#i think he also does lawnmowing but yeah. and i remember him mentioning that while he knows how to cook. he doesnt really know much about | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

maybebanks · 4 years

Text

I Noticed You

jj maybank x kook! reader

“Alright, Sarah. Bye now,” you groaned, stepping out past her white painted bedroom door.

“Noooo,” she whined, “don’t leave,”

“I gotta go.” You pouted, “my dad wants me home,”

“Fine. Be like that.” She waved you off.

“Your parents are way less strict then mine!” You argued.

“Uh huh,” Sarah responded sarcastically, “I’m gonna miss you, bitch,” she smiled.

“Okay...see ya,” you waved while walking through the door.

You continued down the hallway, it was a sort of narrow hallway, but you’ve been down it many times before.

“Hey Y/n,” you heard Rafe’s voice call for you, he was leaning casually against his door frame.

“Oh..hey,” you answer, stopping infront of him.

You had to look up to talk to him because he was taller than you.

“Can we talk for a minute?” Rafe asks. You had no idea why he would want to talk to you. I mean, he’s always been nice to you, but he was nearly 20. And you were barely 17.

You nodded, following his gesture for you to come into his room.

He closed the door after you. You just stood by the window. Raising your eyebrows at his suspicious actions.

You looked behind you and saw their backward looking fresh, a Pogue, you think his name is JJ but you didn’t know him well, mowing the lawn.

“I have to be quick. I promised to be home,” you mentioned.

Rafe smiled, not saying anything, just looking at you.

You fumbled with your crop top, “So..what’s this about?” You asked.

“You know how long I’ve been trying to get you alone. You and Sarah...it’s non stop,” he said.

“What?” You asked, very confused in general.

“You were at Toppers party right? Damn..when I saw you snort that coke I was like...this girl...she’s bad,” he chuckled.

“Oh...that was-that was a mistake. I don’t do drugs like that anymore,” you reassured, feeling regretful about that mistake.

He laughed, “don’t lie to yourself, baby. Just think of the fun we could have together,”

Is this some kind of flirting?

“Look...uh, I have to go. Talk later?” you opened the door a bit but Rafe slammed it shut.

“What the hell?” You asked angerly.

Rafe scoffed, “hanging out with Sarah makes you a real bitch,”

“Rafe...I have to go!” You raised your voice. This seemed to anger him. For next, he lunged towards you, trapping you against the wall.

“You think you can tell me what to fucking do?” He asked, his voice surprisingly calm.

When you saw his eyes, you could tell he was high.

“No, I’m-“ you began but stopped yourself when the door creaked open.

Wheezie’s brunette head peaked through the crack of the door.

When she saw both of you, her eyes turned confused.

Rafe moved off of you, “Wheezie, get out of here,” he ordered.

She didn’t argue like she usually would, she didn’t even exchange a glance at you. Just left the room, leaving the door a crack open.

“Shit,” you whispered involuntarily.

“Tell me, Y/n, what’s it gonna take?” he asked.

“Hi!” Wheezie shouted over the loud noise of the lawnmower. Waving her hand towards the boy out in the field.

JJ chuckled, he mowed the lawn for the Cameron’s once or twice a week. Wheezie was basically the only Cameron to talk to him, she would test out flirted to him, even though he was a pogue.

JJ turned the lawn mower off, walking over to Wheezie.

“What’s up?” JJ asked, honestly, he enjoyed a break from his work, and he would never get in trouble becuase Wheezie would defend him.

“So...uh...I don’t know for sure. But I think Rafe is gonna hurt her. And he’s kinda....you know, I mean he does drugs. I saw him this morning! Anyway, he’s in his room and I think-“

“Whoa! Slow down! Who’s gonna hurt who?” JJ asked, now concerned.

“Just put on a shirt and come with me!” She demanded, pulling him by his wrist towards the house.

“I don’t think your parents would be okay with me comin’ in,” JJ chuckled again.

“Just...okay...you know Y/n right? She’ll kill me if she knew I brough you into this becuase she hates attention or whatever but I’m worried, because you know...Rafe has a thing for her and I’m just worried he might try to kiss her and...” She trailed off, but JJ knew what she meant.

He frowned, “You sure I should go in there? What if she wants it. I mean, a lot of kook girls hook up with Rafe,”

“TMI!” Wheezie exclaimed, “anyway, Y/n isn’t one of those kook girls. She’s wayy too good for Rafe. Plus I think she’s into surfer boys,” Wheezie shrugs.

JJ sighs, “alright fine. But you owe me for this,” JJ began walking up the stairs, “what, you not comin’?”

“I am not about to get yelled at by Rafe. Plus I’ll cover the fort down here, so my parents don’t get involved.”

When he finally made it to the second floor, he heard your voice. You weren’t strangers, you’ve met once or twice, but JJ always thought you were way out of his league. And that was saying something.

“Rafe seriously. My dads gonna kill me!” You stated, pushing against Rafe’s rather buff chest.

“Who cares about your dad, Y/n. Just get on your knees,” he stated.

JJ felt disgusted. Even he knew that was no way to talk to a girl.

He stood outside the parted door.

“No, asshole,” you said bluntly, trying to get around him again.

He grabbed your wrist, harshly, pulling you back so you hit the wall. You moaned in pain when the doorknob from his closet door hit your back.

That’s when JJ interfered.

He pushed open the door to make his presence known.

You both looked up at him at the same time.

Rafe immediately stepped back from you, and you pushed the sleeve of your shoulder back to covering yourself.

“Everything alright in here?” JJ asked, studying the situation.

Rafe sniffled slightly nervously, he knew he probobly couldn’t take JJ in a fight due to all the drugs he’s on.

Rafe looked at you, to which you immediately understood, “uh...we are fine. Thanks JJ,” you answered, clearly nervous.

He was surprised, and unexpectedly flattered, when you addressed him by his name.

JJ thought fast, “there is a car here for Y/n,” JJ lied. But you believed it, and so did Rafe.

Rafe scratches the back of his neck, “Okay Y/n...have fun.” Rafe said as you stepped out of the room.

You wanted to flip him off, but JJ was right behind you.

When you got outside, JJ was about to tell you there was no car, but he couldn’t when you thre your arms around his torso, a hug, where you rested your head on his chest.

“Whoa,” he chuckled.

“Thank you, J, you have no idea...” you mumbled.

JJ slowly moved his arm to hug you back. But when his hand reached your mid back, you took a sharp intake of breath and pulled away.

“Sorry, for that. You really saved me back there,” you explained, looking up at him.

“It’s not problem. Oh and by the way, there’s no car here for you,” JJ mentioned.

“Oh...right. Shit I kinda need a ride. You looked around. Until your eyes landed on JJ again.

He studied you.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” You asked.

“No...” JJ shook his head, “this is the most you’ve ever talked to me,” he blurted. Kinda regretting not usuing his usual approach when talking to girls.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you before. I just didn’t want to get you in trouble,” you explained, “but I have noticed you,”

Your phone dinged, and that’s when you remember to check the time, “shit,” you blurted.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just...my dads gonna kill me. I was suppose to be home like an hour ago,” you sigh, still nervous.

You noticed JJ tense, “I can give you a ride? The van is gonna smell like weed though,” he winked, gesturing for you to follow him.

You nodded, following him down the driveway to where his “busted” van was parked.

“I’m not usually this helpless, you know,” you blurted, wanting him to know you for the real you.

“Oh believe me, I know,” he chuckles, opening the van door for you.

He was surprised by himself, again. He’s never cared enough to open the door for anyone. But it was so simple you probobly wouldn’t notice.

You smiled, at him and hopped in. There were some all black aviators and a red SnapBack on the seat. Which you moved so you wouldn’t sit on them.

As JJ walked around the van, you couldn’t find anywhere to put them, with all the clutter around, so you just decided to wear the sunglasses and his hat.

When he opened the car his eyes widened in excitement, “looks good on you Y/n,” he said starting the van.

“Who the hells that? I’m JJ,” you joked. When you took a deep breath, you scrunched you’re nose at the stench.

“Whoo,” you sighed, “it’s strong in here. What’d you hotbox or something?” You continued with the JJ impression.

“How do you know me so well?” JJ laughed and grabbed the hat off your head and placed it backwards on his own.

“Just guessin’,” you shrugged, moving the sunglasses farther down your nose.

“Where’s your place?” JJ asked as he turned the wheel.

“Uh...” you trailed off when you noticed Rafe running out of the house, looking angry, waving at the van.

“Shit! JJ go!! Drive!” You commanded. Grabbing his hand and forcing it on the wheel.

You knew Rafe would judge you for spending time with a Pogue, and he would also be mad.

“Calm down, princess,” JJ responded, stepping on the gas.

You immediately retracted, “sorry.” You muttered.

He pulled out of the driveway quick and started heading down the wrong road.

“Where are you going?” You asked, slightly nervous now.

“Back to my place. Since you didn’t tell me where yours was,”

“Wait...uh it’s down that road. I’d really love to hang but I gotta be home,” you told him.

“Ya sure?” JJ said turning the wheel and heading down your street.

You nodded.

“No, I mean, kook princess, would be down to hang with a Pogue?” JJ asked.

You pointed to the pastel yellow mansion with terra-cotta roofing, “of course JJ, I think you’re dope,”

“Holy shitt,” JJ moaned when he saw your house, admiring its beauty and the boat you had parked in the front.

“Jesus, what id give to be a kook,” he mumbled.

“Trust me, it’s not as good as it-“

“Y/N!!!” Your father shouts, he must have seen you pull in.

“Fuck,” you muttered.

JJs heat started to race, that was so damn hot.

You pulled of the sunglasses and placed them on the dash.

“See ya later, and also, you can come over any time use any materials you like. My brother got a new surf board and then went off to college, it’s all yours if you want it,”

JJ smirked, perks of having a kook friend that lived with a family that bought status symbols with their money, “can I get your number?”

“Yeah, it’s-“

You both stopped at the banging on JJs window.

Your father, was urgently yelling, “Y/N get out here right now. Your late for training, god damn it,” it was muffled, but you both understood.

“Training?” JJ questioned.

“See you at the Cameron’s,” you winked, then hopped out of the car and joined your dad inside the kook mansion.

JJ contemplated a life with you, only for a moment, then pulled out of your, rather long, stone driveway.

happy friday !

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#jj maybank #obx imagine #obx fanfiction #outer banks #obx netflix #jj imagine jjxreader obx #obx jj #obx jj maybank x you #outerbanks #jj outer banks #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank blog #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x kook!reader

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king-finnigan · 4 years

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Ok so you know those fics where Geralts hair is damaged by a monster and Jaskier fixes it? Modern au, but Geralt still hunts monsters and lives with his platonic friend (crush) jask. One night he comes home and his hair is wrecked so jask helps him cut it but he realizes too late that the clipper doesn’t have a guard. This would 11/10 help me cope with how my sister did the same thing to me :( lol

I now have an incredibly drastic short side cut and a guilty sister. Luckily we aren’t going out so it will grow lol. I just feel like that’s something (messing up clippers) Jaskier would do.

A/n: oh noooo, I’m so sorry to hear that! I hope your hair grows back quickly! Hope this little fic helps lmao. (Also I added a bit onto the story because I have one (1) hobby and I can and will use it in my writing)

Jaskier looks up from his book when he hears the roaring of Roach’s engine outside the living room window. He can’t help the wild grin that spreads across his face, though he takes a moment to gather himself as he walks to the front door – he doesn’t really wanna show Geralt how glad he is to see him after spending the last few days on his own. After all, Geralt’s just a housemate, nothing more. Definitely not Jaskier’s crush. No, sir.

His composure falls when he swings the door open and finds his Witcher in the driveway, his hair a veritable fucking mess. He bursts out into laughter, which earns him a glare from Geralt, who pushes past him, into the house. “Don’t mention it,” he grumbles.

Jaskier closes the front door behind him, leaning against it as he watches Geralt dump his laundry by the washing machine under the stairs, his face as still as ever, the tightening of his jaw the only sign that he’s in a really bad mood. Of course, Jaskier’s never let that stop him.

“So what happened, Witcher? Run into a lawnmower?” Geralt glares at him again, and Jaskier grins. It does really look like a mess – a large chunk of hair missing from the back of his head, some loose strands hanging at random lengths around it.

He sighs, folds his arms in front of his chest. “Alright, I’ve got an idea. There’s no way that’s gonna look good for the next…” he waves his hand a bit “year or so? At least until it grows back to full length, which is gonna take a while. So, what if… I give you a new haircut?”

Geralt looks at him, narrows his amber eyes. “No.”

Jaskier scoffs, leaning his head against the door, looking up at the ceiling. He notices a spider web in the corner and makes a mental note to vacuum it up later. “Come on, Geralt. We both know your hair’s gonna look like shit if we don’t do something about it. And you know,” he shrugs, “maybe it’s time for a new look. You’ve had the same haircut for… what? Sixty years? Don’t you think it’s time for something new?”

Geralt sighs, his shoulders slumping a bit in defeat. “Fine, I’ll go to a hairdresser tomorrow.”

Jaskier scoffs, pushing himself away from the door to start loading in the washing machine. “No, you won’t. You told me you don’t want a stranger with scissors getting anywhere near you, like, a year ago. Oh, don’t give me that look, I actually listen to what my housemate says, unlike some people.”

He straightens again, slams the washing machine door shut. “Look, Witcher, I’ve got perfectly good scissors and clippers in the bathroom. I’m perfectly adept at cutting my own hair and maintaining it, so doing yours would be easy as fuck. Your options are trusting me, trusting a stranger, or looking ridiculous.” He shrugs, picking his book from the living room table, walking up the stairs as Geralt continues staring at him. “Your choice.”

---

A knock on his door startles him out of his concentration. “Yeah?” The door opens a crack, and he sees Geralt’s amber eyes peering at him. “What is it? Changed your mind?”

“Hmm.” The door closes again, and Jaskier can’t help the slow smile that spreads across his face as he closes his laptop and gets up. He finds the Witcher in the bathroom, his hair clean and slightly damp from, presumably, a shower – though still very much a mess.

“Alright, so…” He waves his hand vaguely. “Any ideas? What do you want to do with it?”

Geralt’s frown deepens, and he looks at himself in the mirror. “I don’t know.”

Jaskier sighs, purses his lips. “Alright, let me see.” He moves to stand behind Geralt, carding a hand through the soft locks, assessing the damage. “Yeah, definitely gonna have to go for an undercut, here. Or a crewcut, if that’s what you want?”

“No.”

“Okay, undercut it is.” He takes a step to the side so he can see Geralt’s face in the mirror. “Do you want the top to be, like, the same length as my hair, or like, as long as it is now?”

Geralt seems to hesitate, eyes flickering between himself and Jaskier, probably trying to imagine how he would look with hair the same length as Jaskier’s. Finally, he seems to decide, and nods once. “Long.”

Jaskier grins, pushing past Geralt to rummage in the cupboard under the sink. “Alright, please do take my desk chair from my room, master Witcher, and I’ll be with you shortly.”

He doesn’t miss Geralt’s eyeroll, though the Witcher does as he’s told, walking out of the bathroom, returning with Jaskier’s chair. Usually, he does his own hair standing up, but Geralt is an inch or two taller than him, which would make it hard to do his hair – it’s easier if Geralt sits down. Which is what the Witcher does, before Jaskier even has to ask. He grins again, and moves to stand behind Geralt, hairtie in hand. He gathers the hair at the top of Geralt’s head, tying it up in a messy bun, so he doesn’t accidentally cut it off, before he takes the heavy scissors.

“Alright, we’re gonna have to cut off the longer parts first, before I shave it.”

He sighs, taking a lock at the back of Geralt’s head, before looking up, meeting amber eyes in the mirror. “You ready?” Geralt nods, once. Snip. The lock falls to the ground, Jaskier’s eyes following it all the way down. He sighs again. “Alright, let’s continue.”

---

Before long, the back and sides of Geralt’s head are significantly shorter, and Jaskier lays down the scissors, flexing his stiff fingers a bit, before taking the clippers.

“Hmm. Maybe start with 9 and work our way down? That way we can always cut it shorter if it’s too long.”

Geralt sighs softly, rolling his eyes. “Fine. Just get it over with.”

Jaskier grins. “Don’t like clippers?”

“Too loud.”

He nods, even though he personally enjoys the buzzing of the clippers, enjoys the feeling of them scraping against his head, but hey, to each their own, he supposes. He turns them on, setting them against the back of Geralt’s head. He heaves a soft sigh, before moving the clippers up, and-

Oh, fuck.

He forgot to put the guard back on the clippers. Meaning that those 9 millimeters he planned on leaving on Geralt’s head have turned to… well, 0. He can’t hide the horror on his own face as he looks from the clippers to the bald patch he managed to create on Geralt’s head.

“What did you do?”

He looks up at Geralt’s reflection, at the amber eyes studying his face intently, a storm brewing beneath the surface.

“Jaskier, what did you do?” the Witcher repeats, and Jaskier swallows thickly.

“I, uh… Forgot the guard. And now…” He points at the back of Geralt’s head sheepishly. “No hair.”

Geralt’s jaw tightens, and a muscle starts pulling at the corner of his lips. Usually, when he looks like that, he goes outside for a few hours and comes back home with bloody knuckles and bits of bark clinging to his skin. Except today, it seems, as Geralt deflates in the chair, tension leaving his shoulders. “Fine.”

Jaskier blinks, frowns. “What?”

“I said ‘fine’. Just do the rest like that. It’ll grow back.”

Jaskier bites his trembling lip, guilt flooding him as he sets the clippers against Geralt’s head again.

---

“It’s a bowl cut.”

Jaskier frowns. “No! It’s… a very short undercut.”

“It’s a long bowl cut, Jaskier.”

He chews on the inside of his cheek, fidgeting with his fingers, as he looks at Geralt, who’s staring at his own reflection. “Okay, maybe it is, but… It’ll grow back? Eventually?” He swallows, looks away. “Geralt, I’m- I’m so sorry, I-“

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, Geralt, I fucked up and I’m so s-“

“Jaskier. I said it’s fine.” The Witcher sighs, walking to the bathroom door. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight, Jaskier.” He closes the door a little bit harder than he usually does, and Jaskier flinches.

He sighs, spending the next half hour cleaning the hair from the bathroom floor and brushing it out of the clippers, guilt mulling in his head. When he’s done, he rolls the desk chair back to his own room, sitting down on it heavily. He fucked up, he really did. And there’s no way to fix it, either – Geralt will have to walk around for the next few weeks with, well… basically a bowl cut. A long bowl cut, but a bowl cut nonetheless.

He sighs, leaning his chin on his hand, trying to find some way to fix it, when his eye lands on a crochet hook in his penholder. It’s been a few years since he’s done crochet, but it can’t be that hard, right? He suddenly remembers the box of wool under his bed, and a plan forms in his head.

---

Turns out relearning crochet is hard, and he spends the entire night hunched over his work, pausing and unpausing the tutorial over and over again, clumsy fingers working even clumsier stitches. But by the time the sun rises, he’s done it. He’s managed to make a beanie for Geralt. Of course, he’s not sure if it’s gonna fit – he had to use his own head for measurements and added a few stitches to make it a bit bigger – and the colour is… questionable, but it’s there, in all its uneven and bright yellow glory.

He looks up when he hears Geralt’s door open, and sprints into the hall, nearly bumping into the Witcher’s broad chest. Geralt frowns, looks down at Jaskier’s disheveled clothes, still from the previous day, at the circles under his eyes, and scoffs. “What did you do?”

Jaskier frowns, takes a step back, because being this close to Geralt is making his heart do weird things, and hides his work behind his back. “Why do you always think I’m up to something, Geralt?”

“Because you always are.”

Jaskier nods. “Fair enough.” He sighs, chewing on his lower lip. “Look, I’m sorry for what happened yesterday, I really am. So, I uh… made this. For you.” He holds out the beanie, depositing it in Geralt’s hands, who frowns at the misshapen lump of wool.

“What is it?”

“It’s a beanie.”

“It’s yellow.”

“That’s the only wool I had left.”

“You could’ve just bought one, you know that, right?”

He sighs, rolling his eyes. In all honesty, he did forget about just buying one, but Geralt needs to learn how to appreciate a nice gesture, really. He stretches out his hand, reaching for the beanie. “Look, if you don’t want it, you can give it back.”

His eyebrows shoot up to his hairline when Geralt snatches his hands away from Jaskier’s, clutching the lump of wool against his chest. “No.”

“No, what? No, you don’t want it, or no, you’re not giving it back?”

It’s quiet for a while, amber eyes looking at his face intently. Finally: “Thank you.”

That surprises him even more. “For what? Fucking up your hair or making a shitty beanie?”

Geralt grins, a sight that leaves Jaskier slightly breathless. “For trying.”

Jaskier feels a blush creeping up his cheeks, and smiles. “Well, thank you for putting up with me trying.” Before he can think twice about it, he takes a step forward, planting a soft kiss on Geralt’s cheek. The Witcher merely looks at him wide-eyed, and regret curls in Jaskier’s stomach. He’s about to take a step back to flee back into his bedroom, when Geralt’s hand closes around his wrist, stopping him.

He can only stand there, heart in his throat, as Geralt leans forward, softly kissing him. It’s just a feather-light touch, but it’s enough to leave Jaskier breathless and desperate for more – so when Geralt moves back, Jaskier closes his hand around the back of the Witcher’s neck, pulling him closer again, deepening the kiss this time.

He does have to come up for air, eventually – and regrettably – but the sight of Geralt grinning at him makes up for the lack of kissing. He smiles softly. “You know, Witcher… that bowl cut is actually really growing on me, you sure you don’t wanna keep it that way?”

“Absolutely fucking not.”

#Anonymous #squish answers #geraskier #geralt of rivia #jaskier #drabble #the witcher

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daybreak-delusion · 4 years

Text

Chapter 7

Introduction: Whitney Goodwinson was planning on inheriting one of her deceased grandmother's properties, but not a little house off the coast of North Carolina. As she struggles to meet new people, fix up her new property, deal with troublemaker JJ Maybank, and perfect her grandmother's infamous lemonade, she might just find that the Outer Banks has more to offer than it seems.

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Previous Chapter

After the long walk home I took a shower, finally, and went straight to bed. It had been an excruciatingly long day and I was ready for some sleep. Thankfully the next morning I wasn’t awakened by the annoying sound of a lawnmower. I took a shower to clean off my sleep and changed into some shorts and a simple blouse. The one good thing about the humidity is that it was making my normally frizzy curly hair look normal. Back in my room after looking around at my mess, I decided that would be a cleaning day. I put on my headphones and shuffled my cleaning playlist and got to work. I started with my room, unpacking my bags, finally, and organizing my clothes in the closet. Then I moved to the bathroom, cleaning the mirrors, countertops, and disinfecting the shower and toilet with some cleaner I found in the kitchen. I spent three seconds debating whether or not to go into Grandmother’s room and then turned into the living room. I vacuumed, dusted, and disinfected some more. The kitchen was the worst, I kept sneezing from all of the dust when Fernando by ABBA came on. Oh my god, this was my song. I picked up a spoon and pretended to sing to my adoring fans.

“There was something in the air that night, the stars were bright, Fernando!” I was practically screaming by the time the chorus came on, dancing to the beat like a maniac.

“They were shining there for you and me for liberty-”

“Hey, sunshine!” yelled a voice from behind me. Screaming I turned around and saw JJ leaning against the back door frame. He was wearing the same tacky shorts as yesterday and a white t-shirt with some fishing company logo on it.

“How long have you been standing there?” I said, taking off my headphones blush creeping on to my face.

“Not long, I’m here to pick the lemons and just need to get a bag,” explained JJ walking towards the pantry getting a reusable bag out.

“Oh right do you need any help?”

“Oh no I’m good, wouldn't want to cut your little concert short.”

“Ha, ha,” I laughed sarcastically, “be sure to bring them back, I’m thinking of trying Grandmother's lemonade recipe.”

“Really?” he stopped before heading out the door giving me a quizzical look.

“Yeah, I was thinking about making a batch for good measure.”

“Well good luck with that, Vicky was really particular about the way she made her lemonade.”

“Oh, I think I can handle a little lemonade.”

“If you say so, I’ll be in the greenhouse,” he said humming the chorus of Fernando on his way out the door. When he left I shook off my embarrassment and I turned back to dusting the shelves. After a while, I realized how hungry I was. The only food that I’ve had was dinner last night with the Camerons and the only food in the house was some stale saltine crackers and beer, which was kinda concerning but I tried not to look too into it. One thing was for sure, I needed food. Like now. Thankfully just as I was about to try my luck with the saltines, JJ walked back in with a bag full of lemons.

“I only got about 10 this batch but next week we should get about triple,” said JJ walking in through the back door. He placed the bag on the counter and reached into the fridge to grab a beer.

“Thank you, also do you by any chance know of anywhere to eat?”

“Um yeah my friend’s family owns a restaurant, it’s called The Wreck, they got great sandwiches. It’s about two miles into town.”

“Sounds perfect, you want anything?”

“Uh no, no I’m good just tell Kie I said hi,” he said taking a swing of his beer as he walked towards the back door.

“Do you ever drink water?” I asked.

“Not if I can help it sunshine,” he replied with a wink walking out the door.

That boy was going to die of liver failure if he kept his drinking habits up. A problem he’d have to deal with. In the meantime I needed food. That’s how my search for transportation started. No way was I gonna ask for a ride from Rafe and I’m pretty sure JJ just materializes everywhere, so I had to either walk or find another way.

Another thing I was oblivious too when I first arrived was the garage to the left of the house. Hopefully, Grandmother left a bike or even a skateboard for me. I walked the dirt path to the old little garage. It’s kinda how I imagined what the house would have looked like if I’m being honest. It was even more faded yellow then the house with a rusty white painted garage door. Cobwebs were everywhere. I was terrified that I would have to encounter the creatures that made them. I was half expecting the handle to fall off when I pulled the door up. It opened with an ear-piercing screech and a cloud of dust. When I stopped coughing my lungs out I saw it. A vintage yellow Volkswagen beetle with a rack on top for surfboards surrounded by at least 50 cardboard boxes. I just stared at it for a few seconds admiring the car. I’m not exactly an expert on automobiles or whatever, but something about vintage cars really got me going. On the left of the garage was a bulletin board with a couple of keys tacked to it labeled with different things. I found the one that said car and prayed that the thing would start. The outside of the car was covered in dust, but thankfully the inside was a little cleaner. The only problem was that the car was a stick. Now I haven't driven stick in two years. Grandmother always said any person with a brain could drive automatic, but it took a real driver to learn stick. It was a miracle the car started in the first place and all I had to do was pray I remembered how to drive it.

I only stalled a couple of times in the beginning, but eventually got in the grove of changing the gears. As I drove I was hoping I was imagining it but people seemed to be looking at my car as if it were on fire. I’m pretty sure I would know if my car was on fire or not so I kept going. Eventually, I found the little restaurant and pulled into a parking spot. The Wreck was just preparing for rush hour when I walked in. The floor was worn by the many footsteps that had walked into this establishment. The walls were decorated with pictures that looked as old as the restaurant and stickers from different surf shops and fishing companies. What I noticed most of all was the salty and intoxicating smell of freshly made french fries. I was practically salivating when a girl about my age approached me.

“Welcome to The Wreck, what can I get for you,” she said with a tired, but genuine smile. She had her dark curly hair tied up in a messy bun with an old gray headband keeping her flyaways out of her face and was wearing a dark green bikini top under her tank top with the logo of the restaurant on it.

“Hi, I hear you guys got great sandwiches,” I replied. If my instincts were correct this girl was Kie, JJ’s friend.

“Yeah, we got tuna, turkey, roast beef, and our specialty lobster.”

“Do you actually have any vegetarian options?”

“Oh, you’re a vegetarian? So am I!” she said with a little more energy in her voice.

“Yeah have been for the past two years.”

“Wow I started about three years ago and am trying to make the switch to veganism.”

“Good for you!”

“Thank you! Most of my friends make fun of me for it, but I just can't stand the thought of eating a living creature. Anyways just one vegetarian sandwich?”

“Yes please and some fries as well, also I’m sorry if this is too weird to ask , but are you Kie by any chance?”

“Uhh yeah how did you know that?” she replied giving me a look that said, “who is this weirdo and how does she know my name?”

“Okay cool, I’m Whitney and your friend JJ works… I mean worked for my grandmother.”

“Oh my god, no way your Vicky’s granddaughter of course!” she said the look she was giving me melting into a smile,” I knew I recognized your car from somewhere, your grandma would come in here every Sunday for brunch, there gotta be a picture of her on the wall if you wanna look. She was such a sweet lady. JJ mentioned that you were in town I don’t know why I didn’t put that together and you had dinner with Sarah’s family yesterday right?”

“Yeah I did, she has an interesting family.”

“God tell me about it, her brother is a piece of work.”

It seemed like everyone had some kind of beef with Rafe.

“I had to spend the afternoon with him yesterday and it was excruciating. Thankfully JJ saved me.”

“He saved you? Usually he’s the one to get people in trouble.”

“Yeah I heard something like that, but so far he’s proven his usefulness.”

“Well I’m glad he hasn't screwed you over yet,” she said noticing the lunch rush was about to start, “So just the sandwich and fries?”

“Yeah and just whatever JJ usually gets, he’s over working right now and I figure I’d get him something to consume that wasn't a cheap beer and make it to go please.”

“Alrighty then a vegetarian sandwich with a side of fries and a The Barrel Roll Burger coming right up. That’ll be $15.25.”

I pulled out a twenty and put the change into the jar when she was looking the other way. While a man, who I assumed was Kie’s father, was making my order I looked at all of the old photographs and stickers on the wall. I failed to find any of Grandmother but a newer looking polaroid stood out to me. It was of a group of teenagers sitting around a table in the restaurant. I recognized Kie, Sarah, and JJ with two other handsome looking boys. Geez what was in the water on this island, everyone seemed to be incredibly attractive. JJ was shoving some sort of food in Kie’s face while Sarah and one of the boys were pretending to make out, I assumed it was her boyfriend John B, while the other boy just looked straight into the camera like he was on The Office or something. They all looked happy and seemed to be enjoying their afternoon. I couldn't help but notice how close Kie and JJ were and a twinge of jealousy sparked in my stomach.

“Order up Whitney!” called Kie with a brown bag in her hand.

“Thank you!” I replied, “You have no idea how hungry I am.”

“Well come by anytime, we got the best food on the island,” she said with a smile.

“I sure will, thanks again!” I said walking out the door and towards my car.

a/n: So yeah apparently Whitney gets turned on by cars. Anyways thank you so much for reading! I absolutely LOVE writing and although sometimes it gets frustrating or I start to doubt wether I should continue or not I just keep going because I love it. Next chapter will be up Wednesday so stay tuned! Thanks again!

#jj maybank #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x original character #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fandom #outer banks #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks fandom #obx #obx fandom #obx fanfiction #jj outer banks #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fic slow burn #slow burn

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red-river-rocknroll-request-line · 5 years

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Braindead: A Fan’s Dissection

When I first saw this film a good number of years ago I was left dumbfounded. How could anything possibly be this good?? How could humanity top this film?? I wore it like a badge of honor: “I saw Braindead. You know it’s been rated as the goriest film of all time.” And all my friends in school were like “yeah, whatever.” I would come home from school, grab myself a Dr. Pepper, and sit down and watch it again. This obsession lasted for weeks—maybe months. It’s been so long I can’t really remember.

Point is: I adored this film the first time I saw it and I adore it even more now. This film is everything. It is—dare I say—Perfect.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with Braindead (or Dead Alive), I urge you to find it and watch it immediately before continuing to read my break down of it. I’m going to spoil a lot of it in this review.

Is this a review? It’s really just me gushing about it. It’s off-the-rails, hilarious, super gory, and a total blast. However, I hope you have a strong stomach, cos it’s really disgusting too.

Anyway, let’s take off, shall we?

Let’s start with our main character: Lionel Cosgrove. He’s played by actor Timothy Balme in his first ever role. Lionel is a rather well-off young man who lives with his mother, Vera (Elizabeth Moody). He’s an awkward and shy boy; the first glimpse we get of him is him fumbling with a fruit display in a shop. Very soon after this, he spills a box of black licorice and pens all over the counter. Then very soon after that, he backs into a streetcar, nearly getting run over.

He’s super emotive/expressive and the perfect protagonist for this movie.

Now that I’m thinking about it, Braindead is really a coming-of-age film for Lionel.

Let’s dive a little bit into his backstory. He has a memory of nearly drowning at the beach and his father diving in to save him. Then, before his father could get out of the water, a “freak wave” comes along and pulls him out to sea, causing him to drown. Lionel is haunted by this memory, and very clearly feels partially responsible for his father’s death. His mother uses this guilt to get him to bend to her every whim.

Lionel’s mother, Vera, is extremely manipulative. The first scene with her she’s waving a carving knife around. In many ways she is like Margaret White from “Carrie.” Overbearing, mildly threatening, etc. She keeps Lionel at her beck and call.

At the end of the film, when Lionel finds out the truth about what really happened to his father, he stands up and confronts his mother. For probably the first time in his entire life, he stands up to her! Good for you, Lionel! See? That’s why it’s a coming-of-age film!

I want to switch over now to Paquita, who is played by Diana Peñalver. Paquita is actually the first of the main cast we’re introduced to in the film. She works in a small corner store with her family—we only ever see her father and grandmother, but Lionel mentions at one point in the film that she has a brother. Paquita is a young woman determined to find the love of her life. She is very outgoing and independent. She kicks ass in this movie.

One of the great things about Paquita is that she has a strong will. I feel like the stereotypical way her character could’ve been written (love interest) would be for her to be the damsel in distress. However, since our main character Lionel is such an awkward guy who doesn’t really act without reason, we need someone to prompt him to action. This is fulfilled mostly by Paquita throughout the film.

There’s a scene I like where Paquita comes over to Lionel’s house to return his jacket. Lionel, nervous as heck because “Mum” is just down the hall, tries to tell her that he can’t see her anymore. Brokenhearted, Paquita offers him a red rose before turning away. I like how the stereotypical roles are reversed here: she sneaks up to his window and she gives him a flower. It’s refreshing. It also shows how much of a go-getter Paquita is.

I guess I should back up a bit and clarify why Paquita is so interested in a punching bag like Lionel. Paquita’s grandmother does a tarot spread to see who the man of Paquita’s future is. Initially Paquita is disappointed that it’s not the delivery man that she’s been flirting with. However, after her grandmother reads that Paquita will have one romance that will last forever, Paquita becomes interested again. Her grandmother says she will recognize the man of her future by the “Symbol of the Star.” Soon after, Lionel comes through the door, spills the licorice and pens which fall into the shape of the star. After seeing this, Paquita starts pursuing Lionel, believing he is the man of her future.

Let’s get back on track with why Paquita is so cool.

When the movies kicks itself into 12th gear and the bloodbath starts, Lionel and Paquita get separated and Paquita has to defend herself. She hides in a pantry with a large knife and when tapped on the shoulder, she wildly stabs at whoever did it. Finding out it’s one of the partygoers, Paquita immediately tries to comfort and protect her.

I just think it’s great that there’s a good chunk of the movie where Paquita and a character named Rita are by themselves, barricading themselves in the kitchen and taking care of each other. Well, it’s mostly Paquita taking care of Rita, but still. It’s just two girls kicking ass together. Then later they tear Void’s legs in half and start batting away zombies with the legs. THEN later still when Lionel is in the lobby during the famous lawnmower scene, Paquita takes the body parts that come flying her way and grinds them up in a food processor. She kicks ass! She doesn’t need prompting, she doesn’t need saving… she’s a girl who knows what she wants and knows how to handle herself.

Also I love it when she spits in Uncle Les’ face when she rips his spine off and then smashes his head on the counter. Nice!

Speaking of smashing heads, I want to talk about how people are seemingly made of jell-o in this movie. Especially when people become zombies. Limbs can get ripped off easily, two heads colliding can make one explode, a whole body falling off a banister can cause it to explode in blood and guts when it hits the floor. It’s outstanding. And so cartoonish!

This whole movie is basically a really gory, really violent cartoon. The huge glass bottles labeled “Tranquilizer” and “Poison” with a skull and cross bones but uh-oh! It was actually Animal Stimulant! Ooooops! Lionel’s facial expressions throughout the whole movie, all the physical comedy… even the meat grinder in the kitchen is labeled ACME. Everything in this movie is about 30 miles over the top. It’s a love story, a coming of age story, a splatterfest, and a comedy all rolled into one.

I could keep going on and on about how this move is the holy grail of horror/splatter comedies, but I think I’ve gushed enough for now. And really, if you still haven’t seen it (I know it’s kind of difficult to get a hold of) after reading this review or whatever this is, you’re missing out. It’s so disgusting and fun! On top of that, it’s got a sweet little love story in it. ♥

Thanks for reading! Stay gory, stay fun!

EXCELLENT MOMENTS

- Gluing Vera’s cheek back on. I just love how she says: “Oh.” So benign. The scene of Lionel gluing her cheek back on her face looks so painful and it’s just like what?? That’s the best solution you had? Absolute gold.

- “Damn fine custard!” Euugh oh my god. The scene of Mr. Matheson taking a heaping spoonful of custard contaminated with Vera’s bloody puss into his mouth is scarring. In that scene, we, the audience, ARE Nora Matheson. Her eyes bulge and she covers her mouth to stifle a gag. Then she looks over in horror as Vera eats her own ear with a spoonful of custard. Poor Nora has to leave the room before she vomits. Some of the audience might want to vomit as well.

- Lionel coming down to the basement wearing like hockey goalie armor or whatever that is as well as a helmet, goggles, rubber boots, and gloves in hopes of protecting himself from “Mum” and Nurse McTavish. Of course Lionel falls all over the place and most of his armor comes off while fighting against the two zombies, but he lives somehow.

- Continuing with Lionel, I love love love all the scenes where he’s all unshaven and greasy as he tries to figure out what to do with the zombies in his basement. I love in the graveyard when he tranquilizes Void and just sits down with his head in his hands like “Ah Jesus, could this get any worse?” Like, he’s too stupid (or soft I guess) to just hack the zombies to pieces and be done with it. If he were to do that, this whole mess could’ve been avoided.

- “I kick ass for the LORD!” This was the scene that I saw on youtube and then immediately decided that I needed this movie in my life. It’s so out of the blue, it’s so silly. The benign and somewhat irritable priest at Vera’s funeral is SO READY for the rapture or whatever that when he sees zombies in the graveyard he jumps down on them and kicks the shit out of them (before tragically getting bit in the neck by the zombie’s head that he had kicked up in the air and then running and drop-kicking so hard that he goes flying and gets speared by a grave marker statue). Bless you, Father McGruder.

- Uncle Les’ murder spree. Honestly, as shitty of a guy Uncle Les is, he really knows how to handle himself in a zombie outbreak. He’s a sadistic wack-job for sure, but if it wasn’t for him, Paquita and Lionel would probably have twice the amount of zombies to contend with. Uncle Les hacks up dozens of them in the kitchen and then lights himself a cigarette.

- Lionel dangling upside-down in the lobby. There’s so much chaos going on in the house, and I love that it gets tied together in a sense when Lionel falls from the attic but is caught by some electrical wiring which, over in the kitchen, yanks Mandy and her lit-up head back into the wall. I love Lionel dangling uselessly in the lobby for a small portion of the movie. Paquita runs up to him and kisses his cheek, Void’s intestines in the attic try to pull him back into the ceiling, Uncle Les shoves him out of the way causing him to start swinging around… I love the chaos of it. I love it. I can’t get enough.

- “Party’s over.” Of course. The bloodbath. The holy grail of bloodbaths. Lionel throws the doors open holding a lawnmower in front of him. He revs it up and starts plowing through the zombies in the lobby. The scene is set to a waltz number as Lionel grinds bodies seemingly made of jell-o to a bloody mess. Limbs and blood and guts are flying everywhere. It’s amazing. I also love the scene where Lionel flips the portrait of the Queen around before he let’s out a battle cry and continues to puree the zombies.

Feel free to add your favorite moments too!

#braindead #dead alive #movie reviews #timothy balme #diana penalver #elizabeth moody #lionel cosgrove #paquita maria sanchez #gore #blood #horror #cult film #peter jackson

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fly-pow-bye · 6 years

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Powerpuff Girls 2016 - “Total Eclipse of the Kart”

Written by: Haley Mancini, Jake Goldman

Written & Storyboarded by: Kyle Neswald, Jaydeep Hasrajani, Leticia Abreu Silva, John Martinez

Directed by: Nick Jennings, Bob Boyle

Needs a pit stop. Or three.

The episode begins with the Mayor announcing the beginning of the Annual Townsville Eclipse Grand Prix. Whoever can get through the Cursed Canyon, Rampage Ridge, and ominous stone spires, again, the Mayor happens to know they're ominous but doesn't seem to care, gets a box he happened to dig up while excavating his new hot tub. Probably a step down from the key to the city.

Let’s meet our contestants, as it’s pretty much a who’s-who of the reboot's rogue's gallery. It seems like whenever Townsville has contests of any sort, the only constestants seem to be either criminals or the Powerpuff Girls, and this Grand Prix appears to be no different at first. Despite that nobody really knows what's inside, everyone seems to know it must be something really good!

Princess Morbucks: She wants the box because it's the only thing in Townsville she doesn't have! Princess is by far the most used villain in the entire show, which probably has something to do with being voiced by one of the head writers.

Man-Boy: He wants the box because it's manly! I would say more, but that pretty much sums him up. He's a man man man man man man. Man. Man.

Pack Rat: Speaking of one-note characters, this villain wants the box because it's shiiiny! This villain didn’t even make a single appearance in Season 2, even though his last episode involved him holding a super-cast with ominous music playing in the background. He’s very fitting here, especially due to that Rat Fink-like mini-monster truck he has.

The Fashionistas: They want the box because, to quote them, "ha ha ha ha ha". Yeah, they kind of just gave up after Pack Rat. They didn't even bother saying how fashionable the box was.

Unpictured, but surely just as important, is Jemmica, who makes a generic quip that there's no way she can't have that box. Also unpictured is Him, but that's because he decided not to show up in this episode at all. But I would be remiss if I didn't mention those unforgettable group of misfits...

...those four random cars on the left side of this shot, and no other shot in the entire episode! Finally, some proof that not everyone that participates in Townsville's events is a criminal aside from lovable superheroes.

Sadly, we didn't get those. Instead, the Reboot Puffs join in this race, too, knowing that there must be something sinister in that box to justify all of these villains showing up for it. If you're expecting any explanation to how 6 year olds can participate in something involving driving a car, that's because this is supposed to be a go-kart race. We know this, even though every car in this looks like a real car, because that's what the title says. I don't believe anything in the episode itself indicates this.

He did have some restraint, though. Right from the beginning, Buttercup wants to drive the car, but the Professor, seen via holographic projection, tells her she's too aggressive. The Mayor starts the race, and we see a few more of the rogue's gallery show up beyond who I've already talked about, including a set of returning villains who I'm sure were very welcomed to be in the reboot.

Yes, Fuzzy Lumpkins and his trustworthy banjo! He’s in what looks like a lawnmower. It is a way to keep your proper-tay clean! Sadly, we don't even get a line from Fuzzy, not even one of his famous ones. He gets immediately flattened, Wile E Coyote style, by Manboy running on a giant, manly log. In fact, I don't believe Fuzzy said a line in this entire reboot that didn't involve him cross-dressing.

Manboy does get a bit of just desserts for that, as he gets interrupted by the Gnat badly singing Ride of the Valkyries. This guy is essentially the replacement for the Ameoba Boys, except he's more of a troll than incompetent. Honestly, the more he appears, the more I'm ashamed that I ever said he was cool. The Gnat flings an overgrown termite at his log, which eats it and burps. It takes quite a bit for this joke to finish, no shock here.

Having seen this carnage, Blossom and Buttercup argue about whether destroying the other contestant's cars is awesome or not. Buttercup is of the former opinion, of course; it's that aggression the Professor keeps talking about. Bubbles wants to stop this argument by playing some hot tunes! She reaches into her dashboard and presses a bunch of buttons.

This leads to one of the running gags with the first half of the episode: a Reboot Puff randomly pushing buttons in the most ridiculous ways imaginable. All she’s doing is turning on the radio, and at no point does she accidentally fire missiles at someone.

With the help of that running gag, she manages to successfully play some music. After a few seconds of the music, they stop arguing and start singing along with it. Why wouldn’t they, it’s a parody of “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston, except it’s “I Wanna Have Lunch With Somebody”. The joke is that it involves food.

Discount Jojo, having been left in the dust, reveals that he's the Dick Dastardly of this race. He brought his own invention: the Deceleray, a ray gun that causes anything it hits to slow down to a crawl, and aims it right for the Reboot Puffs.

He even takes the time to tell the viewers that it's solar powered, or "solar power" as they didn't account for the CN logo covering half the text up. This seems like a completely random joke, and the sun that pops up to say "yeah, that's me" seems to hint at that, but this actually becomes important later. Misdirection, or just plain silliness? You decide!

The Powerpuff Girls are too busy listening to the song to notice that a ray is being fired right at them, which is a far better excuse than most of the "the Powerpuff Girls just sit still and take the punishment" scenes. As soon as they're hit by the ray, the car slows down slower than a tortoise that happened to be passing by.

It doesn't seem to slow down the Powerpuff Girls themselves, because the plot wouldn't work if it did, and they wonder why their song is now a vaporwave remix. Okay, Buttercup just calls it a "remix", but I couldn't resist. Discount Jojo then throws a giant spiked bomb right in front of them. I would have tried aiming right for the really, really slow moving targets, but again, that would have ruined the plot.

Buttercup unbuckles herself, and jumps into Blossom's cockpit for another wacky button pressing scene. Unlike the last scene, this does cause warning bells to go off, and she accuses Blossom of doing something wrong. Bubbles was just lucky, apparently.

Buttercup manages to press a button that splits the car into three different vehicles, each with their own name. You know how utterly blatant this scene is? They even have a song that says "cool toys, cool toys", and it ends with a random stock photo of a bunch of kids jumping in the air. They might as well have cut to a fake commercial of a bunch of kids playing with action figures, but that might have been too self-aware.

But wait, if the slow ray hit the entire car, even affecting Professor Utonium and the car's radio, shouldn't these vehicles also be slowed down? At least they explain why the Professor is now okay with Buttercup driving: he knew that Buttercup would rebel against him, and planned accordingly. That's actually a good Professor moment; using the knowledge of his children in his planning.

Now that they’re all split up, does this mean we have to see Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup start competing against each other? Bubbles decides to take a shortcut away from the entire race, basically taking her out of the episode. We do get to cut back to what she’s doing while Blossom and Buttercup are dealing with the rest of the villains, including a few surprise cameo appearances.

The very first of these cameos happens to be Donny the Hellhorn. I would complain, but he's reintroduced by us by Bubbles accidently running him over. Sadly, he survives, but the good news is that this episode is going to make his bad luck a running gag. It's almost like they know he's one of the most hated characters in the show, and this is their way of acknowledging that. I'm not a fan of unnecessary cruelty, even in the original, but it's Donny, so I would say it is necessary.

They get out of the Cursed Canyon, we never find out why it’s “cursed”, and the surviving racers go into the Rampage Ridge. Most of the race portion after this can be summed up with “Buttercup takes out most of the other racers with various traps.” Pack Rat gets distracted by shiny spike traps, The Fashionistas get oil slicked, and the unseen-in-this-episode-until-now Pug-Faced Paulie and his gang get distracted by a dog bone. Each of these ends with our villains falling off a cliff, and their car exploding.

Don’t worry, Buttercup is not intentionally killing all of these villains: she’s just pressing random buttons just to get the turbo buttons to work. I guess I can give them some creativity points for not just reusing the same wacky animation for every one of these scenes in this running gag, but all I can really think about is which one of these is the worst. I'm going with that Bubbles one in the beginning. Those eyes, ugh.

Blossom never gets the same treatment, most likely because an off-model button punching gag would be out of character for her. In fact, she barely gets to do anything other than drive and bicker with Buttercup. Oh yeah, Blossom ends up competing against Buttercup after they all split up, but nothing really comes of it.

After the Ridge, which was definitely reckless thanks to Buttercup, the final stretch leaves the two remaining Reboot Puffs, Discount Jojo, the Gnat, Princess, and Jemmica. The Gnat and Princess essentially go out just like the rest of the villains, with the Gnat splatting on Princess's windshield, and Princess gets taken out by her car running out of gas. One of the posse members exclaims that at least the car didn't explode, and then the car explodes. Wah, wah, waaah.

The episode isn't even halfway over, and the race appears to be nearly over. Clearly, something must be going on with that box. I honestly thought they were going to stretch this wacky race into a whole half hour, but they decide to take it in a completely different direction. Probably for the best.

While the Powerpuff Girls are still bickering on who's going to win, even Blossom forgetting that she wanted to win together with Buttercup, Discount Jojo swats them away, taking them out of the race. In a shocking turn of events, Jemmica uses a jar full of snakes to distract Discount Jojo, taking the lead. Well, so much for her being a female Indiana Jones. She manages to win, much to everyone's surprise! So what was in that all-important box?

A stick. No, really, a stick. I think even a pickle, which a lot of people expected, would have been at least something that tied into the Mayor’s character. However, Jemmica seems to know that it’s a little more than a stick, as she talks about how she’s been waiting for this moment for centuries. How amazing that Jemmica manages to win an item that was specifically for her and her alone.

Suddenly, Jemmica uses the stick, combined with an orb she happened to bring with her, and turns it into a staff. This staff turns her into Cleopatra Thanos! Okay, her real name is Jemoire, and the Professor is about to reveal everything he knows about her, with Jemoire giving some visuals using her Stick of Omens.

To make a long story short, an ancestor to the Mayor banished Jemoire, took her powers, and turned her into Jemmica. She walked the Earth, her immortal body never aging past elementary school age, as various people across time, though we only ever see her in a Greek outfit and a knight outfit before leading to the outfit we knew and, um, loved? I like how this gives a little bit of worldbuilding about Townsville, but there was something that bothered me about this.

This is not possession by an evil item, nor, as I implied before, is this some sort of Him plot. Jemmica was really this demon goddess this entire time. We should have known from all the clues they subtly put into her past episodes, like that one thing! And that other thing! And...actually I have no idea.

No, really, I have no reason to believe this was their intended purpose for this character when they were writing Frenemy or even The Buttercup Job. Well, there may be one thing: she did seem to have a knack for items that would fit a demonic sorceress than an Indiana Jones style adventurer, such as those BFF necklaces from Frenemy and the Doom Cube from The Buttercup Job. But really, this just comes out of nowhere. It's as if they couldn’t think of any more ideas for this character, so they decided to write her off in a way that attempts to make this reboot seem more “twisty” than it is.

Jemoire's first step is to take over Townsville just like she did in the ancient days. The Mayor shows up to tell her that she must be democratically elected in order to take over Townsville, and Jemoire decides to give her rebuttal: by turning the Mayor into sand. Hmm, just like that certain movie that was probably not out when this episode was in production.

Buttercup tries to give her something involving an aura power, but not even the aura powers can stop her! She even tears them apart just by slamming that magic stick again. I would wonder why she couldn’t just use that staff to turn Buttercup into sand too, but plot. All nitpicking aside, I wanted to see those aura powers torn apart at some point to show that they're not an invincible barrier, and this is one way to do it.

Blossom tries to attack, only for her to get knocked into a bunch of rocks. Well, that shouldn't be too bad, the Powerpuff Girls often went through walls in their fights. It's not like they're going to have an extended scene where Buttercup picks up Blossom's seemingly lifeless body from the rubble and cries that she could have saved her, and that it's all her fault.

Sure enough, we get an extended scene where Buttercup picks up Blossom’s seemingly lifeless body from the rubble and cries that she could have saved her, and that it’s all her fault. Yeah, I really believe that these superheroes, who can lift buildings full of people, could really die from getting knocked into a bunch of rocks. Sadly, I really do; if they can get their bones broken from getting tail whipped into a wall, this isn't too far off!

They’re trying to do this emotional moment, but they apparently have no time for that. Out of nowhere, Buttercup wonders where Bubbles is.

We smash cut to a happy scene where Bubbles manages to get Poseidon to join her Party Cat Car! Remember Poseidon's appearance in The Buttercup Job? A previous scene also gave them a bear, who just swims off after Poseidon joins. One can assume he joined a polar bear and a panda and made a far better cartoon.

Oh yeah, bonus points for the implication that Donny was holding his breath for an exorbitantly long period of time. While no Donny would have been better than any Donny, a Donny in constant pain is something I can definitely appreciate.

Cutting back to the now far less dramatic scene, thanks Bubbles, of course Blossom didn’t get killed by a bunch of rocks falling on her. She doesn’t even get a broken arm! Bubbles must be that weak. Buttercup confirms that she learned absolutely nothing as Buttercup starts bickering with Blossom again. With Bubbles still partying with the fake Whitney Houston song, who could stop them from getting into another fight?

Discount Jojo, of course. Actually, I joke about calling him Discount Jojo because his character is often a downgrade from what I remember from the original, but this is one of his better appearances. Discount Jojo ends up teaming up with the Powerpuff Girls because he had dibs on taking over Townsville, and this "Jem-Moo-Moo" lady is getting in the way. It's a case of Forced Kin, and that's not a complaint at all.

We do get a scene where they plan a huge strategy against them with tiny little rocks. I think they could have thrown a joke or two in here, but I guess having a piece of cactus represent Jojo was good enough.

Jemoire summons a bunch of rock minions, and the Powerpuff Girls end up being in a big fight scene against them. I honestly don't have a lot of bad things to say about this scene. One can tell this is one of those scenes where they put a little more money into it than usual. There’s even a nice use of CGI, which I thought was a little beyond this show’s budget! It helps that, since these minions are made of rock, they have no problem showing the Powerpuff Girls punching their arms, legs, and heads off with no hit flashes whatsoever. That's an anomaly in this reboot; sometimes you can't even show a soccer ball getting kicked!

This was all going to end with Discount Jojo firing his Deceleray at Jemoire. Unfortunately, due to all the clouds and the solar eclipse, he only has one shot. Even worse, the episode still has quite a few minutes to go before it ends, and they sure weren't going to end this with a four minute dance party to that fake Whitney Houston song!

One of the rock minions is a giant robot, and Discount Jojo decides that this was too scary for him to keep aiming at the sorceress. He decides to press a giant bail button to launch himself out of his car, causing the car to drop the Deceleray. The Deceleray then shoots its only shot at a random bird. I said it was one of his better appearances; I did not say it was a good appearance.

Then again, maybe he had a reason to be scared, as the Reboot Puffs struggle to face off against it, too. Can anyone stop them, especially if it ends up to a payoff to a not-that-great running joke that ruined a previous scene?

In comes the party train! Choo choo! Somehow, they fly from the sky and ram right into the giant rock monster that Jojo was so terrified by. The robot even pukes out of its eyes, or at least that's the first thought that popped into my mind when I watched it.

But, predictably, beating up a bunch of minions doesn't mean anything. As the previous season has shown, they can have scenes where some random nobodies, and immediately lead to the Monster Punch Girls Down as soon as anything potentially story-changing could happen.

We got Poseidon, the Greek god of the seas and apparently a really good actor! With all of his might, he offers Jemoire some of his world-famous undersea creamed corn! That was a running gag with him in this episode. I don't believe you can grow corn under the sea, but I guess you can't prove Poseidon can't!

Needless to say, Jemoire does not accept the offer, and manages to take him down with a lightning strike from a storm she summoned earlier in the scene. I wouldn't take this victory against a god too far; electric is super effective against water.

I don’t even need to have a screenshot of Donny doing whatever he was going to do, because it’s a foregone conclusion that he can’t do much against this, either. The only time he’s ever in direct combat in the series was to run into a control board in a drunken-esque stupor.

They sure let this electrocution joke go for a long time, and this is something I usually complain about. However, considering how bad two of his previous episodes were, and the fact that the third episode was only okay despite him, this is a well deserved punishment for the Hell-Horn. He doesn't even deserve a consistent spelling of that.

Finally, we get the Reboot Puffs, given a job that would be easier for them than the corn salesman and the Worst Friend Forever. They could fly in and punch that sorceress right in the face while she's busy electrocuting those two.

Or, they can just get electrocuted, too. Funny how they don’t give anyone else any silly faces, but they’re not afraid to do this to our beloved classic characters. I will say that there is some comedic timing with this; the lightning strikes come up just as soon as they fly up. It's a rare good use of timing in this reboot, but way to make your super powerful characters that should inspire all those mothers and daughters look weaker than a wimpy unicorn.

All hope appears to be lost. Discount Jojo’s still around, but the Deceleray can’t get any power because of all the clouds and the moon covering up the sun. See, take that, you solar power loving hippies! Jojo clearly should have used something bad for the environment!

Discount Jojo tries to do something else, but he gets twisted up by Jemoire's magic. Thankfully for everyone else, she decides to keep all of her attention on Discount Jojo to do this one thing. Lightning spells and/or spells to keep everyone else paralyzed are apparently far less taxing than telekinesis. Unfortunately for Jemoire, it was about time for the solar eclipse to end, causing the sun to shine on the Deceleray again. The Powerpuff Girls get the Deceleray, and zap her until she’s completely stationary. What happened to Donny and Poseidon? I don't know.

We cut to The Mayor finishing the story about how he managed to come back from being turned into sand, which is sadly one of the more clever bits of the reboot. We also find out that everyone managed to survive their explosions, as we get a shot of all the villains that participated…except for Fuzzy and a few other characters. This is pretty much proof that they didn’t put a lot of thought in the classic villains’ appearance in this earlier in the episode.

Discount Jojo shows up to attempt to take over Townsville now that Jemoire is nowhere to be seen, but considering he still has injuries from being bent out of shape, his low chances of actually taking over Townsville are even lower here. The Reboot Puffs don’t even have to punch him; he just falls over just by himself. Again, this is something I could see the real Mojo doing. The trying to take over Townsville after getting injured part, not the falling over. The episode ends with the Powerpuff Girls going out for ice cream. No, that isn't my usual "eat ice cream" gag, that's actually what they did.

And right after that quip, we see Jemoire still making the same stance she had when she was frozen by the Deceleray, as ominous music plays and the shot slowly fades out. We still have a half a season left before we can assume this is yet another cliffhanger that will never be resolved.

Does the title fit?

An eclipse does factor into the plot. As mentioned before, they never really call it a "go-kart race" or anything of the sort; all of the vehicles seem like regular cars or just weird gimmicky stuff like that log.

How does it stack up?

The first half of the episode is a pretty mediocre Wacky Races parody. It's cool to see all the villains together, and unlike the last time this has happened in Tiara Trouble, you at least get to see some personality beyond "let's just put them in a dress!"

The episode gets a lot better once we get into the second part of the episode, though I'm still not convinced the twist wasn't something pulled out of thin air. However, there were some good ideas here, and the fight scene against the rock minions is surprisingly good by reboot standards. All in all, it's an upper-tier Neutral that still shows some potential.

Next, we take the long skate home. Take the long skate home.

← Ragnarock and Roll ☆ The Long Skate Home →

...

What? I didn’t forget anything! That’s it, I’m done for this week. If I didn't get a cold a few days before this review was posted, I might have had some time to review The Long Skate Home and had a double feature to make up for my absence last week, but when it comes to sickness, sleep is better.

Wait, that's not what you want me to talk about?

...

Alright, fine, I'll talk about that cameo that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and didn't need to happen.

Almost as soon as the race begins, the Powerpuff Girls notice these three boys that look so much like them. They recognize them as the Rowdyruff Boys, as they say their names in unison. These boys were incredibly popular villains in the original, but they haven't made a single appearance in the reboot beyond false rumors of them returning with Vine superstars voicing them.

They had fansites, and even to this day, there’s tons of fanfiction and fanart depicting them as being lovey-dovey with the Powerpuff Girls. So how does the reboot reintroduce these beloved characters from the original? Clearly, they must have put some thought into that; look at those cute little helmets they gave them! It would be perfect for more cool toys! Cool beans!

Well, as soon as the Reboot Puffs say their name, the Reboot Ruff's kart immediately gets rocketed and we never see them again. They don't even get a line, it's just rocket boom, boys down, womp womp. To be honest, considering this reboot's general track record with characters returning from the original, I am a little relieved that this is their only appearance in the reboot.

Their appearance was completely inconsequential to the plot, and would only lead to confusion to people who are not familiar with them. In fact, I question why they even bothered to include them. Sure, this is a battle royale with a bunch of villains from previous episodes, but it's not like they included absolutely everyone. Is it a tribute? Is it a jab? Or maybe this is just a tease for a future appearance by them in Season 4. Ha, ha, ha.

← Ragnarock and Roll ☆ The Long Skate Home →

#fpb ppg 2016 #ppg 2016 #powerpuff girls #cartoon network #fpb reviews

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fearthedietcoke · 7 years

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My thoughts during AoS: Broke Promises-

SPOILERS! Are we really getting a robot strip tease? Also, why is her eyeliner so good?! Why are they playing romantic music during this?! I agree with Mack. It’s Terminator 2.0. Scratch that, Ultron 2.0. Does no one remember Ultron? “When the Chitari attacked” well I’m glad someone remembers an Avengers movie. Jemma/Daisy bonding makes me so happy 😊. “You are the weapon.” Yeah and you’re a jerk. This is the second most awkward talk I’ve ever seen. The first shouldn’t be mentioned. Ever. “Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.” Does Fitz end up seeing May? Scene change, I guess not. THAT BITCH HIRED THE WATCH DOGS TO KILL HER BROTHER OH MY GOSH. Simmons fake accent has me W E A K. “Only twice on this planet.” ELECTRIFIED BOBBY PIN. GLASS VASE OVER THE HEAD. DAMN. don’t kill your brother don’t kill your brother She’s such a coward. I hate her. She can’t even look at him. I don’t care that she let him go, I hate her. “Beautiful weird sex robot.” “Never had sex with Aida. We were just friends!” I’m C R Y I N G “That’s not good. That’s bad.” Thanks Captain Obvious. “This is how the lawnmower man ends.” Elena and Mack think so much a like I love them. Also, can anyone tell me their ship name? Did robot May not even know she was a robot?? “One of Mack’s movies,” honey, you’re living in one his movies. It doesn’t make you a murderer. It makes you a scientist who is unplugging a computer. “Someone needs to make Radcliffe watch all the Terminator movies.” I’ve been saying that since this episode started. Lmao “Just the two of us,” SURE. IS? ROBOT? MAY? FLIRTING? Robot may still doesn’t know that she’s robot may. Theory: what if while real May is unconscious because she is somehow controlling robot May with her mind??? That’s why it seems like her, and why she doesn’t know she’s not a robot! Mack cracks me up, I love him 💖💖 HE’S LIKE YO YO HE👏CUT👏OFF👏HER👏HEAD fAmIlY?! YOU T R I ED TO HAVE HIM K I L L ED BITCH, LIKE NO! He went with her?! Like how?! Bitch, HOW?! IM CRYING ACTUAL TEARS. IVE ONLY KNOW HIM FOR ONE EPISODE, BUT I REALLY LIKED HIM. THAT BITCH. I. HATE. HER. FAMILY DOESNT DO THAT. ok at least Mack and Elena are happy. WHAT IS GONNA HAPPEN TO ROBOT MAY? AIDA WAT THE HELL RADCLIFFE HAS BEEN THE EVIL ONE THIS WHOLE. DAMN. TIME. Whole. D AM N T I M E “Exactly what they want.” May eating with Phil…PHILINDA?! THEY DUMPED HIM IN THE OCEAN? ANOTHER Cocoon?????? Wat????

#agents of shield #agents of s.h.i.e.l.d.#marvels agents of shield #agent phil coulson #agent coulson #agent melinda may #melinda may #agent may #daisy johnson #quake #jemma simmons #leo fitz #fitzsimmons #AIDA #dr. radcliffe

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evenstevensranked · 7 years

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#53: Season 1, Episode 13 - “After Hours”

Ren is late for school and gets detention. Now the world is ending because she’s in desperate need of extra time to finish up a display for LJH’s 75th anniversary. So, with some help from Louis and a new pal from detention.. she sneaks into school at night to get it done.

This episode opens with Louis walking into Ren’s room at night, eating a chocolate bar. He asks Ren (who’s asleep) if he can use her laptop and takes a tired sigh from her as a “yes.” Pretty sure that wouldn’t hold up in court. I’m still not sure why Louis needs Ren’s laptop at 1:27AM but with most things Louis does — I’m not even gonna ask. In the process of unplugging her computer, Louis accidentally unplugs Ren’s alarm clock. Which is literally THE WORST. I hate when my alarm doesn’t go off. It’s sort of a fear of mine. So, basically I’m watching Ren live out one of my nightmares. She’s woken up by the sound of a lawnmower and she clearly suffers a “holy crap I overslept” heart attack. Again… The worst. She sees her laptop is missing and her extension cord is covered in chocolate. Which can only mean one thing… Louis.

She gets ready at the speed of light and rushes to school. When she gets there she bumps into Wexler who reminds her about the display project and she assures him she has organized everything into boxes and only needs a few hours to set it all up. I’m laughing because he mentions he’s been called out of town for “principal business” yet he has a snorkel and goggles in his bag. He quickly covers them and tries to act like it’s a “very important conference” simply because he “has to take a plane and everything!!1!” Again, Ren tells him not to worry while he’s gone. She vows to get the display done in time.

Due to Wexler’s absence, Coach Tugnut is put in charge. Ren asks why Vice Principal Mason isn’t in charge, but in Season 3 their Vice Principal is Mr. Landau. Just something I noticed. Anyway, Tugnut’s the “top dawg” and he’s on a power trip. Ren ends up being late for gym and Tugnut makes her sit the class out next to a girl who’s coloring her toenails with a crayola marker (she makes sure to say it’s “non-toxic.”) She’s obviously supposed to be an ~edgy~ trouble maker. As soon as Ren sits down, the girl introduces herself as Chloe and starts talking to her. And then… *dun, dun, duuuun* Tugnut gives them detention for “illegal use of the mouth.” Um…

Ren approaches the detention room after school that day like she’s walking to her execution. The detention monitor is an old dude who’s apparently been “asleep since 1985” according to Chloe. This guy must be a saint or something because he’s obviously dead and there’s no explanation for why he hasn’t decomposed after 16 years. Of course, the room is full of strange kids and Ren is a fish out of water. Chloe introduces Ren to everyone and suddenly Louis walks in shouting “MY PEOPLE!” and they’re all pumped to see him. Yep. Louis is Detention King. Unsurprisingly.

Louis has this awkward looking scrape on his chin. He plays it off as a “sports injury” but Ren exposes his lies and says he got it from tripping over their TV remote. I feel like they wrote this into the script because Shia actually had a scrape on his chin. It’s so random and I don’t know why they’d decide to give Louis this ugly thing on his face just to casually address it once. Plus, Shia has said before that they would write things into the script all the time (as well as ad-lib.) So, yeah. That’s what I’m betting.

Suddenly a microphone comes down from the ceiling. Louis says “Let the games begin” and within a few seconds they proceed to transform the room into a hamster race arena. I always felt like the surreal element didn’t come in until the second season… but then I remember that stuff like this happened in Season 1. I guess the show always had that element, I just prefer the episodes that don’t. Louis smells french fries which means Tugnut is on the move. They scramble to revert the classroom to the way it was.

Ren tries to show remorse to Tugnut in an attempt to get out of detention early and finish the display. But, a hamster crawls up her pant leg mid-speech and she starts screaming. For some reason, Tugnut gives Ren double detention for it and tells everyone else to leave.

After detention that day, Ren comes busting into Louis’ room and finds him applying crayola marker (that he makes sure to say is “non-toxic”) to his chest to look like hair. Is using crayola markers on your body and explicitly saying it’s non-toxic a thing that detention kids do or something? Why else have Chloe and Louis both do and say that in the same episode? Louis tells Ren that she didn’t “break the code” by telling Tugnut about the hamster race, so he offers to help her out with getting the display done. Wexler calls Ren from his important principal conference (a.k.a - a hot tub party) and is under the impression that Ren has finished the display. Now she has no choice but to go with Louis’ plan — which involves sneaking into the school at night. Couldn’t they just go on Saturday or Sunday, though? No one will be around then either, but.

“Just wanted to see how it’d look...”

Wexler’s important conference.

Louis called on Chloe for backup and she shows up whisper-yelling like “YOOU-WHOO! IS THIS WHERE THE TOP SECRET MISSION IS?!?!” Wow. Everything seems easy enough, but Tugnut is at the school rollerskating in the halls like the strange man he is. So, basically they have to spend the rest of the night making sure he doesn’t catch them. That’s really the rest of the episode. This one was/is hell for me to review for some reason because… not much happens really.

Louis brought Jumbo Size Crinkle Fries to distract Tugnut with. You know where the Faculty Sauna and the Wexlervator once were? Well this week, it’s a closet. They take a fan out from there and try to lure Tugnut to the smell of the fries. All they leave is the empty container so that he’ll have no choice but to go and get fries for himself because he’s a french fry addict apparently. And he does leave but before he goes he makes sure to turn on freaking HEAT, LIGHT, AND MOTION SENSITIVE LASERS, RIGHT IN FRONT OF REN’S DISPLAY CASE. What the heck?! What Junior High school is so important that it needs freaking lasers to keep people away? Well, Ren is storing school artifacts from the last 75 years in boxes underneath the display case. So, maybe they’re trying to protect them?! lol, it’s the only thing I can think of because there’s literally no need for this. Louis says he’s “wispy” and dances his way through the lasers. Aside from the fact that he most definitely hit a few on his way to the other side… he successfully disarms them. This whole sequence is ridiculous but I love Louis too much to care.

The Faculty Sauna, Wexlervator, Storage Closet area... lol.

Ren and Chloe get to work on the project. But, Louis decides to cool off in front of the giant fan and blows all of their materials away. This pisses me off. When Ren tells him to turn the fan off, he cranks it up accidentally. Instead of just turning the fan around, he leaves it and on stands in front of it as if that’s going to help the situation. He finally turns it around and off, but Ren is left in a mess. This gives me so much anxiety. Thankfully, Chloe suggests that they forget about making it “perfect” and just slap together some funky display instead. I can tell you right now, I am positive that it turned out a million times better than whatever Ren had originally planned. So… shout out to Chloe! It all worked out! :D Of course.

They finish and get out of there just before Tugnut returns. Tugnut is standing in the laser area, so Louis decides to sneakily turn them on before they leave. This totally could’ve killed Tugnut but he happened to be standing so that the lasers perfectly frame him. This is awful. He’s left straddling the lasers ALL WEEKEND. There’s no way. The heat and energy would’ve gotten to him and he would’ve died. Oh well.

Barbra Bushwick, a woman from the first graduating glass of LJH, is a guest at the 75th Anniversary on Monday. She compliments the display and says she loves the fact that it’s random and breaks boundaries! Ren, Louis and Chloe are all smugly proud of themselves. And that’s it.

Idk what it is, but it took FOREVER to even attempt to do this entry. I’ve been sitting here wondering why I didn’t rank this one lower… but, I just remembered that I really like seeing Louis and Ren work together. I just wish Louis had a bigger role in this episode and didn’t mess things up, haha. There’s also something I’ve always liked about being at school at night. Is that just me? Back in the day I loved going to functions at my middle school at night or on the weekends. Maybe I’m just weird. This is another episode that doesn’t have a subplot. That probably has something to do with it. I had trouble tackling Duck Soup for that reason, as well. Idk why. But, yeah. It’s a pretty simple episode. I feel like some people might find this one a little boring.

Thank you so much for reading! I desperately want… no, need… to stick to a schedule so that this can be a definite, fun weekly thing for all of us.

Chime in below with your thoughts on the episode!

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#rank #even stevens #season 1 #louis stevens #shia labeouf #ren stevens #christy carlson romano #coach tugnut #louis plot #ren plot #schemin stevens #Disney Channel #review #tv #tv show #nostalgia #old school

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