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#i wont be doing just writing because ill be teaching english and im just going to miss being able to write and create
harbours-in-the-end · 3 months
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my vpn might die at any moment so i need to speed things up but um. it is two days into my finals. cannot believe i am hlfway through i still have five months to go
and honestly i just really look forward to having enough free time on my hands to do what i want and actually create projects and stuff. heres a basic outline of what im planning on
-go through all my poetry to piece together a prtfolio (yes, even the ones from eighth grade) and try to get something published
-translate stuff.stuff being just plain anything i want.
-make a visual novel/game? with my friend im in charge of composing background music and the text in general(this is going to be hard because neither of us know how to code and/or draw)(but we have years and years of oc experience)(and i really need to work on writing original prose)
-which brings me to composing. i have not played the piano since i got into highschool because it just sort of triggers my wierd self esteem issues and i feel like a piece of trash but objectively speaking im not bad(ive played for ten years and passed abrsm grade 8 with a merit)(i was going to try arsm but then life happened and the pandemic happened and i fucked up my highschool entrance exam)and i still.have the instincts.and a passing knowledge of music theory
-im not going to do arsm. unless i have to teach kids piano for a living but i wont stand a chance against actual conservatory graduates
-write more logh fanfiction(i have at least six plots) and fix my ao3 account
i wont translate the yang does irregular warfare one ill just rewrite.it in english
-write original fiction. in both laguages. it is not a zero sum game
-you know how you have that one childhood dream which is kind of cringe. well mine was to write scps/translate for the international hub. which i did not do because the (peer review process? critiqing process) kind of scared me? but now that i am almost an adult i will try
which means i will try to enter the 9k contest(when it comes up) or the 4k on the chinese hub
-read more. for the sake of my own personal academical interests and for my sanity
-just. try new things in general. go out. see the sun. work out.
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mail-me-a-snail · 8 months
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For the writers meme: 1, 4, 10, 17, 22, 24 & 27!
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
i write in times new roman, size 12--usually in white text on a black background. i didn't use to care, but 1) bright screens give me migraines and 2) it was the default setting of the phone app i used to write on before i switched over to focuswriter !!
(that phone app was writer+ btw; highly recommend it bc it's free, has a folder system, and there are no ads)(only downside is that it uses the markdown system but! oh well)
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
SINEW. or sinewy. like i use it quite a bit in my writing bc it's a word that just denotes something gross and tactile and moldy taffy-like but entirely human.
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
oh god where do i even BEGIN. the narrative of cyberpunk2077 haunts me so bad because it is a TIME LOOP. it is in every definition of the phrase a time loop and we don't talk about it enough.
and yes absolutely my writing has haunted me! be it wips or finished products, a number of my fics stick with me. one of them is the everyday miscellaneous, my mindhunter fic, because i remember working on it through a bad bout of dengue. for a week straight. the fact that i had had that energy while SICK haunts me.
and to me, when a piece of writing "haunts" you, i think that means it lingers with you. you dont hate it, or maybe you come to hate it eventually. maybe you love it a lot! maybe you learn to love it. either way, when u invest a lot of something (time or emotions or etc) into writing, it's gonna come back n stay with u
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
so my current longfic wip is called "pieces of the old country". i wont give much away other than that it's a mafia fic and a pretty self indulgent one at that.
SO it all started with me thinking about how tommy doesn't know how to speak italian. it makes sense ofc, hes an immigrant, mama angelo thought it easier to assimilate when you speak full english, etc.
and while sam and paulie are, likewise, immigrants, paulie speaks italian. which led to the idea of sam speaking it, too. which led to the idea of them both teaching tom!
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here's a scene i had to cut for plot reasons, but y'all can take a gander !!
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
id like to think im pretty organized! i have a bunch of notes on my phone sorted by media (for example, i have one for mafia, one for cp2077, etc) where i store dialogue or descriptions that randomly pop into my head. i save a backup of my fics to my writing drive after every session.
if im really absolutely desperate or in need of something more solid, ill write on a tissue lmao
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
im not sure what prep work means in this case? usually i just
daydream a fic
open the document
write
and that's it. if you mean research to make sure what im writing is canonically plausible, then i do a LOT of that
27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?
oh tommy angelo i love you. but i hate writing you. im used to writing more...eloquent characters as it is and dumbing myself down for the sake of tommy's character voice is HARD. but we ball 👍
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plounce · 3 years
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what if gay CATS........... were gay PERSONS
(info on this au under the cut)
theyre all shitty young adults just kind of. getting through their early 20s as best they can. or as much as they can. maybe things will get better someday, but right now they’re kind of spinning their wheels
magic exists but like eh it’s not a big thing don’t worry about it. it’s around but like whatever. not many people have it and it’s mostly just like. a curiosity or a party trick
demeter and bombularina are together, tugger and mistoffelees are together, bombularina and tugger occasionally fwb, it’s cool and aboveboard and it’s all fine
demeter:
bisexual with a preference for women. 24 years old
semi-psychic (not as powerful as tantomile or coricopat). tends to have vague and confusing prophetic dreams
dropped out of grad school for sociology due to trauma and ensuing intensified mental illness. kind of bitter about it, but tries to get through every day. general anxiety disorder even before all that
very nervous around most men she doesn’t know & trust
currently working at a barnes & noble starbucks, which sucks. she recently became the assistant manager, which turbo sucks because now she has more work for only like a buck raise, but at least she’s getting reliable shifts
her go-to therapy is cutting her hair with scissors. her hair is fried to all hell from regular bleaching
she’s learning how to crochet because she’s decided she needs to do something physically productively creative with her hands to distract herself from Stuff
bombalurina:
bisexual. 24 years old
got her bachelor’s in english two years ago and hasn’t found a job in her field and has kind of given up on it for now
she’s been bartending for like four years, does freelance editing work on the side. will occasionally write listicles for clickbait sites if she needs extra cash
literally any extra money she can save goes to tattoos. her right sleeve’s almost done
has natural red hair but dyes it cherry red
a hedonist to cope but is also just a natural hedonist. likes a good bath
i know that like the typical thing fandoms say about female characters is “doesn’t take shit” for the girlboss points but she truly does not take shit anymore. she used to take people’s shit sometimes but at this point in her life she’s tired and she has a girlfriend to be protective of. she has a couple people whose shit she will take (mostly just tugger) but besides them (and having to practice basic customer service to keep her job) she’s tired of other people’s shit! enough!
my personal take on bombalurina is a mix between the riot grrrls of the 90s and 80s punk girls, and then a dash of the greaser chicks from grease. i saw that spiked collar and my brain went OH okay i can run with this somewhere fun. same for demeter, but less so - she just has the piercings.
demelurina:
bombalurina met demeter in college at a women’s activism club, noticed her because of her dimple piercings and was like “oh someone else with a lot of metal in her face, i’ll sit next to her”
they were each other’s first off-campus roommates and were close friends. made out a couple times, but it was mostly a lot of sexual tension. there was a lot of bombalurina staring at demeter while she or demeter made out with someone else
demeter was on and off with her high school boyfriend munkustrap and bombalurina was like “oh he’s so much more stable/calm than me and she needs that, i party a bit too much for her, i shouldn’t try anything” so she just sort of. lets their almost-there peter off
(this is all bombalurina’s internal thoughts - demeter always was interested in her, but thought she was too boring for bombalurina. so neither of them thought they could pursue it)
bombalurina graduated and moved somewhere cheaper further away from campus. they kind of drift apart
munkustrap and demeter peter off and he moves away for a job (they’re still good friends, it was a very amicable breakup) and then demeter gets with macavity, which is a deeply toxic situation for her and sucks hugely and throws her whole life really off track. won’t go into further details
she finally manages to break up with him and calls bombalurina at like 2 am asking if she can pick her up, and also if she can sleep on her couch, it’s okay if that’s not okay, she just. really needs a place she feels safe, and her gut is telling her to. and of course bombalurina says yes
bombalurina also knew macavity and had also made out a couple times with him at like parties and stuff (see: staring at demeter as she makes out with people). something about transference of feelings - bombalurina was into him for a couple moments because he and demeter had a thing.
this is due to me interpreting the song “macavity” as actually about bombalurina wanting to fuck demeter and her singing as a half-repressed expression of that. i use my really good wlw brain to reach that conclusion. it’s kind of a non-competitive version of eve sedgwick’s take on the love triangle. (<-- normal thing to say)
but anyway demeter stays on bombalurina’s couch and she tries so hard to stay on track but eventually she just has to drop out. bombalurina helps her with that too. she’s just really supportive even as demeter’s life is at its lowest point. when she gets home from bartending she gets demeter to go to sleep
she just Stays with her and makes her smile and reminds her that her life isn’t over, there’s still things in her day to enjoy, to keep her trudging forward
bombalurina is roommates with tugger at this point - he also recently dropped out and demeter knows him because he’s munkustrap’s brother, so he’s Trusted and also is like “hey it’s okay that you dropped out, im here and im chilling and you like me and respect me at least a little, and you have a bachelor’s degree at least!” (more on him later)
demeter is like “oh god ive been crashing at their place for so long not paying rent, theyre gonna ask me to leave, im such a freeloader, they wont take my attempts at paying rent” but then bombalurina and tugger are like “hey! the lease is almost up! we found a pretty good 3 bedroom, do you wanna have your own room for real?” and she nearly cries because 1. the RELIEF 2. oh my god you want me around???
cut to bombalurina helping demeter put together an ikea dresser (tugger got banished to the kitchen to make crystal light lemonade for them because he’s useless with a screwdriver) and demeter has two epiphanies:
1. i thought i was ready to d*e four months ago and here i am making a dresser to put clothes into in my new apartment where i live and feel safe and loved. im still not happy but im still alive and im making a dresser
2. holy fuck im back in love with my best friend, and ten times more than i was back then.
so she like kind of freaks out because she’s already imposed so much on bombalurina, how could she impose her FEELINGS on her like this, oh no oh no oh no
meanwhile bombalurina’s back in love with her even MORE and she’s also like no... she’s already dealing with so much... i don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel unsafe in her own home especially after her recent relationship trauma... i just want her to feel safe around me...
you might think tugger as their roommate would be like “JUST KISS” but he is in fact pretty oblivious because he is self-absorbed. mistoffelees on the other hand..
eventually they do have a big confession of feelings after demeter has a bad day and it’s very dramatic and they make out in the rain. and it’s like. well this is a movie scene. but also im cold and damp. let’s head inside our home and get warm and dry :)
and then they go inside and and talk through everything, all their feelings (not just their romantic feelings but like ALL their feelings) and their shared histories and bombalurina is like “do you think you’re... ready for a relationship right now? like that would be a good thing for you?”
and demeter considers it. she does stop and think. and then she says, “with anyone else... probably not. but it’s you. and i feel so safe around you, and we’re already so close. you make the future feel more worth it. you make more days alive feel not just tolerable, but something to look forward to. and knowing you’ve loved me all this time... it’s nice. it’s good. i’m - i’m understating it so much, it’s more than nice, it’s just - it’s a lot. i wish i had noticed back then.” “hey, hey, don’t blame yourself. i’m the one who never said anything.”
anyway. everything works out, and they start dating for real :)
tugger:
bisexual. 22 years old
dishwasher at the same bar bombalurina works at. she got him the job. he keeps bugging her to teach him bartending tricks and on slow nights she will agree to
he dropped out of their four year, but he managed to secure an associate’s in communications before he dipped
trying to be an ig influencer hotboy and hopefully get modeling jobs from that but his phone’s camera sucks shit so his account isn’t really going anywhere. but he continues to post his low resolution shirtless selfies
trying to cope with being the failure son who does not have a fancy nonprofit job with a salary and healthcare by being self-absorbed and self-aggrandizing
it works about 60% of the time and 60% of the times that it doesn’t he’s able to hide it
he dropped out right around when bombalurina graduated and he was like HEY! ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A ROOMMATE WHO DOESN’T CARE IF WE LIVE TEN MILES AWAY FROM CAMPUS? WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU: ME!
to which bombalurina (who has fooled around with him here and there and thinks he is funny little man and genuinely goodhearted, and also he has rockin abs as a plus) says munkustrap already asked me if i need a roommate and if i do to consider you, because you don’t want to move back home. in other words: yes, you little idiot
they do fool around with each other but they are both very understanding that it is strictly platonic and for fun, especially once they become roommates. they both do not desire each other for anything serious
he did have a bit of a crush on each other when they met (hot punk older girl who’s friends with his brother) but 1. it dissipated pretty quick after they fooled around for the first time because it was not a very serious crush 2. she was in the middle of being in love with demeter so she was focused on that, emotionally
he got his ears pierced a couple times in high school but bombalurina inspired him to get a couple more. she went with him when he got his nose pierced
demeter has always understood that him and bombalurina are strictly fwb, has never been an issue.
she and him like to bleach their hair together when their hair schedules line up (he bleaches his way less often then she does), but she refuses to use his fancy conditioner that keeps his hair unfried because it’s expensive, even though he tells her to go ahead and use it, please, the health of her hair is giving HIM anxiety, demeter please. please demeter
mistoffelees:
gay. 20 years old
has magic. it’s pretty good magic but again: magic is not a big deal in this concept
a bit spooky. skulks around. a bit of a bitch but also very very nice. chooses when to speak
he has postings on craigslist and fiverr about finding lost objects and people with magic. like a gig economy private detective
side job is a waiter at a fancy restaurant
sometimes he gets paid VERY well from the private detecting, depending on the client. he does ask his psychic friends (tantomile & coricopat) to give a quick glance over on some of the more suspicious clients just to make sure he isn’t finding someone who should not be found by that person.
doesn’t go to college. is roommates with his sister victoria, who’s a freshman and studying dance. moved into town with her so she wouldn’t have to live in the dorms by having a guaranteed roommate.
tuggoffelees:
the general vibe i want for these two is mistoffelees walking around town or driving around in his shitty toyota camry while tugger tags along because he’s bored and thinks this is cool as shit
the general tone of the au is “magic isn’t a big deal” except for tugger, who thinks mistoffelees’ magic and his magic freelancing is the coolest shit ever. this is mostly because he just likes mistoffelees. “there are people who can do cooler shit than me, tug” “yeah but i don’t KNOW them also theyre not as COOL as you” “you had to explain to me how instagram reels work”
idk how they met i just think tugger shows up at his and bombalurina’s apartment one day (this is when demeter has moved in but they havent moved to the 3br yet) with this dude to dash in and pick something up and bombalurina is like “uh. who’s this” “oh this is mistoffelees he’s SO GOOD AT MAGIC” [mistoffelees nods hello] “okay bye bombalurina see you at work!!!” “uh. later”
after that he just shows up a lot. sort of ambiguous if theyre dating or what for a while before bombalurina straight up asks like “hey does the dude you’re dating know we fool around” “the dude im - what?” “... the little magic guy who keeps using our hot cocoa mix. misty.” “oh. uh. we aren’t dating.” “... do you want to? because you’re kind of all over him constantly” “um. well! haha, if i wanted to, i could! haha!” “yeah get back to me on that”
tugger trying to use his ig clout to get mistoffelees more work even though 1. he has no clout 2. mistoffelees has a very stable client base. but mistoffelees appreciates the effort. the self-promo guy promoing someone other than himself... the highest expression of love...
mistoffelees is A Nonthreatening Man plus he’s pretty obviously gay so demeter is chill around him pretty quickly. when mistoffelees is over they’ll sit on the couch where demeter sleeps and watch documentaries quietly while she crochets
they both occasionally say spooky shit at the same time because magic stuff. bombalurina and tugger are both torn between “that was cool as fuck” and “god that’s unnerving”
just a lot of tugger following mistoffelees around on his jobs and mistoffelees letting him because he’s fond of him and them occasionally getting into minor peril and interesting shenanigans, but it is 90% fetch quests
i think the first time they met tugger was taking selfies in front of a hydrangea in a public park and he saw mistoffelees walk up with a shovel and start digging in one of the flower beds and he thought he was hot so he went over and offered to take over on the shoveling to look strong and masculine and he ended up digging up a skull, which mistoffelees picked up and said “thanks” and then walked away
mildly terrifying but also very interesting and tugger’s days are kind of boring and dishwashing kind of sucks as a job to do like every night and he is a person who thrives on novelty so. moth to a porchlight
i think they do start making out for fun here and there and then a while later theyre out on one of mistoffelees’ jobs and someone asks “who’s the guy with you” and mistoffelees replies “oh that’s my boyfriend, don’t worry about him” and then it’s like. “HUH? I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND?” “uh. yeah? i assumed. is that okay?” “i mean yeah of course i think you’re great! how long have we–” “oh like a while.” “oh. uh. cool!!”
they just hang out a lot. mistoffelees enjoys teasing him and enjoys his warmth and bombasticity and tugger likes watching and helping him solve little mysteries around the county because it’s always something new. they’re kind of a comedy duo. they just enjoy spending their time together and following mistoffelee’s internal magic gps to find lost dogs and lost necklaces
yeah right now this au is just vibes and just sort of. continuing forward with your days and your weeks and your months. just young adults hanging out
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Kokichi is dying (V3 chatfic, no particular ship)
TW: Infers abuse, talks about ableism, neglect, panic attack pretty much, depression, self loathing. never being good enough
i am so sorry but vr au's need to be sad, love yall :)
(Background info: This is set in a vr au, they are not with their fake memory parents (Ie; kaito's kind grandparents) but rather why they really have)
(Also i have no fucking clue what ship i was going for???? pretty sure they are all on the table, and kokichi talks like an idiot in this and i love it. Gonta's writing is based off of his Japanese talking style, so no more caveman talking).
USERNAMES:
(Space monkey: Kaito, Detective pikachu: shuichi, Elton john: kaede, Antman: gonta, Mr. Gonstealyoman: korekiyo, Atua's bitch: angie, emoboi: ryoma, be-boop: kiibo, bread roll: Maki, cum dumpster: miu, mommy: kirumi, Gremlin: Kokichi)
TLDR: Chaos ensues, slight angst
Gremlin: omfg im fucking sicK im gonna fucking die i bet this was kaitos bitch ass fault for coughing on me with his tuberculosis headass gROSSSSS I HATE EVERYTHINGGG
Space Monkey: i-
Space monkey: I didn't get you sick dumbass,,,, my tb is fugckin cured bi-
Bread roll: he's dramatic and gross dont believe him
Gremlin: yall mean for what?
Gremlin: i have a life taking disease and yall laughing i- 
Gremlin: see you at my funeral bitch
Detective pikachu: What are you sick with then
Gremlin: anythong bitch, im the universe
Antman: He sounds delusional, thats not good
Detective pikachu: He's always delusional, he's Kokichi
Mr. gonstealyoman: I guess this name is better than my old one
Mr. gonstealyoman: thank you kokichi :) I am glad we have come to an understanding
Gremlin: kay sexy
Gremlin: IGNRE WHAT I JUST SENT
Gremlin: IGNORE IT IGNORE IT IGNORE ITTTTT
Antman: who was that for???
Gremlin: NO ONE,,, 
Gremlin: Okay,,, maybe sexy tall men in general lowkey
Gremlin: okay,,,, maybe anyone over 6 feet 
Detective pikachu: i feel excluded
Detective pikachu: good, i don't like you kokichi, your an ass
Gremlin: u sound jelly shumaiiiiii
be-boop: perhaps he is telling the truth, you know,
be-boop: according to my data, in chapter four Shuichi stated that you will never have friends, and no one will ever like you
Gremlin: SHUT THE FUCK UP STOP MAKING ME FEEL BADBSKVKHDVKDSKJV
Antman: do you need me to come over? I can make you tea?
mommy: Do you know how to do that, Gonta? I can teach you?
Antman: Gonta does know, thank you very much. 
Antman: Gonta is not a child, Tojo-chan, please don't regard me as one
Antman: Gonta can cook, can clean, can be gentle, and has his own mind
Space monkey: but we're just making sure man, cuz, you know,,,, chapter 4
Antman: I am capable of things just like you!!!!!
Antman: Gonta doesn't know why you guys treat me like a child :(
Gremlin: yeah, hot stuff over there is basically a prodigy homies
Antman: Gonta is dumb though, don't say that.
Antman: Gonta is no prodigy, in fact, he is below average in everything
Gremlin: Whats ur test scores bitch
Antman: Gonta got a 98 on my english test,, but i wanted a 100, which would make Gonta actually smart :( 
Antman: Gonta is not good enough to be friends with you all
Antman: I can do basic stuff like tojo said...
Antman: maybe i do need help?
Antman: im not sure anymore:((((
Gremlin: THEY ARE ABLEIST GONTA,,, THEY FEEL SUPERIOR FOR TREATING UUUUU LIKE A CHILD
Detective pikachu: You sound really delusional Kokichi, maybe you should get sleep
Gremlin: S T F U, IM SPITTING ST8 FACTS BITCH
Detective pikachu: Sure you are. Now get some rest. 
Gremlin: GRRRR WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME YOU IDIOTS??
Bread roll: Cause your stupid and aggressive
Gremlin: your personality, basically?
Bread roll: shut up at least i have a boyfriend
Gremlin: Technically, you just stole my frienemy 
Gremlin: Yall do be avoiding each other doe
Space Monkey: WE ARE NOT
Gremlin: Yeah yeah
Gremlin: yesterday i saw you to enter the same cafe by accident, duck your heads, then sit across the cafe from each other, all while  avoiding eye contact
Gremlin: Soooo,,, things not going well in paradise?
Detective pikachu: you're nosy
Gremlin: says the literal detective 
Space monkey: everythings fine your just a dickkkk
Gremlin: "oooo! Im momo-chan, i say bad word and go brrrrr"
Space monkey: im going to fucking stab him 
Gremlin: You cant, ive already enslaved you with my chaotic, yet cute hijinks, havent i~
Space monkey: STOP STOP NO NOT THE SQUIGLY
Gremlin: is it the sex? WHY DONT YOU MAKE EYE CNOTACT WITH UR LADY NO MORE 
Space monkey: ITS NOT THE SEX I HATE YOU
Gremlin: im free by the way at 8 ;)
Bread roll: STOP trying to steal my boyfriend kokichi, ive told you this before
Bread roll: NO
Bread roll: BODY
Antman: Gonta interrupts to say, Gonta loves you kokichi, and we should get flowers together, than maybe we can prank some people :D 
Bread roll: Ive never wanted to stab you more, gonta
Gremlin: I'd enjoy that very much, fine fellow ;)
Gremlin: but idk,,,, can you like take care of me first, cuz IM SICK BECAUSE OF KAITO TUBERCULOSIS ASS
Space monkey: I DONT HAVE TB ANYMORE
Gremlin: SURE YOU DONT 
Space monkey: I DONT
Gremlin:  BUT GUESS WHAT
Gremlin: YOU STILL SMOKE DUMBASS AND THATS NOT GOOD FOR U OR YOUR TUBERCULOSIS
Detective pikachu: He smokes?
Atua's bitch: he does, i walked in on him in the bathroom lmao
Atua's bitch: he was scared shitless and threw it out the window, needless to say atua does nt approve
Gremlin: DO YOU EVEN HAVE THE VACCINE????
Space monkey: Uh,,, i was taught vaccines were bad, so no i don't have the vaccine
Gremlin: I HATE OLD PEOPLE
Gremlin: ABOLISH OLD PEOPLEEEE
Gremlin: THEY SPREAD MISINFORMATION AND IT PHISCALLY HURTS ME TO SEEEEEE
Space monkey: your dramatic, it cant be that bad
Gremlin: say that when you catch it again
Gremlin: i swear you coughed on me like,,,, 5 weeks ago tho
Antman: OOOO! Fun fact: Tuberculosis can lay dormant from 3 months to a few years! 
Space monkey: u guys are just trying to scare me
Bread roll: Just checked the chat after using the br and,,m YOUDONT HAVE YOU VACCINES???
Detective pikachu: Im sorry, but kaito, please,,,,, for the love of god get vaccines
Space monkey: alright alright, ill do it cuz you guys are all on my case and i don't like being the villain :(
Gremlin: Im so happy i have gonta with me rn, he is making me tea while yall rot in your distant ass relationship (THIS IS FOR YOU KAITO)
Space monkey: Im going to destroy your bloodline in about three seconds if you dont stfu right fucking now
Gremlin: Hhehe i have an inaprwopwiate joke uwu
emoboi: STOP PLEASE DEAR GOD
cum dumpster: wHAt Is iT YOU WHORE
Gremlin: i was gonna say wouldn't he need to like,,,, have sex with my family to weed out my bloodline or something??
cum dumpster: i-
cum dumpster: Why am i acting surprised, ive watched porn with more extravagant plots than this
cum dumpster: ie; are you guys FUCKING? RIGHT INFRONT OF MY SALAD??? is one i will cherish with my soul
emoboi: hehe why did she point out the salad
Space monkey: I hate u kokichi, i truly do
Gremlin: I bet if you got the chance u would kiss me space boy :P
Bread roll has left the chat
Space monkey: o god is she ddoing one of those bf loyalty tests or smthing???
Space monkey: now im nervous lmao
Gremlin: why you so nervous stupid~~~~
Gremlin: It not like ur cheating on her homie
Space monkey: It's just a placebo effect
Gremlin: My brain feels fried Momo-chan,, i don't understand big boy words right now
Space monkey: Basically, if you take a pill that doesn't do anything but you don't know that and believe it does, you will scientifically start to feel better
Gremlin: first and only time saying this, but thank you 
Space monkey: HEHEHEB YOU SAID THANK YOU YOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOUYOU SAID THANK YOU
Gremlin: Kaito,,, imma need you to do me a favor and look up on your ceiling
Space monkey: i hate you, idk what it is, but i hte you
Gremlin: good <3
Space monkey: HE REPLACED ALL MY THE STARS ON MY CELING WITH FUCKIBG DICKSSS
Space monkey: THIS IS THE LST FUCKING STRAW IM GONNA LOSE IT
Space monkey: IF MY GRANDPARENTS SEE THIS BULLSHIT THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME, SLAP ME, MAYBE BREAK MY NECK AND DESTROY MEE
Space monkey: Im GENUINLEY panicing HOW TF am i gona get this off my wal???? They are going to bbat me senselpess help me shUichi
Detective pikachu: o god, i can sense the sheer pain and scaredness in  that tet, 
Detective pikachu: are you for real gong to get hurt or are you pulling a kokichi?
Space monkey: FUCKING HELP ME IM NOT FUCKING JOKINGKABKCB HELP THEY ARE NOT HOME RN THEY ARE LIKEE,,,, 40 MINUTES AWAY PLEASEE 
Gremlin: okay,,, maybe this wasn't the best prank.,,, i guess i'll help clean up cuz im not that much of a sociopath
Gremlin: tbh my parents can go shove it too lowkey terrible 0/10 
Space monkey: AHHHH IM SO SCARED PLS PSL GET HERE FAST
be-boop: Of course, i will come, i will survey the outside of the house
Antman: Gonta is coming too! We will get this done in under 40 minutes!
Space monkey: OKAY
Gremlin: Lowkey, if i cough on you ignore it bitch your the one who made me like this
Space monkey: W HA TDONT COUGH ON ME IM NOT SICK ANYMORE
Gremlin: I will give you TB again just cuz your making me suffer
Space monkey: Suffer what??? putting dicks on my FUCKING WALL???
Gremlin: Guilt, idiot, im feeling guilty. 
cum dumpster: oof thats new
emoboi: yeah i wasn't expecting it
Mr.gonstealyoman: Me neither. It is rather peculiar seeing it being texted by him because he is always feels not guilty of his bad actions.
be-boop: I do believe he means it, though...
emoboi: impossible.
cum dumpster: i agree, literally impossible.
Gremlin: I HAVE A FUCKIBG SOUL YOU CRazY CONSPIRACISTS
Antman: Quick question, shuichi can i stay with you again? It'll be dark when i get home and gonta can't do that so,,, please help
Detective pikachu: my parents are like blank slates, who eat slowly, watch tv slowly, and never look at me. Im sure they wouldn't mind :P
Antman: ALRIGHT! :D LETS GET MISSION: MR. MOMOTA ROOM REPAIR DONE!
Gremlin: ooo! I like the name! IM INNNN! 
Detective pikachu: On it!
be-boop: Ready for look out!
Space monkey: I love you guys :)
AN: Im lowkey sorry i ended this chaotic mess with angst,,,, but like fr i love it i love angst,, i hate reading it but love writing it
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justisaisfine · 6 years
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God i love french
Virgil laid on his bed, with Remy on the floor beside him, tallkng about whatever it is they do.
Remy looked at Virgil, and after a few momwnts of silence, begins to speak French.
“tu sais combien je t'aime? comment j'aime tout de toi? J'adore la manière dont tes yeux s'illuminent de joie quand tes frères sont heureux ou que tu écris la chanson parfaite lryic, ou joue une nouvelle mélodie à la guitare. J'aime la façon dont vos cheveux ont tendance à tomber dans votre visage, mais cela ne compte pas pour vous. J'adore ce que je sais de toi à propos de toi mais si peu, parce qu'il y a des choses que je ne devrais pas savoir, et c'est bon, et ce que je sais est celui que je veux, celui qui est juste devant moi. J'adore la façon étonnante dont ta voix sonne, mais je veux honnêtement te faire taire en t'embrassant tellement, parce que tu es adorable quand tu parles de te faire aimer, que je veux embrasser ces lèvres qui font un kilomètre par minute. oh dieu virgil je t'aime, je veux te serrer dans mes bras et t'embrasser et te câliner et être à toi. J'aime votre détermination, votre désir de faire ce que vous pouvez, comment vous protégerez ceux que vous aimez et ce que vous aimez de toutes vos forces. j'aime comment, même si je les hais, vous connaissez tous les mèmes et comment vous m'avez aidé à comprendre, vous êtes là pour moi et m'aidez et je veux juste vous prendre par la main et vous embrasser et vous embrasser votre nez et votre front et vos joues et partout! tu es mon.” Remy said
Virgil nods at him.“ditto, coolio. Down with the person who took away that one special coffee.”
Remy laughed.“im glad you dont know French, its fun.”
Virgil said.“ok look, i heard my name, I think you said meme at one point, and that was it. What did you say?”
Remy smirked.“just stuff about Starbucks.”
Viefil nods and held up his phone. It was on a recording app.“cool, then ill just ask Logan or Dee to translate this for me.”
Remy tackled Virgil, trying to get his phone.“nope no delete it!” He was blushung. He could NOT let Virgil heard that in English. No way! Logan might keep it a secret, but there is about a 25 percent chance he won’t. Dee? Depends on his mood. Will either make up a lie, tease Virgil, tell him. Or worse. Teach Virgil French.
Virgil laughs below Remy who finally manages to wrestle the phone out of his hands and delete the recording.
Virgil smirked.“no need to get so defensive over coffee.”
Remy blushed but shrugged.“like i said, it’s dumb. Plus I said about ten curse words and if roman found out, i wouldnt be aloud back.” He lied.
After Remy deleted the audio file, he took a second to observe what was going on.
He was straddling virgil’s hips, with Virgil in a opened ripped hoodie, messy hair and skinny jeans below him.
And Remy was about 5 inches from his face.
This wasnt good. Not good at all.
But oh so perfect.
If he did it now, it would be a quick kiss, maybe he could blame gravity and say it was an accident when he went to get up if virgil didnt respond well.
Yeah thats it. He would adjust so it seemed like he is getting off, he would press his lips to virgil’s for a second, maybe slightly longer, but still short enough to be an accident. He would sit up quick and get off him saying, ‘hey sorry, I Miller’s and if Virgil was just wanting to be friends, he would ingore it, if he wanted to be more well…maybe remy wouldnt have time to get off him.
But before Remy could put his plan into action, the bedroom door swing open.
“Virgil, Remy! We put on treasure planet! Oh?” Patton stood at the door, way, Remy sat up,“I was just after his phone is all!” He got off Virgil, wishing he had kissed him instead of thinking of what to do.
Patton giggled.“no need to get defensive Remy! I trust you.” Remy believed Patton, but there was that hidden…warning to his voice,
Virgil sat up.“ah cool, treasure planet yas!” And left hisbroom.
Parfon smled once it was just him and Remy.“now Remy, if you just confessed, i might not have ruined your moment.” He giggled. Remy blushed. He wasn’t …thAt….obvious, was he?
“Im sure you two would be so cute together! But if you break virgil’s heart apart…well, your relationship wont be the only thing that is over!~” and Patton skipped off to movie night.
Remy was thoroughly terrified.
—–
After Remy left, Virgil gushed to his brothers.“so i recorded him cause he was ranting and honestly he could probably say he took over China and kissed the warts on a pig and it would sound romantic. So i record him to tease him and I thought i would ask logan or dee later, maybe use google translate if im desperate. He tackled md onto the bed- calm,down Roman, not in a bad way- and he is trying so hard and related the recording. Said he cursed, but he taught me all the French curses- so i can avoid them Roman, not use them! Haha…ha- anyways! and he is sitting on my lap and oh his his face was so close. I should have kissed him! But then i might have ruined our friendship but i might have made it a relationship but then..just…feelings.” Hs sighed
Meanwhile, dee was on the phone listening to reny rant after almost kissing Virgil.
—–
This is what i typed into google translate 
do you know how much i love you? how i love everything about you? i love the way your eyes light up in joy when your brothers are happy, or you write the perfect song lryic, or play a new melody on the guitar. i love the way your hair tends to fall in your face, but it doesnt matter to you. i love how i know so mu h about you but so little, because there are things i shouldnt know, and that is ok, and the you i know is the one i want, the one who is right here in front of me. i love the amazing way your voice sounds, but i honestly want to shut you up by kissing you so much, because you look adorable when you talk about someehing you love, that i want to kiss those lips that go a mile a minute. oh god virgil i love you, i want to hug you and kiss you and cuddle you and be yours. i love your determination, your desire to do what you can, how you will protect who you love and what you love with all your might. i love how, even if i hate them, you know every meme out there, and how you helped me figure out me, you are there for me and help me out and i just want to take you by the hand and kiss you and kiss your nose and forehead and cheeks and everywhere! you are my world and my sunshine, my moon and my universe, you are everything, and i crave to tell you in english but you understand english and i am afriad of rejection
@sockpansy AHHHHH THIS IS SO SO SO GOOD WTHECKY Remy is so so smooth when he wants to;; b o i speak up boi
(。≖ิ‿≖ิ)Remy please get your mind out the gutter
(google translate has gotten better since the last time i used it hahahah it still automatically translates you to vous which wouldnt be the correct this for remy to use in this (he’d use Tu instead or vous since Virgil is close to him and also not 80 years old hahaha)
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toadpaws · 2 years
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Random question but do you have any good breakdowns for why euphoria is so bad? I have my own thoughts about it but was wondering if you had a thorough-ish breakdown. Seeing how people seem to just idolize makes me feral. 🤮
to answer you directly: no i do not. i have never seen the show, the only thing i know about it is from tumblr, wikipedia, and what i saw when my roommate was watching it in our living room.
but ive never been one for keeping my opinions to myself. from what ive gathered through my various indirect sources:
the show prominently features drug use/abuse, sexual assualt (statutory rape), copious amounts of graphic sex scenes between teenagers, etc etc etc. the show is quite dark, and there is not necessarily a problem with using those themes in tv. i have watched many a police procedural using those themes.
i start to have a problem with it when it glamorizes symptoms of mental illnesses, glamorizes use of drugs, shows very detailed depictions of statutory rape between a teenager/older adult, shows of teenagers working as camgirls esp during the era of onlyfans and other forms of deceptively "easy" prostitution, shows what is essentially sex tapes in tv shows commercially marketed to teenagers, shows significant amounts of sex between teenagers, etc etc etc.
of course, these are all real situations faced by real teenagers. i dont doubt it, as much as i wish it were not true. but i digress. teenagers (often american ones) are terrible at understanding nuance. its not their fault- they are still working on fully delving into complex topics, seeing things from others point of view, examining their own biases, etc. your english teachers begged you to pay attention in class because these were the skills they were trying to teach you. you didnt read catcher in the rye and hamlet because your teacher was trying to torture you, it was so you could learn how to think an pass judgement on increasingly complex topics with some guidance. a tv show you watch in your room has none of that.
teenagers also have little concept of consequences because their brains are not fully developed. they also want to emulate what they think is cool. the cool grungy kid on their favorite tv show starts screwing around with drugs and alcohol, they are going to want to act that way too. and the severe consequences of doing that wont occur to them.
real life teenagers are more sexualized than they ever have been before, a product of a pedophilic culture. we dont need to add fuel to that fire with graphic depictions of becoming a camgirl, having lots of sex, etc. see above point on consequences.
like i said, real people do these things, im not trying to alienate people who have experienced this stuff or sterilize media because of what i dont like, but the media they consume also needs to meet them at their level. i could not imagine being sixteen and watching stuff like this and then just like... going to algebra class the next morning or whatever.
on the flip side i dont think adult male directors should be lauded for writing about teenagers, especially girls, having sex. i just think its repulsive that a bunch of adults got together and decided that the best way to showcase these themes was through child characters.
the show depicts teenagers, and to me that says the intended audience is teenagers. this show is far too graphic for that. teenage me would be traumatized by watching something like this, and i was the opposite of a sheltered child. anyone who defends it by saying that it is for adults is too invested in the sex lives of fictional teenagers. get some different priorities.
my last gripe with this show is that it features a trans identified male character. it doesnt really occur to a teenager that its extremely misogynist for a male to identify as female based on his adherance to femininity. the kicker is this line from the season two wiki page, where this boy is "... contemplating going off her hormone replacement therapy due to her evolving notion of her own femininity, which she believes she has expressed only to please men." nothing encapsulates the medical malpractice, the misogyny, or the male entitlement so well.
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trqnsboy-moved-blog · 7 years
Text
alright so like one person liked it but im still gonna complain openly, this is gonna be rlly long cause i gotta put all that context
so i was sick for like a week and a half, and during that time i missed an entire essay in my english class, and the solutions my teachers came up w was “do it at lunch” i asked if i could take it home, they said no.i am barely surviving school as it is, i need time w my friends so i dont dissociate, and i need all that time bc i cant even get through the day now. 
so i havent come in for lunch to work on it, and ive been lowkey anxious (ty anxiety meds) abt this essay since not doing it will drop my grade. 
on monday the teacher brought up the fact that they were grading the essays, then she took us to her dance room to do a game thing??? in english?? but anyways, my fried wasnt there, i was in a different setting, and i just wasnt feeling the best that day.
 this one guy was limping when we walked down to the dance room, and the teacher saw and let him sit out to the side and do nothing but listen the entire time. so we get into the room and she tells us all to go into pairs and i shuffle off to the back cause i Did Not Feel good, and the teacher called my (kinda) name and said she had a partner for me and i said i was good (this teacher knows i have anxiety) and she was rlly confused. she went to go get the door and when she passed me she asked what was happening, and i said i couldnt do the activity bc of my anxiety.
but instead of letting me sit off to the side like the guy w the hurt leg (who basically sleeps in class) she made me (the one who puts his hand up for almost every question) write a summary of the thing we working on.
so i did it, cause of course i did, and when class ended i handed it in, and i tried to ask her if i could take it home, but i was stressed from the situation and it just came up all jumbled, and the teacher looked at me as if i was crazy and said no, and told me to ask my other teacher.
so like, that freaked me out,so i decided i would go talk to a guidance counselor for help, and i did. he sent an email to the teachers and told me to check back in two days later, so a day passes and its today (thursday) and my guidance counselor finds me during art and tells me to meet him at lunch to talk to my teachers.
so lunch comes and we go to the room and im kinda nervous, then one teacher comes and she sits besides the guidance counselor, which makes me kinda unsettled, but the chair was there. and she asks me to start the conversation ans i say smthg like, “uhh i just kinda wanted to take my essay home, i know that if i could take it home i could do it in a night, but when i asked u i felt kinda crazy” and then the teacher told me that u cant just judge other ppls emotions and all that stuff thats been told to me a million times, i have anxiety sharon, i cant help it.
the other teacher comes, and she sits on the other side of the guidance counselor, and i feel way more uncomfortable, bc now in basically surrounded by them. and the other teacher comes and she tells me what wonderful work ive been doing, and she started to talk abt my anxiety, but in that way that teachers talk abt things they r teaching. “who told me that u had anxiety?...” “uhh, me?” “yes thats right” and she just talked abt that, then the other teacher jumped in and they started talking about the real problem
so she says “we arent mind readers, we cant tell whats going on in ur brain, u have to tell us.” i have told u brenda, ive asked both of u twice now. “and u didnt come and see us for a week after we offered time, then suddenly i bring up that we r marking essays and u want to do it” 1st its called i have memory problems linda, 2ndly ???? i didnt bring this up bc u mntioned it?? i dont even remember u bringing it up???
and throughout this my guidance counselor is quietly nodding along, and when the teachers go on long tangents, i dissociate. 
they finely get to the real point which was basically, “we cant let u take the essay home, its school board policy” which??? they idnt need a meeting to say??? they couldve talked to me in class or send an email back??? instead of this?? 
so i can feel myself wanting to cry, but i hold it in, and one of the teachers leave and im just kinda left with the others. they basically say that i have to come in during lunch to do it (the guidance counselor agrees w the teacher here, even though he fully knows i cant) and that i just come in for half of lunch. 
these teachers wanted me. to do,that.today. my teacher says “u can go out and eat w ur friends, destress, then come back so u can do work. i need to destress too.” she compared, my needs to be healthy in this school, as similar to her, nbeing less stressed at work,the kid who has severe anxiety.
she goes “is that ok?” and i take a deep breath and go “tbh, im rlly, rlly, rlly, rlly stressed right now” she asks me “why” and i tell her “because of this?” and the guidance conselour like, jumps into the convo and says something and i go “i think im gonna go home” and they ask,how, and i tell them im gonna text my gran and this fuckin guidance counsellour tells me “what abt ur friends?” and i say ill text the, he tries to convince me to stay and i say “im good.” bite my cheek to hold back my fucking tears and walk to the fucking door
so i start kind of crying there, and i text my gran to pick me up, i play some music o try and calm me down, and i tell my friend hat imgoing home, and wile im tryin to get this fucking message to send, the guidance counselour comes up and lenas againsr the door?? and?? doesnt say anytjhing??? so i start freaking out and i try to text my friend to come but the fucking message wont sendand he fucking calls my name an says “guess that didnt work” and i like nod and look weirdly at him, then he goes “could u come see me in my office?” and i say yeah, and then he goes “are u going home?” and i say yes agan, and he fuckind he fuckin asks if he can help.
no thanks, ive had enough of ur “help” teach
anyways he left and i had an awful day :^)
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strawberryspeachy · 4 years
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So let me just share what happened ALL AT ONCE a week ago
The teacher i worked with and wrote about liking SEEMED to warm up to being coworker friends with me. He was looking out for me, deliberately waiting to walk with me to and from classes. Smiling and laughing and ENGAGING in conversation with me. And ok
I’ve talked to quite a few other teachers in my school and they ALL KNOW how to cut off a conversation. They do the lean away (i gotta go make it quick) they burry their nose into their work (ahh so busy cant listen) they SAY theyre busy. They dont ask follow up questions. They dont elaborate on answers. Im not that fucking stupid. I am stupid. But not that stupid
This boy started basically laying his head on my shoulder when we talked. Hed look up stuff I was telling him about on the spot not - oh write that down and ill check it out - no. Immediate. It i didnt ask him follow up questions to something he said hed talk more as if I did and leave them on a ‘ask me about that’ note like hint hint. I wanna keep talking. Not to mention how hed reach across me to get stuff. Touch my hand whenever possible (mind you none of my other teachers ever touched my hand with giving me stuff) just all in all gave the i like talking and were close here vibe. Hed complain to me and tell me “secrets”
I was just sad he didnt like me as more. But i was content being like this as coworkers.
Well. I fucked up and said (while laughing. Not an intense way) youve called me your friend twice now, does that mean were friends. I fully fully expected him to say yea yea were friends.
No it didnt go down that way
Instead thag led straight into him telling that he never wanted to hang out with me. He just said that. He doesnt like me. He doesnt like talking to me or texting me. And basically im just super fucking annoying.
So ok. Thats bad enough right. The only person in this country I thought was even close to something of a friend. Actually dislikes me
But wait. Dislike might be too weak.
Because it didnt end there.
He not only reported all the non school related conversations we had to get me in trouble. He also lied about things I said and did. Going so far as to accuse me of harassing and stalking him.
K maybe go back up and read how he was waiting for me to walk to class and almost leaning on me and - oh yea. Responded to every message i sent. Real responces. Not ‘ya’ or ‘ok’ and emojis and stickers and stuff... like that didnt read as “stop messaging me”
But my school was like yea - get her the fuck out.
So i got kicked out of my school.
But wait there’s more
My company was like - why arent you a mind reader. We got reports over a month ago that youd caused problems. But we decided not to tell you. We take no blame and youre fired. (Thats putting all the bs they said shortly. Havent even gone into how they didnt look into it. They didnt care about my side. They didnt talk yo one another and taunted me while fireing me)
So so far.
Guy i liked and thought was my work friend: hates me
School whose students i loved working with and made me want to skip weekends so i could return: fired
Company that provides me income: fired
But thats not allll
My company rented my apartment for me. So not only was I fired. Im also getting evicted. On christmas! Merry fucking christmas
And the reason i didnt wanna move out of here before is because i have to pay an early leaving fee, pay a AT MINIMUM 500 dollar cleaning fee!!, and ya know pay fucking movers to move or shippers to come get my stuff to be shipped becauseeee
As i felt. Everyone i met through my company are not my friends. I have no friends here. I am all alone in another country. No income. No place to live
Ive been applying to other jobs like crazy and apartments.
Actually actually here. Let me give you the two taunts my boss made while firing.
Right after he told me how i should have been able to read between the lines. Pretty sure he muted me whenever i talked about why it seemed my coworker enjoyed my company. Yeah immediately after he told me that several times. He said “teachers here often end up marrying other teachers because they work together and have the same hours and understand each other” um? Anyone know why hed throw that in there while telling me i should have known that my coworker didnt want anything more than a strict colleage relationship. Cause thats really counteractive fucktard who (my ex boss) left his wife for his coworker.
And. In Japan. Any person from another country who works here has 100% heard of gaijinpot. Thats how most people get here. Everyone knows that website. My ex boss said. (After telling me im unemployable now) “i know a place where you can find alot of english teaching jobs” AND WROTE DOWN FUCKING GAIJINPOT AS HE LEFT
MOTHERFUCKER
And thats it. Thats my life now. I asked someone who said if i ever need help to help me and really didnt wanna. And i shouldnt have because he said “youre for move is to find a job and a new place to live” gosh damnit i sure am a fucktard arent i. That hadnt occured me. Not like i didnt literally write that in my message above asking if youd take my futton for a short while.
I mean just this year a friend... friend. No. Person i knew since first grade who had a house and who i asked if i coild pay rent while i find a place to go if my family impulsively throws me on the streets was like - ehhhhh i really just wanna have sex in my house so no.
So i really shouldnt have even hoped someone here would help me.
Oh. And a wolf spider appeared in my room the day my coworker told me off.
And i saw an express train going all fast at the one station. And really really have been trying to convince myself that if i jump in front of it wont just slam into me creating the worst pain of my life as time slows down for me and i tumble downword to the track below the train where the wheels will rip me apart like scrambled eggs Completely aware of whats happening.
I just cant seem to imagine that going any other way except maybe that im thrown off the train and survive but never walk again.
So...
Not wanting to return to a place where my family will scream and make fun of me for being a fuck up again. While being forced to work a shitty service job and never see my friends cause theyre always busy. And never have anywhere to go.
Im trying to find another english job id like.... its not going well
Moving into a sharehouse.... i really dont want a roommate but i have no other choice cause im not even gonna be able to afford that with the fact that i only have a couple 1000 dollars and my rent alone will eat that meaning. Cant go do anything. So im aiming to be in the middle of tokyo. Living that city life i always wondered about.
Btw. The week before this happened id just accepted to myself that the city has too many people and i liked my little town with all the cheap stuff and my bike that kept me in shape. And that i coild see mount fuji on a clear day. This is why i dont approciate things. The second i have the thought its gone
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honey-speedway · 5 years
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i want to go to school so badly.
i want to go to uofc for education. i wanna do my program then hopefully get into the jet programme, which would allow me the opportunity to teach english in japan for a max of like 4 years. i want to specialize in teaching second languages in my course, because i love languages more than anything else, and i can pursue what i love while doing something that will get me a job. ive always liked teaching, and kids. i assisted dance classes for years. i substituted for my japanese teacher for volunteer hours.
my mom hates teachers though. weve had very bad experiences with teachers, and id have to join the teachers union. my mom is very right wing and hates unions pretty well.
when i brought this up to her she urged me to go into another program less generalized, which would be east asian language studies/ east asian studies. problem is, while it would get me a bachelors degree so i could try for jet, theres nothing there that will get me a job. she thinks i could get a government job with something like that, but even after extensive research, i was right, east asian studies is a stepping stone. its something additional to another degree. on its own, its pointless. and im not paying for something that wont get me a job.
ive watched my sister, who wanted to go into graphic design, be urged out of it by my parents, go into photo journalism, and be stuck in an industry where she makes no money. she cant afford to move out, and there are so few jobs for her, it doesnt matter where she goes. its the same shit.
i wanted to apply in october when they first opened, and ive sat because im so scared. my mom didnt talk to my sister for three days when she got accepted to school. i cant do what i want in red deer. i can start education here, but theres not a damn thing for second languages. why would i waste my time for two years where i cant do what i want.
someone close to me intends on going to calgary in the fall too, and im scared that somehow ill be stuck here. im petrified, to the point where i feel like imposing the same ultimatum i did with my graduation. if i cant go pursue a future and a career, will i ever find freedom? am i going to be stuck working minimum wage jobs i hate in a city i hate in a home where i feel awful most of the time? if thats what my future will be painted, i think id rather just end it then and there, even if i know thats a horribly unhealthy way of thinking. and i hate that ive been thinking that way of late. i havent felt so anxious about anything in a long time
i wish the answers were so simple, but trying to explain my family’s dynamics to anyone is like speaking foreign tongue. there isnt a “just go theyll get over it” option.
im terrified and im terrified of myself
ive always clung to whats in the distance, whats five feet ahead of me, hell, the only reason im alive and have a better mindset was my promise in grade 8 to myself that if things didnt get better by the time i graduated, id kill myself in may, just before grad. because if nothing changed by then, nothing ever would. things did get better, and i like to think im a well adjusted person with a healthier outlook on life, im just in a bit of a rut right now, but if theres no school in calgary for me, whats the point? if the future is unknown, and the outlook is bleak, whats there to live for?
i promise im not suicidal if anyone is actually reading this, its just a thought thats been plaguing me recently, and writing things out kinda helps me work through my own problems. helps me vent, and lets me breathe again.
ill just have to keep trying to convince my mom to give me the okay, even if i have to face her anger and sadness, because i will not yield and go into something i dont wish to do. or something that will leave me with no job. i will be paying for everything entirely myself. i will be working and juggling school. its going to be hard, but the raw taste of freedom on my tongue and the blood sweat and tears of hard work motivates me oddly enough.
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littlekoreanlangblr · 5 years
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i just realized i never really did an “introduction post” so here we go!!
my name is Savanna (사바나, Vanna, and some people even call me Sam) and im 19.
school: im almost done with my sophomore year of college and in the summer 2019 ill be graduating with my associates in Foreign Languages. then ill be transfering to a 4 year school, but i wont be staying. im going to take the classes need to get a certificate to Teach English as a Foreign Language (TEFL). after recieving that i will hopefully join the Teach and Learn in Korea (TaLK) program and be a paid afterschool english teacher for a year! (im going to make another post explaining the various teaching-english-programs in korea) my plan is to see if i really like teaching english and then want to get a completed bachelors in that, or if its not for me i will go the more interpreter/translator route
languages: so i have been studying korean for almost four years now, but i dont really count the first two because it was very lazy and i didnt make much progress. ive been told that i am conversational, but im not very good at forming my own sentences and listening yet (if you are korean or are really good at speaking korean and want to be language exchange partners please message me :)). that said i am very good at reading and writing. ive also studied russian and arabic for a semester, so i can read and write in both, but i really dont like gendered languages so i dropped both of them and havent continued my studies. ive also had the typical three years of spanish that most american kids have to take in highschool
hobbies/fun stuff: i absolutely love watching movies. i will watch the most simple kids movie and break it apart and look at the major themes and their use of colours and symbolism and the like. i love movies. also tv shows, though recently i havent been in much of a tv show mood (besides the comedies like the office, b99, parks and rec, and community. i can always watch those). i absolute love avatar the last airbender so please talk to me about that. im a big fan of BTS (thinking of doing a different post on them too lol). i like a lot of animes and will always take recommendations, love books but i havent had much time to read bc of school. but the books i absolutely love are percy jackson, harry potter, i am number four, the legend trilogy, any markus zusak book, and generally most YA fiction novels. the youtubers i love are jenna marbles and julien solomita, dan and phil, danny gonzales, and ryan trahan. i like others but these are the ones i watch all the time. i think the only other thing i do is draw and other art type things and am obsessed with tattoos. OH i am also a part of a show choir and love singing and learned like dancing. our show choir does more of like modern songs (like we do Mic Drop by BTS, For the 2000s mashup by Todrick Hall, and Africa by Toto)
personal: thought id lightly cover this because i am effected by them daily and may mention them in later posts. so i do have moderate social anxiety but that is much more under control that a couple years ago. i also have moderate depression which is so annoying because when it really hits i just have no motivation and i hate it. i wouldnt be surprised if i also have ADD but idk i havent ever gotten that like “diagnosed” i guess. ALRIGHT ENOUGH PERSONAL BLAH
why i made a langblr: so basically i need more motivation and exposure to korean because im getting bored with the school material and i dont feel like im making any progress. im not really sure what ill post here but im just gonna give it a try. also this account is much calmer than my main so its a nice break
wow this is hella long im impressed if you read all of that. but yeah thats me!! feel free to message me at any time i love to chat
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Hot for Teacher - Chapter 1
'WELCOME TO NEWBURY COLLEGE! WHERE YOUR DREAMS ARE MADE INTO CAREERS AND YOUR ACADEMICAL GOALS ARE MET!' - Read the banner over the main entrance.
Lana signed up for classes in - Art, Music, Science, Drama, Math and English.
First class today was Math. The teacher was Mrs. Cunningham. She was a lady in maybe her 50s. Short and Polite.
Second Class was English Studies with Professor Miller.
Professor Miller...Lana scoffs at his name. He sounds like a old man she thought. She envisoned a moody old man with a walking stick, a vast collection of dull cardigans and baggy trousers. A full closet of Dullness.
Lana found herself lost, she was in the correct department for English but 3 different classes with 3 different teachers and all the doors were plain with no signs.
"Excuse me, do you know which of these rooms is Professor Miller's English Class please?"  she asks a janitor mopping up water from a leak in the roof. "Yes ma'am, It's the door with the Black door handle just behind you' He says pointing and she thanks him. She turns and runs towards the door he pointed at and tries to sneak in without being noticed by the professor for being late. Too late. She turns slowly and awkwardly when she hears a voice "You're Late!" with a hint of annoyance and when she turns fully around to face the class, everybody is looking at her confused but amused.
Professor Miller is looking down at his desk writing something and he looks up to look in the large mirror at the back of the room for a split second to look at Lana. "Are you the new girl? because i don't think i've seen you in this class before!" He says. "Yes. It's my first day today" She replies. He drops his pen and turns to her and asks her to introduce herself to the class. He found himself oddly intrigued too.
"Hi, I'm Lana Simons. I'm 20 and i joined this college to further my already learned skills from school and because i missed school near the end due to pageants i wanted to pursue a real career" She says nervously.
*Professor Miller's POV*
Looking down at the previous day's students work that you didn't get chance to mark up the night before, you hear the door squeak open and notice somebody try to sneak in to class. "You're Late" You say, with a annoyed tone as you continue what you were doing before you heard the sneaky student. "Are you the new girl? Because i don't think i've seen you in my classes before!" I say, even though i haven't even really looked at her. She replies just as im about finished "Yes. It's my first day today". I throw my pen down, put my foot up on my desk and lean back in my chair as i turn to her after i asked her to introduce herself to the class. I still don't see her properly but i find myself looking her up and down. *Damn it Adam, What the hell is wrong with you! You can't look at your students that way!* He thought and sighs to himself.
*No POV*
After Lana introduced herself to everyone, her professor asks her to go and take a seat. she takes a seat in the chair directly in front of his desk, puts her bag under the chair and hears girls snickering and one shouts "Did you say you skipped school for Pageants? What kind of Pageants? Are you like a beauty queen or was one because i don't think your all that pretty!" They laugh, asking Lana. She replies "I did Miss Teen USA when i was 17, I had Pageants to qualify for that and represent my home state of Florida so i had to travel for that so i missed a lot of school then but i still qualified in everything i wanted to...so yeah!" she pauses "and erm, whatever 'your name' is. I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me out of your pathetic attempts of bullying cause its certainly not gonna work on me. I might be a Miss Teen Winner 3 years ago, but that doesnt mean that i don't know how to kick somebodys ass!" She smiles towards them smugly and gets a pen and book from her bag. Professor Miller is back to writing something down but smirks to himself at Lana's comment to those girls and looks up at her briefly. He wanted to see her face. Lana catches the Professor looking at her, he finds himself embarassed that he got caught looking and looks down for a second but looks back up again to see her smiling at him slightly and he sighs. He thought she was unbelievably gorgeous but he had to shake that off because she is his student and he could get into trouble for thinking things like that about somebody he will be teaching.
Lana's POV
**First day and ive already got girls making sly comments and gossiping about me! I shouldnt have mentioned those damn pageants. The only seat available was directly in front of the Professors desk. I take out my notebook and pen ready for what we are studying today. I just happened to glance up and the Professor was looking at me. My cheeks started to flush, I dont even know why. He's got such a intense stare, it makes you feel uncomfortable but still i find myself blushing. He stands and talks to the class.
"In the coming months we will be working on some gothic stories coming upto halloween - Dracula, Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, Frankenstein...You get it! First story we will be working on is The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Does anybody know the story? Anybody read the novel?" The room stays silent. "Is that the story with the man and a monster?" someone speaks up. Everyone laughs. "No, thats not correct. Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde focuses on John Utterson, a lawyer and friend of Dr. Jekyll. The novel begins with John Utterson talking with his other friend, who has just witnessed an odd situation. A man identified as Edward Hyde ran over a girl, only to pay off her family later with a check from Dr. Jekyll. It's a very interesting story. I will have you all read the entire novel and you will have assigned chapters to read out to the class and there will be questions in between so be prepared for those!" says Professor Lewis. He turns to write on the whiteboard the title of the story and who will be reading what chapter. I find myself looking him up and down. He's not what i expected. He's way younger than i thought hed be. Hes probably not even 30. Tall, Shoulder length wavy black hair, Broad shoulders,  Intense brown eyes, Very serious, He's hot!!!! My professor is hot!!!! Help me!!! "Miss Simons, you will get chapter 6" He turned to look at me, catching me looking at his butt!! Oh lord swallow me whole pleaseeeeeeee!!! He smirked a little i just grinned at him like an idiot. He's going to think im a pervert and a freak.
****AFTER CLASS****
"Excuse me, Miss Simons" Professor Miller shouts me as im walking towards the exit still embarassed about earlier. Oh no! Is he going to shout at me for earlier. I walked towards his desk where he is sat at. "As you started my class late in the usual semester, you have missed out on a lot from the previous 6 months. if you have any chance at passing this class or any class in this college then you'll have to do a lot of extra work. Are you willing to do that Miss Simons. Now i could get into trouble for offering these as this college doesnt allow that sort of thing but im willing to give you extra classes until you catch up in my English Class. I can do from 4-7. Is that suitable for you?"  He says. Phew! He didnt mention me staring at his butt. "Erm thank you. Yes that would be great. Thank you so much! Ill catch up in no time" I say. "No problem. Im taking time out of my personal life to do this so please dont let me down and i expect you to be here on time everyday." he says and I nod "Yes ill be here. I promise. Thanks again" I smiled. He smiles at me. Omg his smile is killer. He should smile more often "No problem. We'll start them from tommorow night as i have things on tonight. Dont be late to class tommorow either please" He replies and I nod again like a idiot "Yeah. Bye Professor"
**Professor. Lewis POV**
After my class, i pulled the new girl to one side. What was her name again. Ah yes! Lana Simons. I offered her extra lessons. i could get into trouble for that but it was a way to help her catch up and selfishly i wanted to spend some one on one time with her. I cant help it. I have Olivia but she has already cheated on me once already. I just know someday she will do it again. I just know it! When she does, i wont give her another chance even though i love her.
TBC.....
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