥺

💫Paint your nails, do it quick. If every time you think about binging, you painted your nails a new color, you wouldn’t be able to binge bc your nails would be too pretty to mess up before they dry! This helps me a lot

💫Think about what you look like eating naked. Seriously, imagine sitting in front of a mirror, naked, and binging. It’s not attractive, is it ? Now think about tomorrow morning. Would you rather wake up knowing you completed another day of success or you ruined it by eating a whole bag of pretzels?

💫Go take photos of your body and imagine what the clothes you are wearing NOW will look like on your goal body! Remind yourself that you will be another day closer if you stay strong.

💫Play a game with your sibling/parent/friend! This helps distract me every time.

💫Go to your friend’s house. I always go to her house whenever I can if I’m feeling bingey.

💫Facetime someone for as long as you can!

💫Write lists of things you need to finish/start and listen to calming music. The urge will eventually subside.

I DO NOT CONDONE EATING DISORDERS, NOR AM I PRO-ANYTHING.

This list are things that helped me whenever I felt out of control. They kind of bring me back down to earth, if you know what I mean. I’m posting it to possibly recommend safe practices for those already dealing with eating disorders, so if you are new and don’t already have an ED, GET. THE. FUCK. OFF. THIS. BLOG. I love you too much to influence your actions.

Stay safe, lovelies 🌙♥️

#anoreixic #anoreixix #thiinisms #skiiiny #thiisnpo #skiny body #skiny legs #thin #bulimja #bulimiia #bulimix

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Disaster Lads, Part Two: The Flirtening

The second part of my AU collab with @whumpiary, Cass (Ace) and Kauri meet, and inevitable disaster ensues. Read Part One right here for context! This is part two, where shameless flirting is on the menu when Cass and Kauri head off to eat.

Things get, uh, spicy starting in Part Three. But I highly recommend you all reading Kauri just fail at flirting when he’s not using his training here...

CW: Shameless PG-13 flirting, discussion of past noncon/dubcon, discussion of an abusive relationship from the point of view of a survivor with fucky headspace, referenced consensual spice, discussed abusive relationship with INCREDIBLY dubious consent issues

Kauri pulls down on the stretched-out neckline of his shirt, and even in the dim alley, a bit of a large, twisted scar shows over his collarbone. 

"He paid a lot of money for, for me. I wasn't supposed to be able to leave. I took out the thing he put in to control me."

“Holy shit dude,” Cass breathes, fingers ghosting over the glossy pink of the scar tissue. He barks a sharp laugh of disbelief, looking back up to Kauri’s face like he’s something close to holy. He raises the hem of his own shirt, runs his thumb over the scar along his ribs. At least that particular excavation had been a success. “Snap.”

Cass grins, craning his neck to look closer at Kauri’s scar. He doesn’t even know Kauri, but looking at the mangled skin along his collarbone he feels something close to pride. 

“So, what? You cut out a tracker or something and then, what? You just… you just walked away?” he says. He can barely breathe with the thrill of that. This skittish, weedy little twink had more courage in his clavicle than Cass had in his whole body.  He’d dreamed about leaving Christopher so many times. He’s thought about leaving the Facility too. Of course he did. Everyone did. But you couldn’t just leave. “Weren’t you scared?”

"N-no, I ran away with it still… in me." Kauri grins, not quite nervous at the touch to his scar - he actually feels a little flutter of pride in himself, something Nat is always telling him he's allowed to have. That what he did was hard, especially for one like him. 

He can't quite hide his eyes lingering a little on Cass's scar. 

"It was, um…" He gives a kind of carefree smile, maybe the fakest one yet, and tries not to let himself think too hard about the rage and the pain. "A… like a shock collar. In my… skin." He flushes, looking down. "I fucked up really badly, and he just-... But, no. It wasn't because I… anyway, I ran away with it still in. I had to cut it out later because he wouldn't… stop…" He trails off, eyes sliding away, back down the way they'd come, looking ashamed of himself more than anything. 

He wouldn't stop because I ran away, I left him, I was all he had and I betrayed-

"He put up the reward after that."

Cass feels his heart sinking as Kauri talks. The long, hard nosedive Kauri takes from pride to shame is palpable. Visceral. It sits in Cass’ chest like a hunk of rock and he would do fucking anything to shift it. 

“I’m sorry,” Cass says, voice rasped. He can barely even look at Kauri. There is so much fucking guilt. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

Cass stares at the zipper of Kauri’s oversized sweatshirt so he doesn’t have to make eye contact. He wonders for a moment if maybe he should kiss him again. Easy distraction. Bit of fun. But the line of panic that has spiked up again, talking about his past. About his… owner. Cass pushes the impulse away, gives Kauri’s knee a friendly nudge instead. His smile doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“But hey, at least you got away, right?” Yeah, and ended up homeless for his efforts. He’s really livin’ the dream.  “Now that sadistic fuck can die lonely.”

"I hope not," Kauri says, softly. "He was lonely, that's what I was for. I was supposed to fix it but I kept fucking it up." He catches this before it can go too far, too, and pushes himself away, as if trying to escape the thought. The spiral of guilt that ate him alive sometimes, the knowledge that him leaving was ruining Owen's life. It's his fault, because he couldn't take everything he was given. 

He hadn't been good enough at loving him. And he wasn't a good enough pet to go home. 

He wants to go home, back to Owen, so badly it hurts. Curl up in his lap and say he was sorry, he wouldn't ever leave again. Let his head be tipped back and be reminded that Owen might not love him but he wants him, which means he matters. And he wants to never ever do that, both at once. Is pretty sure Owen would kill him if he did.

He just has to find other people who want him instead, to fill that space. 

Kauri digs into his pockets, rummaging around until he finds a handful of bills all crumpled up. "Come on. I fucked up your night, I might as well buy you some fries or something? I mean, if you want. There's a place open all night near here, they like me, I can probably get you a milkshake for free."

Cass tries his best not to stare too pityingly at the woeful amount of cash in Kauri’s hand. 

“Yeah. Alright. Why not?” he decides all at once, pushing up from the ground “But either you get it for free or it’s on me. I definitely owe you one for the shiner.”

“I can buy you fries,” Kauri says almost dryly, although he stuffs the money back in his pockets quickly enough. It hadn’t been the best panhandling day, but he’d been in one of his slow spots and kind of expected it. But he wasn’t the only ex-pet wandering the streets begging for cash, and they tended to trade off areas to make sure everyone got an equal shot at the people who were more likely to give a little more.

As Cass stands, he feels the world slide backwards away from him at the weight of Kauri's wants come crashing down over him; booming echoes of regret and guilt and fear that go on further and deeper than any of the words he'd said aloud. 

There are people in the world who keep their thoughts inwards. Their desires are still there and ready to be listened to but it's almost like background music, a hushed murmur like a conversation in a library. And then there are people like Kauri, full of aching and wounds and messy thoughts, who feel things so loudly it almost hurts. 

Want to go ho- should’ve been a better pe- make him feel bette- he’s going to kill m- want to matter. Need to matter to someo- I’m so sorry Mr. Owen

Grief strikes at Cass in waves, just being near everything Kauri’s thinking. It’s dizzying. It's like the worst kind of homesickness. Yearning for a thing you can't have and don't want but need all the same. It's so much worse because the feeling's so familiar. Cass had hated every inch of Bergen Estate. And there'd been nights he'd have cut off his hand to be back with the devil he knew.

He screws his eyes shut against the pain of it spiking through his head, clinging to the wall with one hand as he feels the world tilt off its access. 

Cass wants to go home. He wants Christopher. He wants to throw up.

"Sorry," he croaks, eyes shut as he steadies himself. He lets out a ragged breath  "Must've stood up too quick or something. Gimme a sec."

Kauri frowns as Cass seems to tilt into the wall, nearly falling against it, and steps forward despite himself - whether or not he can really trust Cass or if he’s as nice as he seems doesn’t really have anything to do with if he needs help - and grabs at his arm to slide himself under it and help him balance.

“Hey, you okay? I think I can get you real food, not just fries. Have you eaten today? I fall over a lot when I don’t eat all day.”

Cass barks a laugh, but it's pale and wheezing. 

It's sweet. It's so incredibly sweet and charming and so fucking sad that that's Kauri first thought. But it's so earnest that Cass finds himself thinking back to what he has eaten.

"No, I've eaten plenty,  it's not that," he says, blinking his eyes open as the dizziness ebbs. "I just need-"

Need what? Need you to stop thinking about your fucked up Stockholm syndrome? Need you to stop feeling so saturated in shame and guilt it pours off you like an oil spill? He shakes his head, as if that'll be enough to clear the thoughts. 

"Yeah, uh, maybe you're right," he says, because he has to say something. People aren't fine one second and falling into an alleyway wall in the next for no reason "Need some real food."

“Then we’ll get you some,” Kauri says firmly, keeping himself under Cass’s arm to help him balance. “I’ll tell ‘em you kept me from being drugged, they’ll definitely give you free food, then.” He tries on a sidelong smile, going for something sort of dry and I’ve-seen-it-all but the expression doesn’t quite work - he’s too genuine to pull it off. 

“I know you just think I said I was sorry because I was supposed to, but I really am, um, sorry for pissing you off. I know people are mostly nice, I just… freaked out because of that guy earlier saying he would, um, would tell the cops who I was. Am. Was. Actually,” He changed subjects without even a pause for breath, walking with Cass out of the alley and onto the sidewalk, giving a cheery little wave to what was clearly a prostitute at the corner, who waved right back with sparkly fingernails that caught the streetlamp light. “Do you like milkshakes better or root beer floats? I had a root beer float for the first time at this place, it was so good.”

"Root beer floats are for six year olds," Cass teases through the thumping headache, taking care that his feet are keeping straight. "Strawberry milkshakes are the MVP."

He focuses on breathing in the crisp night air as they walk, already feeling better. It's stupid, actually, that he doesn't have more control over this shit. Weak that just a few minutes of someone else's thoughts and he's wilting like a fucking daisy. 

The place isn't far, as it turns out, but it seems like there's some displaced person on every corner that greets Kauri with a smile, or a nod. The guy’s obviously universally liked. The sort of person that people gave free milkshakes to. That people avoided calling the cops for, even if it meant missing out on some decent reward money. Like the universe figured he'd been served enough bullshit for one lifetime and was trying to protect him now.

"For what it's worth, I wasn't pissed at you," Cass says after about half a block. "To be honest, I'm usually pretty good at being selfish. But then when we started fucking around, some of the stuff in your head was just way too-" he blinks, stumbles on his words for a second "Like you, you wear your heart of your sleeve, I mean. And I dunno. I didn't want you to feel like… I dunno. It just got to me."

"Besides," Cass adds as they reach a crappy-chic little diner with a red sign "No offense, but I'd rather not get laid when the other person's terrified of me"

Kauri actually laughs at that, soft and kind of a sweet laugh. His voice is surprisingly deep for how small he is. “You’d be the first guy I’ve slept with in a while who cared about that.” There’s dry humor to his words, like Cass has said something sort of ridiculous that Kauri finds totally at odds with his everyday life.

“Besides, I wasn’t scared of you,” Kauri lies easily, and probably would have been perfectly believable if Cass hadn’t been able to feel the fear coming off of him at the time. “Just nervous about the bar. I used to never go out alone, but some stuff happened and I’m on my own, for now.” He shrugs, casually, pushing the door open and looking with a shy smile to an older woman behind the counter.

“Kauri, good to see you,” The woman says in a voice that says she’s been smoking since she was a teenager and that was no doubt a very long time ago. “It’s been a while.” Her eyes move to Cass, taking him in. All that comes from her is a vague sense of wishing her shift would be over so she could go home and sleep already. “Found yourself a new one?”

“Nah, just a friend.” When she raises an eyebrow, Kauri rolls his eyes. “An actual friend, Brenda, I have those.”

Cass grins a little despite himself. Kauri was an idiot. And way too trusting. But it’s sweet, being gently defended like that. It’s nice actually.

“First I’ve heard of it. Grab yourself a seat wherever, I’ll send Nick over to get your order.” She fixes a more scrutinizing eye on Cass. “You too, young man.”

“God, do you just bring out the White Knight side in everybody or something?” Cass says as soon as Brenda’s out of ear shot. Even as he says it, Cass’ thoughts slide to Matt at the bar, and then even further to Kauri’s owner — ex-owner — and he feels almost guilty for saying it. Maybe not everybody.

Kauri is just so fucking nice. He’s nice and he’s kind and he’s good. He deserves to have people defending him and looking out for him. Cass has known him for barely an hour and even he can tell that. But instead, the fuckheads of the world had found that goodness and twisted it and made it so he couldn’t say no – no just drink it don’t make him mad–  and he couldn’t ask for what he wanted - I want this I want you - and couldn't let himself be afraid –just say no Kauri you can just say no just say no stop it sto–

Cass scrubs a hand over his face and pushes his hair back, like maybe that’ll dislodge the sticky tar echoes of Kauri’s thoughts and the headache slamming an off-beat behind his eyes.

“What’s good here?” he asks, grabbing the laminated menu out from behind nearly-empty sauce bottles, desperate for the conversation to just stay normal for five minutes “It’s been fuckin’ ages since I’ve had diner food”

“Um, I mostly get cheeseburger and fries. It’s the cheapest whole meal and they usually give me more fries than it’s supposed to come with,” Kauri says, ignoring the menu entirely, drumming his fingers lightly on the shiny Formica tabletop. 

It’s the kind of menu that comes with pictures, and he could probably fake looking at it if he had to, but just the back of it facing him from Cass has him wincing if he looks too close. So he keeps his eyes carefully on Cass’s face, refusing to let the letters on Cass’s menu be anything more than unformed blurs. 

Instead he settles on pretending he’s such a regular he doesn’t even need the menu anymore. 

“I know they do, um, breakfast all day too so if you want eggs you can get those, or sausages, or whatever. I like their breakfast. Just get whatever.” He glances sidelong at Brenda, currently greeting another couple of customers, and then leans forward, putting a hint of a sneaky smile on his face.  “Just don’t get the fish. They don’t even know what kind of fish it is.”

Cass laughs, loud and loose as he tosses his head back, "Aw man. Now I want to order the fish" 

He puts the menu back in its place and scans his eyes over the patrons. The harsh pulse in his head is ebbing now, soothed by the soft, tired yearnings of late night diner patrons. There's a dad sitting in a booth across the room with his daughter, two giant milkshakes abandoned in favour of cramming tight in to play some video-game together on a tiny console. Cass watches as the girl points at the screen, stepping her dad through something with intense focus before they both cheer, throwing their hands up in victory. 

A side-hug. A high five. It's sweet. Heartwarming in a simple way. Even if they won't see each other tomorrow. 

Cass flicks his focus back to Kauri with a soft smile, "I can see why you like it here. Even if the fish is questionable, the people seem nice"

Kauri shrugs, melting a little under the softer smile. Most of Cass’s expressions have been sharp, and Kauri likes that, too, likes the way Cass flashes looks like light off a knife, but the softer look… Kauri grins back, hunching his shoulders forwards a little shyly. 

He feels weirdly warm all over, being looked at like that. It’s not an unfamiliar feeling, but it’s weird to feel it and not have the worry or fear running underneath it, too. For the moment, all he feels is warm.

“People are mostly nice everywhere I go,” Kauri says, trying to look away from Cass so it won’t seem like he’s staring, but he’s… not sure he’s pulling it off. 

A young man, about Kauri’s age or maybe younger, wearing a black apron tied at the waist over a white shirt and black pants, steps up with a little notepad in his hand. He smiles brightly at Kauri. “Hey, Kaur, you went out tonight?”

“Um, sort of.” Kauri shrugs again, making little circles on the tabletop with his finger. “For a little bit. Then this guy, um, I met… anyway. This is Cass. Cass, this is Nick.”

Nick glances over at Cass, taking him in with a slightly more false customer-service smile. Oh, sure, I only get the once but then you go find this guy who looks like he punches shit for fun…

“Good to meet you, Cass,” He says, brightly enough. “What can I get you two tonight?”

“Whatever he wants,” Kauri says quickly. “I’m buyin’.”

"That's still up for debate," Cass shoots back, grabbing the menu back again to make a show of his deliberation. Kauri’s got something a little giddy about him at the minute, and it's almost distracting, but it has nothing on the low level of jealousy and impatience radiating off of Nick. It's almost irresistible to play with. Nothing more than puppy love shit. But still enough to twist. 

"Let's see. I've heard amazing things about the fish," he shoots Kauri a wink, and the other man ducks his head, smiling down towards his own legs, biting his lower lip a little as he flushes. "But Kauri here reckons the cheeseburger's the way to go. So… two of those I guess? Oh, and a root beer float, right?" Cass flashes his very best smile at Kauri, who visibly brightens, before looking back at Nick, raking his eyes over him for a second as he slots the menu back into place, "Thanks hot stuff."

Nick’s customer-service smile freezes, just slightly, and there’s a moment where it’s clear that he is resisting the urge to roll his eyes with genuine difficulty. 

“Two root beer floats,” Kauri corrects, and then tilts his head just a little up at Nick in the same slightly-false way he’d done to Cass earlier in the night, seemingly without even realizing he’s doing it. “With cherries? I know they don’t come with them, but-”

“Yeah, Kaur, we know you get cherries.” Nick smiles, relaxing again, jotting that down. He clearly can’t tell that Kauri’s flirtation is artifice. “Let me see if I can get you and your, uh-” His eyes back on Cass for a second, uncertainly. “... friend here your floats on the house.”

Kauri doesn’t quite let out an audible sigh of relief, but the feeling is there. He won’t have enough for his bus pass after this, but that’s all right. There’s a bench in a park he can crash on, anyway, where he’s slept before. 

“See, there you go,” He says to Cass once Nick is gone. “Now we get drinks for free. Most people are really nice.”

Cass snorts a laugh. Hardly.

"I don't think it really counts as nice when they're just tryna get in your pants. That guy was a dick.” 

“He is not! He’s really nice! He let me stay over for breakfast and take a shower at his apartment, he didn’t have to do that.” Kauri’s jaw is set in a stubborn line, but it was still playful. He was relaxed here, in a way he hadn’t been outside the bar when it had all still been so fresh and he’d been scared of being found out. 

But if Cass was lying about promising not to tell, he was being really slow about it. Kauri doesn’t mind getting to have something nice first.

Cass glances over his shoulder at Nick, running the chances in his head. He looks back to Kauri with a grin, "Ten bucks I can get all our food on the house."

“Get all our food free? From Nick?” Kauri leans over, half-whispering the words, glancing sidelong at Nick putting the order in with the cook and then moving to start up the root beer floats. Nick looks their way and Kauri quickly turns his eyes back to Cass, half-laughing as he ducks his head down again. “I feel like letting you do that is really mean. But also I could really use ten dollars, so, uh, okay.” 

Kauri sits back up and sticks his right hand out across the table. “Shake on it?”

Cass grins like a shark, leaning forward a little further than necessary to shake Kauri's hand. "When he comes over next."

He risks another glance over his shoulder, struggling to hide a smirk as he watches the poor guy he's about to earn a meal from. Cass grabs at the ketchup bottle idly, spinning it in one hand as he watches. Nick's cute, in kind of an awkward, intense way. He gives the vibe of someone who was in a band in highschool and took it way too seriously. 

"He seriously took you home and didn't try anything?" Cass asks, turning back to Kauri. He tosses the bottle from hand to hand with nimble fingers. "What is he, a church boy?"

“Oh, no, I didn’t mean-” Kauri blinks, flushes bright red, and sits back in his seat again, unsure whether he was meant to be ashamed of this or not. It’s sometimes hard to tell - with Nat, yes… with most people, yes...

But Cass didn’t feel like most people. He felt almost like talking to another pet, except he had no idea what those were as far as Kauri could tell, and he’d been horrified by the idea, before. But he talked like he knew.

“No, we still… I just meant, a lot of people kind of say, um, ‘you were great, hope I see you around’, or whatever, and I just… go. Not everybody is okay with me staying over all night. But… he was. And he was really, really nice about it. He… wrote me a note and everything.”

Something went tight and uncomfortable in Kauri’s smile at that. He still had the note, shoved down in the pocket of the backpack he’d hidden in a secret hiding spot up in the vents in a bathroom at the park. He had no idea what was on it. 

“So get us free food but you gotta be nice to him about it, okay?”

Cass waves his hand, he smiles, replacing the sauce bottle back in its holder, "Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

He has to stop himself from cringing a little at Kauri's story. It's kinda cute, in a fucked up way. If you ignore that one of the leading men is only a part of the romance because he needs a place to crash. But it's also just… so blatantly innocent. Ridiculously, painfully naive. Cass shakes his head.

"Dude has it bad for you, huh?" It's strange that Kauri seems so oblivious to that fact when he's so very, very practiced in everything else. Ready to suck Cass' dick in an alley, no questions asked, but totally blind to the sight of someone head over heels for him "I still don't think that makes him nice. If this guy’s so nice why aren't you just shacking up all the time? What'd the note say?"

“I don’t, uh, I don’t know,” Kauri says, flashing the quick little making nice smile, looking away from Cass to glance out the window at the street outside. “I didn’t read it.”

He wanted to be able to read, for that to have been allowed, but Owen had wanted him a certain kind of way, he’d said it over and over again. I asked for a brainless slut, but shit, this seems like a little much, Kore-Bore. He had lots of papers in his backpack - things he’d been given for whatever reason. Pamphlets and handouts and the note from Nick, pages of books with cool illustrations. None of it he could read. All of it he hung onto because one day he wanted to. He knew words had been important, once, for whoever he’d been before. He wanted to make them important again.

“I don’t really stay with people more than once. If you stay a lot, people, um… want to know you.” Another flash of the nervous little smile. “It’s usually better for other people if they just see me sometimes. You know?”

Cass nods. He does know. Maybe not as well, or the same, but he knew. When you hung around someone a lot, they started looking a little closer. And once they started looking closer, they started wanting things from you. Sometimes they wanted something to hold over you. Sometimes they just thought they wanted to know you. But either way, they wanted your story, wanted to split you open and see all the ugly parts. Make a judgement.

“I get it,” he says, tracing lines between the grey flecks of the table top. He looks back up to Kauri, smiles something like understanding. Cass can’t give him much but he can give him that. He can give him understanding. “Safer that way, huh?”

Almost as soon as the words leave his mouth, Cass sees Nick out of the corner of his eye carrying over their two impressive looking drinks. He leans back in his chair, posture loose and open and grins at Kauri, bouncing his eyebrows conspiratorially. Game on.

“Here we go. Two root beer floats,” Nick says, placing the drinks down before he smiles at Kauri, gaze lingering a little long “Extra cherries.”

“Thanks,” Cass says, smiling as he pulls his drink close. He picks up his spoon, skimming a little foam of the top and turning the spoon upside down on his tongue. He waits for Nick to turn away before he pipes up again, as if on an afterthought. “Hey… Nick, right? Can you settle a debate for us?”

“Uh…” Nick glances over his shoulder, in the vague direction of Brenda, who was currently engrossed in the photos on some regular’s phone “Yeah, sure.”

“Well see, I think Kauri here must be your favourite customer, seeing that he’s scoring the drinks for free and all. But he seems to think he’s not that special,” he makes quick eye contact with Kauri, resisting the urge to wink. “You like him though, right?”

Nick gapes a little, clearly flustered as he turns slowly red. He rubs a hand over the nape of his neck while looking pointedly everywhere but Kauri. “Uhh… Yeah. Sure. I mean- you know. Everyone likes Kauri.”

“See that’s what I said, but he refuses to agree with me,” he says with a heavy sigh. “Reckon you could score him his food for free to convince him?”

“Oh. Um,” Nick glances at Kauri, clearly embarrassed that he’s been caught between a rock and looking like an asshole. “I dunno. The um, two drinks is already kinda...”

Cass groans in a teasing way, reaching his foot out to nudge Nick’s leg as though they’re dancing around the inevitable. Which… well... 

“C'ᴍᴏɴ ɴɪᴄᴋ,” he says, reaching into that part of him that wants so badly to impress the boy with nothing to his name than a pretty face and the twenty bucks in his pocket. Cass catches the waiter’s eye and tilts his head to the side in a shadow of Kauri’s little trade-mark. “Gɪᴠᴇ ᴜs ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴏᴜsᴇ.”

Nick glances back over his shoulder again at Brenda before looking at Kauri again, a rebellious little smile tugging at his mouth as he makes the choice. Or tells himself he makes the choice. “Yeah. Yeah alright.”

Kauri blinks, eyes slightly widening in surprise, but he covers it fairly well and smiles up at Nick with all his sweetness on display. “That’s really great, Nick,” He says, leaning his chin on one hand. Nick looks a little dazed at the attention from them both at once and swallows, almost compulsively, before he looks down with his head tilted, kind of rubbing at the back of his neck, a little shyly.

“I mean, it’s not like I’m doing much, just some food.”

“No, but it’s really cool of you, thank you,” Kauri says, sincerely. He’s not sure why Nick made that decision tonight, but he’s genuinely grateful for it. “Panhandling didn’t go super well today, it’s, it’s a big help.”

“Yeah, well.” Nick shrugs, and grins. “You want to apply for a job here, Kaur, you got it and you know it. I can get you an application, like, anytime.”

Kauri’s flirty little smile goes cold, for just a moment, and is immediately back to the artificial warmth from before. “Don’t worry about it,” He says, a little too softly. “You’re really cool, Nick, thanks.”

Nick just smiles back at him, gives he and Cass one more nod, and has his mouth open to say more when Brenda calls his name. “Gotta go, I’ll get your food out in just a minute.”

Kauri waits until he’s safely out of earshot before he leans forward, digging in one pocket with his hand. “How did you do that? I mean, I guess I’ve never actually asked for anything free, it just sort of happens sometimes, but… how’d you get the whole meal? I can’t believe he just gave it to you.”

He pulls a crumbled ten-dollar bill out of his pocket and slides it across the table. At least he can still look at numbers, if he’s careful. “All right, I owe you this.”

Cass grins, taking a spoonful of ice cream and turning it upside on his tongue as he looks over his shoulder, giving Nick a little wave and a smile. Poor sucker.

“Nah, keep it. Wasn’t really a fair bet.” he says, plucking one of the cherries from the top of his drink and topping Kauri’s with it instead. “You might be good at getting people to like you, but I’m good at getting people to do what I want. I knew he was gonna do it before I even asked.”

Kauri snorts, digging in himself, dipping the cherry out first to bite into it, enjoying the burst of cold sweetness on his tongue. “Clearly,” Kauri declares airily, “you have an ego the size of my dick.” He flushes, then, looking vaguely embarrassed. “I mean. Not, uh, mine. I mean, I think mine’s okay-...”

If he gets any more blood in his face he’s going to pass out.

“... I’m just going to stop talking now.” 

Kauri picks a big bite of ice cream off with his spoon and jams it into his mouth to shut himself up - only to wince when the brain freeze hits, groaning. Cass tosses his head back in a mad laugh at Kauri's self-spun embarrassment. Fuck he's cute. 

"Relax, man, don't hurt yourself," Cass says through the last of a chuckle, reaching out to grab Kauri's hand in mock-sympathy. "I'm sure you have a very nice-sized dick."

Kauri makes a sound that's somewhere between laughter and a please let me sink into the ground now noise, turning even redder if that's possible. He's not sure it is. 

He feels weirdly dizzy and his hand lights up where Cass touches him. He's sure he has the dumbest fucking smile on his face but he can't seem to stop it. 

Cass draws his hand back with a smirk and goes back to his own drink, taking a very deliberately very reasonably sized scoop of ice-cream from the top and tilting it towards Kauri before eating it. He looks at Kauri's face, still recovering from the flurry of a frozen head and the foot in his mouth. Cass taps his fingers on the table top, considering. How much did he want to show off?

"I mean like… you're not wrong, but it's also not ego if it's true," he shrugs "People just do what I want them to do. Call it a talent.”

Kauri feels an urge to say something like I would do what you want me to do, but he pushes it down. Last time Cass had… seen his training, and freaked out, and he doesn't want that to happen again. Cass was maybe the first person to notice when Kauri was in his head, at first. 

"Then why are you spending your time with a homeless guy and not, like, getting someone in a suit to buy you…" Kauri trails off. He has no idea what rich people eat, except what Owen ate, and he doesn't know if Owen was… like other rich people. He hopes not. "... I don't know, fancy steak or something?"

He leans over to sip through his straw, closing his eyes at the dark taste of root beer mixed with the cream and vanilla of the ice cream. 

It was getting increasingly difficult to even be in the general vicinity of Kauri existing and not be endlessly distracted by the slutty virgin shtick. The guy ate his root beer float like it was a gift from heaven, made by God personally and, even more infuriatingly, seemingly unaware of what that amount of blissful indulgence was doing to everyone around him. 

Not even seemingly unaware. Literally so. If it was intentional, the desire for attention would be rolling off of him in peutrid, sticky flashes. As it was, all Kauri seemed to care about right now was enjoying exactly what was in front of him. Cass has to stop himself from smiling too fondly. He was starting to see why the guy was so fucking liked. 

"I don't like people in suits. I like you," he says, simply. "Besides, you ever actually spend time with a rich person? They're all boring as fuck."

"Just, um, just the one rich person," Kauri says, trying not to let Owen's face find its way into his mind. How sad and lonely he must be by himself in the condo, without Kauri to curl up with him on the couch or in his bed. 

All by himself in the shower…

Kauri's eyes are distant, thinking of Owen drinking alone on the balcony with no one to talk to and be sad to, and he opens his mouth to say - something, he doesn't really know what, but he feels the sudden urge to tell Cass too much. To confess, just say I can't read and I can't look in the mirror I don't know what I look like I only know how to be good one way and everything they say about the ones like me is true and he hurt me and I still miss him - and just as the first vibration of sound is in his throat, Nick puts the plates down in front of them.

Kauri looks up at Nick with a smile shining with more gratitude than just bringing food out really calls for, and Nick blinks at him, a little thrown off. "You guys good? Need anything?"

"Everything looks great," Kauri says, with entirely too much sincerity. 

Cass smiles briefly at Nick in thanks as he grabs his plate, but he keeps his attention on Kauri, whose thoughts are currently as calm as a drum kit is when it's pushed down the stairs. Cass tilts his head to the side, eyes searching Kauri's face as Nick walks away. 

The same sadness and shame from earlier is coming off of him in waves, ebbing and flowing endlessly. A gentle desperation, searching for some way out, some way to relieve the constant storming.

"Did you want to tell me about him?" Cass asks, before he can stop himself, and immediately he feels the tugging of a yes and a no tangled violently together. He breaks eye-contact and turns his attention to the food. They really had given Kauri a whole damn mountain of fries. "The guy who, uh… who owned you."

There's no extra influence to it yet, no pressure. Just the question. Kauri could walk away from answering if he wanted. Sometimes a locked door didn't need a lockpick. Just the right key. 

Kauri picks up a fry, stares at it like it might bite him, then bites into it, half hanging out his mouth as he reaches to the side of the table, against the window, to get the ketchup bottle and pour some out on his plate, not quite looking up. 

Only when he finishes the first and picks up the second does he shrug, a little barely visible movement of his shoulders under his oversized zip-up. "You know how they say - people in, in movies say - that you can't force someone to love you? That's, uh. That's a lie. You can. You, um. He's… he was in a lot of movies, when he was a kid." Kauri's voice dips low, nearly a whisper. "Have you heard of Owen Grant? He was in, um, Dimmer Switch. That had a big international release, really popular in, um, overseas. And a movie about baseball when he was really young…"

Cass frowns, face twisting as he tries to place the name. He's heard of Dimmer Switch, he thinks, but he hasn't actually seen it. It sounded like the sort of cult classic horror junk Lou would watch. He's about to shake his head and shrug when he has a vague memory of an old VHS cover, a kid with insanely green eyes posing precociously with a baseball bat.

"Jesus Christ. The kid from fucking Swing for the Stars?" he blurts out as the pieces slot into place. Henri had been obssessed with that stupid movie. He shakes his head with a scoff, picking at the fries on his plate but not actually eating. It's kinda difficult to feel hungry, now. "What a fucking creep."

"Yeah!" Kauri brightens when Cass guesses right, a look of weird mixed sadness and guilt and pride on his face. "He was, um, that's what got him famous. Was that one. He's good in it, for a kid, right? Really good. He did a lot of movies but he stopped acting… um." There's a hesitation - he wants and doesn't want to tell Cass this, Cass is the only person he's ever said it out loud to. "He, um. You know who Vincent Shield is." His smile gets more nervous now. "I know you know, he's um, Nat always says he's like Tom Cruise. I, um. Nat says I… look like him. They used to be… they don't talk anymore. And Mr. Owen wanted… um." He swallows a bite the wrong way and has to clear his throat, fingers tapping nervously on the tabletop as he drank half of what was left of his root beer in one long go. 

"You can have someone made for you. If you have money." Flash of nervous smile again. "Mr. Owen has a lot. And he wanted the, um, Vince. To do that. To love him." 

A mix of cold rage and bone-deep sorrow sweeps through Cass like ice water. When Cass had gone with Christopher, when he'd agreed to sign his sentence over to the Bergen Estate, it'd been entirely his choice. He'd chosen to land himself juvie, he'd chosen to sign up to the indenture program, he'd chosen to sign that fucking contract, had chosen a life with Christopher. And he'd chosen when to end it.

He'd even chosen the Facility, chosen Tucker, in the end.

Kauri hadn't had any of that. Or at least, certainly not by the sounds. Cass had thought he'd looked familiar at the start of the night. Turns out he was just some poor bastard with a movie star's face.

"I'm sorry," Cass says for the second time that night. It's an effort to keep the shaking fury out of his voice. "I'm… that's horrible. That's really fucking horrible."

Cass runs his thumb up and down along the rim of his plate, clenching his jaw. The fucker wanted to force someone to love him, huh? He closes his eyes, takes a deep shaking breath, and swears he can see Christopher imprinted on his eyelids. I don't need you to love me back, darling boy, but I need you to know that I love you. He never thought he'd meet someone who made him feel lucky in comparison. He opens his eyes again, looking at Kauri with earnest. 

"You had a life, though, right? Before he took you? Why don't you just-" Cass cuts himself off and shakes his head, wiping a hand over his mouth like that could take the words back. For all he knew, Kauri had as much to go back to as he did. Maybe less. "Sorry. Stupid question. Don't answer that."

Kauri blinks at him, baffled by the question, before he smiles again. It’s a reflex more than an emotion - Kauri smiles to stave off conflict and deflect questions just as often as he smiles out of any genuine feeling. “He didn’t take me, he bought me. From a company, WRU? I don’t know who I was before.”

He shrugs. “The first thing I remember is training in the Facility. They, um… they probably know what my name was before. I don’t… remember it. They wipe us clean and then make us what the order form says.” He winces, reaching up to rub a hand against his head - the headache comes on fast, a sharp slice of pain across his mind, as soon as he tries to think any further back than training. 

“We sign contracts? We signed up for this.” The words come out almost monotone on the second sentence, clearly memorized, pushed out of him by some base conditioned instinct that isn’t even conscious thought. “All pets are of legal consenting age,” He intones, his eyes going distant again, before he shakes it off. “So, um. That’s why you can’t… I hope you won’t, anyway… tell the cops. Because I kind of broke the law, um, running away.”

It's so obviously a stack of beaten in, awful lies and Cass can't tell if Kauri actually believes them or has just had them forced down his throat so many times he doesn't know to say anything else. There’s an electric rage bubbling under his skin at the thought of Kauri being taken to some facility. Fucking signed up for it did he? Agreed to have his thoughts wiped clean and his personality reset to Sexdoll Barbie? What a crock of shit. 

Kauri flashes the sweet, slightly nervous smile again. “I’m a hardened criminal, believe it or not. I… I signed up for it, but… it doesn’t feel like I did...” He winces again, rubbing at his head. “Sorry. You did not sign up for all this when you tried to help me at the bar.”

"No, you're fine," Cass says, voice strained with the effort to keep it calm.  He doesn't know what else to say. “This isn’t exactly my first… fucked up backstory rodeo. I won’t tell anyone, I won’t say anything.” Cass’ word wasn’t worth much on a standard day, but he means this. “I promise.”

He stares at his food instead of Kauri, picks up a fry, puts it back down, turns the plate a little, picks up another fry. His vision darkens around the edges, a pressure in his head, and he realises his breaths have gotten quietly shallow and strained, air barely reaching his lungs. He takes a deliberately deep breath in, flashing a numbed smile at Kauri.

“It’s funny, well not- not funny,” he clears his throat “You’re the first person I’ve met who, uh… Look, I know a lotta people who have… contracts to people. To businesses. You’re the first person I met who doesn’t seem like they deserved it.”

Kauri tilts his head, glancing over at Nick - just around, really, but it seems like no one is listening in or anything - and then he turns back, reaching his hand back out, brushing his fingers against the back of Cass's hand holding the fry. 

"I'm okay," He says, reassuring, his voice low and sincere. "A lot of us have it, um, a lot worse than I did. Some pets get hurt a lot… I just, um." Another flash of his nervous smile. "Only after I messed up really badly. I was really lucky. He, um. He told me I was lucky all the time. I'm okay, Cass. See?"

A slightly sunnier expression, more sincere. He pushed himself up just slightly and leaned over to boop Cass on the nose.

"What could be more okay than hanging out with you, right? I don't mind. Don't feel bad for me or anything, I like moving around. Anything's better than not being allowed to leave, right?"

Cass finds himself smiling, despite himself, "Right."

He tries not to think about his bed back at the Facility, or the lab session he had tomorrow, or the interstate trip he'd have to do with Tucker next week. It wasn't the same. He chose to transfer his indenture. He could leave. He was here after all.

Kauri's a tragedy on legs and he doesn't even know it. He thought he was lucky because he wasn't hurt that much. Lucky, because he had the luxury of being homeless instead of chained to some guy's bed. And he was sitting here trying to make Cass feel better. He'd even been ready to give up his next-to-nothing savings to buy Cass a burger. It was almost enough to have you considering restoring your faith in the world.

Cass smiles again, properly this time, shaking his head. He shoves the fry in his mouth at last and grabs his glass, tilting it towards Kauri in a belated toast, "To moving around and root beer floats."

Kauri’s smile brightens even more and he picks up his already-half-gone glass almost eagerly to clink the rim against Cass’s. “Right! To never being stuck behind a locked door, ever again. That’s why I’m really lucky. When I got the chance to walk away… I could.” 

Well, not walk.

Throw himself out of a moving car, rolling along the road curled around his backpack to protect it, and then run like hell while his collarbone lit up and dropped him to the ground, again and again and again… 

But Cass didn’t need to know that part.

“Nat says the ones like me usually can’t.” He paused, considering something, eyes moving over Cass’s face thoughtfully. “And, hey. I really, honestly do think you’re, um, cute.” A hint of the flush again, unpracticed and genuine. “I know that you think it was because I was scared and that I was just saying it so you wouldn’t tell anybody about me, but… I can, uh. I can just want things like normal people do, too. You know? If I asked again and I wasn’t scared… what would you, um… what would you say?”

Cass smirks, and picks up his glass, ignoring the straw as he takes a long, slow drink from the rim before replacing it and sitting back in his seat. He tilts his head to the side, considering. What would he say?

There was no denying Kauri's attractiveness – he had the face of a goddamn movie star for fuck’s sake – but what was a pretty face stacked up next to a story so tragic the guy had to apologise just for telling it?

He thinks back to outside of the bar. The horrible whiplash between the desire to please and the terror to refuse. The faint, bitter aftertaste of I don't want this after every touch, every kiss. Even sitting here, now, Cass feels his stomach flip, his throat close up at just the thought of it.

But then he thinks about how Kauri looks, enjoying his float, complete and unapologetic bliss painting his face. Or the starry-eyed awe when Nick had agreed to the free meal. The way he's blushing right now, an equal mix of excited and unsure. That kind of enthusiasm was something Cass could get on board with. If Kauri asked him again and he wasn't scared, if he looked at him like that?

He lets his eyes travel down Kauri's torso and then back to his face. Lets his tongue flick out over his lips, as his mouth tugs into a dangerous smile. 

"Baby if you wanted it..." – if you really wanted it – "...I would eat you alive"

Kauri’s shy smile widens, until the usual hint of teeth instead flash bright white and light up his entire face, wide blue eyes sparkling, looking right at Cass, not ducking his head or using the practiced head-tilt at all. Just genuine, outright joy. 

“Do you, um…” The blush again, and he bites down on his lower lip, sitting leaning forward with his shoulders hunched, watching Cass’s face. He’s not as good as being suave as he wishes he was, and has to hope Cass is as much into a stammering mess as he might be into someone who had themselves together a little better than this. “... do you promise?”

Cass smiles at the blush, at the awkward. It's so much better than the low airy voice of complacency. He reaches forward, his fingers drawing a line up the back of Kauri's hand until they're sneaking their way up the cuff of his sweatshirt. He could almost swear there was electricity buzzing underneath Kauri's skin.

"Why don't you finish your burger? Maybe I'll prove it"

It feels, to Kauri like every spot Cass touches on him sparks and lights up, the feeling of his fingers lingering after he has pulled his hand back. Kauri wants to be on his knees or his back with Cass so badly he could scream.

He picks up his burger but he hardly cares about it now, he’s more interested in eating the exact amount necessary for Cass to figure it was enough to count as ‘finished’. Something about being way more honest about himself than he ever was with almost anyone feels like pure weight off his chest, leaving Kauri almost drunk on the feeling, more than he’d been drunk on the actual booze back in the bar. 

“I think I need to know more guys like you,” Kauri says, feeling a little dizzy with how fucking great tonight has ended up. He needs to know more guys who care if he’s scared or not, who even notice. He needs more guys who do the right thing when someone needs help.

“You’re really fucking nice, Cass.”

Cass snorts, throwing a fry in his mouth and speaking through a mouthful of potato, “I’m really not. You just caught me on a good night.”

If he’d been another few drinks in when he’d first noticed Kauri, he would’ve turned a blind eye and melted away to make out with Krystal or Kylie or whatever her name had been instead. If he’d been feeling a little more reckless fighting the douchebag in the corner, they’d probably both be sitting in a jail cell. If he’d been feeling a little more self-destructive outside the bar, a little more dangerous, he could’ve ignored the screaming in his head, the screaming in Kauri’s. He could’ve just kept kissing him. He could’ve… would’ve…

It doesn’t matter what he would have done, he tells himself. Because he didn’t. Not this time. That was what counted.

He wishes he believed it.

“What about your friends?” he asks, trying to shake off the thoughts rattling him as leans forward to dip a fry in Kauri’s sauce “They’re not nice?”

“Yeah, they are.” Kauri smiles a little. “I stay with them sometimes.” There was only one person he always picked up the phone for. The only person who knew all the bad things inside of him, not just the ones Kauri felt safe sharing. “But he’s, um.” Kauri’s smile slips and then reappears just as quickly as he shoves the guilt deeper down inside of himself, buries it under a cascade of not fucking now, damn it. 

“I’m kind of taking a break from bothering him with my shit.”

Kauri shifts around in the booth, moving to sit with his back to the window so he can pull his knees up, a hint of skin showing through where holes were beginning to wear. 

“He’s probably pretty happy to have me stop showing up at his door all the time. We just… sorry, none of that’s important.”

Cass taps his fingers in a steady rhythm on the tabletop as he watches Kauri carefully from across the booth. He doesn’t want to talk about this, Cass’ mind supplies. Literally anyone could see how uncomfortable Kauri was. Scared, even. 

“Nah you’re good,” Cass shrugs with an easy smile “I just wondered.”

Cass wants to ask what happened between the two of them. More than to empathise, he just wants to know the story. Which one of them fucked it up so bad that ‘only real friend’ goes to nothing. It was pretty fucking clear that Kauri thought it was his fault. But to be fair, Kauri more or less thought that getting punched in the head was his fault.

Cass wants to know the truth of it so bad. Instead he changes the subject. 

“I kinda fucked up your chances to find a place to stay tonight, huh?” 

Kauri snorts, resting his chin on his knees, watching Cass with a hint of the same small smile on his face. Just watching his hair move as he talks, and the way his fingers look touching the table.

Kauri wonders, vaguely, if he knows how to pull hair just the right way so it hurts a little, but not too much. With hair like his, he probably does. 

“You’re okay. Better than waking up drugged-up in that guy’s basement or whatever, right? I have a bench I go to sometimes if I don’t find anybody for the night, I’ll go over that way eventually. I have a blanket I hid over there we can, um, use, if you want. Or just an alley.” He tries for a wink, and he isn’t entirely sure it works and doesn’t just look a little bit ridiculous. “I’m not, um. Picky. You said you sleep at the place you work, right? It’s like a, a dorm thing?” Kauri hesitates, knowing the question is stupid he knows he’s stupid about this, but… “Do you, uh… do you get a bed, to sleep on?”

"Yeah," Cass says, trying not to sound off-put by the question. At what point in this sad fuck’s story did he not get a bed? "Yeah, I get a bed." He frowns briefly at his food before looking up again with a smile. "Lumpy as fuck, though."

The joke feels stale before it even lands. It's not exactly consolation in comparison to a park bench.

Cass can feel the offer on his tongue, heavy and loaded, and it's so fucking stupid to say it but guests aren't technically banned or anything, just frowned upon and the guy would be sleeping on a park bench.

"Do you... I mean it's not exactly homey, but did you want to come back to mine?" He nearly lets a thousand caveats fall off his tongue like, we'd have to be quiet and you'll have to leave before 8 and by the way my minder might decide to drop in for a late night chat, you cool with that? But instead he grins the easy way. "Can't guarantee we'll do much sleeping."

Kauri can’t quite hide the way he brightens again at the suggestion, although he tries, trying to look cool and smooth and like he wasn’t at all sort of not looking forward to the way he inevitably got woken up on the bench by some jogger yelling at him to go get a job.

You can’t get a job with no ID when you’re fucking illiterate.

“If, if you just wanted me to sleep,” He says, making his tone a little flirty, with a hint of a lopsided, shy smile. “I’d be disappointed. I hardly take up any space when I sleep, I promise. I’ll be up and out of your hair, I’m not, um, I don’t try and stick around or anything. That’s… see, you are nice. You just tell yourself you’re not.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Cass snorts. He leans forward conspiratorially, walking his fingers up Kauri’s arm as he speaks “How do you know this hasn’t just been some long play just to get you into my cult or something? Maybe once you go inside, you’ll never leave.”

Kauri shivers a little, moving his arm just slightly to make it easier for Cass, biting down on his lower lip with the same hint of a shy smile. The feeling of Cass’s fingers was like little sparks on his arm, and it felt like his touch lingered even after his fingers had moved. Kauri felt warm and cold all at once, heat starting to pool in his hips as he shifted around.

I am going to ride him until I can barely walk, after.

“You’re, um-” Kauri’s voice caught in his throat, and he cleared it, embarrassed. “That’s not fair, doing that in public.”

Cass smiles, tilting his to the side, feels it rush through him like an electric thrill even time the guy shudders like that. “Told you,” he murmurs “It’s a talent.”

He slips his fingers under the cuff of Kauri’s sweatshirt again, running little circles over his wrist. The guy is so responsive to touch it’s intoxicating. And Cass hasn’t even got him undressed yet.

It’s been ages since Cass has had the chance to play this role. He usually just melts into whatever the other person wants. He’s scrawny looking and gets flirty when he's high and he moves like a slut on the dancefloor, so recently that meant he pretty consistently landed himself in the role of desperate twink, ready to turn his brain off and let his partner take the lead. But this. This is what he likes, if he’s honest with himself. He likes seeing someone dissolve under his hands.

He smirks, pulling Kauri’s hand towards him and planting a kiss on his palm, “I could have you falling apart before we even leave the table, huh?”

Kauri’s fingers twitch, a little, with the urge to touch right back. It’s a familiar feeling, the need to touch, to be touched, to be reminded that someone wants him. It’s a more reassuring one that it doesn’t feel as desperate or worried as it sometimes does. This feels more like all of Kauri wants him, not just the parts that only know to want one thing. 

It feels like wanting Dustin - almost safe. As close to safe as he gets.

“You’re about h-halfway there already,” He says, not quite a whisper, not quite speech. “What, um. I’m bad at this. What other talents do you-... no, that sounds stupid-... I’m so bad at it when I’m not, um, trying to be good at it, I don’t… please just-” He’s bright red. He can’t finish the sentence, not out loud. 

Please just take me somewhere and fuck me.

#whump #recovering whumpees #collaboration #collab whump #original fiction #whumpiary #Cass the Disaster Lad #future kauri #erase to control #alternative universe #referenced past noncon #abusive relationship tw

[slut4film]

060621 - the florida project (2017), dir. sean baker

plot: a mischievous 6 year old finds the magic in her own circumstances while living with her troubled mom in a budget motel near disney world.

actors: 

brooklynn prince as moonee

bria vinaite as halley

willem dafoe as bobby hicks

christopher rivera as scooty

valeria cotto as jancey

genres:

drama (slice of life)

thoughts:

the aesthetic of such a bright purple motel fits the film so well.

moonee!! scooty!!! what???!!!!

celebration playing in the background is such a vibe

miss maam went out to take a cigarette break and get away from her daughter’s children and just saw kids spitting on her car, poor lady can’t catch a break

“go home, ratchet bitch!”

“you are shit!”

“it wasn’t him, it was me, you stupid thot!”

poor girl got spit on by moonee and still became her friend, i could never

moonee’s star printed leggings are really taking me back to my childhood.

no, because moonee’s mom would be me as a mother unless my child’s father is mathew barzal, then i would be the best mother.

bria vinaite’s tattoos are so hot

might fuck around and name my kid scooter after scooty, not scooter braun

it was definitely disrespectful but the scene was quite fun

“what kind of name is jancey?” what kind of name is scooty???

ask-ed

scooty’s mom is so pretty

stop halley and ashley’s outfits are giving me jules and maddy vibes lowkey

“like, lady, open it”

“relax, your daughter is safe in my hands.”

jancey really said “don’t call me a loser but okay”

what was the correlation between asthma and ice cream?

jancey looking between moonee and scooty and the lady they asked for money trying to figure out her moral compass

moonee, scooty, and jancey licking the ice cream together is taking me back to sophomore year when this boy that i liked licked my ice cream and said “it’s okay right? i don’t have herpes, i won’t give you a disease.”

“i’ve failed as a mother, moonee. you’ve disgraced me.”

brazillian lady was way too high maintenance like i get you wanted to stay at walt disney world for your honeymoon but at least you’re saving money

those raspberry croissants sound so good.

i agree, the purple does look nice

the bed bugs on the bed are taking me back to thanksgiving 2016 when my family stayed at a motel in barstow and my mother ended up contracting a cold sore.

how is she not hearing 4 loud children screaming “boobies! boobies!!”?

“i still wanna go topless with my big titties”

“call the sheriff, he just touched my tit”

his name’s patrice?? like that son of a bitch patrice bergeron???

“mom, what about this one? you can smell just like justin bieber!”

period, baby, hustle them tourists with some cheap ass perfume

you know, i understand why dicky’s dad was taking him to new orleans, floridians are on some crack shit.

honestly, i feel that halley could be a really good mother if she put in a lot of effort and put her full potential into being a mother

they’re gonna go from “goodnight, bitch, i love you” to wwe smackdown real quick

the receptionist has had enough and most definitely wants to quit

i could not be up that high, instead of the paint can falling, i would be falling

the old man might have been a pedophile but he also looks like he’s experiencing a mental breakdown

that house has definitely seen some project x type shit

scooty just got 7 years of bad luck

should i be laughing at the fact that these kids just committed fucking arson? and the fact that halley is so excited to see a burning house??

also, the picture of moonee in front of the burning house is so goddamn funny

“world star!!”

not the girl getting run over by a car

“i want strawberry waffles with extra, extra, warm syrup and i want eggs and bacon and strawberries and blueberries and coke, root beer, and lemonade, sprite… i actually want extra bacon. lots of bacon and extra jelly.”

moonee is mad gassy

not her smashing the take out boxes on the side of the street.

“get off your power trip! you’re riding a golf cart!”

“why’d you let her have all our perfume??”

i would also give my kid a piggyback ride if i was walking too fast even if she would absolutely break my back because i am a weakling

moonee just minding her business and dancing in the lobby

“give us a break, lady!”

“since it’s bedtime, can we finally fucking smoke a blunt outside?”

no offense to jancey but she’ll never be able to replace scooty

“i’m gonna cook alien food!”

happy birthday, jancey!!

“this is the best jelly i’ve ever eated”

of course there’s a machine gun america in fucking florida

i feel like halley and moonee is what lorelai and rory would have been like if lorelai hadn’t grown up

“that’s grand larceny, bitch!”

bria vinaite flipping off and motioning a blowjob behind willem dafoe is everything

i love bria vinaite’s voice so much

no because if i went to stick my pad on the window, she would be full of dried and wet, clumpy blood

boom! there’s the wwe smackdown!

i feel so bad for scooty, seeing someone you trusted beat your mother right in front of you

“why is my mom yelling?” this always breaks my heart because moonee knows that there’s something wrong and it’s not something that can be solved or fixed easily

you see, at age six, i wasn’t watching spongebob squarepants, i was watching degrassi… this is why i ended up fucked in the head

moonee did not just call the strawberry-raspberry combo “gross”

no, because why did moonee have to be put in foster care?? why couldn’t they just let her stay with jancey and her family??

“you’re my best friend and this might be the only time i see you again” god, i am crying

currently sobbing

the intense music with children running to disneyland is giving me seven super girls vibes

i’m still trying to figure out how they got into fucking disney world

final rating: 5/5 stars

#the florida project #film #thoughts #crying in the club #badbitchonfilm

[imfallingdown-icantwakeup]

Untitled #3

"Maureen? Mo, you nee' ta wakey-wakey." Jaison slurs, his alcoholic breath hitting my face. I groan and throw my arm over my eyes, a searing pain shooting around my head. "Maureen, you h've ta wake up or Imma take you in." He continues, alcohol thick in his voice. I throw my arm off and glare at him, pain fueling my actions.

"You're gonna end up in the infirmary yourself if you don't let me get some fucking sleep." I shoot back, pain shooting through my lips as I talked, glaring at my offending brother. Gingerly, my tongue sneaks out and traces my stitches. I almost forgot that I had these put in. Jaison sways as he holds the back of the couch, glaring right back at me.

"Well, excuse the fuck outta me if I care about your bitch ass." Jai spits, seeming to sober up some at my insult. I huff and lay back down on Eric's couch, grabbing the blanket that had pooled around my waist and pulling up my shoulder as I close my eyes and try to resume my sleep. I stretch my feet out, and come into contact with something. Or should I say, someone. I take a peek, dread filling my stomach as I come to realize that my feet were in my trainer's lap.

And I was in his apartment. Snapping at his best friend.

Shit.

I notice the beer in Eric's hand, the small smile on his face that he doesn't try to hide as he is slightly inebriated. He pushes my feet off of him gently, a lot more gently than if he had been sober. He pulls the blanket down quickly, throwing it over his side of said couch.

"You have a concussion, initiate. You need to stay up for a bit." He says in my direction, as his focus goes back to his never-ending paperwork, losing his softness as he directs his words at me. I sigh as I sit up, throwing a glare at Rylan as he stands behind me, a smirk so smug it would rival Eric's. I roll my eyes at him as I sit up, looking around for a time. My eyes land on the oven clock just as I'm about to ask. 11:43 the dead green lights read, and I'm taken aback at just how little sleep they had so graciously gave me.

"You know, if I have a brain injury I should be resting to get better." I mumble half-assedly, eyes closing as I lay my head back onto his couch. "Especially with all of the strenuous activity." I add opening my eyes and staring at Eric, trying to make a compelling case to slip back off into a world of purple paper flowers with soft breezes and skies of pink candy. A place away from here, Eric scoffs from beside me, arm going to rest on the back of the couch as he leans back, his right foot coming up to rest on his left knee as he takes a relaxed pose on the couch, a touch of mirth in his eyes as he looks at me skeptically.

"If there is a concussion, which I'm pretty damn sure there is, then the bleeding in your brain, no matter how small, would make it impossible for you to wake up." He rattles off, taking a gulp of his beer as he finishes. I smirk as I see an opening for my case. not backing down even though I know how right he is.

"Obviously, there's no bleeding, boy genius," I fire back, smirking proudly. "you guys woke me up from a dead sleep. I don't have a concussion. Case closed."

"No, you were only out for thirty minutes, tops. That doesn't count. Your body has to be asleep for forty-five minutes to an hour to reach REM sleep." He counters, a knowing smirk on his lips. I sigh and the smirk falls from my face, defeated as I can no longer fight his logic.

"But, I'm tired." I try, wondering if this will get me anywhere. Apparently not as Eric shakes his head at me, taking yet another gulp as he finishes the beer in hand.

"Me too. Maybe we can keep each other up seeing as someone is already passed out." Eric comments, pointing his empty beer bottle behind me. I turn and look, auburn hair swinging past me face at the sudden motion. Behind me is Rylan, passed out on the floor with my stolen blanket. I sigh, feeling a wave of jealousy as I watch his sleep induced features, laughing slightly as I watch his lips part and he starts to drool. "Be a good girl, fetch me a beer will you?" I hear from beside me, a mocking tone in his voice. Any happiness that was lingering left as I hear his tone of voice, commanding and cold once more. I roll my eyes and mock him as I walk into the kitchen, opening the fridge as I look for the beer.

I take a second to look in his fridge, kind of wondering for a fleeting moment what a guy like Eric eats around here. I had seen the food in the mess hall, and was not impressed by what was down there. A lot of food there had lots of empty calories, very fattening if you ate more than a recommended serving. Most times, I went hungry around here. Maybe my life in Erudite had been a bit too pampered, always having healthier foods at my disposal. I see that Eric has not left the world of healthy eating, seeing lots of protein and veggies in his fridge. I get jealous as I see that he has a small collection of fruits, looking rather delicious. The deep red of a strawberry looks tempting enough to grab, but I know better than to piss him off more than he already is. I sigh as I look in the door of the fridge and find what I came here to grab.

I slink back over to his royal highness, plop myself down closer to him with a sigh, and shove the beer in his direction. He had changed his seating position, from relaxed to formal. Both feet were planted on the ground, elbows resting on his knees as his back was hunched over. There was no thanks thrown in my direction, no recognition as he grabs the alcohol from my hand. He twists the top off and takes a long drink, eyes never leaving the paper in front of him. I look over tentatively at him, studying him as he does his paperwork. His jaw flexes on reflex, feeling my stare on him. He refuses to stop what he's doing, eyes scanning over the paper quickly as he reads the content. I lean forwards, pushing my luck, as I try to read what he's doing. I watch as he brings the bottle to his lips, taking another greedy glug. His throat moves as he swallows, head thrown back as he drinks. My mind flashes to his last night in Erudite with me, the night before his choosing day. A pleasant shock floods my senses, going straight to my core, as I think of that night. His head thrown back, eyes closed in pleasure as my name slipped past his lips in a hushed tone. I had never heard anyone else say my name the way he did in that moment, almost like a prayer. My memories are cut short as he clears his throat, glaring at me slightly.

"Haven't you ever been told that staring is rude?" Eric asks, tone not so polite. I smile softly at him, the fire dimming some at the cold look placed back into his eyes.

"Why don't you call me by my name?" I ask quietly, brown eyes staring into liquid silver. My question seems to throw him off guard. His lips purse themselves into a grimace as he mulls over my question, eyes as hard as ever. I can see him mentally calculate his answer, his Erudite showing through in the smallest of ways.

"Why are you answering my question with a question?" He questions back, eyebrow raising slightly as he takes yet another drink of his beer, effectively finishing it in his last swig. I roll my eyes as I grab it from him and stand, walking back to the kitchen to grab him another one. Maybe if I get him drunk enough he won't have the ability to think through his answers, and will just answer me honestly.

"You know, I could ask you the same thing. And yes. I have been told that it's rude to stare." I retort, walking back with another beer. Eric simply grunts, opens his beer and immerses himself back into his papers. I sigh as I look around, looking for something, anything, to do. "Do you get the Erudite papers?" I ask quietly, not trying to piss him off more. He merely waves his hand in the direction of his room, eyes never leaving the task in front of him. I walk in that general direction, eyes searching for the item. I cautiously walk into his room, and walk to his bedside table. I open the first drawer, seeing as the top was pleasantly bare. I rifle through the items, trying not to take notice of what he deemed important enough to keep close to him as he slept. I saw the paper pushed to the back, and grab it, slamming the drawer as I feel tempted to run my fingers back through the drawer, feeling the need to analyze every new aspect of his life here.

I walk back out into the living area, on a new quest to find a pen. There were word puzzles in the papers, ones that are usually given to children to do to keep them entertained while the parents read the 'important news' the editors sent to our homes. I give up a few minutes into my search, feeling a bit intrusive. Maybe going through all of his drawers the first time I come into his apartment is a bad idea. Then again, if he had minded, he would've gotten up and grabbed the paper for me himself. Instead of over thinking the situation, I turn and walk back to the couch, sitting down carefully. I grab the fallen book that I was reading earlier as I sit back, becoming comfortable. I sit close enough to chat quietly with him if necessary, but far enough for there to be a comfortable space between us.

"Do you have an extra pen?" I ask quietly, almost hesitant to break his attention away from the pile of papers in front of him. A pile that was slowly growing smaller and smaller with each pass he made at it, a pile next to it growing bigger and bigger. Eric sighs and hands me the one in his hand, taking another swig of his beer. I grab the pen with a small thanks, eyes returning to the paper in front of me. I scan the puzzle quickly, filling in a few obvious answers here in there.

What is the square root of 81? 9.

What is the outermost layer of the Earth? Crust.

What is a five-letter word meaning "to surpass"? Outdo.

What is a six-letter word meaning "a wise and faithful teacher, guide, and friend"? Mentor.

I get stumped on a particular question, and sigh in annoyance. From my peripheral vision, I see Eric shoot a curious glance in my direction, and I ignore him. Maybe then he will know how it feels when someone ignores him. I sit there for a long moment, racking my brain for an answer. When it's obvious that I am not going to come up with it on my own, I turn towards him slightly.

"What is a 10-letter word meaning 'of barbarous, uncouth, and unfamiliar aspect or action'?" I ask quietly, bringing my eyes up to Eric. His eyes don't leave the paper, but they stop scanning the words in front of him as he pauses to think, brain mentally going through a mental dictionary that I know is hidden up in the deep recesses of his mind. It takes him a moment until a smug grin escapes and captures his features.

"Outlandish." He replies, eyes holding every bit of confidence. I smile softly and nod him my thanks, focus returning to the paper in front of me as I write in his answer, fully confident in him and his mind.

I flip through and find the sudoku puzzle, noticing that Eric had started this one, but never got around to finishing it. Obviously not, if that pile in front of him was a regular for him. He would never have the time to finish such a trivial pastime. I take not of his start, and notice a few things right off of the bat. First, was that his handwriting was exactly the same. Fives almost looking like S's. eights are two circles placed one on top of the other, sixes having a little too long of a tail that sneaks out. The second, was that he was still as prepared as ever, if not more. In multiple boxes were smaller numbers. written in pencil. There was even a smaller version of the smae puzzle that he had made himself, that he was putting random answers into to see if they had fit, if they were correct. I smile fondly as I start the puzzle.

"What has you so happy over there?" I hear a deep voice ask. I ignore him once again, eyes not leaving the puzzle as I add in a nine in one box, only for Eric to 'tsk' my way. "There's a nine three boxes above that, in the same row." He continues. I look over and see him leaning closer to me, eyes looking over my shoulder. I scoff and smirk at him, secretly hoping that I look just as confident as he does.

"One that was wrongly put there, by you." I answer, moving the puzzle so he can see it better. His eyes instantly flash down as he rakes over the paper, and I'm momentarily worried that it will turn to flames in my hands under his scrutiny. I openly watch him with a proud smirk on my face as he comes to the realization that he had been wrong. I sear that moment into my brain, hoping to remember it forever. The youngest eader in Dauntless, the person who had so many people afriad of him, the man that was convinced that he would never be loved, the man that had somehow living his life as if his own shit don't stink, had been wrong.

Maybe he was human, and not a robot after all.

Eric just huffed as he sat back, not saying a word to me, or sparing me a glance. I turn my attention back to my puzzle, letting him stew in himself. It wasn't everyday that Eric Coulter had to come to terms that even he could be wrong sometimes. That he was human. I wait a minute, a question still laying heavily on my mind, Maybe now he would answer me.

"Why haven't you called me by my name since I've transferred here?" I ask quietly. Almost too quietly. For a moment, I don't think he heard me. When I spare a glance at him, I see that he definitely did hear me, by the way his body had seemingly tensed up and had turned away from me slightly, chugging the rest of his almost-warm beer. I turn my attention back to my puzzle, hoping that I didn't make him too angry. Maybe I should've just asked Rylan in the morning, or never uttered the question.

It wasn't like I cared too much, but a part of me did. Oh, God, did it care. Yes, I was an initiate. But I was also Maureen. His Maureen, whom he had a past with. Someone that he cared about. Or, had cared about at one point. I hear him sigh beside me as he stands, back and knees popping as he stands to his full height, arms raising to stretch as he walks towards the kitchen. He throws the bottle into the garbage, the loud clink of bottle hitting bottle making me jump, the ferocity of his actions throwing me off guard.

"Why did you hesitate in your sparring match today?" He asks as he raids his fridge, not bothering to turn to me as he opens his beer and chugs part of it, letting the fridge close as he drinks. I scoff and turn around as the words leave his mouth, anger rising through my body.

"Excuse me? One, that whole thing was over in less than three minutes," I rant, voice raising a pitch in octave as I start to get upset. I am turned around fully now, facing him with a face red full of anger, all directed at him. "two, that match was unfairly set to begin with. Three, there was no time for me to hesitate. I punched him once, he got me a few times, then he threw me down and I tapped out because he about broke my fucking arm! Where was the hesitation?!" I ask incredulously, arms raising at the end of my rant to try and add to my point, puzzle laying on the floor long forgotten. Eric laughs humorlessly as he turns towards me, eyes still as hard and cold as ever. He was back into his leadership-mode, and I hated how, for once, he couldn't just give me a straight answer. I knew what he was doing. He was trying to change the subject.

"That match was not unfair. You both have had the same amount of training, the same amount of time to hone your techniques against each other." He explains, avoiding his mishap over the hesitation. He knew I was right, he had moved onto a different point that he could exploit, trying to keep the topic changed.

"Why haven't you called me by my name?" I ask stubbornly, eyes hard as I refuse to let him have his way. Leadership be damned, this man owed me an explanation on a personal level, and I would not let this opportunity pass me by. Eric slams his beer onto the counter, but I stand my ground. I expected an explosive outburst. He wasn't getting his way, I hadn't let him change the topic. He was getting antsy. Irritated.

"Why tap out? Why not try and think your way out? Why give up?" He continues, not letting it go. I shake my head as I rise from the couch, a humorless smile making it's way onto my lips.

"No, Eric. Why haven't you said my name the entire time that I have been in this damn complex?" I ask, my own irritation coming through my words as he refuses to answer my question. Eric takes a few steps towards me, trying to bully me into submission. That might work with me in the training room, where he could pull rank and physically intimidate me. Here, now, he was just my brother's best friend, a man that I had known for the majority of my life. Someone who would never physically hurt me, no matter what came out of my mouth, no matter what was said or done.

Or so I thought.

Before I know what's happening, he grabs my arm in a bruising grip, and I know that I had pushed too far. I had been a bit too stubborn. His nose flares in controlled anger as he stands impossibly close, pulling me to him in a quick motion. I can see the alcohol swirling in his features, smell it on his breath as he takes a moment to compose himself, grip tightening slightly as he sees that I am not backing down.

"I have said you're name, just not in front of you." He relents, giving me a veiled answer. Handing over enough information to keep me quiet. Compliant. I nod slightly at him as my gaze drops to the floor, regretting pushing him so far.

I don't know how long we stand there like that, becoming comfortable in each other's presence once more. Eric is the first to break away, stepping around me to resume his place at the couch, beer long forgotten on the counter. I stand in the same position as I cross my arms over my chest, eyes never leaving his floor as different thoughts race through my mind, trying to find a connect to it all.

He had said my name.

Maybe to Four, only because he had too. They were training the class together, I had to have come up at some point. He could've easily went through that conversation, gliding over my name in passing. He could've brought me up to Rylan, and the thought makes me blush slightly. There was always the possibility they have talked about me. Then there was to the other leaders, again under the premise of training. But then there was the curious part of his admission. '...Just not in front of you'. Why not? For what reason would there to be to not utter someone's name in front of them? Was it because he thought less of me, seeing as I was an initiate? Was it out of disdain over me as a person? The situation that I had put us in by transferring? Was is because he missed me? Was it because the last time he uttered my name in front of me was in the throws of passion? Did he not want to ruin it? Why was this important to me in the first place? It was a stupid name, one that I had dispised for the majority of my childhood. So many questions, so many scenarios ran through my mind, one by one. I get pulled from my thoughts by said man clearing his throat at me once more. I snap my head in his direction, arms still crossed.

"I can hear you thinking all the way over here." He admits, eyes flashing to the arm that he had grabbed for a split second, a small frown etching onto his face as his eyes collide with mine again, and unreadable emotion flashing through his eyes for a moment. "Get your ass over here before you burn a hole in my floor." He mutters almost angrily.

Almost. It takes a trained ear, but I can almost hear the guilt in his statement as his eyes flash to my arm once again before he turns around. I wait until he's fully turned before looking down at my arm, seeing the still-red mark from where his hand had met my arm moments before. I sigh as I walk back to the couch, relenting as I fall by him on the couch, close enough to rest my head on his shoulder. He tenses as my head rests on him, but doesn't shrug me off like he normally would. Maybe he does feel guilty.

Once again, my eyes close with a sigh as the tired feeling consumes me, pulling me under into a dark, quiet place. A place filled with cold eyes, once bright with happiness. A place where my questions didn't go unanswered.

Taglist:

@chloe-skywalker

#Eric Coulter imagines Eric Coulter divergent imagines

[italicwatches]

Magical Girl Ore - Episode 02

Let the escalator continue. It’s Magical Girl Ore, episode 02! Here we GO!

-We begin right where we left off, with jacked teddy bears wanting Mohiro, and Saki-kun very confused about her newly jacked body. Ko-san just gives her a THUMBS UP.

-Opening! I wonder if that rival idol girl duo will turn into magical girls too.

-Episode 02! Magical Girl - Ore

-Saki-kun immediately grapples up Ko-san AND WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! He tries to act cutesy, which does not work, but look. A big jacked man body is the best fighting form. But you gotta be cute, so the clothes! THIS IS NOT THE STACKED SHE WANTED! On the other hand, those demons are gonna steal Mohiro away if she does nothing…So…

-What to do…What to do…How to handle this…

-Saki-kun can only laugh and cry, and introduce herself as the magical girl of justice. This is hell. But as the first demon comes, her body blocks its strikes with ease! These muscles, this power…STRIKE! LEG THROW! Her body is as the gods of old, forged in steel and dreams! She can fight!

-There’s just one problem. She’s facing a small army here. Shouldn’t she have some kind of magic?! Yep, it’s in your hairpins. Throw them! So Saki-kun obeys…And they bounce off of the demons…Are they full of exorcism power or some—

-EXPLOSION

-They’re magical grenades! …Saki-Kin is terrified. Do you have anything less conspicuous? How about his magical handgun? Unlimited ammo, no bandana required. SOMETHING LESS YAKUZA ESQUE PLEASE! Well aren’t you picky. But fine, to the bag of tricks! He’s got a real classic!

-A magical staff! Wrapped like an illegal gun, naturally. But Saki-kun can use this! Her magic will change this world! Prepare yourself, demons! They’re prepared. …Ko-san, how does she use the staff? It’s literally just a staff. Beat their skulls in with it. So take initiative and fight hard! Terrifyingly hard!

-Saki-kun fights, tears in her eyes, until there is no more fighting to be done. When it’s over, she is covered in blood, the pile of gore is so terrible it has to be censored, and she is in despair. This is even worse than the idol world! Also there’s still Mohiro. Who can’t stop eyeing Saki-kun. And then, he blushes. Well that does explain why he’s not into Saki-chan…

-He’s also being very shy and quiet as he asks the name of this noble hero who saved him. Saki-kun can’t give her actual name, that’ll give away her secret…So all she can do is say “I am me” in masculine dialect, and Mohiro actually accepts it. And keeps looking back to Saki-kun as he heads off.

-Which is when Sakuyo and the manager finally arrive, and Saki-kun is in a panic! SHE HAS BEEN DISCOVERED! Why are they here?! How long have they been here?! No, focus, focus, Mohiro bought it, she can totally sell the—

-Sakuyo figured it out in two seconds. They followed Saki when she came sprinting out of her house, and saw everything, including the transformation. And the manager…Is in noble tears of this display of love and magical girl power! He’s been a magical girl nerd since he was but a tiny boy, and now he gets to meet and manage one! He’ll have your back, Saki-kun!!! This was not the plan. This was NOT THE PLAN!

-Work hard as an idol, and a magical girl, Saki! Well, um, er, you see…She can’t just…I mean, look at this jacked body…

-Oh Sakuyo is looking.

-This WAS NOT THE PLAN! Also her manager wants to figure out a new name for her! Magical Girl Saki won’t work…Fuck it, you’re Magical Girl Ore! Really sell the yin-yang nature of your cute charm versus your explosive power! So, Saki-kun is the confused…And now it’s time to celebrate! Beer for him, juice for you two! In that moment, Saki realized she was doomed.

-While a mysterious figure watches, eager to see what this new magical girl can do…

-New scene! It’s a new morning, and Saki is totally drained from a total lack of sleep, but she’s back to normal…And her mother has made her a refreshing breakfast. There is an entire tray of delicious breakfast miso soup hanging from her neck, which she gobbles down on the way to see Sakuyo.

-But she gets there early enough to see Mohiro! Sexy, sexy Mohiro! Thank you, god of early awakening! Okay, she can talk to him! She has to talk to him! She can’t even show her face, hiding behind a pole. Because what if he finds out that she’s Magical Girl Ore?! No, he’s deeply oblivious. She’ll probably be fine. And if he figures it out, she’ll kill herself. Alright, cool, plan for both outcomes, and STRI—

-His partner has shown up. There goes all her attempts in a shot! Back OFF, guy! But he spots her, gives her a grin, and hauls Mohiro right off…

-Which is when Sakuyo spots her, and Saki’s forced to give a good morning to Sakuyo, to Mohiro, and even Hyoe-san, who she would rather like to die and never be heard from again. But what brought him out so early? Well, he and Mohiro have so very many things to get done today, so he came to fetch his sleepy partner himself! SHE WILL KILL YOU!

-And he reveals that Mohiro is a bit scared of Saki, and he’s…Very quiet during this whole argument. Saki is very strongly considering murder. And Sakuyo finally decides to ask how long Saki’s wanted to bone her brother. …As long as she’s known him. That gentle but spacy nature of him…And that time when he saved them when they were lost in the woods…She’s wanted to make that up to him ever since, to protect him…

-Of course, all Sakuyo remembers that day is how hard she was freaking out, and how Saki was comforting her and keeping her stable until her brother found them…And she, she can’t root for these two to get together…! She’s got to go! Go on ahead without her, she’ll catch up, Saki! And then Saki falls into despair, feeling like Sakuyo can’t forgive this indiscretion into her family…!

-Which is Ko-san starts trying to get her attention as she’s battering her head into a pole, and…Oh my god he has a mascot size. Oh my god he’s tiny. SO TINY. But he still has his normal head and it’s kind of creepy! DON’T CALL HIM CREEPY! I do what I want, mascot boy.

-Look, he worked so hard to be a cuter little mascot that Saki could carry around! But also, look, there’s a demon coming. …AND IT WANTS MOHIRO AGAIN?! Jeez, this guy is a prime target alright…They went as soon as Mohair’s partner stepped away for two seconds…

-SAKI WON’T LET THAT STAND! She sprints off in a fury, intending to save her precious Mohiro-chan!!! With that declaration, she transforms, and instead of Saki-chan’s slow feminine gait, it’s Saki-kun’s furious athletic sprint! They’re able to get into the line of fire ahead of schedule, to head it off before it can find Mohiro…

-And they discover a jacked teddy bear doing Ursula cosplay. This was not the plan. It’s even creepier than you! FUCK YOU ROOKIE! But, fine! Ko-san, her weapon!

-He thought they’d be good for like a week so he didn’t bring any.

-WHAT?!

-Fine. Guess she’s doing this bare-knuckled! And it comes fast…And grapples Saki-kun immediately! Use your hips! Use, that, booty! Saki-kun has no room to do anything of the sort…And then it goes for her strawberry panties! This is the worst! Is this how she dies, the heroine of this story destroyed in episode two—

-But that’s when Sakuyo rips a tentacle off! She, she can’t bear to see you hurt…If you intend to protect her brother, she’ll protect YOU! Sakuyo, no! Don’t put yourself in danger! Escape! Saki-kun will fight…And thank you, thank you for this support…

-Sakuyo is moved to tears…And Ko-san gets a feeling. This girl…She’s got love power off the charts! A crush she’s held in for as long as Saki! YOU, big tits! You can FIGHT! Cry out your love, and save her!

-In a flash of blue and a vicious chop, the tentacles are severed…And Sakuyo-kun declares, her, love, for SAKI!!! Saki-kun is the confused. And the mysterious figure watches…

-Credits!

And then there were two…And the dynamic just got, shall we say, complicated. How will Saki deal with this declaration of love from her longtime friend? How will Sakuyo deal with the ramifications? Can they love each other in their magical girl forms? And what of Mohiro, and his growing crush on the warrior for justice who saved his life? We have lots of questions and few answers…But we’ll just have to see how things settle next time, in episode THREE of Magical Girl Ore! Wait for it!

#where I watch #recap #anime #magical girl ore

[grieg]

The Artist, The Pessimist, And The Peach.

(it’s gay, read for the gay)

Mo really hadn’t been listening. She was tired of Hamilton. So, so tired “No, see, cause if Burr -” “Ok, Charlie, as much as I respect your views and your music taste, I couldn’t give an actual living shit about Hamilton, I just really don’t care that much.” Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed in mock aggravation. “Well, if you can’t try to understand me,” She turned away from her friend and dramatically covered her eyes with the back of her hand. I'll have to elope with my giant Hamilton book, leaving my family to drown in their miserable Hamilton-less lives .” “Fine by me, just tell your dad I’m not paying for a divorce.” Mo aimed her voice louder to the back of the school bus at Tim, the resident ‘father’. “Um, sweaty, check your privileges. You’re not the one who’s having to debt his way through high school. I can’t fucking pay for a Friends boxed set, let alone a lawyer,” called the response. Charlie broke into giggles at that and Mo joined her shortly. “Ugh, why can’t you just try to like it,” Charlie pouted and ran her hand through her short blonde hair. “Charl, I’ve tried so many times. Like, you won’t let me spend a second not trying.” Mo turned to face the window, watching the buckets of rain speed down the glass. “Alrighty then,” Charlie rolled her eyes “just trying to save your Hamilton deprived, fall out boy infested soul."  and Mo flipped her off and grinned. "I’m next stop, anything you want to tell me before I depart?” Charlie stood as the bus approached her street. “Only that I despise you, I hope you get really wet in the rain and get the plague and die, and I inherit all your snapbacks,” Mo replied. Charlie jostled her way to the doors and jumped off the bus before the stairs had even began to lower. “Love you too mom! Also you can’t get plague from hypothermia!” She heard the shout before the doors closed and the bus shuddered back into motion. Tim staggered up to the now emptied seat next to her and plopped himself down, arm snaking around her shoulders. “How are you Mojoba my moba joba?” Mo gently lifted his arm over her head and placed it back in his lap. “You know me, terrific as usual. Also please don’t call me that ” “Hah. Yes, of course you are,” He batted back her sarcasm. “How are you Timothy Pearl? How is your day going? What did you do to survive today?” “Oh I’m just gay thank you. I’ve had two power bars, a can of Harvey’s extra spicy root beer, an orange, and three five-foot-long fruit roll ups so I’ve had a fabulous dining experience to boost my spirits.” “Ok, chill.” Mo turned back to stare at the rain again and a comfortable silence settled between them. The bus bumped along mid pace and a quiet trickle of conversation flowed around them from the few passengers left. “You shouldn’t be so hard on her all the time you know.” She jumped slightly at the sudden start of conversation and could feel him looking at her but she didn’t turn. “It’s easy. I hate her.” She shrugged. “No you don’t.” Tim pat her leg affectionately and Mo felt him trying to accentuate the feeling in the statement. “Yes, obviously I don’t. Why the hell would I hang out with her if I did?” “I don’t know, Mo, maybe cause she’s literally your only friend besides the freak sitting next to you. Or maybe cause she just so happens to be the hottest girl in school and simultaneously the biggest lesbian known to mankind. Maybe because you, my darling, have a whopping crush on her?” “No, stop it Tim- she’s my best friend, give me a break.” “Fine, fine, Just don’t come running to me when you suddenly realize I’m always right about everything.” Mo wrinkled her nose and flipped him off, going back to stare out the window. … It hadn’t even been two months and Mo and Charlie were probably the closest friends in school. Freshman year, neither of the girls had been very socially active, spending most of their time stressing and working. Now that they had fallen into the groove of high school and vaguely knew what the hell they were doing, they had both had the opportunity to actually speak to those around them. Tim had known Charlie vaguely from history and Mo from English, but none of them had been especially close. Coincidently, all their lockers were in the same hall and one day after class on the fifth day, Tim had plucked up the courage to approach the both of them and ask whether they wanted to go long-boarding with him on the weekend. After some hesitation, they both answered yes. Now, six months and near hundreds of trips to the skate park later, they couldn’t get enough of each other. Turning right and walking down the six blocks to the skate park after school was now as much of a habit for the three of them as hitting shuffle on the complete Panic! At The Disco Album was to Mo.

…

“Mo, would you be a dear and tell me how this looks?” Mo felt Charlie tap her shoulder and she stepped over to Charlie’s canvas, examining the historic scene taking place on its surface. Mo squinted and stepped back, striking a pose of exaggerated consideration. “well, I mean, like Shit.” She stepped back to her canvas. “Ugh, I need a real answer, please be serious with me here.” Charlie slouched. “Fine. It’s really good and I hate how good it is and it hurts. Satisfied?” Mo said quietly, focusing on painting. Charlie grinned at her devilishly and walked over to Mo’s canvas, watching her movements intently from behind her back. Mo suddenly became very aware how close they were standing and stepped forward, increasing the distance. (Physical contact was something she found should be avoided at most costs) But Charlie stepped forward again and took the brush out of her hand. “No, no. Try it, um…here. Can I?” Mo nodded and stepped away. Charlie mixed some fresh paint and the began deftly working her way over the area that Mo had been painting, moulding what had been messy blobs into somewhat recognizable forms.

There was sample photograph of the Waterloo battle painting they were copying in corner of the room, and the students were circled around it, all struggling to paint the tiny detailed forms of soldiers. Except Charlie. Her’s was the best. Obviously. Mo thought that maybe somehow she had lied about her age and was actually a thirty-year old successful artist who had studied in some famous art school in Tuscany.

“Better?” Charlie asked. “Um, maybe just paint this bit for me real quick? Also this bit right here and this one also the whole thing?” Mo gesticulated at the canvas, trying to display her despair to receive some form of pity from her friend. “Charlie, stop doing Mo’s painting for her please,” the teacher called from her desk at the front. “Yes ma'am. Ok, look at the light source, try and focus on where the reflections are-” Mo lost track of what Charlie was trying to say and instead began watching her hands as they flapped about, weaving around in her wild way. She seemed to be doing that an awful lot lately, watching Charlie’s hands. It was hard not to. She seemed to communicate more from her hands then she did her mouth. Her physical displays of enthusiasm were contagious and every once and awhile Mo would catch herself moving her hands in an unmistakably Charlie kind of way. She still couldn’t decide if it was a good or a bad thing and was very conscious about not doing it around Charlie. 

“See? Wait, Mo are you even listening?” Mo felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and was shaken out of her daydreaming. “Yeah, Yeah. Remember light source, keep shadow balance even. Got it.” Mo took back her paintbrush. “Okay…” Charlie have her a dubious look but went back to her canvas.

…

Mo had never considered herself an optimist. if anything she was the world’s most enthusiastically pessimistic pessimist. She hated watching people achieve their dreams because, as she constantly told her friends, she had none. She told them she would probably continue working in the record store two blocks from her house until her mid fifties when she would retire early to sell beaded curtains on Etsy to vegans in Utah with five kids a dog and a dark green Subaru. She would never marry because she would never feel the capacity for love. And anyways, her partner would probably amount to much more than she could ever be and she didn’t feel like coming home to someone who would talk about how much they had achieved in a day while she endlessly threaded endless amounts of wooden beads on endlessly long flimsy wires. She had never heard of the term realist until Tim had explained the concept and told her he labeled himself as one. He cared and examined every detail of life and although Mo did not like to admit it, she enjoyed listening to him talk about situations and things and people. But she still hated the beach and romcoms and music that wasn’t rock or punk or R&B. She didn’t like expressing her feelings no matter if they were expressed physically or verbally. She was, in short, the pessimist.

Charlie, one could say, was the optimist

…

How Charlie and Tim had thought that studying in the park on a hot Saturday during a festival was a good idea, Mo had no idea. Then again, she had agreed to do it and here they were.

“DUDE, That man literally looks like a pineapple!” Charlie was pointing and giggling hysterically at a man far across from them in the park with bright green spiky hair and a pale yellow suit. “Well, I’m not one to judge but he really does.” Tim tilted his head in mock sympathy. “Also, what is that couple doing? Are those grapes on their head?” He pointed over at another two people across the park with very curly purple hair. He and Charlie were both sprawled on their backs, Mo’s legs acting as a pillow for both their heads. “Guys, we’ve been here almost an hour and all we’ve done is comment on the fruit-like aspects of these people’s clothes. Also Tim, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten, but you’re literally wearing a giant strawberry sweater.” Mo cast a down judgmental stare. “Sad, but so, so true.” Tim stood and brushed himself off, ruffling Charlie’s hair and then slinging his rucksack over his shoulder. “You know, I think I’m gonna head home. If you need me I’ll be bathing in a pile of unfinished homework, popcorn and the light from the television of a Friends season three rerun.” Tim gave them a wave and jumped into a skip towards the exit to the park. “Bye, you egg!” Charlie called. “Bye, Tim. Don’t forget the Native American project is due Tuesday.”

“SHIT.” a distant call came from somewhere outside the park

Mo sighed and shut the textbook in front of her hopelessly. “Did you know he gave fifty dollars to Micheal McKinnon last year to do all of his projects?” “Explains a lot. Are you sure it was just for school projects?” She continued packing up her stuff. “MO! Jesus Christ.” Charlie sat up and frowned at her and Mo laughed maniacally.

“You’re really mean sometimes, you know that?” Charlie stood and began to pack as well. “Well, no one else is going to be. You and Tim are like walking Tumblr positivity blogs. sometimes I feel like I’m the only one with sense around here.” Mo picked up her bag and placed her longboard under her arm, turning around to head towards the exit. About to call back a goodbye, she was immediately arrested by a soft hand on her wrist. She turned to see Charlie stood just behind her looking at her with a mournful expression that made Mo’s heart skipped a beat. She may have been imagining it but she swore she saw the glassy sheen of tears over Charlie’s eyes. “Are you…do you, care? About us? Your friends? Do we…mean anything to you?” Charlie’s voice cracked slightly and Mo stood in shock by the sudden scene playing before her. “I… Charlie what are you doing, what’s wrong with you? ” “Mo, just answer the goddamn question.” Mo stepped back a bit “I, Yeah. You’re my friends. What do you want me to say Charlie? Yes. I do in fact have a capability to hold emotions. I do feel things.” “Well you never goddamn show it, Mo. I just…I can’t help but think you hang out with me and Tim out of necessity or, I don’t know, pity or some shit. I…just needed to get some kind of emotion out of you for once…something. I’m sorry.” She sighed shakily and dropped her hand to her waist, the soft warmth and comfort of her palm leaving a cold imprint in the shape of her hand on Mo’s arm. “I wish you showed us sometimes, you know? You do things for us, like invite us over and let us eat your food and copy your homework, but you never let us know what you’re thinking or what what you’re thinking about us. I’ve never felt anything but distance from you Maura. And I hate it. I hate never knowing if you’re okay. If we’re…okay.” Charlie stood there in silence for a what seemed like ten minutes but was probably a couple milliseconds, while Mo tried desperately tried to think of what to say, mind bouncing back and forth; up and down like a ping-pong ball hurled 80 miles an hour into the wall of a very small box. How do you respond to these situations? What do people ever want to hear? What can she possibly say to convince the beautiful girl standing inches away from her, tears pouring silently and willingly down her freckled cheeks, who just used her real first name (which Mo despised anyone using) and would probably be the only best friend she would ever have, that she had total and utter admiration and respect for her and was head over goddamn heels in love with her? What do you fucking say?

Well, for starters, she could just not say anything. Just leap into the sickening, swirling pool of utmost dread and fear and no-fucking-clue and lost friendships and soiled memories and-

 Fuck it.

Mo dove. Hard. Her lips crashed fast and dead straight onto Charlies’, forcing Charlie to stagger back to avoid tripping and maybe breaking a few bones in the process. Mo grabbed Charlie’s shoulders and kissed her as if she had come to school to hear that they were taking the entire next semester dissecting the musical Hamilton, and her life would come to a grinding and shuddering stop. She kissed her as if Tim had told them that he had bought every single boxed set of Friends manufactured on earth and chained them to the couch to sequentially watch every single episode in every single boxed set until they died. Mo McCloud kissed Charlie Goodman as if every single second, every moment, every single memory that the two friends had shared, were the only things that had ever and would ever matter to Mo. Like she wanted to spend the rest of her life in her arms, listening to her voice, watching her hands, holding her face. Kissing her. As she kissed her and mused so deeply, she slowly became conscious that Charlie was kissing her back. It took Mo a moment to really remember that kissing way a two way street, and the other street was a raging block party.

it was gay. they were both thrilled. they got married n it was also gay. they got 3 dogs, all 10/10 good boys, and named them all tim, after their good friend who had died in the war of 2025. they bought a cabin by a lake and went fishing every other day. mo made fish pies that charlie ate out of pity and politeness. mo thought she would never have the capacity for love, what fool. most of the pies went to tim tim and tim. after many years of quiet, peaceful domesticity, charlie got mystery cancer. mo was shattered. after 4 years of fighting the mystery cancer, it spread to charlies lungs and killed her. she was buried next to the cabin, and was buried with one of the tims, who died of grief. mo wept at her grave every morning, and left a fish pie there every sunday. quite a few years later, mo died peacefully in her sleep, with the remaining tims by her side. she was buried next to charlie. the tims were taken in by a nice couple down the road. while their heirs searched their home, they found love letters from the two of them, sent while charlie was a medic in the war. they cried at their sincere adoration of each other, and the horrible pain mo must have felt during her final years without the love of her life. they placed violets on their graves. even in death, they were gay and together.

#lol #writing #gay #fiction #my writing :) #poetry #gay writing #story #book blog #book #books

[sribanter]

All the rest

Kandy to Nuru Elyia

Bus station

Travelled by bus at the front with all the bags

Arrived and taken to a home stay in mountains ‘highest village. Very sweet family thirsty for our money.

Played cricket in the streets

Waterfall trek and strawberry farm

Amazing home cooked meal

Nuru Elyia to Ginigathena

Trains still not working so decide to change plan and head a day early to the tree house. Not getting another bus so get a taxi.

Stop at tea train and meet Ian.

Lots of waterfalls

Town and beer shop.

Tree house accommodation

Another amazing dinner (rubbish family run place)

Abigail’s birthday

Jungle trek, leeches and river chill

Caught in rain

Lunch at restaurant > chill > used ‘massage oils’

Ice cream kick

Dinner back to same restaurant

Gekkos!!!

To berewula

Train or Bus or Taxi or Tuk-Tuk? Train delayed, bus too uncomfortable, taxi too expensive. So 6 hours in a tuk tuk it was.

Said goodbye to family

Driver Tried to chief us - again

Rain

Fancy accommodation

Amazing seafood dinner (tsunami)

Berawula to Negombo

Stealing coconuts

Massage

To complete our circle and meet Ezra

Back and forth on train

Finally arrived after 6 hours; almost lost toe.

Met Ezra

Bye Abigail hello Banta

dropped Abigail at airport

Now what to do?

Local lunch after failed mission to get ‘infamous’ egg hoppers.

Bastard tried his luck

Pool and research

To the airport to get Brian and mike

To not waste any time taxi straight to kandy - only stop to finally try an egg hoppers. Ate it before the curry came.

Arrived at hostel, welcome to the dorm life.

Dinner back at Dosi place and beers at pub.

Train to Ella

Not ready for the onslaught that was getting on the train and finding a seat. Aaron passed bags through the window to a stranger. After 2 hours ez and Brian finally got seats (only 6 hours to go).

Ez befriended mans not hot.

Brian and mike almost lost toes

Tasted the local Tobacco (leaf, root and paste).

Train ride was beautiful!

Arrived with no accommodation. Missions.

Whisky, cards and dinner vs no dinner.

24hour shack.

Aaron sleeps!

Mini adams peak

Left from our guest house and started getting lost on our way to mini Adams peak, taking a slight detour to check out the 9 arch bridge. Quickly becoming apparent that sign posting is not something the Sri Lankan’s see value in.

360 degree views from the top were breath taking. Stopped at a green tea plantation on way down.

Ella was a place of biggest and largest and mostests (mainly for mike) - who claimed he was hungriest he’d ever been, before consuming the largest meal he’d ever eaten, and then taking the largest dump he’d ever shat.

Checked out a local temple and waterfall. Witnessed a Monkey Rape.

Back in Ella we chilled and continued our what-would-become epic crazy-eights (to-be-renamed hateful-eights) card game over a few cheap cans on lions beer.

Then to chill bar where service was so bad that Ezra had the nerve to complain and half the mandatory service charge. Resulted in a ban for life which we were happy to absorb. So back to the 24 hour shack - where Aaron resumed his sleeping habit.

Brian chucked Aaron’s flip flop

Ella’s rock

Last day in Ella, we decided you challenge ourselves once more and climb Ella’s rock - apparently even more breath taking and challenging than mini Adams peak. Again no signage meant we got lost.. but walking along train tracks, through lush Forrest and small homesteads and farms wasn’t the worst place to be lost.

I final steep stretch made us work to get to the top, but the beautiful views of velvet green mountains and cascading waterfalls was worth it. Maybe it was the alcohol in our system but we seemed to find the climb harder than the average young girl in flip flops around us. One of the most memorable views on reaching the top was seeing this kids and middle aged women without a bead of sweat and then seeing mike, completely see through, drenched in his own sweat, looking like a drowned rat.

On descending, it was a quick stop at the bottle store before hitting the road to Udawalawe to see some elephants.

Udawalawe National Park > Tangalle

On arriving we all stared to realise for the first time that we hadn’t quite gotten our head around the Monopoly money that is foreign currency. We had been using 5000rupee notes as 50 and 500 notes and mike had even managed to mistakenly use a US$50 and €50 bill instead of a 50 rupee bill.

Our earliest start yet was met with mental and physical resistance. Despite a very enthusiastic guide and some very close encounters with elephants the safari was largely lost on us lads as we couldn’t even look an elephant square on, down his trunk, from 5m away without drifting off to sleep.

Quality buffet breakfast!!!

Off we set in the rain to finally reach the coast, Tangalle, still shcleeping the crate of beers from the liquor store in Ella.

Beautiful sea side fishing village. Played cards in the rain and befriended 2x Dutch ‘lesbians’.

Puti the Mafiosa manager at our hostel. Always topless, giving ordered from seated position, getting pissed! Medallion around his neck and a ‘don’t fuck with me’ attitude.

Got pissed playing card games, watched some Sri Lankan’s watching other sri Lankens playing cricket in Sri Lanka, chilled on the beach

Tangalle Town

Following a very jam-packed first few days, we finally took a day off to do nothing and chill. We spent the day exploring the town and tasting local food (except mike who went for toasties and milkshakes - and was then gobsmacked when they were below his western expectations). Although at this point we did start validating an ever clearer pattern that service in Sri Lanka is TERRIBLE! slowness is one thing but it’s plain incompetence.

That night Puti put on a fish braai for us which was world class! He also somehow persuaded us to try these raw local chillies... what pursued provided endless entertainment for him and his friends. They did however return the entertainment by drunkenly serenading us until the early morning.

[surveysonfleek]

320.

Do you take pictures of yourself on a daily basis? nope.

Do you like the name Adam? it’s okay, personally wouldn’t name my future children that.

What is the first liquid you drank today? water.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles, California? yes, i love it. i could imagine living there as opposed to nyc.

Do you believe in angels? perhaps.

Do you prefer Pepsi or Coke? Or do you not care either way? coke but i’m not fussy.

Is there anything in your past that you used to regret, but now you don’t? i don’t really regret anything. i wish some things were different but there’s no point dwelling on it.

When is the last time you ate donuts? yesterday.

Are you left handed? nope.

Do you use your left or right thumb to press the space bar? any thumb.

Have you ever had a Hershey’s bar with almonds? yes.

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was hot like me? haha no.

What cell phone company do you have? virgin.

Do you text on a daily basis? What about hourly? yes. not hourly, maybe every two hours? really depends on how many people i’m texting.

What button on your keyboard do you press most besides the space bar? backspace or full stop.

What’s the last song you listened to? i forgot.

When is the last time you sneezed? today.

Who is the 3rd person you talked to this morning? my sister maybe.

Are you dating the last person you talked to on the phone? nope.

Do you like surveys that have good grammar and spelling? yes of course.

Does your knee hurt? no.

Has anyone ever bitten your knee? no...

Do you know anyone whose name starts with an X, Q, or U? nope.

Do you know anyone whose name ends with a J, Q, or W? no.

Has anyone ever called you sexy? yes.

Do you have children? no.

Do you like raisins? i haaaaate them.

Would you buy three 12-packs of coke products if you liked Pepsi? nope.

Did that question even make sense? sure.

What is your favorite bug? lady bugs.

What color is your camera? black.

Do you speak any language besides English? yes.

Can you eat cheese? i can but it does give me a stomach ache. fuck it, i love cheese.

Who was your favorite teacher in middle school? mr finlay i think.

Was math your worst subject in high school? no.

Are you in college? i’ve graduated.

Have you ever driven a purple car? no.

What about a green car? no.

Do you drink hard liquor? yeah but not often.

Do you like scrabble? yes!

What were you doing on April 21, 2008? haha no clue.

Can you count to 113 in a language other than English? no.

What should you be doing now instead of this survey? nothing.

Do you have a printer? yeah, two.

What is your favorite food? sushi or hotdogs.

Do you like sweet and sour chicken on white rice? sure.

Do you even like corn? i do even though i don’t eat it often.

Have you met anyone new yet today? no.

What is your biggest pet peeve? plain rudeness.

Have you ever overheard a conversation you weren’t supposed to? yeh.

Do you wish it was 10 hours later than it is now? nah.

Have you ever been to New York City, Chicago, or Indianapolis? only nyc.

Do you want some pie? i don’t mind.

Have you ever stayed up until 7:30 AM? yep.

Have you ever lived in Pennsylvania, Arizona, or Hawaii? no.

Do you like ants? no.

Did you like the movie Antz? i think i remember liking it.

What is your favorite Disney movie? aladdin.

What do you think of “Octomom”? nothing.

Do you like octopi? yes.

Do you wish this survey was longer, shorter, or neither? shorter.

What was your favorite ice cream flavor when you were little? strawberry for sure.

Is it still your favorite? nope.

By the way, what is your name? dee.

And what time is it? 6:41pm.

What time zone do you live in? idk the sydney one lol.

Do you like drums? yeah, well i don’t hate it.

Have you ever drank goat milk? nope.

What is your favorite soft drink? root beer.

I see. So do you want to go to bed? nah.

What’s your favorite video game? tekken or the sims.

Do you like cats? yes.

Are goldfish your favorite fish? no.

How many pets do you have? one.

How old is the oldest person who lives in your house? 53.

Do you wish your house had a basement? i don’t mind.

Do you like vanilla pudding? no.

Which band is your favorite? i don’t have just one.

Does Taylor Swift suck? dont care for her.

What do you smell right now? my hair product. it’s strong.

What is your opinion on abortion? pro choice.

What is your opinion on gay marriage? make it legal here.

What is your opinion on gay adoption? it’s fine.

Care for a cookie? only if it’s fresh.

Do you like crumpets and scones? yes!

Do you wish this survey was over yet? yeah, my hand hurts.

Why are you still taking this survey? i can’t not finish it.

Are you currently in a relationship? yes.

Are you happy about that? yes.

What is your favorite David Cook song? idk.

How many more minutes until you will next eat? about an hour?

Is there a “merged” restaurant in your city (like Taco Bell/KFC)? no.

Do you like Pizza hut? i haven’t had it in ages, i stick to dominos.

Is A&W your favorite brand of root beer? nah, i like sarsi better.

Did you like this survey? it was fine.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

[piprandom]

Poop

You are my arch nemesis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games. I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey's colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker. I give you my icy grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It's almost noon, and that's the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no common sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjugate them too. But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed broccoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperoni and cheese. A Chocolate Pop tart. And like a cherry on top ... a McDonald's quarterpounder with cheese. I never eat this shit, it's all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almost die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin's thighs at Church. Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn't realize that it's a cold sweat induced by my severe sphincter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena. You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preparation of the upcoming battle. Your opening salvo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs. The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say "Back to YOU, Kajid!". You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war. You do not disappoint me. With a hissing "SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!" you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots disappear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready. "AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!" I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That's short for "Big Timber" ... AKA "Mississippi Butt Log". Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over. The only thing I can think of is that you must has completely unzipped your ass to your elbow. That's the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashes falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive. I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake. "You want to play??" I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. "YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly rectal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can't get away, can you? No. You can't. Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to "Wipe and Scoot". Too late. MUCH too late! Oder's pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O'Donnel's rancid crotch farts. The smell of your mom's dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits. Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. "Yeah! RUN, Fucker!" I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing. It's all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.