#i think 5 is early and i don't remember how old my sister was. would love to know the average age

[maddy-ferguson]

seeing people talk about when they stopped believing in santa is so fascinating like wdym you were 10+ i was 5

#tbf the way i stopped believing in santa was also me taking someone's word for it i was talking with my mom's cousin's daughter (my #second cousin i know because i listen to that background conversation in wedding bell blues the gilmore girls episode) she was like my #favorite person in the world at the time and she was two years older than me i asked her if she believed in santa and she said no and so i #said yeah i don't believe in santa either. i've always been like this i'm afraid not something to be proud of😔 #but yeah there's a scene in teen wolf where theo tells stiles like i was nine when the dread doctors recruited me i believed them when they #told me my sister wanted me to have her heart i also still believed in santa and i've always been like nine is old as hell i'm sorry #not too old to be raised to be whatever theo grew up to be but like #when i was 9 there was one kid in my class who still believed in santa and we were all like does he actually #i think 5 is early and i don't remember how old my sister was. would love to know the average age #and like i say: brf slt

[ladyaj-13]

Thank you @ronniebox for the tag!

Rules: List ten books that have stayed with you in some way, don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard - they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works, just the ones that have touched you.

1. 'Witches Abroad' by Terry Pratchett

My first Discworld. I was immediately sucked in and knew it would be a new love. My dad bought me the book, and I remember starting to read it on a gloomy beach, laughing out loud and getting weird looks from my family. "You mean everyone brought potato salad?!"

2. 'To Kill a Mockingbird' by Harper Lee

An assigned book in high school, but one of the only ones I've returned to multiple times. I say it's my fave when I want to sound intellectual.

3. 'Good Omens' by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett

Came for the Terry Pratchett, stayed (and re-read maybe 10? 11 times?) because it's utter perfection. My actual favourite book.

4. 'Take Six Puppies' by Bette Paul

I don't know how many times I read this as a young child. My copy was almost in pieces, and the dogs on the front were embossed so you could run your fingers over them. I actually can't remember it much now, except the cover, but my God. I loved this book.

5. 'Claudia and the Middle School Mystery' (Babysitters' Club #40) by Ann M. Martin

I must have had about fifty of this series. I absolutely adored them, and used to play 'Babysitter's Club' in the garden. This one was the first book I ever bought with my own money. I remember it very clearly, handing over a £5 note in Wetherly's bookshop and feeling incredibly grown-up.

6. 'Goodnight Mister Tom' by Michelle Magorian

A lot of kids books on this list...! Another that I read over and over again, so much that the cover fell off. I think it was actually my sister's, but I commandeered it early on and never gave it back, and last re-read only a couple of years ago. As I got old enough to cook, I would fry bacon and cut thick slices of white bread, with a mug of tea, to mirror Willie's first meal at Tom's.

7. 'All Creatures Great and Small' by James Herriot (the whole series)

As a child I gave up on the idea of wanting to be a vet pretty quickly (too many distressed animals), but still devoured book after book about animals (special mention for the 'Animal Ark' books by Lucy Daniels, which I would get off the shelf and mix-up so they could sit next to other 'friends' for a while... I was a weird kid 😄), and discovering this series hidden away in my family's garage was a goldmine. I later got an 'all volumes in one' massive hardback edition. It led on to reading Gervase Phinn's school series and Gerard Durrell's 'My Family and Other Animals' series.

8. 'Strange Weather in Tokyo' by Hiromo Kawakami

A bit of an outlier in that I've only read this once, but it seemed worth including as it really stuck with me. Not the story so much, not a whole lot happens, but the vibe. It inspired me to read much more Japanese literature.

9. 'Past Mistakes' by David Mountain

I'm a bit of a social history magpie (love a BBC documentary), and this book was so readable and full of titbits - all those things you think you know about history, turned on their head. Just what I want out of a non-fiction book.

10. 'Hogfather' by Terry Pratchett

Another Pratchett?! Yes. This one is seasonal.

Wow, wordy. I could have mentioned many others, such as Wild Horses by Dick Francis (see how I snuck this one in 😛). I wouldn't necessarily recommend it, but it was the first 'grown-up' book I read. (My mum gave it to me because it was about horses and I loved horses... possibly I was a bit too young for the sexual content and rampant misogyny she must have forgotten it contained, but there we go.) I'll tag @lemonistas, @londonfoginacup, @incognito-insomniac, @astridcontramundum and anyone else who wants to!

#tag game #books

[steamberrystudio]

Hi! Ok so, I've never said/messaged anything before because I'm more of a lurker, so I'm sorry for not saying anything before now, but! I just want to start by saying I love your writing! Proof, on Steam I have 134+ hours for Changeling and 137+ hours for Gilded Shadows, and those numbers are only gonna grow because I come back to replay all the time (plus we haven't even gotten to Reuben and Yuu yet!). They're like, legit some of my fave games. Anyways, I do have a question/ask other than just showering you in praise. Sorry in advance for the wall of words but I am literally incapable of not typing a book no matter what it is. And that's paired with the fact that I've been wondering about this for a long time now and am dying to know now that Quill's route has been released. So without further rambling, my question is this: How does Neo Human/biosynth biology work as far as having children and just… reproducing and growth in general? I guess? Ok, like, I remember Quill said that they mature super quick where they're fully mature in like 5 years, and he also mentioned having parents and and sister. How does this work? Are biosynths "built" fully grown (and the parents are just the ones who built them? Or maybe where they got the bio DNA from or something?), or can they get pregnant/get others pregnant? If they can get pregnant, does the baby gestate for the same amount of time as "normal" humans, and then they give birth the same too? And once they're born, are they small like "normal" humans and then just rapidly grow into adulthood in like 5 years? Both mentally and physically? So something like looking and thinking like a infant/toddler when 1 or 2, like a child when 2 or 3, like an adolescent when 3 or 4, then a fully mature adult by 5? How does that work if they have a lot of sythetic parts? Like, their bones are zisiltan right? Can the non-biological components grow as they age like the bio parts can? Speaking of age, do they keep aging once they hit maturity? Can they grow old and die like "normal" humans? Can they get "upgrades" to keep themselves going longer, or do their bio parts force them to eventually expire like "normal" humans? If they do age, is it at the same rate as "normal" humans? On top of all that, if they can reproduce like "normal" humans, can they do so only with other biosynths or can they with a "normal" human? If so, how would that work? Would the child be half and half, or more one than the other? How does any of this work?? Ok. So I'm sorry for the question vomit up there, but I just have a lot of thoughts and feelings about this and am hyperfixating on the unknown details a bit, especially after Quill's route, and am just dying to know how that would all work, especially when imagining Quill's past, and his and Morgan's potential futures. I'm sorry if any of this made you uncomfortable or was inappropriate, or is just something you don't want to answer. If so, I understand. Just know that I love your writing! I get so invested and it makes me so curious to know everything about the beautiful worlds you create! <3

Some of the answers to your questions are undefined intentionally (I just didn't want to) but I'll answer what I did make up my mind on. One thing I decided early on is that it's really not comparable to the human experience because humans and Neo Humans aren't the same species.

When you look at something like a puppy and a fawn - puppies are helpless little sausages for weeks while fawns can stand and move around on their own in less than hour. They're just not comparable in terms of development. You'd never be able to understand a fawn's development in terms of a puppy's development. You have to look at it like its own thing.

It's kind of the same scenario. In many cases, there is not a 1:1 comparison between human children and Neo Human children because they're totally separate things.

To get to specific questions.

- Neo humans do not and cannot reproduce sexually, no. They do, indeed, have to be engineered. They have no mechanism for sexual reproduction and fertility. That said, they can "have offspring" with a normal human since genetically, their organic parts are human.

- I ultimately decided that Neos probably use a generic construct for the first few years of their life before being transferred into a permanent body. This gives time for their permanent bodies to be fully constructed. But means that the children probably are smaller than adults (for convenience) but are also kind of…all the same in appearance.

- They do get biological information from the parents' bio-parts which are used for the child's bio-parts (the only gene editing they do is for fatal genetic anomalies. They don't do any other gene editing/fixing) and are able to engineer the physical body by extrapolating the physical features of the parents into a child. So Quill, for example, does share DNA with his parents and there is a family resemblance.

Quill and Morgan could have a child together (you never asked but I felt like that's what you were getting at). They would be engineered like a typical NH child using Quill and Morgan's DNA as well as their physical appearances.

- Neo Human children are pretty self-sufficient incredibly fast. And because their brains develop quickly, they have no equivalent of infancy or, really even being a toddler. They grow and learn in a completely unique way that isn't really comparable directly to human childhood.

- Regarding ageing: One thing that I can't remember if I've ever stated openly is that humans on Arcalis naturally live much longer than our current life span. It's normally about 150 Earth years (so in Arcalian years, getting up into the 200s is really common even without medical intervention). Their "prime" is much longer, though they hit maturity at the same pace. So they essentially become an adult at the same pace we do but then stay in their "prime" for a much longer period.

An example I use is Keres who, I think, is 50 earth years. I actually made him look older in the game than he should because I didn't want to have to explain the age thing. But he's actually considered quite young still and would probably not look that much older than Caissa. He should probably look like someone in his early 30s (no grey hair for sure). But, I did make him look older to not confuse people.  If you think about life stages, Keres is only 1/3 of the way through, not middle aged like you'd assume.

So the reason I bring this up is because when we start talking about ageing - even for Neo Humans - in the first place you have to understand that everyone is reaching their geriatric stage much later than what you would think. And then, yes, there are medical interventions that can absolutely keep people alive even longer. But brains are organic and that is where the consciousness resides. You can only prolong life for as long as the brain can last; you can't just replace that with an upgrade like you can a heart or something like that.

So I don't have a set life span for Arcalians in general. Neo Humans probably live a little longer than most humans because their physical bodies are already mostly cybernetic. And due to restrictions most humans can't add enough cybernetics to prolong their lives that much. But it's not a situation where Neo Humans are basically immortal. I don't know how much longer their life expectancy is. Maybe a few decades but probably not as much as you'd expect - and humans could definitely live as long without the restrictions to use of extreme cybernetics.

Anyway, I hope that answers all your questions - I didn't touch on everything you asked but mostly because some answers are implied by other answers while some questions become moot for the same reasons.

#gilded shadows #quill #biosynth lore

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

saturday again no problem (a tuesdaypost retrospective)

sort of mixed feelings about this one bc, as we have previously chatted about, the august 2021-august 2022 period was one of the worst twelve-month periods of my life.

however! this year brought like six new tuesdaypost initiatives from other people (please shout at me in the comments or by DM bc my brain is broken and i don't remember all of you) and i DO want to take a look back at some media i enjoyed.

the normal format + some misc. stats below

listening

here are all the tuesdaysongs plus Permanent Peace by Jack de Quidt, who is not on spo/tify. this year gave me albums by: joywave, alt-j, unloved, scene queen, new doja cat, a bunch of junie and the hutfriends singles, and the gleeful insanity of the mcr tour. VERY good musical year imo

-

reading

this historically has been one of the more fallow categories, bc there is a level of background pain where it is quite difficult for me to read and viddy gaem is a better distraction.

could have sworn i read three cowboy novelizations this year but i can only find evidence that i read the sabata and red river novelizations. i have mixed feelings about the execution of Tom Lin's The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu and Silvia Moreno-Garcia's Gods of Jade and Shadow but do not regret reading either.

no particular comics or manga stand out in my fallible, forgettable brain this year. i am excited for the ongoing light novel and manga adaptation of Otherside Picnic but that's just from watching the anime

-

watching

happy that letterboxd is doing part of the thing i wanted (getting me to watch more movies) deeply annoyed i have fallen into the trap i was afraid of. this trap is: I Want To Make The Number Go Up and am now reluctant to watch tv bc i can't log it on letterboxd and it doesn't "count". fucking hate to gamify my own leisure like this!!!!

the very good thing about letterboxd is that my friends have excellent taste, and letterboxd reminds me which of the eight billion django knockoffs i have and have not seen.

GOD was january a good movie month. the below screenshot is movies i watched for the first time this year and really liked/have stuck in my head in some way, and 3/8ths were from january. thank u library streaming service kanopy

see letterboxd has taken such a big chunk of my Moving Images time that it was hard to remember that both peaky blinders and killing eve ended this year!!! and i rewatched several seasons of adventure time! and most of the first season of DS9! and i am now in the process of watching the vampire interview show with my sister!!!

-

playing

got a handmedown switch!

this year was mostly big open worlds that didn't require a lot of complex thought from me, or if they did require some puzzle solving it was in really short bursts. lion's share of the hours this year went to fallout 4, breath of the wild, and pokemon scarlet. i really loved junk shop telescope, depanneur nocturne, and card cowboy.

honorary mentions to phone games that kept my anxiety to a low simmer while in a lot of doctor's offices.

game im most hype for is probably the spooky fishing game Dredge, but i don’t think we’ll get that until early 2024. if anyone says the words "fallout 5" next year i will lose my mind bc i would like another one of these stupid motherfuckers before i die.

-

making

i think i'm going to mourn the old lair until i die.

i am deeply, deeply unhappy with how this year went both personally and professionally. made an apartment cozy. lost the cozy apartment. cleaned a whole bunch of metal. framed a lot of things. bought a whole bunch of furniture. still have moths.

hate to leave this post on this note however i really should have died twice this year and didn’t. so im trying to be nice to myself about the rest of it.

-

bonus stats

47/52 weeks posted

moves: 1 (assisted with two)

recipes failed: many

postcards sent: many

number of 1040s i will receive next month: 4

overnight trips: 2

day trips: 3

covid: +1

serious covid scares: 9

combined hospital and doctor's visits: don't worry about it

number of lamps: also don't worry about it what are you a cop

cats: +1

#tuesdaypost meta #tuesday again

[wedemkktzip]

171122 insun kkt trans a thread 🍒

💬 Hello~

💬 did anyone take the college entrance exam today?

💬 you did a good job in the exam

💬 I'll try going live soon

💬 Kamel was looking at me (during cheers)

💬 I thought him were soldier student

💬 I practiced for concert today too

Q: Did everyone cry right after cheers?

💬 No!

Q: Did you choose the crop top??

💬 No, my stylist choose it for me

Q: Did you have a hard time when you wore contact lenses on the last stage?

💬 I can't do it by myself, so the stylist help me

Wedem visual ranking by insun

1st place kyungnam

2nd haesung

3rd vata

4th youngbin

5th ingyoo

6th dophan

💬 I'm the most handsome (so he on 0th place)

Q: please tell me how to deal with bad CSAT result

💬 how much did you screw up? I need to know that so I can help you.

💬 But "I messed up the college entrance exam"

💬 Please don't be too discouraged

💬 You guys still 19

💬 I'm jealous (with the age)

💬 10 years diff

💬If you're not 19 years old, how old are you?

💬 It's okay if you're 20 years old

💬 When I was 20 years old, I want to do something else than bboy

💬 So I went to design school

💬 I gave up quickly so I quit and change it to choreography

Q:if you was a girl, who would you date?

💬 it's more likely kamel

💬The reason is

💬No comment

Q if you have to choose one member to get married with your sister, who would you choose??

💬 No one

💬 Black panther is so good

💬 I want to give you some spoiler

💬 For real

💬 If you don't want to know any spoiler

💬 In 5 seconds

💬 Runaway!!

💬 I won't give you any spoiler

💬 I like watching movies alone

💬 I go watch the movie with gyeongsik

💬 Actually, I was going to watch alone but I got a call from him

💬 He told me to watch it together with him

Q: can you watch horror movie alone?

💬 absolutely impossible

Q: what's the last horror movies you watch

💬 I don't remember

💬 I'm a scaredy cat

💬 Ghost are really scary

Q:who the least scaredy cat among members

💬 kyungnam

Q: with who are you going to watch the world cup with?

💬 team or family members or friends in the army

Q: your fav sports show?

💬 ufc!!

💬 I probably dyed my hair black back but I don't know when

💬 I think I'll do it early next year

💬 I'll get going

💬 I'm always thankful to you

💬 I love you

💬 Byeee

#wedemboyz #wdbz #insun #ingyoo #yunhwan #youngbin #ahob #gyeongsik #doosan #dophan #kyungnam #kamel #lildae #jimmy #vata #noan #hojun #haesung

[beautifulcinephile]

10 Songs To Know Me Better

I've made this tag myself in the past, but I decided to update it because I don't listen to some of the songs included in there. The rules are: List 10 songs and how you got into them. 1. Orinoco Flow - Enya: When I was a kid, I used to have ballet classes and my ballet teacher had an Enya CD with this song. I was always hypnotized by this song, then one day I asked my teacher what was its name and who sang it. She told me it was Enya, but didn't tell me the name of the song. One day, when I was at my dad's house, my sister found it, and we both listened to it together. I smiled gleefully and to this day, I cherish this song a lot.

2. Stop Crying Your Heart Out - Another one from my childhood. Back then, my sister had a VHS tape with music videos she recorded from MTV and this was one of them. As a kid, I loved the music video, even though I was too young to understand it and when I understood it, years later, my heart felt crushed because I realized the protagonist died. But if I see someone striking a match, or even myself striking a match, I will automatically get reminded of the music video.

3. Whenever, Wherever - Shakira: OH, GOSH, THIS ONE! I think it's time for me to finally reveal the reason why I like this song. When I was a kid, for some reason, I started having recurring dreams that I was watching the music video, right at the beginning when Shakira comes out of the water and kneels on that rock. I downloaded the music video (It took days because, keep in mind, it was 2006, the Internet was slower back then and a download of a music video took days and not seconds as it is today), watched it, thought it was awesome at the time, now I know that it has aged kinda badly. I still love it, though.

Then, I started doing AI arts of Timothée Chalamet reenacting the music video because I thought: "Why not? He's in the desert, shirtless, barefoot, I need this. There are no barefoot pictures of him at the moment, so why not make ones?" And the song ended up helping me during one of the most stressful moments of 2022. I even have some memories of the real Timmy (to differentiate him from the AI-generated version of him) with this song involved, which are when I watched him at LFF and the "Bones and All" premiere in Milan.

4. The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats: I think I've never talked about this song before, it's one of my favorites. Well, I listened to this song in 2015, and my crush on Mark Hamill came back in full force because of "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" and there was a video of him in which this song played. It comforted me during a dark time in my life, which was ending. Listening to this song makes me feel like a 17 year-old which was coming out of a dark place to one of happiness again.

5. Like a Rolling Stone - Bob Dylan: Compared to the others, this song is quite recent and I feel it represents my early 20s quite well. I started listening to it in late 2020, but it was in 2021 that this song came into my life. I was going through another dark moment in my life, luckily this one only lasted for a month as far as I remember. Bob Dylan's songs helped me through this moment, and "Like a Rolling Stone" was the song of his that I was really hooked into.

I remember one day that I was searching for an apartment because I was still in the process of moving, and this was the song that I was listening to the most during that day. Despite its dark lyrics, this song for some reason gives me a feeling of comfort, the same goes for "Positively 4th Street".

6. Shape of My Heart - Backstreet Boys: If I told you that I used to hate this song, would you believe it? Yes, I used to hate this song in my childhood, but somehow I kinda liked the music video. It was only when I was 15 years old that I took a liking to this song and the music video, I remember listening to this song on road trips.

But I only started loving this song after I had a dream that Timothée Chalamet and I were recreating the music video, more precisely, at the 2:43 mark of the song. I was wearing a gray shirt and blue denim, Timmy wore a black tank top and black pants, and he was barefoot, and during this part, I stroked his hair while the camera panned down on his bare feet (A dream in which I would never like to wake up from. A barefoot Timothée Chalamet with a blue tint, clad in black? IT WAS MY AWESOMEST DREAM EVER!) and everytime I listen to this song, I remember the dream and there's even fanfiction inspired by it (Thank you, @timottea!)

7. Safari Song - Greta Van Fleet: February 2019 marked when I listened to this song for the first time. This is the song that made me a Greta Van Fleet fan. I remember the countless times when I walked through college listening to that song while going to my classroom, or just hanging out during break time, or when I was ready to go home after classes. Nowadays I don't listen to Greta Van Fleet that much like I used to, but this song will always have a special place in my heart.

8. Paul's Dream - Hans Zimmer: I don't remember when I listened to this song for the first time, but I do remember lots of good moments with it, such as listening to it on my dad's car, so I could feel the bass kicking in and I closed my eyes in utter joy while listening to this song. And when my dad and I went to watch "Dune" in the theaters, we sang this song because we were completely in awe with the movie. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS SONG.

9. Commuter Love - The Divine Comedy: I’ve only heard about this band because Neil Hannon will compose the songs for "Wonka" and I wanted to have a glimpse of what the soundtrack would sound like. When I listened to this song, I was immediately transported to a black-and-white music video set on a subway which is all about that person we see on the subway, have a slight crush on, and then we never see this person again (I had this experience, so I know how it is) and I consider this song to be one of the best of theirs.

10. Visions of Gideon - Sufjan Stevens: Well, I really love this song. It obviously reminds me of "Call Me By Your Name" and I remember that I was listening to it during a stormy night (Not rainy night. Stormy night. There were lightning bolts everywhere.) Initially I was scared, but I was listening to that song and thinking about Timmy, so I comforted myself and went home safely.

Tagging: @softhecreator @cocoamoonmalfoy @whole-other-layer

[demenior]

weird questions for writers: 1, 5, and/or 25 :)

1. What font do you write in?

I tend to write in whatever the generic font for the program I'm using is. Usually that's Arial or Calibri. The only time I will specifically change it is away from times new roman or courier, and that's bc I don't like the... serif?? Idk what it's called but they give me the ick like a visceral response. I don't mind reading times new roman, just don't like writing in it bc that's a No Fun report writing font to me.

I did the comic sans trick for a while to great effect.

5. Do I have any writing superstitions?

I... am not sure. I would say my biggest one is that I try to keep the biggest twists/surprises in my stories secret even from the people I'm workshopping ideas with, if only so they get to have a treat at the end.

25. What's a weird hyper-specific detail that I know about one of my characters that isn't relevant to the story?

In the Fealty universe at least, Fjord's birthday is whatever Exandria's January 1st is. It's the same as all of the other orphans from his home. Made headcounts easier: okay kids! You're all now one year older. It's also why Fjord doesn't know how old he actually is, so he knows he's in the relative ballpark of early 30s in Fealty.

(I'm waffling on this detail so don't take it as explicit canon just yet) I think Eadwulf had a little sister, and she got sick and passed away when he was like 6 (and while sad, was not unexpected/unusual for the village). He doesn't remember much about her, but that may have been part of where he developed his "take care of others" mindset that was later twisted and utilized by Trent to make Eadwulf into the Scourger he is now.

Additionally, Scourgers call their training their "Awakening" where they "wake up" from being sheep blind to the truth of the world, and become something more. Most Volstrucker feel slightly offset from humanity as if they've had their human-ness stripped away. Being pumped full of residuum for years also doesn't help dissuade the notion. You'll notice in Eadwulf's pov he often talks about "being Volstrucker" rather than "being a Volstrucker" because of this dissonance.

#ty! #asks #replies #a life of little things series #for the lil details

[theraveryroom]

Our adult arguments are what triggered my understanding of normal versus not normal argumentative dynamics and forced me to see what my sister and I went through as children.

When my husband and I were in our first apartment and got in our first fight, my husband raised his voice and I crumpled to the floor cowering with my arms covering my head and body to the best of my ability. I was crying and not speaking. My husband accused me of trying to get out of talking about our problems, and I said that he was scaring me. I thought he was going to hit me. He was very confused. I was anxious and scared. I didn't know how to handle arguing. I still don't. I'm getting better, because I recognize where my inability to handle conflict comes from. But I still cower and flee if I feel I am given the option or I feel overwhelmed.

He just felt like I was pretending, at that early time in our marriage before he really had any idea what I went through as a kid. Sometimes I thought that I was pretending too. It was easier to crumple on the floor than to be strong and argue your point while maintaining composure. It was easier to just cower and hope they go away or apologize. He continued to be confused by my behaviour, and I continued to be confused by my behaviour. Was I really cowering out of fear? Or was it just a crutch? Why can't I just act normally and yell back like you're supposed to?

A few arguments later, and a crumpling episode, and I really thought about why I was doing what I was doing. I thought about my father. About my sister and my mother. About the yelling. And one particular memory hurt me so much that I had forgotten, it felt like a switch turning in my brain.

When I was very young, maybe six or seven years old, my parents got into a fight. Not a normal fight, but a terrible one, where there were things broken and thrown, smashed to bits. My father was pushing my mother around and yelling about leaving. He got his things and smashed open the front door (breaking it, from what I remember). He threw his things in the van and my mother chased him out the door. She stood in front of the van. He was screaming at her at the top of his lungs to get out of the way, from the seat of his conversion van. The big one with the big roof on it. It was so big. She stood in front of it, looking so small and helpless as he revved the engine, threatening to run her over. She stood her ground, begging him not to leave. The whole time, my sister and I were looking out the window, watching all of this happen. She screamed in my ear so loud, and I remember thinking at that point, ow, my ear.

I didn't know what else to think. I was too young to form complicated thoughts like my sister who was probably 10 or 11 at the time. I was maybe 4 or 5. All I felt was fear and pain. And confusion. All I knew was that I wanted my family to be calm and that it wasn't.

It was this memory that triggered others to start coming back, and as I linked my inability to handle conflict with these memories, it was like I was assembling an understanding of my personality and who I was. These things shaped me, whether I liked it or not. I was going to have to find a way to deal with this.

On another occassion early in our marriage, we fought. This time, after being accused of avoiding confrontation, I told him about what I had remembered and what I was thinking. He listened intently, and I cried. I felt like an imposter, like it was wrong to feel this way all of a sudden. You can't just decide that memories hurt all of a sudden. I don't feel like an imposter anymore, but it took years for that to fade.

He understood, and he talked to me about it, and we decided that I wasn't trying to avoid conflict to spite him, but we also understood that I couldn't handle it in a normal way. I would have to learn as an adult how to handle conflict, and my childhood would forever shape it.

When I am triggered, it happens very suddenly. I can be perfectly fine and making my point, but the problem is when my husband raises his voice - even in the slightest - against me to make his point, I shut my brain off. It's like I can't hear anything else except fear. His voice becomes just a loud and scary thing. I get as small as I can, I try to shrink myself. I run away and slam doors and lock them behind me until I get to a closet, get in, and shut that door too. I lay on the floor and cry. I breathe deeply and too quickly, and stay in the closet for as long as it takes to calm down.

This happens when he has to reprimand our son as well. He doesn't hit him or beat him. My husband just happens to be tall with a very deep voice, so it doesn't take much to be loud. The threshold is low. If he has to talk sternly to or reprimand our son, I have to go to another room, preferably with a closet, and lay down in it and try not to listen or put my hands over my ears.

I am an adult. Still reliving my childhood trauma. It has gotten less over the years, because my husband and I argue as little as possible - I think because it hurts him to see me run to a closet. But that really isn't fair to him because let's face it, I'm not perfect and my points deserve to be challenged and he has the right to do so. But somehow, my father took that right away from my husband years ago before we ever met.

How is that fair? How can that be?

-R. Avery

#childhood trauma #abuse tw #anxiety #mentally fucked

[annieintheaair]

Can't hit it out of the park but I'm still a home runner. I'm a blessed one, stressed one, a little bit depressed one but if I'm a mess, might as well be a hot one.

What a month! I know it's technically not over yet because we still have tomorrow but I'm going to go ahead and celebrate that I survived. Aside from the hours I lost due to cancelations, I finished out this month with 107.49 hours! Considering I was flying, at the most, 75 over the last year, that's over 32 hours more. I can't wait to see my paychecks now!

I'm honestly so proud of myself for somehow holding it all together this month, making it through the struggles, working my ass off, and yet still finding time to do things I enjoy and have fun with friends. May has really been a rough month at work due to weather issues that caused irregular operations and yes, there have been many times when I just wanted to rip my hair out and scream and cry, but somehow, with the help of my amazing coworkers, I'm still standing (and have all of my hair, haha).

I plan on attempting a similar schedule again next month, although I might not quite get as much since I'm taking a few days off for my nephew's 1st birthday and of course, giving myself some time off for my own (35th) birthday.

Anyway, here's the recap over the last few days:

Memorial Day was everything and nothing that I expected it to be. I had a slow morning at home, finished making sangria, and eventually headed over to Shinayde's house for a pool afternoon. I brought over my oversized peacock float for her pool and we drank sangria and hung out in the pool for a few hours.

I honestly don't know how it was decided but we ended up going to the Stockyards in Fort Worth. An old friend once told me on New Year's one year (I think I was like 12 years old, honestly) that how you spend that night is how you will spend the rest of the year. It was only appropriate that we ended up at the Basement Bar, drinking beers and dancing. Somehow, we decided that the night wasn't over yet and ventured to West 7th where we went to this cool bar called Dirty Laundry. I was all about having an espresso martini but then also tried some London drink (I can't remember the name). We had such a great time talking to other people and making friends with the bartender, Edwin.

Shinayde's husband, Brent, decided he would pick us up on his way home from work and then we ended up at another outdoor bar where they were having turtle races (very strange). When it was finally time to leave, Brent took us to Taco Bell since we were all suddenly really hungry.

By the time I got home, it was 3am. Lately, it seems like every time I go out with friends, I get home early in the morning. Sometimes I think maybe I'm a little unhinged these days but then I remember how much fun I'm having and how much happier I am lately. I really missed going out with friends and not really having a schedule but playing it by ear. When Friday rolls around each week, whether I'm working or just enjoying a night off, it's nice to know that I don't have to pack up my things and my dogs and drive over an hour to be gone for the weekend. I really love having all of my freedom back.

I set my alarm to get up at 8am on Tuesday morning and checked my phone. My sister was asking me how the weather was at my house. I had no idea what was going on so I ordered a smoothie and Advil on Uber Eats. My mom was flying in and her flight diverted to Oklahoma City (she ended up sitting there for about 5 hours!).

When I saw a bright flash of lightning through my bedroom and then heard a long, loud crash of thunder that made my dogs bark, I immediately felt bad about ordering Uber Eats. It was pouring hard outside and I just knew it was going to be a day mostly spent at home.

By the time my mom got to DFW and got on the train, it was nearly 4pm. I picked her up around 4:30pm and we went to Rodeo Goat for burgers since she was starving. I was bummed that I couldn't have a margarita with her since I was going to have to go to work.

We stopped at PopShelf on the way back to my house and then shortly after I ran out to fill my car with gas, my flight was canceled. My mom and I settled in for the night with wine and a new TV show but I fell asleep on my couch since I was exhausted.

Wednesday morning I got up and drove my mom to my sister's house by 10:30am. We took my nieces to the pool for a couple of hours and then I went home to nap and prepare for work. I ended up working a delayed flight to Little Rock last night and they changed our gate so many times that I was ready to ask for an electric cart (kidding). I was so tired of running all over the airport. Luckily I was with my friend, Debbie, which made it so much better.

We were only slightly delayed getting back this morning. Debbie treated us to Starbucks since we only had a little two-hour nap at the hotel. Of course, I came home from work, worked my second job for a bit, and then passed out on my couch.

More storms rolled in today and after tracking my plane and pilots all day, our flight was delayed an hour. While I was on the phone praying for crew scheduling to pick up and change my sign-in, the flight was canceled. Honestly, it was a huge relief, and since it's the end of the month we at least are pay-protected.

I'm glad to get to enjoy a night at home now with my dogs. The storm seems to be over but the roads got pretty flooded today so it's nice to not have to drive. I ended up having to cancel everything tomorrow -- my car service appointment and my chiropractor appointment. This is all to be expected, unfortunately, when you work for an airline. You literally can never make plans.

I'm supposed to go to putt-putt tomorrow night with my church friends and the weather isn't looking great again so we may need to postpone it, unfortunately. Part of me is bummed about that but part of me is also kind of enjoying not having to drive over an hour every week. We'll see what happens!

Aside from the weather, this weekend should be pretty chill. My mom has been at my sister's house since yesterday but will come back to my house either tomorrow night or Saturday morning and I made reservations to go to dinner Saturday night. I go back to work on Sunday night so I'm really hoping the weather clears up by then.

This week, especially, has felt like my airline is having a complete meltdown. Everyone is just losing their minds as the whole operation has fallen apart from the weather issues. When it feels like we're starting to recover, another storm rolls in and knocks everything down again. It's literally the meme of the dumpster fire saying, "I'm fine. We're fine. Everything's fine." We are barely holding it together over here!

Hopefully, June ends up being a much better, calmer month!

Cheers!

xoxo

Annie

[dorefasolsido]

16.

1 - Are you interested in any reality TV shows?

No, but I like to watch videos movie commentary channels make on them.

2 - When was the last time you made plans with someone? What are you going to do with that person?

I made plans with two (potentially three?) friends to meet for the weekend. I guess we'll just have a coffee and chill, nothing that crazy.

3 - How often (if ever) do you use moisturizer?

Once in a while. I used to be more regular, but now I use SPF more often.

4 - Name five things you can touch from where you’re sitting right now:

Laptop, balcony fence, bug screen, table, chair

5 - Have you had any of your wisdom teeth removed? What was the reason? (eg. infection, impaction, lack of space).

Yup, the only wisdom tooth I actually had. It was either impaction or lack of space, can't remember exactly.

6 - What was the reason for your last hospital visit?

That was so long ago that I can't remember. Maybe some check up?

7 - Where was the last place you had an itch?

My nose just as I read this question lol. And now I'm getting itchy all over gaaah

8 - If you’re on a long car journey, would you rather drive or be the passenger?

Drive, I think.

9 - What’s the earliest time you’ve had to wake up for work? What about the latest time you’ve clocked off for the day?

I never had to wake up super early for work, but when I was just starting, I'd get up at around 9 AM. However, since I usually work at night, I sometimes clock off super late. A few times when I had deadlines close by, I worked pretty much until 7 AM.

10 - Do you use a laptop, desktop, tablet or phone to take your surveys?

Laptop, it's annoying on the phone.

11 - Are you fussy when it comes to how your surveys are formatted on your blog?

A little bit.

12 - How old were you when you first got internet access at home? Was it broadband or did you have dial-up first?

We had dial-up first, but I'm not sure how old I was. Maybe 5-6?

13 - When was the last time you painted your nails?

I think the beginning of the year. I don't bother normally, but sometimes I'll let my sister do it if she's in the mood and I'm in the mood for something different.

14 - What’s your typical order when you go to Starbucks (or wherever your favourite coffee shop is)?

I usually get hot chocolate.

15 - What’s your favourite thing to have on toast?

I don't really eat toast that way.

16 - Do you have any debt? If so, are you on top of paying it all back?

Hmm, not really.

17 - What was the last thing you purchased with a credit card?

I don't have a credit card.

18 - Have you been to college/university? If so, has your degree been useful to you or was it a bit of a waste of money?

Yup, and yes. I mean, I likely could've gotten this job without my English degree too, but I really think it's a bit of a boost. Plus, my university was free and I loved every second of it, so it definitely wasn't a waste either way.

19 - How often do you travel by public transport?

Whenever I have to go anywhere. So not every day, but a few times a a week for sure.

20 - Do you have an instagram account? If so, how often do you post on there and what kind of things do you post?

I have two, actually. One is like a fan account (though I only follow stuff there, I don't post), and the other is my personal account. On that second one I post from my trips sometimes, but I'm not very consistent at all.

21 - Are you close to your extended family? Do you wish you were closer?

With some of it, not all. I don't really wish we were closer, though. I'm close to those I want to be close with.

22 - Do you prefer to give your pets human names or not?

Hmmm, not quite, but then again, Lucifer is technically a human name?

23 - Do you like having ice in your drinks?

Sure, when it's hot.

24 - When was the last time you went to a BBQ restaurant?

I don't go to those, it works a little different here.

25 - When was the last time you re-arranged the furniture? Is this something you like to do often?

I don't remember, it's not something I normally do.

26 - Have you ever used a fire extinguisher? Would you know how to use one without reading the instructions?

I haven't, but I mean, it can't be that complicated since people are meant to use it on the spot.

27 - What’s the worst thing you’ve ever had to deal with at your job?

Lol casual calls. I'm super awkward with new people, so like, when we talk about professional stuff, no problem, but when you're supposed to be chill and funny, it's my worst nightmare. Takes me a bit to get there.

28 - What was the last thing you used your mobile phone for?

Just checking notifications. There are always SO many, I'm sick of it.

29 - Did you used to play The Sims? What version or expansion pack was your favourite one to play?

Yeees, I played all of the Simses. Sims 3 was (and still is) my shit, I'd get Generations, Seasons, Adventures, University Life and Nightlife and then fuck around for literal days.

30 - What was the last thing you used a lighter for?

I have no idea, it's been so long since I used one.

#surveys #personal

[kalitheinksimp]

More about Kali (and some *new characters)

*These characters aren't new at all in terms of existence, and have existed for... quite some time.

So, this is my character Kali!

Art credit: myself

She is my self insert character I use to interact with my faves, and represents me.

But do I have a story about her? Yes, actually-

In the original story i made years ago (which is now lost to time) she was a character who, like Ink and Error, did not have an original au and existed in doodlesphere somewhere (how did she get there? I think she was part of an au originally but.. don't remember what happened but she's there now-)

Which is where aus come in. There are a few alternative stories I've made with her.

The simple one, where she's still in the doodlesphere and hangs out with Ink. They have that "best friends or couples? Can't tell cause of how close they are" sort of relationship

The harem one (which I've written a whole fic about, still continuing but is private) about a few of au sanses having feelings for her with a pinch of yandere

The family one, which I will explain here-

As it might be obvious by the name, i have made a family with the skeleton.

What family? Well-

Meet Amaryllis!

^art with watermark to not be stolen/reposted

She was the first daughter that existed since early 2021, but originally didn't have a name. She wasn't even actually ment to be a long lasting character, but now she definitely is.

About her:

Other than what is already on the sheet, here's some points-

She is first born child (more on that later)

She can come off as creepy to people she meets, because she tends to stare at anything new to her.

She also spaces out and stares at the ground when other's attention is not on her.

Rarely talks to new people, as she doesn't know how to socialize yet. She however does talk like any other 5 year old with her family.

She has a liking for fluffy things.

She is more similar to her mother.

And Hibiscus!-

^still watermarked

She's the one who's pretty recent, and was made in October 2022

About her-

Despite being made after Amary, she's the older sister.

She's much more mature for her age, and knows it.

She has the main goal of wanting to protect her family, and she's willing to do anything to keep them safe.

She takes fighting lessons from her father, and has learnt bone magic, and can even summon her own gaster blaster.

She has super strength! The effects of which depend on her determination.

She loves to play with Amary, and is always by her side.

That's pretty much it about them enough to get an idea on what they're like...i think.

So, how were they made?

Irl wise: Amary was made when I wanted to try something out, but the character i already had were not suitable for trying it. So i somehow decided to make her on the spot!

Hibiscus was made after i thought that living alone in the doodlesphere with perents with little consistent friends would make Amary feel alone, so she was the result. I'm still surprised at how everything came together so nicely!

Cannon story wise: now, what fun would it be if you were married to a multi-universal god person with the ability to make things real by drawing them, and still made children the traditional way?

Basically, Amary and Hibi were brought into the world by Kali drawing their appearance and giving them personality, and Ink bring them to life!

That's all for now, until next time i simp!(which won't be long)

Og Ink sans belongs to @comyet

Every other character mentioned belongs to me!

#ink sans #ink sans x oc #self ship #original character #undertale au #Kali x Ink #Kalink #<-block this tag if you wish to not see my selfshipping with Ink

[bonnie-is-bumbling]

Vulnerability, trust, recovery.

Being vulnerable- It's hard. Even around people I trust the most like my partner or my big sister. Or even my dogs. Vulnerability is a major trust fall. It's one which I'm so overly cautious about giving myself to that I struggle to give it to anyone.

In the past, I've trusted too much, but I've also trusted too little and have absolutely suffered the consequences of both. How does one know when to trust another? What are the cues? Are there cues? What is the other person/animal in the room thinking about me right now?

While no one thing can be pinpointed as THE cause, I think this worry about trust and vulnerability comes from things like the following:

(Story disclaimer: Now, I can only tell a story from my own perspective, and from what I understand. So do bear that in mind. There could have been so much I've missed.)

My worst childhood bully, we'll call her J. I feared this girl, and I tried my damndest not to let her know that... J was someone I met in grade 5, and we got along great! We laughed, played, had sleepovers, and the like. Until we... Didnt? I remember one last sleepless night at J's mom's house. J and I had recorded a VHS because it was 2007 and we were poor kids. But J's mom took offense.

J and I were sent to bed at 6 or 7 in the evening. At 11 years old, I recall neither of us were very tired. We got hissed at a lot to go to sleep. We were both quite bored. What were we doing in our VHS that was so offensive? Well, to us, it was hilarious. We had mooned the camera once and had absolutely laughed about it while recording it. We were kids! Kids have basic humor! But after that night, police came at my sister who had zero involvement in the video, but let her go if we gave them the tape.

With my strict parents-- That was so scary! I was VERY grounded. I wasn't allowed to contact J outside of school. My parents deemed her mother "white trash" though I never really knew why until later in life. Alas, J flipped a switch. From general unkindness to randomly attacking me physically, even to coming up behind and yanking those baby hairs at the bottom of my skull. That's not to say I was perfect, or that I didn't retaliate. I would defend myself in physical situations.

But after that, it became really hard for me to reach out to new people, or to trust any of my current people. If my good friend had done that, who knew what my teacher, my sister, my bestie, my parents, anyone could do. Even years later, I question everyone. Not because I don't love them. Not even because I don't trust them for the most part. I just don't trust me to trust in the proper amounts.

Also, just to clear their name here, J did, in grade 10, apologize, and did explain some personal life details that, while I won't delve into for her privacy, did explain quite a bit. While we never really became friends again, it does restore some faith in humanity to know J and I ended on a good note last time I saw her.

(End of story)

It's hard to recover, but I've learned over time that if I'm too defensive of my trust, I'm not preventing it from happening time and time again. It's only more recently that I'm actually trying to catch it. Even after healing, all those events, people, and situations where I've trusted too much will leave their own scars. And as I write here, I'm still early in my mental health journey, and am only now digging out this decades old stuff... This is going to be a bumpy ride. But it's one I'm in for.

#feelings #thoughts #my thougts #bullies #trauma dump #vulnerability #trust issues #frienship #ramblings #childhood trauma #forgiveness #mental health journey

[campfirecharm]

I posted 938 times in 2022

That's 830 more posts than 2021!

6 posts created (1%)

932 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@bamsara

@memeuplift

@bucklikethedollar

@everythingfox

@virtuallyinsane-autumn

I tagged 3 of my posts in 2022

#cow - 1 post

#adorable - 1 post

#my heart can't handle this - 1 post

#my heart can only take so much - 1 post

#why is tumblr like this - 1 post

#my ocs - 1 post

#gender neutral reader - 1 post

#gn reader - 1 post

#fanfiction - 1 post

#x reader - 1 post

Longest Tag: 30 characters

#my heart can only take so much

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I feel I might have dyslexia or my 3am brain repeat words over and over again even though it's correct, also I spelled bit of the zevia soda when opening it

0 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

#4

Hello this is my first time in a long time I made a fic please give a review on what you think and please note this is first in time I made this

And yes I made an x reader one I would want y'all to feel the story line and understand the characters more

I hope you like

Plot chapter

When you were younger your parents always went out town to go do work and leave you alone at home with your bulters. Your parents forbid you to go outside because in they're reason there could be a kidnapper, pedos, etc. Even though there's have been zero kind in your town Millieton, you only day dream, you just wish you could just see the outside world just like what your parent and butlers told you about. One day things change and you woke up at a random room, the room your in has old color pattern walls decore and popcorn ceiling, there's one small square window that has small white pattern curtain, you walk to the small window and see the outside. Bunch of animals and a field, though it looks like it's so broken and depressed not like how your picture from what the storys you were told, half the fences are broken or crooked and use to be healthy lookin landscape but now slowly dying, the rain tried to help but even mother nature knows she can't fix this, then you heard someone coming up the stairs, you got the nearest thing next to you and soon start to prepare to hurt or murder someone, even though you don't wanna hurt anyone but if it means to protect you then you'll just have to live with regret of your actions. As soon as the door open it reveals to be a Dog An Australian Shepherd to be exact as the dog went up to you to sniff then licks your hand reassurance you saying it means no harm "awww hello little puppy, aren't you a cutie" you pet it the puppy bark at you and moves on his stomach. As you we're Districtacted you hear a male voice "I would be careful his look can be cute but conceiving at the same time" you look up to see a man, he's was wearing some kind of cheap fancy Walmart boots and clothes he laughs "he like to treat his prey with adorableness be careful" he must be the guy coming up the starts and this must be his home "oh im sorry for that, but I saw you in my barn early in the morning, and I thought I would bring you here, your lucky Lucy didn't lay on or you'll be dead" as the man said "what's your name" my name oh i should answer "oh sorry im Y/n and im sorry if I some how intruder into your home, I honestly do not know how I got here" as you apologize "hey it's okay, your just be lucky you didn't die" the guy said chuckling "anyway do you know what happened" He ask worreily "oh um..yeah I think I got hit in the head or someone put sleeping meds in my drink" you can't remember "you should be hungry, I made food though it might be burnt just a bit" he points cloestet "in there may be clothes my sister and her kid used to lived here before they left town to the city" as he left the room to let you get change he said something "oh by the way my name is Noah" you look at him before he left then window not knowing what the reality will unfold and the truth you'll see.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

I hope you enjoy this and please review on how i should improve so I can write better in the future

#really nervous showing this on here

0 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

Hi can you help me reblog my post It's about tofu and his kittens 😊 thanks...

Of course, I just did before I reply to this

0 notes - Posted October 7, 2022

#2

Follow more if you want amazing life changing quotes https://www.instagram.com/p/Cc7KRxguDKT/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

0 notes - Posted April 29, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

So as it turns out my parents have the original phantom of the Opera musical and I just finish listen to 1-5 of of it

And yes i was on Facebook photo I was showing my group chat about this, currently on music 6 and it not bad, yes it's my first time listening to this #phatom of the Opera

not bad #i never understood why people like it until now #and I gotta ask my parents about this and how they feel #and 20% part of me thinks some of y'all are judging me

1 note - Posted November 12, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[terbibi]

Our future

Camilo x fem!reader

C: he/him

Yn: she/her

Request by:@boba-tea-camilo

I loved to write this request! It was so cuteee

•••••••••••••

"Camiii"

"What?" he murmured smelling your hair.

You were in his bed. He was hugging you from behind and had his head resting on your hair.

"You tried to let go but he hugged you tighter.

"5 more minutes"

You sighed and settled into his embrace.

"Alright...just 5 minutes"

Hours passed and you fell asleep in each other's arms. Yn used Camilo's chest as a pillow.

When Pepa came in to call you to dinner she saw you two looking so adorable that she left dinner in the room for later

When you woke up you found yourself in Camilo's arms, you turned to look at him and started playing with one of his locks of hair.

"You are so adorable" you murmured kissing his nose.

Then you remembered that you should have helped your mother, and that she was probably worried.

You started shaking Camilo to wake him up.

"Hey! Cami wake up!" You said quietly.

The sun opened one eye, saw you, and closed it again.

"What's wrong?" he asked yawning "go back to sleep it's late" He said opening his arms to get you settled.

"I didn't go to help my mother! She'll be angry and worried, maybe she doesn't know I'm here either."

"I'm sure my mother told her. Besides you have like 200 siblings who can help your mother."

"I have 8 siblings."

"Well it's about the same, go back to sleep honey don't worry."

You sighed distrustfully

"If you say so..." you went back to settling back into his arms.

He brought his nose to your hair, he closed his eyes and went back to sleep.

The next morning when Camilo woke up and looked out the window, it must have been early because he didn't hear anyone outside, Camilo yawned and closed his eyes again but realized you weren't there. He quickly sat up and looked around in fright. On his bedside table was a note that he quickly picked up and began to read.

"Dear Cami, I had to go home now. I had promised my father that I would help him with some errands.

Love,

Yn"

Camilo sighed in relief and pressed the note to his chest, as if he could hear you say it with your own voice

"Ay Yn...You don't know how much I love you" Camilo murmured.

He dreamed every day of your wedding, he imagined his future with you by his side.

Camilo stayed a few hours staring at the ceiling. Just thinking about you.

"Someday she'll be called Yn Madrigal, I'm sure" Camilo murmured closing his eyes.

"Sure?" an evil voice said in his mind "what if she goes with someone else? If she rejects you what will you do?"

Camilo opened his eyes.

He had never thought of that possibility.

He sat up slowly in shock.

He was deep in thought when someone opened the door.

"Hey sobrino we have to go to breakfast or Pep-" Bruno shut up when he saw that Camilo wasn't looking at him.

"Camilo...?"

Camilo stood up

"You have to help me."

"What?"

In a couple of minutes Camilo and Bruno were already in their room sitting on the floor.

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely."

Bruno sighed and closed his eyes to concentrate.

"Hold my hands better."

Camilo took them impatiently

Green smoke surrounded the two. Camilo got a little scared

"Easy just watch the smoke and the green lights. There you will see if Yn and you-Well you know what I mean."

Camilo nodded and fixed his eyes forward trying to recognize the figures.

"I see...I see someone..." he took a better look "It's a girl, Yn!"

He saw you talking to a small boy, about 5 years old.

"Who's that?" Camilo stood up and approached. Camilo got a better look at the boy. You could tell he was a clone of Camilo, they were absolutely the same.

Camilo listened as Yn said something.

"Carlos! I told you NOT to touch your sister Luz's clothes!"

Carlos looked at the ground

"I'm sorry."

Yn sighed and grabbed his hand.

"Don’t worry amor, let's get ready for your ceremony!"

Carlos brightened up and shook Yn's hand.

"Mom! What gift do you think I'm going to have?"

"I don't know hijo. Now go with your father and get your hair done."

The vision stopped. The green smoke disappeared and left Camilo bewildered.

"What happened?! Why can't I see anymore?"

Bruno picked up a green glass tablet and showed it to Camilo.

"We can't stay like this all day! Well at least we know everything is going to be okay for Yn and you!"

Camilo took the tablet and looked at what was there.

It showed Camilo and Yn playing with two little boys. An 8 year old girl and a 5 year old boy, that had to be Carlos and Luz.

Camilo pressed the vision against his chest.

"Thank you uncle Bruno. You're the best."

"You're welcome."

❤️TIME SKIP ❤️

In the evening Yn went to spend the night with Camilo.

Yn knocked on Camilo's door.

Casita opened the door and pushed Yn on top of Camilo.

"Wow Casita, que romántica” Yn laughed but didn't break away from Camilo. She settled more into his arms.

"How was your day cariño?" asked Yn.

Camilo was quiet for a few seconds as he played with Yn's hair. He couldn't stop thinking about the vision.

"Good."

"But my future is going to be much better" he murmured.

"What?"

"Nothing princesa, go to sleep."

#request #encanto #camilo madrigal #camilo encanto #camilo my beloved #disney #disney encanto #camilo supremacy #encanto x y/n #camilo x reader #camilo x you #camilo fics #camilo x y/n

[prettyboybillyhargrove]

Steve and Billy were friends since they were babies. And Billy was in love with him since forever. But Steve couldn't realize his love. He couldn't see anyone but Nancy, the girl he was in love. Billy was 12 when his mom died. He was still madly in love with Steve. But couldn't say it. Couldn't find the courage to confess. Two weeks after the funeral Neil decided to move out of Hawkins. Because he couldn't do it anymore. Couldn't live without his wife.

Billy was devastated. He couldn't tell Steve. He left a note to Steve's door and the golden pendant his mom gave him. They left early one morning. Never come back again.

Until 5 years later. After Billy kicked out of his former school for his 'inappropriate behaviors'. After Neil married some woman and he had a sister out of nowhere.

Hawkins was not the same after he left. People were looking at him weird. His old friends couldn't recognize him. All of a sudden he was the new guy.

What hurt him the most is Steve didn't recognize him. At all. He was now dating Nancy. Finally he gets his girl. And they'd probably get married soon. Because she had a ring on her finger.

And he gets so angry. He was fucking pissed. For some reason he always thought Steve would realize his undying love for Billy. At least after he left. But fucking bastard couldn't even recognize his face! So he went to Steve's home. Ring the bell and when Steve opens the door he punched him on the face. And snatch off his pendant from the traitors neck. And left. But in tears because he was still madly in love with this stupid dumbass. After all this year's still...

Steve ran after him and grabbed him by the wrist. "Bills wait-"

Billy pulled his wrist back. And tell at Steve. He needed to scream. He was so hurt he didn't know what else he should do. "You fucking recognize me now? You've been seeing me at school every day. Now you remember me? I hate you. I shouldn't have come back. I shouldn't have left you that fucking note, or the pendant, you don't fucking deserve anything. You don't deserve my love."

Steve looks him shocked. "Wait, what note? Billy you just left the pendant. You didn't even say anything to me. How do you think I felt? The only person I loved, love, the only person that loved me left me. Did you ever think of me? How did I survive after you? Did you ever care about me? Or love me Billy? I know Neil was not good. I know he was a piece of shit. But Bills I was all alone. Nobody was there to comfort me. Not even my parents. Do you know how much I cried after you? Do you know how much I hate myself. Because I couldn't tell you that I loved you. Every day. I fucking love you. Still. So bad it hurts. If I'd know where did you go I swear I'd come to you. On foot. I'd die for you Billy. But you left me."

Steve was crying now. Billy was already crying. Blue eyes meet the beautiful brown ones Billy slowly took a step towards Steve. But Steve didn't get closer to him. Billy whimper. "I left you a note. I said I love you. I said please write me back if you love me too. I wrote my address Steve. But I didn't get anything back. Some nights I thought you didn't love me. I cry too. A lot. I was all alone too Steve. I had no one. My mom... When I come back, I hoped it was a mistake. Maybe your letters get lost on the way, maybe Neil hide it, maybe something else happened and you couldn't send it. But you were with Nancy. The girl you always wanted Steve, your dream girl. And she fucking have a ring on her finger. What should I do? Just kick her ass and run into your arms?"

Steve started to laugh, hard, he was holding his stomach and everything. Eyes still watery from tears running. "How the fuck you can get everything that wrong? I never get the note. I never saw it. I just found your pendant on the floor. And my mom said you left. She said 'I wish I could take Billy from him. This mad man is gonna ruin this kids life.' She wanted to take you but we couldn't do anything because you were already gone. "

Billy was looking at Steve with hope now. He couldn't care less about Neil or Mrs. Harrington. But Steve said he didn't take the note. So maybe he loved Billy too. He asked curiously "So you-? What about Nancy?"

"Nancy is Jonathan's fiance Billy. We're just friends. Before you go, I always thought I loved her. But it was not that kind of love. Not the kind of love I felt for you. I realized it when you left. I didn't just lost my best friend. I lost a piece of myself too. But now it's back. You came back to me, Billy. Baby. We lost so much time. I don't want to lost any more. Please baby. Can I kiss you?"

"God if you don't, I will."

#harringrove #billy hargrove #steve harrington #stranger things #harringrove au #steve harrington x billy hargrove #ficlet #fic #god i didn't even read whole of it #just a thought #here we go #mayyybe id write a full one later #billy x steve #billy/steve #steve x billy #steve/billy #billy hargrove x steve harrington #first love au #childhood love au #my aus #drabbles #harringrove ficlet

[sirensmojo]

"Oh! To remember!" - Hubby!Tommy Shelby x Reader

Warnings: Big fluff.

gifs from @thomasfckinshelby {here is the post}

Summary: You make Tommy a surprise by taking him to the countryside. It brings back memories of the two teenagers you used to be before the war happened.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: I just want him to be happy, seriously + POLLY BEING A GRANDMOTHER???? Our Queen.

PS: I know I talked to you about a carpets story, it IS coming don't worry!

*Masterlist*

It was early in the morning when the rays of the sun fondled your face, making you open your eyes. Tommy was already up, putting on his tie and you almost jumped from bed to take it from his hands.

As you were still a bit dizzy from how early it was and how fast you got up, you stumbled on the carpet, but his rough hands caught your waist as a giggle escaped your lips.

His brows were raised, "So early in the morning, you got some' to do today, eh?" You could hear mockery in his tone and you hit his chest with the palm of one of your hands as the other was pulling on his undone tie.

As he leant forwards towards you, you teased his lips with the tip of your nose and finally gave him your lips after hearing a groan from his throat.

He perfectly knew what was happening today, you drew a black star a week from now in his agenda.

"Y/N!" Tommy called, and his desk lady pleaded with her eyes to not let her deal with him.

it wasn't as if he was a bad guy, no, he just appeared to be as cold as ice and as distant as he could be.

You were about to ignore his call along with the staring secretary but you saw her lips moving without any sound getting out "Please."

Okay, this time you will not let her be any more terrified by your husband.

It was a little game for you, to never fully talk to him, just like he did. Even though he had reasons not to talk so much and you didn't. You used to leave him pieces of evidence here and there so he would understand what you were up to.

No need to say that whenever you would sneak into his office to put a black star on his agenda, it was to his secretary he would later ask questions, and as she was oh so scared, she wouldn't give satisfying answers which made him become even more cold and distant.

You weren't working anywhere but staying Home all day long waiting for him to get back wasn't on the schedule. What you loved to do most was to organise all types of dinners and parties.

Tommy was most of the time tired but he never missed one, as he knew it was important for you.

Only, whenever he thought the party should be over, he would come closer to you and gently press his lips on your forehead, his fingers diving into your mane.

And just like that, you understood it was time to lead the people out of the mansion, so you could take care of your Shelby.

You closed the door in front of you, rolling your eyes to yourself and joined his office. Your head peeked through the door and you cleared your throat, leading Timmy to lift his gaze to you.

He patted the page, "Why is there a black star on Thursday?"

"Come 'ere" you answered, your index indicating to Tommy to come near you.

He got up without hesitation and walked towards you, making you enter his office completely and close the door behind you.

The connexion between you had always been more than mental or physical, it was a mix of both with something else, something you could never fully get, but you just knew of its presence.

Maybe it was your beings that were combining together, you were him and he was you.

Or was he more you than yourself?

Your back was flat on the door when you felt his hands on your hips. A smile instantly grew on your lips as his blue icy iris were staring into your soul that was hidden behind your iris.

A grumpy "Hm" escaped his lips as your foreheads touched. He closed his eyes for a second, the smell of your perfume filling his nostrils. He was elsewhere, in a dimension where only you and he existed. Somewhere he was safe and relieved of any pressure.

"A surprise, Tommy." You muttered only inches away from his lips.

His eyes opened softly and he raised a hand to your face, cupping one of your cheeks. You were staring at him as his thumb moved to rub your lips softly.

Nothing needed to be said in those moments, what your eyes were saying was more than enough. You understood him, and he understood you, it has been like that for so long, but the love bonding you never extinguished, and you couldn't imagine that someday it would.

"You'll just have to bring yourself, I'll take care of the rest. Only you and me." You pointed towards him, then towards you before flattening your hand on his shoulders in a tender way.

"Don't come back too late, huh?" You raised a brow as you tied his tie around his neck.

"If the answer doesn’t please you I’ll accidentally get choked. That’s the plan," He put his hand on yours to avoid you from even thinking of doing it.

You glared at him.

"I know your tricks now." He finished and you wanted to show him your tongue so badly, but you tried to stay solemn, your head high.

"I will not even comment on such calumny, Mr Shelby.”

You were so grateful he was still speaking to you fluently. He wasn’t like that with anyone but your children and you, which you found to be a blessing.

You knew he wasn’t living a life where he could be with his family as often as he would like and that his past deeply scarred him, but he almost was the same with you, still trying to joke and laugh even if his tone wasn’t following the movement, he tried. And that was all that mattered.

You had the love of your life and four beautiful children by your side, nothing would ever take that away from you. And even if you weren’t in business, by not trying to interfere, you were easing him more than you even knew.

(...)

“Beth! bring down your brothers and sisters, grandma Polly is here” You screamed toward the stairs as a maid brought the tea to the living room.

Polly looked at you with the type of stare only she, could give, ”you’re up to something, I can tell.”

You crossed your legs with a pleased smile, “Taking my Tommy to the countryside!” You said trying to remain calm, but she knew you too well.

“Well, I wonder why you’re not all over the place already, it’s not like you’re the good calm girl.” She smiled at you, “I’m sure he will be happy. But don’t think he’ll show ya.” She patted your knee with a side-eye look, her trembling voice filled with sarcasm.

You grabbed her hand and squeezed it, “I know how Aberama loves having our children.” You teased and she giggled. “It’s me taking care of all of them.”

“I knew it! He, too, is a child!” You exclaimed, raising your hands in the air.

“What boy of this family isn’t?” Polly raised her eyebrows before your youngest boy ran into her, followed by the entire team. They were squeezing their grandma in their arms as if she would be gone in a blink of an eye.

You laughed so hard seeing how they were all around Polly that couldn’t even hug them all.

Your heart was full of love at this moment.

Your eldest daughter came sitting on the armchair of the sofa where you were sitting, dropping her head on your shoulder.

“It is said Aberama and grandma will bring us with them on the road, is it true?” Your fourteen years old girl knew how to make a deal, she exchanged a look with Polly and straightened her head, looking right at you.

“Are you sure it’s Polly’s idea, it sounds more like you’re taking her as a hostage, Beth?”

“It’s called bargain! You always talk about grandma Pol being a gypsy queen, I want to see her world!” Beth’s high pitched tone resonated in the room, even the cat woke up from its nap to see what was happening.

“No need to put yourself in such condition, of course, you can all go with them. It’s your family.” You took your little girl in your arms, holding her close as fondling her long hair.

(...)

It was already 5 and you began to pace up and down before the carriage. It was your horse exhaling noisily that made you look up to him and caress his forehead while murmuring things to him. Basically telling him your day.

You didn’t realize but Tom had arrived, and a smile automatically drew on his lips when he saw you talking to your horse. It was as if he rewind the time and you were back to 1911 in your father’s stable with your long muddy dress and hay all over your mane.

He got close quickly and you startled when feeling his rough black gloves grabbing your elbow. “Shit, Tommy.”

He cleared his throat while looking at the horizon. A smile grew at the corner of your lips seeing how handsome he was, his hat on his head with his large black coat, a cigarette in between his lips. This handsome husband, father and gangster was all yours.

“Come up there! We’re going,” you pointed at the sitting place.

(...)

It has been half an hour since you departed from the Arrow House and the silence between you two was peaceful. You knew Tommy will never admit it, but he somehow took a liking to your parties and dinners, because he wasn’t forced to do anything, to be anything.

He could just be the man smoking cigarettes at the back of the room or the one drinking silently while sitting from the beginning of the event to its end. He could be alone, while not quite being alone.

You noticed he needed to be alone to think about his business, and as soon as he started to go walk alone in the woods at night, you started to organise garden parties.

Thomas didn’t need to be fully alone, he just needed people not to disturb him. And with such huge parties that was what you offered him. He didn’t need to sleep all night long outside now.

He could just sit at a table in the garden and smoke while sipping on his whiskey.

You finally stop the horse in a huge field, right under an imposing tree. It was probably a hundred years old, his trunk as solid as a rock, or maybe even stronger...

Tommy got up in the carriage, looking both sides to see if he knew the place before he got down, feet on earth.

You turned to him, a smile on your face, “Do you remember?” Your voice was low. He looked down at you, a curious gleam animating his blue iris.

“There!” you told him, pointing at the tree.

You saw in his expression he indeed remembered this place, and it was enough to warm your heart. You got up and joined the back of the carriage, taking the plates you had cooked for the occasion.

When you got back, his eyes directly went into yours, as if he had been searching for you. “Yes?” You raised a brow.

“It’s your family’s field.” His deep voice made you shiver, or maybe it was the cold spring breeze?

The old farm was still present not too far from where you were, but there were no animals left.

Your eyes lifted to him in an instant, his face was serene, his mind elsewhere, surely in the tone of memories of another time. Where all you used to worry about was the size of your stables once you’ll be married to Tom.

You served him a dish of his favourite food before handing it to him which he gladly took after sitting comfortably at the feet of the huge tree, his back against the tree.

“Don’t forget the bread.” You let out pointing to the bag next to him.

You finally sit down next to him and lift your gaze to the branch of the tree. The wind was present, but not in an annoying way, in a reassuring way. It was as if he was the one singing memories of before the War to both of you.

You raised your hand to the sky and it quickly got reached by Tommy’s that rubbed his thumb onto your skin.

You authorized yourself to dive into his eyes only to find your Tommy. The same one that was seated under the same three years and years ago. The Tommy that always used to make jokes, the one that asked your father for your hand, the one that always helped your mother with her horses.

It was something you would never get tired of, horses. It was the one thing always keeping you close to the man he once was, not that you missed that man, but you cherished the fact you had such memories of him. He was so different now…

“Happy Birthday, Tommy.” You muttered outright while dropping the back of your head against his chest, looking at his face from under.

He inhales deeply before exhaling loudly. And it was you, that sealed your lips together, bearing your love to him.

#Hubby!Tommy shelby #husband tommy shelby #tommy shelby x reader #thomas shelby x reader #peaky blinders