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angelatsumu · 3 months

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allistic simon x autistic reader was just so heartwarming and relatable to read as i’m someone with the tism that often feels like a burden on others. it was so lovely, feeling like simon didn’t want to change the reader as a person or expect anything unreasonable of them, but rather accommodate them where he can. i also liked that he didn’t have to compromise himself and was able to do an activity he likes, but also care for reader! all around just really enjoyed the piece.

if i may, i’d love to request something where one of the reader’s safe foods/essential items is out of stock or being discontinued and how simon would help them navigate that situation. one of my fave essentials just got discontinued and i’m devastated lol ♥︎

hi there! i'm very happy that you enjoyed my first autistic reader piece. i'm sorry that your safe food is out of stock ): i get fairly frustrated when i can't have access to things that comfort me. i apologize in advanced for the subpar writing that will ensue this message.

allistic simon x autistic!reader: crisis averted

in which your lovely husband attempts to help you navigate the sudden unavailability of your safe food.

simon came back from his meeting on base a bit winded and more confused than when he'd originally left the home. the meeting was a cooperative planning session involving KorTac, and your husband failed to keep up with the newly-introduced objectives and profiles. his head hurt, frankly. the entire meeting he'd only been wondering what you'd been up to and if you missed him. when he finally entered your shared home, he was relieved to have the workday slide right off his broad, strong shoulders.

simon hummed as he heard the tapping of your PC keyboard, knowing you'd likely well into a deep dive of one of your special interests. he took off his boots by the door and calmly took steps toward the study, whistling as he walked. his eyes fell upon you in the throws of your own world of wonder, irises blown as you took in the information before you. Simon cleared his throat to grab your attention, and you peeled yourself away briefly to greet him. ,"hey Si," you hummed back distractedly, and your husband chuckled in response. "hi lovie," he grinned at you, moving to stand beside you and take in the media you were consuming. he stands there for a moment, enjoying your company, before he decides to trek to the kitchen for a snack.

simon peers around the area for signs of your appetite, signs that you had been feeding yourself and staying hydrated. he was met with an empty sink and dishwasher, and the items in the fridge looked untouched. the water filter was exactly as full as when he left this morning. he sighed, shaking his head before a lightbulb went off. maybe we're out of [food item]. that could do it, he thinks to himself, treking to the pantry to confirm the item was missing. he padded back into the study to greet you again, politely asking for your attention.

when you spin around to see a frowning Simon you instinctively feel puzzled, and of course Simon can tell by the way you stare at him blankly. "lovie, you didn't eat today?" he's soft when he speaks to you, ensuring that you don't feel scolded or punished. Your lover has been so understanding of your mannerisms, fully aware that your appetite was fickle and sometimes undetectable. you shook your head in response, words lost on you as you tried to recall your last meal. "there's no food item so I can't really eat right now," you responded cooly, and Simon nods his head in response. usually he'd kept up with the supply of your items, and he was honestly quite shocked that this wasn't upsetting you as much as he'd always imagined it would. he didn't want to press the issue, but he was mildly concerned that you may be pressing it down. "why didn't you say anything, are you not upset?" the question slides over your head, and you direct your attention back to the media in front of you. " 've been busy today," you respond as your eyes focus again on the screen. Simon sighs again, turning on his heels and heading to the bedroom for a change of clothes. he knew he'd be heading to the store now, or helping you through a meltdown later.

Simon had read up quite a bit on the fickle nature of meltdowns, and he was well versed in how unpredictable they may be. he'd listened to numerous autistic media creators mention their experience in reference to valves. when the 'special interest' tank was where you needed it, and your 'manual labor' valve was at a minimum, then that allowed for things like social interaction or emotional regulation. when you had no time to yourself and no time for the things that keep you happy, your mask began to slip and 'smaller' things that you normally coped with began to feel a lot heavier and less manageable. he knew that your special interest tank currently filled your cup to the brim, allowing you to ignore the constant discomfort of hunger and dehydration. he also knew that should this hunger persist it may heighten other, seemingly less significant, senses and experiences and he'd find himself well into meltdown territory. the longer he waited for you to notice your hunger, the more likely dysregulation would occur.

at the store, Simon's breath is stolen from him. the damned item was out of stock. he haggled a store employee, begging them to check their inventory again, but they'd been completely out of it. Simon found himself driving all over the city in search of this item, but he found nothing. at the fifth store he felt defeated, and he decided to search for the item online. to his dismay, it'd been discontinued. there was a pit in your husband's stomach at the information. to Simon's surprise, it seemed that his lovely spouse's support of this item hadn't been enough to singlehandedly keep the item in service. he scoffed as he thumbed through the list of items he knew you liked, all of which seeming a reach to coax you into eating.

Simon drives the 45 minutes back to the home, and you're pacing in the living room with your headphones on. Simon doesn't even have to ask, he knows you've overdone yourself with the screens and now your head hurts and your ears hurt; your ears always hurt when you're overstimulated. No matter how much you loved [special interest], you still found yourself overwhelmed if you indulged for too long.

you turn the music down at the sight of your husband in the doorway, waiting for him to speak. "Lovie, it seems that item has been discontinued." The words take a moment to be processed, but you fail to hide the disgust and frustration you feel about the information. you feel your chest getting tight, and the music doesn't feel loud enough. "i know this is difficult but-" 'How could we not notice it was discontinued? Why didn't i pay attention! It can't be! I don't want that. I don't want it." you began to cry, frustration coursing through you as your ears began to sting. You'd tried so hard to do better, to feel better for Simon, but now you felt helpless. Your brain began to eat away at you, blaming you for not keeping up with your own foods and snacks. Your pacing continues as you find yourself striking your chest repeatedly, trying to dull the pain of the situation. your mind felt like it was melting, and the tears continued.

Simon steps to you slowly, striking his own chest lightly and he nears your smaller frame. he slowly reaches his arms out beside him, allowing you to walk into his chest. his arms remain at his sides, and he allows the painful stimming to be transferred to his chest. your strikes feel nothing close to anything he'd truly suffered, and he hoped this would help you make it through this world-shattering time. he stands there for as long as you need him to, fully prepared for this to last several hours. the tears stain his shirt as you sniffle and sob, strikes getting lighter and lighter. you cry so much it leaves you dizzy, and your arms slowly reach out to simon's to wrap them around your frame. you give him two taps to let him know that you'd like to be squeezed, and he does so without complaint.

"You're safe, lovie. I'm sure this is very frustrating, so how about we order that Chinese food place you like. I know it's not safe food but it will feed you. I even have the exact order from last time, hm?" you offer him another two taps as confirmation, and he smiles.

Once you begin to come down from your meltdown, Simon is sure to help you change into your favorite pajamas and wraps you in your compression blanket. you two spend the evening in your bed watching your comfort show and eating takeout.

an: i hope this as comforting for you as it was for me while writing. simon would be such a loving and comforting partner, and I deeply believe he'd study you and learn you so well that he can help. if anyone you love is having a meltdown, try to remove any extra emotional or cognitive labor for them.

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angeldelights-blog · 7 months

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Im Autistic

I was diagnosed as Autistic just over a year ago now. I have moderate support needs but I wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult.

I was also given help at school but they just weren't sure why I needed the help. My parents made adjustments for everyday life like cutting out my tags in clothes, having a list of safe food, taking me out at more quite times so I didn't get overwhelmed.

I do a lot of the "sterotypical" traits of Autism but I feel that late diagnosed Autistic people who have moderate or high support needs aren't spoken about often and I guess this is my way of saying how I feel.

My assessment was confusing in the end, level 1 because I speak well but high support needs so basically in the middle. I need a lot of help in my dad to day life. I can't make phone calls without a meltdown but I was assigned a person to help but I can't afford them. Hospitals are funny if you email them even when you explain and having physical disabilities it's a battle to get both needs met. I speak well but most of my childhood I only spoke to my dad and mum about my special interest of communism, sociology and psychology... oh and cats! I still have a special interest in all of these including cats!

I have aggressive meltdowns, I have hurt before and I can't control them. I can't give eye contact and struggle when meeting new people. I need support. I do have a partner and he helps me all the time, he's amazing and supportive and helps me with my dad to day life.

I do stim but I am being taught to redirect my stimming to less harmful behaviours but finding fidget toys that feel right is hard

I use headphones as im sensitive to sound and always have been. This is a huge struggle for me.

I have around 100 squishmallows and soft toys but I wish I could have more but they cost a lot of money and being disabled you don't have a lot of spare money!

The soft toys I love! They feel so good on my skin, so soft and they make me happy.

I also happy flap as I call it, my partner says he knows when I'm happy because that's what I do and I don't even realise I'm doing it because it just happens.

I was bullied so much at school I have PTSD from it... I needed help with my maths as I have dyscalculia and I struggled in making friends so I was put in a group on how to make friends.

It's complex being diagnosed as an adult with higher support needs, not realising that all these people were already doing things in the background so I don't struggle as much.

I feel like I don't fully understand myself and I wish I could hide who I am at times. I wish I wasn't so obvious or didn't shutdown so people think I'm rude. I wish my headphones weren't seen as rude or that in childish to need communication cards or fidget toys. I wish I was seen as normal but I also understand the burden masking can cause for others. My only mask is a shutdown. .

So this is my experience as a late diagnosed moderate support needs adult and I think I'll post more as it was nice to get it all out...

#autism #high support needs #moderate support needs #late diagnosed autistic #dyscalculia #support needs #autistic adult

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lila-rae · 7 months

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My parents worked with fear and authoritarianism with me and my siblings and I can say it didn't work, this is why I'm doing so much research on how to deal with kids, I'm honestly so scared that I will end up like them but I've worked on my anger issues for years now. Really curious on how you deal with your children of different age groups when they do something wrong? I honestly am going to try to stop the wrong parenting my family has been doing for years now.

So I’m lucky in that my own parents didn’t hit me but they definitely had some questionable parenting practices I’ve had to come to terms with in therapy and then had to let them know how what they did was harmful, and how it wouldn’t be tolerated when they watch my own children.

Our general philosophy for parenting is our children are fully human and deserving on respect in how we interact with them in all things. We rely a lot on natural consequences. If you get mad and throw your toy, the toy is gone. If you decide to yell and scream at mommy, you can wait until you calm down and speak with respect to receive a response. If you refuse to come in from the back yard or refuse to leave the park, it might mean we can’t do those things for awhile until we see you’ll be able to leave when we ask.

It’s also a lot of picking your battles. I’m not going to get into the food wars my parents did with us at dinner time. We serve food (that we know they will eat) but if they don’t they’re always free to find something they will in the fridge or pantry. Because let’s be real no one forces you as an adult to eat food you’re not in the mood for. I’m not forcing anyone to make their beds we only expect their rooms be clear of clutter from the floor because it’s a safety hazard and we take the time to explain that to them. Hygiene isn’t negotiable but we discuss it in regards to medical safety.

It takes a lot of patience and being willing to talk to them about everything you’re asking them to do instead of falling back on “because I said so”.

Our first child is also Autistic so early on we learned we had to explain things to him so that he would comply because if he doesn’t understand why he’s being asked to do anything he’ll shut down. If it’s something that involves safety, we have a code word, and it means you need to listen right now so mommy and daddy can keep you safe but we will talk as soon as we can and explain. And we don’t abuse that so he knows when we say it we mean it.

I know we don’t always get it right, and we’ve had to apologize to our kids and seek their forgiveness when we get it wrong. Something that my parents never did.

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yippieitsarvensart · 7 months

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YIPPEE!!!! YOURE SO REAL AND SO VALID I LOVE TALKING HCS WITH PEOPLE AND HEARING THEIR PERSPECTIVES!!

Bring it back to Floyd because I love yo project on him SO MUCH, I like to think that even though he likes clothes and fashion now way more than he did when he first got on land (sensory overload anyone?), he still has certain fabrics/materials he avoids like the plague. Jade and Azul avoid said fabrics as well so he can run up and tackle them at any time without worry of touching the Gross Fabric. Tablecloths and cushions in the lounge were made with this in mind as well.

So sorry Scarabia lovers but I haven't studied Kalim or Jamil under a microscope long enough yet to come to any detailed conclusions, but neither of them are neurotypical that's for sure!!

Also skipping Pomefiore bc they scare me (/j I just don't pay much attention to them personally sjheiddjbdjffb)

I mean Idia is the obvious one, right? He's the most universally agreed on, he literally goes nonverbal regularly and has aids he made with his engineering/programming special interest to accommodate that, like it's just. It's RIGHT THERE ya know? He almost leaves nothing to discuss XDD Him and Riddle are clashing autistics and it's a shame, you hate to see 2 pretty people fight but especially when they're on the same team 😔

And then there's Diasomnia. HOOO BOY is there Diasomnia. Lilia and his gaggle of autistic kids. Starting with Malleus, he also almost leaves nothing to the imagination when it comes to how he is, like?? Idk it's so Right There!!! His special interest is gargoyles obviously, he also has heavy preference/safe foods, he never seems to be on the same page as his peers, leaving Jim to feel isolated and Different, not only does he not fluctuate his tone so people can't tell when he's joking, he can't hear tone to tell when other people are joking so it's just miscommunication after miscommunication. He enjoys learning now things but prefers the company of his most trusted people, that or either quite isolation in a dim/dark area to decompress!! He's the type of guy who doesn't realize he's been overstimulated for like 6 hours until he gets to his room and lays down and it hits him all at once and he's like OH! Oh THAT'S why I felt like shit and wanted to smite everything and everyone. Okay, cool.

Idk if this will make sense to anyone else but like, Silver is Disney princess coded, right? And Disney princesses are autistic coded in small ways, right? Yeah. Yeah that's really the only way I can explain it SKSBAIKSDHHD but like!! I know I'm right okay!!!! As a very very sleepy autistic person I just KNOW, I see him and I know. Also animals love him which like, understanding animals better than you understand if someone is trying to deceive/take advantage of you? Idk dude, that's pretty autistic /silly

Sebek is tough because I havent fixated on him at ALL and have like none of his cards, but the BIG STRONG INTENSE EMOTIONS and lack of volume control and how he's apparently actually very emotional/sensitive, and how he likes to stick to his routine and his people and anything that interferes will be YELLED AT ACCORDINGLY!!!! Idk, I don't really know this man (yet) so I also can't fully explain my vision here XD

Also, everything is platonic unless specified otherwise btw!! Yuri Jeizu is so canon, but to me the octotrio is like, SO queer platonic coded so I almost always just default to that akshsksndhf

It's nearly 4 in the morning and I'm going INSANE, like there's 8+ rambles I could send you about queer/identity headcanons and ships!!! I haven't even STARTED on the side characters yet, I have so much fuel in this hyperfixation fire!!! Also if you literally ever want me to stop for whatever reason let me know and I will, no hard feelings akdvejskfh, I know answering a lot of asks can be A Lot

PLEAS ENEVER STOP unless you run out of things to talk on !!!!!!!!!! this is so in-depth I'm reading and nodding like yes yes I get this I GET YOU... Also literally same with Scarabia LOLLL I skipped most of the story... sorry Scarabia stans... I literally only paid attention when the octatrio was around.. skull emoji!!

And actually answering tons of asks ain't that hard for me right now, I'm full of writing energy because I've been working on an AU between twst and another franchise I'm #insane about >_< (I've been trying so keep it at a not insane level of detail because I know I'll focus too hard on certain characters but I also desperately need feedback on it... NOT THAT I'M ASKING RIGHT NOE THOUH I'm just complaining aha) (unless.... unless..........)

Floyd finding an interest in fashion (especially shoes) is something I forget often for some reason, I think it's because I also hc that Floyd hate hate HATESS the feeling of clothes (just fuckin' all kinds of clothes, he especially hates having multiple layers of all different kinds of clothing items on at once) against his skin, so that's why his uniform is never on properly...

I can't talk a ton about lots of other dorms bc I'm so not deeply invested in at least half the entire cast HSAHHAJKFDJ but you are so incredibly real and right I'm shaking /pos

If it's 4am bestie boo you should probably sleep and save the ranting for tmr!!!! or don't, and just keep slaying here LMAOO I'm in a discord server SPECIFICALLY for twst hcs and I'm THIS close to c+psting a bunch of this into there (or just sharing the post I DONT KNOW) cuz it's SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!

#arvy asks #the other franchise I mentioned was Monster Hunter Stories btw.#Basically no one knows about that game series and it pains me so...#Like wdym I can't tell people about a game I'm super duper interested in #and they can tell me about their favourite bits back???#cons of liking a game that was only really popular in japan

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alostlittleriverlotus · 2 years

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A jumble of thoughts after I had a talk with my mom.

Basically my dad is retiring this year and things are going to really change income-wise. It's not something that can be helped since he is at a normal retirement age so yeah.

★Okay! Content Warnings/Trigger Warnings time!

Mentions of abuse, emotional abuse, talking about toxic parents. Minor mention of homophobia/transphobia/racism (subtle) but not giving direct details just pointing out someone is. Slight delving into my childhood trauma. It's not super detailed, but it may be triggering to some so please be careful.

This is largely personal thoughts and personal details as I rant and get my thoughts out. Particularly a mention of my abusive dad and focus on WHY I don't like talking to him. Ableism/internalized ableism. Nothing outright really, but I discuss ableist expectations around people expecting me to work especially since my disabilities are invisible. Also mention of fatphobia/health mention aka everyone thinking just working out and being a normal weight cures body pain.

I think that covers it. I tried my best to list everything. If anyone reads it and thinks I should add another trigger/content warning, let me know and I'll add it.★

But I'm expected to support myself. My mother is more willing to listen to me now, much better than before. I can actually manage a conversation with her and she actually apologizes for pushing me to talk. And she's incredibly sympathetic about dealing with doctors since she's had bad experiences with them too.

It's just. Even with all that, she doesn't understand that I cannot work. She thinks it's something I can work to overcome and I don't know how to describe it to get her to listen. I am frazzled, I dissociate far too often, I struggle with chronic fatigue, paranoia, delusions and hallucinations, BPD episodes and mood swings, hypomanic and depressive episodes. I am easily fatigued, I get hungry far too easily (fast metabolism) which leads into low blood sugar levels. I have IBS, but also have a peculiar diet cause of my being autistic and having safe foods. I can barely focus, I can only do things I want to do cause of ADHD and executive dysfunction. I forget to go to the bathroom, to eat, to drink, to grab my food. I lose hours of my time and barely even realize cause of hyperfixations and dissociation. And this isn't even including the triggers I live with that can cause me to become messed up for a while. Hell, just seeing children in public is a trigger which is something I've realized recently. Everything is so much. And this also doesn't include the fact that my being autistic/ADHD just doesn't allow me to function on a normal schedule as most jobs require. I can only work an hour and a half of Door dash before I'm fatigued for weeks. It's been over a month since I last worked. And I explain this, in a way that doesn't mention trauma cause my parents won't understand especially since they still don't see they've done anything to hurt me, in the nicest way possible and my mother still cannot comprehend it.

Even spending time with my girlfriend. I forget to text her for hours and it doesn't feel that long. She's been getting that a lot lately. She's understanding even if she misses me a bunch (online relationship), but it just sucks. Even spending time with MA, I can barely function and end up dissociating or just fully out of it. Even when spending time alone and relaxed, it's just not right.

And I can't do job interviews. I've only had two job interviews (one of em lead to me getting a job, it was seasonal during the Christmas holidays) and I just. The thought of a job interview causes me to shut down.

I can barely cope. I spent so many years in survival mode, pushing just to make it out of school that it's traumatized my body. It's traumatized my mind. I still have flashbacks, nightmares, my body shuts down at the thoughts. By the end of my two month job, I was losing sleep and not eating. I pushed through being triggered, through having painful cramps, through feeling sick just to get through the job.

And I don't know how to explain it cause I know my dad especially will see it as an excuse. My mom may be sympathetic, but she still hopes we can find a way to push through it. But even if there WAS a way, that would take years and years of therapy and treatment. I can't even find a therapist that will listen to me or be geared towards my disorders, let alone one that I can actually get help from. I try to make her understand, I try to have her understand, but she just can't. It's something she needs to see with me. I can't go shopping without being fatigued and needing to chug water. And I love shopping. I know I'm not exactly physically fit, but I also know that if I go see a doctor, they'll bring up my weight. My weight isn't ideal, I'm chubby, but it also ignores the fact that I am still healthy in ways. I'm chubby, but parts like my legs and abs are muscular even if they're fatty. And nobody even believes me. Even my more physical issues are invisible. I'm regularly told I should try walking more. I'm regularly told I should get up and go out. It completely ignores the issues with my breathing, the issues with my knees, the issues with my needing water, the issues with how hungry I get quite easily. Even just an anxiety attack which is 30 minutes will burn through my food so fast. How overheated I get. I have all these issues and no solutions. Yeah, they're getting better with the help of Vitamin D supplements and my birth control, but there's many more issues. And nobody can see them so nobody listens. My friends are the only ones who understand and offer me support and patience.

It's just frustrating. Cause my mom is trying to be sympathetic and trying her best to understand which is a BIG change compared to the past. But because of her internalized ableism, her own issues, and just how I can't be honest with her, it's not possible. She won't understand the trauma I've been through. She thinks that even if we are autistic and have ADHD that we can work through it cause her and her family did. That we should mask because that's what society expects. And there's the whole fact she's transphobic and homophobic and like kinda racist (it's the subtle racism) and she's more republican so she wouldn't understand a lot of issues and I can't fully share because of that. I can't open up about planning to live with my girlfriend. I can't open up about my gender identity and how it affects me. They can barely pay attention to buy me clothes that fit since I've gained weight. Most of my wardrobe is thanks to MA. I appreciate that my mom is trying, that is a big reason why I'd consider not going fully no contact, but there's other issues. And I'm aware of the fact that me living as who I am would probably make her want nothing to do with me. I don't mention my dad cause A: he still doesn't believe me about my trauma. My mom sympathizes like "oh you've been through so much" but he just goes "I believe she believes it" as if I'm delusional and making it up. Considering I do have delusions, that is so painful to hear. B: My mom has an off mode when it comes to politics, my dad really doesn't. He watches stuff making fun of leftists and SJWs occasionally and even watches Ben Shapiro a bit if I recall so. Plus my mother was more independent or even more democratic before they met and she became more republican/conservative thanks to my dad. C: My dad is bad with emotions. He thinks he's some empath that feels everything others do (he has flat out said that to me and my brothers) when even my mother agrees that he's not and he can be cold towards emotions. He was far more aggressive during our childhood and he was the one that yelled more and got angry and would be far meaner. My mom isn't perfect and she got angry too, but my dad was worse. Hence why Lucifer from Obey Me, one of my fave characters, can be a trigger especially since they have similar hair colors.

This turned into a rant about my childhood trauma, I apologize. But I wanted to give insight into my parents and what I'm dealing with. It's not like my parents can help it, my dad is in his 60s so it makes sense why he's retiring. It's just this big change and it's what my parents expect. And I know my dad will see it one way, but my mom, try as she might to sympathize, just cannot understand someone like me, that appears able bodied and able minded, to be unable to work.

(Also when I bring my mom being problematic, I am in no way excusing her actions. Some of what she has said is disgusting, but I also acknowledge that she is a victim of abuse with her family and marrying my father has impacted her as well. No way in hell am I gonna try to defend her cause "she's nice to me sometimes." I merely wish to bring up that it is a complicated situation and I have very complex feelings for it. Cause even if I see her getting better, the reality is she will probably not change her views. I don't know if I'll fully go no contact or just go very very very strained contact. It's a lot I'm having to go through. Either way, it has ALWAYS been my plan to get far away from them. They're not people I want in my life hence why even if I had contact, it would be incredibly strained and distant.)

It's just a lot and has me thinking. I wish I could make them understand, but they're also boomers and come from the generation of "everyone has to work whether we want to or not." And since I APPEAR able bodied and able minded and they deny my trauma, my parents think I can just overcome my struggles. I don't even want my dad around when discussing this tbh cause I know he just won't listen or believe me. He resents me. He thinks I'm the one who's changed too much and wants me to act like I used to without putting in any effort. My mom is trying and even getting help herself (she's on anti-anxiety meds too.) But it's just. A lot. It's a lot of my mind, my emotions. My mother wishes we had a couple more years, but we don't. Again, this is mostly a circumstance thing with my dad being in his 60s. They had us very late and had me specifically in their early 40s so. It's mostly cause of that which can't be helped.

And it's just a huge reminder of how invisible my disabilities are. My physical issues get almost entirely ignored or just turned into a weight issue. For instance, my weight is affecting my knees, I believe that, but I also come from a family with knee arthritis and knee problems. And even years before I had big boobs or extra weight, I had knee, ankle, and back pain. But now everyone chops those pains down to my big boobs and my being overweight. Yeah, they're making it worse, but I've also had these pains since I was like 6! I've had sleeping troubles since I was 11, but it was chopped up to low Vitamin D. Which yes, my sleep is better. But I still have horrible nights of sleep or insomniac nights. Especially when I'm in a hypomania episode where I'm too energetic to follow a normal-ish schedule. Or my breathing difficulties. It's gotten better since being on regular medication and especially having a humidifier (I have constant allergies cause of dust and such), but there's still problems with me overheating, becoming fatigued, having difficulty breathing, getting slight fevers or fever-like symptoms cause of being too cold/hot. Showering exhausts me. I've always been told to just work out more, walk more, practice and make your muscles stronger and all your issues will be fixed. I've been more fit. I've had these even when I was thin.

Sigh. I just. Having these invisible disabilities suck. I didn't even know I had IBS for the longest time and just thought it was how my body works. But now I have to be careful of what I eat/drink cause of it triggering my IBS. Like yeah there's my mental health and neurodivergence and that's all invisible, but having my physical issues ignored has been something I've so normalized over the years. I'd push through pain, I'd be told it would go away, I'd be told that being active and eating healthier would fix it. My weight gain wasn't even something I could control! It just happened! 70 pounds in a few months then 70 more! When nothing changed about my diet and if anything, I started eating even better. My diet right now is the best it's ever been cause of me watching out for me being prediabetic. It's not perfect, but it's better. And yet nothing. And yet I'm told to go on Keto. It's just so tiring. Having any disability sucks cause of especially how people treat you, but I think for me, my physical invisible disabilities are the worst ones. Cause everyone just writes off my pain and such as "bad health" and needing to exercise more. And no one will understand that I have tried that. I've been several different weights. I've been thin, I've been fat, I've been average. I've been physically active regularly. I've done all this and still it hasn't changed. And people just can't comprehend that. It's so exhausting.

This really is just a huge personal rant especially about living the way I do and how my disabilities affect me. But I'm glad I realized I was disabled. Cause now I have been working to stop guilting myself. I understand more of why I can't do things like others and even if no one believes me, I'm at least standing up for myself. And my friends and such are willing to help me with my disabilities and be patient. And even my girlfriend is so amazing and understanding. She has her own struggles too, but I'm glad she's understanding. And even with my BPD, she lets me know when she's in a bad mood and how it isn't cause of me. 🥺 Cause she knows I'll instantly wonder if it's my fault. I'm glad to have her and my close friends. It's gonna be scary for a while, but I know it'll end well. I got my deities, I got my friends, I got my beautiful girlfriend. It'll work out somehow. Even if it means things will be scary and different for a while.

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vent-blog-procced-with-caution · 11 months

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I'm an autistic w/ fibro who's still trying to fully grasp the concepts ableism and saneism.

I don't want to push my uncomfortable relation to other kids back when i was in school on ableism. It wasn't because others expected the same social clearness of me as everyone else. It was because: I live in the countryside. I went to a small school. I'm a Jehova's witness. With parents who did not get along. With no relatives nearby. With a mother who was: -bossy, -overweight, -had water retention in legs, -diagnosed with depressions, -had cancer 2 times, -had a twin sister who died at 41 -had a mother who died of cancer, -died in her 50s of cancer, -an unaware psychopath. With a father who was dx'd with shizoid PD, which I read only recently, he didn't tell me what PD he has.

I was never just autistic, I was a weirdo in all sortsof ways. My life is strange and inconsistent in logic.

Susanna had 11 siblings, all with biblical names, she was un-self-aware-ly racist & right-leaning; she was homophobic, she didn't like Jehova's witnesses (knew nothing about them). looking back, I was pretty much begging her (and others) to tolerate me. Tolerate my religion, tolerate my fashion choices...

I knew more than them, I was smarter than them. My friendship with Susanna was humiliating.

(one day later)

around sixth grade i started wondering if everyone my age actually thought they were special; smarter than everyone their age; different. Was the only unusual thing about me actually my massive ego?

I knew me first. I thought others were different from me first, not that I was different from them. But I just did me!* It was a slow and maybe long foreshadowed "Oh. Others don't think/care about [...] as much as I do." ...other teenagers just believe what they're told, they just go along with the adults.

Where did all my thoughts come from? Why did I plan out how many toys/ books/ pieces of a specific toy or brand I wanted to own? I plotted my purchases, there had to be even numbers of everything by the end. I had a limit and plan of how many toys/collectibles I wanted. I stopped buying stuff after my planned collection was finished. (Though I started a new collection of brand-new barbies a while later and then 5 EverAfterDolls.) I had a phase of only wanting to go through holes (buildings and playground facilities) a certain amount of even times. I left everything the same way I entered it. I made sure I ate either 2 or 5 pieces of something, or a number that can be divided into packs of 2s and 5s. so any number from 7 up was safe.

I'm thinking about my experiences with echolalia.

I monolouge at the supermarket to be in alignment with what reasons I had for buying something, like what I wanted to use it for, when I planned to eat it, whether I have enough of something at home, if the nutrients are balanced out. I'm very obsessive and badly versed with nutrients. I can't eat cheesecake with nothing, it's not engaging enough in texture, taste or procedure. My parent messed up teaching me about food, I was guilted for eating what THEY had bought. She didn't teach me how to make healthy food, she neglected my food education. Most of what I have to guide me are her standarts for food.

I had weird psychological development, I went from being a baby to noticing I archieve this overhuman enlightment and that i can have this deep understanding i can't explain to Ines

my psycho-sexual fantasy/ traumamixedkink is getting beaten up, hurt, dominated, violated, abused, bullied, pushed around, scared, controlled, restrained, forced. so i can feel pityable? so that i feel the right to pity myself. ; My kink that is rooted deep in my psychology is outsiders getting beaten up and preyed on. I was an outsider, it was painful, i wanted to erase myself - school was traumatizing, i was burnt out, i don't wanna go back to being surrounded by stupid people

*I am a concious being, made choices

hyperactive imagination all my life. speak dialougue out loud for my filly posters and later imagined stories at night in bed or at daytime locked in bathroom. fantasize in bed at night for hours or long periods of time. i at least from 5yrs old on, fantazized about tied up humans, not ppl around me, no, female cartoon characters. cages & bars too. I didn´t tell anyone, i couldnot possibly explain, especially at that age, why i thought, fantasized about that. fetishistic kid. I wanted control when playing with other kids, I didn´t know what they were thinking. and i lived in a small world, i was self-centered.

Sometimes i think, was i a little psychopath as a small child? it creeps me out. Im kept wondering how much of what i experienced is common for kids. There are kooks in this world, one-of-a-kinds, i would really like to meet all of them. I was such a weirdo child. but my life is mundane too, i do unremarkable things. knowing i was the exception among my peers all my life, can´t be seperated from being alive & doing normal stuff, for me. I don´t really know what its like to grow up as an allistic child. I can do things like get out of bed, clean, eat cause they´re morally neutral in relation to my convictions. Posting on tumblr, i still have to figure out if it´s worth it, i mainly write an autobiography for later purposes, and I don´t have a program where i can have all my writing in one place. and making it public is smthng i don´t think about most of the time, its just a meaningless habit.

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miseryinyou · 2 years

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Let's talk about Parker in Redemption for a minute because the writers did her dirty.

I know there's a lot of people who try to justify her behaviour in Redemption as the fact that Parker is now more comfortable around the team and has stopped suppressing her stims/autistic tendencies.

I'm here to tell you that's bs.

I am an autistic woman similar to Parker's level of functionality (ie. I'm verbal, technically functional in society, and am able to fully take care of my own needs). I suppressed my autistic tendencies all throughout my childhood and wasn't actually diagnosed with autism until I was 15.

Why? My dad was abusive. It wasn't safe for me to be different in my home. So I acted normal. It sucked. Anytime I wasn't normal I was non-violently punished by my mother (who was trying to protect me from my father's violent rage).

THEN I moved 5 hours away for university. I lived alone and it was beautiful. I stopped suppressing my behaviours that are generally considered atypical but harmless. Suddenly, there was no one around to get mad when I got excited and flapped my hands. No one got upset when I would spend hours pacing in a circle or rocking back and forth on the floor to self-soothe. No one acted like I was crazy for hating certain textures against my skin or the mouthfeel of certain foods.

To that end, SOME of the stuff Parker's been doing in Redemption (ie. her unrestrained joy about the vents in 1x01 and the excitement about the train safe in 1x14) can be chalked up to being more comfortable around the team. I'll give you that.

BUT the confidence and leadership skills that Parker was displaying in season 5 have completely disappeared. They have infantilized Parker in Redemption and it can't be chalked up to her basically canon 'autism' (IIRC John Rogers confirmed it in an episode commentary?) or her level of comfort with the team. She was comfortable with the team in season 5. She was also a strong, confident woman in season 5. She was still a little eccentric and she didn't always understand social cues - but in the OG Leverage series Parker was a mature badass.

Redemption has turned her into a capable but childlike thief.

#leverage #i have beef with Parker's characterization in redemption #leverage redemption #parker

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mewlcakes · 4 years

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Sweet Heart {Catradora} Chapter 1

Catra knew something was wrong when Adora wouldn't eat her lunch.

It was her favorite; Catra should know. She packed it herself. Chicken nuggets, macaroni, a cosmic brownie and some watermelon slices. It was one of Adora's safe meals.

The group home Adora lived in would only pack her food she wouldn't eat, so she'd go hungry. Until she met Catra.

Catra made sure that Adora was always well-fed, happy, and that no one would mess with Adora. Her Adora.

Usually, Adora would eat happily, one food item at a time in the exact same order just how she liked it.

But today, she was picking at her chicken nuggets and staring down at the table. She wasn't usually good at making eye contact, but today, she was making an effort not to, which made Catra worried.

"What's wrong, Dora?" She asked, using her pet name.

Adora still kept her eyes glued to the lunch table.

"Adora, look at me. Did someone say something to you? You know I'll kick their ass if they did."

"I'm fine..." the blonde girl muttered.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not a baby, Catra. We talked about this." The blue-eyed girl said, finally looking up at her. "I can worry about myself."

Catra winced a bit. She and Adora had this conversation multiple times before. Adora was independent and didn't want Catra hovering over her and protecting her like some tiny animal that couldn't protect itself.

Catra knew Adora was fully capable of taking care of herself. But autistic or not, Adora was Catra's friend. And she'd always fight for her friends. Neurodivergency or not.

When Catra first moved here, Adora was the first person who was nice to her. Before learning about her autism and getting to know her, Catra thought she was...well, weird.

She thought it was weird how she carried around a stuffed unicorn or why she wore sweaters in 90° heat. She couldn't understand why Adora had such a hard time reading facial cues or comprehending figures of speech.

But it only took time. Catra did her own research and got to really know Adora. They'd been friends for years and Catra'd be lying if she said she didn't have...other feelings for Adora.

But she couldn't ruin their friendship like that...

She gently grabbed Adora's hands over the table. The blonde girl's eyes widened a bit, but she soon melted into her touch.

"You know you can tell me anything..." Catra said softly. "I promise, I won't judge you or treat you like a baby. Just tell me, Bunny."

Adora's lips curled up at the nickname. Bunny. An inside joke between her and Catra only.

"Okay..." she retracted her hands, twiddling her thumbs a bit, her eyes back on the table. She mumbled something incoherently.

"What is it?" Catra leaned forward, pointing her fingers to her ear.

"Octavia took Swift Wind..." Adora whispered into her ear. "And said my forehead was big."

Catra's mismatched eyes widened, steam practically coming out of her ears. For a few seconds, all she could see was red, hot anger.

"I'll get him back." Catra promised.

"Catra, I don't need you to-"

"Adora, you're my best friend. And I owe you one anyway. Remember last week when you helped me study for my geometry test? I aced it! I owe you one."

Adora thought about it, then nodded. "Okay...just don't get in trouble again. I don't like when you have detention. I have no one to talk to when you do."

Catra just smiled and playfully shook her head. "No promises, Dora. But I will get Swift Wind back. And your forehead is big, so what? You make it work. And your hair poof is adorable." She smiled.

Adora couldn't help but smile back. "Okay..."

Then, the blonde girl stood up. Everyday, 2 minutes before the bell rang, she'd hurry to get to class early so she could get her favorite seat by the window. It was like clockwork.

Catra sighed as the girl left. She'd barely even touched her food. Usually, Adora would throw her trash away in the trash can, but today, she was too distracted to remember.

Catra grabbed the Cosmic brownie and wrapped it up in a napkin, just in case Adora got hungry later.

She had to leave lunch early, too.

She had business with Octavia to take care of.

Catra scouted the hallways, eyes darting left and right as she scanned the surface, looking for a certain green-haired girl.

School had just ended, the bell ringing to signify the ending of the day. Students and teachers both piled out of the halls, eager to get back to their homes away from the hellhole known as a learning facility.

Octavia was pretty big, hence the name. She was a wrestler and a damn good one at that. But she didn't intimidate Catra.

Making sure there were no teachers around, Catra grabbed Octavia and shoved her against the locker, using all of her force.

She could see the shock and fear in Octavia's eyes before she realized what was happening.

"What did you do to Adora, you bitch?"

Octavia just smirked and narrowed her eyes, sizing Catra up and down. "I just gave her what she needs; you know, the real world isn't gonna be all sunshine and rainbows, Catra. It's time that your little girlfriend learned that.

"She goes through enough of that at home, Octavia. Why do you have to go out of your way to make her life miserable?"

"Miserable?" She asked. "I'm helping her! The weirdo is too old to be carrying around a damned stuffed animal! She's in high school for fuck's sake!"

This pissed Catra off. Octavia didn't know the story behind the unicorn. She didn't know that it was the only thing her parents had left her behind. She didn't know that it was the only thing that helped Adora sleep at night. It was her comfort animal and helped her happy stim.

But of course Octavia wouldn't know that.

And quite frankly, Catra didn't seem to care about her ignorance.

"And what are you? You're just a big bitch with an ugly dye job and a broken nose!"

"I don't have a broke-"

SLAM!

Catra's fist made direct contact with Octavia's nose before either one of them could even process what had happened.

There was blood all over Catra's shirt. She stared at Octavia's bloody nose and sneered.

"Adora is the one good thing left in my life. And I'll be damned if I let you ruin that." She hissed, grabbing the unicorn plushie and making her way back to her locker.

She grabbed her jacket and put it on to hide the blood. Not only would it upset Adora, but it would make others suspicious as to why Catra's shirt looked like a crime scene.

Catra hurried to get to the bus; she rode with Adora everyday. The girl was sensitive to all the loud noises and bumps in the road and all of the heartless teenagers that would throw things and tease her.

The bus didn't even go down Catra's neighborhood. In fact, Catra would get off the bus with Adora and walk back to her own house, which was a lot of walking. But she'd do it for Adora. She'd do anything for Adora.

Hurrying onto the bus, she found Adora in their usual seat 9.

She saw the worried expression on Adora's face.

"I thought you were gonna miss the bus." She said softly.

"Me? Nah, wouldn't miss it for the world." Catra laughed, leaning back in the seat and propping her feet up in the seat ahead of her.

Kyle, the kid in front of her groaned a bit, but Catra just smirked. "Deal with it, Kyle."

Then, Catra remembered and reached into her backpack and pulled out the famous Swift Winds plushie, causing Adora's eyes to light up.

"You got him back!" She grinned, hugging Catra tightly.

Catra's eyes widened. It was very, very rare that Adora hugged anyone, even Catra. But on the scarce occasion of it happening, Catra cherished them and hugged her back affectionately.

"Octavia just gave him back?" Adora asked, pulling away.

"Yup." The brunette lied. "I just asked her for him and she said yeah. And she's sorry that she called your forehead big. She was just jealous.

Adora knew that most likely wasn't true, but she smiled and hugged her comfort stuffed animal anyway. "Thank you, Cat."

"No problem, dude." She grinned.

Soon, the bus pulled into the group home Adora lived at, a tiny house in a pretty broken-down neighborhood.

"Here, take this." Catra said, handing Adora the brownie from lunch. "I don't want you going hungry tonight. And get a good night's sleep, okay, Bunny?"

Adora rolled her eyes playfully and smiled. "Okay, Cat. I'll see you tomorrow."

And just like that, Catra watched her Adora walk back into her house.

Sighing softly, Catra prepared to make the long journey on foot to her own home.

A/n: hi!!!! so i saw a post about a headcanon/theory of Adora having autism and as a person who also has autism, I wanted to write a fanfic about it. I know she's a bit out of character, but I really wanted to make a story I can relate to that's a little different. Also, find me on wattpad, my @ is sweet-peachy and I have a oneshot book and this book is there too!!!!

#catradora #shera #spop #fanfic #autistic characters #adora #catra #lesbian #loveislove #autistic adora

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