#i should sleep i need to be up early

[leascno]

high school crush

#les miserables #les mis #enjolras #grantaire #enjoltaire #world ain't ready #every night i lay down and debate whether i should reread W.A.R. again but i also need sleep #i wanted to try a style reminiscent of the early 2000s cartoons i grew up on #also thought it appropriate given that the fic takes place then :)

[baeshijima]

its 5 am, i am barely alive but i am kicking my feet bc today is my last day until i go home on saturday for a month of winter break and also:

look who came home in 16 pulls 😩

#tears of sophie ; not themis #okay but ngl that week break i took from socmed in general was a nice reset #also bc i have 3 assignment due in early jan so i should be working on them #and also sm has happened like i still need to watch gensin livestream or at least the trailer and hsr livestream later today ????? #AND THE FACT THE NEW TOT UPDATE HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE HOURS AGO #sobs #ill be active again either later today or on the weekend tho !! we just have to see when i have the energy after i finish packing some stuff #anyway i need to sleep now bc i have to get up in a couple hours…. haha…..

[vellichorsdesire]

f/o kissies stuck in the brain… good morning you guys!! or night wherever you are. your f/o(s) love you by the way, platonic, familial, queerplatonic, or romantic <3

#should be adding the reminder more honestly. to anyone who passes by any of my posts right? #i got a good nights sleep i feel super duper nice and healed #i woke up like in the middle of the night for some reason and then i felt really warm about them #them saying shh nd kissing my head and telling me it’s too early #i need to be put in a blender max speed #❥ vels ramblings

[joonthedeadpoet]

What the heck, why did I wake up at 5am with the largest urge to draw? Yesterday I woke up at 1pm, what is happening?

#askthedeadpoetssociety #5am #Why did I wake up so early? #I should go back to bed #i can’t sleep now #I need to draw #I feel so energized

[front-facing-pokemon]

#bonus under the cut getting that snout facing right at the camera #camerupt #early 2000s animation cow‚ apparently. that's what someone just said about the bonus image. i honestly never understood this thing's name #i always thought it was pretty obviously a cow. but then its name implies camel. camel erupt. camerupt. is there a specific kind of #camel that just looks like a cow?? or. what. or am i just misremembering what camels look like #either way‚ i still think this pokémon is pretty cool‚ but i don't really use it ever in my own playthroughs. i don't think i *ever* have #not even in pokémon colosseum where i'm pretty sure you can get a shadow numel at some point. bc i already had a fire-type #not sure which one it was but it was definitely one of them. maybe cyndaquil? because of the dudes with the johto starters #that you fight near the beginning in pppp uuuhhh the PHENAC city i couldn't remember the name. for a second there. #i wasn't aware as a kid that their outfits corresponded to the type of the starter they had and also that you could only fight one of them #i think as a kid i was under the impression that there was only the one. for some reason i remember fighting the green one #oh wait they have the second-evos yeah. cuz he had bayleef. and the red one would've had quilava. not cyndaquil #ugh my memory is not very good evidently. i'm writing these tags after work. normally i do them right when i wake up but this time i just #do not have an excuse for not being able to remember shit. this is just on me. maybe it's amplified by the fact that i have yet to eat today #which i have a very bad habit of doing. forgetting to eat all day and not eating until like 5 and then that being my only meal for the day #i'm trynna get better about it but it is Not easy for some reason. for something that should be decidedly very simple #but my brain doesn't often let me eat until i've completed all of my silly little Tasks. so. idk. this will however post the day after i've #arrived back home from my trip which is nice. the first time future me will be sleeping in her own bed again. good luck again future me #you might need it

[bunnihearted]

🧸🧃⛈️

#so like late last night i started to get rlly panicky nd upset #bc it's v much looking like im gnna fail my english class. i need to be done next wednesday which means i need to work rlly hard #nd go to school extra to have a presentation nd do tests etc etc #nd im still in pain after surgery nd im rlly depressed bc of my physical health so i just dont think i can be strong nd make it this time #in my almost breakdown i wrote a self referral to the clinic/psych department for personality disorders.... #it usually takes them around 2 days to answer you but this time at like 8am they sent me a message AND called me #(i think. im not certain it's them bc i havent checked the voice message or the reply lmaooo. but it should be them) #the thing abt having avpd is now im immediately stressed af nd i regret sending it. i donr wanna check their reply #also it might be bc i wrote a lot abt killing myseld etc etc nd now im worried theyre gnna be like girlie get checked in!!!! lol T-T #i just needed to be very clear nd act frsutrted nd desperate bc i have never gotten treatment in 10yrs nd im TIRED!!!! #my initial reaction is to avoid at all costs nd just pull my covers above my head nd pretend like i dont have to check their reply lol #i dont wannaaaaaa. i take it back i dont want help!!! its fine i dont wanna try or work hard let me rot #why did i do this!!!!! fml. anyway... i'll check later today bc since its early i can still use the excuse of sleepinf thru the days #many ppl working w mentally ill ppl understand that it's normal actually to switch the day around nd sleep during the days sksksk #but also i have no idea how many typos r in here bc im not wearing my glasses whoopsie #yeah.. anyway im gonna try to go back to sleep nd not think abt it #hopefully it wasnt even them calling 🤡 i know i HAVE to check later but not now i can take a few hours #then today i need to figure out if im gnna make one last attempt w my eng class or give up idk what to do

[itslookingback]

:/

#my experience so far with uni has kind of been: #my mind shouting ''am i doing enough. is this normal. i should be doing more. i should be more extroverted'' #but unfortunately i am not more extroverted #guy who never did anything social on weekends before uni now realising that this might have been a bad idea #i don't want myself to become so isolated from other people #but i genuinely don't know what to do #i don't drink. i don't like going out in the evenings (unless there's a quiz). the other queer people i know are more extroverted than me. #i'm sure they're lovely everything just feels intimidating #it just feels like everything is happening a little bit wrong #did the people who said uni is meant to be the best years consider that i am just a bit too autistic for this statement to be true to me #i'm tired of feeling trapped tbh #it's so stupid. i know that the worst that can happen is having an awkward time #i knew i was going to have a worse time at uni than other people but augh. #i KNOW i'm bad at making friends and being in friend groups. i know. i'm just tired #it's not looking good for me when i'm not in uni anymore i'm not gonna lie. if i'm struggling a lot now #teehee #anyway. i should sleep. i'm tired and need to get up early #it's just the second month. it's ok. i'm sure other people are feeling like this as well #mumbles

[disdaidal]

So I think I'm finally getting a contract and I'm going to start my new studies (as a youth/school counselor) in my old school. I met the principal today and had a talk with him, and he said he was pleased to see me there and would like to have me there because I already know my way around and seemed to manage things just fine when I was still their student. So, that's great, I'm finally getting somewhere.

But I'll have to wait until Friday because he's still not quite sure who's going to be my supervisor, so he's going to have a talk with a couple of staff members about it at first.

And then my teacher in my new school is already pressing me with contract matters and stuff, wanting me to start earlier than I had originally planned or at least get the contract done by then, so uhh. I'm going to have a Teams meeting with her on Friday at 8 o'clock in the morning (I'm not a morning person at all), and I'm sure we're going to have such a lovely discussion about my schedule and study plans and all that stuff.

All this phone-calling and paperwork is giving me a headache. And I still have some school assignments to do and to return before next week, and guess what - ya girl just wants to read and write fanfiction all day and all night. 🤪 Priorities, I has them.

#personal #no seriously i went to bed around 4am because i was writing a fic. and then i got up at 8:30 after snoozing the clock for an hour #because i had the appointment with the principal around 10am so #but anyway despite my poor sleeping schedule i am actually happy about this opportunity #i should be able to work in the evenings if they can just find me a supervisor. which would be super because then i'm not going to have to #wake up early. unless i get a side job because i need money and this is only training so i don't get paid for it. but remains to be seen #i am not feeling awfully energized for school/work combination right now so uhh #but then i'd also get to work as a special needs assistant because this school has a lot of special needs students #so that sounds pretty good actually. it was something i was also thinking about doing before #because i was kind of a special needs student myself when i was younger and i didn't get the help i needed so #helping others with that could be great. a great opportunity indeed #and i may have to help with this other type of class as well #i think they're calling it preparatory education for vocational training in english. i'm not 100% sure what it even means #but well if i get a chance then perhaps i'll find outl #so all in it sounds like they have need for me and i get to do a lot of different stuff so. it should be good #it's. just this. studying itself. and like i said. all this paperwork and making phone calls and stuff. it's stressing me out #so uh #let's just hope that friday makes me a little bit wiser

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

Me, yesterday, 5:30 PM: wow I’m honestly doing so great at my adult tasks; I’ve gotten some homework done, I went grocery shopping, my laundry is almost dry. I spent so many spoons and I barely feel tired! Maybe I’m finally fully recovering from burnout!

Me, yesterday, 6:00 PM: oh.

#turns out that I was not drawing from an unlimited spoon supply when I spent spoons so fast #and instead was overdrawing #because at 5:59 I thought ‘oh you know I’m a bit tired I should lay down’ #and then spent almost six hours in Nap Hell as I laid down too tired to get up and take my sleep meds #but also not really sleeping consistently. like dozing except I didn’t want to. #woke up ~11:50 and apparently sent some very misspelled messages to my friends #took sleep meds. and then passed out until morning. #so… I’ve learned something here. such as ‘even if you feel fine. you know you’re spending too many spoons. slow down.’ #I’m gonna try to go to bed early tonight too #and just. rest. bc I know Thursday is going to be a lot for me bc of my ASL class. #just gotta get these labs done first #the exhaustion is partially also my fault bc instead of going to bed after getting home from the airport #I did in fact go straight to DND and played until midnight because DND is Monday nights now. #but in my defense. I had napped on the plane. so I didn’t feel v tired. #but yeah I shouldn’t have done that bc that meant I was operating on a Significant Sleep Deficit yesterday and still had a lot of tasks #that absolutely could not wait. I needed food bc I didn’t have any in the house and needed laundry bc all my wearable clothes were dirty. #and I’d been in class since 9:30AM and went straight to the store from my last class and then straight to laundry after putting away grifos #and STILL FORGOT TO GET GAS #it’s fine I’ll get some today after chemistry or smth on the way home

[just-spacetrash]

🌕

#one of those nights when i need to wake up early so i REALLY should sleep #but something just feels like its missing #like im forgetting something or i want to do something but idk what #like this unsatisfaction i cant get rid of that has me scrolling for hours and feeling bad #but if i try to sleep i just think of bad things and itch and cant sleep at all #at least the scrolling like. distracts or whatever #and i know the saying goes dont believe your brain after 9 in the evening but like #the unsatisfaction is so strong i feel like i need to do SOMETHING before i sleep i just dont know what #its been a while since the last time i had this #so annoying :((( #my post

[pondscummy]

the "also sick" comment isn't like "btw I'm SICK, how dare you not know" it's me saying I'm sick like how 2/3 of my roommates are

but like I'm so;;;; it feels so rich that L is like wtf do you want from me about me not replying for 45 minutes when I had to beg his gf over hours and hours of texts every so often to not force me to sit in unwiped shit after my surgery bc she had openly told me she just didn't rly feel like setting up the attachable bidet after telling me for weeks she would, and I never ever got a reply from her or L ever acknowledging that they were wide awake hanging out and laughing while I was like stuck in bed barely able to move begging for follow through on a commitment they made in advance and i eventually had to spend over $100 to hire someone to come out the next day and do it for me and I had to hold my shit for hours lmfao

like L is sooooo great at couching things in flawless tumblr wellness speak but only to talk about how valid they are for not showing up for you and how fucked up it is that you MIGHT ever have a moment where you can't be 100% there w them. like idk what to tell you I've been laying in bed with a sore throat and cough and fever passing out and waking up to roll over in buckets of sweat like the rest of the house. I do genuinely get being annoyed by a lack of response but it's also right back to this whole thing about Always assuming I'm mad at them which is legit one of the only things that actually makes me mad fjdkddhk like bro I do not THINK about you when you're not acting like I'm a bomb about to blow (also, as an aside -- we all take turns buying TP and it's usually me who does it like it's not out of pocket for me to say hey you are the One person who is out of the house already rn, can you get this on your way bc None of the bathrooms have back up rolls and one is totally out and I had to text our sickest roommate telling her to use the bidet and drip dry like.... "am I the first person you asked" yes bc you are the person who makes the most sense dumbfuck. I'm not being "overly needy" toward you or whatever jfc)

they literally told me at one point that the reason they're so scared of me is that my face is "triggering" for them when I'm angry or not feeling good and puts them "back in a really bad place" they have seen my face angry literally 3 times and each time it was on my way back to my room to decompress and each time I said nothing to them other than that I was in a bad mood and I was going to go to my room. I didn't yell either I just said it normal. like I genuinely feel gaslit here like I'm this horrifying monster of a man when it's like dude sometimes people are mad I don't know what YOU want from ME!! I do all my venting here where they can't ever see it even tho we've blocked each other, I censor their name like anyone even knows who they are, I isolate to chill out and it's literally been less than a handful of times like should I fling myself from the roof??????? would that fix it???

I literally know it's bc I'm a man too. none of this was like this until my facial hair came in more and it got crazy worse after I got top surgery and they're so so vocal about how much they despise men and think men should all fuck off and die and there's only a handful of acceptable men that they've personally vetted. despite them pretty clearly having a trans woman fetish bc they only date or look at porn of trans women and they do the whole step on me mommy thing about it even tho their gf has complained like. lmfao you're just a baby te//rf even tho you ID as trans masc yourself. like that's all this even is. I'm a big (5'3") scary (spent the whole weekend w my coworkers asking if I was 12) man who's obviously going to snap and kill you all bc sometimes I *checks writing on hand* get frustrated and go lay down about it

#pond.txt #and again i'm not EVEN mad rn (well. obviously i am *now*) i was SLEEPING like fhekdjdkddjl bro let me live i'm SORRY #should i whip myself should i kiss your feet my lord and savior jc. should i fall upon my sword for you. #is my t dick too big and scary to live together does it cast shadows in the hallways that frighten you HDKSDHKDDHDK #all the time i wish wish wish there was some way for me to move out early without me fucking myself financially #but i'd be on the hook for $11.400 and i do NOT have that to drop dhskddhhfj and i would need to pay that PLUS buy a car #it was so night and day the difference in my mood when i was on my work trip tho. even when i had moments of like feeling down on that trip #it was so fleeting and so like. well I'll do what i need to so i can care for myself #whether that was staying in my room and getting some sleep or rallying and being like hey @ self you're making shit up about no one liking #with no proof so let's get back downstairs and hang out w someone new and prove ourselves wrong. #life felt so bright and happy and it was so easy to talk to strangers and laugh and just let loose and like myself #even on a 13 hr travel day i was like taking notes on mental health things in my journal and reflecting and feeling so positive about makin #changes like not letting excuses stop me from going out and living my life even in this interim period between moves #and then i got back home and was like oh right. this place that makes me miserable with people who openly dislike me. great lmao #my plan is still to try to not let myself get in my own way of living life bc if i can get out & meet people it'll keep me away from here. #ANYWAY!!! *eats cough drops like candy*

[dockaspbrak]

In another life itd be cool if i had a night time only roommate who like came out of a wall and was a human version of an owl (not vibes but horrible lab accident) and we chatted and socialized when i have insomnia and cant sleep so its like. A positive opportunity instead of a failure that will be pointed out 150 times tomorrow

#😵‍💫im anxiouser now #owlman would translate owl books for me #i cant grasp the cultural nuance but some of their jokes translate funny #he still has a beak but it might be made of cartilage #idk what he does that keeps him moonlighting. early evening work but then hes up all night and sleeps from like 6-2pm #who motorcycles around at 5 am i guess anyoen could but #apartment living means hes so loud right outside rn #once a prof told me (creative writing #) #that if i was feeling motivated i should chase that even through the night make sure you write and give yourself space to follow the impulse #i still use to justification internally if i ever need to if i ever feel like staying up #but i just cant figure out how to make it work with my gf living with me #love her to death but she finds routine disruptions really annoying and is kinda judgmental about sleep issues without meaning to be; #i guess depressions making me act in strange ways and its scaring me so im. ruminating a lot

[thethingything]

had to lay down. woke up at nearly 7am. got overwhelmed by our sleep schedule once again being fucked because yesterday we actually went to bed at roughly the right time and thought "oh this is great we've fixed it". decided that we're just gonna deal with it and it'll be fine. and then our brain decided that no actually we're gonna have a combination of emotions that's maybe gonna give me another breakdown if I can't figure out how to deal with them but I have no fucking clue what to do with them

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #I fucking hate this. we barely did anything yesterday because we were too fatigued and then slept at a weird time #and we're still too fatigued to do much and we need to do the stuff we'd normally do before bed #and by the time we've done that we'll probably need to nap because we will feel so much worse if we don't #and I don't want to have to try and fit my whole day around trying to fix my sleep schedule but once again what else do I fucking do #and the whole last month has been like this over and over and it's because we got covid in February and have been way more fatigued #so we have to keep laying down and when we do that we just pass the fuck out #also waking up at like 7am (shortly before what should be our bedtime) leads to us feeling really sick #the way we used to feel when we had to get up early for college. like our body can't handle it and makes us feel like shit #and to top it all off the emotional shit I'm dealing with has nothing to do with this and it just another overwhelming thing on top of it #dysphoria and homesickness my fucking beloathed #I just want to be awake at the right time and have a nice stress free day and feel relaxed for once #like we keep trying to take time to relax and set aside time to do something fun and relieve some stress #and we still end up just as stressed and when we decided to spend a whole day just trying to relax we just ended up even more anxious #I'm so fucking tired. just let me sleep at the right time. just let me fucking relax for once in my life

[liebelesbe]

i miss my school roommates... I remember when we went to get something to eat once when it was already late and dark out.. sigh

#we walked sooo far just for some fucking toast. but it was a good toast 👍 #remember when i could walk that far... sit in a train long enough to get to my school city and then walk to where i live #and then still feel good enough to walk somewhere to get some food. and then walk back. #and THEN wake up early the next day and go to school. messed up #I walked like 200m today in 30 second increments with 30 second breaks in between #and almost hurled because I was so dizzy afterwards #ok almost hurled is exaggerated but I did need to hold onto the couch I was lying on extra hard #to make sure I wouldn't spin away #doddie redet #WHATEVER I should be sleeping gn 🌃 I miss grilled toasts

[exopelagic]

okay facing consequences of my actions

#I thought I’d gotten away with it this time #okay it’s 3am and I may have discovered something that completely ruins me #everyone is asleep so I can’t tell if this is me being sleep deprived or not! #so I need to sleep now but I haven’t cleaned my code up or written my answers #I do Not have time #if I don’t sleep now I’m gonna be having a bad time tomorrow morning and I am significantly less productive rn than I could be #with other people around I kinda need that y #so I should go to bed. but also. this code needs cleaning. but also. even if I fall asleep now I’m only getting like 5 hours MAX #I need a good few hours tomorrow morning to have a shot at doing this properly #so it would be more useful to sleep now and wake up as early as possible than keep going tonight bc I’m not going to finish tonight #okay. fuck. I hate this #if I could think straight I’d be able to fix this easy which is probably a good reason to sleep #it’s just an annoying logical problem that I gotta follow through bc currently I’m stuck between three possibilities and there might be more #I have these two rasters and I gotta calculate the area overlap #the first method counts the number of presence points in each (probably) and then counts the number in overlap raster w manually set values #the second counts total predicted points and points where they’re predicted to be alone and does a calculation with that for each species #that one with all points from both species + pseudoabsence. vs method 3 which does that with just individual species coordinates #method 1&2 are now homologous now I JUST caught the logical error but method 3 is what he gave us #but actually he might have fucked up in not including pseudoabsence #i don’t know if method 3 works for two different species either honestly #it gives me results I like much more (my overlap is 100% for one of the species and that shoooouldnt rlly happen even if it’s possible) but #I think it might actually just be wrong because it can’t account for #wait so the line is taking the prediction for all coordinates for each species for each species’ initial coordinates. and not pseudoabsence #and that set of predictions for each species coordinate set is then taken and yeah it’s no longer comparable you can’t count each alone #not with two different species bc you need an overlapping dataset to do that OKAY I have solved that logical problem my initial method works #which is annoying bc the result sucks but whatever I checked the rasters and it’s actually identical so #okay now I’ve figured that out. twenty minutes later. sleep I think it’ll help most #luke.txt

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text