#idk what to do about that

[drearybanana]

In order to make myself depressed I decided to write down all my longfic wips and categorize how many words they are and how finished they are.

When the Dust Settles- Danganronpa, multiple pairings - 80k words, 75% done.

drv3 kids are rescued before the filth murder and sent to Jabberwocky island to hide from Danganronpa. Not canon compliant because I forgot some of the details about how the third game ended when I started it, then decided I liked the misremembered ending better.

Baby, Don't Hurt Me - Sk8, Tadaai - 39k words, 20% done. maybe. my outline for this one is pretty loose.

Tadashi takes a bullet for Ainosuke, forcing them both to reconsider their relationship. Mostly a kind of Ainosuke rehabilitation fic about him loosing pretty much everything and having to rebuild his life from scratch. Honestly very attached to this one, but it's also sort of a 'Am I good enough to write this the way I want it' kind of thing...

The Snake, the Sun and the Blossoming Branch - sk8, matchasnakeblossom, 29k words, ?????% done.

Sequel to Recovery where Adam is dead and Tadashi is badly injured after their fall of the cliff. Tadashi doesn't know what to do with himself, but ends up with a job as the manager of Sia La Luce. This one is... complicated. I have a lot of ideas but no real plot, or maybe a lot of different ideas for plots that I'm not sure about. TBH I think I've probably written, like 60k words and shuffled them around, deleted and undeleted and I'm just stuck. A big problem is the Adam in Recovery is not really my actual impression of the character? Like, I started recovery very early in the show when Adam was still kind of Skateboard Hisoka so I just made him a pretty one-note villain, so it's hard to try and write all the Tadashi relationship stuff when the adam in that fic isn't really consistent with how I view adam... I still want to write it though. I like what i have and I like the character interactions.

Royal Pardon - hq!!, Sakuatsu, 37k words, 50% done

ABO royalty AU. Sakusa takes over Inarizaki, which was kind of a shithole. Atsumu and Osamu were planning a coup to dispose their father, and Atsumu convinces Sakusa to marry him in order to legitimize him to the people. Sakusa's a suspicious bastard and Atsumu's a tricky bastard. my first ABO fic and I was like 2k in before I realized I fucking forgot about Betas T.T. still, I have a solid outline for this one.

Star Crossed Rivals - p5, shuake, 18k words, 15% done

Up and coming actor Akechi accidentally falls in with Ren, who is working as a barista at LaBlanc. Ann is starring in a movie with Aketchi, and Shido is a retired actor who runs Akechi's talent agency that he joined to get close to Shido.

ok lol, so almost 200k words and five projects I should be working on. that's on top of an 'ideas' doc that's almost at 90k words and a handful of <5k word stories that I spun out into their own projects but haven't worked on much. that includes Plucked Strings, which I published the first chapter of and I have a lot of ideas for, or the full version of my vampire!Langa/hunter!Reki AU I wrote a short story about.

Honestly, now that I'm done wtih the Big Bang and Stolkholm is getting posted I need to decide what to work on. I always kind of want to pick dust settles since I'm so freaking close with it I just want to get it done and out there. I think I have the most momentum with Royal Pardon though...

#and then watch me start an entirely new wip and churn out 50k words for it lol #i mean #it's I think kind of telling of the trouble I have with endings #a lot of times what happens is I write because I'm excited about the story #but then I think about it so much it kind of stops being interesting? #IDK what to do about that #I also occasionally get completely overwhelmed with the feeling that everything I write is horrifically embarrassing #and everyone is laughing at me for writing it #which is a horrifically mean thing to think about both myself and the readers who leave very genuine and kind comments on my stuff #not sure what to do about that either besides... muscle through it? #banana writes #long post

[sweet-herba-mystica-archive]

so I made a new blog to test to make sure that problems I was having would not show up again and it worked but for some reason that one problem where tumblr constantly shows me having 3 notifications despite having zero still happens on the new blog despite all the other problems being gone. So that's strange. I tried logging onto tumblr with another browser (internet explorer to be specific because it's on my computer and I cannot delete it no matter how hard I try) and it wasn't there. So I guess that's just a problem with firefox specifically? I don't know why that's happening though or how to fix it :/

#idk what to do about that

[instant-angel-chaos]

Me, stating in the very easily seen rules on my blog to not reblog musings/memes/aesthetics directly from my blog yet still getting them reblogged from my blog regularly by blogs who separately state that people need to read their rules and that they'll know if they don't 🥰

#am i a little salty? #yeah a little #but i feel like the reblog rule is literally one of the most common rules among rp blogs #and so easy to follow #ive had the same people reblog stuff from me over and over again as well #so no it wasnt just a one time accident #idk what to do about that #with my massive fear of confrontation and social anxiety im not messaging people #and i feel hostile just like blocking people #anyway to those who reblog musings from other rp blogs: #i wish you a very dash refresh so you lose whatever you wanted to like or reblog #[ ooc; online ]

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[faygos]

ding-a-ling

#jade harley #karkat vantas #dave strider #homestuck #whomstve #classic homestuck #idk what karkat was whispering about you can decide #probably his troll bits #i need to do my taxes

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Gregory easily could of defeated Chica like this

(Based of @/CenoCrocodile post)

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf #fnaf gregory #glamrock chica #security breach #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #IT WAS TOO sour for her :( #I’ve done this lemon joke like AGES ago so it’s fun to do it again #Gregory played around too much to get Chica’s voice box #it was this easy all along promise #it’s a cheat code he didn’t know about #idk what chica did to deserve her fate #she liked pizza and was girlypop and they killed her for it #one day hopefully justice for glamrock chica 🩷

[shepscapades]

[dbhc flavored] Hermit a Day May: Day 14 — Doc!

Featuring both a current-day s10 doc and a verrry early s8 post-deviant doc! :]

#TELL ME WHY THE POSE CAME OUT SO FRUITY 😭 it wasn’t intentional but yknow what. he’s kinda. so it’s fine #the horns are removable! :] #dbhc #dbhc doc #docm77 #hermitaday #hermitadaymay #hermitcraft #hermitcraft au #dbhc ren #rendog #dbhc art #art escapades #I’m kind of obsessed with him and it shows sorry #drawing early ren and doc makes me think… ren had so many cybernetics in s8 #maybe doc helps build him some android-tech prosthetics :3 #dunno dunno… idk I love them so much #ren is the reason doc has any human mannerisms at all tbh #otherwise mans would be so annoyingly robotic about everything #being an android based entirely around searching for loopholes and out of the box solutions in code will do that to you. logic brained doof #/aff #ANYWAY I RUN #I gotta post other dbhc stuff tonight that’s important so I gotta go finish it

[yaolmao]

simp

#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE #my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life #this changes everything #I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle?? #I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on #anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing #I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat #ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing #like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems #I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk #chuuya nakahara #dazai Osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #myart #I’m gonna post and pass out now

[rendevok]

“Take my hand” a comic for NaruMitsu Week 2023

day 1 - lies & secrets - 2 - 3 - 4

#nmweek23 #narumitsu #wrightworth #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #probably more accurate to say this is mnm? or nmn or whatever lol #so treat the ship name lightly and dont get mad when miles [redacted redacted redacted redacted] yknow? #i wouldnt spoil it wheres the fun in that ¬‿¬ #fan art #fan comic #aa #rendevok #this is like. vaguely aa5 and on because i couldnt be assed to play those games yet #love their waistcoats tho YUM #also future warning i still suck at writing so if this is ooc! i’m sorry idk what im doing but i sure am doing it bb #i’ll update this post with links to the others as i post them! you’re in for about 30 pages so ♡ ♡ ♡ hope you have an appetite for sweets #(i say as if i didnt just post angst) IT WAS THE PROMPTS. THE PROMPTS MADE ME DO IT

[gunstellations]

its sonics turn! 👅

#sonadow #shadow takes his job very seriously #do not test a guy who has a 20 step skincare routine #sonic is definitely a scruffy little thing who damn near never brushes himself #shadow will make sure!!! that he is left shiny and smelling like freshly ironed laundry instead of dirt #idk there is something so....cute about this that i have never thought about before and i think shadow despite being a hybrid is #much better at doing things like this and less bashful compared to sonic who is just a stinky guy by default #he would be grumpy but very nurturing. i think it would give him a sense of calm to bond like this #sonics of course a little taken aback at his enthusiasm but its a pleasantly welcome surprise from someone like shadow esp #idk what level the relation between them would have to have progressed to for sth like this to even happen but yknow #simply. when he licc. it makes my heart melt #i almost cried drawing this.....i love shadow.... #almost forgot to tag #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #my art

[sapphosclown]

screaming

#i’m just talking ab things pay me no mind #thinking ab how i want to go to the gym but i want a personal trainer #but i also want it to be private sessions and i want my trainer to be a woman #and also not fatphobic #my friend started going to the gym but she’s already tiny #going to the gym as a fat person is so scary and overwhelming #the reason i stopped doing sports was how easily perceived i was and the embarrassment of struggling #the issue comes in now that the nearest gym is a planet fitness and i wouldn’t even know how to go about finding a personal trainer #who fits the very specific standard in my head #i just wanna be strong #i want to feel like i have something in my life of their than work #my days are getting very boring and painful #i just need something #i’ve asked friends to go to the gym w me and it never came to fruition #idk what to do about that #also #i need therapy #however i worry i will let so much stuff build up and a session starts and i cannot get any words out #last time i was in therapy it sucked bc she brushed off everything i was saying and it was exhausting to go through #UGH #i’m not in a good headspace #idk if there’s anything i can do to fix it #idk i could also just be starting ny period soon #i get really sad a few days before my period usually #it’s that or i’m deeply depressed because of my unfulfilled life #who’s to say which #bonk thoughts #bonk rants

[tofixtheshadows]

So I've been thinking lately about how Mithrun is Kabru's dark mirror (more on that another time- it needs its own post), and I thought it interesting that one of their parallels is that they were both cared for by Milsiril, but in opposite directions. She took Kabru in as her foster after he was orphaned and tried to convince him not to become an adventurer. On the flip side, she helped rehabilitate Mithrun specifically so that he could rejoin the Canaries.

And I kept wondering: why?

For Kabru, obviously she loves him a whole lot- despite any other shortcomings in their relationship, I do believe that.

So I get why she tries to convince him not to go dungeoning, and, failing that, at least prepares him as thoroughly as she can.

But why help Mithrun? She used to hate Mithrun, but after realizing what a secretly twisted person he was, she actually thought of him more positively (oh, Milsiril). So it wasn't as if she held the kind of grudge that might motivate her to make his already-depleted life even more miserable by sending him back to the dungeons. And it wasn't that she felt bad for him either, since she didn't visit Mithrun for the first ~20 years of his recovery.

The Adventurer's Bible says that Utaya was the impetus for Mithrun returning to the Canaries, but Milsiril is the one who made the trip to see him and tell him about it.

Why would Milsiril work so hard to get her old coworker back into fighting fit? Why encourage him to return to such a dangerous lifestyle, when she was the one who chose not to mercy-kill him?

That last panel is such a crazy thing to hint at and then never elaborate on. Without it we could have just thought that Milsiril wanted the Canaries' work to continue without her, even if it seemed out of character. I think some people even assume she's just a natural caretaker as a foster mom and handwave it to include nursing Mithrun too. What could Milsiril's suspicious motives be? What does she gain from Mithrun joining the Canaries that isn't an altruistic desire to see dungeons safely sealed? Feeling a sense of responsibility for the work she left behind isn't an ulterior motive.

My theory is: Milsiril, knowing that Mithrun was empty save for the burning desire to face the demon again, wound him up like a clockwork doll and pointed him back at the dungeons.

Hoping that he'd eliminate the biggest threat to Kabru's life, before it was too late for him.

Milsiril the puppetmaster.

#Mithrun #Milsiril #Kabru #btw I'm working with the only translations I could find sorry #so keep that in mind #like it just seemed WEIRD to me #that gloomy introverted Milsiril #who left the life of a Canary behind #decided to do this Canary-adjacent work of helping this guy #maybe the queen made her do it because so many people died and they needed more Canaries idk! #but why would anyone pick Milsiril as a life coach? I really think it was her own choice #it's so interesting how we get these hints of a downright sinster Milsiril #I really like the complicated relationship she and Kabru have #struggling to fully humanize him from her elven perspective #but still taking him seriously wrt: his fears over being a monster or his desire to go to a party! #crazy stuff there #everything about Kabru and adjacent to Kabru is insane what a character

[rapidhighway]

sanic ✌ for the au perhaps? idk

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic fanart #art #digital art #sonic #sth #fanart #ive been getting easily distracted from my aus recently which is horrible #but i guess im just too ambitious all the time and get scared -_- #idk ive been feeling really bad about drawing lately i just dont really feel good about any of my drawings rn #like i like this one but idk i just dont feel excited about it... #idk what to do abt it #id like to get into one of my aus for once #but i just feel nothing rn.. #OK WAHTEVERRR this was a cool pose #so i gave him so shoes to go with it

[bakudekublogblog]

kacchan telling izuku that his body moved on his own is fucking crazy. like not only did kacchan remember izuku saying that all the way back from the sludge-villain incident but he’s also confirming that izuku’s crazy, boarder-line suicidal intensity is a two way street. it’s not just izuku who is insane about kacchan it’s mutual insanity. kacchan’s body moved on its own. he was helpless but to throw himself into the line of fire when he saw izuku was in danger. he didn’t think about it. he didn’t choose to do it. he didn’t have a choice. it was as if izuku was a piece of his own soul. katsuki instinctually needed to protect him above all else, even at the cost of his own life

#AND HE SAID IT OUT LOUD IN THE RAIN IN FRONT OF EVERYONE #bkdk #bakudeku #hey man just casually checking in uh I would die for you and not even think about it #you know how you almost kill yourself for me that’s like Mutual I guess idk what are we #do I tell my mom do I update my hinge profile #like izuku knows he’s weird about kacchan he knows he isn’t normal about him #and he ONLY threw himself into sludge villain incident when he saw it was kacchan. #and THEN his body moved on its own #and kacchan is the ONLY ONE who saw just how in danger izuku was #AND THEN HIS BODY MOVES ON ITS OWN #his body unlocks a new ability just to get to him faster #they’re just so deeply spiritually and physically connected and it’s MUTUAL

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what???? #like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!'' #yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like . #sexuality is fluid... #don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me. #(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

[thottybrucewayne]

I think what I want to get into with the "Anyone can do harm." thing that I keep beating yall over the head with is that literally anyone, anyone at all can do harm it's not "in your DNA" to be an abuser or written in the stars that you'll be a predator. Whatever image you have of an abuser in your head, drop it and replace it with your favorite person in the world and you'll probably be closer to the truth than you realize. It's easy to address harm when it's coming from someone you already hate. I see it happen all the time. Someone you couldn't stand for no real reason does something heinous then all of a sudden here comes the avalanche of "I always knew they were a fucked up individual." No, you didn't. There is no possible way you could have known, you just already didn't fuck with them before they started doing something you could use to justify your hatred of them. I'm guilty of it too! I'm petty, mean, vindictive, and yes! I'm way quicker to believe something bad about someone I hate versus someone I love because I'm human. Still, y all gotta learn to move past that initial "Well, they were always nice to me!" gut feeling and understand that nobody truly knows anyone and anyone can be capable of anything. Even victims. Even you.

#thotty speaks #thotty rants #I was thinking about that Christine chan post and its like yeah yall really don't know how bad it got for her before she did what she did #It reminded me of that thing on tiktok where people take 'cringy' cosplayers videos (most of whom are literal children) and put racist or #bigoted text over it then reupload it to call them out then the og creator gets a flood of harassment mostly from people who hated them for #the crime of being weird on the internet but now they can use 'oh but they're a bigot!' as an excuse to tear them down until they come out #and say 'hey i didn't say this someone stole my shit' and nobody takes their vids down nor apologizes because they didn't fuck with them #anyway so wash rinse repeat #idk I just wish that people had the same smoke for people they actually like #mostly cause I'm tired of being accused of 'switching up' every time I cut people off or stop fuckin with an artist #like this is what we should be doing!!!! ACG ANYBODY CAN GET IT! #It should be smoke for ANYONE who does harm every your fave people! #otherwise you create this world where taking people to task for the harm they've done is less about the harm #and more about justifying our own actions #anyway keep that same energy across the board that's all I'm saying #cause if it comes out tomorrow that somebody close to me did some fucked up shit I'm out of there period #aint no talkin bout shit and that's on me growing up as a child told that certain grown folks can't be alone with me #but they allowed in my house... #Idk about yall but i'm ending that generational curse with me