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wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 4 years

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Psycho Analysis: The Moonchild

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

I feel like this one was inevitable. As soon as I decided to bust open the doors on literary mediums like books and comics, this guy was always going to loom over me. Well, let’s just bite the bullet and talk about him.

In the final portion of The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Centuries, we are introduced to Oliver Haddo’s ultimate creation… a creation he is incredibly disappointed in. You see, the Antichrist or Moonchild is a whiny, miserable young adult strung out on prescription drugs because he went mad after realizing what he was being manipulated into. He is the subject of derision by all who know him, and is treated like a punching bag by most of the narrative, up to and including God literally telling him he’s a bitch. Our villain here is just a miserable, whiny, kind of misogynistic brat who doesn’t even want to be a villain, and in general is just unpleasant and ineffective save for a school massacre he pulls off.

Oh yeah, and his real name is Harry Potter. Kind of an important detail, that.

Motivation/Goals: So as the antichrist, you’d think Mr. Potter might, you know, maybe want to bring about the end of days and all that. But no! He actually pops pills and isolates himself in Grimmauld Place so that he doesn’t do that! He doesn’t want to be the Antichrist and, really, who would? Most of his screentime is thus spent whining, until he ultimately decides to embrace being the Antichrist because he feels he has no other choice. We’ll get into all of that in a bit, but honestly, his motivation is extremely weak despite the incredibly graphic setup we’re given to his downward spiral: when he first discovered he was being manipulated by Satanists, he went on a magical school shooting, shown to us in a first-person perspective to emulate the games that were often blamed for real school shootings. We get to see Harry slaughter Ron, Hermione, Snape, Dumbledore, and so on, we get to see what he did to Hogsmeade and the Hogwarts Express, and absolutely none of it is pleasant.

With setup like that you’d expect maybe a little more intrigue and indecision, maybe some sort of conflict between fate and choice or something beyond Harry sitting around half-naked, high off of antidepressants, being a whiny little bitch, but you might be giving the dude who wrote a porno where the kids from Peter Pan engage in underage incest a bit too much credit.

Final Fate: So Harry has gone absolutely bonkers and it seems that nothing can possibly stop him; our heroes seem to be written into a corner. So what does Moore do? He has God - who in this universe is Mary Poppins - descend from the heavens and have her say how she protects the imaginations of children and how she just straight up hates Harry. Never mind that Harry is quite literally an abused child who was twisted by the cruel machinations of a body surfing wizard, apparently he’s a child not worth protecting or caring about and is unworthy of sympathy. Anyway, Mary Poppins just turns him into a chalk drawing and that’s the end of that.

Great writing, Alan Moore, critically acclaimed creator of Watchmen!

Best Scene: Saying Harry here had a ‘best scene’ is seriously pushing it, because literally every moment he’s on the page the comic just beats you over the head with Moore’s biases. I wish I could put the school shooting sequence, because the idea behind it is legitimately intriguing, but the whole sequence is just interwoven with Moore whacking off his hateboner for the series. But on the subject of boners… well, I think there’s only one panel that can truly and adequately sum up this entire character and how much of a miserable failure he is. Those who have followed me for a long time knew this was coming, but for the rest of you, behold - Harry Potter Dick Lightning:

Final Thoughts & Score: Quite frankly, this is the worst thing Alan Moore has ever done.

I’m not even mad as a fan of Harry Potter; Moore was honestly ahead of his time in hating the franchise to this level. The issue I have is that he doesn’t really deconstruct or criticize in any meaningful way, he just is doing edgy “take that” stuff that you’d expect from a chump like Garth Ennis. Like, the concept here is incredibly solid and intriguing - this version of Harry has been groomed from birth by Satanists to become the Antichrist, with all of his adventures fabricated and all of his relationships manufactured to keep him under the illusion he is a hero to mankind. Upon discovering the truth, he snaps, massacres everyone at his school for their role in his manipulations, and went into exile to stave off the apocalypse, although he ultimately and bitterly accepts his role because he feels he was never given a choice… and he wasn’t! He’s an incredibly depressing and miserable deconstruction of the concept of “The Chosen One,” and yet the whole thing falls apart on multiple levels.

The first is that the Harry Potter franchise already deconstructs the concept of “The Chosen One;” the text goes out of its way to point out that Voldemort’s own actions are what is creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by targeting someone with the will and drive to fight back against him. Harry’s not so much chosen by fate so much as forcibly chosen by an evil manipulator… and that’s basically what we have here, but with less substance. Moore doesn’t really comment on anything, instead leading into the second big issue - Harry’s whole role is to be a strawman punching bag villain so that Moore can complain about modern fantasy franchises. Moore seems to view Harry as the epitome of the lazy regurgitation of the same story over and over that modern blockbuster culture so often falls into… except that Harry Potter was an original product developed by one person and had no artificial longevity slapped onto the franchise in the form of unneeded sequels or spinoffs to extend the lifespan of the franchise at the time Moore wrote this. Throw in the fact Moore just in general seems extremely contemptuous of any post-70s pop culture in Centuries and how Harry is ultimately taken down by crusty old characters from older literature really just leads to Moore coming across as a grumpy old man who hates anything new, not helped by his tired criticisms of millennials and their perceived lack of culture. Maybe Moore would have had more of a point if he created this storyline today, but he didn’t. Thus, he has no point and he just looks like a miserable old fart.

Sure, you can argue that maybe Moore’s basic parody of the character by exaggerating his tendencies to their logical extreme and attacking elements of the plot that had been criticized to death by fans to begin with has its place, and perhaps you could even say that the take in the comic is just an extreme take on how Harry acted in the fifth book, what with the lashing out at his friends and his general feeling of a lack of control, and there is some merit to that, or there would be if Moore’s own unrepentant bias didn’t undermine everything. Look, you can hate Harry Potter, but then why slap it into your work? It’s supremely cringey when people insert characters they hate into fanfiction and just completely derail their characters so that they can treat them like garbage with the narrative, and is that not what Moore did here? Is League not just public domain fanfiction? There’s a reason why I coined “Harry Potter Dick Lightning” as a phrase used to showcase a moment where a fanwork’s contempt for a character becomes so extreme that it not only jumps the shark, it rockets over it into the upper atmosphere. Any criticisms or messages Moore is trying to convey is tarnished by his blatant, seething contempt for the character, and that gets in the way of good writing and good storytelling. Having two characters express pity at having to murder an abused child who was warped by Satanists into being a tool of the apocalypse does not make up for how the narrative constantly mocks, belittles, and treats him like garbage to the point he really can’t function as an effective villain that can be taken seriously.

All of this adds up to what I’d argue is the absolute worst villain in all of fiction, bar none. There is just not a single redeeming quality about the Antichrist as a character. None. Nothing. I cannot think of another villain that so completely fails on every single level as this one does. He doesn’t work as an antagonist because most of the bad things he does are offscreen and he doesn’t come into conflict with the heroes until the very end, and most of his screentime features him doing nothing of note. He doesn’t work as a critique, because he is acting as a criticism for things his character never really represented in the first place. He only really functions as the sort of garbage you’d see in My Immortal, where the characters you know and love are turned into evil jerks because the writer hates them - but he even fails at being that, because at least My Immortal is funny about it!

I am going out on a limb and saying that there cannot possibly be a villain that so utterly fails at everything it sets out to be as hard as Harry does. I don’t even want to try and believe it. And so, without hesitation, I am giving Moore’s shallow Potter parody a 0/10. And I pray to Mary Poppins that this is the only one of those I ever dish out, because I really don’t want to imagine what could possibly be worse than Harry Potter Dick Lightning.

#Psycho Analysis #Harry Potter #the league of extraordinary gentlemen #Alan Moore #Centuries #The Antichrist #The Moonchild

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alphawolfice1989 · 4 years

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21 Ways Neil Patrick Harris Is Still a Kid at Heart

Whether he’s escaping a room or his real life, the sitcom star and new quiz-show host loves a game—unless it’s Monopoly

https://www.wsj.com/articles/21-ways-neil-patrick-harris-is-still-a-kid-at-heart-1520528275

PLAYER ONE Neil Patrick Harris, the host of the new game show ‘Genius Junior,’ takes a timeout at The Charlie Hotel in Los Angeles.PHOTO: SHAYAN ASGHARNIA FOR THE WALL STREET JOURNAL

Chris Kornelis

March 8, 2018 11:57 am ET

AS PRENATURALLY SMART teen surgeon Doogie Howser, M.D., Neil Patrick Harris occasionally let himself believe he was the “young whippersnapper intellect” he portrayed on TV. He’s under no such delusions as the host of NBC’s “Genius Junior,” a new game show premiering this month that quizzes grade schoolers in categories including math, memory and spelling.

“When I interacted with the kids, I realized that [compared to them] I was really just a puppet reading writers’ lines,” the 44-year-old father of two said. “It doesn’t quite involve the same cerebral cortex.”

Following his 2014 Tony-winning role in Broadway’s “Hedwig and the Angry Inch”; the publishing of his children’s book “The Magic Misfits” last year; and the launching of his Netflix adaptation “A Series of Unfortunate Events,” Mr. Harris said he was inspired to take his turn behind the quiz-show dais by a childhood spent watching “Press Your Luck” and “Sale of the Century.” Another motivator: his love of puzzles and game theory, which recently led him to become an escape-room aficionado.

Though he said he normally takes the time to gauge the dynamic in group situations, Mr. Harris admits that he gets “pretty alpha” if the door is locked and the clock is ticking: “When your singular goal is to escape as quickly as possible, you just talk the loudest and fastest you can.”

Clockwise from top left: ‘The Goonies’; Oculus Rift VR goggles; ‘Black Mirror’; his childhood computer; Stretch Armstrong.

My current obsession is: a smartphone app called “The Room.” As you swipe around and examine a box, you find a little switch that opens a panel to puzzles that unlock more and more of the box. It is extraordinarily well executed and a brilliant time suck.

My favorite toy as a child was: Stretch Armstrong, but I was really just interested in knowing what the liquid was inside that allowed him to stretch, so those got mutilated. I also had every “Star Wars” figure. When we made little short films, we would burn them because burning plastic is cool to watch.

My favorite toy now is: The Oculus Rift VR machine. I can’t stop. I will someday be one of those fallow, gaunt VR players who never see the light of day.

My favorite escape room is: New York’s Paradiso Escape. It’s fantastic. Incredibly cinematic, there are multiple rooms, and it’s fully realized. And we escaped, which is most important. The bomb did not go off.

The first piece of tech I remember getting is: an old school TRS-80 computer my parents bought. We were living in Tiny Town, New Mexico—not its real name—and I felt like we were very technological and impressive.

I’m serious about collecting: Disney theme-park memorabilia. I outbid some heavy hitters to get an original Haunted Mansion stretching portrait of a bearded man, which we display proudly and enormously in our living room. I paid too much, but I felt it was something that would never come around again.

When you visit Vancouver you should definitely: bike Stanley Park. That’s their big Central Park. It’s just exquisite. Nature here is just miraculous. When it’s not raining in the spring and summer everything is just in full bloom—and it’s beautiful.”

The best place for brunch in New York is: Balthazar. It’s a great scene. Fantastic brunch: waffles and oysters.

A podcast I download to get a bit smarter is: NPR’s “Hidden Brain.” Shankar Vedantam interviews all kinds of people on topics relating to the brain, the psyche and our common concerns and goals. It’s scientific, topical, really motivational.

A game I do not recommend: Monopoly with 7-year-olds. I think it teaches bad habits. The whole conceit of Monopoly is to destroy every other competitor and acquire so much wealth that you’re stomping on and bankrupting people left, right and center. But we’re very into Sorry!

A book that I re-read every year is: “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho. It is filled with life-changing ways of thinking. It’s the only book I’ve read where I had to just stop to think about a sentence I read, take some deep breaths, smile and then keep reading.

The best book for a first grader is:“The World’s Worst Children” by David Walliams. It’s stories about horrible children, similar to the worlds created by Roald Dahl. Hilarious and still palatable for kids.

A kids film that I love is: “The Goonies.” When it came out, I bought all the chewing gum packs of Goonies cards, read and acquired every Goonies thing I could and called myself a “Goonie looney.” I coined that phrase and thought it was very funny at the time.

The last show I binged is: Netflix’s “Black Mirror.” All the episodes are effective, chilling and awesome.

My favorite VR game is: “The Invisible Hours.” It’s a murder mystery, which is right up my alley. You’re able to wander this mansion and follow people to see what they are doing. It’s like immersive theater. It’s rad.

The last piece of technology I bought: If I’m being honest, is a second Oculus Rift system, because I missed it so much in New York, I wanted to play it here in Vancouver [where he’s currently shooting the third season of “A Series of Unfortunate Events”].

As a child I listened to: my parents’ records. The Kingston Trio, the Brothers Four. In high school I listened to Billy Joel and the Beach Boys—which was the first CD I ever bought.

If I weren’t an actor: I’d either be a puppeteer or an Imagineer—someone hired by Disney to sign a nondisclosure form, learn all the secrets of how the theme park rides work and use current and future technologies to design attractions for parks.

My favorite bathroom away from home is at: the NoMad Hotel in Los Angeles. It’s in an old bank and they saved the vault for the bathroom’s entrance downstairs. It’s super cool.

The best advice I ever received was: play a long game and not a short game, especially career-wise. Don’t hope that a singular thing—especially if it becomes a success—will define you. Strive for longevity and appreciate that where there are flows there are also ebbs.

The worst advice I’ve received: Fly out of Newark instead of JFK.

—Edited from an interview by Chris Kornelis

#nph #neil patrick harris

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demytasse · 5 years

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[Shizaya] Coping Mechanism — Ch 6

[Previous Chapters | Ao3]

The thing about running away from your problems is that it's not a solution, it's a coping mechanism. It resolves one issue but replaces it with another; a cowardly deed that re-stations one’s weakness out of sight while it remains in mind for everyone else.

It’s a strategy, running away, and not a very good one. Nothing more than a poor excuse for a sad soul — and a detriment to an unfortunate case put in recess.

“So you're back to ignoring him?”

Izaya flipped his phone so the screen could meet the table surface; it amplified a vibration or two.

“Now what would give you that idea?”

A buzz came from Shinra’s coat pocket which interrupted another and a subsequent in queue; he brought it out to hold a foot before Izaya in a seamless flash. Normally some amount of glee would have met the doctor's lips for how he mimicked one of his love’s trademark poses, but flat displeasure won out.

“I wonder why that could be?”

“How many times has it been?” The informant skimmed the screen before it was pulled from his purview.

Certain keywords had stuck out from the rest as if bolded; words like, ‘Izaya’ and ‘kill’ were interspersed between phrases, like ‘I swear’ at the beginning, ‘this time’ in the middle, and ‘I won’t’ somewhere near the end. Shizuo's compulsion to clarify his intent was so natural that it may as well have been a confession of murder before it was committed. Maybe that should be reassuring?

“I don't pay attention past my disappointment to count. It's annoying to assume that the stream of text messages is Celty narrating her day for me only to find that it's your boyfriend—”

“Ex.” Izaya corrected, a stern look to his eye.

“—that’s been abusing redial and over-utilising text prediction. Or maybe it’s text-to-speak; sometimes I get incoherent messages that somehow manage to sound more rage filled than if he abused my doorbell instead.”

“That's not my fault. You could pick up your phone, you know.”

“So could you!” Shinra threw his hands onto the back support of the couch, not too far from clipping Izaya’s nose while he slammed them down in frustration; upon impact his glasses fell askew, made him more comical than intimidating.

In jest, Izaya pulled back from Shinra’s tired pout and into a shrug. “Now that's silly. Why would I pick up your phone?”

—

The act of weakness stretched out across a week — less than tolerable for all of Izaya’s friend-like connections, easier to deal with himself as he fled Shizuo’s text message war zone with ease, but those neutral parties forced into the fray dragged him back into the trenches to which he met hell without so much of a helmet to protect him.

“Why would Shizu-chan assume we're hanging out?”

“I don't know, ask him when you call him back.” Kadota’s eyes flashed and his crossed arms mimicked a disappointed father.

Izaya was lucky that any attacks weren’t physical just heavily fired with baritone.

“But you realise, Dotachin, calling him would defeat the purpose of ignoring him.”

“I'm not even going to act surprised that you’ll admit to ignoring him. For my sake, at least, get him to stop calling me. It’s annoying on its own, but Erika’s demands for the next installment of her real-life soap opera are worse, and I don’t think I can fake that the messages stopped for much longer.”

“Sounds like trouble in otaku paradise.”

“Any paradise, if there ever was one, has been lost.”

They shared an easy chuckle. One of the two bookstore loiterers tugged his beanie back into place while the other corrected the lay of fur over his shoulders; they walked each other to the automatic sliding doors without a single glance to confirm they were going the same way.

“Well, it's been nice catching up with you old chum.” Izaya clapped Kadota on the back as he lead their exit through the doorway. “Maybe next time your gang and us can share cup ramen out of the back of the Mystery Machine.”

With a shocked expression, Kadota felt impressed that any effort was made to schedule time to hang out — faked or not, it was more than Izaya ever tried to in the past.

“I'll even splurge for you guys and bring the 900¥ kind, my treat!”

And it was that syrupy sarcasm that called the comment for what it was meant to be: a precursor of Izaya committing to nothing, promising nothing. Running from his duty to end Kadota's involvement with the odd-couple’s immature fight.

“It really is a wonder that Shizuo thinks we hang out.” Kadota sighed as Izaya gave him a cutesy wave goodbye.

—

It was quickly day seven — the dawn of week one since the incident and Izaya was still avoidant of the simple solution that everyone else seemed to know but him. Rather he knew it, he just didn’t care to put it into practice; and everyone wished he would stop pretending that his bone-bruised ego paralysed him from fixing things with Shizuo. It was psychological warfare at this point, stubbornness to win against his ex’s persistence for closure or resolution.

The whole scenario was pathetic.

[Ku] Iza-nii, it's weird for Shizu-nii to be texting us and not the other way around. [Ku] Are you going to text him back already?

[Mai] Fool.

[Ku] Exactly! You’re a fool! An idiot brother. We’re not even in high school anymore, but you’re involving us in adolescent drama like we are!!! [Ku] Gah! You’re like a teenage girl!!

[Mai] You’re sad.

[Ku] Tell you what! We’ll send Shizu-nii over to your place so you can just make up and fuck.

[Ku] Or fuck and make up. Either one. [Ku] Hahaha.

[Kanra] If you two interfere I will stop sending my dear sisters loving gifts of extra spending money.

[Mai] No bother.

[Ku] Keep the petty change, Nii-nii. We make enough on our own. [Kanra] Do I even want to know where you get your money from?

[Mai] …

[Ku] Huehue, better off only knowing that we make more than you do! [Ku] Bye-bye, Nii-nii~. [Ku] We do this out of love!

[Mai] Die.

Izaya wasn’t positive that their proclamation was legitimate, all things considered he’d act as if it were. Though his line of defense was likely to go against their wanted outcome, they wouldn’t know that fact until it was too late.

“Too bad your brother can outwit you two twerps.” Upon his schedule, he made a note on to send the obsessed duo on a wild-Yuhei hunt and moved onto better use of his work hours.

Furthermore he ignored a stray text message. Despite the sender’s hopes, the fairy had a fairly low chance to get a conversation going — that scarily passive threat was the type that’d only have an affect on her partner, assuredly not him.

//I'm tired of you playing this game, Izaya. Shizuo is really messed up this time around...//

Celty could play no head games with him.

—

Days later Izaya had been made an audience to a concert of metal all afternoon; intentionally raucous and purposely harsh, the crashes, clangs, and slams of kitchenware upset his continued productivity. All musical measures were a tune played out by an ornery employee, these days a willing partner in crime, but her overpaid salary still wasn’t enough to mute her percussion nightmare.

It only stopped when Izaya stopped his keyboard staccato for the day, progress little as it might be.

“Take it.”

“Woah there, Namie-san. Didn't know you were into that.”

Izaya addressed her phrasing rather than the food container wrapped in a cloth bag that was extended out to him. Namie’s arm was firm in front of herself, her offer pressed against his chest and demanded that he ‘take it’ or face repercussions.

“Take your cowardly ass over to your boyfriend's—”

“Ex.”

She spoke louder, “—to your boyfriend's apartment and talk things over with the bastard over dinner.”

Although it looked like it was a traditional bento made with love, akin to ‘what mom used to make’, his secretary looked a lioness that threatened an attacker of her pride rather than the human mother of a man-child that she was.

So thanks to the literal shove through his apartment door, Izaya found himself propped against the front of another. Slunk with his elbows upon his knees, a cloth bag dangled by an ear between his legs. He watched it spin before he directed it to go counterclockwise and around again to meet the same pattern.

Whether it was his misjudgement of time or Shizuo was late, it didn't change the fact that the mystery wasn’t one he could solve with pulled fabric, not like the uncover of what food Namie had made for the unhappy couple. For some reason it felt wrong to peek without the other recipient present as well. Maybe it was bad luck, as if anything that Namie touched could be blessed with good omens. What misfortune awaited him upon Shizuo’s eventual arrival made him refuse to take chances with weak willed boredom, and it itched his fingers to fiddle with the tight knot.

“No.”

Izaya perked up; he hadn’t noticed an elevator beep nor heavy footsteps — an oddity for the perceptive man.

“Don’t pretend that you weren’t desperate for my attention all week.”

“I’m not pretending.” Shizuo stoically defined his scowl.

“Are you sure? Maybe you were secretly hoping that I would fulfill some psychic booty call.”

“Fuckin’ hell, just go home! You’re drunk.” “We both know I’m not.” He muttered, “and that joke was hardly funny the first time, Shizu-chan.” “Then how else are you here?” “Easy, I walked.” “WHY else are you here?”

The long since hot, now room-temperature meal finally made its cameo. Izaya held up the bag with a dainty flirt, his pinky up on high, “a gift from my secretary.” Shizuo scowled harder. “Give my compliments to the chef and leave.”

“There’s dessert.” The emotionally exhausted man grumbled while he kicked his head back, his eyes pinched closed just as he pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed with aggression. Shizuo was annoyed that everyone assumed that sugary sweets would automatically sway him. In any other case it would have, but in this particular scenario...it still did, though only to shut Izaya up and get him to stop with the needy pout that he wore as a secondary tactic.

Izaya knew that Shizuo couldn’t make him disappear, he also knew that he couldn’t let him run away of his own volition — he was certain that in a matter of seconds he would invite him in just to stop their passive aggressive squabble performed through pigeon mail.

“Hm, looks like it’s strawberry shortcake too. She knows you—”

“For the love of… Just get the fuck in here, fleabag!!”

AN: Needless to say, I had a tad bit fun with this one — what, with a horde of characters all randomly showing up within the same chapter, just to prove how much I love writing dialogue between petulant Izaya and anyone annoying Izaya and Shizuo can be to everyone around them. Feel free to comment or give feedback.

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raptorific · 6 years

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i agree with what ur saying wrt the deadpool post but then i went and saw dp2 amd was surprised bc it really is about dp rejection cycles of revenge and embracing compassion and mercy (to some extent) and idk im just confused about why you would reject it so wholeheartedly when the movie really is trying to say the same thing your post is. am i wrong about the movie or do you dislike what it represents to other people & therefore any individual adaptation cannot redeem the concept as a whole?

The plot of Deadpool 2 is too incoherent and nihilistic to say literally anything about anything, honestly. I’m probably gonna say some spoilers in my post so here’s hoping you have some combination of the phrase “deadpool spoilers” blacklisted if you care! I don’t wanna get angry messages about how I spoiled the movie for you because I gave you all three whole paragraphs to hit “J” and skip to the next post before I even mention a single plot detail.

Now, I’ve read detailed plot descriptions of Deadpool 2-- I haven’t seen it because honestly I just can’t bring myself to give money to a project that I feel like should’ve been mothballed within the hour after the production team killed that stuntwoman, and frankly I think less of anyone involved with the project who didn’t walk off set rather than continue making the movie after that-- but I know the whole plot and frankly it sounds like I haven’t missed very much.

So, the issue with Deadpool 2 is essentially that it carries the same insulting-to-the-audience’s-intelligence thesis statement as “South Park,” which is “got a problem? you’re just overthinking it, who cares this much, it’s just a movie, shut up and enjoy it.” The majority of the time I have an issue with people using the word “plotholes” when an ounce of critical thinking would resolve the problem, but in the case of Deadpool 2, the plot only makes sense if you aggressively refuse to think critically about it.

For example, and here’s where the spoilers start: the villain, Cable AKA Not-Thanos, has come back in time to prevent the murder of his wife and family. Deadpool eventually manages to help him in this endeavor, but gives up his life in the process. Cable’s time machine only has one use left, and he sacrifices his ability to return to the future and be with his family in order to save Deadpool’s life as thanks for his help, trapping him in the present day forever. There’s an ending you can work with, some real pathos, a conflict that you can really truly sink your teeth into as a media consumer. But does it matter? Nah, because Negasonic fixes the time machine in literally the next scene.

So why doesn’t he just use the now-fixed time machine to go back home? The movie doesn’t stay! The plot, and Brolin’s multi-picture contract, requires Cable to be trapped in the present because his time machine broke, and “the time machine can be, and has been, fixed” seems like a pretty glaring inconsistency to me. The film gives no indication that the fact that Deadpool can give Cable back his ride home will be addressed or resolved in later films.

In my opinion this is a way more glaring issue than “why doesn’t Thanos just make more resources,” since at least with that you can pretend the answer is “because what he really wants is to kill half the universe, and making more resources doesn’t enable him to do that.” The answer for this is basically just “this isn’t a movie that expects you to give anything a second thought or remember anything but the set-up for the punchline you’re currently hearing.”

There’s also the issue of him going back in time and killing “X-Men Origins Wolverine” Deadpool. I get that it’s a joke but it makes zero sense. A joke that’s only funny if you don’t think about it at all isn’t actually funny. Did Wolverine rewrite that timeline so the current version of Deadpool exists instead of that one? Then why is he able to travel back into a movie that never happened. Did that movie happen as part of this Deadpool’s backstory? Then how can he kill his past self and still exist? The entire joke is “clap if you know what we’re referencing!” and anyone who thinks it’s stupid is just being a buzzkill and overthinking it.

Which brings me to the other issue-- no part of Deadpool’s character journey in this movie matters in the slightest. None of it. Because it didn’t happen. At the end of the movie he goes back in time and literally erases the plot of the movie. The writers fridged his girlfriend in the opening scene so they could have a whole movie about what happens to Deadpool when his girlfriend dies, but they didn’t feel like committing to it, so they go basically end the movie with a big “just kidding! this was all a What-If situation and none of it actually happened, but if it did, that’s how it would’ve gone down!” They really wanted to have their overtly sexist cake and eat it too!

In order for the story to make sense, the status quo going into Deadpool 3 has to be exactly the same as the status quo going into Deadpool 2, but I know that won’t be the case. I’m sure that, other than Morena Baccarin being in it, the franchise will straight-up never address why Cable can’t go home or how a plot that revolves around Morena Baccarin being unceremoniously fridged in the first scene (by writers who admit they didn’t even know that “women in refrigerators” is a thing until people got upset about it in their movie) can have happened when she’s clearly still alive.

And that’s the big issue I have and why Deadpool 2 is included in my post about soulless, cynical, insulting entries in the superhero genre. It’s a movie that not only doesn’t make sense, it’s a movie that goes out of its way to spit in the face of anyone who expects it to make sense or ever actually thinks about the movies they watch.

The movie is absolutely not trying to say the same thing as my post. Deadpool’s brand of casual liefeldian ultraviolence is inherently antithetical to my post’s thesis statement. The only way to make a Deadpool movie that isn’t directly counter to the point I’m trying to make is to either omit him entirely from the movie or portray him unambiguously as a villain. There is no such thing as a Deadpool movie that is not an insult to the superhero genre. His existence as a character is antithetical to the values of mercy, compassion, and reverence for human life.

Ultimately, the answer to “am I wrong about the movie?” is up to you. If you’re asking me, the answer is “if you like it, then yes.” I’m sure other people find value in it or enjoy it, and I think those people have the wrong opinion, just like I’m sure they think I have the wrong opinion because I hate, and I mean truly despise, the Deadpool movies, the Deadpool comics, and all the Deadpool merchandise at your local FYE. I’m not equipped to tell you that you’re wrong about the movie. This is my position on this movie, if you disagree with it, then as far as you’re concerned, you were right about the movie. If you agree with it, then as far as you’re concerned you were once wrong but now you’re right. You own your opinions and you’re the one who has to decide whether or not they’re the right ones. Anyone who disagrees with my take completely is well within their rights to do so, because I sure as hell disagree with them. They can even think I’m an absolute moron who just wants to rain on people’s parade, doesn’t make an ounce of difference to me.

Personally, I’m really not interested in changing anyone’s mind. I’m confident my opinion is correct so, just to deter any other anons (I know who this anon is and they’re not a dick, so this part isn’t addressed at them) it would be pointless to try and argue with me. If you think I’m wrong, great, the feeling’s mutual, but I have zero interest in changing my mind or yours beyond what I’ve already done, stating my position and you either agree or disagree. I think you’re wrong and I can live with that. I only ask the same courtesy.

I also don’t think Ryan Reynolds should’ve been given a second chance to play the character, and tbh I think the main reason he still has an acting career is because he’s a generically inoffensive white dude with name recognition but not much else going for him, but that’s a matter for a different post.

#istg don't @ me #I didn't tag this #and trying to convince me I'm wrong on this is just gonna be a waste of your energy #Anonymous

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rmuldrake-blog · 7 years

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Twin Peaks Part 14 Coffee Time

Well here we are we are now 4 hours away from twin Peaks finishing “the return” story, the pile driver punches just keep coming.

So the episode kicks off with Cole calling the sheriffs department in Twin Peaks he is returning Frank Truman’s call, Truman is providing Cole information on the missing page of Laura’s diary. There a wonderful little scene between Lucy and Cole. I can only imagine was Lucy and Andy’s trip to Bora Bora would of been like.

We stay with Cole and the team for an explanation of the first Blue Rose case

Olympia, Washington, 1975

2 field agents investigate a murder in Olympia, Washington. (Cole and Jefferies)

They arrest Lois Duffy at a motel. They kick the door in after hearing a gunshot, there are 2 women inside. One on the floor dying the other holding the gun then drops it whe the agents entewr

The wounded women is Lois Duffy on the floor she speaks

“i’m like the blue rose” and then smiles then dies and disappears

The other woman is also Lois Duffy she doesnt have a Twin sister Albert comments.

While awaiting trail Lois Duffy swears she didn’t commit she hangs herself.

Tammy is asked what question should she ask she returns with

“whats the significance of the blue rose”

“blue rose does not occur in nature its not a natural thing, the dying woman was not natural, conjured, whats the word a tulpa”

Tulpa (Tibetan: སྤྲུལ་པ, Wylie: sprul-pa), nirmita (Sanskrit: निर्मित), or thoughtform, is a concept in mysticism of a being or object which is created through spiritual or mental powers. The term comes from Tibetan "emanation" or "manifestation".

“Good” Albert retorts.

This scene plays out very much like X files, so its probably why I liked it so much, The tulpa has also appeared in X file law in season 6′s Arcadia (the one where Mulder and Scully play house) and in season 10′s home again (the band aid man)

Cole enters the room with his thumbs up Coffee time

Diane is on her way but before that we get the window cleaner, Moving on quickly...

Then we get the bombshell, On the last night that Diane saw Cooper did he mention Briggs Cole asks, she doesn’t want to talk a bout that night, but Cole pushes her. She confirms that he did, Albert then spells out what has happened to Briggs and the ring that was found

The next part I was shouting at the screen over and over again in Doctor who fashion.

Diane’s half sister is Janey-E and is married to Douglas Jones everyone calls him Dougie. Shes estranged but last heard they were in Las Vegas.

So my initial thought straight away hit me, Cole Albert and Tammy have now asked about Vegas, Diane got that text basically asking as much, We don’t know which side of the fence she is sitting on but she did seem genuinely shocked when they asked about Janey-E could it be that things are starting to make sense to her now the pieces are falling in line?

Cole calls the Vegas office there are 23 Douglas Jones in the area, (why did they not mention Janey-E is anyones guess surely that would of narrowed the search a bit.)

“How are we going to find the right one”

“WILSON HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THIS IS WHAT WE DO IN THE FBI”

Brilliantly funny my x file fandom also struck a chord albeit in a slightly different way.

““Thats why they put the I in the fbi” Xfiles pilot.

So were no more than 15 minutes in wow, so much stuff to mull over already,

After Diane leaves we get Cole bringing everyone up to date with the missing pages of Laura’s dairy, with the revelation of 2 coopers but after Cole’s first case I can see now why this may be more low key than I imagined it to be, A footnote in another Blue rose case. There are 2 coopers we now know what we are dealing with, but suspicions were probably already there this acts more of a confirmation to them,

Monica Bellucci dream, “Oh boy” Albert sighs and Tammy... well her look say’s it all.

So the dream:

Paris Cafe, the music is deliberately tense and suspenseful. Cooper was there but no face could be seen only his chin,

Monica was pleasant and had brought friends. While having a Coffee Monica quotes the phrase

“We are like the dreamer who dreams and then lives inside the dream, .... but who is the dreamer”

Monica looked beyond Cole while he was feeling VERY uneasy. As he looks back we see scenes from Fire walk with me.

Cooper says it 10:10 February 16th. Cooper was worried about the day because of his dream, Jefferies appears and points at Cooper asking

“who do you think that is there”

Cole and Albert both hadn’t remembered that. Its seems to be a running theme I am picking up on at the moment. more on that later.

I don’t want to theorise too much but dreams are a kin to the lodges, are we seeing a guiding force to the final act or a we seeing some very timey wimey stuff going on.

So back in Twin peaks the boys are getting ready to go into the woods, sandwiches are laid on the table and Andy is having just cheese, Reinforcing the fact that he is a simple standard guy very plain non corrupted. well thats the way I see it especially with what happens shortly,

They arrest Chad and I can pretty much imagine the whole fandom punching the air, screaming yes. I did. I can only assume that because they all were leaving for the mountain that they wanted him out the way now.

Up in the mountain I had a very uneasy feeling, we had the hum but we also had Andy at the back and a bit behind them in a couple of scenes while they are walking, it gave us milliseconds extra screen time but it did feel like something was about to happen.

The listening post is gone Bobby remembers lots of machines and then we arrive Bobby laughing on seeing Jack rabbits palace. One thing to note here

The pan up the trunk is VERY reminiscent of the purple place before we see the Giant/Fireman and the birth of the golden Laura Orb.

253 yard due east with soil in their pockets we find Naido, Andy comforts her a vortex appears and he ends up sitting across from what we now know is the fireman. Andy is basically shown the entire history of the twin peaks story the explosion, Convenience store, GOTTA LIGHT, Laura’s death, Coopers ganger and even some future events (Lucy being shown something by Andy it would be funny if this was only a self fulfilling prophecy and there is nothing to the scene whatsoever ) Also included is the post where the kid got killed and the number 6 I have a feeling this post has been in the show before i’m guessing fire walk with me but not sure.

I feel that Andy must of been picked as he like cooper is not corruptible he is pure, plain like the sandwich no additions just who he is.

We return to planet earth, Andy is as confident as we have EVER seen him, he now has a purpose and he will do everything he can to complete his destiny. Naido must be protected and no one must know where she is.

Truman and Hawk are struggling to remember what happened, its a running theme throughout then whole show with Cooper, Cole, Diane, People in the bar, anyone who may of been close too or in contact with the otherworldly beings or supernatural vortex's etc,

We get an Andy and Lucy scene in the cells, a dog got lost and Lucy must have stayed the night Andy remembers that night too, Please don’t tell me Wally was conceived there Ha Ha.

Chad gets a lecture from Andy and we get a really bizarre guy mimicking everything, With blood or some other substance coming from his mouth, its a genuine WTF moment. I need to know more.

We find ourselves at the Great northern with Freddie cracking nuts with his distinctive green glove and finding out its James birthday.

It appears James is after another married woman (sighs), Renee, could that be the girl who was at the bar when he was singing. Also I have had the thought that is this scene prior to our first bar scene, James doesn’t know who is on. Surely you would know if Lissie was on? No?

We then get the green glove Iron fist story, Where did he start bleeding? it must of been terrifying to the doctor We also hear a lot of what the fireman had said, he has never spoken so much (off screen obviously), Freddie says London Town, when was it last called London Town the Victorian ages?? The fireman tells him that he will possess:

“the power of an enormous pile driver” we get the Jobsworth story and the cockney slang (i’m not a fan) of snapping his Gregory, (Gregory Peck=Neck), There is also a red card metaphor just in case you didn’t realise he is English, The fireman tells him to go to Twin Peaks to for fill his destiny.

James heads down to the furness’s we get the same noise down hear from up above in Ben's offices and a door, The whole scene seems to call back to Bob we see him in an area very much like this one i think in Fire walk with me if memory serves me right.

SOOOOO we come to Sarah Palmer, I can only guess it leads on from her boxing scene, no more drink needs one goes to bar.

An obnoxious guy tries to hit on her, which turns out to be a HUGGE mistake, once Sarah takes off her face we get spikes clawing out of her face a hand which has a blackened spirit finger (as discussed on the plane by Cole to Tammy) and then a smile worthy of the cat from Alice in Wonderland, once the face is back on we get a devastating chomp on his neck. Is Sarah aware is she possessed or is she in complete control, does she have that creature in her from episode 8, is it as i have been educated recently Babylon from the box has it taken her over, Is it even Sarah soo many questions its left deliberately ambiguous. Her final remarks, “sure is a mystery huh” is just chilling.

So we are back at the bar another 2 random people talking about getting high, (Twin peaks seems to have a really big drug problem), Then we come to Billy, This girl is supposedly the last one to see him, she goes on to tell the story in the kitchen she thinks her uncle was there she is not sure, Billy jumped over a 6ft fence got into the kitchen blood coming from nose and mouth, he’s looking really strange, they don’t tell anyone? (did they remember it at the time my guess is it just left there mind as these things keep happening.) and we also find out that he has been having a relatioship with her mom TINA, The moment we get her name ominous music comes over. The girl looks down and then asks “and then he just ran out again” its almost as if the previous question didn’t happen like she forgot, its all links in thematically. She also now doesn’t know if her uncle was there, where as before she thought he was.

There are Probing questions here “have you seen Billy”

“ive heard you were the last person to see Billy”

“Whats your moms name”

All these questions feel deliberate the others are lighter in tone.

To me this probably was the most intriguing part of the whole episode. what an episiode it was.

Who is Billy? Is he having multiple affairs, Audrey, Tina etc, Who’s the dreamer, Is it Cooper, Is it Audrey in a COMA, Whats that thing in the CELL near Naido and Chad? Who’s after Naido is it the experiment? Whats happening with Sarah? Is she polar opposite to Laura now? Is the fireman creating a force to protect the white lodge? There is a plan in place it seems.

We have a lot to get through in 4 hours, and its going to be glorious.

#twinpeaks audreyhorne jameshurley billy part14 cole cooper

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sheepydraws · 7 years

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And So They Lived (2/6)

Part 1

On Monday Odd still had a bandage on his cheek. Not because the scabs hurt, but because he had made up an outlandish story about standing up too fast after retrieving his armful of junk food, losing his balance, and smashing his face on the side of the vending machine. It was better to have everyone laughing then asking questions.

“Do you think someone hit her?” Yumi said when they saw Sissi that morning, stalking across the quad to the science building. She was wearing huge, tan sunglasses with gold tinted lenses. They were perfectly coordinated with her camelskin coat and light brown calf high boots, unlike the enormous bruise on her cheek. It was quite a sight, dark purple in the center, radiating outward into overlapping shades of green and yellow. She looked like she had fallen face first into a plate of moussaka and not bothered to wipe it off.

“If they had we’d have heard about it.” Aelita said, “She would have gone straight to her father and had them expelled.”

Ulrich shrugged. “Maybe she leaned into the mirror to kiss herself and slipped.”

“Wouldn’t she have covered it up if she got it doing something stupid?” Jeremie said. “She’s been wearing makeup since the sixth grade.”

“Sixth?” Odd asked idly.

“I think so. Ulrich, when was the first time she got lipgloss on your face?”

Ulrich gave Jeremie a shove, and they laughed, remembering how sometimes Sissi would throw her arms around Ulrich and leave a shiny smear on his cheek, or mascara smudges on his temple. Of course, Sissi wouldn’t remember that since it was usually after he had saved her life.

“Odd?” Yumi said, snapping him out of his thoughts. “You okay?”

“I just don’t think we should kick a dog while it’s down.”

There was laughter again, and Odd heard what he had said. He opened his mouth, flustered, wanting to correct them, but he decided not to. He had gotten the phrases mixed up. He wasn’t sure where his head was these days. He was thinking of ‘Let sleeping dogs lie’. Something he desperately needed to learn before he wound up at Sissi’s room again, holding a movie and candy.

Oops.

He knocked.

“Who is it?”

“I wanted to apologize.”

Silence.

Silence was good, Odd told himself, it meant she was thinking.

There was the sound of a chair being pushed back and she appeared at the door.

“Oh.” She said, looking at the gifts in his hands. “You’re serious.”

“Yeah. I didn’t know what kind of stuff you liked, so I just got these.” He held out the glass canister full of chocolate candies. They shined like pearls, or at least plastic beads. They were just fancy m&ms, but he had a feeling she might appreciate them. Also, going into town had given him an excuse to leave Yumi and Ulrich alone, so now they owed him a little.

“I’ve had them before.” Sissi said as she took them. “They’re good.”

“And this.” He handed her the dvd case.

She studied it for a moment. “Eraserhead?”

“It’s a classic.”

“Kind of looks like a horror.”

“It’s more surrealist, really.” Odd was about to explain the work’s history, but her face was already screwed up.

“Definitely a horror, then.”

“Only if you find unplanned pregnancy horrific.”

They stood there for a moment, listening to the deafening silence that comes after a terrible joke. Odd shifted from foot to foot. He had been expecting her to say something like ‘apology accepted’ so that he could leave and things could go back to normal between them.

“You have to watch it with me.”

Odd’s train of thought came to a screeching halt.

“And if it is a horror, then I get to punch you or something.”

Odd touched his cheek. “I think we’re already fair on that account.”

Sissi rattled the candies inside their glass box. “I said, ‘or something’. We’ll decide once I tell you that this is a horror movie.”

Once they were in her room Sissi took her laptop off her bed and set it on the floor, so that she could sit with her back against her bed. Odd looked around as she set up the movie. He had been in here a few times over the years, but he was usually snooping through her things or trying to save her from being murdered by her own curling iron, so he never really remembered the decor aside from the scent of a million different beauty products and an overwhelming sense of pink.

Odd had thought pink was something you grew out of, but Sissi stuck with it as stubbornly as her nickname. It wasn’t the monotone of a baby girl’s room, but almost everything had a pink accent. The handles on her desk, the trim of her dresser, the tassels on the drawstring of her blinds. Her comforter was a pale shade, her pillow cases hot, along with a few throw pillows ranging from red to almost orange. They could have sat on the bed instead of the floor, come to think of it, but then they’d be sitting on her bed together. Too weird.

As though voluntarily watching a movie with her wasn’t weird enough.

Sissi hit play and muscled the lid off the candy. The smell of chocolate wafted towards them and Sissi smiled.

“You can have some if you want.” She said, holding them out to him.

“Thanks.” He took a few and popped them into his mouth. She watched him carefully. “They aren’t poisoned, y’know.” He said through his mouthful of chocolate.

“Actually I was thinking maybe you swapped them out with beads.”

“Yeah, poison’s a little extreme.”

Sissi frowned at him and turned to the movie.

“Did I miss something important just now?” She said, as a man The Man in the Machine worked his was across the screen. “What the fuck is going on?”

Odd bit back a smile. “Just go with it.”

To Sissi’s credit, she really tried. She was green by the man-made chicken scene, but she just clutched the candy container and soldiered on. It was when the baby was revealed that she lost it.

“No, no, nononononono.” She said, bashing the eject button. “Jesus christ, no. Oh god.” She shuddered. “Why does surrealism always have to be disgusting? Why can’t it be happy and fun and weird?”

“Oh, come on,” Odd had been kind of hoping she would make it through the whole thing. That or actually throw up. “It’s not that bad.”

Her look of horror was almost better than seeing her vomit.

“You are a sick, sick man Odd Della Robbia.” She said as she pulled the dvd from her computer and put it back in its case, snapping it shut like she wanted to snap the disk instead.

“Okay, you won. Guess I better be going.” Odd started to stand, but Sissi grabbed him by the sleeve and yanked him back down.

“Oh no you aren’t. You owe me.”

Odd couldn’t stop from wincing. “You know what you want?”

“Yup.” Sissi threw open her dresser and ran her finger down a stack of dvds. Odd vaguely remembered seeing them before, but the pile had been a lot smaller then. She selected something, twirled on her heel, and plopped back down next to him.

“You have to watch something I want to watch.” She said, holding up the dvd case. “Have you ever seen, When Harry Met Sally?”

“No.”

“I figured.” She slid the dvd in and tapped her computer as it hummed and whirred.

“What’s it about?”

“Two people.”

Odd laughed. “Oh god, it’s a chick flick, isn’t it?”

Sissi looked him right in the eye, “That’s right. It’s in color, and it’s happy and funny, and two people fall in love. It doesn’t even make you want to vomit.”

Odd bit his tongue. She was so serious. It was like he called her mother a whore, and her response was that yes, she was, and she made very good money. Her expression dared him to make a comeback. It said that she would crush him if he did.

Odd fidgeted against the bed and picked up a handful of candy, rolling the little balls in his palm as a couple appeared on screen, talking about how they met. It occurred to him that he wouldn’t be able to cut this short by saying the movie sickened him. No way he could convince Sissi that drivel made him physically ill. At least he had the chocolate to comfort him.

And then something bizarre happened. The stupid little 90’s rom-com, it was…Good. Odd found himself laughing. He hadn’t even realized that he was enjoying himself until he looked at Sissi and saw that she was watching him instead of the movie. And she was smiling again.

It wasn’t a song that stuck in Odd’s head that night as he tried to sleep, it was that smile. He traced the scratches on his cheek, trying to conjure the image of the girl who had inflicted them. They throbbed after being stretched out from all the laughing, but Sissi’s bruise must have ached to the bone just from smiling at him.

It took Odd a moment to remember how bruises like that felt. Jeremie still had electrical burns on his arms from XANA’s last effort to stop them, but all the injuries Odd had sustained that day were well healed. The only marks left was puckered, dusky-pink skin that he knew would take ages to disappear. They would be there long after he forgot the pain of shrapnel slicing into him, or an elevator door slamming shut on his leg.

Odd’s fingers were locked around the edges of his blanket. He forced himself to relax them. His mind drifted back to the color of Sissi’s sheets. He closed his eyes and tried to remember how many throw pillows she had and what color each one was. It was better than staring into the dark seeing the burn scar that now curled down the side of Aelita’s face, framing her left eye. His chest tight and his breath short, all he could think too close too close tooclose

He woke panting, but he slept through the night.

A/N: Don't look up Eraserhead, it's...the climax is a guy cutting the swaddling cloth off his child to find out it doesn't have any skin. And the rest ain't a picnic. Do not go near it unless you know you can handle stuff like that.

When Harry Met Sally, though, is often called one of the best rom-coms. It's basically just two people, wandering around and having snarky conversations in between trying to live their lives, and probably why people like it because it doesn't require them to believe in fate and perfect timing the way some movies do. It's all about the characters, which is the core of romance. Also, it's hella funny.

Part 3

#code lyoko #sissi delmas #odd della robbia #elizabeth delmas #hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending #fanfiction #multi-chapter

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