#idk. like i said. i am just very fucking tired

[lesbiansanemi]

Sorry. Saw a gay trans man accuse a lesbian of being transphobic one too many times because they said they "hate men." Grow up. Grow the fuck up. I'm so tired

#like if you can acknowledge that people of color complaining about white people #or gay people about straight people #or trans people about cis people #has nothing to do with the actual group but is simply voicing frustration #an oppressed group voicing frustration and anger with the oppressor #but you can't acknowledge that when a woman says that about men? ESPECIALLY queer women? #you are at best fucking stupid #most likely just very misogynistic (internalized or not) el oh el #and i'm tired of it getting swept under the rug because no one actually takes misogyny seriously #esp when it's coming from any group OTHER than cishet men #it's almost like you believe women don't actually face systematic oppression #OR they need to be silent and demure about it and never voice frustration or be angry because WOMEN shouldn't act like that #which in of itself is misogyny #idk. like i said. i am just very fucking tired #and this is something i have experienced and seen so fucking often #and no one ever fucking talks about it because they're favorite thing to do is just scream 'YOU'RE TRANSPHOBIC' if you criticize them in an #fucking capacity #anyways. i'm done now. #goodbye #kaz rambles

[the-casbah-way]

forgive the brief jesus chris superstar rant but. there is a very important difference between the pharisees being villains and the pharisees being antagonists. they're technically antagonists because they're actively working against the interests of our protagonist, but i don't believe they should ever be played as villains. they're not evil or bad or wrong. they're terrified just like literally everyone else in the show is, and their actions are completely justified. to me that's the entire point of the musical. it's not about christianity; it's about the impact the roman empire's brutal and violent imperialism had on everyone on all levels. including jesus and judas, but also including the pharisees, and even herod and pilate. when a powerful coloniser forces their presence on innocent people they are the only winners. everyone else suffers, even the puppet kings and high priests who look like they're reaping some sort of benefit from it all. that's roman propaganda. the romans kept native rulers like herod and caiaphas in power to maintain the illusion of provincial autonomy, and keep populations appeased and therefore under control. everyone in the show is acting out of fear of the romans. the one roman character we do see (pilate) is acting out of fear of his own emperor. it makes no sense to cast the pharisees as two dimensional Bad Guys, especially when the same productions that do that usually offer a sympathetic portrayal of pilate. it would be so easy to stage and direct a production in a way that makes it obvious that the pharisees are doing what they're doing because they truly have no choice, and not because they're pure evil and want to kill jesus for the sake of it. it's not only an antisemitic trope but also undermines a really important theme of the musical. if you can see the humanity in the violent roman governor installed forcefully on conquered land then you can afford some humanity for the pharisees too. they are victims of pilate and victims of rome just like everyone else

#THEY ARE NOT ALLIES OF PILATE. they have a common interest yes. ie avoiding punishment from rome #but the pharisees have no choice but to go to pilate. they have no real power. because like i said. they are puppet rulers #i am just tired of seeing the pharisees as villains #IF YOU WANT A VILLAIN (idk why you need to have one i don't think this show is about that) IT SHOULD BE FUCKING PILATE. AND NO ONE ELSE #THE PHARISEES ARE NOT VILLAINS. THEY ARE NOT EVIL. THEY ARE VICTIMS. #i am tired of seeing them costumed or directed in a way that makes them stereotypical Bad Guys #the 2k version of jcs is my favourite but i HATE how it portrays the pharisees at times especially annas #when annas pushes judas to the floor for literally no reason it's like. you are going out of your way to make these guys seem evil #sucks because the actor from 2k is the best annas i've ever seen in terms of presence and voice #and the actor who plays caiaphas in that film does a really good job at showing fear instead of pure anger and evil #but it's generally all still done in a way that makes the priests seem evil. in my opinion #and yes i called pilate violent. he's not in A Lot of productions but. the real pilate was an extremely brutal governor #and there's a very good reason for portraying him as such. especially when you consider the themes i mentioned here #jesus christ superstar #jcs #ask to tag

[ff2-soda-pop]

I'm starting to question if I should even bother with the stupid paper.... I'm probably just gonna fail anyways lmao

#ive been running around stuck on Babysitter Duty for the past three days and the teacher only gave us any instructions on thursday yet #somehow expected a full paper done and edited by sunday. even if i wasnt stuck on babysitter duty she'd get a shitty paper just due to how #little TIME that is to get things done. but because i am on babysitter duty uhhh..... well so far there's no paper #ive been spending practically full days having to take care of my sister and i cant just Ignore Her so i havent done my paper while watchin #her because again: my focus needs to be on Her. and shes incredibly loud which makes it super hard to focus. fun combo /s #so i was like 'i'll just stay up Really Late and do it then' but that hasn't worked because my sister WONT GO TO BED if im awake. i was up #until 4am last night hoping she'd fall asleep and shut up and i could work but Nope! #and then i got too tired to even care anymore #i've tried explaining this to others and they're just like 'ok well you just need to find a way to make it work :/' which is very much #easier said than done! and im scared about this paper because this teacher doesnt accept late work at all for pretty much any reason #and im sure she wont understand my situation. because shes also the teacher that didnt understand that i didnt have the textbook on time #because it was still being shipped and i dont control the rate at which book ships and she was like #'..........okay well you still need to have the book by tomorrow at least <3' when i told her the book had Just shipped and idk when i'd ge #the dumb thing. so yknow i dont have high hopes about this #also just as extra 'make stuff more difficult' i have zero accommodations because my mom cant keep track of my fucking IEPs and they wont #let me have accommodations unless i have that and idk how to get a copy anymore. so i've also been running around with no help in that area #and it's not great </3 #idk im just stressed out and frustrated and i Want To Cry :) #vent

[chillllii]

when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent

#well i'm not fucking talking to you am i #this is not directed at every reader but i think even if you think ''i'm not that bad #chilllli yelps #not everything autism/adhd/audhd does is cool we do annoying shit sometimes and that's just a fact that yall dont wanna hear #it's also ok to make mistakes and it's ok for your brain to have flaws #but also when you interrupt people to say smth that either no one cared to hear. no one was even saying. or fuck maybe someone already said #it. it's a little fucking annoying and when you do it over and over and over and over sometimes people get sick of your shit #you have flaws you are imperfect and your ego will be your social death if you do not learn to allow others to speak #fuck #if people start screaming at me btw cause i said smth that's true i'm blocking and deleting that shit #work on yourself #i also know yall are gonna be like ''oh well *I* never interrupt people and when i do i apologize you should at least do a small self evalua #just a small ''well do i listen to my friends very well? do i listen to the conversation i am a part of?" #also to yall who go into discord calls and lurk but sometimes talk think ''when i speak is it actually relevant to some extent? #or if you REALLY wanna talk about it it's ok just try to find a way to segway into what you wanna talk about cause that's how conversations #work. #i dont really expect this post to go anywhere tbh i'm just kinda frustrated cause i know a lotta neurodivert people who do this and idk how #say that interrupting people is annoying and disrespectful cause i know the brain chemical gets excited when it has smth it wants to talk- #about #i love you and i want you to tell me things. i also want to say things and when you talk over me to tell me things it comes off as you not #giving a fuck what i or others even are saying cause you're taking over the conversation with your shit that's irrelevant and no one has- #mentioned #idk i think i'm tired of seeing people be disrespected all the time but not knowing a polite way to tell them that they need to wait their- #turn to speak and when it's appropriate to change the subject

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[sunforgrace]

I know it’s heavily disputed about the extent and canon veracity of cas “picking up on dean’s longing” and what exactly that even means or entails. but thinking about that period after jack offscreen raised cas from the empty and before dean died.

#he sat on that floor ignored sam’s calls put his head in his hands and wept. is the thing. he ran up those stairs #i myself am undecided on the meaning and extent of that whole aspect the longing thing i mean and well i think it’s honestly the result of #initial planned arc turned network season renewals network legacy juggernaut with multiple writers and show runners with a range of. #quality and a not insignificant amount of retcons or logical and lore clashes #but as it is I think I’ve arrived to it being not much more than how it was described. informal prayer. perhaps to some extent not #not purposeful more involuntary the way thoughts can be. but also not just feelings experienced in your own headspace or all thoughts #I’m on a saying not very much with a lot of words kick tonight on account of the sleepy tired on low hours of it all but there is a thread #there that could be worth picking at. maybe. idk. at the end of the day that finale was really fucked up in a lot of ways! so my brain will #keep inventing new ways for me to poke at it. what’s that post about bad content with some worthwhile aspects inviting more #poking at than good and satisfying and well written enclosed works because well they already said all the things and said it well? is the #thing? or something like that. i have a headache tonight can you guys tell

[widevibratobitch]

.

#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333 #sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy #both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol #and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol #am i jealous? fuck yeah i am. #and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like. #when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig #but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee #but yknow. dont give up uwu' #and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her #and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend #but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt #*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should #and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson #and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3 #now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?' #also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today #and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests #im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol) #i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up #in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown. #but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair #i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant #and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice #anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7 #like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her #and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is #oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty #when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot #because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'

[altruistic-meme]

sometimes it's nice when you have friends who try and look out for your mental health. and sometimes it's incredibly annoying.

#like yes i HAVE been very low on mental capacity these last few days but have you considered #that when i said 'no im ok' i actually meant that i was. idk. ok? #at some point you no longer need to keep insisting that 'oh you know you dont HAVE to go out we ubderstand if youre too tired' #'we wont he upset if you tell us that you dont have the spoons dont worry :)' #'jsyk theyre only going /for/ you so like if you dont WABT to you dint HAVE to ok? :))))' #ok or you could just fucking say you dont want to go. #ya know. like an adult. #i invited you bc its a fun thing ti do its not like i was going to tgrow a fit if they said no im???? #and i HATE HATE H A T E that theyre trying to frame it as a 'oh YOU are overwhelmed and YIU are probably tired so dont worry about it' thing #like please dont use MY mental health as a fucking excuse ok thanks #sorry #i am. more annoyed about this than i thought. #anyway i wanted to go bc i know i need to get out of the fucking house for smth other than work on occasion #and it was a free fucking event #but :) #whatevrr :)) #cus now im mad :))) #shh ac

[myownprivatcidaho]

whats tough about like. Having Chemistry and spending time with someone at the start of the spring semester is that valentines day is coming up and its like a make or break point with what you may or may not Be and you have to question what direction things are headed in and its a pressure just Not present in the fall semester idk. idk

#we uhhhh. kinda hit a bump in the road ...... idk. #hes. been very gentle and kind and understanding about where im coming from and so we havent talked in a couple days but just .... #god ok fuck it. we were hanging out saturday night and at some point we were going somewhere where parking sucked so i just suggested we go #in his car rather than separate bc finding parking for ONE car is a Struggle. anyways so afterwards we went back to where i parked my car #and i hahahhaaaaa was NOT leaving. it was just past midnight and so we were just hanging in his car talking for abt an hour #in there at some point i told him about that last crush and how it dragged on and he was like jesus CHRIST sia thats a lot #i was reclined in my seat and shutting my eyes listening to the music and i caught him looking at me a couple times andddddd uh #yeah basically i ended up in his lap and then we were kissing and touching and grinding for like the next hour and a half #and he asked if i wanted to go back to my place and i was like uhhhhhhhhhhhh not now so we stayed in there and just made out & talked more #and then he TOLD me. basically hes in a similar situation i was in this time last year. like a girl he liked and was talking to actually #has a bf. hes sorta in limbo and she still talks to bim and is stringing him along and playing off his hopes theyll get together for. #entertainment ig. everyone at this school is fantastic btw. jesus fucking christ. #so yeah he told me bc he said he didnt wanna hurt me or end up fucking me over and that i deserved full honesty and didnt want to get my #hopes up. which i REALLY appreciate. we talked for 8 days he got carried away once and immediately owned up. i do appreciate that #so like. he said that we can just be friends with or without benefits and i said id think about it. then at like 3 am we went home and he #check in with me to make sure i was alright since he could tell i had a LOT on my mind. i said id call him the next day and so we talked #and basically i explained the reason for my apprehensions and why i said no to hooking up (csa) and he was really understanding #and then like. i just asked him more about what was going through his head the night before & he described it as a heat of the moment thing #(which i agree it was) and like. he was genuinely concerned about me tho. idk #i told him that after i got home i had to shower for an hour scrubbyat every place he touched me and that im tired of feeling used #and he really heard me out and listened. he also asked if he hurt me and i said no but it def could have gotten to that point and i #and so he said 'im sorry for making your life at all hafrder to deal with' and i REALLY really #appreciate him being as honest as he was. so i said its cool we can be friends but i just need some space rn & he once again was really #understanding & said 'for as long as you need. just let me know whenever youre ready to just be friends again & if you need me to stay sway #from [xyz places we hung out] just let me know and if you need anything for class just feel free to reach out' #and. GOD i appreciate him. so that convo closed out on good terms. i was worried id need WEEKS but it rlly was just a few hours after that #i was ok again. traumas all about narratives and before that convo all i could see was another instance i was usee but like. #after actually talking it out all the fear around it dissipated and i can just see it for what it was: 2 friends who got carried away #but i really REALLY appreciate how hes handled this and we're both single & attracted to each other and so the question im thinking now is: #crushposting

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#christ. so i was selected as the top candidate for the program i interviewed with on Friday #and im very annoyed and very pleased and also annoyed that im pleased #im pleased bc it means that they were impressed with what ive done to this point and they think i communicate well. which is cool #and the project is very very cool and id love to work on it #am annoyed bc this does put pressure on me to accept bc they can only put one student forward so if i dip out then thats it for them #which i find extremely stressful. and everything is just so much more complicated if i go to the uk for a phd #and i dont get the luxury of faffing about and taking a bunch of classes like i could in the us. ugh but it would b so cool to go back to #the uk and i wouldn't have to fucking drive. ugh. this project. #ugh its like my boss said #sometimes the project is more worth it than the school. id have crazy cool opportunities to learn things on this project #but at the cost of taking a lot of classes in the us. but every project is what u make of it #but im so fucking dyslexic thst its hard to learn outside a classroom bc i cant concentrate and i dont have a person talking me thru the #info. so idk idk. hopefully when i visit the other school ill kno how i feel #god but i loved living in the uk. and i could travel so much more freely there bc the trains and all that. im so fucking restricted bc im #so terrified of driving. i dont have good reaction speed and i space out too much and i get intrusive thoughts #sigh... but id be a whole 24hrs of travel away from my family instead of the 10hrs thst i am now #so id probably only get to see them once a year maybe? in contrast to 2 or 3 times #and im just worried something terrible will happen and then ill be like fuck i wasted all my time making myself miserable so far away #idk. im so tired. we had like a mile abd a half hike out to a site one way and we left at 7.30 got back at like 4 #it was a long fucking day. and im tried. and i have no filter. and when i talk too much it really annoys me #also! i got confirmation that i fucking suck at recording data. wow im so shocked. its basically designed for me to be terrible at #but its still slightly embarrassing. like srry i fucked up ur data. i cant write words correctly #literally i kept writing my Ls upside down today. why? idk that not how i see them. my brain just cant make Language right lol #whatever. my parents r calling tomorrow and i can info dump at them abt my dyslexia knowledge and my academic knowledge of biblical history #bc instead of listening to anything useful to my job. i choose to listen to lectures on neurology and theology. bc fucking idk #its interesting im relearning my bible lore from a non religious perspective. theology is fucking fascinating. ugh anyway #i shoulf sleep im so fucking tried #unrelated

[batbluud]



man, i really just. absolutely loathe living through this era of everything i once cherished growing up degrading into corporate sludge. websites i once adored using are either gone or had to go so corporate to survive they are barely even a facsimile of what i once loved. no more flash games. no more forums. no more fun. every website has to look like tiktok even though i and many others fucking loathe that app. no more customizing your page with html, no more blingee, no more making silly amvs, everything has a copyright bot on it, youtube poops i used to love watching have been erased from existence cus of said aforementioned bot, we're in the post-sopa era where they won and all the absolutely insane religious fascists in the govt are trying to censor any and everything that they don't agree with on the internet, ban this, ban that, "protect the children"...i hate this place. i can't do it no more brother HH. i want to live through a sludge era. i want to do whatever the fuck i please without some puritan fuck breathing down my neck. what is the point in wasting air if you can't do anything with it?? Like Actually What Is The Point of living if you're not allowed to, well, live. christ alive.

#sorry for rambling but i am so tired besties <3 #sorry i havent day drank in a while and kittens cranky. #anyway no matter what any suit tries to tell me im going to keep being a nasty faggy trannyboy #so as a wise man once said. you can suck my sock buddy #as a kid who was very much traumatized on the internet none of these weirdo bills are going to fix anything #theyre just going to make it worse for everyone else. straight up #none of that wouldve happened if i just had like. idk. a single reliable responsible adult in my life #i feel like pure fucking shit man i just want girls go games dot com back. and kongregate

[eucharistcunningham]

so glad that eucharist is an oc and that there is not an insane fandom out there who sent the actress death threats bc she liked a ship she was part of that was close to being canon. sure glad that never happened huh

#that was absolutely batshit i hate the fandom so much #like sorry ur gay little ship isnt gonna happen and sorry that he Almost got w a girl but what is ur fucking problem jesus #ooc. #negative cw #like. do i think the gay little ship would b fun. absolutely #but the actors have literally said that if my girlie didn't die they probably would've gotten together #that he had a crush on her #idk just like #come out of ur little dream bubble and remember that these r human beings and ur shitty for the way you treat them #god im not in a good mood tonight huh #i am just. tired #i am very tired of. the way people treat each other. the way people criticize each other #and like its unrealistic to just ask that people just be nice and kind to each other and i think thats so sad!!!! #like why are people mean all the time i simply do not #understand why u would choose to be mean and rude and threatening to strangers

[i-am-thevoid]

genuinely uncomfortable with people being attracted to me lately esp when I KNOW they arent seeing me in the way I want like please fuck off and leave me alone

#that one person who kept messaging me after i said i was goin thru shit a d couldnt talk and they proceeded to CONTINUOUSLY FUCKING message #being all like ohhhh youre ao my type shut up and fuck off I said i cant do this and another who makes it so awkward but afterwards will #text tge same thing everyday im sorry but im too tired to deal with conversations rn #and im atarting to tgink hey maybe im not interested in relationships at all!! #im just a manwhore in theory but i cannot deal with commitment #idk im so bad at tgis stuff #but like cmon cant i just live my life theyre projecting shit onto me and assuming my gender/sexuality like FUCK OFF let me BE MYSELF #please #rant cause ig this is actually pissing me off? #i wish i knew how to deal with this shit man. help #IM LOSING MY MIND AND ITS NOT FUN. PEOPLE IN MY LIFE PLEASE SEE THAT I AM 2S AND STOP ASSUMING #doesnt help that ive never really been hit on before genuinely and am kinda new at this and very confused (fellas got a touch of the tism)

[ambiguousgrass]

I'm reading transcripts of the exile streams and just. Wow. C!dream was a fucking asshole. Like I've watched these streams before but sweet jesus I forgot the extent of his bullshit.

#I've been in the fandom since november 2020 and I watched as many vods as I could from before then but I've mentally blocked out/forgotten- #so much that it feels like I'm watching for the first time again and it's a bit strange lol #grass yells into the void #block men #tommy was doing his best and it just makes me so sad the entire exile arc was fucking rough he did not deserve that #<- hot take I know /sarcasm #no but like the fandom is definitely aware of exile but I feel like so many people haven't watched the streams so they're not really aware o #like I've seen a lot of dark!sbi discourse which I'm not going to touch with a ten foot pole btw leave me the fuck out of that #but anyway I've seen so many people get upset at the actions of the characters in dark sbi works and claim that the author shouldnt've- #written something like that meanwhile they wholeheartedly support c!dreams actions #idk it's just a bit funny to me #again I'm not taking a side on the whole dark sbi thing I really don't want to be involved in that shitfest #but some people who are vehemently against the genre are a bit hypocritical imo #if you're gonna be an apologist (or whatever people call it) for a character don't denounce another character for doing the same things :/ #god I am so tired my sleep schedule is so fucked up and my pain meds arent working so I'm very opinionated today while being sleepy #not a great combo lol I'll probably delete this later if I come back in a better state of mind and think all of what I just said was bs #<-very likely #I'm afraid to tag this as discourse so I'm not going to plus all of the stuff that would merit that is in the tags soooo #should be good I think #dear lord I need to sleep

[arthur-r]

i love (love) (/not correct not sincere this is an untrue fact about myself) dissociating at band practice and then being expected to sing about wanting to kill myself it’s so fun

#fuck. like i’m the person writing these songs but they are not for these moments #catharsis is something you can experience while you have some semblance of a will to live. not when you are staring into space blankly #feeling like a broken person. and actually at that very moment wanting to die #anyway i’ll be okay. just got home. this mom and kid were in the elevator with me up to the apartment and the mom recognized my cello #(​as being a cello i mean) and asked me about it and i told her i’m in a punk band about it and she said that’s the coolest thing #so that was good and cool. and they live on the third floor i live on the first so i might not see them again. but it was nice #and band was fine. and my band likes my song. but sometimes it actually is bad to sing about this stuff sometimes #(especially because it’s like. this particular song is also about. insecurities in relationship. and i’m able to play the song because i #don’t really feel those insecurities as much any more and i’m in a better place with regards to. not spiralling about being loved. however #that only applies to the relationship insecurities of that moment. when i was writing it. and i went a while without developing new ones #but now there’s a lot of irl friendships that feel as unstable as i felt at that time. and so now the song means something to me directly #and now it hurts again. and it’s not good. i’m like scared for certain people to ever hear it) #anyway my mom and little sister are actively waiting for me to come out of the bathroom where i sit typing this. and tell them how band was #and whatever i say will not involve any of these facts. but i sure have to go say it #so idk. i love you guys. struggling a bit. but i’ll be okay. scary current relationships mentioned = nobody here i feel pretty stable #i have built relationships that i feel confident about. with the most important people. and that is really good and i’m glad #there are other newer scarier relationships that i am going insane about. a teacher and two students and a coworker. wish me luck #anyway i have to go. but yeah. idk. i’m so tired. heading out now. be back in a bit #me. my post. mine. #delete later #suicide mention #ask to tag #vent cw #(kind of) #friends only

[munamania]

i can’t believe i just read a post with my own two eyes that the only interesting thing about ronance is steve’s emotional reactions to them. steve stans do you hear yourself. and can you ever like. not say things

#i understand with the characters in the show right. that none of your fun pretend steve gay ships would need to be examined by an outsider #bc eddie’s new and jonathan. is on the other side of the nancy breakup lol. and yet no one involves her or those complex feelings talking #abt them. but we want all of steve’s possible emotional reactions to the lesbian characters #can i be honest. i am so tired of the trope where there’s a guy who one of them breaks up with and he’s just there after the lesbians get #together and ik that’s not the case here and it’s just residual resentment for that bleeding into this but. are you joking #ngl! i don’t want to know about a man’s opinions of my relationships. even if it’s my gf’s ex. even if we all happen to be friends. like #maybe im in the minority there. maybe it’s okay if steve is just like whatever #because he canonically said he was over her. and i get first loves mean a lot. but like. what the fuck #like???????????? #i get he’s your baby boy he’s your number one he can do no wrong. but. that’s the only part of the r0nance dynamic you care about #that’s all you want to know. very least you could do is not involve that post anywhere near the tags #something abt it just doesn’t sit right. and ik you can come at me with ‘just block people’ #but i think i’m disturbed by the number of people who are like omg yeah!!!!! #maybe not everything has to be abt him idk just a thought. sorry steve stans. #also i realize it’s not a ‘trope’ that’s the wrong word but it’s happened enough in shows that i’m like oh my god. can the lesbians just #like exist maybe. perhaps