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regressionanxiety · 4 years

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Dr. No (1964)

I am watching all of the James Bond movies, they are very bad and I love them. These are some of my thoughts as I watch, it’s basically a recap so you know, spoilers...

It starts with some murdering. James Bond is called into work, goes through the waiting room and meets with M. He gets a new gun because M insists, he’s very proud that under his leadership 00-deaths have gone down. Moneypenny is the best as always.

James Bond arrives in Jamaica and is instantly spotted, of course he is, he is after all, the worst spy. He is looking for a Taxi, but there is a driver waiting for him. Not at all suspicious. Bond makes a phone call. Is being spied on. Then goes to the car, and tells the driver to “just take me for a ride.” I know he’s just stalling, but I will use this line as support for my argument that James Bond is a chaotic bisexual.

Now Bond points his gun at his driver, questioning him, as he well should. The driver kills himself with cyanide hidden in a cigarette. Bond takes the car and drives to wherever he’s going, dead guy in the back seat. Tells a person when he arrives: “'sergeant, make sure he doesn’t get away.”

He drinks and puts out snooper traps in his room before he goes out to investigate his case futher. Chatting with some men, being his very best Miss Marple her, non threathening, pleasant conversationalist, even when the topic is grim. He’s directed to a man with a boat, Quarrel, who doesn’t want to talk to Bond and gives him some sass (everyone should give Bond sass) and turns him away. Bond, of course, isn’t deterred and approaches the man just as he’s having a bear. Now he wants to talk, because it’s private. They go into a storage room of some kind. The man has a knife and the guy at the bar (I think), grabs bond from behind. Bond easily throws them both into some neatly stacked (and empty) Red Stripe cartons, product placement or just an attempt to convince us that we’re really in Jamaica right now?

Bond thinks he has the upper hand now, but no! The man from the airport (not the dead driver - this isn’t that kind of movie) with his sunglasses is there, and he has a gun!

“gently, gently, let’s not get exited” the man says. With those sunglasses it’s hard not to mister. They are talking suits, like real gents. The other guy is CIA, and his name is Felix Leiter. They’re friends now, with drinks (and i’m sure fucking - those sunglasses can only mean one thing). Underneath the mango tree plays.

A woman takes their picture, now they need to get her. They question her a bit, Bond destroys her film, but gives her the camera back, they send her off. She calls them rats and says they’ll be sorry.

Bond learns about an island Crab Key (?) owned by a Chinese guy, apparently Quarrel and missing guy Strangways went there to collect geological samples. Locals won’t go near it, some have and never came back. They know very little of the man, except that his name is the titular Dr. No.

Bond is exiting a taxi, and the men who dealt with Strangways earlier are back, sneaking around with a gun pointed at Bond, but a car roars by and they miss their chance at an easy assassination.

Bond is talking to a professor Dent (one of the men he chattet with about Strangways before) about the geological samples from Strangways, he claims to have thrown them away because they weren’t anything. Bond is batting his eyelashes and being his best Miss Marple again. He knows the man is a liar!

Prof. Dent goes straight to a boat to get to Crab Key. These bad guys are really dumb. Anyway; crab key is guarded by men with big guns.

Very dramatic room. The professor is being berated by a disembodied voice for coming during daylight hours, stricktly forbidden. This still isn’t that kind of movie, but Dr. No is clearly a vampire. There’s a spider in a cage on a table. If guns don’t work on Bond, try spider bites?

Bond is back in his room. Checks his intruder revealers and as expected they have been disturbed. He wants some vodka, throws ice in a glass, opens the bottle, thinks twice, sniffs it, then puts it back down and opens a drawer and pulls out another bottle. Uses this instead. I’m not sure why that bottle would be safer, unopened and sealed somehow?

Ruh roh! Someone feels a little spidey! Bond killed it, his first murder in this film!

Bond gest a package, finds that the files on Crab Key are missing, sets up a date with a secretary (the stunning miss Taro) he caught eavesdropping. Business as usual. His package was a geiger counter? He checks some samples with his pals Leiter and Quarrel, and yes, they are radioactive. The professor is a liar! Gasp! Who knew! Now they must go to Crab Key, but in the night, after his date. But wait! there’s a note for him at the hotel reception. He calls miss Taro, she wants him to come to her and gives him some directions, a car starts following him, trying to drive him off the road? Oh noe, a crane or something is in the road, what will Bond do? His little car goes under, the bigger car that follows? Not so much, goes over and burns up.

“How did it happen?” The man who has the crane thing asks. “I think they were on their way to a funeral,” Bond replies.

He finally arrives at Miss Taro’s, shes just out of the shower, drying her hair, while wearing a tight toweldress???? Clearly not expecting him. He kisses her, and she protests.

The phone rings. She promises to try to keep him there. He really does seem to be a terrible kisser. They fuck. He pretends to want italian food so he calls a taxi, despite getting there by car. She is confused, he kisses her again to distract. Then the car comes, and she’s arrested. She spits in his face, which he deserves. He goes into her house again, creates a scene: pours some drinks, leaves his jacket, puts on a song (underneath the mango tree, again), goes into the bedroom and uses a pillow to make it look like someone is in it. Then he waits.

The professor walks through the door and shoots up the pillow. They have a chat. Bond shoots him. Then meets up with Quarrel to go on to the island. Makes a quip about it being a break from being a clay pigeon, but I somehow I doubt it. Leister is worried offers to go instead, but Bond refuses him.

Wait, why is bond asleep on the beach? Was that the plan? Did I miss something?

Ah, the bikini. It isn’t a very good one is it? They’re hiding from guards with guns now. Bond promises he’s no threat to this woman, Honey Ryder, but we all know that’s a lie. They must hide, they’ve been spotted on radar. They get shot at, the woman’s boat is ruined so she has to tag along. They sneak up some kind of river I think. Almost get caught, but don’t, hiding under water using reeds as breathing tubes. Honey claims Dr. No killed her father, a marine biologist, who came to Crab Key to never be seen again.

Now she’s telling Bond about how she killed her landlord (who raped her) via spiderbite. It took him a week to die. Bond just pouts at her, probably knows he might have deserved that spiderbite earlier...

The rumored dragon is nearby, and Bond, who knows it isn’t actually a dragon, wants to see it.

they’re captured, Quarrel is dead, and claimed to be contaminated. Geiger counters going wild! They need to be hosed down. Then they’re put in very nice quater and treated as guests. because why not. They have some coffee, it’s drugged and they pass out. Bond breaks a perfeclty good cup in the process - that brute. A mysterious figure, with shiny latexy gloves takes a look at Bond in bed. Dr. No presumably, he lifts the cover a little before we cut to the next scene. Sean Connery really isn’t that attractive Dr. just kill him already!

I’ve always wanted an evil lair. Finally the elusive Dr. No is revealed. Are you a good Bond villain if you don’t have a physical disability? It appears that he doesn’t have hands, because of errors in his work or something. He finds Bond a worthy adversary or some such. Bond has Honey sent away from the dinner table - ostensibly to save her. Dr. No quickly realizes that Bond is in fact just a policeman, not smart enough to join his criminal gang after all, SPECTRE (Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion) has no need for the likes of Bond, though if they did he’d prefer the revenge department. He is apparently being tortured, we don’t get to see that, but his clothes are ruined when we next see him in a cell he quickly escapes from by going into the pipes that keep this underwater facility with air. He falls down one of them and gets to take his shirt off. Oh no! Water rushes in and Bond must hold on!

He gets out, finds his way into a radiation suit (stylish, with a very square hood, he looks like a Doctor Who villain in an episode where they ran out of budget) and infiltrates a control room! They’re talking about a vehicle and say the word radiation a lot. Bondis trying to figure out how to sabotage their sabotage (of a rocket launch). Big science words! No time to think for Bond, just punch everyone! Chaos! Alarms blaring, abort abort!

Bond vs Dr. No. Bond wins and Dr. No goes down in what may be boiling radioactive water? Doesn’t seem like a delicious way to go. Everyone is fleeing the facility, Bond somehow finds Honey and frees her (she’s tied up on some ramp with water coming in, were they going to let the tide drown her? This is not how you kill people effectively).

Lots of footage of people fleeing, flinging themselves into the ocean etc. Bond and Honey get a boat, the facility goes boooooooooooom!

The boat runs out of fuel, and Bond and Honey settle in to wait for rescue, Leiter show up and start to give them a tow, but Bond lets the rope go so he and Honey can fuck. Leiter shakes his head and smiles at them in an overbearing manner.

THE END

#recap #dr. no #james bond #sean connery #007

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morphituu · 5 years

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‘Milagro’ Sneak-peek

The first posts ‘Keep Reading’ stopped working (how surprising) so I had to re-upload.

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Nick sat forward, the destroyed building starting to come into view, and both of the officers jaws hung.

“What the fuck, what the fuck,” Ward chanted below his breath, skidding to a halt beside the countless other patrol cars surrounding the ravaged building. It wasn’t just the piles of concrete and small fires that still billowed into the sky- it was the pools of gelatinous, glowing fire-like goo that swarmed small pieces of it, moving in centralized patterns like maggots.

It was everywhere, and beside it were countless MTF authorities, dressed in radicalized hazmat suits, literally shoveling it into reinforced barrels.

The men stumbled aimlessly for a bit, taking it all in. The victims screaming in ambulances, the glowing goo constricting their limbs, and others in body bags being brought from the rubble.

There were also Brezziks slipping in, their sly hands snatching fallen jewelry or goods under everyone’s radar.

Nick turned, watching two officials carry away a barrel that hummed lowly, the Geiger Counters at their hips clicking wildly.

“What the fuck-“ Nick exhaled sharply.

“Officers!”

They spotted Kandomere, and for once, there wasn’t much that was prim or proper about his appearance. His typical elegant suit was replaced with more… casual clothes, the sleeves to his button up rolled to the elbow and his hair pulled back. The dirt covering him pointed to him having gone through the rubble himself, but neither men could fathom him doing such a thing.

“What happened?” Ward questioned urgently.

“She was here, but for what reason we don’t know,” Kandomere said evenly, quickly scripting his signature across a clipboard when handed to him. “Someone else is with her, and I think they dueled here,”

“Dueled?” Nick barked.

“You see that?” The elf pointed to glowing goo, a small puddle close to them. “That’s Wand Plasma. It’s the cast off of a Battle Spell, a very powerful spell. No other charm or even enchantment gives it off. She was fighting someone else with a wand,”

“So there’s definitely more than one wand in LA,”

“Definitely. The reason as to who she’s battling, and why she is though is without answer. Both have only left clues such as this behind to indicate they’re even here. We have nothing,” Kandomere concluded, overlooking the disaster before them.

They continued to look on, the longer they observed, the more destruction they took in. Nick started noticing blood splattered here and there while Ward watched them bring out a smaller body bag, one easily held in someone’s arms.

“I’m leaving LA,” Nick stated, nodding to himself. “I’m not gonna be here for this shit again,”

“Right behind you,” Ward nodded, hand on his belt.

“Neither of you are going anywhere,”

They both turned, meeting the critical, icy blue gaze.

“Excuse me?”

“Neither of you can leave. We need to know where you both are at all times in case she tries to make contact,” Kandomere explained.

“Fuck that,” Nick spat, turning to leave.

“If you leave I’ll have your badge revoked,”

Nick spun on his heel, stomping back. Ward shouted to calm down when he shoved past his own body, barely able to keep Nick withheld as he stood chest to chest with Kandomere.

“Then fucking take it. I’m not going to sit here and let her roll up on me or my family,” he snarled viciously, but the elf was unfazed.

“Then who do you expect to help if she does?”

“If I leave she can’t! So take or do whatever the fuck you want but I’m not risking our lives or my child's just to make your job easier!” Nick hollered, barely restrained by Ward.

“I am giving you a direct order to stay in LA! If you so much as step outside of city limits I’ll make sure you’re buried in the deepest hole of solitary confinement for the rest of your life!” Kandomere was booming back now, his face twisted into a rage he’d repressed for months.

“Try and stop me! Try and fucking stop me-“

“Nick enough! Back the fuck off!” Ward was yelling over him, shoving harshly against the furious Orcs chest, but moving him was like pushing a raging bull- damn near impossible, and maybe just enough antagonization to get him to push back. “Just stop!” Ward finally silenced him, only moving his hands when Nick turned to chuff and snarl loudly to himself, his hands upon his head.

“Why can’t we leave? If she hasn’t contacted us yet then why can’t we just fucking go? It would be one less thing for you to keep an eye on,” Ward tried to reason, but Kandomere only shook his head.

“You know exactly why, Officer Ward,” he at first said calmly before stepping closer. “She’s going to try and put a wand in your hand. If she’s Inferni, she’s going to recruit you,”

“Who says I’d go?”

“Wands bring power, and with power comes corruption. Don’t underestimate that,”

Ward’s face was taut in restricted fury, choosing to look away. “So what, we wait for her to come at us? What then?”

“If she does she’ll fall right into our hands. We’ve had teams following you both for weeks,”

“Us? Just us? What about our families?” Nick stepped in, eyes wild with worry. “If her sister knows how to take people down to follow a path to who she wants, who’s saying she doesn’t know how either?”

“We don’t have that kind of disposable man-power-“

“Then find it! I have a fucking baby on the way! My girlfriend- my future wife is home alone and you’re telling me there’s no one there to keep an eye on her?! What about his wife and daughter!? How well is your plan going if she attacks them and not us?!” Nick bellowed, but Daryl didn’t push him away this time. This was another dark door opening up, revealing shady dealings behind the scenes.

“You two are main priority-”

“If you want us to cooperate then fucking work with us!” Nick finished, chuffing loudly in his face. Nick looked down on him until Kandomere took a step back, uncaring of the fellow officers watching them or the onlookers gawking.

“Because if anything happens to my girl, or my child, I will rip you into pieces. I don’t care if you don’t know what it is to have someone- stop treating us like we’re disposable. We have lives outside of this shit,” Nick ground out, his menacing form lingering a few seconds longer before turning hotly on his heel.

The cold, steely expression had returned to his tired eyes, as did the rigid manner in the way he stood. If there was ever a time Ward has seen Kandomere intimidated, it was Nick getting in his face.

“He’s right. You both are, but he’s more right. If you want us to work with you, then work with us,” Daryl reiterated, stepping back to follow Nick.

“He’s not entirely right,” Kandomere informed, fixing his rolled sleeves. “Leila killed my husband 30 years ago. Don’t tell me I don’t know what it means to have someone lost.”

Ward was left, standing amongst the burning rubble and curious eyes, and admittedly surprised; it explained the resilience, and persistence to end this. The kind of loathing he must’ve had for those sisters must’ve been unbearable, or perhaps just the opposite. That very contempt could’ve been what drove him to see an end to this, no matter how much he had to withstand to see it through.

His attention turned to the few left still watching. “Mind your own.” he snapped, waving his hand. Still a few pair of eyes following, but became an afterthought once finding Nick inside the SUV, his elbow rested against the window and biting his thumb nail nervously.

“I know what you’re thinkin’,” Ward cautioned, but Nick’s knee kept bouncing. “If you try n’ run off with Callie they’re gonna find you before you hit Anaheim,”

“It’s worth a shot,” Nick battled.

Ward sat forward, inclined enough to finally catch his partners line of sight. “Then what? You gonna leave your girl with a newborn you’ll never see? You won’t even get visitations or calls. You’ll go the rest of your life wondering what your baby’ll look like or who it’s callin’ daddy,”

Nick’s brows were knit together in a deep scowl, the shake of his head barely noticeable.

“This sucks. It fucking sucks but don’t do something that’s gonna drag on past her finally being caught. Don’t do that to your family.” Ward scolded, no room for debate in his somber tone or unmoving grimace.

Everything in Nick wanted to pack up Callie and run- to leave as far away as they could until this nightmare was over… but Ward was right. He was acting on fear without thinking of the lasting effects. He couldn’t leave Callie alone if what Kandomere had threatened him with held any truth.

Ward’s hand squeezing his shoulder offered comfort when Nick’s face fell into his palms, but agony was just below the surface.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Milagro’s debut is June 21st- only 2 weeks away!

Thank you to everyone who has stuck around this far and hello to any new readers who may be stopping in! I’ll be primarily posting on Ao3 where there’s already a slot ready for it’s uploads, but will also be posting to tumblr again (assuming I can fit in the chapters cause of that stupid text block restriction)

A special, loving thank you to @rfitzhugh74- for being my beta-reader and dealing with my needy ass in regards to writing and my paranoia. You’ve become such a special person to me 🖤

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sophiesjourney · 5 years

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As you know I visited Kiev in Ukraine at the start of May. The reason I booked to go there was because I’ve always wanted to visit Chernobyl. That and the fact I managed to bag flights with Ryanair costing only a fiver each way!!

Now before I begin to go through my day in Chernobyl and what you can expect if you do a day tour I will say.. I visited before the HBO series began. Literally only days before aswell luckily.

The reason I’m mentioning this is because there has been a lot of press lately. The show was very popular and now doing trips there seems to be too! This unfortunately means my review of the tour may no longer be reflective of what the tours are like.

I expect that it is now a lot busier, a lot more expensive and booking is probably required much further in advance.

But I will tell you about my experience with the no.1 operator on TripAdvisor: Chernobyl Tours. To avoid any confusion, this is the tour I did:

Finding the pickup point

The pickup point was easy to find in person despite being difficult to locate on Google! Jump on a metro or train to Central station then come out on the side that KFC is on. You want to walk out of the station where you will find a bunch of restaurants across the road. Don’t cross, just turn right and walk past a hotel. You’ll see a bunch of buses lined up, don’t forget to check the front of them for your name on a list.

Chernobyl day trip

We boarded the bus to find 2 English guides who told us stories about Chernobyl as we drove for approximately 2 hours. We also watched a documentary about the place before we arrived which was really interesting and really helped to set the scene.

If you book this tour through TripAdvisor in the UK you will get lunch included and a Geiger Counter which you get given before you arrive. We were able to check the reading before hitting the Exclusion Zone so we could do some comparing!

First stop was Zalissya an abandoned village just outside of the 10km Exclusion zone.

This was one of my favourite parts of the day because we were allowed to venture in to the buildings and go where ever we wanted.

There was a hospital to explore and a few houses that people had been forced to leave behind.

It was crazy to see the playground completely overgrown and abandoned.

I personally didn’t think we had enough time to spend here. I’m not sure if other tours would allow you to explore more but 20 minutes definitely didn’t allow us to venture far.. But perhaps that is the point so you don’t get lost deep in the forest!

We then headed for the Kindergarden and were told the stories of the children that had to leave without notice.

The geiger counter was going crazy here.

Next we listened to stories about Radar Duga-1.

This is fascinating. Definitely worth a Google search. Who knows what the truth is about this place really..

Midday we stopped for lunch close to the sight of the explosion. This was a strange experience! First we had to pass through detectors that would ensure we weren’t covered in nuclear particles… At least I think that’s what we were doing!

Lunch was interesting.. Felt like we were queuing up in a prison canteen or something. Such an incredible experience though and I really had no clue what I was eating!

Some of my favourite canine friends were there to greet us outside too.

We got to visit the iconic structure that took them years to build over the reactor. The new safe confinement cost them 1.5 billion euros to make and I’ve read that it should only expect to last 100 years… Wow.

Again not far from here I got to wave to the stray pooches. They really did look creepy at the end of this bridge.

Finally, we visited Pripyat. The town that is probably the most talked about when Chernobyl is mentioned.

This is where most people lived and is probably the worst effected part with empty buildings left everywhere.

Its where you will find the iconic Amusement Park.

Pripyat Amusement Park

This is where we found the highest geiger counter reading. Right by the ferris wheel!

We got to walk around Pripyat for over an hour. Venturing around outside the empty buildings whilst hearing stories of what they used to be.

Entering the football stadium and imagining what it must have been like to leave all this behind.

Whilst on the bus the guides were very informative. They told us stories to relate to what we were seeing. We drove through the outskirts of the red forest and watched our geiger counters spring to life.

If you ever ventured in to the forest I’m not sure how long you would live to tell the tale.

We even drove along the bridge of death. I’ll leave that one for you to learn about if you ever do manage to visit.

Overall I’d recommend this tour if you are looking for good value.

It was very good and reasonably priced.

I’m unsure how the latest TV series might have had an impact on tour prices but I personally would recommend that you go private. This is my only regret.

After visiting Kupari Resort last year, the abandoned luxury hotel resort – Read my post here. We were quite overwhelmed by the amount of people at Chernobyl. Kupari was neglected and we were completely alone however Chernobyl was quite the opposite.

If you take this tour there will be around 50+ at each place together. Imagine how much better the experience would be if there was only you and the guide!

If you have any questions about the tour just drop me a comment anytime and I’d be happy to help.

But don’t miss this dark piece of tragic history.

One eye opening day in Chernobyl As you know I visited Kiev in Ukraine at the start of May. The reason I booked to go there was because I've always wanted to visit Chernobyl.

#Chernobyl #Chernobyl tour review #Chernobyl Tours #chornobyl #day trip from Kiev #HBO #Pripyat #prypiat #Ukraine

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insert-witty-comment · 7 years

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Welcome back to the batshit crazy world of the Montauk Project.Last time on Hawkins Book Club, we learned that magic is real, there’s a whole bunch of secret magical societies, magicians can create “thought forms” through sex, there’s an entire group of reprogrammed assassins ready to go at a moment’s notice, you can give your child psychic powers by jamming a metal rod into her skull while she’s a fetus, L. Ron Hubbard was a wizard, time-traveling Neo-Nazis shot Jesus in the face, Jesus responded by kicking their asses with a Demofoot and Mark Hamill is a Neo-Nazi.So, in my ongoing quest to explain the origins of Stranger Things I present my overview of the third book in the Montauk series: the 1995 book Pyramids of Montauk: Explorations in Consciousness. Without further ado, let’s dive in.The book starts off with a lengthy dedication to Preston Nichols’s deceased mother. It’s admittedly rather touching, though the authors apparently felt the need to point out that she knew about the whole Wilson brothers connection. The Prelude is just a recap of the first two books. The Introduction deals with Peter Moon talking about how many people have sent him letters “about the strange mind control and time phenomena that they’ve encountered in their lives” since the release of the first book. He then gives us this helpful bit of advice;“As a general rule, if you think you have been involved in a space-time project, you probably have.”I’ll keep that in mind. Moon then proceeds to bitch and moan for a bit about how major media outlets have no interest in letting two guys rant about time-travel and sex magick on national television. He also throws in another legal disclaimer as usual;“As it is written, ‘The Montauk Project’ is not necessarily one hundred percent true. Some of it is based upon intuition and psychic readings, but its general premise is obviously much too close for comfort when it comes to the people who control the media.”I have no idea what he means by this, but he goes on to elaborate that this book is written for people who are reading about the occult for the first time and “practicing occultists”.Chapter 1 starts off with Nichols, Moon and a musician named Denney Colt returning to Camp Hero in 1993 after finding out that the radar dish was active again. On the way there, they spot a large flock of birds sitting on a telephone line by the base, all staring in one direction, and unwilling to move when our heroes throw rocks at them. Continuing onward, they witnessed two cars drive up to the base and “six or seven” engineers got out along with an “oriental photographer”. Nichols spoke to one of the men, who claimed that he worked for Cardion Electronics and was showing off the radar’s capabilities for a foreign country, specifically in regards to catching aquatic drug smugglers. According to Nichols, this story was “ludicrous” because the radar was much too powerful for that. Moon then contacted a friend who just happened to have Cardion as one of his clients. He said the true reason was much more plausible.“The story relayed to him was that the military was trying to find a way of detecting militant Arabs in the Middle East. Low levels of radio active [sic] fiber were being introduced into the diet of certain Arab countries so that potential terrorists or soldiers could be picked up on radar screens.”See? Much more plausible.Nichols, however, calls that a load of crap. He then calls his friend Klark (the guy who wanted to build a time machine with his cut of the books’ profits), who tells him that Siemens sent a guy out to install a new radar installation on the base. Moon sees this as further confirmation of the Nazi connection to Montauk due to Siemens’s rather shady past (and they also tried to kill a lobbyist, apparently). Nichols hires a pilot to fly him over the base while he took pictures, and a circle in the ground revealed that the base had a particle accelerator on station. Moon, Nichols, Colt and a new guy named Mike Nichols head back to find that the roads had been repaved, the bushes were trimmed and the pavement was new. After entering the circle, the party suffered “reactions”. Mike got “very tired and disoriented”, Colt developed a red triangular spot on her neck, Moon got a horrendous migraine and Preston suffered radiation burns on his chest and legs. They even busted out a Geiger counter to confirm it.After the Montauk crew messes with Preston’s attempts to monitor their transmissions, our heroes pack it up and head back to the parking lot where they are approached by a “local media person”.“He took one look at the antenna on Preston’s van and wanted to know if we were looking for aliens. He started giggling and thereafter I have referred to him as Giggles.”He seems like a reasonable guy. “Giggles” explains how he noticed some strange phenomena around Montauk as well, and recommends that group talk to the surfers. Conveniently, as soon as he leaves a surfer walks up to the group and talks about how he was constantly getting woken up in the middle of the night by military helicopters and actually went down to the base to complain to the officer on duty, who he got into a fight with. Town officials later told the group that the soldiers were National Guardsmen on “bivouac training exercise”, even though the base was a declared a toxic area.“If the base is contaminated, it would be idiotic to have troops camp out in the midst of this toxicity. It was also out of place for the military to be so nasty to a civilian if they were just doing routine exercises”Any current or former servicemen/women care to weigh in on this? Because I suspect that Moon has no idea how the military operates.Transitioning into Chapter 2, Moon and Nichols return to the base yet again (why don’t they just rent a house in Montauk?) and actually get yelled at by a guard, claiming that the land is private property. Nichols retorts that it’s public, state property, and thus begins a lengthy back-and-forth exchange that ultimately results in the guard calling the police, and then getting into an argument with them when they point out that Nichols is right. Later, the duo learn that the guard was actually a Brookhaven National Laboratory employee named John Zacker, who was an acquaintance of one of the duo’s friends. This friend called Zacker up, and the guy claimed that he didn’t even remember being at Montauk. After that call, he vanished without a trace. The duo then went to a real estate office where an angry employee told them that Camp Hero was federal property. When they looked over a tax map, she quickly changed her story to claim that it was state property and essentially told them to piss off. They also learn that the cars of some of the people who helped them were being set on fire.Chapter 3 calls back to the incident in which state police ticketed Nichols and his friends for trespassing on the base and the resulting lawsuit against the police.“On May 19, 1993 there was a hearing in East Hampton Justice Court, Suffolk County. The docket numbers were 93-4-345, 93-4-346 and 93-4-347. The judge was Honorable James R. Ketcham, the prosecuting attorney was Michael Brown, Esq. (Assistant District Attorney) and the court reporter was Elena McClash.”So there you go, if you want to go out and read the actual transcript yourself, head over there, but I’ll abstain. Nichols and friends were charged with trespassing and Nichols argued that a law required all state park land to be available to the public. The judge ordered the DA to bring in the trooper who ticketed the group and the trial occurred on June 16, 1993. Moon was not present because;“I could not attend the trial as a friend had set it up for me to attend a Moody Blues concert and give Justin Hayward a copy of the Montauk Project (I received word later that he enjoyed it and that the next album of the group would be called ‘Time Traveler’).”So after attempting to unsuccessfully claim credit for The X-Files, Moon is now trying to claim that he inspired a British rock band. This guy strikes me as being far too desperate to get recognized by someone, anyone at all.We get a summary of the trial itself, where it is revealed that Nichols was acting as the attorney. Yes, our dear crazy friend Preston B. Nichols, Slayer of Demofoots and destroyer of UFOs, stood before a judge in a United States court and tried to argue a case. Holy shit, I think I might have to reverse my stance on seeing that transcript. But perhaps the most mind-boggling element was that he actually won. Yeah, the judge dismissed the case because there was insufficient signage at the base stating that it was off-limits. Damn, I better watch what I say about him from now on.The trial left many questions regarding the Camp’s ownership unanswered, so the investigation continues in Chapter 4. Moon looks through old newspaper clippings and learns that the General Services Administration had attempted to sell the 278 acre property in 1984 on orders from President Reagan, but was fought by multiple federal officials. Somehow, after a lengthy process a tax bill got the land turned over to the state, no official ceremony ever occurred.While researching the meaning of the word “Montauk” in Chapter 5, Moon stumbles across a book containing an old photograph of a pyramid-shape mound about twenty feet high at Montauk. Moon also discovers that (interestingly enough,) the Montaukett Indian leaders took the last name of “Pharaoh”, thus making another connotation with Egypt. Also, a guy named Colonel William Parsons allegedly enslaved the Montauketts. In addition, Thomas Jefferson recorded their language. Moon presented all of this information to his cynical friend Kenn Arthur;“ I then told him about Thomas Jefferson and his pursuit of the Montauks’ language. He told me that the tongue the Montauks spoke was known as Vril, an ancient Atlantean tongue. Kenn said that it was a later version of an even more ancient tongue called Enochian, the language of the angels.”………………You know, Moon has a habitat of just casually dropping in bombshells like this. You would just be reading and nodding along as he talks about Thomas Jefferson and a connection between the Montauketts and Egypt, and then BOOM! ATLANTIS!This book….Arthur then goes on to explain that Atlantean leaders also had rulers called Pharaohs and that a series of small pyramids made of white bricks existed at Montauk at one point which were covered up. Also, the pyramid mounds were apparently razed during World War I. Moon then contacts Madam X who then explains that the pyramids at Montauk, Egypt, Atlantis and Mars (which you may remember from the first book) were all connected on a grid that “support our planet in space and time”. This grid was possibly used to “as a pattern for creation that some stellar or divine influence used in order to create a planet or the like”. In addition, both Egypt and Montauk were remnants of Atlantis, and that the Egyptians and Montauketts were the descendants of Atlanteans hence the “Pharaoh” title. Also, there was a connection made between Montauk and Montu, the Egyptian god of war and the fact that Montauk is parallel to Mount Olympus and Troy, as well as being 100 degrees from the Great Pyramids. Finally Camp Hero was built on sacred Native American ground.Say, does anyone remember when the weirdest part of these books was a bunch of Brookhaven scientists launching radios into the air to change the weather? Man, those were the days.This segways into the “Montauk Mistrial”, in which a bunch of corporate assholes managed to get the Montauketts declared an “extinct tribe” in 1910, (due to intermarriage with African-Americans) in order to steal their land. Moon adds this random comment;“The judge’s name was Abel Blackmar which is rather amusing if you consider the proposition the proposition that people dramatize their own names. In such an instance, he would dramatize being “able” to “mar” “blacks”.…….Moving on….Arthur then explains the reason for this;“He told me that there had been a systematic attempt to ‘degrade’ them and their heritage by ‘forcing’ them to intermarry with blacks. This was done through economic deprivation and manipulation rather supervised intercourse. The design was for them to become ‘the lowest of the low’.Yeah, I can see the government at the time pulling shit like this. A Montaukett contacts Moon and further elaborates that companies screwed them over even more by denying them work, which would “economically strangle” them into joining the military, in which they would have to register as “black”, which would supposedly solidify that they were actually black. In 1918 the Montauketts were then declared to be “white men” by court ruling as yet another “fuck you”, courtesy of Uncle Sam (thankfully, this was finally reversed in 2013).Chapter 7 discusses the Montaukett tribe culture in detail. It also describes Moon meeting a Montaukett retired policeman named Robert Cooper, who is trying to regain the tribe’s land and heritage. Moon describes him thusly;“Although he is dark skinned, he does not look like what would be termed an African American. His features would coincide with an Atlantean (based upon the legends of some of the various races of Atlantis), or Polynesian appearance.”I’m just going to hope that Moon didn’t say that to his face. He also has this to say;“What I found most impressive about Bob Cooper is that he does not want the land so that the Montauks can sell tobacco and have gambling casinos.”You know Moon, if you’re “impressed” by this, I think you may be a slightly racist prick. Regardless, Cooper is simply trying to regain the tribe’s sacred land for spiritual reasons.Moon then puts in the now defunct PO address for the tribe requesting that readers donate. In a similar vein, I’m going to put the link to the tribe’s website and donation page here and here. Now, to get serious for a minute, I’m also going to request that you kind people consider donating to the tribe as well. These guys have practically lost everything, even their heritage and they’re still fighting for it. Though the ruling that they are an “extinct” tribe was reversed in 2013, legislation restoring their status as a state-recognized tribe apparently died in committee in 2014, and the tribe is trying to push it through once again this year (you can view the details here). The point is, they need help. So once again, I encourage you and everyone else in the Stranger Things community to send some money their way to help out. God knows that no one else is giving them support; there really seems to be just us. The 2014 measure failed in no small part due to sheer apathy on the part of the electorate, and seeing as how this wasn’t even mentioned by the news media, it might happen again. That said, I’m also going to ask you spread the news of this yourself; in person, on social media, wherever. If you live in New York, please write to your District Senator (if you don’t know who that is, you check here) I have no idea if this will make a difference, but we should at least try to help these guys out instead of just allowing them to get screwed over yet again. Maybe something good will come out of these godawful books. With that said, let’s get back to the riffing.Chapter 8 deals with Moon’s hunt for Camp Hero’s deed holder. The “Quitclaim Deed” stipulates that the land belongs to New York, but the federal government can take it back at a moment’s notice for the purpose of national defense, and the federal government still owns the underground. In accordance with the Non-Intercourse Act, if the Montauketts gain the recognition of their tribe back, they could reclaim their land (so once again, pleaseplease help them out).In Chapter 9, Moon meets a Montaukett shaman named Sharon Jackson who explains how the Montauketts managed to preserve their culture and stated that the pyramids “were not of the Earth”, and may have been carved from the same material as their “Council Rock”.Chapters 10-11 are just incredibly in depth discussions of the “morphogenetic grid”, Montauk’s position as a “gateway”, how the grid is composed of “Platonic solids”, how bones store “life information” on the grid (and allow communication with the dead), and how Cameron was able to tap into the energy.Chapter 12 talks about the “mystery schools” and how they are constantly at odds with each due to different belief systems. Also, Moon states that whatever religion or belief system that has the most members has the most “thought feeding” into the grid, and the prophecy of that religion will be the one to come true. So I guess this means that if enough people convert to Pastafarianism the world will end with the Flying Spaghetti Monster destroying us all.Chapter 13 talks about the concept of God. Prepare yourself.According to Moon, there is in fact no one monitoring the Earth, and that the Morphogenetic Grid is using geometry to push evolutionary changes.“In other words, there is apparently no one who is monitoring and programming evolution in positive and business like[sic] manner. At least, if they are, they’re not making themselves very well known. Most people, particularly your television commentators, are just muddling along in time and reporting their version of ‘what happens’.”I love how Moon is still bitter over getting blocked from television, and couldn’t resist throwing in another petty jab at them in the middle of his book.“In recent years, there has been much panic ‘pumped into the grid’ as people have focused on environmental crises. Some want us to believe the Earth is in direct threat of extinction by means of a ‘greenhouse effect’ or other means. Others want us to think that environmentalists have their own corrupt and sinister agenda.”…. And apparently the climate change debate is having an effect on the grid too. Okay then…Oh, and every living thing is programmed by a biometric code the grid issues which can be manipulated by telepaths like Duncan Cameron.Chapter 14 sets forth the idea that the Celts had originated in India, stopped by Egypt and hung out there until the Jewish slaves fled and left with the Pharaoh’s daughter, eventually settling in the British Isles. Also, Shakespeare apparently predicted Duncan Cameron in The Scottish Play (hey, I’m an actor and I don’t want to take any chances). This somehow indicates Cameron’s lineage to the Pharaohs.Chapter 15 explains how the Pharaoh’s function was to balance good and evil and “pump the morphogenetic grid with information”, which gave him great magical power.“The Pharaonic line had its most severe setback at the time of Moses, an Egyptian high priest who was groomed for the Pharaohship.Well, let’s see how Moon utterly disfigures this religious figure.“Moses literally initiated the downfall of Egypt by orchestrating the Exodus and taking off with the Arcadian staff, a magical/technical device handed down from Atlantis.”Just as I suspected. After that, the role of the Pharaoh became fractionalized into bickering secret societies. Also, the pyramids are repositories for magic and there is an identical pyramid that is reversed directly below the Great Pyramid and interfaces with other realities. As usual, Moon does not bother to explain how he acquired this information.Chapter 16 further elaborates how Tahuti, the god of wisdom, built the Great Pyramid and is currently residing there just… hanging out and watching American Gods, I guess. Apparently adept magic students can literally drop by and say hello and ascend out of this realm.Chapter 17 is a very lengthy chapter discussing the history of Mars, Earth’s relation to it, and how it affects us. To summarize, when Mars swings close to Earth, it tends to cause cataclysmic events. In addition, Mars may have begotten life onto Earth due to the idea that the Egyptian city of Baal was founded by Martians, who proceeded to mate with humans. The people of Baal had an identical blood type to the Gaelic people, which was mostly Rh negative blood. Moon thinks that this means that if you have Rh positive blood, it means that you have a similar genetic structure to a rhesus monkey.“None of this is meant to suggest that you yourself were derived from apes, but if you suddenly feel an incessant craving for bananas or the desire to swing from trees, be calm. It is just you genetic memory coming awake and it will soon pass.”Is… this supposed to be a joke? I’m honestly not sure whether Moon wants me to take this seriously or not. Anyway, what is most definitely not a joke is the fact that people with Rh negative blood are descended from Martians. Of course.This book…He then finally starts talking about something actually related to Stranger Things;“…studies were done on human beings subjected to complete sensory deprivation in a flotation tank. After a period of time by various individuals in the tank, the body clocks which control all the autonomous nervous systems all returned to a cycle of 24 hours and forty minutes. This is the length of a Martian day! If this is the case, then maybe our entire genetics originated from Mars when it occupied the cradle orbit.”…Okay, tangentially related to Stranger Things with a pinch of insanity mixed in.He goes on another tangent about the Cathars and moves onto Chapter 18, which expands this idea of Martian colonization further and claims that Earth was initially settled by an alien “Elder Race” called the Elohim, who ended the dinosaurs and became human. They left behind symbols etched into crystals that were scattered around the world, connecting the Egyptians, the Atlanteans, the Sirians and the mystery schools together. Also, there are ten pyramids at Shensi, China that are the “last seal to be broken”, and a “lost science” would be rediscovered on how to manipulate the grid. Apparently the Nazis tried to get it.Chapter 19 is another lengthy chapter describing how the “Eye of Horus” fuses both sections of the brain together which would open the third eye which in turn would allow the person to tap into the grid for magical purposes. The rest is just a whole bunch of metaphysical and magical lunacy mixed in with the mystery schools, the Sphinx and the connection between memory and the magnetic grid. Also apparently, the Age of Aquarius started in 2012.“If all the information given in this book is generally correct, it suggests we will be bombarded with various information that has remained buried for millennia. If this is true we have much reason to hope that the Age of Aquarius will be one of true enlightenment and understanding. Although we might find that incredible information is in ample supply, we would all be foolish to think that everything is going to come to us automatically with no effort on our part. But there does seem to be plenty of optimism for those of us who want to learn from our ancient past and program our future accordingly.”So post 2012 is an era of “true enlightenment and understanding”, huh?I should point out that as of May 10, Moon is still alive (and offering patent instructions for a DIY time machine, apparently). I would love to hear what he would have to say about social media and fake news.Chapters 21-22 is just plain insanity. And by that I mean more insane than usual. So during the time of Atlantis 13,000 years ago, everyone was magical, but society began to decline as people began to move toward the Dark Side (seriously). “The Light Warriors” then split into two factions; the Phrees and the Catholies. The former believed in independence and founded the Egyptian kingdom and the latter believed in control and founded Rome. Apparently, literally the entire history of the world, from the Roman Empire to the Holy Roman Empire to the founding of Islam to the Crusades to the Inquisition to the destruction of the Knights Templar to the American Revolution to the French Revolution to Napoleon’s conquests to the British Empire to the Jacobite Rebellion to the American Civil War to World War I was the result of the secret war being waged by these two groups.What’s that you say? Why yes, this is the plot of Assassin’s Creed, how’d you guess? Well, actually I should clarify; it’s Assassin’s Creed if the participants were Jedi and Sith.You know, out of all of the ludicrous concepts in these books, I almost kind of wish that this one was true. How awesome would be to live in a world where Jedi Knights fought Sith Lords throughout time in a secret war that continues to this day? Actually, I think I’m starting to understand the appeal of these books.All of this climaxed when Hitler (oh boy, here we go) found the Spear of Longinus and used it in his conquests. It was later found in a vault by American forces hours after his death, presumably lead by William Blazkowicz. Chapter 22 continues this thread with the CIA discovered all of the things the Nazis came up with, they quickly began to cover it up. See, a guy named Karl Haushofer an occultist who was able to predict the future, formed both the Thule Society and the Vril Society, the latter of which apparently managed to contact aliens who decided to share some UFO technology with them. He met up with Hitler via Rudolf Hess and “found a use for him as a German messiah” (even though he was Austrian, but whatever), helping him rise to power. Meanwhile, the Thule Society hooked up with Aleister Crowley’s boys (remember him?) and managed to open a time rift in 1923. They formed another group called the “Order of the Black Sun” (pretty badass name, actually).“In project Phisummum the Order of the Black Sun wanted to retrieve the Holy Grail from a past century and put it into the hands of the groomer of the Antichrist. This was at best an attempt to balance the two forces and create a transdimensional consciousness. As part of this magical process, Aleister Crowley and other magicians participated. Some of them were high ranking Nazis. Sex magic was employed and the Spear of Longinus was supposedly used as a magical power source.”For once, I’m glad that Moon doesn’t go into detail here. I really don’t need to know the specifics of how high-ranking Nazis used sex magic. My apologies if you’re in to that sort of thing. Apparently this caused a “time explosion” and a scientist stole some crystals that were crucial to the project. Meanwhile;“These secret societies saw Hitler as a Moonchild or messiah that could be used to unite the world and rebuild the Tower of Babylon in order to unite consciousness with the most high.”Uh-huh.Also, Hitler was best friends with the Pleiadians, who lent him some UFO tech, which appeared in the form of the infamous Foo Fighters. However, the “German contact” who relayed all of this information to Moon says that this is, of course, absolutely ridiculous.Hitler was friends with the Aldeberans, you American dummbatz.With that said, why are conspiracy theorists so convinced that the alien races were so keen on helping out the Third Reich? If I was some alien emperor from the Andromeda Galaxy looking to sponsor a human government, I think that the country run by a complete moron with a cocaine addiction and chronic flatulence would be the last choice. Actually, come to think of it, maybe that’s why the aliens gave him their tech; just so they could see how this idiot could fuck it up for their amusement.Anyway, apparently the “Axis” moniker came from the shift of the Earth’s axis and its correspondence to “the black sun in the center of the galaxy” courtesy of Haushofer who was apparently a brilliant man, but he failed because of Hitler.See, the “brilliant intellect and precise magician” (seriously) was told by his “mystic visions” to use the Spear of Longinus for evil, thus filling the role of the Antichrist. Regardless, Haushofer used his clairvoyance to advise Hitler of military strategy, but ultimately became disgusted by Hitler’s “Final Solution”.“By this time, Hitler was an absolute dictator and was not respectful of the societies that had put him into power.”It’s almost like putting a complete fucking lunatic in charge of the country was a bad idea. In order to stop Hitler, Haushofer met with Crowley and Ian Fleming (the author of the James Bond novels) and arranged for Rudolf Hess to make his infamous flight to Britain to arrange a peace treaty. This of course failed when Hess was arrested, so Haushofer threw his lot in with Operation Valkyrie to take out Hitler. This also failed and Haushofer was kept in prison until the end of the war, after which he testified at Nuremberg and drank arsenic until he died. He also had a rather badass saying; “One who rides a tiger can’t expect to get off.”Chapter 23 elaborates on Ian Fleming’s involvement; basically he somehow found out about the Philadelphia Experiment and was going to relay the information to another British agent, but died before he could do so on August 12th. Apparently this information would have concerned the magical ritual Crowley was performing the same day that the Experiment occurred.Once again, this is too long for Reddit, so I'm going to have to split it up.Continue to Part 2 via /r/StrangerThings

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