#i. am not sure if im attached to people too much. like i mean everyone likes to imagine things but i dont think people would actually. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

teyamsatan · 1 year

Text

lllicit Affairs | Chapter VI: Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Neteyam x Human/Avatar!Reader

Chapter I Chapter II Chapter III Chapter IV Chapter VI Chapter VII Chapter VIII Chapter IX Chapter X

Synopsis: You and Neteyam both have a dark secret that would change everything between you - and neither of you are willing to share.

Warnings: angst, some fluff, Lo'ak x reader, jealous!Neteyam, both main characters thirsting for each other, mentions of lab work, disease, blood, cursing.

Word Count: 7,2k words

A/N: Chapter 6 is the chapter that sets EVERYTHING in motion for what's to come. There is a LOT to come, a lot of drama and angst, maybe some smut (? 😉) and this chapter is meant as a stepping stone to the beginning of the end. Also, realised I forgot to ever mention, that if the dialogue is ever italicised, that usually means the conversation is in Na'vi, I don't know how I have never made it clearer, but here we are.

Thank you so much for everyone who's been reading and asking to be tagged, I never expected this to gain any traction and I am so grateful for people enjoying it x

My heart, my hips, my body, my love Trying to find a part of me that you didn't touch Gave you too much but it wasn't enough But I'll be all right, it's just a thousand cuts

One second.

“Just one second, Neteyammm!”, you whined, as he was trying to remove the blanket from your currently very comfortable and very warm body.

“It’s late, come on! Early bird catches the worm, isn’t that what you people say?”

“Nobody says that, I don’t know who told you this lie.”

“It was you!!” he says, and he’s laughing at your whinging while trying to remove the blanket. He’s not trying that hard, considering he would make an easy job out of the task if he used a tenth of his actual force, but he couldn’t bear the thought of bringing you any unnecessary distress. You had enough of that in your life, and he wanted to be a source of comfort for you, a shelter in the storm.

You scooted on one side of the bed close to the edge, and left a big gap which you brought to his attention by patting it aggressively.

“Press the button on the audio player and lay with me, please? I don’t feel like going out today.”

He couldn’t say no to you, he realises. He would follow you anywhere in this world, do anything you asked of him, regardless how stupid or reckless or crazy it was. He would always follow you, for the rest of time, and he was happy about it.

A song he liked came on, one that he’s heard you play before and there was no doubt in his mind that he liked it better when you sang it. He circled the bed and lay in it, next to you, in the dark.

“Thank you, light of my life.” You attached yourself to him, arms sprawled across his bare chest and legs carelessly placed on top of abdomen and hips, and sighed contently. He could feel your warm breaths on his neck, leaving goosebumps in their wake. He turned his head to you and placed a small kiss on top of your head and listened to the soft tune filling up the room.

“Oh, goddamn, my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

Taking mine, but it's been promised to another

Oh, I can't stop you putting roots in my dreamland

My house of stone, your ivy grows and now I'm covered in you”

“You’re annoying.”

“I know I am, but you love me anyway.”

I do, Neteyam thought. I really do…

Things happen in life sometimes, and it makes you lose your ability to react. There was no reaction, definitely no overreaction. You stared at the vial of blood that shattered all across the floor, all across you and your mind was blank. Almost robotically, you made your way to one of the benches and got some paper rolls and the IMS laying next to it. You carefully cleaned all of it, and spit whatever made its way to your mouth to the floor to be removed. When you were sure everything was gone, you went to the sink and removed your goggles and gloves, and scrubbed yourself clean. You felt yourself moving, picking up a bucket of water with some floor cleaner, felt yourself adding disinfectant to it and moping thoroughly, but it was like an out-of-body experience. Like you were merely a puppet executing orders from above. Cleaning everything took about an hour, after which you made your way back to your room slowly, deliberately.

You didn’t sleep. You spent the whole night looking over everything you and the rest of the scientists have ever found out about this virus. You didn’t know its way of transmission. Maybe you had nothing to worry about, maybe it’s not by blood. You knew it’s not by air, you’ve seen plenty of people infected whose family was fine. So even if you do get infected, the people at the lab should be fine. Your friends would be fine. He would be fine.

Next, incubation period. That’s a tough one, in-vitro studies show it takes the virus anywhere from 2 to 12 months to show symptoms. You don’t know how that changes in humans. You don’t know any of this shit for humans. You could be perfectly fine, you could die within the month. The thought made your blood run cold.

You sat in your chair for the remainder of the night. Unmoving, unthinking.

That’s how Norm found you.

“Hey, Ace. What are you doing up?”

You scrambled for a lie.

“Just woke up, actually. Listen, if you are going to check on the boy, can you please bring my supplies to the tent and tell the Sullys I won’t be in today? I was too exhausted to run any experiments yesterday so I will do it today.”

“Oh… is everything alright? You haven’t missed a day in the village since you got your Avatar.”

“Yeah, everything’s fine, just worried about the boy and want to get to the bottom of this sooner rather than later, if possible.”

“Alright, I can bring you back some of his blood to run as well?”

“NO!”

Norm’s eyes widened in shock at your response and you knew you fucked up, you knew you slipped up. Calm yourself…

“It’s just not necessary at the moment since I have other blood and I don’t want to overwhelm him, if it’s not imperative. I will retrieve some blood when I check on him tomorrow.”

Norm looked at you with a concerned look, but eventually relented.

“Ok, whatever you think, Ace.”

“Thanks, Norm.”

“Let me know what you find tonight. I’ll tell Jake, but they might not be happy with you.”

“You can explain it’s an emergency, I’m sure they’ll understand.”

You struggled to get up and get your legs to not want to collapse beneath you. Eventually, you made your way to the sink and washed, you scrubbed your face as hard as you could without removing a layer of skin, and your teeth until you felt the familiar taste of metal coat your teeth. You hoped that maybe you tried hard enough, the last 6 hours can just be erased from your life, from world. You hoped it could undo the damage that would plague you for the rest of your most likely very short life.

Luckily, most scientists seemed to be out. Claire was teaching Na’vi kids English at Grace’s old school that Jake deemed fit to be reopened, Max left with Norm to check on the situation of the village, and most of the Avatars would be out on missions or training with Jake. You made your way to the quiet halls to one of the labs, and prepared for your long day ahead. This will be hard to do by yourself, but not impossible.

First step, respiratory fluids. You remove a sterile cotton swab and swab your pharynx as thoroughly as possible and place it in a tube. That’s easy enough. Next comes the blood. Finding a vein has always been hard for people to do on you, and it’s not gotten any easier in time, so after poking yourself a few times in the wrong place, you manage to get enough blood to run experiments on.

Hours of sample preparation, incubation, pipetting and running went by at an excruciatingly slow pace, like the universe was revelling in making every second of torture last forever. You thanked your lucky stars of the progress made in lab equipment and that you didn’t have to spent days on one PCR, like your mum was saying it had to be done back on Earth about a century ago. Regardless, it took most of the day for you to do everything you needed, check for all the proteins and markers you knew were deregulated with this virus, and by the early hours of night, you were done.

Aș people were starting to return to the hub as another day was nearing its end, you retreated back to your bedroom to work on the data analysis. You did not want to see anyone, did not want to speak to anyone until you knew at least some things. The less you talked, the less lies that had to come out of your mouth, and that seemed ideal to you.

Inputting the data and having to wait on some software to give you your literal death sentence felt so tragic is was almost comical, and you had to stop and ask yourself if you were some serial killer in a past life to warrant all the pain and misery life seemed adamant to throw at you. For the first time in so long you couldn’t even remember, things were going… well. You were strong, and doing well, and lived outside of the walls of this lab. You had a chance at something more, you had a chance at maybe one day healing and working through your issues and maybe even coming out the other side a better, healthier version of yourself. You had a chance at love.

And there it was… positive. One second.

THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF STAGE I: DENIAL

Your blood became poison in the span of half a day, but at least you now knew it wasn’t transmitted through air. That means no one else would have to suffer because of you. The thought made you weirdly calm, and you realised you didn’t care about your own health all along. No, you weren’t sad anymore, just relieved. A wide smile appeared on your face at the results, and you jumped out of the chair with enthusiasm at the great news. Everybody would be ok. Norm, Max, they would all be ok. You will handle all the virus experiments and blood samples from now on. They wouldn’t have reason to doubt you or question you, not when it made most sense anyway, since you were always in the village and knew the protocols and techniques the best, anyway. You would go on the same way as you had, and no one had to know or suffer because of your mistakes.

With those thoughts still floating in your mind and a Xanax on your tongue, you made your way to the comfortable bed and crashed without a dream in sight.

You were up before dawn again, and ready to get started on your day at the village. You were looking forward to gun training with Jake, and finally putting those years of practice to good use. You found Norm deep in thought in the link room, and he didn’t register you walking in until you patted his shoulder and he jumped out of his skin.

“Jesus, Ace. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I noticed. Why so jumpy, Norm?”

He gave you the quickest look known to man then quickly busied himself with literally anything else. “No reason, just focused on the task at hand.”

“…turning on the linkpod?”

“No one likes a smartass, you know?”

“So how was the village yesterday? How is the boy?”

“He’s alright, still not great, but his vitals are stable for now.” You noticed he did not answer your question about the village, and found slight panic rising in your chest.

“Is everything okay? Did something happen in the village?”

“No, Ace, everything’s fine. You don’t have to worry about everything, you know. How did the experiments go yesterday?”

“The virus is not airborne, it seems to be transmitted by blood, so we need to be very careful handling samples.”

“We always are. But good work, good to have some concrete evidence finally. I’ll look over your analysis soon.”

“You know, I’m not quite done with it, so maybe wait and we can look over it together?”

“Sure, that makes sense.”

You didn’t buy Norm’s pathetic attempts at deflecting the subject of the village, but you did not want to fight him so early in the day, so you guess you had to find out what happened for yourself. You woke up in your Avatar body soon enough, and could already tell the village was already awake and buzzing with the perspective of a new day. The guitar sitting on the ground next to your sleeping mat caught your eye, and you smiled softly at the memory which now seems a life away. Your fingers lingered on the chords and you strummed it gently a few times, enjoying the sounds that seemed to settle in your heart. Adjusting your braids in the small mirror you brought with you a few weeks ago, you made your way out of your tent and straight into Neteyam’s chest with a loud thud.

“What the fuck?” You say, indignantly and then look up to find Neteyam watching you with an unreadable expression adorning his beautiful face.

“Hi.” He says, and tries to muster a small smile.

“Hi…? Is there any particular reason you have decided to attack me first thing in the morning?”

“I was just coming to get you, I heard the guitar playing. I didn’t think you would be running straight into me. Are you ready? We can spend the morning tracking a herd of Talioang that the hunter party spotted a few clicks south of the village. It will be good practice for you.”

“…alright? Can I get some food first? I’m famished.”

Neteyam shifted uncomfortably in front of you and looked… nervous, you realised. What the hell was going on with everyone?

“I have food that Ma packed for us, we can eat in the forest? I’d really rather get a move on as soon as possible, this will most likely take most of today, anyway.”

“Is there a particular reason you seem so eager for me to leave? You and Norm have both been acting weird today, and you are both terrible liars.”

Neteyam gave you a hard look. “Let’s go, Y/N. Unlike what you like to think, you don’t need to know everything, and not everything concerns you. Let’s go, now.” Nothing’s changed, you realised bitterly. Last night was just a fluke and you hated yourself in that moment for letting your guard down.

“You can be a real dick sometimes, Neteyam.” You said and took off without looking at him.

You ran for about 5 clicks without checking behind you, knowing full well he was following you, your hearing being one of the many senses that heightened in this body. You stopped suddenly at the sight of a huge footprint, one you could identify as the Sturmbeest, or a Talioang, like it was known to the Na’vi. Soon enough, you saw the ground littered with them, and began carefully tracking the beasts.

“Alright. How far would you say they are and which direction?” Neteyam asked, approaching you slowly. He was back to teaching mode, and you tried your best to learn, instead of recoiling and telling him to go to hell, which is what you really wanted to do.

You touched the ground and felt it with your fingers, trying to assess the moisture level and deepness of the mark. You thought about for a while.

“I’d say they’re quite fresh. Maybe this morning? Taloioang move slowly, about 1 click every hour or two, so I’d say we’ll find them about 2 clicks east?”

He didn’t even have to touch the ground to be able to assess it. He was impressive.

“Good. Let’s go. We shouldn’t run, they have good hearing and the wind is blowing east, which means they’ll be able to smell us if we’re not careful. We will take a roundabout way and approach them from the south.”

You both made your way through the forest and it was your turn to follow him, although you stayed close behind and tried to look around you and pick up on clues, tiny sounds and movements, trying to learn, trying to see. “Eyes on the tracks, Y/N.”

You rolled your eyes, but did as you were told. Eventually, Neteyam let you deem the appropriate time to stray from the tracks and move south to avoid being spotted. Soon enough, you saw the herd of prodigious beings, bathing in a shallow lake. You made your way slowly, sneaking on the ground, with Neteyam close to you, and you felt his arms grazing your sides every inch of the way.

The herd was protecting the calves, 5 in total, playing and splashing in the clear water. You watched in amazement, just enjoying the view of these seemingly ferocious beasts that in the moment, felt more like a family watching their children play at the local pool. You couldn’t believe the beauty and mild predisposition, the complex nature of these animals whose equivalents were long gone on Earth, long decimated by humans and their needless desire for wealth and acquisition, for mindless cruelty. You felt your stomach drop at the realisation that soon, this could be Pandora, if you didn’t fight will all your being in the upcoming war.

You felt a sudden gentle pressure on your lower back, a pressure you quickly identified as Neteyam’s hand and you shuddered at the touch. He neared his mouth to your ears, and you felt his warm breath tickling your neck, a sudden warmth pooling in your lower abdomen.

“You’re not allowed to kill anything yet, but I want you to show me how you would go about it. Show me your bow work, how would you aim from this position.”

You slowly removed your bow from from your person and sat up, in a now crouched stance, and loaded the arrow, doing your best to accommodate for the uncomfortable position you were in and the tight space you were sharing with another person. You held your breath, engaged your core, and aimed as if you were going to release your arrow on the target about 300m away. Neteyam’s large hand touched your upper thigh, by your left hip and squeezed gently. Your arm dropped suddenly and snapped your head in his direction. He didn’t react to your sudden snap, instead talking lowly, so as to not give your location away. “Your leg is not in a position by which you can maximise release. You will have more power in the shot if you place this knee on the ground and lean into it.”

You wanted to take that hand and either break it or redirect it on other parts of your body that felt like they would explode if they didn’t feel him, have his touch provide the relief that was desperately yearned for, needed. You wanted to scream at him or make him coax the screams out of you like a war-cry, wild and desperate. You wanted to kill him, you wanted him to kill you, slowly and painfully, taking his time on your body until you were falling apart at the seams around him. You hated him, you loved him. You hated him.

You gave him a hard look, an angry look directed at your thigh, and he removed his hand from you. You wondered if he knew, knew what he was doing, wondered if he felt the same way, if he too was struggling to catch his breath at the torture of knowing he can’t have you, claim you, right now, right in this second, right here. You hoped he did, hope it ate him alive, the yearning and the desire. Because that’s what it was doing to you, what he was doing to you. You turned your attention back to the herd and adjusted your position based on his advice. He was right, you could tell right away, as you felt a lot more power when aiming the arrow this time.

“Much better. We can go now, we will give the location to the hunting party and the will be able to secure us dinner for a couple of weeks from the back of a couple of Ikrans.”

You made your way out of their surroundings, and slowly started walking back to the village. After about half an hour, he stopped on a rock and removed the food he was carrying in a pouch. You didn’t join him, preferring to keep your distance and thus a clear mind, not being able to afford being weak around him anymore.

“I thought you were famished.” He says, with a slight smile. You shook your head and turned around, taking in the views of the forest, distracting yourself with the flowers reaching out their neon green tendrils towards you. You kneeled next to one, and touched them gently, enjoying the way they cupped around your hand and tugged, like they were urging you to come closer so they can spill their long-forgotten dreams to you. You heard him sigh loudly.

“Sorry for being a dick. Just had a fight with mum and dad, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have, and I am sorry. Come eat, please? I don’t want you passing out on me, you’re not as easy to carry as you used to be when you were human.”

You remained on your knees still, focused on only the plants and your gentle tug-of-war. You knew how much pressure Neteyam was under, has been for pretty much his entire life. A prodigy created… or made, no one could really know for sure, he began training when most babies learn to walk, and speak, and play. He has never had a childhood the way Lo’ak, or Kiri, or Tuk, or pretty much any other Na’vi children did, mostly fleeting moments of bliss in between a lot more moments of stress and struggle. He never complained, though. Not out loud, not to anyone else but you, once he realised you were a safe haven from the storm. You didn’t pass judgement, or make him feel bad for sharing his feelings, and he felt like he could tell you all the hardest truths his heart has always craved to speak out loud. You have always wanted to protect him from the world, a world that demanded so much of him, that asked for a sacrifice of which it was undeserving. Being Olo’yektan, leading the people, being the one person everyone relied on was a great honour, a great achievement - one you didn’t think he wanted, but was never given the chance to decline.

“What happened?”

You walked slowly towards the rock he was laying on, and sat at its foot, crossing your legs on the slightly damp grass. You grabbed a piece of jerky from the pile of food and slowly chewed through it, humming in appreciation at the smoky taste and rich flavour of the meat.

Neteyam grimaced and didn’t look at you, choosing to focus instead of his arm guards, picking at something that was clearly not there. “More sacrifices I need to make in the name of the future, of the people.”

“I see you still haven’t learnt to say no, even after all this time apart.”

Neteyam’s hand froze in midair, his eyes widening slightly - it was the first time you brought up the year apart. He braced himself for what he thought was the beginning of the end, of you finally demanding answers he didn’t think would ever satisfy you, but no other words left your lips.

“I can’t say no. I owe my parents everything I have, everything I am. This village, this life, is all I know. My dad gave up on everything he knew to stand up for our people, to make sure we’d get a future worth living, a family worth saving, a world still worth fighting for. He became Olo’yektan despite all that stood against him because he loved my mum, loved us, even then, even before we were born. My grandpa died defending this village, watching home tree get decimated in front of his eyes, with only the people’s safety on his mind and tongue. I see that bow that my mum cherishes like a gift from Eywa herself and I want to be worthy of it, someday. And if it means giving up some things, maybe that’s just how it’s meant to be.”

“Maybe whatever you’re giving up is making room for something ever better, Neteyam. Sometimes we want something so bad, we can’t see the forest for the trees.”

He looks at you confused for a second.

“That’s a saying. What I’m trying to say is maybe you are over focused on something you want right now, that you think is the best thing for you, but maybe you just are not focusing on the bigger picture. Maybe in the future, whatever you’re giving up now will make room for something that was much better for you all along.”

Disappointment filled his chest at your words. Neteyam looked at you with deep sadness marking his features, and he could see you were trying to think of things to say that could make him feel better. In all honesty, he wanted - needed - you to tell him to be selfish, and trust his gut, and follow what he knew was right in his heart, but he also knew that being selfish is not a trait that came naturally to you. You have always respected the deep bond Neteyam had to his family and his people and you always used to tell him how proud of him you were for how strong he was, for the lengths he was willing to go to to protect and nurture those bonds.

You felt an overwhelming sense of grief at the realisation that you will never get to see him become Olo’yektan, see him become the man everybody knew he was. He would never be yours, and although that painful conclusion had settled in your soul and had time to scar in all the time you knew him, a new wound, deeper, bloodier, deadlier, tore your heart apart at the thought you would not even be able to watch from afar. You would have been satisfied with scraps, just watching him rule, and be, and love someone else and imagining it was you. You never thought you’d get more than that anyway, never had any delusions for more. The scraps would have been enough, and now even those were brutally taken from you, like everything else in this life.

You needed to leave, now.

“Should we head back? It’s getting late.”

You walked back in deep, uncomfortable silence. Eclipse made the nature shine and glimmer with colours your sadness dulled to muted tones. There was light coming from the village and you realise how badly you wanted to be alone, in your tent and read, or watch a movie or a show, and ignore this world for a little while while you licked your newly-opened wounds. Tonight was a communal dinner around the big bonfire in the centre of the village, and you felt grateful your presence would not be missed in such a crowd. You’ve come to love these dinners, another one of the many ways the tribe connected to the village and to each other, but tonight you couldn’t entertain even the thought long enough to count.

“Can you please tell your family I am sorry, but I will probably head to bed early. I’ll be early for breakfast tomorrow, I promise.”

“I can do that. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You nodded absentmindedly and closed the flap of the tent shut.

Neteyam watched as you left him, still reeling from your conversation. Much like you, he just wished to hide in his family’s tent and pretend for a night things are different, that they are better. Actually, if we are talking about wishes, he wishes he could be in your tent. In all honestly, dealing with you on a day to day basis, seeing you, your body, touching it more and longer than he knew he reasonably had to, was making him think thoughts he knew he had no business thinking. In his wildest dreams, he’d be in your tent and making your eyes roll back in the way that drove him crazy. In his wildest dreams, he’d be coaxing sounds out of you that only he would ever hear. In his wildest dreams, your hands all over him would heal him and break him at the same time. He was desperately in need of some relief, and he loathed all decisions in his life that lead to you not being able to be the one to provide it for him.

He made his way to the bonfire, and greeted all of the Na’vi that respectfully bowed their heads at his arrival. He saw his family at the centre of the crowd, where they normally sat, and joined them silently. They all gave him uneasy looks - all but one. Lo’ak was blatantly glaring at the older Sully, a look of disappointment and disgust marring his normally kind face that reminded Neteyam so much of their dad.

“Did you tell her?”

Kiri elbowed Lo’ak in the abdomen, but he didn’t flinch. He did not even bother to acknowledge Kiri, or the low hiss escaping their mum’s lips - his eyes were still boring into Neteyam, unwavering.

“No.” Neteyam’s expression darkened and in a split second, he became the warrior his dad moulded him into. “And you will not, either, Lo’ak. Do you understand me?” Lo’ak had to look up to look at his brother who was now dangerously towering over him.

“Oh, the mighty warrior giving out orders, what else is new?”

“Lo’ak, that’s enough.” Neteyam heard Jake intervene, and he eventually had to physically put his body in between his two sons, who still refused to look away from each other.

“Fnawe’tu (coward).”

Neteyam watched his brother turn his back on his family and walk away from the feast, and although he wouldn’t admit it to himself, he knew deep down that Lo’ak was right.

You were almost robotically flipping through the directory of movies and tv shows on the laptop that you had with you in the village, not quite ready to go back to the lab and have to deal with the consequences of your newly acquired “condition”. You had all night to do experiments, and lie to yourself that you were fine until you eventually succumbed to a Xanax-induced blackout. You wanted to be in this body just a little while longer, because, in this body, it was easy to forget the realities of your actual life.

You saw a five-fingered hand emerge from the entrance to your tent, and you laughed incredulously at the clown you loved, who seemed to have a knack for improving your dour mood.

“I am here to bother you.” You got up and started making your way towards the entrance of your tent.

“Shouldn’t you be at dinner?” You say, laughing and pulling Lo’ak by the hand, so he stumbles unattractively into you.

You wrap your arms around him and hug him gently. “Skxawng.”

“I should, but I am here instead. We haven’t had movie night in so long.” He lay on your sleep mat and you hissed for him to move over. “You’re getting way too comfortable hissing at people.”

“Not people, Lo’ak, you!” You smiled saying that, knowing you were quoting Kiri, and he groaned exasperatedly.

A few more weeks passed, and you felt the discrepancy between your bodies become more pronounced than it had ever been. It turns out, the incubation period of a Na’vi virus in a human is not long at all, and roughly around last week, you began displaying symptoms. You were taking every drug under the sun to try to soften them, but you had seen one too many good Na’vi people die due to this to know what was lurking underneath the comfortable cushion of drug-induced health. Despite all that, you felt on top of the world in your avatar. You were continuously improving, and, with a little bit of luck, will be completing your first kill soon - the first stepping stone to becoming Taronyu, hunter. If you do that successfully, you will be taking your Iknimaya with other Na’vi apprentices, and finally get your own Ikran. You were buzzing at the thought, and the image of you flying in the sky was enough to push any other worries out of your mind.

After that weird day that ended with Lo’ak in your tent watching Friends together and teaching him the chords to a song you both loved, things went back to normal, sort of. You couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that the Sullys were hiding something from you. They exchanged looks, and avoided certain subjects, and you were starting to be worried they guessed you were ill, and were tiptoeing around the subject so as to not upset you. That was a good theory, although it could not explain the heavy tension between Neteyam and Lo’ak that also started that night.

You saw them bicker and fight your whole life: two opposing personalities, both of whom had misunderstandings about the other. Neteyam could never understand Lo’ak, understand that, despite being the chieftain’s son and the grandson of the Tsahik and former Olo’yektan, people still looked at him like he was not quite full Na’vi. His eyebrows and five fingers made his appearance uncanny enough to always attract whispers and looks, and despite Lo’ak’s apparent devil-may-care attitude, he cared. Neteyam could also not understand anyone who wished to live freely and discover themselves, make decisions and choices that would lead to a happy, fulfilled life, rather than a proud and accomplished one. Finally, Neteyam did not understand that skill and tenacity doesn’t come easy to everybody, and the weight of living in his shadow was bearing heavily on his baby brother’s back.

On the other hand, Lo’ak never tried to understand the burden Neteyam had to carry, because, in his desire to not appear weak, he took it in strides and never complained. Lo’ak never fully understood the downfalls of what being “the perfect son” brings: no freedom, no childhood, no time, no fun, no choice. He only ever focused on the positives: praise from his family and clan, skill and composure, the title of future Leader of the Omatikaya. He will also never be able to understand the depths of Neteyam’s love for him, who, despite all their differences, would be willing to sacrifice everything, even his own life, to make sure his baby brother would never having to experience these burdens.

This tension felt like more. More than you’ve ever seen, not mended in time, they were always glowering at each other and only speaking to each other if prompted or forced by their increasingly frustrated family. You tried to talk to both of them individually and ask, but you were promptly sent on your way each time. You could tell Lo’ak was itching to spit it out, but every time he got close, he flashed you a look of hurt and fear, and moved on.

Eventually, you stopped worrying about it. It will come out in time, and you had better things to worry about. Your training became brutal after that day tracking Sturmbeests. Neteyam would come to your tent before dawn, sometimes having to wait for you while you woke up in your Avatar body, and you were always gone past eclipse. You were tracking, joining hunting parties to learn, working on shooting arrows while on Pa’li or in nearly impossible positions (he made you shoot targets hanging upside down from the branches of trees, seriously) and working on guns and practicing with Jake and his soldiers. Jake made you his second-in-command during these sessions, and you enjoyed having the roles reversed and having to watch Neteyam squirm every time you touched his arm, or waist, or thighs, in order to adjust his shooting form. You also taught Lo’ak, sometimes late in the nights, where he would sneak into your tent and ask you questions about guns that he hoped would bring him in his father’s good graces for once in his life. You loved teaching them, and you felt powerful with all the eyes on you, trying to absorb every piece of information coming out of your mouth.

“In your hands, you are holding a sub machine-gun.” You said and you made your way through the 10 soldiers in your midst. “It can fire up 600 rounds per minute. You have a button on the side of the weapon, as you can see right there”, you stopped and show everyone on your own weapon, “that allows you to choose between semi automatic and fully automatic. What’s the difference, Lo’ak?”

“A semi-automatic guns fires one shot when you pull the trigger, a fully automatic gun fires continuously until you release the trigger.”

“Tsantu (good guy)!” you said with an intimate smile. Lo’ak was making amazing progress, and you were proud to be even a small reason why.

Neteyam gave Lo’ak a hard look as he answered your question. He was angry with his brother because of his recent attitude, he thought. That’s the reason. Not at all because you were smiling at him with that dazzling smile that used to be reserved for him years ago, definitely not because he knew Lo’ak was sneaking in your tent at night and doing Eywa-knows-what, a fact which kept Neteyam up nights with images he would do everything in his power to be able to erase from his brain. Neteyam was exhausted. He hasn’t slept since this thing started, not until Lo’ak returned to his tent after his meetings with you, and he was able to look at him in the dim light of the night and gauge for himself if his brother was flushed, or panting, or extra happy for one reason or another. Despite never seeing anything that he could deem suspicious, the images of his baby brother taking for himself what was his, what should be his, haunted him and made him sick to his stomach.

Coward. Lo’ak words rang in his ears incessantly throughout each day, never being able to fully block them out.

Neteyam saw you move from Lo’ak and towards him, and tried to remember what they were talking about. Sub-machine guns, right.

“Now, SMGs are best used in tighter quarters or close to mid-range. The spread will make it inefficient for long-range. If you find yourself on the back of your Ikran shooting at a plane or Valkyrie, make sure you close the gap between you or use your bow, instead.”

“An SMG will have a lot of recoil, making it harder to shoot accurately, but there are a few tips you can use to make to improve your aim and accuracy.”

“First. Always fire in short bursts, if you are firing on automatic mode. A few shots at a time will make sure the kick is not unmanageable. Two, account for the kick and adjust your aim to compensate. Think of shooting an arrow and how you always take the wind, its direction, speed and power in consideration before you actually release. It’s a similar principle. The recoil will make the gun kick upwards, so always aim slightly lower than what you want to hit. Three, don’t aim for the head. Leave that for a bow or an assault/sniper rifle with a scope. Aim for the abdomen and chest, since that is a wider target and more likely to hit. Everyone on the same page?”

Neteyam was forever in awe of you, but it was particularly impressive watching you now. You were confident and powerful and knowledgeable. Neteyam felt bad admitting it, but you were a much better teacher than their dad ever was. Toruk Makto had many incredible qualities, but his patience was definitely not amongst them, and his lessons tend to get a bit derailed by his inability to understand that Na’vi are not predisposed to guns or understanding Sky People technology. You were calm, and kind, and funny, and you made it easy for everyone to follow your instructions. In the span on a few weeks, all of the Na’vi and Avatar soldiers training for the upcoming war became better at pretty much every aspect that they were training in, and I think everyone felt just a bit more comfortable about the conflict that was soon to befall them, with you by their side.

After the lesson was complete, you left alongside Lo’ak, sparing one last look in Neteyam’s direction. He was already watching you, and you saw a fleeting angry look that was quickly replaced with an expressionless mask. He was getting good at that, you thought.

“Do you want to do anything? If I have to listen to Kiri talk about all the new types of flowers and plants and shit she keeps finding in the woods, I will lose my mind.”

“Be nice.”

Kiri has been particularly hyperfixated on her newfound discoveries recently, and you tried your best to pay attention to every time she was describing them, in detail, but in reality you were always so exhausted by the time dinner came around that you were only assimilating about a tenth of all the words coming out of her mouth. You felt bad, and made a mental note to dedicate a couple of days to your friend that you saw less and less each week.

“Your Iknimaya is getting closer and closer each day, how do you feel?”

“Honestly I haven’t thought about it that much, just taking it one day at a time.”

“I think you should start thinking about it, cause it’s going to happen. You’ve managed to blow everyone’s expectations out of the water. It barely been two months since you got your avatar body, not even my dad did this so fast. You were made for this, Angel.”

You didn’t know what to say to that. You were grateful for Lo’ak’s faith in you, but with everything happening in your human body, it felt pointless looking towards the future.

“You will be one of us, soon. I’ve had dreams about this my whole life, you know? It’s like I manifested your Avatar, Norm should be thanking me.”

“Lo’ak…”

You didn’t like the turn this conversation took, and felt an uncomfortable twinge settle in your chest at his words.

“There are perks that come with being an Omatikaya, you know? You can make your bow out of the wood of the Home Tree… and you can choose a mate.”

Fuck.

Neteyam was making his way back to the village with the rest of the soldiers, casually chatting to one of the Avatars returning with them. He wasn’t paying attention to the way until his body knocked into one of the Na’vi walking in front of him. Utsou was staring intently at a scene unfolding in front of him, a scene that turned Neteyam’s blood to shards of glass, leaving cuts and bruises along his entire body. It was you, smiling, running your hand up and down Lo’ak’s arm whilst his hand was cupping your face and caressing your cheek. It was such an intimate interaction, it felt wrong to everyone there to even be able to witness it, and Neteyam felt himself becoming nauseous. With the image now seared into his memory and rage turning his breaths to pants, he turned around and left everything - everyone - behind.

Tag list: @nuhteyam @eywas-heir @fanboyluvr @mashiromochi @puffb4ll @sassy-persona @simp4ff @mommyneytiri @hayhay9091

#neteyam #neteyam x human!reader #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #loak reader #avatar loak

482 notes · View notes

nunanuggets · 17 days

Text

Ok, i've seen a lot of people do posts like this so i will crawl out of my hiatus and say a little something too. A bit of a TW for this one.

I don't even know where to start. If i tried to explain what the Bad Batch characters mean to me, i would fail gloriously. I can't put it into words. Ever since we met them in 2020, i grew so incredibly attached to them. Ive thought about them every single day since then. Over 4 years of having my boys with me for comfort, through inpatient programs, hospital stays, medical emergencies, hardships with friends and family; they've always been there.

Ive read thousands of fanfics and seen equally as many pieces of fanart created, and honestly, i am going to miss it. This is quite a small fandom, and it will die out. Slowly become dormant, like a red dwarf. It's bittersweet.

I have gone through so much these past few years, and none of it was good. Ive spiralled deeper and deeper down into a hellhole that i can't get back out of, to the point where last year after season 2, i swore to myself i would end it with the end of this show. Because that's all i would wait for. This is all i lived for. I needed to know how my boy's story ends. I honestly don't know what to do with this show ending.

Since i am pretty certain that they will kill at least one of my favs, i am not sure how i am going to handle that. I haven't had the opportunity to prepare for that moment.

After losing Tech, i knew this show would never be the same. I miss the season 1 days.

My love lies with Hunter and Crosshair, they will always have a special place im my heart. As does Echo, having known him for so long. And sweet Wrecker. I'm gonna miss him.

I want to thank the friends that i made along the way and who have stuck with me, you know who you are. I love you. And i hope we will remain friends after all this is over.

With that, i am signing off. Be well, everyone, and see you on the flipside.

#tbb spoilers #tbb finale #star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #tbb #swtbb

20 notes · View notes

museofthepyre · 5 months

Note

do you know what everyones problem with elijah is? Im new to to fandom and im so genuinly confused as to why people seem to like think elijah is the worst (as in evil) character in the series. like i dont think people find him poorly written, they just, dont like him? which is fine yknow like who you like, but then people act like jedediah is a flawed but good character? which confused me a lot since I actually dislike jedediah more, as he just hurts in a more personal way it feels like. Elijah was sweeping Sydney in with promises of love that he hadnt gotten from jedediah, sydney only accepted that because of the way jedediah had been shunning him for years. It really bothers me that people forgive jedediah for his bad behavior, but then crucify elijah for behavior that while yes was very bad, had been hurting syndey way less for way shorter, and the only reason sydney was that vulnerable was because of jedidiah. Im asking because i am genuinly confused and I cant find anyone talking about the why of disliking elijah, i dont know if im missing something because of personal bias (jedidiahs mistakes that hurt sydney hit much closer to home than elijahs) sorry if this is a bit rambly, Im just very disenheartened to see so many people say they hate elijah when I just dont understand why, you dont need to answer this ask btw its mainly just curiousity

I think you kind of touched on the answer a bit already- imo it definitely comes down to what hits closer to home for any given listener. We all have unconscious biases. We all consume media through the lens of our own life experiences, and… ok ramble incoming

Elijah and Jedidiah both think/ behave in ways that are profoundly human, they represent very real concepts (see my whole Jedidiah= unhealthily distant, withdrawn and cold attachment style, and Elijah= unhealthily obsessive, suffocating and intense attachment style rant). These aren’t your typical innately evil villains, they’re just unhealthy people with warped ideas of love. That is an all too common thing to see irl. I think because of that… many of us can relate one or both of them to people we‘ve known in our own lives… alternatively, we can relate them to ourselves. I’ve heard some people say that Elijah’s actions hit a nerve because of past traumas with toxic relationships… aaand I’ve heard people say the exact same thing about Jedidiah! I think Elijah receives more scrutiny because his actions were… well they were actions. Visible, overt, right in front of you. You can point at them, pick a line from the transcript and say “that right there is bad”. Jedidiah’s wrongs often came in the form of neglect and abandonment, an absence of action, that’s so much harder to pinpoint. Maybe he’s slipping under people’s radars? Maybe more people see themselves in him and have a sense of understanding (which is valid, he embodies some very relatable neurodivergent struggles). Maybe it’s because he steps up and works on himself by the end and we don’t see that from Elijah (yet). Maybe people find Elijah “worse” because he reminds them of a more common negative experience, I’m not sure. One could speculate.

I’ll speak personally as an example of what I mean: I am wayyyyyyy more upset by Jedidiah’s actions. And that’s because of… you guessed it… my own personal experiences and how they influence my perception 🎉🎉🎉 I’ve got BPD, and I have an all consuming fear of abandonment. The idea of loving somebody and then having them suddenly withdraw, avoid you, and treat you coldly all the while providing NO EXPLAINATION WHATSOEVER… just leaving you to spiral and pick apart your own behaviours under a microscope, thinking you must be the problem— it’s a major trigger of mine. I’ve lived it!!! I grew up with it!!!!! It hits a huge sore spot for me and I admittedly struggle to overlook that sometimes when I see him.

Conversely, Elijah… I unfortunately connect with in a much deeper way. My own default attachment style is obsessive, intense, and often leaves me tunnel-visioned and unstable (…BPD), and he speaks a language I understand? If that makes sense. I see so much untreated, pre-awareness me in him. I know what it is to be involuntarily engulfed by an all-consuming obsession/ delusion. He doesn’t scare me, because I know what he’s made of- I see what’s beneath it all when I look in the mirror. Or at least that’s the lens through which I interpret him, I’m sure many disagree and yk what? Absolutely valid!!!!

There’s no one correct way to consume media, yada yada you get the idea, CHNT is unique because no character is intentionally malicious or evil (not counting Adam maybe… Lucille you’re on thin ice) and it’s fascinating how there’s such a dichotomy between the love and hate for these two. I may have swayed a bit off topic I just have many thoughts. I might come back with more later.

Ok rant over 🪱

#ramblings #camp here & there #ch&t #camp here and there #chnt #elijah volkov #jedidiah a a martin #jedidiah martin #sydney sargent #sydney o sargent #pink elephant man #the elephant man #the elephant man chnt

38 notes · View notes

darkphoenix07 · 10 months

Note

hii ive never requested before so this is kinda scary tbh .... im not sure if your mental health requests are still open but if they are, can i request one with either hongjoong or jongho that's up to u! (since i noticed u already had alot with hongjoong already ..) where reader has an eating disorder because of insecurities and is trying to recover but some days fall back into old habits. And how he would comfort you and help you back on track

thank you so much for this btw <3 I've read all of your mental health series since i myself am struggling alot with my mental health and I'm sure it means alot to other people too who also struggle, you're doing sm people a favor 💓

Jongho helps you with eating disorder

Masterlist

Mental Health Request

Paring : Idol Jongho x Reader

Word count : 1.6k

Song 🎵 : Those eyes by New West

Genre : Soft, Comfort, Fluff

4:45 p.m.

Everyone in the agency treats you very well after you got attached with Jongho. Specially when you are the girlfriend of their life maknae. They adore you like a little sister too and you love them with all of their heart which is why going to meet them is your favorite part of the day. Specially when you are feeling down.

As you walk inside the agency you meet with San, "Y/n, wassup," he immediately pulls you for a hug.

When he releases the hug, his eyes get big, "Damn, you look pale. Are you feeling alright?"

"Yes, it's just. Maybe I am tired," you didn't even know when was the last time you ate something. But that is good, right? You have become so fat nowadays. Isn't that why you can't move properly? You feel suffocated and confined around your body. Only skipping food can make it alright.

"I'm going to buy some ice creams. Coming back in a few minutes," he winks before passing away.

You enter in the elevator and reach inside the practice room where you see them sitting on the floor, giggling with one another. You automatically smile seeing Jongho's gummy smile as Mingi gets scared when Jongho tried to hit him.

Suddenly Jongho notices you and stands up, "Y/n, you are here!"

He immediately pulls you into an embrace soaking your empty heart, maybe your empty stomach too.

"You don't look so good. What's up? Are you not taking meals properly?" Jongho asks you and in reply you only smile.

"Yes, you look like you have lost a lot of pounds. What's wrong?"

You feel uncomfortable hearing Wooyoung through these words at you. Because all you think about is how ugly you look. How bad your fat is making things for you.

"I-I am fine. I just wanted to meet you. I was thinking about you a lot," you tell Jongho with another smile but it doesn't convince him much.

"I'll take you to your favorite restaurant today. But first let's have ice cream after hyung brings them," he smiles at you pulling you inside.

You sit with them, keep listening to their bickerings and after sometimes San arrives with a box of ice creams.

You and Jongho share one big bucket which is butterscotch, your favorite one. But when you start to have the ice cream, you mind starts speaking to you calling you ugly shit, a pig and how you shouldn't eat like this.

"You are barely having these. Are you alright?" Jongho asks you and you nod.

"Maybe it's my period, I've lost appetite," you lie to him gripping your own shirt. You feel guilty for being this person but you can't help it.

"I-I am coming," you get up and run to the bathroom. You end up throwing up water and ice cream because that's all you've left inside your stomach. Your stomach hurts and your throat burns from the crazy sensation and how it is so hard to eat.

You leave the bathroom and see them cleaning up stuff for practicing.

"I'll have another lesson then we can go together. Can you wait?" Jongho asks you and you nod.

"That's my girl," he kisses you on the forehead smiling and goes back for the practice.

As you sit down to watch them practice, you start feeling drowsy and nauseous.

Jongho looks back at you asking if you are okay and you try to give him a reassuring smile that you are.

But it only gets worse when you get up wanting to leave the room. You grab the nob and try to open the door but suddenly everything feels hazy to your eyes. You stop feeling the ground underneath you and fall into deep sleep.

Hearing the deep thud from you passing out, Jongho comes running, "Y/n. Oh my God. Baby! What's wrong? Wake up. Come on, wake up!!"

The members look at each other hearing Jongho calling you baby which he never does.

"She will be fine. Let's call an ambulance," Hongjong says patting Jongho's back.

"Splash water on her face. She may wake up," Seonghwa suggests and Yunho brings a bottle full of water.

Jongho splashes the water on you but you don't open your eyes as the problem is something else.

"Why isn't she waking up? Oh man. This is so bad," Jongho is trembling as your head is on his lap. Your body has gone cold and you are barely breathing which starts concerning Jongho more.

The ambulance comes and he takes you in the hospital where Yeosang joins him.

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

As you wake up, you feel someone holding your hand sobbing.

"I am so sorry I didn't notice earlier. I am so fucking sorry," it's Jongho's voice you realize as you open your eyes.

"Oh my God. You are awake!!!" He hugs you tightly pressing himself against you.

You feel a saline pipe on the back of your hand when you hug him back. You look around and realize that you are in a hospital bed.

"What happened?" You ask him and he looks at you with blazing eyes.

"When was the last time you had a proper meal?" He throws the question at you with a demanding voice and you can't help but feel scared.

"I won't scold you, sweetheart. Please do tell me. When did you last have a proper meal?" He asks you so softly that your heart burns.

"I-I...maybe with you," you tell him which was four days ago.

"Seriously?" He looks like he snaps but he is mad at himself for not being able to take care of you.

Your scared face tells him you misunderstood him so he gets on the bed with you, "I am concerned about you because you have iron deficiency, lack of vitamin D, Vitamin C, Vitamin B complex. In total if I say, you are going through malnutrition. How do you think I'll feel if I get to know these?"

"I am sorry. I didn't m-" you break into tears but he cups your face into his palms.

"Hey, don't cry. I didn't want to make you cry. I am mad at myself for not being able to give you enough time to take care of you. If you were having a hard time to have food, you should have told me. I didn't even notice," he says like it is all his fault that you avoid food.

"Don't blame yourself for something I've been doing," you tell him holding his hands into yours.

"Baby, you have become my responsibility from the day I've started to have feelings for you. You are not only a part of my life. You have become my life. I can't think of a single day without you though I don't tell you these enough. But I am willing to tell you everything you need to hear for recovering as early as possible," he kisses your forehead and a drop of his tear fall on your cheek.

"All your sufferings are mine, all your pain is mine, all of your agony is mine. Don't you know that already. Why don't you eat sweetheart? Why? You used to love having food once," he asks you whispering the last words like if anyone is beside him they will know your secret or maybe it is his heart burning for you seeing you like this.

"I don't know. I feel like food is the reason everything is going wrong in my life. I need to fix everything. I feel hopeless, wrecked.The more I lose my weight, I feel like I need to lose more. I throw up everything I eat unintentionally. I feel so fucking disgusting when I eat something. It becomes hard for me to look in the mirror once I devour something," you tell him the truth but end up becoming a sobbing mess.

"Hey, we can work on it together. What if I was in your place? Wouldn't you do the same for me? Wouldn't you want to help me?" He asks and you nod.

"Then listen that I'll always be there for you no matter what. I'll help you gain confidence again. Please don't hide all these from me again?" He begs you kissing your knuckles and you smile.

After you get discharged, you start meeting a therapist with him. He has gone crazy over you nowadays because he keeps telling you how pretty you look, how perfect you are. He shows you mukbang day after day making your mouth water which is why you start to have food again. You take some suppliments to gain your appetite again which works very well.

Last time you checked, you have gained some pounds finally after hardworking. Specially with Jongho's support.

Most importantly he never reminds you of your food disorder. He makes you forget about you playing stupid food games and taking you to every new restaurants in the city making you taste new foods.

You thank yourself and him for coming this far after months torture on yourself. Because without him you wouldn't be able to beat this.

I myself wrote it with empty stomach but now I'm feeling fucking hungry

89 notes · View notes

haemosexuality · 11 months

Text

insanely long analysis of the ep promise of she-ra <3

(first a bit of S1e10- the beacon)

[Adora is talking to the woods as she-ra.] Just let me fix this, please! I-I can’t let anyone else get hurt. [she transforms back into adora and sits down] Fine. You win. You want me to be weak? Well. I am. And I’m afraid. Because, I-I’m no good at any of this.

God doesn’t that hurt immediately off the bat. “just let me fix this, please” is a perfect summary of adoras entire character. She is so, so desperate to be useful- she needs to help other people, she needs to fix everything and save everyone. She cant let herself be a person, shes a vessel (HRUAHHRAGHHH season 5) to help others, shes a tool and a means to an end. Shes the hero. But shes bad at that, because no matter how much she represses herself, she feels and wants things so strongly all the time. She hopes and begs for direction and destiny but shes terrified of not having control. She will desperately try again and again to be the perfect hero-sacrifice that will heal the world and keep her friends safe but she doesn’t want that, not really, what she wants is to go to parties and hang out with her friends and catra, but she feels she doesn’t deserve that. She cant let herself have anything she wants. But she still does. Shes afraid and shes weak and shes too young for this. Her wanting things so strongly is what ruins everyones plans, shadow weaver’s and light hope’s and horde prime’s. its what saves everyone. This doesn’t have anything to do w the scene I was talking about anymore oops. “I’m no good at any of this” just confirms that, shes bad at being your standard self sacrificing selfless hero in the same way catra was bad at being an unfeeling purely evil villain. She just cant stop being a person

Ok now onto Promise: the ep starts immediately after that scene, with adora going inside the crystal castle looking for answers on how to heal glimmer, and catra following after her looking for tech that she can use (and also to spy on adora bc that might not have been her primary objective but shes not gonna pass up on that chance lol)

“You are not ready yet. You must let go.” “let go of what?” [camera pans to catra] will always be so. Ugh poetic cinema

How did anyone ever trust light hope lmao immediately from the first time she shows up shes all like “free yourself of all of your earthly attachments and join my hero training course”. Also, again, adora’s attachment to catra (and glimmer and bow) has always been the main thing saving her from falling head first into self sacrificial bullshit. She cant let go of her. She will never fully let go of her.

Catra: What's going on? Why are those things trying to kill us?

She-Ra: They're trying to kill you. This place sees you as an invader.

Catra: Well, can't you tell them to stop?

She-Ra: [incredulously, frustrated] No, I can't tell them to stop! Clearly nothing in here is listening to me!

Oh I just realized something. The crystal castle is a place that was made for adora and caters to her, and it sees catra as an invader. Much like how in the Horde, adora was favoritized and shadow weaver’s center of attention while catra was mistreated and discarded. Seen as an invasion, a corrupting force in Adora’s life. The one thing adora cant control in the crystal castle is how it reacts to catra, it activates security protocol no matter what she does, like how adora could never fully protect catra from shadow weaver and the others. Even throughout the episode and at the end, we see catra fighting tooth and nail to survive everything the castle throws at her while adora undermines her (“I had it.” “Sure you did.”), and by the end all her fighting pays off and she comes out victorious, like how she goes up in the horde until shes effectively its lord. The crystal castle (im just gonna call it CC) literally becomes the fright zone throught the simulation too I cant believe I didn’t get this before

Catra: Anyway, what are you doing here? [angrily, sarcastically] Where are your new best friends? I thought you guys did eVeRyThInG together.

The similarity between this and the flashback scene where we see a child catra say “go eat with your new best friend lonnie! I know you like her better than me. Youre supposed to me my friend” really shows how immature they still are I think. Not as a like, inherent character flaw or smth, they just weren’t raised in a place where emotional maturity is a thing you learn. They were never taught how to deal with their emotions in any way, other than “repress it really hard, hit someone and blow up a civilian”. Of course theyre emotionally stunted. This probably also contributes to both of them’s very black and white way of thinking. Also theyre still in the 17-18 range so like literally theyre teens. Just goes to show that them being separated for a while was necessary, bc they needed to break off their codependency to be able to grow as people and mature emotionally, that would never happen if they stayed together and just enabling each others toxic traits, instead of being able to have a healthy relationship like they do after the end.

Something I also never considered before is why the CC showed them the memories it did? Like. Was it light hope that chose those? I assume so since she not only has shown she can do that but also watched adora her entire life so she knows all her memories. Did she specifically pick out painful memories that she thought would tear them further apart? It seems obvious now but I just never thought ab this before. The first memory shown does go against that tho, its just baby adora and catra being cute. Maybe she wanted to show them how much their relationship had deteriorated?

↑ gay

Ooooouough this is when it starts to hurt pray for my emotional stability

Adora: ...Can I ask you something?

Catra: Can I stop you?

Adora: ...Why did you help me escape after Shadow Weaver captured us?

Catra: Not this again.

Adora: It's the one thing I can't figure out. You didn't have to do that. You could've gotten caught...why risk it? [Rock on the edge crumbles beneath her; yelps] Whoa, whoa, whoa--!

Catra: Did you really think I'd just let Shadow Weaver erase your memory like that?

Adora: I dunno. Probably.

[Adora grunts as Catra pulls her up]

Catra: Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me.

Adora: Can you blame me?

Catra: Not really.

This is so. Ugh. I love adora but especially in the first season shes so.. girl what are you doing!!!! How can she be so ignorant. Obviously I know how but. Augh so much of catra’s hurt stems from this… when I say that adora was fully, totally brainwashed by the horde, I don’t mean just that she believed their propaganda about the war, or whatever bullshit shadow weaver ingrained in her about her purpose. She also believed what they all said about catra. To a lesser extend, obviously, and she loved catra with all of herself- but she did still believe catra was a bit lazy, kinda disrespectful, uncaring, etc. and I cant even totally blame her, because catra actively tried to make herself seem all those things. Catra didn’t want to let anyone know how hard she tried, how much she hurt, so she played up the “aloof, lazy student/soldier who doesn’t care about anything” role as much as she could. But still, god, the way adora treated her must have hurt so much. “you never did have too much faith in me” absolutely breaks my heart. Catra cared about adora so much. She cared about adora more than anything in her life. Obviously she would do anything to prove herself once she can, look at how even the person who loved her the most thought about her. Im gonna talk more ab this later there are better scenes for that. But also I CANNOT BELIEVE ADORA IN THIS!!! GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!! WDYM CAN U BLAME ME YES I CAN (ignore the part where I said I couldn’t) DON’T JUST SAY THAT SHE SAVED YOUR LIFE. OH MY GOD ok. Being a catra, an adora, and a catradora stan means sometimes u really want to slap s1 adora in the face. For multiple reasons. and the fact catra agrees too…. Catra hates herself so much. She truly honestly believes shes a bad person and it breaks my heart. And unfortunately for everyone, catra has shown that she'll always play a role that shes assigned to the max. everyone believed that shes a villain, she believed that shes a villain, so by fucking god shes gonna be a villain.

putting the rest of this under a readmore bc its longggg

her tail touching adoras hand i am on the floor

Catra: It wasn't all bad growing up in the Fright Zone, was it? I mean, you still have some good memories, right? (dont trust the subtitles in the pics theyre wrong)

THIS scene destroys me. Catra’s so- she always knew the horde was evil, ok, she always knew their childhood was bad. But she endured it for adora. To catra, all the happy memories they made growing up were worth it- all for adora. It didn’t matter what they did. Only to see adora throw all these moments away the moment she realized the rest of it was bad? God, catra mustve felt like she was garbage to adora. Something that wasn’t even worth thinking about once she had the opportunity of something better. Shes very aloof here, as always, but she probably feels a bit desperate- was it worth it for you too? Did any of it matter to you? Where you just miserable the entire time?

Adora: Of course I do. But it doesn't change the fact that the Horde is evil. I had no choice. I couldn't go back.

This is adora’s biggest problem tho. She had no choice, she couldn’t go back. She never feels like she can choose anything based on what she actually wants. Shes always, always driven by this need to do good, the right thing. And this is where theyre most incompatible at first, because while catra only cares about adora and that’s her priority, adora has Morals and puts the greater good over her personal relationships, which to catra makes it seem like she doesn’t care about her. Her happy memories were absolutely worth it to adora, but theyre not more important than the good of the entire world. (I don’t think adora having a sense of morality and not wanting to side with a military empire is a bad thing, catra was the villain of the show for a reason and the reason is that obviously working for something that wants to take over the world is bad. Im just explaining how this is what drove them apart, how catras mind works, and to an extend why you can understand her side and emphatize with her even if she was in the wrong. That trait of adora’s does get bad when she starts acting like she needs to kill herself for that greater good tho.)

them taking a moment to play-fight in the middle of all of that makes me want to sobbbbb 😭😭😭

TINY LITTLE BABIESSSSSSSSSSS Young Catra: What was that? Way to gang up on me!

Young Lonnie: You were fighting dirty. I was just leveling the field.

[Catra shakes and growls in anger as Adora walks up and places a hand on Catra's shoulder]

Young Adora: Hey, you were awesome! Did I hurt you?

Young Catra: No, I'm fine. You're just lucky I let you win.

Young Adora: Riiiiiiiight.

Young Catra: I'm serious! [scoffs] If I came in first, people might expect me to actually start doing stuff around here. Trust me, second place suits me just fine.

Young Adora: Yeah, okay.

EVERYTHING I SAID BEFORE. you can see catra was obviously extremely upset that she didn’t win, but admitting that would be admitting defeat. She shrinks herself to fit into this “no im fine, im chill, im not even trying in fact. I don’t care” attitude, because that hurts less than admitting that shes trying so, so hard but no one believes in her and she keeps losing to adora (mostly bc the other cadets and staff favoritize adora over her, and discriminate against her, making it harder for her to succeed in anything). And adora believes her. “second place suits me just fine” was the mantra catra kept telling herself through her entire life to try and feel less hurt about living in adoras shadow.

though it wasn’t working, and her resentment towards adora kept growing more and more.

oh this scene could be ab so many things. Catra literally slipping through her fingers. A parallel to earlier, when catra held onto adora and helped her up, while here theyre torn apart by a force stronger than them. How adora tried but couldn’t save catra. Aughh

and here, we see how capable catra is. Shes both extremely strong (able to rip herself out of… whatever that is) and extremely smart, even under pressure (in seconds she figures out where she has damage this thing shes never seen before so it stops working)

only for adora to come in, “save the day” after she had already saved herself, and act all. “sure you did” about it. Again, making absolutely clear catra knows she doesn’t believe in her.

Adora: What is your problem? I was just trying to save you.

Catra: For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you.

That says everything on its own. Adora doesn’t understand why catra is hurt/angry, she doesn’t even understand how what she said undermines catra. And catra is extremely bitter that adora keeps acting like That. Also, something I haven’t touched on is that adora leaving the horde put catra in so much danger. She was the only thing providing catra with even the slightest bit of protection, which catra -hated- but absolutely depended on, since shadow weaver had made clear that catra was -only ever kept alive because of adora-. Adora defecting put catra in danger not only of the other cadets targeting her, but of death. Catra was left all alone to survive in those conditions, and she did, and now adora keeps acting like catra needs her to save her.

Adora: Catra, wait. ...I'm sorry for leaving. I couldn't go back to the Fright Zone, not after I saw what the Horde was really doing. something that must have stung too is the idea that adora saw innocent people suffering, and that led her to realize that the horde was bad. But she had seen catra being abused by the horde their whole life, and yet still thought the horde was good. What does that say about how adora saw catra? Did she think catra deserve it, wasn’t innocent enough for that violence to be unwarranted? Was her suffering not enough for adora to realize how fucked up that was? (again, we’re able to know that it wasn’t that, adora was just as abused as catra, watching someone be physically abused is also extremely traumatized and kids will learn to justify the abuse theyre experiencing to themselves or others and might not realize its wrong u cant expect a kid to know how to act in a situation like that she was in as much survival mode as catra was and her trying to keep herself in shadow weaver’s good side was just her desperately trying to keep herself safe etc etc this is from catras perspective) I never wanted to leave you. ...You could come with me! You-you-you could join the rebellion! I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA this hurts so much. Adora might have internalized some of what the horde said ab catra and catra might have felt that 10 times as strong than it actually was but adora never actually believed catra was a bad person. Shes probably the only one (before scorpia and entrapta) that Didn’t think catra was destined to be a disgrace, to be bad. And its so sad bc even with all their flaws she loves catra so so much and she wants catra to come with her so much. Adora now has access to a life where she has the opportunity to be happy and she so desperately wants to give catra that same life. She knows catra deserves better and she can see that now more clearly than ever. But its too late, catra is too hurt and too angry to follow her and even if at this point adoras words might have some effect on her, its about to get so much worse. :(

Fuck this next part is going to hurt. Ok

Shadow Weaver: [screams angrily] Get out!

[Young Adora cries out in alarm as dark magic encloses the exit]

Shadow Weaver: Catra... [young Adora turns to see young Catra's form enveloped in a paralyzing, zapping magic] ...you stay.

[Young Catra grunts as she is forced to stand]

Shadow Weaver: What do you think you're doing in here?

[Shadow Weaver makes young Catra turn, feet squeaking on the floor as she does so without picking up her feet; Shadow Weaver clicks her mask back in place]

Catra: [fearfully] We were just playing.

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully] Insolent child. I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you. But I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well.

Adora: [pleading] Shadow Weaver, it wasn't her fault, it was my idea, too!

Shadow Weaver: [hatefully, still talking to Catra] You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me! I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you, but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. [slowly, enunciating] Do you understand?

Adora: [runs between them, throwing her arms out to protect young Catra; pleading] Please stop!

[The dark magic dissipates back into Shadow Weaver's cloak as she groans and moves back toward the Garnet; Young Adora and young Catra share a look before young Adora runs over to Shadow Weaver]

Adora: She didn't mean to!

Shadow Weaver: [placidly, attempting to soothe] Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. [Shadow Weaver finally lets young Catra out of the paralyzing magic and she grunts as she falls to the ground] Do not let something like this happen again. [she pats young Adora's head as young Catra looks on]

Transcripts and screenshots cannot properly convey the dread of this scene. In a flashback, catra and adora are caught by shadow weaver playing in a place they weren’t supposed to be in, and shadow weaver paralyzes catra with electric magic we know is extremely painful to be caught in, and threatens her life. Catra and adora look to be like, between 6-7 years old in this scene. Theres so much happening here. This lays the foundation to basically everything that happens in the show.

First off, shadow weaver singles out, physically hurts catra, and blames her for something that adora initiated. then, she makes it clear that she sees catra and someone that is bad, and she doesn’t expect anything else from her. And, she says catra is a bad influence in adora’s life, tainting whats perfect, and that tells her that every time after this that adora “acts out”, will be catra’s fault.

she tells catra that, if she ever feels like catra is “ruining” adora, she will get killed. From now on, adora’s friendship is literally what is keeping catra alive. This will, understandably, fuck their relationship up a little bit and also make catra incredibly dependent on adora. She will do anything to keep being adora’s friend and she will have to make sure that shadow weaver doesn’t feel like she is making adora behave out of line or that she isn’t becoming better than adora, isn’t taking her number 1 spot away from her.

she goes on to tell adora, who has been watching all of this, that its her job to make sure catra is kept in line. She’s seen what happens when she doesn’t. this will make adora feel incredibly responsible for catras well being, and like she has to constantly save catra and beg for catra to act right, otherwise catra will get hurt and itll be her fault. On the other hand, adora is a child who just saw someone get tortured, and subconsciously shes gonna make sure to always stay in shadow weavers good side, not only bc if she doesn’t then catra gets punished but because she does not want that to happen to her too.

catra, who was frozen and electrocuted and berated, saw adora get gently talked to, “reassured”, and receive physical affection.

that results in catra growing up both extremely attached and extremely bitter of adora, for “having it easy” and always acting like shes her savior, while she has to constantly walk on eggshells (on a minefield, honestly) so she doesn’t get physically abused. She starts resenting adora as anything she does gets blamed on her, and shes forced to live as her shadow, her bad influence, the devil to adora’s angel. And in adora having a major savior/messiah complex, she feels like shes responsible for saving everyone, and every time someone gets hurt its her fault. She will live the rest of her life trying fix and save everything, because if she can’t then what good is she?

understanding that this is where all of their motivations, flaws, traumas and personalities come from will help u understand the entire show better tbh. It all comes down to shadow weaver. [Young Adora and Catra are walking down a hall in the Fright Zone, just after this incident; they walk past a pillar and become Present Adora and Catra again]

Catra: You always need to play the hero, don't you?

Adora: I was only trying to protect you.

Catra: You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on Shadow Weaver's bad side.

[Scene transitions to Young Adora and Catra in the same place]

Young Catra: Admit it. You love being her favorite!

Young Adora: That's not true!

Young Catra: Oh, yeah? [glitches back to Present Catra (and Adora)] When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then?

Adora: You don't have to let Shadow Weaver treat you like that anymore. You can leave--[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]--just like I did!

Young Catra: Oh, because I need to follow you everywhere you go?!

Young Adora: I didn't mean it that way.

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra]

Catra: I don't. Want. To leave. What don't you understand about that? I'm not afraid of Shadow Weaver anymore, and I'm a better Force Captain than you would've ever been.

[glitches back to Young Adora and Catra]

Young Adora: You always said you didn't care about things like that...

Young Catra: [crying] Well, I was lying, obviously!

[glitches back to Present Adora and Catra; Catra begins to walk away]

Adora: Catra, just wait!

Catra: Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the Fright Zone? I didn't want you to come back, Adora!

That scene lays out everything I said so perfectly I don’t even have anything to add.

This scene where catra is running through a simulation of all her most painful memories and desperately screams LET! ME! OUT OF HERE!! perfectly represents what spiraling like that feels like

[a younger Catra, maybe 5 or younger, is crying and hiding her face in a blanket on their bunk in the Fright Zone]

Young Adora: [peers from around a doorway] ...Catra?

[Young Catra continues to sob as Young Adora walks to her; Young Adora peels back the cover from Young Catra's face, and Young Catra hisses]

Young Adora: Catra, it's okay, it's just me. It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you. Nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other.

Young Catra and Present Catra: You promise?

Young Adora: I promise.

And then the promise. Everything catra went through, all the abuse and bullying, she put up with all of it because of this. She held onto their promise until the end. But the moment adora decided to leave the horde, she broke their promise.

as the memory-simulation ends, young catra gives a look to present catra. One that probably said, remember this. Remember how much you mean for each other. Don’t break your part of the promise. But this isn’t how catra takes it at all. all this tells catra, all that this entire day has told catra, is how terrible adora is. Adora ruined her life. Adora lied to her, said they’d be together forever only to abandon her. Adora forced her to be in her shadow. Adora is the reason shadow weaver never treated her right. She looks at her younger self and thinks, I'll avenge you. Im never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again. Im going to show all of them how strong I can be, ill rise to the top and ill be unstoppable. Im never letting anybody put me down ever again.

(and then is season 5, seeing a younger version of herself is also what makes her realize how wrong she was, how this isn’t the path she wants to take. Its what motivates her to get better, be better. Thinking about herself as a child kickstarted both her descent into being a villain and her redemption arc/recovery.) [Adora is holding onto dear life to some ropes or smth that are keeping her from falling off a cliff. Catra shows up]

Adora: [hopeful] Catra?

Catra: [holding the sword, rubs a finger along its side] Hey, Adora.

Adora: [pleading] Catra, help me, please...

Catra: [contemplatively unhurried] This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you. Then again, you're special. That's what Shadow Weaver always said.

Adora: Catra...what are you doing?

Catra: Ah, you know? It all makes sense now. You've always been the one holding me back. You wanted me to think I needed you. You wanted me to feel weak. Every hero needs a sidekick, right?

Adora: [desperately] Catra, no, that's not how it was...

Catra: [laughs humorlessly] The sad thing is, I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde, when really you leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am so much stronger than anyone ever thought.

I wonder what I could've been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner...

[Catra cuts the last of the rope holding Adora up; Adora shrieks as she falls, catching a rock handhold on the way down]

Adora: I-I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best! Please don't do this!

[Catra looks at the sword, then tosses it into the chasm; it clangs on the way down, Adora gasps lightly]

Catra: Bye, Adora. I really am going to miss you.

And then she fucking lion kings adora. The fucking episode ever number 1 villain origin story of the century catra you will always be everything to me. Writing this took 6 hours im so tired. And then the episode ends with light hope once more telling adora she needs to let go AUGH so good. I need to go to sleep. if you read all of this i love u i hope u liked it <3 also u might like this post also

#writing this was exhausting omg #its 5:30am i begun writing this before midnight #sorry ab the quality of some of the pics i had to make sure this fit the 30 pics limit #also i am not a writer! i apologize for how messy this is!#theyre literally everything to me..#she ra #catra #adora #catradora

24 notes · View notes

og-danny-dorito · 2 years

Text

[ 𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲'𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐩: 𝐣𝐣𝐤 𝐝𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬 ]

not sure where i got this idea but its been sitting in drafts for MONTHS now. i like the idea of making them suffer a little bit. as a treat.

𝐓𝐖: angst, light spoilers, mentions of toxic relationships and bad choping mechanisms, gendered language like “girl” and “dude” but no implications of a specific gender in mind

𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨

⟢ girl definitely not well LOL

⟢ i mean like, he's used to runnin through partners like its a track race but when its someone he really cares about?? dude

⟢ he emotionally shuts off to everyone around him

⟢ he's eerily quiet and barely bothers anyone

⟢ he blocks your number/socials and makes it a point to avoid you even if the breakup went well

⟢ once he's broken up with you he's like "ok, guess that's over" and forcibly removes you from his mind (and heart)

⟢ if he runs into you on accident he just pretends that you're not there it's kinda shitty

⟢ he looks really collected on the ouside but the dude beats himself up for even getting emotionally attached in the first place even though it's like,, normal to do that??

⟢ like he literally degrades himself for being human by having emotions and being upset over something that's normal to be upset about (partially sorcerer trauma type shit)

⟢ but yeah basically he just shuts others out and completely removes you from his life and mind like you didn't even exist and bullies himself if you cross his mind in passing at any point

𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐫𝐢

⟢ cries. cries a lot.

⟢ i mean he's a kid you know?? he's young and he doesn't really know everything about romance and thats okay

⟢ and that inexperience with putting in effort to love and realizing boundaries and all that shit is why it hits him so hard when something like that fails

⟢ yuuji literally puts in his all in his relationships. its always 100% of his effort and thought and time and when that isn't enough he feels,,

⟢ like nothing. he feels like nothing

⟢ and so he cries. he cries and he isolates and he vents and he lets it all out, but its pretty healthy considering he doesn't bottle up his own feelings like gumi or gojo and doesn't dwell on them for too long

⟢ he feels terrible for like a week or two depending on how important the relationship was and then works towards moving on cause he notices that when he isn't doing well he inadvertently drags the people he cares about down with him with cause he influences group attitude so much

⟢ he cries and lets himself feel, but then he moves on and thats alright.

⟢ it's not unlike him to send a midnight paragraph text and then regret it the next morning tho

𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢

⟢ honestly im not entirely sure 💀

⟢ he hasn't really been in a lot of relationships, and the ones he has been in were concrete and ended through a mutual agreement that both parties agreed to come to

⟢ they were pretty tame and normal- he isn't super emotional or anything like that so he didn't cry but he did feel that familar emptiness by not seeing you around

⟢ it was like something was missing from the room when he would walk into shared spaces, or like something had been fundamentally altered and he was put off by the fact that he couldn't quite place what it was

⟢ if your relationship had gone on for a while (which it usually does with nanami) he never fully gets rid of that feeling, but he gets accustomed to it like he has in the past before

⟢ there's no instagram lurking, no long ass 3 am paragraph texts, nothing much

⟢ maybe just an "i miss you, hope you're doing okay." a few days later and thats all. its kinda bittersweet in the end but he understands that you both had your reasons

𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐨

⟢ mmm actually not as bad as you'd think but like. its still bad 💀💀💀

⟢ from his younger playboy days he's like,, used to just dropping people in an instant a moving on but he gets mad if you do the same??

⟢ like if you go through the breakup and just pretend like he doesn't exist he will show up in a place he knows that you frequent to confront you about it because he doesn't like fucking around

⟢ that and he hates being ignored.

⟢ but if the breakup is bad bad and neither of you ever want to see each other again he's going to leave you be but might get gojo or someone else to like, see what you're doing every once and a while idk

⟢ dude won't admit that he's still attached but he is a little bit 🗿

⟢ he fucking sucks tho he gets jealous when you move on quicker than him.

⟢ god forbid you post a picture with a friend and you by yourselves cause this bitch'll be in your dms like "you've already moved on? woooow. thought i meant something to you but i guess not." like he's not out here instigating ✋🏼😭

⟢ but anyway he's super fucking toxic because he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. stay far away girl.

[ 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 :] ]

183 notes · View notes

kyoryu · 2 years

Note

My big problem with the ending is that the story had the characters like. At least a few times discuss how they could totally still be friends even after the adventure was over. And like, I understand there’s a metaphor going on about how your life changes and you don’t stay as close to people as you think you might, but like… it kinda comes in out of nowhere in the last two or three episodes. And on top of that, Anne losing Sprig ENTIRELY and then the dialogue implying she, Sasha and Marcy all drifted apart until that reunion just felt overly sad. Puts a lot more ‘bitter’ than sweet in that bittersweet ending than they meant to, I think.

this is gonna be a long answer so sit tight lol.

disclaimer: I LOVE AMPHIBIA OK? my criticism means i care and i am passionate!! maybe too much, but hey, who's doing the math am i right.

ok i absolutely agree with EVERYTHING u say. i think everyone who disliked the ending is in the same page tbh, we all agree on the same stuff.

what u said about mostly bitter than sweet is EXACTLY what i keep saying. like...i do not see the sweet ANYWHERE in that ending. the "sweet" is the girls finally making it home, yet we dont get to see that. we dont even see anne hugging her parents again or anything, and dont get me started on the marcy and sasha's parents thing (ok i will briefly: refusing to give us anything about them just cuz "you wanna leave it up to interpretation" is bullshit. ur writing a story. commit. not showing us sasha and marcy's home lives and families means youre not showing us ANY signs of us rooting for them to go back home, we aren't attached to the idea of it as opposed to sasha's bond with grime and marcy's love for amphibia. it is lousy)

like, people keep telling me im missing the point of an ending that was obvious since episode one and i just disagree so much. where in the world of episode 1 did we see that anne was going to fight the moon, die, meet god and be offered to become god? what the fuck. i keep saying this ending could only work if the stakes weren't so high and the girls didn't spend as much time in amphibia. for anne to separate from the plantars permanently just because "people in life come and go and it hurts but oh well thats life" is so... devastating. like, imagine not being able to see or talk to your family EVER again. because hey thats what lifes like.

"but vinnie they'll obviously see each other again!!!" if u keep saying this, then u just disliked the ending as much as i did and ur in denial lmao. we can make all the hcs we want, they can add all the fix-it they want to marcy's journal (context: matt braly implied marcy's journal could include terri and mr x giving the girls "a surprise" in the timeskip) but yknow the damage is done. the ending is there and it tells you that the plantars and anne say goodbye forever and thats how it is. at least accept it.

"its been set up since ep 1" i completely disagree. season 1 in its entirety is about anne learning to love wartwood. sure it makes sense if u just watch ep 1 because anne is desperate to get home but um, the point is that anne comes to love wartwood and its people and becomes a part of the plantar family. how is that ending an ep1 set up? well, wheres the WHOLE SHOW set up? it makes no sense.

and even for the trio, i understand the growing apart thing but man, after what they went through wouldnt they be bonded for life, having been the only ones to have ever experienced this same trauma, and be closer than ever? especially with the portal permanently gone. id totally be behind it if the portal was open, cuz anne sasha and marcy choose their new amphibian friends over each other to spend time with and eventually come together again as teens, but still close all together bc i cant stress it enough. you dont just grow apart from someone u fought the moon with.

amphibia was already their time apart yknow. again, if the stakes were lower id get it and it'd work. but u cannot have these 3 go through all they did and then try to apply a Down To Earth realistic ending. i dont get it.

like, ur telling me marcy had to move away and she did it happily after being stabbed, comatosed, posessed, etc? sasha and anne stop talking in hs after anne had held onto sasha's arm for dear life before she lets go to her possible death, after they both leaded a fucking army together for a WAR AT 13 YEARS OLD? they just...move on? with a smile? sure it works if you say it does. but if you look it from a writing perspective its just weird, incomplete, lousy. no drama.

everything happens and we dont talk about it. everyone's just freaking happy ig.

i could excuse the sashannarcy separation though but that along with the goodbye forever to amphibia are TERRIBLE combinations. like sasha anne and marcy close this book and open a new one, and how on earth are they even able to do that after everything they we through???

sure im happy theyre happy. it could be that simple. but to me its not. to me this ending ruins the entire show lmao. if u were gonna go for this ending then dont write such an epic story bro lol.

and for the "YOU JUST WANT A STVFOE ENDING/WHAT, IS ANNE NOT SUPPOSED TO SEE HER PARENTS EVER AGAIN?" gang: shut up dingus. no one talked about mixing both worlds or keep anne just in amphibia. thatd be just as bad. they should just have a way to access amphibia whenever they wanted, they met GOD. they literally had any excuse to make this work.

"but thatd be unrealistic" oh so sorry if i dont mind the story about 3 humans landing in a world of frog people, getting superpowers, leading an army, fighting a war, fighting an evil king and posession and the moon, doesn't have a completely realistic ending

"it would be too good to be true" so u agree. u agree the ending wasnt good.

what i would've done to make this ending Work, i would've added 3 simple things.

1. anne is a whole lot more broken up over saying goodbye to amphibia forever. shes not that calm about it. she's upset and thinks its unfair.

2. we get to see anne reunite with her parents back home

3. in the 10 year timeskip, we get an open ended situation with the trio opening a portal and its up to interpretation if this is the first time theyve done it or not.

thats it. i still wouldnt be a fan, i think anne deserves to grow up being able to see her family, but i think if they wanted that ending that badly they shouldve at least added those things. idk.

BASICALLY: i get what they were trying to do. it just does not work with the kind of epic high stakes story they've decided to write.

#new ask tag #pleeeeaaaase avoid sending me shit anom hate over my opinions #i got plenty of those ive heard ur arguments over a thousand times #u liked the ending? good for you buddy. dont have a gold star to give u tho sorry #the prize is minding ur business and leaving me alone in my hater sandbox #the hardest thing spoilers #amphibia finale spoilers #amphibia finale hater sandbox

196 notes · View notes

littlelalaland · 2 years

Text

Attack on Titan Headcannons:

Levi-

- He’s actually great at Ice skating, he just doesn’t usually have any time to go. He will never tell anyone that he can skate either.

- After Erwins death, Levi vowed to never love someone ever again because the pain was unbearable.

- When Hange died, he decided not to get attached to people anymore; because they always seem to leave him anyways.

- When Levi was put in a wheelchair for life, instead of taking it like a retirement; he became suicidal

- Sometimes when he misses everyone, he asks for someone to push him to the beach; and he sits there, talking to everyone as the waves crash against the shore.

- Levi died young- around the age of 55-65, because he stuffered from a ton of physical and psychological damage that messed up his immune system.

Mikasa-

- Even After her marriage to Jean, Mikasa often has dreams about what life would’ve been like if she were with Eren instead. (Obv she doesn’t tell anyone this)

- Mikasa developed Anxiety after Eren’s death, and is a little over-protective of her children.

- She totally taught her kids to fight. (She beat up Jean as an example)

- When Armin became the new Commander of the Survey Corps, she only stayed for another year or two before leaving.

- Jean and Armin have forced Mikasa to go to a couple sessions of Therapy, and she traumatized the therapist instead.

-Mikasa has frequent Night terrors of having to cut off Eren’s head.

-Mikasa never grew her hair out because it reminded her of Eren.

-Mikasa hand washes her scarf often, because she’s afraid someone else will ruin it; and it means too much for her to lose it.

Armin-

- He was actually a great commander, because after the wars and Eren’s passing, He became more stern and less playful like he used to be.

- Armin still has the inner child in him, but he only lets it out with his S/O, and the other cadets that were with him when he was going through everything.

-He tends to have nightmares of when he became a burnt chicken nugget.

-He’s forced Mikasa to go to Therapy a couple of times; and it helped a little bit, but the therapist ended up traumatized too.

- He is still obsessed with the beach, and secretly he hopes that Levi can hear him from the other side when he talks to the water about how life is going on so far.

- He’s had a diary all along, and writes down everything into the book.

Eren-

- By season 4, since Eren was no longer able to show his emotions to anyone he trusted, he decided to write everything down in a Diary, since he’d read Armins and liked the idea.

- Eren was actually a very emotional person, but he shielded his heart in hopes that he could set everyone he loved free. Even if it killed him inside and out.

- Eren turned into a bird because a flying bird represents freedom, and his one goal that he managed to do wasn’t kill all titans, but rather see his people free. It was a representation of his spirit.

- Eren loved Mikasa too much to put into words, so even if it meant hurting her, he would do anything to keep her safe.

- He wrote down this on one page of the diary, “I wish I could tell everyone how sorry I am and how much I care about them, but it will ruin my mission. I know that Jean and I never got along, and I’m sure he hates me but; Mikasa, I really hope that you learn to love Jean. If anyone is worthy of your love, it’s him. Jean is a great guy, and when he looks at you, Mikasa, I can see it in his eyes. I hope that you understand that I’ve always loved you, so I need to give you Freedom. Even if it means we can never be together. Armin, Im sure you will be a great commander, but I hope the idea of sending people to their death doesn’t overtake his heart. I will miss you all, Eren.”

Jean-

- He was the one who opened Eren’s diary after his death; being petty and all- and began reading it out loud to Connie and Reiner because he was hoping to find something to tease his ‘Frenemy’ with after his death. Instead he ended up putting the book back and later crying alone in his room. He respected Eren the most after that incident. He told Connie and Flotch not to tell anyone about that.

- He did like Eren, but they argued a lot and was pissed about when he talked down on Mikasa the way he did.

- Jean had fallen in love with Mikasa in season one, and knew that Eren had her heart all the way; so when he found out that Eren wanted to give her heart to Jean because he trusted him after all of those years they seemed to hate each other, he couldn’t hold in his emotions.

- In order to protect Mikasa, Jean made sure to hide Eren’s diary and gave it to Armin for safe keeping. (Armin cried when he read the diary too.)

- Mikasa mean everything to Jean; she was his whole world, so he would commonly buy her gifts- and never asked for her to take off the scarf.

- Jean was actually really good at art, and would commonly paint pictures of his memories during his Survey corps. He would hang them in the walls of his house as memories of everyone, and had even managed to paint Sasha year one. That painting meant a lot to him.

Connie-

- Connie developed PTSD after the war was over, and left the Survey corps.

- He was pen pals with everyone after leaving, but he usually talked to Jean to see how his life with Mikasa was going.

- Connie was The Godfather of Jean’s kids

- Although Connie never liked returning back home, he did it regularly for holidays, and eventually rejoined the Survey corps.

- Connie sometimes went to see Levi, but Levi seemed to be getting really sick by the age 48.

- Sometimes at night, he would look up at the stars and talk to Sasha hoping that he could hear him. (Sasha never left him, and would listen to him speak to her as a ghost)

- Connie regularly left food out on his porch for the poor kids to eat, hoping that Sasha’s spirit would find him that way.

Annie-

- She ended up marrying Armin, but commonly avoided most of the new cadets in fear she would be judged.

- After leaving her Crystal, she was devastated to hear how many of her friends had died or changed.

- Annie taught Armin more about fighting, and in return, Armin would educate her in math and science.

- Armin would tell Annie stories about things that happened while she was in the Crystal, and Annie was always up to listen to them.

- Annie was still in the Survey corps, she was just too nervous to talk to most of the new cadets.

Gabi-

- Most days when she thinks about the titans, she remembers and regrets when she killed Sasha.

- Gabi goes to gun ranges to practice shooting, and lets out all of her emotions that way.

- Gabi joined the Survey corps at 15 under commander Armin, and became a proud Cadet in memory of Sasha.

129 notes · View notes

xatsperesso · 1 year

Note

Do you think that Nishi could kill a important character?

I mean Sully will probably die at a point, the question is more "when will we die" that "will he die?" Everyone (or almost everyone) can guess that it will happen soon or later, even if we want it to be later than soon.

But i think to a more important character. Like Ameri for exemple.

Can you imagine the effects ot if?

Oh im sorry people think sully is gonna die???? How?? Since when??? Why am i only hearing about this now??!

Like sure i know someone is bound to die or get irreversibly damaged -this is a story where the main antagonists are terrorists, they're not pulling punches- but i never saw sully as someone who'd just die. I thought someone who had more screen-time, someone we-and iruma- had more time to get attached to will die like kalego or opera

Or maybe im only thinking that cause I'm more emotional attached to some characters than others, and if watching jojo taught me anything, those i get attached to will die, so im preparing myself. Just in case (not like preparing myself will stop me from ugly-crying all night)

But anyway, how would ameri's death affect iruma? I dont think it'd affect him too much. I AM looking at this from a reader point of view AND NOT from their point of view, and i understand that this would be a very traumatising experience for iruma, and it'd need him a very long time to recover, especially if she died in a terrorist attack, and he'd have to deal with a lot of unfounded guilt.

But i just think that ameri's death wouldn't break him. Ameri, at the end of the day, is a friend that he doesn't meet up with all that much, or not as much as other people. He doesn’t see her alot, or not as much as he sees other people. So yes, it would be a very horrifying experience, someone whom you see as a close friend dying-probably in front of his eyes- but hed still have his support system to help him through it. He'd come out of it mourning her death but still standing.

But what would happen if we took a very essential part of iruma's support system. What if azz died? Now that would shatter him.

His first friend ever, the one who vowed to be with him till the end of time, the one that nishi time and time again emphasised their relationship and how close they are to the point of being soulmates.

Azz's death would absolutely destroy him, and the difference betwee azz's and ameri's death is that in ameri's death, his friends wont really be grieving her death because to them she's an upperclassman, not a friend, so they wont feel as much as iruma's feeling which woul surely feel frustrating because no one understands.

But azz's death will affect everyone in the misfits, which could go one of two way. 1. Everyone feels grieve over their friend who suddenly died, or 2. Everyone is shoving their feelings down because surely iruma and clara are feeling worse, right? They've been so close, and as their friends they need to help them, right?

And both are worse than each other cause on one hand everyone is having the worst time of their lives and there's no way iruma will do anything or will reach out to them for help, but on the other hand everyone would give him and clara a special treatment which is just the worst.

And can you imagine if all the misfits are in a battlefield and they suddenly see one of them die right in front of their eyes? We saw a lil sneak-peak of what iruma's reaction may have been when he saw azz almost die, but what would his reaction be if he saw the light leave his eyes?

Azz's death would break a lot of people, while ameri's wont affect as many people, and I'd honestly be very frustrated if ameri is the one who dies, cause then why keep dropping hints of iruma amd ameri dating?! Her death just wouldn't make sense!

And clara isnt allowed to die. That just wont happen. She's more likely to find a solution and bring someone from their death than die herself. She's just not going to die.

#uhh #just rambling #i just dont feel like ameri's death is appropriate #mairimashita! iruma kun #welcome to demon school iruma kun #mairimashita iruma kun #mairimashita manga #iruma kun #m!ik #m!ik theory #sullivan? dying??#sullivan #azazel ameri #azz asmodeus #alice asmodeus

25 notes · View notes

growling · 2 days

Text

Top 10 favourite narcissist moments

parasocial hatred. we never talked and I'm not sure you know I exist but I fucking hate you and hope the worst happens to you

getting so pissed over actual talented people that get like 50+ notes minimum for every art and endless praise from their 100+ followers every damn day whining about how much their art sucks and nobody appreciates them or whatever. like shut the fuck up do you just not know how good you have it or are you just fishing for attention. nevermind i have already decided which one and i decided i want you boiled in a pot

not being able to have a normal one without a constant string of supply aka attention and praise from everyone. every time someone talks to me or compliments my epic art skillz or acknowledges me in any way I get such a high I feel like a literal god and feeling giddy nonstop for the whole day, then it fades i start to feel a bit too ignored these past 2 days and a half and i just feel so empty and terrible and my world is destroyed and i need to hurt something now- oh someone said im cool again nevermind i have been fixed the universe is beautiful my future is bright mentally healthy people want me carnally

having a really fucked relationship with the concept of "unconditional love" everything is conditional what are you talking about. and "love" in general, when i say i'm loveless, whether romantically or platonically, i mean it. that doesn't mean i cannot get attached to people or care about them in some other way, no i am not going to explain it in detail right now

there is zero point in talking to anyone else or getting into any relationships because none of these people could ever be on my level. their thinking is so shallow and stupid and they all behave so predictably and enjoy the most nonsensical of things and it's like everyone just gets something that i don't and they're inferior in every way but it feels like they are out for me specifically because I'm not like them and as soon as they find me out I will never be safe there. It's lonely and terrifying but yeah sure I'm the asshole apparently because I secretly feel superior or whatever. contrary to popular opinion being extremely self-centered is not a positive thing for the guy that has it

not caring about anything that doesn't concern me specifically in any way. it's all "support people with low empathy" until they can't ""make up"" for it with high sympathy or just trying harder or something. Everything bad that ever happens is here just for my entertainment or an annoyance. vents and crying and whatnot make me incredibly uncomfortable or annoyed and i mean i will try to listen (because i am a wonderful kind person) but i will have zero idea on how to respond because thorought the entirety of it i didn't really pay attention and just kinda thought "oh my god stfu i don't careeee when can i leave" while envisioning rain code amvs in my mind. unless you unlock my easter egg that is

only doing nice things for praise and making people love me or just to feel good for being such a great person, and getting incredibly dissapointed and sometimes really pissed whenever they're not grateful enough

wow society is a shitshow i don't respect literally any of you people. i should run away and live away from everybody forever but i need to acquire my riches and fame first which will not be hard whatsoever. the struggle never ends

just. lying all the time. and not being able to tell whether you actually like somebody or their attention.

not seeing other people as people (i know they are, it doesn't change that i still feel they aren't), having to slowly spend enough time talking with them and find out enough information on them in order to start seeing them as an actual person. if i don't know who you are then you just aren't that important in the great scheme of things. and if i do know you and get attached (and maybe you also happen to have traits that make you special and better than others almost like me which makes me like you even more) then I decide you're my person now. not in a weird or entitled way, it's just how many of us show protectiveness and whatnot thanks radiostaticsmile for putting that into words. I do feel a bit of an ownership over people I like, kinda like a cat or dog with their people. i'm really not escaping the kittycat allegations am i. god damn it.

#vent #VEEEEEEENT OBLIGATORY THIS IS A VEEEEEENT DISCLAIMER I DO NOT ACT ON LIKE NEARLY ANY OF THOSE THESE ARE MY *THOUGHTS*#mine #yomipost #gradually got into a better mood as i was writing this lmaoooo anyway you should consider being nice to me forever <333333 #actually npd #<- yeah why not put this in the tag maybe it'll resonate with the people lmao. how are yall

6 notes · View notes

buffenny · 2 years

Text

i’ve avoided putting anything on here, on my public accounts because i’m not exactly a public griever. i never will be. i originally wasn’t going to put anything here either, but i think this is the next step in this whole grieving thingy for me.

idec if anyone actually reads this, because this is a comfort for me, plus i don’t think i can stomach not saying anything about someone that meant so much to me despite having never met him. he’s got me through so much. so fucking much.

also before i get into it, i do want to mention that this is very much me rambling and may also come across sort of vent-like.

things were really rough for me last night (as im sure it was for so many other people). i cried for so so long to the point where i couldn’t breathe and the only thing i could feel was the pressure of my headache that had formed, it wasn’t even one of those pounding headaches, it was just constant. honestly i blame it on being dehydrated, L to me for not drinking water ig.

at first i thought it was some kinda of sick joke. about 10 seconds into the video i was actively hoping that it was. i don’t know how to fucking process this or how to properly grieve and i cant even imagine how anyone close to him must be feeling right now. but i bet that they’re fucking proud of him. he’s made such a positive impact on so many fucking people.

he was the first person i watched when i started watching minecrafters again. instantly i grew attached to his content and his personality. the way he interacted with his friends was just so fucking nice to watch. i cant even explain it well because who the fuck actually manages describes complex emotions like this in full??

my first art post on my twitter account was him and my first mcyt post on my instagram account was him. i

remember being fifteen fucking years old, having no friends and no one to even talk to. i remember being the loneliest i had ever been in my entire life, and i remember how much technos content helped me through that.

yesterday, when the video was uploaded to his channel, i cried the hardest i had ever cried in my entire life. i have never dealt with grief like this. i’ve never experienced death. but yesterday, everything felt wrong. nothing felt real, it didn’t feel real. i straight up, could not fucking believe it. i still cant believe it. because it doesn’t feel real. i cant wrap my head around him actually being gone.

and when i say that everything felt wrong, i mean that it felt like i couldn’t do anything. everyone was talking about distractions but i couldn’t distract myself because just the action of doing so felt like i was doing him a disservice. and don’t get me wrong, i know that’s not true, but that’s how it felt. i couldn’t listen to fucking music all day yesterday because the noise was just too loud, and the lights on in my room were too bright so i had to shut them off as well. it all felt so wrong.

today, seeing the rest of the world move on with their lives was so confusing to me. people have been so excited to watch the new stranger things episodes and i just cant. i cant bring myself to do anything like that. anything that i can’t relate back to technoblade i cant distract myself with.

i played a bit of minecraft, i watched some of his old videos, i watched phil’s stream.

it was really nice to laugh with my friends though. i’m glad that i was able to do that today. really fucking glad.

i’ve been spending a lot of time on twitter. right now the whole place is just full of love and support and other people who are grieving just as much as i am and it’s really fucking nice.

i’m kind of scared to post this because i’m not really one for being public with my emotions, and i don’t have anything like this on any of my accounts. also the fact that i know my friends will probably see this. but like i said, it felt wrong not to post anything.

it’s true that i could post something significantly shorter, but i think i’d rather post something that feels more me.

#technoblade fanart

66 notes · View notes

thesilentlands · 9 months

Text

Chapter 7: The Copper City (part 2-2)

-Part1

As Volt finished setting up the admin comands for Micheal a sudent door creak meet him, it was Vanessa and she was confused and terrified at the sight of Volt, volt slowly aproched her and she just stod where she was, motionless

-Hello there! -w-what are you?? -oh please excuse my aplerance - Volt went back on standing on four legs - im Michaels companion, i was named Volt -he didnt mention he had a dog, where is he? -The atmospher got to him, he finaly asleep -what do you mean by that? -oh um, im not supoust to say where Michael comes from -why not? -hes sensitive about it -really? -yes! He dosent trust humans ive notised -why? -i dont know, can i trust you? -you can trust me if i trust you -how can i earn it? -i hate to say it but maybe you can show or tell something about yourself or Michael -Are you able to hold my and Michaels secret? -i mean yeah, i dont like sniching on people - good, maybe this will enlighten your mind a bit.- Volt opened his mouth to show a single slot where a power lens once was.

-is this... -yes it is -so that must mean that you and Michael come from a bunker -how can you tell that HE comes from one -so where he somes from? -well... A bunker.. -are you guys like evil? -why would you say that? -arent bunker people like, evil and crazy over power? -ive escaped from one, i was almoust dead when i came to another bunker opening, there ive meet Michael, he helped me, hes a good guy -huh, so you guys are fine? -you can say that, we wont cause no harm -alright then, i will hold your secret -good, otherwise i will bit your face off -WHAT?! -just kidding! HaHa, but seriously dont tell anyone, michael isnt used to human interaction, he told me that -alright alright! But i have one more question -what is it? -since Michael is with you, does that mean that he has a power lens? -... He does, do you know about them? - a little, but still -what do you think -im yet disturbed about the sudent burst of information but im also exited! -exited? -think about it, lens holders are really rare to see, but there is one inside your room, and one that your gonna live with -i cant think about that, what can i do for now -well you can come down stairs and go meet everyone, just remember to not tell about anything -of course i remember -alright lets go! - they both walk out of the room and shut the door.

9 hours later

Michael finaly wakes up, a bit puzzled on how he have fallen asleep but still happy that he finaly did, he notised something tho, he felt diffrent, not only refreshed but more weard in a seanse, he sat down and little bit unraveled his bandages that covered his power lens and he notised something. The lens glowed brighter and something strange happend once he activeted it, previously there was only an orb but now the orb had an closed eye, Michael poked the eye and it opened up.

-Welcome [A_Michael]! -w-what? What are you? -i am your lens guide! Please allow me to introduce your new system logs, you mech has allowed you to acces about 50% more of your systems! -what is happening, why werent you awake the first time? -i wasnt active silly! Would you like to how whats avaiable now? -i mean.. sure, show me - Michaels guide created a few pop up windows -your first new attachment is that you can recall your orb when its launched somewhere far away from you! -arent you the orb? -i can take it for a short period guide you are tell you new things! -intresting. -continue? -yeah go ahed -your next thing is to create power liquid extenstions from your previous wonds! - w- how do you know about them? -im in your body silly! I tho i got to say, dont you think theres too much on them? -i dont wanne talk about it - Michael said in a little agresive voice, the Guide covered his eye and scuried a bit away from Michael, Michael then looked a bit worried and he was saying again in a calm voice -whats wrong? -...y- you arent hitting me? -why would i? You where just curious -well yeah, but we arent allowed to be curious -what do you mean "we"?, Are you connected to other lenes? -we are.. in a sort of hive mind, we can comunicate with eath other, but they disconected everyone, only few are still online but they chose to be quiet, but i can still seanse the distress calls from everyone bellow... -im sorry, it just im not used to talk about them -can you tell me something? -what is it? -are all bunkers that terrable that you have so many wonds? -i guess so, they all are mad, they hurt you mentaly and phisicly, but how can you remember it? -the mech that they put me in gave me vision, they created something that looked like a hive of sadness and pain, and also seam to be digging for something.. -maybe materials -maybe, im sorry its just i thot that youd be bad and... -hey its ok, at lest we arent in thos hell holes anymore -yeah OH! -whats that? -youve got a message from your mech! -his name is Volt if you must know -ill make sure to note that, opening the message now - Guide opened a screan that looked like a group chat room.

-Michael is awake? -how do i.. interact with this pad? -you can ither say it or type it down hire -oh -yes, where are you? -downstairs, everyone hire, they dont see me now, chatting with you. -well im going there.. -wait you must know something -what? -Vanessa knows. -what? -OP cant speak no more! They getting suspisious. -what do you mean she know? -... -hello??

-he disconected -great, well thanks for your guidance but youll need to hide -right, have a good day! -bye.. - Michael puts back the bandages back in theier place, to hide the lens and then he gets up, he still wonders what Volt could mean by that? But he shrugs it off for now, he walks to the door and opens it.

After exiting and closing the door behind he hears a some people talking downstairs, he also hears disfigured dog barks, he slowly walks down stairs, to be unexpected meet with a suprise from the cealing.

-Boo! -Hello? -ugh your no fun -what are.. thos things? -oh yeah, meet my forever friends! One with the lashes is called thorns and the other one is petels -weard names but alright -rude.. HEY EVERYONE, THIS DUDE IS UP - after screaming that Rose abd her pals returned to the void hole.

Everyone was hire, they looked at Michael and happily welcomed him.

-you had a good night - Frank said -yeah, how long was i out? -9? 10 hour something like that, alright since everyone, whos not on a expedition, is hire why dont we introduce our selfs fully -alright! - Niko happily said -but youll go first Frank!

-fine. Well mine name is Frank Dagger im stuck at 37 years, before all the time substance stuff i worked in a blacksmith with my father and mother, but when the time stuff roled into exsistinc, it made us live forever, after that the black smith bisness has fallen and my parents where never sean, again, they severed contact with me almoust imidietly, but also that im a pretty lucky war veteran, that should explain mine mechanical body parts -do you work somewhere? -of course! We all work in the adventurer guild, you know where they send you out on expedition and stuff like that, i also know a lot about building mechs, my mechanical limbs are all mine work! - i see.

-Guess ill go next, my name is Vanessa Goldleaf, age is stuck at 26, before i was still in collage, but after im now a wildlife biologist, plant biologist and i partly work at the adventurer guild, you know to explore the odd wild life that was created -i see, and whats your story?

-mine turn! Im Nico Clocktick, im 13 years old!, i come from really far, my legs are made from blades, my far away friend made thos for me, he sometimes even visits! Oh got a little too over my self, i do the work around the house, ans i also go on advetures sometime! -arent you too young to do that? - im doing the best of you friend! -hes a pretty energetic kid - frank said -i see, so i guess its my turn, im Michael Walker, mine age is stuck at 24, i.. come also from a far, i worked as a.. i mean i also worked as someone who goes and adventures, and i came hire because i got kicked out from the previous city -what did you do that you got kicked out -em.. its weard, i feel like i been set up -i see, it happends all the time, but why wouldnt you fight back to stay there -they set me up good, i couldnt fight back -like i said it happends, alright i conclude... Oh yeah Rose havent introduce her self -Hissssss -fine then dont -soo what do we do now? -its sunday so we just do what ever -hey.. maybe i can take Michael out and show him around town - Vanessa said -you know, hes new -thats a great idea what do you say Michael -i mean... Sure, why not -Alright! Just let me change my outfit -Vanessa got up and walked upstairs -Volt -oh! Its you! Your awake! -yeah how are you doing? -Great! Frank is a great guy, Niko is a bit weard but well get along eventually - Michael got closer and whispered -what did you mean by that text of yours -youll find out soon -what? -Im ready! Lets go -oh yeah, lets go - Michael and Vanessa walk outside and imidietly as the door closes Vanessa starts a small, quiet chat -so your from a bunker huh? -WHA. Um yeah?? -its.. Really cool! How was there? -you arent disguasted? -why would i be? You seam like a really nice guy! I thot only assholes and people who think they are the highes come from there -i mean.. your right there are only assholes how there -oh, so everyone is right about bunkers, how did you got out - i found the last master key, and just left -nobody nosided you? -nope -left just like that -heh, so you know nothing about the outside? -i know nothing -oh boy you got a lot to learn.

Then Michael and Vanessa chatted about how diffrent theier lifes where, it was no suprise to Vanessa that life in the bunker can and is difficult, but to Michael life outside was a pretty big suprise.

-so, what do you think of this place? -its fine, better then a bunker -yeah, your probobly right. Say you straight went from your bunker to this city? -we first tryed to went to a bigger city, but someone told us that it dosent exsist anymore and that there was only "man eatting grass"? -oh, you went a little too far, what did you did then? -the guy gave us a lift to a vault, and it showed us where to go, and hire i am -intresting, ive been hire almoust all my life, its a pretty nice city for the most part -im still pretty new to the world you can say -yeah you are, you can also say that you where in a whole other world -heh, yeah... Are we like, friends now? - i guess so, a little bit forced because Volt told your whole bunker stuff, and the lens stuff too, but dont worry about it -HE EVEN TOLD YOU ABOUT THE LENS?! -Hush! People can hear -oh yeah, im just a little mad that it had to come out this way -at least you can trust me, cuz now your friend -im still not sure, in the bunker people would lie, tell behind your back and do a bunch of other stuff -hey, its not the bunker anymore, i know what i say is going to sound weard to you, but you need to let go of what happend -i know, but its difficult, it will take some time for me to forget -i know, but im sure that it will make you feel better -thanks.. -wanne grab some ice cream? -sure! I havent tasted them in ages -REALLY? Thats a crime! -haha.

They both went near a park to buy the ice cream and to sit down, Vanessa treated Michael to some lemon and blueberry scoops wail she got a vanila with too many cheries.

-soo should i know anything else about living hire? -do you know about the titan threats, by any chance? -Wh. Of course not! What are thos?? -well, one titan that you can see from time to time is the one thats carrying the sun -so the sun is fake now? -well, since we are hire forever and i guess the world is infinite something has to shine light, a normal sun couldnt exsist. Oh and it somehow disapered, i dont know why -weard... So what are the other titans? -well there is one in the ocean, it resembes like a gigant worm thats made from flesh, gives me the creeps when i think about it -has it been hire? -a few times, our defances always scare it off, but its been silent for the past 12 years now -maybe it died -i dout it, they are few of the creatures that where given imortality by the time substance -dam, are there any others? -well there are about 13 more but they are beyond the grass -there is something past it? -yeah a whole other world, many metal citys are there. Not gonna lie, its pretty easy to just fly over it -i figuret.

-have you consideret what you wanne do? -what do you mean now? -well, like a job, you know? -i havent thinked about it, hmm -have you consideret working at the adventurer guild -a little, but i wanne get used to the new place first, you know, nothing too fast -oh yeah. Also its getting kinda late -oh yeah, we should get back -yeah, and as i promised i wont tell no one that your from a bunker, or that you have a lens -yeah, again thanks for keeping my secrets -no problemo!

They both started walking back to theier house, Michael, despite his past experiance, really enjoyed company of Vanessa. He feels somewhat safe around her. Vanessa also enjoyed todays day, she Was going to show more but since the darkness aproched, she wouldnt risk it.

-hello everyone, we are back! -good, you both had a nice day? -yeah been around town, showing Michael stuff -oh ok, i wont boder you for now -where is Volt? -oh, he desided to stay with me for some time,hope you dont mind that -oh, no its alright -we gonna go now -alright, bye.

Vanessa and Michael both enter theier room -emm, where is the bathroom? -oh! Door to the left at the beguining of the hallway -thanks -ill go change, it wont be long -alright - Michaels enters the bathroom and looks at him self in the mirror, the thouth to him self, that hes gonna be finaly happy hire

-Hello Michael, i hope i dont bother you with anything but Volt whats to chat -alright give it hire.

-arent you worried? -i mean dudes a mechanic so i guess its good -as you say,ill be going now -goodbye -see ya!

-MICHAEL. -yeah? -HELP. -whats going on? -THIS DUDE WHATS TO UPDATE ME -so whats wrong with that? -WHAT IF HE FINDS OUT. -... then we are gonna live with it i guess -HELP I DONT WANNE. -Volt listen i know that your scared, but think about this,you probobly been in a bunker for many many years, and your software Must be upgraded -I KNOW. -then why are you afraid? -IVE NEVER HAD AN UPDATE. -dont worry, if he does anything bad to you let me know -OK.

*from behind the door* -Michael who are you talking to? -eee *whisper* should i tell her? -do what you think is best -*sigh* fine. You wanne know? -if you what you. can tell me -go to the living room, ill go there soon -alright? - he hears her foot steps walking away before hearing her sit on the bed.

Michael then changes too, into much conftable clouthing and walks in to the loving room

-hi im back -so what you wanted to show me -well -he sits on the floor, next to the bed -since i have a lens, why not show you some stuff -oh, i didnt thing it will looks so... Weard -well it is just a yellow glass thats in my skin -but whats with the yellow veins -still not sure why they are this way.. -any why are they going up to your pathed eye? - oh um UM -hold on, dont move -hey what are you doing - Vanessa gently removez the eyepath to reavel the lens eye -oh -you think its disguasting, dont you? -well, it is a bit weard to look at someone with a weard eye like that, but if your not conftable i can put it again -no it fine, we are alone so yeah, i dont have to wear it for now -yeah your right.

-huh -what? -ive just notised you dont have that mask on your head anymore -yeah i should come clear of something. I have a SLIGHT hair loss in that arena, but im treating it -well good for you -im curious about something -what is it? -why do you have soo many bandages? -i... Dont wanne talk about it right now -alright. now about that lens -oh yeah, have a look.

Michael opened his hand and the orb flew from inside the lens, then the orb transformed in to the guide

-Hello again -who is this little fella? -hes mine guide, hes pretty nice -thanks.. -heh -so what can you show me -oh yeah, what can i do right now guide? -well you can chose the information,holografic or modefication tab, chose! -what does the holografic tab do? -i can show you a place, a thing or what ever you like as a hologram! Ill even gave you a breaf discription of the thing, but if you wanne know more refer to the information tab -you have any recuests? -can you show me the Great Deer Beetle? -of course! *Loading* -thats a weard recuest -well im not going up close to thos things, but i wanne know some stuff about them for my reserch, oh i see -done- the hologram portrated a gigant beetle that had very long limbs, the beetle had huge dear horns and big wings -The Great Deer Beetle, is a species of a meat eating gigant insect that dosent apper in this arena, theier habitas are usually dark forsets. now, what would you like to know? -i have a few questions, can they be tamed, are theier posionous and can they spit stuff - the Guide then explained to her about when and how to tame them and denyed some things -thanks a lot! Hold on let me note it all -my plesuere, take good care of Michael, ill be going now! -GUIDE -heh! -dont laught at that! -fine, but you really helped me, otherwise i wouldnt know that they kill humans -yeah *yawn* getting tired again -you need to explain to me how it was in there someday -someday, right now i wanne sleep -you arent sleeping on the bed? I could make a barrier with the pillows between us -i havent showered, i dont what to get the sheets dirty, also im used to sleep on the floor -fine as you say.

-Goodnight!

-goodnight..

#the silent lands #story

2 notes · View notes

punch-love · 9 months

Note

I don’t know what you mean by para social relationships, could you expend on that?

Also, I would love to know what reason I think it could be before seeing what I wrote? I’m curious to know where ur headspace is at for it

But honestly, I just don’t know. I don’t know why I’m interested. It’s probably because I’m lonely and under a lot of stress? I recently moved out of the state for grad school and it’s super intense, and I’m probably just attaching my love for your work into interest on you? I also am naturally an inquisitive person so that is how I communicate w people I like talking to in my own life so it’s no different than how I normally am. You also are really honest, and I tend to enjoy talking to honest people? But u are the most difficult/challenging person that I have communicated w, I feel like in person maybe I set down peoples defenses or maybe I naturally will pull away who are just kinda difficult overall so maybe I’m just intrigued? But that wouldn’t make sense if I pull away from people who are that way then it wouldn’t be a contributing factor to why I am interested? So idk. (Is it offensive for me to theorize that possible assessment? Maybe ur just that way on here, I couldn’t make an assessment on the spectrum of how difficult it is to deal w u in real life. It feels offensive for me to say it or say I’m making or made that assessment. But maybe it’s because I would hate for someone to say im difficult, but I can’t imagine anyone that would like to read that about themselves, so there’s no way it wasn’t offensive? But I can’t ignore the fact that u are that way on here, but I also don’t know if that is a contributing factor or it’s just happenstance? But I def do get nervous every time I send a message out to u lol. I just never know what ur reaction is going to be lol) But then again why am I not doing it or interested in other spideypool writers, or anyone else in general? Could be doing the same w other people on tumblr but I’m not? I just don’t know. Feels like I’m psychoanalyzing myself. And you’ll prob hate at least one thing I’ve said on here, because I seem to be very repellent to u lol. But ya, I just don’t know.

Also, I’m totally gonna send u another message because I don’t want everyone reading that so if u want u can respond on that message? Unless u do really want my words out there, but I can’t imagine u would because again, I’m sure u hate something on there that I wrote lol

And I’ll prob think of more things too later to consider into the equation, but I do need to get back to studying

I think that you don't often experience pushback to this degree, and it irritates you as much as it engages you. I imagine you're used to people (especially on this site) being excited - if not overeager, to talk about themselves without boundaries. If you're a personality who is used to getting what they want in regard to your curiosity, finding someone who won't adjust their boundaries to feed your habit probably is surprising as it is challenging.

"You are the most difficult/challenging person I have ever communicated with" is such a high compliment. I know you personally struggle to see it as one, but I truly appreciate that perception. I always find it surprising when people enjoy my work but expect the person behind the difficult and challenging writing to be something of a pushover or, at the very least, overtly friendly with malleable boundaries. I don't think all writers reflect their work, but I think my personality is reflected well in what I produce. I think, as I said, you're used to people bending to your questioning because many people are easy to flatter into oversharing. I'm not driven by flattery or attention. I don't overshare about myself in my real life either, and I get very similar responses to that as I do online.

I think I've become something of a character in your mind - you've realized that there is something interesting in me and you, someone who enjoys excavating, thinks that you should be allowed to see what it is. You're not, and it upsets you. If I'm not a personality type that you normally engage, then likely you feel similar to me, as people do with reading about characters they wouldn't necessarily be friends with. I don't display traits you'd befriend, but they are traits you find interesting in, say, a book character and so, like a fictional personality, you are trying to learn more about me out of selfish interest.

It is interesting to me though that no matter how many times I try to establish a boundary around talking about myself, you are consistently looking for loopholes and then find me defensive. Do you think that if you ask the right question in the right way, then you will unlock the answers that I have purposefully made it hard for you to access? If I said, I won't answer personal questions two days ago - why would you ask me personal questions again? Did you think that my boundaries would change overnight, and because they didn't is that what you consider defensive behavior? I find your entitlement to my personality puzzling, but also, if you've always had people open to your natural curiosity, maybe it's not surprising that finding someone who isn't would make "cracking me open" so to speak a challenge you are interested in. The fact that you found the door shut on this blog, and then immediately sought for a new door on another, makes me think that you see this as a game. Did it not cross your mind that, perhaps, I really didn't want to talk about myself and that was okay?

It makes sense that you find defensiveness a negative trait. With the way you have tried to circumnavigate my boundaries, it feels like you think that everyone has a breaking point and if you just approach it from the right angle then you are given the answer you (for some reason) think you're owed. I don't consider myself a defensive person so much as a person with very firm, clear boundaries and a solid perception of myself that doesn't need the affirmation or attention of others to feed it. I don't need to tell you about myself, but you really want to know. It bothers you that I don't want to share, so you label me as a defensive instead of someone displaying a boundary.

You get nervous because you know I'm not going to lie to you and because I'm not going to lie to you I'm going to be honest about how your words affect me. If you're not used to that, it can be scary to see how you actually exist in the minds of other people. I'm not going to sugar coat my response, I'm not going to lie, and I'm not going to feel bad about it (even though, I do not seek to be mean/unkind to people online I just am not nice when people are being inconsiderate to me and my limits) I've noticed the less you share with others, the more they want to know about you. It's why people break into reclusive celebrity houses or internet stalk pretty girls who don't have Instagram. It's invasive, it's fucked up - sure - but if you think that other people's lives and experiences are something that you're owed - of course you're going to try it.

You're not the only follower I have that's upset and/or intrigued by my nature, so I am publishing this for that reason. I know you will read this is as rude and uncalled-for, but you have to remember - imagine setting up a boundary over five times and have someone still knock at the door. It's exhausting. I really love the questions you had about my writing/stories/characters, and wish you respected my desire to just only talk about it. You might take this messages as me never wanting to talk to you again - it's not - I just really, really, very literally - just want to talk about my writing. I don't know how many times I have to say that for people to take me seriously, but this is all I want to talk about.

I don't think you're a bad person, probably just someone with not a lot of experience with strong personalities or firm boundaries. I respect that, but I really wish you would respect me too.

#mailbox #I would say this upsets me but I go through this on every social media site I'm on #people want to get to know me - I establish boundaries - people are upset by those boundaries - I respond firmly #eventually it will calm down and then I'll get a new batch of followers and the process will repeat #but I am not budging just because people are interested in me as a person. this is a writing blog and will remain a writing blog #regardless #I really like talking to you when you respect my boundaries it's just when you fucking don't things get a little rough

4 notes · View notes