#idk ill probably delete this later

[divinemackerel]

Not to be rude but I don’t get inniters. Tommy could say smth like “the grass is green” and I feel like ppl would be like “MR INNIT??? omg hes so crazy and wacky!!! Get help 🤨🧐 LOL.”

Like- I can understand he’s the blorbo for a lot of folks but genuinely I am a bit confused. Inniters just always seem to freak out in relation to Tomny doing the most basic stuff and I genuinely don’t understand.

#Like-! especially with his live streams. people freaking out about him talkingn so fast or going off on weird tangents #it feels really awkward! for me at least #bc like- idk. hes just talking lol. just sharing anecdotes. im not trying to be an ass i genuinely don’t understand why ppl are like #‘hes so hard to follow! omg hes so random 😭’ or whatever #idk ill probably delete this later #i just wanted to get out that im confused bc i am and its bothering me and i wish i wasnt confused aksbkwnd

[silverislander]

me: took 2hrs to get out of bed this morning, dreads waking up every day, persistent feeling of hopelessness, no drive to look forward to or do anything anymore, none of this is caused by a lack of sleep

also me: well i can't be depressed. there's no proof of that, nobody will believe me. i'm fine :)

#i am doing so bad lately lol #i just feel like shit 90% of the time and nothing stops it anymore #it kind of has to be whatever im never gonna get treated for it anyway. like i said nobody will believe me #thats not even me being unrealistic my parents just straight up wont admit im not ok even if i tell them to their faces #levi.txt #vent tw #ive been telling them for years that im not ok and i need help and the answer has always been the same #so im just not gonna bother this time. gonna have to power through this on my own too #idk ill probably delete this later #i promise im not just looking for attention or whining i just dont really have anywhere else to put this

[quino7]

Is it normal to get super depressive about your gender like once every month or so. Like im a gender abolitionist in the idea that the social definition of “gender” isn’t real, but I go by he/him irl for utility sake even though they/them is probably more accurate. It just hurts sometimes that I’ll never be able to be immediately recognized as an enby or anything because I’ll either be too masculine or being gnc or any form of trans will just be fucking illegal because I live in a conservative shithole and I hate my life. Idk if I’m just being extra sensitive but being referred to as a guy kills me a little right now, and the worst part is that 2/3 of my friends are trans so I’m able to talk about them about this but I just can’t because fucking social anxiety and shit. And I don’t care most of the time about being a guy, it’s just inconvenient at best, like having a dick is just a pain in the ass most of the time because I like wearing tight pants and arranging it sucks ass. And I don’t know why this is affecting me so much right now, I’m usually fine and I don’t know why I can’t cope today of all days

#rant #idk ill probably delete this later #sorry if anybody actually reads this #it’s either me ranting or hurting myself and I don’t want to go back to that phase of #of my life* I can’t see the rest of the tag but idk how I ended it

[sanguine-arena]

honestly a nice little hack i’ve discovered for myself is that i can write so much more and with so much less stress if i just. write things in the order that they come to me in. i can’t write a story start to finish in a linear progression, and now that i’ve let myself bounce around a bit, my wip ive started doing this with is sitting at ~7.1k words instead of the ~1.0k it was sitting at a month ago

#theo chatter #wip: acidic #<- this is what made me start doing it #because i had so many ideas for this story but like. i couldnt bring myself to write it in perfect order start to finish #so i just said 'fuck it' and let myself write the scenes as they come to me #and its just been so freeing and nice tbh #its made me fall in love with writing and crafting a story all over agian #ive jumped all over the place in terms of events for this story but i have a general idea of how theyll be arranged after #idk ill probably delete this later #but its working nice for me and im just happy about it

[survnet]

why is all my bad art getting attention but not the actually good art. what am I doing wrong

#dont rb #vent kinda #but :( #idk it makes me wanna quit posting my art sometimes like whats the point #idk ill probably delete this later

[myuminji]

Im gonna explode anyways Knivio Royalty AU

I CANT DRAW TODAY BUT I COULDN'T CONTAIN MY ROTS SO....SNIPPETS.....HERE...

#guys you don't understand once im stuck in a rareship I can Never get out of it #''myu ur delusional'' aND CRAZY AND OUT OF MY MIND BABEYY 🗣🗣🙏‼️🫡🙏❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥 #idk i had this one crazy thought ''huh. livio could probably fix nai in terms of compatibility'' and it went downhill from then on #delete later dw ill post them again once i compile the draft comics i have. in my brain. for now i need to scream abt it #I CANT STAY SILENT RAGGHHG #myuminjidoodle #knivio

[skunkes]

#talkys #delete later #(this is a meme redraw) #ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before #and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party #because whatever! normal human experience! #the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth #from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened #i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok! #like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time... #<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result #ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way #and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else.... #but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending. #doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know? #i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.

[niinnyu]

Her.

#this was supposed to be a warmup but i got carried away #pls ignore anatomy and stuff idk #her pants being red made me go :0 #anyway #tsukumo yuki #yuki tsukumo #jjk #jjk fanart #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen fanart #yuki jjk #jjk manga #fanart #i need to practice drawing women smh #ill probably delete this later or something #sketches #doodles #im eepy #niinnyu arts

[shkika]

something im working on,,

im trying to figure out how perspective works its so hard.

also maaassive props to @ksenya-and-the-artistic-cucumber for the helpful tips for this drawing. im excited to finish it

#idk if its surprising #but im a huuuuge ddlc fan #it has insane lore so it probably shouldnt be #if the game has crazy lore ill probably like it hehe #i have a lot of doodles for this game between moonie comic work and comms im thinking if i wanna share them #either way im hoping to clear up some mistakes on this one #delete later #ddlc

[natsmagi]

sorry for making yet another textpost but i came across that post saying they dislike transfem natsume because he "canonically hates being perceived as a girl and tries to erase all sorts of memories related to that" and also went on to shame genderbends of him aswell. So, as someone who not only draws genderbends of natsume but is myself someone who is nonbinary and hates being perceived as a woman, i thought id offer my two cents

first of all; i think its important to note that natsume does NOT hate his childhood. in fact, hes quite happy that he had such an unusual upbringing!

what natsume hates is being perceived as weak. thats why he was raised as a girl after all, it was his mother trying to protect him from evil spirits. he doesnt hate the whole "-chan" or "wearing dresses" thing because he has a hatred for womanhood, its because due to his upbringing hes now come to associate those things as being weak. he begs tsumugi to forget about it because that means tsumugi remembers natsume being weak, and natsume thinks tsumugi still referring to him as "natsume-chan" means he still sees natsume as weak. (iirc natsume did however once say that he is a little sad that he doesnt really know how to relate to young boys due to this in poltergeist, but i couldnt find the exact quote. either way that just adds to the complexity of natsumes relationship with his childhood, because while he is happy to be "abnormal" in that sense, it has left him lacking in some areas)

i have to ask though, should this conflict of his not be something we hope he overcomes? should we not want him to develop a healthy relationship with various gender expressions? should we not want natsume to overcome his belief that feminine things = weakness? i want natsume to reach a point where he can wear feminine clothing and not feel like some damsel in distress because of it. i want natsumes character to grow. i want him to develop a positive relationship with his gender because natsume DOES enjoy some more typically feminine things, like baking! he used to bake with his mom when he was little! and i want him to feel like he can indulge in that side of him without feeling insecure.....

i LOVE transmasc natsume, my primary hc for him is transmasc nonbinary after all, but with all these things considered, shouldnt people be allowed to headcanon him however they want? if they hear his story and negative relationship with femininity and how that resonates with them and they themselves are transfem, should they not be allowed to hc him as such too?

which brings me to my next point; my own personal relationship with gender and femininity. i was raised as a girl and i fucking DESPISED womanhood. i hated everything about it. i hated how i felt forced into a box i didnt want to be stuck in, and i hated how it felt like my whole life had already been planned out for me due to societal expectations, aswell as me needing to present a certain way. i was peak "tomboy" growing up, constantly wearing super baggy clothes and wouldnt even brush my hair alot of the time. but despite that i remained miserable. i frankly hated how i looked and would constantly dye my hair vibrant colors in an attempt to make me like myself a little more. it wasnt until i realized "wow, im actually not a girl at all" that i finally let go of believing i needed to look a certain way (and thus, defying it) and started to dress for myself. i started to dress in clothes that made me happy and feel pretty! alot of which leans feminine, but clothes doesnt have a gender, and how you dress doesnt define your gender either, but it can still be a bit scary yknow? especially since i dont want people to think of me as a girl, and drawing a bunch of femstars has really made me learn to love myself more in a funny way. i can put these characters in clothes i think are beautiful, i can explore the more feminine parts of me that i adore but dont want to express in public due to how i want others to perceive me, but it has also warmed me up to femininity even more. because femstars to me feels detached from the expectations of society because its not a real thing!! there are no canon femstars designs!!! i can do literally whatever the hell i want with it and its been so liberating to me!!

all this to say; i think it really sucks seeing the way this fandom treats transfem hcs and explicit genderbends, because like ive said before; they can truly be something so personal. you dont know why that person is drawing what theyre drawing, so its a little unwise to make assumptions based on ........ Well, whatever it may be. i know very well that women dressing the way society expects them to SUCKS, esp if you have personal ties to it, but you have to realize the issue isnt femininity, but misogyny.

#maybe ill delete this later idk but i just felt like i needed to say something #as i constantly see these things being spoken of yet never do these people actually reach out to femstarries #and ask Hey why are you doing this? #so instead they make bad faith assumptions and it really sucks. #and while im here; #trans hcs count as genderbends. Because you have changed the characters gender #*IF the org chara is a cisman and you make them a trans woman i should add #once again Stop treating trans and cis people as two separate things #if it was a cisbend itd be CALLED CISBEND #and the reason i tag genderbend is because i know some people dont like it #and thats valid!!! no one is forced to like this kind of stuff!!! #and some people who dont like genderbends might be new to enstars and dont know what femstars is #so should it not still be tagged for those people too? #should we not look out for the trans people who dont wish to see their favs be a different gender??? #i dont get it. i really dont #this post probably wont even reach the right audience but wtv #nat rambles #nats enst posting

[elliebell77]

you caught him with his glasses off

#alternate title: #pov you told your mom u frew up #might delete this later idk #i dont like it much #but if i keep working on it ill probably work on it forever #and by forever i mean ill give up and then leave it to rot in my art folder #........like all my other wips #undertale #freshtale #fresh sans #utmv #skeledoodles #scopophobia #also tangenial but #theres not enough scary fresh content #like ik its played up for laughs #and hes supposed to be the haha funny character #but i think there is a LOT of scary potential with fresh #that is just not being used #and its a real shame

[todayimfour]

The neurodivergent feeling of: hungry but nothing is edible and if you eat you perish™ has been really kicking my booty lately

#tw food #maybe? #idk man im so eepy #and hungry #ill probably delete this later #ghostly ramblings

[craycraybluejay]

Honestly I think I do want to have kids someday. Definitely not bio kids but kids of my own all the same. Maybe just 1, maybe an entire 2.

I want to give the love and support that was not afforded to me. I want to watch them grow into amazing adults and know that I gave this child/these children the opportunity to live a good, fulfilled life. I want to instill in them my love of books; teach them important things like courage and bravery, kindness, respect, a sense of genuine wonder in a world so empty of it. I want to encourage their interests and pursuits and congratulate them when they work hard no matter the end result. I want to be the parent I never had, the best one possible.

I don't know where that fits into the rest of my life plan if it does at all. Idk. Sometimes when I experience something cool and whimsical I think; wouldn't it be awesome to share this with my own kid? A nice book or a pretty landscape or when I'm thinking about advocacy for good public schools. The thought creeps in, wouldn't it be amazing to keep even one person safe from the foster care system? Wouldn't it be lovely to have someone to nurture and support? Wouldn't it be awesome if because I was such a good parent my child lived a happy life where they felt free and safe to follow their dreams and be themselves and things?

#baby fever #or something like that #the mentally ill urge to save someone to make it better to not just break but eviscerate the cycle of violence #the masculine urge #to be a good dad the bestest dad to be selfless and protective and learn how to make room in life #meh ill worry about stuff like that when im no longer selfish and surviving and have the rest of my shit figured out #when i get old is probably the best time but is it cruel? #knowing you may have 10 20 30 years at most #idk #human lifespans are stupid as shit #youre born and youre not a person and then suddenly 16/18/etc. years later you are and u have all the responsinilities that come with it #and the weight of your whole life ahead of you #and if ur like me no one really taught you how to adult #and no matter how big your dreams you should supposedly figure out your life asap if you want kids #cuz no one wants a good parent to die when theyre young #but in the end grief is a natural byproduct of love #might delete later #getting all sentimental and shit

[robinsnest2111]

sorry for disappearing. I promised I wouldn't do that again but it's always the thing I fall back on in desperate times. idk how to stop doing that

I'm just so tired and in pain, I wanna lay down and cry and never get back up again

#wish i could cry. as it is the tears are pressing on my eyes but cannot come out. it hurts. i wish it wouldn't hurt #all i can do is sleep as much as i can whenever i can. no other way to escape it all #trying to plan my mental illness breakdown around my work hours so my coworkers don't have to worry #i actually like being at work and putting on a smile and acting bright and bubbly comes to me so easily #but i feel the tiredness creeping in. making work a bit more difficult and i don't like that #my brain is starting to merge dreams and reality in a way that hard to tell apart #it's also whispering evil things into my ear. like: you're not mentally ill there's no official diagnosis so better be sane and normal #or: you're making it all up. stop with that. just be normal. <- about literally every single thing #<- like me dealing with depression and anxiety and probably no small amount of trauma and gender dysphoria? NOT REAL according to my brain #which is. idk i KNOW i struggle with all of these things and there have been suspicion diagnoses #but no actual 100% confirmed diagnoses and that fact is fueling my brain in whispering these mean things to me #and i'm just so very very tired of it all... i don't want to fight anymore but i'm also too scared to take any kind of final action #sorry... #delete later

[clingyduofan]

wip

#delete later #<- will probably forget but oh well #i’m making myself so sad drawing this 😭😭 they make me ill #reaaaally hoping i’ll be able to finish this in time but i’m gonna be super busy so idk >_< #eye contact #zeph’s sketches

[access-point]

The first time Eddie invites Steve to Corroded Coffin's band practice, Steve first gets really excited and happy that Eddie would want him there and looks forward to seeing him in his element with his friends, but then on the day of he's suddenly all nervous and pacing around and Eddie worries he's having second thoughts about this, them, so he reaches for Steve's fidgeting hands and softly asks: “What are you so worked up over, sweetheart? What's going on?”

And Steve looks at him with furrowed brows and worried eyes and says: “What if they don't want me there? What if they hate me? Because of who I was.”

Eddie spends the next twelve minutes trying to convince him otherwise and when all else fails he huffs petulantly and goes: “So what if they don't like you, Steve? I'll just tell them to deal with it, it's their loss anyway! Their opinion of you doesn't matter to me—!”

He stops abruptly when he realizes that he's definitely said the wrong thing, because Steve's eyes are now glistening with tears, what the fuck, as he replies: “But it matters to me! They're your friends, Eddie, and I want them to like me because they're important to you, which makes them important to me, too.”

And Eddie has to spend another twelve minutes emotionally recovering from that, then another dozen doting on Steve and telling him how much he loves him, then another dozen just giving him kisses and cuddling him because oh my god, what the hell, how is this guy real and dating him no less.

When they do eventually go, the only thing the rest of Corroded Coffin give them shit for is being late. And the Tears for Fears track that was blasting out of their car when they got there.

#anyways huh. what #idk i wanted to write a proper fic for this but im too burnt out from life. have this instead #ill probably delete it later tbh #st steddie #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things