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julek · 3 years

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The sun filters through the curtains slowly, almost timidly, and Eskel feels the warmth on his face before he can see it.

He shifts on the bed, snuggling further down the blankets, seeking their warmth and comfort for a while longer. The first few weeks at the keep had been long and exhausting, full of roofs and walls expecting to be repaired, animals demanding to be seen to, and meats waiting to be curated. It was routine, and one he enjoyed tending to, but every year the cold and the weariness seemed to seep into his veins and set into his bones with more stubbornness than before. Now, as most of the work has been done and only his usual, less demanding chores await, he can indulge in the soft weight of the sheets against his bare skin, the quiet sounds of the keep grounding him.

There’s a muted noise at his side, muffled by a pillow. Geralt’s laying on his stomach, his hair long and not quite shining against the early morning light, white and soft where it meets the line of his spine. Eskel gently traces his cheekbone, feeling the warmth of Geralt’s arm where it’s resting, over his stomach. He knows the Witcher is awake, no matter how hard he tries to deny it; even though his lifestyle demands it, Geralt’s never been fond of waking so early. Now, safe and tucked away in a fortress lost between mountains, he finally gets to truly rest his body, adjusting to the gentler pace of the winter life.

“Good morning,” Eskel murmurs, his voice thick with sleep. He tucks a strand of hair behind Geralt’s ear.

Something that Geralt would try to deny is a whine comes from his mouth as he snuggles closer to Eskel, burying his nose in his armpit, trying to ignore reality for a while longer.

Eskel clicks his tongue. “That’s gross, you know.” Still, he tugs the blankets up, so they’re covering them. “I haven’t bathed in, what, half a week? If you’re trying to smother yourself into sleep, it’s not gonna take long.”

He feels Geralt huff a laugh against his skin, then press a kiss to his ribs. “Sounds good to me.” He buries himself under the covers, tangling their legs together in what should be a tender gesture, but Eskel knows him well enough to take it for what it is: a trap.

“I’ll have to get up soon, you know,” he says quietly, poking at the Geralt-shaped lump next to him. “Your attempts at keeping me won’t work today.”

Geralt lifts the covers just enough for his amber gaze to show, eyes narrowed and a single eyebrow raised. “Worked just fine yesterday. And the day before.”

“I’m feeling particularly strong-willed this morning.”

Geralt tsks but comes back up, sitting back against the headboard, his shoulder knocking against Eskel’s playfully. “Fine.”

Eskel laughs, then presses a slow kiss to Geralt’s lips. “For your troubles.”

“Hmm.”

They find each other with practiced ease, seeking each other’s warmth with wandering hands and well-placed kisses, basking in their soft cocoon in the sunlit room. Geralt looks beautiful first thing in the morning, his cheeks pink and his hair disheveled, sleep still tugging at the corner of his eyes, and Eskel can’t help but stare and wonder, can’t help but run his fingers over the lines on Geralt’s face, his lips following every one.

Eventually they get up — Eskel does, at least, kicking the blankets back and pulling on a fresh pair of breeches while Geralt lays back down, trying to steal a few moments more. It’s a sight to see, truly, how such a massive and threatening Witcher curls into a ball and buries his face into the pillows, trying to melt into the mattress. Eskel huffs a laugh and pulls on his boots, then stands and goes to the chest at the end of the bed to look for a shirt. He needs to sort it out, as it’s a mess of linens and shirts that belong to no one anymore, as they’ve been passed around the Witchers through the seasons enough so that no one claims them anymore.

He picks a white shirt —or one that had been white to begin with, now faded into creamy brown— and turns back, meeting his reflection in the mirror. His chest is littered with scars, white lines that are bright against his golden skin, and he can see he’s already starting to fill out, the nutritious meals of Kaer Morhen already showing results. His stomach is no longer sucked in; instead of the hard lines and stretched skin, he finds there’s a growing layer of fat covering it. He pokes a finger at it and grins, the soft skin bouncing back as he pulls back. There’s a soft noise at his back and he looks at the mirror, finding Geralt looking at him, fondness and adoration breaking through his gaze.

“You look good,” he rumbles. “Makes for a good pillow.”

Eskel smiles at his reflection in the mirror and turns back. “Glad to be of use,” he teases and pulls the shirt over his head.

Geralt stretches his arms out, still sitting half-naked on the bed, and Eskel meets him halfway, pulling him into his arms. He breathes in deeply at the spot behind his ear, spices and hay filling his senses, over an underlying scent of pure contentedness. He smiles.

“I have to go,” he whispers against Geralt’s hair.

“Okay.” Geralt rests his forehead against Eskel’s. “I’ll see you downstairs.”

Eskel smiles softly and presses a chaste kiss to his lips. “See you downstairs. Don’t go back to sleep, or it will be Vesemir waking you up this time.”

“Hmm. Doesn’t sound nice.”

“It won’t be, believe me.” With a final kiss, Eskel stands up. “I’ll go see the horses.”

“Say hi to Scorpion for me.”

“Will do,” Eskel says with a grin, and closes the door behind him.

#mywriting #idk how to add a readmore on mobile sorry if this is too long #it’s three am and i just wanted to write eskel so here he is! my boy!#eskel x geralt #geskel #eskeralt #the witcher fanfic

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talesoftextposts · 3 years

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Exactly! Crestoria is not the only game they don't really keep tabs with. A while ago i played a saint seiya game by them and it had many many issues. If you cannot have multiple games with quality than please don't. Is bad for us and the employees, those poor people must be going crazy :c

At first I liked kasque, quite different than what I would expect from a goddess, but I ended disliking her...

I feel kinda bad for aegis just being a punching bag for jokes and Yuna just being there to look pretty, they have a lot of potential for the story. Like you said Yuna had a great point and a good reflection moment but whatever eh? Aegis too, I felt his story like a punch on the gut because I tend to be like him and the queen, but again, whatever...

I do the arena for the free stuff too! I am not competitive at all XD

hello again anon!! im going to do another readmore gksghkeg

yeah i honestly...ugh. i have just a lot of issues w bamco in general but i also Do Not want them to pay attention to me jic they tell me to stop making memes or something stupid like that— like genuinely instead of making the game more functional or adding like...idk. any story or shit that makes Sense they just added things like the transcendence board which is just. for ppl who already maxed out their ascension boards?? after like 6 months??? Y'ALL... ik for a while too the phantom tower was Waaayyy too difficult but i think they nerfed it back to normal considering i can now clear thru level 40 at least :/ but overall the game is just. geared towards ppl who drop fucktons of cash on it. if you look at the ppl in the top 3 in arena rn? you KNOW they've spent hundreds if not thousands of dollars on this game. what the fuck.

also minor gripes are just...they don't add very many new units anyway, compared to like even asteria, and i get that there's effort for the whole models or w/e but...i mean if rays can do it... and i don't mean that in the rate that banners are released, bc those are...kind of annoyingly often as of late (looking @ all the crestoria cast alts) but the fact they're only for 1 or 2 charas who are Only ssrs, and it genuinely makes r and sr stones and sr charas just...obsolete and useless imo? like i genuinely have EVERY sr AND r full awakened/ascended which. is probs partly due to the drop rates being Absolute Garbage, but thank god they implemented a pity system, right? ...right? [tired sigh] i've saved enough for julius who has been in crestoria for 228 days, bamco, fucking release h—

i also want to add that i've contacted support MULTIPLE times abt issues w the game and they have legit just told me "hm sucks have u tried playing the game w all other apps closed" like yes, bamco, but that's not the problem??

SORRY for several paragraph rant abt the gameplay i just have some very strong opinions LMAO

i understand not liking kasque! tales antags...and characters in general, actually, are rather hit or miss. i personally just love evil women so im rlly in love w her GSKEHGESKHG

but as for the aegis and yuna things... YEAH. i rlly love them both and it's been extremely disappointing to see how they've been treated by the story :( like even if yuna's acting silly to cover her own feelings, it would be nice to get those scenes we get in other tales games (like...idk even the scenes in xillia like where alvin and elize sit and talk in the park, and leia talks w i think jude or milla depending on the route?) considering it's like...is penelope going to be okay? can she ever go back to her?? is she okay just crossing the sea and leaving her, even if there's really no choice??? sorry for the character introspect i just have a lot of thoughts—

aegis too, it's like. i don't mind teasing to an extent, but i really feel sometimes they go too far w it :( esp in like. events and the character episodes moreso than the main story (tho i could be remembering incorrectly) which makes me wonder if they just have different writers for each but even THEN like the main story still fails to act like yuna and aegis Exist half the time?? and JEEZ yeah i am constantly thinking abt aegis and queen rebecca, esp imo it's just a very... well first of all, that has to be Traumatizing As Hell but second of all i strongly headcanon he was unable to say it bc he didn't mean it and also i have a headcanon that the whole event has kept him from ever saying the words "i love you" ever again so that's that on THAT. (these are my headcanons pls don't send me hate over them they're not canon i promise—)

and honestly same!! i used to be sss rank and then i stopped caring abt arena for a bit and dropped a couple ranks...oops. i'm currently s-5 and had to FIGHT to keep myself there this season. it's not that i rlly care abt winning or being high ranking. or first, even, i just want the prizes from being at a certain rank/placing tbh. which is why.....................................oh im so tired of the ppl with lvl 120 fully awakened new ass units like i GET IT you have MONEY but i am not spending that much on a mobile game!!

ANYWAY thank u for coming to my ted talk omfg im so sorry this is so long (again)

#mod.txt #SSSSSSSSORRYYYYYYY #if u disagree w me pls don't yell at me im sensitive—#these are just my onions i pr #anyway i again apologize for a v long post where i just. bitch abt crestoria ig that's my life now

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princeseerow · 3 years

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ok so i havent been writing up any reviews of my animorphs reads lately because i havent been reading but i did finish 39: The Hidden last night at about 3 am and....... oh boy

here are some incredibly disjointed thought

(didnt you used to be able to add readmores on mobile?? now i cant find it. sorry for the long post ahead)

do all cassie books become solo adventures at some point? well no probably not, but reading this book did make me wonder if she's the team member with the most missions that involve her being by herself/without the help of any of the other animorphs for long stretches of time. or maybe thats just par for the course for the animorphs as a whole. my next go round reading these books ill have to make note of that

shout out to the chee for covering for the kids at home. it makes me wonder why they dont do it more often, but then again i guess that would be too easy and not interesting enough to read

on a similar vein -- the events of this book take place within 24 hours?? god these poor kids must be SO tired. i desperately want a book thats just them getting some well deserved rest for a hundred and fifty pages :,(

as mentioned in my other post buffa human is terrifying in execution, and conceptually pretty ridiculous now that ive had some time to digest it, but i couldnt help but feel for it after a while. its herd-like connection with cassie was kind of sweet, and the idea of morphing by accident and having no idea why or whats happening or even how to control it is so chilling. just thinking about this poor creature and what happens to it makes my heart hurt

.....but then it starts making human noises with its human mouth and i just get creeped out all over again just thinking about it. and although the book glosses smooth over it, buffa human is absolutely butt naked in its chapman morph. these kids have seen their vice principal naked. im glad no one points this out

i do have a similar feeling of sympathy for ant cassie, but it is MUCH more horrifying in just about every regard than buffa human, so i cant be too sympathetic towards it. i agree with the animorphs, ants are the fucking worst. (would be cool though to see ant cassie coming into its own individuality from its perspective, given that for its entire life all its known is a hivemind. tho i think the first ant book had some shades of this? its been a few years now... reading this series has been a SLOW process for me)

this is a problem ive had with all the books actually, but i had an especially hard time in this one trying to figure out just like.... the layout of their locations? i couldnt parse where anything was relative to anything else at any given moment, and it doesnt help that for most of the book its either a) cassie in the back of a truck for an indeterminate amount of time going an unknown distance or b) in the woods.... somewhere..... . (but this isnt specific to animorphs either and could just be a me thing lol. visualizing things is just hard idk. does anyone else have this problem reading animorphs?

animorphs body horror doesnt usually get to me but this book's insistence on describing skulls splitting and bones grinding really got to me. eughghhhgh

overall it was uhh.... well. it was definitely an experience. not sure if its one id read again, not because it was bad but because the existential terror of the buffa human's existence (and just. Everything about ant cassie) is something id love to never witness again

#chattering #animorphs #its funny tho #id heard about the buffa human before and i briefly skimmed its page on seerowpedia and thought huh. thats kind of a whacky concept lol #but i didnt expect it to be like that #and furthermore i didnt expect the PLOT to be about that???? i genuinely thought for sure buffa human would get a couple chapters at best #before it gets killed off somehow. curse you animorphs for making me sad about buffa human

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waterfallwritings · 5 years

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15 Questions Tag - again!

@livvywrites immediately tagged me back in this after I tagged her because she wanted to see it done with another one of my characters!

Your wish is my command~

Rules: answer these fifteen questions as one of your characters and then tag 15 people

I will be doing this one as Adrian! My favourite loveable dumbass fish boy. I’m going to do it from the perspective of if this was Morgan asking the questions, in particular Morgan post finding out that Adrian is a triton— cause she figures it out in like what chapter five I think? Idk. This way he doesn’t have to hide that fact and you can get some actual answers!! Oh and written from some rando narrators perspective, aka not how ASH is actually written.

Oh yeah and Adrian doesn’t speak, remember? Lol.

~~~~~(I would put a readmore but I’m on mobile. Sorry!!)~~~~~~

1. What is your full name?

He grabs the parchment and quill and scribbles out the letters. He pauses, seeming to look at the paper fondly, before handing it to Morgan. ‘Adrian Cadmus.’ It says. Adrian is smiling.

<> He signs to her.

2. What does your name mean?

Still smiling, he signs,

<> stopping, he grabs the paper back and flips it over. Unfortunately the homemade sign language doesn’t yet cover everything.

‘Adriatic sea’ he writes.

<<As for my last name..>> he continues, sighing. His smile is gone. <>

“Wait, you were a knight in Myrddin? Is that what you’re trying to say? Are you kidding me?” Morgan exclaims.

<<... yes>> Adrian signs hesitantly. Morgan shakes her head in disbelief.

3. Do you have any nicknames or other names?

Adrian pauses. His hands then float in the air for a moment, as he searches for words. His eyes are downcast.

<<no...no one has ever given me a nickname. I am always Adrian or just another night.>> he glances up at Morgan.

<<you have called me ‘fish boy’ twice, but neither seemed... well. Positive.>> He drops his hands into his lap. Morgan sighs.

“Remind me to tell Miles that you need a proper nickname.” Her tone is edged with sarcasm, but Adrian lights up.

4. What is your gender?

The seemingly eternal look of confusion appears on Adrian’s face.

<<what is...?>> he trails off.

“Ugh. Nevermind. For human reference, your answer to that question is that you’re a man, okay? Like human?” Adrian nods.

5. What is your sexuality?

Cue the confused look again.

Morgan sighs and shakes her head.

“Like, who are you attracted to, who do you like, what type of person would you, uh, well, mate with, I guess?” Morgan explains awkwardly.

<< why do you want to know that?>>

Morgan smirks, and glances around to make sure Miles isn’t anywhere nearby.

“Oh you know me... curious as ever...”

Adrian sits there for a few minutes, thinking. Staring out at the sea. Morgan becomes impatient and clears her throat loudly.

<<human, or...?>> he hesitates, then points to himself.

“Whichever. Whatever.”

<<Well,>> he signs, pausing. <> He scribbles on the paper again.

‘Loyalty. Honesty. Compassion. Happiness.’ He writes.

6. Where are you from?

Adrian gives a lopsided but knowing smile.

<< You want to know about—my, under, water, city?>> he struggles to find signs they’ve created that can express what he’s trying to say.

Morgan glares. “Yeah yknow, the one selkies aren’t ever allowed in.”

<< Marble. Elegant. Everyone has a strict role. But poor too. Most happy anyway. Ruled by crown. Crown makes those rules, not me.>> he tells her. Her glare does not subside. They move on.

7. How old are you?

.... <<how old do I look?>> he asks instead of answering, after a moment of thought.

“Um. I don’t know. In human years, maybe mid twenties?” Morgan suggests. Adrian smirks- and he doesn’t smirk often.

<< What if I told you I was two hundred and eight years old as a.... fish person?>> they don’t yet have a word for triton. He awaits a reaction. Morgan pauses.

“I believe it,” she decides.

<<what, really?>>

Morgan shrugs and nods. “Why not?”

8. What is your magic form designation?

<<.... Morgan, you know what I am. And now you know I was a night. What more?>> he asks.

“Fair point. You had fins and scales and stuff right?” He nods.

9. What does your human form look like?

“Don’t give me that look, just, describe it. Yourself. In your own terms.” She explains. Adrian is still a bit confused, but he listens. Which is nothing new to him.

<> he pauses and looks at Morgan. <<slightly different skin colour than you... darker. Slightly. Stronger than I seem.>> Morgan scoffs at the last bit.

10. What is your aesthetic?

[[ after Morgan, slightly annoyed, explains what an aesthetic is to him ]]

<< Ah. Green ocean foam. A purple sunset. Stars. ..... My old spear.>> He decides.

11. Who is your best friend?

[[ after Morgan briefly explains what a best friend is: ]]

Adrian’s eyes light up like fireworks after the explanation.

<< Oh! Miles! That is Miles. Yes. >> His face softens into a small, warm smile. <> He seems to be signing automatically, but speaking to himself, as if the realization had just dawned on him.

<>

“Okay okay I get it, I already knew the answer it’s very obvious. Now stop it with the mushy sap, ugh.” Morgan groans.

12. Would you ever get a tattoo or piercing?

[[ after Morgan explains what they are. Complains that Miles is normally the one explaining everything to him, and how on earth does he do it all. The. Time. ]]

<< mm... would it stay when I... go fish?>> he asks, catching Morgan off guard, who starts laughing loudly and has to clamp a hand over her mouth so she doesn’t attract attention.

“W— when, when you, go fish?” She cries, laughing again. “What, a-are you playing cards now??”

Adrian huffs.

<< we really need a word for what I am. But to answer, maybe to the permanent photo. None of the hole with metal through it though. >>

13. When are you the happiest?

Adrian turns and stares out to the sea, and his features darken. It takes him several minutes, despite Morgan’s nudges and annoyances, to return to their conversation.

<< For now, when I am spending time with Miles and can see the ocean.>> He finally signs. But untold emotion swirls begins his eyes.

14. What is your biggest secret?

Morgan smirks as she asks. She isn’t expecting much of an answer— or the fact that he’s not human as his answer. But his face is still dark and gloomy after the last question. With no emotion on his face, as if he’s holding it back, he signs;

<>

His lip quivers. Morgan stares at him in shock.

Tears start to well up in his eyes, his face trying to push them back down.

Uh oh.

“Uh—I— I’m going to go get Miles for you. Um. Uh. I’m sorry. Miles!” Morgan sputters before running off.

————————————————-

((15th question was if he has a sidekick, which he doesn’t, and I figured here was a better more natural ending, considering.))

Since this ended up being quite long & quite informative about certain things in ASH, I’m going to put the taglist. Anyone in the taglist who hasn’t done this tag game before is now tagged to do it!!

PS. Quill? QuillOfTheClouds? Mate? I think I’m gonna pretend that this conversation is canon & happened in the three day time skip before they docked and left the ship. Maybe. Probably. I’ll just add a mention that Adrian and Morgan spent a few minutes together during that time. Or something. It’s too much dialogue to actually write in.

Taglist: @quilloftheclouds , @abalonetea , @penzag , @livvywrites , @bookish-actor , @bookenders , @starrywritingg , @atbwrites , @lordhoekage , @royalbounties , @maple-writes @writings-of-a-narwhal , @yeraswifey , @smudged-glasses-writing s , @tenacious-scripturient , @sunlight-and-starskies , @marlettpines @disfunctionaldeity-writes , @fandom-child-4life , @mezvii , @purpleshadows1989 , @phahbiyah

#a selkies home #ASH #adrian #morgan #tag games #technically not one of #falls excerpts #but i just might make this comversation canon #while theyre still on nicos ship #idk #its just not the right perspective/POV #this was incredibly fun to do #15 questions #long post

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hearts-guided-key · 5 years

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Sorry this is long idk how to add read readmores on mobile

Recently, in the middle of May, I drank some really fizzy soda and it made my Vegus nerve freak out and I passed out. I went to the hospital because I thought it was a seizure and thank goodness it wasn't. But I believe that event traumatized me. My anxiety has been through the roof and my OCD has been pretty bad. I keep thinking that something is gonna go wrong and i'm gonna die. On june 20th I was just sitting in front of a restaurant in downtown seattle waiting for food. Of course my mind wanders because i'm bored. I started thinking about how it would be if I passed out there and I started to panic. I was hyperventilating but I had never had that experience before so imagine how I felt, already freaking out, then suddenly my face starts to tingle and my arms. Luckily there was a group of early 20s people right next to me and I asked them to call 911. They were really nice and kept asking me questions to calm me down. When the paramedics came they were really gentle and sweet. He explained that it was hyperventilation and when it's bad you tingle and lock up. Thank goodness it wasn't a stroke, what my brain decided for sure it was. I've now come to the conclusion that I developed hypochondria. Every little thing that's off about my body makes me think that i'm dying. What really sucks is that it can be a feedback loop. Im worried something is gonna happen, I start to panic, my heart beats louder, I get clammy, get a headache. That convinces me I 100% am dying. I always know after the fact that i'm ok but in the moment I have no idea. My only solace is I have ADHD pretty bad too and it's easier for me to distract myself from my thoughts. I usually smoke a lot of weed but since like, june 5th i've not been touching it. It makes me focus more intensely. Heart pounding? Now it's even louder and I can feel the beats way more. Anyway I need to write about it. Thanks

#my posts #medical #hypochondria #OCD #anxiety

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cielleduciel · 5 years

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I have some sensitive questions, and you totally don’t need to answer if they’re too much, but here they are. Did you ever struggle w internal homophobia? If so, how did you manage to overcome it?? And my last question: any tips for softly breaking it to Albanian parents? I know people are individuals but its still the same culture so..

• Same anon as before!! I am an 18-year-old girl that was born and raised in the US. Thank you so much, and take as much time as you need to answer.

• I would also like to add that I’ve struggled with this for a pretty long time now (since I was around 12), so it’s not like I realized my preferences just recently. For years I’ve been telling myself that it’s just a phase or I’m just starved of affection (so I’m looking for it in the wrong place) or that I just haven’t met the right guy yet. I feel disgusted with myself, and it’s very tiring and emotionally consuming. Add in my Albanian relatives on top of it, and I’m just done with it all.

thanks for your patience anon, this last week’s been a bit hectic for me

first off i’m flattered by that first question, bc i was the most self-hating repressed closet gay i knew. i started off as that kid that was like “i don’t have a problem with gay people i just don’t think they should get married and i hate it when they ‘act’ gay”. i went through three boyfriends and two different sexual orientations before i finally accepted i was a lesbian, which took me until april of last year. so if that’s hard to imagine then i know i’m doing good for myself, and maybe it can give you some reassurance too

tbh i don’t think any of us can ever actually avoid or stop struggling with internalized homophobia, given that we’re all inundated with those messages every day in big or small ways. i think at best i just learned how to stop listening to it so much. it took me a really long time though and honestly at your age you’re already way ahead of me than i was, the questions you’re asking yourself now are ones i couldn’t bear to face even in my early 20s

my personal struggle has been very much connected to my family and growing up as a 1½-gen albanian immigrant. if your family and upbringing are anything like mine, then you might understand, and they’re probably just as closely related to your struggle as well. don’t take what i say here as gospel since this is all from personal experience and i’m not even 100% where i want to be yet. but i know how lonely it is for us out there, so i’ll try to be as real with you as i can without getting too personal (idk if this readmore will work on mobile so my apologies and just scroll down really fast @ anyone not reading this)

first thing: don’t be in a rush to tell your parents, even if you’re an adult, and especially if you’re still dependent on them. i assume you’re asking for tips because you already know or have reason to suspect that they won’t take it well. and if you’re still struggling to accept yourself, your parents’ & relatives’ opinions are the last thing you need to be worrying about right now (i know easier said than done we’re albanian i Understand but like. trust me)

second: i really think learning how to stop listening to that internalized homophobia is just a slow process of learning to normalize your feelings in opposition to it. truly the most important thing i did for myself was surround myself with other bi/lesbian women as a way to counter everything else in my life that was telling me to hate myself. the key here is that i did that for years. the logic goes like this: if my world was already and will always be filled with heteronormativity and homophobia, then to fight it, i needed a space i could come back to that’s filled with what i needed to see and could make it feel as normal as i logically knew it was

i didn’t have the freedom to reach out to others IRL so i sought out bi/lesbian women online and immersed myself in those communities. i filled my online spaces with people like me who could show me every day that what i was feeling was genuine, normal, healthy, whole, positive, and worth embracing. when i really began to internalize that, self-confidence and assurance just kind of naturally followed, which made it easier to shout down and ignore the Internalized Homophobia Gremlin in my brain

another thing too, and this’ll sound silly. idk if you’re into video games but they were also a big part of my normalization process. i love role-playing games and for years i used them as a private, risk-free, judgment-free way to “experiment” with women and allow my feelings to “run free” after repressing/ignoring them for so long. i personally know other LGBT people who discovered themselves in similar ways (through DnD, for example). something to consider if that’s your thing. but media of all kinds can be powerful normalizing tools too, if you can find decent ones to your liking

i had to be really patient and gentle with myself though, and you’ll have to be too bc there really is no quick fix, we’re up against years of internalizing this crap since we were born, basically. do whatever you need to fight against it though, bc there is literally, objectively, nothing wrong with you. you deserve to be happy just as you are, you deserve love and to be able to find it with another woman, and remember you’re never alone in this even if it feels like you are. i think that’s the most powerful reminder

back around to your last question, worry about coming out to your parents when you’re on more solid ground, bc it doesn’t sound like you are rn. everyone’s parents are different but as a general rule i’ve found that when trying to broach a difficult subject, you really need to have your back up against a point that you refuse to budge on, and plant yourself there. you can negotiate or make arguments around it but you need that one point that you’re absolutely sure of where you’ll always hold your ground

in coming out to them, that point needs to be your identity and everything attached to it, so your confidence and sense of self need to be as solid and unmoving as a fucking mountain so that they can’t dig into you and undermine your conviction. esp bc tbh it’s entirely likely that you’ll have to have that conversation several times. so that’s why i stress working on yourself first. for your own sake, don’t jump the gun on this

also, it’ll be much easier on you if you’re not always stuck under the same roof, or at least not totally dependent on them. and i know that’s tough and complicated because a lot of us never truly “move out”, per se, and it’s normal for us to stay with our parents/family for a very long time. but if you can find a way, arrange something with friends, etc., i find it really helps with your general confidence to know you have somewhere else you can go unconditionally, without restrictions. and i don’t mean “rush to move out as soon as you can”, bc like i said, i know that’s hard on us for many reasons and it may hurt you more than you think it will. but if it’s a point you can get to eventually, it does help

after all this, if/when you eventually do decide to come out, i recommend you tell only one of your parents at first. whichever one you’re closer with or find easier to talk to (i’d say ideally whoever’s the least homophobic but like. lmao). do it privately and when you’re both in a good mood. i find altogether this makes the atmosphere less confrontational and more personal, a show like you’re “confiding” in them moreso than making an announcement. depending on how it goes i think you can adjust your strategy from there

even still, i can’t say with any confidence that it will go over well, but it’s as gentle a way to break it to them as i know. if on the very off chance you have another relative who you know is sympathetic and won’t go telling the entire rest of the family immediately, i’d say try reaching out to them first, as it’ll give you “practice” talking about it and they may be able to advise you about your own parents better than i can, as well as support you directly. but even this i would only do after you’re more confident in yourself and your identity

in the end, keep in mind that you don’t have to come out either. it’s not like a requirement for loving yourself. many of us stay closeted to our families for a very long time simply bc it’s safer, easier, and smarter wrt our situations. again, i know that’s complicated because of how tight-knit our families are traditionally, and how much we may want to remain close to them for cultural reasons. at some point it may make it difficult to hide (my mom started suspecting i liked girls before i even knew i liked girls. it was scary). but like, i’m 27 and i’m still not out to most of my family (my dad doesn’t even know). it doesn’t stop me from being a proud albanian lesbian, or from having and maintaining a happy & healthy relationship with my girlfriend. it doesn’t have to stop you either

and…. i think that’s really all i can say. sorry for taking so long and also for talking so much. i hope i could help even a little, or if not, at least offer some reassurance. it’s a good sign that you’re reaching out and trying to get a handle on your feelings, so keep at it, and remember you’re not alone out there. there are so many of us in the world living our lives and trying to build a future and support each other. i really think you’ll be fine

#asks #blog chatter #long post

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thetiniestcicada · 7 years

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HI im stuck on mobile all day long so this is how im gonna answer some asks today whoops!!! Okay okay so

@mccree anon: U COME INTO MY ASKBOX WITH THE RELATABLE CONTENT B,,))) im so sorry u havent been lucky so far but i promise that for each hanzo that shoots u in the face theres at least one (me) hanzo (me) out there desperately waiting to say hi back (ME) with the enemy mccree,, godspeed my gay

@straight2space THANK U SO MUCH I’M SO GLAD :,,)) DnD has just been such an amazing creative outlet tbh like??? it offers such a good starting base but also allows to create without restricting it too much and idk im just reALLY passionate about fantasy in general so its just!!! So fucking great for this the options are endless!!! & like boy i feel re:CR,,, like just to listen to podcasts ive Gotta be doing something that doesn’t involve thinking (like washing dishes!!) or else i get restless & my attention span goes right out the window & ill completely lose track of whats going on so to add a visual element on top of that is a whole new challenge B,)) im sure its so worth the effort tho aahh ill def try eventually!!!!!

@dnd anon i have actually!! Im not sure which dnd post you saw but ill add the link to the one i made at the end (i cant link it fancy on mobile rip); maybe if thats the one u saw mobile just butchered it and took out the readmore bc thats what it does on my phone? If thats what happened id recommend opening ur internet browser and just copy-pasting the link in there; it should technically give u the full post!! If it doesn’t u can try requesting the desktop version and if it still doesnt work just hmu i can post it again O: let me know if this isnt what you meant though!!

http://thetiniestcicada.tumblr.com/post/162649650836/i-may-be-mistaken-but-did-you-say-you-play-dnd

@symmetra anon NIIICE im so glad!!!!! I love her so fuckin much hell yeah hell yeah welcome to the club B)))

#ask #anon #straight2space #dnd #this blog is like 50% mchan and 50% 'i love symmetra' tbh #long post // sorta whoops #uve unlocked my blab skill with the power of dnd

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