#i think im splitting too rn and fuck i hate it

[ars0nism]

something about writing a couple who loathe each other as much as they still love each other. something tore them apart years ago and they havent healed, how could they, they were apart the whole time, but then they reenter each other's lives and they want to fix it, they really do, but every attempt at fixing it just makes it worse, every "maybe this time we can get back together" ends in a fight and its over, really, but maybe its not. sometimes while fixing something you end up cutting yourself on the pieces or whatever

#ough #valerian is having the worst time of his fucking life #its so much fun though #they were married for nearly 3 decades before splitting up #and then theyve been apart for what. 5 years? 6? #and it wasnt like an 'i dont love you anymore' breakup it was a 'the path ur on rn is endangering one of our kids so im protecting them' #val spends 6 years YEARNING PINING for a man he believes to be dead for the latter half #and then when they do meet again & their goals align again & valerian thinks yk 'maybe its not too late maybe its still fixable' #and yet. when his husband admits to messing up. 'i hate to say i told you so'. no you dont you BITCH #because even if he still loves him there is also the lingering resentment. they fought! literally! #and theyre just so fucking tired #theyre SO tired. they dont want to fight but it just happens. emotions overwriting logical sense #etc etc #they eventually do manage. im too attached to their relationship. they just needed to get all of that out of their systems #valerian is one of my favorite ocs rn i cant just torment him forever

[rootbeerworshiper]

Secure

chris sturniolo x fem!reader

summery: an argument with your boyfriend leaves you more insecure than ever, his words ringing in your head until he finds a way to make it up to you.

warnings: angst, hint of fluff not rlly, fem!receiving, so much praise, some use of pet names, slight overstimulation, fingering……yeah!

@nicksmainbitch hopefully you enjoy i tried my best to do your request justice

a/n: this is so short i’m so sorry im working on so many series rn but i wanted to get a oneshot out feel free to hate me

love, sienna <3

“maybe you’re just too insecure to be in a relationship” Chris yells, releasing every ounce of anger he stored away with one simple sentence.

you feel frozen, feet planted heavily in the ground although you’re knees could give out at any moment. this conversation was not supposed to be happening, not here.

not when Chris was supposed to go film a video and especially not when you had a major final coming up—the stress of both things clearly manifesting it’s way into your relationship.

the fluorescent lighting of the boys room sends rays over your whole body, ironically making you feel like a spotlight is shining at you, egging you on to say something in reply—but you can’t.

your body reacts to his words before your brain does, a quivering lip and eyes full of tears that want nothing more than to pour out.

is this really how he saw you? some insecure fragile girl who’s not ready for a relationship?

maybe he’s not entirely wrong about the fragile part, because all you can do is cry, and as pathetic as it may be, it’s the only thing you have the strength for.

you and Chris have been fighting for the past few weeks, it started off as small snarky responses but developed into arguments that left an echo on practically the whole neighbourhood.

subconsciously, you hug yourself, wrapping your shaking hands around your waist to seek some comfort, even if your boyfriend is standing directly across from you.

for a second, you see a glimpse of pity in his eyes, something in his brain telling him for a split second telling him he’s in the wrong, but before he can walk over to replace your hands with his own you snap.

“do you think i’m stupid or something? is that what you genuinely think of me?” you attempt to raise the volume behind your voice but instead it comes out more croaky, more weak.

Chris starts defending himself, as he does far too often. “of course not y/n i just-“

“rachel. you’d rather spend time with fucking rachel than your own girlfriend.”

he’s silent, taking his own turn being dead frozen.

“maybe i am insecure, Chris, but at least im respectful enough to not cancel on my long term girlfriend for some girl i just met on fucking instagram” your sadness is replaced with anger when you lay everything out.

“you know, i had just finished fucking pouring my heart out into my journal about how you’re the one for me, about how i saw a forever with you, and then” you let out a petty laugh. “and then i go on instagram to see my boyfriend, Chris Sturniolo at boa steakhouse with some instagram influencer”

“she’s just a-“ he starts, ultimately getting cut off by your own anger yet again.

“do you know how embarrassing that is for me? going with with some friend to a fucking fancy steakhouse, the steakhouse you took us on our first date to?”

It really is insane when you lay it out like this, even when part of you felt like you were in the wrong, his wrongs outweighed any insecurities you had.

you let out a sigh, seemingly signalling the end to your anger because he begins speaking again. “i know what it looks like, i do. but it’s not like that and i don’t know how else to explain that to you, i think you just need to grow up and understand that i can have girl friends while you’re my girlfriend”

nope. no fucking way.

“i think you need to grow up and realize that you’re dumbass just lost any chance you had at saving this relationship, have fun with rachel” you turn away immediately, slamming his door behind yourself before he can’t even chase you down.

the walk up is uncomfortable, both of Chris brothers splayed out on the living room couch, ready to begin filming a funny car video while you’re walking up the stairs with a red, tear covered face.

they both look to you with sadness, and seemingly an understanding of your position, but their mouths remain closed as you quickly put your shoes on and walk out the door.

————————————————————————

it’s been a week.

you wish you could say you were doing amazing, ridding yourself of a toxic boyfriend and focusing on your own mental health but that was… far from the truth.

but instead you’re crying while watching 10 things i hate about you and eating ramen—not exactly the best way to show you’re the bigger person.

it’s pathetic. scrolling on instagram to constantly check what Chris is doing while you simultaneously have unfollowed him.

relationships are not easy, but deep down you know you’re in the right, you just wanted Chris back… before he met another girl.

you don’t know what made his priorities change. maybe that’s what hurt you the most.

what is it that made you unlovable, what is it that rachel did better than you.

no. you know this isn’t about some girl named rachel, you know this all stems from yourself.

the constant comparisons you made to any girl you deemed better than you, the way it never failed to make you feel terrible about the cards you were dealt.

it was hard enough to except the fact that Chris liked you to begin with, and on one of your many late night walks you had told him that, told him that sometimes you’re lack of self confidence can get the best of you.

and for majority of your relationship he was supportive of that, supportive of you.

so once again, what changed? was it him or was it you?

you let out a heavy sigh, stirring your noodles and lifting the fork to your face when you hear a knock on the door.

it takes a second for you to even comprehend the noise, racking your brain trying to figure out what you had ordered online when you were up till two am sobbing.

either way you need to answer, so you make the embarrassing walk to the door while still wrapped in your fuzzy blanket m, as it replaces an embrace you miss.

you make it down the stairs, expecting a package to be delivered at your doorstep, instead you see him.

he’s stood there, a journal in his hand and an insane look of sorry overtaking his blue irises.

“hi” he says simply, moments before you go to slam the door in his face, his hand being the only thing stopping it from latching onto the hinges. “wait, please” he’s fighting back tears of his own, not that you feel bad for him in the slightest.

“what do you want Chris? i have a romantic comedy to attend to since my life kinda lacks one right now” you say with an ounce of pettiness escaping your teeth.

“y/n please” he squeezes the book in his hand, clutching to it like his life depends on it. “can i come in?”

part of you wants to say no, most of you wants to say no, but he’s Chris, your Chris, and you hate seeing him sad regardless of how much he deserves it. “fine make it quick” you mumble, opening the door fully and walking over to plop yourself on the couch, the boy awkwardly following behind you, as if he is literally walking on eggshells.

he sits beside you, not getting to comfortable as your unwelcoming demeanour leaves him anxious next to you. “i uh” he coughs, sniffling his noise and shaking his mess of hair to the side. “i don’t want you to ever think i’d choose someone else over you, ever. because i couldn’t, i-“ he sighs, as you sit there at stare at him, unsure of how to feel. “i can’t imagine being with anyone else because i see a forever with you”

“did you tell this to rachel too?” your mouth speaks before your conscience can stop yourself.

“no obviously not i mean, i don’t even know what i was doing with her, it was dumb and i don’t even have an excuse for it but i never” he breathes. “i never wanted anything with her, it’s always gonna be you”

it’s silent for a second, you processing his words and him praying mentally you’ll give him another chance. “what’s with the book?” you ask, slightly less anger backing your tone as you gesture to the journal placed in his lap.

“are you gonna promise to not make fun of me?” he says, an innocent look plastered on his face, god you missed his face.

“i can’t promise anything but ill try” you say, smiling out of the fake frown you displayed for him.

he scratches his head. “Matt kinda told me to start journaling a while ago and i thought it was stupid but then when i met you i kinda had too many thoughts to keep in my brain and-“

you place a gentle hand on his bouncing knee. “take your time Chris it’s okay”

he could cry at the contact but he continues speaking, slower this time as per your request. “i needed to write down the overwhelming thoughts i was having about you because im so in love with you i can’t keep it to myself” he sighs. “but i want you to have this because it shows how perfect you are. i never want you to feel lesser than anyone else because to me you’re everything, and im sorry i lost track of that”

you could cry at his gesture alone but instead you lean in, closing the space between the two of you and returning to a pair of lips you’ve been craving for the past week.

he kisses back hesitantly, caught off guard by your sudden act of affection.

the rhythm at which your lips move has you in a trance, beginning as an innocent kiss and immediately becoming more passionate when your tongue explores his mouth, your teeth biting gently on his bottom lip as you pull off. “i missed you”

he smiles, the same dorky smile you missed creating on his lips. “can i make it up to you?” he asks, leaving you confused.

“you already did make it up to me” you say, his head dipping down to your neck before you get a chance to keep speaking, a soft whimper leaving your mouth instead. “oh”

he’s comfortable on your neck, his hands immediately taking the blanket off of your shoulders as he moves himself to hover of you, his knees digging into the rug on the floor. “wanna really make it up to you”

it’s hard for you to speak, his hands cupping your clothed chest giving them a light squeeze before you can say another word, his lips now placed softly on your own.

for a while you’re comfortable like this, but you need more—and by the way you squeeze your thighs together on the cushion, Chris can tell.

his fingers go to lift your sweater off, immediately exposing you to him. “you’re so beautiful” he mumbles, his mouth nod focusing on your nipples as you arch your back into the couch—his tongue swirling your bud and his hands rubs soft lines on your legs.

“missed you so much baby” he’s says quietly, his mouth now placing teasing kisses on your exposed stomach, causing you to inhale at the soft sensation.

his hands now tug at your sweats, a familiar set of eyes looking up at you to ask for permission, all you can mutter out is a quick. “please”

“yeah? you miss my mouth?” he says, causing you to roll your eyes before his hands pull down your sweats and your underwear at the same time, one swift motion leaving you on display for the boy below you.

he kisses your thighs while hands hands work to remove the fabric off of your ankles and it’s safe to say you’re getting impatient, your legs spreading above him the moment the fabric is done restricting you.

“aren’t you just needy” he chuckles, his hands traveling up your sides to make contact with your chest once more. “can i take my time?”

you nod, fighting back a moan as you feel his hot breath over your folds, teasing his entrance.

but instead of giving you what you’re practically begging for he take his hands and props your legs on the couch. “god i haven’t been able to stop thinking about this”

“then get to it” you joke, only receiving a delicate kiss to your inner thigh as a response.

your own hands immediately make their way to his hair, pushing away the strands that cover his face so you can see more of him.

he makes eye contact with you, kissing everywhere on your lower half expect where you’re aching for him. “chris i need-“

there it is.

he kisses your clit, eyes making contact with your own that you could melt under, his innocent gaze as he makes you feel everything but innocent.

it’s unfortunate how much he loves teasing you, especially with make up sex, because his tongue has yet to make contact with you.

“so prefect, just for me” he continues mumbling praises as his hands roam your body.

before you can argue you’re cut off by the contact you were craving, his tongue immediately encapsulating your clit into his mouth and twirling it in slow, sensual circles.

your knees threaten to cave in at the contact but his hands are quick to push them back out as he leaves open mouthed kisses on yourself as you squirm above him.

soon enough the muscle finds a rhythm to follow, flicking up and down at a more intense pace than before. “fuck Chris, so good” you moan out.

your eyes shut almost immediately, the feeling of his warm tongue causing an embarrassingly fast build up in your stomach. “mmm just like that”

you can feel his smile below you, but his tongue doesn’t let up, instead, he places a familiar finger in your soaked centre.

instinctively you arch into him, your body chasing the pleasure that is consistently building throughout your body.

the pace at which he’s moving is addicting, and with the addition of another finger curling into you, you’re a moaning mess.

the tips of his fingers reaching deep inside of you along with the pressure and speed at which is tongue glides on your clit is overwhelming. “baby im” you whimper again. “so close just for you”

that sentence alone was enough to have him speed up, increasing the intensity of his fingers and his tongue.

your hips rut into his face, his one hand still pushing your knee to keep you spread for him.

he doesn’t let out once, your mouth left in an o shape as the pleasure overtakes you, your stomach tensing into his touch as you release onto his fingers.

he pulls his fingers out, his mouth meeting your neck while the pads of his fingers rub your wet clit at a speed that has you dizzy, your legs shutting over his hand as he rocks you through your orgasam. “just like that there you go pretty girl, just for me” he mumbles, mindlessly sucking on your bare neck.

his hands stop when your own arms clutch onto him, signalling the sensitive became too much. “i love you so much and i’m so fucking sorry” you’re too out of breath to reply. “let’s get you cleaned up baby i wanna take you on a date”

a/n: i wrote this so fast bc i gotta go to work and i didn’t proofread (are we surprised) but yeah ily bye

taglist: @lolasnoww-blog @tastesousweet @ivypoison @disturbedwoodelf @sturnswift @junnniiieee07 @ellie-luvsfics @sturnified @s7urnfilms @madsdogst @justlivinglive @sluttycupsworld @flowerxbunnie @mbsbaby @sturniolossmut @lustfulslxt @69isabella69 @dracoflaco @mattslatinagf @raekensluver @worldlxvlys @lacysturniolo @greatooglymooglyyy @breeloveschris @st7rnioioss @imwetforyourmom @sturniolololover @immuneweed @sturniolho @its-jennarose @taco-taco-posts @lovelottos

#sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo angst #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo fanfic #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo smut

[tonysbed]

bad idea, right?

Charles x Fem!ex!reader

Summary: Charles and you break up but just can’t stay away from each other.

A/n: Another Charles social media au 🤭

Also, I love Alex so no hate to my girl okay 😞😘

-

E!News

liked by f1fan, y/nbabe and 729.689 others

E!News After Break up with long term boyfriend, Y/n was spotted in Harry Styles car crying. Find out how the it couple broke up in the link in our bio!

user727 nooooo

userboo EXCUSE ME

Y/nbabe WHAT?WITH WHO? IM SORRY

leclercfan16 Broke up and hopped onto the next guy. What a whore

y/nmywife shut the fuck up.Y/n and harry were friends BEFORE she dated charles

user57 dude what

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E!News

liked by f1fan, y/nbabe and 968.629 others

E!News Charles Leclerc was spotted with a new girl just 3 weeks after the break up with his long term girlfriend Y/n Y/l/n. Was this the reason for their sudden split? Click the link in our bio to find out!

y/niswifey the resemblance between y/n and his new girl💔

user46 He’s got a type..

user19 this hurts more than my own break up istg

Y/ncharlesendgame god lord

User59 I just wanna cry.

User70 who’s she?

User402 This hurts but the fire album we’re gonna get gives me hope for SOMETHING

user29 She’s gonna roast him😭

y/nmylove oh he’s so done lol

-

y/ny/l/n

liked by taylorswift, arthur_leclerc and 2,380,296 others

y/ny/l/n Burned.Out now on all streaming platforms

tagged harrystyles

taylorswift 🔥❤️

liked by y/ny/l/n

zendaya amazing ❤️

y/n/l/n love you 🐨

y/niswifey OH ITS GOING DOWN

user68 “Your new girl is my clone” MOTHER OMG

userlol she knew she ate

y/nbabe I mean they do look a lot alike.. But we haven’t seen them since like 4 months 👀

-

E!News

liked by f1fan, y/niswifey and 729.528 others

E!News Charles Leclerc and Y/n Y/l/n were spotted after one of his races, 11 months after their break up! Are we witnessing a comeback? Click the link in our bio for more!

y/niswifey pleaseeeeee omggg

f1.cl16 I want them back so baddddd

user89 Id sell my soul to know what they were talking about

-

y/n posted a story

-

y/ny/l/n

liked by taylorswift, charles_leclerc and 2,399,268 others

y/ny/l/n are you ready, nyc?

tagged charles_leclerc

comments are turned off

-

y/nupdates

liked by y/niswifey, cl16fan and 280.791 others

y/nupdates CHARLES AND CARLOS AT Y/N‘S SHOW TONIGHT OMGGGGG

y/niswifey are they back together now? Are they not?😭

user89 maybe we’ll find out tonight 😦

use.r29 His mom and arthur were also spotted there😭

y/niswifey Oh she be having a family reunion 👀

-

y/n

liked by charles_leclerc, taylorswift and 1.372.829 others

y/n love performing w ya 🩷

harrystyles me too👀🩷

user68 what’s happening? I know he is co writer but AHHEEJWVEJWFZ

user58 I like them but i need charles and y/n back istg

-

y/nupdates

liked by fifan, y/niswifey and 639.369 others

y/nupdates Y/n was spotted being super cozy with her co-writer and friend Harry Styles

user68 WHAT

y/nishot help, I'm still at the restaurant

user57 nonononono, MOTHER WHY

user29 I love harry but i just don't think he's a good fit for her

-

charles_leclerc

liked by carlossainz55, arthur_leclerc and 599.268 others

charles_leclerc Im no longer your muse 🛥️

arthur_leclerc 🔥

user18 why do I have a feeling the caption is directed 🌚

y/nbabe first it seems as if he and Y/n get back tg and then she gets w harry.Im so confused rn😭

f1fannnn she never said that they’re back together 🤷🏼‍♀️

y/nbabe still feels weird smh

-

Part 2 will be uploaded soon!

#charles leclerc #charles leclerc fluff #charles leclerc social media au #charles leclerc x reader

[borderlinebox]

Hello! I really love your writing and saw your requests are open :D

Wondering if you could write a headcannon of what it would be like being chishiya’s childhood friend? like how would they meet and what would their dynamic be like

gn! kid reader who’s selfless and caring like arisu wanting to befriend him (whos been staring at the Mona Lisa painting for quite awhile)

Sorry if this doesn’t make any sense

have a nice day/evening/night ⭐️

Chishiya's Childhood Best Friend Headcannons!

A/N: Im giggling so hard rn cause I've been planning on a lot of chishiya x childhood bestfriend! reader so this was so ♥ i mean like 'return to me' was legit that shshsjdj tysm for this req <3 i love this req smmm

Pairing: Chishiya x Childhood Bestfriend!Reader

Warning: Season 2 spoilers

Feedback is highly appreciated!!!

Before Borderlands:

both of your parents were friends

all giggling and shit in the background as if they werent shitty people

you held your mom's hand all unamused as they were talking

but then you saw another kid staring at that one mona lisa painting

so of course

you went to him

you started to introduce yourself and chatted with him for a while

you talked more because all he mostly did was hum and nod

both your parents saw how 'close' yall were so they set both of you up with studydates. playdates arent their cup of tea

it took a while for chishiya to open up to you

but of course, you were the only person who comforted him because you saw right through his little charades

im sure you were both so close only because you were so persuasive and just really liked his company!

he does too but he wont let you know that

chishiya also kept you close because of that 'you know me too much'

so its either friendship or death

but you chose friendship of course

when you guys grew older, maybe teenage years,

chishiya really thought you would leave and never see him again

he was a little bit relieved but also partly scared and worried

but you pulled an uno reverse and visited like a lot.

he hates admitting the fact that you're his best friend and probably his only friend

he wouldn't mind you calling him 'chishi', 'shi', 'shiya' and whatever nickname you can get out of his name

you both played games of course.

he made/helped you in mind games

and you helped him with more physical and hands-on things. especially with teamwork.

because that little shit likes doing everything himself and he had to learn how to share

you'd come to him to ask for help and vice versa ,

after a lot of denial of course

can we all agree that chishiya is a bit of a tsundere? because yes.

but he'd be more sleek and good at hiding his feelings.

he'd tease you but you'd tease him back

you'd already call him doctor the moment he joined medical school as a joke

you're definitely going to let him reconsider his point of views and ideals.

he listens but he doesn't apply

he hates how much you care for him,

hates how much you would put him first

but that's cause he likes the affection.

again, he'd lie to himself about his feelings lets be real

but i really do imagine a classic opposites attract dynamic

"somebody will die-" "of fun!"

or like you create the chaos and he is the smart, chilled out chaos enabler

in short, both of you guys are two peas in a pod except that he dislikes admitting it

but he wouldn't mind being by your side

During Borderlands:

i really, honestly, wouldn't think that you'd come in there with him during this time

but if there's a chance that you do join,

fuck you because he is going to be having your back even when you dont realize it

sure, he probably only wants you as an asset. but goddamnit-

you already understand that he is the type of person who would betray others

i think you even told him that both of you should split up so that you wouldnt get in his way

honestly, he thought it was a good idea too

but ofc, every goddamn game you finished, chishiya's outside waiting for you

then both of you agreed thst you'd split up from time to time

but when you guys were in a same match then expect war against the other players

because power duo

especially in a game of clubs

chishiya is honestly very lucky that you got his back in games of spades and clubs

if the game turns out to be diamonds and/or hearts,

you'd help him think and solve situations with him

but for the most part, you're just there under his protection

because people would definitely try to manipulate the both of you or like, mostly you

and if you look bigger, taller and maybe even a little bit ripped than chishiya from all those physical games,

PICK 👏 HIM 👏 UP

like we all saw that bastard jog from those bullets in season 2

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO PICK HIM UP

when the king of spades is starting to bite yalls asses,

just literally swoop in and pick him up like he's fucking nothing because its definitely better than watching him jog around with his hands in his mf pockets

but i hc that you picked him up in several occasions

hell, you'd pick him up like aguni did niragi

you become very good friends with kuina!!!

she's honestly baffled how you could pick this stone up

oh and you definitely taught her how to read chishiya or how to truly understand his 'cute' antics and remarks

protect him from niragi. please.

he can DEFINITELY protect himself from niragi but

you just selfless and caring like that

it would probably make his heart happy if you do that but yk him

and if you join the jack of hearts game,

then thats where your bond REALLY starts to show

because you trust one another

honestly, you were probably ready to bash that big bully's head in if he started threatening chishiya

chishiya would also reassure you that he would tell you the truth and only the truth

and he knew you were being genuine because everytime you told him his symbol after he told you yours, you'd have a dumbass, dorky smile on your face that he liked so much

y'all would honestly pass the time chatting

philosophy, what the games could mean or even just memories before borderlands

after the king of diamonds game though, he seemed so off

you asked what's wrong and he told you that he was just thinking

and at the time when chishiya was planning to sacrifice himself for usagi, you left him to try and shoot niragi using the gun he gave him

haha, the anger on your face when niragi shot him

but then you were caught off guard when chishiya suddenly went to usagi and you swear to god you heard him say a soft 'sorry'

you almost had a breakdown when he got a second bullet

but instead of choosing to stomp niragi, you decided to stay by chishiya's side and help him stop from bleeding as you lay him next to a car

both of you would then slowly start softly chatting about his life choices

while people were being murdered.

im sure he let you hold him like that,

trying to stop the blood

and omg when he told arisu his secret, you felt so much sympathy for him

then chishiya probably told you that while he was thinking to be selfless for once,

he kept thinking about you and everything you told him

ever since you both met

because before arisu, you were the most selfless and caring person he knew

and after all those times you told him that it would make yourself feel better after you helped others. because you were so sweet

he wanted to try it out for once

and when you both saw the fireworks in the sky, you told him how excited you were to see him again in the real world

After Borderlands:

you were definitely walking together and talking when the meteor disaster happened.

like you were laughing and he was just listening to you

and then you woke up, next to him

different bed of course

and other than the ceiling, he was the first thing you saw

he was looking at you when you woke up

"good morning" he'd say

and you'd be so fucking ecstatic that he was alive

then both of you would just start chatting about how your near-death situation affected you

you were glad to hear that he was planning to change his life ideals and pov

when both of you could walk around the hospital, there was never a moments that a doctor or nurse wouldn't see the both of you chatting together

this is when your bond with him starts to really strengthen

#alice in borderland #aib #aib x reader #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya x reader #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya shuntaro x reader #x reader #headcanons #headcannons #aib headcanons #aib headcannons #chishiya headcanons #chishiya headcannons #chishiya hcs #hcs #aib hcs #alice in borderland headcannons #alice in borderland headcanons #box writes #chishiya x bestfriend!reader #friends to lovers #???? #bestfriend!reader

[wonusite]

hi can i request like asking mingyu to fuck you because you're too stressed about exams and need a break. have exams rn and im dying 😭

hi darling! genuinely wishing you good luck and sending you positive energy. hope you this helps you relieve some of the stress you’re probably feeling. lmk what you think 🤍

You feel like your eyes are about to fall out of your skull. It’s been hours since you started studying, but it feels like it was all in vain because you can’t seem to retain a thing you’ve read. The sickening feeling in your stomach has gotten worse with every passing moment. It was always the same when you had your exams—feeling sick to your stomach because it always felt like the things you did weren’t enough. The fear of failing and disappointing your family and yourself always dictated your erratic studying patterns, and it was starting to exhaust you.

“Babe?”

You perk up when you hear your lovely boyfriend come through the front door. Even just hearing his cute voice makes a bit of the pressure in your stature dissipate. Immediately, you get up and abandon the mess you’ve created on the kitchen table to go find him.

Mingyu smiles when you throw yourself at him, wrapping your arms around him like a koala. He’s quick to return your affection, knowing you’re in need of comfort after staring at your notes and books for hours. You snuggle into his warmth, not sure if you want to cry out of joy or stress.

“Gyu.” You say quietly, clinging to him tighter.

He hums, ready to prepare a meal for you, or give you a massage or even leave you alone if that’s what you wanted. You always stressed so bad when it came to exams, and he was adamant in being the supportive boyfriend who didn’t get in your way. He was ready to be at your beck and call or support you from a distance if that’s what you felt would help you the most.

“I’m stressing so much right now.” You hate that you sound like a whiny child, but your boyfriend only hugs you tighter as if he can read your thoughts.

“I know, baby. Just let me know how I can help you. Anything you want, I’ll give it to you.”

You let out a quiet sigh, a deep satisfaction seeping into your bones at his words. Mingyu was the literal embodiment of a golden retriever, and he always made you feel like your happiness was all he lived for. The very notion makes your heart pound and your pussy throb.

“Want your cock.”

Gyu’s eyes go wide as he freezes. You pull back, almost cooing at how cute he looks. It’s so awing how he can still get so flustered when you mention you want to have sex considering that he’s gone hours just pounding into you like an insatiable beast.

You pout at him, visibly deflating in his arms. “You don’t want to?”

Mingyu swallows thickly. “That’s not it. You know I’ll never tell you no, especially when it comes to that, but—”

“I’m so tense.” You say truthfully. “Just make me come once so I can feel better. Please?”

The thing about Mingyu is that he’s very devoted, possibly to a fault. His love language is acts of service, and damn it if he isn’t servicing you so incredibly. Your legs are thrown over his shoulders, hot cock splitting your tight cunt open. The filthy moans leaving your lips sound so pretty, and the way you’re coating his dick with your arousal only spurs him on.

He brings a hand down to your puffy clit, rubbing slow circles into it as he slams into your sweet spot. “Shit, babe. Your cunt keeps getting tighter. You close?”

You nod, incoherent moans and whimpers spilling from your lips. His cock is filling you so good that the bundle of nerves you felt before had turned into a coil of pleasure. The way he’s fucking his cock into you so deliciously has a carnal heat licking up your pussy and spreading throughout your body. Wet slapping noises mix in with your wanton moans, and it only turns you on even more.

“Fuck, Gyu. Just fill me up until I can’t think anymore.”

Your wish is his command. Mingyu grips the back of your thighs and presses them to your chest, thrusts becoming impossibly rougher. You come with a loud moan, orgasm coating his entire pelvic area. Your boyfriend lets out a moan of his own, eager to stuff you full of his cum like you want.

Your hot cunt is sporadically tightening on his cock as he fucks you through your orgasm, and on the last squeeze he goes still, shooting thick ropes of cum into your awaiting pussy. You’re both moaning as he keeps fucking his cum back into you, eager to paint your insides with it.

Mingyu doesn’t pull out even as he gently releases your legs. He presses you closer to his sweaty body, lips capturing yours in a needy kiss. The way his lips move against yours, tongue licking every inch of your mouth is dizzying. It’s comparable to the way he fucks you. When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against yours, grip on your body tightening impossibly.

“Feel better, baby?”

You peck his lips, bringing your hand up to caress the nape of his neck. “Mhm. You always make me feel good, handsome.”

His cock twitches inside you, and you can’t help but buck your hips up into him. “Fuck me again?”

As always, your wish is his command.

#mingyu smut #gawd this has me in heat #soft!gyu will always be my fave #love that man #nonny #nalani.thotz

[ghostcrows]

That being said I do wanna talk about something here because I feel like people here might get it more than other places

I'm really sort of grappling with I guess actually accepting that I heavily exhibit BPD symptoms and have for years, like to the point that regardless of my feelings toward that diagnosis and who gives it out and their reasons for it - and despite my reservations toward any type of official diagnosis -AND despite feeling like I prematurely diagnosed myself as a teen and then avoiding the label altogether - I just want to treat the symptoms so that things can get better.

It's very isolating. I feel things incredibly intensely. It doesn't just go away it rattles my whole body physically for days or weeks. When I get attached to people it becomes unbearable for me and eventually, almost inevitably, for that person too

I struggle with what I think must be splitting, where...I think it's not quite as black and white as splitting is presented as where I absolutely hate someone or I absolutely love someone, but it's very close. Usually it's this conflicting mess of both at the same time, this very ugly place where resentment (founded or unfounded) meets complete idolization. It's not a position anybody deserves to be put in and I try to keep it to myself but, it's hard to hide intense feelings. People can usually tell when you're acting moody and weird even if you think you've got a good handle on it. And its incredibly overwhelming

And of course I've got abandonment issues lol...kind of the root of the whole thing right...and of course it becomes self fulfilling prophecy you know how that is...very annoying. Very unfair

And...I can be meaner than I like to think I'm capable of...it's usually a subtle thing but that's probably honestly worse. It's the kind of mean where I can even convince myself I'm not really being mean..but I am. Like. I'm certainly not being nice...and it comes from honestly usually just not knowing how to communicate that I'm in some weird fucking mood. When you tell people you're in a mood a lot of the time they're like oh whats up what's wrong and sometimes yeah you can talk about it to feel better but sometimes there's just nothing. You're just in some damn ass mood. It has not much to do with anything. And when you're in those moods it's hard to be around people and not be irritable and nasty. But it's also hard to be alone with it. And if you isolate you start to feel like a monster who needs to be locked up so that you don't hurt anybody. It's difficult to constantly be in some weird headspace that alienates you from other people.

And im impulsive in like...not quite as extreme ways as severe BPD but I have been there before where I was doing some of those things. It's more things like sending people 20000 texts a second or just like Reacting without stepping away and then having things immediately escalate. Getting to where I'm angry enough that I break things and i hurt myself. Not being able to sit with an unpleasant feeling. Not being able to handle criticism or rejection well

All of that to say... that it is a struggle and it's something I'm looking for good resources on. I'm trying out some self help DBT workbooks to see if that does anything for me. I don't know if I want to try CBT again I don't know how much it helped before but I know most therapists do CBT now ... I keep hearing about EMDR as some magical fuckin miracle treatment but I still barely know what it is. I'm not currently interested in being on medications but I'm not 100 percent against it either. Im at a crossroads with the very idea of therapy where I do think I need it but I also don't know how much it can realistically do for me or if I can find somethijg or someone that works for me. And also I can't afford it rn lol.

So um, if you struggle with this sort of stuff too just like feel free to DM me because I'd really like to talk about it with people who get it. And if you have anything that has helped you with these types of symptoms please feel free to share it. I will look into it

[desiredcrescent]

So ya like BG3 Characters?

I got encouragement from one (1) person and im ill with oc thoughts so here we go ✨ Maybe more characters to come but we're dealing bg3 here!

Always open to discuss characters with others, receive asks and the like! I just get very distracted so it might take me a few days to get to you 😅

have some memes before walls of text ✨

Farryn, Tiefling Wild Magic Sorcerer (25 years old)

If you think there's a favourite here on the blog ur right. this is my babyboy. He occupies my brain most of the time. First bg3 tav realness. (the art is by my lovely partner bwee)

- Romancing Astarion and Halsin

- Besties with Karlach

- Dancing around emotions with Wyll (The potential that larian purposefully stood in the way of actually makes me ill fr,,,, why did i not get the dance scene besties.... what did i do wrong...)

~~~

- Glass cannon who's willing to push himself to the limit (magical fatigue themes my beloved) to guarantee his survival. He IS reckless but he will make sure everyone gets out alive.

- He's a city boy stumbling around out here, Perishing at the rough and tumble camp life but he is also in awe of the natural world.

- He mostly acts with self preservation in mind, leading to him being largely non-combatitive whenever possible, or at worst making bold but necessary sacrifices for his and his companions' safety.

- Hates the idea of gods being these fonts of absolute rules and fate being prewritten. Hated everyone being on their god related bullshit.

- He will claim to be a hater!!! he is lying with his 20 CHA score!!! he is in fact a lover at his core. He has so much love for his companions and the world around him despite how it's treated him.

- he's kinda vain in that rich kid way, he has an appreciation for dance and fashion, definitely has standards when it comes to meals eaten too.

~~~

Farryn is the 3rd child to an influential Baldur's Gate family. He was raised in complete secrecy from the prying eyes of the Baldur's Gate elite due to him being born a tiefling. It'd simply ruin his family's image. His family were deeply devoted to the God of Fate, Savras, and in turn all were either skilled diviners, or various clerics in His service.

When he turned 11, he awoke to his magic in a display of chaos, and gifted the slight gift of being able to take control of the wheels of fate. His family then suddenly doted on him, believing him to be the potential chosen of Savras, and this being a blessing for new followers. Their dedication and warped ideas of Farryn lead them to trying to canonize him as some sort of figurehead on the day of his 14th Birthday. After the failure, they bide their time until Farryn's 21st, to try again. But this time he ran, and has been since trying to live in a world where he never truly existed.

~~~

Daeris Cylian, Half-Drow PalaBard, Oath of Vengeance/College of Swords (57~ Years old)

So he was conceptulised as: how fucked up would it be to play a dark urge paladin who fights so hard to keep his oath and yeah. answer is pretty fucked.

- Romancing: Undecided! the allure of Wyll romance is true,,,

- Besties with: Lae'zel, he likes her forwardness and devotion.

- He's not taken his bard levels yet but we're getting there guys. Fic incoming.

- Resisting the Urge (i might be splitting saves to have him break beneath the urge but shh not rn)

~~~

- Soft spoken and gentle mannered, until he's on the battlefield.

- Being a durge he's perhaps a bit too comfortable being covered in blood

- His two instincts being 'kill' and 'be killed for the cause' creates a guy fr.

- He'll never wield a shield, but he'll put himself on the front lines to take the hardest hits. He believes that if he gets hit, its one hit that hasn't landed on someone else.

- He tries to see the best in people, but the second they're responsible for another's suffering?? thin ice.

- Hot. He's hot.

- He plays the lute and violin but he doesn't know that. (calloused hands perhaps better suited to the delicate playing of an instrument, rather than the brutal grip of a heavy weapon)

- Martyr complex off the CHARTS. He will throw himself into every situation possible with little to no regard for his safety. He'll always take the opportunity to suffer in place of someone else.

- an "I'd die for you" kinda guy if that wasn't super clear.

~~~

Daeris awoke on the Nautiloid with the prayers of Ilmater rattling in his head before even his own name. He fought through the nautiloid, horrified at what was going on but unable to save anyone else or lessen the pains they were experiencing. As he awoke on the beach in the wreckage, he swore an oath of vengeance for those who perished on the nautiloid, to hunt down those responsible for... well everything.

Being quick to dedicate himself to Ilmater, he remembers pretty much the core beliefs, about shouldering the suffering of others and acting as selflessly as possible.

~~~

Cress, Tiefling Circle of Spores Druid/Gloomstalker Ranger (20 something, they never really kept track)

- Romancing: No one yet but they have eyes for Karlach

- Best friends with: Lae'zel and Wyll

- Not sure the split on Ranger/Druid levels just yet, I'm not a min-maxer with this stuff and its mostly based on vibes.

~~~

- Happy-go-lucky to a fault! They're so energetic and trusting but this comes with its issues.

- They're SUPER trusting of their 'guardian' and are grateful for some direction.

- Due to their mostly spore-based connections with the Myconids, Cress doesn't love talking. Their voice is often hoarse from disuse, and they definitely prefer any psychic or magical means of communication.

- They're in LOVE with the flora of the surface, they have no idea how to garden but they're so happy to learn.

- They're a psychical touch kinda person, purely because of the lack of it they had growing up.

- If we got one guy who hates gods (Farryn) and a guy who's whole thing is abt his relationship to a god (Daeris), Cress is the guy who simply is a bit clueless on the gods. They live under a rock in those terms. They've read books on some gods but that's probably as far as they've gotten.

- They literally want everyone to like them sooo much.

~~~

Cress is a tiefling who, after being abandoned by their parents at a young age, found themselves scared and alone in the Underdark.

They were just a child stumbling around, and happened upon the Myconid Colonies. Being a child who didn't particularly understand, they just saught shelter and community. And the Myconids offered them this, wearily at first, but as soon as it was clear this child wasn't really going to mean them harm, it was an easy enough transition. Being raised by Myconids was a strange one, perhaps distant in a way but Cress only yearned for acceptance, which they offered freely.

As they grew older, they conversed with outsiders and assisted adventurers and acted as the go to for vibe checking those who wished to temporarily stay in the Myconids' company. They also became an expert navigator for lost adventurers, only asking for seemingly meaningless trinkets from the surface. On one such trip up to the surface, they found themselves snatched up by a nautiloid, and the adventure begins from here.

~~~

Honourary mention to my bastard (affectionate) Serene- I'm just eepy otherwise I'd do a full breakdown.

He's a Knowledge domain cleric to Mystra because i want to menace Gale personally. He's in my co-op game with my lovely partner and between the two of us we've made our tavs the good ol Excited Labrador and Black Cat friendship. Serene is relatively fearless which doubles up as his greatest flaw. idiot for the sake of research and curiosity. the weird hateful yaoi they could have with gale is definitely compelling

~~~

#farryn (tav) #daeris (durge) #Cress (Tav) #Serene (Tav) #I've got a type of character i make and its largely lovers in any form #but yeah the deep lore for these guys continues to spiral #I'll have to remember to take screenshots more often especially with Daeris <3 #man on the verge #Also big up Neon's hair pack I'm using for Serene for this screenshot #hot <3

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

okay I know the fab four are everyone's collective oc's, but I want to know if you have any other killjoy oc's seperate from them

yes i do!!! im not sure if ive ever actually talked abt them on here but they were like ALL i could think abt in 2019. ive been wanting to revamp them for a while actually so this is a great excuse to start thinking abt them again

my main oc started out as just being my killjoysona but as i kept coming up with Lore xe kinda moved away from that into their own character. their name's Neon Dusk (a name ive gone back and forth on hating and loving over the years tbh) and while im sure i have a shit ton if old picrews of them somewhere i dont wanna have to dig those out rn so!! uh they had blue hair and their jacket was denim with neon yellow orange and pink details along the seams and shit (i actually made xer mask and jacket when i cosplayed them a few years ago so maybe ill post pics if ppl are interested in that)

they were born in the city, became close friends with someone in their early teens who got xer off the pills and showed them things like art and music. the two were found out eventually, split apart, and Dusk was forced to run without her. in the actual desert, im realizing now xe ends up more of a neutral than anything. theyre a collector of Things, always moving around and trading any and everything to any and everyone to survive. theres like a whole story i got in my head with them that i actually started writing years ago and periodically work on when i have writer's block and nothing else is flowing so maybe someday that will see the light of day 😅

my other main oc was named High Definition. she was a lot less fleshed out than Dusk, really the only things i remember abt her are that she was a drug dealer, an aromantic lesbian, and close friends with Show Pony. oh and she wore a lot of bright orange! her hair looked like a fucking highlighter i think. she was friends with Dusk too but i literally remember none of the specifica of their relationship (im sure i have fuckin pages abt it in a notebook somewhere tho)

and like i said, i wanna start thinking more abt these guys again so a lot of this might change soon lmao but thanks for asking!!! i haven't posted abt either of these fuckers anywhere in years

#asks #danger days #sorry i dont have like. any visuals to go with this all the pics of them are saved on my old phone i think #also shout out to anyone who was on danger days quotev in 2018-2020. rollplaying as dusk on there got me through a lot of bullshit #my ocs

[strawberrycircuits]

[Music ask thingy]

Loud: SO HOT - WATER SPIRIT, P.L.U.R - WATER SPIRIT, i hate it here - osquinn/p4rkr, B.B.K.K.B.K.K - nora2r

Not Loud: When he died - Lemon Demon, Mary - Alex G, Labyrinth - Miracle Musical, Caroline please kill me - Coma cinema

ok i super appreciate u splitting up this into loud and not loud :)) this gets kinda long so everythings under the cut !!

✨️SO HOT, PLUR, B.B.K.K.B.K.K.

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

I'm putting all three of these together bc my opinions r relatively the same and i dont wanna get too too repetitive. ive never been one for dubstep/hardcore and its derivatives, and that sort of thing can be pretty overwhelming for me esp when theres not really any lyrics for me to focus on. im glad i gave em a chance regardless, though !!

✨️i hate it here

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

also not really that big of a hyperpop fan, but i really didnt mind this one! the backing tracks at time remind me of chiptune and old gameboy music, like whatd you hear if ur character died in a level? i do like how heavy the bass is and how the producer clearly wasnt afraid to play with the volume of the vocals. i probably wouldnt listen to it again, but id love it if it had an instrumental version :]

✨️when he died

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

spirit phone tracks my beloved....... i like this one a lot (the laughing record part is so so sooo good ahahhaeeha!!) but tbh i think its one of the weaker tracks on the album :/ but its not bad at all! i wouldnt skip it if it came one yakno

✨️mary

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

this is one of those songs thats just, like, absolutely everywhere and that i really ought to have listened to in full before now. i like how the descriptions of mary all together are a little unnerving and uncanny (red eyes, sharp teeth, a leather heart, the "i am real and you are not" line, etc)! might fuck around and put it on an oc playlist or somethin idk

✨️labyrinth

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

shoutout to the welcome home fandom for putting the first minute of this song in absolutely everything lmaooaoaosdfhjfg. this is another song ive never actually listened to fully but man i really shouldve. i knew abt the mind electric for years b4 i heard this one, and i heard it right when the chonny jash cover got popular too, so i had this weird moment of "holy shit why are there so many the mind electric lyric change covers out rn" but nope! labyrinth is by the same people!!! anyway this fucks am absolutely gonna keep listening to this one 👍

✨️caroline, please kill me

couldn’t listen all the way through | not my thing | it’s okay | kinda catchy | ok i really like this | downloading immediately | already in my library

OH MY GOD FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE WHO KNOWS THIS FUCKING SONG !!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW INSANE I AM OVER THIS ONE MAN . ITS IN MY PORTAL PLAYLISTS ITS IN MY OC PLAYLISTS I PUT IT IN MY DRIVING PLAYLIST LIKE? 3 TIMES? JUST TO MAKE IT PLAY MORE OFTEN?? I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG IM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE KNOWS IT TOO AUDUDHFJFJDNBFKFHGBF!!!!!!!!!11!1

#ty for sendin smth in!!!!!!!! <3

[chocoenvy]

heyo, it’s me pretty anon. (i like it better than bully anon too :))

i think i fucked up

so, i’ll keep this simple since i need to go to bed cause it’s like 4:30am and i get up at 8 lmao.

since the cruise my dad and step-mom decided to physically split as well. my dad is signing for a divorced in the next couple of days. my step-mom is in a completely different state rn with her youngest daughter and mother. my mom mom doesn’t know about the divorced and honestly i think no one’s told her since we don’t wanna hear it.

so um, i haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to anyone about this stuff since i live in a small town and everyone knows everyone yknow? so firstly, thank you for letting me vent. it’s nice to talk to someone the same age anonymously. you give good advice.

anyway, all of this has kinda been building up on me, which is super weird cause i thought i wouldn’t care. i’m a senior in high school rn so it’s not like i can’t go visit her once i graduate. and my dad and step mom are both encouraging me to keep up a relationship with her. she wasn’t really around much and when she was it was only ever good one on one since with my dad it would be borderline abusive. (or maybe actually abusive, i’m not really sure i know how to identify it. it just seems normal to me)

my dad also asked me if i had contacted my step mom like a couple days after she left. i’d been wanting to but i had no idea what to say to her. so i didn’t. he said to me, and i don’t think i’ll ever forget this, “oh. i thought you loved her.” in the most casual tone. my heart is broken. i got really upset with him and he literally could not comprehend why. i’m starting to second guess myself if i loved her or not. i know for a fact that i did, but does she know it?

so yknow the new ios 16 update? weird change of pace i know but i swear it’s important. well i just decided like an hour ago to get it and i fucking hate it. fun fact, if you have spotify on and your phone turns off then they change YOUR LOCKSCREEN to match the spotify song. wtf. well i started off hating it cause i had to scroll through over 2,000 photos just to find the exact same ones i was currently using (it’s venti and xiao btw) and i started hyperventilating.

well i was doing my daydreams when i realized the spotify thing. and i completely stopped. i had a full blown panic attack for at least 45 minutes. i was hyperventilating so hard i honestly thought i was going to passed out. i later down so i at least wouldn’t fall and everything.

i think i panicked because of all the penh up emotions that i have going on rn.

after i finally calmed down, i went over to plug in my chrome book for school. and then i remembered i had an eyebrow razor in my backpack…

i think you know what i meant when i said i fucked up.

it was only four cuts. not deep enough to draw blood except for one, all tiny on my thigh where no one can see them. i can’t believe i did it though. and the worst part, the absolute worst part is, the relief i felt? it’s like i actually have control.

i know you said the ice cube method. i’ve actually told other freinds going through a hard time about it too. but at the moment, i just wasn’t thinking straight.

im scared im gonna do it again. any ideas on what i should do? lol

with love, pretty anon

HELLO PRETTY <33 I'm so sososososo sorry for answering this so late but!

tw: self harm, relapses, sensitive topics

It's completely valid and I cannot fault you for relapsing it is a very normal part of healing. So long as you get back up, everything will be okay I promise.

But! I remembered an app that I had come across some years ago. I forgot the name and when I tried to look it up i found calm harm.

The app I thought of describes self harm as a wave. The want to harm yourself flows in and then out. It comes and goes. The trick is to distract yourself before the feeling takes over your actions. Calm Harm definitely helps with it from what I've seen. I've never tried these apps though. There are also counters that count how long you've gone without cutting if that kind of thing helps.

Would definitely recommend! As well as watching videos or creating a playlist full of videos/songs that make you happy! Find something that makes you happy and hold onto it for when you need it! I can completely understand not being in the right state of mind and forgetting it which is why you should have it on your phone so you can access it before you can access something else. It also helps if you're ever in public - or even in private - and need to calm down.

Gather resources to prepare for these down times. It'll help!

I understand that self harm can feel good, god trust me I know, but it's not worth it. There are other things that can make you feel better than self harm can. And I can't speak for you but after I self harm I just feel so much shame?? And fear?? Mostly because I don't want someone to find them but I just feel ashamed.

I can't explain it and I really don't have much room to talk because I'm still stuck in self harm. But if it means anything, I would be very proud to see you heal from this <3

I'm glad you can talk about this anonymously but if you ever need to talk to me one on one my dms are always open <3

Take care! And I'm sorry for answering so late, I hope you're okay <33

#choco.asks #pretty anon #tw s/h #tw self harm

[cdmodule]

(OSC ask meme - IK I PICKED A BUNCH feel free not to answer all of them!!) 2, 3, 7, 13, 14, 16, 22, 36, 38, 39, 40

NO IM SO GLAD I LOVE ANSWERING SHIT I will put this under read more tho From this post

2 - Least favourite show? Already answered! (Its object terror) 3 - Underrated show? LEGENDARY ADVENTURES FOREVER ^^ Short so far, but REALLY funny stuff in that show. Some of the jokes can fall a Little Flat to me but its never anything bad LOL. GOT SOME RLY FUN CHARACTERS TOO If u have a bit of time to watch an object show Id say watch this one. Partially cuz of my Next Point (Honorable mention: ACTOE) 7 - Underrated character? Snowy LAF <3 I feel like a lotta ppl I know would like this guy. I tend to be Biased towards short high pitched voice Guys anyway (also hes gay. Like canonically. Just wanted to mention this cuz Its a Win For Me) 13 - How many characters do you think should be in an object show ideally? Something between 10 and 20 usually seems Fine to me. Anything above that kinda Crunches my brain unless Its a case like BFDI where its More Over Time Over Years but thats . Really just an exception to the rule TBH 14 - What do you care about most in an object show? Simple Answer probably but I wanna be able to tell that ppl are just Having fun and putting passion into their shows. Everything else I can Give Or take. Object shows are really just passion projects between very few ppl and should be treated as such I feel like memorable character designs could be pretty important too, this can be Tricky sometimes cuz No One Owes An Object but theres many ways to make em stick out from another Same object 16 - A show/character you love that everyone else hates? HFGHHHHH SPANGE . SPONGY. HE IS MY BABYGIRL. I would f/o him If I didnt already have two f/os. Both the show and fanbase treat him SO bad for no good reason (Him being mean after everyone bullied him is justified imo). Like Its gotten to a point where I hold back from talking abt him in servers cuz Im afraid of ppl making Annoying Uncalled for rude jokes or "well he sucks" kinda comments (yes this has happened before god fucking help me). I could go More into this but maybe thats for its Own post. Only maybe though 22 - What character has the best design?

Just two designs I quite Like cuz I cant think of other ones rn Mace the Merciless (Paper puppets take 2) cuz Im gay Love Lock (The Almost Valentinesly Object Show) cuz Im Gay AND I like the little lock mouth :) Also honorable mention: Loser <3 36 - Favourite scene? I could use one with one of my faves/fave ships but thats TOO EASY . So Ill mention the pin and coiny Pep Talk scene in bfb 6 cuz It makes me EMOTIONALLLL theyre the sweetest ever. Im sure theres other ones I like a Lot but this one just sticks with me the most 38 - Favourite rarepair? LEAFPIEEEE Leafy and Pie is a complete Crack Ship AND ALSO SNOWFRIES but both work GREAT imo. I brainrot abt these occasionally ESP SNOWBALL AND FRIES I was suprised that no one before me and nate (and sal hi sal) thought of this ship Leafy and Pie complete each other Very Well. Snowball and Fries make good Old Man Yaoi Also technically WinnerLoser is a rarepair cuz most ppl hc them as enemies or siblings LOL 39 - Favourite villain/antagonist? Four cuz I need them carnally etc (Ignoring post split cuz Its so lame how everyone just forgave him NO GET HIS ASS!!! HE SUCKS!!!!! THATS THE WHOLE APPEAL!!!!!!!!!!) I dont have time or energy to go Deeper into the Four Appeal but u can probably guess. Hes fun <3 40 - Overall thoughts on the community? I'm too old for this

#some of these i would love to go deeper into but EH #ask game #answered

[doodleybugg]

i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

[scaryarcade]

are u able to talk more about coming to understand being a median subsystem within a multiple system cuz thats my situation lmao. im very comfortable with my DID cause ive known about it for 8 years but i only started seriously considering being a facet within the past year and recently have been using my name instead of the other name

ive KNOWN about median systems for as long as ive known abt my plurality (we used to id as median bc the plural community on here was awful and shoehorned everyone who didnt fit stereotypical DID displays into that label, but even then we knew it was wrong) but actually understanding being median myself is all new to me. the lack of clear distinction between me and the other facet and what to even refer to ourselves as is frustrating

although, on the other hand its certainly relieving coming to understand this part of myself, especially because i was suppressed for a long time because i didnt really understand what was actually happening and thought it was an unhealthy thing (can elaborate more on that if needed)

P.S. part of the reason i have DID is because i was abused by my psychiatrist when i was a kid so i fucking hate the psych system too 👍 ur a real one u get it

hi yeah i can do my best!

i only really became aware of being a subsystem...i guess it must have been last year, in the spring? i dont think we actually even really were a subsystem before that. we used to be 1 singular alter, who also happened to be the host--we started hosting right around the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. i think the stress of hosting, both internal and external, caused us to fragment. i think trauma processing has contributed to splits in our subsystem as well? i know 🐛 most likely formed to embody & cope with unearthed feelings/memories related to a specific kind of trauma; in kind of the opposite fashion, i think 🎶 formed to avoid and detach from trauma processing.

its really hard to concisely pin down why "median subsystem" feels like the right term as opposed to just "subsystem", so i'm just going to throw out a bunch of random stuff we experience (this got long so i'm putting it under a cut):

our relationships with each other are very different from our relationships with other alters. we feel intrinsically connected, although we can also feel extremely separate from each other & often have high dissociative barriers. communication & control over switches is actually much harder within my subsystem than it is with alters outside it! (i think this is because of a lack of clear distinction, like you mentioned in your ask.) we often conceptualize ourselves as being clones or copies of the same person; we often feel like different versions of one person. most of us use the same name(s). all of these are factors in why we use the term "median" for ourselves

figuring this out has been a long and confusing process. especially because often we DO function as one unit and all kind of blend together. dissociative barriers sometimes greatly diminish when we feel very safe or minimally stressed; on the other hand, when barriers are high, introspection is hard!!! so coming to terms with "sometimes i just won't know what facet i am for sure and that's ok" has been a whole thing.

i will say the number one thing that has helped us distinguish between each other has been starting to understand our switch triggers. we've really only started fully grasping this within the past month or so. but we are reaching a point where we can look at what's going on in our life and what's going on with our emotions/stress and figure out which facet is likely to be here rn to deal with it.

switches in our subsystem tend to be triggered internally when one of us hits some kind of emotional limit. 🐛 tends to stress out and be hypervigilant and defensive to the point where it can't physically function; when it collapses under the weight of that, then i often show up to give us a break bc my default response is to freeze/go numb lol. if we are lethargic/depressed/frozen for too long or feel stifled/trapped by stressors, 🎶 shows up with basically infinite energy and optimism to break us out of that fog. alternatively, if i get overwhelmed by shame/guilt, 🌻 will perceive this as a threat to our safety and show up with all of his defensiveness & prickliness & general misanthropy lmao.

so, anyway, for us, when we're trying to figure out who's who the general question we've landed on is "what has been overwhelming to us recently" and we can usually get a better sense of who's out this way.

ofc idk if any of this will be at all applicable to your situation but i wanted to share my experience in as much detail as i can jsut in case any of this does end up being helpful ^_^

#abyssposting #asks #🛸

[nervousheartgiver]

I think I have bpd

I think not accomplishing something may cause me to split?

I dunno but I just know right I want to kill myself.

IM NOT ACTUALLY GONNA FUCKING DO IT.

I just want to and hate how I feel the need to suppress that because it's scary to other people.

Rn I feel like my friends hate me. I feel like a failure that can't keep a job. I may have to live with my mom because my best friend is in love with me, and it causes problems. I think I'm too intense for anyone. I can't fucking talk to anyone. I'm so fucking mad.

Everyone flirts with me, but no one actually wants to know me.

Now I'm crying about all this stupid shit. I HATE EVERYTHING. RVERY PERSON EVERYTHING. OH MY GOD.

I WANT HARM. I WANT BLOOD. FUCK OTHERS I JUST WANT TO FEEL BETTER

I WANT TO FEEL BETTER.

MY BRAIN IS KILLING ME, AND I WANT TO KILL IT.

I want to rip out my veins. I want to bleed out. I want to pass out.

I don't care about anything anymore. My brain is blank.

[masonsystem]

ok i will update this as time passes but anyways this is MYYYY list of miles morales issues that i actually like <3 will list them in (kinda) chronological order rn but as i add on issues that i read later i.. will not do that. ❤️ also im not listing down issues exclusively from his runs, im listing down any comic shit with miles in them that i like. yay! (but theyre all miles morales focused)

- Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man (2011) #5 this is the last issue of miles' origins arc! while i enjoy his spider-verse origins more, im actually OK with his original origins. tho i am not a fan of SHIELD butting in like, at all….. like straight up telling him that his uncle is the prowler? giving him his iconic SUIT? lame as hell.. but whatever! anyways i picked this issue from this arc specifically bc i think miles holding nick fury's hand is the cutest thing ever

- Spider-Men I (2012) this entire arc is great and imo the best miles storyline that bendis ever wrote for him. i dunno why its so good when it has the same amount of pages as every standard comic (17-19 pages). like not just the story and dialogue is good, but this is the best sequencing work ive seen from pichelli (the artist). this is kinda mean but nothing that bendis and pichelli put out for miles after this arc is as good as this LOL, like look how well these pages flow!

also it was peter's and miles' meeting in this arc that inspired the chaotic meeting between peter b and miles in ITSV 😊

- Spider-Man (2016) #10 its so sad that the only run thats titled 'Spider-Man' for miles morales, and not 'Miles Morales: Spider-Man' or 'Ultimate Spider-Man' or Whatever is written by bendis.. and is like. probably his worst run of miles yet but WHATEVER!! but yeah i havent properly sat down and read this run (as opposed to skimming it which is what i did) bc its just like. lame storyline after lame storyline... but this is the one good issue to come out of it. and out of Civil War II, which is the event this issue is having a crossover with.

quick summary of civil war ii: theres some dude who can allegedly see the future and is predicting that the superheroes will betray each other, and now the superheroes are split up against whether to believe these predictions and lock themselves up before these predictions come to fruition, or whether they should just chill tf out and ignore this guy. yeah. its... whatever. miles doesnt do much so i Dont Really Care. he does get a focus tho when the future-seeing-dude foresees that he will kill captain america! awesome!!!

not awesome for miles tho bc bendis-written miles is kinda lame but whatever. but anyways this issue deals with the aftermath of miles being accused of being a killer in his future, and how it deeply affected him, considering his family's criminal history. he has a supportive group of friends too that are there to comfort him so yeah! this is a really neat, touching, and heart-wretching issue.

- Spider-Man (2016) Annual #1 ok i said i hate miles' 2016 run but i actually really like the annual issue for it! its not written by bendis so maybe thats why lol. also ill be commenting on the first story of the annual not the second one. like i like the second one too but thats just ganke and miles fucking around in driving school.

so anyways this issue is kindaaa retconned.. like it was kinda? supposed to be miles' new origin for his immigration to 616 except.... no writer ever used this issue again, ever, so like.. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ the storyline is OK but what i really like abt this issue is two things:

1.) i really like that miles and uncle aaron's relationship is explored further here. like ill always love the exploration between these two bc i have prowler brain disease like you know this i know this im deep in the prowlerverse. whatever. but yeah i just really love the nuance in their relationship, i love that aaron is a product of his environment and is just looking out for miles the best he can. im not gonna analyze him too crazily rn so ill just let these panels speak for themselves:

and 2.) i really love that miles holds his ground and defends his existence in the last few speech bubbles. especially important in the context that this is his first run in 616, so he really has to affirm that he's earned his place alongside the already existing spider-man. miles is spider-man too and hes here to stay you son of a bitch!

(also its funny that he says he isnt an avenger when he becomes an avenger like a year or 2 later. lmfao. he also gets a What If? issue where he becomes captain bitchmerica and thor so... LOL?)

- Generations: Miles Morales Spider-Man & Peter Parker Spider-Man (2017) get a load of that fucking title. anyways this is an anthology, meaning it fits fucking nowhere in continuity and is just here for you to get your kicks in, hell yeah. its some fanfic-esque plot where miles morales gets transported to the past where peter parker is only on his like, 2nd or 3rd year of being spider-man. how does miles get back to the present? who fucking knows! dont worry about it.

whats striking about this comic is that miles isnt meeting some more modern adaptation of peter parker, hes very much meeting the peter parker that was published in the comics from the 60s. the same moody, grouchy, beaten-up-by-life peter parker from the 60s that revolutionized comics. even the art style of this comic reflects this.

its a very introspective and intimate comic. no big fights. just miles morales meeting the actual first spider-man. despite the ending rubbing me the wrong way at first, i eventually warmed up to it. at first i had thought it was saying something like "only peter parker is the true spider-man", but as i thought about it some more, i realized what it was saying was this: spider-man will always distinctly belong to peter parker, and to the writers and artists who established his early and iconic premise and storyline. this does not mean that spider-man does not belong to miles morales, but it means there is always a threshold for miles to reach for, and that isnt necessarily a bad thing. it is a legacy being shared with miles, and it is an amazing one.

(and its one that hes steadily living up to, in his own way ❤️)

- Marvel 1001 (2019) this is literally a one page special in a book of one page specials so ill just post the whole thing here! its just kamala and miles being cute and pranking each other 😊 and its by the artist of the champions, whom art style i love!

- Champions (2016) #25, #26, #27

shadow spider suit is here..... what else is there to say!

- Ironheart (2019) #6 kinda a continuation of the champions weirdworld arc that i just listed, bc it focuses on miles and riri who were paired together in that arc. i think the character dynamics between them are great, theyre both pretty introverted heroes but riri is more confrontational while miles is more withdrawn. it makes for a very interesting duo, and i wish they were paired up more often </3

cute little issue where these two are cute together, and also some pretty ominous commentary on the whole 'miles is not originally from this dimension' thing. like it gets handwaved away but miles was literally kept in captivity for like, 2 months without even being aware of it, and the reason for his captivity is bc he's from another universe that he doesnt even always remember. some dark shit honestly.. i love it!

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2019) #4 such a silly slice of life issue. miles and his friends skip school and its so cute and silly and its so!! fun!! its got an A plot where miles is skipping school with his friend while still running into spider-man troubles, and its got a B plot, where jonah j jameson has reincarnated into a spongebob-looking vice principal and is trying to catch miles and gang skipping school. this dual page spread is possibly my favorite from ahmeds entire run:

it reminds me of the tt2003 comics where they had a bunch of chibis on the margins, i love it so much!

- Free Comic Book Day 2019 Spider-Man just a oneshot for free comic book day, so its not tied to any on-going arcs whatsoever which is great! set in 616 so u got both peter and miles just chilling.

despite this hysterical first page that i love so so much, its a very chill and introspective issue, that reflects on nostalgia. its a sweet and solid issue!

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2019) #12 & #13 BILLIE IS BORN!!!! CONGRATULATIONS AND APPLAUSE!!!!

but besides the blessed introduction of the beloved billie, i really love the interactions between miles and aaron in these two issues. aaron reluctantly re-enters a life of crime to pay off a debt he acquired after saving miles, and miles reluctantly has to stop him from committing said crime. neither of them want to fight each other, ESPECIALLY since rio is about to give birth, but they both have to do what they have to do.

(i wanted to post a pics of their dilemma at first but this makes me laugh too much so im putting this here instead)

its a very great two issues, that explores miles' complex family situation really well and with a lot of nuance. and now that ive read bendis' original prowler run, i can see how this mini-arc has several callbacks to that. where bendis' prowler run ended with death (uncle aaron's), this arc concludes with new life (billie's). which i think is beautiful :') i prefer ahmed's take on uncle aaron a lot more than bendis', bc miles having a living and supportive family has always been the strongest aspect of his character imo.

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2019) #15 the leadup to this, issue #14, is not that bad either honestly! but the only parts i really like from it are the fact that it leads up to this issue #15, and that theres some dialogue from miles where he kinda recalls bits of earth-1610. so anyways regarding this issue.... i really like how honorable the spongebob vice principal is. he endangers himself to defends his students, and those students includes spider-man!! (he learns of miles' secret identity in this issue)

hes just a really cool character. my only complaint is that i wished ahmed dragged this on a bit longer, with more instances of spongebob vice principal trying to catch miles skipping class, so that when he does eventually protect miles and his identity, it wouldve felt much more impactful. but this is just a little nitpick, and i still love this issue ^_^ its DAMN good!

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2019) #24 this issue is the calm before the storm (clone saga).. but who gaf about that! this issue is just miles and kamala doing fuck all, and its just really sweet and cute.

a very well-needed breather of an issue, except for the part where miles gets to express his RAGE!!!!! also i love this artist's work sm (carmen carnero). their work is my favorite artstyle for this run!

- Marvel's Voice: Comunidades (2021) probably my most favorite miles story ever ❤️ talking about the last issue of this volume, not the one in the middle.

anyways, i love everything about this story. i love how proud miles is of his culture. i love this beautiful artstyle with strong dynamic lines and warm tones for the colors. and the commentary about diaspora from black panther is so touching. i love that he tells miles that no matter the distance, you will always be the same people your ancestors were. nothing can take that away from you, and we will always be family in that regard.

and i love how much he loves billie, and how he loves that they will come from the same worlds. these panels might be my favorite miles morales panels ever.. this issue warms my heart and makes it aches in the best possible way ❤️❤️

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2019) #42 saladin ahmed's farewell to miles morales and honestly what a way to go out! wow!! despite not being the biggest fan of his run, i really love this issue!! :D

it neatly wraps up the various elements that he bought to miles morales' mythos for the past 3 years, and in such a creative way. i adoreeee the tarot idea in this issue. and i LOVE that (i think) all the previous artists who worked on this run came back to illustrate different sections of this issue, with different artists illustrating a different tarot card.

sean the bully is here. spongebob vice principal is here. shift the clone is here. kenneth the non-binary fashion designer kid actually designs something that slays for once!

tiana is here! billie is here! hell even the rhino is here again, and the irrelevant villain from the first arc! miles with a living and supportive uncle, proud parents, and a loving friend group are here! i may not agree with all of ahmed's writing choices, but he did not slack when it came to expanding miles' cast <3 its a beautiful and perfect way for ahmed to sign off from a series :D

oh!! and one of my biggest complaints with ahmed's run is how he kept piling trauma after trauma onto miles, but never really gave him time to sit down and cathartically process or acknowledge them (unless it was done in the insane evil clone of miles turns into a dictator in an alternate future arc which i still havent read). but he finally does in this final issue, where it makes him strong enough to beat the villain from this series first arc, but this time without the help of captain bitchmerica!

not the most ideal acknowledgement of his trauma by my standards, but honestly thats ok. bc miles' next writer, cody ziglar, picks up the torch and makes sure miles is Breaking The Fuck Down and acknowledges all this trauma, baby!

- Miles Morales: Spider-Man (2022) #1, #2, #3, #4, & #5 basically the entire Trial By Spider arc. i love this arc. i love this new villain, raneem rasheed, and i love how shes actually related to miles' lottery backstory! cannot believe it took 10+ years for that aspect of his character to be explored, but better late than never ig. the artwork for this is also phenomenal, tho theres some sequencing aspects that are a bit hard to make out, but its very minor. i love the coloring very much.

i already posted quite a bit about raneem, but i really love her character. i love her ruthlessness, rage, and grief. and i cant wait to see her again 💜

- Marvel's Voices: Spider-Verse (2023) both miles stories in this book are pretty good, but im gonna talk abt my favorite of the two, which is 'Training Day' by cody ziglar, which has this world famous panel here:

(i love how miles is the exact opposite of his movie counterpart LOL)

its basically miles' story from comunidades.... 2! what more can i say. i love babies and i love (GOOD) social commentary!!

^im too tired to ramble (again) about how much i love this dialogue. like look at that.... self-awareness in a superhero comic <3

- Miles Morales & Moon Girl (2022)

such a cute comic! moon girl is such a cute and precocious character... really not much to say here LOL its short, snappy, and sweet!

[bandofchimeras]

posting a lot rn sorry Im gonna readmore this vent that is a standin for next therapy session

i have a lot of trauma from losing my last few housing situations over interpersonal conflict and not having enough money or being good at managing my money. I was too ashamed to ask for what I needed until it was desperate and I had no options.

I have big decisions to make that are producing so much anxiety. and am burnt out. but also grateful and astounded at the miracle that is life.

so can't handle small talk right now. my whole chest is splitting open with the need to be somewhere I feel loved and safe bc I know who tf I am now....but knowing I have to make these next moves out of my own initiative

somewhere deep in my brain I know this isn't all my fault but I had to stop victim thinking to get myself out of the Hole and consequently just Shut Up about the Pain

the last people I lived with really wanted me to shut up and conform perfectly to the anxiously controlled life they'd constructed bc I was there temporarily

and for my part I was in depression self centered funk and coming out of abuse too brainfoggerd to remember the rules

One of them is a former mutual and he was also a transmasc person I had a crush on and we had a short little Thing

what they ended up doing was 1000% shitty asshole stuff like kicking me out in the middle of winter after I communicated I was in too much pain from moving in and work, and requested a two week extension, and trying to charge me illegal "storage fees" when I needed time to get my stuff after being kicked out.

my discord friends had to help me parse that these people were not my friends and did not care about me at all. I thought they did. but the guilt they laid on thick and blamed me for their actions has been dragging around my ankles for awhile and I just want to shake it off, I want to be okay and not soaked in guilt like milk toast

the situation also led to my car being stolen, getting in a crash, my cats health severely declining until she passed away this spring. just fucking wrecking ball on everything I was attached to for any sort of comfort or sense of reality.

Right before that my long term job that was....dubiously ethical, my sort of boss fired me in a similarly guilting way, and similarly could see exactly why they had a problem with me but I just, at the time I simply could not show up how I needed to. Not killing myself was an accomplishment. And this boss was deeply prejudiced against autistic people despite running a group home. I genuinely hated her guts for how miserable she made everyone around her while also recognizing I wasn't doing much better.

anyways through this time period kitchen work has become this attachment that toughens me up and feels doable while my brain is inflamed, despite being shit for my disabled body. I can't shake free quite. I don't have a permanent house and all my friendships feel weird and troubled in that way only mutual survivors of emotionally neglectful or abusive families and religious trauma can, like every thing I do or say can be wrong, or isn't giving someone enough attention or isnt the response they want or is bad bad bad bad

and so yeah, making new friends is hard

letting people in feels impossible

looking for decent jobs too

I'm not a mess in the way I have been but it's all messy inside and I'm sad and tired and very hypersensitive to rejection, every day breaks and makes me again and I miss writing and loving and feeling good

I thought pride would be so fun and make me feel better. It was cool in a lot of ways, but also grimly corporate and fangless and expensive, there were a ton of missed connections and the couple I went with was being nitpicky and hurtful to each other and even at the club dressed to the nines and dancing my little gay heart out I felt disconnected and ignorable (maybe it's just a Seattle thing, moving from a small-town environment into big urban reminds you you're nothin special all in all) and couldn't see the magic

I miss my ex or at least keep seeing stuff that reminds me of caring about her in that specific way and the bridge we tried to build across everything despite it all and I know we still care about each other just couldn't stop the fucking awful Bullshit, moving on would be easier if I could just dismiss people entirely

and at work things started falling apart too, my boss got super guilt happy at overworked caregivers and I lost all respect for him and was mega triggered and posted about it and embarrassed myself. theyre more okay I guess but everyone seems so demoralized and worn down by being criticized and used up and overcharged and under loved and I don't want to give any more right now, I want to rest rest rest and make art and I can't let myself while I'm living in someone's living room and both of us are working around eachothers mood disorders

meanwhile my family while making progress is still on about how I have to accept criticism of my gender identity if I want to talk to them about the harm done by their religious ideology and MEANWHILE I develop deep feelings for yet another unavailable cis man for bare minimum shit

i don't know I guess it feels like other people know how to have friends and love and enjoy things and I am missing the boat and if I don't change something indistinguishable super fast, it will be too late for me and I will continue to ruin every good thing that comes my way and.magnetically attract trouble

and it doesn't help that my attempts to connect online also feel desperate and awkward like I'm really a sick puppy who wants headpats but aren't we all they say

some days I do think overall it would be easier to Kermit but I can't do that to my siblings AND there are many buoyantly beautiful things bout life I am looking forward to like top surgery and kissing boys like I mean it which someday will feel real and not like a knife twist in the chest

also I haven't got enough sleep lately and my period came back so hopefully this stupid shit is more bearable in a few days I'm just gonna watch OFMD and hug myself to sleep and literally kill anyone who is a hater about the tiny things that bring me joy bc I am fucking doing my best out here to stay afloat and not yuck other people's yums either

#personal #i wanna say BPD but also just #too much shit happening #also my fuck ass ex employer has nog emailed me back about my tax documents #which i need to get my return #everything is too much i really do want and need a hug #suicide mention