#idk why i wrote this post it literally came out of nowhere lol

[constant-merlin-torture]

Merlin Thoughts pt1

I’m just gonna copy and paste one of my notes app rants so that I can collect my thoughts.

I think I wrote this in June.

Alright. Rant here. So, I wanna start off by saying that I’m not here to start a ship war—as someone who is trying to claw my way out of this fandom/my obsession, it’s easier for me to fathom my issues with Merlin as a show if I talk my way through it. So here it is.

My biggest thing after thinking and talking and complaining and watching and reading, I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason I had such difficulty watching Arwen on the show was because it felt like 1) the relationship was overcompensating and 2) it felt like Arthur was cheating on Merlin. Now now now I know that the second point is purely subjective, but I want to break down why I felt that way. It honestly felt like it was hard to watch because I would have thought it was cute as hell and would have rooted for it and waited for their interactions—like I do with every show I watch cause I’m a nerd—I instead found myself doing that with Merthur, which for me is a sign that something has gone wrong with the relationship for me to be shipping a relationship that isn’t canon. Arwen would have been SO FUN for me to ship because they have so much cute content. 

Like I rewatched the show for the first time, and like there’s an evil Gwen episode where they are just being SO AFFECTIONATE that I love it, but I can’t love it without feeling weird. I think it’s because I’d prefer watching it if it were Arthur and Merlin. Arwen, to give it credit, is cute and deafeningly affectionate, but it feels that there wouldn’t be so much discussion (literally 15 years worth) if the relationship were solid and Merthur was just a fan hallucination. The fact is—these claims to a relationship between Merlin and Arthur that is a step above friendship are sound. Because I think we can all collectively agree that Merlin and Arthur would have been in a relationship if one of them were a girl, so why is it different when Merlin is a man? We can’t hide behind the excuse of them not being sexually affectionate, when there was physical touching, EYE SEX, jealousy (The evil Gwen episode, Gwaine, Lancelot, hello???), trust, emotional dependency, and the fact that they both definitely loved each other. 

It’s a beautiful friendship, no doubt about it, and I am not hating on people that think of it that way. I like that too! But I prefer them romantically because I think it works better that way. Also, those that say Arthur was actually jealous with Gwen, obviously. He loved Gwen too. But, I don’t think, at least not the way it is, that he loved her more. 

Okay so current time anon here, I just read this after a while and I’m about to get SO ANGRY out of nowhere so just, idk, steel yourself and know that I don’t really feel this way anymore??? I still want to post it to stay true to the original emotions I had, but ngl I’m a little aggressive lol. Again. Again. Again. I love gwen (probs my favorite in seasons 1-3), love Arwen when I watch it and dispel thoughts of Merthur, but prefer merthur. So. here it is.

And, I’m sorry, I’m sick and tired of people saying that they “understand Merthur, but don’t think that the show opting for Arwen was heteronormativity.” It completely fucking was. Arthur and Gwen, for most people, came out of nowhere and the relationship was VERY sappy and it felt like they were screaming at us 

“LOOK! see! THEY ARE IN THE SAME ROOM SO ARTHUR LOVES HER AND oh you don’t believe it???? WELL HERE LETS TAKE GWEN OUT OF THE ROOM AND HAVE HIM BRING HER UP????? oh you’re saying that he does that with Merlin too and more often and louder???????? THEN HERE LETS STICK SOME STUPID PROPHECY OR PREMONITION AND oh you’re saying that he has that with Merlin too, and that he is his destiny????? shit man that makes sense what do we do——LETS JUST SCORE SOME OVERLY ROMANTIC MUSIC AND PUT LIGHT ON ANGEL COULBY CAUSE SHE LOOKS MAGNIFICENT IN IT AND THEN HAVE ARTHUR MAKE HEART EYES ok I know he does that last bit with Merlin too BUT YOU DIDNT EXPECT THAT WED MAKE THEM KISS DID YOU??????oh you did cause that’s usually how shows tell you to ship a couple gotcha well your argument makes sense but sucks to be you but here take some queerbaiting and some overdone Arwen scenes and ooop let’s kill Arthur and byeee.

I’m mad yes.

Okay thats it. That’s the rant I wrote in my notes app. It’s funny to see how angry I got, but I think I’m better able to collect my thoughts now that I’ve gotten that out of the way. Don’t judge till I’ve posted that tomorrow!

#merthur #merlin x arthur #bbc merlin #merlin emrys #merlin #gwen #guinevere #arthur #arthur pendragon #arwen #fuck uther #cause why not #also this is a joke #not really #but these thoughts are old

[junjungsunwoo]

2 kids, Mi Amor, Teardrops on my Tulips, Guns, Roses, and a Broken Promise  Vasílissa Mou (My Queen), Ruined Innocence ,The Work Of You ,The Ghost Of You

for the wip game love~

Sarah, my Queen, the Clyde to my Bonnie, my love <33

2 Kids: This story was (clearly) heavily based on Taemin's "2 Kids", more specifically the line "We were just 2 kids, too young and dumb" I had the idea for it out of nowhere after I finished read a really good angst fic (idk remember what it was tho), and I just wanted to hurt someone's feelings so that's really what made me want to write it lol

2 Kids:

The story starts with us in the reader (y/n)'s point of view. The reader and Eric was a couple in high school, childhood sweethearts if you will. The reader is completely in love with Eric, while Eric on the other hand is starting to feel 'weird' and so he starts to ignore the reader and soon the reader couldn't take it anymore, and they break up.

The next flashback ends (the part where we are reading as the reader) and we are now reading the story in Eric's point of view. Eric is remembering all of the times where you would tell him you loved him and how he never really responded with an 'I love you too', and he's regretting everything now.

And I can only give you that much for 2 kids hehe, Moving on!

Mi Amor I've already answerd! You can read that here!

Teardrops on my Tulips: This story wasn't based on anything really, but I had a really good idea for it and I had this title in my head for a long time so I finally had the perfect idea for the title!

Teardrops on my Tulips:

The reader was a Flower shop owner. She loved flowers, every color or every kind. She was always careful with her feelings and was known to be quite cold to the people she doesn't know.

One day, this man comes into her small shop, and the man was one of the most handsome men the reader has ever seen, and she didn't know it, but her heart skipped a beat the moment she landed her eyes on him.

The reader learns that the man's name was Jaemin, and soon, she starts to see him in her little shop every Saturday, buying different types of flowers and talking to her about the meaning of flowers. Slowly, the reader starts to fall for him.

Annnd I can't give you more before I ruin the (not so surprising) plot twist! ;)

Guns, Rose, and a Broken Promise: I'm not gonna lie, this plot came out after reading this really good mafia fic one day and after watching Sunwoo in the "The Stealer" MV because damnnnn that man's got me whipped. The story starts off really cliche but then it gets pretty intense lol.

Guns, Roses, and a Broken Promise:

The reader finds Sunwoo injured in an alley one day and she helps him out. The reader is very suspicious of Sunwoo and doesn't really trust him but little by little they get closer until one day they fell in love. One day, the fact that Sunwoo was a mafia boss was revealed and the reader is stuck in a place where she either has to break up with Sunwoo or she goes with Sunwoo to the mafia.

And I'm gonna stop there since I'd like you to read the story to find out what happens hehe, anyways, moving on-

Vasílissa Mou (My Queen): This story literally came out of nowhere. It's going to be written for a collab of mine (I'm pretty sure it's for Meraki. but don't quote me on that.) and I really just wanted to write about Greek god! Juyeon cause like, that man is *chef kiss*. If you didn't know, Vasílissa Mou is greek for (well if isn't obvious,) "My Queen". This story is heavily based on the Greek love story of Hades and Persephone.

Vasílissa Mou (My Queen):

Juyeon was a very lonely man. He was very powerful and a single word from him can destroy the whole world but he was very lonely. He had no companions other than his beloved dog, Cerberus- the guard dog of the underworld.

One time, while on a walk above the underworld, he stumbles across a beautiful woman- you. Juyeon was love struck. He didn't know what he was feeling. It felt warm and...soft- something Juyeon thought he could never feel. He knew he would do anything to get you, that he'd do anything for you.

He couldn't get over the sudden feeling that bloomed in his heart, and he starts to obsess over you. He would away watch as you interact freely and happily with the other god while he just watched on the side, too afraid that he would scare you. But he just couldn't take the feeling of being empty anymore- he needs you to fill him up, he needs you. Now.

And that's all I can give you mjsbgskdbjgkrsg You'll have to read to find out what happens hehe

Ruined Innocence: This highkey was also inspired by Sunmi's "Tail" because damn Queen slayed that comeback. I really wanted to flip the stereotypical roles around and have Younghoon as the innocent figure and the reader the "bad influence" so that's what I did, btw, this is set in a superhero/villain world.

Ruined Innocence:

The reader and Younghoon meet at a mutual friend's party. The reader was intrigued by Younghoon's innocence and she finds it amusing when he would shy away from her. She makes it her mission to turn Younghoon into a baddie. She takes every chance she gets to get close to Younghoon and spend time with him.

Little by little, Younghoon begins to fall under the reader's influence and starts to slowly turn more and more rebellious.

That's all I'll give you, for now, hehe, I'm super excited to write this out!

The Work of You: I've already told you about this one Sarah, but I'll post it for those who don't know because why not hehe. This wasn't really inspired by anything, I just liked the gore that will be in the fic hehe

The Work of You:

Kevin was a natural-born artist. It was like he had the touch of the Greek god Apollo. Any Canvas he touched was turned into paintings worth millions of dollars and all the songs he produced and sung were as if angels were hosting a choir. Kevin had only once muse- you.

You were everything to Kevin. Without you, Kevin wouldn't be where he is right now. Kevin loved you. He loved you so much. So much that it hurt him every time you were out of his sight. He couldn't stand being away from you even for a second. He loved you. He'd do anything for you to make you stay with him.

Anything. As long as you stay close to him.

And that's all I'll write for this one ljsbsldbg Sarah knows what's up after this but I' not gonna say, so please don't spoil in the comments Sarah~

Annnnd onto our last one!

The Ghost of you: I had this idea for a while when I started writing for my other WIP "Death of An Angel" but I wrote the other one for Jacob because baby is an angel, and when I joined Luna's Seventeen Halloween collab I knew I had to write this!

The Ghost of You:

The reader goes through a series of horror-filled situations the day before Halloween, and everywhere she looked, she could only see ghosts of the dead flying around excitedly. The reader was then dragged into an investigation by her boyfriend- Jeonghan, who acts very suspicious throughout the entire investigation. The reader spends the entire night and day of Halloween trying to help her detective boyfriend solve a case with her necromancy abilities.

And that's that! That's all I can give you!

I finally finished all of the ones you ask after about what? An Hour? lgnsgnsegk

I hope these caught your attention!

#ask #ask games #Sarah~ #Taemin-Jaemin #answered! >~<

[spencer-reid-in-a-pool]

A - Z 🤍🤍

I’m assuming this means all the asks! So buckle up LOL. And thank you for taking an interest in lil ole me. 

A: How did you come up with the title to [insert fic]?

Since you didn’t specify which title, I’m just going to talk about how I come up with titles in general. Normally, they happen one of two ways. Either I will come up with a title I think sounds cool out of the blue and then base a fic of its vibes, or I will write a fic to completion before deciding on a title. I like to use something that one of the characters say in this situation. It feels very full circle to me, if you will. 

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

Unfortunately, my life is nowhere near as cool as the characters’ lives I write about. So no, I can’t say that my stories are based off personal experience. Unless you count me naming side characters my middle name every so often to indulge myself oops. 

C: What member do you identify with most?

I guess by member it means character? And to be honest, I’m not really sure. I relate a lot to Spencer Reid I suppose, because I have never been popular and have always been a target for whatever shit life throws at me. I also like to think I’m kinda intelligent? Although if you look at my grade in my stats class right now, idk what to tell you-

D: Is there a song or a playlist to associate with [insert fic]?

Since there was no specific fic asked about, I can’t really answer this one! But to be honest, I don’t think there are any fics that I have written that I associated with songs. 

E: If you wrote a sequel to [insert fic], what would it be about?

The first one that came to mind is Guest Speaker. If I wrote a part three for that, it would probably be fluffy domestic cute stuff with Spencer. 

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

“I don’t even know what it was…it happened so fast. Did you kill it, Geralt?” Jaskier asked in a huff. Geralt crossed his arms, and shook his head. “I figured I should make sure you didn’t die first, bard.” Jaskier nodded, a simple “Ah,” leaving his lips. “Well, no matter. You can fix me right?” 

He sounded like he was poking fun at the situation, but I could hear the fear in his words. I decided to try and make him smile before I did this next part. It would be painful.

“Anything for Geralt of Rivia and his emotional support bard.”

(This was just really funny to me for some reason, and I feel like I did a good job with their characterizations! And then Y/N comes back with the emotional support bard comment and it’s something I would say in real life. From this fic.)

G: Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

It depends on my mood! Sometimes if I’m frustrated with a story or a scene, I’ll write them out of order based on what type of thing I feel like writing. But I would say 75% of the time I write my fics in order.

H: How would you describe your style?

To be honest, I have no idea. Do I even have a style? I just write stuff and hope that people read it and like it. 

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

Happy endings pfft. So cliche, but like- they make me happy. Unless I am feeling particularly angsty that day and want to make an ending a complete train wreck >:) 

J: Write or describe an alternative ending to [insert fic].

In this fic...I would let reader live LMAO. But like- I was feeling angsty that day okay-

K: What’s the angstiest idea you’ve ever come up with?

Reader dying at the end of the fic LMAO, in the fic linked in the previous one above this one.

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

Uhh 😬 Maybe once? If that 😅 I’m usually so excited to post that I just kinda go ahead and click post and hope for the best. I rely on spell check and grammar check a lot 💀And I just hope my story flows well.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

I don’t think so! I keep my to do list public so everyone can see what fics I have planned. The only two I don’t have on there are the ones for the upcoming fic swap on @imagining-in-the-margins ‘s discord! But that’s cuz they’re secret :)

N: Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

I wish that I would finish the 85486824 WIPS I have, does that count? And that I would write down all the ideas I have in my head that I haven’t even given words yet. 

O: How do you begin a story–with the plot, or the characters?

Ooh this is a tough one. I’m not really sure how to answer it actually. There have been fics that I come up with a general idea for a plot for first, and then others I will decide what characters I wanna write for before I have any clue as to what the plot might be. 

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Oh I am 100% the type of writer to let the story unfold as I go. I have outlined two, maybe three of my fics? And then I didn’t even follow through with them because I had more ideas come to me as I was writing. 

Q: How do you feel about collaborations?

I would literally LOVE to collab with someone!

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

There are a ton, and I am so sorry if I missed any! @imagining-in-the-margins @randomfandomimagine @reidetic @lexieshuntingsstuff @writing-in-april @reidgraygubler @zhuzhubii @dreatine @andiebeaword @dontkissthewriter @spencers-dria @sunlight-moonrise @personofsinterest @ontheoddoccasioniwritestuff @reidlusts @itslatinamagia

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

Oh boy! 😅 There was only one bed, mutual pining, manic pixie dream girl, kissed to keep quiet, just to name a few!

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

Not that I can think of! 

U: Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

But I have way more than three :’( @imagining-in-the-margins is definitely the first one off the top of my head. Last year I was in a really bad spot, and she invited me to her Discord, and it helped me get back into writing. Plus I made some life long friends in the server. @writing-in-april I love her sm because she is always around when I need her, and it’s nice to have a friend that thinks fairly similarly to me. @lexieshuntingsstuff and @reidgraygubler go hand in hand! They are the best sprinting buddies a girl could ask for. 

V: If you could write the sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Ooh this is a tough one. I can’t think of any off the top of my head! Lame answer, I know 😅

W: Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

Definitely more specific ones lol. It makes it a lot easier on me. 

X: A character you enjoy making suffer.

Reader >:))

Y: A character you want to protect.

SPENCER REID AND JASKIER OKAY THEY DESERVE THE WORLD

Z: Major character death–do you ever write/read it? Is there a character whose death you can’t tolerate?

Again- Spencer and Jaskier. I will not TOLERATE THEIR ERASURE !! 

[aquagustd]

It's not weird at all omg!! Can I hug you???? Bcs I feel like that too that we have become close!!! Only if I could punch this stupid silly depressive mood swings of mine then I could send you asks more often!!! Ugh!

Also thank you fro being so understanding and sweet always! 🥺

I can totally picture you getting all excited and happy (and probably crying) after getting the news bcs that's HUGE! Can I give you another hug???????

My day just came and went lol! But at least I posted the Jin fic I was writing for so long like a bullock cart! And for that.... your gift might get late.... I am sorrryyyyy 🙇‍♀��

Idk if this is relevant but I just wanted to share with you😅 for the past few days idk why I messaged most of my mutuals and friends that i haven't talked in a very long while , like in literal years and i felt so happy? Some replied, some are probably not active. Still I felt so happy that I did so!

I was just thinking that I have lost so many people, friends just bcs I didn't texted them or simply just decided that I hate humans...

I realised that even though I like to stay alone I love people and I love talking, sharing, loving.. and finding out that part of mine was truly so, how do I put this in words, freeing?

At the end of 2019, I stopped talking to my best friends (they are twins) bcs they called me a sasaeng just bcs I wrote fanfictions about BTS. And it hurt so much and I couldn't find any logical reasoning behind their accusation! So I decided to stop talking. It was a huge decision for me but I also had been thinking about doing so for a long time before that for some other things they said and that sasaeng thing was the last straw for me.

So a few months ago I started having dreams about them out of nowhere. Probably my subconscious was missing them which made my conscious self miss them too. And I just thought that I should have at least told them that I was upset and that their words hurt me and given them a chance to rethink their words... And thinking that I texted them on all numbers i had of them, also emailed them but I couldn't reach them.. probably they have changed all contact info of theirs.. and given that they are very much introverted and i was their only close friend, there isn't anyone from whom I can get their contact info...

Ah! I feel so lost. We have been friends since we were 10. I hope I can get something somewhere...

😄 sorry for the rant! I just felt like talking to you about it 😅

- Holly 🍀

YESS I WILL ACCEPT ALL THE HUGS 🥺

i did cry a bit when I got the news, because I kind of accepted that I wasn’t going to get in. but I did and I’m…still getting over it.

it’s totally fine if you don’t send asks often!!! don’t feel bad at all. & also don’t rush with the fic !! I’m a very patient person haha.

I totally understand what you’re saying. Like sometimes you just don’t feel like talking to anyone but then you also yearn to speak to them and when you finally do. You just feel good about yourself, like it’s an achievement because you haven’t been in contact with them.

aw man 🥺 I’m so sorry. It must’ve hurt to hear that from your best friends because you start to question your own actions. No one irl knows that I write fanfics & I want to keep it that way because I know what would happen if they find out.

I always believe dreams sometimes try to send you a message about what you’re secretly yearning for. It tells me a lot about the kind of person that you are if you’re trying to contact them after 2 years. I hope you find them and maybe rekindle that friendship 🥺 and don’t apologize for the rant!

#bangtansecretsanta #holly 🍀

[asteroiideae]

1, 4, and 7 for the meta writer ask!

1. Tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

Right now, I’m primarily writing on text-based rpg forums (specifically a Harry Potter one, at the moment, because I’m still a basic sixteen year old at heart I guess lol) but I’ve recently started writing a series of vignettes based on my Scum & Villainy TTRPG party, which has also been a lot of fun! It’s difficult to measure “progress” on my text-based rpg writing, but I’ve been on the same forum for about six months now, running 12 characters, and nearly all of them are heavily involved in the plot, which I consider an accomplishment! My S&V vignettes I’ve only just begun -- debating whether or not anyone would be interested in reading them/whether I should post them up anywhere. I think what I love most about both projects is that they’re purely collaborative! I’m working with other people, their concepts, their goals, and I have come to absolutely adore using my writing (and improv) to support other people’s creative pursuits. ** gonna go out of order so I can drop my writing under a read more, if I can lol 7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree? Oh man this is such a difficult one to answer???? I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about my writing style, honestly. I tend to write from my gut -- I don’t pre-plan a lot, I just immerse myself into my character and then whatever gets written down is what’s happening? (pour one out for my writing partners who get a rough 20 minute response without my proof-reading or editing!) But I guess probably what I’d say I’m known for in my writing circles is my strong sense of character? I’m pretty good at shifting language/pacing/style to suit whatever character voice I’m attempting to convey, and I spend most of my focus on developing those voices. lol idk I don’t consider myself particularly gifted at, or known for, anything beyond that. (Maybe, negatively, I’m bad about utilizing setting. Where the fuck is this scene taking place???? I sure as shit don’t know. I’ve been trying to work on improving that, though.) 4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like) 

Jess, you really came in with the ones I knew I’d struggle with! lol I tend not to be shy about things I know I do well, but I always squirm a little when asked what I like about my writing, for some reason. But! I’ll share two recent pieces that I liked -- gonna drop them under a read more, but I’ll say what I like about them here. 1. The first is a post from my Harry Potter rpg? I really liked it because I don’t often write hardened/wearied characters in such long-standing relationships? So getting to do an entire thread between a mutually-battered couple cleaning each up after a fight is shockingly intimate, and heart-warming, and idk I really love the way this post in particular came out, as a result. 2. I wrote this literally last night as a warm-up! In my Scum & Villainy game I swap between playing twins, and I hadn’t gotten to play as Ditha for several months, so I wanted to get back into her headspace -- which I did by writing something not in her POV? It’s very short, but I love how neatly it captures and introduces who Ditha Thorn is as a woman, without being long or complicated. from this post, if anyone else wants to receive a novel about my writing I guess.

1. Csilla Voronin & Alastor Moody (from Lightning Struck Itself)  Csilla Voronin looks down at Alastor Moody, and raises her eyebrow just a fraction. "I'm in better shape than you are." It's probably true; she's still got all her parts attached, and only the one (admittedly larger and absolutely cursed) wound to contend with. What it isn't however, is entirely true. Csilla is good at lying to everyone but this man, which is why she usually deflects rather than tries to outright tell him an untruth. Her fingers gently run through Alastor's blood-matted hair. It's not worth pressing him to see someone tonight; not in the least, because she wants to tuck him into bed as badly as he wants her to. "Alright." "As if I've ever been paid a wage." The retort comes easier to her lips than the more honest answer: nothing about this relationship is above, or below, her. She draws her fingers from his hair, now safely pushed back from his ear, and studies the mess; sighs, a sound more empathetic than anything else. "It's going to hurt like a bitch." As she draws away, Csilla drops a brief kiss into the crease of Alastor's forehead, using her forearms against the tub to push herself upright. She picks up her wand in one hand, and disappears through the door into the hallway beyond - only to return a moment later with the first aid kit from the kitchen table. She drops the thing onto the sink, and begins to rummage through it. Alcohol wipes, and gauze, tumble out of the kit and into her hands, and she tucks a few between her palm and her wand. "Were you going to ask me something?" She reaches for the distraction, even as she pauses to shimmy out of her trousers, and drops them unceremoniously atop the messy sink. The first aid supplies go onto the toilet lid, while she toes out of her socks. "Or are you just tired?" Either is possible, but Csilla privately suspects the latter. Free of her socks, she balances one hand on the side of the tub, and carefully sets one foot in, nudging Alastor until she can lower herself into the water, knees trapping his thighs between them. She summons the first of the alcohol wipes into her hand with a lazy flick of her wand, and carefully tears it open. All the warning he gets is a steady, apologetic, glance -- and she presses the wipe to the soot-and-blood caked remains of his ear. Her free hand holds his shoulder back against the porcelain, and her legs pin him mercilessly down. Better to get it over with quickly, than to draw the affair out. 2. Ditha Thorn, Scoundrel (from Scum & Villainy; The Morning Glory) It’s just warm enough that the air carries the earthy aroma of cow dung; it’s hardly romantic, but that’s what spring smells like - the ground thaws, and with it, the excrement from innumerable livestock herds. The young woman sprawled on the faded plaid blanket doesn’t seem to notice it, though. She’s leaned back on her forearms, long hair brushing the blanket as she tips her head back to look at the stars. Beside her, a similarly aged boy traces a shape in the air. “Do you see it? Right there, that little blinking light.” He jabs his finger at the sky suddenly, a grin spilling out over his features. “That’s the place, I think. If they’ll take me, I’ll go there to train.” The girl’s expression cools as she narrows her eyes on that point; the youthful curves of her face going hard with disapproval. “What if they don’t?” He sighs, shrugging out of his jacket suddenly, and dropping it on the girl’s legs. For a while, the only sound is the rustling of the late winter breeze through the shorn stalks of corn in the field around them. Although the girl’s expression doesn’t change, she scoops up the leather jacket, slides her arms into the sleeves and wraps it around her shoulders. “Then I guess I’ll be stuck here, too.” He leans forward, wraps his arms around his knees. “I’m not stuck here,” the girl says suddenly. She sits up, drawing her knees to her chest in a mirror of his own posture. “I’m leaving after graduation, there’s nothing on this rock for me.” That uncomfortable silence returns, and the boy shifts back and forth, clearly trying to find a way to dispute her words - but unwilling to do so while sitting alone with her in the dark. The moons begin to creep towards the horizon, the light fades, before either of them speaks again. “Everyone’s stuck here, Ditha.” He drops his arms, pushes himself off the ground and onto his feet. “Maybe your sister’s smart enough to find a school or a job willing to take her, and maybe the Legion will take me, but what do you think you’re gonna do to get out of here?” The girl, Ditha, blinks several times - her eyes still fixed on the stars. “Sounds like a challenge.” A slight huff is the only response to her quiet statement; the boy has known Ditha long enough to know the worst thing to do is dare her to something. Instead he bends down to tug gently on the blanket. “Come on, Di. It’s time to go.” She stands up, lets him lift and shake the sandy dirt out of the blanket, watches him fold it with eyes that barely reflect the faint light in the dark. When he offers her his hand, after tucking the blanket under his arm, she shakes her head. “I’ll find my own way back to town,” she says, in a tone of voice he’s never heard before. He shrugs, turns toward his truck - she’ll probably follow, he thinks. Where else is she going to go? But when he reaches the vehicle, turns with his hand on the door, Ditha Thorn is nowhere to be seen.

#ask post #aster writes fic #lol oh my god I am so sorry this is so long #please forgive me Jess I always do this

[mouseclub]

hi! i took your quiz and got "i hear a symphony" and i'm curious about the other results, but taking the quiz repeatedly is a hassle. could you post them or something? idk man

if you’d like me to, then sure!! fair warning though, i can’t remember if i mentioned it in the results page but the rest are nowhere near as pretty and are mostly kindof silly stories and memories about weird things that have gotten me disproportionately emotional lol. either way, i’ll put them all under the cut :)

claire de lune (but specifically from the danganronpa v3 ost)

CONTEXT: i'm the type that can listen to a song on repeat for literal hours while drawing/writing but one time i listened to this for around 40 minutes while making a drv3 animatic and it ended up throwing me into an existential crisis so fuckin hard i started questioning what i was doing with my life and why i was drawing and i had to turn everything off and go to bed. what this says about you is up for interpretation. godspeed

fuyunohanashi - given

CONTEXT: the last few episodes of given were coming out when the 19-20 school year started and the episode with this song in it came out while i was in class. naturally, i sat there in my 7th period AP lang class and watched it on my phone. problem is, the scene when this song is played shatters me like 50 stacked panes of glass under a hydraulic press and i needed to cry but couldn't because the room was PIN-DROP SILENT. needless to say the moment class was over i made a run for it and cried like a little baby to my confused but ultimately supportive friends. you're a core high school memory and an Emotionally Taxing Bop and you remind me both of wintery cool tones and the silly school memories i wish i hadn't taken for granted. like a snow day except i'm from california so i've never had that sauce. i respect it regardless

everything she wants - wham

oh god the memories. this one was from when i was really head over heels obsessed w this dude and at my peak yearning hours i wrote a wattpad journal entry saying i was gonna listen to this song on repeat until i "fell out of love with him." i forget the details but i guess i did? what this says about you i have absolutely no idea but the song is still a whole vibe and you remind me of funky shades of pink and purple so i respect u immensely

unforgettable - natalie & nat king cole

this ones SUPER fuzzy in my brain but the weird nostalgia from my childhood combined with the weird movie end-credits vibes of this song make me forget that i'm a person when i'm listening. plus the weird calmness but sense of Oh God This Feels Like It Belongs At The End Of A Movie makes me feel like im about to get game-ended which is unnerving. probably the most subtle yet deeply cursed entry in this quiz. i see you

this side of paradise - coyote theory

CONTEXT: this song reminds me very specifically of a few of my comfort characters/ocs and when i heard it the first time it shattered me like glass (but in the good way). im telling you right now youre a BEAUTIFUL soul this is the one entry that's in here not because i was overwhelmingly sad but rather overwhelmingly Oh God Im So Fucking Soft And I Need To Cry About It For Twenty Minutes. anyways i care you thanks for quizzing

jet lag - nct 127

CONTEXT: last summer i got on a flight for the first time since i was a small child and i was STUPID scared but i listened to this during takeoff all 4 flights and let me tell you. did not help. the song itself is chill and you probably are too, but there's always a lingering sense of dread underneath i simply can't shake. do with all this information what you will.

verbatim - mother mother

i used to listen to this song to cheer up bc the lyrics are Haha Funny and it fucking bops but then i got evicted from my childhood home and it... stopped working. this breakdown is one of my core memories so congrats! ur one of the only motherfuckers in this joint that can handle me. if you take anything away from this know your vibes are IMMACULATE and i appreciate you

heaven - exo

CONTEXT: my synesthesia used to go absolutely bananas to this song bc its so YELLOW and the shapes that bounce around in my brain are very pleasant, but a few years ago i was writing fanfic and i wrote the scene where i killed off a character to this song on repeat for an hour and it has never been the same since. it's like when you look at something's surface and it looks pristine but you just Know there's something writhing underneath... but a less intense version of that feeling, because i know it's just the memory i tie to it that makes me feel this way and the yellow vibes cancel it out yknow

scrawny - wallows

this one's pretty short and stupid. i started thinking about a stupid anime boy that i thought had basically died while listening to this song and fuck bro. he really was a scrawny motherfucker w a cool hair style. cue the waterworks. but then after an entire day of on and off mourning i found out he turned out ok and stopped. no i will not elaborate on which boy i am holding onto my last shred of dignity here. what this says about you i'm not sure BUT youre probably cooler than me and your vibes are immaculate i know it in my heart

i hear a symphony - cody fry

this breakdown was yesterday! i was reccommended this song by a friend and immediately fell in love, but it didn't fully hit until the song's climax. and let me tell you. it BROKE me. the a capella beginning, with the piano slowly coming in, then the strings, and suddenly it's growing and crescendoing and-- there it is. my synesthesia goes wild and i lack the language to describe what it looks like other than absolutely grandiose and gold and christ i'm rambling but despite it's simplicity-- or maybe BECAUSE of its simplicity-- if love were a song, it'd be this one. almost all of the other entries are funny anecdotes where i seem to cry about the silliest things but this one i genuinely cannot come up with a joke for and i'm probably biased right now because i'm listening to it on repeat again but damn. you won. you're golden.

#ask #uquiz

[deuce-duce]

Am I...?? (Inwardly GASPS)!! Which Part...??

Today is March 2nd 2021 and I got my puter back and went to look at what I had last written on December 16th 2020. When I opened the file, it had been changed… dates had been obscured and certain things had been reworded… So… I have decided to go back through all of my previous posts to ensure the integrity of what I am writing stays that way! During this process I will be putting together a collection of my favorite quotes and post fragments. Which I will dub Rock and Roll’s Greatest Hits, if you live near me go buy airhorns Ill tell you why, When the greatest hits album comes out. What your about to read is primarily from Dec. 16th with a few changes or should I say… restorations?? Probably a little of both to be honest. Everything is still as it happened, I just add better descriptive words and fine tune the analogies so that they are easier to digest… My English teacher always told me that was what I was good at! Along with many others… who have said the same… not only do I understand it… I’m able to explain it in a way that others understand as well. ENJOY

On the seventh of December I woke up not too sure if something had occurred that night or not… as I have mentioned before they use a numbing agent that basically masks the pain until it wears off approximately 12 hours later… When I a woke on this day I was having moments of clarity and for some reason just couldn’t keep them to myself. talking to one of the staff members of the homeless shelter I expressed my destiny that I actually had one, that was going to bring me to greatness… then out of nowhere I just blurted out there is going to be a power shift!!!! And at that very moment I couldn’t believe what it was that had just come out of my mouth. I didn’t even believe it at first because the guy at the desk was like IDK… about… that… but when I went back into my room, the look on my roommate’s face said it all!! It seems as though those who pull strings and orchestrate a lot of this… put all of their eggs into one basket. I don’t know exactly what the terms of thee bet were but I’m assuming it had/has something to do with me not being able to control my compulsivity associated with my dissociation. Unfortunately for them I made a deal with God. It was while I was on quarantine and even though I was in a basement all by myself people kept F$%^&*!> with me. This is when I prayed stating that I would not falter, for my body his temple his craft and his glory. that I need to take care of myself and my destiny, for it is in his hands and I won’t let my selfishness or imperfections stop him from fulfilling his plan. Over and over again I have cried and cried about how fundamental and powerful this is all going to be. EFFIN CRAZY!! And now that I know without anyone telling me and it literally being given to me somehow is what is freaking everybody out. How do I know or how the hell did I figure it out!! I really couldn’t tell you and the only thing that is possible is that our Creator endowed me with such responsibility. Crazy!! (this was before I considered the probability of God being a woman, A mother, A Lover)

Low and behold one of my favorite artists Mr. Kid, Maniac, Rager, Wizard, Pursuer of Happiness Cudi dropped a new album entitled Man on the MOON Three. Ill have to say it’s a wonderfully made album! The album delves deep into who Scott is… I know the Fans are going to love it.

Rewind a little bit sorry for my hiatus just needed to stay focused and well as your aware have been led here not by accident and had some things that I needed to take care of before I started writing again. Not to mention I have been dealing with a lot only to know that I am who I am for a reason Rockstar Knights off MOTM3 has a lot to say concerning who I am and what I have realized as a result to my struggle. The Song is a collab with Trippie Redd and really encapsulates so much, that its hard to describe in words.

I had a very interesting conversation with my mother the other day and came to a pretty profound thought. 1st I was telling her how I was being told that I am too….!!! Smart!! Like WTF!! REALLY!! Is that even a thing?? But I didn’t let it get to me too much as it probably is the reason I face so much adversity, No matter the community I enter into. This is how I have explained it to her and a couple other people in the community as well as the Rasta Man in the PNW. The best analogy I could present is if a plant with a fire burning so big and so hot on one side of the plant, a fire so big and hot that it probably would kill most other plants, but not this plant. This plant had sooooo much drive and will to live that instead of giving up it grew in the opposite direction of the blaze. While the roots could withstand the blazing inferno becoming one with the heat and pain Upon the journey away from the fire (society) the plant developed different characteristics colors and attributes that no other plant had. Essentially that journey completely changed that plants physiology Psychology and possible its genetic makeup altogether. Now that the plant has grown so far from the fire (Society) that its all alone. Now theres a different kind of fire where he once thought was safe. But as he grows back towards the fire to escape the new blaze (tyranny) he realizes he will never be able to be the same as the fire he grew so far away from. Now the only option the plant has with death being imminent is to grow as big and bright as quickly as possible before it is engulfed on all sides.

All this taken into account along with factoring in the two major belief structures in the world one Being Creation or Evolution (The Big BANG) this plant which has defied all odds still shines brightly displaying its colors and unique characteristics no matter how dark the room may be it still continues to bloom! Is this a Divine will and plan or are we experiencing the next step of Evolution??? My honest opinion is its both! For the mere ability to adapt and change and prevail in situations others couldn’t dream of or even have nightmares about is truly remarkable and in my eyes is an act of GOD! Just as any evolutionary step would be. The crazier part is… he has no handle!! Nothing to grab on to leaving no way for anyone to grab hold and control! AYE….

I thought this all might just be me being stubborn or simply an idiot until for some reason I opened up my meme App. Something I never open or even look at and the first thing that popped up was a picture and quote saying that many told Marilyn Monroe that she was only beautiful because of the clothes and dresses she wore. It then concluded Marilyn Monroe did a photoshoot in nothing but a burlap potato sack. The photos and the message she sent were completely opposite of that which was being said by spectators. Now!! As scrolled to the second meme I was expecting something funny!! That wasn’t the case what I saw next was the upcoming alignment of the two largest planets in the solar system Jupiter and Saturn. Not only does their alignment happen only every 20 years but the proximity of this occurrence to the earth as well as the proximity to each other hasn’t been the same for close to 800 years… What does it all mean… IDK but The Christmas Star is what their calling the alignment and if your familiar with the bible is the star that the kings, from other lands followed  to bring gifts to baby JESUS! Who knows what this alignment could usher in.?

So profound thought comes to me on a daily basis now it’s so strange the way that it comes it will just be momentary thoughts that will pass through my conscience and as they go by I latch on to it delve a little deeper and experience an overwhelming amount of… IDK what to call it but it feels very powerful so much so that it brings me to tears… I don’t know exactly what the future holds but I think that is what makes this so great! I just keep my mind open Like apple IOS Systems letting everything come and go as it pleases when something goes by that strikes me, I latch on and don’t let go. Its weird how it all happens.

Steve Jobs once said that if he had never had an acid trip that he would have never of come up with the operating system for Apple and after explaining to you what I do as a spiritual and destiny seeking process I believe was his thought process as well. This in of itself is what I think they mean when they say to keep an open mind. Just so you know I didn’t come up with that little bit about the late Mr. Jobs by plan it just came to me when thinking about how to have, use and keep an open mind.

The reason I explained this to you was because this is how I Pray! After I pray I sit still with an open mind allowing multiple ideas thoughts and perspectives to pass through my brain… until like an IOS operating system, something speaks to me… when I latch on to it, focus on what it means and what it will mean… “I Get Those Goosebumps Everytime” (Goosebumps, Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar, Birds in the Trap Sing Mcknight, 2016). This is how you know! A little extra for ya, when I went to look up the info for my first Hip Hop citation it was 11:11 lol there they go again… its really a cool feeling!

Can someone tell me if that APA or MLA…?? Ya know what!! Eff IT!! None of my writing is orthodox, besides I kinda like the way I did it haha

Kid Cudi’s new video just dropped and I couldn’t be more amazed with all of the hidden messages that are in there. He is officially the man on the moon. Passion pain and demon slaying like a maniac on the pursuit of happiness. Love that DUDE!!

That’s all I got for 12-16-2020 Five More Days…

LOVE & PEACE

Songs

Heaven On Earth – Kid Cudi

Goosebumps – Travis Scott, feat. Kendrick Lamar

Dirty Heads – Sound Of Change

 Just so you know the only thing I added this time other the cleaning up what I had already written was the praying part. Although I originally remember that being the purpose as to why I wrote what I did looking at it today March 2nd 2021 it wasn’t there… have a great day everyone. Ill post this on 3/3/2021

I've added parts to the story on my business cards and will leave then random places, what you do with them is up to you but I think It would be cool for those who want to stop me to have to work extra hard just like they make me!!  

LOVE

[im-just-trying-to-survive-man]

ok so i feel like telling the world my bias list (kpop) for no reason and i was a little scared to but oh well lol

im gonna do this in parts. this list is my bias’ in boygroups pt.1

soo yeah if you wanna see some beautiful asian men you can keep reading lol

kinda turned out long oop

imma do nct on another post bc thats fucking loonngggg

1. kim hongjoong; stage name: hongjoong (leader of ateez, rapper, lyricist, producer and composer (i forget if those are the same thing) )

king of the lesbians

personally i think hes SOME type of gay but, y’know, you do you baby (’good lil boy’ is the song he wrote on their new album akjsdl)

prince of mullets in kpop (king is minghao from seventeen)

so?? pretty???

he paints his nails for the polished man campaign!!! (this was before the group became ambassadors.) v socially aware as well

his voice is very high for a rapper but i rly love it

wanna hear what he thinks of atinys?? (the fandom) listen to ‘aurora’

korean big minion 

very very good at english, despite what he says

is so caring for his ‘children’ ugh such an amazing leader

also a little brat sometimes but we dont talk about it

a MAN

fuck gender roles

5′7 skirt guy you’ve probably heard of in the kpop tiktok community

the official campaign pic:

2. han jisung; stage name: han (main rapper of stray kids, lead vocalist, producer and composer, lyricist, ult bias uwu)

heres the tea

this man literally saved my life

he has been through so much and i relate to that. seeing that he made it through the worst gave me hope.

his music and lyrics just speak to me (wanna see me cry? send me the song ‘19′, its written by him)

on to the happier things

his s q u i r r e l   c h e e k s

hes honestly so pleasing to look at ugh

vocals????? fricking great???? listen to ‘hellevator’ and ‘district 9′ for his vocals

jEoGiYa NoOnA HoKsI nAmJaChInGu IsSeOyO (’wow’ 3RACHA)

part of 3RACHA, a rap group between him and two other members

his american name is peter and he loves nat geo wild and cheesecakes and honestly if thats not amazing idk what is

lived in malaysia??? for 6 years???? lovin the melanin y’all

THE FUNNIIEST MAN ALIVE Y’ALL WAIT PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO IDK WHY BUT ITS SO FUNNY TO ME

3. im changkyun; stage name: I.M. (lead rapper of monsta x, sub-vocalist, maknae (the youngest), producer and composer)

fam im WHIPPED for this man like honestly i dont like subbing or sex in general lol ace things but i’d let him r a i l me

lived in america for 3 years and israel for 4; speaks fluent english and its SEXY

rapping skills??? on point???? both in english and korean ugh

LOOK AT HIM HIS DIMPLES AND HIS FACE AND UGH

is one of those people that does n o t like to be touched but then he’ll kiss your cheek out of nowhere

babie

VERY SOCIALLY AWARE LIKE HE SAID FUCK TOXIC MASCULINITY AND MISOGYNY 

confident in his own skin and super open about it

“For IM, ‘Wearing a harness is just to express our song concept. Showing the audience what we want to show is the most important thing. We’re not ashamed. We’ve done a lot of sexual items, like harnesses and chains. We’re comfortable.’ “ 

“But, for argument’s sake, where does your own sense of masculinity come from? IM pauses for a long moment. ‘Having a dick,’ he says bluntly, sipping coffee as his bandmates’ jaws drop and shocked laughter ripples around the table.”

that interview is here 

kinky lil bitch

i can go on and on about this man but im just gonna stop there

i lied he has tattoos (one on his wrist [ :): ] and the one on the nape of his neck, it reads “the one who wants to wear the crown must bear the crown”)

i like this picture bc its his hands and theyre pretty and fuck gender roles from a kpop idol

thats enough of him 

4. kim wonpil; stage name: wonpil (pianist, synthesizer, and keyboardist in day6, lyricist, vocalist, also a a dj and mc for a podcast)

Y’ALL LOOK AT HIM UGH

was the maknae but then dowoon came along and now hes not lol

Unbothered™

honestly like hes such a good pianist and is really great on the keys

is really good at making song lyrics out of thin air

like, he can hear the sentence “i really want chicken rn but i can’t have it im on a diet” and he’ll get “i crave your taste, but there is a wall i built myself blocking you from my love” like literally

im pretty sure he wrote the chorus for their song ‘zombie’

honestly bruh his vocals are so good

like pls go listen to ‘emergency’ and ‘congratulations’ (theres an english version for that song alsjdk)

guys hes just a big babie honestly

so pretty to look at omg

HES SO FUNNY AND HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW IT 

“i dont really care what my spouse looks like or what gender they are, as long as we’re happy and they love me” (wish i could find that photoset)

5. kim namjoon: stage name: RM (leader of bts, main rapper, sub-vocalist, lyricist, producer and composer)

literally the reason im into kpop, so thank you namjoon

a 5′11 babie, tbh

i remember finding out he had his own like, mixtape (’mono.’) and iT WAS SO GOOD AND IT STILL IS KAJHDJ

an amazing rapper and leader

can sing and i do not CARE what anyone says

so as you can see by now i kinda of have a type (except wonpil, idk wtf is going on there with me biasing him laksjk #no regrets)

anyway yeah he was the first kpop boy i found, and it was on his birthday

so every year on september 11th 11:50 p.m., i start i planting a tree in my backyard (bc then its on his birthday in america and korea lakajs so quirky i know) also bc its the day i started listening to kpop so its an anniversary for me lol. 

mOoNcHiLd

very very psychological

also very inspiring and loving (to the fans)

doesn’t really show affection, hes better with words than actions, and i really relate to that

dimples aGAIN

and last but not least for this list bc its already so frickin long

6. byun baekhyun; stage name: baekhyun (main dancer of exo, main singer, sub rapper, pianist, actor)

he’s so talented???? and amazing???? and overall just kinda perfect??????

AMAZING FUCKING VOCALS LIKE Y’ALL GO GO GO GO GOGOOG OG LISTEN TO HIS GROUPS SONG ‘ONE (MONSTER AND INFINITY)′ BECAUSE THAT SHIT SLAPS UGH

AND LIKE GROWL??? BRO????? MY VOCAL CORDS SNAPPED

dated another idol in the past but personally i think he’s a little *hand goes limp* if you know what i mean

my sister (4) calls him bacon he said it in an interview one time and it stuck to her

chesticles

MONSTER ERA UGH GOT ME DEAADDDD

is a solo artist too!!!!!!! go listen to his albums!!!! theyre really good!!!!

hes so frickin funny omg like i can laugh at with him all day

understands english but refuses to speak it

honestly kokobop baek was amazing idc what anyone says

is in like 3 different groups damn (like two of them are sub-units of his group and the other one is superm lol)

pls go watch the ‘men on a mission’ episodes with exo bc hes so fucking hilarious i will never get over it

a clown ass bitch that is always ready to square tf up a caring and v nice person that wont fight anyone ever

AN AMAZING ACTOR OMMGGGG BABIE GOT SKILLS

can also tapdance

lots of video games

very very very very very loud when playing video games

another man i endlessly love

well. if you made it this far, congrats!!! and thanks!!! i honestly dont care if no one sees this lol i just kinda wanted to do it, so, yeah lol. theres still more groups (superm, nct (seperate post), seventeen, vixx, pentagon, the rose, annnd oneus)then like idk if i’ll do a soloist one, so yeah. this kinda gives me something to do its one big infodump and im sorry lmao. yeah, love y’all !!!

#kpop #lovely talks #info dump #rant #long post #LMFAO THERES MY DAY FOR Y'ALL

[yaz-the-spaz]

Last Month Tonight in Ziam (and Louis) News

…and here’s what you missed on glee ziam/ot3:

(basically for anyone who took a break from fandom, missed any major news, or just for whatever masochistic reasons wants a refresher of all the bullshit ziam/ot3 has had thrown their way over the last month or so, here’s a brief sum-up of what’s happened recently, in mostly chronological order i think?)

so first off in the whirlwind of ridiculous news, we got a story completely out of nowhere about zayn and liam suddenly supposedly being in a fued so bad that zayn wanted to “ban” Liam from the BAFTA afterparty just so zayn himself could attend and not have to be in the same room as liam

then we had liam pictured with both bella and g (and edward enninful and one of the kardashians i think? idk i can’t remember clearly my brain literally could not process the shit i saw and i blacked most of it out lol)

liam flew from london to new york to california then back to london then rome the next day then back to london AGAIN and then hong kong days later and then back to london ONCE A-FUCKING-GAIN...and then to antarctica then mars and then the south pole to see santa and then dug a hole straight through to china and flew back to london for the millionth time and so on and so on

“zayn” (aka zayn’s shitty smm) tweeted g a “love you” tweet apropos of nothing which g of course promptly ignored, making him look like a desperate and pathetic mentally unstable ass once again

the laomi bs continued into early march and then promptly fizzled out and hasn’t (i don’t think?) been mentioned since and seems to have been basically dropped by the press completely?

there was some jawaad-related drama that i’m not even gonna bother re-hashing here cause i’m like 87% sure it’s pure bs and/or fuckery, and even if it’s not it’s not really our business anyway but if you’re really curious you can peep my jawaad tag for more

zayn unfollowed jawaad, and then also unfollowed mykl out of the blue not long after

liam and louis somehow both got roped into twitter promo for the kardashians of all people (though on wildly opposite sides with louis bashing and liam defending, hashtag le sigh) but problematicness of it all aside, liam did gift us with the best new meme response that works for literally everything and is absolute gold all while dragging piers morgan’s dusty ass so i mean at least some good came out of it i guess?

not sure if it was before or after the show but liam got pictured at some point at the global awards looking like the saddest boy to ever sad with red-rimmed puffy eyes and cheeks...could’ve just been exhaustion from all the continued flying back and forth from pointless fashion event to fashion event but my gut tells me otherwise

dan wattpad released another one of his exclusive shit piles ahem i’m sorry “interviews” with louis in which he mentioned pretty much shit-all about his actual music and also used the whole thing as an opportunity to throw zayn under the bus even further by reigniting the flames of the zouis feud and insinuating it had to do with zayn breaking his promise to show up to support louis’ at his x-factor performance shortly after his mom passed, which given that it came from wattpad of all people is probably complete bs and pretty much confirms to me even more than zayn was most likely actually there (esp when considered on top of all the weirdness of not getting any pics of the band or even finding out any of them were there till like a year after the fact and even then i’m pretty sure we only ever got the one single suss ot4 backstage pic, which just begs the question why all the shadiness with who was or wasn’t there? and why bring it back up now of all times? but anyway i digress)

two of us was released and it’s absolutely amazing but it will make you cry so make sure you have tissues on hand and at the ready if you haven’t listened to it yet

i’m assuming pretty much everyone knows the news about fizzy at this point so the only thing i have to say on that is that it’s absolutely awful that fucking wattpad of all ppl was the one who broke the news and i sincerely hope that one day he gets what’s coming to him for all the disgusting shit he’s pulled but anyway just please remember to respect louis and his family rn and give them the privacy they need

anyway the latest drama if anyone missed it or isn’t aware is that the other day (on the 20th) zayn, or “zayn” tweeted about his ‘i’m with you’ rainbow bracelet and basically made it into a z*gi thing by saying it’s his favorite not because it supports a wonderful cause, but simply because g gave it to him 😑😑😑which ofc (righfully so) angered many lgbtq+ fans and doubled as making him look like the most disgusting asshole yet a-fucking-gain, and then to top it all off this morning (the morning of march 23rd for future reference) “he” tweeted and deleted a (rather shit) apology that went something like ‘sorry for being such a shitty person’...

oh and i’m pretty sure liam was supposed to have his dubai concert today for the global teacher appreciation thing but it’s been radio silence on his sm for days (even though we would normally be getting tons of ig stories and lead-up promo pics from him for this sort of thing) and as of 4:30pm EST not even so much as a sound check/rehearsal pic today has been posted and i’m very confused??? did it get cancelled? postponed? is it even still happening? did it ever actually exist??? am i real? is any of this real??

ETA 3/25/19: liam did perform and posted on sm about it only afterwards on twitter and IG, but according to fan reports he also didn’t seem to be his usual cheerful self so :( gotta wonder even more wth was going on…

anyway that’s what you missed on glee in ziam (and louis) news

(and good god sorry this got so long, i had forgotten myself just how much bullshit had happened in the last couple of months till i wrote it all out and seeing it all together like this i just...smdh when the fuck will it enddd)

#for the nonnies #louis #ziam #updates #ot3 #perpetually stuck in the shit as always #also #i should really start a specific tag for this glee updates #and it shall be called #glee updates #cause as always i am unoriginal lol #but anyway also as always: #if i missed anything else major please do let me know and i will update it

[kingsofeverything]

11/11/11

@chloehl10 @ham-palpert @reminiscingintherain​ @realitybetterthanfiction​ and @laynefaire​ tagged me in this. Thanks y’all! I’m sorry I’m such a slack ass and it’s been weeeeeeks since I drafted this half finished, soooooooooo....

 I’m going to combine and put everything under a cut.

The first 11 are from @chloehl10

1. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written, and why?

Don’t Want Shelter because it’s the first fic I put emotional effort into. That universe, that Harry and Louis, all of it are very vivid and alive in my head. I love them.

2. Pick three words that you think describe your works overall.

Long ass sentences 👀

3. How long does it take you to write a fic?

Depends. Writing doesn’t usually take me long but editing does.

4. What’s the hardest thing about writing?

Realizing that I’m probably never going to write some of the ideas I have

5. Do you listen to music or anything while you write? What’s normal for you when you write?

I don’t usually, but sometimes. Idk that I have a normal. I really prefer to be alone and quiet.

6. How do you come up with titles for your fics?

Songs usually. Sometimes they just come to me though.

7. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a new writer?

Get a beta. But not just a beta. Get someone who can talk fic/plot/story with you as well.

8.  How important do you think tags are when you are publishing a fic?

Very in some ways, no at all in others. I tag mainly for readers so they know enough about the fic to decide whether or not to read. I don’t tag specific sex stuff usually though every now and then I’ll throw in ‘anal fingering’ just to mix it up. I don’t tag who tops/bottoms. I do tag with fic reccers in mind thanks to B’s @nottooldforthisship instructions!

9. Do you write for fests/exchanges? If so, do you enjoy them? If not, why not?!

I have and I do but not often. I like running them and I have done exchanges in the past but it’s not really my thing to write for them. Is that weird? I feel like it is but ehhh

10. Which work of yours are you most proud of and why?

An Unbalanced Force aka marold harold because.... idk

11. What’s next for you?

Currently working on a short pwp hiccup fic

These 11 are from @ham-palpert

1. Have you ever been burned by a WIP that never updated?  If so, describe that traumatic experience.

I have not! But more in a ehhhh I’m not too bothered way. I’ve definitely read WIPs that weren’t completed but idk I guess I love on quickly lol

2.  Speaking of WIPs, do you like writing (or reading) them?  Why or why not?

I don’t write them. As in even my fics that have been posted as WIPs (DWS and HFL) we’re completely finished aside from some editing before I started posting. I change too much when I write. That padlock in TSHU? Thought of it at the end and went back to add it to the beginning.

I will sometimes read a WIP but not often. Mainly because I don’t remember anything between updates

3.  Are you a dialogue person?  An inner-monologue person?  A heavily descriptive scene-setter?  

I think I’m gonna pass? I literally have no idea. I don’t think I heavily describe scenes but I guess that depends on the scene? This is when I send for help and ask Nic

4.  Is there a scene from a fic you’ve read that you wished you’d written/thought of first?

Not really

5.  Would you rather read a 150k angsty fic, or a 10k fluffy one-shot?

10k one shot

6.  Do you enjoy writing smut scenes?  Does it make you feel super awkward?  Do you need to have a cigarette afterwards?

Sometimes smut scenes are fun to write. Especially if there’s something different about it. Sometimes I have to be in the mood. Sometimes I feel like I need to shower after lolll

7.  Do you click through the recently updated list on AO3 or read exclusively fic recs? Or a bit of both?   

Neither. I don’t read nearly as much as I used to. I’m nowhere near caught up on Big Bang.

8.  How many words, on average, do you write a week?  Do you try to stick to writing goals?  

Oh wow. Idk! I could actually figure it out since I track my words per day. When I’m steadily writing, I’d say 10k a week is average? Probably more tbh

9.  Are you someone who comments on the fics you read (and liked)?

Yes

10.  Of all the fics you’ve written, which one came to you the easiest?

marold harold I think

11.  If you had to live in one of the AUs you created, which one would it be?

Marold harold and I’d be Kate McKinnon

these 11 are from @reminiscingintherain​ 

1. Has your writing changed now from the way it was when you started? If so, how? 

yeah definitely. more plot heavy and just better overall

2. Does anyone IRL know about your writing? If so, have they read it? 

yes, but no one’s read any of it. i almost sent tshu to my therapist lol

3. Is there anything you’ve written that you wish you hadn’t? 

no

4. Do you have a set location or setting that you have to write in? A favourite cafe? The only seat that’s comfortable?

no, i will write literally anywhere. on my phone or laptop. i like writing on my back porch when it’s not a million degrees outside 

5. What are you working on? If you can (i.e., it’s not on anon!), share five lines!

5 lines from the hiccup fic: 

When he opens his mouth to answer, Louis hiccups and flattens his hand against his chest, shaking his head. He points to his mouth, hiccups again, then again, snaps his mouth shut and pushes past Harry, who turns and follows him out of the club to the relative quiet of the street.

“You can stay, Harry.” Louis shoves his hands in the pockets of his faded jeans and turns to glance at Harry, who’s walking beside him. He hiccups and groans, kicking his foot out and stomping. “Fuck me, man. This sucks.”

6. Have you ever written something for a fic, but ended up removing a whole scene in its entirety and using it for something else?

i think so but tbh i can’t remember lol

7. Are you a linear writer? Or can you write scenes out of order and put them together at the end?

i’m a linear writer, but i will skip over parts of a scene like....... i’ll write a bunch of dialogue with nothing around it and fill in later

8. Betas/Britpickers… opinions?

always always always. i would literally not write if i couldn’t have a beta lol

9. How much do/can you write on average at any given time?

huh idk. i’m a fast writer, but i’d say like probably 1.5k a day is average for me?

10. How organised are you? Do you have lists and/or spreadsheets, or do you just wing it?

i’m the worst lol i tried to organize my google docs and that lasted like a week

11. What made you start writing? 

i was bored and i thought hmmmm wonder if i could write a fic. turns out i could!

alrighty these 11 are from layne :D

1. What is your favorite trope to write? To read?

EXES/ENEMIES TO LOVERS

2. What other fandoms do you write in/have you written in?

not a one

3. What’s one fic idea you want to read, but would never write?

i honestly don’t know because i write what i want to read

4. When do you do most of your writing - morning, afternoon, night? Which time of day do you find most productive?

i think i’m most productive in the morning, but i write when i find the time

5. Writing routine? What do you drink? Do you have a go to snack?

i don’t have a routine. i usually drink water or coffee, but occasionally vodka, wine, or beer. i don’t snack while i write but now i want to

6. Have you ever been writing something and had to get up and walk away from it? What was it and why did you have to step away?

i had to walk away from tshu because it was stressing me out that i couldn’t invent time travel irl so i wrote heading for limbo for a few weeks and went back to it lol

7. What is your most favorite scene you’ve ever written?

oooooooooooooooooooooh oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh this is such a good question and i hate it lol i absolutely HATE picking favorites of anything but i’ll say that the scene from tshu when louis shows zayn his tattoo and everything right before and after that

8.  Have you ever had an ending to a story, but couldn’t figure out how to start it? I don’t mean the typical -And they lived happily ever after - but a fully fleshed out ending with your usual writing pair, but you had no idea where to start? Did you ever write it?

nooooooope

9. What is the oddest thing you’ve ever drawn inspiration from?  

idk i think being stuck in a hurricane with no power turning into don’t want shelter was pretty odd

10. You’ve accepted a prompt to write a fic using a Whitesnake song for the title. Which song do you choose, and what is your fic’s summary?

here i go again - 70s trucker au (i’m not summarizing because i’m actually planning to write this one, though the title with be different. probably.)

11. Your most recent fic is being made into a movie. What would you change your main characters’ names to and who would you fancast to play them?

ok so i’m cheating here by picking tshu instead of my most recent fic because my most recent fic is canon pwp lol and i’m sorry but i’m so lame with actors and stuff idk anyone who’d play them. and idk about names either! SORRY LAYNE

last but not least!

these 11 are from @realitybetterthanfiction​

1. What made you realize you wanted to start writing fan fiction?

we were hanging at my parents’ house during a hurricane when they had power and we didn’t, and i was bored af and i think nic had just recently published her first fic and i was like....... huh i wonder if i can do that?

2. What fic changed you as a reader or a writer?

nic’s 5 times fic called fire and ice! i remember reading it and thinking WOOHOO PWP!!!! and then crying because she snuck all these FEELINGS in. so it made me think about writing in a different way, i guess. it can be fun and emo lol

3. What is your best writer’s block buster?

idk. haven’t really tried anything.

4. What’s the last non fan fiction book you’ve read?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh a book about physics and space science (fic research lmaoooooooooooooooo)

5. If you had or have skills like our talented artists in the fandom, what’s one scene you would like to illustrate? (Can be your own work or another’s work)

THE JUGGLING SCENE FROM STRANDED IN A DREAM

6. What’s the best piece of writing advice you’ve ever gotten?

just keep writing! you can edit later! 

7. What’s one genre you’re hesitant to write but really want to explore?

idk i don’t think i have one? maybe aliens?

8. Would you ever cowrite with someone else? And if you have, how to you divide the work?

nic and i are trying BUT IT’S HARD AND WE DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE DOING 

9. Do friends outside the fandom know you write? Are they supportive? (I hope they are!!!)

no but my husband does and is

10. What is your favorite fic Niall? (give me all the Niall!)

niall and his churros!!!!! 

11. What is your favorite supernatural category (examples, vampires, ABO, werewolves, angels, aliens). And can you give a girl some recs?

vampires!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don’t have any recs because my faves are old and everyone knows them: madalynn_bohemia’s vampire series

#11/11/11 #11 questions #i didn't make any questions or tag anyone

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam Italia season 2, episode 1 reaction

Hello, how’s everybody doing? We survived the first week of a S3 remake. I wrote a little (a lot) about it.

Just to be clear: I completely understand if people just want to hang on and enjoy the ride because it’s S3 again, we love it, it’s an important story for many people! But so far there are aspects of Skam Italia S2 that I am positive about, and there are areas where I have criticisms. Don’t read if you don’t want to hear some comments that are not 100% enthusiasm. For real, I’m not trying to be a buzz kill, like I’m fine with posting these to crickets, lmao, because it’s a fun exercise for me to analyze the remakes even if I’m essentially talking to myself. 

Thank you so much to everyone translating this show! Imagine if no one was translating this season. The fandom would lose its goddamn mind. You are literally saving the planet from destruction, thank you for your service.

At the risk of sounding pretentious, I’m going to put additional disclaimers here, because people have strong feelings about Skam S3, and people also have strong feelings about Skam Italia, and there is already drama when those feelings bump up against each other:

The reason why I started doing reactions to the remakes was to compare the versions of Skam and analyze what worked and what didn’t in the adaptation process. This was a clever change to fit this culture, this was awkward and didn’t work, etc. While I do want to judge S2 of Skam Italia on its own merits, I’m not going to leave the original series out of it and look at this season as something that exists in a Skamless void, because that’s not my aim with these recaps. So if you are really not interested in comparisons to the original show (positive, negative, or neutral) then perhaps don’t read further.

I’m also taking into account this is a different culture than the original show and noting how that might affect this story, and that it’s a big deal to have an LGBT Italian lead in a series and Italian fans are very excited. So I’m keeping that in mind! But I also think that, should Skam Italia bungle something, it’s okay to call it out, it doesn’t get a free pass. We criticized parts of the original series while praising it where it succeeded. Sana’s season, for example, is extremely progressive as a concept (a Muslim girl lead is extremely rare) but had numerous aspects where it stumbled, and as a fandom there was no shortage of criticism. This goes for both the social justice and educational aspects of Skam as well as writing, directing, acting, and other basic storytelling stuff.

Okay? Okay.

Episode 1

Clip 1 - GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TUB, LOSERS

Right away, I loved the voicemails. They sound like real accounts of homophobia, and I don’t know if these are actors recreating them or real people sharing their own experiences, but it was a powerful intro to the season.

I also like zooming in over the city while these voicemails played, over all these dark apartment buildings, because it felt like those voices could be coming from anywhere. They were anonymous. Your neighbor could be gay, the woman who lives downstairs could be a lesbian, and you might never know because they’re in the closet. You might never know how much they’d suffered due to homophobia. But they’re also everywhere. Despite their treatment in society, LGBT people aren’t “the other” but can be anyone you know. That’s why it zooms into the party, to link these anonymous voices to a face that we we do know.

I saw some people suggesting that maybe these have to do with Martino’s involvement in the radio station, and that this will be some part of a project that he does, and while I think it’d be awesome if the radio station came into play with his personal development, I’m ehhhhh about these turning out to be part of Martino’s project all along because it doesn’t seem like it goes with the real time format, and IDK, it seems too literal. But I’d be OK with it these were more of a thematic device and Martino has a literal confession along these lines later on. 

Rainbow logo 🌈🌈🌈

...who’s that blue-haired girl?

I feel like Edoardo being immediately on screen was to reassure any OG Skam viewers and Incantava fans who hadn’t yet gotten the message that EDOARDO IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING ANYWHERE THIS SEASON DO NOT PANIC.

Silvia is watching some girls dance and for a hot second I hoped they were finally hinting at the lesbian Vilde story we deserve, but it seems like she is watching them because of their slim figures, because she reconsiders the piece of cake she was going to eat. Silvia, no.

Silvia is very upset about the hotties at the party and Sana says there only would have been four people there and reassures her that she’s beautiful, awwww. But Silvia is upset about some Argentinean girl, who I assume is an apex hottie that she fears will outshine her, perhaps?

Silvia waves at Edoardo, who ignores her. You know, Edoardo’s apology to Silvia would feel more genuine if he acted like a baseline decent human being toward her instead of refraining from basic politeness because OH NO he has to shake her off his back (except when he can exploit her interest for his own gain).

It’s Italian Eskild! He says that Edoardo’s hair is indeed shit, suggesting Eleonora has told him all about it (something for the Incantava shippers) and I mean, I support him giving Silvia a boost, and I support any dragging of Edoardo, except Edoardo’s hair is like the one thing about him that is not shit.

He takes Silvia to dance and comments about checking her boobs to see if she is a virgin, so this is filling in for S2’s “It’s Britney bitch” moment. I guess they’re going to incorporate some Skam S2 material into this season in order to accommodate for the switch in storylines.

Hey, you know what I could have strongly done without? Filippo grabbing Silvia’s tit out of nowhere. There’s sometimes a tendency for gay men to grope women and get away with it because it’s obviously not sexual, so what’s the problem? Except the problem is that men, no matter what their sexuality, feel like they have unfettered access to women’s bodies. I’m not saying HE’S CANCELED or anything, but it irritated me that they threw in such a small moment that wasn’t needed, especially because this is our introduction to this character. Thanks, I want casual groping to be my initial impression of this guy. (Just to be clear, this dialogue happens in the original, but there is no unauthorized tit-grabbing from Eskild.)

And the fact that this moment went so unremarked upon is a sign of how normalized this behavior is, frankly. But they played it off as a funny moment so it’s okay!! Lol Filippo, you’re supposed to be gay!!!

Incantava shippers get a morsel before Eleonora leaves for London as she and Edoardo share a ~glance.

So Filo is Eleonora’s brother, which is a good way to incorporate his character considering it’s unlikely for Martino or Eleonora to live with a random roommate instead of their families, and they hadn’t set up the Filo character in S2 so his appearance in Martino’s life is going to need to be established quickly. So that makes both the Eleonora-Filo and Martino-Filo relationships more plausible in this culture.

Although lmao, imagine some of Eskild’s S2 scenes now that he and the Noora character are related. I’m sure Eleonora will need to bleach her eyeballs if she walks in on her brother getting his dick sucked to Circle of Life.

Eva catches up to Martino in the kitchen, and the flirtatious vibes are there right away, you know this isn’t going anywhere good. She tries to kiss him, so this is basically that scene from S2 where Eva tries to make out with Isak at a party, except way more awkward because this Eva actually manages to get a few kisses on Martino. Yikes.

Of course he’s not into it, and she’s just like yeah, go to your friends. Go find Gio. She knows where his real interests like. 

Martino answering some random landline is pretty endearing, especially when he has cans of beer he needs to balance to do so.

Him being like “I am not the owner.” Lmao, he’s a sweetie. I suppose this was maybe a neighbor or someone wondering about the noise level and activity at the party, and that was why the police show up later? But I like to imagine that they were filming in this building, the phone rang randomly, and they were like, eh, throw it in.

So now we’re moving into the OG S3 content, with Martino entering the bathroom and sitting in the tub with his friends drinking and getting high.

Elia is the second person to mention the Argentinean girl, so I guess she must be a stone cold babe. Are we ever going to see her? Or will her hotness exist only in legends?

They do the whole song and dance where Martino pretends like these girls aren’t hot enough for him, while the other dudes are not having it. Well, to be fair, he really isn’t into them. I’m not sure what to make of his reactions, because Isak was very performative, and Martino just seems indifferent.

The boys claim to have gotten Fede a present, I wonder what it was? Probably just booze or something?

Lmao I was wondering why this girl would use this random out-of-the-way bathroom, but apparently two dudes are fucking in the other one (what are the odds it’s Filo).

What assholes, get out of the fucking tub for two minutes and let the girl pee in peace! I guess they’re just lazy and stoned, but JFC.

Instead of saying the girl looks like Eleven from Stranger Things, Martino tells her she looks like a frog… I kind of see it? But she’s also a babe, soooo. 

Not gonna lie, I really did not like how they adapted this scene. “We’ll leave you alone to pee but you have to hook up with one of us” is not … cute … like it takes it out of negging teenage asshole territory and gets creepy. Maybe because of the hellscape that has been RL politics for the past few weeks, but I’m not in the mood for any of this boys-will-be-boys shit.

We know that one new dude must be Magnus because he is instantly rejected.

Martino gives the boys the thumbs up once Italian Emma starts making out with him and they’re leaving.

Martino didn’t actually do anything to win over this girl, really? With Isak it was a performance: Emma came in and he made a determined effort to flirt with her, he negged her, he complimented her, he got out of the tub and was more active in his pursuit. All of that was because he was trying to seem straight in front of his friends. Martino, on the other hand, was far more passive. He made the frog comment but that seems less like negging when all four of them are sitting there being dicks to this girl, rather than him alone, and she just happened to choose him out of the four. Isak was putting some effort into it and pretending to be interested until the boys left and things got steamier, but Martino just plain is not trying. He ain’t feeling it.

This is one of the disadvantages of writing recaps episode by episode as they air and not when you can look at the full season, though. Because on the one hand, making Martino more of a passive participant in his fake heterosexuality is fine, but on the other hand, if that’s not their intent - if they’re more or less going to follow Isak’s character arc for him - then I think they missed a big point of this scene in not making Martino pursue this girl more actively. But we don’t know exactly if this is a thoughtful, deliberate choice or an oversight. (For example, in S1 of Skam Italia, several of Eva’s key moments of “who are you?” were eliminated, Gio’s skate park speech was rewritten with a different focus, etc. which made me wonder about her character arc. It could have worked if they had intentionally made these changes to arrive at a different conclusion, but in the end Eva’s final speech to Gio is the same, the arc is supposed to be the same even though crucial points have been left out, and it didn’t feel as strong. So it’s hard to say whether Martino’s character is supposed to be written with subtle differences that change his characterization, or if they don’t realize how small edits can affect the perception of this character.)

I am a little alarmed that the girl goes for the blowjob like immediately after choosing Martino? Isak was hardcore flirting with Emma so it made more sense she was trying to do that with him. With this girl, she’s just trying to pee and some random guy’s like “Hook up with one of us and we’ll leave you be” and she’s like, “Sounds like a plan!” Damn girl, didn’t you need to really use the toilet? But you’re going to stop to blow him? Okay.

Eva is stumped by seeing that Martino was in the bathroom with a girl,  probably moreso because he just rejected her upstairs. Well, this girl isn’t his best friend’s ex, sooooo it makes a smidge more sense, Martino’s sexuality aside.

Incantava moment: Edoardo brings up the deal with the apology to Silvia, so that made it into this remake. Part of the deal was to erase the wall of conquests - smart of Eleonora - and I guess Edo did that, hopefully, but he also reminds her that she agreed to a date.

What a power move of Eleonora to go to England to avoid this date.

At least Edo was not pursuing her prior to this, apparently. It would be a shame if they suddenly had him pressure her into a date in Eleonora’s season.

Okay, I realize that Martino didn’t appear to have the best options to hide his weed,  but he’s really just gonna put it in a box on the railing where it could easily get knocked over the balcony or blown away or something? Lmao.

The scene of the boys running away from the cops was cute and had that “reckless youth enjoying the night” vibe.

So Martino clearly still has Giovanni feelings, and Giovanni is going to be crashing at his place tonight. Look at that hand on Martino’s shoulder, probably burning through his shirt. I like perhaps acknowledging the idea that all this casual affection between guys in this culture can take on a hidden toll for a closeted gay kid.

Martino mentions that his mom is freaking out, so they’re openly acknowledging Martino’s mom situation in front of the other guys (when Isak was less open about it) and Giovanni gives him a hug that fucks Martino up. It seemed like Martino didn’t want Giovanni to come over, probably both because of his crush and because of his mom situation.

Clip 2 - Sad boy slumber party

Martino wakes up and stares at Giovanni, who’s still sleeping. Martino is not on the bed, but on the floor, ostensibly because Giovanni threw him off the bed but really because he doesn’t want to be so close to Giovanni. He pointedly turns down Giovanni’s invitation to get back in the bed. This is a really delicate situation; this is such a casual thing for Giovanni that he doesn’t even think about it, but for Martino it’s this extremely loaded scenario that comes with dangers, so better not risk it.

Eva calls and wants to talk to Martino, but he can’t since he’s with Giovanni. Giovanni says that he’s been trying to get back together with Eva, and making a fool out of himself, so Martino is certainly not enjoying about this reminder that Giovanni likes girls, Giovanni loved (loves?) Eva, it will never be Giovanni and Martino in the way he wants. Also, awkward of course because Eva tried to kiss Martino, which says a lot about how she thinks of Giovanni - probably not keen to get back with him if she can make a move on his best friend, even when drunk.

Okay, I have a deeply unpopular opinion and that is: while Skam Italia’s cinematography is often visually impressive, at times it does not work with the material it’s supposed to be conveying. It’s not style over substance, but style against substance. There are several examples, but to go into one now: why the fuck is the lighting so dark in certain moments. Whyyyyyy.

And before you tell me, I do know why the director is perhaps doing this. It’s supposed to reflect Martino’s state of mind, it’s supposed to make things seem bleak, it’s supposed to contrast with the sunnier scenes such as later in the episode with Niccolò, etc. etc. The problem is that I do not think it is effective for the format of this show. Here’s the thing: we are supposed to be in Martino’s POV for a reason. His reactions should not be hidden from us, this audience, and to me the lighting is a barrier from getting closer to him and getting fully into his mindset. Like, the camera should be eating this shit up! Give me all the microexpressions! Federico Cesari is doing a nice job of acting so far and it bugs me that the lighting is obscuring some of his facial expressions. Now it makes sense for ambiguity on the part of say, Niccolò, who will be keeping secrets for most of the season (based on Even’s role) but this is Martino’s season, and we as the audience should be deep into his head every step of the way. This is supposed to be an immersive experience. There is zero reason to obscure Martino’s reactions from the audience. Martino may have a barrier between him and his friends, his family, his schoolmates, society at large - but not us, the viewers. (And not just the lighting, but for example, that his face is shot in profile for part of this scene, which again doesn’t give us a full range of Martino’s reactions, or the amount of distance between the camera and Martino at times. Even if you can assume what Martino is thinking and feeling enough that you don’t need really clear reaction shots, it’s like there’s a gap and we’re not supposed to get too close.) 

Like obviously this cinematography is working for people, and if it is for you, great! If this were a different show, I could be fine with it. But not with a series that is supposed to put me fully into this character’s head, not keep me at a distance.

Covitti is the girl from the bathroom? She’s followed Martino on IG. I feel like, if they’re doing a repeat of Emma’s involvement, then it doesn’t work as well as to why she’d suddenly be interested in Martino. With Isak, there was something karmic about it, because he blatantly pursued when he met her, and it’s like he reaped what he sowed, you know? Don’t get me wrong, he absolutely did not deserve the much later repercussions with Emma outing him, but the immediate aftermath of him flirting with Emma showed that his actions had consequences. He couldn’t just make out with this girl for the benefit of an audience and then drop her. With Martino, he was so much more passive with Covitti, that it feels less earned. I mean he’s very cute, but him being doggedly pursued by her doesn’t have as much to do with his characterization, unless the point is that he refuses to put his foot down and reject her. (A valid characterization choice! But hopefully an intentional one.)

We get to see Martino’s mom and on the one hand, it’s pretty cool that she’s around in this version, but on the other hand, goddamn am I apprehensive about how they will depict her.

Martino really does not want to eat lunch with her. Apparently they have chicken and potatoes four times a week. Credit to Giovanni, he acts normal and is polite to Martino’s mom and is eager to eat with her.

Eva apologizes for trying to kiss Martino. So Giovanni is trying to get back with Eva and Eva made a move on Martino. Awkward! Eva is also probably dying to bring up the topic of that girl in the bathroom with Martino, let’s be real.

Giovanni chides Martino for being an asshole and says if he didn’t treat his mom like shit, maybe he would help her! Hey, no offense, Giovanni, but fuck off. I agree that Martino was not nice to his mom, I agree that he should treat her better. But Giovanni is a visitor. He is a guest in this household. He doesn’t know shit about what it’s like to live there or what’s the best course of action. No, actually it’s not as easy being kind to someone and it’ll fix their mental illness.

If I sound weirdly pissed about this, it’s because I am speaking as someone who has been a caretaker to a mentally ill parent. One of the most frustrating things was when people who were completely outside of my situation told me how to deal with it. It’s fucking easy to think you have the answers when you don’t live in this situation, when you have the freedom to go back to your own home when shit gets really rough. When you likely haven’t seen a loved one at their worst. 

To clarify, this isn’t necessarily a flaw of the show, just an area where I think a character is flawed. But I would hate for Giovanni’s POV to be validated. Of course Martino should not treat his mother poorly, but he needs to do that on his own, not because some outsider who has no idea what is going on in this house thinks so.

Anyway. Shut the fuck up, Gio. 

Eva also doesn’t want Martino to tell Gio, so you know Gio is going to find out at some point. Here’s the thing: if this drama is more along the lines of ~ooo Eva kissed Martino and he didn’t tell Gio and Gio feels BETRAYED when he finds out~ then it sounds tedious and exactly the kind of drama I don’t want. It’s not necessary, it’s honestly a very low-stakes situation. However, if it’s more of a lead-in to S1’s drama being revealed, and Gio learns about what happened with Martino ratting out Eva, that would be interesting. I’d be very interested in seeing where it goes. I think the writers have to know that this would be the most compelling aspect, so here’s hoping.

Not gonna lie, one thing I liked about S3 was the lack of heterosexual relationship drama (other than what directly serviced Isak and Even’s relationship), and I don’t want this season to stray too far into Eva/Gio stuff. Though I realize that by switching S2 and S3, they probably feel like they have to account for their relationship.

In S2 of the original, we saw the remnants of Eva/Jonas more on Eva’s side, through Noora’s eyes. Eva told herself she was over Jonas and they were just friends, but we could see that wasn’t totally true. With this season, though, we’ll probably see Eva/Giovanni more through Giovanni’s eyes, because even if Martino is Eva’s friend, he’s Giovanni’s best friend.

Clip 3 - The Phantom Clitoris

Lmao, Luca being like “Guess what happened to me” and Gio being like “Did you put an egg in the microwave again?” (I mean, you can cook eggs in a microwave even if it’s not the best way!)

Luca hooked up with a girl! If we believe him. She didn’t have a clitoris! Except he didn’t know what it was called. I don’t know whether to think that if it he didn’t know what it was called, he probably didn’t know how to look for one, or that he’s straight up lying. But this is interesting because Jonas was the one who went down on girls in the original and had this dialogue, and then Magnus was the virgin seeking wisdom from Isak, and here apparently Luca is already banging girls? Or he’s pretending to.

Martino sees Niccolò for the first time! Niccolò is adorable. He’s got the Even denim jacket and a nice smile. Sana and Silvia are shown going up to him while he’s talking to another dude.

Luca is like, I watched a 20-minute porn tutorial of how to eat a girl out. No offense bro, but I doubt you were in a very studious mindset during that. Or maybe he was! Maybe he made flashcards.

Martino gets a text from his dad about having dinner “with us” and I’m guessing that his dad has a new girlfriend or something, because it’s kinda weird to text your kid “have dinner with us?” about both his parents when his dad left his mom.

Silvia and Sana come up, Elia brings up the girl with no clitoris to them (why was that the first thing out of your mouth, dude), and Silvia mentions that she and Sana are now in charge of the radio. So this is our kosegruppa! I wonder if the radio itself will have more plot relevance for the season.

The guys are conveniently too busy to help on Thursday! But Sana thinks they’ll be helping soon enough.

For a moment I thought Luca was frightened by Silvia and saw that as a point toward Luca/Silvia happening, since it would be in line with Magnus’ sado-Vilde dreams, but then I was like, oh right, he probably means Sana, lol. (Silvia is way less intimidating than Vilde. Silvia is cheerful, Vilde was sugar layered over a core of menace when she pitched kosegruppa to the guys.)

Martino checks out Niccolò again, because who wouldn’t, and Niccolò is talking to the other guy … maybe Niccolò is flirting with that guy?

The boys suggest smoking a joint but Martino didn’t get the weed back yet, so the boys are bummed, but Gio keeps his disappointment restrained to a few jovial  throttles of Martino’s neck. Martino dies inside and tries not to develop a choking kink.

Niccolò did not look at Martino in this clip, there’s no evidence he saw him in this scene, and he was in fact preoccupied with conversation with another dude. So ... has Niccolo seen Martino yet? In an “I saw you the first day of school” way? Because with that knowledge in mind, in the original we could look back at Even’s first appearance in the cafeteria and see that he had obviously grabbed a seat with a good view of Isak and was sitting there alone, possibly sketching him. I guess you could say that Niccolò was standing there to get Martino’s attention, maybe even trying to make him jealous by talking to another guy, but that seems .... really convoluted. If they do include the “I saw you the first day of school” line, they should have had Niccolò look at Martino for even a brief moment. It didn’t even need to be eye contact! Like you could show Niccolò looking toward Martino when he’s out of focus, as a background event, a little Easter egg for the eagle-eyed viewer.

This is one of those original clip comparisons, so hold on to your butts. In the original clip, the way the scene is shot and acted combines multiple details to demonstrate Isak’s alienation from the other boys. Tarjei’s acting shows that he is disconnected from this conversation - he’s picking at his sandwich, checking his phone, he’s not really engaged with the cat tongue/clitoris talk. He has a few mild smiles but his facial expressions and body language show he’s checked out. He doesn't participate in that conversation at all, actually, other than a look or two. There’s no dialogue from him. And the camera contributes to this impression that he’s withdrawn: it’s often just on Isak with the conversation coming from off screen, rather than showing him in the shots with the guys. It shows him alone instead of showing him connected to the group. When it does show him with the group, he’s not reacting to them much. So when he hears a boy's laugh, it seems plausible that it would get attention as the boys’ conversation is not holding his interest.

With this clip, Martino might make a comment like "Oh no, don't tell us your dirty story" but he is otherwise very engaged in this conversation. He leans into it, he's listening, his face makes him seem eager. He's frequently shown in the shot with the other guys, part of the group rather than isolated. Gio repeatedly looks back at him and shares looks with him so there’s something reciprocal happening. Martino speaks to Luca and he high fives him. He's just a definite participant in this conversation, so there isn't much of a feel of alienation here. I mean, we know he's gay, and maybe we can assume that his participation in this conversation is forced or half-hearted, but that's not coming through in how it's portrayed. And I like Federico, I think he's one of the better actors on the show, but I also think he's playing it too comfortably, though I blame Bessegatto more for that since his direction is what guides the performance. It seems like Martino's a nice guy with some friends, who doesn't seem too detached this conversation and who seems totally fine with looking at a cute guy over there. Not much of an internal struggle. Not much of an external struggle either, really. 

It felt like there were missed opportunities. For example, when Martino says he doesn’t want Luca’s TMI, and Gio is like, “Yes we do, don’t listen to him,” we don’t even get a reaction shot from Martino to see how that affects him? We could have seen him annoyed, or exasperated, or uninterested in this conversation. We could have seen him drifting and doing something with his body language to indicate he’s not comfortable, and then THAT is when he sees Niccolò, because his mind is already wandering. Not when he’s engaged in this conversation. Or keep in Luca asking Martino about going girls and wanting to know how Martino finds the clitoris, and Martino having to struggle to answer that when the boys are all looking at him.

I mean, again, it makes me wonder what they’re going to do with Martino’s characterization because they’re playing up his struggles with his attraction to Gio, but he does not seem to be struggling as much with the public performance of liking girls. Or even perhaps the internal conflict of liking boys. And that would be fine except it seems like it should be. Martino was the one who introduced the idea of liking Eva back in S1, before Eva had even suggested it herself. He was definitely on the defense then, so what’s going on now? 

Also, Isak glanced at Even and Even looked back, which made Isak look away. Julie pointedly did not show Even again in that clip because Isak was clamping down on his attraction and forcing himself not to look. Martino allows himself a second glance. It frames the scene way more comfortably.

Clip 4 - Fede almost had it all

12:12 ...it begins...

Martino sees Fede and Sana, so he approaches them. He calls them “rays of sunshine,” which is cute! Though he’s totally doing it to butter them up so he gets his stash back.

LMAO I love the part where Federica is like, I found a drill, who brings a drill to a party? (Someone you pray to God remains sober.)

He asks if he can come over and Federica chokes on her drink. She’s really cute in this scene. Honestly, she didn’t make a ton of impression on me in S1 compared to other girl Chrises from the remakes, but I enjoyed her here a lot, she’s sweet.

They can “study” together in the living room because Fede’s parents are gone. Oh babe, I think you’ll be disappointed at the amount of actual learnin’ that would take place were such a study session to take place.

Sana sits there texting Martino that she has his weed while he’s right there next to her. I guess Fede was just really excited by the prospect of having Martino in her house, but did she really not notice that Sana was texting and Martino just so happened to receive a text at the same time?

Sana saying that it’s “a friend of her brother’s” who has Martino’s “necklace.” Is that an actual nod toward Niccolò or just a coincidence? If she means Niccolò, then why is she bringing him up?

Like I know people like this theory, but I don’t think it makes sense that Sana was trying to hook up Isak and Even all along (or Martino and Niccolò if the circumstances are the same), because how does that explain her reactions to being asked about Islam’s view of homosexuality, or to Isak being outed? Of course they could be going for a diferent approach in this remake.

Federica is really adorable freaking out over how she ALMOST had Martino within her grasp. Poor girl, I’m sorry to tell you that your day is never coming. (Lmao, I guess one day a remake could swap out Emma for Isak hooking up with the Chris character? I mean Chris >>>>> Emma, but then I’d feel so bad for her.)

Clip 5 - Here we gooooooooo

So the carrot cake (made by Silvia) suuuuucks. Martino’s disgusted face is pretty good.

The girl squad is trying to Skype with Eleonora. Meanwhile Martino sits there by himself, not having a great time. As a contrast to the girl squad who are laughing and having fun, Martino is on his own because his dumbass friends ditched him.

Sana wants Martino to let them use his Internet connection to continue the Skype call, he’s like lmao, she’s ditching you guys on purpose. Gonna go out on a limb and say that he’s projecting.

Tbh I do think it’s odd that they wrote out Eleonora so much if they didn’t need to. Like I know people think they switched S2 and S3 for dramatic, important reasons, but I get the feeling it was just a matter of actor availability. I could be wrong!

That random curly-haired dude at the meeting is the true star of this clip. He was INTO everything that was happening.

SIlvia says it took forever to make her cake. And it still sucks, apparently. Good thing that the girls never seemed to get her pineapple cake from S1? Was Silvia behind the Jell-O disaster, too?

She doesn’t want another piece, which might be another hint at her ED, but the cake is garbage soooo maybe she just has taste buds and a self-preservation instinct, IDK.

It’s actually intriguing that Silvia seems to be baking cakes for people and yet she monitors her own eating so closely.

Lmao at there being dead noise when Martino sees Niccolò enter the room. Everything fades except this smiley hottie. (For a second I was like “is he flat-lining?”)

Niccolò walked in with some other people, including Covetti. He sits on the table beside Martino. Martino keeps glancing at him but Niccolò will NOT glance at Martino. Again, if they’re going to go with “I saw you the first day of school,” I don’t think they set it up that well. It’s fine if they don’t, but there are really no fun “extras” you get from these scenes with that reveal. In both of his scenes Niccolò has been hanging out with other people, he’s not glancing at Martino. There’s no foreshadowing. You can be like oh, Niccolò positioned himself outside the school for Martino to see, he DELIBERATELY didn’t look at Martino for reasons! But that’s not very enjoyable on a rewatch.

The way Martino begrudgingly greets that Uglydoll or whatever is the best part of the episode.

Covitti notices Martino looking over at Niccolo, by the way.

Okay, WHO IS THAT BLUE-HAIRED GIRL. Like it seems as if she would make a good Sonja, she reminds me a little of Theresa. 

Covitti whispers something to Martino but we don’t know what.

“Bad story about Chicco Rodi” Who was that? I vaguely remember the name from S1? Oh wait, was he the guy who got the award for worst attendance? I hope that “tutorial” is foreshadowing for Martino and Niccolò breaking into the school at some point.

Silvia comes across as positively chill compared to Vilde. It must be Osvaldo’s influence.

Why is Covitti even there, since she’s not interested in what Silvia’s saying? To stalk Martino? How did she know he would be there? Emma knew Isak was going to be there because of signups, were there signups for this? (This is nitpicky and I’m sure that’s what they meant, it’s just that they’re skipping over some parts where her motivations become clear.)

Martino: Sorry I have to take this totally real and not at all imaginary call!!!!!

Wow, no finesse, just like our man Isak.

Martino’s fake phone call is pretty funny, like he lets it go on way longer than necessary.

He plops down in a chair in the radio room and then he starts talking to himself and pretending to be on the radio. I really do like the idea of Martino finding his voice through the radio, literally and metaphorically. And actually, when he starts speaking by himself, he sounds pretty good to me! Confident, composed, his voice sounds good, the words come easy. So maybe this is a move from him being passive to speaking up for himself.

That shot of Martino, fractured in the glass, when Niccolò turns on the light is fabulous. Showing how Niccolò’s introduction is going to break apart Martino’s sense of self. And Niccolò‘s image is clear and whole so Martino perhaps sees him as this cool, confident dude who’s got his shit together. So he thinks. (Plus Niccolò literally turns on the light on and all.)

Niccolò says it’s a shame Martino stopped talking, basically, and they laugh about Silvia’s dry-ass cake.

Niccolò has a shitty ancient phone? Would that play into his avoidance of social media because of his manic episode? Since you can’t post to IG/FB/any apps from one of those. Or is he just a hipster who hates technology? Or something else? 

Lol, I didn’t have to wait long before the “breaking into the school” prophecy was fulfilled. They end up climbing into a part of the school that’s closed.

Beautiful view on the roof, obviously. I guess for O Helga Natt, Martino is going to run and find Niccolò here, maybe? And then he’ll be in the radio room instead? Will they stare at each other from behind the glass? 

Niccolò asks if Martino knows Silvia, and he says no, she’s a friend of a friend. Niccolò asks which one, so he’s probably wondering if Martino is good pals with Sana.

Niccolò notes that Martino doesn’t seem happy to be there, and neither does Niccolò. Taking him at his word, he’s doing this as part of school-work interchange. So I guess he didn’t show up just to meet Martino? Again, I have no problem with that changing that (I loved it with Evak but I’m fine with them not repeating it), I just want them to do a good job of foreshadowing if they do go with that.

We get the conversation about Niccolò being from a different school, but there’s no line (as in the original) where Isak notes with some incredulity that he transferred during his last year, so there isn’t as much of a hint that something happened to Niccolò, provided they are still keeping in his backstory. (I think he’s still in his final year?)

The camera gets very close up in the boys’ faces as they talk about more personal topics, THANK GOD. Like I do think the coldness and distance in other clips is intentional, I just don’t think it works with this show, but at least we can get warmer, closer scenes when necessary.

Covitti (whose first name is Emma, by the way) shows up and literally comes between them. They do the whole thing where Martino “introduces” Niccolò to Emma, except they’re not trying to pretend they’re already partners to avoid her. 

“Fares” means horseman or knight in Arabic, so I guess Niccolò is going to be Martino’s knight in shining armor? Or fight for him? That would explain his flipbook in the trailer with stick figure Niccotino on a horse.

Covitti isn’t very awkward as a person. She and Niccolò have a polite, maybe even flirty conversation when filtered through certain jealous ears; it’s Martino who suddenly feels like a third wheel. Covitti is still making eyes at Martino, though. Niccolò says he and Martino will stay back and smoke, which pleases Martino, but she invites herself to smoke with them. It’s awkward but way less so that with Isak, Even, and Emma, in my opinion, maybe because Covitti seems like she’s enjoying herself even if the boys aren’t. 

The poppy indie song at the end of the clip feels out of place. Like if they wanted to emphasize the awkwardness, they should have just ended in a stranger song or complete silence to drive home how Martino did not want her there. If they wanted to use this song to emphasize Martino’s crush, show closeups of Martino glancing at Niccolò with the sunlight bouncing off his face without including Covitti in there. 

Oh god. Don’t kill me for this. Okay. So we have Niccolò’s introduction in this clip, obviously, and I like him in the sense that he's a friendly guy with an utterly beautiful smile. But I felt like they made him just like ... a really nice, smiley guy, in a way that was one-note. And I’m NOT criticizing the actor’s abilities, because I’ve seen his acting clips from other projects and I think he could do justice to the character. This is more about directorial decisions.

Part of the reason I love Even is because he’s fucking strange. Sure, he’s Isak’s dream boy with his denim jacket and styled hair, and he’s got a smile like the sun, and he just feels cool, but he’s also a bouncy, twitchy weirdo coursing with energy. In his first clip he makes a HELL of an impression and it’s by pulling a bizarre stunt in the bathroom with paper towels and then by making a blowjob joke as one of his first lines to Isak. Now I don’t think every Even of the remakes need to do that, not at all, but Even felt like a really specific character to me, someone who was weird and strongly himself and presented in a way that made us fall for him piece by piece. And one fear I have about the remakes is that they’ll remove some of his weirdness to make him more of a general artsy hipster type who gets along with the Isak. (Or maybe him an artsy hipster asshole, but that’s another story.)

I feel bad because I do actually want to love Niccolò I think the actor is tremendously adorable and enthusiastic about is role, and I think he can make Niccolò into someone specific and memorable. But the way this scene was directed and performed, it felt like Bessegatto told Rocco to be charming by smiling a lot. And I mean, he DOES have a great smile, but Niccolò has the same amused, benign friendliness the whooooole clip, and my gut feeling was that they were trying too hard to make us like him and eliminating anything that might make the character off-putting, which is unfortunately some of what makes the character compelling, especially this early on as he should be something of a mystery both for Martino and the audience. 

Where this approach would have worked more for me is if Niccolò was this unstoppable force of sunshine against Martino’s constant grumpy iciness, and he couldn’t help but melt in the face of it. But the thing is, Martino isn’t a constant grump who’s freezing people out. He’s actually pretty friendly to people. So it was like radiant sunshine against slightly less radiant sunshine, and there wasn’t a lot like I felt I could mull over, IDK. 

And yes yes I know this is only the first clip. Niccolò has tons of time to make himself into a distinctive, memorable character. I’m aware of that. But I don’t want to lie about my reaction. 

General Comments/Social Media:

Continuing with Martino’s crush on Giovanni makes sense considering only a few months have passed. Though it should be said that I never thought Isak getting over Jonas from S1 to S3 without any elaboration was like .. a flaw of the show? It depends on how deep you think Isak’s feelings were. Personally I never saw him as in love with Jonas, I saw it as an intense crush, compounded by Isak’s bad home life so that Jonas, his best friend who was always there for him, was someone who really made his life better at the time, and whose attention he craved.

There was almost a year between the end of S1 and the start of S3, and during that time, Isak had seen Jonas go from Eva to other girls, so I’m sure it sunk in that Jonas wasn’t suddenly going to go for him just because Eva was out of the picture. And Isak had moved out of his parents’ home so there was less of an immediately chaotic situation where he was more dependent on Jonas for support. I mean he’s clearly not in a great place at the start of S3, but he was able to get some independence and distance from his parents. I think his life was more stable on a day-to-day basis. So it’s not hard to see how Isak’s crush would have faded with those factors in mind. Martino, on the other hand, has had less time to get over Giovanni, Giovanni perhaps has not moved on to other girls since he’s still trying to get with Eva, and Martino is still probably depending on him for more emotional support since he has to deal with a more directly stressful environment at home.

In the texts, Giovanni refers to Sana as “Sana Escobar” in reference to her taking the weed. Pablo Escobar is obviously extremely well-known on his own, but I do think it’s a nod to all the Narcos/Escobar mentions in Isak’s season. Or at least they took inspiration there.

Elia is apparently one hell of a dumbass according to an essay he wrote that showed up on IG.

I wonder if they’re going to swap out the Grindr clip with Eskild for the first meeting with Filippo. I really do wonder how that relationship will come across, because I know people are excited about seeing them meet (and I am too) but the thing is, a big part of what made Isak and Eskild’s relationship in S3 meaningful was that they had months of trust to be established between them. Eskild saw Isak repressing his sexuality for months, and when Isak finally came out to him, there was pride in seeing this kid’s long journey to acceptance. We also got plenty of little scenes between them so the dynamic wasn’t just a big dramatic thing, we saw the casual side of their relationship. So I’m not sure how they can replicate that with a relationship that cannot help but have less buildup.

Niccolò is a pianist and there’s a video of him playing on YouTube! I’m really glad they incorporated the actor’s talents into the character and gave him his own artistic skill to make him a little different from Even. I assume that Martino will find the piano video and watch that endlessly. And it’ll be fun if Martino is all convinced Niccolò is a serious classical music snob but then Niccolò is like, “YES, this is my JAM” over a cheesy pop song.

One big problem I have is that it feels like a lot of potential for conflict or tension (both internal and external) is being minimized across various relationships, in multiple situations. It just feels safer for Martino despite him still going through some major problems that Isak was not at this point, and so it really shouldn’t. And that makes it harder to get involved in his POV or to immerse ourselves in his struggles. For example:

The boy squad isn't angry or annoyed with Martino for losing the weed, they're just kind of like lol, get it back. 

Sana and Martino don't clash with as much tension, and does Sana even explain why she’s holding onto Martino’s weed instead of giving it back? Sana B. was disgusted that Isak left the weed in Eva’s house where Eva could get in trouble if it was found; Sana A. is just doing it to be sassy, so far? Knowing that she found Isak’s actions distasteful upped the animosity of the Sana-Isak relationship, whereas Sana-Martino doesn’t have that element. I mean it’s certainly a reasonable inference that Sana is mad at him for potentially getting Fede in trouble, but it’s not a clear motivation. Martino doesn’t know why she’s randomly holding on to his weed. Does he think she’s doing it because she’s Muslim and disapproves? Because she wants it for herself? Just to torment him?

Italian Emma comes across way more of a chill, tolerable girl than Nowegian Emma and less of a persistent nuisance causing him stress just by existing.

Martino is less alienated and uncomfortable and more like a chill dude who likes to look at guys. The boys talking about going down on girls doesn’t make him uninterested and detached from the situation, he just mildly protests about TMI but continues to engage. He can look at Niccolò without having to make himself look away. He puts up less of a show to perform heterosexuality than Isak.

Martino doesn’t want to get involved in the radio show, except when he’s left alone he starts talking into a mic and pretending he’s on the radio, suggesting that it is of interest to him even if he’s not into Silvia’s leadership or whatever (as opposed to Isak who just didn’t want to deal with kosegruppa).

Even the Martino and Niccolò meeting had them bantering right away, practically as soon as they spoke, rather than encountering any moments of uncertainty or confusion, no time where they had to find their groove. And people are going to be like “They got along right away when Isak and Even didn’t!” when the reason Isak and Even were a little awkward at first was not because they clashed but because they were attracted to each other. Isak was shy about talking to a cute boy and taken aback by Even’s approach; Even was overwhelmed about talking to the boy he’d liked for weeks. It’s also a mark of how genuine Isak’s interest was: with Emma he was all slick and insincere, with Even he was real and tongue-tied. I mean, think about episode 2 and what a great moment it is when Isak runs into Even on the tram and they fumble for words at first. It’s so good! It’s human and real. It’s vulnerable, especially from Isak’s POV since we know how hard he has been pining over the last week, but also from Even’s POV especially when you know he’s liked Isak for a long time. The thing with Martino and Niccolò is that they settle into conversation so instantly, without any bumps, that I don’t think I would buy a moment like that happening. It’s not like I expect them to immediately become best friends but it would feel strange after this scene. And personally, it’s not like this relationship needs to develop the same as Isak/Even, but it’s good to leave some room for build-up from a narrative perspective. That’s why it’s so satisfying when Isak goes from barely being able to speak to Even to getting so comfortable with him that he can joke around and laugh with him. Like, let Martino say the wrong thing, or not know what to say, or make a mistake, so he can earn that more comfortable place with Niccolò, or so we can savor the moments that show him as vulnerable. (I mean, did people not enjoy Isak and Even being shy around each other? Because the awkwardness, the long silent pauses, the fumbling for what to say ... I ate that shit up. I loved it.)

Now on their own, it’s not wrong for any of these plot threads or scenes to go more smoothly. But do you see how cumulatively, they don’t contribute that much to creating a stressful internal and external climate for Martino? He’s just so much milder about everything, and the people around him are milder to him, and from a dramatic perspective it’s not as engaging.

I mean fandom does this thing where it’s like “These characters get along better! Things are Softer! Cinnamon rolls!! It’s an improvement!!!” but that’s not ... actually great from a narrative standpoint. We’re at the beginning of Martino’s story and it makes more sense to emphasize what a shit place he’s in so we can build him up over the season. 

The conflict that IS there, and felt like it had more of a presence on screen when it was addressed, is Martino still having feelings for Giovanni and Martino’s issues with his parents. I’m not sure how much farther they’ll take Martino’s crush on Gio, since now Niccolò is in the picture, but they’ll likely have Martino keeping secrets from Giovanni that are Eva-related. And we have Martino living with his mother and dealing with her problems, but I felt like that should have been more emphasized in this premiere episode and not just one clip, since it’s really fucking huge. It’s not a problem he can kind of repress like Isak because Isak can just ignore his mom’s texts. Martino has to go home and deal with it every day. (Like I would have put the radio/weed stuff for episode 1 and kick off with Martino’s parental problems and meeting Filippo, since that should set sooo much of the stage for this season, emotionally.)

I’ve also seen the idea that this season will focus more on Martino dealing with external homophobia than internalized homophobia, and that’s certainly a good idea, but then they really should have hit the ground running with that theme. Show the boy squad making casually homophobic comments, show him fearing what his mom will say. Show some random assholes making gay jokes about Filippo at the party and Martino overhears. 

I think they’re doing the meeting with Filippo in episode 2, so hopefully we get more meat to Martino’s conflicts.

I sound like I’m being negative, probably, but I’m aware this is only episode 1, and there’s plenty more to come. There are things that I do like, such as Filippo being Eleonora’s brother and the introduction of the radio. I think those could be really cool for the season. And I’m still intrigued by everything else, because this is S3 and of course I’m wondering how they’ll adapt it!

Please feel free to correct me if I missed or misinterpreted anything!

If you got this far, thank you for reading! Especially if you disagreed with me, lol.

#skamit reactions #skam italia reactions

[buturhumantonight]

I am 18 years old. My ex girlfriend is 21. 

The first time we started “talking” I was 16. She was 19. She made it clear that we “weren’t together” and that we were “only talking” because she “didn’t want a relationship.” However, she would be mad if I talked to other people. I was sixteen years old, young and innocent at the time. One day I was at work (I used to work with her mom, which is how I met her, and her mom didn’t know about us.) and her mom was talking to the rest of the girls and myself and she mentioned that my ex had a date that night. Needless to say, I was pissed. Not because she had a date, she made it clear that we weren’t together, but that she didn’t have enough respect to tell me herself. After this I was like “Nah fuck it, ima be a hoe now.”

After a while, we became friends again.

Two years later, (we’re both single) and I’m hanging out with her and her friend. We’re all chilling at his house and out of nowhere he kisses me while she’s in the bathroom. I was surprised obviously, when she came back and he left to get a drink, she kissed me. At this point my head is spinning?? Like??? What?

He comes back and says “Kiss her.” Now I’m sitting here like that blinking white guy gif, and I’m trying to figure out if this was planned. She’s all like “nah I'm not gonna kiss her wtf” and he's like “If you do I will” to which she responds with “I don’t want you to kiss her.”

Now I’m shook. 

He keeps bugging her about it and she kisses me, then he grabs me and kisses me and I literally just wanna go home lmao. She gets mad as shit and I’m just sitting here like “Y’all got me stoned and have me drinking, I’m not with it, like I just came here to have a good time and honestly I’m feeling so attacked rn.”

So after a minute the situation is forgotten about and we’re walking home from his place and she’s basically yelling at me because HE KISSED ME. Bitch???

I’m like whatever I’m just trine go to bed. So I go home and we don’t text for like two weeks and I’m like over it like whatever. So My friend throws a party and I go or whatever and me and one of my best friends are sitting on this roof and we kiss for a picture, which I posted on snapchat and all of the sudden this bitch swipes up like “Damn how many people you gonna kiss?”

WHO ARE YOU????

So I’m like “Look idk what your issue is like I’m living my life, we’re not together, what’s your problem???”

And she’s all like “bitch I’m in love with you, like i’ve cried over you and shit.”

And I feel kinda bad??? and she goes on like “I really wanna be with you, like I want it to be just us. etc. etc.”

So I’m like “ard maybe this could work” SO I LITERALLY DROP ALL MY HOES RIGHT?

We’re talking for a while and I’m bored as shit bc she doesn’t know how to text back and when she does it’s mad dry??? Like??? (I’m not saying this to sound conceited but I’m used to people paying attention to me, I don’t really like relationships but I’ve always have had flings and shit and I’ve had people who were legitimately in love with me, texting me 24/7, calling me, etc. so having someone who doesn’t even bother to make a decent conversation with me??? and me actually going with it??? That shit takes a lot of effort bc I feel ignored as fuck!!!!)

I leave to go on vacay, ya know living it up in the sun, having a blast, and I look at her story to see her hanging on some other bitch???? with heart eye emojis????

So I swipe up like “lol who dat”

and she's like “my coworker... who I’ve been talking to.”

So I’m like “You’re telling me, that you’ve been talking to other girls??? While I’ve been bored and faithful...LIKE YOU ASKED ME TO BE???”

And she starts blaming me like “Well you’re not the same Cara I fell in love with.”

YOU MEAN WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN? I’VE CHANGED SINCE I WAS SIXTEEN? WOW WHO WOULD’VE FUCKING GUESSED. 

This bitch really had me out here wasting my time acting taken while i’m on vacation while I could’ve been having some cool beach flings? Um bye.

Know what I did? I wrote this shit and then went swimming with a cute girl who I met at my hotel. Why? Because I’m not gonna let someone who truly doesn’t deserve me, ruin my mood for more than a few minutes.

Now this was a super long story to get my point across but the moral is that if someone fucks you over once, they’re probably gonna do it again. And just bc someone says that they want you, doesn’t mean you should waste your time on them, it’s not always worth it.

I see a lot of young girls stressing bc of relationships and lack of them, but you guys need to learn to be yourself, live for yourself, do what you want. There’e plenty of time for that shit when you grow up, please live your life and don’t let sad little people kill your mood.

[eirosbraindump-blog]

child hood crush likes me: GONE WRONG!

(EDITED: I think i wrote this maybe aroung january 16-ish? idk i forgot to put dates minsan eh.) bale ngayon is march 8 ‘19 na. hehe

HEY! here is me again.

so i am currently in the middle of doing my business plan but this can’t wait!

i have a crush, my crush since i was 14, my major crush for 2 years not until i met my ex-bf kiko. SOOOOO, i have a major issue here, my crush liked me back. i thought that it would turn out great, but i think it did not.

HERE’s the story:

So, i was in the verge of moving on with my ex and always expressing my sadness and deepshit on twitter. Until one tweet ago, he replied to one of my tweets: “i wish i was someone’s happy pill.” he then replied, “you’ll be, someday, you just have to wait for the right man.” blabla and shit, something like that was his reply.

so, as my previous ex crush, i got shookt by what he replied and i literally dont know what to feel. kikiligin ba ko or what. 

months passed as i move on with my ex, he kept on replying to my tweets and reacting to my ig stories until one day, he dm-ed me on Instagram. we talked about useless things and shit something like that, asked me to hangout and all. syempre as his ex admirer i got flattered by what he did and by what he just asked me. i still dk what to feel, syempre kinikilig ako kasi naman yung taong pinapangarap ko nung 14 ako and all bigla akong kinausap out of nowhere diba.that was october pa.

until one day, i think he decided to ditch me and all kasi may sadness anxiety nga siya. then december came i IG Storied my face with my fave post then before it expired he reacted at my pic and i replied with an emoji. he then continued our conversation telling me that im cute or whatnot, flirty stuffs but not like the fuckboy kind of flirting ah. basta something like that. while having the convo, it was when i realized that i’ve moved on na pala with kiko, tho i know that im not yet ready for a relationship, i just wonder what is he up to, messaging me all of a sudden. then after that convo i know that i like him again, btw inamin ko pala sa kanya dun sa ig dm na crush ko siya (2 years ago). going back, i know na nga that crush ko na siya ulit and syempre the impulsive side of me wanting attention always tweet some shit that can get his attention blablabla

a week before christmas, for that straight week we were chatmates, some things are the reason why he was chatting me, it can be bc of hannah or bc of me joking him at the comment section. BASTA YON!

tas biglang nahinto yun, kasi ewan ko basta feel niya ata minsan di ako interested sa kanya pero papansin lang naman ako ng papansin dahil sa kanya.

new year came, di na ko mapakali dahil tbh i really got pressured by the confession to crush thing on fb and also my sister said that i should too confess my feelings to him to get things cleared. if he likes me then so it be and if not, then i can just move on and forget about everything that has happened and move on kasi 2019 na naman.

in short, i confessed. he didnt reply agad kasi i know that he got shookt. but i was double-shookt din with his reply, he like me din pala!!!!! aaaaaaahhhhh

after that new year convo akala ko it would stop na like the usual convo that we had. pero hindi, kasi kinabukasan he suddenly greeted me goodmorning like AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

hanggang sa i decided to accept his offer to meet (not on a sunday) and get to know him. we met sa sm san mateo and talked about a lot of things . . .

(Continuation: today is march 8 na. i know, im kinda being a late ass bitch here bc im too busy from. . . errr... haha idk what im being busy for eh sometimes naman im being unproductive eh)

so yeah, @sm san mateo we talked about alot of things hahaha that day was not that awkward it was fun tho pero kasi sa ngayon when u come to think of it, it was really funny and awkward ngayon because wtf are we talking about ahahahahahahaha we dont even know what we’re saying. anyways, i knda forgot the whole thing on what i was gonna say in this post bc it’s so matagal na. lol. anyways let me get to the point, the reason why i titled this as childhood crush gone wrong is because that he is touchy af. being caring and all that creepy shit para sa mga bagong nagliligawan pa lang. he’s not creepy at all hahaha lol that’s just my term. anyways, he was so touchy kasi and super caring like an obsessive bf. eh siyempre galing break up nasanay ako na sa loob ng 6 months na yun is ako lang mag isa so bali nanibago ako bigla, like di pa ko sanay ganern. then i talked to him, told him that im not sanay pa from him being touchy sabi ko naman nagaadjust pa ko and he just needs to wait. dont get me wrong (lol me saying that as if someone’s even gonna read this haha) Shaun is a good man. napalaki ng maayos ng magulang and a very good kuya to his sister. he’s your ideal guy kumbaga. very sweet and caring, and because of that kuya vibes in his veins haha he’s kinda over protective to u as well. 

pero on this day na, nagbago na tingin ko sa kanya. he’s very caring sobra huhu. he’s  my ideal guy. iknow, i know, there’s no such thing as an ideal guy when the right person comes to you. but come to think of it, i feel like i was really blessed. he’s the guy that i was looking for and dreaming of that kind of attitude and how he treats u. i really pray that he’s the one.

 i’m still gettig to know him tho. as of the moment i cant give back the love that he was asking for yet. i dont know, wala pa talaga sa point na yun eh kaya nagpapaligaw pa ko. aaaaand yung mga ginagawa ko dati sa mga nanliligaw sakin kung saan parang ako pa yung nag ttyaga sa mga manliligaw ko is di ko na ginagawa ngayon. like sila yung nanliligaw eh so bakit parang ako yung nag aadjust para magustuhan nila ako.

that’s why ngayon as much as posible i dont wanna cover my true color, if that guy really likes me for who i am then i am very happy to accept him in my life pero if hindi then it’s ok so be it.

[kaytriestorp]

ignore me i’m just rambling ‘cause i have no where else to say these things. does it make sense? idk probably not but here u go.

Okay SO, for those of you who know me you probably know that I’ve run bios rps for my entire six or seven year run here on tumblr. And the thing is I /love/ them. I love them so much and this is not a post dissing them at all. If you like them, do you! They’re great and I hope you love joining/making them. I know that I really do. Bio roleplays gave me a chance to create soo much and I adored it. I love creating characters and putting in a ton of work and making up a whole new world. Like making The Coven and Winlock was literally an amazing experience for me? I love both of those worlds so much, and all of the characters too. And listen, maybe this is just me. Maybe, I was doing something wrong. Maybe it’s entirely my fault, okay?

But frankly with all the bios rps I’ve run, it felt like I was putting in hours and hours of work and getting little to no reward for it. And honestly, I was like sixteen or seventeen while trying to run some of these groups and it caused me so much stress. Like I was trying so hard, and while some of my groups did okay, most didn’t. And that’s kind of a trend with bio roleplays that I see. I see so many admins putting in hours of work only to never get as many apps they need to open, or to get hate, or whatever. But my point is that it led to me piling on a bunch of stress that I didn’t need. ‘Cause on top of school, losing my mom, and moving towns I was trying to work on roleplay groups that were going nowhere? It drove me to some dark places, my friends. Writing bios gave me so much anxiety. Because it was something that I loved, but I never felt like I was getting out enough. It felt like every time I wrote a bio I’d just have to do it all over again, or else risk the rp dying because of a lack of characters coming out. And it was just?? A lot of anxiety. And so I took a long ass break from roleplay. I tried to come back a few times, but it never really worked out. 

When all I wanted to do was write with people. All I wanted to do was create shit and write shit and do shit. But it just never worked out the way I wanted? ANd it always caused me more harm than it did good. ‘Cause while I love creating characters and worlds and I even really love writing bios, I couldn’t do it anymore. I put myself through so much stress trying to keep the wheels moving. Trying to come up with/write out events, tasks, and bios? I couldn’t do it, not for a prolonged period of time. And I’ve had some amazing co-admins, people that I truly adore to this day. But some experiences in the past have always left me paranoid about co-admins, so I always tried to do everything myself. And yeah, it’s all on me. It’s entirely my fault I was putting all that shit on myself. But like, I can’t stop it? I don’t know how to run a bio roleplay without doing it the way I always have. 

And that’s why when I came back, I made an appless roleplay. I’ve seen so much flack get tossed onto them, and I’ve seen so many problems that arise from them. There’s drama and there’s insta-shipping and there’s just all this shit? But like??? I guess I lucked out ‘cause I’m so damn happy in the group I run now. I love getting to write again, getting to do fun ass threads with people and develop characters and come up with plots. I love it. And idk, I’m just really happy that I decided to give appless rps a try. ‘Cause I finally get everything I want out of roleplay. I get to create a fancy world, be an admin, I get to write with people. But I don’t have to stress about getting out a few bios a week? Not writing bios took off an enormous amount of weight off my shoulders. And now I get to do what I love again? And it’s glorious. So idk just thank you to anyone at elementalhq, you’re all great. And I’m happy to be back into rp. 

That’s all, thank you for listening to my rambling  lol.

#listen basically this is me admitting to being a messy bitch #but i also just love my members and idk i'm so happy to enjoy rping again you guys #like it makes me wanna cry #kayla can't stop talking

[flawedinthefantasy]

yet another L post

i’m deeeeeeeep in my feelings tonight. this girl i follow on IG was talking about her husband and how she knew he was the one because he was everything she prayed for but didn’t think she could have. how he came into her life at the right time when she was all screwed up and needed help. and i couldn’t help but think about L. he first messaged me on fetlife a few days after my 2nd trip to SF with CG. in the days before our first date, i was still pining after CG whose gf at the time had moved in with him. i just spent the last hour flipping through my 2015 journal and in those days, i wrote about how lonely i was and how i wished i had someone just for me. and then came L...

our first date was magical, probably because i had absolutely no expectations. he was hot and polite and gentlemanly and intelligent and articulate and kinky and talldarkhandsome and so fun to be with. i couldn’t believe i’d even met him, let alone spent several hours with him. looking back, i think i literally fell in love with him on the first date. our second date was even better. he had 2 free hours at work and he took me to an italian restaurant then we walked down 5th avenue for him to get some new shoes for work. i remember being in awe at the whole thing..how normal i felt. walking arm in arm with this handsome guy..looking around at the other wives and girlfriends at the store and actually feeling like one of them. in my journal, i was so excited and optimistic. 

of course things ended the way they did..he got busy and didn’t have time for me anymore. he went back to north carolina to finish school. we didn’t talk. i stayed in NYC and got my ass beat at school lol. got hurt by O the rapist. pined for L the whole time. went to SF for what would be my last visit with CG. didn’t get into medical school and moved back home. L comes out of nowhere to tell me that he doesn’t want me anymore. it’s been a lot. 

i was so emotional reading the stuff in my journal not just because of L. over and over i said the same thing..i just want to be with someone i can trust who won’t hurt me. i don’t think that’s asking for much. now...nearly 2 years after meeting L, of course our story isn’t what i’d hoped it would be. he only wants something platonic (why, i still don’t know)..chances are, i won’t be moving back to NYC for school. i still think about him because what i felt with him felt so real. idk, it could have been an infatuation and i’m still praying on it. but my desire hasn’t changed. i’ve been through so much terrible shit over the years. and i just want a good relationship. i think i deserve it at this point in my life. i’m going to start praying about it a little more seriously. for a long time, i had the dumb belief that i could only pray about one thing at a time. and of course, everything has been about school. but my desire for romantic love has been growing..and it needs to be prayed about. 

so yeah that’s my evening. arguments with my fucked up family and pining over a guy who’s not thinking about me. my life is great.

#L #my life isn't terrible but you know