#if anything i would love to see them even MORE fucked up. let oscar kill a guy

[we-are-inevitable]

disclaimer: all of this is my PERSONAL opinion. if you believe something different, that’s completely fine and i support that! however these are just my thoughts bc ive gotten a lot of delancey asks recently and i think they are FASCINATING but not for the (recently) popular reasons

real talk though: i personally think the delanceys are less compelling and fun when theyre redeemed tbh. i think, if you’re going to like the delanceys or use them in fics or make fan art of them, you can’t sanitize what they’ve done. THATS what makes them compelling and fun- they’re ruthless, they’re mean, and they don’t give a fuck about the newsies. they can have whatever backstory you want them to have but they are not The Delancey Brothers if you take away the one thing they have in canon: brutalizing children and having fun with it.

you can absolutely blame their actions on a tragic backstory. i’m not saying you can’t. but taking that fanon backstory and turning them into redeemable, lovable characters is frankly disrespecting the source material, and it doesn’t make sense in regards to canon. you can humanize them without sympathizing with and redeeming them, essentially.

and to me, that’s the fun part! the delanceys are good characters because they’re awful characters. they’re fucked up. they have no remorse. they help ruin lives and they brutalize children and they never show any guilt, or any indication that this isn’t exactly what they shouldn’t be doing. the delanceys are fascinating characters that i truly love, but only because they are irredeemable and dejected and downright brutal. that’s what they are. you can’t change that.

and before anyone says that you can change it in an au: you can! you can absolutely do that- but they won’t be a Delancey if you do. they won’t hold the same weight. if you treat them like they’re “uwu sweet boys”, you’re actively going against everything in the source material; at that point, they aren’t The Show’s characters. they are Your characters. if you want to change them up, that’s fine and wonderful and a lot of iterations of their characters are really interesting, but the driving force behind the delanceys as characters is their codependent brutality. there has to be an aspect of that for them to be recognizable, and i think that’s fucking INCREDIBLE.

basically, there has to be some Essence of their canon characteristics to make out-of-character things work. i’m known for my love of david jacobs, so i’m going to use that as an example. is my davey accurate to the show? no, because i love giving him my own backstory and character traits. but i have reasonings behind the traits i give him, and those reasons are based pulled from canon and expanded on. you can’t just completely ignore canon for everything because then- like i said above- they aren’t The character anymore, they’re Your character, and it’s not the same.

the delanceys are a masterclass in the fact that trauma (though completely fanon- there’s no canon evidence of it) is not always something you can overcome, because you continue to perpetuate it. at that point, they’re no longer victims. they’re just as bad as who created them.

#welcome to another episode of jac’s hot takes! #this blog always and forever will be a fan of fucked up and evil delanceys! #i just think its a disservice to their character to redeem them for the harm they’ve caused #so many people are quick to jump at jack for scabbing but yet they’re out here supporting the delanceys? girl ok….. #if anything i would love to see them even MORE fucked up. let oscar kill a guy #they DO like skull busting…… let them murder let them maim! let them be sick fucks who ruin lives #newsies #jac txt.

[f1goat]

more than friends ; lando norris + part ten

In which your best friend is going to help you to gain more sexual experience and say goodbye to your insecurities, but he's quick to discover that he never wants to share you and your new experiences with others - the only problem being, him having to confess his feelings.

masterlist - playlist

fem!y/n x lando norris

warnings: smut with a plot. minors dni! probably grammar or spelling errors due to english not being my first language.

requested: yes, based on this request: something with a driver sister that’s still a virgin & lando (her bestfriend) suggests to teach her things

part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six / part seven / part eight / part nine

“You’re insane,” Oscar tells his teammate when he sees you walking towards Lando and him. “Actually insane,” he mutters when he gets an even closer look on you. When you feel Oscar his eyes on you, you know for sure what he’s looking at. He looks at the same thing that everyone else is looking at when they see you. Lando his love bites. Why did he even leave them so out in the open? You tried to cover them up with make up, but it didn’t work. If you brought a turtle neck with you, you would have worn it for sure right now. But since you’re in another hot country, you only have summer clothes with low necklines. Which means that everyone can see the marks on your skin that Lando made two days earlier. You curse him for leaving them on this place, but you continue to walk closer to him. 

“Insane?” Lando asks Oscar. He notices the way his teammate looks at you. 

“Is this to show Pierre that she’s taken or something stupid like that?” Oscar continues to scold Lando. He didn’t even think about it like that, but now that he does… The hickeys might help with Pierre backing off a bit. “You can’t claim something you don’t own,” Oscar sighs, “just remember that before you do more stupid shit.”

Before Lando can say anything to Oscar, you’re already standing in front of them. He notices the way you try to cover the hickeys with you hair, but he stills sees the red love bites. Now that he thinks about it, let everyone see them - maybe then everyone will figure out that you belong to him. 

“Hey baby,” Lando greets you.

“Don’t baby me, I’m mad at you,” you sigh, “I should have brought a turtleneck with me. Everyone is looking at me.”

“Sorry,” Lando jokes. He watches around you and notices the way people are watching at you. You’re right. Everyone is paying attention to you. He notices some press workers as well. Normally the track isn’t busy on Wednesdays, but today seems different. He hears cameras clicking. Are people taking pictures of you? He starts to stress a bit. Lando pulls you closer to himself and drapes his arm around your shoulder, using it to hide your hickeys a bit more. 

“I might have a crewneck sweater laying here somewhere,” Lando tells you. 

You nod at Lando. Together you walk inside the McLaren motorhome. You notice the way even some mechanics are watching you. You’re going to kill Lando. This is all his fault. Lando doesn’t pay attention to them, he takes your hand and pulls you with him the his drivers room. There you finally get his sweater. You’re quick to put it on. Happily you watch in the mirror, almost no love bite is still visible now. The sweater is way too hot, but you rather become sweaty then have people look at you for the whole day. You can only hope they’ll fade away quickly. In silence the two of you walk back to the track. 

Together with Lando you’re strolling on the track. It’s relaxing to walk around with him like this. Lando is holding your hand. You like the peaceful silence between you two right now. It feels comfortable and relaxing. You realize that you don’t feel like this around other people. Lando has always been your safe place. It reminds you about how special things are between Lando and you, but it reminds you most about how you can’t fuck things up between you two. 

Your feelings are already coming in the way. They have always done, but since you have been experiencing the sexual stuff with him it has become worse. Maybe it’s because you have a tiny bit of hope that Lando also feels something for you. It’s the first time you have ever had that hope. Partly because of his jealousy, that must mean something right? But still, you wonder if it’s worth it if it can also ruin your friendship? What if you’re wrong and Lando doesn’t feel the same? 

When Lando grabs your hand, he pulls you out of your thoughts. “Don’t look to fast,” he says, “but I think Pierre is coming this way.” Fuck. You’re not in the mood for that. Slowly you watch around you, it doesn’t take you long to see that Lando is right. Pierre is walking towards the two of you. In only a couple seconds he’s standing in front of you. 

“You could have told me,” Pierre says to Lando without any context. 

“Told you what?” Lando asks confused. 

“Come on,” Pierre sighs, “All the gossip accounts are full with it. The two of you are dating.”

“Sorry?” You ask confused, “Are gossip accounts stating that we’re dating?”

“Yes!”

You let out a sigh. Gossip accounts have always been a thing. They always suspect that there’s something going on between Lando and you, but they never had any proof. You drop Lando his hand. This is a mess. You don’t even want to see your socials right now, they’re probably full with hate. Fuck. 

“Since when do you believe gossip accounts?” Lando asks Pierre.

“Since she has been spotted with hickeys all over her and she’s now wearing one of your crewneck sweaters,” Pierre answers annoyed, “I don’t get it why you didn’t tell me. I made a fool of myself by asking her on a date. You could have said something.”

“I told you that you weren’t her type.”

Lando continues to argue with Pierre. You on the other hand can only wonder when the gossip accounts are going to share the pictures of your love bites. Fuck, what are ‘fans’ going to do then? You grab your phone and look at the way your notifications are already blowing up. Reactions keep coming, you read a couple of them. Most of them are calling you a slut. Whenever you see a nice one, there are more negative ones beneath them. You search on a gossip page, wondering what they already posted. Then you see one of the pictures.

It’s you in your former outfit. The hickeys on your neck and collar are hard to miss. Suddenly you start to feel watched. It feels like everyone around you is looking at you. 

“You should have told me that you two are dating,” Pierre scoffs angrily.

“We’re not,” you sigh. It’s the first time that you’re saying something again. “And even if we were, it’s none of your business. Can you take me back to the motorhome Lando?”

When you’re finally back in Lando his drivers room, you grab your phone again. Your notifications are blowing up. It seems like everyone is talking about Lando and you dating. You have never gotten this many comments under a Instagram post, you’re above a thousand now on your most recent post. You try to read as many as you can, but a lot of them are the same. People are calling you a slut for “parading” around the track with the hickeys. Others are saying that Lando deserves better, that you’re only with him for the fame. As if you weren’t with him before he even started in Formula One. Sometimes you read a positive comment. Some people seem to like it that Lando and you are “finally” together, not that it’s true. Some people are even reacting about the true love between you two. All of it makes you sad. You don’t even notice the tears that are falling down on your cheeks, until Lando wipes a couple of them away.

Lando doesn’t know how to act. He takes you into his arms and tries to comfort you as much as he can manage. He doesn’t know what is wrong, but he can guess. When Pierre said something about the gossip accounts, he didn’t even think about the consequences for you from those accounts, but now he remembers. Every time they post about you, your notifications are blowing up. People know how to find your Instagram and how to leave horrible comments. He doesn’t even want to read it. 

“Nothing of what they’re saying is true babygirl,” Lando shushes. You let out a soft sob. “Everyone thinks I’m a slut,” you tell him, “or a gold digger or just an awful person.”

“You’re not.” He presses a soft kiss on your forehead. “You’re the most wonderful person I know,” he continues, “So stop letting this get to you babygirl, they’re not worth it.” 

“Lan?” You ask softly. He nods and waits for you to continue. “This is all your fault,” you softly joke, “fucking hickeys.” Lando lets out a soft laugh. 

+++

“Fuck, babygirl,” Lando grunts when you lower your body onto his. He feels himself enter you. “You feel so fucking good.”

You’re sitting on top of Lando. He’s not even more then ten minutes back from the second free practice. It didn’t went like he wanted to. When he got out of the car, he let everyone know about that. The moment he started to scold multiple mechanics you were quick to intervene. Normally you don’t, but Lando kept going on and on. It was getting too much. He really lost his temper this time. You wonder why, normally he’s rather patient. 

Slowly you move your body on top of Lando. This position makes you feel more fulled up then the first time. With slow movements you fuck him. When you let out a soft moan, Lando shows you a small smile. His hands are all over your body. He kneads your boobs while pressing his lips against your collarbone. Softly placing kisses all over it. 

You didn’t know what got into you when you grabbed Lando his hand while he acted rude to his team. He gave you a surprised look and even shut his mouth for a bit. When you stood on your toes to reach his ear, he turned all of his attention to you. “If you stop whining,” you whisper, “I’ll have sex with you in your drivers room.” Lando shut in within seconds. He even apologized to his crew before taking your hand and almost running towards his drivers room with you. Undressing you as soon as he turned the door behind him. When your dress was all up and his pants were down and he was ready to enter you, you surprised him one more time. “I want to be on top.”

Lando can’t stop himself from letting out multiple moans when you increase your pace. Faster then before you move yourself on top of him. He grabs your neck and moves your face closer towards himself so he can kiss you properly. His hands are still busy kneading your boobs. He gives your nipples a bit more attention by softly pulling on them. 

“Fuck Lan,” you whine when he pulls back from the kiss. He chuckles and let his hands slide down on your body. His lips are attached to your neck. “No more visible marks,” you instruct half jokingly, half serous. Lando grunts but moves his mouth a bit lower, making sure his new marks can be covered with summer clothes. 

You’re surprised when you feel Lando put his finger on your clitoris. He shows you a small smile when he notices your surprised look. Slowly he traces circles on the sensitive bud, making you feel all kind of things. You let out a loud moan. Lando adds a bit more pressure. You try to increase your pace as well, but you start to feel worn out. Lando helps you, effortless he moves himself inside of you. Picking up a fast pace. It causes you to let out more moans. 

“Fucking insane how good you feel,” Lando groans. He feels himself coming close to his orgasm, but he wants to feel you cum on his dick first. He increases his pace on both fucking you as on playing with your sensitive bud. Stimulating you as much as he can. 

“Are you going to cum for me?” Lando asks you, “Let me feel how good it feels to have your pussy clenching around my cock.” You don’t react verbally. Lando keeps talking dirty to you. “So fucking tight.” “Such a good girl.” 

“I’m close Lan,” you suddenly tell him, “Can I cum?”

Lando increases his pace as much as he can. “Please do babygirl,” he tells you. When he feels your pussy clenching around his cock, he lets go as well. When his cum enters your body, Lando tells you one more thing. “My good girl.” It makes you all flustered. 

+++

Days are going by quickly. Before you know it, it’s already Sunday - meaning it’s race day again. This is the last race of the triple header, meaning that after this Lando and you will go back home. You don’t know how to feel about that. Last weeks you have spent al your time with Lando, sleeping in his hotel rooms and being together almost every moment of the day. It has been extremely nice. You like living with Lando like this. That’s maybe why you don’t like going back home tomorrow. Then you’ll be alone in your own apartment again, without Lando laying next to you in the bed every night. 

“Good luck kiss?” Lando asks you. He holds his helmet. He’s almost ready to get into his car and to start with the race. You show him a small nod and press the standard ‘good luck kiss’ against his cheek. Like you always do when you’re with him at races. “Don’t know if that will bring me enough luck,” Lando jokes. 

You show Lando a confused look. What does he mean? Before you can ask about it, Lando presses his lips on your for a small moment of time. It can’t have lasted longer then a second, but it was long enough to wake up the butterflies in your stomach. You look around you. Did anyone see it? It can’t be. You don’t more negative comments on your socials. Now that you think about it, what did just happen? Since when is Lando kissing you in public places? 

Lando doesn’t say anything else, he walks off to his car. He can only think about what he just did. He realizes that if anyone saw, it will mean that you’ll get more hate. Maybe he should say something about it on his socials? He needs some help from his PR team. He wonders what’s going on with him. He just kissed you in a public place, practically on his work, where everyone could see. Since when are you doing that? If someone saw and shares it, the madhouse will be complete. He wonders what would happen if he would date you and share it online. People have been shipping the two of you for a long time, so some of them might be happy. But there are always so many haters. When he takes place in his car, he looks at the Alpine motorhome. He remembers Pierre his statements from earlier this week. Finally someone who understands that you’re not for him to take. 

He really should solve this problem and make you his. 

Then he remembers something else. Didn’t you have a date planned with some guy for after the triple header? He tries to forgot about it and focus on the upcoming race, but that seems to be hard form him right now. He can’t stop thinking about the guy who’s taking you on a date. Who is it? Will you fall in love with him? When he lines up to the start, he’s still thinking about the guy you’re going on a date with. 

You watch Lando race. All of your focus is on him, nothing new now that you think about it. Only this time it doesn’t feel like it normally does. It’s because of some weird feeling that you can’t seem to shake off. It almost feels like something is going to happen. Something bad. It feels off. You don’t know why you’re thinking like this right now, but you can’t seem to stop. You can’t take your eyes off the screen which shows Lando his car all the time. Multiple mechanics are watching the fight for second place, but you can only focus on Lando. Even the way he races feels off. It’s hard to say without any knowledge about it, but he almost seems unfocused. 

Then you see the reason behind your feeling. Lando misses his braking point. Within seconds he’s spinning into the wall. You let out a loud scream when it happens. Quickly you stand up and walk closer to the screen. All the attention of everyone in the motorhome is on the screen as well now. Everyone is waiting for Lando to say something. To let them know he’s okay. 

You need to hear Lando say something. You need to know if he’s okay. The crash didn’t look massive, but still bad. It doesn’t take long for a safety car to show up on the grid, leading the drivers. Many drivers are coming into the pit to change their tires. You don’t notice any of it, you just keep waiting for Lando to say something. The stress doesn’t leave your body. 

“I’m ok.”

You feel how you let out a lot of air at once with a relieved sigh. Thank god, Lando is okay. You watch how he climbs out of his car. It seems like he has no trouble with walking away from the track to get back to the motorhome. Within a couple minutes you see Lando showing up at the motorhome. The medical team is following him inside, you hear some talks about medical checks but you don’t follow it. All of your attention is on Lando. 

While walking to Lando you almost trip over your own feet. “Fuck Lan,” you stammer while rushing yourself into his arms. Lando doesn’t react verbally, he just wraps his arms around your body and holds you closely to himself. You don’t even notice that you’re making his race suit wet with your tears. “Are you hurt?” You ask him. 

“We would have known if he joined us for his medical checks,” someone tells you with an annoyed tone in her voice. You let go of Lando and look around you, only to see that the whole medical team is gathered around you. 

“You didn’t have your check up yet?” You ask Lando confused. “No,” he replies. “Fucking hell Lan,” you mutter, “Go with them you idiot.” Lando shows you a boyish grin, “Sorry babygirl, I wanted to see you first.” 

Lando and you are rejoined only a small hour later. He is still laying in a hospital bed. The medical team decided that he needed some rest before getting back out of there. The crash wasn’t hard and didn’t left much damage across for a few bruises and painful spots on his body. They gave him some pain medication, which causes him to feel a bit loopy. You’re sitting next to him, waiting until he wakes up. You have seen him on medication like this before, the Grand Prix in Las Vegas showed you how loopy and careless Lando can act with medication like this. You wonder how he will act this time. 

When Lando wakes up, he’s happy to see sitting right next to him. He is quick to remember the way he crashed during the race. He feels ashamed when he realizes why he lost his concentration and how it ended his race, such a rookie mistake. And probably easy to fix if he finally gets the nerve to tell you about his feelings. He feels himself getting mad at himself. Before he can think about it any longer you’re already taking to him. 

“How are you feeling Lan?” You ask him.

“Not great,” Lando sighs honestly.

“You scared the shit out of me,” you confess, “what happened?”

He can’t exactly tell you that he couldn’t stop thinking about you and the date you’re going on as soon you’re back in Monaco. That would be stupid. Although it is the real reason. Lando wants to make up some sort of excuse, but he is already talking again. Those fucking pain meds. 

“Couldn’t focus,” he confesses, “I kept thinking about something.” He can barely stop himself on time from telling you that he was thinking about you and your date. 

“About what?” You ask confused. 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Lando quickly says before he can say anything stupid again. He needs to stop himself from confessing even more. “Okay Lan,” you softly say. You grab his hand and draw some figures on it. There’s a comfortable silence between you two. Lando enjoys your soft touches on your hand. He feels himself getting calm and almost falling asleep again. But right before he falls asleep, he can’t stop himself from saying something stupid again. He cam blame the pain meds, but he knows that he means every word.

“Babygirl?” He asks. “Yeah Lan?”

“Please don’t get a boyfriend,” he says. “And please don’t go on a date when you’re back in Monaco with anyone else then me.”

Fuck. Did he really just say that? How on earth will he fix this? Lando closes his eyes and tries to fall asleep instead of thinking what he just did. Lando doesn’t notice the way you have a small smile laying on your lips and how good you feel because of his words. 

“I already cancelled that date,” you confess to Lando, “After we fucked I decided that it might be a better idea to practice a bit more.” 

Lando opens his eyes and shows you a happy grin. “I don’t think you need a lot of practice,” he says, “but I’m happy to help.”

“That’s a deal.”

“My good girl,” Lando mutters before falling asleep.

part eleven

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#lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris x y/n #lando norris fanfiction #lando norris imagine #ln4 #formula one #f1 #lando norris imagines #lando norris smut

[norrisleclercf1]

So I'm in the mood for some heartbreak 🥺 My request is mafia Lando, where he's super protective over y/n, always trying to keep her safe given his line of work. He loves her and doesn't ever want her to get hurt, but she loves him just as much and wants him to be safe as well. Their house gets attacked, and she takes a bullet meant for Lando to save him? 😭 I'm having a shitty week so I'm feeling quite sad as you can probably tell. You can make the ending happy or sad. Tysm for allowing requests, love you 🩷🩷🩷

A/N: Fuck I'm sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for so long but I've been fluffy and now I'm in an angsty mood so I apologize

He never thought he'd breath again. Lando always assumed he'd be alone for the rest of his life.

His line of work didn't allow him to be vulnerable or in love. He never once thought he'd have that with you, yet here you are asleep on his chest and wearing his ring.

Lando spent most nights awake, unable to sleep as a loaded gun laid under his own pillow, ready to kill anyone who dared come in. He refused to let anyone harm you, even himself. Nothing would harm you, he even refused to fight with you in fear he'd scare or harm you in some way.

Lando goes still when he feels you move, but relaxes when you just cuddle closer and hide your face in his neck. His large hand moves from your hip to your back as he rolls pulling you impossibly close.

Things with work have been getting worse, a new family popping up in his territory. He alerted the others, letting them know he might have to go to "war" in a way. They offered their help, yet Lando told them he could handle it.

You knew nothing of it, as he preferred to keep you in the dark. Lando had told you what he does for work, yet you never pushed for more information. Lando feels that cold dread settles in his chest, his thoughts ramping up his anxiety.

Moving closer, he takes a couple deep breaths. Breathing in his cologne, you, the touch of dessert you two had, and the candle you had lit during your bath. The scents settle deep in him, soothing the anxiety as he closes his eyes.

-------------------------

It's worse, never had Lando have some nobodies show up and openly attack one of his warehouses. Here he was, standing it rubble from the fire and gun shells littering his feet.

"What was their reason?" It was a stupid question, Lando knew the reason. "It's a message," Oscar whispers, yes it was a message. That even they could take something from Lando, no matter what kind of power he holds.

"Sir, this was attached to the note." Lando takes it, without looking. His eyes grow wide when he feels the familiar fabric in his hands. He knew this fabric; it was a gift to you from him. Looking he sees the blood and carnage the fabric has been dealt. This was the message.

They weren't coming after him, no they were going for you first.

---------------------------

Lando refused to tell you the reason why. Why you couldn't leave the house, or even step foot in your favorite garden. He hated hiding the truth, but he didn't want to plague you with the nightmares he has.

"Lando?" His head snaps up, eyes adjusting to the dark figures in the shadows. "Lan, are you okay?" He sighs, feeling the weight crushing him as you step into his office. You didn't come in here often, just enough to know your way around but that was it.

"What are you doing up?" Lando cringes when he hears the own annoyance in his voice. If you notice, you don't say anything about it. "I woke when I didn't feel you beside me," Closing his eyes, the softness and innocence of your words has him hating his world.

"Sorry, bug." You just hum as you come to his side and nudge the desk chair back. "Whatever it is," You settle yourself in his lap, lying your head on his shoulder. "You can always tell me," Lando smiles, he wants to tell you, but he won't.

"I know,"

-------------------------------

Foolish, stupid, he was completely betrayed. He should've known what was going to happen, that having this party was a ploy for them to get into the house.

"Get out of here. Get her out of here, Oscar!" Lando yells, as Oscar tries so hard to drag you out of the room. "No! No, Lando!" Your screams, pierced the room sending chills through everyone.

They were the screams you hear when someone is told they lost a loved one. The ones that rattle the soul and stay with you forever. If you living meant Lando had to die, he was fine with that. He was always prepared to be the one to go first.

Turning he sees the gun raised, the scream of your name from Oscar. Closing his eyes, he waits for the impact of the bullet, but it never comes. Opening his eyes slowly, he's instead meet with your crumpled body in front of his feet.

Ruby red, pools at his feet and around your body. "No," He whispers dropping to his knees as he gathers you in his arms. "No, no please Y/n?" Lando whimper, touching your face with the red on his hand staining your peaceful face.

"It was supposed to be me. I'm supposed to go first, I've always been ready to go first."

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fandom #formula one #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 x y/n #f1 scenario #f1 blurb #f1 oneshot #f1 one shot #f1 angst #f1!mafia #mafia!lando norris #mafia!f1 #lando x reader #lando imagine #lando norris #lando norris smut #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris fanfic #lando norris angst #lando norris blurb #lando norris oneshot #lando norris one shot

[arc-misadventures]

That Backfired, Sorta?

Salem standing over a bruised, and beaten, Jaune Arc bound to a chair. Preparing to interrogate him for information on the, Relic of Destruction.

Salem: I do find torture quite ineffective as a means of extracting information. So I choose to use more refined methods of information.

Jaune: Like… Grimm mind bugs that dig into my brain to get information?!

Salem: No.

Jaune: Oh that gods…

Salem: The shock from the bug going in kills them before anything can be extracted.

Jaune: Eh?!

Salem: Besides I have a far more effective means of getting information.

Jaune: Like what?

Salem: I can read minds.

Jaune: You can?!

Salem: I can.

Jaune: If you can do that, why did you beat, Oscar to a pulp instead of doing that?

Salem: Ozma.

Jaune: …

Jaune: Fuck that’s a good reason… B-But, you shouldn’t read my mind!

Salem: And, why shouldn’t I do that?

Jaune: You just shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t do that!

Salem: Oh~? Afraid I’ll find what I’m looking for if I do?

Jaune: I prefer if you did honestly…

Salem: Alright then. Let’ssee where your little friends have hidden my Relics!

Salem stared at, Jaune in the eyes, as a pearlescent screen covered her eyes as she stared into the depths of, Jaune’s.

Salem: “Now then, lets see what you’re trying to hide~!”

Jaune: P-Please … Stop!

Jaune could hear her voice in his head, he yelled in fear as she opened a door leading to that secret he was trying to keep away from her.

She smiled as she forced her way through the door, and as she entered the room in his mind her smile swiftly fell.

Salem: “W-What is this?”

Salem: “ … “

Salem: “Wait… i-i-is he kissing me?!”

Salem: “Why is he taking his shirt off?!”

Salem: “Ohh~! D-Did he just grab my b…?”

Salem: “Why is he taking his pants… Oh…? Oh my~!”

Jaune: What’s going on?!

Salem: “Really? Do you think you can so easily bed a, Queen with just that”

Jaune: B-Bed?

Salem: “Mmm~! So forceful~!”

Jaune: Get out of my head!

Salem: “What is this position?”

Jaune: The fuck are you talking about?!!

Salem: “You are so, so much bigger than, Ozma~!”

Jaune: Uhh…? Context?

Salem: “Inside? But, what if…? No… that’s precisely what you want, isn’t it?”

Jaune: What is it that I want?

Salem: “Oh you naughty boy~! Oh, what’s this? Aww… it’s over already?”

Jaune: What’s over already? Ahh?! What the hell are you looking at?!

Salem: “Oh? What’s this…?”

Jaune: What now?!

Salem: “My hand…? Is that… is that a ring? And, wait… my belly…”

Jaune: A ring, belly? Whaaaa?

Salem; “A boy…?”

Jaune: Eh?

Salem: “I never had a boy before…”

Jaune:Okayyyyy…?

Salem: “Oh, what’s this? Your mother’s record?”

Jaune: What record…?

Salem: “I could beat that, easily~!”

Jaune: What?!

Salem: “Wait? W-Where’s my baby boy?! Where’s my child?! And, whose hand is this?! Wait… This is… this is your hand…”

Jaune: My hand?

Salem: “Why is it all so wrinkly? Wait, no! Nonononono! Don’t tell me! Not again?!”

Jaune: What are you talking about?

Salem: “Y-You’re not leaving me…? B-But… you’re dying…”

Jaune: I’m dying?!

Salem: “In my heart…? you’ll always be with me… even if it’s just as a beautiful memory in my heart…?”

Salem: “I won’t be alone? How is that… My children…? My grandchildren…”

Salem: “I won’t be alone… I will still be loved… I will have a family…?”

Jaune: Okay stop this! G-G-Get out of my head!

Salem red eyes came back into view. She stared at, Jaune as she stood up, unsealing the bands that bound him to the chair.

Jaune rubbed his wrists as he watched, Salem take a nervous step away from him as a shy blush spread across her face.

Salem: Y-You said your name was, Jaune right?

Jaune: Yeah…?

Salem: So… do you want to try beating your mother record now, or would you prefer if we waited till after you’re body has healed?

Jaune: What are you talking…?!

Jaune stopped talking as he noticed something peculiar.

Jaune: “Why is she rubbing her thighs like that? The last time I saw a woman do that was when, Terra ask me to…?! Oh… Ohhhhhhh!”

Jaune: …

Jaune: N-Now is good…

Salem: Wonderful~!

#rwby #jaune arc #rwby salem #rwby ozpin #oscar pine #terra cortta arc #jaune x salem #salem x jaune #rwby grimmknight

[unformula1]

dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)

dear oscar (OP81 x LS2)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ synopsis: Logan writes a letter to help him manage his feelings, it does everything BUT manage feelings. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ pairing: logan sargeant x oscar piastri w/c: 892 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ a/n: this is day FOUR (lando's number) of loscar posts until we get a loscar podium!! some angst today!! might make this a series very much inspired from https://archiveofourown.org/works/54754315 masterlist ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ taglist: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Logan crushes the sheet of paper and throws it into the pile of already crushed papers. He puts down the pen and cracks his fingers, again.

He’s been at this for hours and he hates it knowing he’s terrible at expressing himself and Oscar’s probably not going to even look at this. 

Logan takes a deep breath once again and picks up his pen.

Dear Oscar,

I’m not very good at expressing my feelings but I’ll try my best.

I’ve missed you lately and I miss all our late night conversations, my nights feel empty without them. I miss our friendship and the very long conversations we had. 

When you asked me how I was doing and I said “it’s been alright.” That was a blatant lie. I’ve been doing absolutely horrible. I haven’t seen a good day in months and every morning I ask myself why I’m doing this to myself, I ask if everything I left behind was worth it. Should I have given up?

 I’m glad you’re doing well and winning trophies, I’ve never been happier for you. Remember when your rookie year was being compared to Hamilton’s? That was amazing. 

Great, now he’s gone off track again, absolutely perfect. Logan’s pen left the paper again and he contemplated crushing this one up. He eventually decided against it and his pen tip touched the paper again.

He doesn’t know what he’s going to write anymore but he doesn’t care. He just wants to let his feelings out.

I hate how we don’t talk anymore. I hate how life has to pull its strings on us. I hate how we walk past each other as if we never knew each other. I’ve been trying my hardest, I really have.

I want to talk to you. I want to hear your voice again. 

I’ve been making wishes on every shooting star I’ve seen and been throwing in a penny for every wishing well I’ve come across, just wishing you were my friend again, wishing that I could go back in time and relive those moments in PREMA.

I didn’t treasure those times enough.

Every single time I see any McLaren video, I stop and stare, imagining that it could’ve been you and I. Believe me, I love how you and Lando have developed one of the closest bonds ever and trust me, I think Alex is a perfect teammate. 

But I just wish that we had another chance and I wouldn’t fuck it up this time. I really wish I did.

Every single time Lando calls you “Osc”, it makes me shiver just knowing that I could never be half the person Lando was. I do everything and risk it all just trying to be more like Lando or just someone who you would bother to look at

His mind flashes back to every single time he and Oscar have done anything together, watch movies, do stupid promotional videos, even sad times came back and made him wish he took those moments better.

He tears up slightly, but wipes his tears away before they spill onto the paper. Lando’s voice saying “Osc” rings in his head like an annoying bell which kills him slightly every time it repeats. 

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

He slams his hand into the table, causing everything to jolt, even getting startled by his own actions. Logan isn’t even on Lando’s level, not even a quarter of the way there.

Lando’s better in every way, definitely much better teammate than Logan would’ve been.

His tears resurface but he doesn’t wipe them away this time, he lets them trickle down his cheek, cling on to his skin at his chin and finally drop down onto the paper, causing a stain.

More tears cause stains on the bottom part of the paper before Logan wipes them all away.

Please…

I miss you Oscar.

Regards Love

Logan

He places the pen down and looks at the letter, which has tear stains, but Logan couldn’t care less. He puts the letter down and folds it neatly in half, slotting it into a brown envelope. He seals the envelope tight, wrinkling the paper from pressing too hardly. 

He takes his pen up again and the tip floats above the paper.

He takes a few seconds before writing.

To: Oscar Piastri

His throat stings from crying. He didn’t even cry for that long but it hurts him. His own words repeat in his head like a knife twisting into his body.

He opens up Oscar’s chat on his phone, his last message being left on Seen.

3 weeks ago Great race :)

He hasn’t even given Oscar a message for the Australian Grand Prix but Logan couldn’t care less.

His fingers hover over his keyboard.

Can we meet sometime soon?

He hesitates about sending it.

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

Osc.

He turns off his phone and takes a deep breath. 

He sits on his couch and leans back. The thoughts endlessly flying around in his head, like phantoms of his past haunting him again.

He closes his eyes and keeps them shut, imagining whatever makes him feel happy. 

Oscar.

Oscar.

Oscar.

Osc.

The tears squeeze their way past his eyelids and slide down his cheek. It’s a devastating feeling. 

He covers his head with a pillow and keeps his eyes tightly shut, crying himself to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ there will be a part 2 (hopefully) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

#f1 #formula one #formula 1 #f1 fandom #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #not beta read #loscar post #loscar #op81 #ls2 #williams racing #logan sargeant #landoscar #oscar piastri #williams f1 #australia gp 2024 #loscar angst #angst #f1 angst #there will be a part 2 #lando norris #ln4 #loscar fics #its platonic calm down

[leclerced]

Hitman!Oscar being Lando’s girl comfort person. Probably because she doesn’t have lots of friends in general and they don’t see each other often. But then there’s Oscar that stays with her when Lando goes to deal with sth. First time he’s with her he starts cleaning his guns at the dining table and she hits him with a kitchen cloth telling him he’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks he’s gonna clean the weapons on the table. Second time she’s distressed because Lando had to go out in a hurry so she just clings to him (then when Lando seems jealous she screams at him n tells him if he’s gonna leave her w Oscar he’s gotta get used to it). Oscar is just a third wheel but even Lando warms to him being the third one in his relationship haha

i really love this ola 🥺 im gonna brainrot ab this and try to get in a writing mood. added read more bc kinda long

oscar definitely regularly cleans his guns at his dining table and does not understand why she is chastising him for it!!

imagine lando asking oscar to protect her for the first time, to stay with her when he goes to do something. oscar’s literally a hitman, and tells him such; he kills people, he’s not a security service. lando convinces him to do it the one time, saying if anyone tries to harm her they are his target and he gets to kill. he gives in and lando introduces them, and tells her oscar is now her personal bodyguard. oscar tries to be like, “hey this is a one time thing, i’m doing you a favor while you go out of town.” because he fully intends on getting back to business, but lando just leaves before he can get the words out.

he's staying with her in a secret apartment lando owns, a safe house of sorts, for the weekend, while lando goes out of town. it’s weird for oscar because he’s used to being paid to kill people, follows and watches his targets for days until he has the perfect opportunity to get the job done. she thinks he’s a little weird because he just sits and watches her, and when she asks why he’s staring he’s like, “lando told me to watch you. that is what i am doing.”

she starts making dinner to distract herself from oscar’s staring, and he follows her to the kitchen and starts cleaning his gun. she’s making pasta, and keeps her back to him so she doesn’t accidentally make eye contact with him. the layout of the kitchen makes it easy for her to avoid looking at him until she’s plated the food. she nearly drops the plates when she turns and finds a dismantled pistol on the table. the plates clatter as she sets them back down on the counter, tugging the kitchen towel off her shoulder as she approaches him. he looked up from what he was doing as the plates hit the counter, giving her a questioning look as she stormed over. then she was hitting him over the head with the towel and telling him to put it back together and never do it again. he puts it back together and they eat dinner, he’s surprised she made him a plate and she’s deeply offended that he’s surprised. like, “you thought i would just let you starve?” and more offended when he doesn’t tell her how good it is bc she really enjoys it but he looks so bored.

he sits and watches while she sleeps, nods off in the chair a few times but wakes up when he hears anything, her rustling in bed, mumbling in her sleep, a car in the parking lot. he’s awake when she wakes up and she tries to make him lay down and sleep because he needs sleep, but he ignores her and just follows her out of the bedroom and to the kitchen. she makes him coffee and breakfast and he’s once again surprised when she sets a mug in front of him and asks if he wants cream or sugar. he doesn’t. she’d ask him what he wants for breakfast and he doesn’t have an answer so she makes a bit of everything, bacon, eggs, toast, and pancakes. she makes a smiley face out of whipped cream on his pancakes and he’s never once had that before so it confuses him.

she gets some reprieve from him after breakfast when she showers, but then he’s back to watching her when she gets out and goes to watch netflix in the living room. she tries getting his input on what to watch, but he tells her he doesn’t watch tv. she puts on her favorite show, season one episode one, and decides she’s going to make him like it. she knows he’s paying attention to her, and not the show, so she tells him everything thats happening and all her opinions on it. he finds himself enjoying it, occasionally glancing at the tv to actually see what’s going on, but he prefers watching her to the actors and actresses on screen. she ends up enjoying oscar’s company, aside from the gun dismantling on her dining table and constant watching, she likes him. she gets him to crack a few smiles. he tells her he likes the dinner she makes saturday, and the coffee sunday morning. he’s nice if she lets herself forget he’s a hitman.

it’s the first semi-normal weekend oscar has ever lived. he’s never sat around and watched tv or had breakfast lunch and dinner. it’s not the life he’s led. he hates lando a little bit when he returns sunday and dismisses oscar with proof of a wire transfer.

she finds herself missing oscar after he’s gone, and is hoping she’ll see him again. it happens, but not in a way she likes. one night lando wakes her up and hurriedly tells her oscar’s staying with her because he has to run out. they’re at home, not the safe house, this time. she doesn’t even understand what he’s saying, still half asleep when he rushes out of the room after kissing her forehead goodbye. she’s confused, scared, and worried about lando as she sits up and tries to get her bearings. she rubs her eyes and opens them to see oscar’s just standing at the foot of the bed, watching her. she’s weirdly calmed that he’s there, her racing heart slowing a bit as she stares at him. she needs someone to hold her so she doesn’t spiral. she hopes it isn’t showing.

she knows he’s likely planning to stay in that exact spot until lando returns, so tells him to lay down with her. he declines, saying he’s fine where he is, but she crawls to the edge and pleads, “i won’t be able to go back to sleep without someone next to me. please?” he gives in after a moment and starts climbing onto the bed but she presses a hand to his chest and tells him he’s not getting in bed with shoes on. truthfully, she wants to fetch him a pair of lando’s jammies and make him change into them but she knows he won’t, so she lets him stay in his own clothes. he tries to lay as far away from her as possible, laying on his side on the edge of the mattress, but she lays in the middle and pats the spot next to her, “i said next to me, didn’t i?” oscar’s never cuddled before, and he hesitates before he scoots over and awkwardly lays on his back next to her. she cuddles up next to him immediately lifting his arm and wrapping it around her as she presses her face into his chest. he wants to tell her lando will kill him if he finds them like this, but he plans on slipping away as soon as she’s asleep. he doesn’t mean to fall asleep with her, to cuddle into her and slip under the covers with her.

lando’s pissed when he finds them, would kill oscar if it wouldn’t traumatize his love, instead yanks the man out of his bed. it wakes the both of them, and she sits up and grabs lando before he can get his hands on oscar again. “you left me. you left me alone. you do not get to be angry. if you are going to scare me like that, he is going to comfort me.” and oscar’s super confused, laying on the floor with a now aching back from the impact. he was sleeping so well, he felt like he was in a cocoon of warmth, and the confusion turns to anger as he realizes his sleep was interrupted. lando just stares at them, wondering what comfort me means and if he comforted her in the safe house.

#ask #lifeboredme #idk if i like this #but posting anyways bc i dont wanna redo it #ln4/op81 #mafia au

[laura1633]

I uh went off the tangent.

Okay, YES

Mafia Boss Charles Leclerc has his rival's son (Not a rival, more like pesky little bug he needs out of his way.) and he is already not a fan of this kidnapping an innocent omega thing because he was raised better than this. He talks with action, he plays politics with people who get in his way, not an innocent omega who has to legally live with his father (In this universe, no alpha, no independence.)

Arthur convinces Charles that this is the least risky way to handle this situation with (Maybe the only reason Jos is a threat is because he got hands on some intel.) so Charles agrees on the condition that no one else but himself will see and house the omega.

Now, Victoria is an alpha and has been trying to free her brother from their father's "Ownership" forever. When Jos betrayed their clan by breaking their alliance (between the group led by Sophie and Jos) their entire clan had fallen apart and now Victoria had taken the reigns to bring them back to their glory while Sophie guides her.

Enemies of your enemies are your friends, eh?

So, Charles is contacted by Victoria and she explains him the power struggle going on in Netherlands. Charles decides to back Victoria as it gives him a local hand over Jos and, frankly, he cares more about Monaco and France and does not want to bother himself with the Netherlands issue. He agrees to kidnap Victoria's older brother and return him to Victoria in exchange for his intel being secured and returned to him.

Lorenzo, his brother and chief of extortions and arms kidnaps Max and sends him to a safe house from where Arthur collects him and takes him to Charles' house.

Let's reel back to our star Omega, Max.

He has been forced to live with his father since the schism and the only reason he is kept alive is because he is leverage over Sophie and Victoria. He is the only omega of his family and by virtue of society and it's expectations, he is deemed as the "Pride" of Verstappen-Kumpens. Whoever has him has the upper hand and until now that has been Jos.

He has lived with his father who has never treated him as anything more than a good-for-nothing omega. His father tried to make someone breed him as soon as he presented as "ready for pregnancy" so that he can gain leverage with a child and an omega (He was 17.) but was able to convince the alpha (Oscar) to leave him be and tell Jos that he is infertile. Got him beaten up and unconscious for a day but at least he was safe. Cue, Max being kidnapped. Best fucking thing that has happened to him. He is brought into an alpha's house and shit. Shit actually this might be worse. The alpha could breed him and then even his sister wouldn't be able to save him but the alpha is nice? He kept Max bound for the first two days and when Max showed nothing but compliance he was free to move around the house. The alpha sat with him, hand fed him (Max's injury during the kidnapping rendered him unable to do so. The man from Jos' clan who hit him was found and killed in front of the omega and look he may have grown up in blood but no one had ever killed for him so fuck you if you think it is weird to get turned on.) Max had never been tended and loved and cherished so much in his entire life and now he wants this. He wants Charles for himself. Best way? Get fucked mate! Mission Seduction is on. When Charles would bathe him (His injuries were never serious enough to get bathed by someone else but when a hot alpha asks, you don't say no.) he would buck up into Charles' warm hands and look at the Alpha who was clenching his jaws and trying to control himself. When Charles would hand feed him, he'd wrap his mouth around Charles' fingers and watch his resolve crumble under the omega's ministrations. Eventually, Charles gets frustrated with the sexual tension omega and confronts. Max tells him the truth. Not about wanting to get fucked senseless and bred by the pretty alpha-- the one about his father, the one where he has started falling in love with the alpha along the way. Charles gives in, allows himself to have the omega he desired and they make love but Charles refuses to bond because he had promised Max to Victoria. As much as Max loves his sister he wants to go away from Netherlands. He wants to live in Monaco with the Red Prince and he will. Max makes it his personal mission to break Charles. He'd dress up in pretty clothes, entice positions never tried before, completely submit to Charles. The fact that Charles still refused was frustrating but also made him fall a little more. However, it turns out. The trick was pretty simple. Pierre comes to meet Charles and Max throws himself at Pierre. Pierre is confused and unaware of the whole situation but doesn't say anything. The moment Pierre leaves, Charles is all over him, threatening to claim Max, asking whom he belongs to and Max can't say anyone but Charles. He folds the way Charles wants him to and pulls Charles' hands up to his soft, flat stomach and asks Charles to put a pup in him. Ah, well, Charles at least tried for a while. God knows what he will tell Victoria. He hopes she will bless them as Max says she will.

CW: Violence

Sharing this for everyone who is enjoying Alpha Mafia boss Charles and Omega Max 😍!

Charles trying to be caring and looking after Max by bathing him and then Max is just bucking up into his hands and getting all turned on! 😂🥵 I feel like Charles doesn't stand a chance once Max sets his sights on him.

#Lestappen fanfiction #cw: violence

[lesbiangummybearmafia]

Gilded Age, 02x06, Warning Shots. My thoughts...

Turner can go fuck herself! Seriously her revenge doesn't go the way she wants it to, so her next is to steal Bertha box at Met. By getting some getting some old money people to go to new opera house she has some cojones. Hoe I don't think so! I love that George set everything right again, don't mess with his wife! Good man! Can someone, but Bertha please expose Turner for who she really is, a two bit hoe lady's maid that tryed pathetically to get her bosses husband to sleep with her. She'll be dropped out of high society on her ear!

The word frenemies should of been invented to describe Bertha and Mrs. Astor's "friendship". I swear the moment Gladys said 'I thought you were friends' to Bertha, frenemies started flashing in my head in neon red lol.

Omg Marian, I felt so horrible for her put on spot like that in front of everyone. He didn't even court her or anything! Oscar at least kissed the girl he's trying to convince. He's gay for crying out loud, can't imagine kissing a woman high on list of things to do but he did damn it! Marian and Dashiell haven't even done that, let alone gone a true date or anything. I do like him, it just feels like he's jump the gun alot. It seems like he's looking more for a mother for his daughter than an actual wife. Which isn't cool dude! I do like how Marian got around saying yes, that was creative.

How cruel to do that to Aunt Ada and Luke. It's just evil! I just bust into tears. She finally finds her person only to have this happen. Aunt Ada has the purest of hearts she and Luke don't deserve this!! All I know is there better be a goddamn miracle happen and he lives!!! When Aunt Ada comes down stairs and Aunt Agnes is waiting for her just being her big sister. I couldn't take it, I started sobbing right along with Aunt Ada. Because not matter what Aunt Agnes said or does she loves her little sister.

I really don't like what their doing with Peggy and her boss! This week I'm liking she's all get away you're married. Just hope it stays that way. Because other wise it's just going to come off as badly for both characters. I really don't like her boss! Beyond he's already married! All I know is if I heard the line my wife doesn't understand me like you do. I might scream!

Ok I'm so confused what Oscar is up with the investment. I am glad he moved in direction that might lead to something more then friendship. I do like them together.

Can George please be a good man to his workers. He's such a good man in so many other respects. When he was in the head of labor union house it was easy to see he cared. Especially the fact that son worked at the plant or that the children didn't go school or have one to go to. He's not like the guy that works for him. George isn't a heartless, unfeeling, subhuman who would of gladly killed all those men and not even blinked an eye. So I'm hoping we'll see George do the right by working with the labor union to come with deal that works with for both sides. Also see build a school, George Russell is a fictional character after all why not make him like say Milton Hershey who really champion for his workers, build them homes, schools, a hospital and everything else in Hershey, Pennsylvania so they could work more easily at his plant. Because it's like we can him wanting do that. He stop those soldiers from shooting on the striking workers, where the other dude would of been happy with countless die and wouldn't of cared, he'd all been price of doing business he's just subhuman!

I think it so amazing what Jack did with clock! I definitely don't think he shouldn't give up. Love how everyone in the house expects one believe in him and gave him the money to go to patton office.

Can we take a minute to talk about Armstrong. They show us how horrible her mother is ok I can get that, but there are people with horrible parents that don't become that. I'm living proof of that! So what else is her deal!?! Because she's one dimensional at this point, even after them showing us her mother it's still impossible to have any empathy or simple care for her. She's just the most bitter, jaded, miserable character of the whole series. If anyone would be entitled to feel that way it would be Peggy's, her baby son died but she's nothing like that. So I hope they give us more on Armstrong character. Because I'm so tried of her being a buzz kill, shit Aunt Agnes isn't that bad!! When she said that stuff when Jack's patton get approved, truthfully I just really wanted to slap her. Because being cruel and horrible is a choice, it's abusive. It's not because of how she was raised with her mother if that was case she's be like to everyone. She's not, if she was like that with say Aunt Agnes her ass would of been fired by now. She's selective on who she's abusive too.

I'm over Mr. McAllister playing both side! I feel he needs to be loyal to one side now. I of course I want it to Bertha's. personally find Mrs. Astor too arrogant, overblown, way too many people been kissing her ass for so long that thinks she just be a bitch to everyone. Or that her personality because outside her daughter we haven't seen her be truly nice to anyway not ever Mr. McAllister. It's she walks in a room she just expects them all just to kiss her ass. Where Bertha generally nice to people, especially her staff. Which is one of things I do really love about her. I do wish be less shape with Gladys. She keep Gladys in a golden box than snap at her when she doesn't understand something. It's like Bertha you only have yourself to blame if Gladys doesn't understand these things. Chill woman! Gladys looked so hurt by Bertha words and tone. I understand that feeling very well. I would really love to see a scene where Gladys stands up to Bertha when she snaps at her and Bertha realize what she's doing. And they have a moment where Bertha said she's going to stop doing that. Because we have seen it in her Bertha way she does truly love both her children deeply.

I do have to say I want more Bertha in last two episodes she's been seriously lacking. Or at least it felt lacking to me. I know there are bunch of other story lines going on and need they need equal attention but I still want more Bertha!!

#the gilded age #the gilded age spoilers #the gilded age season 2 #02x06 #warning shots #bertha russell #george russell #gladys russell #marian brook #anges van rhijn #ada brook #oscar van rhijn #dashiell montgomery #maude beaton #jack tga #armstrong tga #turner tga #i #my thoughts

[cartoonbabbles]

Ok so I know this is technically "Cartoonbabbles" BUT it's also my general fandom account soooooooo fuck it. I just finished the entirety of The Office.

What the fuck do I do with my life now? List out my thoughts on Tumblr while listening to pop songs covered by Hatsune Miku of course.

dear lord season 8 was hard to get through

Why'd they have to do Andy like that like- I appreciate a good snarky guy x secretary ship but come on, Erin and Pete are cute but they're just Jim and Pam to the point where the writers actually poked fun at that.

Andy learning to be okay with himself was actually pretty nice, and you don't need to have a partner to be happy. And I really liked that.

Oscar being the gay uncle to Phillip was fun, I love how he's a fashion icon

Daryll was such a real one throughout the entire series, and I wish him the absolute best

The Farm was. Odd. I don't think I could have stomached it so I'm lowkey glad it didn't happen. It was fun but like- Dwight might be strong enough to shoulder an entire series but I did NOT care for any of his family. Like part of the appeal of The Office for me was that they're a family that found each other, not a family who was placed into a situation they have to make the best of (I understand the irony here but still)

Jim and Pam falling in love again was really sweet

Holly x Michael forever

I loved when Michael kinda just accidentally became Erin's dad.

AND ERIN FOUND HER PARENTS AT THE END MY HEARTTTTTTTTTTTT

And Dwight got to be regional manager

Honestly though I think if they needed Andy to not be regional manager, it would have been as simple as giving him his "aha" moment that he was being stretched too thin when he realized he had a passion for acting and resigned voluntarily, letting Dwight step up without interrupting something that obviously had momentum with Erin (also the two of them emotionally maturing together would have been amazing, because again as much as I love Pete and Erin, Erin choosing and wanting Andy was a lot more organic imo than just. Andy leaves on a boat. Like if you need him gone just say he gets really badly sick bc Erin's brother gives him a nasty cough. Or have Erin leave with him for the Bahamas or something and have her be the one calling in as Andy is captaining.)

But I digress

Michael Michael Michael. Where to begin

I keep saying this but I feel like the reason why the show got so rough after his departure was because everyone associates Michael with being bombastic, inappropriate, and spontaneous, but never with anything positive. And the writers saw his bad sides and just amplified them in the initial versions of Nellie, Robert, and DeAngelo.

Vickers was funny bc he's Will Ferrel and I like Will Ferrel, but he started overstaying his welcome bc the writers couldn't commit to him being any one thing, then the writers unceremoniously kill him off

Jo was fine bc she had both the hardass and vulnerable sides.

Robert California, boy what I could say about him. The writing got tangibly worse whenever he was onscreen bc like- it wasn't even that his actor wasn't familiar with comedy, it's that sex jokes get OLD SO FUCKING QUICKLY. AND ROBERT IS ONE GIANT SEX JOKE. It doesn't help that his behavior stems from his selfishness and he fails to recognize it whereas with Michael at least he tries to own up to things. Robert is just Elon Musk the person.

I'm glad Jan was able to get away and improve herself, she seemed to really love her kid. And then that final interaction kinda bucked that away

Uhhh let's see. Nellie. Initially SUPER annoying bc there is no way in hell anyone like that makes it through business. Like there were initially ZERO redeeming qualities to her. Until Andy decided to be an A-hole to her.

Honestly Andy was just mini-Michael but handled less well bc people were afraid he wouldn't be as cool as him, but that's because he's ANDY. Not MICHAEL. And he could have learned from Michael. But I guess not.

Somehow I really liked the overall queer vibes. The show's writing is old (see any time they talk about trans people) but the writers in general seemed to know trans people aren't demons.

Oh my goodness I am so glad Pam and Roy split. Roy was NOT healthy to be around back when they were together and Jim was TOTALLY good for her.

I'm gonna really miss being able to watch the show from the beginning again.

Something I am very critical of however (or like, just aware of) is how much of the humor is built on sexual harassment and assault like- beyond looney tunes or other cartoons the amount of workplace harassment, while on average likely accurate to any workplace, is genuinely disturbing at times.

Damn. Gotta find something positive

I loved Val, wished they were able to do more with her, her thing with Daryll was really cute

Oh my god Erin is pretty

Basically. Women. God it's 3 and I'm simping over office workers

I don't know why they tried to pitch Andy as this unattractive guy. He's DORKY, not REPULISVE. And I may have accidentally developed a celebrity crush on him

Honestly I kinda feel bad for him, like he's being stretched so thin but he doesn't know any response other than to go 100% in the other direction

Also he was pretty bad to Erin

God positives, come on Sasha.

Openings were always nice.

Jim and Karen were genuinely a good healthy couple for their run

I just wish the show hadn't pitted Pam and Karen against each other cuz like- Karen was in the right most of the time, if not all of the time???

I had no idea Idris Elba was on the show. He indeed is quite hot.

Gabe. Nobody likes Gabe. Tobey is appealing in the wet cat pathetic kinda way, Gabe is just kinda. Creepy. Like jesus dude.

This is a positive because I hate Gabe.

ALSO ERIN BEING MORE ASSERTIVE TOWARDS THE END???

PAM GETTING AWAY WITH BEING OFFICE ADMINISTRATOR???

gosh I love it.

#the office #michael scott #jim halpert #micheal scott #pam beesly #erin hannon #andy bernard #dwight schrute #oscar martinez #the office again #idk im tired

[joyful-soul-collector]

The Card Counter

Welcome to me reacting to Oscar Isaac Movies (and other movies if people like these/if I just feel like it). I know nothing about this movie except that Oscar is in it and that's all I need to know anyway, let's GO:

The only reason I know Martin Scorsese's name is because he did Goncharov

I know nothing about gambling so I'm sure this will make zero sense to me

"I like the routine, I like the regimen" He's autistic, I've decided

Interesting to see his hair so straight, I've only seen it curly before

... Sir what in the hell did you do to your hotel room

KITTY

The eyebrow raise man...

Ok so I'm 90% sure this man is traumatized somehow. Jail possibly but likely somethin else, like what he got arrested for? Whatever that is

Oh my god it's Cyclops

Oh my god it's the Green Goblin

Oscar Isaac always plays sleep-deprived little meow meows

Jesus this kid has had a Life

Ya know how you casually suggest kidnap, torture, and murder

I'd quite like if Will became a father figure to Cirk, that'd be sweet. Reluctant father trope

Mr. Tell sir, I distinctly remember you saying that doing whatever it was with La Linda was a BAD idea

Awww he wants to help the kid!! Loving reluctant father Will

Dude could be a fuckin magician why is he gambling

Oh he is not. okay. Like at all. Didn't think he was but still.

If I knew how to play any of these games this scene would probably be a lot more anxiety inducing

"do you do anything else?" of course he doesn't, cards are his special interest, OBVIOUSLY

Something something Will and his drinks. Probably worth analyzing if I find the movie worth rewatching

He writes with a fountain pen interesting. Means he writes a lot, probably every day, you have to to keep the pen from drying out

I like the way they shoot the scenes in this place, with the fish eye? V interesting

Also this is absolutely horrifying

Probably not autism but actually PTSD but hey, who says he can't have both

Love a bloody little meow meow who feels so guilty he goads people into beating him up

This movie's music score is good

Haha he's nervous, he's fidgeting with the napkin. Worried about the kid

"What could be so bad" how bout torture and murder?

Also I figured out why he puts sheets all over his room and takes down the art. It's so every room he stays in looks the same. Likes the uniformity, routine, regimen, PSTD, autism, etc etc

Will in this grey suit.... I'm sure someone's made some gifs of it and I need them all STAT

"you live like this?" Hey That's The Thing Will Said Earlier To You

Oh shit he just yelled

Ya know I would prefer if we didn't torture the kid that was abused his whole life

Only 20,000 in debt?

Okay why is he so obsessed with this kids mom the woman abandoned him

"how'd you get him to do that" I was very physically threatening and probably gave him flashbacks of his father

Ik the whole hair swept back thing is his Look but he looks so much prettier with a few hairs out of place

OH SHIT FUCK CYCLOPS IS GONNA KILL THE GREEN GOBLIN

Shiiiiit this is gonna throw Will off his game so hard

PFFT DUDE JUST WENT BACK TO HIS HOTEL ROOM

Oh noooo, the kid got killed... Poor Will, he tried so hard to help him

He didn't even untie his sheets to take them with him

Oh shit he's in Goblin's house

Off to torture time!

Glad they're not showing any of this I didn't really wanna see the actual torture

Oh his finger is NOT secured to his hand okay

Damn he's turning himself in. Fair enough.

V interesting movie for sure! Not sure it's one I'll rewatch so there probably won't be any further analysis posted but it's definitely a movie Oscar did well in and has a good story!

#oscar isaac #tye sheridan #the card counter #marko reacts #whats up with oscar and playing poor little meow meows #first the moon boys #then pope #now this fucker #the man's typecast is 'guy who just cannot fucking sleep' #'man who just Really Needs A Second Please' #'sleepy lad'

[aliothbuzzsawshark]

Notes for The Melancholy Of Yuuou

What a gift.

He stands so straight and baby boy get a belt it looks like you need it

They really are just nice siblings. Yeah some aren’t the brightest bulbs and still likely hold a bit of a grudge because of Yuo’s plan but it’s stil so sweet that they’re doing all this for him

Damn they really just pushed him out. At least Yuro waved

I DON’T LIKE FIRST POV STOP IT STOP okay thanks. 

Tiny.

NO IT’S COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE I DON’T HAVE WORK TO DO, BREAKS AND OFF DAYS AREN’T EVEN IN MY CONTRACT!

Nicely animated swing? Also we’ve seen this park before right

*Shaking Konami by the shoulders* WHAT EVEN WAS YUO’S PLOT? WAS IT JUST RECORDIBG YUGA SAYING “yeah sure why not lol” BECAUSE THAT’S STUPID. I KNOW YUO’S SMARTER THAN THINKING THAT WOULD WORK WITHOUT THE DUEL MAKER

Sliding down sound affects. while in heels like a madman. We love to see Romin have a flair for the dramatics.

Sorry, this is my one single off day since I was five and I’d rather contemplate my siblings and current situation while alone on the kiddie swings than be in a magical girl anime

Gakuto came out of the dog house because he’s a bitch

get him a nap he looks like he needs one

Not me simultaneously gasping with Yuo at the threat “curry.”

YO I CAN COOK UP YUO AND ROMIN PARALLELS LIKE ROMIN COOKS UP CURRY as in insane

LET HER COOK

that was such a genuine scream for a wave of curry

Romin really woke up and called Gakuto like “Hey remember our sick ass cosplays? Well what if you do that again but as therapists. No I don’t have anyone in mind but it’s still cool. Met me and the kiddie park in full cosplay I’ll work this acting like it deserves an oscar”

He’s sad and lonely and covers it up and never lets himself be truly vulnerable and like he’s 11 he should be playing with Barbie dolls and having friends not being alone at your job thinking about how much you’re siblings must hate you

Romin is so bad at comforting I love that for her

Roa stop being Cunty

Anyways while recaps happens *thinks back to the Yuo is just like me post* AHAHA OH

These guitars go hard man

WE LOVE A LIAR YASSSSS

HE’S HIS PUPPET.

Kill Roa thank you Luke

THEY’RE BOTH POWER HUNGRY AND PUT THAT OVER THEIR LOVED ONES *Shaking you up and down over Yuo and Luke parallels over and over*

WACK HIM WITH THE MAGICAL GIRL STICK. BONK HIM. DESTROY HIM.

it’s now just 10 minutes I talk too much 

Damn he didn’t even get ice cream for himself never mind lol

Yuo’s VA is so good at screaming no wonder he’s Izuku. Also why is that the default reactions to anything happening he dislikes/didn’t predict

Anyways now that it’s been revealed it’s a birthday time to get cake for meee <3

Oh Luke hired Mimi back? That’s actually really nice good job Luke

HELL YEAH FIRST FLASHBACK TO SWIRLY LET’S GOOO

Also yeah the Reborn event probably happened on Yuo’s birthday. Poor guy

Small hands. 

NO NO NO HE DOESN’T THINK HE’S WORTH CELEBRATING MMMMMNOOOOO

am. am I going to cry to Yuo knowing how much he caused and how he almost fucked over peoples lives and how he’s dealing with that

Welcome to the part of the notes with more projecting

Yuo is such a fascinating character. Like, yeah, in his very business and logical heavy mind, how could he repay the pain he must have given. He doesn’t expect forgiveness, he doesn’t expect people to like him, that’s his business side. That compares to his puppeteering side, a side of him begging to see his puppets beg for even implying a chance of winning after being beaten, a side knowing he’ll be the star of the show with his Ashurastar. But he’s still human, still an eleven year old that has human wants like love. This is a huge ass rant oopies

He wants to be a good sibling so bad that he’s now just going with the nonsense

“Just what kind of life have you led Yuuou-kun“ is the nice way of saying “what the fuck is wrong with you”

ROMIN A DOLL IS ONE OF THE WORST THINGS TO PRACTICE WITH HE VIEWS THEM AS SERVANTS TO HIS POWER

“Thannnn…anmmisszamm…THANKS FOR NOTHING!” Proceeds to sigh in self disappointment

USE THE POWER OF RACISM GAKUTO. OKAY

What a mood man

Mmmmmm I have too many words to say about the party and Yuo’s reaction

AAACHDDGGSSHIYCDJHFGJMMMMMMM

It’s so sweet and nice and Yuo looks so so happy and everyone is having a good time and I feel like I’m going to cry

After all this…he gets to bonk. Also Gakuto in drag fits weirdly well

EE THEY’RE PLAY FIGHTING THEY’RE PLAY FIGHTING THEY’RE LIKE LITTLE KIDS WITHOUT ANY RESPONSIBILITIES 

Obsessed.

Ooooooo that’s a great ending. Everyone is having a great time and then just the sudden flashbacks and reassurging memories. Yuo can still have fun but at the back of his mind it’s still there. Great

#catboy tag💛 #talks with buzzsaw #You’ll get Goha Lore notes tomorrow #875 words OOPS

[sullengirlboss]

Clementine Pennyfeather deserves better.

*spoilers ahead*

okay so i don’t normally do posts like this bc i only come on here to reblog, post my gifs, then go, but i have been thinking about this since i finished watching the finale. angela sarafyan is such a good actress. i’ve been going through her filmography since i started watching westworld a few months ago and she is just so immensely talented in everything she’s in. and i’ll be honest she’s been some weird stuff. But she’s so capable that you could give her literally the worst script of all time and she would take it and give an oscar worthy performance. Even if she only has like 2 minutes of screen time, that ends up being the best 2 minutes of the entire movie or show she’s in. she’s just that good. She’s proven (especially in westworld!) that you could give her any kind of material and she will perform the fuck out of it. (not to mention she is flat out gorgeous and could probably make wearing a trash bag look good) but ANYWAYS that being said, i am so sick of the writers wasting her character in every season. clementine is the definition of wasted potential. i really truly think that if they gave her some good fucking material and a bigger role other than a mindless drone whose only purpose is to serve the villain she could be even better. don’t get me wrong, i love seeing clem be a badass and her fight scenes are my favorite but like?? can’t they just.. give her more to do??😭 we’ve have been doing this dance for years now. they bring her back only for her to be under someone else’s control, kill her, bring her back, and then you guessed it! they kill her again. would it kill them to write literally ANYTHING else for her? seriously, can they come up with something else??? i feel like she is constantly being used and abused by the characters and the writers (i mean all the other hosts are) but its just DIFFERENT w her somehow because it feels like such a slap in the face. for example, in the finale she was literally talking about leaving and finding a place where she can be free and i was like yes queen! go live your life and then BOOM they kill her… again. just like in episode 2 of this season she was just vibing, living her best life in a little village, and then before you know it she’s a ruthless killing machine under someone else’s control. again. its just so crazy to me why can’t they let her live lmfao??

i was so excited and surprised that she was coming back this season bc she was only in literally one scene for like 3 minutes last season and i really thought that was the last we’d see of her. but i don’t understand why they keep bringing her back if they’re gonna do the same thing over and over. i think maybe they do that because people love seeing her pop up from time to time but if they know that a lot of people like her, why not give her a story with substance, idk something she can do that doesn’t revolve around someone else??? i’m sure the audience would love that! (i know i would!) i really feel like they just use clem as a prop and don’t actually care about her like they do the other characters. so why bring her back at all if it’s clear they have no plans to give her any sort of story/character development? if they’re not gonna give her better material i wish they would just leave her alone. it’s sucks bc Angela does such an insanely good job with this role too. her robotic/animated mannerisms and line delivery (not that she’s given that much dialogue to begin with lmao) are so realistic it’s actually fascinating to watch. i still think she is the most realistic and scariest of all the hosts in terms of her looks and performance. i think she really catches peoples attention in a good way! but i really wish they would give her more bc Clementine is such an intriguing character with so much potential. Angela is definitely capable and more than talented enough to do whatever the writers give her. i just wish they’d give her MORE TO DO!!!

#angela sarafyan #clementine pennyfeather #westworld #rant #westworld hbo #westworld 4x08 #westworld season 4 #not me going off about a robot on fictional tv show 😭 #i just love her sm #westworld writers let clementine breathe challenge #clementine pennyfeather deserves better #the way they completely waste her character is fucking insane #i cannot wait for this show to end #westworld spoilers

[tiptapricot]

Moon Knight Liveblog thoughts, The Friendly Type

I love this opening scene w Layla but who is the lady truly like

How did they get to know each other bc she sorta acts like a mom but also not rlly n also she isn’t credited as such

Marshmallows :-)

Layla ilysm

I wish this scene didn’t have music almost bc the asmr would b amazing

LAYLA DOES YHE FACE PICKY THING IRL NOT JUST AS A DUAT NURSE OGHGGHGG

HER STIMMMMINGHGGGGGGGH

She also works her lips a lot

THIS LOGO SONG YESSSSSSSS

Episode two w the boring ass normal music should step up

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector

The way he’s running so fast n then is just already late lol

“Owh shit :-/“

“Oh wow”

“Ooo we dancin we fightin what we gonna do”

The slap… THIS FIGHT FUCKS

Love the musicCCC GOD

The dynamic vibes slap so hard ahhHgGghh

Marc looks great disheveled too

Jake just stepping in like “lol sorry guys don’t go after me or I’ll kill you” *gets in a cab*

MARC USED STEVENS ACCENT I THINK WHEN HE ASKS WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME???

“Just let us go man 😟”

Marc Jumpy Guy Spector again

He looks so dumb when he runs

These poor bystanders

“Mahc… that’s enough”

Jake moment again woooooo!!!!

Also knowing the changes when the camera pans between Marc n reflections is practical n Oscar doing it in real time makes this ep even MORE FUCKING EPIC

The pause before “he’s just a kid” n then seeing Marc push all ot it away

God

We don’t talk enough about that moment jfc

Khonshu’s neck black hole lmao

“Anger them enough… and they will enact a hate crime on my fruity ass”

*Does a gay little eclipse that pisses you off*

Literally the limp wrist moment is the next scene

Also Khonshu is so stupid he’s so dumb he’s like “we gotta b perfect haha no I won’t tell you anything or prepare anything byyyye”

“Ohhh I’ll be there 😏”

Steven is… I love him “Oh my days” what if I kissed u huh??? On the nog?

YATZIIIIIILLLLL her voice is so nice

“Ok…. Cool” Marc interacting w ppl makes him sound so funny

“The only melody Khonshu enjoys is the sound of pain” Marc that’s…. Really funny

JUST TELL HIM HES GONNA B POSESSED DUDE STOP LEAVING HIM IN THE DARK

The trial scene makes me fucking feral

“We despise your garishness” STOP BEING HOMOPHOBIC

OSCARS ACTING IN THIS SCENE MARC LOOKING MORE AND MORE AWARE AND AFRAID OF WHATS HAPPENING GODDDD

THE TEAR

IM NOT OK IM NOT OK ALSO THE LIGHTING IS RLLY NICE

The little whispered “fuck” Marc I’m so sorrry I love you

Arthur Crunchy Feet Harrow coming out of the gate swinging w the ableism

Harrow shut up shut up shut up shut up

Marc’s poor body

Watching them blur here is ridiculous like they’re both being triggered but I think it’s Marc that breaks through n tries to punch harrow bc u hear him say stop n Khonshu say shut up

HARROW SHUT THE FUCK UP I WANNA KILL YOU

“We will not tolerate violence” oh I see tolerating ableism n verbal attacks but not physical ones I see I see also HARROW I HATE YOU

Marc…. Looks so fucking…. In disbelief and so wrecked and so sweaty and teary and vulnerable his voice cracking and he’s scared and he’s scared of harrow for te power he has over him god this fuvking scene I’m not ok

What other memories is this echoing what other experiences is this mirroring where he wasn’t believed and was yelling to listen but no one did bc he was written off for being seen as lesser

And Marc feels as if he’s lost after, as if not being normal cost him everything. His brain and his struggles and that being weapon used like always causing him to lose

THE MUSIC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

He went back for his hat :-)

Marc failing at an interaction… felt

LAYLA YESSS

BOAT SCENE BOAT SCENE YESS

Layla u are glowing get his ASS

“Copy that” you military ass guy I love you

Layla finger fiddling again

SALKAAAAAA

I need to see their wedding

I’m getting goosebumps I love them the like emotional tension here n Layla has the power

“It… doesn’t matter” the way his voice breaks

AND HIS FINGERS AUTOMATICALLY OPEN WHEN LAYLA TAKES THEM N HE FIDDLES W THEM I LOVE YHEM I LOVE YHEM OK INLOVE THEM

The way he gives her her hands back n pats them like giving the affection back, returning it bc he doesn’t need it

Layla in a ponytail somehow almost changes her character to me she just looks like like she just looks she LOOKS SHE LOOKSSSS

What happened between Layla n Mogart I wanna see the drama

Marc fails a social interaction part 2, electric boogaloo

Layla just like “o baby no”

Marc just not knowing shit ab Egyptian stuff is so funny n then Steven’s like that one tik tok meme

“I receive: the body. You receive: the info you need”

“He’s praying” IS SUCH AN OVERLOOKED LINE

Steven n Marc bantering my loves

Let Marc say fuck

Mogart I hate you

The way Marc can’t act when harrow is there…. The trauma from the trial still so fresh and that power imbalance and uncomfortability freezing him

“You piece a shit..” real

Also w Marc being unable to act, it’s also after he starts turning Layla against him and it’s just the same and he just can’t he can’t you can see a shot of his face that almost looks identical to the trial

It’s like a silent panic attack

But then harrow leaves n he can breathe again

THIS FIGHT SCENE MY BELOVEDDDTGE CAPE IN A MOON SHAPE SHEILDING LAYLA

“Buy me some time” “I can do that :-)”

Also the music AGAIN

MARC RUNNING THROUGH THE FUCKING FENCE IS SO FUNNY HE DOESNT EVEN JUMP JUST ZOOP

Marc growling… baby you are neurodivergent ily

“Thas it… alright that’s it that’s it time out!”

“Take… the body… take the body take the body Marc”

Lol get stabbed

Imagine seeing ur husband get impaled

LAYLA W THE KNIFE NECKLACE I LOVE HER I LOVE HER

“LAYLAAA!!”

The grab n roll is sOOOO satisfyinGGGG

“Tik tok marc spector” shut UP

“Aigh… I really liked that jacket… o wel”

Marc in da car call that Carc

He has nice shoulders

Bologna :-)

Marc just breaking internally n pushing her away the scene where they’re driving makes me weep they’re just tearing at the seams n both so sad but also angry

Marc getting upset easily felt felt

Some of Khonshu’s neck tendrils r taught into his neck n some just dangle lol

THE AWITCH W THE CAR MIRROR that’s the scene that got me to watch actually I saw it on Instagram n was like ohhHh

Steven’s eyelashes n the way he looks at Layla adoringly

“Egyptians invented modern.. navigation” baby you are so cute

“It’s French” LAYLAS LAUGH

They’re both so pretty they need to kiss

Watching this scene after that one comic ab Layla not knowing why it’s not working hits diff I love her

Khonshu sad scene….

His voice is so deep and soft….

The stars r fucking beautiful

This scene gives me goosebumps

Layla has a scrape on her shoulder

THIS SCENE THIS SCENE THIS SCENE OF TURNING THE STARD BACK AGHGGGHHGGGGHHHHHGHHHHHGHHJJHHGGHHHHGGHJJHGGUHJHGGHHJJ

God it’s so pretty it’s so pretty I’m out of my mind it’s so pretty I’m in space I’m eating wood

Khonshu dying hurts why does it hurt the way he yells and crumples n the suit breaks away and the bones snap and shatter and he groans in pain and Steven can feel it and feel it leaving him and he reaches out to Khonshu as he dissolved into dust, desperate and scared and so sad and then just goes totally limp… the tie severed from the body for the first time in a decade and the immediate mystical biological whiplash

*ahem* Harrow…. I hate you. Also stop having crunchy toes.

This episode slaps so hard everyone else shut up yes I like it more than the tomb which comes next and it’s bc SO MUCH HAPPENS AND ITS PACED SO WELL

YESSSSSSS THIS ENDING THEME WHY DO ALL OF THEM FUCK SO HARD YESSSS

#the fruit is talking again #MK liveblog

[justinmoviereviews]

The Class of 2022

Bringing this feature back out. Some pretty good films this year.

Dog - Reid Carolin and Channing Tatum

If a movie about a damaged guy getting saved during his darkest night by a dog doesn’t make you weep, you don’t have a dog.

Barbarian - Zach Cregger

This movie slaps so fucking hard.

Don’t Worry Darling - Olivia Wilde

Basically I think this one was killed by its press tour. I think the critic class decided liking this wasn’t worth the risk so collectively expelled it, but going in without any idea anything had even happened I thought it was the best movie so far in the nascent Deconstructing Toxic Masculinity genre that’s become one of the few acceptable avenues for mainstream films. I don’t want to spoil anything, but the twist is so much more interesting than the Stepford Wives aura that hangs over this suggests it will be. And it’s a pretty good looking flick.

Bros - Nicholas Stoller

A very sexually explicit, funnier than average romcom. Allison’s take: I can’t tell if he’s making fun of romcom tropes or just using them. 

The Banshees of Inisherin - Martin McDonagh

More than any movie he’s ever made, this one invites interpretation. I’m still working on it, and I don’t imagine there’s a definitive explanation, but right now the one I like is that this is a movie about death. I’m not sure whose death. I look forward to watching this several more times.

Confess, Fletch - Greg Mottola

Has there ever been a talented actor worse at understanding his gifts than Jon Hamm? The dude is an unknowable phantom with the face of Adonis, not an Apatow comedian. This is not a bad movie, but the guy at the center of it doesn’t fit and never feels natural. They would have been better off with just about anyone else. Even an unknown would have worked better than our man.

Amsterdam - David O. Russell

For awhile this movie has a Thomas Pynchon quality to it, where a ragtag group of goofuses stumble into an evil global shadow conspiracy they’ll never defeat or understand or even directly encounter. Its so good for a minute that I wondered if Thomas Pynchon was somehow involved (maybe he is, I didn’t look into it). The end wraps everything up too neatly to really spin into anything great, and it ends up as an enjoyably forgettable ride, which I guess befits David O. Russell’s late career stage as a guy living in the purgatory of Netflix after missing a bunch of Oscars he still can’t believe he didn’t win. 

Prey - Dan Trachtenberg

I don’t know. It’s solid, I guess.

Emily the Criminal - John Patton Ford

This is a B action movie that caught extra attention because it stars Aubrey Plaza. A lot of people liked it. I’m happy for them.

Nope - Jordan Peele

Let’s see here. My first take was that it was his weakest movie because it didn’t have any neat core conceit at its center. Get Out was a revelation, and Us was I thought basically a perfect movie, a really cool idea from a filmmaker very good at realizing his cool ideas. Nope is more of a regular old flick. But the more I thought about it the more I saw that as a strength. I think most movies are not as good as Us, but it’s ultimately kind of a very expensive Twilight Zone episode. This movie is doing something he hasn’t done yet, which implies he’s going to continue to grow and get more ambitious. I still think there’s something a little undercooked about this one, and the mystery at the center is a little less cool than I think he wanted, but its beginning to seem very clear that greatness awaits.

Men - Alex Garland

If this guy wants to spin conceits out for awhile and then have his movies devolve into lunatic madness, I’ll come out for it every single time. The title and current political moment made me think this would be more of an indictment of the gender, another in the series of aforementioned Deconstructing Toxic Masculinity movies, and it’s sort of that, but its much more elemental, personal, and bizarre. I fucking love this director.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - Rian Johnson

Like most sequels, some of the plot points go over the top as the movie attempts to outdo the original, and the billionaires are actually dumb plotline feels ripped directly out of leftist Twitter, but as long as Rian Johnson and Daniel Craig are involved I’ll watch every Knives Out movie they make. This is what happens when you let talented people do their jobs. Also as far as I know this is the first movie that includes Covid as a central life event. I love that for some reason. It is a central life event, its like making a movie about World War II.

Bodies Bodies Bodies - Halina Reijn

I’ll be honest, I was pretty drunk when I watched this on a plane. So this will be an impressionistic review. I thought it was pretty fun. There’s one scene that feels like it was written by people outrightly mocking woke culture. Pete Davidson is in it.

Everything Everywhere All At Once - Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert

For the first hour I thought this was the Matrix, and wished that, as a movie about the literally unlimited nature of the universe, it was a little more creative. The second hour changed that thought. It is basically the Matrix, but while that movie was drab and minor key (by design) this movie is colorful and kaleidoscopic and wild and never ever ever not fun. The moviest movie I’ve seen in a long time, by which I mean a piece of art that could only be a movie, and one that pushes into new places what a movie can and should do. It’s big and beautiful and weird and exciting, and at 139 minutes it whooshes by. We’re in a weird place with representation at the moment, but this movie doesn’t feel like its correcting an error about who gets to star in Kung Fu movies, instead the Chinese heritage of the family is a natural part of the plot and makes the movie more than it otherwise would be. It’s hard to imagine this isn’t the best film of the year.

The Northman - Robert Eggers

The verisimilitude alone is worth the price of admission. I can’t think of a movie that’s setting feels so real since the Revenant. This is, and I guess I mean this as a compliment, the most normal movie Robert Eggers will ever make. If the Lighthouse was pure uncut Eggers, just a gonzo madhouse of his shit, this is basically Gladiator with a couple of spirit visions, which come to think of it Gladiator also had. I looked into it and learned that his compromise with the studio to make a big budget picture was to sacrifice final cut, which makes a ton of sense in retrospect and which I’m guessing is responsible for the movie’s worst parts, like when the main character monologues to himself about his motivation and plans for no reason. This is my take: the whole time I watched it I wanted it to be weirder. But as a bloody Viking flick, it’s a good movie. 

The Menu - Mark Mylod

A movie about a great chef who got so tired of cooking for shitheads that he went insane. Pitched at a tone that, for me, made any level of insanity make sense. The characters in this movie aren’t unlikeable so much as they are urgently deserving of death. And you’re never, for a minute, worried they aren’t going to receive it. It’s been a good year for fun horror flicks.

X - Ti West

Except for the obvious reason--they’re both primal feelings--it’s never been fully apparent to me why these movies are always structured to be one half sexual titillation then one half slasher-horror. But while in the 80s they just pumped them out cuz they made money, now we’re getting all sorts of deconstructions and meta commentaries and sex as terror merges. Anyway, this is the most cerebral sex ‘n’ death horror movie I’ve ever seen; the most knotty, the most intellectualized, the most constructed in its creators’ heads. I felt a sourness at first--Barbarian and The Menu are two brilliant horror movies that do something genuinely new rather than comment on the old method in increasingly myopic ways--but that’s gone now. The things this movie does are just too fun and smart. I guess every one of these flicks is in one way or another punishing you for enjoying the T&A it gave you in its first hour, but this is the first to make you watch its monsters actually fuck. The final line is both a compliment to the movie I’m not sure it deserves, and an objectively fantastic last line.

White Noise - Noah Baumbach

Nothing says Fuck It Netflix money quite like the existence of this movie, an admiring adaptation of a book that’s essentially a novelization of Jean Baudrillard’s ideas. I remember liking the novel a lot, and finding it, for a book about mass hysteria over everyday life, oddly soothing. This movie is mostly faithful to the book, but it isn’t soothing. Baumbach uses chaos and claustrophobia to convey the story’s existential anxiety rather than the artificial feeling of meek contentment that is DeLillo’s chosen mode. The movie is noisy and full of static and incredibly ugly, like watching an 80s sitcom through a fishbowl. Interesting choices, but not pleasant ones, which matters when you’re watching a movie. But Noah Baumbach is an obvious fan, and he understands the ideas he’s working with. He even gets in some pretty good Noah Baumbach jokes. It’s an amazingly timely story too, as we head into the fourth year of a global pandemic that has foregrounded our collective anxiety and shrunken our worlds to a degree that can’t not be causing long term damage. There’s a scene here where a guy in a quarantine camp riles the crowd by demanding his fear not only be recognized but made the center of the public’s attention, which if anything is quaint when put up against what the MAGA mutants in this country actually want. But here’s what I kept thinking about while I watched a movie that I liked but that never truly distinguished itself from its very good source material: in 1985 Don DeLillo wrote a book about the fear of death as a uniquely modern condition of our sad and shrinking reality. These days, that condition gets called anxiety and we validate it on social media. Our culture sucks now.

Father of the Bride - Gary Alazraki

Shit! I watched this right before I got married. I didn’t realize it was a 2022 release. It’s pretty good! Nice and warm. Andy Garcia is a boss. Recommended for right before you get married.

Elvis - Baz Luhrmann

- Here’s a movie I thought of when I was watching this one that I think would be good: young Elvis spends all his free time watching the black people in his town make the music he loves. Most of the movie takes place in churches and after-hours clubs. It’s musical performance heavy. It ends right as he’s being discovered.

- Here’s what I assumed this movie would be: A shy kid with a lot of talent gets discovered by a sleazy manager. He rises to the top, meets a girl, then money, fame, ego, and the influence of shady characters bring him down. A lot of musical performances.

Baz Luhrmann likes his spectacle, but I can’t believe how shoddy and lazy this movie actually is. There’s no structure, no real story, no actions of consequence. It's a three hour montage of events I don’t even believe really happened. Did Elvis really feel strongly about Bobby Kennedy’s death? I sort of doubt it. Bohemian Rhapsody and Rocketman were trite, but here’s a director looking his audience in the eye and saying “I know you hogs like this shit.”

Tar - Todd Field

This movie is such a slow burn I didn’t even realize she kept two houses until it was almost over. It doesn’t tell anything and it takes its sweet time showing. Some of its early scenes feel largely pointless. I wasn’t sure why at first, other than the fact that it’s a type of storytelling, but upon consideration I get it: the movie is told in the first person. It doesn’t tell you anything for the same reason I don’t wake up every morning and tell myself the address of my house. This is the story of a monster told from her point of view, and as the movie progresses you start to see the cracks in her self-image. Its slow and controlled and quiet, with an intensity hovering offscreen that peaks its head in just enough to let you know its there. Because of the narrative style there’s a ton of stuff I missed, and more than any other movie I’ve seen this year I look forward to watching this again.

All Quiet on the Western Front - Edward Berger

It felt for awhile like we were done with old fashioned war flicks, and modern war movies would all have some kind of stylistic or thematic bent. But this is about as simplistic and plain a story as you can come up with. So maybe the lesson is you can do whatever you want as long as you do it really well. This is an incredibly effective movie. A battle scene where the French close in on the Germans like an unfeeling horde of aliens will stay with me for a long time. A scene at the end which exposes the brutal evil of men who control the lives of other men will as well. Maybe I’m getting softer, but this is the most haunting and disturbing war movie I’ve ever seen. We can do terrible, unspeakable things to each other, and we can do them for no reason. One way of understanding this movie is that it’s about the humanity of a nothing special enlisted man, and follows him until he finally loses it. It’s also about the machinations of power that control his life from afar without any humanity at all. Also, it looks and sounds incredible.

The Fabelmans - Steven Spielberg

At this point, you should know what you’re getting from Spielberg. His movies are impeccably made, stories told seamlessly with warmth and craftsmanship. He’s the ultimate major key filmmaker, with an intuitive understanding of how to compel audiences that the movie says he’s had since he was a kid. The Fabelmans is, for better or worse, a Spielberg movie. My sense is that how you feel about it will be determined by how you feel about him. If you think he’s the best to ever do it, you’ll probably appreciate this career retrospective about how he discovered the power and joy of cinema. If you’re cooler on him, maybe you’ll wonder why he gets to do it but Martin Scorsese or Federico Fellini, two guys who also probably grew up with cameras attached to their hands, don’t. I guess the obvious answer is that those guys never would, which is probably one of the reasons I like them more.

Black Adam - Jaume Collet-Serra

Jaume Collet-Serra is responsible for two of the best schlock masterpieces of the century, the Shallows and the Commuter, so I am hopeful he’s just paying his dues now before they’ll let him go back to cooking those up, and not that he’s been swallowed by the Comic Book Movie Industrial Complex, which really does gobble up everything cool or interesting or unique about filmmaking. That said, like most of them are, this is a perfectly fine beer watch. The Rock, who is straight up one of the most likeable people on the planet, has been a real life superhero ever since he didn’t care what your name was.

Triangle of Sadness - Ruben Ostlund

I got big The Lobster vibes from this one. Both from the structure--part 1 takes place in a hospitality center, part 2 takes place in the wilderness--and from the overt strangeness that keeps you on your toes the entire time; both movies could go anywhere. Ostlund makes so many choices that are so fun; one highlight being a drunken mock debate over economic policy between the ship’s raging alcoholic captain and a Russian oligarch who accidentally became incredibly rich and now lives with an acutely Russian nihilistic joie de vivre. The movie begins as a pretty open satire of wealth and grows increasingly hysterical until it suddenly transforms into something else--something smarter and more deft. A bunch of seemingly useless rich people are all forced to pivot into a society where none of their material gifts will benefit them at all, and do better than expected. What is Ostlund saying? I’m not sure. But another way he reminds me of my man Yorgos is that he sets up a wild premise and then explores it as he thinks it would go in real life. Its a fun way to make movies.

Bullet Train - David Leitch

So you’re an excellent filmmaker, just dripping with talent, but you’d rather make snappy action flicks than three hour Capital-F Films about classical music conductors (I loved Tar, just making a point). I can’t believe how good this movie is. Fast, witty, bouncing through timelines and stories with a throughline that keeps expanding and gets fuller and more fun as it chugs along. This is like if Guy Ritchie took better drugs, or if Tarantino didn’t have final cut. Brad Pitt is one of the best actors on the planet if you can find interesting things for him to do. Here he plays a reformed underworld professional who speaks almost entirely through New Age self-improvement jargon as he tries to find a new life path for himself. And that’s maybe the fifth best thing this movie does. 

Argentina, 1985 - Santiago Mitre

This is a pretty downbeat movie. The dialogue is spoken at a low tone, the color palette is dark and brown, it never gets too loud. Knowledge of the country’s history would help--I needed Google for things every Argentinian already knows. Otherwise this is a very straight trial movie, all the way down to the verdict resting on the prosecutor’s ability to give a sufficiently inspiring speech. Most of the movie takes place in the courtroom or a law office. One of the protagonists comes from a comfortably fascist background and at one point has to attend the world’s worst family gathering, but otherwise there’s very little on the periphery.

Nanny - Nikyatu Jusu

The structure is fucked. This movie takes ages to get started and then rushes its ending. It feels very messy and less clear than it wants to be. I'll need to chew on it some more, but I think the idea here is the titular immigrant nanny is carried through a consuming anxiety about the family she left behind by an African spirit that is committed to her survival but isn’t necessarily benevolent. It’s really not a horror movie, and the beats it hits in service of the genre are largely unnecessary and fairly lame--I think we can go ahead and put a period on scary dream jump scares. But despite its flaws, which are all just novice direction shit, I really liked this. It looks great, and it has a control over its tone that makes it consistently engaging even if it doesn’t ever really cohere. I’m starting to think the reason why there are so many good horror movies now is because they’re cheap to make and aren’t beholden to existing IP--essentially they’re a bush league for promising young filmmakers. I suspect Jusu is more interested in exploring the African experience in America than she is in the genre. It will be interesting to see what she does next.

We’re All Going to the World’s Fair - Jane Schoenbrun

I should say that the Internet didn’t invent loneliness, and things like these online sinkholes are just a new outlet for an old problem. If more people are isolating and detaching from reality, that has more to do with our culture and our politics (which the movie knows. A shot of a boarded Toys ‘R’ Us is as grim and unsettling as any of the webcam freakout scenes.) This is an incredibly effective film about a culture I don’t understand and have anxieties about. It seems pretty documented that more people are in fact isolating and detaching, and if they’re leaning into the type of solipsism that creates this stuff, that’s a fertile topic for new filmmakers. Maybe too fertile. Jesus Christ, this movie.

To Leslie - Michael Morris

The thing is, she’s really good in this! She’s not a sympathetic character for most it, she’s a full on addict, using the people who care about her and taking advantage of the Samaritans dumb enough to feel empathy for her. She’s resentful of the help she needs and then livid when people stop helping her. This is a movie I would not have heard about were it not for the insurgent Oscar campaign, but am glad I saw it. Sometimes its nice to watch small, universal stories play out. The third act redemption maybe comes a little too easily, and I’m not sure I buy what inspired it (a Willie Nelson song, apparently), but I’m just noting that for my own memory’s sake. This is a good one.

Bardo, False Chronicle of a Handful of Truths - Alejandro Inarritu

There’s a scene here where the main character climbs up a giant pile of dead bodies until he reaches the top, where Spanish conquistador and founder of Mexico Hernan Cortes is waiting for him, and they get into a conversation about heritage. It’s a ripe scene, and its been set up perfectly, but the conversation isn’t as profound or layered as it could be, or that the height the director is reaching for suggests it should be. Then after a few minutes, some ash from Cortes’s cigarette falls on one of the dead bodies, who sits up to complain about it, and it’s revealed the whole thing is a scene from a film someone is making. Its not the first time and not the last time you want to throttle Inarritu. You’re one of the best filmmakers currently working, why do you keep fucking up your own good ideas with this jokey shit?!

I want to take my time with this movie because it deserves to be carefully considered. It is, without hesitation, the most ambitious movie of the last few years. My theory on Alejandro is that his life’s goal is to be Fellini; both this and Birdman shoot for the same surreal modernism that the Italian legend mastered back in the ‘60s. This one doesn’t get there the same way Birdman didn’t, and one of the reasons, at least in this case, is that he keeps telling us what he’s thinking instead of showing us. This film looks incredible, and the camera moves with the same fluidity it did in Birdman, but he runs out of tricks sooner than he should. His ideas could be conveyed visually, but instead he just has his characters say them out loud. 

All that being said, I loved it. I loved it more than I loved Birdman when I first saw it, before I decided it was a failed version of 8 1/2. This is also a failed version of 8 1/2, but it’s playing with a different set of ideas. Instead of being a satire of the industry, it’s considering Mexican identity, and its ultimately more interested in mortality than in the morass of being alive. It’s incredibly rare to get a director who swings this hard, who’s given the space to work out his ideas like this, or who even has the balls or vision to try. A lot of this movie doesn’t work. But the parts that do are incredibly good, and his visual sensibility is unparalleled. This should be a -10,000 lock for best cinematography, but it won’t win because no one saw it. Which is to the detriment of the discourse. This movie deserves to be debated and raged over. It deserves to have partisans and detractors who crucify each other online. The culture would be infinitely better if we got three of these a year.

Vengeance - B.J. Novak

Parts of this movie are so good I had trouble believing the bad parts could be as bad as they were. A New York journo douchebag goes to deep west Texas for the funeral of a hookup he barely remembers because she’s told her family that they’re in a serious relationship, then stays because he thinks he’s found a podcast. The parts about Texas are fantastic; his dialogue is sharp and interesting--down here we don’t have police, we have Mike and Dan--and incredibly well observed. During a scene at a rodeo somebody is eating a giant barbecue chicken leg, someone else is eating potato chips covered in queso. But B.J. is playing a guy so cartoonishly dopey it feels beamed in from a different, much worse movie (sample dialogue: “Have you ever been in a fight?” “Like a real fight, or like a Twitter fight?”) Scenes where he’s on the phone describing the story to his incredulous producer give off Hallmark Christmas movie vibes. It’s so much worse than the stuff around it that I figured it had to be intentional. Maybe he’s the villain or something. But no, he just learns to love these simple people and their small town. One other thing, Ashton Kutcher, playing a sort of deep Texas ghost, is legitimately amazing here. Easily the best thing in it. If people had seen this he’d have been nominated. It’s that kind of performance.

Babylon - Damien Chazelle

Damien’s learned how to direct. Watching the guy who’s floundered (in my opinion) ever since his his tiny little arthouse flick about ambition put him on the map get these giant scenes to work makes me legitimately happy for him. There’s a moment during the party scene at the beginning where he turns the bacchanalia into an organized dance sequence, which feels like a guy making a choice; we’re going to stick classic film elements in the middle of this chaos, because we like them and we can. As far as I can tell the idea here is simple--turn the end of the silent film era into the fall of Babylon, or the Weimar Republic, or Vichy France, or any other era of decadence that was always going to be on borrowed time. Was it really like that? Is this a story that needed to be told? Who knows? And who cares? Unlike with First Man, he’s justified his decision by doing it well. There’s a scene here where a cruel and careless death cuts to a giant party, and its more effective--drunk and sobering--than when Scorsese did it in the Wolf of Wall Street.

RRR - S.S. Rajamouli

Maybe I’d feel differently if I was better versed in Bollywood; as it stands this film represents the entirety of the industry to me. Maybe this is like showing a person who’s never seen an American movie before the Avengers, and an Indian friend who liked it tells me it is not representative of Bollywood. But it ultimately doesn’t matter. First of all, I think it’s genuinely awesome that this has become such a crossover sensation, and that more people are getting exposed to world cinema. Second of all, this movie whips so much ass. It took me a minute to get used to the style, but once I did I was all the way in. The first film ever to get me pumping my fists in my living room. And a thing I’ve always believed is that being good at dancing is incredibly manly.

KIMI - Steven Soderbergh

There are two ideas in this that I like a lot: 1. what would the kind of trauma most thrillers like this are about do to a person after the movie ends?, and 2. what does a corporation that has to pretend it cares about ethics after #MeToo and Believe Women even though it obviously doesn’t look like in the year of our lord 2022? More than any other top shelf filmmaker I can name, Steven Soderbergh doesn’t seem to have any throughline other than that his movies are all made with a certain level of quality. There’s no thematic cohesion that I can find, other than a healthy dislike for companies and governments, and not really any stylistic one either, other than that his movies are all really neat and tidy. And while he used to get nominated for Oscars, for the past few years he’s seemed to be content pumping out genre flicks like a gun-for-hire Woody Allen, which I wonder if is just him being prescient about the state of the industry now. This is a quick little film, something that comes out by the truckload in the era of Netflix, but if you watched it without knowing who Steven Soderbergh was you’d be surprised by how good it is.

Watcher - Chloe Okuno

Didn’t really respond to this one. The acting’s not great, the pacing is off--she gets pretty scared pretty quickly--and beats that should hit hard land harmlessly. High point: Bucharest seems like a cool city.

Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio - Guillermo del Toro and Mark Gustafson

Guillermo is very good at putting the things he likes in movies that are ostensibly pretty one-for-them--some of these images belong on his highlight reel. There’s also a sweetness here that’s got his name all over it. This was apparently a years in the making passion project, and I have no doubt the animation is a triumph, but its a status as a Kids Movie papers over some storytelling messiness that bothered me as a person who doesn’t care about kids movies. At its best this movie makes me wish he’d gone full tilt into del Toro creature madness. Fuck the kids, man.

Women Talking - Sarah Polley

My take on this movie was that it’s the first piece of art to explicitly lay out the tenets of modern feminist philosophy, like a No Exit for the 21st Century American leftist political moment. I have never felt less equipped to give my opinion on a film, but suffice to say I liked this and thought it was intellectually interesting. Here’s the best I can do: this is an interesting one. Less interested in anger or revenge than in compassion and the value of forgiveness, and by value I mean worth, as in what do we gain by forgiving and what is the toll that forgiving will take on us? It’s that kind of a movie, managing emotional states with a philosophical detachment. Deal with the problem first, figure out how we feel about it later. Every atrocity visited upon these women is described in a matter of fact way. Nothing is shown.

The Good Nurse - Tobias Lindholm

This is firmly in Movie of the Week territory, all the way up to a soundtrack and establishing shots straight out of Law and Order, elevated slightly by its inclusion of two of our better actors.

Top Gun: Maverick - Joseph Kosinski

Loses points with me because it sags in the middle; I don’t care about Maverick’s guilt over his friend’s death or his romantic life. It’s great when he’s in the air. This whole movie should take place in a plane. Late period Tom Cruise is beloved by many, but not by me. I feel like he should have more to say at this point in his career than lying about his age.

The Whale - Darren Aronofsky

A very strange film. I’m not sure what to say about it. I wouldn’t call it pleasant, exactly. The main character’s morbid obesity seems almost like body horror at times. The plot seems simple enough; a guy makes the decision to remove himself from life after he loses a loved one, but it’s never quite that movie. I’m not sure if he’s a good person or not, or if he’s meant to be. He left his wife and daughter for someone else and was never in their life afterwards, though if you listen to him, he tried to be. I wondered if he’s someone that seeks out the good in others and extends that to himself even if he doesn’t deserve it. But if that’s the case, why is he killing himself? There’s also a religious element that fits in somewhere, but I’m not sure where. I thought about this movie the whole car ride home. I’m still working on it. 

Empire of Light - Sam Mendes

Sam Mendes makes almost comically beautiful movies. This one, about a ragtag group of theater employees in England in 1981, takes place mostly in a movie theater, which is lit up and shot to look like a museum exhibit. This is a perfectly decent flick. It’s well paced, a simple story told well, emotional in the right places without being manipulative. It’s pleasant when its over. Not gutting, but pleasant.

Spiderhead - Joseph Kosinski

Quick, self-contained, well made, not too expensive, fun and kinda trippy, with a neat little twist at the end. I remember watching The Discovery a few years ago and thinking it was going to be the ur-text of a new genre called the Netflix Movie, and buddy was I right. These things now are being assembly-lined out by the dozen, and most of them are largely decent if a little bloodless. Sooner or later they’ll feel so packaged AI will start writing them, but until we get there I’m fine recommending a movie like Spiderhead. It’s a little bloodless in a way the similar genre grind-out KIMI isn’t, but it’s eerie while still being fun, holds its tone almost the whole way through, and includes the best Chris Hemsworth acting I’ve ever seen as a jocky nerd charming sociopath.

Black Panther: Wakanda Forever - Ryan Coogler

The first one isn’t perfect, but like a lot of people I walked away from it thinking I’d just seen Marvel’s highwater mark. This one is even better. While the original stood above the rest by looking at real racial politics through the lens of a comic book movie, this one doubles down by bringing in a second superhero-ized colonized civilization with its own ideas about how to respond to the world at large and has the two of them meet and discuss. It even throws in for good measure a complex political dynamic at the top of the Wakanda power structure where every argument makes sense and is defensible. And while my biggest issue with the first one was that it could have used more world-building, some of the scenes here look genuinely great. All the standard Marvel movie objections apply--the dorky jokes, the dumb action scenes, the weirdly dark color palette these things are apparently mandated to have--but Ryan Coogler is possibly the only director franchised into the MCU who seems interested in making or allowed to make real movies.

Pleasure - Ninja Thyberg

A thing I learned the other day is that the movie Deepthroat was one of the highest grossing films of 1975. It is amazing to imagine the families of America lining up en masse to watch a movie, the premise of which is that a woman was born with her clitoris inside of her throat. I wouldn’t call Pleasure a return to a more sex positive past, exactly, but it’s explicitly sexually graphic in a way I’ve never really seen before outside of an actual porno. Parts of it are about the dark side of the porn industry, but other parts are about the light side, or the harmless side, and most of the characters are basically decent people. In fact one case this movie is making, maybe unintentionally, is that the ugly parts of the porn star life aren’t really any different than the ugly parts of the Hollywood life, or the sports life, or the investment banking life. The cost of success in this economy is your humanity, whether that means getting double-raw dogged in the ass or outsourcing a factory to Pakistan.

Ambulance - Michael Bay

Worth watching. Pretty fun. Basically incoherent. I will use this space for two observations: 1. Michael Bay has a fully singular visual style that if I had to give name to I would call Saturday afternoon barbecue full of hopefully not racist white men getting weepy after the fifth round of Coors Light, but its his, and as far as I can tell he created it, which means he fits my definition of an auteur. 2. Jake Gyllenhaal might actually be my favorite actor. He is incredible in this movie. I want to call it my second favorite performance of the year after Cate Blanchett in Tar. He’s not the most naturally gifted actor, it will never come as naturally to him as it does to, for instance, Cate Blanchett, but he makes up for that by going completely in on every role. He slips into raw nerve-ending panic within the first five minutes of being on screen in this movie. I think he also might be one the smartest actors in Hollywood. He has one particular line reading in this about a collection of plush flamingos that is so good, and so indicative that he knows exactly what he’s doing and what makes what he’s doing good, it singlehandedly bumps the movie up a letter grade.

[shititbe]

Anyway, Peter Parker is Bi, and I Won’t Be Convinced Otherwise.

Firstly, we have to get our bases covered. What exactly is Bi-sexuality? What is sexuality? 

Sexuality is defined as a persons identity in relation to gender(s) they are attracted to. Why is this important? Peter’s sexuality has never been specifically stated in the comics, nor in any other form of media. It’s assumed that he is straight because of his popular relationship with Mary Jane Watson in the comics, and the movies. 

Now that we have a bases for what exactly sexuality is and how it’s defined, let’s go over Peter’s partners. 

Obviously Peter and Mary Jane are a piece of comic book history. They eventually get married, though sadly, during the events of Civil War II (I think, don’t quote me) Peter and Mary Jane sell their marriage to Mephisto in order to save Aunt May

They later had their memories of their marriage restored, they have yet to get back together and it’s been a few issues if I remember correctly. Next we have Peter’s first, and most unfortunate love, Gwen Stacy. 

They dated in high school where she later died. Of course, Peter has dated other people (namely, Black Cat, Betty Brant, Carol Danvers, Anna Maria, Cindy Moon, Lian Tang, and so on). Since we have his known history of heterosexuality out there, we need to move onto another important part of Peter’s Bi-sexuality. An important implication in any media, especially queer media though, and that is the homoerotic subtext. 

Homoerotic subtext is important part of queer culture, a lot of the time it’s used to portray a characters queerness without saying it out (see: Dorian Gray by Oscar Wild or Great Gatsby By Fitz). In current decade, homoerotic subtext is often used for queer baiting or creating more realistic male friendships. 

So what’s the difference between someone creating a health male friendship (or a character comfortable in their heterosexuality) and implying a character is queer? 

Here are some examples of a healthy male character, both with himself and his friendships.  

Clearly he’s just taking the shit, and messing around with Reed. He’s comfortable enough (or as I like to see it, so traumatized because good god this guy has been Spider-Man since he was 15 good god that’s awful. He probably doesn’t care anymore). Here are some examples of Peter a little more than just a straight man shooting the shit. 

This has three meanings. Two of which I will take, one of which is just deeply embarrassing. Despite Peter’s history with humiliating events, I don’t think he would get his own spunk in his eyes. Leaving the other two options, he has experience getting spunk of - some kind - in his eyes, and/or he’s taking the shit again. Which is very likely. 

Kissing a cop? For....no reason? A little not so hetero of you Peter. 

You can practically hear his disappointment in his voice. Also could be read as taking the shit, but why would you. 

Making out with The Thing? Gay. 

This one is the most important. Peter is clearly tired, annoyed by his teammates (see wolverine being wolverine in the corner). Shits on fire, its mid battle, and Peter has the audacity to mutter “I hate men” to himself. The only people I have every heard say this in that was are lgbt and straight women, and lgbt men. This kind of expression only comes from people who date, or deal with men in a completely different world than straight men. Straight men use this phrase as an endearment, “Oh have you seen Bill today, I hate that guy.” “Man Jerry can do so many push-ups, I hate that guy.” Very different language, and implications (I also, obviously don’t know how straight men speak). 

 Now that we’ve gone over our bases, and homoerotic subtext. How else could we gather that Peter Parker is Bi? There are many tropes in media - queer media - that allure to a characters queerness. Like homoerotic subtext, there are ways to tell an audience something without specifically saying it. 

This is a gay wedding Peter went to in the recent comics. I don’t know if any of you have been to a gay wedding recently, but Peters face (the first panel above the wedding) is the same exact face I made at my first gay wedding. It’s the face of excitement for not only the couple, but for yourself. The hope that maybe, you too can actually be in a same-sex relationship. 

I’m also going to allure to queer tropes as stated previously. Such as the real, and fictional trope of lgbt people sticking together. Thousands of years of belittlement and oppression will make groups of people not want to wonder out, and subconsciously look for others like them. 

Johnny Storm (and Wade Wilson since he comes in later but I couldn’t find a picture of the confirmation) is cannon Bi-sexual (Pan-sexual). 

Their friendship is deeply homoerotic as most queer friendships in media and real life are. Johnny flirts with Peter on many occasions (saying his ideal women is a female version of Peter, inviting him over to watch is sex tape, and so on) and of course oh my god they were roommates. 

Some other popular queer tropes are: Found Family, Soulmates, and Enemies to lovers. Because it’s superhero related, this includes the Identity Porn tag as well.  

Peter Parker and Wade Wilson have a famous Love/Hate relationship. I mean, how could you expect anything less when your first meeting with this known mercenary is him throwing your civilian persona out the window of a car. Now, Wade still doesn’t know Peter is Spider-Man in the current run of comics, but that doesn’t make anything about them any less gay. 

For the Found Family Trope: 

Because it’s Peter and Wade, their whole development can be read as Enemies to Friends to Lovers, so I wont bother backing that up because, uh, it speaks for itself. One panel really does to add that cause though 

I’m not going to explain what a free-pass list is.

The Soulmates part I know I have to back up. 

For SoulMates:  

Now this panel requires a little explanation. Wade kills Peter, not knowing he’s Spider-Man. Weasel takes over for Peter (they don’t know its him) so no one suspects he’s dead. Deadpool begins to feel guilty he killed his best buds best bud, so he tries to bring Peter back to life. Losing his stunning good looks (switching back to how he looked before Weapon X making his wife Shiklah estranged (then she married Dracula but thats beside the point)). Spider-Man is Peter’s “true self” or patronus for Harry Potter fans. Wade is stupid and hasn’t connected the dots yet, effectively making him the biggest simp in history. Seriously, who destroys their marriage for the c h a n c e for getting some with their idol? A Simp, that’s who.

Peter forgives Wade for killing him (and for saving him from killing their genetic daughter itsy-bitsy). If someone killed me they better be hot as fuck before I even thing about forgiving them. Ignoring Peter’s super sexy forgiving nature, uh, he’s kinda simping. 

Died in each others arms. Nothing else is needed. 

They’re heartmates. From what I read, the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. The witches (long story, comics are hard to explain) that captured deadpool were expecting his wife so they could get the headmistress back. Instead, they got Peter. Basically Heartmates = soulmates but chosen for you instead of chosen by you. 

To conclude my point: 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. 

#Peter Parker #Bi #Spider-Man #Deadpool #Johnny Strom #Mary Jane #He's bi and I wont be told other wise #thanks for coming to my ted talk #Bi-derman #bi wife energy #spideypool #spideytorch #he's gay but go off I guess marvel #aunt may #marvel #Fantastic Four #Reed Richards #The Thing #LGBT #Gwen Stacy #Anyways: the series

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how long does it take for lando and y&n to become oscar/lando/y/n ?? i feel like maybe y/n starts to feel a little guilty when she wants oscar to beg her to stay not lance, and when she wants to just cuddle and watch a movie with him, not even necessarily fuck and she like cries to lando abt it and lando is like “i love him too princess don’t feel bad” and they maybe approach osc about becoming a more permanent part of their relationship? or not but this is just my interpretation of their relationship feel free to ignore !! p.s love this au so much thank you 🙏

no bc . her crying to lando ab it 😭 i will never ignore anything ab this au

lando notices her mood shifting a little each time she’s coming back from oscar’s. it’s barely noticeable at first, but then halfway through the season she’s crawling into his arms with tears in her eyes. he wants to kill oscar until she tells him how she feels about his teammate, that she feels bad for wanting more when she knows she’s already getting so much more than she should ask for, that every time lance is bribing her with gifts and promises of early morning love making, she’s wishing oscar would just once fight for her to stay in his arms. he relaxes hearing all of it, that out of all the drivers begging her to spend the night, oscar’s the only one let’s say respectful enough to not try and break the rules of the agreement. even alex gets his makeshift dates with her over room service in lando’s hotel room. but oscar never pushes for more, only takes what he’s given. she wants him to push for more, she tells lando through hiccups. lando gets it completely, tells her how when oscar retreats into his shell after a night of fun and dips out of the room without even saying anything, it makes his heart ache. max has always slept over. charles cooks for them, played her piano once when there was one handy. carlos serenades her while he washes her hair. and oscar leaves.

oscar doesn’t know it hurts them as much as it hurts him, but he has to leave because having them as much as he already does makes his heart ache. if he let himself have anymore he’d be into deep and it would only hurt more when they eventually tire of their game and kick him out. he doesn’t find out until lando comes to him after she’s cried herself to sleep after he left their room once again. lando slips out of her arms and goes down the hall to his teammates room. oscar’s convinced he did something wrong when he sees the pained look on lando’s face, but then he’s just asking him to come back to their room and though it feels foreign, it doesn’t feel like anything is wrong. when lando returns with oscar, she’s sitting up in the bed, clearly not sleeping deeply like he thought when he slipped out and oscar’s shaken by the sight of her tear streaked cheeks. he doesn’t know what he’s apologizing for as he lets lando lead him back into bed, but he apologizes anyways as he wraps her in his arms. she curls into him and her tears threaten to spill again as she whimpers, “please stop leaving, i-i can’t stand it when you leave.” his heart stutters in his chest and he looks to lando who’s crawling onto the bed and wrapping his arms around her too, and his teammate just nods in silent agreement, too overwhelmed and tired to try figuring out what any of it meant.

oscar wouldn’t want to talk about it, to make it real, because as soon as they’re something, it means he has something to lose. but he forces himself to open up about his fear of losing them and when he finds out they feel exactly the same way, he isn’t so scared bc it’s very clear none of them are satisfied with just fooling around, and none of them want to lose each other. she turns the almost sad, anxiety inducing conversation on it’s head when she craws into oscar’s lap and asks him to be her boyfriend and even though no one else knows(yet), and even though he knows other drivers will still be fucking her (for now, if his possessive side has anything to say about it), he’s not just another driver anymore.

#ask #anon #blindfold universe #i like the idea of oscar putting ppl in their places bc lando wont 😭