#if anyone knows what album cover is on hugo’s shirt i love you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clara-licht · 4 years

Text

Shattered

Summary: Tom looked through pictures of you and him.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Word Count: 1.2k+

Warning: ANGST ANGST ANGST (you’ve been warned!)

Note: I was in an angsty mood and this piece was born. The lyrics in this story is translated from Andmesh’s Hanya Rindu. I know that the song is dedicated for his mother, but the “heart misses” part can be quite universal. I recommend listening to the original song or the English/Indo cover on Kurt Hugo Schneider’s YouTube channel.

Also I wrote this in 2 hours in the middle of the night, so please excuse any mistake or rushedness!

Title Inspo: BTS - The Truth Untold

Song Inspo: Andmesh - Hanya Rindu

Marvel Masterlist | Main Masterlist

——————————

Alone, all by myself

I see through the memories, all with you

Through the pictures, long kept deep away

Darkness shrouded the room.

He paid no mind to the lack of light nor the storm making itself known through rumbles of thunder.

How could he, when his heart felt the exact same?

After all, no thunderstorm could beat the one raging inside him.

His feet dragged him across the room to a bookshelf filled with not just literature, but also pictures and memorabilia. Books that weren't his lined up on the shelves. Pictures that also weren't his scattered stood in frames in front of those books. And on one of the shelves, a thick light blue book spine was calling him.

Before he could register what he was doing, his shaking hand already reached and pulled it towards him.

Memories of You and Me!, the cover said.

He chuckled humorlessly.

The only source of light in that room came from the window, where lightning would flash once in a while, followed by rumbling thunder. The sky was as dark as a pitch even when the clock on his screen-side down phone showed 03:12 PM.

After a moment of just staring blankly at the book on his hand, he finally gathered the will to flick the light on and sat down on his bed. The blue book, with its title practically laughing at him, felt heavy. Yet he opened it anyway.

A smiling picture of you was the first thing that greeted him.

So beautiful, he thought,

Below was another picture of you laughing happily, but this time he was also there. A hand snaked around your waist while yours covered your laughing face. He looked at you with a happy grin; his eyes twinkling with happiness.

How long had it been since he was that happy?

His fingers flicked the page.

Another of you, fully focused on the books and notes in front of you as you sat before a table. He remembered when he took that picture. You were studying for an exam wearing only his oversized t-shirt and had been sitting there for hours. He loved seeing you wearing his clothes and he thought, why not take a picture?

He looked through the pages slowly. More pictures of you. Of you yelling at his brother, of you grinning happily on your graduation, of you holding Tessa. There were also pictures of him, but he skipped them. Who cares about me, his mind whispered, when you're all that I can think about?

Then there were pictures of you and him. Of your first date, of you sleeping while leaning on him, of you holding his hand while walking Tessa, of you kissing his cheek, of you crying as he knelt on one knee in front you.

Tears started stinging his eyes.

And though it breaks my heart

Seeing pieces of myself with you

But we know those moments are long gone

He turned the page again, ignoring the tears starting to make their way down his cheeks. There was a picture of you looking absolutely gorgeous in a floor-length red dress with him during a premiere of one of his movies. Your left fourth finger had adorned a diamond ring that you proudly showed to the camera. You had looked breathtaking that day and he couldn't help but fell in love more.

More pictures of you and him followed as the pages kept turning. He dived into the memories, smiling fondly at the sweet moments captured into the photographs.

You had insisted on putting a photo album early in your relationship, saying digitals weren't too reliable. Easy to accidentally erase, you had complained. He agreed with you. Being not too proficient in technology himself, a photo album sounded amazing to him.

And it ended up being a great decision, especially now.

The album he held had pictures of you through all the time you'd been together. The dates on the pictures slowly progressed from your first date and kept moving forward.

However, he hadn't even reached the last page of the album when the photos stopped abruptly.

The last picture was of you kissing him, clichély, under the rain. His brother had taken the opportunity to immortalize the moment when she had run outside the house to greet him after a long month of filming.

Just remembering that moment had made more tears streamed down from his eyes.

I keep on wishing that you could be back here beside me

I still remember the way you smile,

Laughing with me

His whole body was now shaking. He held the album close to his chest. Silent sobs escaped his mouth before turning into a full howl filled with pain.

He missed you.

He missed your smile. He missed your laugh. He missed the way you run your fingers through his hair. He missed the way you say his name. He missed how you were always there for him.

He missed you.

There was nothing he could do. You were gone, and nothing could ever bring you back to him. Life was not a movie, after all. Once gone, forever gone.

But god did he wish he could just turn back time and change it all over.

Then again, what could he have done?

He didn't register the sound of his door opening. He only realized that he was no longer alone when a pair of arms pulled him into a warm and familiar embrace. As much as he loved it, it still wasn't your hug. He could feel the difference in the way the arms circled around him or the way his head was tucked into the embrace.

"Shh…"

The comforting gesture had only made his despaired whimper getting louder.

His heart had been broken before, but nothing could ever be on par with this.

I'll give it all for a chance

Please God, give us one moment back

This can't be reality

"God, please, give her back!" He howled.

"Oh, Tom…"

"Mom, please, I can't!" He sobbed out into his mother's chest. "Please! I'll give anything!"

Nikki swallowed back her tears. She tightened her hold on her oldest son. She, too, would give anything if it meant his son would stop being in pain. But what could she have done?

"I'm sorry, Tom…" She whispered. "I'm sorry…"

Yes, deep inside I know

That everything has changed

Yet still my heart can't let you go

The thing is, Tom knew there was nothing anyone could do. Your departure was inevitable. It didn't come out of nowhere; you had been struggling for years. He had been naïve and believed that nothing could stand in front of your and his happiness together.

When reality hit him, it had hit him hard.

Yes, there was nothing he could do, but that didn't stop him from wishing he had done something different.

This can't be reality

My heart is still holding on

Oh, my heart is longing for you

Now he could only stay there in his mother's arms, crying for someone he had lost and would never regain. In time, he would accept his new reality. But for now, he could only weep his pain away.

And he knew that even if this pain passed, his heart would always long for you.

——————————

To my Indonesian readers: SAKIT GA NGEDENGERIN LAGUNYA APA CUMA GUE DOANG

Permanent (Marvel) Taglist

@marvelexi @lou-la-lou @spiderbibby @hello--zuko-here @everydaymj

Mutuals

@allegra-soleil @spideygirl2003 @delicatepeterparker @parkerpeter24 @terrifictomholland @quackeroos @angel-spidey @greenorangevioletgrass @the-crazy-fanfictionist

#tom holland imagine #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland angst #tom x reader #tom x you #marvel fanfic #marvel #avengers #mcu spiderman #peter parker #peter parker x reader #shattered

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liam-93-productions · 5 years

Link

I remember meeting Liam Payne once before. I was writing the cover story on One Direction for this very magazine four years ago and, finally, after endless tail chasing and schedule clashes, I managed to pin all five members down backstage at the O2 shortly before they played to what seemed like a bazillion screaming teenagers. The air was heavy with the fug of Haribo Starmix and raging hormones; even at that point the band were already more popular than The Beatles in some circles. Or, as John Lennon would have put it, Jesus.

The band members were courteous and convivial. One certainly got the impression that their time wasn’t their own, although any cracks that would end up splintering the band some years later were kept well hidden. I remember Payne for being perhaps the most grounded out of all five of them. He seemed to have an ease with his status and fortune that kept his ego in check. He seemed genuinely bamboozled at the hysteria going on around them. He was a young, ambitious pop star caught in fame’s full beams.

Last week, in some respects, a very different man sat down for an exclusive chat with GQ Hype. He’s certainly more hench, as this exclusive shoot with fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott prove. Whoa. We talked about his sizzling new underwear campaign with Hugo Boss, his first nude shoot (which may well be his last if his dear mother has anything to do with it) and we reminisced about his One Direction days, a period which he came out of shaken, sure, but not completely upside down or inside out.

He’s been through a great deal since the end of being one fifth of the biggest boy bands in history – drink problems, therapy, (...), anxiety – but at his core he’s still that same multi-talented, hard-working boy from Wolverhampton, honest about his faults and still excited to see where all this is taking him. Undoubtedly, he’s a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. Well, when he’s wearing any sleeves at all...

GQ: So how’s the build-up to the debut album, LP1?

Liam Payne: Good, can’t complain. Just rewriting a lot of things in my world at the moment. That’s why I was in with my top, top manager for a while just reconfiguring things towards the end of the year.

What are you reconfiguring?

Well, we just kind of ticked off album one. The writing process was interesting to say the least. I mean, it was almost like blind dating in LA with different writers, and when that happens it’s hard to get traction, or get to know anyone properly, or let your guard down in a way. You feel like you’re going into different rooms all the time, with different styles. There are so many things that can affect the writing unless you find that one person who can carry you all the way through a record. Post Malone has a producer called Louis Bell, whom he works with, and there's a common stitch throughout the whole thing that kind of puts it all together properly, whereas we never really found that.

How come that never materialised?

I was going through a bunch of stuff when we started writing the album – growing up and all sorts of different shit coming out of the band. So for me it wasn't the best entry into the writing side of it and making personal music rather than writing for a band. So it was difficult, but I mean the album is done and coming out and I absolutely love it and it's just interesting to see that my favourite is from when I was younger. The first albums I listened to actually helped create my first album, so super cool.

It sounds like it’s been a long process getting the debut album finished?

It’s been, since “Strip That Down” really, the best part of two maybe three years to get everything finished. And it was difficult. I mean, it's opening up at first and trying to figure out who you are and what people want to know from you. And what the sound is. Trying to find that medium point for all those things. It's just the most difficult thing, especially at a young age when you're constantly changing and you don't really know yourself yet. We spent the best part of five years in a band closed off from the world and I had to go through this really weird transition inside that band as the world, and then myself, came out of it. I mean, even in my therapy sessions, my therapist asked me, “What do you actually like to do?” And I'm like, “I don’t know what I like doing!”

Most people presumed you came out of One Direction fully formed. That wasn’t the case?

Everything changed. New teams, new managers, new labels. Building those working relationships can be tricky. You also become the boss of your own shit, and I was 21, 22 when I first started doing my own thing, so it’s all a bit scary and can be a bit lonely. That’s not a complaint; it's also a lot of fun as well. We have a great time. Now the band members have all worked our way through this first couple of years, you can kind of see everyone's finding their own feet. Take Harry [Styles] at the moment. You know, he's just found what I think is his sound and exactly where he wants to be, which took him a little minute to get into since he had his last album out. So, yeah, it just takes time.

Towards the end of One Direction, were you aware of everyone’s own tastes developing?

I think so. I mean, for me, someone like Louis [Tomlinson] always had a very specific taste – things like Green Day, that was the era he was from... also Oasis and old Robbie Williams. Harry always played an eclectic mix of stuff too. I can always remember the one time Harry put Rick Springfield’s “Jessie's Girl’ on and I had never really heard it before but it was an interesting choice. I liked it nevertheless. And then for me, I mean, when I wrote “Better Than Words” for the last 1D album, it had a different rhythm for us, something we hadn’t done before. So you could definitely see those unique tastes early on. I think funnily enough it was through fashion and style that our own perspectives could be seen most of all, all hints of what was to come for us. We would always wear black on stage, black skinny jeans and a black T-shirt, but maybe we’d add something else as individuals. I remember Harry having these cool rings, for example, and then he’d go crazy with his shirts as time went on. Saying that, I think Louis still dresses pretty much the same as he used to.

Was it competitive with the other band members?

I mean, for me personally, I don't think I ever really looked at it that way. I think the biggest question for all of us at the start was figuring out who the hell we were without each other around, which is a really weird thing because you’d found your dynamic and role within the band. But then when you started a solo thing it was almost like leaving like school or university and trying to find your place within the real world. So I think it was more the pressure of that than anything else, rather than us competing with each other on, like, dress sense or vibe or even the music.

You mentioned therapy. Was that while you were still in the band?

I went into therapy a couple years after leaving. I kind of went off the rails a little bit and just couldn't really figure out what was making me sad. So, you know, my team got somebody around to help me through a couple of different, difficult things that I was going through. I was just trying to figure myself out. It was just such a strange course through life, and then when the switch turns off you're left to your own devices...

Did it throw you off when the band’s scheduled just stopped? Going from having a two-year plan to not even having a two-day plan?

I mean, yeah, we went through a really weird retirement phase. It’s quite funny, when my dad retired, I was telling him what to expect: first off, you're not going to get out of bed for ages, and then all of a sudden you get an urge to get out of bed all the time and start trying to do stuff just to seem like you are doing things. But I think everyone in the band went through this really weird retirement phase and trying to switch off. For me, I remember standing in my garden at my house and just looking around thinking, “It's been a lot of fun, but what do I do now that’s done? What actually happens at this point? Who do I call? Who is the ‘point of’ person?” I just didn't really know what was going to happen; a very strange thing to be involved in. All of it is weird, but that was a real strange moment. But things pick up and slowly you start getting back into the groove again.

Were you worried about not being famous any more? Or making music? About it all just stopping?

Actually, no. I kind of always knew that something would happen. I just didn't know what the hell it was going to be. And that was the scariest part of it. You just didn't really want to make a fool of yourself at that point. I think after such a long legacy of your band being absolutely amazing, the most important thing was make sure you don’t step off that pedestal; don't embarrass yourself. The biggest worry was don't ruin the legacy.

Let's talk about the underwear campaign with Hugo Boss. These are some incredible photographs taken by Mert and Marcus…

It got very raunchy very quickly. I hadn’t been properly warned about the amount of nudity Mert and Marcus do in their work, let's say. Mert’s actually become a really good friend now. We were in his house to three in the morning the other day singing karaoke, which is so funny. Yeah, I mean, really great to work with. I think everyone was quite surprised early on that they wanted to work with me and it kind of gave us a little nod and an entry into working in fashion proper.

Had you always wanted to land an underwear campaign?

Before we landed the deal with Hugo Boss I’d gone into my gym and said, “I'm going to get an underwear commercial.” I just wanted to do it; I knew I could do it. And then it actually happened! And I worked my ass off and I'm still hitting the gym: I didn't realise once you get on that thing you can't really turn it off. You've got to keep it going. Like I said, it’s been a lot of training and being an athlete and working out – it became 90 per cent of my job for the best part of a year leading up to that shoot, which was crazy. Come 2019 everyone's a lot more open about body image and I wanted to get in shape. Not to show off my body to anyone else, I just knew that’s what would give the confidence on set. I didn’t want to arrive not ready and not looking like I’d worked hard to get there. But what a thing to do and then to go on to designing clothes for Hugo Boss too – an amazing experience. We actually had the first design meeting [for the clothing line] here and I remember in the car on the way to the meeting thinking, “What have you got yourself into?” That always seems to happen to me. I was lucky enough to spend some time with a friend of mine, Kim Jones [artistic director at Dior menswear], and he gave me some great advice: “It’s the same as music: once you’ve had a hit you know what people want from you.” And I took that with me into the design meeting and used that to help the whole process. Find the hit and make it work.

Have you done a nude shoot before?

No! Well, not a planned one, at least. There was a lot of tequila involved for this shoot. I mean, the first day we did most of the shots for the capsule collection and then the last shots were the box shots for the front of the underwear packaging – which was just like, “Wow, I get to be the guy on the box,” which was a real moment. I’d never take that for granted. And then like the next day, we set up again and the model, Stella Maxwell, she's in the shoot with me. And it just ended up being a lot more naked than I thought it was – and for her as well. She was also naked. And I was just, you know, “Don’t look!” She was naked behind me and I was thinking, “Liam, don’t look whatever you do.”

Talk to me about the curtain shot...

Wow. Yes, I mean it was just a room full of five or six people and a hell of a lot of tequila to get me to this level. I was standing there and all of a sudden it was, “Right, OK, take them off.” I'm like, “Really? Take them off? Off, off? Like on-the-floor off? Oh, my God.” And there was a real hollow moment afterwards where I was sitting outside smoking a cigarette thinking, “I have basically just shot soft-core porn.” For one, my mum is going to kill me. For another thing, I don’t know how far this is going to go... That was just the first shot! It was a lot of fun to shoot but my mum wasn’t best pleased. There’s this really raunchy shot of me and Stella, and I showed my mum. She took one look at it and gave me a clip round the ear. All I was thinking was, “I better not tell her about the London buses!”

Still, your parents must be very proud?

The One Direction thing was enough. Just to get to that level. I would have happily walked away at that point. But now with all the other things I have managed to achieve, not least this underwear campaign with Hugo Boss, it’s meant a lot to me personally. I think it’s got me closer to those men whom I respect so much, people like David Beckham and Brad Pitt, such icons in their own lifestyles. It’s a real pinch-me moment. I can’t believe it hasn’t all burnt down to the ground yet, to be honest.

You mentioned a bad patch, a depression of sorts?

There was a lot of stuff. I was drinking too much and getting into really bad, bad situations for quite some time actually. And I hit a peak moment where I knew the drinking was going to get me; I needed to do something about it. I spent a lot of time drinking to escape the crazy world that I had created for myself. I didn't know what I was doing. That first therapy session and being like, “I don't even know what I like or anything about myself” – it was pretty scary stuff. I was afraid of how far my career was going and that it might go even further. You can say, “Who is afraid of success?” But that’s what it entails sometimes. Success has got the better of me on more than one occasion. When I am losing I tend to concentrate more.

Did you stop drinking for a bit?

Yes, I got sober for about a year, cutting down so the only vice was cigarettes. I hadn't planned to go sober forever, it was more important for me to say I didn't actually didn't need to drink. I wanted to prove it. I did the whole year, no booze completely, and at that point I didn’t actually know being sober was making my life any better. Things went up, but things like my social life plummeted. I was the biggest recluse on the planet. I would get up at 5am and go running in the park, but at night I would be in bed by 7pm. Is that a way to live your life? And in a strange way I am trying to still figure all that out and get the balance right between being a party animal and being an animal in the gym – the latter not being fun at all. We are all at fault; we all need balance.

So, 12 December: Boris or Jeremy?

I think I will vote but I am always out of the country. We need a mobile app where we can vote with our thumbprint or something. I mean, in regards to Boris or Jeremy, I don't think we give people enough time. Same with West Brom football club. They always change their manager every week it seems and we never get time to gel with anybody. So it's like, if I was changing my manager every week, I'd probably be really shit too. We need to give someone a chance to at least have a proper go of it or it will never be fixed. Also, I don't think it's always the one person that's to blame. Take Winston Churchill, people hated him at first, thought he was a drunk, that he had no clue, [wondered] what’s he doing going to war. Maybe we should all just be more like Winston Churchill.

Zayn has been through his own difficulties with fame and anxiety...

I think for anybody entering into these talent shows we do them for specific reasons. And I've often asked myself this question a bunch of times because we all went through it. You know, for me, as I was younger, from my own experience, I entered the show because I wanted to make my dad proud. Fast forward ten years and here we are in his office, talking about an album and an underwear campaign – incredible. But here’s the thing: you just don't know until you get there whether you're built for this or not. For Zayn, he loves music and he's an amazing talent. He genuinely was the best singer in One Direction, hand on heart, out of all of us. But for him to get to a point where, you know, he can't step on a stage? It's a lot. I mean, he's doing great. His streaming numbers are ridiculous but I do think he misses out on the performance side a bit, you know. He can't seem to get past that part. We all have it. I mean, I have this, like, brain fart syndrome: I was on medication for a while, and it was something to do with epilepsy, but I was using it for something else. And it was to do with anxiety for me too, fully prescribed, but I didn't realise that [on the medication] certain lights made me forget, well, everything. I totally forgot who I was. And lyrics. It still happens. I have a fear of it now. It happens all the time. So we all have our little beasties in that sort of scenario. But this era of talent shows, it is dangerous and some people just don’t know what they are getting into.

Did you want to reach out to him?

I did, yeah. I didn’t want him to feel like he was going through this all alone in some ways, or that we were all out to get him. We're the only people who know what you're going through. The only five people who know what you are going through were all in a room together once, and you left – fair enough – but you don’t want anyone going through such evils for no reason. But it got to a point with me where I wouldn’t know where to begin with Zayn. I hope he has good people around him, but I don’t at this stage think it’s anything the rest of us can solve.

Are there still grudges between the five of you?

Definitely in some part, yeah. We had our differences throughout the whole experience with some things. I still think about some stuff that was said and done that now I would do differently, but then that's all part of growing up. Being in One Direction was such a schoolyard mentality somehow – the One Direction University, I call it. Everyone has stuff they’ve said at parties they wished they hadn’t but, for us, the difference was that it was all happening in front of the world. Now we are older, for me certainly there are things that I am just not as bothered about. I think with Zayn’s particular exit and the way he chose to go, we haven’t really heard from him since he left. He didn’t even say goodbye, if I am being honest. It was a really sordid scenario, from our side certainly. A bit strange. It’s difficult.

The Hugo x Liam Payne bodywear collection is available now. Payne’s debut album, LP1, is out 6 December and available to pre-order now.

#liam payne #british gq #hugo boss #hugo bodywear #lp1 #liam's interviews #04.11.2019

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1dreality · 5 years

Link

Last week, in some respects, a very different man sat down for an exclusive chat with GQ Hype. He’s certainly more hench, as this exclusive shoot with fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott prove. Whoa. We talked about his sizzling new underwear campaign with Hugo, his first nude shoot (which may well be his last if his dear mother has anything to do with it) and we reminisced about his One Direction days, a period which he came out of shaken, sure, but not completely upside down or inside out.

He’s been through a great deal since the end of being one fifth of the biggest boybands in history – drink problems, therapy, marriage, fatherhood, anxiety – but at his core he’s still that same multi-talented, hard-working boy from Wolverhampton, honest about his faults and still excited to see where all this is taking him. Undoubtedly, he’s a man who wears his heart on his sleeve. Well, when he’s wearing any sleeves at all...

GQ: So how’s the build-up to the debut album, LP1?

What are you reconfiguring?

How come that never materialised?

It sounds like it’s been a long process getting the debut album finished?

Most people presumed you came out of One Direction fully formed. That wasn’t the case?

Towards the end of One Direction, were you aware of everyone’s own tastes developing?

Was it competitive with the other band members?

You mentioned therapy. Was that while you were still in the band?

Did it throw you off when the band’s scheduled just stopped? Going from having a two-year plan to not even having a two-day plan?

Were you worried about not being famous any more? Or making music? About it all just stopping?

Let's talk about the underwear campaign with Hugo. These are some incredible photographs taken by Mert and Marcus…

Had you always wanted to land an underwear campaign?

Before we landed the deal with Hugo I’d gone into my gym and said, “I'm going to get an underwear commercial.” I just wanted to do it; I knew I could do it. And then it actually happened! And I worked my ass off and I'm still hitting the gym: I didn't realise once you get on that thing you can't really turn it off. You've got to keep it going. Like I said, it’s been a lot of training and being an athlete and working out – it became 90 per cent of my job for the best part of a year leading up to that shoot, which was crazy. Come 2019 everyone's a lot more open about body image and I wanted to get in shape. Not to show off my body to anyone else, I just knew that’s what would give the confidence on set. I didn’t want to arrive not ready and not looking like I’d worked hard to get there. But what a thing to do and then to go on to designing clothes for Hugo too – an amazing experience. We actually had the first design meeting [for the clothing line] here and I remember in the car on the way to the meeting thinking, “What have you got yourself into?” That always seems to happen to me. I was lucky enough to spend some time with a friend of mine, Kim Jones [artistic director at Dior menswear], and he gave me some great advice: “It’s the same as music: once you’ve had a hit you know what people want from you.” And I took that with me into the design meeting and used that to help the whole process. Find the hit and make it work.

Have you done a nude shoot before?

Talk to me about the curtain shot...

Still, your parents must be very proud?

The One Direction thing was enough. Just to get to that level. I would have happily walked away at that point. But now with all the other things I have managed to achieve, not least this underwear campaign with Hugo, it’s meant a lot to me personally. I think it’s got me closer to those men whom I respect so much, people like David Beckham and Brad Pitt, such icons in their own lifestyles. It’s a real pinch-me moment. I can’t believe it hasn’t all burnt down to the ground yet, to be honest.

You mentioned a bad patch, a depression of sorts?

Did you stop drinking for a bit?

So, 12 December: Boris or Jeremy?

Zayn has been through his own difficulties with fame and anxiety...

Did you want to reach out to him?

Are there still grudges between the five of you?

#liam payne #liam's solo project #liam's promo #liam for gq #liam's album #liam on 1d #ziam #lirry #lilo #liam on mental health #liam & fashion #liam for hugo boss #liam on politics #Well isn't liam chatty........

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