#i’m useless no matter what

[muckyschmuck]

i have this weird evil productivity demon in my head that’s like WOW YOU HAVE ONLY DRAWN NON COMIC ART TODAY YOU ARE USELESS and it’s also like WOW YOU HAVE ONLY DRAWN COMIC ART TODAY YOU ARE USELESS but it’s also like YOU LEFT THE COMIC OFF MID SENTENCE WOW YOU ARE USELESS +STUPID but also like WOW YOU LEFT THE COMIC OFF AT THE END OF A CHAPTER/PART, YOU NEED TO WORK ON A NEW ONE TO KEEP U BUSY OR YOU ARE USELESS

#hmmmdmmmmmnggghh #i’m mad that i left it off mid sentence but like #for selfish reasons #like the fact that i can’t read more #HONESTLY THE WHOLE BASIS OF THE COMIC IS SELFISH #I MAKE IT FOR ME TO HAVE MEDIA FOR ME TO READ OF MY OCS #maybe the productivity demon is just my thirst for content of my babies #maybe #in the grand scheme of things #in the eyes of society #i’m useless no matter what #so if u think ab itttttt #healthy nihilism

[cryptvokeeper]

don’t get me wrong I think the general interpretation of Leo being like “I put up a cocky front but deep down I don’t actually think I’m that great and that’s why I have something to prove” is good. It’s cool, plenty of drama/angst potential and probably what the creators were going for, I’m here for it.

But there is a distinct appeal to me of the slightly-to-the-left interpretation of Leo being like “it’s not a front, I know I’m that good/smart/skilled, but I also know I’m seen by others as just the goofball face man and that’s why I have something to prove.”

#Rottmnt #Wild metaphor incoming but it’s like the difference between a hersheys bar and fancy Ghirardelli or something #At the end of the day they’re both chocolate. But ones got a bit more depth. #where was I going with this again idk I got caught up in food metaphor #It’s like. With the first one it boils down to character A (in this case Leo) going “I’m useless because I’m not good at [thing]” #Resulting in those around him either going “of course you’re good at thing! Remember the time you were good at thing?” #Or sometimes “it doesn’t matter that you’re not good at [thing] we love you regardless of what you can provide” #And again THATS GOOD THATS SOME GOOD SHIT #I LOVE THAT #but with the latter it’s more like “I know I’m good at thing *but I don’t know how to prove it to you*” #And that gives you the best of both worlds where you CAN get character A feeling bad but not for their lack of thing #But because if no can see it surely they *must* be doing something wrong right? #And ALSO you get the characters around them getting all sorts of feelings of “we didn’t do enough to show we believe in them” #Or “we didn’t notice how hard they tried” #Cuz you can get that a little in the first one but it can come off as kinda meh cuz they didn’t actually do anything wrong #It also has more opportunities for emotions besides straight sadness #You can have anger and conflict of “why am I not good enough for you?!” #That straight sef deprecation doesn’t always allow for #You can also have jealously and envy that feels less toxic and more justified #Not that it strictly needs to be justified mind you #Sometimes some toxic feelings stemming from perceived inadequacy are fuckin *chefs kiss* #But again it’s abt the VARIETY yknow #This isn’t even about Rottmnt anymore I’m just rambling #It’s my post and I get to choose the bullshit tags

[heyheydidjaknow]

I’m not going to request anything this time, I just want to know your honest opinion about “LawLight”. 

I have never seen as much yaoi content in an anime as in Death Note in my 30 years… I’m sooo old, and maybe that’s why I’m so sick of Tumblr suggesting me these kinds of posts and it has revived my hatred for this “ship”.

I mean, I’m not even sure if those people have watched the same anime as me…

Cartoons are fictional to start with, so buying into this is like double-dipping in make-believe, I don’t know if I’m making myself clear, lol.  I know some people might say… We read ‘x reader’ stories, okay, but we reaaaally know that this is not real, instead of affirming something that doesn’t exist…?

Anyway, I just wanted to vent, hope I didn’t bother you, and that you understood my limited English. 

Greetings from China!

I love Lawlight because I hate Light Yagami and I think he would hate Lawlight irl and any enemy of my enemy is a friend. That said I personally do not know how feasible it is as a ship. Im not anti Lawlight or anything— the fan content for this ship is great— but I do not know that the characters are all that compatible. I would normally leave it at that, but this is a prime opportunity to shit talk Light so I’m taking it. Here are my top ten implied realities of Lawlight which sink the ship in my opinion.

1. It implies that L would date a man he doesn’t even trust enough to believe isn’t a serial killer, which is ridiculous.

2. It implies that Light as Kira would not be so stubborn as to just refuse to be vulnerable with L out of spite.

3. It implies Light Yagami is capable of love.

4. It implies that neither of them wouldn’t view physical intimacy solely as an in to gain information from the other person.

5. It implies that either party would be content with just leaving well enough alone and not trying to destroy each other.

6. It implies that Light would deny his repressed (if you want to be nice) homophobia (which I cannot prove he has but believe he does with my whole entire heart) long enough to allow himself to get with L.

7. It implies that Light (and possibly L) would be cool with Ryuk watching them do couple things, sexual or otherwise.

8. It implies that Misa Amane would not beat the shit out of L for encroaching on her man.

9. It implies that Light would either top or not view bottoming as losing.

10. It implies that Light has the ability satisfy a partner in any way.

That said, their messy hypothetical relationship is undeniably fun to speculate about. Loads of fun fan works have come from the ship, and Light would despise the ship in real life, so who am I to knock it?

#death note #l lawliet #death note lawliet #dn lawliet #light yagameme #light dn #light death note #light yagami #light slander #hate that guy #but seriously none of this matters even a little #there’s backing because light is Like That #it’s just that Light is incapable of serious emotional connection #or open communication #he got real lucky is all #he is otherwise useless #I do not believe in Lawlight because Light is a goober is what I’m getting at if that wasn’t clear #and I stand by that shit #but the fandom work is great so y’all rock on

[nerves-nebula]

Sorry just saw a post saying you do actually DO get taught media literacy and critical thinking in English classes and I was homeschooled until high school, but Ive also been to three different high schools across two states of america- which isn’t a lot but is more than most people get (assuming that most people go to one high school for four years instead of switching schools every year) and let me tell you. The English teachers almost always had the same problem. And I generally liked them all! English wasn’t a class I super hated!!!

Even my favorite English teachers didn’t really end up fostering a love of reading into the material or actually critically thinking about stuff.

What they all liked to do was talk about and lead you into THEIR interpretation to the point of basically dismissing any other readings. At best you’d get a “that’s a good point too, but I was thinking of something else” and at worst they’d basically just dismiss it with a clear lack of interest. As if you didn’t “get the point” for focusing on something else.

I remember this because there were a lot of times when I was bursting to talk about the parallels id drawn of the assignment to my personal experiences but I was too embarrassed or afraid or annoyed to because the few times i or anyone else tried to speak up the teachers were basically uninterested unless you hit on the specific reading they were obsessed with. At which point they’d talk at length about symbolism and stuff that, while interesting to me, was also hella annoying!!

My English classes made me afraid to get into academia because they all made it seem like there were one or two proper ways to read a story and if you didn’t immediately come to one of those conclusions then you’d be treated like you were stupid or hadn’t actually read the text.

This post also claimed that English classes teach you how to spot misinformation ???? The only thing even close to that would be history classes where we would sometimes discuss propaganda. Most of English class is reading assigned literature and then painfully sitting through the teacher trying to lead us into their interpretation. And sometimes you get to write things.

At MOST you’re gonna get the teacher telling you that something an author says is incorrect or a lie or that they’re biased but you don’t usually practice how to spot misinformation when you’re not prepped to find it.

I gained more critical thinking skills from being annoyed by the teachers readings and tearing them apart in my head than I did from any actual assignments. But that’s because I already cared about stories! So i wouldn’t have even had that if I didn’t already have some kind of interest in the classes subject matter!

Does all this stuff you’re supposedly taught in English class happen before high school?? What schools are you guys going to because from my experienced, American high school English classes (like a lot of classes) don’t really teach you shit unless you’re already interested in the subject.

I also think it’s pretty useless and mean spirited to imply people who didn’t learn that stuff were just idiots who didn’t pay attention. It’d be way more helpful to encourage people to want to learn stuff after school ends!! Not just because learning is fun but also because I feel like a lot of people see learning as something you can only do in schools & such and don’t see all the opportunities for self improvement past that!

Sorry I have no idea why a single one paragraph post bothered me so much, I think it’s cuz it’s past 10 pm 😭😭😭 so slightly annoying things lead to entire damn rants. I don’t even know if they were talking about American education I just was suddenly flooded with a ton of memories and barfed them out here.

#nnstuff #rambling #sorry look I get the urge to push back on the idea that school is useless #but what are you guys talking about #school #I LOVE STORIES THEYRE ALL I WANT TO TALK ABOUT #that’s why English clsss was so damn annoying #it was so close to being what I wanted 😭😭😭 #I think there was like one or two actual discussions that felt like people really got their ideas out #and even then I remember the interjections of the teachers kind of dampening things #anyway this doesn’t super matter #hence why I’m vaguing it instead of arguing with op

[foreverppl]

Moodboard for my MC Evander for @uroboros-if

I so enjoyed playing this demo last night and have been having many Thoughts about it.

#it was so tough finding pics i thought would fit what i have in my head but this will do for now #i was up thinking abt this IF for soooo long it’s unreal #what is eternity? #unending time but also timelessness #like what does it mean to be the container for something that has no beginning or end? #the container is rendered useless obvi #but here the MC stands so there MUST be something to that right? #maybe it just means they must act as a witness to it all. #they are resigned to an existence of knowing and seeing things others do not and being unable to impact those things in any meaningful way #like an echo #like a black hole that is packed so densely with matter but appears to be little more than a void. Nothingness (capital N) #*me muttering to myself while reading and making this mb*: the symbols the symbols the cycles the void the echoes #the fact that when mc is summoned into existence one of the first things we can choose to have them do is replicate a smile (echoing) #idk if i’m explaining this well. tried to talk to my sister abt it without sounding like a madman and suffice to say that didn’t work out #i’m really losing it #those quotes from house of leaves: ‘divinity seems defined by echo.’ + ‘and where there is no echo there is no description of space or love #there is only silence.’ #that bit from disco elysium #‘how do you measure something that doesn’t exist?’ ‘easy. you measure it by the world around it.’ #evander is fond of mortals. they are humanity’s echo in the truest sense. #they are therefore in a very unique position for the conflict that is about to come #of course these are all just my interpretations and thoughts #my mcs #mb #mc: evander (uroboros) #if: uroboros

[blueskittlesart]

y’all know you don’t. need to let me know when you unfollow me right. like do whatever you want i do not care

#in the nicest way possible i have over 20k followers. follow me or don’t it doesn’t matter #and it’s highly unlikely i will notice. like. just hit the button i don’t need explanations in my inbox LMAO #personal #even in like a ‘i’ll refollow after totk hype dies down’ type of way. i don’t need to know. just unfollow lol it’s whatever #i’m not gonna like get upset over losing followers. i’m not dumb i anticipate a drop bc of totk spoilers #and like. follower count is useless on this site anyway so just. do what you want. i don’t need to know why

[gayvampyr]

people are so fucking annoying when it comes to drugs and alcohol. oh you’ve never drank or smoked? why? does your family have a history of addiction? none of your fucking business. oh you have drank or smoked? why? for fun? mental problems? again. none of your business. why do you care

#i can’t stand people #i hate being asked if i’ve drank or smoked because no matter what answer i give there’s judgement #if i say i haven’t then i’m a stuck up self-righteous bitch who doesn’t know how to have fun #i get the ‘‘why not? what’s wrong with you?’’ question like drugs and alcohol are a stepping stone to adulthood or some shit #and if i say i have always ‘how much? how often? is it an addiction? are you a useless lazy junkie who doesn’t care about anything?’’ like #there’s no right answer here

[jinstronaut]

yeah i’m absolutely 🏃🏻‍♀️💨

#.txt #jin a day gets finished and then i’m all set i think #might just queue stuff for a long while until things are better #or if they’re better #but idk what else to do i feel like absolute shit every time i’m here #don’t know when i just became absolutely Nothing but #theres 0 need for me to feel this way and to be treated this way #intentionally or unintentionally #esp since this is supposed to be a safe space for fandom #and instead it feels like it’s turned into a popularity contest #one big inner circle #so i’m all set on the thing i’m the most passionate abt #turning into something that makes me feel like i’m not good enough #based on absolute useless nonsense #✌🏻 i love bts i love myself #that’s what matters

[miraculous-ninjabird]

TLDR for my rant: it’s perfectly okay to admit you are bad at something, say something YOU made looks bad, and/or talk about the ways something you made didn’t live up to your expectations as long as someone does not internalize the message that because they are bad at something or did something bad doesn’t mean that they themselves are a bad person.

Desperately trying to explain to my therapist the difference between ‘I’m a terrible artists’ (self-derogatory and self-defeating) and ‘I’m a terrible artists (I fully acknowledge that I could be better at this skill given time and effort and that all art has value to someone. However. I am specifically choosing not to hone this skill due to a number of reasons and will never consider myself an ‘artist’. Thus, my art will never get better and I am okay with this)

And how I fall solidly into the latter category and how frustrating it is that it’s never seen that way. I say ‘I’m not an artist lol’ or ‘look at my terrible little drawing!” <-worst drawing you’ve ever seen but that’s okay. It’s always, always met by ‘don’t say that! Everybody is an artist!’ And ‘don’t talk bad about yourself and the things you create :(‘ like.

NO!

Some people do desperately need to hear and internalize those messages but I’m not one of them! My art is terrible! That’s the point! I’m never going to be good at it because I’ll never care to but damn if I’m not having the greatest time ever creating terrible art!

I don’t love the online implication (and real world implication when I tried to take art classes) that being okay with the fact I am bad at something is…a bad thing. A simple fact of life is that everyone is bad at something and it’s okay to both admit and be okay with that fact.

Tangentially related but it’s also okay to admit that when you are new at a skill…you’re probably gonna be bad at it. Like. Someone who’s still learning is gonna have some terrible first efforts and that’s the point. It gives you a growth point.

Example: I made a bag. I decided to add a zipper. It did not go as planned and the end result is in fact rather terrible. Simply a fact. However! I put a zipper! In a bag!! And maybe it does look horrible but that is something I’ve never done before and I did it all by myself and I can simultaneously admit it looks awful but be proud of the fact that I figured it out.

Like art I could be content with the success of finishing the project, but I can also use this as a launching point to get better. What I choose to do is up to me and I don’t appreciate people trying to tell me that I’m not allowed to call an objectively terrible finished project as such.

You cannot and will not ever get better at a skill if you are unwilling to accept that you will be bad at it. It makes that learning that acceptance all the harder when people are taught that they shouldn’t ever say bad things about what they make.

Rather than teaching the message ‘nothing anyone makes could possibly be bad in any way (skill wise)’ we would promote acceptance of ‘this is bad and that’s okay’

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk about ‘not every negative self-comment about something someone is self-deprecating’

#robin’s twittering #mini rant #listen people may not agree with me but #my therapist made a good point that it’s incredibly invalidating #when I say I’m not an artist and people can’t accept that because it’s ’self-depreciating’ #I’ve thought about this a lot but most recently it came up with crochet #I teach people and the very first thing I always say is ‘no matter what you first project is it’s going to look terrible’ #and someone took issue with that #but I think going into a new skill #with the understanding that it’s not going to be perfect and not to let that get you down #is so much healthier #it reduces frustration and promotes a better understanding of learning what went wrong so it can be corrected #also see: constructive criticism. super frustrating when you as for criticism and only hear ‘this is great’ #less than useless. you cannot improve with a mindset of everything is always perfect exactly as it is

[de-ligts]

.

#not even breaking news but I just feel so… empty #I don’t get what’s the point of my life if I’m not loved and I’m not even talking about romance #just… wondering what it feels like to feel loved. like you matter to someone #I’m once again thinking so much about d*ath and that makes me feel bad bc so many people is suffering and here I am… whining simply because #I don’t feel loved or like I belong anywhere. a pathetic useless life if you ask me #I am just staying afloat. truly not living just surviving. I am not living my life and I’m too much of a coward to make a change #probably tmi #tbdeleted

[hotlinepanda]

It’s hard to let go man

#I’m doomed to live an eternal cycle I think #i want to be saved from it because right now I’m powerless #no matter what all my friendships and relationships are doomed #it’s hopeless and there’s no end #help me please #somebody #why have I been cursed with this body and this stupid mental illness #why can’t I be normal why can’t I be happy #why am I doomed to forever feel pain #why am I doomed to be unhappy #I wish I could control my feelings I wish I could open up to people but I’m so scared #useless and worthless #Selfish #why can’t I let go #why can’t I let go and just be normal #why do I cling on even if I will get hurt #I Just want out of here I don’t want to live in this world anymore I just want to be somewhere else forever with nobody around #somebody please help me

[yuribalisms]

Essentially what it is all boiling down to is I have fully realized I am bad at being a person, that will always be true, and I don’t know how to handle that

#I’m going to be depressing and self depreciating in the tags so. fair warning to anyone who reads them #I’ve known for a while now that I don’t know what to do with my life. I’ve thought of a few ideas but none of them seem to be working. and I #think a good chunk of what it’s boiling down to is that I am quite literally just stupid when it comes to an actual useful real life skills. #and it’s frustrating because I can’t even talk to ppl I know and confide in them that I feel dumb and stupid without them being like ‘nooooo #don’t say that! you’re not stupid! you were top of your class in hs!’ (that is their favorite thing to fall back on) but like. the thing is #I wasn’t even smart in hs. sure I did good but that’s because I cheated my way through and got lucky a lot. I never actually learned anythin #I never understood what I was being taught or how to apply it. I was good at English and art classes and that was it those were the only one #I truly felt I knew what I was doing in and grasped the subject matter well. I know I’m good at those two things and smart when it comes to #those subjects. but the thing is. in real life. both of those are useless skills. I can’t make money with them and it is highly unlikely #that will ever change. and yes I know not being able to make money with it doesn’t mean it’s useless but like it kinda does. capitalism #sucks. I know that. we all do. but that doesn’t change that we live in a capitalist society and it’s unlikely to actual change in my lifetim #so I’m stuck to try and figure out how to live in it. but I have no skills I can make money with so I will live my entire life poor and #miserable and working dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself. I’m not good at socialization I’m so fucking bad at it so I can’t work #any kind of job that hinges on networking or sales or human interaction which is MOST JOBS but I’m also too stupid for anything related to #STEM. I tried two different stem degrees and flunked out of both of them because I am a FUCKING IDIOT and I know there’s no point in trying #to go back to school for another one. but no degree in anything I naturally have a knack for will help me find a decent well paying job. ill #just be wasting my money to go to school for something like that. and then like. I don’t even think I’ll ever get married and I def won’t #ever have kids. so I can’t even put any hopeful stock in just being happy with a family one day. I know a lot of ppl who don’t like their #careers but they’re fine with that because they’re happy with their family but like I don’t even have that and I won’t ever have that. I #have NOTHING to strive for and NOTHING I am good at that’s meaningful I’m going to fail at having a career and a family and I know that #doesn’t mean I won’t be happy in theory but by societal standards I am and always will be a fucking failure of a person and since I do live #in this society yeah. it’s kinda fucking true. and I don’t know what to do about that. I’m just tired. I’m tired of being afraid and #struggling and going through patches of wanting to kill myself because of this because like what’s the point. I’ll never have anything #better so what in the actual hell is the point of me existing. and I know I’m being ridiculous and my brain is eating itself and none of #this is probably even true but that doesn’t change that it FEELS like it is a lot of times and esp right now and I don’t know what to do #to anyone who reads this I’ll be fine tbh prob as soon as tomorrow like dw about it I just need to get it out so I stop stewing in it. #I’m just. yeah. not having a great time rn but I left work so I’m gonna cry and then maybe sleep for a bit and hope that helps #kaz rambles

[rippedstitches]

Pretending I’m not rotting in my room for days on end by looking at my handheld silly images machine and simulating social interaction like a lab rat pressing the cocaine button until it dies

#I’m so depressed I’ve lost all ability to function and I’m getting so fucking sick of it #anyone else so mentally ill that they wish they had a ‘’more romanticizable mental illness’’ #or at least one that let them get things done #like bitch I WISH I worked so hard for my grades id kill myself if I didn’t get an a #bc then at least society would reward me #but nope im just seen as a lazy entitled fat defiant rude troubled miserable useless parasitic waste of fucking space #and I can go to therapy forever and ever and tell myself im just not like other people and I can’t do the things they do #but what does it matter. what’s the difference between what you are and what everyone sees you as anyways

[aroace-genderfluid-snake]

midlife crises r so fucked up. like yea we live in a society where almost everyone will eventually start worrying whether they matter and what they do makes an impact and will start doing wildly irresponsible things to make up for it lol. there is absolutely nothing wrong with this.

#i will never let go of the idea that midlife crises can be avoided #like not all of them. some ppl have adhd (JOKE I HAVE ADHD IM MAKING A JOKE) #but there r a considerable amount that would just. not happen if we weren’t in a capitalistic and/or authoritarian country #i think more ppl should think abt the implications of ‘almost everyone especially the people who have the ‘more important’ jobs end up #feeling useless no matter what they do’ #we’ve created a society where everyone believes they should be REWARDED for the stuff they do and when the rewards become monotony or #trickle into nonexistence it leaves u with ppl who don’t know how to make things for the sake of making them #i’m just. tired of capitalism and the inevitable burnout it gives #i don’t want to work for money. i want to work to have something to do #i want to do simple tasks and go home to play with more complex tasks #i want time to MAKE things #and if i don’t get it i will not be able to function for long #ok rant over bye #textpost #anti capitalism

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

tw for mentions of s*lf h*rm in the tags

#welp i am feeling. so fucking shitty. #at that phase where everything matters and nothing matters at the same time #and i just… can’t stop hating myself #i just keep on making life harder for myself #and i feel like i can’t handle anything anymore #i’ve started getting sh urges again #which i’m trying to ignore #bc it’s been a while since i’ve done anything and i want to keep it that way #but i don’t know what else to do bc i’m so angry at myself #and trying to get my anger out in other ways doesn’t help #bc it’s not anything else i’m mad at. it’s me and my useless brain #i feel awful all the time and i’m so sick of it #i just want to lie in bed and forget about everything #tw sh vent #tw sh in tags #tw sh related

[aiizaph]

Aromantic loneliness sure is on a whole other level, huh?

#aro #aromantic #damn I really thought I beat my ‘queerplatonic amatonormativity in new paint’ mindset with ‘but friends can be good too!’ #but now I just feel like my future it so uncertain and undetermined that no matter what I’ll do I’ll just end up sad #the whole point of rediscovering that friendship can be important is that I should just be happy with my life no matter what happens #but now I’m really stuck in a whole loop of ‘I’m sad if I don’t make friends’ but ‘autism makes it hard to make friends #and the looming threat of amatonormativity taking them away from me makes friendship feel bleak and useless’… #ugh WHYYYYYYYYY RIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS FFS