#i've been gone far too long

[dateko]

[9:22 AM] GOJO SATORU ft. the fushiguro babies

There are wet and sticky kisses making their way along your neck from your jaw.

Stuck between your peaceful dreams and the material world, you’re unsure if you want the kisses to cease or to carry on for a lifetime. The little nips and low giggles that tickle you after each sweet peck has you realizing that you’re just about on the edge of reality, so you blindly swat away the mischievous owner of the citrus-stained lips. “Go away, ‘Toru,” You sink your face deeper into your pillow with a sigh. “I'm still sleeping.”

The kisses come to a halt, and you can see Satoru pout. Yes, even with your eyes closed shut. It’s a skill you’ve acquired after years of dating such a menace. Sometimes you wonder if you possess six eyes too. “What? Come on, I made us breakfast.” The sorcerer whines, rubbing his hands over your arms.

“Oh, I know... My hair is stuck to the orange juice on my neck.”

“Please? It’s good! I swear, Sweetheart.”

Craning your head to the side, you let your eyes escape from the pillow’s dark embrace and offer your lover a threatening squint before letting out a groan at both the sunlight and Satoru’s intrusive welcome in your bedroom. An idea pops into your mind, and you reach for Satoru’s hand, playing with it a little before tugging it towards you. “Hey, why don’t you stay in bed with me? It’s warm and cozy… And cuddles are offered here.”

Even with an offer as tempting as that, the sight of the small pout on your luscious lips with the low sound of your morning voice, your boyfriend continues to be unyielding and tenacious. If he was a lesser man, he would have died right there. But he was close. “Nice try, but there are pancakes waiting for you.”

Before Satoru could steal a chance to slip away, you tighten your grip on his hand and lace your fingers together. You make a point and statement by brushing your thumb across the top of his hand, knowing Gojo Satoru is one hopeless man. “Well, how ‘bout a kiss?” Pausing for effect, sitting up to face him with a devilish smile. “Two kisses? You can name your price.”

At this point, you’re fully awake. No longer is the debate about breakfast or cuddles in bed, but whose stubbornness overpowered the other. Your cheeks practically hurt from all the smiling you’ve done, batting your lashes up at your lover in hopes of getting your way. The expression he has on is enigmatic, he’s contemplating. You’d never get tired of teasing him. It was just so rare to get someone as powerful as him tied down and flustered like a young teenager you once knew.

This, you decide for the umpteenth time in your life, is what falling in love with Gojo Satoru is like.

Hiding your gasps whenever Satoru’s blue eyes stare into your own was a difficult task. It’s an all too inviting trance on its own and you have to focus your attention elsewhere to win against him. His larger hand copies your previous actions, thumb brushing the back of your hand slowly, coaxing you to look at him. You already know he’s smirking down at you.

“Oh yeah?” He leans in, voice dropping with his nose brushing against yours. “I might just have t-“

“Guys!” A little voice breaks the two of you apart and Satoru drops his forehead on you in defeat. You sigh happily knowing you’ve been freed from whatever thoughts Satoru’s been having and the terrible heated tension.

At the doorway, Tsumiki holds a small Megumi in one hand and her own orange juice in the other. “Gojo hurry! We waited all day for you!”

Confused, you watch your boyfriend laugh as he gets up from his defeated position. “Tsumiki, it's nine in the morning. You waited for eight minutes. But don’t worry! Y/n’s awake now.”

“W-what?”

Tsumiki pads to your side of the bed, dragging Megumi along with her excitedly. “You have to eat breakfast now! Hurry! We can’t wait anymore!” You’ve got no time to protest when little hands grab at your wrist, tugging you towards the kitchen. Behind you, Satoru is trailing behind with a merry chuckle, hands grabbing at your waist.

#this has been in my drafts for a very long time and this was meant to be way longer aand a potential proposal fic but what can i do #i've been gone far too long #NOW EAT THIS! #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #jjk

[melverie]

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh today I've been constantly experiencing the urge to un-private today-in-the-devildom & start writing for it again

#i'm gonna ramble in the tags but #i've been talking with starr (if you're reading this--hi starr!! <3) about the blog today and sharing some of the entries #and it just made me miss it so much #+ the conversation actually made me realize some other reasons why i didn't enjoy the blog in general anymore #like i genuinely love the blog and i genuinely loved writing for it & that conversation reminded me of that #but also there were so many reasons that ultimately pushed me to more or less abandon the blog & then later private it too #so i'm kind of at a loss here #tbh i think i'm mostly just scared to pick the blog up again only for it to end exactly like last time i picked it back up #i've actually always wanted for the blog to be a source of inspiration y'know? #like the things mentioned in the entries are kinda just small ideas right #i was hoping that people would read these & feel inspired to write or draw something of their own based on my entries #that was actually what made me start the blog in the first place. the hope that i could inspire others that way #aaahhhhhh.... maybe it's on me since i could have more openly communicated that idea...... #i did get to meet one wonderful person who wrote a few fics based on my entries tho!! (hi ali <3) #but yeah..there's that #also the way engagement just dropped significantly after a while #like i know i was gone for a good while & that a lot of people left the fandom and all that #but still getting maybe one reblog if i'm lucky really feels like a punch to the gut #ESPECIALLY considering that i was close to 900 followers on there #do you guys know that feeling when you proudly show someone you care about something you did only to get a disinterested answer? #yeah... #that's essentially how it feels like to me #and well as you might know the feeling of “why should i keep writing if apparently no one cares” eventually won... haha..... #but aaaahhhhh i'm still clinging onto the hope & what ifs here #that conversation with starr really just made me forget about everything that frustrated me about the blog & left me with this #longing feeling to start again lol #hey if you've made it this far into the tags let me just ask--would you care if i picked the blog back up? #would you also *show* that you care? #i'm actually quite curious (you could almost call me george lol) #anyway maybe we'll see each other on today-in-the-devildom again in the future.. who knows

[tea-of-destiny]

i cut my hair fairly short earlier (shortest it's ever been) and i thought it looked fine, but then i took a shower and it curled way more than i was expecting, so now it feels dumb. i guess maybe i have to keep chopping tomorrow to get it back to okay.

#teaposts #i was hesitant to go *too short* off the bat considering i haven't gone above chin length in a very long time #but i should have followed my instinct and taken off more around the ears from the start #if the hair stayed straightish it would be fine but the waviness makes it seem very. fem :| opposite of what i'm going for here #i know i know. i could have also just stayed a guy with long hair #but i've been wanting to cut it for a while now (just couldn't decide on how far i wanted to go) #and anyways after my hospital stay in 2022 it grew back uneven and the different lengths all over my head was getting hard to manage #doesn't mean i won't go back to long hair someday. just need to try something different now

[zenmai--jikake--no--komoriuta]

took a quick picture of my Digimon TCG collection before shuffling it away into a third box to distribute the weight better! yesterday's Swinub for size reference; I think I have perhaps too many cards now! :'>

#I've been getting one booster box each release to help support the game and hopefully keep it going but it adds up A LOT over time #I was supposed to get the second-biggest box but I was second-guessing myself at the store and got another of the biggest #in hindsight I should have just gone for it bc this new one is going to last me another 3 years of releases and that's so far off!! #either way this is me making up for not getting into the old TCG sets back in the day even though I've been a lifelong fan since I was 4 #on another note I have crowned this swinub Snubbynub after a long lineage of thusly-named swinubs I've had since gen3 #every game I get a swinub it *must* be called Snubbynub... another one for the horde! #he has little feet too! it's adorable and he's also full of beans so very fun to toss into the air haha #a day in the life of kate

[siena-sevenwits]

.

#Maybe 84 Charing Cross Road had too strong an effect on me. As I turn my head this way and that #trying to figure out what I shall do with myself when the semester is over and ties are cut with the school I've been teaching for this pas #decade #it occurs to me that I might go - hat in hand as it were - to the old bookseller who runs my favourite used bookstore of all time. #The shop has the most wonderfully curated selection. The first time I walked in there #having been used to the used book section in value village #I almost had my breath taken away #I have to be careful not to go there too often because I am weak for spending money on books #but every Christmas I go and buy a ton as presents and usually something for myself #and I ask the owner if I can start a stack on his counter while I shop and he is always happy and comments on my finds as I bring them #He is kind and conversational on those occasions #My mom once struck up a long conversation with him when we were there together #and learned how he has owned that shop forty years or so and does not have an assistant because he's always managed on his own #And last night as I tried to fall asleep I got ridiculously ahead of myself and imagined the possibilities of employment there in #the detail of a novel without much regard for the probable realities - the realities that he has given no sign of wanting to hire and #having gone so far without an assistant probably doesn't want one #that there would be sides to the job which would likely be dreary #and that as with any job there would be all kinds of difficulties #BUT I often need these romantic imaginings to spur me on to take any kind of action. So - this might be silly - but I am thinking of doing #things the old fashioned way - of going round to the shop rather than emailing him - and asking if there is any chance that there might #be opportunities for work. It will likely all come to nothing and I'll keep looking #but I'll at least make a memory of having tried.

[orcelito]

Finally doing some emotional processing ✌

#speculation nation #went thru old pictures with my sister to find things of my uncle #to display during the funeral :p #and i ended up crying. look at me go! actually letting myself feel things for once. #in large part it's the knowledge that such a permanent fixture of my life is now gone #my fun loving and mischievous uncle... #it's hard to say goodbye to someone so soon. he was younger than my dad even. #but cancer doesnt descriminate with people's ages haha #i spent the past week compartmentalizing like crazy & not letting myself process it at all #so it just did not feel real. i was far too removed from it all. #but now im in familiar ground. spaces he's been in. as recently as last christmas. #i've... been dealing with far too much death lately. #it has me going through life in doubt. because you never know when it'll be the last time you see someone. #life can be normal and then theyre gone. and there's no real way to predict it. #i know ive been writing a Grief Fic but like @ life maybe give me a break for a few years lol. just maybe. #i guess it's been almost 4 years since my grandma died. doesnt feel like it's been that long tho #my grandpa died in 2018. my grandma in 2019. my cat sammy in 2021. my cat cassy may 2023. and now my uncle july 3rd 2023 #too much death. too much fucking death. can i Please get a break for at least 5 years? please and thank you? #im just... really tired of loss. #negative/ #death/ #animal death ment/

[haarute]

i'm sorry but as someone who is always trying to understand most things and most people, the reaction a lot of folks have of immediately dismissing something or jumping to an outrage without having a second to try to reflect on a situation or process empathy is something that i will never relate to and i consider to be a bad mentality to have if left unchecked actually

#not a response to any specific situations that might or might not be the topic of conversation today on tumblr dot com #it's just a general thought that i always have. #and i tend to unfollow people for this sometimes lmao sorry. it just makes me uncomfortable. and i see it frequently. #i've said this before but #i feel like often you can kinda see who has had life experiences that were unfair to them and being angry was their way out into freedom #(which does make sense in the transgender and gay website) #so they default to applying that state to most things because it is What Feels Right To Me Actually and i can't blame them for doing so. #but then there's people like me who like. my life experiences have led me into the Guilt Pit #where i am trying extremely hard to be measured and understanding because i have been very emotionally reactive in the past #or have witnessed things where very emotionally reactive people have caused horrible things to others around them #and i hate that actually and i try as hard as i can not to be that. #which is why i also feel like whenever i see it in other people i'm like. oh boy. i would not get along with you lmao. #and i feel like these are two opposite mentalities that are definitely detrimental to you if gone too far into either direction #so i don't necessarily think either is bad or anything. as long as you're able to pull yourself back and realize that like #you Should dedicate some thought to the rest of the world actually and not default to just ''what i feel is correct always'' #and on the other end realize that sometimes you just have to Let Go #because caring about Everything is unrealistic and you will go Insane and lose your own self if you try to feel for too many other things #which is what i had to learn the hard way. #and also like. sometimes the immediate ''fuck you'' reaction Is super valid. and it's important to learn when that is the case. #but yeah. anyway. mentality. ways of seeing the world. people being different. wooooo. #rambling again in tags sorry.

[dreamersscape]

Does it feel like life is permanently set to extreme hard mode and I still feel super crappy greater than 90% of the time? Yup. But! Emboldened by our relative success with last year's tomatoes, we have given it another go and have added a little pepper plant friend for them. :)

(It may look like the peppers aren't doing as well as the tomatoes, but it cannot be overstated just how bananas this plant's growth chart has been; it's determined to escape the confines of its basket-cage; it has to be constantly rotated so it doesn't completely lose the battle with gravity; I only took this picture the other day and it already looks SO outdated. Can't stop, WON'T STOP.)

#anyways the plan for today is to make some good headway on my 'correspondence' so I guess we'll see how that goes *sheepish laughter* #don't worry I'm not guilting myself over my ridiculously sporadic ability to socially engage - #(not much anyhow I swear!) #- it's just you guys have no idea how much I've MISSED y'all! how I've YEARNED to be able to geek out with you'uns over the blorbos and #their fictional worlds. Like. Please picture me gazing longingly into the middle distance while sorrowfully belting: #🎶 I wanna beeee where the (tumblr) people are. I wanna see... wanna see 'em meta-iiiing! 🎶 #🎶 frolicking around in their - what're they called again? - oh right! plot bunnies! 🎶 #🎶 incrementally crawling your way through your backlog of content to consume and unexpectedly stumbling your way #into a few new hyper-fixations while the already-there ones continue to rage on you don't get too far... 🎶 #🎶 posts (and reblogs and messages and actually finishing a few of your fan creation projects and...) are required for jumping (into #fandoms); dancing (with your friends in gleeful delight over your shared headcanons)! 🎶 #🎶 [...] up where they talk (to each other at normal intervals)! up where they (don't) run (out of energy so fast)! 🎶 #🎶 up where they stay all day IN THE SUNNNNNNNNN 🎶 #🎶 wandering free. wish I could be. PART OF THAT WOOOORLD 🎶 #I could go on but I think you get the gist of it 😆 #and I definitely know I'm not along in this feeling; at the very least I'm sure that is a familiar tune #in many contexts for anyone else struggling with chronic fatigue/illness among other things #I just wish I could find a better way to intermingle extending kindness and patience to myself and rolling around in fictional character #feelings /together/ with my friends without having to insert such long gaps in between you know? #okay woebegone rambling aside thanks guys for not forgetting about me while I've been gone <3 #and let me assure you I haven't forgotten you all either 'cause boy do I need to SHARE SOME STUFF with you! #random musings of a personal nature #I JUST WANNA BE THRIVING HALF AS GOOD AS THOSE TOMATOES YA FEEL ME?

[thedreadvampy]

the really fun thing about performing drag for my friends is that they're super unobservant

twice now I've done a number towards the middle of the night where I've been going around for hours wearing a secret reveal piece and NOBODY has clocked it even though it's shoddy as hell

when I did my Noel Coward bit I was walking around in velcroed together tearaway trousers with braces attached UNDER the waistband and for like 3 hours I kept having to sneak off to revelcro the waistband bc it was coming apart. every time I moved it sounded like bubble wrap popping. and yet everyone was fully gagged when they came off

Saturday night I had a whole full size pride flag hidden in my tits all night. and I have H-cup tits already and was wearing a corset so finding space for that was an achievement. Sam poked my boob and was like WOW THAT'S RIGID and I was just like 🤷‍♀️ corsets man.

(nobody got it on film but the denouement of my fucking. 10 minute dance number why didn't I use the radio edit. was pulling out the flag to the line 'and the last thing I see is my heart still beating, breaking out of my body and flying away')

but the thing that really tickled me is I did it again towards the end of the night for someone who arrived late. and despite me very obviously picking up the flag and excusing myself from the room AND repacking it really shoddily so you could fully see it in my cleavage. like 3 people were exactly as surprised as they were the first time they were like WE DIDN'T THINK YOU'D PULL OUT THE REVEAL AGAIN.

I love them I love my friends not one of them has working eyes.

#I'm talking like I'm doing Real Drag when what I'm doing is going a bit overboard on doing a little dance for my friends #but the thing is. my whole life I've been like IF ONLY I HAD PERFORMANCE SKILLS #and the idea that people might ENJOY WATCHING things that come really naturally to me #dancing lipsynching costuming makeup #is intoxicating like. I'm turning into a narcissism monster I'm just coming out here like #COME TO MY HOUSE AND WATCH ME DO A LITTLE DANCE I'M GOING TO BE SO IMPRESSIVE #BUT LIKE not to be narcissistic bc #my friends are so good at this stuff too #my pal did Jessica Rabbit and Kofi sang Why Don't You Do Right live while they lipsynced along and danced #jay did OK2BGAY which was such a blast from the past i lost itttttt #Sam sang Snake Eater while wearing a skirt covered in teeth #like 4 of us drunkenly did an impromptu rendition of Cell Block Tango #but also when i say why didn't i use the radio edit. bat out of hell is 9 and a half minutes long and i was very energetically going for it #and after both performances i was so out of breath i had to go sit and breathe in the other room for like 10 minutes #that's a workout man #also i was pretty far gone the second time and after 1 and a half successful runthroughs dancing in platform heels #i fell over while trying todo the squatting backwards walk thing and knocked everything off the bookcase #think i recovered well but i have a big and quite sore graze on my knee #anyway if i can convince ppl to be into a third drag night i might organise a lipsync tournament #bc my friend kept suggesting it with increasing enthusiasm but then we couldn't pick a song everyone knew #so i think it needs a bit of ahead of time crowdsourcing #red said

[3knecrotic]

I. Am so. Fucking. Conflicted.

#dk speaks #vent #im so full of fucking rage #this pure boiling fucking anger #with Nothing to direct it to. #me? been there done that got the Junkie Ass Carving #her? she doesnt fucking deserve it. if i just had basic self con-fucking-trol we wouldn't even be In this mess in the first place #i am a god damn timebomb and i have No clue when or who I'll explode on. #at least when im high or drunk or on Anything that rage subsides. #no anger. no ticking. just pleasantries and sociability and joy and calm. #but when im sober? god forbid if i am Forced to be sober? #pft. i can't wait to see the God damn fireworks #because hopefully then it'll mean I've hurt everyone who could Ever care for me #or I've gone so far i pull a trigger before I can even Conceive the trauma I'll cause. #either way. i hurt. #if i get high the way i like to. i hurt. #if i stay sober for too long and get back to my regularly scheduled Thoughts. I Hurt. #there's pain either way. #fact of the matter is who am i gonna force to get it. #me. #or all. #let's find the fuck out.

[bubbly-dolly]

rough irl stuff happened so idk how much i'll be posting. it feels like i may take a break for a week or two... i hope not, but i dunno if i'll be able to relax in a doll way at all tbh

#it's sad i was just getting into a groove again :( hopefully i'm not gonna be gone too long this time #i don't really vent on main bc it's so far removed from doll #so guess it's happening here lol #fuckkkkk landlords I HAAAAATE THEMMMM #i've been alternating between crying dissociating and uh. watching this one YouTube clip on repeat #https://youtu.be/dyIilW_eBjc #it is one of the few things that have tickled my brain today #also got ice cream and starbucks today and went for a walk and got a lot of anger out in physical therapy #also got some thinking putty :) one was a surprise glow in the dark green that looks like Vaseline glass #and the other is a clear purple with purple-blue holo circle and 4 point star confetti

[rainedragamute]

Not to sound like a broken record but holy FUCK I have GOT to get more autistic. I've caged the beast for far too long, the mask is cracked and will break soon. Upon that time I will finally be free, free to be as weird and cringe as I deserve to be. I've been nice and quiet and "normal" for far too long.

#vent post #I guess? #not so much a vent as a declaration of no longer suppressing myself? #idk lol I've been stuck in this mask for far too long #it's time to stop shunning my inner weirdo and just cut loose for once in my life #so if I seen extra strange in the future just know that means I'm not masking #also masking referring to masking my autism not as in face masks for covid #I'll still be wearing those until I'm either dead or covid is gone #whichever comes first

[shadeswift99]

Today on really stupid things to be happy about:

The fact that when I stopped being able to read or write four months ago my Works and Bookmarks just happened to be perfectly even

#it makes sense in a way because i had started trying to keep them even as a half joke ages ago #but still I'm so weirdly happy to have left it like that dhfhfhd #not like its easy to not be able to do the things i love (it's been hell actually) but it would be so much harder if I'd left it uneven >:[ #....yeah. I don't think I've ever fully explained on here so #hi I'm Shade :) i used to write things and then i went on a month long break for school stress and THEN a many month long break #unplanned because apparently chronic illness. so. so sorry to the people who were waiting for that Red Thread update in may #or yknow literally anything else other than semiconscious reblogs and radio silence #don't worry I am far from 100% still but i have meds and they're helping a lot #and i AM going to work my way back up to writing. I am. slowly #but it's probably going to be very slowly and low effort for a while because i still don't know if i can handle full time uni in the fall #but i have been able to read again! physical symptoms are still kinda eeh some days but the brain fog most times is gone #huge win #and at least my works and bookmarks are even :] #i don't usually put personal stuff here and honestly i don't even know if there's still anybody around who remembers me more active but #feels good to not be too hopeless to open ao3 again. #that's about as much shade ramble as you'll have to put up with today have a great evening everyone 💙 #ah fuck i forgot #tw medical

[maddy-ferguson]

People really need to read up more on surrogacy, I'm pretty sure those in favor of it just think "Well if the woman wants to do it why not" but there is so much more to it :/ It's extremely exploitative in most cases, not to mention that wombs and babies shouldn't be seen as products to be bought.

exactly thank you...so many different angles to choose from too like commodification of the human body commodification of women's bodied specifically exploitation of poorer women...like TO ME it's liberalism on an insane level

#like any one of these can be developed enough to argue against it #altruistic surrogacy is like well personally i still think that's crazy (but that's probably because i don't wanna be pregnant ever lmao) #but without the money it's different #even though obviously you can say money makes it better but like. idk does it. but like i don't care as much ig #all of this applies to other topics that are like debated in the same way (where you can argue commodification of the human body+of #women's bodies+exploitation of poorer women amongst other things and they can say it's their choice so you shouldn't be against it) #and on other topics even though at the end of the day i feel the same way i've gone back and #forth on it more than i have for surrogacy. like none of the arguments sound convincing to me like at all #and i don't see myself changing my mind anytime soon? like i Have tried i've thought about it but this is where i always end up #in french law it's prohibited because of the first thing you can't sell your organs so you can't rent them for nine months either and #like idk sounds sensible to me! i studied law for three years maybe it's my law student baggage (it's not) #people are debating it again rn and a leftist politician basically said what i said commodification of women's bodies + exploitation of #poorer women and some of the qrts of the video were like wow i don't like [his party] they're so behind on lgbt issues...excuse me what #like we're literally talking about women straight couples gay couples irdgaf i'm against it for everyone and some people are trying so hard #to make it sound like anyone that's anti-surrogacy is homophobic when like yeah obviously to the far-right (and others) it's an excuse to #be homophobic but there's another part of the population you're not considering it's literally been a feminist debate for a long time💀 #the law for it in ukraine is very liberal and when russia invaded people were like nooo i have a woman who needs to give birth to my baby #there like oh my god. the exploitation of women from other countries too like it's crazy. (also applies to regular adoption in foreign #countries obviously which is why some countries were like stop. for both adoption and surrogacy for foreigners) #and i say this but it could all be like women with the same kind of money hiring each other and i would still feel the same way because #it's like the principle like i feel strongly enough about the first two. but also there's never gonna be a world where it's just that #(i'm sure tons of couples hire women that wouldn't be like on the street without surrogacy) because it's also a class thing. including the #women in other countries in that #ask

[myname-isnia]

*wakes up*

*grabs phone*

*email notification*

*new comment on SotRL*

*throws phone to the far side of adjacent couch*

*goes back to sleep*

#NOT TODAY THANK YOU #not ever. preferably #I was not emotionally prepared for this #look... I think I might be the direct opposite of literally every writer on the planet #because seeing that email made me feel sick to my stomach #this has singlehandedly sent my entire day off kilter #I'm supposed to go to my grandma's today but now all I want to do is rot in bed for the rest of the day #literally anyone else would have been happy to receive a several sentences long comment praising them #but my initial reactions were 'how the fuck did you find this?' 'why the fuck would you read it?' and 'I should've deleted when I wanted to' #I've heard countless stories about sudden comments received years after the last update kicking authors into continuing the story #usually in PSAs to always comment or whatever #but I just feel awful #not because I feel guilty over not finishing SotRL or anything like that #just.. because this is exactly the reason why I wanted to delete that fic #people reading anything I've written makes me want to die but SotRL especially #it's old. the writing is bad. there's a reason I call it my greatest failure #I don't want people to read it. that's why I wanted it gone #and the comment was so nice too. much more than just a call for an update #I hate that it caused this reaction in me because it's clear the person only had the best intentions in mind #but I can't control my emotions. far from the first time I wish that I could #someone put me in the guiness world record book as the first person to ever get genuinely upset over a nice comment #I laugh shit like this off as the mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever but in reality it's so much worse #if I didn't have anything to stop me my entire ao3 account would be gone. I hate the thought of people reading my work #just further proof that I'm not a writer. that I spent six years deluding myself into believing that I was #trying to shove square pieces into triangular holes like a dumb toddler #I should have quit before any of this happened. erased everything and forgotten about it like a bad dream #I should have never started writing in the first place #if I had the chance to go back in time and tell one thing to my 11 year old self it would be to not even think about writing #it has brought me nothing but pain and suffering and I really should have stayed away from it #too late now. I've been irreversibly ruined

[medicinemane]

.

#I've lived far too long; lingering years after I should have been gone