#i tried to keep this from being too long

[lavenoon]

hi so I am extremely soft for Sun basically being all-hands-on-deck for assisting Y/N with outfits, Moon wanting Y/N to be comfortable, and Eclipse being all here for nice textures

how would the boys react to Y/N asking them (independently) to help them put together an outfit (something complicated that needs an extra pair of hands with buttons/zips). can be pre/post-reveal depending on desired fluff content - @clxckwork-sun-n-moon

(:

Pre-reveal: Sun: Flattered beyond compare - them asking means they trust his judgement enough to put their outfit in his hands! For a peacock like him, who's job is reliant on looking the part, that's a big thing. There's also, uh, the thing about having to go up into their room, their private space, to maybe survey what they have? The thought will fluster him enough to fumble, and ask if they have a few things in mind already, and ends up moving the fashion show downstairs. Just take anything that could come in handy to the living room, he can work with that! Would love to take his time and invite them to a shopping trip, but feels like that might just be too much and sticks with what's available. Will however gladly offer to lend things to them - perhaps a specific tie would match better, or a certain set of cufflinks... Very gentle, but focused while working with buttons and zippers. He takes pride in being asked, so he won't risk damaging anything or hurting them by getting distracted. By the time he's finished the bitter pang of knowing this outfit isn't for him comes back to punch him square in the face, and he's lucky he's always smiling because otherwise it would be hard to keep up. Y/N doesn't miss the way his expression twists, and can't quite make sense of it before he leaves with a quick, but genuine compliment.

Moon: So you have chosen violence. Given that this is reverse coded, you have the shy boy, who is awkward af around the nice landlord already, who has no clue about fashion as his only focus is "dark color scheme and good to move in." He near panics, but agrees to help in any capacity he can - then follows Y/N into their home while just listing off disclaimers about how he's really not that knowledgeable and doesn't know what he's doing with outfits half the time, but if they're really sure - Ends up being the one giving the least "advice" because Y/N could try on anything and he'd say they look great, with that earnest expression that just makes it impossible to be mad about it. Y/N can try the process of elimination, and he does a lot better answering "this or that" questions. The living room ends up a mess by the time he's actually starting to help, almost hesitant to make contact. His gaze keeps flitting up to their eyes, checking in with them if things are still okay and he's good to continue. Ends up losing his anxiety by the end of it, giving them a couple earnest compliments. But once he's out the door and back alone he realizes that's it, that was his role in this and that's what it'll always be, and that does sting a good bit.

Post-reveal: Sun: And here you have chosen death. No longer concerned about propriety and overstepping, because now boundaries are all in the open and secrets no longer exist, he's very eager to show Y/N the full extent of his knowledge. Will no longer be too shy to go into their room, either, and Y/N will have some mild regrets over him judging what they have available. Will also be much less coy about sharing his own wardrobe, and given that he wasn't shy about it before there's just a lot waiting for Y/N. Will still be focused during the actual buttoning and zipping, but his touch will linger longer when he draws his fingers back down the line of clothing he just closed up. God help them when it's at their back - you know what you do when there's sudden pressure drawn down your back? You arch into it, and Sun is living for it when Y/N just moves with his hand, maybe eliciting a small gasp... "There, all set" - and his grin is entirely too innocent when they turn to glare at him. Maybe missing the touch already, which is exactly what he intended <3

Moon: A little less violence, good for him. Given the lack of secrets Moon is much more comfortable explaining that his sense of fashion is very much just "I need to work in it and not get killed by Sun if he happens to switch into it" which will make Y/N laugh and set the tone for the rest of the little fitting. He'll be much more of a menace, pretending to contemplate and at times even impersonating Sun and trying to mimic his speech patterns just to make Y/N crack up as they hold different shirts in front of their body. But when he asks them to "Come here?" with that gentle smile, they don't even hesitate for a second. He's much more confident, maybe even letting out an appreciative hum as he works the buttons/ zippers. Of course, he'll want to look at his handiwork, and helps them turn with his hands on their sides, before grinning like a Cheshire cat and asking if they'll need help getting out of it later, too? Earns him another laugh and a playful smack to the face, but he only laughs too knowing that he will get to help them get comfortable after, too <3

Eclipse: (though not for AU!Y/N, and more a s/o) Eclipse: Oh, he wants to have fun with this! He'd love to start from scratch, and start it all off with a shopping trip to just look around! If the energy is there, he'd love to go to multiple stores and compare, mixing and matching whatever you like, and looking for accessories in the same go! (or another go. multiple trips is also fun, he just gets excited! online shopping he's also definitely open for, if that's more comfortable - he just likes the added bonus of exploration) The actual putting on he'll be quieter, but still giddy. Torn between reverent staring, excited noises and hand clapping, and actually helping, he's a bit of a scatterbrain about it, but it's okay! Just take enough time to get ready! Very, very careful and gentle with any buttons or zippers - he doesn't want to pinch you, or break anything, and animatronics are strong enough for a mindless little tug to end with a loose button or damaged zipper. With four hands he's got a good advantage though, and two can take care of buttons and zippers, while two can hold the rest of the fabric in place. If that happens by having his hands rest on your shoulders, sides, hips, or even all of the above depending on where he's currently zipping/ buttoning, that's between him and you! Will shower you in compliments as soon as he's done, before quietly asking if you like it, too - because he knows that's the most important part, and if he hasn't helped you before and/ or you have very different tastes in fashion, he'll want to check in that everything went well and you're satisfied! <3

#answer let luce #clxckwork sun n moon #accidentally undercover #I feel like I make a lot of jokes abt sun and his fashion so i had to emphasize again #his job *requires* him to look good in a suit and he puts a lot of effort into matching the occasion #him ending up liking suits was more of a coincidence but he likes the ego boost it gives him #this isn't even 1.2K in total so not too insane but yknow. snipe the simps #tried to keep the length roughly balanced bc im normal about being fair #it's a pine forest pre reveal and the boys fancy a good long walk in there #i got so distracted from this im so sorry LMAO #enjoy!!

[stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage]

Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.

Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #sebastian vael #listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks #okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else #and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend... #that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't #it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more #even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline #whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke #i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.' #'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame #then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him #even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there #and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah #but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els #also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him #i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it #also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious #because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like... #i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like #an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks #i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power #and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai #and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think #i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him

[noahtally-famous]

made a 16-slide presentation for gabriel jha, i spent three days back to back on this (and planning out the fic that takes place before, during, and after tdpi that's centric around his and dave's brotherly bond, alenoah, noah and dave's friendship, and alejandro and carlos's brotherly bond)

(the slideshow reads like a character wiki page 💀)

no going back now. while i finalize the slides (idek if i should post it here, it's a full-on oc form for a character only i care abt 😭 but it would be good background info), have some before/after racing accident that had dave auditioning for total drama picrews of gabriel! (so in other words, pre and post tdpi gabriel)

#im still debating whether his hair should be longer or styled up #bc like i can def see him growing it out long as a “fuck you” to his dad #but having it styled up and gelled is totally his sort of mojo #so depending on what i ultimately go for the 'before' pic may or may not change #gabriel the man that you are...you are not even a character in td yet i have sm planned for you #he and carlos are gonna be such a trip. debating on them staying as friends or a romantic pairing #bc like their lives mirror each other in many ways #both of them have younger brothers who td fucked over #both of them moved out of their houses upon being legal bc of toxic family influences #both of them feel like they should have tried harder to keep their siblings away from td #gabriel has a direct connection to that so hes gonna be feeling lots more guilt and regret #so they both can actually support each other bc they understand what the other goes through #ough i have sm planned for them omfg #and dave and gabriel's bond is gonna be so complex #which will get carlos and alejandro to realize there are a couple of things they need to discuss too #and noah's just in the middle with his bf and his family friend having their own individual crisis on either side of him #gabriel jha #never thought i'd be making a td oc but here we are. its not even an oc who goes to td or is on the island lmaoo that's the irony of it #kit's ocs #td oc #noahtally-famous #kit stuff #total drama

[saintchaser]

when i die, don't look for me in the sunsets...

sirius — look for me in the sky. i know it's a cliché, but there is where you will see me. am i scared of death? no, of course not. i am endless, i am invincible, i am bright; i am the brightest star, actually. i will reach out for you, and i will light up your way. you will find me.

james — look for me in the sky. you will see the sun, bright and scorching. i will warm you up when you will grieve for me, and i will bring closure to you. i might be gone, but i haven't left you alone. i am here, still. and i always will be.

remus — look for me in the river. see the stones, smooth and cold. look at the water, running. its way is freedom, isn't it? it's all ended; it's over. however, that does not mean you can't go on. fall in love. live. without me. we'll meet again soon.

peter — look for me somewhere quiet. there is beauty in quiet, although some people can't see it. it's peaceful. come sit with me, won't you? death is imminent, of course; however, why won't we make the most of life?

dorcas — look for me in my lover's arms. i have been deceived so many times, death does not scare me anymore; it's the last bit of closure i have. look for me in the little things, where i hide. many do not see me, yet i am here. you just have to look for me.

lily — look for me at home. everything has a start and an ending, and i am always coming back. look for me where i can be myself, where everything is warm. look for me at home. maybe, one day, it will be ours to share.

mary — look for me somewhere bright. the sky, maybe. or somewhere colourful. it helps me forget how alone i am, really. i forget about the loneliness that aches in me. someday, i wish you'd search for me. for now, grieve.

marlene — look for me somewhere loud. it helps me forget. scared of death? of course, so i don't think of it. i let myself be washed away with adrenaline, pumped through my brain, and with a moment of pleasure. life is short, after all.

#aside this being an insight in the kind of people they are i think it is also an insight of the way they perceive death #sirius thinks he's for the most part invincible and endless and therefore no one can kill him #james knows he will die and he made peace with it however he does not want people to feel alone just because he's gone #remus knows people will grieve over him and he doesn't want them to. he wants them to continue living without them #peter is a bit scared of death and he would like to live to the fullest so when he doesn't die he can't regret not living #dorcas is not afraid of death and willing to welcome it if it means saving someone else from it #lily believes death and life are a circle that end/begin home and so it's her way of coming back to watch over her loved ones #mary knows she will be left alone in the end and she wants to forget it and shelter herself from grief and pain and so she tries forgetting #marlene is scared of death but would never admit it. so she keeps her mind busy. she knows she'll die but she's scared of the idea of death #anyways this got waaay too long in the tags sorry #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #dorcas meadowes #lily evans #mary macdonald #marlene mckinnon #my writing

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[quietwingsinthesky]

i have many many thoughts about rose & tentoo and how their relationship would evolve in this verse. about how you can't just take the love you have for one person and put it on someone else. not even a clone, a regeneration, a metacrisis. about how that doesn't mean you can't love them, or that you can't fall in love with them the same way, but that love has to be for them.

#it is relevant it just isn't relevant. right now. #but i do think about them a lot. #i think about them still living their lives after even leaves. think about rose and donna bonding. think about rose working for torchwood #and seeing a new side to jack and new sides to herself as well because she has to be there for the whole CoE thing. #think about tentoo transitioning because she is trans have i mentioned she's trans yet. she is. even doesn't know that yet because they #weren't there but they will someday. #i think about them all being at donna's wedding. and about a rose noble who grows up knowing the woman she took her name from. #they're a fambly.......... #i think about rose actually not keeping the whole doctor/aliens/mind wipe for your own protection/etc thing from tentoo for very long #about how working through both that being kept from her but also how it was killing rose to do that. how rose had to tell her. #is a fundamental part of what they build everything on now. they grow together. #i think about donna missing someone who isn't there and how sometimes with tentoo she feels a little better but it isn't exactly right #and how as time goes on. that feeling goes away more and more. her grief over losing the doctor *increases* as tentoo grows into a differen #person. she is still. fundamentally. the doctor. but she is also johanna tyler. and donna loves her. and still misses the doctor. #and i think. a lot. about that empty space that even leaves behind. about how they aren't there for donna's wedding. #about how they aren't there when rose noble is growing up. about how they disappear one day and no one ever tells rose or donna #or johanna or *any of them* what happened. i think about how they put up missing posters. i think about how rose holds her breath #for a whole year because hell the doctor got it wrong once with her. maybe they're just late. maybe they'll be back in time for christmas. #but even doesn't come back. they keep a picture of even on the mantel. and they do set an extra plate at christmas. just in case. #a lot of times it stays empty but they sometimes have other impromptu guests. martha and mickey and jack. jack comes by a lot. #couldn't keep him away if they tried really. sarah jane comes sometimes too. (sky babysitting rose noble. ough.) #something about. the doctor does have a family out there. if he'd only come home to them. #so does even. they're both going to have to go back sometime. face the music. sit down for dinner. #there's still time. there's still time. #dw oc

[oscill4te]

the idea of using chronometer or tracking any food/nutritional stuff is so stressful wtff

#if i am malnourished then so be it... #jk but yeah get a blood test every now and then #ive somehow been doing good w bloodtests despite putting no effort in #which is funny bc my family has tried convincing me for years that im going to be malnourished and starve from not eating meat >.> #I've been vegetarian for a long time and vegan for 3+ yrs and im balling #i just have to remember to take a multi/eat nooch for the b12 every now and then. i prob dont do that as much as i ought too #once i had a doctor suggest i keep a food diary just for being slightly overweight... cringe #idk tracking food that much seems unhealthy for most people #i think the only thing i care to track is sugar bc i notice i feel like shitttt if i have more than the recommended amount #but otherthan that i dont track anything else

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

i have classes again! (i do not know if this is good or not yet) so i will not be able to draw as often. that or i will be drawing extra as a way to procrastinate working on assignments

#ughhhhh i hate transitioning from no classes to classes again this shit sucks #i love being in class but it takes a while before my brain can get used to being in school mode #i wish they just never gave me breaks i would like that a whole lot better #i'm also having a crisis thinking about changing my major #but idk if that's because i actually want to or if i'm just v uncomfortable rn at the thought of having to learn how to be in school again #at the very least i get to go to class looking great today #yesterday i got my hair dyed so now it's neon red orange and yellow #someone told me i look like someone was making their first OC and they had fire powers #another told me i looked like sunset shimmer from mlp #at the very least i look rad as hell and it will make up for whatever horrible thing i end up doing wrong today #i really should've tried to take a class with a prof i'm familiar with but nooooo i waited too long to choose classes #and now i'm stuck with people i don't know who are going to say words to me when all i want is to not say a single word all day long #also i had to wake up at 5:30 today and will probably have to again bc i don't drive so i carpool and they have to work early as fuck #and now i'm on campus and also locked out of the buildings because i can't get the ID scanner to work and the buildings don't unlock yet #at least the feral cats keep me company in these trying times #and waking up early means that i'm just tired enough to not give a fuck anymore so at least i'm not sobbing on the floor (yet) #i'll probably try to save that for after classes end #though i'm feeling strangely okay today which i think might just be the grace period between transitions where i get to act like a human #before i freak out later #or maybe i just missed being in class enough to beat the bad vibes out of me? (probably not but i can hope) #i'm just saying words at this point but that's okay #i'm sure i'm interesting enough for everyone to love hearing about my morning #in which case i want everyone to know that i got the stupidest jacket from the thrift store a while back #and i am rocking it rn #every day i get up and get dressed i look in the mirror and see someone who would fit in better as an art student #but art doesn't make you money and i've lived in poverty too long to go with that #but if i'm stuffed somewhere where i have to have natural hair color and boring clothes at an office job i will probably go batshit tbh #the goal is to be so valuable in whatever field i choose that i get to do whatever i please #like L #anyway i have said so many words

[lanshappycorner]

.

#MANNN so much shit happened today to me and im still thinking abt it even though its probably not that big of a deal #i mean its done and over with and im fine but like #???? i mean im used to people harassing me and stuff in public but ive never had a man straight up try to kill me idk😭 #for context earlier today i was walking home from class and there was a middle aged man kneeling on the sidewalk rummaging thru his backpack #so i walked around him and he suddenly just stood up and grabbed my arm and tried to push me into oncoming traffic #and like i almost fell in and became roadkill but i caught myself in time and got away #and like it probably wasnt that big of a deal but i keep thinking about what wouldve happened if i hadnt reacted in time yknow #im trying to joke abt it whenever i talk to ppl abt it but like when i think abt it for too long i get freaked out #its one thing i think to get verbally harrassed but its another when someone forcefully grabs your arm with the intent to harm you #i can still remember the feeling of being grabbed and its so...ughh its . gross. and very scary #well. it couldve been worse i guess !! ill delete this later i just wanted to dump this here

[thepoisonroom]

i love other lgbtq people but honest to god we would all be so much happier if we could just admit that most people aren't good at communicating and everyone could be at least 10% more autistic about it

#too risky to make a romantic commitment to you #incompatible attachment styles #as long as there was no expectation of emotional reciprocity #overly sexually motivated #people will say the most opaque word salad to you and think they're being communicative because they used their buzzwords #still reeling from the time a girl sort of tried to end things with me by #saying she thought it was due to our #but that she still wanted to see me #and then absolutely would not answer any of my questions about if she meant she wanted to like #keep seeing each other but casually or if she wanted to just hook up or like. whatever #and then she accused me of being for asking #like girly what else was i supposed to get from that #personal nonsense #sorry that i fucked up the tags by forgetting about quotes you all are going to have to guess ig #ftr that girl is not one of the lgbtq people i love she was incredibly mean

[scarletfasinera]

Anyway since I can't send an ask because of character limit and I gave up after trying to write it three different ways and it not working, I'll just. Idk write a short vague post back? I'm assuming a vague for a vague is fair (don't worry I don't want to be mean I just have no other way of navigating this situation.) Since I'm exhausted & but want to at least express my view of it.

Idk just on the off chance they see this or one of our shared mutuals shows them or something. My "weak subtext" post had absolutely nothing to do with Adam Warlock, I didn't even remember that I reblogged that poll before making my post. I had seen like six other polls after the Adam one, bc I was actively looking through the blog, that did the exact thing my post was about, the blogrunner (who shall remain anonymous) had Pointed Out in private that it was happening and gave several examples & it was distressing them so I checked the blog myself and commented on it, which was why I made the post. Not the Adam poll in particular which I didn't remember and wasn't thinking about. I do not know enough about Adam to say anything about either the text or the subtext or anything, so I just. Wouldn't? It really baffled me that it was read that way.

Anyway. Farewell beloved mutual we barely knew ye...

#txt #the “people doing that across multiple polls” thing was also why I left the “annoying notes” tag #it just happened to be on the Adam poll because I like Miles and it was ine of the first ones on the blog #I didn't even process that people wouldn't have the background context & would read it as being Very Mean to Adam Fans in particular #But honestly I should have & that's on me & I deleted the post for that reason #Anyway I have NO BEEF with Adam fans and don't know enough about him to make any posts about him #It's just VERY STRANGE to me that this happened like I didn't even think about Adam I was just blogging 😭 #I wish they had like asked me for clarification or something like I'm a dumbass and oftentimes an asshole by accident. #And I get misinterpreted A LOTTTTT but I never know how to KEEP IT FROM HAPPENING #and idk. I don't like being misinterpreted & I especially don't like being vagued over misinterpretation so I feel weird about it ): #Especially from a mutual that I liked? But. I'll forget about all this in the morning. #I mean I could also just. Reblog their vague and respond to it maybe #But idk I feel like that's a Lot because I don't want to out them to my followers as Having Vagued Me #I just would LIKE to address it privately but the only way to do that is via ask but it would be too long if I'm being serious about it #And tumblr's ask limit is like 500 fucking characters or something. Idk I tried figuring out the character limit andnit cut it off after #the FIRST PART #It would have taken like 7 fucking messages to send the whole explanation #And I don't want to swamp their ask box #The only reason the explanation is so short here is because I wrote it out in an exhausted Whatever tone that clips some of the explanation #short. Which I don't think would go over well when trying to explain a misunderstanding to someone who is mad at me enough to vague me #anyway here's your reminder that you can have conversations with people instead of jumping to conclusions 😔 #I mean I'm not mad and I understand retroactively why the misunderstanding happened #but also if they had even like PM'd me like “Hey if your post was about Adam I disagree bc xyz” and I would have responded like #“Oh my post wasn't about Adam at all and I didn't even realise it seemed like that sorry” #or hell if they'd even anon'd me about it #Like I'm... actually not a mean person... I'm not going to verbally assault someone for interacting with me in good faith...

[pepprs]

not doing good. at all

#purrs #today and yesterday ive been unspeakably depressed. and no one knows what to do with me and i don’t know what to do with me. but ivs been ge #getting absolutely SHIT sleep bc of my siblings staying up late and my sisters ocd stuff which is probably part of it. I now im wide awake a #and it’s 2 and im miseravle and can’t sleep and already did sleep for 2 hours and it didn’t help and im hungry and weak #i truly don’t n kw what’s wro ng with me. i want to be happy and normal but every day i have long moments where im trying so hard not to cry #and i think most ppl would excuse themselves to go cry or take a break or like. speak up and ask for help if they’re miserable but i don’t d #do any of that. i just hold it all in until i get so tired it disappears. and then when i do snap im too miserable and ashamed to actually b #be honest about how anyone can help me which only makes me cry more. atp idk what will help. im in therapy now im about to have some time of #km eating food i like even though it’s not the healthiest ive tried resting and getting sleep and whatever. maybe im just not cut out for #any of what im doing and i just need to detach myself from reality even harder than i am already doing apparently. idk nothing im typing is #making sense i just can’t fall asleep now and im so pissed at my siblings and im pissed at my whole family for not giving a shit that im mis #miserable and easily overstimulated by noise bc i could’ve had ghe room downstairs and im still being held hostage by redacted and being #shaken awake to redacted like last night and work is killing me for the dumbest reasons. i literally cannot keep living like this #delete later

[sysig]

You cannot hide your T:RC music from me PMMM

#My ear for voices may have worn off in my time away from weebdom but those strings are embedded into my soul #I have listened to Synchronocity too many times for my brain to stray too far from that specific style for very long lol #Not even mentioning the amount of time I still spend thinking about Fai /Normal About Him voice #I knew it was the same artist I feel very vindicated upon looking it up lol #Finally properly diving into Puella Magi Madoka Magica after what? A decade and some change? Lol #I'm enjoying it :) I think I definitely came in too spoiled to be shocked by anything (and I keep reading the comments wegh) #But I like it :) I haven't been keeping up with magical girl shows in general for a long long time but I think younger me would've loved it #Oh gosh existentialism I don't want to think about how old I was when it first came out lol #I tried a few years ago and lost interest - yes despite knowing the twist - but I'm glad I hung with it this time #It's got a good strong aesthetic and interesting characters that feel like they can be cracked open and not Just in that way lol #Hoping to follow up with the movie(s) soon :) Well and properly finish the series lol #Good job bookending things writers ♪ A real show of restraint and as long as I'm not just reading into it too deeply- #Then again I still don't have an explanation I just had a hunch that ended up being correct lol #Magic and all that ✨ #PMMM

[thingswhatareawesome]

¨

#(not that anyone from that star rail post about dan heng and jing yuan will read but i wanna ponder it anyway) #but that tangled mess that would be jing yuan and his feelings about dan feng vs dan heng and his struggles to free himself the past #and find his own life #i just imagine the mc caelus being in love with dan heng or well on his way to being that #and falling for jing yuan too #and seeing/hearing jing yuan and dan heng in moments like this #and it just hitting caelus how they've had hundreds and hundreds of years #meanwhile he's just this blip in either of their lives momentarily there and then gone soon #(lord knows probably gone early bc he's got a stellaron in him what's that going to mean for his lifespan in the end? #he'll more likely than not either go out in a blaze of glory or have to be sealed away for the good of the universe #to not spread the fragmentum corruption) #and how could he in the face of something that's been between these two hundreds of years and could go on for hundreds more #mean anything but an eyeblink to either of them #and perhaps that's why he goes so silent and doesn't say anything when dan heng tries to talk to him in the story quest #caelus is just overwhelmed by all he's feeling and all he's seen and experienced and all he knows now about dan heng/dan feng and jing yuan #and this long long history between those two and how much pain they've both suffered #and all that caelus is feeling is like a great wave of emotion looming over like the waves dan heng #so caelus doesn't say anything bc if he does he'll loose hold of that wave of feelings and it'll crash down all around him/them #so he just keeps them in and keeps silent and mentally steps back and away from the other two #what they're goign through doesn't involve him it's not meant for him *they* aren't meant for him #they're meant for each other #he mentally steps back so he doesn't get int the way of whatever jing yuan and dan heng need to do #to untangle the hurts between them and find a new path forward and a new friendship--and maybe more #caelus won't get in the way of that or complicate it he'll be gone on the express soon anyway #and maybe dan heng will come back too but in the end dan heng has such a long future and caelus has just moments in comparison #dan heng and jing yuan have and to him should have all the hundreds of years to work out their future #and caelus will be just this speck of a memory hundreds of years down the road that maybe if he's lucky will have a statue #the other two could visit and reminisce by #(and wouldn't it be nice if in figuring out themselves dan heng and jing yuan realize that they do want caelus in their lives too #no matter how short a time that might be)

[blackwaxidol]

speaking of onion boy (onision)... a very funny/strange/interesting memory i have is that my very first original post on this site when i joined nearly a decade ago was... a multi-paragraph rant absolutely ripping that man a new one because i could see exactly what kind of soulless excuse for a human being he really was and i was frustrated that this concept was not grasped by... his audience of people my age at the time. no introductory post no "how do i use this site" post no nothing. i just came in swinging with pure hatred in my heart.

#tags are not funny btw i am recounting some memory of that idiot. #this was... 2014? i think... #his empire hadn't collapsed yet. #nowadays he's the indebted lunatic who doesn't break over 10k views unless he's going ape. #i haven't kept up with the 'saga' since the Chris Hanson thing. fucker. #does he still owe taxes? and that thing about the... wetlands..? #someone who keeps up with Onision in the legal sense tell me what's happening. #the most recent video i directly watched from his channel voluntarily #was before i made that first ever post and i think it was him trying to tell 'the truth' about his prior relationships. #he made fun of a previous relationship and tried to spin his ex as being crazy. #i don't know if what followed was a reenactment from him or actual footage of something. #he had. way too many videos of real confrontations or lunatic shit from his end. i couldn't tell you if it was an attempt at a story. #either way i came away from the video with an understanding that i was looking at someone who enjoyed inflicting torment. #like that was. startlingly clear to me. and i didn't understand why nobody else recognised it at the time. #just a completely empty human being. #his video where... i don't remember the full thing i just remember he talked about why he was discharged from the military. #i saw it as an attempt to take heat off himself by talking about his problems or whatever. #that was the moment i decided to make the post. like i remember it now. #anyway the spirit of guard-dog barking at weirdo men is alive and well within me. #ask anyone who has had to put up with me long enough for this to be obvious. #i might delete this post later... i don't like talking at-length in this kind of manner anymore.

[notjanine]

i’ve submitted well over 50 job applications this summer. tell me why the one (1) position i’ve made the most progress toward is one i didn’t even apply for???* and THEN. yesterday. one of my preceptors from the internship i just finished emailed me out of the blue like Hey i'm gonna have an open position at my private practice soon, are you interested?** girl what the fuck is going on here***

#* i was interviewing for a part time gig and halfway thru guy was was like Oh we also have this totally different position you might like!! #(i'm two interviews in and it's got big pros and cons but it's full time with salary good benefits and great opportunities #but the job itself is not exactly my bag #but it also def wouldn't be a long term thing #the woman from the second interview said she'd have one of the current RDs in that role give me a call so i can ask more questions ab it) #** honestly a great opportunity but two things give me pause: #1. i really enjoyed my time with that rotation and my preceptor was SO kind and lovely but #it seemed like we were just communicating on different wavelengths. like i'd ask a question and then she'd give me an irrelevant answer. #she'd give me an assignment and it would take me two or three tries to get what she wanted. #it was all just slightly off. but maybe that's ok bc i wouldn't be doing ASSIGNMENTS if i worked for her. i would be seeing clients #and 2. the pay is weirdly not good. like SIGNIFICANTLY less than comparable listings i've seen #but i applied for all those and got rejected bc i don't have experience lol so maybe it'd be worth it for a little while #just to get my foot in the door #and i think it would be very flexible and i would start off with a small case load anyway so maybe i could just do it part time #while i do something else full time #bc tbh i also want to work as much as i can (without burning out) while i'm here in tx to take advantage of the lack of state income tax #and lbr if i learned anything from my internship experience it's that i hate being bored and i like variety #how great would it be to bounce between like inpatient acute care and outpatient counseling constantly. keep this brain ENGAGED! #*** the gatekeeping in this profession is unfuckingreal #like i KNEW this profession in particular was too much about ~networking~ and ~who you know~ but #i didn't think it would be this fucking bad