#i wanted to share the 20k words i wrote of this since it is literally the most accurate pascal i've ever written. he is perfect.

[ranticore]

pascal when he

these are from a low-fantasy au i messed around with last year where pascal is an aspiring youtube influencer (currently a taxi driver) who gets arrested and has to do community service because one of his video pranks got out of hand (<- gleefully imagining a better world where influencers are punished for their crimes)

the community service gig he gets is mountain rescue with the rangers under captain nico. and he doesn't like it

#i didn't like how i coloured it so u just get enough of a crop to understand i'm referencing that one pic of that blue roan #so he's 18.5hh at the withers or over 8ft tall at the top of his head. fyi #i wanted to share the 20k words i wrote of this since it is literally the most accurate pascal i've ever written. he is perfect. #but i would have to censor like every third paragraph given the tone of his POV

[brightgolden]

2022 Writing Self-Evaluation

I was tagged by these amazing writers @neondiamond @greenblueish @lunarheslwt @disgruntledkittenface @onlythebravest

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 4 (wow that's serious contrast compared to last year if this doesn't show how much i'm struggling idk what will)

2. Word count posted for the year: 161 377

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Here's Your Perfect

Bookmarks: Here's Your Perfect

Comments: Here's Your Perfect

More under the cut!

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): 

Easily Enchanted. I loved how easy the whole plot came to me and how quickly I finished it. The whole process was like a breeze.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

Definitely I Do. I finished writing it in February 2021, and I believed I have grown as a writer since then. The whole fic was so so cringey

8. Share or describe a favourite review you received:

Probably when someone messaged to tell me how much they loved the fic. Looking at you @lululawrence and @thinlinez

And anyone who were diligent enough to click through multiple links to come to my blog and write a comment or ask about new fics

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Tbh the second half of my year just went on a nosedive that it left me absolutely knackered by November/December.

In comparison, I usually write 20k every month and in November, I only wrote 8k.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Probably Atticus in Here's Your Perfect. Never in my life did I have to spend more than 6 hours with a toddler, and yet I received a comment saying how realistic his character is.

11. A favourite excerpt of your writing:

The dialogue is something I came up with halfway through writing Endgame which is a rare occurrence.

Alma shakes her head, index finger raised in the air as she patiently explains, “There just isn’t any recent documentation about soulmates because people progress. They build boats and sail around the world. How do you expect to meet your soulmate if they don’t live in the same land as you? Hmm?”

Harry turns to Louis, wanting him to refute it too. But Louis looks like he is actually entertaining the idea, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed.

“And over time, without the relevancy, soulmates became folklore,” he mumbles. “Mum said that when I was young.”

12. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I'm not sure I do, but looking back at I Do, I'm probably selling myself short here.

Other than that, probably being brave enough to finally write my first 100k fic. Although, considering I didn't manage to finish it in time, I might regret putting so much of my time in that one.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

Literally stop being so hard on myself as a writer.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

During my darkest days, I can always rely on @pocketsunshineharry and @thinlinez They are my best cheerleader and definitely the reason I'm still writing today.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Not intentionally, but Harry's persistence in proving himself in Here's Your Perfect

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write whenever you want, whatever you want, however you want. Don't let anything/anyone discourage you.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: 

My beloved Mob AU that at this point I have developed love-hate relationship with. So tired of writing and talking about this one.

A fic for @faithinthefutureficfest and a sugar baby fic that I'm really excited about

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

I feel like everyone has done this at this point because in my classic way, I waited for the last day of the year to make an evaluation.

Tagging @ohpleaselarry @harryslonecurl @dragmedown @cyantific if you haven't done this already!

#annual writing evaluation #about fics 2022

[blinddogfanfic]

Okay, so, uh, Hello!

It's been a while, I know. I'm really sorry about that, about not having posted in so long.

I am still working on the next two chapters! Which is about how much I think is going to be left in Tsundoku, in all honesty.

Before the riots begin - that isn't going to be the end of the series! I have a sequel planned after I finally manage to finish Tsundoku, although the chapters will be of a more manageable length.

When I started writing Tsundoku, even before I posted that first giant chunk that was later split in half, I was in a different place. Writing was literally an escape, I was unemployed at first and then job jumping, and also very depressed and stuck in a rather one sided and controlling relationship. Pumping out 20k for a chapter was literally me trying not to think about or deal with the situation I was in, to escape in a very real meaning of the word. I couldn't afford to eat more than once a day and I was avoiding hunger with either sleep or writing, and I'm a chronic insomniac, so...

I did more writing than anything else, because I was trying to process but didn't have any other outlets.

There are a few hundred other projects I was writing at the same time as I first started making up Asuka, although I had only had the courage to post Tsundoku when the time came.

So now, I work an average of 50 hours a week - not counting OT on the weekends, despite how often I work Saturdays - and I help my sister take care of her children. I have to send money to my family frequently because I'm the only one with steady employment - I'm trying to work up the energy to work on that problem next - and there have been some truly horrible things happening since ye old apocalypse started.

There are other responsibilities in my life now that make working on such long chapters a really trying task. Exhausting.

You may have seen me posting new things in other fandoms - and even Naruto! - but honestly I was trying to not fall completely into writers block. Into burnout. Those chapters are a blip compared to the heavy things that Tsundoku chapters are. Practically brain candy in comparison.

When I started to post other things even while writing Tsundoku, it was because I knew that I was starting to hit my creative limit and was terrified of losing what I'd created. Of fading out with an incomplete work that people complained about.

Everyone says that you shouldn't rely on fandom to pull yourself out of real life problems. That comments shouldn't be about validation or be what makes you're worth something. You shouldn't take negativity to heart or let yourself revolved around your inbox.

Tsundoku, and the people that it has brought into my life, the confidence and self worth - no matter how unhealthy the means - saved my life. And kind of my soul, in a creative sense.

Not to go into a lot of drama or anything, but I'd never been called anything like a good writer before I started posting. I got accused of plagiarism in school because my teachers would look at me in my ill-fitting, third hand clothes, knowing the home situation I came from, and decided because I was consistently failing math that I couldn't write. The question "who wrote this for you" was one that followed me until I graduated, and it's been a weight ever since. Dragging me down, unable to appreciate my own creations or share them, because I knew that no one was going to believe it was good because it was mine.

You guys? You guys taught me that all of those teachers were full of shit. At least there was something to be enjoyed in what I'd created, and I - thankfully - haven't had to deal with plagiarism as a whole in fandom.

Thanks US education system, you gave me a complex that lasted literally decades.

Maybe I'll never write and publish a novel like I used to dream about. Never be that famous author that I'd wanted to be so I didn't have to live like I grew up even after I became an adult.

The response I recieved for posting that first truly ridiculous chunk of Tsundoku hit me like a punch in the gut. I think the first response was about the summary and the fact that it was misleading for the plot.

Of which at the time, I had no plans for. The plot. The chunk in the summary was just something random I had thought of that I had sort of wanted to put into the fic if I even got to that point. Part of the wave arc, I think? Then the commenter threw a chunk of my own newly posted fic at me, when i hadn't written and posted fanfic for years, and I realized "huh, that does fit. That's weird" because it didn't feel like something I would write because I'd never really considered my own shit worth much.

I figured, at posting originally in a panic, I'd read some truly unfortunate fic over the years, so maybe someone would at least look at it? I'm honestly not sure if I wanted someone to actually read it or if I was afraid of that very thing.

Not that the positive response would literally be able to carry me through a day. And yes, I'm entirely aware that that wasn’t a healthy response or interaction with fandom, but it was more than I had before that. I make "friends" very easily, but I don't have a lot of mental or emotional energy for face to face interaction, which kind of makes most relationships... fade.

You guys were my support, however unknowingly.

When I say I reread comments when I have a bad day, I mean it. I scroll through all of the - nearly 4k, jeez - comments in my inbox and reread them, letting the many and varied ways my efforts have been appreciated buoy me.

So when I say I am never going to abandon Tsundoku? I mean it.

Tsundoku may be a fic of ridiculous proportions in comparison to my other projects, but it's... it's my baby. A piece of myself that I put out not expecting anything good but ended up overwhelmingly wrong about. I put a lot into that fic, and it grew beyond my wildest dreams.

So, honestly, this is more of a thank you than a post about letting you know where I'm at.

Thank you, commenters, readers, my internet bros, for letting me love writing again.

I will never stop appreciating that.

#tsundoku #cher shares #fanfic #fandom #couch time

[clarasghosts]

thanks @duplicitywrites for the tag! i'm finally responding a little into 2023, but i am responding!

this also made me realize how little i actually posted in 2022...

rules:

post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular),

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year,

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year,

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

tagging: not sure who to tag, really, since the fic writers i know that haven't already been tagged (i think) are in different fandoms than the one i wrote in this past year. so please, respond if you'd like and tag me!

five works:

turns out i actually only posted for two different works in 2022, so i'll share those:

the garden walls grow quick (15k, wip)

my tomarry hill house au, where harry, hermione, and luna are invited by tom to take part in a supernatural experiment. this is that rare fic i went into without any real plan at all, but writing it was necessary because it's calming for me. hill house (the novel), strangely enough, is like self care for me, so writing a tomarry au of it is like self care, too. (turns out i actually last updated this at the very end of 2021, but whatever, i'm using it here. it doesn't feel like it's been that long because 2020-2022 is actually just one long year)

2. you in my life (3k)

ginny/luna post canon fic i wrote for the background tomarrymort fest. i've always loved the idea of ginny and luna, and i really wanted to write something very human for luna. it's canon compliant apart from the hints of voldemort's survival (since 'tom' is in an established relationship with harry)

works in progress:

the garden walls grow quick

this fic still means a lot to me, and i look forward to continuing it.

2. a hollow grave (20k so far)

i only have one last chapter to write for this tomarry sleepy hollow canon divergence! but endings are the hardest to write. i promise i have not abandoned this fic, and i know how it ends. the ending is actually the idea that inspired me to write the first two chapters.

3. she sought death (14k so far)

whouffaldi, post hell bent. i actually just posted the penultimate chapter of this fic last night! i originally plotted out this murder mystery in 2016, so it's really great to see it finally come together. i fully plan to post the final chapter this year, hopefully within the next month (again, endings are hard to write).

4. in these times (6k so far)

whouffaldi first wizarding war au. i last updated this fic in 2020, but it still lives in my brain always. there's so much in it that i love writing: clara being friends with the other companions, queer rose, bill & heather, magic, and a dark atmosphere.

improvements:

i really thought a lot about what i really meant when i used words like "realize", "knew", etc., and rewrote at least some of the sentences that used those words so i could make the reader realize or know them instead.

a lot of the writing i do doesn't get post on ao3 (academic, poetry, etc.), but i have discovered over the past year that when i have limitations (time limit, specific poetic form), my writing gets stronger because it forces me to really focus on what i'm trying to say, and how i can craft a way to say that as strongly and clearly as possible. i also found out that in poetry, i naturally tend toward 6 or 8 syllables, and that 10 syllables (pentameter) results in me writing garbage lines.

i wrote things! literally writing at all last year was such a win for me. for those of you that have been here for a while, you know that before i finished grad school, i wrote constantly and in abundance. but since 2018, i've barely been able to write anything at all. i've worked a lot on it, and i feel that my biggest obstacle now is my own inner critic who keeps me from writing so i don't write awful things (when writing awful things is a very necessary part of the process). when i try to write, my brain just stops seeing the story, the world, the characters, so i can't get more than a thought or two down. moving through that and writing things at all is a success.

resolutions:

write! write anything and everything. write badly. journal. note down overheard conversations and describe people/places. the only way to write is to write.

don't force something to happen. if a certain project isn't working at the moment, set it aside and work on something new. completing things is important, but there's no joy to be had in throwing yourself against a wall. the momentum to write builds on itself, so this year i just want to keep writing.

one line:

this is actually really hard because i secretly hate pretty much everything i've written over the past few years.

"[Tom's] older than them, though she’s not sure by how much, and the most forward he’s been about his work is that he had left a political career behind for new ventures." (you in my life, because writing dramatic irony can be fun, and 'tom' here is very much voldemort barely pretending to not be voldemort.

[laynefaire]

2021 Writing Year End Review

I’ve been tagged by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @ladyaj-13, and @kingsofeverything to do a review of my 2021 writing. I did this for 2020 as well.  I initially declined doing this because I wrote so very little this year, however after being harangued by @lululawrence and @allwaswell16 I am conceding defeat and doing the thing. 

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 5 (including a WIP)

Shadow Dancing (149365 words and counting)

The Only Pain in Pleasure is the Pleasure of the Pain (10674 words)

Eye of the Storm (100 words)

It's All About the Driver (100 words)

Where Dragons Dwell (100 words)

2. Word count posted for the year: 160.339 words posted (that doesn’t count the 20K sitting in docs)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, Zayn Malik

4. Pairings: Ziam, side Larry

5. Story with the most: 

Kudos: Shadow Dancing (148)

Bookmarks: Shadow Dancing  (72)

Comments: Shadow Dancing  (94 comment threads - I don’t want to count total comments, since I did reply to almost every one I received on it)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Even though it’s not done yet, I am definitely most proud of Shadow Dancing. It’s the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’ve done a literal shit ton of research in an effort to ensure the worldbuilding is as plausible as possible. I have over 100 saved links and documents in my research folders - covering topics ranging from boxing, firefighting, ballet, dance studios, and fire restoration, to head trauma, smoke inhalation, UK hospital systems, UK fire brigades, and the West Midlands. 

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): I don’t have anything I’m not proud of, but many things about my writing that I’m disappointed in - mostly my inability to make a damn deadline this year. 

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: I can not single out any one comment as being a favorite, because truly every single comment, no matter how simple it is, means the absolute world to me. It still amazes me that there are people who genuinely enjoy reading what I write enough to leave any comment at all.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: I have had a shit ton of personal challenges this year that I’ve struggled with - and ones that go way beyond being an essential worker during a global pandemic. My friends in my group chats know most of it, and have been incredibly supportive while I’ve been working through things, but there have been far too many times this year when even their unwavering support and encouragement was not enough to get me to open my laptop and buckle down to write. 

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: The way the characters in general have developed in Shadow Dancing. They are very little like I had initially envisioned them when I first started drafting this story, but they are so much more developed and ‘alive’ than I could have ever imagined.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is a huge excerpt, but I couldn’t cut it any tighter without losing the feel for it . Referring back to the aforementioned firefighting scenes - here’s this one from Chapter 13 of Shadow Dancing - 

“Liam! You can’t go in there.” Louis insisted, already grabbing his own gear and placing himself in front of Liam to prevent him from entering the building.

Liam advanced on Louis, the muscle in his jaw twitching as he growled through gritted teeth. “Louis, grab a pipe and come with, or get the fuck out of my way. Either way, I’m going in.”

“Fuck!” Louis pressed his radio. “Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Command. Is occupancy confirmed?”

“Negative.”

”Delta 2-4-2 Alpha to Command.” Liam glared at Louis while he spoke to command. “Private residence on second level. Stairs on C. No other known egress. Permission to access.”

“Access granted Delta 2-4-2 Alpha. Overhead integrity is questionable. Scan for civilians and retreat.”

“Roger Command.” Liam motioned to Michaels to follow him. “Delta 2-4-2 Alpha moving in.”

“Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Command. Delta 2-3-1 Beta on ground floor. Request permission to cover Delta 2-4-2 Alpha on second level.”

“Permission granted, Delta 2-3-1 Alpha.”

Liam took the steps two at time, Louis on his heels, their seconds following with the hoses. The flames from the adjoining roof cast a wall of heat across the stairs and Liam recoiled as it washed over him. He pressed his hand to the door, checking for signs of potential backdraft. Grimly he waited for Louis’ confirmation, slamming his shoulder into the door to break it open once he had it. The door fell inward, swinging wide on the broken hinges. Liam entered the flat, yelling for Zayn. Smoke filled the air, killing their range of visibility. He waved Louis and his second toward the living room, motioning for Michaels to follow him down the hallway. The crackling of the fire grew louder, flames licking along the edges of the wall shared with the bakery. Liam called for Zayn again, shoving open the bathroom door, then the bedroom. Waving the smoke out of his field of vision, Liam advanced into the room, scanning every corner, finding nothing.

“Delta 2-3-1 Alpha to Delta 2-4-2 Alpha and Command.” Louis’ voice crackled through the radio. “Living room clear.”

“Affirmative Delta 2-3-1 Alpha.” Liam replied, struggling to keep his tone impartial while everything in him was screaming with the urgent need to know Zayn was safe. “Scan complete. Zero civilians. Lay cover and retreat.”

Michaels opened the pipe and Liam took lead, directing a steady stream of water on the walls. The ceiling overhead heaved, sparks raining down around them, the radio erupting in Liam’s ear.

“ROLLOVER! DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA! DELTA 2-3-1 ALPHA! RETREAT NOW!”

Liam directed the nozzle up, just as a whooshing roar enveloped them, the ceiling erupting in a full blaze, chunks of plaster falling around them. A flaming joist broke loose, and Liam shoved Michaels out of the way, taking the full brunt of the fiery beam across his head and shoulders. He grabbed his radio as he collapsed under its weight, sending out a distress signal just before he lost consciousness.

“DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA DOWN! REPEAT! DELTA 2-4-2 ALPHA DOWN!”

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to explore some different tropes/genres in the coming year and try to stretch my wings into new areas. 

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): The Fat Bird Chat and The Panic Room chat on WhatsApp. The friends I’ve made in both of those chats have been essential to my maintaining any semblance of my sanity over the course of the last 12 months. I am also so so grateful for @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, @fallinglikethis, and @fearlesslysweetcreature for their unflagging support on Shadow Dancing . They’ve walked with me through so many iterations of scenes, dealt with my 2AM freak-outs, patiently handled with my compulsive need to nitpick details, and just generally have bolstered me when I feel like it’s all garbage and I should delete the lot. 

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: Only my undying love for Liam James Payne. 

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Be kind to yourself. Believe in yourself. Don’t be afraid to reach out to other writers or your friends when you’re struggling - whether it’s to vent to them, to have someone to commiserate with, or to find the motivation to keep writing.  I have never met a more supportive group of writers than the ones in this fandom, and they are all so generous with their time and talents. 

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: FINISH SHADOW DANCING! I’m not planning to sign up for too much this year, as I want to focus on finishing up the myriad WIPS I have been toying with for far too long. Besides the fest fics I didn’t get finished this year, I have several started stories that I need to either finish or pull the plug on completely.  I’m also hoping to finally tackle the Drarry ideas that have been lingering in my docs because I’ve been too afraid to do anything with them. Maybe. Hopefully. 

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. I’m not going to tag anyone new, as it seems like every writer I know has already been tagged! However if you’re reading this, are a writer, and haven’t been tagged yet - please feel free to consider this your tag. I’d love to see your answers.

#2021 year in review #year end writing evaluation #my writing

[thnxforknowingme]

Miles To Go - reflections

So I did this for In Orbit, and I guess I'm doing it again - I have a lot of thoughts about the story I wrote! Like, literally 1500 words of thoughts, so don't say I didn't warn you.

It's bizarre to have lived with this story entirely on my own for so long, and now to release it all at once and see people's reactions as a whole. I'm so much more used to posting longer fics one chapter at a time, and getting responses as I go.

I've also just been so close to this fic, that I feel I've lost some perspective on what about it might land or be significant for other people (although that's always an element of sharing fiction - we each bring ourselves to a story and see it in different ways). Something I struggled with were the most overtly sad/angsty parts of the fic - writing out the words that sum up Kurt's grief, especially in chapters 1 and 11, almost seems to dull the emotion's impact for me. The thing about pain and emotion is that they're so much bigger than words - trying to capture them in language always feels like a doomed effort (John Green has talked about this before, especially in reference to Turtles All The Way Down). So seeing that people did have emotional reactions is gratifying (sorry for making you cry, but also thank you for crying!).

Because I enjoy learning about the process of stories being developed, I’ll force my own creative process on you. Once I’d determined the approximate route that Kurt (and Blaine) would be driving, I made the following outline:

I initially planned this as a 10-chapter fic, and thought that I could fit everything that happened in SLC, Vegas, and Death Valley into a single chapter. Ha! I also wasn't really sure of the ending yet - I eventually cut the 9th chapter idea here, because I didn't think that showing Kurt's solo drive back would be particularly valuable. I always knew that this fic was going to be longer than 10k, the minimum word count for the bang, but my estimations kept expanding as I wrote. "20k, probably," I thought, which then became 25, 30, and finally landed around 35k.

I knew this was largely going to be a Kurt fic, since it deals with his grief, but I toyed around with giving Blaine some POV chapters, too. But since he showed up pretty late into the fic, and I wanted to really be in Kurt's head most of the time, it just didn't make sense to change speakers. I considered having Blaine narrate just for the final chapter, but again - I needed to check in with other New York characters and where they were in their grief, and it would have been weird to just have that be told to Blaine by Kurt. It was so tempting to have Blaine POV for his reconciliation with Cooper, but since I had already determined the story was going to be all-Kurt by that point, I instead had to awkwardly have Kurt eavesdrop. Ah, well.

While Kurt's emotional journey/growth was pretty much determined from the start, since it's the main focus of the story, I also wanted to give Blaine some depth instead of just having him be the Love Interest. He needed a compelling reason to be trekking across the country, and I think it made it a more interesting story when they were both dealing with shit, instead of Blaine just being a sounding board for Kurt's grief. It seems like it's a common thread in my stories that if Blaine doesn't meet Kurt until later in his life, he ends up more repressed and unhappy...while S2 Blaine is so outwardly confident in himself (mostly with regards to his sexuality, but also his musical talent), I think I imagine that without Kurt's stubborn individuality and the transfer to McKinley, Blaine would have remained more buttoned-up and eager to please. In this case I thought that his parents might have seen Cooper's career as somewhat of a failure, and pushed for Blaine to pursue something more practical than performing arts. And in this particular universe, he went along with that. Psychology is still a way for him to help people, even minus the 'making art' aspect.

Since Kurt seemed to be Blaine's inspiration for moving to New York in canon, it made sense to me that this version of Blaine wouldn't have considered it. Coming out of several years at Dalton, he would have gone to a nice Northeastern school somewhere else (although still within visiting distance of NYC, for my purposes). I also just didn't want it to be too convenient, for them to end up living in the same city so they could live happily ever after at the conclusion of this plotline. It seemed more in line with the spirit of this story for them still to have to work at it, for things to be imperfect but still worth doing (and doing long-distance better than they did in canon, hopefully).

Finally, Cooper isn't mentioned in the prompt, but it just made sense for me to bring him in since the boys were heading to Los Angeles. I loved recreating the Big Brother dynamic in this universe (starstruck Kurt, snippy Blaine, oblivious Cooper). I also wanted to provide a more lasting impact from that interaction than canon did - after their reconciliation, it's important to me that Cooper does keep trying, that the brothers do keep in touch and build a strong relationship.

I mentioned this in a comment on the fic somewhere, but I also struggled with if/how to incorporate Kurt's tattoo into the fic. In canon, he gets it as an indirect result of Finn's death, and for understandable external reasons, canon decides to turn it into a joke by having it get botched. I liked the idea of Kurt getting an "it gets better" tattoo, not only because of the mostly sexuality-related reasons he lists in canon, but also because it could be tied more directly to his grief - knowing that he's been through terrible hardship before, and that this trauma, like all things, will eventually get better. That's a little more desperate and tragic than it was in canon, so hopefully that's tempered by the fact that it was still the result of questionable drunken decision-making. God, not to blow my own horn, but I love that Las Vegas chapter.

Not to get too personal, but the assignment of this prompt for me to write came at like...an eerily fitting time in my life. I was far enough away from the largest period of grief I've ever experienced for me to be interested in this plot - I very often draw from my own life in my writing, and I'd reached a point where I was ready to examine and toy with some of my experiences with loss through fiction. I don't think I made anything up about Kurt's experience of mourning - pretty much every thought he has about death and loss is one I've had myself. Then, literally a day before getting assigned this prompt, my family experienced another loss (we're doing fine, I'm doing fine, all things considered, it wasn't unexpected). So these questions and concepts that I was working with while writing felt very present and real to me. We lose people, and we struggle to process that, and somehow life goes on. Sometimes life going on feels deeply unfair, and sometimes it feels like a welcome distraction, and sometimes it feels like a miraculous gift.

I wouldn't call writing this story 'easy,' per se - as with all writing, there was work and thought and problem-solving that went into it - but in some ways I do think it came easily to me. I was cramming to write it all before I went on my own month-long trip which occupied the majority of April, and my writing pace was sort of insane, by my standards. I got to a point where I was aiming to write a thousand words a day, and I was hitting that goal. It certainly helped that my work hours were essentially nil, since it's the off-season for my job, but more than that it was just that I was so inspired, that I had so many ideas for this story that writing them out just came naturally. I don't know that I could have written this story as well as I did at any other point in my life, so the stars really just aligned for this fandom event and this prompt and my life and my writing.

I am also always a slut for travel narratives, for stories where the setting is present and important. I've never written a road trip story before, and I loved making this one. The locations helped build the plot and the mood, and the emotional arcs worked so well with the movement across the country (everything is stripped down and bare in the desert, so of course that's where we'll have emotional confessions and the reveal of personal secrets!). I often appreciate having an internal time constraint for my stories (a narrative that has to happen over a summer, or over a semester, or over a two-week vacation). This story sort of had that, but also provided a unique dynamic with the ever-changing setting. And of course I love the opportunity to bring a story into California, even if it's parts of the state that I'm not as familiar with.

If you've made it to the end of this post, on top of already taking the time to read my story - you are a saint, and I am virtually sending you a warm, homemade cookie of your choice. I loved writing this story, and I'm literally overwhelmed with the response it's been getting. Thank you for your attention and your kind words - I'm glad you could find enjoyment or emotion or connection through this fic.

#fic: miles to go #about my fic #god am i sentimental or what?

[scone-lover]

Happy Birthday to Holding Out For a Hero!!! ❤️

art by @subparselkie

I published the first chapter of my longest and most popular fic just about a year ago! And I bet you always wanted to see some shitty outlines. Right? Just giving the people what they want. My brain is chaos and now you all have to be subject to it. Strap in, boys. 😂 Everything’s below the cut!

Read Holding Out for a Hero on AO3

This fic was born because I saw a tumblr post about a hero and villain who are roommates and I just had to Snowbazzify it. I had so many random ideas in my brain, and I’d been engaging with fan content for the CO fandom for a few months now.

So I started off by opening a blank document and writing the Prologue, featuring Shep. I had a few basic facts in mind: Shepard’s a reporter, Simon’s a hero, Baz is a villain, Mage is an evil mayor. And that’s. Literally it. I made it up as I went along. I actually still do that with fics, even though I do try to outline in more detail now—I have to write a scene or two that’s been bouncing around in my head to get a feel for the story, then I can give it a direction.

The document is 337 pages on google docs, LOL. 

Here’s the first ever set of notes I had. I wrote this on March 29, 2020, directly after typing out the Prologue! 

Like I said, absolute chaos. The third Simon bullet point originally said something like “also I’m a superhero and only Penny knows,” then the following day I changed it to “but he’s so handsome? what do???” 

I didn’t publish the prologue until writing 5-6 additional chapters, but I think the only major change was going from Baz being “The Vampire” to just “Vampire.”

Chapter 1 was originally called “not a bloody avenger” before I decided to do the rhyming thing. I actually decided that because I wrote “counter spray and earl grey” down for chapter 2, unintentionally rhyming it, and then @ashspren-writes was like, “you should make them all rhyme”... so I did. 😂 For 25 more chapters.

I have a section labeled “quickie backgrounds” in which I finally sat down halfway through writing Chapter 2 (the blade/vamp fight) and said to myself, okay, maybe they should have backstories or something. Or like, reasons for being the hero and villain. Right, yeah, those would be good to make this into a coherent story. In the first version of that, Simon was a sports coach on the side, not a baker, and Baz was an English teacher. LOL. 

Once I had all that, I literally just wrote for four days. There’s a weird kind of magic to your first-ever fic for a fandom. All your ideas and thoughts and wishes for these characters comes to a head as you suddenly have an outlet for the first time. It’s why I think people’s first works are often their best or most creative or most profound. The first couple chapters took some time and a couple 1am epiphanies, but once I got into a rhythm it was quick going. I wrote a lot of it in a linear manner, but after writing the first Simon/Baz scene (watching the news together in the flat), I doubled back and added Simon going to Penny’s house after meeting the Mage so that I could work her in as a character earlier.

Fast forward to April 5, I had 5-ish chapters written? I thought this fic would have like... 10 total. And be less than 20k. Haha. Ha. I asked @ashspren-writes to beta read for me - I’d been bouncing ideas off her since the beginning - and then I started brainstorming titles. 

The list actually started with that second one. It took a whole 24 hours to decide on the final title. 😂 I thought it might be too cheesy. But hey, it worked out -- now I can’t open AO3 without the damn song getting stuck in my head. 

I worked a LOT with my friend @ashspren-writes on this fic - we were friends long before fandom, and she was the only person I knew at the time who had read CO and was involved in the fandom. I didn’t even have a tumblr at this point, I interacted mostly through Instagram and AO3!

On April 6, right before I posted, I realized that if I was going to actually put this on AO3 I should probably know where the story was going. So I made sure Chapters 1-6 were complete, then I wrote one bullet point per chapter up until 12 or so -- you can read those below.

Then I texted ashspren THIS mess:

Some silly notes:

Then I have a section that says “Why do they even have roommates?” because it was a few chapters in and I hadn’t justified richboy Baz and superhero Simon... living together. Cool cool cool

I also did this cool little writing experiment I want to share. Remember that line in Fangirl that’s like—“Once Cath wrote what she thought was a swordfight, and Wren turned it into a love scene.” (Or maybe it was the other way around? LOL.) Anyway, there’s swordfights in this, AND love scenes, so I wanted to do a play on that for two alternate ways Simon might figure it out.

I have a huge Deleted Section in which I wrote an alternate version of Simon and Baz finding out about their secret identities. I have one version where Baz figures it out first—it’s a very tropey yet angsty scene where Simon comes home totally wrecked from a fight, and Baz realizes as he’s helping with the wounds that he caused them. I actually like it a lot, but it ended up not quite fitting with the vibe of the fic (and I rather like them finding out through kissing better). :) I also had an idea where Simon figures it out because Vampire smells like cedar and bergamot, but it really just wasn’t interesting enough. 😂

Now onto... Outlines. 

I say that hesitantly because I think these are literally a disgrace to outlines everywhere. These are the baby ones I wrote on April 6 right before posting. Some are more detailed than others, clearly...

Gotta live up to my username somehow. 

We do love to see it. ​

I love this next one: 😂 CHAOS, SCONEY.

THEN, I wrote this as a very long text to ashspren, when I realized no sconey, this is not going to be under 20k words. LOL. 

And then I did A Dumb Thing and I put it on AO3, having absolutely NO CLUE WHERE THE STORY WAS GOING. 😂 

This is my favorite heading on the document.

Another one of my favorite notes in there.

This next part wasn’t even divided into chapters yet, it’s just a word vomit. I’m so sorry you have to read this mess.

Hahaha, once upon a time there was angst in this story. 😂 

And then I realized my true calling: bakery fluff.

Then and only then, I actually decided to divide into those things called Chapters. This is the point where I made the admission to mr scone (boyfriend, not husband lol, we just call him that) that I write gay fanfiction, whoops, and can he please help me because he’s a HUGE DC comics fan and knows everything. And of course, he was super chill about it, and he did. He really did. He’s the genius behind Egghead!!! And also the entire Mage-Humdrum-Supercomputer/Politics plot. I’m serious. I did none of that.

I can’t even say I’m trying anymore. “Flort”??? I AM LITERALLY NOT TRYING.

Why yes sconey, so very specific. 😂 

This is what qualifies as a “good” outline for me, that heading was just for my betas. Isn’t it fabulous to see that some of this actually made it in and I’m capable of planning in advance? 😂 

Get ready for the shock of your life, though -- I actually have a SUUUUPER detailed outline for the two finale chapters. Because, well, it’s the finale. Wrapping up loose ends does actually require planning, WHO KNEW. Also I’d been writing and posting for a couple months at this point and it had been several more weeks in quarantine so maybe I’d regained some sense of reality? It’s like two pages but still shittily written, so I’ll just share a couple tidibits.

That bullet point is extraordinarily cracky BUT actually, Baz shooting up from the cloud like an awesome fucking hot dramatic person was one of the very first scenes I envisioned for this fic :D 

I hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my writing brain! It’s a terrifying place. I love all of you that say Holding Out For a Hero is a well-crafted masterpiece, but respectfully, no ❤️ 

(Though I swear I AM super, super happy with how it turned out - it’s still my favorite thing I’ve ever written. Read it here!!!)

[astoldbygingersnaps]

Harper’s 2020 Fic Wrap-Up

my very good friend and incredibly talented felow writer @sagemoderocklee came up with the idea of doing an end of the year fic wrapup in an attempt to polish the turd known as 2020, and since i actually managed to get some writing done this year i figured, why not jump on the bandwagon? 

a lot of super duper fucking shitty things happened in 2020, but i will always be proud that in this incredibly chaotic, stressful, and challenging year i managed to produce almost 180k of content (and that’s not even counting the writing i started in 2020 but haven’t published yet). so, to celebrate what’s been a pretty big achievement for me, i wanted to go through the various projects i’ve spent the last twelve months working on and give a preview of my plans for 2021.

let’s jump in!

projects i worked on/completed in 2020:

first off, let’s start with the beast to end all beasts, my personal baby, and honestly probably the reason most people follow me -- star trek au:

something bigger than the sky (shiita; 44,163 words; completed): 

i’ve said this before, but the whole idea for star trek au was literally just a joke between me and my-then girlfriend, now-fiancee, and eternal shiita enabler alexa aka @durintrash (by the way, if you follow me for my fics and you DON’T follow alexa for her corresponding art WHAT, exactly, are you doing with your life????) where i sat in a space-themed diner and said ‘haha imagine itachi as a vulcan.’ but then i blinked and suddenly somehow i’d written the prologue and the first chapter of SBTTS in the span of a week. it’s like i was possessed by a fanfic demon.

it sounds super cheesy but i honestly can’t say enough how important this fic has been to me and how much it’s pushed me to be a more productive and more dedicated writer. previously i spent a lot of time Thinking about writing and occasionally i’d put a few words on the page and then i’d go... do... something... else. but star trek au was the first idea i loved enough that it actually pushed me to write and keep writing and not give up even when i was confronted with things like writer’s block and worry over the quality of my writing. so thank you, star trek au, for being the light in a very dark year for me. 

by the end of SBTTS, i felt like i accomplished everything i wanted to do with the story’s beginning installment: i introduced all the characters and set the groundwork for their development; i showed what life on the corvus was like and how starfleet, the federation, and the universe functioned; and, more than anything, i was able to sketch out both the main protagonists -- itachi and shisui -- with all their strengths and flaws, show their relationship to one another, and hint at how that relationship would progress. 

all the stars are closer (shiita; 75,195 words; completed)

considering how slow i used to be at writing, i thought it would be, like, twelve years before i managed to get to the second part in the series. BUT then covid happened and i half-lost, half-quit my job, and like a lot of people this year i ended up with a lot of free time on my hands. and so, like a fucking demon, i finished this part in two and a half months. 

when i originally planned this part out, i really thought it would be a lot shorter and a lot lighter atmosphere-wise than it turned out. instead, this second section of the story ended up being pretty meaty in terms of length and in subject.

that said, overall, i’m really happy with how ATSAC turned out. i loved the way the characters progressed, how the relationships deepened, and how we were able to see this universe grow bigger and more complicated. and i’m very satisifed with how it set the stage for part three, which takes us to...

lovers alone wear sunlight (shiita; 41,518 words; in progress)

there’s... a lot about this part that i just can’t talk about yet, a) because it isn’t finished and b) because it contains some of the biggest plot points in the entire series thus far. if you’ve been keeping up with the stardates thus far (which i encourage you to do!) you know what part three is leading up to: itachi leaving the corvus and the dissolution of shisui and itachi’s growing relationship. 

with that in mind, i’m... more than a little terrified about writing part three, which is why the third chapter has been languishing in my google drive for months now. (and also why i started not one, but TWO new fics to cope with my writer’s block. whoops.) chapter three is where all the parts come together and shit hits the fan, and i can only hope that everyone will be as excited to read it as i am to publish it. 

next up, the two other projects i began this year:

salvation comes only in our dreams (shiita; canon divergence; 16,835 words; in progress)

for a long time, i’ve wanted to write something that’s actually set in the naruto universe and works to correct a lot of the flaws that i see in the series. there are a lot of things that bother me about naruto, but i think one of the things that frustrates me the most is the really messy and in some ways offensive resolution to the uchiha coup plot thread, and i wanted to write a story that dealt with the complicated themes of the series--imperialism, oppression, genocide, child soldiers--but, like, didn’t suck and completely drop the ball. thus, the massacre au was born. 

my main goal was to tell a story that showed a lot of these characters in ways we’ve never seen them before, specifically itachi. i didn’t want to write itachi as just an idealist who suffers and Suffers AND SUFFERS for konoha yet still remains loyal to the village for some unfathomable reason like he is in the series. i wanted to write an itachi that was sharper, more jaded, and more suspicious of the world around him, but overall was still a good person with a kind heart. and for shisui, well... obviously there’s a lot going on there, too. 

this is easily the darkest story i’ve ever written, and as the plot thickens it will certainly get darker with relationship dynamics that are complicated and unhealthy At Best. i hope that as the story goes on it’s a ride people continue to enjoy, as i was super pleasantly surprised at how popular this fic became (compared to my usual stats, at least) 

oceans between us (shiita; alternate universe; 15,039 words; in progress)

it’s good to know that i continue to be the most ridiculously niche version of myself as yes, i wrote a fucking shiita atonement au. 

with each fic i write i try to have a very specific voice that suits the particular piece and distinguishes it from other stories that include the same characters. for example, star trek au chapters tend to be more fun and light-hearted (especially shisui POV chapters) and lean more into the action movie and sci-fi adventure feel of the star trek universe, while the massacre au is written in a way that’s much heavier and guided by itachi’s emotions and experiences. my main goal with this story was to give it the same romantic, operatic, almost hazy quality that the movie has, which reflects the period setting and also the nature of this grand tragic love story. 

i knew from the beginning that there were going to be a lot of things that i cut from the film in my retelling, like the lola subplot and obviously the setting of pre-wwii england. i also knew i wanted to explore some of the aspects of the film that were implied more than outright stated, like the themes of classism and upper-class privileges. and more than anything i wanted to structure this piece around this idea of tension building and building until it finally snaps and there’s just a world of mess and hurt and loss that affects these two characters in two very different ways. 

also, the sex scene. i haven’t written a sex scene for anything in, like, a decade, so that was a lot of pressure. but i’m happy with how it came out and i think it ended up being an aspect of the story that felt like both a natural progression and necessary to show the affection these two people have for one another.

originally i was just going to end the story with shisui going to jail, but when i told alexa this i genuinely thought she was going to kill me. so, that didn’t happen lmao. but the more i tried to imagine what a second chapter would look like, the more i realized she was right, and it would have been a terrible idea to end the fic there. as for whether or not the final chapter will keep That Ending... who can say?

goals i have for 2021:

finishing lovers alone wear sunlight and, if i’m very lucky, beginning the fourth and second to last part of star trek au (yes, as it currently stands this 160k+ word series is only halfway finished. sorry not sorry)

publishing the next chapter of salvation comes only in our dreams (i don’t know when it will drop. i don’t know anything about this fic. please do not @ me) 

completing oceans between us (the second and final chapter is currently sitting at about 4k words and will probably end up at about 15k in total)

completing and publishing a new fic i’ve started at the very end of 2020, which is the shiita jurassic world au nobody but me and alexa knew they wanted. it’s essentially a 90s romcom with dinosaurs and i cannot Wait to share it. (it’s at about 9k right now and will probably end up being around 20k to 23k in total... maybe...)

FINALLY starting my dream project: the shiita olympics au i’ve been planning for years, where itachi is a figure skater and shisui is a hockey player (i’d like to keep this under 150k but at this point trying to keep my stories at a managable word count is a losing battle)

anyway, that’s it! if you managed to get this far in this very self-indulgent and shameless bit of self promotion, congrats! also, a very big thank you to everyone who’s read my fics, left me kudos and comments, and spent their time on my work, because it really does mean the world to me. 

here’s hoping 2021 is a much healthier and happier year for us all! 

#my fic #shiita #this was so much fun to write so kudos to eeri for coming up with this idea

[joeys-piano]

Writerfest - Joey’s Interrogation

Tagged by the lovely @thewriterinthecottage , who really wanted to pick my brain and see what kind of writer I am so we can compare notes

Fandom: I’ve written for a few different fandoms in the past; but as of right now, my focus is on Bungou Stray Dogs. I’m not much of a fandom-hopper when it comes to creating content, so you won’t find me juggling a lot of fandoms at once because it’s easy for me to lose track of things that way.

Where do you post? I post on Twitter, Tumblr, AO3 and sometimes my Kofi page. All of those links are in my blog description. Twitter is more for experimental writing and whatever floats my boat, my Tumblr audience gets the best content I curated from my Twitter writing, AO3 gets the best content from both Tumblr and Twitter, and Kofi is there for me to post some wholesome stuff occasionally. So if you want to participate in polls and vote for wacky shenanigans or writing challenges you want me to do, Twitter is my sandbox in that regard while the other platforms get my more polished stuffs.

Most Popular Oneshot: For the BSD fandom, my most popular oneshot was an odazai smut I wrote back in April called Hold Me A Little Closer. I was stressed with my creative writing professor at the time and pretty much wrote this story because I wanted to create something that I wanted to create. I was sick and tired of his assignments and pretty much fueled all of my pent-up creativity and into this lovely oneshot that many of y’all have enjoyed :’3

Most Popular Multichap: For the BSD fandom, I don’t really have one. For fandoms that I’m no longer a part of, I have a few.

Favorite Story Written So far: Hands down, it has to be the grueling and very monostorious fic I wrote back in August for Oda - called Savor The Moment. As of right now, it’s the longest BSD project I’ve ever published and it’s at a whopping 12.5k ish. Oda is one of my favorite characters from the series and what inspired this story was my fascination for Dark Era, my fascination for Oda’s past and where he came from before joining the Mafia, my fascination with his relationship with the kids, the curry shop owner and Dazai, and my love for writing about the weather and food. I wrote, rewrote, edited, and revised this story in the span of a month and of everything I’ve written, you could tell how much love I had for this project and for what I was doing. It’s not an easy read by any means and you definitely have to take your time with it because it dives into light and heavy themes, but it’s a worthwhile read if you really love what I mentioned and want to see how I flesh out Oda.

Fic you were nervous to post: Anything regarding physical intimacy because I don’t get it, but I find it fascinating. As an autistic biroace, exploring physical intimacy through writing is an interesting endeavour and I do believe it shapes how I approach a lot of the relationship writing that I do and what I tend to gravitate towards when I write how comfortable characters are with each other and when they share some sweet or indulgent moments. I wouldn’t say I’m nervous, per se - but as someone who’s exploring topics like this through my own perspective and what resonates with me, it does make me wonder how people not like me perceive it. If that makes sense.  

How do you choose titles: I’m not ashamed to admit that I wander through Goodreads and see what titles are being published, find a few that I like, take the elements that I do like, and mesh something together that I find fitting for a story. I like looking at published books for inspiration for titles to see what the trends are and how other writers do it. Sometimes, I’ll use phrases or lines of dialogue from my fic as the title if I find it fitting or I literally use the theme or main message of the story as the title.

Do you outline? I outline enough to know the rules of my story so I can figure how I want to break them (if it’s a multi-chapter project), and I outline enough to at least know the beginning of a story so I can start writing. I struggle with beginnings so knowing how I want to start makes things easier for me. Sometimes I’ll draft what the general path of the story will be, but I always deviate when I’m actually writing because I’m a discovery writer and through the act of writing, I have a much better grasp of what the story wants to be. I don’t care if I deviate a whole lot or if I have to rewrite what I’ve written. To me, that’s just part of my process and I embrace that. I find that I enjoy writing a lot more when I’m loose about these things because that’s where my experimental style really thrives.

Complete: Ever since April of 2020, I’ve made a goal of publishing one fic onto AO3 per month. That’s why I’ve been a productive fic writer this year despite the world going to shit and the Hell that is remote learning. More than anything, that goal has taught me a lot of things about myself that I didn’t know and it’s helped me fall back in love with writing and in me figuring out why I write and what I want to write. Since April of 2020, I’ve posted 18 works onto my AO3 and many more on my Twitter and Tumblr. Ranging from drabbles to ficlets to oneshots and poetry!

In-progress: I’m currently working on a writing challenge that my Twitter followers voted on, and it’s an AU where Oda and Dazai left the Mafia together and burned the belongings that indoctrinated them into the organization -- Dazai burns his overcoat while Oda burns a pair of sunglasses (reference to his original character design where he wore sunglasses ToT). Another fic I’m working on this month is transcribing a poem I wrote in October and making it a full-fledged fic! Once again, it revolves around Oda and Dazai. However this time, they’re an established and domestic couple who’re snuggling under a blanket as winter encroaches upon their futon. That’s a feel-good fic and I’m all for it!

Coming Out Soon/Not Started: I have a TBW (to be written) list that I don’t want to reveal just yet since those fics will come out in 2021, but I can tell you that they’re intricate character studies and of me exploring different relationships and dynamics that may’ve occurred while in canon :3c

Prompts: I fulfilled 10 kiss prompts that I received in October and finished the last one earlier this week or a week ago. With the holidays approaching and with me wanting to finish some stories before 2020, I’m afraid I won’t be taking on any more prompts for this year. However, if you want to prompt me something for me to think about, my Tumblr ask is always open for that or you can participate in my random and occasional Twitter polls where you get to pick what I do for a story.

Upcoming Work Most Excited About: I have a soukoku WIP that I wrote back in September. The first draft is complete. It just needs a lot of rewriting and edits. But when I’m done, that’ll be my longest published work for the fandom. Why this excites me is because it’s the only time I’ll ever write a main pair fic that’s 20k+ in word count and knowing how this fandom views soukoku, I’m interested in what engagement would be like compared to me writing for my OTP and just experience what that’s like.

#bsd #Joey Speaks #fanfic writer #writing community #tagged #tag game

[captain-aralias]

Creators: give a “behind the scenes” look at one of your works. This could be things that got removed or changed, the origins of ideas/details, whatever you like!

oh hey - it’s trivia tuesday already (i guess it’s been a long two days back at work this week). i know everyone is still working their way through the remixes that are finished and posted - and i say, do this! some cracking stuff. i’m over half way through now, and i want to write up some thoughts about how these 26 stories approached remix - because it’s super inventive. i think people benefited from not being familiar with the format.

but i also wanted to share my thinking around why i picked the fic to remix that i did - and what else i was considering from @bazzybelle‘s ficlist, because i think the thought process around remix is interesting. AND i wanted to show you the 500 words i wrote almost immediately of a completely different remix that i definitely won’t finish. it would have been... a publishing AU, fake relationship with too-early-in-the-relationship sex. all good things in a fic, right?

so - read on for deleted scenes, and discussion of thought process. and don’t read on, if that’s not your jam. 

(in general remember - i’m keen to leave stuff in the original that’s good, rather than just thieve everything. so that’s my thought process here.) 

first idea: 

I Just Want Your Extra Time And Your .....

(texting, sex chat). i already really liked this fic, and i have IRL experience of working in publishing (which you’ll see to some extent in the fic - i worked very near people who worked on celebrity cookbooks, which is what baz works on in the fic) (the launch party is not revealed to be at the groucho club in the bit i wrote, but would have been - and i’ve been there/i know soho, so ... that was all appealing)

my idea was: the original is a text fic, mine isn’t, although they still only know each other through the sex chat set-up. so instead of simon and baz having text-sex (as in the fic), baz asks simon [who he's never met] to come and be his fake date at a publishing launch party where he sees lamb, his former boyfriend. 

the trigger for simon and baz progressing with their relationship/having sex (Because they were going to have sex but IRL) would be the same - baz seeing lamb and freaking out. and some of the texts would be literally copied and pasted in my fic as backstory. 

here were my original notes:

in the original fic there's a bit where baz sees lamb, his ex boyfriend, and then is like - hey, simon distract me and they have phone sex

my fic will essentially start there - baz is at a launch party for one of his books, lamb is there - dating the author. it is awful. baz wants to leave, but can't. also, it's time for the text slot with simon - he goes and hides in a cloakroom

and is texting simon, it's terrible - i am so drunk and it's still terrible. and i think simon offers (rather than baz asks) to come and pretend to be his boyfriend

for some sort of plausible denial reason like baz will text him a lot over hte next few days so he'll get a lot of extra money or some shit, but also because simon thinks lamb is a dick even through teh messages

simon shows up - they both drink a lot. they like each other, simon punches lamb (probably). baz asks if he can take simon to a restaurant, they talk more - they kiss. they go back to a hotel together. they discuss whether or not this means that simon is a prostitute (no). they have sex IRL

baz wakes up - and leaves immediately, obviously.

they text again the next day - it's awkward. simon thinks about how he could track baz down if he wanted to - but he feels like baz doesn't want him to, so he doesn't

simon gets out of his horrible job - baz probably tries to get in touch with him, but can't because he's gone. simon gets a message from baz ....... this is still to be determined

anyway - i will probably steal the meet cute in the elevator, it's nice.

why i stopped writing it: 

i knew it was going to take ages to write - i didn’t have the time or brainspace to write 20k of fic. i’d assumed going in that i could lean on the original fic to provide the meetcute, but realised that since it was an AU, i still needed to sell the relationship - particularly given that they were meeting in real life for the first time in my fic. 

also, it would have been my first mundane AU for the fandom, and my first thing where they weren’t enemies first. (so i was trying to think about how i could get them not to like each other a bit WHILE STILL doing fake dating - and it was throwing me off). it was all just too much.

everything i’ve written is pasted for you at the bottom.

other ideas: 

a month passed. i didn’t write any more on my original remix, but went back to greener grass instead. i sent out the month warning email to remixees and thought - i am not going to finish this fic. 

so, i went back to the list of bazzybelle’s fic and thought what can i write that i can definitely write in a month? 

1. You're F***in' Perfect to Me - daphne POV

i thought, i could write this from malcolm's POV.  in the fic daphne talks a lot about how she and malcolm are just friends, rather than true love, and it's baz she has real (motherly) feelings for, not malcolm. so i thought i could write 'the courtship of mrs grimm' where malcolm gets a wake-up call from this argument, and thinks, i actually do love daphne but she likes my son more than me. he's been hiding behind not wanting to sully natasha's memory, etc, etc. fiona would probably be in it. 

2. bat baz

i also had a bit of a naff idea where instead of baz turning into a bat, in bat baz, he would turn into bat man... 

(interestingly one of the remixes was about baz turning into a cat) 

3. If I Fell In Love With You - which i eventually chose

i took the dancing and the music, the set up, and the theme of communication - also some dialogue. pushed some of the focus onto baz’s relationship with niall, pushed the action back in time towards wayward son, added a truth spell (based on a spell in the original) to force communication.

i think this is one of the most interesting remixes i’ve ever done, btw. i’m really pleased with my take on it. 

i chose this to remix because i thought - it’s only a few scenes, rather than a whole get-together arc, and it felt achievable in the timespan. i also had a strong idea about what i could do that was different - the relationship with niall and the spell, and what i would leave for people to discover in the original (simon’s POV - including the warmth he feels when baz cooks for him, the two of the resolving the initial fight when simon comes home in a bad mood). 

the title is a combination of - another line from ‘if i fell’ but one that is about not talking to each other/not putting yourself out there... and ‘where words fail’ - which is the spell i used, and also picks up on what baz says to niall - that telling simon wasn’t enough. even if he’d had the right words, they wouldn’t have been believable. but - through the music/magic, they were able to communicate. 

i also considered using a line from ‘into my arms’ instead (I believe in some kind of path), since that was the song that the magic is cast on - but it didn’t work as well thematically. 

here’s the fic i wrote: Don’t Run and Hide (The ‘Where Words Fail’ Remix’)

and here’s the remix i didn’t write. i think i almost wanted to finish it just for the elvis gag. alas, alas.

I Just Want your Extra Time: remix, not written

BAZ

I don’t smoke as much as my father thinks I do. And I don’t drink – not usually. This evening, though, I’ve already had several glasses of champagne and I’m on my fourth cigarette, the second this smoke break. Because it’s that or go back inside. And I definitely don’t want to go back inside.

I should have known he’d be here.

Not that he was invited. Not that he’s on the guest list. Not that there’s any reason at all, in fact, for him to be here, except that my life is an absolute disaster. Today definitely not an exception.

If anything, it’s worse than usual. I thought I’d already hit bottom when Dev told me I had to ring our printers – in China – and get them to promise to ship one of our new titles three weeks early, as some idiot had sent the press release out with the wrong date. That was excruciating, but things seemed to be improving.

It’s a launch party night. I’m not sure why, but I always look forward to them, even though I hate crowds. (Niall would probably say, other people in general. And he wouldn’t be far wrong.)

But I get to wear a suit. (Tonight’s is Spencer Hart. Dark grey. Green tie.) And I know Snow is going to text after the first hour. And even though no one ever remembers to thank the editor – not unprompted, anyway – I do enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that I’m responsible for turning whatever dross we’ve been told to sell into something that could loosely be called a book.

This one is a cookbook by an actor (not a chef, in other words. I had to hire someone else to write the recipes and then we just photographed him next to the result.) It should be a triumph. It is – we’ve already sold several thousand copies. I should be enjoying myself. But then I heard a voice next to my ear.

“Baz.” And someone put a hand on my waist. “Don’t you look rosy?”

Not someone. Lambert. (I never called him Francois, even when we were intimate.) As irritatingly handsome as ever. And just as confident I’ll do whatever he wants.

I haven’t seen him for months. Not since he left me Las Vegas to go off with one of the better-looking Elvis impersonators. (And if that isn’t the most humiliating break-up story you’ve ever heard, then I really don’t want to know what is. Dumped. And for Elvis.) (Not even the real Elvis - not that it makes a difference.)

“I hoped I’d see you here,” he – Lambert – told me. “It’s been far too long.”

“Since you left me.”

He gave me a hurt look. “Baz. We said Auf Wiedersehen, not goodbye.”

“Who are you really here with?”

The author, of course. I watched their eyes meet across the room and Lambert smiling, before he told me it wasn’t serious. And that he’d be interested in taking me to dinner.

“Unless you’re seeing someone?”

I raised an eyebrow – even though I know Lambert knows I only do that when I can’t think of anything to say. Which means he probably knows the truth, which is that there isn’t anyone else. Not anyone else real, anyway.  

Which reminds me …

I check my watch – it’s later than I thought.

#carry on #remix

[paintedrecs]

@mad-madam-m​ tagged me in the “list 5 OTPs from 5 fandoms” meme a couple days ago, which I laughed at her for because (a) she knows my otps FULL WELL (b) our lists are very nearly an exact match (which i am by the way delighted about because half my list right now is full of rare pairs, and I have never before known the hell of treading that landscape alone)

but!

I’m gonna do the meme and double it up as an announcement of what I am currently into and what you’re likely to see on this blog if I start picking up my activity levels a little.

I honestly have no idea how active tumblr is at this point - how many of you are still around, and how many of you I might lose if I start reblogging my other fandoms in addition to Sterek - but after doing a Pillowfort experiment for a while, I think I’ve finally figured out how to use social media again in a way that works better for me.

My old method, before tumblr kinda imploded and fandom got weird (filled with antis and ship hate and constant infighting, ugh why), was to create a separate blog for everything I was into, which is why I have appreciatederek, appreciateshiro, appreciatejack, and...is that it? See, this is why I need to stop scattering myself into a zillion different pieces.

So I’m going to consolidate more (like I do on twitter and now Pillowfort), and also hopefully get back to my fandom roots: digging into more meta, like I did 8 years ago when I first fell in love with Sterek, and posting fic recs, like I also did thanks to Sterek. (And sharing my own fics as I write them. Guess which fandom pushed me down that path, too.)

So it’s fitting that the first ship on this list is...well, an obvious one.

1. STEREK (Teen Wolf)

Y’all know this one. Sterek will always, always be the OTP of my heart. I love their dynamic. I love the creativity and passion of the fandom. I love that they brought my writing back to me and introduced me to so many of you.

I still have dozens of Sterek fic ideas; quite a few of them are partially written or have significant outlines, so at some point I will still be writing them. Life is just, as you know, very busy and very tiring and it’s so hard to fit everything into my days. I’m working on it, I promise. 

I’d like to start doing more updates with snippets of my upcoming fics, maybe a lil Q&A if anyone wants to chat about what I’m working on/my thought process behind what I’ve already written/what you’d like to see from me, etc. Interactive fun stuff! Sterek fandom is still the best and most supportive fandom I’ve ever been a part of, and it makes me happy every time I’m reminded we’re all still around and thriving.

And here’s some of the other stuff I’m into right now...

2. XANATOWEN (Gargoyles)

I have been sailing this ship entirely by myself since January, recently joined by the aforementioned M, who also created this gif for me while she was still in the patient “I’m your friend, I will listen to you yelling about this show” stage. (ha ha ha look at her now, that’s what you get)

I’ve been genuinely holding myself back from spamming tumblr with my thoughts about this show and this ship, which I’m beginning to realize is...maybe silly. I’ll still try to keep it a little bit balanced, but you can definitely look forward to more Gargoyles on the horizon, including:

Fics - 30k so far, with another 4.6k that I’m hoping to post this afternoon, after I look over it and decide if I still like it (ha ha fic writing amirite). I also have a fairy tale AU that I’ve done a substantial outline for, so I’d really like to get that underway.

Episode recaps/meta posts - these are currently being posted over on Pillowfort. The goal is to get the last two episodes of Season 1 up there, then to start crossposting them here.

As long as it’s not a gigantic hassle to paste over all the screencaps, because I uh. I have a lot of them. And a lot of thoughts about the show as a whole, but particularly about the relationship between David Xanatos and Owen Burnett: the meta’s currently averaging from about 1.5k to 2.5k per episode, whoooops.

I love them. I love them a LOT. See my meta posts for very detailed explanations as to why.

3. TREVORCARD (Castlevania)

I honestly did not expect to get this deeply invested in this ship. I watched and liked the first two seasons of Castlevania and really enjoyed the dynamic between Trevor and Alucard, but it wasn’t until the lead-up to Season 3 (and then the devastation of how absolutely terrible that season was) that I realized how much I loved these two together.

So now I’m having a very Sterek Fandom moment of “eff you canon, they’re ours now” in regards to Trevorcard. 

I’ve written one fic for them - it’s a 20k coffee shop/modern/college/artist/musician AU because they deserve all the fandom tropes and so much happiness together..

I don’t currently have plans to write any more, although if I do, it’ll likely be some sort of neighbors AU with wolf!Alucard, since my vast experience with Sterek fandom has taught me the absolute joys of exploring characters who can canonically turn into a beautiful giant effing wolf. 

I’ve also been steadily reading my way through every single Trevorcard fic in the AO3 tag, which unfortunately is only ~200. (HOW is this a rare pair. I will never ever understand it, they’re perfect together, and the animators literally said they intentionally storyboarded moments like the one above with the knowledge that people would start shipping them.)

Once I’ve finished up my AO3 tour, I’m going to compile the ones I enjoyed into rec lists. There are some really wonderful fics in there, and I’m excited to see what the rest are like.

4. TAIBANI (Tiger & Bunny)

I really don’t talk about this ship much, but it’s so immensely close to my heart. I have...so much...official merch of Kotetsu and Barnaby; it makes me happy every single time I see it. If I used my Tiger & Bunny stuff as the standard for what sparks joy during a konmari, the rest of my apartment would probably wind up empty.

The show (which is finally getting a second season in 2022 - Kotetsu & Barnaby had better be getting married) is wonderful. I genuinely can’t recommend it enough. Great writing, wonderful character development, beautiful animation, and Kotetsu and Barnaby are absolutely perfect together. Here’s an old post where I talk about that a little bit.

I’ve only written one fic so far: a canon compliant established relationship future fic that focuses more on their family dynamic as Kotetsu’s daughter adapts to turning 18, becoming a hero, and living with her frustratingly affectionate dad & his new husband.

I have ideas for two AUs: a single dad mature student/young professor one and a sorta weird circus/steve irwin-inspired one. We’ll...we’ll see if I ever get around to either. What I end up writing always surprises me, so I sorta give up on planning what words will come out.

And oh wait! I totally forgot about the third idea, which will be roughly canon compliant, with “Kotetsu sets Barnaby up on a series of blind dates that Barnaby initially thinks will be with HIM” angsty/funny fic. Hrm. I should get back to that one, I’ve outlined part of it.

I haven’t actually read a ton of fic for this pairing, because the more I like canon material, the less I seek out fandom content to “fix” it, but I would like to start going through the AO3 tag after I finish my Trevorcard project. I did an initial rec list ages ago and would like to follow up with another.

5. SHEITH (Voltron: Legendary Defender)

Here’s the last pairing I write fics for. I have several more in progress that I’d really like to finish - including a dragon AU that I wish someone else would just finish for me so I can read it, hahhhhhhh sigh. I wrote 15k, did a ton of research, and basically intimidated myself out of continuing, because it’s one of my Big Projects. Not gonna be like, PDIW length or anything, but it should be a pretty hefty fic once it’s done.

Then there’s the roommates AU, the burrito shop AU, the....wow. I really need to get back to these, don’t I. A couple of them are super close to being finished, too.

I’ve also compiled a few fic rec lists, although I haven’t updated those (or my Sheith blog) in a while.

This fandom has been...interesting. Rough sometimes. Sliding into some of the other pairings on this list has provided a good break for me, particularly since they’re all such small fandoms that they’re relatively free from drama and hate. Once I’m fully refreshed and re-inspired, I’d love to get back into writing Sheith. They’re such a perfect, feel-good, extraordinarily balanced and supportive ship, and I am disappointed every single day I remember that Voltron didn’t stick the landing with making them canon.

Look at that almost-kiss. Just...look at it. And tell me they aren’t in love.

#gargoyles #sterek #trevorcard #taibani #tiger and bunny #xanatowen #sheith #meme #about me #about my fics

[metalbatandzenko]

all the numbers owo

GrCUnA gaoh god sdljhdkjshfkjsh

This is gonna get long so I’ll put it under the cut. I’m also gonna remove the ones I’ve answered already.

1. What fandoms do you write for?

OPM and AtLA. I have a Miraculous Ladybug fic, but the creator is a nightmare and I hate the way the show treats the main character (literally the creator said part of the show’s episode formula is the main character “learns a lesson” every episode: usually through humiliation) and all the characters of color so I really don’t write for it anymore.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Batarou, Mumensai, and I do general fics.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My Miraculous Ladybug fic. By like. a lot akfdjhlgkjhfdlkg

It’s got triple the subscriptions and bookmarks, double the hits, and more kudos than any of my other fics. And I haven’t updated since January.

4. Do you write original stories as well?

I do! I’m a creative writing major, so I do a lot of memoir nonfiction and poetry, but I also write fictional short stories.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

I don’t think there is one! Different strokes and all. But if you weren’t aware, I’m working on an ATLA fic rn about Zuko trying to repair his relationship with Azula. Not for this fandom, but a fun fic for me because it’s a bit out of my wheelhouse.

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Out of the ones I’ve been in, voltron.

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

There are...a lot. For the sake of my mental well being, I will not list them. But I will say any ship between a teen and someone in their mid twenties or beyond is a no go for me.

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

Begrudgingly, Ao3. I have my issues with Ao3 and I think I’ve made those pretty clear (and they’ve gotten me into some hot water lmao) but it’s a good place to put fics.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

I could not tell you. I am so bad at staying motivated. Certain fics I love writing. Others feel like I’m pulling teeth.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Hidden Horns. By a lot. like 20k words a lot.

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

A bit of both, but I lean towards laughing. The world needs more light.

13. What is your planning process?

Depends on the fic. For short ones or oneshots, there really isn’t one. For longer fics, I’ll have an outline, but a lot of times I’m laying tracks as I go. If I think of a good scene or line, I’ll write it down and just keep it at the end of my doc until it comes up in the story.

15. OCs or no OCs?

OC’s only when they’re necessary for plot. For example, Madame Oshitani in Hidden Horns only really showed up because I needed a piano teacher, and I couldn’t have it be an existing hero. Outside of that, I tend to avoid putting OC’s in fics, because I find them disruptive when I’m reading fics.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Sometimes! Hidden Horns was based off of this fanart. If they are, I make sure to note that in the notes.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

Yeah you got:

A (Not So) Brief Hiatus-Miraculous Ladybug

Promises to Keep-OPM/batarou

Little Boy-OPM/Metal Bat centric

A Game of Chase-OPM/batarou

Not Invincible-OPM/batatou death

Someone Fun-OPM/Mumensai

Date With the Devil-OPM/Mumensai sequel

Something of Note-OPM/Mumensai

Conduct Evil-OPM/batarou

Grief and Other Intangibles-OPM/Zombiedad and CE death

Horns and Fangs Series (Hidden Horns and Fear and Fangs)-OPM/batarou

Spaghetti and Juiceboxes-OPM/Zombiedad and CE

I guess they don't like me but I never figured out why (I guess they think I don't like them either)-ATLA/Zuko reaches out to Azula

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

Conduct Evil at a whopping 354 words.

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

They vary! Mine tend to be pretty short, like 1k-4k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

*sweats* Like 17 at least

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Rude to assume I won’t finish all of them eight if I’m lucky

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

Third. I hate writing in first person except for in nonfiction.

27. Do you take requests?

Kind of. If people send me an ask that I vibe with, I might write something, but as a general rule, no. I’ve been considering doing commissions though, so if you want to toss a coin to your bitcher lmk

28. I will name you three things (object — scenario — fandom/ship): write a paragraph or two!

I can’t do this one without those three kdjhflkjsdh

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

They’re difficult in different ways, but original is way harder.

Original work means there’s zero scaffolding to build off of except for the scaffolding you make yourself, and there’s a lot of issues with worldbuilding and creating complex and relatable characters.

Fanfic relies on a solid understanding of existing characters and dynamics, as well as the internal logic of the world. The scaffolding is there, but often times it’s stifling.

30. What writing software do you use?

Word and Google Docs fkjhslgkjh

31. Do you use beta/sensitive readers?

Nope. I probably should though.

32. Past or present tense?

Past. I can’t consistently write in present.

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

Some of my friends do. I’ve shared some with them! I use fanfic as warmup, so a lot of my writing friends know about my fics.

34. How did you find the world of fanfics?

I wrote Adventure Time fanfic on middle school and published them on an Adventure Time facebook group. They were wildly popular in the group.

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

I don’t think so tbh.

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

If it did, I wouldn’t know. But I highly doubt it.

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

No because I can’t stick to a deadline.

39. Collaborations or working solo?

I’ve never done a collaboration before.

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

I rely really heavily on dialogue and I’m suuuper aware of it. I think the thing is I do a lot of domestic fics, and even my story fics tend to be pretty domestic. I’m looking at you Hidden Horns

My original work doesn’t tend to lean on it as heavily.

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

I am a die hard found family bitch. Nothing guilty about it.

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

Yes, actually. The aforementioned middle school fic got mini fancomic for the first chapter, and I wrote a Miraculous Ladybug ficlet in a fic chain that got fanart.

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

I think there might be one that was inspired by my fic, but I can’t remember tbh.

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

My ATLA fic!!! give it some love tf :/ (kidding of course.)

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

Yeah, here you go:

The hero removed his coat and dropped it on the ground, where it landed with a solid “thud”.

He unhooked the holster under his arms, removed a knife from both boots, and unstrapped the machetes from his back.

They joined the trench coat in the pile.

Garou watched in equal parts awe and horror as Zombieman continued to produce weapons from increasingly improbable locations.

Finally, when the pile at his feet was large enough to arm a private militia, Zombieman stopped.

“I’ve got a pistol in my chest, but I’d prefer not to take that one out,” he said, pushing past Garou. “Feels rude to invite myself over then get blood all over the tatami.”

#hidden horns #Anonymous

[wingedquill]

Fic writer meme! I was tagged by @bygodstillam, thank you! :D

AO3 name: WingedQuill

Fandoms: The Witcher, Star Trek (The new movies)

Number of fics: 5

Fic I spent the most time on: Um, years-wise it would have to be Green. It took 3 and a half years to finish because I’m a horrible person who posts WIPs and the last few chapters were left to the wayside when my life got crazy at the start of college. Time-spent-writing wise it would be Juniper Berries

Fic I spent the least time on: At the moment, probably Twenty Years Redone? That one is really easy to write because it’s super emotional/panicky and very close to Jaskier’s head, so the words just come pouring out.

Longest fic: Juniper Berries, currently at 34,908. From what I’ve planned out, it’s definitely gonna get up to at least 40K because I’m ridiculous. I try to write short stuff and it just doesn’t happen :/

Shortest fic:  (when you just can’t seem) to shake the weight of living is currently sitting at 4297, but it will probably wind up somewhere around 18-20K by the time it’s done because again, I am ridiculous. 

Most hits: Green at—13,801?? Wow I didn’t know it had that many. 

Most kudos: Also Green, at 966

Most comment threads: Juniper Berries at 414, because the Witcher fandom is amazing and very chatty <3 y’all

Most bookmarks:  Also also Green, at 354

Total word count:  86086 (which is a very satisfying number to type)

Favourite fic I wrote: Oh that’s tricky. I really really love writing in the Juniper verse, and Juniper Berries has become very near and dear to my heart. The Ciri POV is fun to work with and I like writing the whole “traumatized characters work to help each other heal and grow” narrative. But I actually think my fave fic so far has been the soul knows the rest which was my first fic in the Witcher fandom. It’s a lil daemon AU two-shot and I got to play around with the writing style quite a bit, especially in the second chapter. And I love the ending. 

Fic you want to rewrite/expand on: I def want to spend a lot more time playing around in the Juniper Verse outside of Ciri’s POV—namely exploring the start of Geralt and Jaskier’s relationship and Geralt, Jaskier, and Yennefer’s early group-therapy days, since Ciri obviously didn’t see a lot of that. Geralt especially is going through a lot, mental-health wise, that he absolutely refuses to let Ciri see, so I’d like to explore that a little bit.

Share a bit of a WIP or a story idea you’re planning on: Aghhhh what to share that’s not a massive spoiler? I guess I can share a bit from a later chapter of the weight of living (for context: in this fic, Geralt is the victim of a lifelong mind control curse that keeps witchers from leaving the Path. It isn’t...great.)

He’s half asleep when he feels Yennefer stir beside him, nuzzling against his back. Her fingers trace cool lines across his skin and he wants to turn to face her, wants to catch her lips with his and drink her in. But he stays still as a corpse, like he always does at night, the curse trying to force his brain quiet and sleepy. Trying to get enough rest to fight monsters.

Her fingers move up, smoothing over his head.

“I wish you’d kept your hair long, my love,” she murmurs, soft as a bit of wind.

So do I.

She traces small circles over his temple, and this is the closest he’s ever felt to her. He wants to breathe out a sigh, soft and content, and he wants to curl up in her arms, and he wants to cry, and he wants, he wants, he wants—

He’s still.

And that’s it! I don’t really like to tag people in these games cause I know a decent number of people find them annoying (I don’t! Feel free to tag me in literally anything—can’t promise I’ll do it but I’ll definitely appreciate the thought). If you’d like to be tagged in these kinda posts, lmk and I’ll tag you in the future :D

#the witcher #fic writer tag game #bygodstillam #thanks for the tag friend!

[the-evisceration-station]

I’m so exited for the next piece of for you above all, I love loveee your dead doves and angsty stuff bc you do subjects that most people won’t touch ( and you don’t even do it cringly Lmao ) but you rarely write soft and happy addybeth so I’m very excited for the next part, also I really love that series as a whole ❤️ I think you’re the only addybeth writer left standing and it’s so good to see you keep writing for them and talk about them here and even take prompts, I appreciate it so much 🥺

Hey, dude! Thank you so much! I know it’s taking me a long time to finish the for you, above all pieces, but like...the soft stuff just honestly doesn’t come to me as easy? I spend a lot more time messing with my softer pieces, scrutinizing and rearranging, and deleting shit cause it looks bad to me. 

I definitely have more experience writing the nasty shit other people don’t want to touch, like damn. Most of my early fandom days were in horror fandoms, horror threads, stuff that has more gore and dark content in canon so I’ve spent a lot more time developing my dead dove craft than anything else tbh. These days I’ve been branching out for a lil bit now, and oh shit I’m rambling, what was my point? Oh, oh, it’s that I find softer/romantic pieces more challenging so it’s another reason the updates on those tend to be more spaced out.

Also because half the time in a canon part of whatever story, something bad happens. Cause something bad always happens, right? 

And see, this is the part where lotta folks go, “how can I make this better?” 

But it’s the part where I go, “how can I make this even worse?” 

Nonetheless, I do greatly enjoy exploring the potential of Addy and Beth to have a healthy relationship!! I think that potential does exist for them in canon, but because of the events that unfold and their failure to resolve the issues between them before those events, that possibility is never realized. Their relationship is so fascinating to me because it’s so deep, so layered, so embedded into them. Addy and Beth can bring out the worst in each other and they can also bring out the best in each other. These things are not mutually exclusive. Canon plays out the way it does, I’d say Addy is almost unintentionally Beth’s ending and Beth is very intentionally what Addy believes is her beginning. It’s not happy or pleasant, but it is powerful. But I love both of these characters and no matter how canon actually is, I adore the idea of them being happy together. In another world, at another time, or under different circumstances, I think they could have that, and I like the idea of giving them that. It’s why I started that collection! 

I am not the only writer left standing though! I refuse to believe it, I’m positive of it! I’ve even seen other writers talking about working on Baddy fics, or planning Baddy fics, and what have you. I think it maybe just feels like I’m the only one, because I tend to post one-shots as opposed to longer pieces. So the pieces that a different author might post might be like, like 20k or something. While the average lengths of one of my fics is probably like 4-5k. So when I’m whipping out four or five shorter fics a month, it’ll amount to another fic that someone else might be working on that’s like one longer story. 

Does that make sense? It probably takes the other person more time since they like, are writing a longer thing. Wow. I could’ve just said that and been done with it. Why do I make things more complicated than they have to be? Why do I drone on and on about nothing? Well shit, that’s actually the first series I posted on the Ao3 I associate with this account. It’s some Riverdale shit, the first part is like 3k of pure torture porn and then the rest of it is just going on and on about nothing. Absolutely nothing. I wrote 30k of nothing because I was disappointed and spiteful, imagine that. Why am I telling you this? 

Because it’s my patten. I am answering your ask the same way, going on and on about absolutely nothing. Is it annoying? Amusing? Somewhere in between? Neither? I have a knack for nothingness. I’m still doing it. I can’t turn it off. Or can I? 

I should go up and delete all that, you didn’t ask for any of this, my dear nonny. In my defense, I’m kinda high and I’m not even really answering your ask anymore. I’m just typing out my stream of consciousness at this point but I’m about to scroll up, reread, and regroup here. 

Well, just reread. And with that, I am going to thank you again! Your kind words warm my wicked little spade. I’m still accepting prompts too. I obviously take a long time to get to them, and no, I don’t write all of them. I’m honest if there’s one that I’m going to turn down, either because I feel it’s already been done or because it’s not an idea I feel equipped to write or particularly interested in. But that isn’t to say I’m not up for at least hearing out whatever, cause I totes am. I’ve written some weird shit, my dude. I’m up for hearing. Literally. Whatever. 

On that note though, have you considered writing, my dear?? 

Because while I absolutely believe I am far from the only writer left standing in our fandom, it never hurts to have more join the pack! Maybe you should try your hand at it? Realize some obscure but beautiful vision you have for Baddy and share it with the rest of us? Headcanons for RiRi you’d like to explore more in depth since it’s very likely we’ll never have more canon info on her?? 

I’m not saying you have to write, buddy. I’m not trying to put any pressure on you. Not by any means. Even if I was, you don’t have to listen to me, who the fuck am I? Some internet rando who’s not wearing pants. You’ll allowed to do whatever you want to do with your own free time! I’m just throwing the idea out there, in case you might be interested. I’m always here to encourage you, if you’re feeling it but not sure how to get started, or something. A fandom can never have too many writers, especially not rather niche ones, like ours. 

Well dude, sorry for rambling on so and losing track like ten times. Anyway, um, yeah. I appreciate you and I’m gonna keep chugging along here. I’m glad you’re excited, though I can’t promise when I’ll update that collection exactly. It’ll definitely be this month though, at least. My aim is to finish and post three of my Baddy fics this month. And also, rest assured, I’m sure I’m not the only one!

#anonymous #asks #answers #cringe fics #also flattered you think i don't do it cringely #tho that's kinda funny considering my username #and i def have before #albeit 21 yr old me's fanfic is probably objectively less cringe than 12 yr old me's fanfic #which was still dead dove: do not eat #bwahahaha #i was a disturbing fuckin kid wtf #nvm all kids are disturbing #when aren't kids disturbing #never they just are #the ones who seem like they aren't are the most disturbing

[llawlietofficial]

What type of characterisation do u like for fics? I do find that fic from back in the day is mostly 1 dimensional but I was curious what ur issues w it where?

I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this but I’m gonna be real my opinions on stuff like this have led to me being labeled toxic to the point where people have literally implied they want me and people who share similar opinions with me to leave the fandom, so I’ve been kind of hesitant to answer something like this bashing some recent characterization again. So if you’re one of those people I’m sorry and you should probably stop reading now.

opinions under the cut with some lawlight characterization stuff I don’t like + some stuff I do like:

Honestly? I try and read at least the first chapter or so of every new lawlight fic in the tag and recently it’s been impossible for me to enjoy a lot of it because when I read it it just doesn’t feel like L and Light to me at all? Like it feels like someone at some point wrote a big fic with strong characterization and interesting characters, except they weren’t much like L and Light and they acted in ways L and Light wouldn’t act. And a lot of fics now are based off that same characterization, which in turn inspires fics with that characterization, rinse and repeat. And that’s just not enjoyable to me when I’m looking to read lawlight fanfiction.

Obviously old lawlight fanfiction wasn’t all 100% perfect and there were a lot of doozies in that mix too but it felt like there were more really solid multichapter fics that might have been messy and toxic in ways but they made sense with the canon characters. And fics that did have a happy ending and some fluff thrown in were still written using circumstances that could be believable, even if it took a long time or a slow burn to get there.

To answer your question more specifically, here’s some common tropes that feel out of character to me (and I’m not calling out any specific author or saying fics that do any of these things are poorly written because they’re not and we have a lot of talented and dedicated people here):

Either one of them changing their principles and switching sides within the first 20k words and without a LOT of persuading. IMO “we’re two sides of the same coin and not that different despite both being hugely stubborn” is shit I love, “actually I’ve sided with you secretly the whole time/your magical dick has cured me of disagreeing with you/I’m willing to sacrifice the principles I literally died for in canon easily because I want to be with you” is shit I don’t love.

“We suddenly agree and work super well together as partners now that we’re in an AU and there’s no death note” doesn’t feel authentic to me because death note or no death note their entire outlook on the world is different. Light would think L’s methods are disgusting. L would think Light’s initial idealism is naive. Light believes mankind is inherently good and once you get rid of the bad that can shine, L…doesn’t seem to share that. That’s not to say they can never work together but the good shit is when it’s a long journey into understanding each other and where they’re coming from and slowly making compromises and falling in love.

L being a naive uwu tries his best baby who’s being taken advantage of by Light. Light being a misguided uwu baby who tries his best and is being taken advantage of the whole time by L. They’re more complex than that and they’re both bad people but they also both have good sides so any sort of simplification of the characters into one being a villain and one being a victim is uninteresting to me. 

They shouldn’t work but somehow despite everything they do, because they’re alone and because despite disagreeing and being enemies by circumstance and by beliefs, they know without the other they’d never really be challenged or fulfilled. That’s neat. I like that. It’s messy. They’re drawn to each other even as they’re disgusted with each other.

It’s more interesting when they are their own conflict rather than the conflict solely coming from outside sources.

The 500000 fics where Light is a rebellious and progressive omega who actually secretly wants to be protected by L and feels grateful that they’ve found each other? don’t love that. I dislike omega fics in general even if there’s a couple I’ve thought were pretty alright so that doesn’t help either. It is kind of interesting that despite their differences this could be an in-universe reason to force them together. It just seems like omegafic is the lawlight default right now. Like even fics where the plot doesn’t revolve around omegaverse stuff is sometimes omegaverse and that’s ? hard for me to wrap my brain around? that’s not just a lawlight problem though that seems to be happening in a lot of fandoms

Similarly to point one, either of them being okay with losing like lol what. 

yotsuba can be difficult to tackle because there’s so much going on there with the characters, but there’s so many interesting layers to explore and dive into that sometimes get ignored in favor of fluffy hijinks and that’s boring to me. from Light’s perspective L took everything from him and has made his life pretty miserable because of this whole Kira thing and catching the real Kira is the only real thing that could totally clear Light’s name and L just sort of….gives up, for a lot of it. mopes about and acts unmotivated and uninterested because Light isn’t Kira. that’s probably very frustrating for light! and fun wacky fluff or hijinks can happen, but I love when it happens in the “we got so distracted being the smartest people in the room we forgot we’re supposed to be enemies” way because that’s juicy to me

sometimes it’s the little things, too, that bother me. stuff that’ll happen and it’ll completely pull me out of the story. like L Lawliet made Naomi Misora destroy her whole damn computer after he slid into her DMs and you really think there’s any way in hell he’d have any sort of google home or siri or alexa? or casual social media, even under fake names? facebook knows everything. or light saying something or making a joke that i could never in a million years see him saying in canon because the author thought it would be funny or cute. 

anytime Light is suddenly some kind of beacon of goodness champion of justice just because he didn’t find the death note. the death note didn’t make him a completely different person, he’s bitter and jaded and thinks some people would be better off dead even before getting the death note. self righteous yeah totally but actually righteous? nah man

or Light just being a fucking awful person who kidnaps and r*pes L because he lusts after him but it’s okay because somehow in the end they end up together ? i’ve seen that trope a few times and i know it existed in 2007 too i just avoided it like the plague then also. 

I see a lot of AUs that are less “what would L and Light legitimately do if this was the situation or universe they were placed in” and more “i want to write this situation happening like this and i want to make it lawlight because that’s my main ship” 

like, the characters that are being written are fine but if you want to write OCs right OCs. I know all of this seems really harsh which is why I put a warning about it at the beginning, and of course I know some of these problems were also prevalent between 2013-2017 and there’s tropes here that have been happening like this since the dawn of lawlight fanfiction, but since it’s happening now and now is when i’m frustrated by it now is what i’m complaining about, it could be the reason i go back to older fanfiction so much is because i had lower standards back then and it was easier for me to wade through the ones i hated to get to ones i liked and now it’s easy for me to find those again. who knows. Also I agree most fanfiction from 2007-2009 were pretty 1 dimensional. 

And like, fuck me I guess but I actually like the canon characters and I joined the fandom to experience more of them and apparently that makes other people feel unsafe.

I’m not saying people aren’t allowed to express opinions that are different than me or that I Know Better Than Everyone Else or that I don’t like people posting their own headcanons or ideas or things they wish were different about the series, it’s just not my cup of tea and it’s a little frustrating that fanon is mostly all I get in fics now and that people are allowed to express opinions but only if those opinions are “people who stick too close to canon are elitist and should die and are sticks in the mud and need to leave the fandom to stop ruining things for everyone else” because like, we’re people too?

Anyway sorry this veered in a bit of a different direction and I hope I don’t lose followers over this because it’s sad to see people go but I’ve been blogging here for over 5 years and I’m not going to stop anytime soon. I also wrote most of this while having bad anxiety at like 3am last night so it’s all over the place and i’m probably going to think of like eight things in the shower later I forgot to mention because i’ve been thinking over this ask for like two weeks now. 

#this is a LOT and i'm sorry #please don't all hate me for this #i promise i'm not trying to ruin anyone's fun i'm just bored of what's out there right now #and there ARE some good works too that i have enjoyed a #it's just. #hhhhh #death note #discourse

[my1stgirlfriendturnedintothemoon]

Writing is so weird for me to be so honest

Like I've been writing for as long as I can remember, fanfic shit before I even knew what fanfic was, me and my friend Sarah used to tell each other stories about our HP self insert OCs in like 5th grade. I have a whole plastic storage tub of notebooks filled with random fanfic and original writing going back to middle school. I'm 29. Some of those notebooks are old enough to vote.

And I've never finished anything lmao. Even stuff where I'm like "this is a oneshot!" I never considered really finished, because there's always some other connected idea.

Anyways I haven't shared any of my writing outside of like, posting things here on tumblr that I know only 3 specific people will read, since like. Before I joined the army??? I think?? Back when I was still using ff net lmao and it was like old Naruto and KH stuff and the one Yume Nikki fic I still wish I had finished, so like 8 years I think.

I hadn't even really been writing much at all this year, outside of a really self-indulgent Warden Surana/Warden Carver Hawke fic that never left my phone notes and will never see daylight bc it's just for me. And then I started replaying FE:A in July and realized I wanted to write about Inigo and Gerome, and I did it! I fuckin opened up my neglected AO3 and I spit out two chapters, and like 300 people read my story and I lost my mind! Three Hundred People! More than my damn high school graduating class. I never in my life would have thought 300 people would want to read my writing lmao

And then of course FE3H dropped and I was like. This is a new fandom, there's not a lot of content out for the ship I want to see, I have a small idea of something I would like to read, I should write it. I'm going to cook this food because the fandom is hungry. And my small idea wound up being a fucking 5k fic, my first smut fic ever, and today it got its hundredth bookmark. 100 fucking people read and bookmarked my horny fic in just one month. Two days after I posted that, I spit out a comedy fic that is currently THREE SHORT of FIVE HUNDRED kudos!!!! Five (5) hundred!!! Like, I'm Math Lady Meme over here trying to imagine 500 different individuals reading and enjoying something I wrote. That is TWICE my graduating class.

So of course, not satisfied with what I had produced, I went out and wrote a 6k fic of a rare pair that was basically entirely smut and the start of a series, because my brain is 100% on Clown Hours, and then made the second part a complete left-field crackpair, and people. Still love it. No one has come to end my life, no one has come with the torches my LJ and FFnet childhood promised. Instead they are praising me and I appreciate it but I still feel like a huge fool lmao!!

Like I'm so scared of negative feedback that I have literally stopped myself from writing things or sharing things for years, and in just one month of sharing things I have gotten so much positive response its overwhelming. I've seen my fics mentioned twice now in the wild while scrolling Twitter, by complete strangers. I bit the bullet and recced one of my fic to someone asking for my rare pair and people like it! I am pretty sure my first smut fic spawned a gift fic for someone else who commented they were interested in a rare OT3 I hinted at!

Anyways I've spent the last week alternately rereading everything I've written this month and going "fuck what the hell this is bile" or feeling like the Palpatine "Unlimited Power" gif even though this is the most attention and 'success' I've ever known in a fandom space, so. This is literally the most productive I've been with writing in years, I've put up 20k words on AO3 since the end of July and I still have like. 6 chapters of this story finished and waiting to be posted if I can just get the damn 2nd chapter out of the way and one of them, all by itself, is 4k. I've been writing like crazy lmao.

This was kind of a ramble but I've been feeling bad about my writing because it's not like some other people's and that's stupid, I may not be writing as much or in the same way but I'm doing numbers for the first time and I should be proud of that.

Over 10k hits I'm gonna shit!!!

Anyways I guess, like. Don't be stupid like me lmao and think no one wants to hear your idea or read your fic, or feel bad if someone else has already "done it", because no one can write it the way you will and there's always going to be someone who is starving for more of that content. I personally don't feel like my stories are that good or even original, but apparently people like them lmao! Share your stuff! You may be surprised.

#Sunny's writing #long post #i dunno how to do a cut on mobile sorry