#i'm constantly telling myself to dont do more than a rough | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mueritos · 2 years

Note

how does one get noticed as an artist? I have multiple platforms for my art like DA, Tumblr, and Ko-Fi, but it feels like everything gets drowned out by the sheer multitude of better artists. which, ya know, is kinda sucky bc my comm slots have been collecting dust for a month (and never mind I'm in a rough financial spot). I'm told my stuff is good, but that's from my small niche of friends, so it just feels obligatory :/

Hmm. This is really difficult to answer considering every social media platform works differently. Algorithms are constantly changing, so it makes it even more difficult to catch on. Posting everyday gets you the most engagement, and even with hundreds or thousands of followers, only half of them will see your posts because you arent posting regularly. ill insert a readmore.

I cant tell you how this all works because I refuse to learn how it works. Ive always just posted whenever I wanted, posted whatever I wanted, and have been doing so for many years. But I have found several things that have gotten me noticed have contributed to my growth. Before that, a really great art youtuber, Kelsey Rodriguez, does a really good job at giving advice regarding growing on social media as an artist and how to the run the business and growth side while managing the art, so Id check those out.

having a larger project, like a comic.

having a comic, and it doesnt have to be a webtoon or published on a comic hosting site, not only forces you to improve in your art by constantly drawing and experimenting, it also gives you something to post regularly. Posting regularly is important, and even if its only once or twice a week, the crucial part is that its consistent. this is more likely to give your followers content to look at, but it can attract people who relate or enjoy your comic, and can help solidify an audience. Ive done two comics so far, and my first one allowed me to understand how to draw them, and my second one allowed me to understand how to have fun with them. Both times I continued to grow an audience who enjoyed not only the comic, but myself and my other art.

fanart (unfortunately)

fanart often gets more views than original art, which is unfortunate because lots of people have awesome ocs and original art that should be noticed. but people like having context and lore to whatever theyre seeing, and if its connected to something they already know, it can bring them more joy than to look at something theyre unfamiliar with. While i dont draw fanart as much as I used to, drawing it regularly (i used to do a lot of anime fanart back in hs), can help build you an audience of people who enjoy the same media as you! it can help boost you even more if you draw fanart for smaller bands, shows, books, etc, because tagging creators or staff who have worked on those media can sometimes get them to like and share the post as well!

other artist interaction

you need to build relationships with other artists. I have to admit this has been difficult with me, but if you have artist friends online who also have an audience, you can all work together to introduce your audience to each others' art. many of my mutuals have similar followers, and this is because we all hype each other up, share each others art, and tell people about each others art. sometimes all it takes is for one mutual to share your art for you to gain an influx of hundreds of followers.

Overall, I want to encourage you to continue drawing. Commissions are not the end all be all of your value; you need to build an audience, build experience, and build consistency before you come to that point where people will commission you. Its a difficult reality, screaming into the void, but once you realize youre not the only one, you start to build connections and community with other artists for support.

I wish u the best of luck!

#muertoresponds #art stuff #i wud b more than happy to boost an comm forms or donation funds btw!

26 notes · View notes

namakes · 11 months

Note

i dont follow you, just read your tags on the Just Start post (i read lots of tags on every post i see for some reason) i am also teaching myself how to skate, it is so humiliating to be a beginner but no one who sees you is thinking about that. something i tell myself is "well they are not skating" if anyone sees me (if they are, then that's someone you can maybe skate with!).

my "i wish someone told me this" for if you feel so constantly embarrassed while skating is, don't worry about anyyyy tricks for like, 2 weeks at least, until you get really comfortable pushing the board and turning and going in the direction you want to go. once you get comfortable with that you'll probably naturally develop some style and feel more confident :D

also a motivator for me is i'm trying to practice a little every day and when i get discouraged i think to myself "it would be really wild if i practiced consistently and never improved at all." you got this!!

(just combining these asks for ease of answering)(also I totally get it, I am also a serial tag reader lol)

Thanks for the tips! Being a beginner at anything is always rough...

Been trying to tell myself like "okay, even if someone does see you, no one's really looking at you" but alas, I am unfortunately cursed with a lack of confidence and critical self-awareness. Getting better at believing it, though! It does help telling myself like, if anyone does see me they're just going to think like "hey, that person's just learning" and not like "wow look at that loser" lol

For sure! I mostly picked it up 'cause I wanted something that's more portable than like, a bike, but would make getting around faster than walking (and also more fun). I'll likely learn to ollie at some point and see where it goes from there, but I'm def gonna build my confidence with the basics first!

Also that's true lol. Progress is usually slow to start, but eventually we all get better! It can be a little unmotivating (especially with something like skateboarding where you're basically guaranteed to eat it a few times), but the only way to get better is to practice, even if it's only a little bit a day. Videos and reading can only take you so far.

Oh, that's a good idea. I did try that a couple times, but I should really do it more often (esp. with how wet it's been here recently)...

Thanks again for the pointers, and good luck to you too!

#ask #it's both fun and scary to learn a new skill #for multiple reasons #thanks though!#i know i said that already but. hough.

0 notes

chickensarentcheap · 3 years

Note

I just wanted to make sure you know that you are appreciated ❤ I saw your post about being tired and I'm sorry that people have been hating on you, you dont deserve that shit. I know we dont really talk on here or anything but I always find myself liking the things you post and you seem like a really nice person. I havent read any of your fiction yet because I still havent seen Extraction (I know, The Shame!!!) and I wanted to be able to appreciate your fics properly.

Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I think you're awesome and I'm sorry things are shit for you right now. If you ever wanna talk, feel free to hit me up ❤❤❤ also, keep posting great content 👍 (especially if it contains Hemsworth's hot bod 😋🤣)

Heyyyyy!! Thank you so much for reaching out to me. You are always more than welcome to come and chat or send me asks about anything that pops into your head. Anything at all :D

Things have been rough. Mostly in real life. It's been brutal. I've been doing non stop battle with racists in my town, online, everywhere in regards to Native Residential Schools. I'm so tired. I'm constantly fighting and I have to because I'm the only one left to tell my father's experiences in one of those schools. So I keep fighting and I wont' let them silence me. And then there's our shitty government and their treatment of kids with special needs. It's just been non stop fighting in that area for nearly 15 years! UGHHHHHH.

Thank you so much. It means a lot to me that you reached out like this. And oh man, I wont say the exact of screenshots of Tyler Rake I have, but I need an intervention LOL

<3 <3 <3

1 note · View note

daydream-hobii · 5 years

Note

Firstly, I want to tell that I love your stories. I read and re-read them on days that are rough. Yesterday was rough. I wasn't able to attend class, cause I spent half of it in tears and the other half trying not to cry. I wrote to you when I felt like an complete bitch to my friend . I'd finally been able to stop my thoughts and just wanted to sleep, but then she was talking with her bf and I snapped at her. I'm just so tired of feeling like shit constantly and just needed some to vent to. - e

And know I feel like shit cause I feel like I’m making a bigger deal out of it, than it is. I feel like I’m worrying people and I don’t wanna do that, but then I think why would anyone worry for me. I mean why would they if I can’t even take care of myself properly. I’m sorry for venting, Im sorry for making you listen. I wanna tell you I’m good that I’m fine Im okay. But I dont wanna lie cause it’ll make me feel even worse. It’s nobodys problem but mine. Thanks for listening plz dont worry. - e

Don’t worry sweetie, I won’t, you sound pretty strong to me. In fact, you sound exactly like me. Judging by how you explained your schooling, you’re in High School….? Correct me if I’m wrong. Rough days happen, trust me I know them well, and you know what? That’s okay. Rough days have to happen in order to have the better days, and the better days give you something to look forward to. Missing class for mental health is totally fine, it’s a sick day. I took a lot of those when I was in High School.

Snapping at your friends during darker days is a normal response, just make sure to apologize and explain to your friend what happened, and what set you off. You’re feelings are important and, even if they may come at the wrong time or maybe you’re feelings aren’t the best for the situation, but they are never wrong, I want you to remember that.

Making a bigger deal out of something is my specialty, I tend to do it all the time, but it rolls back to how we’re feeling. You’re upset, you’re hurt, you’re angry. It’s okay to feel all these things and think it’s a big deal, because it is. Trust me when I say that more people worry about you than you may think. You can’t see it because your mind tries to block it from you, but people do love you.

Why would you be sorry for venting? Sometimes, people need to vent to others, even if it’s someone like me who you’ve never met. That’s why the internet can be a great thing. I’m glad you felt good enough to vent to me, and I hope my words made you feel a bit better!!

It may seem dark and hopeless now, but life does get better. I hope each and day is a better day than the last!! ^_^

#juju talks #e anon #advice #trigger warning

5 notes · View notes

marias-studyblr · 6 years

Note

Hey, i'm not sure why i'm telling you this but im really upset and just need to vent. Today my history teacher pinpointed me infront of the whole class (twice) and, long story short, was very persistent with receiving an answer of some sort which i had no idea about. Everybody was staring at me, some were laughing, i felt my face burning honestly all i wanted to do was to run out of the class. As someone with social anxiety i avoid any form of class speaking anyway, but now i cant stop [1]

[2] replaying the events from earlier today and i just feel shit about myself. Im embarrassed that everyone else probably thinks i lack a lot of intelligence and basic knowledge. It’s hard to think when im asked a specific question infront of everyone,it makes me so nervous and my mind goes blank. To everyone this may seem like i’m overreacting but honestly im so upset and im not sure if its normal to feel this way. I dont know how to get over this feeling it’s horrible. I’m so done with school tbh

Hey! You deserve this rant, please whenever you need, I’m here for you!

So it might not seem like it because I’m pretty open in here, but I do exactly what you described. I was seeing myself in your words.

It used to be way worse in the last years of middle school, and in the first years of high school, it got to the point I didn’t really think for myself and all my interactions were based on what the other person wanted to hear or what I thought they would think of me.

Of course it always backfired, because it’s impossible to please everyone at all times, which left me even more unhappy about myself and lead me to more and more mental and physical problems (nothing too serious!).

I would constantly overthink about particular situations where I was put on the spot at school and cringed over and over again.

It lead to tricky situations, a rough couple of years while I transitioned through that. A lot of hiding in bathroom stalls. And cringy stuff that only I remember by now.

I took way too seriously what other people talked about me, which gave them power. And those people understood it somehow and used it in the wrong way, which made me feel even worse.

I don’t know why. I have a couple of suspicions from my childhood but nothing that completely justifies why I didn’t know how to stand up for myself like most people did.

Looking back I can see how I was innocent and didn’t really understand how everyone, everyone, the students, the teachers, they also had problems and insecurities in their lives. I thought everyone was always better than me when actually we were all the same even with our differences and I had nothing to worry about.

I’m much better now. I’ve learned how to recognize my self-worth, hold myself as an individual. I’m not afraid to look people in the eye, and most importantly live my life for me and not for others.

But I’m not completely secure though. Just the other day I was thinking about this, trying to figure it out. Nowadays, I think my problems come from the huge respect I have for other people. I do this crazy thing: whenever I’m held responsible to someone I get super committed to doing it in the most perfect way possible because I don’t want to disappoint that person, even if it’s a total stranger. And whenever I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, I feel so bad because I just wanted to do it nicely for them. And I know that’s not a bad thing to do, but it comes to such extremes with me, because I overthink it so much.

For example, last friday I realized I forgot to send an email to the librarian to renew my book before 7pm, and I remembered at 10pm. I sent the email but through the night and the whole weekend I felt horrible about it.

It’s not like the social anxiety that I had before, but it’s still some kind of awkwardness that I don’t want to depend on.

So after this detour, let me get to the point. xD

I think we can both agree that we have to be able to stand up for ourselves and to appear stable even in the most embarrassing of situations, both for self-respect, because you don’t owe anything to anyone, you are allowed to make mistakes and be treated fairly, but also because it’s a good thing to have for your future life, you’ll always need to speak under pressure and you need to stop putting yourself through this anxiety everytime you are.

I also understand this is not something you can simply stop doing because it’s irrational. As soon as the moment starts, you get dragged into it and without noticing it your face looks like a tomato emoji.

However, that doesn’t mean you can’t slowly start making a change in your behavior, including practicing the way you present yourself, your posture, the way you talk, controlling nervous tics, answering while making eye contact with teachers and other people without stuttering.

Body language may seem non-important to you at first glance but it’s ALL that matters in social interactions, and this is what helped me overcome that feeling of pure cringe and embarrassment. I just kept practicing and I still do now. I encourage you to start paying attention to how confident people sit and how you sit, how they talk and how you talk. Truly start studying these things, and this is how I improved, it has made my life so much happier, and the biggest difference in my life quality. Truly.

Now, by NO means I’m saying this is going to solve everything overnight. I’ve improved my anxiety progressively and cringe situations still happen to me, but I find them less damaging over time. To finish up, I’m going to tell you an example of a situation of me practicing:

I’m in class, minding my own business. I pay attention to my posture. I sit with my back straight, hands relaxed, body still. I’m not covering my face or bending down. I pay attention to the class. The teacher asks me a question, I can feel my heart rate immediately going up. I focus first on my breathing (inhale and exhale profoundly) and maintaining my posture and quickly go through those physical checks. Even if I’m blushing, I keep eye contact with the teacher and my voice strong all the way through.

This is harder than it seems if you have social anxiety, but this practice really helped me and got me through so much. I still have a lot to overcome but I’ve gotten so many victories already and I want you to have the same, I know you can.

Here are 2 phenomenal Ted Talks that really helped me learn what I just told you about and I encourage you to watch them from beginning to end:

The surprising secret to speaking with confidence - Caroline Goyder

Your body language may shape who you are - Amy Cuddy

So I know this is already pretty long but I still have some stuff that might help you so I want to give it a try.

Confidence comes from within, so self-reflection is always needed. In order to not go too deep on that right now, because that’s a whole other question in itself, I’m going to give you the one piece of practical advice I always give which is recommending Yoga with Adriene, either doing her yoga videos or her meditation ones, or her challenges. Just to keep that positivity flowing in your veins is so important. And if you don’t have a source in your life, I feel like Adriene could be it.

Goals are really important in being confident too, so keeping a bullet journal, or a journal, a vision board, where you write your feelings, your interests, your dreams, might get you through the bad days and give you confidence when you need it the most. I feel like some days thinking about how grateful I am for my family, my home, myself, etc. really gets me through tough feelings I might be experiencing.

Always share out loud what you are experiencing with your loved ones, with people you trust. Whenever I have feelings bottling up I force myself to spill them to my loved ones because I know no matter how much it embarrasses me to admit them, it always makes me feel better after they comfort me and make me see something differently, and suddenly the incident sounds a little more beatable.

Last thing I want to touch, and I promise, I promise this is the last thing, is those people in your class making you feel inferior. Don’t you shed a tear for them and I mean it. You are the classy one. You are the strong one. You get to keep your head high and be kind to yourself. If someone isn’t compassionate to you, you don’t owe them anything and you have the right to shut them out of your life. You don’t need to keep thinking about them or talk about them. You just don’t do them. You don’t pay attention to what they’re saying about you… they don’t know you. They. Don’t. Know. You. They don’t matter. That doesn’t mean you get to be rude to them, it just means they’re irrelevant. So. With that being said, I hope you understand you are a beam of light, a fucking rock star and you can get through this, you can overcome this school year, and the next one and the next one.

Find the people in your life who matter, who make you feel good. That’s all that matters. Here’s something interesting I read: “Feel bad for people who have the energy to bring others down. Don’t hate them back, feel for them. They are clearly in pain if that’s where they want to spend their energy.” Like I said they’re irrelevant, but you don’t have to be mean back, don’t get inside their game. Be the classy one and always, always, always focus on yourself, live your life.

I honestly want to keep talking for hours. I hope this was enough for you to kick-start a new way of seeing yourself and starting to become happy with who you are. There are so many obstacles in life but positivity is possible, you just have to keep looking for the things in your life that matter, that make you feel good and don’t give up.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to answer this for you and I hope the advice reaches you. ♡ ♡ ♡ lots of love!

#answered #life advice #self confidence #positivity

17 notes · View notes

jillys-bunnies · 6 years

Note

Hey, I just wanted to ask you a question please? Sorry for my english, but I saw you have 2 rabbits (female) and we have also 2 rabbits (female too) and we tried to put them together but they fighted, so I'm interested by the way you did to make them together without any problems, I would like our 2 rabbits being together and playing and all.. I hope you can help me that would be nice because its been months and I cant seem to find anything right Thank you! (Im glad your rabbits look so happy)

my rabbits knew each other before we got them, so i never had any problems, but ive put together a little cheat sheet composed of advice ive heard commonly and have researched. i hope it helps! (and your english is fine, dont worry!)

getting used to each other pre-bonding

heres what saveabunny suggests:

You should figure out housing and bonding areas before bringing a second rabbit home. You will temporarily need a second cage for the new rabbit and a place for that cage, preferably near your current bunny. You will also need to find neutral areas in your house [somewhere your rabbits don’t go and haven’t claimed as territory] where you can do the introductions ... I would have two cages set up for the rabbits side by side, about three inches apart. It is important to keep the cages slightly apart because they will sometimes try to bite each other through the wires ... You do want them in the same room so they can communicate with each other. I will often place the litter boxes on the far side, away from the other cage. Greens are typically placed in the side closest to the other cage. Eating is a social activity and this will force them to be a little social ... it is all right to start with them living as neighbors for several weeks.This gives them some times to get used to each other before you start the bonding.

ive heard very good things about all of these suggestions. heres an additional suggestion from the same article that i havent personally heard much at all about, but you might consider:

Lastly, I have the rabbits switch cages every night. This way they get used to living with the other rabbit's scent and neither gets too possessive about either cage.

pre-bonding health

ensure both bunnies have been fixed for at least 2 to 4 weeks and are in good healthy condition. bonding can be stressful, and if bunnies fight, you dont want them to already be injured or weak.

learn in advance what to watch out for and how to stop fights

its very very important to keep a close eye on bunnies to try to stop bunnies before they start fighting. heres more from savebunny.org:

Look for signs that your rabbit is in attack mode. Typically, their ears will be bent back at a forty five degree angle. What does their tail look like? A rabbit about to attack will raise their tail and appear to be on their haunches. When your rabbit does this, tell them to be nice, and push them a few feet away. Remember- ears back at a 45 degree angle, tail raised up mean your rabbit is ready to attack.

Now there is also the rabbit that will run and charge another bunny. This is fairly easy to read, but you need to intecept them quickly. Some chasing can be normal, as one may be chasing to mount and exhibit their dominance. Last, there is the rabbit that will lie there trying to look innocent, but will turn their head and quickly bite. Those are the hardest to stop, although they are less likely to turn into an all out fight. You will have to read your rabbit's eyes to figure them out.

some dominance establishment, as mentioned before, can be normal, like chasing and mounting (in less formal turns, humping), but should still be gently stopped to prevent bunnies from getting riled up.

its not always possible to stop things in time, so be ready with thick gloves and maybe a thick sweater so you can get in and stop them immediately. rabbits will bite blindly and this will hurt you if youre not protected. ive also seen people encourage the use of spray bottles to stop fights, but im not comfy doing so myself so i cant really speak on that. in the end, its up to you, but i urge you to only ever use spray bottles to stop fighting because its so dangerous for bunnies.

bonding

Find a small neutral area of your house that your rabbit does not use. Some options are the bathtub, a blocked off section of hallway, or an exercise pen in a neutral room. Get your supplies ready- the water bottle, gloves or old sneakers. Place the rabbits in the neutral space and watch them. It is easiest to have two people nearby- one with the water bottle and the other with the gloves or sneakers.

i also suggest not to put a litter box in this neutral space - one could get territorial over it.

ive seen some disagreement about when exactly you should separate the bunnies completely. my suggestion is the first 2 times in a bonding session they try to attack, move them apart but keep them in the same pen. after that, separating them for the day is good - you can try again later.

I would start by letting your rabbits spend 15-30 minutes together on their first date, depending on how it is going. If it is going well, then I would go the thirty minutes. During a normal work day, I would have them date only once. However on the weekends, feel free to try 2-3 dates, 6-8 hours a part. If the dates are going well, then gradually increase the time that they are spending together ...

While the rabbits may at time appear indifferent to us, the truth is they are sizing each other up to determine if they can trust each other. This is seen by observing the rabbits. They may lay about 2-3 feet from each other. If they weren't interested at all, they wouldn't do this. They are being coy- curious but not quite trusting enough. We've all seen humans play hard to get. Guess what- rabbits do too! With time you will notice the space between them decrease and eventually they will be sleeping next to each other.

If your rabbits are not interacting, look for other signs. Do they seem relaxed? Are they washing themselves? Hopping around like everything is normal? If so, then they don't perceive the other rabbit as a threat.

When the rabbits are curious about each other, they will go up to each other and sniff. One may bow his head, requesting licks. One may gently lick the other rabbit's face. These contacts are usually brief, lasting less than 30 seconds. This is the start of grooming and is an excellent sign. As trust continues to develop, these sessions will increase into true snuggling where they will groom each other. During the first meetings, the buns will often seem a little tense, but as time goes on, they will relax. The first signs of grooming may appear a little rough- almost like chewing or gentle nibbling at the hair instead.

When you see positive signs- whether they just seem comfortable in a pen togehter (while not interacting) or if you are lucky enough to see some grooming, you should gradually increase the time they spend together and the space they use. For example, increase their time together from 1 hour to 2 hours to three hours. Once they can spend several hours together, you might be inclined to move them into a larger room where they can run and play together. This is also an excellent time to put litter boxes in for them to use and feed them dinner together.

You should instinctively know when to move on to the next stage. There is the trust factor- you will find yourself trusting them more each day. The first few sessions you will be with them constantly. Then you may feel like you can run to the kitchen and grab a drink. After many sessions, you may feel as if you don't need to be with them, but want them within earshot. At a certain point you will feel as if they can be together and you don't need to be with them ...

Sometimes rabbits appear to be stuck in a rut and not progressing with their bonding. They have worked out a mutual agreement to coexist, but don't seem to be chummy quite yet. This is where you need to push them a little bit. Shake things up- try some of the tricks listed below. Move to a different location, try a smaller pen, try a larger pen. Try and get them over the hump. If both rabbits like banana, then take some and place banana in the fur near the base of the ears. Since most buns go crazy for this, they will try to lick it off each other. One will think they are getting a treat, while the other believes they are being groomed. Sometimes you need to gently push them forward.

closing remarks

i hope all of this helps you get your bunnies to be friendly! it may take a long time or go quickly. a lot of it has to do with interpreting your bunnies body language and following your gut on when its time to move forward. i quoted from saveabunny.org, but here are more resources if you need them!

sacramento house rabbit society

natalie sullivan and edie sayegs bunny bonding guide

good luck and happy bun parenting! and if anyone has anything to add, feel free. id love to hear from other bun parents!

#responses #text

4 notes · View notes

fallynephemeron · 7 years

Note

The best you've had, huh Xave? Any of the following.. I'm interested.. About You 8, 22 (me instead of a follower), 45 Relationships 8, Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30. Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106. Fetish 5, 11, 30. This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92. Thats all. No offense taken if you dont answer. Its fine. Was just thinkin of you the other day then saw this -M

Xave: Shit. didn’t realize you might read that. uggggg. You always did know how to make me blush. It’s true though. I won’t take it back. Riv says there’s millions of parallel universes… so maybe somewhere out there we ended up together. I wouldn’t be surprised at all. If I’d found you first things could have ended up a lot different than they are now. I think we both know that.

Alright… mr. curious….. you asked…. so that’s what you’re getting

About You, 8 , 22, 45

When was your last erection/arousal?

Xave: Mine? Uggg. Fuck, this morning. In the shower. No I didn’t do anything about it. That just makes it worse. It went away eventually. Daily life is finding ways to distract myself and constantly trying not to get turned on.

If someone you knew asked for a nude image, would you do it? What about a tumblr follower?

Xave: specifically you? My nature and desire say yes…. my wedding vows say no. Sorry love.

Whats your favorite lingerie outfit?

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/431993789231669578/ something like that. And no, that doesn’t count as a picture of me. :P So…. are you into that kind of thing? or just curious. ;) cause i don’t think i remember stuff like that ever coming up when we were together.

Relationships 8- What do you look for in a hookup?

Xave: in the past? cause that doesn’t happen any more. But… since you asked, i’ll tell you what I notice- nice smile, no scary vibes, not completely filthy, or obviously a druggie…. that’s about it. lol. I’m a slut with low standards, what can I say?

Porn & Sex Ind 26, 27, 30.

Have you ever tried to recreate a scene?

Xave: not really? I mean, you can’t help but pick things up here and there. But… There was this one guy I was with a few times that was OBSESSED with porn. He loved acting out the same scenes his favorite porn guys did. Once or twice was fun, and a change of pace, but it didn’t take long for that to get really old. Like there was no connection there at all. It was kinda weird.

Have you ever used porn to show a partner what you like/want?

Xave: oh yeah. it’s helpful for sure. Though no one’s ever made a porn vid, at least that I’ve found, that can quite capture the elegance of making someone come completely undone over a long period of time…. but then… you never seemed to need instructions for that, did you. ;)

Have you considered getting into porn?

Xave: I’ve had experience in the industry. Mostly stills. I was young, underage, and no one cared and no one asked. I don’t have a problem with porn, and it might be fun if I hadn’t been burned in the past. But I don’t think I could do it without some serious drugs or something to get me through the inevitable flashbacks. So, no.

Sex 6 (humor me an say it again), 14, 30, 34, 38, 53, 82, 91, 102, 106.

Who was your best sex partner?

Xave: say it again huh? lol Alright. Mike Lamb is the Best fuck I’ve EVER had. Happy?

Do you like dirty talking?

Xave: If it’s done right yeah for sure… sometimes it just awkward, and WAY too often it sounds cheesy and corny. Then I get the giggles and ruin the moment.

Where is the strangest or wildest place you’ve had sex/oral?

Xave: I’ll go with wildest… which I kinda answered for myself when I answered Wyn’s questions…. out in the middle of nowhere in the woods. Strangest? too personal to answer in public. It’s a really bad memory. I might spill if we were having a private conversation. I always trusted you with that stuff.

Whats your funniest sex experience?

Xave: Halloween, a long time ago. This guy I was screwing thought it would be HILARIOUS to try to scare me… like during sex. So we were going at it…. like full on, he’s on top. and he’d rigged stuff to fall on me.. like plastic spiders..and a rubber rat, it was ridiculous. I just laughed. There’s scary shit out there, and plastic spiders and rubber rats don’t even register. Anyway, but then like, he’d rigged this scary mask to swoop out over me, after the spiders and stuff fell… but apparently, he’d forgotten about it. And it didn’t come out when it was supposed to, it got stuck or something… so we like, were JUST about there. Like just about to hit climax. He wasn’t very good anyway…. and this fucking mask, comes swinging over him out of nowhere, and lands right on my face. He screamed, so high pitched, pulled out, freaking out in hysterics. Then I got the giggles and he lost his erection. He was SO embarrassed. He wouldn’t answer my texts after that. I still think it’s hilarious.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Describe the experience(s).

Xave: ugggggggg. yeah. With my husband. He was trying SO hard, and he was completely miserable. This was before he knew he was ace. I faked it… and we were done. I just couldn’t bear to see his face if he knew he’d failed again.

Which non-genital parts of your body do you like being touched or stimulated? \

Xave: mmmm, fuck. nipples. shoulder blades, the backs of my thighs, like that place right under your ass?

Do you like cum or is it gross?

Xave: mmmm, depends on the pheromones. Some guys just taste gross. That’s all there is to it. But…. some pheromones … when they match with yours, it’s SO good and you just want more.

Do you like to have your ass eaten?

Xave: not ashamed to admit it. absolutely yes.

Has anyone ever cum inside you on accident? How did you feel about that?

Xave: If it’s really an accident…. that’s one thing. I’ve had shitty guys do it on purpose when I hadn’t consented. That fucking pissed me off. A lot. I didn’t screw around with them ever again, unless I didn’t have a choice, which has happened in the past.

Do you like to play with balls/have your balls played with?

Xave: it’s not really my thing..especially my own, unless, again and always, if it’s done just right. But if I know that’s something my partner really enjoys, I’m into making that a priority for him.

Fetish 5, 11, 30.

Are there any fetishes you don’t have yet, but may be interested in?

Xave: mmm, being tied up. No one’s really done that well for me. Like, everyone that’s tried it has been a sadist, and I really hate sadists. Not my thing at all. But sensory deprivation and not being able to move, combined with edging, that would be amazing.

Do you enjoy long, extended teasing/edging sessions?

Xave: Fuck you Mike. LOL you just want to hear me say it. YES. you KNOW I do.

Are you an exhibitionist?

Xave: lol, guilty as charged. In every sense of the word. Except when it comes to talking about difficult stuff, then it’s just gotta be secure and private.

This or that 8, 22, 25, 43, 55, 73, 87, 92.

Rough Sex or Intimate Sex

Xave: BOTH. like really both. alternating, or at the same time, in the same session. I love it.

Circumcised or Uncircumcised

Xave: am i? I’m cut. But as for what I prefer? doesn’t matter, either/or.

Ruined or Complete Orgasm

Xave: with someone that can pull it off, and then keep going??? Ruined. 100%. But who the hell knows how to pull that off with such perfection…. oh … I guess I know one guy. ;)

Dirty Talk or Loud Moaning

Xave: Both. Fuck.

Length or Girth

Xave: Girth

Ball Licking or Rimming

Xave: rimming.

Doggy Style or Missionary

Xave: ugggg, they both have their place, but if I had to choose just one for the rest of my life, then, Missionary.

Slow or Fast

Xave: Both. but again… if I can only have one, forever, then slow.

Are you happy? Now I’m horny. do you KNOW how long 14 days is?

#xave #character development #character ask meme #Anonymous

8 notes · View notes

thunderheadboomboom-blog · 7 years

Text

Believe it or not, I've had a lot of people ask me what I'm like as a person.

Well here is a little bit about me. I may keep this post updated, as I will probably find all kinds of stuff I forgot to add. •I personally think I relate to johnny, dally, and pony the most. •I'm like Dallas bc I'm very cold, and I have trouble dealing with emotions and love sometimes. Many people have told me that I don't show enough affection, or that people easily think I hate them because I don't know how to properly express love or friendship. •I'm like Ponyboy bc I seem to either overthink, or not think enough. I'm (kinda) quick witted and love poetry. I read all kinds of books and I too am young and confused. I also relate to Ponyboy because I am a dreamer, I have trouble keeping my head out of the clouds, and I sometimes don't think of outcomes. •I'm like johnny, a lot of time emotionally. I have depression and often struggle with crappy thoughts. I am a dreamer too, and I'm quiet sometimes. I'm kind of introverted, but I'm comfortable around my friends. I have my own problems, and I'm afraid to talk about it because I feel like I would be a burden. I'm scared of a lot of stuff and often flinch when someone raises a hand. •but I have very little bits of Two-Bits jokes and easygoing-ness. I'm a little reckless like Soda, I'm kinda mom-y like Darry, and (barely) cocky like Steve. •I enjoy dramatic books, or realistic fiction, and I really love going outside in the fall time and reading at the park. •I'm a very tough person. I enjoy rough housing and fighting, and I have a very hard exterior and kinda like experiencing pain and bruising. •though I'm all tough and fight, i hate arguing. I can't stand to see people use harsh words to one another bc I know what it's like to be killed with words. •people who know me really well personally know that my mood fluctuates. I'm still rough, I'm still kinda funny-ish, and I'm still quiet, but I can get really loud sometimes. •people who know me from the Internet probably think I'm mega nice or something but that's just bc I DONT WANT TO SCARE UOU AWAY PLS LOVE ME. •I constantly crave love and affection but when I receive it, I don't know how to react or give back without feeling awkward or rude. •I feel as if I'm not loved, my friends treat me like crap (one reason Im rough and have trust issues) • I LOVE TO WRITE AND I STARTED WRITING A BOOK! (except it will probably never be published or go anywhere bc it's like a 1 in a million chance of becoming a famous author) •I play a crap load of instruments. (Guitar,bass,drums,ukulele,violin,saxophone,mandolin, and I sing a lot) •I've been to Japan •I go through brief periods where I see the good in the world and get real happy •then go back to realizing that Earth is screwed. •I'm kind of a jealous person, though I try to push past my envy. •I hate when people brag, but I feel like I brag all the time. •I cry way too much •I'm scared of commitment and 99% sure everyone I know hates me •I keep lists of jokes, or children's names that I like •I hate when people perceive me as young and dumb. I may be young, but I've experienced a lot more than a girl my age normally would. •I have quite a large vocabulary •my best classes are Language/English, Art, and band. •I'm a very modest person. Both physically and mentally. I dont like showing skin or telling people my dreams. •I secretly crave someone I can tell all my dreams and aspirations to, but I know almost everyone will have the same thoughts/shoot me down for them because I'm pretty sure they know everything I want in life is prolly impossible. ~more physical traits about me~ •I have blonde hair that's either really naturally curly, or naturally straight. It just depends on what time I brush my hair. (Not kidding) •I legitimately use hair grease every day because my hair is frizzy and dry-looking. •I'm one of the tallest girls in my class, and I HATE when I see people taller than me. •I have blue eyes that change depending on the day/weather. Super blue on clear days or snowy days, super grey on stormy days or clear days, and super green during spring time and winter, but also tend to be green on rainy days. •I'm a little curvy-ish. •I have high cheekbones and a fairly slim/angular face. •I think my nose looks like a penis •though my hair is naturally very light, my eyebrows are naturally pretty dark. •my style consists mostly of colorful or black jeans, a band shirt, or a shirt with some stupid/ironic meme or quote. I hate free sprites quotes tho. Like things like "young wild and free" or "beYOUtiful" •I play many sports, though sometimes I don't enjoy them because of my coaches or how much time it consumes. •I wear a lanyard with so many buttons and pins on it that they constantly fall off but I love it (I somehow started that trend at my school but it makes me a little mad bc my 'friend' took credit of that style but they wouldn't even know what style is without me) •I have the power to turn ANY AND EVERY situation very very awkward. •I've been told that I'm pretty, but I don't think so at all. •I get such bad anxiety that I make myself physically sick sometimes (never on purpose) I have EXTREME fear of sickness. (Ironic) •I have rbf and I have it bad. (Resting bitch face.) To those of you who had asked a little about me, there you go. This took me a really long time to do, just because I don't really think about my own personal things very often. I hope this wasn't annoying to any of you or anything. Thanks!

#a little about me relatable

1 note · View note

quietlybreakingbutsmiling-blog · 4 years

Text

What is love anyway? The novel of my disastrous love life.

So let's just go back to the beginning when I had not a clue what love was.

That awkward girl that always hid in the back, over achieved in schools but kept her head down at all times for fear of constant embarrassment of her own existence? That was me.

Middle school was rough. For everyone I'm sure. I became close friends with the small town, military obsessed farm boy and my crush developed. He went out of the way to try to bring me out of my shell. He asked me out, I met his family, he tolerated my obnoxious friends, we hugged everyday, he sat with my friends at lunch. That was all a big deal! It all became a bit of a joke in the end if I'm honest and we broke up. My crush remained and when his friends decided freshman year, it was funny - they supposedly asked me out online on his behalf again. A

I said yes, for some odd reason. He ignored me but silently walked beside me in class for a week then texted me to tell me it was all a joke. I mean okay... skirted around the boy for the next several years. He got another girlfriend after graduation, joined the marines, married the girl, knocked her up... twice now. Who knew, hes kinda cute now! I say this in the most harmless way possible.

NEXT! Get this- I fell in love with an internet boy. Who knows if he is even who I thought he was. My best friend and I got into online roleplay on facebook. The innocent stuff, create a facebook page as a PLL character and talking to eachother. Until we discovered an entire world of this in facebook. Met a boy. Roleplay name was Darian. Real life name supposedly Damian. Shit i kid you not, that was my first true best friend and love, whether he was real or not. I was maybe 13 when we became friends. He called me silly pineapple and we called him beef coon. He was a strange one. I got my music taste from that kid though. He was 5 years older than me. It remained innocent... texting all day and night. Roleplay wasnt s thing to us, just normal talking. He was my best friend, I cannot stress that enough. He was into some odd stuff. He was pansexual and so open about it which impressed me. He was also into drugs and alcohol though. We bonded heavily over some heavy duty depression. I truly believe that boy saved my life. He disappeared from my life several times, just never responded again. I had a strange attachment,texting his number that I knew by heart in my times of need. While he usually was there, that presence faded too until random times. He randomly appeared for a few weeks while I was in my first long term relationship. It made things a bit rocky but when explains the situation, he responded simply with something along the lines of "He wont let you go, he cant. I sincerely hope nobody makes the mistake I did. I'm sure hes smart enough to realize what hed lose. " and he faded off again from there.he really only popped up to check on my happiness I think. I believe the last I heard from him, I was 19 or 20 years old. I still consider texting his number sometimes. But I'm sure his career took off and he married that model he was head over heels for. Though I do wish I knew more, I'd love just to see him truly happy.

Okay things get real now. My first kiss. My 48 hour relationship. I fell hard and fast at the thought if someone in person loving me. We talked and texted constantly, he had fairly recently gotten out of a relationship though. The interest in me seemed random but I didnt care. He did warn me before our first date he was a sex addict. I awkwardly blew it off as I was a birgin that had never even had my first kiss and wasnt gonna blow a chance at a relationship with the only guy to actually seem to want me. Date one was at his house.. featuring awkward hand holding, dancing around the kitchen, and slow dancing in the rain, and my first kiss. He asked me to be his girlfriend and his sister drove me home that night. Went over the next day and he was distant. Hell he even showed me the placed he used to bury condoms he had used with his ex and I didnt run away screaming?!? Anyway he dumped me by text that night and went back to his ex. Given I had a thing with the guy for the next year or so... flirting back and forth at lunch, teasing eachother. He signed my yearbook with "I hope you remember me everytime you go dancing in the rain."

Alright so next was a real weird one. Ready for this? I was convinced this dude in band/chorus was secretly Damian. The online love of my life. He was awkward but confident and I thought he was so cute. We kinda talked briefly because he rode my school bus but I barely remember it now. But I just went down memory lane and found messages of him telling me he had a massive crush on me during my senior year of high school ( I had a boyfriend at the time too so super weird! ) not sure where that came from but I totally told the guy he reminded me of a guy named Damian that I had been super close with. He probably thought I was a lunatic, it's cool. Conversation went quiet a day later and havent heard from him to this day! Who knows, maybe it was him!

Alright so my sophomore year I was definitely feeling myself. Starting talking to a guy online. And then all the guys in my school were flirting with me, becoming my close friends, etc. The popular jock? Check. The friendly jocks that are kinda teddy bears? Check. The nerdy guys? Check. The players? Check. The new kid? Check.

I moved forward with the online guy though. my bestie was boy crazy and made me create a page for "friends" but was really a dating app. She met so many guys on it. Somehow I matched with a guy on the opposite side of the country? Regardless, I still love that man to this day. We dated for 4 years, with some breaks in the final year. He was a year ahead of my so he took a year off after graduation to move across the country, and into my dads house to live with me. When we were long distance, he flew to visit me every other month. We talked nonstop always, he was my entire life. My real first love. My first everything. My world. We were going to get married and have a family, we even picked our kids names. After I graduated, he moved across country to live with his dad and go to college, I move to another state for college as well. Thing is... he left a few months early to get settled. His dad convinced him to leave me. He dumped me by text while I was working, on my birthday. After 2.5 years. I was shattered. My friends treated me like i was on suicide watch. He flew up a month later and we got back together. That was our pattern. We ended again when i moved on campus to my college. I hung out with a few guys. Dated a guy for a few months. But still skyped this guy 24/7... he was my best friend for years. Together or not, we relied on eachother for daily life and as a support system. We got back together after my other relationship ended. He flew to see me. It was like nothing ever ended, we picked up where we left off. Then he canceled visiting me for my birthday and I began to distance myself. Another guy expressed interest... and I left him. The day I told him I wanted to end it, he cried and begged me for hous to give him a few more months to fix it. I found out he had secretly booked a flight to see me but I was too far into this so I told him to cancel it, I didnt see any other option. This guy was my best friend. You all dont understand. That love will never fade. He joined the military, something he always wanted but I wouldnt have been willing to handle, hes married, and they are expecting a baby boy. Hes happy. Even though we dont talk, I do love to see he is happy, truly. I miss him everyday though.

Oh college... I dated a guy. Because he was sweet as can be. I was not physically attracted to him in the slightest though but was convinced as we grew closer, that attraction would grow. But when I tell you, you cant force yourself to be attracted to someone sexually no matter how bad you want to, it is awful. I mean it. My dad loved him - they were both crazy sports people which my dad couldnt use with my other boyfriends. Heres the big catch, I couldnt force myself to love him as much as he deserved. I was his first girlfriend and I couldnt love him like he loved me. I planned to end things after the holidays because he was flying to spend the holidays with my family and i. Well... in high school he had survived brain cancer so he was checked regularly. At a regular check up before flying to see my family, they found the cancer was back and gave him 6 months to live. One of the hardest, things I face in my life... for selfish reasons. I didnt want to dump him right after that, I didnt want anyone to think I left him because of the cancer, I didnt want to be that bitch. I kept asking myself if I could tolerate the relationship until he died just for him to be happy his last months and days. And I was going to do just that, fake it til you make it, right? Well when he started insisting he couldnt die a virgin and he wanted a child to carry his name after he passed, I broke down and ended it. I refused to feel forced to give myself to someone and ruin my life because they were dying and wanted sex and kids when I wasnt ready for sex with him and was in my freshman year of college. Unable to support a child on my own. He became angry. He lived a year from when they gave him only 6 months. I heard from him a few times before he died. The brain cancer made him someone he wasnt. He would go into bouts of anger, punching walls, he would call me a slut and a whore because I went back to my ex or was in a new relationship. The littlest things made him snap. I was convinced he hated me. So much so I refused to go to his funeral because I convinced myself he wouldnt have wanted me there, that he told his family he wouldnt want me there. A year after his death, his mom messaged me to tell me her son loved me, that he cherished every memory with me, that he spoke lovingly of me even minutes before he died. I think I needed to hear that and she for some reason felt compelled to tell me.

Now the guy I left my best friend and long term boyfriend for. He was my manager that was looking for a new roommate and he had accepted a new job at a different company anyway. My boyfriend at the time thought the roommate thing was a great idea. Little did he know. I went to see the apartment and make my decision, then began hanging out with him as a friend. I remember him asking my why my boyfriend never called or texted when I was over. We were in a tough patch that I couldnt really explain, other than hes too busy. It became an entire thing of I deserve someone to notice and that appreciates how smart and kind and beautiful I am. That wanted to talk to me all the time. I ended up leaving my boyfriend and a week or so later, this guy posted on Facebook he was in a relationship with me. He messaged me "Oops, I think I just told the whole world I want to be with you." His parents had already thought I was his girlfriend before this. He often got drunk and told all his friends and his mom he would marry me one day. I spent the night constantly at his place until my lease ended and I moved in... to his room though instead of the 3rd bedroom. This was 3.5 years ago. A few months later, he dumped me. Told me he couldnt be with me if he wasnt sure he wanted to be with me because I deserved someone who knew. I remember texting my ex how much of an idiot I knew I was because I gave up everything just to be hurt. PAUSE THIS STORY.

INSERT- in my tears of being dumped, I had planned to meet someone for a interview for school I needed to do. I was scheduled to meet him in an hour. I had been a grocery store cashier and he was a regular customer. One that always came to my line and even took me out for dessert on my last day at the store after my final shift. I couldnt stay in the house with the breakup so I went anyway, planning to pretend I was fine. Well he noticed within 30 seconds something was wrong so I fessed up. He had actually dumped his girlfriend the night before. I spent the next few hours crying to him in a little cafe in the city. He offered me his place to stay since he was about to be traveling for work and had a 3 bedroom apartment that would be empty anyway. I half agreed. He was in town a few more days so I spent dinnertime wit him, slept over a fer days to get used to the apartment. I slept with him which is not my best choice but there was something about this guy. I had butterflies near him, always. He always focused only on me... no phones or video games. Just me. He made dinner and meal prepped for me for the week he was gone on business. His touch was always like electricity on my skin. His kisses were just different in a good way. His voice was so sultry you couldnt tell him know on anything. He was fine with PDA which I actually enjoyed.. I enjoyed being shown off. He held doors open and was very much a gentleman. He had a job offer to move across country that he had just accepted. It was a massive promotion and pay raise. He has always told me if we had been together then, he likely would have turned the job down to keep me. He did ask me to move with him.. but I was a college student and I was set I wasnt able to go and was not wanting to do long distance again anyway. I went back to my real home, where all my belongings were.. back to where I had been dumped just a few short weeks before. The guy actually dropped me off there after picking me up at the airport as I needed to work in the morning.

RESUME. Back at the apartment, I ended up back with my former manager. Over the next 2 years, I found him sexting other girls pretty much the entire relationship. Trust is gone. He promises to go to counseling and sexaholic meetings. The one counseling meeting he scheduled, he got lost in bad traffic and gave up. The meetings, he went to maybe 3 total ever. But we are engaged now. Wedding planning is almost done and wedding is this year. My friends all know, my mom knows, my ex's know. They know the pain I've gone through and theyve had my calls when I found out over and over again. Once was while I was out of town for my grandfather's funeral that he was too busy with work to come with me to. He says he wont do it again. He hasnt that I know. But he may have just gotten better at lying and hiding it. And I'm marrying the guy. I've put out 20k for this wedding. I cant just back out now.

So here we are.

0 notes