#idk whose im just living it

[beansinjeans]

nother wip

#wip #livin the dream #idk whose im just living it

[kagoutiss]

pelican town, ‘72

#stardew valley #stardew valley spoilers #sdv #sdv spoilers #grandpa #mister qi #mr. qi #idk how dates work in stardew universe im just bullshittin #i love qi’s huge fucking eyebrows you dont notice them at first but theyre there #(gives our collective grandpa a ponytail) i think he had one. whatever #’why isnt mister qi blue’ my hc is he is blue from long-term iridium supplementation #and was originally just a regular person #but also it’s nice to see ur fav be like a normal human color #if u read tag essays tho consider this: #qi discovers secret to immortality (consuming iridium in a specific manner) #wants to share discovery with his farmer (player’s grandpa) and in that way. they will have all the time in the world to build #a perfect farming/business empire whose legacy will last forever and ever and theyll be 2gether forever #but it turns out. like a lot of normal people would. his farmer does not want to live forever #and obv he doesn’t #in an attempt to try not to ever lose the thing that means more to him than anything else in the world. qi inadvertantly ensures he will #because his farmer is dead. and he’s going to live forever #but. it’s kind of ok. because he has infinite money and was able to figure out how to talk to his dead bf #and now YOU help them fulfill their joint goal of making the farm’s legacy last forever #smile. heart #sobbing

[strwbrymlkshake]

who up praying for downfalls 🤨

#mine #yandere #yancore #yandere vent #oh my god have i got some things to say. ooohhuuoouugh buddy #its not even my own situation this isnt even related to me. but im being a nice upstanding young man and venting abt it instead of invoking #the curse of ra. wishing someone dies is such a good coping mechanism fr because instead of thinking about it forever i can move on with #my life. and its great! but oouuuh theres something wrong with that huh. and oh my god. this issue is so fucked but i cant explain it in #a heartfelt and meaningful way. so imagine someone is religiously devoted to a guy and their mental anguish stems from jealousy or fear #of abandonment. and they are internally tormented about that forever. and just because they dont fit your definition of whats right #youre all like Hey you know that guy that means everything to them. how about we take him for ourselves solely bc this person #this suffering person whose life depends on him- who acts like that BECAUSE they are suffering- you think they deserved to be punished for #their traumas? their guilt and pain and anguish? you are no better than whatever you think they are. #i dont think this even makes sense cause im vague on purpose. this sounds like a situation from the bible i think #idk i didnt read it. anyways im skipping and frolicking in my cradle of hatred that fills me with warmth and delight #its not required that people are nice or respectful when their lives have been wretched thanks to people like YOU #but i hope their devotion never wavers due to people who hate their happiness. its not like those people matter anyway #if youre meant to be with your Guy and you love him enough then nothing else matters at that point. its all a test #die a martyr for your own romantic ideologies or whatever satou matsuzaka said #this is literally the equivalent of like. a mother cat adopts a kitten that isnt hers bc her own kin are all dead. she protects this kitten #with her entire life. and her whole being. and hisses growls bites at anyone that comes close to it. and some human teens are like #we should take that kitten solely because the mother cat loves it so much that shes willing to get violent for it. #because its not very niceys of her to harass those who want to take away the only thing she has left! oh noes!! #like shut the fuck up dawg. if that cat mauls someone for getting too close to her baby then mind your own goddamn business #clearly they did not grow up italian 💀 #clearly they did not grow up with nothing being their own. nothing being sacred. no desire to protect anything #anyways yanderes i love you. you are fr so easy to be around and you should never change for anyone. i mean maybe take some therapist #advice here and there in case your devotion makes you suffer but OTHERWISE!!! dont feel bad about being a hater!!! protect what is yours #and i will respect it so hard i swear to god. its not that difficult to treat your devotion with the kindness it deserves. #if a disrespectful teen tries to steal your kitten then ill help you beat them to death with a shovel idc

[aeide-thea]

still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni

like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!

#i know plenty of good men—good cis men even! gasp! #and i just think like. if we can’t move away from‚ like‚ cold gender war how the fuck do we move forward #fundamentally like. 100% block people who have behaved towards you in ways you didn't like. #but like. this whole thing where ~afabs~ preemptively self-victimize by conjuring up the creepiest cishet man they can imagine #and self-harm by worrying abt that imaginary guy jacking off to them #is just like. i understand how it happens but it’s like. you’re actively doing negative visualization #and‚ like‚ preemptively self-victimizing #ime it feels a lot better to move through the world unworried‚ in the knowledge that if someone says sth gross to you: you can block them! #anyway ultimately i’m pretty clearly making this post bc i'm overdue to unfollow the tirfiest blogger i’m currently following #like. yeah loads of cishet men are shitheads but ~misandry~ is so last decade #and frankly i don’t have a lot more time for the cishet women who have bought into the same system—like i have some sympathy but. #these people all get warped by the system into complementary fucked-up cogs whose teeth bite into one another #and i’m just not interested in biting back—i want to leave all the biting behind in the dust of the junkyard that birthed it #and like. i don’t want to dismiss the oppression that births this sort of rhetoric. it's super real and it's toxic and it fucks people up. #but it’s like. when people have bad dads and then are like Dads R Always Bad!!! #and i’m just over here like. i don’t know how to say this without sounding like i’m invalidating you but my dad was a fucking saint tbh #not perfect dgmw but like. a sweet gentle encouraging man who got ground down by my mother’s toxic heel along with the rest of us #so like. actually not only are you closing yr eyes to a better future‚ yr closing yr eyes to other ppl’s lived realities #like i personally managed to have a totally life-ruining mother without deciding Mothers Are Ontologically Evil Actually! #idk. obviously women remain *enormously* systemically oppressed! but surely we can acknowledge and decry that without #implicitly rhetorically closing off any possibility of a gentler queerer gender dynamic? #anyway none of this is revolutionary i’m just like. i KNOW the fascists want to cut off my toes and force me into the glass slipper #of viciously constrained femininity #that in turn makes itself feel better by sneering at men‚ critiquing other women who Do It Wrong‚ and exerting control over children #so i have strong personal cause to care about misogyny even if i didn’t care about it in the abstract #but i just think like. acting like traditional gender roles and dynamics are a fixed truth we can only bruise ourselves on #instead of a human construction that we can undermine and work to topple #is not actually the path to a healed world in the long run! #anyway. beta edition post (thumbtyped & not reread): may contain bugs.

[catgirlkirigiri]

World's most normal family

#i meant to take a pic with ids i jsut realized i forgot to. augh. #going bottom to top in pic 3 with everyone stacked on my head we have: #metal pipe #whose id is 13428 #kelp #whose id is 11669 #mushroom #whose name might change but thats what im calling her for now. id is 14997 #and finally the normal-est pup of my expedition #squid #id 9349. its short for squidcada but little man is never getting full named #i was gonna limit myself to three pups here but my story save is turning out to just be where pups stay so. ill probably move us to outer #expanse soon and just live there forever. ive heard farm arrays is good for pup raising too but i like oe better :P #might grab a slugtree ending while im there for fun idk #also i will be getting my vulture mask in here (mostly because squid is OBSESSED with it in the expedition) once i figure out how to spawn #it in properly #zoracontent #not to maintag two posts in a row but im making everyone look at my kids #rain world #slugpup

[britneyshakespeare]

This is just a map of New England (minus Connecticut the fake New England state)

#text post #new england #source: boston 25 news website: believe it or not massachusetts is not the most irish state new study finds #18.9% of mass residents have irish ancestry #really this is not surprising at all. massachusetts is the most population-dense state by far with the most immigrants #and new hampshire? ask anyone where their family lived before they came to new hampshire. it was massachusetts #new hampshire is full of ethnically irish and italian and polish catholics whose families have been here long enough #to assimilate and move to the suburbs and become xenophobic and anti-immigrant. #literally bothers me so much when ppl named molly o'flannigan and patrick sullivan talk shit about dorchester lawrence etc #and other immigrant-dense areas in new england. i'm like baby your grandparents lived there #well or at least that's my experience #new england still does have a shocking amount of wasps whose families have been here since the fuckin mayflower #i dont have a direct link to that in my own family but it's very strange how that is taught to new england children as like #'our' heritage in schools. plymouth plantation and the puritans and all that. you're weirdly made to identify w it #and like as time goes on #just factually that only represents the population of ppl who live and are raised here less and less. #not to mention it does nothing to address DIVERSITY in the area. but i suppose there's like a local mythos #we have to teach a story to children and it has to be a 'we' story and that story has to be pilgrims #bc the story has to start at colonization and not expand after that. thats too complex. happy thanksgiving? #new england white people have a habit of thinking theyre irish catholic anglo-protestant settlers and they built this country #they dont parse out their own identity at all and they certainly don't want to have to consider other ppl's. #wow i didnt mean this to turn into a culture-critical rant im sure most of my followers arent even from here so idk what this means 2 u guy #happy saint patrick's day!

[ferdydurke]

I say this often but its crazy how much of a vortex depression is.

#I dont feel like... safe or particularly fulfilled rn and i have major major mood swings at least once a week but its not like. #Bleak as fuck. I think the language of 'the world is without colour' never does it for me bc thats how id describe it when im out of it #but when im depressed my main feeling is that i am a person that was born without a soul whose main purpose in life is to kill myself #because i cant bear to do or think anything else. And like even talking about it while in that mental state feels incredibely like. #Like youre doing something disgusting because its a cry for attention or for help so you have to put it in a way that makes it clear that #you are not trying to escape your destiny by trying to convince someone you are worthy of living. #And then like. At some point you stop feeling like that and you forget about it... #until youre there again. and you forget what its like to not be in it. its crazyyyy to me its just crazy #barking #ultimately im very lucky. #Because i really dont believe you can just will yourself out of that hole i really think the enviroment is like 99% of it #and well i will prolly end up in that hole again maybe even this year. but maybe ill have something to pull me out #some ability to change the thing thats making me feel like that #and idk its so like. awful that that isnt always the case. sometimes youre just drowning in it and theres nothing #just my late night thoughts thats why i need that weed bad man

[gibbearish]

anyone else experience the thing where you have like. ships in law. like someone you follow is turbo into a pairing from a media you know nothing about so youre like. well guess this is our ship now

#you see them occasionally reblog discourse about it and try to like. sherlock holmes out the plot from that and common threads in fanworks #like how ive never played a single ace attorney game so my current understanding is that maya is a failgirl girlboss hybrid #phoenix wright is the main guy and hes a pathetic sopping wet beast who wins the cases insane danganronpa trial style #all ive really gleaned about the other lawyer everyone ships with him whose name i forgot is that hes like. #tsundere??? i guess is the best way to put it???? idk either im right and yall know what i mean or im wrong and its whatever #ooh or other example: ive never read a single dc comic and barely seen any movies from it #but the amount of batman x green lantern and batfamily content ive read? more than to be expected for p much a nonfan #theres also the names of several bungou stray dogs (no way i spelled that right rip) characters living in my brain #several years since the person i followed who talked abt them deactivated jebfksbdkdbd #rip spinneraki im sure you just remade somewhere hope youre doing well #or not several years i think like 2 max but still

[orcelito]

It's a little funny. I spend so much time compartmentalizing that I convince myself I'm totally fine, of course, all the time.

But when I was filling out the questionnaire before my therapy appointment yesterday, it was like

.... OK yea maybe I have some problems

Also this one 😂😂😂

#speculation nation #it's ok i am now in therapy and we have weekly appointments set up #i havent always had the best experiences with therapy. and by that i mean it has never really been helpful to me #mostly tho bc it's been depression therapists. and i dont actually have depression. #what i DO have is trauma! and barely managed adhd and fibromyalgia. #and especially grief trauma in the past 5 years. oh God do i have grief trauma. #but i searched Specifically for a grief therapist with this. so she should be equipped to properly help me. #ive managed to reach an okay place regarding my old traumas. but this stuff. man it's hard. #i pushed myself to a near panic attack the other day upon realizing the painting i have is an authentic lithograph #& the realization that i am carrying the mantle of several generations of my family now. #most of the generations above me are now dead. so it's up to us to carry on their memories #and i am The One who is unapologetically incredibly tacky. up to me to carry that legacy. #it's pressure. weight that i didnt want. but i dont want to ignore it bc i dont want them to be forgotten. #so im hoping that with therapy. she can help me sort things out so it's less... difficult. #help me remember them without being paralyzed with panic and dread. #and maybe help me with my death paranoia...? 😅 i dont like feeling like anyone in my life could die at any time. #inevitable after my uncle died with only a month's warning and my dad died with barely more than a day's warning. #idk. for someone whose will to live comes from the people i love. it's rather paralyzing. #just gotta cling to the people i have left. and hold them dear. #negative/ #kinda but not really. tagging just in case considering the subject matter. #idk im just trying to sort things out. no one goes through this many sudden deaths without a severe complex over it. #but. im in therapy now. and im trying. i am.

[mrkanman]

im so frustrated that the outer worlds is just "okay" like i see all the ingredients for something really good laid out in front of me why is it just so blah to me...

#i guess my expectations were ludicrously high for obsidians writing team #and maybe i was hoping for a great fallout game rather than just a good game #but even so i feel like its storyline abt combatting corporate greed is cartoonishly exaggerated #maybe even thats the point but then why make me feel deep compassion for npcs whose lives i cannot improve in any way #god knows how many ppl who played wished they could help martin callahan alone #idk im having fun playing it but its so shallow to me sometimes #parvatis story is good though

[meatriarchived]

me crawling out of bed to type this and disappear back to my cocoon right after but-specifically looking at the hewitts since granted i know more on the remakes than the others but,

the hewitts only got vague, limited police action looking into them in '03 after erin chops thomas' arm off and gets away. and even though theres' coverage of it and everything, that literally ONLY happens after 4-5 straight years of the hewitts doing what they do, from 69-73 in terms of solely the remake timeline.

that's still a shitton of time to be ACTIVELY killing people to y'know. not fucking die yourselves. then combine that with the sawyers - their additional family members, their own trails of ruthlessness added into the mix, and this entire combined family unit likely has kill counts all around in the hundreds if not even way past that.

but even with the police involvement in the remakes?

its all SO SLOPPY, its hardly conducted with any real CARE about their own well-beings. like??? ya'll went into that house while THOMAS was STILL THERE... didnt even SECURE THE HOUSE.....

and even with the found footage? no arrests, presumably. the remaining hewitts are still at large, thomas is still at large. like... all ya'll did was corral them to their fucking confusing ass tunnel system and made luda (if we count the comics) far more involved and ruthless in the actual killings than she was in the movies lol

and yes technically speaking with charlie's death that could sever the stronghold they've got on the police and sheriffs' around them - but at the same time - how bad would it look of them to SUDDENLY flip a switch and try to unpack the years worth of missing persons, cold cases, murders, kidnappings, break-ins, assaults, etc etc that they swept under the rug? that's WAY too much man power, esp for back then. no one is gonna do that shit.

so. i truly dont think they have much to worry about even in the event of charlie dying - because the fear and influence they've instilled stands for law enforcement to continue to do fuck all - to save and cover their own asses.

#its incredibly tragic because like. its so OBVIOUS something GOD AWFUL happened to this group of kids? theyre literally needing some rough #medical attention yknow. its so fucking clear they went through something BAD. and yet? crickets. theyre shrugged off. dismissed. #given the cold shoulder. told their friend(s) simply ran away. told they mustve been high or on something and cant recall clearly. #even between maria going missing to pre-basement brawl its like. NO ONES taking them seriously. everyone in towns they search in dismiss #them. no ones seen or heard anything. LEO's are just. useless and rude and telling them not to interfere. telling to go home. telling them #to let them handle things when it becomes VERY obvious they just dont give a shit - that theyre avoiding certain locations #like yes i moved maria's timeline of being missing up but like - even while the searches were still considered active? there was barely any #movement or care or concern or manpower that the depts were gathering or investigating. like. how does someone vanish into thin air? #like they tried to imply maria must've - at some point? they were so out of their league so roadblocked so dismissed every step of the way. #like. maria and lee and danny etc in their dire aus its all just... its so tragic. #maria with the attempt of a search and youre nearly found!!!....and then youre told your friends all left...and they never came remotely #close to where youre kept to find you. lee with sacrificing himself hoping it gives the rest of them a chance to get away - that someone #lives in order to rain down hell on the family in the sense of justice and yet. not a word is said over broadcasts about him - at least pos #nothing substantial. no search. no missing persons report. nothing. and then danny? my dan the man? the guy with little family ties? #my guy with a strained relationship with his father? whose only friends are again in the situation of 'no one believes us'? #you think theres even a PEEP about him whatsoever? in any capacity? my guy would be lost to the ether - literally. NO ONE but the #friends would ever give a shit if he went missing. #does this make any sense idk im half asleep still but yknow- #i see kels' post and my brain short-circuited on this- BFKHD #[ 𝟎𝟎 ] ── * 𝐎𝐎𝐂. { renee. }

[morgana-pendragon]

can i verbalise a selfish thought for a moment. dont read the tags if thatll bother you or anything

#what with all this talk of colonisation and whose land what is it does make me wonder about what the bigger voices in these convos would #have to say about my country. like im genuinely curious bc idk how to categorise us at all. context bc i dont expect anyone to know: #the indigenous people of the land i live on were the arawaks & lucayans. however when this land was first colonised they were all genocided #and who are now known as 'bahamians' were brought over on ships. and then somehow we went from the spanish to the english who colonised us #as well. now my worry is purely hypothetical bc we are an independent and sovereign state right so there's no 'threat' #but would we be considered 'indigenous' ? i can't think we would?? #but maybe my issue is that i'm looking at this philosophically rather than politically. cause politically we probably would #but while the us-israel-colonisation convo is a political one the stances are philosophical so ?? #like (again. hypothetically) if the same thing were to happen here ig i just wonder how we would be dealt with #and then the land ownership convo as well baffles me & it has for a while. since at least 2020 when the whole 'cottagecore is bad' convo #took place with the arguments that the aesthetic romanticised stolen land and i wondered even then like ? are we in the same position?? #is the land still considered stolen if the people inhabiting it were displaced themselves?? and didn't steal it?? #and moreover if the people it was stolen from no longer exist to take it back?? man idk #im stunningly bad at articulating my own thoughts so if this was a mess im sorry and thanks for making it this far #and also pls tell me if this comes off in the same light as americans making this about their election. i really dont want it to. im just #thinking. i guess idk #stop talking abbie

[naamahdarling]

.

#for soccer moms #i like a band that gets slagged off on for a thing a member said a long time ago and i mesn like over a decade #and that by words action personal behavior and financial support #by every means that i can think of #the person and the group has shown that they have not only grown but completely changed for real #and to me that kind of growth is really meaningful and also a good example for others whose hearts need setting right #and is also a bit healing for the demographic #and like you don't have to forgive someone for something that hurt or betrayed you but also like #im seeing people who were in their single or very early double digits say bad shit about them #and it's obvious they were not following what happened back then snd have just seized a way to take a stand against SOMETHING #in a very accessible way #to distance themselves from those beliefs #and they also get to use this chance to say this group has terrible music which they sinply DON'T #so they take their swings and sometimes I feel like the latter hit that they find more satisfying #and it just annoys me on both counts #people change and also music that is catchy and easy to sing along to isn't inherently bad or shallow even when it's #babes who brought you up if not middle-aged women and do you really think their interests and inner lives are also unimportant and shallow #and also from whaf i see I'm a super old fan and I'm exactly soccer mom age #idk it just annoys the shit out of me #idk it's just really weird is all #i don't like hearing people who sound like the little dweebs who tried to bully me in school over my music AND #who sound like hypocrites for their outrage over an insult to their community when they won't listen to the adults in that community #their own elders whose advice is desperately needed and who are the ones who drove for what rights we have and are front of the lines still #it's so shallow and obvious and frankly gross #eta: i looked it up and it was 16 years ago holy shit #redemption arc beginning about two years later WOW #no this is not about whatever band you think it is and I'm not telling #i really promise it isn't them

[adarkermiserablecrow]

Sometimes I get an eerie Larry vibe from this fandom and it's slowly driving me insane

#look #larry was a completely different thing because it concerned actual people whose lives are not scripted and constructed for our entertainment #but #some things just feel the same #i cant really explain it #i do think fandom tends to invalidate close intimate friendship esp between men #and im very much guilty of this myself #idk i just #911 fox #fox 911 #evan buckley #911 #buddie #eddie diaz

[literalite]

i make like side characters for sunny’s life and they’re meant to be disliked or at least outright hated but for the majority of them i feel pretty sad idk

#like most of them are dead and most of them were just. other children or at least young people with no other options yknykn #like its sympathy and kind of like oh ive made characters whose only purpose is to like serve this other guys narrative and theyre just like #footnotes in his life and kind of just like there to die yet have had like similarly awful ecxistences but the difference is sunny gets to #live on and grow up and they just. dont. their narrative just ends there #anyways FGHJKL; idk why im talking #seph.txt

[essercipertuttienonperse]

sigh

#whenever i hear people say that in terms of scientific progress/prosperity/wars we technically live in the best historical era so far im #like... ok yes but why is life so miserable then #idk man i think we're just living through something whose consequences we just dont fully understand yet #but i wouldn't call it prosperity