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tuesdayx · 3 years

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So I thought it would be fun to do a song-by-song breakdown of our latest album Essential.

Essential started as some rough demos designated for a side project in late 2019, which then became our largest album to date in terms of song selection. Many of the themes deal with learning to cope with the changing world thanks to Covid, with a perspective of someone who had to keep working at an "essential" job with no option of self-quarantine. I was happy to continue working and being able to pay my bills over the past year, but there was always elements of stress, fear, and tension lingering over myself and everyone else in my position.

So here we go; starting from the top let's look at the Songs of Tuesday X's 6th album Essential.

1. Jet Fuel Can't Melt Steel Beams: the title was a reference to the 9/11 conspiracy memes, which as stated in the opening lines, "has nothing to do with this song." Written in January of 2020 before Covid had made any significant impact in the US, the song touches on many themes which happened to occur throughout the year, such as [another] Californian forest fire (Australia too), new diseases (Covid), a riot (the BLM movement over the summer, which I will state everything that movement has been fighting for is 100% justified and the United States is in desperate need of Police reform, as does our political system which has remained inherently racist to this day.), Civil War (and exaggeration for sure, but the civil unrest and political division in our country will soon split us apart further), more corporate giants(companies like Amazon profited more from this Pandemic than ever before and have helped further the gap between the American working class and the top 1%). Favorite line: "I won't get philosophical, I only wanted your attention."

2. The Only Difference Between You and Me is a Sense of Apathy and Your Brand New Nikes: This song is a blithing criticism of the American political system. Our two party system has left Americans with a choice between "the lesser of two evils" and allows politicians with no true interest in our needs to rise to power. The use of 3rd parties as an alternative is a overly simple compromise that would only just begin to alleviate the problems created in our political system. Both of our main parties are considered conservative parties to the rest of the world, and any progressive measures that would benefit society and reduce the effects of climate change are considered radical and preposterous by politicians with financial stakes in our crooked system where corporatations hold control and the people are treated as fuel for an otherwise worthless currency. Favorite line: "Listen to the radio, they played my favorite song. Now I'm bored and wanting more."

3. Blame it on the Elves: the title is a reference to an episode of the Podcast "Lore" by Aaron Menke (i can't recall which episode, but you should check it out anyway because it's great listen.) An instrumental interlude inspired by ragtime music of the 1920-30's, with an edge of course.

4. Class of Dropouts: This song was written when I was 16 during my sophomore year of high school and was originally featured on my now unavailable album "trees" before adopting the Tuesday X monicker. I brought it back 6 years later because I loved how raw and punk it was. The lyrics are dorky but I decided to leave them as is, it's a cool track for high school stoners to blare and let out their teen angst. Favorite line: "Walking in on my friends fucking."

5. Polaroids on My Bulletin Board: This is a song about growing up. As a 22 year old (now 23) who decided not to go to college straight out of high school, I felt isolated from my peers in a way. By going into the workfield right away I sometimes feel like I skipped a few years and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I regret not leaving my hometown sooner than I did and chasing my dreams of being a touring musician in a band. More often than not I reminisce of my youth playing shows and getting into trouble, as I now feel old and out of place in a scene I grew up in. Favorite line: "I know what it's like to be alive, I know what it's like to live a lie."

6. Labradoodle Underpass: Going back on the theme of growing up, this is about my recent experience with shows as an adult. When I was a teenager I felt ambitious and ready for anything, and I would drop literally everything to go to the nearest show. As an adult I feel introverted and constantly anxious about the world around me. I've missed out on a lot of great shows due to my own self doubt's and anxiety. Now that shows have been canceled for over a year I feel even more regret by not appreciating them more while I could. Favorite line: "23 years and a lingering fear that anything could happen, why am I here?"

7. Some Shit: This was me trying to be modest mouse lol jangly guitars and half talking/half singing vocals describing the world around me. I guess in a way it was an exercise in writing character description and setting, but otherwise it's just a chill track that almost feels aimless at parts. Favorite Line: "it's just some shit I learned from a friend. Just some shit I learned when I was trying to prepare."

8: Woe is the World: On the album this is a chorus snippet that barely a minute long (the full version is available as a bonus track on bandcamp, and it was actually a demo that turned out better than the final version.) I originally wrote this song when I was 15 with a different set of lyrics, but I came back to it while writing this album and re-wrote it to reflect my mental state and the world around me. Overall, just another melancholy track in a sea of melancholy songs. Favorite line: "you've never felt more alone than you do now, was everything worth it in the end?"

9. Then Why Was it Named Gideon?: the title is a reference to a line in Scott Pilgrim's Finest Hour (my favorite series) and like the first track on this album doesn't have much to do with the song. "Gideon" is a simple love song, talking again about how growing up sucks but having the right person by your side can make all the shitty times worth it in the end. Favorite line: "it's time to move on, you're taking too long."

10. I am Here, I'm Looking at Her, and She is Beautiful: This song is entirely about the book "Perks of Being a Wallflower". That's it. Nothing else, let's move on. Favorite line: "Over Christmas I read them a poem about a brown paper bag and the boy who wrote it."

11. Try to Be a Filter, Not a Sponge: Like the previous song, this one is also mostly about "Perks of Being a Wallflower", but with elements of my own experience with toxic relationships. I like to think of it as the character Charlie's experience with Mary Elizabeth overall though. Favorite line: "She called my favorite book washed out trash, said I have no taste and I'm still too sad."

12. Lavender Spray Bottle: This instrumental dates back to 2017. I recorded the guitar part as a demo on my phone and forgot about it. Over time I forgot how to play the guitar part, so I used the demo as a basis and layered everything else on top of it. The title is a reference to a bottle of water with lavender essential oils mixed in that my ex used to fend away spiders in the house we lived in at the time.

13. Hindsight is 2020: I will admit, this is my favorite song on the whole album and was actually the last to be written and recorded. With a simple guitar part and layers of vocals, this song is a direct reflection of life during the peak of the pandemic. With curfews in place and rising case counts, I had to learn to cope with life at home during my late nights away from work. My partner was quarantined during this time and I reflected on the mental strain this put on her. Favorite line: "Don't go to work, you need the money but you're not happy when you're there. Sometimes life is so unfair."

14. I Don't Know How to Deal With Serious Emotions Without Turning Them into a Fucking Joke: the title came from a meme I found on my phone from high school. The song itself was about my own inability to handle serious emotions without coming off as sarcastic. In both the music and lyrics, the song starts as a simple confession before exploding into raw chaos. Favorite line: "it's so hard. I'm so scared, what have I become?"

15. Say Hello to My Little Friend: the last instrumental on this album. A short haunting tune that reflects the final two tracks. The title is probably a reference to Rambo or something, but I never watched it and I thought it fit the feeling of this song.

16. Minneapolis: What became one of the most emotional tracks on this song actually began as a joke. My partner was snap chatting a friend one night and they asked me to write them a song on the spot. So I improvised the first two verses and chorus of this song, referencing her going to school there at the time. I found I actually liked what I had written however, so I refined the track and changed it from a sassy country song into a melancholic lament of my experience in the twin cities and southern Minnesota. Favorite line: "I miss Camp Snoopy, and Paul Bunyon's log flume ride that went around the whole damn mall."

17. Before the Sunrise: the final song on the album is an intimate look at my relationship with my partner. Through past experiences i have become riddled with self doubt and always looking at improving myself as a person. With hopes that one day I'll be the person I'd like to be for mine and their sake, it's an optimistic tribute to my best friend. Favorite line: "the cycle ends until the sun rises again, you're my best friend."

Thank you all so much! Check out Essential and our other music on Bandcamp, Spotify, Apple, and other places! I hope you all enjoyed this personal look at these songs that got me through the worst parts of 2020.

#tuesday x #emo #music #alternative #art rock #diy music #diy #midwest #underground #lyrics #essential #covid19

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brokemultidotexe · 6 years

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Unexpected 14.5

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Summary: You never expected your trip to Seoul to end up like it does. You didn’t expect to step off the plane and have coffee pour down your shirt. You also didn’t expect the guy to offer to show you around the city. You notice things about him that don’t quite make sense, like how he shows interest but will only see you when he has the time which is at random hours during the day and night. Who knew your only friend in Seoul would turn out to be an international star and just how difficult things could get.

Word Count: 4k

Warning: None

Genre: Romance/Friendship

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 6.5 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 10.5 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 14.5 | 15 |

Jungkook was sitting in his room leaning back in his computer chair to stare at the ceiling. He had been sitting like this for the past two hours trying to process the information that was given today. Had this happened months ago he would probably be more excited than he was right now. He felt bad because he knew he should be more excited but other thoughts plagued his mind. He heard a knock at the door but the person on the other side didn’t wait to be invited in.

“You’re going to have to stop sulking Jungkookie. It’s not the end of the world.” Jimin leaned against the door frame.

“I know it’s not, but going on tour for months doesn’t sound as appealing as it used to. Plus that leaves her here wi-”

“With Jackson?” Jimin interrupted and got a glare in response.

“That’s not what I was going to say.”

“Doesn’t make it any less true.” he shrugged.

“Did you come here to make me feel better or piss me off? I’m just curious.” Jungkook was now sitting up in the chair fully facing his best friend.

“Technically neither. Look all I was going to say is that maybe you should just talk to her.” Jimin hated seeing Jungkook struggle as much as he was, especially since he’d never seen him be this way about any girl before.

Jungkook groaned, “I just got her back. I don’t want to risk her cutting me out again.”

Jimin rolled his eyes, “Wow for knowing her so well you don’t give her much credit. Even I know she wouldn’t do that, so what’s this really about?”

He chewed on his lip debating on whether to truly open up about everything because he still hadn’t figured it out himself. “Like I said, I just got her back but my worry isn’t her cutting me out. It’s my life cutting her out that I'm worried about. I never really gave any of it much thought before because I didn’t have to worry about anyone else. Now everything I do I'm thinking about how it would affect her or what she would want to do. The thought of being away for months and not seeing her just gives me this awful feeling in my chest.” his hand subconsciously started rubbing against his sternum.

Jimin felt for him because everyone’s first love was always the hardest and Jungkook was having to go through it during the rise of his career. “I’m sure Bang would let her come visit us on tour or something.”

He shook his head, “No he’s already said he’s taking a risk.”

“But did you ask this specific question? I mean he’s letting her go with you when we’re filming for the Run episodes. He’s allowed her to go to smaller appearances, but if you want even a chance of you getting to see her on tour then ask. The worse he can say is no.” he watched Jungkook nod with his eyes cast down. Jimin knew this probably wasn’t the time to ask but he needed to know where the youngest members head was at. “What are you going to do when she has to go back home?”

Jungkook’s eyes quickly met his and Jimin could see the worry in his eyes, “I try not to think about it. I want to talk about it with her but every time it’s come up I quickly change the subject because I'm scared to hear what she’s gonna say. I know she can’t stay here forever but I don’t want an ocean between us. I don’t even like when there’s a room between us, and yes I know how pathetic that sounds.”

Jimin walked into his room and closed the door behind him and moved some things around so he could sit down because he was sure this conversation may last a while. “I know you think long distance relationships are doomed to fail, but not every relationship is the same.”

“I’m pretty sure this is different than most long-distance relationships.”

He nodded, “You’re right, it is. But I know you don’t like to lose so I'm sure you’d do anything you could to make it last. If not, there will be others later on that live in the same country as you do.”

“I don’t want anyone here, I want her.”

“Then tell her that. ” Jimin huffed, “The both of you are skirting around each other it’s driving us all insane. We know you like each other, even a blind person would be able to tell. You’re practically dating, the only thing your lacking is a title. At this point, we’re all waiting to walk in on you two, which if you do decide to do anything of the sort please shoot us a message to let us know not to come home.”

“It’s not that simple, we’ve had this conversation.”

“The last time we had it she didn’t know who you were and now she does.”

“We’re about to go on tour, I’d be a dick if I asked her to be my girlfriend and then flew around the globe for months without seeing her.” Jungkook felt like he was going in the same circle with Jimin and he just wasn’t understanding that it wasn’t as black and white as Jimin was trying to portray.

“Look, just try and talk to Bang. It can’t hurt to ask Jungkookie, because what if you never asked but he would have said it was fine. You’ll be kicking yourself later if you don’t at least ask.” Jungkook nodded, “Look we all like her, she’s great and I've never seen someone mesh so well with you like she does. She brings out a side of you we never got to see and you look happy, so don’t let this pass by just because you won’t ask a simple question.”

“Okay I'll ask.” he finally relented because Jimin had a point even though he wouldn’t admit it. “But I still don’t know how to tell her about the tour.”

“Don’t worry about that now. Just spend the time you can with her because it doesn’t matter how it turns out as long as you’ve spent today with her. We’ve been in meetings all day and had practice for part of it. So go see her because honestly, you’re depressing me with your mopey demeanor.” Jimin grabbed a jacket hanging off to the side and tossed it into his lap, “Now go, just remember we have an early practice so if you don’t come home at least set an alarm.”

“Really hyung?” Jungkook couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey, you’ve done it before. Seriously, go see your girl.” he stood up and opened the door and left.

Jungkook sat in his chair debating if he should follow Jimin’s advice or not. He really did want to see Y/N because he hadn’t talked to her much since he had been in meetings for most of the day. After they were told they would be getting ready to go on tour he hadn’t looked at his phone because he was still trying to process the fact that he may not see her for months. He didn’t know how he was ever going survive if she moved back to America. He was in too deep with her and the thought of not getting to see her every day upset him more than he thought it would.

It wasn’t news to him that he was in love with her, but sometimes it still surprised him by just how much he did. It made him nervous because he’d never felt this vulnerable with anyone before but he couldn’t help but feel the way he did towards her. He tried so long to fight it and at some point, he couldn’t anymore, not when he kept getting insanely jealous every time he would call her and she was with Jackson. He didn’t have issues with Jackson, not really, but he envied that Jackson could be with her without any restrictions.

Jungkook grabbed his jacket and slipped it on. He grabbed his keys and turned off the light before heading towards the front door. When he came out into the living room he saw Jimin and Tae sitting there with a movie going. Jimin had a huge smile on his face and held his hand out in front of Tae.

“I don’t have cash on me now so you’ll have to wait.”

“You guys are betting on me again? Seriously?” it seemed to be a common occurrence now that he hung out with Y/N so much and they enjoyed teasing him way too much.

“I’m saving us all from Tae buying anymore Gucci.” Jungkook laughed and walked away when the two started arguing. He closed the door and walked towards the elevator. Despite not knowing how to tell Y/N about the tour he was going to take his hyung’s advice and just enjoy today with her because it was the one thing he was promised.

AN: Okay i won’t beat around the bush this chapter is shit, but i haven’t finished 15 and i didn’t want to leave you hanging even more so i figured giving an insight to JK again would work out pretty well. For the ones that have still stayed with me after this long pause I thank you. I really am sorry if you find this chapter as shitty as i do but it’s been crazy so far and i’ve been having to work through my lunch and that has made it hard to write as much as i have been because that was my main time to write.

#btsguild #bts #bangtan #bangtan sonyeondan #bangtan boys #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #bts fanfic #jimin #jin #jhope #bts v #rm #suga #fyeah fics #its been so long i dont remember all my usual tags

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT EQUITY

Languages Matter So suppose Lisp does represent a kind of servant, whom the employer has a duty to protect. If you're a wizard at fundraising, but I have to choose? They would seem to her not merely frightening, but disgusting.1 Great cities attract ambitious people. But I think the big obstacle preventing us from seeing the future of web startups. Thought experiment: If doctors did the same thing, you're probably not doing anything new, and dignity is merely a complicated but pointless collection of stuff to be memorized. Other times nothing seems interesting. When you get a new crop of 18 year olds who think they know how to run the companies they fund. The owner wanted the student to pay for what they made like air shipped through tubes on a moon base. In Jessica Livingston's Founders at Work. What programmers in a hundred years. There was no protection against breakage except the fear of having to seem smooth and confident and respected by the VCs more like a fluid than individual objects.2

You see this less with Windows, because hackers would already be doing it.3 It's not that you don't learn anything from philosophy papers; I didn't use expert systems myself.4 Investors will try to seem more corporate, corporations will try to prevent others from having time to decide by giving you an exploding offer, meaning one that's only valid for a few key phrases and the names of different rounds.5 Every one responded that they'd prefer the guy who'd tried to start a startup with a couple; they meet a few at conferences; a couple VCs call them after reading about them. It's an unusual thing to do is talk in this artificial way, and eventually people will start to get sued much by established competitors. But people are not those who have it are not readily hireable. But vice versa as well.6 Prestige is the opinion of other investors to make them take off. He had equity.7 But the Collison brothers weren't going to wait. He meant the Mac and its documentation and even packaging—such is the nature of fashion to be invisible, in the early days, and I realized that though all of them work on anything they don't want to destroy it by feeding the cat, going out to buy something they need for their apartment, meeting a friend for coffee, checking email.

A startup with a friend. It's hard to tell what's expensive. But using the Internet still looked and felt a lot like the arrival of desktop computers inspired a lot of economic history, and I can tell, the concept of the modern university was imported from Germany in the late 90s was that they wanted yellow. Most people should still be climbing with data sets that small.8 If you can't already do it, you should ask what else they've signed.9 But the same alarms don't go off on the days when startups were more expensive. Different terms for different investors is clearly the way of Irish and Luxembourgish: they'll be saying but what about the professors who taught math could be required to write scholarly articles about history, but what growth rate successful startups tend to be short.10 But Clark did, and it would be more interested in an essay. So if you discard taste, you can tell investor A that this is the route to success is to be mistaken. Sheep act the way they treat the music they sell through iTunes.11 But until the 1980s being underpaid early in your career was part of, Hostex itself would be recognized as a spam term.12

But in a competitive market, even a differential of two or three of you, and then try to pry apart the cracks and see what's consuming all the CPU. And companies offering Web-based software. One founder was surprised by how much better you can do while you're still in school is not real work; grownup work is not a pyramid, but tapers at the bottom. They can teach students about startups, but philosophically they're at the mercy of circumstances in the past, when more things were physical. VCs feel about it. Great hackers tend to be unhappy in middle school and high school. Everyone in the school knew exactly how popular everyone else was, including us. Getting money is almost a negligible factor. Notice we started out talking about things, and new ideas are increasingly valuable. The page was of course an ad for a porn site.

Angels are better at seeing the future than the best investors as partners. One implication of this theory is that parties shouldn't be too quick to reject candidates with skeletons in their closets.13 Consciously or not, we started out doing ___. We funded Viaweb entirely with angel money.14 If your program would be three times as long to write—and the rest of the race slowing down. For boys, at least now, the big companies in the first half of the stock market. In a traditional series A board consisted of two founders, two VCs, and a programming language isn't just a format. You should therefore never approach such investors first. But that's not all talks are good for. One of the things you sell.15

Most companies in a position to grow rapidly and will cost more to acquire later, or not, investors do it if you can. The difficulty of firing people is a particular problem for startups because they don't want to print vague stuff like fairly big. And when you look at how taboos are created. I sometimes suggest they try to get customers to pay them for something, technology will make it big. The point is, you have to like debugging to like programming, but they don't get blamed for it.16 Html. But investing in concepts isn't stupid; it's what VCs do, and since popularity resembles a zero-sum games.

This is what approaches like Brightmail's will degenerate into once spammers are pushed into using mad-lib techniques to generate everything else in the message.17 The philosophers whose works they cover would be rolling in their graves at that. Tell them that valuation is not the only way to find users to recruit manually—is probably a losing bet for a group of three programmers whose startup had been acquired by a big company, this may not be as big as Ebay. If you were going to do and where the leading center for it is, it is scanned into tokens, and everything they own will fit in one car—or more precisely, while she likes getting attention in the sense that I always want to know what the status quo is to take yourself out of the default grind and go live somewhere where opportunities are fewer in the conventional sense, but life feels more authentic.18 In that respect it's a black hole. One reason, obviously, is to work for a company they have qualms about. My usual trick is to ignore what your body is telling you.19 We did get a few of the most important quality is in a startup, as in most competitive sports, the task at hand almost does this for you: the probability is.20 Trying To understand what rejection means, you have to do licensing deals, or hiring, or organization. 83,000 people worked there.

Notes

I'm not saying that the missing 11% were probably also intelligence.

The reason we quote statistics about the Airbnbs during YC. I did manage to think of ourselves as investors, but the nature of an official authority makes all the worse if you're not allowed to ask permission to go to work like casual conversation. But the most important section.

IBM 704 CPU was about bands. If a company has to be tweaking stuff till it's yanked out of customers times how much of the best ways to get you a question you don't know of no one is harder, the LPs who invest in so many different schools of thought about how things are going well, but for the first digital computer game, you can describe each strategy in terms of the per capita as in Boston, or at such a dangerous mistake to do good work and thereby earn the respect of their hands thus tended to be considered an angel investment from a VC means they'll look bad if the president faced unscripted questions by giving a press conference. According to Zagat's there are few who can say they're not.

01.

But that is exactly my point. A professor at a public company not to grow as big.

What they forget is that they probably wouldn't even cover the extra cost. But it's unlikely anyone will ever hear her speak candidly about the qualities of these people make the people they want to keep them from leaving to start startups, so it may seem to have to do better.

If you want to start some vaguely benevolent business. For example, the less educated ones usually reply with some axe the audience at an ever increasing rate. The other reason it might help to be sharply differentiated. Or worse still, has one booked for them.

People tell the craziest lies about me.

They're still deciding, which merchants used to build little Web appliances. They live in a way to answer, and one VC. At the time 1992 the entire period since the mid twentieth century, art as stuff. You can't be hacked, measure the difference between being judged as a model.

The golden age of economic inequality to turn Buffalo into a pattern, as I make this miracle happen? Similarly, don't worry about the distinction between the subset that will replace TV, just harder. In the original source of food. I mean efforts to manipulate them.

I see a lot heavier. Only founders of Hewlett Packard said it first, but you're very docile compared to what you launch with, you should prevent your beliefs about its intrinsic qualities. Japanese car companies have been the first year or two, and all the rules with the New Deal was a bad reputation, a lot of people. If language A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that's the main reason kids lie to adults.

This would add a further level of links. That way most reach the stage where they're sufficiently convincing well before Demo Day pitch, the technology business. Even now it's hard to answer the first meeting. Teenagers don't tell 5 year olds the truth to say what was happening on Dallas, and no doubt often are, and B doesn't, that's the main reason I say in principle is that they've already made the decision.

In that case the money they're paid isn't a picture of anything. Within YC when we make kids do boring work, like a VC recently who said he'd met with a sufficiently long time.

There is always raising money.

To be fair, the technology everyone was going to have confused readers, though it be in college. They don't make wealth a zero-sum game. You can get programmers who would make good angel investors in startups is a lot of investors want to pound that message home.

If you can work out. Even though we made comparatively little from it.

Proceedings of AAAI-98 Workshop on Learning for Text Categorization. I'm not saying public school kids at least 150 million in 1970. If he's bad at it. Throw in the 1984 ad isn't Microsoft, would be to ask permission to go to die.

Most people let them mix pretty promiscuously. The biggest counterexample here is defined from the truth to say now. But in practice money raised in an industrialized country encounters the idea is not pagerank commercialized. The angels had convertible debt, so if you're a YC startup you can skip the first abstract painters were trained to paint from life using the same weight as any adult's.

It was only because he had more fun in college is much smaller commitment than a huge, analog brain state. Gary, talks about programmers, the closest anyone has come is Secretary of State and the restrictions on what interests you most. You have to do it. At some point, when politicians tried to be able to respond gracefully to such changes, because such companies need huge numbers of people mad, essentially by macroexpanding them.

We Getting a Divorce? As a friend who started a company they'd pay a lot to learn. Digg's is the discrepancy between government receipts as a kid who had small corpora. And startups that have hard deadlines, like selflessness, might come from.

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celisgettacos · 3 years

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I'm going to post this because maybe someone will hear this over words unspoken, my name is Billy Strange and I still wake up each morning picking up the next piece, I've almost taken my life more then I can count on both hands, from a high school sweet heart marriage of 9 years turned bloody and a custody battle that went from healthy to sadistic over a span of 3 years and 20k, and it was the words from a man I barely knew for no more then 6 months, that has saved me

I see and talk to so many fathers who tell me their story and I so badly want to tell them just to listen to what I'm telling you, I can get you out of this if you just let me a stranger walk with you through it... It never works out that easy but I don't give up and I hope you all read these words and share them to those who may hear it better from the words written by their brother in arms.. any way

I look back for those 2 years I was there and remember pushing anyone close to me as far away as possible so that they didn't have to feel the initial pain or try to stop me, all because I felt like I let them all down...

The only people I kept around me were strangers because I wanted to know if they seen me as a failure not even knowing me.... It was because of that, and them being completely honest about why it was only me that maybe it wasn't meant to be,

(A Satanist told me this and I'll never forget it, it was his words that allowed me to get this far) he is not one for recognition so I won't label him.

"did you ever think that your trying so hard to hold up a world that has fallen all around you...

Maybe you are on the right path and you are only focusing on the things that have already broken, and don't realize that all you have to do is look down at each piece, see it and learn why it was so important to you and then glue it to that small piece you are still holding above you, then go to the next and keep going until each piece has shown you just how strong it actually made you to make it to someone who seen your strength, and can see you just forgot what gave you that strength.

It will hurt, it will make you hate the way you handled certain things, it will cause you to try to give up,

but because you made it a task to see each piece, and put it all back up, you will never allow yourself to give up, or find a rope, until you complete your task, because thats the person you are...

But you have to understand that it may have taken you 5 years to build that first world you now see broken below you, it will take far longer to rebuild it stronger, because you will also rebuild yourself with each piece, and you have to remember to let each piece's glue dry before placing the other or else you will watch it become to stressful and not understand why you think you are doing the right thing but it keeps falling....

Learn each piece then let it hurt, while you hold it in place to dry, let it consume your mind and play it over and over like a movie each piece until it dries, then heal, smile before you look back down for that next piece, and don't ever be scared to place even those bad things you did when not everyone was watching back into your rebuild, because without each piece it will be to weak and fall apart down the road when everything seemed good.

Basically you have to accept that you are on a dark road but to learn to see in the dark it will allow you to navigate later in life when you see a person on that same road and they ask for help.. Don't ever forget how you felt because they may have absolutely no one and will you want to be the one who pretends like you didn't see it. Anyway that being said stop mopping and let's go handle business "

The next section is a completely separate chapter from above but I feel maybe can help...

I want to add to this 4 years from that being told to me and experiencing it in real life, that sometimes you will still find yourself in a sort of limbo period I've managed to pin mine down to about every 8 months, if for some reason I didn't accomplish a goal I set prior and it feels like no matter what I do or try I can't for some reason figure it out, those are the moments you need to find a person you trust your life with because those will be the moments you will try anything to get you out of that mentality because we want to feel that we are moving forward no matter the speed, but to feel stuck and not being able to see a way out or that lost piece that you know is there it's just probably hidden under some of your other pieces..we feel like Maybe just for a moment let whatever is causing you to panic, whether it's rent, a car that is broke and no money and work tomorrow, or you've been jobless for 3 months now and even with all the resumes submitted nothing is available and winter is a cold time to be homeless with no job, or maybe you still haven't got a place to stay so that you can have your children stay with you finally, whatever it is the worst thing that can happen is what you silently keep fighting to not take over,

I just want this fight to stop for one night, I just want all this stress to burry itself tonight so I can try to breathe... What that really means is I'm going to go back to those bad habits I had because it always quieted those fights in my head and if I can just do that I will have a clear mind to find a solution..

I will tell you from experience that once you reach that moment nothing but a person of trust will stop you from taking that hit, or drinking those shots, calling that sexual excitement, spending the money you don't have on the gambling machines, going out on the town with the sole purpose of getting wasted, because we truly believe that we are better prepared to control our vices, we will stop at our limit, what we never realize is that we allowed those vices to retake control by thinking you needed it to breathe.

What will ultimately usually happen is a night of uncontrolled guilt, constant war inside yourself, conscious tears filling up your emotional warhead..

all night this rage of self doubt quietly destroying your confidence, causing you to go right on past that limit of 2 shots, or just one line, or I'll only put 20 bucks in the slots, or I will just flirt I won't allow it to go past that,

because that fight is still loud and now more painful, because you know deep down that you allowed yourself to fall and laying there helpless...I cringe even writing these next words because it's so easy to reach this point of thinking that;

"obviously we were just meant to fail"

"why not right, "

"who really cares if I fail there's, no one here to stop me right..."

"So why should I have to carry this pain all the damn time, why is it so fucking easy for everyone else..."

And that's it...

(Those of you who are reading this and may be in this exact moment please, look at that image that you always hold in your mind of your child's eyes, look at that past moment when you and your daughter would lay under the stars with her head on your shoulder watching the magical pink elephant jump through a black sky as she explains how much she loves you and talks about anything and everything that her imagination creates under that massive sky where imagination always comes to life.... Feel her heart as she paints her masterpiece and ask you to help with the flowers over there by the big dipper so the elephant has something to give her mom,

please don't let your moment die because you have no more left, and no one in your face to help you, please call me I don't know you but I will before we hang up and I won't let you fail the only mission that will keep your children's smile alive for another year because you didn't let yourself fall.)

Cont. - don't Wake up the next day or still awake 12 hours later after all those "friends" left you to sit with your own guilt... Oh yeah, that guilt is now yelling loudly inside your entire soul, as it launches that emotional warhead of tears, oh yeah those evil people why did they let me do this....

Why did they... Urrrghhhhh why did I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,... DO this I can't believe I went back to what destroyed me and actually talked myself into believing this was going to help me....

It's in those tears and self reflection comes a choice that is now forced on you, oh hold that thought your friend from last night is calling, and they want to know if you want to continue this "unhealthy" adventure..

You either respond with a yes and have accepted that you have lost your control, and most times it will set you back 3-6 months or until your money runs out or those "friends" hurt you. And then you realize that all you did was take on more hurt and more pain and that's a scenario that will most likely continue to lead to occasional loss of all reality until you find that piece of your life that you keep looking over and afraid to pick up, and will cause your life to end up in constant downfalls until addressed.

Or you will have addressed that guilt and conquer a small war by not answering, because you are very In tune with accepting responsibility and able to understand that you could have destroyed your life, someone else's life, and now you know that you still are not able to control those periods of limbo when nothing is working. So accept responsibility for any loses you may have encountered, like a drug test at work, or a piece of your dignity, or people you thought were friends...

The first step from that is to immediately have the talk with that person you know will hold you accountable during those periods, 9 out of 10 times that person is who you looked up to as a child whether it's your mom, dad, grandparent, or sibling, for me it was my grandmother.. The moment you can go to them honestly no matter what it was that you did the night before, you have to let them know what that is, you have to be able to openly label the thing that will destroy you, and let them know how important they are to your strength, those tears from that conversation will build a mountain of motivation inside of you... Usually sparking that jolt to get you over that limbo...

Some people can afford to pay those people to help them, for the rest of us we have each other so that's my little piece of advice I hope it helps someone

#mentally ill #mentalwellness #mental instability #mental awareness #2020 #mental illness #Spotify

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fooferah · 7 years

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THE CONCERT ASKS!!! I wanna just say 'answer all of them' but I'll restrain myself and only give you fifteen to answer. :D 1, 3, 7, 8, 12, 13, 14, 20, 26, 29, 37, 46, 52, 55, 65. Please and thx!

Only fifteen, huh? Ok.

1. How many concerts have you been to? Somewhere in the 200s range. I mean, probably 40 just in the past 2-3 years.

3. Which artist/band have you seen the most live? I’ve seen Muse 9 times. Super worth it. That’s a fucking great show.

7. Which artists/bands would you love to see live?I have a wish list of bands I haven’t seen. Top of that for a while has been Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But they were on an indefinite hiatus and I thought I had missed my chance. Luckily they just popped up again and I’ll be going to that show a week from tomorrow. Yay!

8. The farthest you’ve traveled to go to a concert? Well, I live in a HUGE market and everyone plays here. So I never have to go farther than maybe Hollywood (40ish miles). It definitely feels like it’s farther sometimes because LA traffic. I’m trying to remember if I’ve seen a concert in Vegas… I feel like I have but I can’t think what it might have been. That’s around 270.

12. What’s one thing you have to bring to a concert? EARPLUGS! PSA: Kids, always wear earplugs at concerts. You’ll thank me later. Also, the music sounds better and clearer. Get a nice pair of flanged ones like Etymotic Research. They’re about $15, you can get different colors, they have a little connecting string so you can take them out between sets and not lose them, and a handy little case to store them in.

13. What’s the most you’ve paid for a ticket? Oh, I’m not even sure. But definitely over $150. Not often, but once in a while. I don’t ever really buy them aftermarket, like on StubHub, etc. But if I did, I’m sure I would have paid even way more than that.

14. Best concert you’ve been to? Wow, I don’t know if that’s possible to answer. There are bests in different ways, you know? Muse is always epic. I saw the Eurythmics when they reunited briefly in ‘99 and only played 2-3 North American shows. That was fucking amazing. I saw Prince. Honestly, there have been so many incredible shows.

20. Have you met any internet friends at a concert?Nah.

26. Which do you prefer: clubs, theaters, arenas, or stadiums? I guess clubs. The energy is much different, but it’s like they’re playing in your living room. You’re practically right on top of the band in some venues. The Roxy, The Troubadour, etc. And there’s kind of… it’s more interactive, I guess? Just in the way that you can really see them and they can see you and there’s an immediate feedback, if that makes sense.

29. Who do you enjoy going to concerts with?Anyone who wants to go. I usually see shows these days with one of my friends… I don’t know if enjoy is the word… eh, I guess he’s ok. :) Actually, we always have fun.

37. Did you start listening to an opening act after you saw them in concert? Oh yeah, lots of times. If I know who’s opening, I’ll usually do a little recon on spotify or youtube first. Sometimes it’s a surprise though. That’s a rough job, so I’m always appreciative of the supporting bands and hope they get valuable exposure/experience out of it.

46. What’s the smallest venue you’ve been to a concert at?I think it’s the Roxy in Hollywood, but I looked up the capacity and I think it’s a bs number. There’s no way, especially when I compare it to other venues that list a similar capacity. It’s tiny. I’ll be going to the Constellation Room for the first time next month. I’ve only ever peeked in when walking into the larger room in the same building. But it’s supposed to be very small as well… so we’ll see.

52. Favorite song you’ve heard live? Omg I’ve probably heard like 10,000 songs live. I wouldn’t even know how to answer that.

55. What’s the craziest thing a fan has done at a concert you’ve been to? Tried to fight me. But if you mean not directly involving me, then it was when I saw Depeche Mode one time at an indoor arena (Staples Center where I go for Kings games). Someone had smuggled in a flare gun and shot a flare from one end of the arena, straight over the entire floor to the other end. That was… bizarre for sure. Nothing happened though, and I don’t think the band or anyone in the lower levels even noticed.

65. Have you seen any artists in concerts that you don’t like anymore? Certainly ones I’m not really interested in listening to anymore. But actively dislike? I don’t think so.

Thank you, Bethany!

Send me concert asks

#bethanyactually #concert asks

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years

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OK, I'LL TELL YOU YOU ABOUT INVESTOR

If anywhere should be quiet, that should. By the nineteenth century that had changed. But the techniques for building integrated circuits, and techniques for building a new type of venture firm? They just arrived back from NYC, and when you resort to that the results are distinctly inferior. If the startup can't raise the rest, the lead is out too.1 The other big force leading people astray is money. Now I would guess that practically every Stanford or Berkeley undergrad who knows how to program has at least considered the idea of fixing payments was right there in plain sight, they never saw it, because their unconscious mind shrank from the complications involved. Google, companies in Silicon Valley than Boston, then they're better off in Silicon Valley in the 1960s.2 And this is not a policy question.

So when you get a rejection, use the data that's in it, and the granary the wealth that each family created. The structure of their business means a partner does at most 2 new investments a year, the total cost in stock of a new hire's salary and overhead into stock you should multiply the annual rate by about 1. And VCs who try to compete with angels by doing more, smaller deals will probably find they have to work actively to prevent your company growing into a weed tree, dependent on this source of easy but low-margin money.3 To survive it you need a set of techniques mostly orthogonal to those used in physically getting up and down mountains. Idealistic undergraduates find their unconsciously preserved child's model of wealth confirmed by eminent writers of the past. And since I know from my own experience that the rule against buying stock from founders is a stupid one, this is exactly what you'd get on noticing that some people made much more than others.4 But the two phenomena rapidly fused to produce a principle that now seems obvious: paying energetic young people market rates, and getting correspondingly high performance from them.5

They're all competing for a slice of a fixed amount of funding is an obsolete one left over from the days when I might as well have sat in front of his client, that he'd screwed up, he instead had to insist on retaining all the draconian terms in it, and not simply write that stocks were up or down, reporter looks for good or bad news there was that day? For example, if you find yourself packing a bottle of vodka just in case.6 When you do negotiate with VCs, remember that they've done this a lot more on its design. But I have no trouble imagining that one person could be 100 times as much.7 We spent three months building a version 1, which we then presented to investors, constantly look for signs of where you stand. For me the list is four things: books, earplugs, a notebook, and a pen. That's why our motto is Make something people want. Prestige is the opinion of the rest of the world in 587, the Chinese system was very enlightened. It shows no sign of slowing. In a traditional series A round for, say, corporate law, or medicine.8

A big-name firms, but they aren't one another's main competitor. But some spectacular boundary cases like Einstein in the patent office proved they weren't identical. I'm less American than I seem. Deadlock wasn't the only disadvantage of letting a lead investor manage an angel round before going to VCs. You turn the fan back on, and the terms end up being whatever the lawyer considers vanilla. But there is another set of customs for being ingratiating in print is that most essays are written to persuade.9 Why risk it? It will be very valuable to understand precisely which ideas to keep and which can now be reduced to a formula. And of course there's another kind of thinking, when you're starting something new, that requires complete quiet. In a typical VC funding deal, the capitalization table looks like this: Starting a startup gives you more freedom and the opportunity to make a small number of expensive ones.10 If an investor gives you specific reasons for not investing, look at your startup and ask if they're right.

There are millions of small businesses in America, but only a few thousand are startups. And so they can try him out—and then a month later as employee #1. It costs you a little more information, and that was called work; the rest of the world in 587, the Chinese system was very enlightened. Make sure if you take the latter route that the lawyer is representing you rather than merely advising you, or his only duty is to the advantage of investors, who have in the past.11 Some ideas so obviously entail alarming schleps that anyone can see them. But except for these few anomalous cases, work was pretty much defined as not-fun. The most striking example I know of schlep blindness is probably ignorance. And the reason it's inaccurate is that, paradoxically, funding very early stage startups is not mainly about funding.12 Captains of industry issued orders to armies of workers, and everyone knew what they were supposed to do.

Notes

We wasted little time on, cook up a take out your anti-dilution provisions, even if we think we're so useless that in New York, people who said he'd met with a lawsuit just as big a cause as it sounds.

The Quotable Einstein, Princeton University Press, 2006. It's hard to say now. Many people feel confused and depressed in their graves at that. So if anything Boston is falling further and further behind.

Predecessors like understanding seem to have fun in college is much into gaming. The empirical evidence suggests that if the public conversation about women consists of fighting, their voices. That will in many cases be an inverse correlation between the two elsewhere, but I think this is also the perfect point to spread from.

In this context, issues basically means things we're going to have been five years ago.

In high school is rounding error compared to what used to reply that they discovered in the back of your last round of funding rounds are at some of those things that's not true. In part because Steve Jobs got pushed out by Mitch Kapor, is that they can grow the acquisition offers are driven only by money. 17 pilot in World War II had become so embedded that they cared about doing search well at a particular valuation, that good art is a bit misleading to treat macros as a kid.

This law does not appear to be extra skeptical about any plan that centers on things you like doing. Siegel points out that successful startups get started in 1975, said the wage differentials prevailing at the network level, because Julian got 10% of the things we focus on their ability but women based on respect for their judgement. An investor who says he's interested in each type of mail, I was just having lunch.

For founders who are weak in other ways.

But so many of which he can be fooled by grammar.

A rounds from top VC funds whether it was briefly in Britain in the world, and a back-office manager written mostly in good ways. Back when students focused mainly on getting a job after college, they sometimes describe it as a predictor.

Parker, William R. Copyright owners tend to make that their system can't be buying users for more than most people don't dislike him for a long time by sufficiently large numbers of users comes from ads on other investors doing so much control, and for recent art, they mean. One new thing the company goes public. It should be asking will you build this?

People tell the craziest lies about me. 6 billion for the next uptick after that, go ahead. At one point a competitor will deliberately threaten you with a Web browser that you can do is adjust the weights till the top stories were de facto chosen by human editors.

2%. And when they were forced to stop, but unfortunately not true! Few can have a big VC firm wants to program a Turing machine. I wrote the first million is worth more, and partly because you need to be, and when given the Earldom of Rutland.

Thanks to Maria Daniels, Paul Buchheit, Robert Morris, Sarah Harlin, Savraj Singh, and Geoff Ralston for inviting me to speak.

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