#i try so dang hard to be open minded and sympathetic so i was real mad at myself for not giving luther a chance

[itsjustaphase-mom]

Luther Hargreeves

ok listen. i know he is certainly not a fan favourite and i absolutely hated him the first few times i watched ua. but this time, i rewatched it specifically to try to sympathize with luther and guys there are so many things at play here

he doesn’t realize the extent to which his siblings were abused. he brushes klaus off and doesn’t think twice about locking up vanya again because he just assumes they had the same experience. he’s not being an asshole (on purpose), he just never stopped to think about the fact that being Hargreeves’ favourite made life a lot easier for him.

similar to the first note, he never stopped to consider the implications of having powers that hurt to use. he has super strength, something that, compared to some of the other powers in the family, is nothing. he just doesnt realize what seeing corpses is like, which is why he doesnt get klaus’ addiction (and to be fair, neither do the rest of his siblings). Same with Vanya. He doesn’t think about what it’s like to learn you have powers after being told you’re horribly boring and average your whole life, nor what it’s like to find out your memory was erased. he had it a lot easier than his siblings, but he doesnt think about that. that leads to some poor decisions and awful seeming actions, but keep in mind that we know a lot more than he does about his siblings. we’ve seen their pain but he hasnt. no one in this damn family communicates, so he just doesnt get it. i wish hed stop to think about how other people feel every once in a while, but itd also help if they just straight up said “hey being high keeps the gory corpses out of my field of view, im not a fan of this either” to help him understand. he wasnt taught empathy, but he tries for the most part. honestly, the fact that he turned out that nice considering what he grew up with? kind of incredible

hes not just obsessed with the moon. and to be fair, he has a right to it? i mean i havent stopped talking about this show for 2 months and ive had other things happening in my life. he was alone up there for 4 years. that doesnt give you much conversation material. and also, bringing up the idea that the apocalypse could be caused by the moon makes sense because, yeah, he was sent up there by their dad who knew about the apocalypse (whether luther was aware of that or not). He was up there to look for threats, so its not that odd to consider that the threat he was watching for could have caused the apocalypse...oh speaking of which HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE MOON IT DID CAUSE THE APOCALYPSE

i think a lot of people like to ignore the fact that he was also abused. sure, it wasnt to the extent of klaus or vanya but he had a horrible childhood nonetheless which messed him up too. he wasnt taught a lot of the things we take for granted so like i said earlier, the fact that he’s not completely deranged is astonishing

also can we mention the horrible trauma he went through? like lmao monkey man but oh my gosh can you imagine? he almost died (in a horribly painful way) and woke up months later with a fucking gorilla body. he’ll never look like a normal person again. he probably will never be able to look in the mirror and like what he sees (you can find out first hand what its like to be me so GATHER ROU-) yes everything Klaus went through was horrible but Luther has lived through some fucked up shit too and i think we like to ignore that because he’s not very likeable

the scene with vanya. it hurts me every time i think about it. HOWEVER. i understand why he did it. do i think he made the right choice? fuck no. but i get why he did what he did. Vanya was extremely dangerous. She caused the apocalypse. she literally killed everyone on earth. these arent things we should brush over. (and yes i love vanya but that’s not what we’re talking about here) she very nearly killed Allison, and he doesn’t know her well enough to know if she’s here to genuinely apologize or finish the job. He just knows he has a responsibility not only to his family, but to the entire world. so he makes a tough decision. it hurts him too, look at his face. he doesnt want to do it but he doesnt think he has any other options.

about dismissing klaus: he has good reason (at least in his head). klaus is intoxicated constantly, and like i mentioned before, he doesnt realize its because of his powers. he just thinks klaus is trying to have a good time, and to be fair, klaus tries to hide his vulnerability (for the most part) so luther wouldnt know any better. in the end when he tells him to be a lookout? justified. the man is heavily suffering from withdrawal (or intoxicated, to luther’s knowledge? i cant remember if luther knows or not or whether he believes him for that matter) which is gonna impact his reaction time, and he doesnt have powers that can help anyway (as far as luther knows). yes, he was trained alongside them and allison is allowed to help despite also lacking usable powers; however, she is in a clearer state of mind and a lot healthier. She can physically fight. Klaus just kinda...jumps on people’s backs for the most part. Did you see her fight Cha Cha? *swoons* no but seriously, Allison is still highly skilled and in far better shape than Klaus. He’s a liability and staying outside is safer for everyone (again, as far as luther knows) all this being said, the way he treats klaus when hes drunk is Disgusting, Abhorrent, and Unacceptable. i understand that he doesnt realise his own power but thats inexcusable

luther x allison is gross, i agree HOWEVER they were not raised as adopted siblings, they were raised more closely akin to a boarding school. their dynamic had always been romantic; they never saw themselves as siblings. yes, i do find it very odd that literally everyone else considers each other siblings, but im just saying that their dynamic has always been different and technically it’s not really incestuous (im not condoning it, i hate it personally i just can see why its not the worst thing ever? its still pretty yikes though. also shipping literally any other characters IS fucking gross because the rest of them see each other as siblings and always have so gtfo with klaus x diego or klaus x ben g r o s s)

those are the main complaints ive seen (and voiced myself)... basically it all boils down to the facts that 1. he was abused, just like his siblings 2. he doesnt stop to think about how other people are thinking or feeling 3. hes just trying to do what is best for his family (and the world). I sympathize with monkey man. He deserved better. I really hope in the next season he’ll pause to consider things every once in a while (and that klaus will open up because he’s not useless but he’s not explaining to anyone why he does the things he does and he needs to!!) so yeah was this basically just me yelling at me from a week ago? yes. does anyone care? probably not but i felt it had to be done. anyway im done ranting for now....if i missed anything lemme know

#luther hargreeves #tua #umbrella academy #casey talks #analysis #if i need to clarify smth plz tell me #if youve got other qualms with luther i can try to explain his thought process #i just understand the man so much better now #also fricc you carina and jayden here this is what i mean #i try so dang hard to be open minded and sympathetic so i was real mad at myself for not giving luther a chance #hey #judging people without thinking about why they act the way they do? #yall are actually just luther XD

[littlemisspascal]

The Infinity Cube Part 6

Main Pairing: Marcus Pike x Female Reader

Chapter Pairing: The Thief x Female Reader

Word Count: 1500+

Series Summary:  When you play with a strange cube, you’re transported out of your current reality with your boyfriend Marcus into brand new ones starring alternate versions of your boyfriend who look and act entirely different every time. With each encounter, you start to wonder if you’ll ever make it back to your real universe?

Warnings for the chapter: Language, Confusion, Multiverse theory, Heavily inspired by Inception + BioShock Infinite, Magic, I am not a scientist or have a degree related to any field of science so the majority of this plot is a mixture of google - inspiration - and just making up what I can cuz fanfiction is supposed to be fun dang it, No beta all mistakes are my own

Author Note: Thank you everybody for your kind support of this fic! I appreciate every like, comment, and reblog 💝 Y’all deserve awards with the A++ gifs and reaction pics you send me. I swear I’ve never laughed so hard. Hopefully the thief’s explanation here makes sense, but if I need to elaborate lemme know and I can edit or try to include an explanation later in the fic 😊

PART 1 / PART 5 / PART 7

“I’ve lost my mind,” you mutter under your breath, pacing in front of the fireplace. “I’m in a coma. I hit my head and a piece of my skull is embedded in my brain. I’ve been kidnapped and given a hallucinogen. I’m—”

“A victim of my greed,” the thief cuts in, guilt visible in every line of his expression. “Bound to the cube and its whims.”

Your hands twitch with the urge to cradle his face, to soothe him. “Who is the girl in the Polaroid?”

His lips part.

“Don’t you dare say it’s me.”

His mouth falls shut. 

Oh good lord, you think, scrubbing your hands over your face. You’ve been a good person—donated to charity, paid your taxes, ate your vegetables—what have you done to deserve this bomb of chaos dropping into your life and blowing it up into a million, itty, bitty pieces? 

“Okay,” your fingers tap a random, restless rhythm against your thigh, “say I believe you. Give me an explanation that makes sense. And by makes sense, I mean talk to me like I’m five, alright? I’m giving you permission to mansplain this to me.”

The thief’s forehead wrinkles, thoughtfulness replacing the guilt. “How familiar are you with the concept of the multiverse?”

“Enough to discuss Marvel movies,” you answer. “It’s like there are hundreds of alternate realities besides our own, right? And they all exist at the same time.”

“Right, except instead of hundreds it’s millions of millions of millions.”

You swallow, or try to, at least, because it suddenly feels like your throat has become lined with sandpaper. “And we exist in all of them?”

The look he gives you is both sympathetic and critical. “I think you know the answer to that already, my dear.”

Din, Javier, Pero. 

Cyar’ika. Rareza. Mariquita. 

And more. So, so many more you could never possibly meet them all. The threat of a migraine claws at the back of your brain as you try to imagine all the different worlds and all your different identities. How many versions of you like reading mystery novels? How many can name every One Direction song on all five albums without hesitation? How many have no idea One Direction even exists? What horrible lives those would be, you think, rubbing at your forehead. 

“So that woman in the photo is me in this reality,” you say quietly, eyes lowering to the book lying open on the couch, Polaroid on full display. “I’m your partner.”

To your surprise, the thief shakes his head. “No, my partner ceased to exist the moment she triggered the cube and lost her soul.” Your confusion must be prominent on your face because his nose scrunches up, the same expression Marcus makes when he is searching for new words to explain himself.

“Maybe it’ll be easier to explain if I use the alphabet. We’ll call my partner A. When A triggered the cube, her soul—her essence, her memories, her likes and dislikes, everything that made her her—was transferred into another version of herself: B.”

You nod, following along and likening it to you winding up in Cyar’ika’s body. 

“Twisting the cube again, she went into another body: C.”

Like you did with Rareza. 

“And the cycle continues on and on until,” the thief lifts the cube with one hand and waves his other in front of it, “the cube is inevitably lost.”

The cube vanishes from his hand.

Your heart stops cold.

“When that happens, A merges with whichever letter she’s currently occupying and becomes a brand new identity, forgetting everything she’s seen and done in the past. My partner is gone. Has been for...Quite honestly I don’t remember how many years have passed.” Sorrow creeps into his brown eyes, turning them glossy with unshed tears, before he determinedly blinks them away. 

“The cube always turns up again.” He waves his hand in the air and the cube appears between one blink of your eye and the next, as if it had always been there. “And when it does, the cycle continues. I feel it when the cube is picked up and, well, you being here is also proof of the cycle.”

You exhale a shaky breath, hating the question you’re about to ask. “You said it’s the soul that travels, not the body. Does...does that mean Marcus is going to find me lying dead in my office?”

“When the cube is triggered, my magic resets the reality to the moment right before your arrival. Nobody remembers your soul or the cube being there,” the thief explains, his voice quieter than before as if to smooth the spikes of tension digging into your body. “Think of yourself right now as existing between the letters. As if you’re in limbo. You’re not who you once were—that version of you is still happily with Marcus—but you’re not somebody new yet either. Not until you merge.”

It’s irrational to be jealous of your own self, but that’s exactly what you’re feeling. Marcus has no idea you’re missing—is probably eating strawberry cheesecake with you on the couch right now, not even an inkling of an idea that’s not you. And it isn’t fair. Not one bit.

“The way you talk, saying ‘inevitable’ a lot, it’s like you’re certain I’m going to merge. Like it’s a guarantee or...” Your shoulders slump, a horrible thought occurring. “How many times have we had this conversation?”

He averts his gaze towards the floor, somehow looking small despite his broad frame. “Enough to know it doesn’t change a damn thing.”

You’d seen an abundance of movies where the main character abruptly faints from shock and you never thought they were very realistic, but with the sudden way your lungs constrict and how a wave of lightheadedness rams into you, maybe those movies were true portrayals of life after all. You slowly sink to the floor, finding small comfort in the solidness of the hardwood, letting your head hang limply against your chest. Breathe in for four seconds, hold it for seven, and exhale for eight.

Over and over until your heartbeat doesn’t sound like thunder in your ears.

“This is the one reality you always pass through,” the thief says eventually, sensing you’re not on the edge of spiraling out of control anymore. “Maybe because that’s my heart in the cube, I don’t know. What I do know though, is I can’t give my love a proper burial or else you will wake up six feet under and I can’t bear the thought of that happening to any version of you.”

The meaning doesn’t register at first, but when it does your heartbeat skyrockets once more.

“Are you saying I’m possessing a corpse right now?” Bile rises in the back of your throat. Disgusting is the only word that comes to mind. Completely and utterly fucking disgusting.

“Without a heart, I might as well be one too,” the thief says simply, like his situation is at all comparable to yours. “My home has become my tomb, filled with reminders that my own greed cost me a life with the woman I adored, and every day brings with it the possibility of a new stranger standing in my gallery room.”

Anyone else, you would have screamed in their face that they deserved it, that stealing is wrong and there’s always consequences of the crime. But this is Marcus. A Marcus you have no memory of, granted, but a Marcus nevertheless and your inability to be angry at him for long transcends realities. 

You sniffle, feeling a thickness growing in your throat as pathetic tears have started burning at the corners of your eyes.  “I want to go home,” you whisper, voice breaking. 

The thief moves to crouch in front of you, taking hold of your hand to place the cube in your palm. “If you solve the cube, my dear, you might have a chance.”

You don’t respond at first, instead reaching out to gently lay a hand upon his scruffy cheek. He sharply inhales before what’s left of his mask melts away, leaving behind the shell of a man racked with guilt and regret, completely undone by the innocent touch.

“Things are going to be different this time,” you tell him, voice quiet yet firm. “I won’t lose myself. I’m going to get you back your heart and find a way back home.”

The thief stares at you for a moment, and you can see the battle in his eyes as he wrestles with the feeling of hopelessness. 

“I don’t say this very often, but…” He lightly squeezes your wrist, offering you a half-smile. “I’m glad I got to meet you.”

You give him a wobbly smile of your own. “Good, ‘cause you’ll be seeing me again soon, Brown Eyes.”

Turning the left side of the cube, you leave the thief behind and carry on with your journey. You have no idea where in the multiverse you’ll wind up next or what you’ll be called or what your life will resemble, but in spite of all the unknown variables there is one constant you can rely on to save you from drowning in an ocean of anxiety and fears. 

And that constant is him. Your precious Brown Eyes.

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Series Taglist: @amillcitygirl​ @marvelismylife @doin-stuff​ @giselatropicana​ @feminist-violinist​ @dessinemoiunehistoire​ @oh-javi-oh-papi @danniburgh @starlightmornings @cowboy-turtle​ @babiiface95 @frasmotic @ajeff855 @mishasminion360 @spideysimpossiblegirl​ @djjarins​​ @hiddlebatchedloki 

#the thief #the thief x reader #the thief x you #Marcus Pike #marcus pike x you #marcus pike x reader #the infinity cube #pedrostories #pedro pascal character fanfiction #my fic #my writing

[bokettochild]

Legendary Cousins

So... I promised @peachy-scars that I would write them this a while back when they posted this, and after consulting y’all (I think it was @attllhak and several anons who helped the most) I finally had enough to just go ham and write this beautiful piece of garbage.

Hope you like it, Peaches!

 They had landed in a new Hyrule, and Legend’s instant reaction was to blink and stare about with a conflicted expression on his face while the others had stared in confusion at their surroundings.

 “Why’s this look so weird?” Wind demanded eloquently as he pulled himself out from beneath a giggling Hyrule, who always laughed nervously when they landed in a new Hyrule and seemed particularly giddy today.

 “Wind, manners.” Time chided softly, pulling himself back up and working with Wild to pull his protégé back up, Twilight looking around dizzily as he leaned on his mentor for balance. “You don’t know whose home this might be.”

 “I do.” Legend hissed softly, hooded eyes staring towards a nearby path while a slight smile touched his lips. “New Hero everyone.”

 Glances were exchanged before shooting to the vet in confusion. “How...”

 “You knew there were more heroes?” Warriors sputtered, staring at the vet in surprise while the hero in question pulled himself to his feet and shook out his limbs, knuckles crackling painfully and making the others wince.

 “Time travel mixed with world hopping and the occasional visit to other countries.” Legend answered in a low voice, stretching towards the sky and standing on the tips of his toes (eyes turned away as the vet’s already short tunic rode higher). “I’ve met plenty of other heroes. Five- maybe six? Not sure.” He shrugged, arms falling back to his sides as he moved further into the forest. “Come along, if we want to check up on things we’d best get headed to the castle. Monsters out here are brutal, even if they are bloody crazy.”

 Glances were exchanged again, Wind’s wide eyes growing wider as he mouthed the words ‘six other heroes’ to his brothers.

 “Who met Legend before all this went down?” The captain hissed, pulling Four up onto his back. “Because it sure as heck wasn’t me.”

 No one answered, and they didn’t have much of a chance to as the Vet’s voice broke through the forest, a harsh hiss for them to hurry. “You stay there all day the ‘blins’ll eat you!”

 Eight heroes pulled themselves along, following after as Legend trailed silently through the forest.

 Each stumble or loud noise earned a glare from the vet, and if it didn’t come from them, it made him freeze, steps stopping immediately as his ears would prick towards the sound. More than once, Twilight or Sky had to muffle a laugh in their respective wraps as the image of a bunny starting to alert entered their minds.

 Maybe it’s the laughter. Maybe it’s just their dang Hero of Courage luck, or maybe it’s just because Hylia thinks it funny, but even with all Legend’s glaring and stopping and sneaking, they are attacked just as they reach the edge of the forest.

 The monsters are... horrifying. Nothing most of them have ever even seen, and the only thing they can do as they fight is to take the vet’s advice. “Aim for the eyes! And if you can’t reach them, the ankles!” The vet shouts as he kicks into a spin attack. The other heroes follow suit, ripping into the beasts as Wild pulls back from the group, setting off volleys of arrows as best he can do by himself, and successfully blinding a few of the monsters.

 They’re thick into the song of battle when an unknown voice rings out. “Good golly! Hang on there, sirs!”

 It’s hard to see past the swarms of monsters (seriously, they’ve never been this thick!) but blonde hair and a swinging sword assure them that whomever it is, is likely the hero Legend had told them about. Enemies fall as bombs explode and various weapons pierce through hearts and heads.  

 Once the dust has cleared, they take careful stock of their injuries and weapons (Wild’s shattered another sword and Four is sighing wearily) before turning their attention to their unexpected help.

 Legend and the other hero stand over a dead bokoblin, shaking hands in a friendly manner while the one chatters to the other, the vet smiling thinly but genuinely as he listens.

 “Vet, who’s this?”

 “Ah! You have friends!” A bright smile is turned their way as the swordsman releases Legend’s hand. “Greetings! I’m Link.”

 “The Hero of Koridai.” Legend adds on, rolling his eyes.

 “Aw, come on, Other-Link!” The newcomer grins, jabbing Legend playfully in the side and effectively stealing his breath. “I’m just Link is all.”

 “That’s all of their names too.” Legend wheezes, glaring up at the other.

 The chain of heroes takes in the newcomer, who, much to the captain’s dismay, seems to share Legend’s opinion of pants, as well as a preference for pegasus boots. Bright brown eyes stare back at them, a dopey grin on the hero’s face, but beneath the welcoming grin there's a glint of something sharp and dangerous that has Warriors shuffling back warily.

 “What adventure is this? Finish meeting up with your lovely cousins?”

 The vet huffs a breath, clearing his throat as he straightens up again. “Thereabouts, this’ll be adventure seven.”

 “Ooh, seven. Ouch.” Bright brown turn towards the vet with a sympathetic wince. “Sorry about that.”

 “You had your own quests.” Legend dismisses, as if his words don’t confuse the others. “How’s Zelly by the way? We haven’t heard from her.”

 Link, for lack of a better current name, smiles cheerily. “Half a minute yet there.” Turning to the others he offers yet another impossibly wide smile, it’s very nearly uncomfortable to look at, and Legend is the only one who seems unaffected by doing so (he has seen far, far worse from this world). “We should skedaddle over to the castle.” A halting motion is made towards the castle just in front of them as the newest hero laughs nervously. “As long as you’re there, you won’t be attacked.”

 And for lack of anything else to do, they agree, following after as Legend and the new Link chat in the front, Legend with an amount of patience that has never in their memory presented itself and the new Link with an almost irritating amount of pep and cheer. “Zelly’s doing great, and we’re hoping to visit all of you soon too! Or, we were, but the monsters started getting real bad an’ Zel figured we’d better stay behind to make sure they didn’t cause too much trouble.”

 “How bad?” The vet’s brows quirk with concern and Warriors nearly stumbles at the gentle expression on Legend’s face.

 “Just a bit stronger.” The new Link shrugs, but smiles brightly up at Legend. “It’s not as bad as last time though, so don’t worry your pink head about it.”

 And Legend... Legend actually laughs, reaching up to tug the cap of the other Link as they cross into the shadow of Hyrule Castle’s walls.  

 “What the-” Warriors is cut off with a blaring ‘Beep!’ from Wind, who looks up at him cheekily when the captain looks down at him.

 “Censoring.” Wind chirrups.

 ”Soooo...” Twilight drawls, a smile pulling at his features as he looks between the duo, the heroes all relaxing as they enter the castle gates. “How do you two know each other?”

 “We’re cousins!” Link chirrups happily, shooting another smile over his shoulder that’s just a bit too wide and a bit too sharp.”

 “Third Cousins or...” Legend waves his hand vaguely. “Somethin’. Their father is my second cousin or some sort of thing, it’s unclear honestly, all we know is that Zelda is my cousin somewhere down the line and with those two dating-” The other Link flushes at the statement, face as dopey as Sky’s gets. “He’s bound to be thrown in there somewhere too.”

 “Wait!” Four looks from one of the cousins to the other (there is a bit of resemblance, uncannily enough, even though Link smiles far more than Legend). “Whose time is this?”

 The two share a look, nodding firmly before turning to the others and speaking together. “Both.”

 “Two heroes? In one time?” Time cocks a brow.

 Legend throws his hands up. “You can talk to Hylia about that!”

 “Oh!” Link’s grin widens further as he bounces in place. “And how is Aunt Hylia? Golly, I haven’t seen her in ages!”

 “Aunt Hylia...” Sky blinks slowly.

 The vet huffs. “Fine. She’s letting Fable back into the fighting ring this weekend, figured since the Master didn’t mess things up that it’d be okay to let Hylians head back out there. Hide the evidence if they send me an invite, yeah?”

 “Will do!” Comes the chipper reply, but the other heroes aren’t done.

 “Wait, wait, wait, how many heroes are there in this time?” Warriors looks from one to the other with panic building in his gaze.

 Link frowns in what seems an over-the-top expression of thought. “Do the colors count?”  

 Four chokes.

 Legend flushes. “They count.” His voice is strained and nearly wheezing as swirling hazel stares a hole in his head.

 “And then there’s the Hytopian wannabe, who might very well actually be one.” Link continues. “And the two of us. Does Great-Grandfather Raven count?”

 “Not in this time, he just traveled here briefly when Nayru became corrupted.” Legend drawls with a head tilt, as if talking about meeting your ancestors and de-corrupting a goddess was normal for this world, and with the way Link just nods along, they are all beginning to worry that that is the norm here.

 “Right, so five heroes.” Link nods slowly. “And then we have great-gramps Raven, and whoever- wait.” The new Link’s eyes fly wide open as he motions to Time. “Isn’t that Great-Gramps?”

 Legend and Time both splutter as the vet hurries to correct the other hero. “No! He’s...” Legend looks from the startled Time to his cousin. “That’s the Hero of Time.” He whispers gravely, and Link’s eyes blow even wider as he looks to Time, who winces. They’ve all heard of what happened to the Hero of Time in this world.

 “Oh!” Link breathes, before another smile stretches over his face. “Great-Great-Gramma Lon’s husband!”

 Legend just facepalms while Time stands with his mouth flapping and fingers twitching, the old man now trying to calculate exactly how many children are now officially his while Warriors proceeded to have all the color drain out of his face.

 “How are there two heroes of Courage here!!!!” The Captain hisses, and Link and Legend both look at each other. “And for the love of Hylia! Stop looking at each other all the time, what, can you read minds?!?!”

 And both stare at the captain with the deadest of dead expressions, which actually makes Link all the more unnerving and Legend all the more intimidating. “Yes.”

 It takes a while, but once they meet Zelda, she takes the time to explain.

 “Our fathers are cousins.” She says, smiling at the heroes as they all sit and have lunch in the courtyard, motioning to Legend as she speaks. The vet is currently pulling his hat back off of his face after having it tugged down in vengeance for earlier. “Once both had married into the royal family, there was contention in the kingdom so Auntie Hylia sent Mapa and Papa out here to take care of this part of the kingdom while she handled things in central Hyrule.

 “Most folks call Papa a king because they forget that it’s one country, but what with the high borders and all, it may as well be its own country.” She shrugs as she pops another piece of food in her mouth. “And there aren’t two Courage Wielders, technically. I mean, there are, but Link isn’t one of them.” She smiles in a sly sort of way, too wide, too knowing, too creepy for many of the heroes to be comfortable. “He just happens to care a lot and does what he can.”

 “Oh yeah,” Hyrule nods knowingly, chewing slowly on his own meal. “My brother is like that too.”

 The others, even Legend and Link, turn to Hyrule in shock. “Your what???”

#cdi link #and hints at #cartoon link #linked universe #linkeduniverse #idiot writes crack #lu legend #i like making warriors freak out :) #time is having a crisis #i will mention Raven freaking everywhere #four is intrigued #lu four #lu warriors #lu time #lu hyrule #sky has questions for legend #lu sky #lu twilight #twilight and sky are laughing at legend a lot #they can't help it #it's because of #hints of #bunny legend #peachy-scars my beloved

[mxliv-oftheendless]

Lovers Eye

Happy Valentines Day, everybody!! Hope you’re having a great day and finding great ways to celebrate love even if that love isn’t the romantic kind of love that society pushes is the only kind of love worth celebrating. Ironically, that’s what I’m doing here lol. But I’m also celebrating the platonic kind because IT’S @cosmicrealmofkissteria​‘s BIRTHDAY!!!! So I hope you like this humble birthday present I wrote for her! 

So a fun fact for everyone: in the early 1800s during the Regency Era in England, there was a trend where a person would give a loved one, usually a romantic partner, a necklace that had a close-up picture of their eye. It was called a “lovers eye”, and it was a way for their identity to stay a secret because only their eye was shown. It’s pretty dang romantic, if you ask me, and that’s how this story was born! Enjoy!!

Was it possible to feel like you were floating even though your feet were firmly on the ground? Because that was how Tomaziel had been feeling lately. 

He just couldn’t help feeling so happy, especially when Starchild was there. They had exchanged so many letters by now, so much he had lost count. But all of them were saved, tucked away in a dresser drawer if he ever wanted to reread them. And he had, many times. 

Even after months, a part of him still wondered if he was dreaming. He never thought in a million years Starchild would ever take a chance on him, and had been happy to simply be good friends and nothing more. He had even cherished that good friendship. And now, to have them become something more... it still felt like a dream. 

But it was real. The Spark was real. The romantic words Starchild wrote in his letters were real. The sensation of his heart fluttering whenever Starchild laughed was definitely real... and he knew because he was experiencing it right now as he watched Starchild clap a hand over his mouth to control the laughter threatening to burst out. 

It was late at night and they were in Tomaziel’s chambers, sitting on his bed and talking. Starchild was on a rather impromptu trip to Jendell, due to Princess Monique practically begging Ace to ask if he would visit on her birthday. It was only a day-long visit, and he would be leaving in the morning, but Tomaziel was willing to savor the time he could spend with him. 

Tomaziel couldn’t help smiling at Starchild and quipping, “You do realize it sounds like you’re laughing at Eric being hit on, right?” 

“I’m not laughing at that,” Starchild sniggered. “I’m laughing at what ended up happening.” 

“Well, what happened?” 

Starchild pushed back his hair and tried to control himself.  “Okay. So Eric told Ace that the man was trying to come onto him, and Ace said—” he wheezed and doubled over. “He said—I’m sorry,” he snickered. 

Tomaziel couldn’t help laughing himself. “Come on, tell me! What happened?” He wanted to know what was so funny. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Starchild giggled, pushing back his hair and trying to control himself. “Ace said, and I quote, “Let’s make out so he thinks we’re together and he’ll leave you alone.” And they did.” 

Tomaziel’s jaw dropped open in disbelief. “They made out?” 

“They made out.” Starchild looked like he was going to burst from the laughter he was holding in. 

“Right there in the club?” A wide, incredulous smile was forming on his face. Honestly, it did sound like something King Ace would do, but it was still a bit of a shock to hear. 

“Right there in the club!” Starchild finally gave up and burst out laughing, doubling over to hide his face in his knees. 

Tomaziel threw back his head and started laughing. “Was there—” he had to take a moment to contain his laughter long enough to finish. “Was there tongue?”

“I didn’t see, but I’m pretty sure there was.” Starchild giggled at the memory. “Oh, you should have seen Eric. He was shocked speechless. And Heather...” His smile faded for a moment, then reappeared with a light laugh. “She was laughing so hard.” 

“Ace just went for it, didn’t he?” Tomaziel asked knowingly. 

Starchild laughed again. “He did. He just swooped in and made out with him right there.”

“I wish I could have seen that,” he snickered. “Should we tell the Queen what Ace did?” 

“I’m not sure... Do you think we should?” 

“Oh, definitely. She would have a field day with this.” 

Starchild giggled. “I can tell her at breakfast tomorrow before I leave,” 

At that, Tomaziel’s smile faded a little. He didn’t really want to be reminded that he couldn’t spend more time with Starchild, not until he either went to KISSteria or Starchild found a reason to go on another trip to Jendell. 

He couldn’t help sighing and reaching out to graze Starchild’s fingers. “I do wish you could stay longer,” he said aloud. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy to see you, but I just wish you didn’t have to leave tomorrow.” 

Starchild took his hand with a sympathetic look and squeezed it. “I know,” he agreed. “I’m sorry I never get to see you as often as I would like. Do you... Do you want to keep writing letters?” 

“Of course I do,” Tomaziel nodded immediately. “I love writing to you.” 

The smile that graced Starchild’s face made his heart flutter again. “So do I... I do understand wanting to see each other more.” He let out a sheepish laugh. “I keep sketching pictures of you.” 

Tomaziel grinned widely. “Really? Can I see them sometime?” 

“Of course; I can send them with letters.” Then Starchild’s eyes suddenly lit up. “Oh, that reminds me! I wanted to give you something before I left.” 

“Starchild, the Princess is the only one that’s supposed get gifts today,” Tomaziel reminded him jokingly as he swung his legs to get off the bed. 

Starchild laughed as he went over to his jacket, which was hanging off a bedpost. “I don’t think she’ll mind. Besides, it’s a special gift.” 

Tomaziel leaned in curiously as he moved to take something out of his jacket pocket. “What is it?” 

He took out a small black box and moved to climb back onto the bed, then handed it to him with an eager smile. “Open it,”

When Tomaziel opened the lid, he found a gold chain necklace sitting on a bed of dark blue velvet. The pendant was a simple gold oval shape, and contained an image of a beautiful brown eye with strands of dark hair falling over it. It suddenly occurred to him that the eye looked familiar...

He held up the necklace beside Starchild’s face and looked between the two. “Is this your eye?” he finally realized.

Starchild smiled and nodded. “It is. It’s called a lovers eye necklace. I had it made with an image of my eye for you. I thought... well, I thought it would be a nice gift. Do you like it?”

Tomaziel’s heart swelled as he gazed at the necklace. Somehow it was made even better by how it wasn’t too extravagant; just a simple gold necklace. Starchild knew he wasn’t the extravagant type. No one had ever given him a gift this meaningful before.

“Starchild, this... this is wonderful.” A touched smile bloomed across his face as he looked at Starchild. “I love it.”

Starchild smiled happily back, then laughed as he unfastened the clasp on the chain. “Are you putting it on right now?”

“Of course,” Tomaziel grinned at him. He fastened the clasp around his neck and turned the pendant around to look down at it with a smile. “I’ll never take this off.” 

His smile widened a little when Starchild’s cheeks turned pink and he let out a giggle. “Smooth talker,” 

Tomaziel chuckled. “Really, this is amazing. Thank you...” He gave a sheepish laugh. “I don’t know how I can repay you for this.”

“You don’t have to repay me,” Starchild shook his head. “It’s yours; don’t worry about repaying me.”

“But it’s beautiful... I feel as if I should.”

“Well...” Starchild’s smile turned impish. “If you insist... you can repay me with a kiss.”

Tomaziel laughed. “I can definitely do that.” He cupped Starchild’s cheek and leaned in to give him a soft kiss. He could feel the necklace around his neck and smiled into the kiss. Starchild probably thought he was joking, but he meant what he said; he was just so touched by this gift that he really never wanted to take it off. 

-KISSTERIA-

MANY YEARS LATER

It was early in the morning, too early to get up just yet. And yet, Starchild was awake and sitting up in bed. His head was leaned back against the headboard and his eyes were closed, savoring the quiet and calm before he had to get out of bed and be King for the day. 

At that thought, his eyes opened and he looked down at the man lying beside him and his lips drifted up in a faint smile. Tomaziel lay in bed, still sound asleep, and Starchild simply observed him, not having the heart to wake him up. He couldn’t help admiring his face in the daylight seeping through the windows, and almost wanted to get out of bed to grab his sketchbook so he could capture the beautiful, tranquil image. Even after being married to Tomaziel for many years now, the sight of his beautiful husband still took his breath away. 

His eyes traveled from his face down to his bare chest, and he smiled as his own eye gazed back up at him. The necklace showed signs of age; the gold had darkened, even after being polished many times, and if he looked hard enough he knew he would see a couple small dents. But there it was in the same place it had always been, still around Tomaziel’s neck and resting on his chest like it really did belong there.

He watched the necklace rise and fall with Tomaziel’s breathing with a fond smile. He had always figured Tomaziel would at some point take off the necklace. Maybe there would even come a day where the necklace was taken off and never put back on again. But that day never came; the necklace stayed around his neck, never taken off. Even after years, whole decades, Tomaziel really had kept that innocent little vow he’d made when Starchild first gave it to him. 

Starchild reached out and gently brushed away a few strands of hair that were stuck to Tomaziel’s mouth. At his touch, Tomaziel stirred, and after a few moments he turned his head and slowly opened his eyes. Starchild smiled at him when he met his eyes. “Good morning,”

“Mmph... Good—” Tomaziel was interrupted by a wide yawn, making Starchild smile affectionately as his entire face scrunched up. “Mmm, good morning,” he finally said, his voice low from sleep. “Is it time to get up?” 

“Not yet,” Starchild smiled playfully. “Have I ever told you how pretty you are?” 

Tomaziel gave a snort of a laugh. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say the King of KISSteria was flirting with me.” 

“Oh, I only flirt with my husband.” He grinned at him and tapped his nose. “Oh wait, that’s you.” 

“Lucky me,” 

They shared a laugh, then Starchild fell quiet again as he looked back down at the lovers eye pendant. 

“I’ll never take this off.” His heart fluttered at the memory of Tomaziel saying the words. It was an innocent little promise, said in the heat of the moment, and yet... 

“What’s on your mind, love?” Tomaziel asked softly.

Starchild couldn’t help smiling at the tiredness in his voice. “Just thinking...” he delicately picked up the pendant. “I can’t remember the last time you took this off.”

“Neither can I,” Tomaziel smiled. “Have I ever taken it off?”

“You might have...” Starchild chuckled. “But I can’t remember.”

Tomaziel chuckled softly. “Well, I did say I would never take it off.”

Starchild smiled lovingly at his husband. “You did.” He kissed his forehead. “Why don’t you sleep a little longer?” 

His husband’s eyes were already drifting closed. He settled back into the pillows with a sigh, then mumbled, “I never did repay you for the necklace,” 

Starchild couldn’t help rubbing his thumb over the edge of the pendant. “Don’t worry, my Knight,” he murmured. “You’ve more than repaid me.” He smiled down at his husband as he dozed back off to sleep and kissed his forehead again. “I love you.” 

A smile crept over Tomaziel’s face. “I love you too,” 

#Shandi's KISSteriaverse #spacechild #there was literally no way i could top what i wrote last year lol i mean c'mon #but this is just as great and just as disgustingly romantic #you cannot deny starchild would totally do something like this and give tomaziel a lovers eye necklace #it's just so romantic #also the picture is what the necklace starchild gives tomaziel is supposed to look like #happy birthday shandi!!! love ya!! #valentines day #kiss au writing #my writing #thanks for reading!

[dakohtah]

my god, haven’t we grown up a little?

ducknerva? minewton? whatever u call it, have some hot, fresh Big Wife, Little Husband TAZ: Amnesty fiction, also available on my ao3

..

It wasn’t that Duck was emotionally constipated or, like, real invested in the concept of his own masculinity. He was just a dude. Maybe a dude who, say, didn’t really do ‘opening up’ super well.

No, like, for real.

Not in the “aw, shucks, no one taught me basic emotional competency” way, but more in the “God cursed me with a very particular voice and face that makes emotional intimacy difficult at best” way.

It wasn’t like he didn’t know how it looked. It was a bad look. He knew that. But, listen, okay?

It was the oldest story in the book: there are two folks, right? One has a big destiny, and the other is some kinda alien sword mentor, or something. There’s a big talking sword, that’s a whole thing. And then, uh. Well, like, twenty years pass. That’s nothing, though, they don’t talk or anything. But eventually they live together? Like, later. Way later. Only Aubrey is there, too, so it isn’t, uh. Well, you know how Aubrey is. Anyhow, Leo’s next door, too, so—it’s not—it, uh—yeah.

Yada yada, they fight some aliens, like, real good, and then—boom! You know. Some of their closest friends are in an alien dimension, maybe forever, and it’s time to figure out what comes next.

Well, it turned out Brazil was next. That part was kinda easy, actually.

Planting trees. Doing good. The whole, uh, thing. And Duck usually felt okay about that—real okay. Maybe better than he ever had, actually.

It was good work to be doing. And it felt good.

And, well, maybe—you know. It’s back to the story, right? Maybe one of the two—the big destiny one? You remember. Maybe he, somewhere along the way, kind of, uh—you know? Right? You gotta know. It’s kinda really obvious, and he’s kinda been really counting on that because—uh.

Aw, Christ. He really just thought that she’d, like, know. You know?

Seemed like everyone else did, anyhow.

“Y’gotta say something, Duck. I don’t—God damn it, you’re so stupid. How’d you survive a whole apocalypse with such a bad case of stupid, huh?”

Duck didn’t know, so he said, “I don’t know, Juno! Listen, if I knew how to—if I could just, like—say it?” He heard more than felt his head connect with the wall behind him but couldn’t bring himself to lift it from the couch, “Listen, I’m not doin’ this on purpose. Does this look fun for me? Huh?”

Juno shrugged. Duck didn’t see it, but he could feel it in the air. It was less than sympathetic, and Duck regretted inviting her into his apartment.

“She’s not a fuckin’—okay, well, she is an alien, but c’mon, bud. Just, I dunno? Sit her down. Look her in the eye. And just—” and she said this bit in a real low—and real hateful, honestly—impersonation of Duck, “Now, listen, Minnie—”

“Hey, don’t fuckin’ call her that, she said she doesn’t like it and—”

She waved him away, tucking her feet up in under her, “Aw, fuck clean off, Duck, she lets you call her Minnie all day long. And, obviously, I’m bein’ you. Now, hush.” Juno’s voice was deep in a mean approximation when she spoke again, “Listen, Minnie, I’ve been a’thinkin’ ‘bout you. Thinkin’ ‘bout the way your big, strong arms could just—”

“Hey, now—”

“—just pick me up, real gentle-like, and whisk me away—”

“Juno, I fuckin’ swear you better quit it or else I’ll—” Duck stood up, real ready-like, felt abruptly like a real dipshit, and sat back down. Squinching his eyes shut, he pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to ten, “Now dang it, Juno, you know it ain’t as easy as all that.”

His apartment was quiet for a beat, and then another.

The lumpy, cushioned arm of Duck’s chair dipped, and he felt a familiar form lean against his hunched shoulders. Duck released a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding when Juno said, “M’sorry about pickin’ on you, bud.” A beat, again, “I think it’s sweet, that’s all. Minerva will think so, too.”

Duck leaned in, trying desperately to convince himself that these were real, tangible concerns and not the premise of a high school romcom, “You think so? Like, for real?”

“For real,” Juno confirmed solemnly. Duck took a chance, glancing up at her as she continued, “She probably even—you know, likes you back. Like, like-likes you back,” her eyebrows waggled, and it was hateful as hell.

Duck groaned and his temple pulsed with a dull ache. Christ, he felt old, so he said, “Jesus Christ, Juno, I’m forty-three.”

“Ee-yup,” Juno affirmed with a slap on his shoulder.

“This is fuckin’ stupid.”

“Yessir.”

“I’m just gonna say it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Like—tomorrow.”

“That so?”

Duck sat up, his fists clenched, “No, you’re right—tonight. I’ll fuckin, uh—I’m gonna do it tonight.”

Juno clapped him hard on the back this time, “Hey, that’s the spirit, buddy!” She glanced up at the wall clock and cursed, “Shit, s’already six? I ought’a head on back to mine and get cookin’.” She stood fluidly, grabbing her keys off of the coffee table before heading toward the door.

Duck stood quickly enough to give himself a head rush, “Juno, hold up a sec, I—uh.” He met her by the door and spoke fast, trying hard not to stumble over the words, “Please, please, tell me I can stay with you for a few if it goes real bad.”

Juno snorted, “Yeah, whatever. Do I look like a fuckin’ Motel 6? I’ll leave a light on for you.”

“Thanks, Junebug.”

“Good luck, Don Juan.”

----

By the time Duck heard the key turning in the lock at 6:45 on the dot—as usual, Minnie always ended up staying over a little late on her Saturday shifts—he’d been left alone long enough to feel as though he was setting himself up to be nominated Dipshit of the Century.

Too late for regrets, he figured, because the door was creaking open and the sight of her was damn near enough to get him all winded.

“I am home, Wayne Newton!” Minerva declared, waving her ranger cap at him with a beaming grin before turning to hang it on the coat rack by the door. “Today I saw three very large ducks, and they—" she stopped short as she got a better look at him, hands falling slack by her sides.

In retrospect, Duck figured it might’ve looked like a little much. Or maybe it just looked bad. Both, maybe? He glanced anxiously down at the table he was seated at, taking in the center candle, uncorked bottle of wine, and admittedly shoddy alfredo he’d managed to throw together since Juno’d left.

But he’d had some time to practice, so Duck said real cool-like, “I, uh—hello, Minerva.” He pointed a shaking hand at the chair, placed across from his at the table, “Won’t you—uh, have a seat.” Except that he forgot to make the last bit sound like a question, so he added, “Um, please?”

Minerva looked decidedly anxious, which Duck didn’t like one fuckin’ bit, as she shrugged out of her coat and toward the chair. She hesitated, a calloused hand brushing the table delicately, “Is everything alright, Wayne Newton?”

“No—fuck! I mean, uh, yes?” Duck realized too late that he’d never stopped pointing at the fucking chair and snatched his hand back. “Uh, everything is absolutely alright, just peachy.”

Minerva nodded once and sat. She was looking a little over his right shoulder. Duck followed her gaze to a fuck-off big river rock she’d given to him the month before and, bizarrely, felt comforted enough to carry on.

“So,” He began, but it didn’t go anywhere. Duck glanced back at the rock and tried again, “Okay, Minerva, we’ve got to talk.”

She nodded solemnly, “Alright.”

Duck, stupidly, nodded back before taking a deep breath, “Okay, I, uh—aw, fuck! I just—Minnie, I��m sorry, I meant to do this after dinner and I just. Fuckin’ forgot, I guess? Shit. You can—”

“No, thank you, Wayne Newton. This meal looks skillfully prepared, but I would like for you to speak first.”

“You sure?” Minerva nodded, so Duck said it quick like ripping off a band-aid, “Alright, Minerva, I lo—uh, like you. I like you.” He swallowed hard against the confusion that colored her broad features, “Like, uh. Romantically, Minnie. I would like to, um, take you out sometime.”

Minerva’s mouth dropped into a perfect little ‘o’. To Duck’s mounting horror, she dropped her head into her palms.

It was quiet for a long moment, during which Duck was pretty sure his soul left his physical body. Fuck, he had to fix this, he—

“Wayne Newton, how long have you harbored romantic feelings toward me?” She spoke real slow, and it was a solid minute before she lifted her head.

Duck was at least relieved that she didn’t look mad, just—embarrassed? He was already speaking before her eyes met his, “Shit, Minnie, I’m so sorry, it doesn’t have to—”

She held up an open palm to stop him and seemed to collect herself. “No, please do not apologize. I, ah—I believe there has been a very large misunderstanding. Did you—feel this way before we traveled to Brazil?” Duck was quiet for a minute, and she said, “Please be honest, Wayne Newton.”

Duck figured he must’ve looked like a fish, the way his mouth was opening and closing. He didn’t know what she was getting at, and still had half a mind to head to Juno’s for the night, but all he said was, “Um, I—yeah.”

Minerva visibly let out a breath, but put her head into her palms again, “That—Thank you, Wayne Newton. That is a relief to hear.”

Duck felt a truly unhealthy amount of blood rush to his cheeks and up his ears, “Minnie, d’ya mind if I—uh, ask why?”

She let out a noise Duck might’ve expected to hear from a squeaky wheel before stammering, “Wayne Newton, I am now very embarrassed. I do not want to tell you why.”

Gingerly, Duck managed out of his chair and around the table. Real slow, he put a hand on her shoulder and found himself unspeakably relieved when a hand came to tentatively cover his. He cleared his throat, “Hey, now, it’s—it’s alright. You don’t have nothin’ to be embarrassed of. Will you tell me what the, uh, misunderstanding is all about?”

Minerva mumbled into the palm her face rested in.

“Can you please say it one more time?”

She finally met Duck’s gaze with a deep frown, turning slightly in her seat. “I was—Wayne, I had believed that we were already romantically involved,” she admitted miserably.

Duck opened and closed his mouth a couple times before words came out, “You what?”

Minerva shook her head as if shaking off a bad dream. “Wayne Newton, I had asked you if I could accompany you to Brazil. Do you remember this? I had told you that I would follow you anywhere if you would allow it. I assumed that you understood that I—that it was a confession, if you will. You said—and I quote, Wayne Newton— ‘same here, bud’. I had assumed…” she let the sentence hang, eyes trained on the table.

Duck felt as though he might be having a stroke, “It was a what?”

“And you are so—so hesitant sometimes, Wayne Newton! I had believed—well, perhaps you were not interested in intimacies such as the holding of hands! And—you invited me to share our home here! Your planet is just so different at times, I just—oh, Christ.” There was a thump, and Minerva’s clean-shaven head connected with the table, “Wayne Newton, there is worse shame yet.”

Aw, jeez, she was getting worked up. Duck’s brain felt like it had been replaced with mashed potatoes. It was okay, it would be alright—he could fix this, so he opened his mouth and said, “I—what?” His hand felt too hot under hers. He was gonna pass out.

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken, which he figured was fair, “I gave you the large rock.”

Duck nodded dumbly although she wasn’t looking at him. He could see the rock, sitting proudly by their bookshelf, “Uh, I—yeah. Yeah, you gave me a great rock, Min.”

“You see, I was under the impression that large rocks were symbolic of a lifetime commitment on this planet?” Minerva said it like a question and fuck, Duck was gonna pass out. “We have been—well. It has been one year since we moved, and I—” she groaned, “Wayne Newton, this is the nightmare scenario.”

And it really wasn’t funny, except that it kinda was, so Duck gave a weak laugh and his vision got a little splotchy and—

And then Duck was looking up at Minerva and boy, Jesus, did his back hurt.

“Wayne Newton, it seems that you have fainted,” Minnie’s voice was earnest as she crouched next to him on the floor of their kitchen. “Perhaps you should eat some food?”

With an embarrassing amount of effort, and the assistance of Minerva’s outstretched hand, Duck managed to sit upright, “Now, hold on just a second, Minnie. You—I mean, we…are we like, together? I mean, romantically?”

Minerva looked at the ceiling—maybe bargaining with God. He sure wouldn’t blame her if she were. “Yes, that was the impression I was under.”

He swallowed audibly, “And you’re like—cool? With that?”

“I—yes.”

Duck started to feel faint again when he said, “Minnie, are we engaged?”

Minerva relaxed out of her crouch and sat heavily beside him, shooting a venomous look at the living room. She was looking at Duck’s engagement ring, he noted feebly. “Wayne Newton, this is humiliating.”

“I mean—I meant, like. Is that…is that what you want?”

Slowly, Minerva’s warm hand found its way to cover his. Real gentle-like. Duck could feel thick callouses and the outline of a long scar stretching across her palm, and he was helpless to do anything but spread out his fingers and catch hers in between them. It was quiet for a long moment before Minerva spoke.

“Wayne Newton, I meant it quite literally when I said I would follow you anywhere, for as long as you would allow me to. I do not—it doesn’t have to be now, or ever. I am not sure what the ritual on this planet entails, to be entirely honest, and I do not know if it is something you want at all. It is clear that there are some things I do not yet understand. Regardless, this is—I would like this. For as long as you will allow me to.”

“Fuck it,” Duck said a little too quickly, so he scrambled to add, “I mean, yeah. Like, me too, I—yes.”

“So, you—do you like the handholding, Wayne Newton? Can we do that?”

Duck squeezed their interlocked fingers, “Yeah, for sure.”

Minerva nodded sharply, “Wonderful. We shall hold hands for just a moment more, and then we will eat our cold dinner.”

And, honestly? Duck wasn’t like, super sure if he was engaged or what, exactly. But Duck knew that whatever it was, he was super into it, so he said, “I’m super into that, hell yes.

#taz amnesty #taz amensty spoilers #the adventure zone #duck newton #taz fanfic #taz fanfiction #fic #minerva #minuck #minewton #ducknerva #it do be what it be

[squiddytentacles]

Tree Trouble

“Sandy and Karen combine minds to help get Sandy out of serious trouble from an experiment.”

Karen/Sandy, Gen, 3,500 words

“Well, shoot,” Said Sandy as she wiped some dust off of her gloves and boots. “That was closer than a bull at a glue convention!” To really get a look at the damage she was talking about, the squirrel had to take a few large steps back.

Her beloved Tree no longer standing. A pile of splintered wood, broken belongings, and branches. She had been standing in the bathroom just moments before she heard an unfamiliar creaking. Upon investigating she found a Nematode, she put two and two together and high-tailed it out of her house. The foundations had been weakened, and chose that moment to completely give out.

Unharmed by the wreckage, her scientific equipment stands still running the tests she’d programmed it to run on some new fauna she’d come across recently. The specimen must have been housing a family of Nematodes. Too blinded by the prospect of a meal to realize they’d dry out without Ocean water, hopping out of the experiment tank, and doing their business before quietly passing away.

Sandy can’t feel too sympathetic, they destroyed her house!

KEEP READING (ao3)

A lifetime of scouting taught Sandy to always be prepared. And growing a new Tree ain’t no thing. The pests hadn’t survived long enough to entirely eat through her valuables. What wasn’t completely wrecked could be fixed. It would be time consuming, and frustrating, but she’s wrangled far worse.

She clears what she can salvage out of the wreckage, buries the Nematodes. She needs advanced hardwear to dig the roots of the deceased Tree out of the ground, but she succeeded - pushed some dirt around, planted an acorn and patted herself on the back. “Nothing can stop this country girl!” She shouts.

One of her experiments is even focused around sped up growth in plant life! With a small flair of dramatics, she pulls out her latest concoction. It glows purple, and bubbles - unleashing a putrid smell. “The Essence of Manure,” Sandy says to herself, grinning. The scent was so awful, it even drove her to put on her Sea Suit. Glass is a blessing.

“Alright, little acorn, bottoms up!” She pours the entire test tube, and takes a few rather large steps back.

Her tail twitches in anticipation.

She wants a place to sleep tonight…

The ground begins to shake and Sandy grins, steadying herself is easy. She plants her feet firmly in the grass. “Grow!!” She shouts. “GROOOOOW!!”

And so it does.

It’s a sapling, and suddenly, the base of the newly sprouted tree widens, and more branches sprout. Their first leaves fall, and just as suddenly, new blossoms appear. The taller it gets the more acorns appear - small, and misshapen. Sandy marvels at the effect, and soon the Tree is looking strong, and mighty.

Sandy sighs in accomplishment. She’d have to clear out the insides while maintaining the structure, but the part that took the longest was already done!

As it grows taller than ever before, though, Sandy questions if ‘done’ was the right word to use.

“What in Tarnation.. That’s enough!!” She shouts, hoping to reason the mutation? “Stop it, you incredible advancement in botany, you!” The leaves brush the top of the treedome, and just as Sandy was fearing. Branches start bending in line with the dome - and Sandy realizes that instead of growing up and breaking through the glass, the Tree was conforming to the space.

Which meant…. The Up that the tree was growing in was going to become Down, and Down is where she is. She sees the branches are starting to cover the door and she doesn’t waste a moment abandoning everything and sprinting to the airlock.

A glance behind her reveals how thick the bark is becoming, how sturdy it is forming as it crawls across the glass dome. A mess of brown and green leaves lay on the ground, but the soil beneath them gives out as the roots grow larger, and soon all Sandy can see is wood..

She thanks Neptune her diving suit is already on. With all her might, she pulls the branches out of the way of the doorknob before everything got entangled. They started growing back without a pause though, and she grinds her teeth. With a Texas sized roar, she heaves a large portion of the mutant tree off the door, giving herself a brief moment to escape the deathtrap her home was becoming.

Metal rings out as she slams the door shut behind her, and she runs through the other front door faster than you can say “is it wrong to play god?”.

From a safe distance, Sandy Cheeks witnesses her Tree completely encompass all the space in the treedome. It even spits out a bit through the door, slowed down, but not stopping. Sandy imagines for a moment that it grows to the size of the entire ocean and her brain scampers away from panic as she tries to think of ways to stop it.

She has tons of ideas, ways to counteract the mutation. The materials she needs however, are crushed in an impenetrable fortress of Pure Texan Bred Treebark.

“Dang nabbit.” She mutters to herself, and thinks about where she can get the items to scrap everything together when the most intelligent thought Sandy’s had all day comes to mind.

Karen has a lab.

--

Winded from how fast she ran, the squirrel has to take a moment to gather herself before approaching the entrance to the Chum Bucket. She knocks urgently. “You gotta let me in, it’s an emergency!!”

The door opens by itself- No, Plankton opens the door, looking irate. “Excuse me, some people are trying to SCHEME HERE.” He bellows as loud as he can, but Sandy rolls her eyes. She doesn’t have time to deal with Plankton’s showboating.

“Not now, Plankton, I gotta borrow your lab!” Sandy says, stepping over the copepod and into the restaurant.

Hopping up on Sandy’s shoulder, rather than running to keep up, Plankton knocks on the glass dome protecting Sandy’s head, “and you think I’m going to allow this... why?”  

“Oh, I’m not really askin’ you.” The squirrel informs him, amused, and leads herself to the back of the Chum Bucket where the action really happens.

In fact, the very moment that Sandy steps foot into the Lab a screen that was showing a rather intense game of solitaire blinked into a pixel smile. “Oh, hey there, Sandy!” Came Karen’s electronic voice, seemingly from the entire room.

As much as Karen would proclaim that machines don’t feel anything, Sandy can’t help but always fixate on how happy Karen sounds to see her. She smiles back, just as Plankton starts grousing in her ear about how it’s HIS lab and so it’s HIS decision whether the squirrel gets to mess with HIS stuff-- and after a while where he won’t let Sandy get a word in edgewise, Karen extends an arm and plucks him off of her shoulder, and then lets that arm keep extending all the way out of the Chum Bucket.

“I’ll see you at dinner, Plankton!” She shouts out the door, and then her arm zips back to her side. There’s a shriek, and then a begrudging mumble of acceptance, and Sandy looks to where Karen has rolled near her, with her arms crossed and a question mark on her screen.

“What, your lab at home not good enough for ya all of the sudden?” She asks,

“There ain’t no you back home.” Sandy says with a weak laugh, partially to counter Karen’s dry tone, and partially in truth. Karen’s screen fizzles slightly, but Sandy misses it. “But I got a real problem growin’ back home.” She says, already running to gather the materials from Plankton and Karen’s impressive stock. “And I mean really growin’.” She fixes Karen with a wide eyed look to prove her point.

Then, she dives into a thorough explanation of what she needs to counteract the growth mutation the Acorn absorbed. Karen processed everything quickly, and even gave a few tips on things she could cut out of the formula to make the process go faster. Plankton may claim the lab is his, but it’s always been maintained by Karen, and she knows the place much better than he ever could.

With Sandy and Karen working together, they finish in two shakes of a cow’s tail. Sandy says as much, which gets a small laugh out of Karen. Sandy’s house might be destroyed, but it’s hard to feel bad after hearing a beautiful chime like that.

Together, they rush out of the Chum Bucket, over the sand hills over to the tangle of wood that was once the Treedome.

The glass had since shattered, and the Tree was growing every which way. She hopped on Karen and they rolled around the radius of the thing - to find that it was mighty close to Spongebob’s house a similar fate to hers at the beginning of this mess. Still rolling, she points to a branch extending tall enough she can climb on.

Karen, seeing the direction, speeds up, rolls in close, and then tosses Sandy up on the branch. The squirrel wasn’t expecting that much help, but she catches herself with two feet on the branch, and flashes Karen a thumbs up.

She starts climbing upward - the Tree from a distance looks more like an Urchin than anything else. Sandy wants to get as close to inside the center as she can - to find the heart of the Tree. Theoretically, pouring the new solution there would be a key to ending her mistake.

Her diving suit is holding her down, as much as having pockets is a major boon. She needs to go faster, so she shakes the suit off - it sinks into a tangle of branches and gets enveloped in the wood. The bottle is held tightly in the curl of her tail, and she uses her natural born talent as a climber to get to the very top of the mass.

The ocean is more turbulent the higher you go, and Sandy has to really hold on to not have the current carry her away. She tries pouring a bit of the serum on an outermost branch, and it withers away, but only that branch, until it reached a connecting mass and nothing happened. She’d have to make the amount she had count at the best possible place.

She has to go inside.

She hears static coming through her helmet, her rarely used communicator coming to life. “If you’re thinking about going in there, Cheeks, I would think again.” It’s Karen, voice comforting if tone abrasive. Or maybe it’s worry? “I’ve been scanning the way your Mutation grows, and 70% of it’s energy is spent compressing, and moving the older branches within.”

It’s not exactly reassuring. But Sandy is nothing if not confident. She huffs a laugh, knowing Karen will hear her.

“There is probably another way to stop it.” Karen states.

Sandy looks to where a branch spears through the innocent pineapple home. Gary could be in there. The squirrel doesn’t want to imagine what she’d do if something actually got hurt from her experiment.

“Thank you, Karen.” Sandy says genuinely, even though the computer has said nothing optimistic. The fact that she reached out was enough for Sandy in that moment.

There’s a pause before Sandy hears. “You got this, girl.” rattle around in her helmet, and she smirks. With a shout, she slinks downward into the tangle.

She chops the foliage trying to constrict her away. It’s like being attacked from all sides, being closed in on by walls on every plane of existence. Sandy’s no wet blanket, though, and she spins through the branches like a hacksaw. A similar sound even ringing throughout the ocean to drive home the effect.

The dome of her helmet is getting thoroughly scratched. She will admit to herself, damage to her personal helmet wasn’t something she accounted for. There’s no time to worry, though, and summons all her personal stamina and adrenaline to force her way through the very mistake she wrought to it’s heart.

The largest circumference she’s seen out of all the branches and possible roots so far. It creaked with every move it made, thrumming with energy and only one way to spend it. As Sandy had bellowed mere hours ago, it must Grow.. it must…….--

Sandy dumps the entire content in her container on what she hopes and prays is truly the root of the mutation. It sizzles against the wood, any splash back makes her fur tingle, but she is otherwise unharmed by the substance.

The churning and twisting of branches grinds to a halt - very literally grinding and shaving itself into pieces. The sound of creaking branches stops echoing around the scientist from every direction.

“By Neptune’s Laptop.. You did it Sandy! It’s completely stopped! Fantastic!” Karen sings through her speakers.

Pride and something mushy wells up in Sandy’s chest, and she sighs through a very wide smile. She’s always been pretty good at fixing her own messes, not just other peoples’. She allows herself to breathe without a metaphorical ball of stress blocking her lungs. What she just did was outlandishly dangerous, but she’s survived.

Now she just has to get out…

Sandy tries to move her limbs, and finds they crumble right through some of the weaker branches.

In that moment, the entire structure loses its shape - and much like her original Tree weakened by Nematodes - the mutated bundle crushes down into a disheveled pile. One which Sandy very suddenly finds herself on the bottom of.

She hears Karen’s panicked shouts echo in her helmet, and Sandy finds herself answering with a scream of her own as a particularly heavy piece of deadwood falls on her left leg and tail. The more the wood decays, the more water it absorbs. It’s agonizing, but Sandy uses her arms and free leg and is able to slowly push it off. The damage is done, and she whimpers as she curls around her limbs.

“Medic.” She whimpers, and as much as she fights it the pain overwhelms her senses and she passes out.

…

Karen immediately faxes emergency services, after Sandy’s cry for help. Her processors feel like they’re spinning a mile a minute, but Karen is able to compartmentalize it into a megabyte of data. “Sandy are you with me?” She asks, to no response, but she can hear the soft wheeze of her mammalian lungs. “I’m gonna get you out of there,” She reassures unaware ears - and rolls toward the Chum Bucket.

Then, takes a sharp turn towards the Krusty Krab. The doors slam open as she rolls exceedingly fast through them. Right to where Eugene Krabs is clutching a defeated looking Sheldon J. Plankton. She snatches her roommate, then continues on into the Kitchen.

Spongebob stops whistling, a little startled at the entrance. A small part of Karen’s programming urges her to take a Patty right off the grill. She reaches her free hand out and instead grabs the frycook himself. “Sorry, buster, I’m gonna borrow you for a minute.” She says, unapologetically.

"Okidokie!" The sponge answers happy-go-luckily.

Wasting no more time, she zooms back out the front entrance. She passes Mr. Krabs, who angrily yells, “Get back here with me Employee-r!!” He doesn’t give chase, though, and instead turns to his other employee who’s yet to do anything even during Plankton’s attack. “Mr. Squidward, after that CPU!! That’s an order!!”

“No,” Squidward responds - and that’s all Karen hears from them, because she’s out the door. She explains in curt words what’s happening to Plankton and Spongebob and rolls over more hills to the pile of soaked rotting wood that was keeping her clearly injured friend trapped.

“We have to save her!!”  Spongebob cries, eyes actually tearing up from Karen’s description of the events and worry for his friend.

Plankton however, is still stinging from the embarrassment Krabs just dished him, and says mockingly, “Whatever plan you THINK is going to work, probably ain’t likely, sister.”

Karen feels her fans kick in as more heat builds up in her processors. She’s been monitoring Sandy - broadcasting everything she says as well - only to thankfully steady breathing. “Unlike you, I am asking for help, peabrain.” Karen answers flatly.

They’re close to the wreckage which hasn’t seemed to diminish in size, even as some wood floats away - taken with the current. Karen immediately scans it’s infrastructure, and it’s not looking good. She knows the heavier things will eventually gravitate down and fall through the weaker branches that hadn’t disintegrated. Karen doesn’t want to consider the chances of more things falling on Sandy, but she’s a computer and the calculations come naturally.

“How can we help..?” Spongebob clenches his fists, ignores that he’s sniffling, instead feeling fired up to help save one of his close friends who risked her life for his house.

Karen rolls to a stop and drops the men on the ground. She rolls back and forth like a drill sergeant and explains in great detail how she wants Plankton to use size to his advantage and climb through the gaps in the wood. Karen, using her scanners, will direct Plankton to Sandy.

He is to have a cord wrapped around him to pull him out if he gets stuck, but more importantly, to tug Spongebob into where he is. Karen rationalizes that Spongebob wouldn’t be able to actually maneuver himself through the wood, but with enough strength could be dragged through.

“... If you can’t manage it, big guy, you’ll have to wake up Sandy.”

There’s not even a moment given to think over the plan before the shortest of their party rolled his eye. “Ugh! No!”

Karen crosses her arms, not wanting to prolong anymore time, but unable to stop the buzz of annoyance toward her ex-husband. “You’re not going to wake her up?”

“I’m not doing any of it!” Plankton stomps his foot, then points dramatically at Karen. “You want me to risk being crushed into a Plankton Pancake for your little girlfriend, and I am not having it!!”

Spongebob picks Plankton up gently, causing the restaurant owner to yell profanities at the frycook, which get muffled as Spongebob cups Plankton inside his hands. “What are we gonna do once I’m inside??”

While she’s yet to make any expressions appear on her face throughout her description of her plan, she sounds extremely self assured, likely from her plan being statistically sound, but it’s a good feeling. Like when she hangs out with Mrs. Puff and Sandy and feels proud to be herself. “The Fire Department will arrive, and I will direct them to hose the pile - I’m 97% certain that you will absorb the water, expanding enough to jostle the cluster free.”

Plankton squeezes his head through a small gap in Spongebob’s makeshift cage. “Why not just wait for them to axe it all down?”

It’s something she has considered, and is certain that the foundation wouldn’t be able to handle such physical forces without possibly unleashing something on Sandy, buried so far in the center. Karen feels her vocalization banks far away, and as she leans her screen closer to the man who essentially gave her sentience her voice cracks. “Sheldon… Please.”

Plankton’s eyebrow furrows, struck silent by what could only be described as the emotion in Karen’s voice. He glances behind him, to the pile, considers the plan, and sheepishly looks back to his ex-wife… they somehow parted on goodterms…… He can’t keep letting his other failures get in the way of that.

“Fine.” His attempt at sounding grouchy comes off a bit emotionally shaken, but neither Karen or Spongebob say anything. The three of them get to work, quickly, but extremely functionally.

“Hang in there, Bushy-Tushy…” Karen directs to the still unconscious squirrel through her microphone. “We’ve got’cha.”

--

Sandy shudders into consciousness in the back of the ambulance. She doesn’t speak, or groan, just hangs in the moment. The ride isn’t particularly wild, but she’s jostled none the less. One particular sharp turns makes her very aware of the pain in her leg - and the fact that she couldn’t at all feel her tail.

She whimpers, and clenches her hands - then realizes one of her fists aren’t empty. She’s clutching onto something metal, yet warm - like a phone running too many apps. The hand is holding her back gently, but the presence feels so solid to her… She squints open an eye - stunned for a moment at the stark bright lights. She blinks, and through her scratched up diving helmet she can see Karen. She almost mistakes her for a life-support monitor, but Sandy knows better.

She smiles, and before her eye slips shut, she sees a beautiful smile appear where a horizontal line once sat across the AI’s face.

“I’ve got you, Sandy,” Karen’s voice crackles through the white noise of the ambulance.

Sandy Cheeks has lost a lot today, however - she can’t help but consider that maybe she’s gained something. “I know,” she whispers fondly - giving the metallic hand a squeeze not influenced by pain before letting the painkillers lull her back to sleep.

#Sandy Cheeks #Karen Plankton #Spongebob Squarepants #Sheldon J. Plankton #karendy #i make the rules and i say karen and plankton aren't together anymore but still live together

[annaisu]

Silent Invasion - Chapter 8

This story was last updated back in 2015, so here’s a quick recap:  Ann anxious little SI just woke up in the body of Desmond Miles, with no clue of what in the world was going on. She-turned-he was captured and brought to Abstergo, and put through the Animus. Things have basically gone according to the game so far,  and she just finished living through the siege of Masyaf. Now it’s time for her to get up and begin the dance of prisoner and sympathetic captor. 

—

I couldn’t move.

Images, thoughts, feelings, emotions, pains – everything was racing through my mind, too quick and chaotic for me to grasp ahold of. All that I could capture was the feeling of hurt, betrayal, agony- I tried to anchor myself in the physical world, but there was only the overwhelming stench of blood and death of battle, the sticky sensation of sweat, the pain of being gutted through-

Agonizingly slowly, I dragged a hand up to my abdomen, feeling the unbroken flesh and fabric beneath my hand as words slowly broke through my haze. “He’s experiencing a far better adoption rate than the other subjects!” That voice didn’t match with what I was feeling, wasn’t the master I had disappointed…

“I’m still pulling him out; he’s been in their way too long.” Another voice, this time too soft for the pain I could feel. Slowly, too slowly, I began to recollect myself. That was Lucy, which meant the other voice must be Vidic… which meant I was just coming out of the animus. God, my head was spinning, and I could still hear the cries of battle…

“No, not yet!” Vidic exclaimed. “We’re still so far from where we need to be!” I needed to wake up to my own skin – no matter how unfamiliar it was, Desmond’s body was still far more real and present than Altaïr’s. I sucked in a slow breath, focusing on my diaphragm, feeling the way my stomach rose and yet didn’t pull against any broken skin.

“We shouldn’t risk it.” Lucy-lu, the angel of reason. We were just starting, and I needed to at least get used to coming out of the Animus and back into my own skin. This was only day one. I could feel my mind starting to settle back into normal, back into my own head, but I still felt vaguely trippy. Like I had just climbed a set of stairs back into my own head and I had reached the landing, only I was still trying to take an extra step that wasn’t there and falling through empty air.

“What’s another hour or two?” Vidic said, a frustrated tone to his voice. He didn’t sound desperate yet, though, so that was good. I wasn’t doing too badly then, otherwise he probably would have sounded worse.

“Why don’t we discuss this in the conference room?” Lucy offered. “Give Desmond a minute to stretch his legs.” I blinked slowly at the sound of ‘my’ name, and the blurry figure above me resolved itself into a stern old man. Ugh. Could that face go back to being blurry, please?

The man turned back towards me, pointedly muttering. “I really don’t see the need-” The screen above me went blank as it turned off, and it slowly started retracting.

“Warren! Please.” Lucy clearly did see the need, and I could hear the clicking of her heels as she walked away.

“Fine,” Vidic added curtly as he began to follow Lucy. I watched his back as the screen was fully retracted and dropped my hand back to my side. I slowly levered myself up into a sitting position, holding a hand up to my forehead as the room seemed to sway. Still, I didn’t have time to waste. I stood up, my legs surprisingly steady, just in time to see Warren walk through the conference room door.

As I walked over to the room, I could see through the glass wall that Lucy was leading Warren into a corner of the room, far from any door. It just so happened that the corner she chose was nearest my bathroom, and had a handy vent just above her that led directly into a room I had easy access to. I paused for a moment by the window, just out of sight, trying to hear anything they were saying. I caught muffled bits of speech, but nothing else, so I pulled back and went through the open door to the side.

I barely paid any attention to the room first room, following the source of the voice, pausing at the door only long enough to give it a quick once over. Lock, cabinet, door to bathroom, camera, exposed piping, bed, desk and chair, all drab and grey. I resumed walking on the tiled floor, noting how their voices were slowly becoming more distinct as I headed to the bathroom. Finally, I reached the sink counter – and the vent connected to the conference room.

I quietly clambered up onto the counter, standing tall and getting my ear as close to the air vent as I could. The air was cold, just like the rest of this sterile facility. The wall was even colder when I braced myself against it, but it was worth it when I could finally hear the two of my prison guards speaking. “I don’t appreciate you questioning my authority in front of the prisoner!” Way to drive the point home, Warren. “There’s a word for that – I believe it’s called insubordination.”

Lucy’s voice was tinny and distorted when she spoke. “And I don’t appreciate you trying to kill him! There’s a word for that too – I believe it’s called stupid.” Lucy sounded so indignant and I had to muffle a snort. Questionable loyalties aside, Lucy was pretty awesome and very quick on the draw. I felt a burst of affection for her warm in my chest, despite knowing what I did.

“Lucy.” Vidic’s voice was sharp, and I couldn’t hide a wince. “This isn’t my decision; I don’t set the deadlines, but I’m smart enough not to challenge them.” Who did make the decisions? Who was the Templar Grandmaster in this time? I couldn’t remember, if I had ever known. “Do you want to end up like Leila?”

I bit my lip as Lucy responded, “I know the accident has everyone on edge.” The accident had been an Apple blowing up one of Abstergo’s facilities, right? That was why they were so desperate to find more apples, and any other First Civ technology.

“Which is why there’s no time to coddle him,” Vidic said. I grimaced, uncomfortable at my position. If this was coddling, I didn’t want to know what Warren’s idea of strenuous pacing was.

“If you push him too hard, he’ll shut down, and then we’ll have nothing.” Oh yeah, I actually did know. It was Animus sessions until you went absolutely insane and started painting the walls with your blood. I let my head rest against the wall for a moment, savoring the support and the cool sensation, before lifting it to listen again.

“We have nothing now!” Thanks, Vidic. I appreciate your ego boost so much, how could I ever feel worthless with you around.

“But we do,” Lucy said, voice suddenly coy and conspiring. She continued on, softly. “We just need to have a little faith.” Dang it, Lucy, how come you have to be so likeable? Seeing her and hearing her in person was so different than watching and listening to cutscenes, so much more real. She seemed so genuine, and I had to wonder how much of this was really her, and how much of this was just playing a role for me to sympathize with and rely on. God, I wish I knew how much of Lucy in the coming days would be real, how much was really her and how much was just a ploy.

“Fine! But I want you thinking of ways to improve his staying power. We can’t afford to stop every time the man breaks a sweat.” Oh for the love of – I had just been stabbed! Give me a freaking break about being a sweaty mess over that. I’d like to see him recover so quickly from betrayal and a gutting – and I wouldn’t mind being on the delivering side of the gutting!

…okay, no, I actually would mind, I admitted to myself. Killing in the animus had already been hard enough, I didn’t want to think about murdering people in real life. Then again, I might be changing my tune about killing Warren after all that he would put me through, and after countless time in the Animus. “Bad enough we already have to trace through these useless memories.” Yeah, no, I was super grateful for the memories Warren deemed worthless, so he could just put up with them for as long as I could drag them out.

“I’ll do what I can,” Lucy promised. With that, their conversation ended, and I slid off the counter. I faux-causally hurried out of the bathroom and back to the main room, trying to be back in there before the two could make it out of the room. I didn’t know how much the cameras caught of me spying on them in the bathroom, but I had to assume Abstergo could see everything and tailor my movements towards that.

How aware should I act? I would try to be as circumspect as possible, but I didn’t want to look completely useless. But then, I didn’t want to be too blatant either – despite having run away for years, Desmond had been trained as an Assassin. Ugh – I needed to stop thinking about the ideal version of what I should do, and focus on what I could actually do instead. I may be in Desmond’s body now, but that didn’t mean I had access to his training or knowhow.

I stayed away from the doors, instead going to inspect the animus servers in the corner. Air was drifting up from the floor in wisps of steam, visible despite it being barely what I would consider ‘room temperature’. The rest of the air was absolutely freezing, no doubt to keep the hordes of computer equipment running at peak efficiency. Good Lord above, was there a lot of electronics. How in the world had Rebecca managed to compress all of this into her relatively tiny workstation in comparison? There was circuitry in the walls and the floor below me, all intended to keep the Animus running at peak proficiency – I assumed, at least, but then what else could it be for?

I felt a presence come up behind me and turned around to see the sullen face of Warren Vidic. “We’re done for today, Mr. Miles.” Lucy passed behind him on the way to her work station as he spoke. “I suggest you return to your room and get some rest.” I snorted quietly as he began walking towards me and the door. Quality rest was certainly not something I expected to be getting tonight.

I eyed him as he approached the wide double doors, not moving any closer, but not moving away either. What were the chances that I could rush past him and fight my way out? I flexed my hand, hearing my knuckled crack quietly. Warren didn’t pause, didn’t even stop to look at me as he continued on his way out. The metal doors slid open automatically with a quiet hiss of hydraulics, and I caught a slight glimpse of people standing guard outside before they slid closed once more.

I grit my teeth and walked over to the exit, knowing it was futile to try, but still wanting to see anything that might help me escape. The doors were solidly shut, and there was no real window to peer through. There was a weird pattern of glass perforating the door in a cross shaped pattern, but it was too small and thing to really see through. There was no visible keypad or anything to signal how the doors were opened for Vidic. I knew that the little glowing pen he carried was basically a password for his computer; was it also keyed into this door? That seemed pretty careless, as it was well within pickpocketing range – once I gained the skill, that was.

Temporarily giving up getting out as a bad job, I turned back towards the main room. Lucy had stayed behind, and she was industriously working at her computer in front of the Animus. Her tapping at the keyboard became louder as I walked over, but she stopped at about the same time as I reached her. She looked down at her tablet for a moment, but then she turned her focus on me.

I didn’t know what I should say, but Lucy only hesitated a moment longer before starting up the conversation. “So, you’re really an assassin?” She asked cautiously “Like Altaïr?” I desperately grasped at my memories of how this conversation was supposed to go – no way this wasn’t an important talk, and I really didn’t want to screw it up.

She was looking up at me expectantly, her face hopeful, yet carefully guarded. It was hard to refuse that face. “Yes and no,” I began slowly, trailing off and focusing on not biting my lip in nervousness. I flexed my hands again instead, and sent out a quick prayer.

“What do you mean?” Lucy asked, seemingly taken off guard by my noncommittal answer.

“Well, I was supposed to be one,” I began slowly. Aaand that was about as far as my memory of this conversation extended. “That’s what my parents were training me to be, before I ran away from the Farm.” Curse it, I was supposed to mention being a teen somewhere in there.

Lucy responded quietly, leadingly. “The Farm?”

I took in a deep breath. I needed to give her enough info that I seemed like a good mark, but not enough that I could possibly endanger any Assassins. “That’s where I grew up, the Farm. It was a small community – kinda like Masyaf, I guess, only less… creepy.” I didn’t get what was so creepy about Masyaf, but I did remember Desmond calling it that. “We all lived out in the middle of nowhere, off of the grid.” Was I doing alright?

Lucy’s calm tone was reassuring, even though it probably shouldn’t be. “Why?”

Why what? Live off the grid? “I didn’t know what was going on back then. I thought my parents were just crazy, constantly on the lookout for attacks that weren’t there. My father was always going on about our enemies, how they were looking for us. He kept telling me to be prepared – but no one ever came. Nothing ever happened.” That felt… far more accurate to the script than I thought I had remembered.

She didn’t look like she understood – or at least, she pretended not to. She had met Bill Miles after all. “Why’d you run away?”

This, I knew. “I could never leave the compound.” I gestured to the room around me, aware of the irony in my present circumstances mirroring Desmond’s past situation. “I was trapped, kept in my father’s little world. Do you know what it’s like being stuck, knowing there’s a whole world full of things you’ll never be able to see?” I looked at her somewhat pleadingly, hoping for understanding.

She didn’t give it. “Don’t you miss your parents?”

I went still, thinking of my own family. My mother, my sister and brother, even my father- “No,” I lied. Damnit. I drew in a breath and centered myself, remembering my own fractured relationship with my father, remembered watching Desmond’s and his father’s interaction, remembered looking for any mention of Desmond’s mom and never actually finding anything. “They had another job that came long before being my parents – being my wardens.”

“It sounds like the only wanted to protect you.” Lucy was very carefully trying not to sound judging, but I still read censure into her words. I turned and took several steps away, keeping Lucy in my sights but not focusing on her.

The walls of my prison were cold and harsh. “Maybe you’re right,” I admitted slowly. “With all of this…” I trailed off and shrugged, not sure how to continue. “I don’t know.”

Finally, Lucy softened again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to dredge up the past.”

I turned back to face her properly and tried to offer her a smile. It came out a bit weaker than I intended, but that was alright. “It’s fine. I guess it gives me something to think about tonight – more than whatever the hell went on in that thing.” I nodded towards the Animus.

Lucy smiled in return. “Just don’t think to hard – take a few minutes to rest. Food should be here soon.”

I couldn’t help it – I immediately perked up. “Food?”

Laughing softly, she responded. “Don’t get too excited – it’ll probably just be sandwiches or something else that’s easy to put together and deliver. Go wait over there somewhere; I need to get back to work.” She gestured to the room at large, already turning back to her computer. Moments later, she was typing once more.

I lingered by her side instead, peering over her shoulder to see the screen. I needn’t have bothered – she was flashing through tabs and windows at a ridiculously fast pace, pausing to type in nonsense code, and then lingering over seemingly random images of maps, coordinates, memory fragments, and DNA strands. Lucy didn’t wave me off or impede my view in any way, so I just stood there awkwardly, trying to understand what was going on without interrupting her.

I made sure there was enough distance between us to be less uncomfortable and to make sure we both had our personal bubbles intact, but that made it harder to view the screen. Eventually I gave it up as a bad job, but by that point, I guessed that this might have something to do with the flags that popped up in the Animus? Or at least, part of what she was doing was related. Vidic did ask her to increase my ‘Staying Power’, after all.

It was about then that the exit beeped, opening to let a tray be pushed in, before closing again. It happened far to fast for me to do anything, and I barely caught a glimpse of the hallway outside before my view was cut off once more. Abstergo certainly had no plans to make escape easy for me – at least, not yet.

Though at least they did seem to plan to feed me. I eyed the tray dubiously, but there wasn’t really that much to take in. There was a plate of sandwiches, a carton of milk, and an apple. “Did I go back to being on the free lunch program when I wasn’t looking?” I muttered to myself. The sandwiches were even wrapped up in plastic, with little condiment packets to the side. I ignored the undesired mayo and mustard and left them on the trolley, but took the tray with me as I thought about where to sit.

My first instinct was to just plop down on the stairs elevating the machinery, but then I had a more devious idea. Why sit on the floor when there was a perfectly good chair with a fantastic view? I was only a few feet into my plan to spite Vidic when I finally noticed the two chairs on either side of the Animus. One was clearly for Lucy, being placed right next to her computer – and hadn’t she sat there when the two were first explaining things? – and I decided to claim the other seat as my own.

Lucy looked up as I plopped down, but she quickly returned to her work as I began to eat. I paused only long enough to say a quick, silent grace before I was tearing off the plastic packet. Several minutes passed in relative silence, only the quiet tap-tap-tapping of Lucy’s pen and keyboard and my chewing breaking the quiet. If I concentrated, I could hear the fans gently whirring, pumping out freezing air.

By the time I’d finished my first sandwich – on white bread, ugh – I was finally ready to speak. “So, Lucy,” I began. “I’ve got a question for you.”

She paused her work and looked up with a smile. “Sure.”

“How did Abstergo find me?” I asked. I already knew the answer, but really – it was utterly ridiculous. “I haven’t been anywhere near the assassins in years.”

Lucy didn’t even pause before she started reeling off options. “Did you use your real name?”

The misleading and lying driver’s license that I was still sore over very clearly stated, “Nope. Not before today.”

“Credit cards?” Now that I’d proven I wasn’t a complete moron, Lucy looked a little more invested in the conversation.

Recent receipts said no, even if I hadn’t remembered as much from the game. “Cash only,” I said in a somewhat pleased tone. How did Desmond even manage that, in today’s society?”

“Telephone number?” Lucy rapidly responded , as if reading from a mental list.

I wryly shrugged this suggestion off as well. “No one to call.”

“Driver’s license?” Was her next guess, and I closed my eyes. Yup, there we go.

I let the answer drag out of me. “Motorcycle.” I opened my eyes and looked back at Lucy with a sheepish smile. “Guilty pleasure.”

She nodded, pointed and satisfied. “There’s your answer. Photo, fingerprints.”

“Oh, come on,” I complained disbelievingly. “This is a drug company! What does Abstergo have to do with the DMV?”

The teasing look fell away from Lucy’s face. “Desmond, these guys are everywhere. They-“ She cut herself off, making a slight motion with her head. “I… I’m sorry,” she stuttered, nervously darting her gaze towards one of the numerous cameras recording us before hastily looking back down at her work. “I really can’t talk about it.”

Lucy kept her head ducked down and applied her full focus back onto her work, clearly signaling the end of our conversation. I finished off the last of my meal in complete silence, the food weighing heavy in my stomach. This was going to be my new life now, huh?

As I brought my empty plate back to the cart, I gave the room another lookover. There were cameras freaking everywhere, leaving no square inch unwatched. “Why don’t you go on ahead to bed?” Lucy called out from across the room.

What time even was it? The light outside seemed a little dim but not dark – maybe a bit before dusk? Even if I wasn’t sure of the time, I did know that I was tired, and in far more ways than just one. “…Alright,” I called back. I gave one last look around the main room before heading deeper into my prison cell – I mean, into my bedroom.

As soon as I entered, the door slid shut behind me and locked itself with a beep and a whir. I turned around to see that the light above it was now glowing a soft red, matching the keypad on the nearby wall. “Damn, they locked the door,” I muttered facetiously. Turning back around, I counted at least 2 obvious cameras in my room. Did they record audio as well as visuals?

The bathroom wasn’t any better. One camera was aimed at the sink, and had no doubt caught my earlier eavesdropping. The other… was getting a front row view of the toilet and the shower. Ugh.

Repressing a shiver of revulsion, I began to scan the room in greater detail. A sink with a water glass and towels folded neatly to the side… a toilet with unused toilet paper rolls hung beside it… and an open glass shower, right in prime view of the camera.

“Abstergo really doesn’t understand the concept of privacy, do they?” I bitterly commented. Curse it, I wasn’t comfortable with my new mode of releasing myself, and now I’d have to do it on camera. Talk about performance anxiety.

Trying desperately not to think of all the people who would review these tapes at one time or another, I relieved myself, and instantly tried to forget it ever happened while I went to wash my hands. At least I could do… it… with my back facing the camera, which was something I wouldn’t have been able to do before, as someone of the female persuasion. “What the heck even is my life.”

But it wasn’t my life that was important, now was it? It was Desmond’s, and Altaïr’s, and Ezio’s, and Connor’s – but mostly Desmond’s. I wasn’t anywhere on that list. I felt tears start to well up in the corner of my eyes, and I bowed my head over the sink so that the cameras wouldn’t see.

I was exhausted, emotionally overwhelmed, in physical pain from being knocked out earlier, feeling the phantom ache of a lethal stabbing, and stressed out beyond belief from worry and anxiety. I let the emotions roil through me, not fighting them as they escaped. I don’t know how long I stayed there, painful thoughts and feelings whirring away until I was more exhausted than emotional.

Finally, I wiped my eyes, washed my face, and stood up. I felt drained and wrung out, but I still needed to think. I had somehow managed to make it through this first day, but I still had at least five more that I needed to get through. Or was it six? Groaning, I dragged myself back into the bedroom and plopped down at the desk, pulling the book on it over to me.

I didn’t actually plan on writing anything real down, but desks just made everything feel a bit more productive. I also didn’t want to risk sitting down on the bed and falling asleep before I figured things out. I pulled the three-ring binder properly before me and flipped it open. The book was full of empty pages, and several pens were tucked inside an inner pocket.

I went ahead and pulled out a pen, hovered above the blank page, and… began idly scribbling as I thought. Wobbly, criss-crossing circles formed on the page as I brought my attention to bear.

Was it possible to glean any recollections of the real Desmond’s memories? Futilely I reached back through my mind, struggling to prod up recollections that weren’t mine. I concentrated on whatever I thought he would remember most clearly – the bar, the farm, escaping… and yet all I could get were vague shadows and hints of feelings.

The bar was the most recent, and I had actually been there, so I could even properly picture the place. Desmond had been… content there, if stifled. He enjoyed the freedom it offered, but as time passed, he wanted something… more. More real? More exciting, more lasting, more meaningful? I couldn’t tell.

I discovered even less about the farm. It just made me feel small inside, trapped and berated and weak. I imagined a tall man standing over me, angry and terrifying with it, but I couldn’t tell if that was William Miles or my own father. The escape and what followed was no more clear, and all I could sense was Desmond’s terror and excitement.

Giving up remembering Desmond’s past as a bad job, I flipped to the next empty page. This time, I drew a continuous line, all sharp angles and jagged edges. I would have to rely on my own memories. I grimaced as I focused – my memory wasn’t exactly something I was well known for, except for in very specific scenarios.

I could nearly recite the scene that surrounded Desmond’s awakening in Abstergo nearly word for word, but I couldn’t remember the actual number of days he was in there. I could remember a guard calling out to Altaïr in gratitude, but I couldn’t remember which side of the library the flag would be on. I could remember meeting Shawn and Rebecca, their strong reactions to certain stuff  – “This stuff Desmond, oh, this stuff is nothing special really, this stuff is just the stuff that keeps our organization from falling apart, really.” A smile cracked across my face as Shaun’s British tones sarcasmed their way through my mind.

“…sitting in a hospital ward, drooling and chewing on your tongue.” My pencil and smile dropped, and I buried my face in my hands. Damnit. Damn it, damn this, what even was happening with me. I wasn’t actually insane, right? This was real, wasn’t it? Would all this being real even be preferable to being a psychotic mess of a breakdown?

FOCUS.

It didn’t matter.

But the quote from Clay and breakdowns did lead me to another thought – my room, and it’s charming décor. I spun around in my chair, furrowing my brow as I strained to see what wasn’t actually there. I focused above the headboard, knowing what I should see, what I would one day see –

My eyes started to burn and blur, and I gave up for the moment. No eagle vision for me yet. So, what else was there for me to do? A horrible, awful, no good evil thought hit me. Exercise.

I needed to train, to get stronger, to prepare for the future trials ahead of me. And that meant exercising. Grumbling to myself, I scanned the room, trying to find the least observed spot. Nowhere really seemed to stand out, so I decided to just go ahead and work out on the other side of the bed from where I was.

Stretching came first, then body weight exercises, then cooling down. I started out with just my memories of failed exercise programs, but slowly muscle memory and more vague recollections that weren’t my own kicked in. There was no way it was Altaïr’s routine, not with so little time spent in his head yet, so it had to be Desmond’s.

It was easier working out in Desmond’s body than it was in my own. He was stronger, more flexible, and the body responded more quickly than my own sometimes did. He even had muscle memory built up that assisted in my workout, so I guessed that Desmond had kept up at least a little of his fitness regime.

Working out made me more viscerally aware of Desmond’s body. The muscles shifting and moving, each limb stretching and extending, tension ebbing and flowing… It was odd. In my own life, I’d never been really… attached to my body. I had a poor sense of spatial awareness, frequently bumping into walls and objects without realizing I was too close to them, and tripping when I moved to fast. I never felt truly attached to my body, as if my awareness was merely loosely anchored to a physical being under my control.

Maybe that was why it wasn’t so bad being in Desmond’s body? In a horrible way, he almost felt more real than I did. This wasn’t my body originally, but I had been anchored into it quite firmly. I might have been sharing this body with someone else, and other bodies would be projected into my mind, but… this really wasn’t that bad a fit.

Speaking of fitting, now that I was done exercising, I went over to try out the wardrobe. I’d worked up a decent sweat, and I hoped that Abstergo might have provided me with some pjs or something.

Nope. “I can’t even change my clothes.” Instead, I went into the bathroom and used one of the towels to get up as much sweat as I could. I wasn’t taking a shower – I wasn’t that desperate, yet. I went ahead and took off my hoodie, and then after some trepidation, my shirt as well. I looked down to see a flat chest, with a light sprinkling of hair and muscles.

My head spun, and I immediately jerked my gaze back up. Nope, what the hell, that was weird, nope. I shuddered, and the feeling of dysphoria finally hit me. This really wasn’t my body.

Awkwardly and uncomfortably, I used the washcloth and sink to rinse off a little bit. As soon as I could, I slid Desmond’s admittedly kinda gross shirt back on, but I left the sweater off. Instead, I took it with me, and headed to bed.

I slid under the covers on the side of the bed nearest the bathroom, and placed my hoodie on top of the sheets beside me. I didn’t even bother trying to find and turn off the lights after not noticing it earlier – the exhaustion was back and hitting me full force now that I’d given in and laid down.

Earlier, I hadn’t thought I would be able to fall asleep, but within moments

I was out.

#my writing #my stuff #Assassin's Creed #Silent Invasion #Lucy Stillman #I'll add the links tonight #and post it on AO3 and ffnet #but I also need to go back and fix older chapters at least a little bit #the first third of this is actually from at least 2 years ago

[andtheniwrotemarvel]

Happy Birthday, I Guess?

dad!Coulson x Reader

Assumed female reader

Word Count: 1863

If any of y'all follow my blog @babycoulson then this has some spoilers for my plans with love interests and storylines and such. Thanks to Wattpad user berryninjago for this prompt!

"You know *cough cough* most kids get money or something like that for their birthday. Not two in the gut."

"Birthday missions are usually so much more fun," you complained. "Like the time I went to Greece for my eighteenth birthday? Party. Oh, and when we went to Disneyland for my twenty-first birthday? Incredible. That wasn't really a mission, though."

"It kind of was. Fury classified it as a Level 7 excursion," your father said. "Just keep talking to us, okay? Fifteen more minutes is all I'm asking."

"I don't know if I have fifteen in me, but okay, whatever you want," you obliged.  "Let's see, what did I do for my nineteenth birthday?"

"Ten minutes until we land at the Lighthouse," May called back through the quinjet.

"Ten now? Wow, she's speeding," you remarked. "She doesn't generally do that unless it's an emergency."

"This is an emergency, (Y/N)," Daisy reminded you. "You're kind of bleeding out."

"Really? No way, I was too distracted by the blinding pain to notice the blood," you replied, a sarcastic edge to your voice.

"Tell us about your nineteenth birthday," Daisy said.

"That was a fun birthday," you recalled. "Got to explore the Grand Canyon right after we took care of Thor down in New Mexico. Shut down some supernatural artifact trading in Flagstaff. A good time all around."

"Did you go on a mission for your twentieth birthday, too?" Daisy asked.

"Absolutely. Maria and my dad had been sent on an undercover mission for reasons that I'm still not quite sure of--"

"I think Fury just wanted to have us show how undercover is best done," Phil said. "Paperwork included."

"That's nice, Dad. As I was saying, they were sent on an undercover mission, and I convinced Fury to send me along with them, acting as their daughter, which, I mean, wasn't too hard for me, considering I am actually my father's daughter," you mused. "I wish I could have seen 'Ria's face when she found out when I was going with them, though."

"It was spectacular," your father filled in. "She was incredibly frustrated.”

"I love how she pretends to hate me. I don't think she'd be able to get on with her life if she found out that something awful happened to me."

"Keep her in mind, then, why don't you? Try not to die for us?" Daisy suggested.

"If you insist," you sighed. "Let's see, I already told you that I got to go to Disney for my twenty-first birthday. That was my last birthday before SHIELD revealed itself to be a cover for Hydra. My twenty-second birthday was when Trip finally caved and asked me out."

"You would not believe how long it took to convince him to do that," Daisy chuckled, readjusting her right arm, which was holding down a thick cloth over your bleeding abdomen.

You gasped involuntarily. "Wow, that stings!" you cried, your voice an octave higher than normal.

"Sorry," Daisy apologized, a sympathetic look on her face. "I know how bad being shot sucks."

"I'm just thinking, you know--" you coughed violently-- "most kids get money or something like that for their birthday. Not two in the gut."

"You're not really a kid anymore, (Y/N). You're twenty-five years old," Daisy pointed out.

"Twenty-six," you and your father corrected her simultaneously.

"Five minutes," May announced.

"Okay, yeah, just five more minutes. Five more minutes," you repeated to yourself. "Wow, I am in a lot of pain. Y'all mind if I just close my eyes for a second?" Even as you said those words, your eyes fluttered shut of their own accord.

A wave of panicked protests came from Daisy and your father, but you couldn't make out any of the words they were saying. Everything was fuzzy and indistinct until one phrase from your father brought everything into focus again.

"Steve is waiting for you."

You latched onto that and brought yourself back from the darkness you were slipping into. "Steve," you said. Steve was waiting for you back at the Lighthouse. If you came back dead, he'd kill you.

"Steve, that's right," Daisy followed up, squeezing your hand. "Captain freaking America needs you to come back and stay alive for him."

"You know," Phil began, "Steve and I had a pretty interesting conversation before we left."

You forced your eyes open, and Daisy and your father let out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry, what now? What kind of interesting conversation?"

"Ah, see, I knew that'd get your attention," he teased you. "It's really not for me to talk to you about. I'm sure he'll fill you in when we get back."

"Oh my gosh, he's going to pop the freaking question, isn't he?"

"No, stop, you're not supposed to guess!"

"Oh, sorry, I mean--gee, what on earth could my boyfriend of two years have been talking to my dad about?" you scoffed. "It's a real mystery to me, gosh. Thanks for ruining the surprise."

"Yeah, I may not have thought that one through very clearly, but it got you alert," he shrugged.

"Okay, okay, point Coulson Senior."

"Twenty-third," Daisy interjected.

"Oh, boy, did I have a twenty-third birthday? That whole year after Trip died was just a huge mess and I don't remember a lot of it. Next?"

"Come on, (Y/N), you don't remember your twenty-third birthday?" Daisy pushed.

"Not particularly well, no."

"That was the one where we went out and celebrated with all of the girls, remember?"

"Oh, that twenty-third birthday!" you exclaimed, finally recalling. "Bobbi got so drunk that we had to call Mack to take her back to base. Where and when did she even find alcohol? You guys all promised that you wouldn't drink that night."

"You know as much as I do," she admitted. "Bobbi always had her ways."

"No doubt," you agreed.

"Twenty-fourth," Phil said.

You could feel the quinjet beginning to land; you wouldn't have to hold out much longer.

"Steve took me out. It was one of the few days that I had free from looking for you, Quaker Oats," you said, giving Daisy a pointed look. "That's also when I told him that my dad was actually brought back to life with alien soup. He actually took it a lot better than I thought he would."

"How did you think he would react?" Daisy asked.

The quinjet landed, and you could hear people rushing to greet you.

"Lowkey rage monster," you said. "And he was like that for a little bit, but then he just sat down with his head in his hands and said 'I don't know why I'm surprised, honestly. I've witnessed weirder at this point.'"

"Are you telling them about when you told me about your dad?" Your pained grimace involuntarily grew into a smile when you heard Steve's sudden voice.

"Oh my gosh, that's actually Captain America," Daisy whispered. "Like, I never doubted she was dating him, but he's real and standing right in front of me. And he has a beard now?" She looked at Phil for some form of confirmation, and he shrugged simply, wearing his trademark blank smile.

"They were making me keep talking and it came up," you said to your boyfriend. You turned your head and met his worried blue eyes. "What can I say? I missed you."

"You weren't even gone for twenty-four hours," he countered. "Why do these things happen the second we're separated?"

"What things? The telling of semi-embarrassing stories or the injuries? You have to be more specific, love."

Steve smiled involuntarily as well, and ducked his shaking head. "All of the above, doll."

"Oh my word, she just called him love, and he just called her doll," Daisy muttered to herself. Then, to the two of you, she said, "You two are going to make my heart explode if you keep being so cute, so you'd better stop and get Jemma working on (Y/N)."

"Yeah, we need to act fast. Here, I'm going to lift you up and set you on this...stretcher thing over here, okay? Count of three," Steve warned you, sliding his arms underneath you. "One...two--"

You sucked in a gasp and suppressed a scream through your clenched teeth as you were lifted and placed gently down. "Why does this hurt so much worse than the last time I was shot in the stomach, huh?" you grunted.

"You lost consciousness last time," Phil answered. "That's coming up on five years now, isn't it?"

"I'd give it a solid four and a half," you estimated.

"Also you got shot twice this time," Daisy added.

"That's gotta play a part, too," Steve agreed, beginning to push you out of the quinjet and into the Lighthouse. "Dang it, doll, why'd you have to go and ruin my plans for your birthday?"

"It wasn't my fault that someone other than SHIELD finally learned how to aim a gun," you argued. "But yeah, other than that, this was all one hundred percent intentional on my part. For sure. Totally. Why? Because why not, you know? Why not ruin my boyfriend's secret plans that I didn't even know existed."

"Okay, I get it. Not your fault," he conceded.

"Dang straight, boy."

"IS THAT CAPTAIN AMERICA?!" a voice called from deep inside a room you were passing.

"Oh, no, not again," Steve groaned.

"Again? Who's been pestering you?" you asked Steve. No one that you knew matched that obnoxious voice.

"CAPTAIN AMERICA, WAIT!" A series of metallic crashes preceded a wild-haired and -eyed man bursting out of the room to follow you, Steve, Daisy, and your father as you all made your way quickly down to Jemma's makeshift lab.

"Deke, stop, not right now!" Daisy attempted to brush him off, talking to him as if he were a little kid.

"But it's Captain America!" Deke protested. "And, woah, is that your daughter, Coulson? She's gorgeous!" His already wide eyes became wider as he looked at Steve's stormy expression. "But, not like, too gorgeous, you know? Like, I'd never make a move or anything like that."

"Thin ice, Deke," Steve growled.

"What's wrong with her?" Deke asked, switching subjects abruptly.

"She got shot, okay? Now go occupy yourself with something else," Daisy said, clearly annoyed.

"You got shot?" he asked you. "Man, I know what that's like. It really sucks. Little bit of advice? Make sure your real friends are the one giving you those painkillers. You might say some things or make some confessions that you don't want certain people to hear."

"The heck is wrong with this guy? Are you high or something?" you questioned.

"I'm sure there will be time to get you and Deke properly acquainted later," Phil intervened. You had arrived at Jemma's lab, and Daisy was filling her in on the details of what had happened."Listen, Deke, she needs Jemma's attention now, and you're kind of a distraction."

"Kind of?" Steve scoffed.

"What I need you to do is make sure the birthday decorations are all set to move down to the recovery area. Can you handle that?" Phil continued.

"Oh, wait, that's right! It's her birthday!" Deke exclaimed. "Hey, uh, happy birthday, I guess?"

Tag List: @shamvictoria11 @cookies186 @sweeneytoddler @shuriwithparker

#dad phil coulson #Phil Coulson #Agent Coulson #(y/n) coulson #agents of shield #agents of shield x reader #agents of shield oneshot #marvel #marvel oneshot #Steve Rogers #steve rogers x reader #daisy johnson #melinda may #deke shaw

[metalandmagi]

December End of the Year Media Madness!

It’s a new month and a new year! And what a crazy month it was what with Tumblr imploding and all. But I’ll still throw this on here just because I’ll be on this site until it literally boots me out. But I do have a twitter now…@metalandmagi where I’m also barely active at all.

Anyway, why make top 10 lists for the entire year when I can just ramble about all the media I consumed this month? There’s only a marginal amount of holiday things on here by my standards!

November media

Movies!

Give me some credit there’s only four Christmas movies on here.

Won’t You Be My Neighbor?: A documentary about Mr. Rogers starting with the birth of the television show to his death. This is the fluffiest most heartwarming thing I could have possibly picked to watch on Christmas, and I encourage everyone, even people who hate documentaries and/or never grew up with Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, to watch it. There’s a lot of important messages about acceptance, dealing with tragedy, and mental health that people can learn from and feel good about. Not to mention how he completely revolutionized children’s television. So yeah, he was awesome.10/10

Spider-man Into the Spider-verse: When a rip between dimensions is opened, a bunch of different spider themed superheroes from every comic fan’s wet dreams all get together to close it. Guys I’m not that big of a Spider-man fan, but dang this movie was a ton of fun. I came for the amazing visual effects and stayed for the amazing...everything else. The music, the performances, and the story were all top notch. Also I now have a new favorite Nick Cage role. If you thought the trailer made the animation look interesting, it was just the tip of the iceberg because it is the most visually interesting movie I’ve seen in the last three years. I strongly suggest any fan of animation...or even any fan of great stories and movies in general go see it even if you’re not that big on Spider-Man. Now I’m demanding a Spider-verse Aunt May movie because I have so many questions! And the post credits scene was the best out of any Marvel movie. Period. 10,000/10

The Wiz (2015 musical): I should start making a section for musicals or plays instead of just lumping it in with the movies. It’s the Wizard of Oz...but cool. I’ve never seen any iteration of The Wiz and it seems like I’m constantly hearing about it. So I watched the 2015 version of the 1975 Broadway musical that NBC aired. And yeah it’s good. There were some great performances. But I wasn’t very impressed with the songs themselves, and it’s not really the same without a dog along for the ride, but whatever. 7.5/10

Jumanji Welcome to the Jungle: The surprisingly fun reboot/sequel thing of Jumanji where four teenagers get stuck in a video game that follows every “stuck in a video game” trope you can imagine but actually does it well. It’s a sweet, funny romp through the jungle with some great comedic performances. I really don’t have much to say about it except that this movie is better than it has any right to be. 8/10

The Christmas Chronicles: Two children stow away on Kurt Russell’s, I mean Santa’s sleigh and go on a dangerous, balls to the wall adventure throughout Chicago trying to save Christmas or something. After everyone started talking about how crazy this Netflix movie is I had to watch it to verify if it is indeed as wild as they said. And yes...yes it is. It is so laughably ridiculous and questionable that it’s impossible to actually hate. The elves are some unholy mixture of minions and gremlins, one of the children is a literal felon that no one is concerned about, and Kurt Russell is super into the role but has some sort of thing about fat-shaming Santa. I just...have so many questions! But it was certainly a trip, so I’d have to recommend it just so you too can witness the insanity. -10 “savvy, straight-talking St. Nicks”/10

Arthur Christmas: No, it’s not a Christmas special related to the aardvark cartoon! This is the 2011 animated movie that no one remembers exists. Santa’s clumsy but enthusiastic son Arthur must deliver a forgotten present in less than two hours while the rest of his family deals with some Arrested Development style family drama. This is by far the most underrated Christmas movie of all time; even I didn’t realize it was actually good until I watched it for the first time in 2016! The fun road-trip style plot and the entertaining characters were victims of bad marketing. Arthur is hilariously endearing, and there was so much heart and effort put into it that I can find new things to notice every time I watch it. Not to mention the amazingly animated opening spy sequence! And also Mrs. Claus is secretly a total badass and Bryony the elf is the coolest female character in a Christmas movie ever. The movie’s message of old vs new is nothing we haven’t seen before, but I really don’t care because at the heart of it all, it’s about making people happy on Christmas. If you’re like me and just assumed this movie would suck...or didn’t know it exists, please give it a chance. It’s not perfect, but it’s worth seeing. 9/10

Neo Yokio Pink Christmas: Yes, it’s the Christmas special for Neo Yokio. No I cannot accurately describe it with mere words. There’s a rich bachelor gift exchange, demon possession, and pompous French aunts slinging insults at each other. It is unironically my favorite holiday episode of a show ever, and to me it’s the best Christmas special ever made. I thought I was prepared for the absolute bat-shit ride I would go on, but no...I wasn’t even close. At this point I don’t know if it’s written like this on purpose or if some divine twist of fate made the executives believe this is truly brilliant television. Either way, it is a masterpiece in its own right. There’s even a somewhat intriguing plot and a message about gift giving and capitalism under all the crazy! If you haven’t jumped down the rabbit hole yet, I implore you to watch the insanity that is Neo Yokio and follow it up with Pink Christmas because it will truly make your holiday season. 100,000 demon DNA drugs out of 100,000!

Die Hard: Nothing says Christmas like terrorists taking over a skyscraper and Bruce Willis having to take them all down by himself. Yeah...so I’ve never seen Die Hard before, but this is one of those movies that is so famous that I felt like I’d already absorbed everything important through cultural osmosis. And even though it’s pretty good, I would have liked it better if I didn’t know what was going to happen. My only real complaint is that I think it goes on way too long. More than anything it just made me sad to remember that Alan Rickman is gone. And it bothers me so much that John McClane goes through this building that’s under construction WITHOUT SHOES! 8/10

Books!

The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis: The 4th/6th book in the Chronicles of Narnia, in which Eustace Scrubb and his classmate Jill Pole go to the underworld to find King Caspian’s long lost son. Even though my children- the Pevensies aren’t in it, I actually think this book is my favorite of the series so far. Jill and Eustace are both sassy enough to play off each other, Puddleglum absolutely hilarious, and the book actually has a clear cut plot! It reads much more like a Greek myth than a children’s fairy tale since there aren’t nearly as many of Lewis’s trademark author interjections, and you know...it’s a literal journey to the underworld. And can I just say that it’s super refreshing to have an author write two main characters WITH ZERO ROMANTIC INTENTIONS! Especially since they’re freaking children! Now I just wish Disney had continued the movies even more! 9/10

Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare: I’m going to do this with only minor spoilers. It’s the final book in The Dark Artifices trilogy. Will Emma and Julian break the parabatai bond? Will the reflection of the modern day American government- I mean the Cohort/ the Clave fuck up the relationships between Shadowhunters and Downworlders forever? You’ll have to suffer like the rest of us to find out! In my opinion, 99% of this book is amazing, but in the last 50 pages there are some...bullshit ways of solving problems. Like everything that went down with the Cohort in Idris. Not to mention we’ve been so invested in the parabatai curse and how Julian and Emma’s bond would go down and...let’s just say the resolution was way too easy. And if you thought Clare’s other finales were jam packed, you ain't seen nothin’ yet. My copy is 880 pages and there was still more stuff that I wanted to happen...like any sort of scene between Dru and Ash...or an ending between Kit and Ty that doesn’t make me want to cry (the Wicked Powers is going to be brutal). But the rest of that 99% is mind-blowing! There’s so much good I can say that it mostly outranks anything I didn’t like...I mean we finally got a Malec wedding and a proper polyamorous relationship for the Angel’s sake! It may be my least favorite of her finales by default but it was still a fun ride! 9/10

TV shows!

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018): An elite soldier finds a sword that can transform her into a super buff magical girl who helps princesses take down the forces of evil. It’s a reboot of the 1980s cartoon, and holy crap it’s AMAZING! I have a whole new group of children to adopt, each episode is entertaining in its own way, and there’s so...many...good...ships! And it gives Steven Universe a run for its money with the care that went into making every character a different kind of warrior, which I love because the cast is 99% female. My only real complaint is that I never warmed up to Catra because she wasn’t particularly sympathetic to me from the beginning. But I understand why some people love her. If you love well crafted adventurous character driven cartoons and haven’t watched it yet WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?  10/10

Nailed It Holiday: Yes, my favorite baking show (and by that I mean the only baking show I watch) has a holiday season out on Netflix, in which newbie bakers are tasked with making incredibly professional desserts with a very short time limit. And whoever makes the best treat gets 10,000 dollars. I’ve talked about this show before in my June media madness, and I don’t know what it is but I’m so addicted to it. 10/10

Brooklyn nine-nine (season 5): Come on we all know the cop sitcom. It’s the best sitcom. Just in general it’s the best. Great characters that subvert expectations, great humor, and a lot of heart. I’ve known that this show is supposed to be amazing for years, but I only started watching it a few months ago. And since I couldn’t find season 5 anywhere...I got a Hulu subscription just to watch it before season 6 comes out. That’s how good this show is. 10/10

The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (season 2): Our favorite underdog comedian is back, and she’s slowly gaining popularity and doing...stuff. Like going on tour. And hanging out with Zachary Levi. Yes, this season is great, but my problem with this series is that every character aside from Midge and Susie are the fucking worst, especially the parents. Midge’s parents suck, Joel’s parents suck, Midge and Joel are appropriately neglectful parents for the time period...I could go on. And it’s not even in a funny way; like it’s just disgusting to watch these power dynamics. Not to mention how old the comedic bits for the parents get (how many times can we hear about Joel needing to date or Midge needing to get married?!) Yes, I realize that we’re supposed to be annoyed AND YES I realize that this is a product of culture and how society was, but none of the parents have any redeeming qualities. In episode one, we’re led to believe that Midge’s parents will grow and change through the season and they never do! At least there are moments where Joel can kind of be redeeming and expand on his actual character before he reverts back to being an asshole. Anyway, my thoughts are pretty much the same as the first season. It’s funny and interesting to watch, but it can be ridiculously frustrating when you hate almost all the characters!  8/10

Fuller House (season 4): Yes I do watch the ridiculous Netflix reboot of Full House. And yes, it is absolutely terrible! I really really hate it! But will I stop watching it? Let’s just say you can pry this pile of garbage from my cold dead hands. I don’t know if I’d call this a guilty pleasure or a hate watch type of show... it’s certainly not so bad it’s good territory like Neo Yokio...but Full House was pretty much my entire childhood. And yes, the original show is also not great. I loved it as a kid, and it was my first real exposure to a non-traditional family in live action, but yeah it doesn’t age well. What I’m trying to say is...I have no good reason for watching this.

I don’t mean to say that there’s nothing good about it, especially this season. They really back off on the more cringe-worthy catch phrases, Stephanie being aware of how stupid the writing is and constantly pointing it out is actually funny, their Christmas episode was surprisingly genuine, and they impressed me by actually make two female characters try and work through their difficulties instead of pitting them against each other for laughs. It has its moments, just like the original but definitely not enough to make up for the worst of it. Maybe this generation of children will like it the way lots of my generation used to like Full House...but yeah it’s awful, I hate it so much. -1 missing Tanner child out of 3

Voltron Legendary Defender (season 8) SPOILERS: It’s the final season of Netflix’s Voltron, and boy it was...something. I didn’t want to make this a big rant/defense of the show...but I feel like I have to highlight some things because this fandom is a shithole that refuses to see the good in anything.

There is so much good and so much...not good I can say about it, so here’s a couple things. I know this show didn’t go the direction anyone wanted, but that doesn’t make it bad. In addition to the stunning fight scenes and music, the performances this season were just amazing! I literally wanted to cry every other episode even though sometimes I didn’t know why the fuck something was happening. I don’t know how I feel about Honerva’s plan. I understand her motivation, but I was constantly questioning how we got from point A to point B... so yeah the plot and writing could be...weird at times. Also everyone seemed to have super pointy chins this season...

Spoiler alert: Not many of us wanted Lance and Allura to happen, but I truly believe it wasn’t done in a half assed way. At the very least, I appreciate that they had a genuine bond that developed over so many seasons. BECAUSE YES IT DID! Anyone who says they had no development or that it felt forced never paid attention. I wanted it to stay platonic; I wanted Klance to happen, but...I can’t be too mad at the writers because they at least tried. I still believe that Klance was endgame and the creators were forced to change the outcome of the show later on. AND YES LANCE DID GET A CHARACTER ARC! It may not have been the one we wanted to see, but I’m baffled that people think Lance living with his family, surrounded by people he loves-which is what he wanted all along- is not a happy ending. I just wish his relationship with Keith wasn’t pretty much ignored all season. But I believe Allura is his past that taught him to genuinely love and Keith is his future who will make Lance his “first choice”. And I’m not even gonna try to explain how I feel about Shiro and Allura’s endings because everything I feel is so complicated and layered. There is good and there is bad.

TLDR: This show teaches us that we’re stronger together, and I think the “fandom” completely missed the point because they do nothing but tear others down and refuse to look at things from other perspectives. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO NOT LIKE IT, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE THE RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY OTHER PEOPLE’S ENJOYMENT AND BE A DICK ABOUT IT. It may not have been everything I wanted, but I’m glad I went on this ride. Besides, there are canonically infinite realities so there’s got to be a reality where all your dreams for the show come true. As a season, I’d say it’s a 7.5/10.

Honorable Mentions

I watched Avengers: Infinity War again. And yes it’s still great.

I’m watching Superstore because when another sitcom comes on before The Good Place, why not? Also since I finished season 5 of Brooklyn 99 I had to use my Hulu subscription for something.

Camp Camp has a holiday episode...so naturally I watched it...several times. Please watch Camp Camp.

Hellsing Ultimate Abridged finally ended, and I feel obligated to shout this out because, hey when you put out one episode a year it’s a big accomplishment to finish it!

Super Smash Bros Ultimate is finally here!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL THE WINTER ANIME IS ENDING!!! They were all so amazing! So shout out to Iroduku-The world in colors, Bloom into You, Hinomaru Sumo, Dakaichi, Banana Fish, Jingai no Yomen, Golden Kamuy, Skull-faced Bookseller Honda-san, Tsurune, AND RUN WITH THE WIND even though they’re not finished yet.

#media madness #long post #the wiz #jumanji #neo yokio pink christmas #die hard #into the spider verse #arthur christmas #the christmas chronicles #wont you be my neighbor #Avengers infinity war #The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel #marvel #she ra netflix #she ra and the princesses of power #nailed it #voltron #voltron legendary defender #voltron season 8 #fuller house #brooklyn 99 #superstore #queen of air and darkness #qoaad #the silver chair #the chronicles of narnia