#i’m trying so hard to gain weight

[beautifel]

theres noo way i can possibly get thru this year

#truly my body is so annoying i cannot handle anything #i lose weight at lightning speed i do not have ANYY energy left and i make a frail and weak impression at my internship because of this #i’m trying so hard to gain weight #but at this rate i’ll fail everything this year like i’m fucking up so many things bc i’m just . a walking corpse #theres something so wrong with my body like i know stress has this effect on bodies but i swear to god #i have some sort of food absorption problem beyond whats regular

[fregget-frou]

@autisticempathydaemon said they loved my Angel listener (along with everything else it was SO SWEETTT OMLLL<333) so here’s a doodle for you! They’re also one of my favorites!

Look at that face.

Full of mischief.

Some fun facts about them: they’re native! Specifically they could be from the Salishan (but I don’t know too much so I leave it ambiguous) and are half Filipino, born and raised in British Columbia, Canada around Vancouver. They were raised by their mom and brothers, then moving to dahlia for college.

They originally planned to secure a high end job in Vancouver just going to California for school but they met David. They still visit their family as often as they can.

They’re 5’4, the shortest listener! Aklag is still beefy and could definitely throw David over their head. Their callouses are from being raised on a farm, and they’re starting to fade now.

I took them out of another story I made a while ago so I’m still trying to tweak them seamlessly so I’ll actually maybe probably not but make a backstory sheet for my listeners?

Thank you sm for your words and I hope you like it!

#I originally took them from an old idea I had for a book #basically their family got torn apart after their mom died so they left to California to try to avoid it #see their short hair in my first drawings of them and now after a couple years it’s long again #they were really connected to their mom so her death hit them really hard kinda making a wall around them #instead of being grumpy it’s more of a shallowish happiness of avoidance #David was really the only person to get through to them and I find it very convenient that they’re both parallels #I also made Darlin’ native and originally one of their childhood friends #darling moved to Washington #they stayed in British Columbia #not really being able to be themself #not fully being able to embrace their native nor Filipino heritage #just an idea of someone dealing with grief and I like how that they’ve evolved last my og idea thru Raudio #hint hint their slow hair growth and gaining back of weight to show their healing process #eventually I’ll draw their brothers #aurgghh I just like them a lot and had a lot of unfinished ideas for them I’m glad people like them #redacted asmr #freggzocs #freggzartz #redacted audio #redacted audio fanart #redacted asmr fanart #redacted asmr angel

[tchaikovskaya]

🤪🫠😛😅

#I’m like mostly recovered tbh but the irreversible physical changes of weight gain are triggering the fuck out of me rn #and it’s worse bc I know they’re in large part due to [redacted] and it’s like my fault pretty much so I got no one else to blame! 🤡 #and knowing that every day I get older and every day it gets that much harder to lose the weight again bc that’s just what bodies do #I wanna d*e like. knowing I’ll never look the way I did before even if I never eat another morsel of food ever again #I know I don’t wanna go back to the way I felt and behaved when I did look ‘good’ like that but just. idk something about knowing I can’t g #*get that back no matter how hard I might theoretically try to in the future. I will always look inferior to that now #helpppppppp I’m just so [redacted lest I get the cops called on me] #ed tw

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once) #pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

[greeniery]

girlies you gotta take the pics even if you are self conscious. all my fav pics of myself/my body now are photos where I thought I looked horrible and now I wish I looked like that again!!!

#personal #I thought I wanted to lose weight and then my meds made me lose 20 lbs #now I can’t stand my body and I’m trying so hard to gain weight

[vampirebutterflies]

actually I’m gonna bitch here for a sec like WHY is being disabled so expensive like I have very good healthcare and thank fuck for rebates but !!! still!!!!

main bullshittery bugging me rn though is the absolutely unrelenting fatphobia (and so many layers of ableism) in anything to do with hashimotos

like it is FUCKING infuriating to have this constant rhetoric of “you have hashimotos?? here’s how to stop being so FAT and UGLY! (:” “here’s how to LOSE WEIGHT with hashimotos!!” “15 tips to drop 15 kilos!!!” “got hashimotos? comment HELP ME or dm to get access to my private HASHI WEIGHT LOSS group!!!” “best diets to lose weight with hashimotos!!”

even the ones that sneak this shit into otherwise decent resources you’ll have a good run of beneficial info punctuated by “oh you’re probably balding and ugly and fat but that’s okay!!! we EMBRACE body positivity here!! by bullying you into being skinny and fitting our beauty standards so you can finally love yourself!!!!” “link in bio for my best selling book HASHI HELL TO HEALED HEAVEN: HOW I SAVED MYSELF FROM BEING FAT AND BALDING AND UGLY AND TURNED INTO THE PERFECT THIN BEACHY BABE!” Violence violence violence murder maiming killing arson destruction FUCK

#it’s midnight thirty I’m tired I have a headache I’m gonna kill every single diet n beauty industry exec #I have mroe to say but I’m too low words now #like it’s fucking horrible and I’m on the OVERactive side of it all where I struggle gaining weight at all!! cannot even #begin to imagine just how unendingly torturous this all is for. yk. actual fat people #like it’s so hard to actually try and find any resources for myself bc all this is triggering the hell out of my dysmorphia and shit like #hence why I’m lookin at a potential specialist at 600$ per fuckin appointment even tho I’ve been told there’s not much even a specialist #could do in my case #the absolute BULLSHIT y’all are subjected to everywhere everyday. oh my god. #reblog if u want idc doubt it’s got much sense or relevnate to anyone other than me atm but #I need tobbed #fatphobia #medical neglect #hashimotos #disability #ask if u need this tagged idk what to put it under #vent #diet mention #ed tw #biting biting biting biting bitign #goodnoot

[blurglesmurfklaine]

so I did not get anything I wanted to done today, but I did manage to find ten years old pictures of myself and feel bad about my body enough to sign up for a gym class later today so there’s that

#personal #blurgleshutthefuckup #i just #like i look at my body and the way it was growing up #and first of all why was I so mean to her??? she was cute and very normal sized??? #and then I’m like. how did THAT turn into THIS? #my fourteen year old self never imagined myself looking the way I do now and that’s just kind of a fucking bummer #and honestly I know blah blah internalized fat phobia I am AWARE okay #but It’s different when you’re the person who has to live in this body #and i want to try and get into shape again and lose the weight #but theres a part of me that is scared I’ll never get there so like why even try? #Bc it’s so hard to keep weight off #and idk man it’s so hard to take care of myself #and i know weight gain is natural but since starting college I know it’s a direct result of not taking care of myself #AHHHHHHHHHHH #anyway #I’m gonna go feed my cat

[fauxspirited]

i think a big part of my weight gain is drinking, because i’ve been doing it way more often recently. it’s been a part of dinners, general group hangouts with bf and his friends, and obviouslyyyyy the holidays so there’s gonna be more to come.

i think 2023 resolution will be to be more strict about when i drink, and get back to my usual 4-5x a week workouts.

#i’m not happy when i gain weight. it’s the one insecurity i can’t get over no matter how hard i try #i am pretty sure it’s not muscle cus my workouts have been few and far in between #so…idk. i’m gonna have to test some things out #i’m also getting my wisdom teeth out in january so that liquid diet for 2-3 weeks is gonna help already lol

[deityofhearts]

It’s been very weird like, having an appetite again because for a long time I just didn’t/couldn’t eat much even when I was hungry for a variety of reasons and lately I have been able to eat more and have actually been hungry and gaining more weight and stuff and it’s just a thing I’m having to get use to

#deity dialogue #ask to tag #I’m just very happy to be like avtually hungry #and that I’m gaining weight I know I’ve mentioned being shoot to be gaining weight a few times but like I just am abdjfk #it’s hard for me to keep weight and I’ve been wanting to gain weight for a while #but instead was losing weight and got to a point where people (not a lot) were concerned about me (everyone else fell into the ‘you look so #good since you lost weight’ gang which I hate) and my roommate and their dad said recently that they’re happy to see me gaining weight #and I hadn’t realized I was gaining weight so I’m just happy to hear that I am even if o don’t notice #I don’t like weigh myself or anything because I don’t like to I don’t wanna step on a scale if I have to #so like I’m just trying lately to see if I notice any changes

[milf-propaganda]

touching my body (non sexually pls) while having loss so much weight is messing with me. it’s making me so sad and i can’t fully place why. i just…i’m not used to feeling what my hands are feeling. i loved my extra weight. i miss my extra weight.

#i’m trying to get it back #it’s hard tho #it’s easier to maintain weight #than it is to gain #so i’m scared #i’ll maintain this smaller weight #rather than increase it #my period comes this weekend :/ #i don’t expect to eat much #so that’s more weight im losinf #pls im gonna cry #tw weight #weight #tw weight loss #weight loss

[hobisexually]

long winded rant in the tags coming that’s partly about weight but in a very unfiltered sad way so if that triggers you do Not read on

#on holiday I was like oHHHHH this is what living in the moment is! What listening to your body is! what not worrying about how you look is #but doing what makes you happy #and then …… I came home and got sent the pictures #+ my friend being. unintentionally fatphobic as fuck #while hurtful as fuck too #and it’s all just been piling up too since I got home because I’ve been having a lot of conversations and seeing a lot of people that #confront me with who I used to be and who I am now and how I’m really not happy with that #and it feels like it’s not gonna get better #like I’m destined to be in a job I like but isn’t what I want because I’m not capable enough and I’ll never know what romantic requited love #feels like. I’ll never cure my vaginismus I’ll never be able to let someone in or they won’t want me this is just it for me #and SOMEHOW the way I look has become the ultimate culmination of all those things? #my face is suddenly a woman in her thirties face #I keep gaining weight despite not even eating all that much because FUCKING PCOS makes it impossible #my hair in my face grew back. my stomach is hairy and that plus the added beer belly just makes it look like I’m a 50 year old man #I am soooooooo tired of the dysphoria #and the way pcos ruins fucking everything because I can restrict calories all I want and move all I want but will it help ? No ! #and of the fact that it impacts the way I feel about myself so much because I’m convinced now I’ll never find anyone #should have tried harder when I was 21 because that was the only time in my life I reasonably fit society’s standards like That was my shot #I’ve been taking supplements everyone says will help but I’m not sure I noticed anything in the past six months and I can’t take berberine #because it fucks with my heart medication. which. That too. I have that too #and I’m in pain! All the time now! ALL THE TIME so I can’t even work out to keep the weight stable because guess what ? #just after a normal day at the office I come home and have to lie down because everhthing hurts so much ! #today I got an impromptu massage in an attempt to feel better but it didn’t fix shit and I had to buy clothes for kings day after #and I didn’t try them on just quickly grabbed some orange shit to try on at home and at what I saw in the mirror I genuinely got nauseous #I just don’t know who that is in the mirror but it’s not me and I can’t accept it. I’ve been trying so hard but I can’t #it genuinely makes me so sad and I keep telling myself that a reduction will help in feeling more like myself and it will help with the pain #but what if it doesn’t? what if my pain doesn’t go away after af all and my stomach just juts out and I feel like a gremlin all the time #what then. what the fuck do we do then. also I’m so fucking scared of that surgery anyway that I don’t fucking want to do it anymore #I want so many things and all of them feel out of reach and I know my own brain is my worst enemy and it’s not rooted in anything real but. #Isn’t it? really — isn’t it???????

[ayyydra]

.

#thinking when I get back might be the time to get off/wean myself off of my anti depressants fjdnvjsmfjejf #I do want to try it out to see what changes since people are worried about my weight gain with then #I weighed myself and almost had a fucking heart attack #I don’t know why it’s so hard to lose the fat around my stomach but everything else seems to go first before I remotely see a difference in #my mid section #I’m also stuck like idfk where to start #uuuuuuugh that’s for September 2nd me to worry about

[chuluoyi]

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 08:25 P.M 」

tw: pregnancy. overall, just some domestic dad-to-be gojo trying to show how much he loves you even with how your body changes and all <3 based on a request!

a part of gojo's love entries

don’t think that satoru hasn’t noticed how you linger in front of the mirror these days, touching your body all over—particularly your baby bump. seeing your face twist into a sad frown dampens his spirits too.

on the other hand, you understand that it’s a natural process, but you have never gained this much weight before, and despite already having your husband reassure you before, you still feel somewhat meh about yourself.

“how’s my favorite girl and little rascal doing today?” he flopped down on the bed beside you as soon as he returned from school, caressing your belly. “ready to come out yet?”

you throw him an unamused look. “no, satoru. and don’t make it sound so effortless. i’m the one pushing him out.”

“ahh, but i can’t wait though~”

his palpable excitement actually made you smile as you placed your hand over his. but then your smile fell a bit and he was quick to notice it.

“what’s on your mind?” he asked then. “talk to me, hmm?”

“no… it’s nothing.” you looked away, a bit ashamed. if satoru says he’s not bothered by your figure, you really shouldn’t be thinking about this any longer. you didn't want to make him worry… but it really wasn't easy to let it go.

“hmm, my baby mama can’t be sad,” your husband pouted, and suddenly he pulled you closer, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “she’s the cutest when she smiles.”

you looked up to him, feeling the security in his arms and yet still a hint of uncertainty in your voice. “am i just cute… to you?”

you wanted to be beautiful too. like how he used to sing you praises during your school days.

satoru grinned. and it’s the kind of toothy grin that makes your heart soar.

“no. you’re also pretty.” he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. “and you’re smart, kind, nags a lot, gets pouty easily… and you're sweet like a dango, makes me want to gobble you up.”

“so now i’m a dango?” you nestled your head against his broad chest, feeling your face start to heat up, and a smile beginning to curve your lips. stupid satoru. he said all of them so easily it was making you giddy and felt silly for doubting him at all.

“just because our baby is going to be a mochi. and look, you’re so close to carrying him to full-term,” he rubbed your swollen tummy again, this time with a more sincere smile. “i love you the most for it.”

your eyes took a shine, processing his words, and you could’ve sworn that right now, nothing could’ve shaken your feelings for your silly husband.

suddenly your baby kicked you hard as if to reprimand you too for your insecurities, and you winced.

“hurts?” satoru questioned, slightly concerned when you nodded. “wait i’ll tell him off.”

he cleared his throat and began making circular motions on your abdomen, as if to summon him.

“yo, brat. you can’t kick your mama like that too often these days. you’re accumulating karma and she counts it. when you come out, she’ll forbid you from eating our favorite mochis and—”

“satoru!!”

and then the two of you just burst into giggles, and once again, you utterly and thoroughly fell in love with him. for always making you feel safe... and loved.

“you know, satoru...” this time it was you who hugged him, breathing in his scent for comfort. now you were totally worry-free, the softest of smile on your face. “i’m really grateful that... we found each other.”

at your heartfelt confession, satoru felt his chest tighten with warmth and his cheeks flush. he is so blushing and he tries covering it with a chuckle. and the words lingering at the tip of his tongue were—

“heh, aren’t you glad you married me?”

yeah... i’m so glad that it’s you too.

#𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 #gojo satoru x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #jjk imagines #jjk drabbles #jujutsu kaisen x reader #dad!gojo #satoru gojo x reader #gojo satoru fluff #jjk fluff #gojo x you #satoru gojo fluff #jjk x reader fluff

[dreamgirlnightmare]

.

#vent #tw weight #eating disorder #kinda? #trying so hard to not obsess over my weight gain #like I did not anticipate it being a problem for me #I was like hell yeah I’m gaining weight and eating properly #but there’s this little voice in the back of my head that’s like #you’re gonna lose control and keep gaining weight and you’re gonna be so ugly and gross #didn’t think I had internalized fatphobia but now oop #I just need to take like super confident and sexy pics to remind myself that this is a good thing

[fakeoutbf]

.

#hi sorry this is gonna be a bit tmi but #body image tw #anxiety tw #i forget how hard it is to relearn how to style your hair when you get a very drastic haircut #especially bc i have curly hair right #and ngl i felt like it looked cute today or whatever but also #i’m currently the fattest ?? i’ve been in over 6 years? probably #and i forgot that i used my hair to like idk frame my face? and make it not look so evident?? #so now that it’s so short i feel like all i can see is that i look fatter #and it’s not even that big a deal and half of the time idc #but then suddenly i look at myself and feel like i look fat and all my confidence hits the floor #and i was liking the shorter style bc with how i’ve been feeling about gender i felt like it fit me more?? #but now that i’ve washed it and had to try to style it i don’t like how it looks bc i feel like my face looks huge?? #i know that obviously my face isn’t gonna look like it did a few years ago bc obviously i gained weight and the haircut makes my face #look different too but idk i didn’t think it would be this drastic #all this to say i took pictures of myself today for the first time in over a year and i just … idk #i know i should either start working to get back to how i was or learn how to love myself now but it all just feels so complicated #i’d get into it but i don’t wanna get into it i just #i wanna rewind like a year and keep myself from becoming … this