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#idk why i can just pick out little things like this
xazse · 1 day
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the afab gojo x male reader is so good ! but i lowkey want gojo to get his lick back and make male reader jealous like i get it’s unrequited but i lowkey feel like mreader is attached to him a bit.
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IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I REALLY WANTED TO GET THIS OUT TO YOU BOTH ON TIME SO I APOLOGIZE IF THIS IS RUSHED. SO HAPPY YOU LOVED MY AFAB<333 I HOPE YOU STILL LIKE AFAB GOJO!!
Idk about you but I feel like the best revenge is to slowly drive the other person insane.
Male!reader is a scumbag and might not align with you, like forreal scumbag!
Warnings: Fem!Satoru x Male Reader, Pussy-eating, sexting, jealous!reader, mean!reader, patheticmale!reader
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Oh m!reader is most definitely in love with Satoru, that night When you were fucking Suguru he realized how much you would ramble on how much you hated Satoru’s guts and the only thing he’s good for is his body and pussy. But he seen the slight light in your eyes when you were describing him, by the end of the night Suguru just wanted to go home , he hadn’t even realized you were involved with Satoru so he felt like shit by the end as well, so ready to go home and tell Satoru to avoid you like the plague.
Satoru does eventually start to slowly distance himself from you, no longer is he blowing up your phone wondering where you are, he’s barely responding to your messages, and he most definitely stopped begging you to see him and look at him. He finds himself not entertaining your attempts to make him jealous or angry. He does work on himself, meaning he’s buying a new wardrobe and posting cute selfies, basically in your words auctioning himself off to other people.
You do notice the things he’s doing, ignoring you in favor of other people who aren’t even worth his time or yours. Two can play that game, Satoru is clearly going through something and needs a little convincing to get him back in the right mind, so you’ll give him the space he so clearly fucking needs, and it’s most definitely not gonna drive you crazy.
A week later your at a party, attempting to look for someone even as half as pretty as Satoru, he’s also present, so beautiful and a beaming smile gracing his face, he looks a little brighter, and it’s definitely not because of you. He’s with his usual group of friends, looking so dull compared to him. There’s a hand behind his back, seemingly going up and down in a soothing motion, you follow the hand and you scoff loudly from across the room.
A dude who looks plain and most definitely not Satoru’s type.
You see Satoru peek at the man and give him a kiss on the cheek whilst he whispers something in his ear, a giggle leaves his pretty pink lips before he’s departing somewhere. You’re quick to follow him outside to talk.
“What’s with you lately? Why are you avoiding me? And who’s that dude in there?” You pester Satoru with endless questions, not letting him even get a breath in.
“He’s someone I’m talking to right now, and why are you so worried?” Satoru glares, his eyebrows furrowed and yet you still find him to be so pretty when he’s frustrated.
“Not worried , just wondering why you aren’t picking up my calls.”
“Been busy, enjoy the party.” Satoru is quick to push through you and back to party, forgetting what he came in the kitchen for. He peers over his shoulder to see you standing there staring daggers at him with an expression he doesn’t recognize, oh you’re fucking pissed. It makes his body shiver and his cunt clench around nothing, he wants to see just how much he can push you.
One night while Satoru is alone in his room he does the unthinkable, he props his phone up and spreads himself wide in front of his camera, his pretty pussy on display, he grabs his favorite dildo and begins working it inside of himself, slow and steady is how he starts, he makes sure the video gets everything, every sound, every movement is captured. The dildo reaches so deep while it stretches his hole and makes him so wet, he’s heaving as he continues to abuse himself to completion. When that’s all done with he sends it to you, but he makes it look like it wasn’t for you, an accident is what he wants you to think.
A few hours later Satoru’s doorbell rings and to his amazement it’s you, looking a fucking mess, dressed like as soon as he sent the message you were out the door and on your way to his place. There’s a fiery but pathetic look in your eyes.
“Toru’ please” your voice sounds raw as you beg?
And a few minutes Satoru has you on your knees eating him out, you flatten your tongue and lick a stripe up his pussy, you’ve been wanting him for as long as he’s been torturing you, starving just to even touch him a little bit. You’re ravenous with your tongue work, licking up all his essence as it seeps out of him.
Satoru is rough with his hands, shoving your face even deeper so you can lick all the parts of him, he snaps at you to suck on his clit, and you listen like the obedient thing you’ve become, he’s moaning and mewling so cutely, you’ve missed his sweet honeyed voice, though he isn’t yelling your name you’ll take what you can get.
Your balls feel heavy when you unbuckle and pull your pants down to rest around your thighs. Fat cock already fully hard you begin stroking yourself slow and steady, precum already dripping you use that as lubricant. The burn in your body ignites, the combined sucking on Satoru’s clit and jerking your cock off feels so damn good, everything feels right, but also twisted.
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lavouredior · 2 days
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At this point I literally stalk your tumblr page 🤫
Idk if there are parks in hell 🤷‍♀️ but maybe if Val or Vel took bunny to the park for the day and they take their eyes off of her and she climbs a REALLY tall tree 🐰 then Vox has to put up with that fact that they let her fall and get hurt 😧
-My third time requesting and I literally love how you respond EVERY TIME 🤍🤍🤍
when i tell you i LOVE this idea !!!
also bunny reader imo is a little along with being as sensitive as she is normally and that’s why she’s so babied with everyone, that’s how i interpret her but if you guys wanna interpret her in a different way you definitely can !!!
warnings: none!!!
Don’t Hurt The Bunny
“valentino. let the girl off the fucking leash.” vox told velvette & valentino to be watchful over you when he let them watch you and they decided to take you to the park. valentino took that a bit too serious after he decided to make you put on a backpack leash, velvette was not a fan.
“wan’ go!” you complained as you tried running but the couldn’t due to the backpack leash. “vox is gonna kill us if she gets hurt vel!” she just rolled her eyes before taking the backpack off of you causing you to run over to the park.
“she’s not gonna get hurt piss baby! just let her fucking play!” she smiles as she sees you running back over to them knowing you get upset over fighting. “hi babes.” all you did was give her grabby hands.
“babes, i need you to tell me what you need.” you just sighed and leaned your head against her. valentino, who knew well enough that you didn’t like to voice your wants and that when you start acting like that it means you’re five seconds away from a meltdown, which letting you have a meltdown then vox finding out was something neither of the two needed to be yelled at for.
he immediately grabbed the bag that velvette brought of your things then kneeled down so he was closer to your height. “bun, look at me.” you kept your head against velvette but turned your head so you were facing him.
he pulled out your water bottle and you shook your head, he then pulled out one of the snack bags they brought for you “no!!!” you whined causing valentino to start to panic a bit.
“bun. look inside the bag yourself.” and you did, grabbing your stuffed animal bunny before running back over to the park.
“she’s going to be a handful today.” valentino sighed, he sometimes missed when the two of you didn’t get along. it only happened because valentino cannot deal with you throwing a tantrum. all over the fact you accidentally left your bunny stuffed animal in the limo and he had ran to get it for you.
“hey! piss baby! where’s the bunny?” velvette asked as you had ran out of their line of sight. “oh fuck! we got to find her before voxxy finds out.”
technically you weren’t out of their line of sight. they told you that you couldn’t pass the tree, so when you were pushing your stuffed animal on the swing and it went flying up the tree, you knew you had to climb to go get it.
they ran over and looked for you until valentino got hit in the head with your bunny stuffed animal. “stuffy!” they both looked up to see you at the top of a tree that was taller than velvette & valentino if they were standing on top of each other.
“i told you we needed to keep her on the backpack leash!” valentino sighed as his panic started to set in as he wasn’t planning on getting killed by vox today. “babes! do not move we will figure out how to get you down.”
they were trying to think of a rational plan but you refused to be away from your stuffed animal for any longer. which is why you started to climb down the tree, which was working fine. until it wasn’t.
about halfway down, you had gone to put your foot on a branch that wasn’t actually there and ended up falling, causing you to immediately start crying and velvette and valentino to run over to you.
“hey bun it’s okay it’s okay.” valentino said as he picked you up and put your head into his shoulder to try and keep your crying down. “vox is gonna kill us.” velvette muttered as she picked your stuffed animal up.
“wan’ bubs!” valentino sighed starting to bounce you on his hip to try and get you to calm down. “i know you want voxxy bun but we can’t bring you to him like this.” that just made your crying to get louder.
“idiot! we need to bring her to him now. she could be seriously hurt and you know that she’s not gonna calm down until vox is with her.” velvette shook her head at the moth.
when they got back to the vee tower you were still sobbing, they got you to calm down in the limo on the drive back but it started up again after valentino had tried to move you and had hit one of the cuts you got from falling.
vox had heard your crying from his office and immediately came and ran over to you. “what the fuck did you guys do!” he said to valentino and velvette before taking you out of valentino’s arms.
velvette and valentino remained silent. “princess, talk to me, what’s wrong?” vox said to you but, all you did was put your head against his chest still crying.
vox wasn’t mad at you. if you were ever crying he always took your side knowing you rarely ever cried unless something happened to you. he was more pissed that the two people that were supposed to be watching you weren’t telling him what happened.
he sighed before setting you down, hoping you’d at least point out to him who did it that made you upset but that’s when he noticed all the cuts on your legs.
“let us take her out to the park vox. she’ll love to have fun at the park vox. we will make sure she’s safe vox. and you let her get fucking hurt?!” the rooms lights started to flicker as he started seething.
the lights only went back to normal as he heard you start crying louder due to fear. “i’m sorry princess, can you please tell me what happened?” he picked you up, but didn’t let you rest your head on his chest.
“bun bun wen’ in tree so i go get and then fell.” vox nodded, glaring at his business partners. “where’s her stuffy?” valentino held it up and vox nodded. “good you two follow me, i’m gonna get this one off to sleep and then we need to talk.”
he went to his office and sat down in his chair with you on his lap. “let me see the stuffed animal.” you shook your head at him causing him to let out a chuckle. “i’m sorry princess.” he said softly before turning back to valentino “val. give me the stuffy.” he said sternly still pissed off at him.
vox got the stuffed animal from valentino then handed it to you which you immediately cuddled resting your head on his chest, starting to fall asleep as you usually did after crying.
“you two. what the fuck were you thinking?” he said quiet enough so that it wouldn’t wake you up. “i wanted to put her on a leash but-“
vox sighed at valentino’s excuse. “you two are going to do whatever she wants until every cut and scrape are healed. okay?” the two just nodded, knowing it’s the best punishment they could get after letting you get hurt.
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elysiumnotes · 2 days
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My 9-1-1 s8 Disaster Ideas/Wishlist
So I am going to spend the hiatus for 911 moving onto some of my brushed to the wayside hyperfixations now that the season’s over. Honestly after almost 15 years in fandom, I do not want to wade into the water of angsty ship wars and have already filtered out my tags and blocked certain blogs to ensure my peace.
However, I still will be thinking about my gay little wee woo show and I wanted to post my ideas, wishes, speculations, and predictions. Not necessarily in that order…..
Anyways! First things first, for this little post I wanted to speculate about what s8’s big disaster is going to be and my idea on how it could be done. (ABC if you’re lurking, please feel free to take the idea. You too, Tim. I give this idea away for free) What I think the s8 disaster is:
TORNADO
Now hear me out….as a Canadian, I have no clue if Tornadoes are common or even occur in places like LA. But with a dramatic ass show like 911 that has dealt with titanic-like cruise ship disaster, tsunami, earthquake, mudslides, wildfires, etc. it’s not out of the realm of possibility for them to completely the elemental set.
But moving onto how they would work it in…
I propose that it is used in the season premiere. (stick with me and imagine) LA is on Tornado watch and is hunkering down but the 118 get called to an emergency like they always do. (since it seems like their sector seems to be the entirety of LA, but I digress)
Unfortunately Captain Gerard is still the temp Captain while Bobby is out fighting the decision with the Chief. Obviously the crew does not gel with his leadership style which affects their ability to complete this rescue that’s in the path of the tornado.
Now this is where I get a little insane….Please stick with me on this….
This will be an Eddie centric 2 part premiere as he’s still reeling from Chris’s decision to go to Texas for the summer. (I refuse to have him leave completely) He’s kinda going stir crazy in an empty house now that his son’s not there. Instead of Buck being the normally reckless one, Eddie dives into the rescue against Gerard’s orders as the wind picks up. The tornado gets too close and the winds too strong that they can’t go after him safely and that cause the structure he’s in to collapse on him and knock him out.
Here’s the crazy part…
As he’s knocked out, we go into Eddie’s dreamscape consciousness that is just pretty much a 911 version retelling of the Wizard of Oz….
(I promise this will be a compelling arc)
…..which we will eventually learn is the movie he ended up watching the night before as had been having some cases of Insomnia now that Chris was gone.
Now you’re thinking, Elysium, that absolutely bonkers and how would they ever pull it off? Truthfully I don’t know how they would write but I can give the bare bones of what I imagine for it.
Eddie wakes up in weird not-version of LA after the Tornado passes to find a firetruck crushing the ‘Wicked Witch of the West’ Gerard.
He’ll take the Saint Christopher medal from the body (why? I don’t know… it’s his weird dream sequence about coming to terms with his grief)
No memories/vague recollection of what he’s doing. All he knows is that he has to get back home to his soul. His family.
Eventually he is found by ‘Glinda the Good Witch’ Evan ‘’Buck’ Buckley, who gives him a goal to work towards and solid advice to find the great wizard (Bobby) who should be able to grant his wish.
Obviously he will be joined by Hen & Chim as companions, each searching for their own thing. (not to be one-to-one with the Tin Man & Lion, but Hen’s thing would be about courage to fight the councilwoman and get Mara back. Chim looking for the heart could be maybe thinking about having more kids once Mara is back with Henren. You stuff like like that, idk)
Dealing with the Witch Gerard and the flying monkeys (which would be all the obstacles that the 118 face, grief about Shannon, unresolved catholic guilt, his parents taking his kid, etc)
Finally Eddie will make it to the Wizard (Bobby), the man he conflated and put on pedestal because the Good Witch Buck, who sees Bobby as his his father figure (which is a good thing don’t get me wrong), also did. Only to realize Bobby is also just a man like him, his true foil (narratively this would be made clear to the audience using flashbacks) who like him, only became grand because his pushed himself to work for it even through his grief and bad moments.
What Eddie realizes is that he was looking for his way back home to his perfect life and family, to a Chris who won’t currently be there. And that destroying himself to wait for him to come back won’t fix the issue. Glinda will also help him with this.
He realizes that the way to make amends is to do like Bobby and put the effort into that change. He going to make his home a comfortable space for Chris again, so when he does come back, he knows that things will be different. He’ll take time for himself to properly grieve Shannon (and get more therapy, god!) and take the space to delve into some self-discovery whole were at it.
Then he’ll wake up from being knocked out by his team, not including Gerard, once the Tornado is gone. Maybe they go back to the station after a checkup at the hospital and Bobby comes back saying he’s reinstated and Gerard is gone. (I’m not really planning for this stuff)
Now, I’m obviously missing some characters in this dream sequence but I don’t know where they would fit. And I’m avoiding some big sexuality and romantic notions in regards to Eddie.
Trust that I know and I want it too, but I also want to avoid the ship wars this summer. So I’ll leave it vague, even though to me the idea of Eddie being Dorothy is very explicit in what arc I want for him.
Let me know what you would cast the other 911 character as in this version of Oz. Also thank you for indulging my crazy idea. I’ll be back with more.
Also #RaviMainS8!
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drabble #13 - the massage
kai parker x reader
summary: kai's sure he'll win the bet. you're positive he won't.
tags: massage, teasing, clingy!kai, minor mention of murder (bc it's kai)
word count: 835
a/n: idk why i'm in my cheesy fluff era of writing, but here's more
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“Relax,” you giggle, feeling his muscles tense. 
“I’m trying! It’s weird.”
“It’ll feel so much better if you stop moving around.”
“What are you even doing?”
“Trying to help you relax.”
Kai sighs, clearly unsatisfied with your answer. Nevertheless, he stops adjusting his position and takes a deep breath.
“There you go.”
He mumbles something incomprehensible, but you don’t respond. After a second, you start again. The massage tool in your hand makes a slightly squeaky sound as you run it up his back. You make circles on his shoulder blades, then inch up to his neck. He shrugs his shoulders uncomfortably.
“Kai!”
“I’m sorry!”
“Do you want me to stop?”
“No! Yes! I don’t know!”
“Pick one. Tell me to stop, and I will.”
“Don’t stop. I like it, it’s just weird.”
“I can be more gentle.” You do, but he only mumbles more.
“Now I can’t feel it at all.”
“Well then you’re going to have to sit still.”
“I just… what are you even holding?” Without much warning, he flips around to face you. The massage roller in your hand receives a weird stare that makes you laugh. “What even is that?”
“It’s a little tool that helps you relax by easing the knots in your neck and back. Now do you want me to continue, or not?”
“Where do you buy something like that?”
“Literally anywhere. Dollar Tree. Target.”
“I’ve never seen that in my life.”
“Your life has never lived in this decade, Malachai. You lived in the nineties for twenty years.”
“Rude.”
“I’m just saying! Things are different now. We have massage rollers.”
“Weird.”
“Unless you’d prefer to go to an actual massage person, but I bet you’d chicken out.”
He gives you a look. “Me? Chicken out? Do you know who you’re talking to?”
“Um, yes, actually. I’m talking to someone who would absolutely chicken out if anyone but me was touching them.”
“Bet you twenty dollars you’re wrong.”
“You don’t even have twenty dollars.”
“Yes I do.”
“From where? You-”
“Borrowed some the other day.”
“Borrowed?”
“Stole,” he corrects.
“You- Kai!”
“It’s okay! He was using it anymore!”
“Now why’s that? Is he dead?”
“...Maybe.”
“Kai, you can’t-”
“He shouldn’t have made that comment about you within my earshot. He had it coming.”
“Good lord, boy.”
“So twenty dollars I can get through this message-”
“Massage.”
“-thing you’re talking about. I win, you owe me.”
“Probably won’t happen.”
“Guess we’ll see.”
You’ll admit, Kai being anywhere without you gives you an extreme amount of anxiety. Not only because he’s a sociopathic serial killer, but also because you’re overprotective of him almost to a fault. Despite his bully-like attitude to many, he’s a child at heart. He’s gone through so much to make him the way he is, starting in early childhood, and you can’t bear for him to have anymore trauma. It’s probably toxic, thinking of him in such an endearing way, but you can’t help it. You love him. 
“It’ll be one hour, okay?” The massage therapist says as she takes him back. You nod your head at her and Kai’s little wink, then she brings him to the back. 
He bonded to you immediately. Maybe it was because you could see past the bad boy persona he donned on to gain respect. Maybe it was because you were the first to give him a second chance after the merge. Regardless of the reason, he learned you were a person he could trust, so he did. And even though all your friends tell you you’re brave to be friends with such a dangerous person, you’re there for him anyway. He’s pretty sure he loves you, even though he’s afraid to admit it. 
You pull out your phone to pass the time with a game, but no more than ten minutes later, the therapist returns to the waiting room. She catches your attention with a cough, to which you look up questioningly. 
“He’s asking for you,” she says. “I think he’s nervous.”
A little smile creeps on your face at the knowledge that you’ve won. You were right, and he was so determined he could beat you. “Okay.”
She brings you to the room where he’s lying down on the table. You can’t see his face until he pops up slightly to look at you. 
“Hi.”
“Hi there.”
Neither of you bring up the bet. Boy, he does look nervous. A non-joking Kai is a worried Kai, and for a split second, you wonder just how bad of an idea this is. 
“Can you just stay here?”
“Of course.”
“I’m gonna need you to relax,” the woman says, seeing the tension in his muscles before even touching him. 
You take his hand in hopes to reassure him. A little squeeze elicits a deep breath, and a lot of the strain drops. 
“Good. Let me know if you need anything.”
He shakes his head despite the awkward position on his stomach. “No,” he mutters, rather muffled, “just them.”
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navysealt4t · 9 months
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ok tell me. what's the typing mannerisms that i so evidently exhibit. i'm curious how exactly you knew (besides me being insane about my little fish man)
hmm okay so like. idk ur like very straight forward about stuff and also u don’t do capitals unless it’s for a Funny Moment. also punctuation and u don’t shorten words usually like “u, rlly, ur, im” etc. also like u could tell the propaganda was very excited but no FULL CAPITALS to emphasize stuff (which is usually what i do) and that’s like a very u thing. also the ‘fucking himbo’ at the end was so funny it was just like something you’d say
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kyouka-supremacy · 4 months
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#random rambles#Technically I'm done with this month's header since yesterday.#Practically I've been feeling so insecure about it I've been procrastinating looking for an icon or uploading it at all#Like it *was* natural to have a downgrade in themes I've said it myself a lot of times. After 24+ themes it's understandable I'd run out–#of inspiration (or even simply material) for the very cool stuff#That said. I did very much spend the whole entire day from when I woke up to when I (started studying at past 2am) went to sleep on it#That's what I get for working with the anime tbh. Bones artstyle is ugly there's little to be done about it#While making it I also came up with other two themes concepts.#One is probably going to replace September's plan and the other idk will probably slid to the next year#Idk looking at this year's planned themes lineup it all feels full of things I'm not skilled enough to make...#On top of everything this February's theme wasn't even what I had initially planned!! The one I had initially planned was a chapter 33 pane#Idk why I didn't follow up with it. Maybe I've just grown to think manga panels are too simple (terrible choice) (rip)#I think the thing that bugs me with both the initially picked image and the anime header I made yesterday–#is that there's no smooth transition with the blog. And I know it's not a big deal but pretty much all my themes do and it's bothering me..#And it shouldn't. Like nearly everyone uses an header that is sharply separate from the blog and they make it work#Uhm..............#Idk I should be studying besides.#I think I'll either go looking for an icon and see how the overall theme looks on the blog. Maybe I'll like it better then.#Or I'll just start over and see if I can use the ch 33 panel I had in mind and see if I'll like THAT better#It'd just be a shame if after all the time I've spent on it yesterday I'd just let it lie unused on my computer#There's also the fact that black and white of the manga doesn't feel very February-esque... (Don't ask)#Ugh. I hate looking for icons it's always the worst part 😭😭😭#I was considering the last Beast Atsushi illustration (because ofc I was) but idk. Idk if I can make it work.#And part of me is also like “don't use beautiful Hoshikawa Beast Atsushi on an ugly theme” LOL#But I also suffer heavily from the lack of Beast in this year's lineup.#Okay rant over. Shutting up now#Edit: If this month's theme is ugly please be kind#Edit 2: Jk I've found like four icons. Maybe I'm just very dramatic
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blackbirdblackbird · 2 years
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not-another-blorbo · 1 month
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I keep having arm tics in the morning at work and I'm sure I look fucking crazy
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waywardsalt · 3 months
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i. get the vibe that the more mainstream zelda fans are allergic to the idea of liking characters who like. do bad things
#the groups and works i avoid are ones that make characters who do generally questionable things into morally good/perfect people#idk. whenever people get nasty or w/s it seems to be when people ask reasonable questions abt the series’ morality#recent example in mind but like. idk. with more personal/petty examples i feel like people will just sand a character down to being nicer#or more decent to fit some mold and maybe while its still similar to canon its a lot less interesting#idk this is just a mini rant ill delete it later. god forbid we enjoy characters who make bad choices and are mean#idk i dont usually leave my little hole but it feels like the worst zelda fans are deep in purity culture regarding characters#and don’t analyze the text beyond what youre told and never going any deeper bc it would require thought and discomfort#idk ig with [character] (cuz i know thisll get picked ul by tag stuff) i just. dont like how he just gets turned into a decent guy?#like hes an asshole but thats it hes more pleasant than anything? its not not canon but its not interesting. its neuters him#yknow? like hes down for robbing people at the bare minimum shut uo about tax fraud he’s a thief literally in the text#im going off the rails. bht i feel like people lash out at characters who are unignorably grating or morally impure#and sand down the ones whose flaws can be ignored. ofc i feel like the main 3 esp with these last few games get the worst of it#and i can get why considering the issues baked into how this series work but it just makes a lot of things boring
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transgender-catboy · 8 months
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I love my friends
#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind#for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!!#secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart#i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and#allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother.#she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way#i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know?#not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her.#...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics#i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling.#like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did.#hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either#but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time#but that's the only way I can get those emotions out#I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved.#and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah.#but we dont talk about her#... i dunno. I'm just here.#guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going#I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys.#so uh. thank you.#i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you#probably dead.#💖#vent
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pepprs · 2 years
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kind of amazing that i get down on myself for having impostor syndrome and feeling constantly stupid and naive and radiating insecurity about being young all the time when actually there is a completely explainable reason for it which is that i live in this house 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#groaning and laughing over liz memes with my siblings and explaining to my parents why ppl are doing this / why ppl hate her and#are celebrating her death and they start attacking me for relaying the information (and agreeing with it ♥️) and saying shit like This#Generation has no respect and are so cruel and classless and always pick at problems for no reason and make unfounded baseless claims when I#was literally reading them evidence of the awful things that happened under her reign and they were going i don’t believe that. LMFAO! ok.#and the generational disdain has been such an issue too. like our parents straight up think we are stupid! love and light 💖#purrs#one of the worst fights i ever had with my mom that was the reason i started going to counseling happened bc of how jason mraz announced#that he was two-spirit and i was talking to my mom about it and said that he shouldn’t have called himself that bc he&: white and she BLEW#UP at me for like 3 days straight for trying to be ‘labelist’ about him and for caring about sexuality and ‘policing’ his / her language and#she literally went out of her way to pick a fight with someone on ig who was saying the thing i was to prove a point to me and she said othe#other extremely hurtful things about me being bi and about me having the audacity to ‘root for the underdog’ and how she was going to cut me#out of her life just like she did with her aunt because i push her buttons too much so ♥️ always very fun to get into debates with my parent#and i know it goes against literally everything i am supposed to know / be for me to be arguing like this and to be complaining about it and#even joking about queen elizabeth but like. idk. i feel so torn between how i feel. i know she was a human being yeah yeah but she was#also a colonialist monarch parasite and i genuinely think the way tumblr explodes when politicians and world leaders die is endearing and#exciting and funny. i adore my job and my colleagues and also working full time is killing me. i recognize that my parents are human beings#and that i am flawed and don’t know everything and am saying stuff without fully knowing what it means and also it makes me giddy to pick#fights with them a little bit. i am kind of a bad person i think and i care about it so much but also i don’t give a fuck anymore. nothing#in my life feels real rn and i am a scared creature in my skin all the time. so no i don’t feel like i can hold my own and represent my work#well because i am living a double life just wanting to play video games all the time and run away from everything but also wanting to create#the golden thing and help people open the door to a better world or whatever and i can’t tell wha ti want to do more because im fucking#EXHAUSTED and experiencing 15 kinds of despair at all times lol!#not to turn a post about queen elizabeth into a vent lmfao but i am so angry. it really fucking gets me that they think im stupid lol. like#i know im stupid for other reasons but it’s not fair to think im stupid because i am pointing out inequities and trying to help you learn or#whatever and it’s not fair that you think that im stupid because im a young person like im literally your fucking daughter and it is made st#STAGGERINGLY clear to me every day how you only wanted babies and you didn’t want us as the messy growing learning imperfectncomplicated#adults we are becoming and it fucking hurts and i hate you for it a little bit. lol 🤸🏻‍♀️#delete later#idk what i even just typed i an just hitting post and letting the consequences roll in. im a bad person fuck it!#parents tw
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foxcassius · 1 year
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i have split my self-taught korean lessons into a Morning Block and an Evening Block. classes start monday evening and end friday morning. in the evenings, i do the textbook portion of an entire chapter of this book. takes like 30 mins and then i have to spend forever manually making quizlet flashcards bc this book has no online resources beyond the listenings. then i practice the flashcards a little, sleep, and wake up. in the morning, i practice the flashcards again and then i do the workbook portion of an entire chapter of the book. takes like 30-40 mins. then i usually take a nap. in this way, i am sleeping between almost every Session of my class to ingrain the information on my brain, and am completing 4 chapters per week, which is great because i already know the content of like every single one of these chapters atm and just need to get through them to get to the stuff i dont know. i would say the most valuable asset this book is providing me is the structured vocabulary lists since amassing vocabulary is the hardest part of learning a language, for me. i also think the workbook is deeply useful. i kind of wish there were more workbook pages per chapter. because putting the language to use is the best form of practice. and as such, the thing my self-taught korean lessons is lacking the most is conversation in korean with other humans.
#if i tried to converse with jiwon in korean he would talk too fast he always does idk why he does that.#i understand that i need to get used to how people really talk but i'm literally just starting. chill. slow down.#and i dont want to make him go Teacher Mode bc he's not my teacher and also? i do not vibe with his teaching style#every time he tries to teach me something or answer one of my questions it goes crazy out of hand and i cry idk why#and also yesterday i saw him teaching jenni's class a little and also did not like how he was teaching her#obviously if she likes it that is her business but i would die if that was my class#so anyway. i am thinking of picking up lessons that are purely conversational. like i send the vocabulary lists for the week to#my tutor and then we have slower and easier conversations about the trivial topics in the textbook so i can start to practice#like i guess my thing is if i asked jiwon to have a conversation with me that used month/day negatives locations easy adjectives and verbs#he would 1) use a bunch of conjugations i dont know and then spend 20 mins explaining them to me#and 2) use the tone of voice he uses when he speaks easy korean to me that feels very very pandering and is usually fine#but makes me feel really dumb when he uses it while im trying to study#so i just want to avoid speaking to him in korean until i am fluent basically because i always feel really dumb when i try#i know this is impossible but its still what i want.#t
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vote2 · 2 years
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our insurance covered my glasses nearly completely btw 😳 this is the first year we've ever had vision insurance they said the total was 28 bucks and my mom outloud said "youre shitting me"
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i wish betting on wrestling was like a thing because while i would never win if i bet on anything else (am bad at recognising patterns that actually mean anything) i would cash in soooooo much because i can ALWAYS tell when a jericho feud’s gonna run way too long again 😌
#hello hi . im stressed out this fair sunday evening#feel like im failing at school already its been like a month and yet#one of my teachers v much implied i'd fail her assignment if i didnt do a bunch of extra shit and like#theres reasons for it that i can see from her side but theres also just the issue that i told her about of like#i just dont know how to work with that many materials and slash or i cant go out and buy all these things right now#and then she's like well go down to xyz and ask them to do it for you and its like honey i dont know why you think we've got such a like#mutually beneficial relationship going on between all the applied and fine arts in this school like#thats a fiction that lives in your head ... especially after we just didn't exist in this school for a whole year#and anyway. i went ahead and tried some different materials and its just like. you cant make up what an insane failure thats been#and its not that i didnt try my best its just that like idk what she wants from me#cause anyway theres a reason i picked the materials that i did the first time round#changing those just kinda changes the meaning of the thing in general... which is something SHE teaches us#anyway. and tomorrow i have class w someone who i'm Difficult with (as in like i have a hard time around her im not purposefully difficult)#(its just that she makes me feel that way cause of the 'tism and cause of the fact she thinks she knows how to handle the 'tism)#(she doesnt)#and again i did a lot of work for her im just sure she's gonna expect me to have done more#but in my defense. i need to go to the doctor and see if they can prescribe me some form of ritalin bc my exhaustion was so bad last wk#and has been bad for a hot second lately#and theres really only so much i can do with the spoons at hand#anyway. and im also Sad Right Now because ive been ignored and interrupted while saying things a little too frequently recently#and im not laughing. im having a Time.#i didnt even have that bad of a week all things considered but goddd i need a break
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mntcoronet · 2 years
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*pause moment* hey why the fuck did I just realise that during high school, I felt like a fair number of my peers (from outside my friends group) treated me somewhat more "softly" or like a child than they would've done with other people. and why was that
#maggles ramblings#like idk if they were actually doing that or if that's just what i Felt was happening#but. when they'd have to talk to me for things; like short 'do this in pairs' stuff; i def felt like they treated me differently#like I'd point out something in the thing we were looking at and they'd go 'oh wow good observation!!' as if we weren't the same age#maybe they just acted differently cos they didn't wanna be doing it. which like sure. but man u could at least try to discuss the topic#or did i seem like too much of a shy little creature that only just learned human speech that they forgot i was competent enough to get A's#but hhh man idk. i never know how people perceive me that's the real issue here#i can sorta make estimations based on how they talk to me; i can tell well enough if someone just doesn't wanna keep talking to me#but that doesn't mean i can figure out WHY. but i do know that sometimes it feels like.. they pick up on something about me#like i can roughly tell whether the person talking to me still considers me Just A Normal Guy or if they've realised like 'hey...#this person doesn't quite Get It with regards to social/conversation stuff'. bc of the way they talk. but i still never know why!!#like sure every time i go have conversations with new people i feel like I'm just pretending to be A Normal Person yknow#and when other people who seem very socially competent Keep talking to me i just think oh wow you haven't figured it out yet that's wild#figured what out? idk that I'm just pretending i guess. about what? uh good question just pretending in general#pretending like i know what to say; that it feels completely Natural to talk like that; like I'm not mentally rating each of my actions#but then sometimes there's people i just feel like i don't have to do that around nearly as much. i swear i gravitate towards those ppl#but yeah it's just. it def feels like they know I'm Not Getting something when i talk to a lot of people. like they Know i missed a memo#and i don't even know what the memo is about; or whether I've gotten any of the previous memos or just absorbed the knowledge#by observing things. ya#ok im done with that train of thought i need to go and work on that au i accidentally stayed up till 2am last night thinking of ideas for
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appocalipse · 3 months
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heyy if ur taking requests could u maybe do like bestfriends steve + reader where steve, eddie, nancy and robin have to pick up reader from a party and she’s like REAL drunk and just idk super clingy w steve and doesn’t wanna not be touching him. maybe eddie, nancy and robin all make fun of him for it but they acc find it rly cute.
thank you for your request! ♥♥♥ | 2.2k words
"Stevie!"
You collide into him suddenly, nearly knocking him back a step or two with the force of your momentum; there's a smile on Steve's face when you look up at him through eyes that are more than a little hazy with inebriation. You're drunk. Probably way past drunk, if the way the world won't seem to hold still is anything to go by, but you don't care. There are other things vying for your attention—like how warm he feels against you, how safe he makes you feel, how pretty he looks from up close...
"Whoa," Steve says as you lean even further into him and loop your arms around his waist in a tight hug. "How much did you have to drink, exactly?"
He doesn't mean it in a mean way, which is why you grin up at him from where you've got your cheek pressed firmly to his chest. You can feel his heart beating under the palm of your hand now, a steady and calming rhythm that soothes something inside of you.
"Dunno," you reply, grinning stupidly when you catch sight of maybe three copies of Eddie Munson standing off to Steve's left; all of them have identical amused looks on their faces. "Might've had, like, a couple..."
Steve sighs deeply, though there's no exasperation or disappointment to be found in his expression when he tilts your face upwards to look you over properly. You just beam dopily at him, because he's so pretty right now you don't know what else to do.
"Dude," Eddie speaks up, drawing Steve's gaze away from you while your own attention goes back to pressing yourself even more snugly into him, "she is totally sloshed."
You frown, shaking your head in fervent disagreement.
"Am not!"
"Sure you aren't, sweetheart," Eddie agrees placidly, but you get the impression he doesn't really mean it.
Before you can point this out, however, the blurry shape of Robin Buckley steps forward. The room is dark with flashing strobe lights and smoky with incense and cigarette smoke, but you'd recognize her voice anywhere.
"Who let you drink this much?" Robin asks as she lifts a hand up to brush some hair back from your forehead.
It's oddly soothing and so you lean into the contact with a happy hum. Robin and the others laugh — but then again, it sounds kinder than mean, the kind of laugh that bubbles up when you find something unexpectedly endearing, and so you don't mind as much as you maybe should.
"Nobody," you mumble as you press your face into the side of Steve's neck and take a deep breath in; his scent is the same as always, earthy and warm with an underlying hint of that stupid spray he likes to use sometimes. "I'm here alone. 'Cause Steve here blew me off for you guys, but that's okay," you say, even though, to be fair, it sort of isn't true — he didn't blow you off.
"Hey," Steve starts, sounding half-indignant and half-apologetic all at once. He's got an arm around your shoulder now, supporting you and keeping you upright, which makes you want to tangle yourself up in him completely. "You didn't tell me you wanted me to come hang out with you tonight!"
You sigh mournfully against his skin, feeling wistful all of a sudden. It's true. You hadn't told him. That was partially due to the fact that you had been trying to prove to yourself that you weren't so desperately and helplessly infatuated with him that you needed his presence constantly, but that plan had obviously backfired on you spectacularly.
"No," you mutter unhappily as Steve moves the two of you towards a nearby couch. "But I missed you. Don't wanna miss you."
Nancy, Robin, and Eddie, who are watching the two of you with expressions of varying degrees of amusement, exchange looks. Steve pretends not to notice, probably because he knows he won't like what they have to say if he hears it, and instead guides you down onto the cushions next to him. "You're drunk."
"You're pretty," you reply without hesitation, even though you're very clearly changing the subject. "It's unfair, y'know?"
You hear Robin snort, followed by a quiet thud like someone's just been slapped on the arm, and you know it's her who laughed, and that it must have been Nancy who'd shut her up. You don't know where Eddie is; you're not even sure when he wandered off, to be honest. You're too focused on Steve and the way his face looks under the colorful flashing lights.
"Oh yeah?" he asks, biting the inside of his cheek to keep from smiling too widely at your comment. His eyes are bright with laughter when you meet his gaze and nod confidently. "How do I get 'unfair', exactly?"
"'S all in the face," you say matter-of-factly, your own fingers trailing down his cheek in an almost absentminded gesture. "Kinda makes it hard to think about anything else sometimes, if I'm being real here. Like, it's not really fair, 'cause then what are we supposed to talk about? Oh, oh—and then there's your hair!"
"My hair?"
Robin wheezes somewhere behind you, which would have made you giggle if you were still paying attention to the people in the room besides Steve, but you're not.
"Mmhmm," you hum, your eyes running over the soft brown locks on top of his head. "Love it. Wanna touch it all the time. Y'see, Steve? You see? This is why it's not fair at all. And, and—" you trail off here for dramatic effect, squinting at him theatrically before leaning closer with your hand cupped to the side of your mouth, as if you're about to share something private. "—the way you make my insides feel? So, so unfair. Totally your fault, buddy."
"Wha-" Steve croaks out, looking alarmed and caught off guard by your drunken confession. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh," you regain your serious tone, frowning at him in a somewhat bemused manner when he continues to gape at you. "Not 'sposed to tell you. S'not the rules."
Eddie barks out a laugh somewhere off to your left, but Steve ignores him. "Rules?"
"Yeah, 's against the rules, dummy," you say, like he should've already known that. "Gotta follow the rules! Duh. Steve."
"Yeah, Steve, duh," Robin pipes up, earning herself a glare from Steve as well as a smirk from Eddie. "Oops, sorry. Please, continue."
"Can I touch your hair? Like, please, 'cause I might die if I don't, 'kay? If that's okay. Gotta test the theory. Just a little bit, though." You can tell by his expression that he wants to laugh, and that he's also mildly worried that you've lost your mind. "Please?"
Robin, Eddie and Nancy have their hands clapped over their mouths to contain their laughter. You're too drunk to notice, but Steve narrows his eyes at them in warning. "Yes," he says. "Just—yeah, go ahead."
With a little noise of excitement, you reach out to card your fingers through his hair. He smells really good — like clean laundry and fresh pine trees — and the feel of his hair in your palm is exactly what you had imagined, though you're loathe to pull your hand away now that you've felt it.
Steve goes unnaturally still as you press your face into the juncture between his neck and shoulder, a move he should have expected but didn't, and you sigh happily when the scent of his cologne hits you full force. He's like a living, breathing, cuddly teddy bear, you think, a combination of warmth, softness, and comfort all rolled up in one gorgeous, handsome, unobtainable package.
"You're warm," you mumble, feeling like you could fall asleep right now. "So, so warm. 'S like you've got a space heater in your chest, 'n that's like, so awesome."
He blinks a few times, momentarily speechless as he tries to come to terms with the fact that you are, in fact, drunk enough to be saying whatever the hell comes to your mind. "Uh, thanks?"
"Smell nice too," you murmur, hugging him tighter to you. "Like, wow. Love your hair, like, love love."
His cheeks are burning hot now, his heart beating erratically in his chest when he notices Eddie staring at the two of you with a knowing gleam in his eye. "That's—thank you, but, hey, come on now," Steve says, his voice faltering a little. "Let's get you home, okay?"
"I don't wanna."
"Don't you wanna sleep in your bed?"
You pause, considering his words, and eventually concede that, yes, your bed does sound lovely right about now, so you give him a brief nod in response. "I guess, but can you come too?"
He chokes on air, but manages to play it off by clearing his throat. "What—to your bed? No!"
"Why not?"
Steve shifts a little under your intense, alcohol-addled scrutiny; he feels strangely guilty, as though he's letting you down by saying no. "Because you're drunk?" he says, feeling flustered and unreasonably nervous all of a sudden.
You scrunch up your face in a pout. "Oh, that's a dumb reason."
Steve chuckles and you sigh happily again, because you love his laugh and everything else about him, and he seems to realize this, given the way his expression softens. "Come on, you drunkard. Let's go home," he says gently, tugging on your arm in an attempt to get you to stand.
You resist at first, shaking your head stubbornly as you hold onto him. "Can't. My legs don't work anymore. They're all wobbly."
Steve closes his eyes for a moment, huffs out a soft laugh, and you can't help but grin up at him. He's so pretty that, like, how is that even allowed? How can you be around him and not spontaneously combust or something?
"Well, what if I carried you?"
"Like a princess?"
Steve looks at you with an expression you can't decipher — it's halfway between incredulous and endeared, and it makes your heart feel too big for your rib cage.
"How romantic," Nancy observes.
"So long as she doesn't throw up on him," Eddie adds, nodding sagely in agreement.
"Oh, I hope she does," Robin says, with a devious smile, "he'd deserve it for being such a coward."
"I'm...right here, guys, and I can still hear you." Steve finally says, throwing them a scathing look that only makes them laugh. "If you're not going to be helpful, you can wait in the car."
"As if," Eddie counters.
Steve opens his mouth to tell him where exactly he can stick his opinions, when you grab the front of his shirt and drag him closer.
"Steve," you say, the smile falling from your face as a sudden thought occurs to you. "Are you mad at me? Because I can go home by myself. That's okay."
"Hey, no," he replies softly, "I'm not mad at you, sweetheart. Not ever."
"'Sweetheart'? Really?" Eddie mutters to Nancy, who elbows him in the ribs when he doesn't lower his voice in time. "Ow, okay, okay—just saying. Don't want them to keep dancing around each other forever, is all."
"I'm not dancing," you tell him, completely unaware of Eddie's snickering, "I don't have any shoes on, Eddie. Wouldn't be able to dance without shoes on. Silly."
"My bad," Eddie says, his lips twitching with badly concealed laughter, "forgive me."
Steve scowls at him before turning his attention back to you, his face so close to yours that you can momentarily feel the tickle of his breath against your skin. "Okay, come on," he says, "up we go."
And then, in one swift movement, he slides his arm under your knees and scoops you up into his arms. You let out a squeak of surprise and automatically wrap your arms around his neck to steady yourself.
"Oh, oh, oh," you say excitedly, "you really are gonna carry me."
"Told you so." Steve adjusts his grip on you and makes his way towards the exit. "Are you good? Am I hurting you?"
You shake your head slowly, grinning as you stare at him from a whole new angle. "No," you tell him, feeling much more awake than you were moments before. "This is...this is like, actually kinda cool."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," you repeat, smiling shyly back at him. "Feel like a real life Cinderella now. Whoa, you're, like, super strong."
"Yeah, Stevie, you're 'super strong.'" Eddie teases, waggling his eyebrows when Steve sends him a quick glare. "Aw, don't look at me like that. It's cute. The two of you."
Nancy doesn't tease like Robin and Eddie do. She walks behind Steve, making sure to stay a couple steps behind to give the two of you some privacy. Even so, when you look over your shoulder to make sure nobody's listening, she gives you a wink and a small thumbs-up that makes you smile.
The parking lot is filled with teenagers all wandering aimlessly in groups, so it takes Steve a while to navigate his way through the crowd. By the time he finds the spot where he parked his BMW, you've grown drowsy enough to rest your head on his shoulder.
Eddie immediately pops open the door to the backseat, slapping it a few times as he looks over at Steve and grins. "Hurry it up, lover boy," he drawls out, "she looks half-asleep already."
"She's fine," Steve shoots back, frowning in annoyance when Eddie and Robin both pretend to yawn exaggeratedly, "shut up. I hate you guys."
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