Tumgik
#i’m erratic n anxious n scared in ways i haven’t been in YEARS
stardial · 23 days
Text
ughhh i cant sleep :(
10 notes · View notes
rogsclogs · 5 years
Text
The Great Pretender (Ben Hardy x Reader); Part 4.
Pairing: Ben Hardy x reader
Summary: Ben drives Y/N back to her apartment and they finally discuss what’s been happening between them 
Warning(s): language 
Words: around 2000
Taglist: @sherlokiantheatrenerd @discodeacygotmorerhythm @ma-ntequilla @i-padfootblack-things @fancybrittrash @hopefully-aesthetically-pleasing @crazyweirdocalledfriday @goldwashigirl @winteratgodricshollow 
(for previous parts look up “The Great Pretender” in my tags)
Silence surrounded them in the small vehicle and it was becoming unbearable for him. Ben had been acting for a while but he’d never been in a massive production movie before and, while he was doing well for himself financially, he didn’t own a very luxurious car and he was saving up to buy a house, so he chose not to spend money on unnecessary extras. He’d never cared about any of that before, but as Y/N stepped into his small car he felt almost inadequate to even be close to her, someone who probably had the world at their feet. What he didn’t know was that Y/N had been struggling financially for a while, she was renting a place and owned a very worn down car herself.
He also didn't know that she just wasn’t the kind of person to pay attention to any of that, she could only care about the thumping of her heart in her chest as he sat beside her.
“Can you tell me where to drive you, love?” He kept his voice as low as possible and turned on the radio to a random station just to avoid complete awkwardness for the whole drive.
“Yeah, so, just take a left turn right there at the end of the road and then another one after that. You can just leave me on the main street, I can get home by myself from there” she spoke softly, fully aware of the hand that he’d instinctively placed on her thigh and also fully aware of how badly she wanted him to keep it there forever.
“Nonsense, I might as well drive you to your place since I’m already here”
“Suit yourself” she spoke just above a whisper. She truly didn’t want to have to face the reality of the situation, she just wanted him to drive her close to her apartment and disappear from her life forever, but at the same time she wanted him to stay and wrap her up in a blanket and never leave her side ever again. She didn’t want to ask him any questions about whatever the fuck had happened on set, but she owed it to herself to get some clarity and answers.
“Will I ever get an explanation?” She started 
“Huh?” He was distracted by the many lights on the road and by the feeling of her body so close to his own.
“Will you ever have the decency to explain to me why you despise me so much?” 
Her words made him swerve suddenly and almost lose control of the car.
“Christ, Ben, who taught you to drive?”
“I...what did you just say?” His intense eyes kept jumping from her to the road in front of them.
“I asked you who taught-”
“No, no, before that” his breathing was erratic and his hands held onto the steering wheel firmly, to avoid risking another accident.
“Oh, uhm I asked you why you hate me so much. I’d like to know so I can, I don’t know, maybe do something about it?” She wanted to sound strict but her sentence ended up sounding more like a question.
“I... fucks sake” he wasn’t mad at her this time, but rather at himself for not knowing how to answer her question, no matter how much he’d rehearsed the conversation in his head. He knew one day she’d ask and to be honest he’d asked himself that same question over and over again, without ever fully figuring it out. So he just chose not to answer yet and she chose to shut up because she didn’t want to piss him off again, she’d been a victim of his outbursts for far too long, and just stared out the window until they reached her apartment. 
And he knew. He knew she was scared that he might get upset and take it out on her, and the thought alone of her fearing him made him want to never take another breath in his lifetime.
“We’re here, Y/N”
His words were left lingering in the air he stopped the car and she still refused to look at him.
He sighed and stepped outside only to walk over to her side to open the door for her. 
“C’mon love, I’ll walk you”
She started walking by herself towards her apartment complex without even caring to look back and check if he was still following her, somehow she knew he was.
As she opened the front door of her place, she threw her bag on the floor and walked straight intro her bedroom without saying a single word to Ben.
He assumed he was allowed to let himself in and got a good look at her place.
It didn’t look like the house of someone who’d been in the spotlight for years, there were many pictures of her as a child on the shelves and movie posters hung on the walls, but that’s about as much personality as her place had. He couldn’t help but wonder why, not caring that it really wasn’t any of his business, but then he realized she was still hiding in her bedroom and decided to go check on her once again. He seemed to be doing more and more of that lately.
“Y/N can I come in?”
“I need you to leave” he couldn’t help but feel hurt by her words, although he probably deserved any ounce of hurt she could put him through. It was nothing compared to what he’d done to her.
“Just... tell me what’s wrong and let me fix it” his words triggered more anger out of her as she finally opened her bedroom door and he was faced with her glossy eyes.
“What’s wrong? You’re seriously asking me what’s wrong? You’ve got to be kidding me Ben”
“I know, I know I’ve been horrible to you, but I’m here and I’m trying to make this better and I feel so so guilty, you have no idea” his voice was shaky but he was still trying to put on a strong facade, knowing she needed space and time to be vulnerable and he couldn’t allow himself to do the same.
“You don’t even have the balls to give me an explanation. Do you just expect me to accept the fact that you’ve been a dickhead to me since day one and now you’re suddenly my knight in shining armor? Think again, Ben. I want you to tell me exactly what I did to you to deserve the way you’ve treated me, I deserve to know why you hate me so much.” Frustration was clear on her face, she wasn’t even angry at him anymore, she was simply exhausted after a long day and she wanted answers. And maybe 20 hours of sleep.
“That’s where you’re wrong, love” his voice was suddenly much lower and softer, he knew he couldn’t keep lying to himself and to her for much longer.
“I don’t hate you. I never did. I never could, actually, though I admit I did try”
She was feeling lightheaded and more and more confused by the minute.
“What? What are you trying to say Ben, you’re not making any sense”
“I’ve had the biggest crush on you for the longest time, Y/N” 
There was no tuning back from there, he knew his heart was on the line and he’d never felt more exposed in his life, not even when years before he had to strip naked for one of his early theatre productions. The anxiety he’d felt back then was incomparable to the one he was feeling now, but somehow he knew that given the chance he would rather strip naked than have to admit his feelings out loud again.
Her head was spinning even more than before and she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I need a minute” she said as she kept her eyes fixated on the wooden floor of her living room and went to sit on one of her favorite armchairs. This was one of the best spots in her house, she could watch the sunset from her big windows and take time to recollect herself.
“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” This is definitely not the reaction he was expecting and he didn’t know how to be around her.
She moved her gentle eyes from the floor to his face and took a good look at him.
He was absolutely gorgeous, the blueish undertone of his green eyes reminded her of the time her mother took her on holiday in Mexico and she thought the shade of the clean water was the most incredible color she’d ever seen. Now here she was, realizing that it couldn’t even compare to the shade of his irises. His plump lips were slightly swollen from his habit to bite on them whenever he was anxious (so, whenever he was in her presence) and all she wanted to do was reach out and run her fingers along all the traits on his beautiful face, but she knew she couldn’t let herself do so.
“What is going on inside that beautiful head of yours, love?” His words took her out of her trance and she realized he’d gotten progressively closer to her.
He sat down on the floor in front of her armchair, crossing his legs and leaning on his muscular arms.
He was so incredibly stunning, she thought it wasn’t fair to other men. No one could ever even come close. No one could stand a chance.
“You’re so beautiful it hurts” she said just above a whisper, almost hoping he couldn’t hear her, although they were sitting too close to each other for that to happen. He let out a soft laugh as a pink colored wave spread over his cheeks. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made him blush, but she just looked so pure and he was expecting her to be somewhat hateful towards him after all, so it caught him off guard.
“You’re one to talk”.
The room temperature had definitely increased, at least according to Y/N, and the silence surrounding them was unexpectedly intimate and comforting. 
“Let me make it up to you. I don’t want to overwhelm you, it was never my intention I promise, but you asked for an explanation and I gave you one.”
She still couldn’t believe that this was happening to her, she couldn’t believe this beautiful boy was sitting on her living room floor spilling out all his feelings for her and letting himself be so vulnerable. All because he liked her.
“Well, you still haven’t exactly explained to me why you were so mean to me when we first met”
The color of his cheeks spread onto his neck as he felt embarrassed to have to confess everything to her, but she deserved to know.
“I’ve.. uh, I’ve been a fan of yours for as long as I can remember” she felt her heart grow in size at his confession, she didn't even feel worthy of having someone like him idolize her.
“And when I found out I'd have to work with you I felt so intimidated and I’m just not used to feeling that way, so I didn't know how to handle things. I was also slightly terrified that you’d turn out to be different from the person I’ve always seen on magazines and on tv, you know. I was just scared you wouldn't be my Y/N anymore, I was... yeah I was just scared you’d be different I guess.”
“Was I different?”
He hesitated for a while, not knowing how far he could push his luck.
“You were. You were so much better than I could have ever imagined”
He was taken aback when he felt her soft lips gently lay on his own and her small hands cup the sides of his face with so much grace and affection he thought he’d pass out mid kissing and die.
But then again, if he did have to die, this wouldn't be a bad way to go at all.
83 notes · View notes
thejokersenigma · 6 years
Text
Loki x Reader!Anxiety - Stone in the Shoe - Part 2
Hey guys, so I had a few requests for a second part to my oneshot, so I took a few ideas and came up with this!
I know people struggle with anxiety in different ways, so this may not be particularly accurate, but I find it really difficult to remember what the feeling of an anxiety attack feels like when I’m not actually experiencing one - so I apologise in advance for that!
My writing hasn’t been great for a while, and still isn’t anywhere close to what it should be, but I hope this isn’t completely and utterly terrible anyway!
(I haven’t managed to edit it much!)
MAIN MASTERLIST
PART 1
“If this condition affects you as badly as you say, is there nothing you can do about it?”
You sighed as those words continued to spiral in your head. You had been sat with Loki over an hour ago now, trying to explain to him how your anxiety worked after he insisted on asking you question after question about it thanks to last night.
At first, you had tried to tackle his questions one at a time as they came up, but it largely just created more questions for him until the point you were very confused over what you had and hadn’t manged to cover. Instead, you’d agreed to sit down with him later that morning to walk through it fully. Even that, though, had been hard – not least of all because of the anxiety cause by just sitting down with Loki.
“Help requires a trained nurse.” You had pointed out, “Do you know how much even just one session would cost?” Loki had quirked his eyebrow at you then, expectantly. “Just – just a lot, ok?” You had confessed before dropping your eyes to your lap where you fiddled with your hands. “I don’t earn even close to enough - especially with the amount the anxiety effects my ability to work sometimes.” You’d explained. “If can’t focus, I can’t work. If I can’t work, I can’t get paid.” You muttered down at your hands.
“Surely the so-called Avengers would be willing to provide the money in aid?” Loki had pointed out.
At that, you’d felt your cheeks warm and you’d glanced away in embarrassment. The truth was you were sure the Avengers would help, had you ever been brave enough to ask them. But that was something way beyond your comfort zone and something your anxiety actively discouraged you from doing.
It wasn’t like you hadn’t tried however, sometimes you found yourself getting so bad you would force yourself to face the fact that you needed help – screw your issues with getting it – and would somehow pluck up the courage to give it ago. By now, you’d tried numerous times in fact, but the minute something unexpected and outside your organised plan of events in your mind – which something always was – you would panic, be thrown completely off balance and chicken out, high tailing it in the opposite direction.
Each time you came to the conclusion that you just couldn’t do it, and for a long time now you’d given up. You would suffer in silence. You could manage. Anything would be better than the ordeal you would have to go through to get the help.
You hadn’t said all this to Loki though, instead you’d kept quiet, your eyes turned away, trying to convey all these thoughts through your body language alone.
Simply put - You couldn’t do it.
Although unlikely to have completely comprehended the extent of your paralysis when it came to seeking help, Loki had seemed to pick up on your reluctance. “I can grudgingly confirm - against my usual image –“ Loki had said, “that they are in fact good people and would grant you more than adequate funds for your basic treatment if the subject is brought to their attention.”
You had sighed heavily, still unable to meet his eyes, knowing he was more than likely right, but still not thrilled at the idea. “I – I just don’t talk to them much – if I can help it.” You’d confessed. “I – I can handle one of them,” You’d motioned with your hands, watching your own movements as an excuse not to meet Loki’s eyes, “But when they’re all together… Grouped…” You had shaken your head at the thought, “It’s like… it’s like all the jocks grouped in the cafeteria.” You’d tried to explain, though a quick flicker of a glance up at Loki’s confused face had told you he hadn’t understood the reference. “Uh – intimidating.” You had tried to clarify.
“You are scared?” Loki had asked, his tone one of surprise as he’d watched you carefully, catching the fear in your face.
You’d felt your cheeks warm again, embarrassed at how easy you were to read - and that you were scared of perfectly friendly people. “Well, anxious.” You’d mumbled, “Actually – ya know what? – No. It’s – it’s silly you.” You’d stated, shaking your head again. “I – I can do it.” You had told yourself as firmly as you could despite your shaking voice.
“You are sure?” The uncertainty in Loki’s voice had tipped you over the edge then. You felt almost humiliated by your own behaviour, were you truly so weak you couldn’t even speak to people you practically considered your friends. Ok, you hadn’t known them long, but it had been nearly a year, and these were people who devoted their lives to helping people!
But still you couldn’t ignore the doubt that niggled in your heart that they would be horrified at the very suggestion of you asking for a loan…
Loki had been watching you intently, his face curious, as you battled with your inner self. Eventually you had excused yourself under the pretence of having work you needed to do, but really you had just needed an excuse to leave. As much as you really did like Loki, he was one of the most intimidating people for you because of that. His constant interrogations on your mental state also hadn’t helped either and you were quickly feeling rather drained.
You had hidden in your room in the compound for a while – doing nothing but lying on your bed staring at the ceiling in an attempt to recuperate and calm yourself – but eventually you could see no point in putting it off any longer. Now, here you were, lingering in the science department of the building and recanting your chosen lines ready for when you finally braved the door a few strides away.
You had thought Stark was the best to talk to - after all, he was the main financer of the Avenger’s operation from what you could gather, though technically Pepper Pots seemed to have the majority control over his money. But Tony could persuade her though, you were sure. Far rather him than you anyway.
You could feel the sweat building in your palms and your whole body was tensed in flight mode at the idea of having to broach such an awkward subject – to ask for anything in fact. Despite this though, you tried to push through it, ignoring the erratic heart in your chest and lead feet as you now moved forward the last few steps to the door.
You’d decided already that you wouldn’t try to explain your condition in any kind of detail, only saying that you needed the money for something medical, and then strongly assure him that you would start paying off the loan straight away in the type of increments you could afford - even if it took your whole life to pay off.
You’d reached the door and you stared at it for a moment before taking a breath and reaching a shaky hand for the handle, the metal cool under your clammy palms.
You only managed a foot over the room’s threshold, however, before you stopped dead at the scene before you. The whole Avenger’s team seemed to be in the lab – on looking back, there were a few members missing, but that didn’t feel like it particularly mattered at the time – and you froze like woodland animal.
No one acknowledge your presence immediately though, Tony and Bruce Banner were bent over a lab bench staring hard at something on a screen on the surface whilst Natasha Romanoff and Steve Rogers stood a few feet away, both watching the scientists with concerned faces, their arms crossed over their chests.
The sound of the door closing behind you seemed to pull Steve and Natasha from their thoughts, but glancing up at you with furrowed brows, though Natasha only glanced at you before retuning her attention back to the other two men.
“Something up [Y/N]?” She called back distractedly.
It wasn’t a cold, annoyed tone. Nothing hostile. Yet there wasn’t anything accommodating either and your heart already dropped. “Uh –“ You couldn’t do this. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. It was only supposed to be Stark.
“You alright?” Steve asked with a concerned frown, not missing the fear that now flickered across your features.
“I’m just –“ You struggled, panicking. “You’re busy – I’m sorry.” You manged out quickly before you turned on the spot and slipped back out of the lab door, closing it behind you. You didn’t hesitate before you were walking swiftly back down the corridor the way you had come - your heart still pounding in your pulse points – and not stopping until you reached the elevator at the end of the hall and the doors had closed on you.
You audibly breathed out a breath you didn’t know you had been holding as you leant back against the back wall of mirrors in the little metal box. Your legs shook like mad beneath your weight and you could feel a thin layer of cold sweat over most of your skin as your heart rate refused to slow and your mind continued to replay the painfully embarrassing encounter of only a few seconds ago. You closed your eyes, feeling the elevator begin to rise, and tried to focus on your breathing, but you could feel your thoughts running chaotically in your head to the point you couldn’t think straight and, in the end, couldn’t really think of anything.
Then the claustrophobia-like feeling came, closing in on you and you curled over into a ball, crossing your arms over your chest into a tight hug. You let your legs give way as you breathing came faster now - like you were in some physical agony - and you let your legs give way beneath you, slipping to the floor and hugging your knees up to your chest.
You had a brief, almost hysterical moment, when you seemed to remark to yourself how the moving motion of the steel cage really wasn’t helping, before your mind clamped down into ineptness again and all you could focus on was that it would get better, and yet, wasn’t life hopeless?
You hadn’t expected for your body to or mind to react the way it had, to have caused such a panic attack-like reaction. It was almost scary how unpredictable it was. Nothing had happened after all – you’d just walked into room with a few people! - and in a way that frustrated you more, it only proved what you feared. You were weak, practically pathetic – why would you wind yourself up so badly from just a few words from your friends?
You barely registered that the elevator had stopped, or that you were crying until you felt a tear drop off your chin and onto the back of your hand.
The doors slid open, but you kept your head down, too busy focusing on trying to get your breathing back under some semblance of control.
“[Y/N]?” You heard a voice call ahead of you. Your heart dropped, and you screwed your eyes shut where you hung your head, your prayers for an empty floor having fallen on deaf ears. You were in no position to be able to pull yourself back into anything close to a normal enough state for it not to raise any concern, but you also really didn’t want to have to explain why you were sat on the floor of the elevator shaking and in tears.
It didn’t make sense to you, after all, how would it make sense to anyone else?
“[Y/N], is something wrong?” Loki asked, suddenly at your side and you shook your head slightly, feeling like you’d somehow blanked out for a moment. His cool hands on your upper arms seemed to startle you back down to Earth, his grip on you rigid and tense and you glanced up through your lashes to see him glancing around the elevator and back out into the corridor, almost guarding your body with him own, alert for any imminent danger that may have caused your current condition.
You dropped your eyes again as he glanced back to you, having seen nothing obvious – though he didn’t relax. You could only shake your head in answer to the question you knew must be on his face, a heavy weight on your chest that seemed to constrict your throat, suffocating and trapping you where you sat. You wanted to get to your feet – to pull yourself together and pretend like nothing was happening - but you couldn’t find even find the energy to move and your limbs still felt numb and shaky.
You heard rather than saw, the doors of the lift closing behind Loki’s back, and then the metal box lurched upwards again, continuing its skyward crawl. You groaned quietly as you felt a new wave of nausea wash over you, and you dropped your head between your legs.
Loki’s eyes flickered over you in concern - still trying to pin point the source of your discomfort but seemed to realise the more immediate problem - releasing his hold on one of your arms to reach back and hit the large red emergency ‘Stop’ button on the elevator’s control panel. You felt the movement of the lift slow, and the gears creaked and protested as it ground to a halt midway between floors.
Loki’s eyes didn’t leave you though, still trying to fathom your current situation and symptoms. “Lie down.” He suddenly instructed, shifting his hands as though to aid you.
“What –“ You frowned groggily, lifting your head, sure you’d heard him wrong, yet you didn’t fight his hands as they now gently guided you to the floor. You couldn’t help the feeling of vulnerability as in your new position on the ground with Loki towering above you – fighting the urge to curl into a foetal position – but you couldn’t deny that the cold steel of the floor felt wonderfully soothing on your clammy skin and the wooziness in your head already seemed to be receding. “What are you –“ You tried again, attempting to lift your head to address Loki better, but his hand was quickly on your chest, pushing you back down again.
“Just stay there.” He commanded firmly, though not unkindly. You went to open you mouth again, but Loki cut across you. “Can you breathe?” You furrowed your brow at the weird question, then realised why you though it so weird - your breathing had returned to some semblance of normal - it no longer feeling like you were trying to breath through a sieve.
“I – uh – yeah.” You admitted, blinking in amazement. You noticed him nod above you. “Loki, I’m fine,” You tried to tell him, “– I – “ You went as though to push yourself to your elbows again.
“No stay down.” He insisted, and you were surprised by the earnest in his voice. You relaxed against the floor, understanding Loki was just trying to help, and rather amazed it seemed to be working.
You were even more amazed, when Loki - content you had finally conceded and were unlikely to get up again – now moved to lie on the floor next to you. You watched, almost dumbfounded as he lowered himself down next you, his shoulder nearly touching yours and his long black hair fanning out beneath him. You glanced away up at the ceiling, your cheeks heating, when his eyes you’re yours again – something almost intimate about lying next to another person. “Loki.” You mumbled awkwardly after a pause, “What are we doing?”
“Do you want to leave?”
You furrowed your brow at this, then shook your head. “I’m – I’m ok right now...” You murmured, closing your eyes and realising you were. You no longer felt nauseous, your brain function seemed to be returning and you were sure your limbs might actually be able to support your weight now.
“What are you doing this evening?”
Your eyes snapped open. “What?” You asked, turning your head to look over at Loki, bewildered.
“I asked about your plans this evening – I take it your foot is still recovering?”
“I – yeah – it’s still a bit sore,” You confirmed with a frown, still confused. “I was just thinking of staying in for a movie…”
“Wise.” Loki nodded sagely. You furrowed your brow in question, but when he said nothing else, you turned your gaze back up to the ceiling. “What are you going to watch?”
“What? Why?” You frowned at the panels in the roof of the box.
“It is merely a question.” Loki shrugged shamelessly.
“I – I know, but why do you care?”
“It was my attempt to distract you,” He admitted casually, “I thought outrightly telling you that was my plan may have undermined my objective slightly.” He explained wryly.
Then you realised, Loki had never asked you what was wrong, because he knew – somehow – what was wrong, and he had wanted to help. For some reason you could feel hot tears in the corners of your eyes. “Casino Royale. I thought I’d put Casino Royale on.” You murmured in answer, your voice breaking slightly.
Loki nodded out of the corner of your eye again. “Thank you.” You murmured up at the ceiling after you lay there in silence for a few minutes.
“There is no need to thank me.” Loki stated, seeming almost taken aback by the sincerity of your thanks. “I feel like it is largely my fault after all.” Loki murmured next to you. “But we do not have to talk about it.” He reassured you.
“Ok.” You murmured, managing a small nod, content to just lie there a little bit longer. “But thank you,” You said again, “for not just telling me to calm down.” You explained, shrugging lightly.
Loki found your hand at your side where is lay besides you, squeezing it reassuringly. “I only wish I, myself, did not cause you anxiety.” He confessed honestly. You glanced over at him, surprised to find he was no longer watching you, but had also turned his face up to the ceiling above. He had and still should be sending your anxiety into overdrive right now – being this close, touching you – he was Loki after all.
You squeezed his hand back and he turned his head to meet your eyes and you offered him a weak, shaky smile. “You don’t.” You told him truthfully. And it was the truth, because - in the that moment, lying on the floor of an elevator with it’s emergency stop engaged, hand in hand with a Asgardian god - you didn’t think you’d ever felt you’d never felt more at content.
Tags for Everything: @angelicshinigami @thatwriterizzy @arkhamsurviour @beautifulbows924 @sheldonsherlocktony @jemjem-chan @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @nerdybirdyfiz @wanna-see-my-lease
Tags for Loki: @drakesfiance @ruffdog921 @@vanyali07 @hakuoyuki @frostymoon11 @imagine-that-100 @lexiiiii28​
107 notes · View notes
bellamyblakemorley · 6 years
Text
Bellamy Blake x Reader: FWB
SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT SMUT
^Requested^
Summary: Bellamy and Y/N are friends with benefits. They have been for a while, but they both have feelings for each other that haven’t been exposed yet. Outside of Bellamy’s tent, the rest of the delinquents get suspicious, but still don’t know what Y/N and Bellamy are. Neither do they.
Warnings: Smut, swearing
Word Count: 1422
A/N: Sorry i’ve been MIA for a while. A writer has to fangirl too!
*Third Person*
“Fuck you’re stunning.” Bellamy sucked at Y/N’s neck and marked her with a very large, clearly visible hickey. His lips trailed over her stomach and down to her thighs. He licked a stripe over the fabric of her panties and she moaned his name, loudly.
“Keep it down my beautiful girl.” She did as Bellamy told her to and bit the inside of her cheek.
Bellamy slipped his hands into the hemline of Y/N’s panties and slowly pulled them off her body. The girl was anxious, eager to explore Bellamy Blake’s body with her hands. She has before, a bunch of times in fact. Every time they have sex, something new is introduced, explored. Each time feels like the first. 
“You’re already soaked, babe. All ready for me.” Bellamy’s hand immediately flew to her clit and started to slowly rub. Y/N moaned and pushed her head back further into her pillow. She had thought about this all day, and Bellamy sensed it.
“You’ve been thinking about this, about me fucking you all day, huh?” Y/N nodded. She propped herself up on her elbows as Bell groaned when her hand flew to palm his crotch. She could feel his pants tightening and she suppressed her moans as Bell kept generously rubbing her bundle of nerves.
“Please Bell. I need this.” Y/N practically sobbed and begged Bellamy to give her what she had wanted. Before she could get any more words out, Bellamy forcefully thrusted in to her surprise. He drew out and back in at a growing pace. The speed picked up and Y/N was a writhing mess underneath him.
“Bell. I-I’m gonna cum.” Her breaths became short and more erratic. 
“Let go for me, princess. Come on.” Y/N finally let go and Bellamy pulled out. He released over her stomach and flopped down next to the panting girl. They were both breathing heavily for about 5 minutes. Y/N turned to face Bellamy and propped herself up on her elbows. She stared into Bell’s dark eyes.   She secretly admired every characteristic. They way his freckles were peppered across his face, the adorable scar above his upper lip.
Y/N knew she had to leave before she confessed her feelings. It would either change her life for the better, or the worst. Expressing how she felt would possibly destroy her relationship with Bellamy and that’s the last thing Y/N wanted. Long story short, she collected her clothes from the ground and started to get dressed. Before Bellamy could process what she was doing, his tent was hollow. He was confused as to why Y/N left so soon. He would ask her in the morning. All Bell could comprehend at the moment was his exhaustion.
*Y/N’s POV*
While last night was certainly one to remember, I couldn’t stay any longer or i’d give up everything I had to Bellamy. He couldn’t know about my feelings for him or i’d risk losing what we had already. 
It was early the next morning, only Raven, Clarke, and Octavia were up at this hour. They were most definitely together talking somewhere, for this was all the free time they’d get during their time on the ground. I thought some company would clear my mind of the thoughts of loneliness I was feeling lately. 
Sure enough, I had found them on the top level of the drop ship, talking away about memories on the Ark. I climbed up the ladder and opened the hatch. They all looked in my direction and greeted me warmly. Octavia moved over so I could grab a spot to sit down next to her. She offered me some water and berries, which I gratefully accepted. 
Thankfully, nobody had asked me about my encounter with Bellamy. I had only listened in to their conversation and made some short comments here and there. About an hour later, everyone started to file out of the drop ship and get started on the days work. I was the last one to climb down to the lower level. Just as I was turning to walk out, Clarke stopped me. She gripped my wrist and tugged back softly to let me know she wanted to talk. 
“Is everything alright between you and Bellamy?” I nodded and furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. She continued, “A couple of the delinquents noticed you coming out of his tent every so often, and-”
“Everything is fine, Clarke.” With that said, I walked out of the drop ship and started walking to my watch post.
*Bellamy’s POV*
I was confused as to why Y/N left my tent so fast the other night. I still hadn’t worked up the courage to ask her about it. If I showed that I cared, she may think I wanted more than what we had, which might’ve scared her away. I’m not sure of what we are anyway. I don’t think she knows either.
As I woke up the next day, I stretched, put on some clothes, and walked out of my tent. Nearly half the camp was already up and working. I quietly searched for Y/N, but I didn’t spot her. She might’ve been in the drop ship with Clarke. That’s where I go to first. 
Once I reach the ramp leading to the drop ship, I look around to notice eyes observing me closely. Some delinquents seem like they’re silently judging me. I stare daggers into a couple of their gazes and they look away. When I approach Clarke in med bay, she waves me over to where she’s standing. I walk over to her as she finishes bandaging up a kid who scraped his arm while lifting a log the wrong way. As he leaves, I begin to speak when Clarke raises a hand telling me to stop.
“Something is going on between you and Y/N. You think I don’t know you have feelings for her? It’s obvious. The way you look at her, how overprotective you get when she tries to leave with the hunting groups.” Once I was sure she was done, I told her everything. How I felt about Y/N, how I didn’t know what to do next.
“I don’t know what we are. I’m pretty sure she thinks we’re friends with benefits right now. I don’t want to scare her by telling her how I truly feel. What we have is good right now, and even the slightest thing may destroy our relationship or whatever you want to call it.” Clarke nodded in agreement.
“Just tell her how you feel, Bellamy. I’m sure she feels the same way about you.” My eyes widened at that statement, and hope flooded my mind. If only Y/N felt the same way, everything would be fine. More than fine. Everything would be perfect. She’s perfect.
*Third Person*
Later that day, Bellamy approached Y/N at her watch post. He gained some more confidence after Clarke told him that a relationship could be a possibility between the two of them. Y/N looked tired and stressed. If this were any other day, Bellamy would suggest relieving some of that tension, but now was not the time. 
“Y/N?” She turned to come face-to-face with Bellamy, a weak smile tugging at her lips. “How are you doing?”
“I’m okay. Just a little tired. Haven’t had a break in hours.” Y/N turned her head back around to stare at the darkness that seemed to consume her and her thoughts most nights. 
“I wanted to talk with you before you went to bed if that’s okay.” Bellamy seemed a little reluctant to tell Y/N about how he felt, but he was already in too deep to turn back now.
“Sure Bell. Tell me anything.” Bell walked up to her side and she faced him, eyes wide.
“I don’t know what we are and I don’t think you know either. All I do know is that I can’t and won’t survive without you. You’re everything to me and I can’t sleep at night with you thinking I don’t care about you, because I do. This may ruin everything we have, but I think i’m falling in love with you, Y/N.” By now, Y/N was standing beside Bellamy in complete shock. Never in one million years would she have thought that the infamous Bellamy Blake would be into her.
No words needed to be said from there. Y/N walked towards Bellamy and cupped his face. She pulled him down to meet her lips in a passionate, loving kiss. That was all he needed to know that she felt the same way.
171 notes · View notes
kpopfanticscenarios · 6 years
Text
Red String (Jungkook x Reader)
Tumblr media
Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader
Genre: Angst + Fluff
Word Count: ~1.3K
Scenario Masterlist 
Prompt: Your soulmate is predetermined by a red string only you and your soulmate can see.
、ヽ`、ヽ`ヽ、`ヽ、
“You can’t hide from him forever (Y/n). He’s your soulmate, you two are destined to be together.”
“I know. I know I shouldn’t.” You sighed, ruffling your hair, “I’m just scared. Not all soulmates live such happy lives.”
Your friend took a hold of your hand, “It’s okay to be scared. But you need to have trust. Everyone could see how much he loves you already. Please, don’t hold yourself back just because your afraid to move forward.”
You nodded, knowing he was right. “I’ll think about it. Thanks Namjoon, you always seem to know what to say.”
He gave you a small smile before leaving to go do his things. This just left you sitting outside a tea shop, a drink in your hand. You sighed as you mulled over Namjoon’s words. 
You had already found your soulmate, or rather, he found you. Jeon Jungkook had randomly walked into your life and invaded your mind. The red string wrapped around your finger tugged as you saw him for the first time. You see, every person is born with a red string tied to their finger. Only the two can see it, and it pulls the people as they get closer to each other. You remember the look on his face as you two stood in front of each other. You were just drinking your tea and he seemed to be running towards something. You had looked down at your string, seeing that it lead straight towards him. As he opened his mouth to say something, you bolted out of the area and back to your apartment.
Soulmates scared you. You hated how they were so romanticized everywhere. You knew that not all soulmates stayed together. Your father had left your mother, no longer loving her like he had when they first met. She had told you that albeit not so common, sometimes these red strings can unwind, and break. Not all soulmates loved each other and not all soulmates stayed in love.
Already over 2 weeks, you have been doing a good job avoiding Jungkook. Namjoon was constantly scolding you, telling you to confront your fears. He understood your past, but he also could not let you hurt yourself and hurt Jungkook.
So, here you were, walking to the cafe Namjoon told you to meet up at. It was a pleasant day, and the smell inside the cafe was lovely. You decided to wait for Namjoon before ordering your drink. Luckily there weren’t many people inside the cafe, so looking for a seat was easy. You were able to reserve a table for two and sat down to wait. You were on your phone for the time being, just waiting. You knew Namjoon wouldn’t take long anyway.
And you were right! Because in the next second, two cups were placed right in front of you.
“Ah Namjoon! Finally, you’re-” Your eyes glanced up to thank the man, but your voice stopped upon looking at who it really was.
Jungkook scratched his cheek as he gave you a soft chuckle.
“Umm, I didn’t know what kind of drink you wanted, but I hope you like it. Namjoon hyung couldn’t come today, so...it’s just you and me.” 
He awkwardly sat down, seeing as you weren’t saying anything, but staring at the drink in front of you. You were having a battle of your own as you stared at the cup. You didn’t want to take it; you wanted to dislike the drink, hate it even. But he somehow knew. Jungkook somehow knew this was your favorite drink; the one drink you ever get at this cafe. So, you sighed in defeat as you reached out your hand to grab the delicious beverage, only muttering a tiny thanks as you took a sip. 
“Well,” you began, “I better get going. See you around.” 
“Wait no, please.” As you started getting up from the table, Jungkook managed to spring up, and have a gentle, but firm grip of your hand. “Please stay. Just for a bit.” 
You heard his voice crack, and your heart was beating too erratically. You hated how just his face could get you riled up. You hated how just him can send your heart rate beating at such an alarming rate. You said nothing to him, only nodding and sat back down.
“Why did the birdie go to the hospital?” Jungkook said after a few moments of silence. You looked at him in confusion, but decided to play his game.
“Why?”
“So it can get a tweetment!”
Your face deadpanned; that has got to be one of the worst jokes you’ve ever heard. And yet, you couldn’t help but give a slight chuckle at how stupid it was. Jungkook eyes brightened when he saw you relax a bit, and he kept on throwing more silly jokes your way. It was a wonder why you decided to enlighten him by complying, but your heart was telling you too, and...you really didn’t want this to stop. 
The jokes soon turned into conversations, stating which classes you were taking at the college, and complaining about professors. You both never realized how much time had truly gone by until you received a text message, specifically from Namjoon. This brought you back to reality and what you were doing. You abruptly got up, your body stiff.
“I should go. I...I don’t know what I was doing. I need to go.” 
You left before Jungkook could grab a hold of you, and you managed to walk a few meters away from the place before Jungkook ran and caught up to you.
“Wait, Y/n! What’s wrong? Did I do something.”
“Jungkook...you haven’t done anything...It’s this stupid string.” You pulled on the strong wrapped around your finger. Jungkook’s eyes held confusion and hurt. “The strings to stay for everyone. I don’t want to fall in love with you and have it end badly. I don’t think I’d be able to handle that. I can’t see it again.”
Jungkook held your eyes, and we slowly reached to take a hold of your hand, and walked to a place to sit, “Y/n, what happened? I don’t understand. You’re my soulmate, why would any of that change?”
For some reason, you spilled everything out. Starting from when your parents first got together, to their unpleasant demise. You told him your suspicions and your doubt about the whole soulmate thing. Your parents had ruined it for you. And knowing that your soulmate was in front of you, it scared you. What if it happened again? You didn’t want to go through that.
Jungkook let you speak out all of your thoughts. He never once stopped you. He was quiet throughout the whole thing, and little bit after you stopped talking. Your heart was pounding and you felt anxious about what he was going to say. 
“I can wait.” You stared at Jungkook in confusion, ushering him to continue. “You aren’t comfortable with it, and now I understand why. I want you to be happy, and I’m still going to try to win your love. So let’s take it slow. I won’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with. Let’s be friends!” 
You shifted your gaze from him to your hands, your heart beating so fast, but in a good way. You were still skeptical about the whole thing, but you were willing to take a change.
You lifted a hand out, a small smile on your face, “Friends. I’d like that.”
Jungkook quickly took your hand, shaking it and giving you a bigger smile of his own. You dismissed the fluttering of your heart, and started another conversation with the boy. It was as if you two had been best friends for years by the way you two were talking. Deep down, you couldn’t wait to see what would happen in the future, albeit a bit scary, you were sure you would be ready to find out what would come.
、ヽ`、ヽ`ヽ、`ヽ、
Official Prompt:  oooh!! can i request the scenario Soulmate!AU of the red string with Jungkook x Reader? Something along the lines where the reader is very shy and anxious cause she has been hurt emotionally (I'm not too creative as to how) before cause she was too naive and kindhearted so she's afraid to fall in love and trust others but Jungkook is willing to do anything for his one true love and prove to her that happy endings do happen cause she deserves to be happy?
For Anon, I hope you enjoyed!!! Thank you so much for requesting!
© Made in 1997, do not edit.
62 notes · View notes