#i pride myself on looking very gay and looking like a guy as much as i can. but i dont think they see it. i wonder what they do see.

[autism-corner]

god cis people need to shut up about EVERYTHING.

#not a nuanced take. idc. im upset. #they talk about us like we arent even people #'transgenders' is soso dehumanizing. #they talk about us like theyre sure we dont hear them. like those freaks having 'easy access to hrt' dont hear them. #its frustrating. and you cant do anything about it. #like cis guys are repressed bc they cant get T but any 'girl' asking for some gets it the next morning. #they dont understand. i know they dont. but i do. and i am angry. #sillyposting #i kept quiet. #it was not bad. just. yaknow. cis talk about things they see as less than them. #all the more reminder that it is a good excuse to finally find a different job if i get HRT/operations. =-=b #its not a bad job its just. service industry yaknow. and i do not feel safe enough in that place to be a guy. #god the world is cruel. #do you think they know theyre hurting us? #i pride myself on looking very gay and looking like a guy as much as i can. but i dont think they see it. i wonder what they do see. #i need to stop thinking about all this. #god.

[happypotato48]

This Is A Gay Asian Rant About BL Comments Made By Some Queer Westerners I See Sometimes.

So you know of those gays (usually white) that made dumb tiktok dancing to list of countries that legalized same sex marriage and list of countries that discriminate against LGBTQIA+ poeple as a way to say something racist. yeah i kinda got the same vibes from some comments regard how asian BL is homophobic just cause they don't live up to queer western standard. look, i'm not saying that some BLs and their creators don't deserve criticism regard how they capitalized/exploited queerness for an easy cash grab.

But people need to understand that Asian countries despite recent progress are still very much culturally conservatives. so when people says that thai bl is homophobic and all the characters looks like bunch of straight guys, which is true for some olders thai BLs i'm not gonna denied that. but after all this time and newer BLs generally being very queer and most of creators being out queer themself and poeple still making these comments, i'm annoyed.

And don't get me start on the actors. you don't know them! why are you making assumption and calling them queerbaiter just cause they acts in bl. like maybe they're straight, maybe they're not but what they're definitely doing is making queer content for you know, queer people here. so when you made halfass comments about their sexuality what do you think that made other queer people who still in the closet feels. and when you add the nationality to that, "these thai bl pair are this and that, this korean actor is so ungrateful for his bl past", etc. when our societies are still very much still in progress regard LGBTQIA+ acceptance. it make us living here feels fucking awful like somehow we're lesser queer than people in the west just cause we don't have citibank at pride or some shit.

And the shittiest in my humbled opinion are comments regard censored chinese bls. people do know like, that the creators making these bls are risking their livelihoods for this. that these shows getting make at all are miracles. yes it sucked that they're censored but they're still very much queer shows making by queer people who want to express thier queerness despite the chinese government being the chinese government. when people dimissing these shows as not belonging in queer media, you're also dimissing their creators and audiences as not belonging in the community.

Look what i want to say is that we're trying our best over here, and maybe our best are not up to your liking. the ways we talk and express our queerness maybe still can be perceived as problematic by western queer standard. but these media are our house and you're the guests. for people aren't shitty we appreciated that you're here engaging and loving our media, this is your home too and you're welcome in it. i can speak for myself that i very much love being here on tumblr and interacting with people from all over the world who love BL. but for people who are being shitty sometimes about asian bl.

YOU'RE THE GUESTS, BEHAVE!

#bl drama #thai bl #asian lgbtq dramas #personal rant #dumb boy rambled #japanese bl #taiwanese bl #korean bl #asian ql #asian bl series #asian bl dramas #ql dramas #bl fandom #ql meta #queer media #just fandom things #fandom #chinese bl

[whiskersz]

Hi, could I request a gender-fluid reader who’s masc aligned but feels insecure bc they like wearing stuff/presenting fem a lot and feels imposter syndrome when they are fem aligned once in a blue moon, especially bc some people were transphobic to them and made some jabs about their relationship not being genuine or that no one would want them bc of it with Husk and Angel separately?

Sorry for the word vomit, thanks and hope you have a nice day :)

Hey!! This has been in my inbox for a while, because I wasn’t sure what to write exactly since I didn’t want to do it in the wrong way. Hope headcanons are okay, and while I’m of the opinion that anyone can date anyone (as long as it’s legal) I still informed myself on what some GF people experience in relationships, since Angel is Gay :)

Angel Dust

Angel doesn’t like people dictating on how you two should live your relationship at all.

He knows very well that he fell for your masc-aligned side and you guys discussed this many times, with you reassuring him that it’s okay if he doesn’t feel as attracted to you when you’re feeling more fem-aligned.

You guys also discussed your preferences in regard to how your partner dresses and when it came out that there’s next to none and both of you are free to wear anything you like, you both immediately felt way more comfortable in the relationship.

So he highly dislikes when random individuals try to convince you or him that your relationship is not genuine and that you’re not deserving of love, and he will outright insult them and get into fights with them if these comments are being spewed in hearing distance.

Back at the Hotel he definitely reassures you that he does want you as a partner with a kiss and some cuddles, and if he needs to he’ll even list all the reasons why he’s attracted to you again for you to hear.

He’ll also remind you that he loves you and how stylish you are, and will even offer to lend you some of his clothes if one day you want to feel particularly pretty, as he owns a lot of fem things, and in case you’re not the same size some of them are even pretty oversized so you should find something that fits you either way.

I Headcanon that Angel would probably own some pride stuff, so he would definitely get some for you as well to remind you that he’s your number one supporter!

Husk

Husk is honestly chill with dating anyone; it doesn’t matter what their gender and sexuality are, or how they dress, or what they like to eat for dinner on a Saturday night...if he likes you, he’s going to try and make his best impression and be all gentlemanly with you. He’s going to do things he wouldn’t do with anyone else such as cuddling and gifting you roses.

So if somebody calls your relationship not genuine, it doesn’t take him much to call them out on their bullshit and prove to them that it’s nothing of the sort.

He also highly despises when people are transphobic to you, and he will try to reason with them but this is Hell after all and he doesn’t expect to find many souls worth explaining this kind of thing to down there. So after a while he just leaves it and leads you elsewhere.

He absolutely loves the way you dress, when you get all pretty for him it makes his heart skip a beat. Same thing for when you try your best to look handsome; he will look at you up and down with a smirk that he can’t really hide.

In a relationship, Husk is very romantic and affectionate, so after he’s done dealing with the people who insulted your relationship he’s going to shower you in kisses accompanied by his deep purrs.

It’s very obvious though that you took those words to heart, so he’s also willing to take you out somewhere if you need your mind to get clear once again. He doesn’t want you to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or anything like that as he does, so he’d rather spend time with you and slowly get you to trust his words instead of trusting theirs.

#hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin x reader #x reader #husk x reader #angel dust x reader #hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #angel dust hazbin hotel #genderfluid reader

[piived]

Justice is Swift (Vengeance is Sweet) — Ch.2 Shitposts/Teasers

master post || <- ch.1 memes || ch.2

ch.2 memes without context in honor of the upcoming update of jisvis ;)

Bernard: Yeah we have another boyfriend, he’s the best and we love him very much! :D

Danny, very used to poly trios and the chaos they bring: Well fuck.

Tim and Bernerd, distraught but ready to throw hands: How the fuck is the cute twink homophobic this is such a tragedy

Danny, finally realizing what he said: WAIT NO IM GAY TOO AND MY FRIENDS ARE POLY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH IM JUST INSANELY SINGLE AND LONELY IM NOT AN ASSHOLE I PROMISE LOOK AT THEM THEYRE MY PRIDE AND JOY IM SO SO CHILL WITH YOU HAVING ANOTHER BOYFRIEND AND WHEN CAN I MEET HIM—

Bernard and Tim: Oh he’s just a dumbass that’s fine

—

Danny: Yeah you guys would love my friends! I’ll have to introduce you all when they visit!

Danny, thinking about Tucker and Tim in the same room with unlimited access to Wayne Tech: … Wait.

Danny, realizing that Conner and Sam would find a way to start a campus wide protest over something despite neither being students: ACtually—

Danny, realizing that Bernard and Val would be no help because they are enablers and enjoy seeing their partners cause chaos: Fuck.

Danny: Yeah, I take it back, you guys are never allowed to meet. Ever.

—

Danny: sends selfie with tim drake to tucker lol he’s going to shit himself

Tucker, receiving said message: Oh my God I just shit myself

—

Tim: What the fuck is that?

Danny: My phone?

Tim *grabby hands*: Please I must see

Danny: Oh Tucker is going to be so fucking happy

—

Bruce, seeing a black haired blue eyed child with parental issues and a heroic drive: Alfred get the adoption papers ready please

Jazz, getting ready to start biting: Hands off you bastard I raised that child and I will shove those papers so far up your ass—

—

Sam: Look what you did, Danny.

Sam, gesturing to Tucker catatonic on the ground: You fucked up a perfectly good nerd.

Danny: He was like that when you got him.

—

Tim: If you’re going to crash my interrogation at least stay quiet?

Jason: Can we do it in his apartment?

Tim: Why?

Jason: hiding the takeout container behind his back Uh, less chance of him running?

Tim: … Fine.

Jason, excited to have a reason to be at his crush’s apartment: *fist pumping*

—

Jason: Blatantly flirting with Danny in the middle of Tim’s very important investigation

Tim: No! He was my friend first, back off!

Jason: But he’s cute!

Danny: You think I’m cute? :’D

Tim: Fuck, he’s fallen for the trap already.

#i’m so stoked for this chapter yall #i’ll update with the shitposts when the chapter comes out bc ~spoilers~ but they’ll be in the end notes as always #jisvis #jisvis ch.2 shitposts #vee creates #dpxdc

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Awaken

changbin x felix

Trigger warnings: none that i can think of but please feel free to correct me if i missed anything!

Content warnings: names (baby, good boy, angel, sweetheart, pretty boy, tiny baby), a little biting, mirrors, slight hair pulling, size kink (kinda?), oral, begging, cum sharing, praise, very brief mutual masturbation, very brief finger fucking, verbal teasing, hand holding, anal, a hint of a breeding kink, belly bulge, desperate lix, ass slapping, mild dacryphilia, one (1) dry orgasm (idk it was hot to me lmao)

Summary: changbin fell in love with his best friend, felix, and now felix wants to be his first guy.

Word count: 9332

A/N: so this is written from changbin’s pov and it is actually the first ship fic i wrote (at least the first ship fic i’ve written since high school). i actually wrote it before asking for pride fic requests last year and contemplated keeping it for myself or putting it on my ko-fi but felt it was too good not to share. and ofc i had to go with the classic friends to lovers trope because that’s just the kind of person i am lmao anyways i’m almost done with my next pride piece and i’m working on the three requests i received! i hope you all enjoy this and please feel free to give a follow! be sure to drop your feedback in the comments and please look forward to what i’ve got in store for you!! also i’m revamping my tag list so please submit an ask, send a message, or leave a comment if you’d like to be added to that! thank you all for your support <3

I don’t remember when it started or even how it started, if I’m honest. I just know that one day I woke up and the first thought on my mind was how pretty Felix would look with a morning blush. I’d had passing thoughts about his beauty so I paid it no mind, I was comfortable enough in my sexuality to recognize an attractive man when I saw one. Then the dream came rushing back and flooded my senses. I felt guilty as images of my best friend writhing around beneath me appeared in my mind.

I remember thinking “What the fuck was that? I’m not even gay. Why did I dream about fucking my best friend? And why am I hard?”

I remember being disgusted with myself as I rubbed one out in the shower, visions of Felix with his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw hanging open as he cried my name swimming in my vision. I remember icing him out for a few days, afraid he’d somehow know I’d had a wet dream starring him. I remember being terrified and ashamed of what I was feeling. That dream made me reconsider my sexuality.

Over the course of a year, I’d fought with my feelings for him and tried to ignore both my crush and my sudden shift in sexual preference. But he made it so much easier. I never told him who was making me feel these things but he made me feel safe. He helped me figure things out. He knew something was wrong when I started avoiding him at first and when I finally confided in him, he was nothing short of an angel. He stayed up with me several nights when I was having a hard time coming to terms with my sexuality and he assured me nothing was wrong with me. He told me that he’d had the same struggle a few years ago and he took his time to accept it but once he finally did, it felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders.

I followed his lead and allowed him to show me what it meant to truly embrace who I am. He even took me to my first gay bar. I don’t remember much about that night to be honest. I remember getting there and ordering a few shots; remember Felix suggesting a mixed drink. But that’s about it.

I woke up the next morning in his bed, wearing only my boxers. I was mortified but he took it all in stride and when I shuffled into his kitchen, he offered me a smile and a plate of pancakes before telling me he’d washed my clothes because I got sick right outside his apartment building. I was horrified and ashamed - less so when I found out we hadn’t fucked, but still embarrassed - but he was so kind and I found myself getting flustered every time he offered me a smile over breakfast. I was acutely aware of my nakedness in that moment but he paid it no mind. At least that’s what I told myself when his eyes lingered just a little too long on my ass while I took my plate to the sink.

That had become routine over the last year- the clubbing, not the puking and waking up naked at his place. I’d grown comfortable with myself again and had simply accepted that I had feelings for my best friend. That I have feelings for my best friend. As in, present tense. They never went away and I learned to be okay with it.

This leads to my current predicament. I’m a confident man. I’m aware that I’m good looking. Sometimes I turn myself on. Maybe that’s conceited but who’s it really hurting? Because of this, I sometimes take pictures or record myself jacking off. My camera roll is full of dick pics and videos of me begging for Felix to come ride me.

And now Felix is looking at me expectantly from his position beside me on my bed, both of us slumped against the headboard. “Oh come on! Lemme see how it turned out!” He nudges my shoulder with his as his smile betrays him. He is pretending to be exasperated but he can’t pull it off. We’ve just taken a photo together with some dumb filter and he wants to look at it. Except he’s been known to scroll a bit before and I’m afraid he’ll find the video I recorded only a few hours earlier. “Pretty please?” He resorts to pouting and begging and my heart flips at the way his bottom lip pokes out.

I can’t say no when he looks at me like that and he seems to know since he always does it to get his way. I usually don’t mind indulging him but I’m anxious as I hand him my phone. “Fine. But don’t scro-”

“OH MY GOD THAT'S YOUR DICK-” He shouts as he drops the phone in surprise and my face feels like I’ve just opened the oven without leaning back first; I’m on fire. I try to grab my phone from where it landed on his chest but he gives me an evil smirk and holds it out of reach. “Who’s it for? Did you finally get on one of those dating apps I suggested?”

“Absolutely not. I-”

“So why do you have dick pics?”

“Do you not?”

“Not my dick pics.”

My eyes widen a bit and I look away, embarrassed by my train of thought. How many guys had sent him nudes and how many did he save? I’m not sure I want to know. I shake my head and hold my hand out. “Give it back, dude.”

He ignores me and scrolls through the photos of me fisting my cock before he finally stumbles upon the video. I jump to grab my phone, panicking this time, but it’s too late. We both go silent as my voice calling his name fills the room and I can see his cheeks reddening. After a moment I snap out of my trance and snatch my phone back, clearing my throat awkwardly. “That wasn’t for you…”

Felix, of course, throws another curveball at me and I have to force myself not to physically shudder at his tone. “Clearly it was for me, you were moaning my name while you fucked your fist.” I’d never heard him say anything so…nasty before. He usually keeps things pretty PG.

“Lix, don’t-”

“Was it me?” He suddenly asks as he sits up. His tone isn’t accusatory or panicked so I take it as a good sign and let out a sigh as I nod. I know what he’s asking.

“Yeah. You were the one I had that dream about.” I rake a hand through my hair and look away. “Look, I don’t want things to be weird, Lix, can we please just pretend this never happened?”

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ and I sigh once more. “I had my suspicions, you know.” His voice is gentle as his small hand comes to rest on my shoulder. “I wasn’t oblivious to it. I just wanted things to unfold on their own. I didn’t want to push you when you were still coming to terms with everything, but I knew.”

My face is on fire yet again and it only gets worse when he pushes me back against the headboard and straddles my waist. His usually-inviting gaze is dark now, hooded as he looks down at me from his position on my lap. His freckles seem to stand out more with the soft blush dusting his cheeks. When his lips part, I immediately give him all my attention - as if he didn’t already have it. I hang on to his every word. I always have.

“I’ve thought about it too, you know.” His voice is a low rumble and it makes my head spin. “I’ve thought about how you sound; about how you taste, how you feel. I’ve spent so much time thinking about it and wondering if I was the man you dreamt about.” My dick twitches to life in my athletic shorts, though I’m terrified to admit I’m getting hard over this.

He’s leaning in close now and my heart is hammering in my chest. “I’m tired of just thinking about it, Binnie…” He whispers, his hands sliding from my shoulders, down my chest and abs as he leans closer to whisper in my ear. My muscles jump under his touch. I’ve always been pretty sensitive but it seems I’m even more responsive when it comes to him. “I wanna act on it.” His teeth ever so gently clamp down on my earlobe and my hands fly to his hips.

“Lix-” my voice is strained, surprising even me. I don’t think I’ll ever understand how he manages to work me up without even trying. My fingers dig into the material of his loose sweats as a wave of arousal crashes over me. Before I can speak, he grinds his ass down on my semi and I can’t suppress the low groan I let out.

“I know you wanna act on it too, Binnie.” He whispers by my ear before allowing his tongue to soothe the area he’d just bitten. “I know you’re watching me in that mirror right now too.” He adds as his plump lips trail along my jaw and I have half a mind to deny it but that desire flees with his next question. “Do I look pretty on top like this?” His teeth rake over my skin and my grip on his hips tightens yet again as I watch him in the mirror that hangs over my bed.

“Fucking stunning, Lixie.” I rasp out, squeezing his hips as he sets a slow, steady pace. The sound he lets out at both the name and my touch makes my heart pound. I don’t watch him much longer, opting instead to turn my face towards his neck and press a series of kisses there, nipping at his skin after the final one. He fucking whimpers and my dick throbs against his ass.

But then he pulls away and sits up. I watch him in confusion, almost pouting when he pushes my hands away. “I can’t take it.” He whispers as he whips his shirt off. “I need you. Right now.” He looks back down at me, his warm blonde hair hanging in front of his eyes. He pushes it out of his face before reaching for the hem of my shirt.

I let him start to undress me, growing amused at just how frantic he’s becoming. “Relax, baby. We have all the time in the world.” I tease, flashing a smirk at him as I reach for him again. I pull him into me and he squeaks in surprise as our bare chests meet, his hands flying to my biceps. I can’t help but flex a bit. He whispers a soft ‘hi’, which I return as my fingers begin to trace circles on his back. He looks so pretty when he shudders at my touch.

I grow serious after a moment. I’ve never been with a man before. I’ve had plenty of sex but it’s been about a year since the last time and that time was with a woman because I was actively trying to deny my feelings for him. It’s not that I’m afraid or uncomfortable, I just need him to take it slow so I can learn his body; learn how he likes to be touched and how this actually works.

He can sense this. His eyes widen a bit, which is fucking adorable given his flushed cheeks, and he lets his hands slide up my arms to rest on my shoulders. “Am…am I your first?” I give a slight nod and his expression grows fond, a soft smile settling on his thick lips. “I’ll try to be patient.” He teases and both of us give a soft chuckle before my arms tighten around his waist.

“Can…” I start and bite my lip pensively. Should I ask for his permission? I mean, surely he won’t mind it since he initiated everything. Still, I ask. “Can I kiss you, Felix?”

His nod is almost imperceptible but I see it. He doesn’t make a move to lean in and I move one arm from his waist. Everything is still as we stare at each other, my free hand coming up to his face. I brush my knuckles along his jaw and he shivers, his breath hitching as I lean up towards him and let my hand cup his jaw. “I’ve spent so much time thinking about this.” I mimic his previous statement when we’re only a centimeter apart and his lips curl up into a soft smile before I bring my own lips to meet his.

It feels like the stars have aligned. Everything feels right when I’m kissing him. He tastes like the blue raspberry lollipop he was sucking on earlier - distractingly, might I add - but I’m certain he’d be just as sweet without the lingering taste of candy. I swipe my tongue over his bottom lip and he lets out yet another whimper, making my dick twitch again.

He slowly pulls back for air and I peek out at him, noticing a tiny smile on his lips again. “You taste like candy.” I whisper and he lets out a soft giggle, making my heart melt.

“So do you.” He whispers back. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” He adds before crashing his lips back to mine. His hands are on my neck now, his thumbs resting just in front of my ears as he splays his fingers out on my feverish skin. This kiss is more urgent, more passionate. I let my hand move to the back of his head and suck in a deep breath as he nips at my lip. His hips begin to move again and the hand I’ve tangled in his sunny tresses becomes a fist.

His elbows are tucked in and it almost feels like he’s trying to make himself smaller. Does he like to feel small? I almost melt over how endearing he is but I manage to hold myself together. I can make him feel small and cared for.

I can’t help but give his hair a soft tug as I sweep my tongue into his mouth. He lets out the prettiest whine and reaches one hand between us, palming at the front of my shorts as he stills his hips. He’s growing frantic again and I can tell he’s desperate to be touched right now.

He doesn’t let me explore his mouth for too long, instead urging my head back so he can trail kisses along my throat. His lips work down my neck and just as I release his waist so I can slip a hand into his sweats, he begins his descent down my body. Molten lava fills my veins and I freeze in place when his lips trail down my chest while his hands make quick work of my shorts. He doesn’t tug my boxers down just yet, opting to tease me through the thin material. After lifting my hips for him, I look down at him.

I watch as he settles on his belly between my legs and admires the strain in my boxers. He props himself up on one elbow while he runs his free hand along my thigh. He turns and presses a kiss to my other thigh, dangerously close to my dick. “Lixie-” I hiss and he simply hums, allowing his lips to press more tender kisses to my skin and then the material of my boxers. He looks drunk now.

His hand rests on my hip as he begins to mouth at my barely-concealed hard-on and I let out a low groan. He leaves a series of sloppy kisses on the front of my boxers before closing his lips around my clothed tip. I suck in a ragged breath at the sensation and let my head fall back against the headboard with a dull thud. “Felix, please-” I sigh.

I don’t know why I anticipated him to refuse and continue teasing me, but that’s not what happens. He instantly gets up on his knees and urges me to lift my hips, which I do with no hesitation. My cock springs free from its confinement and I hiss slightly. I lift my head with all the strength I can muster and watch him settle back in before wrapping a small hand around my dick.

Something in me is screaming that I need to watch, to take in every second of his attention on me, but it’s becoming hard to hold my head up. The anticipation is driving me up the wall. My breathing is ragged as he gives a few strokes before making eye contact and wrapping his lips around my angry red head. I let out a soft sigh as his tongue swirls around the tip and my eyes slip closed. It’s only just started but this is already the best head of my life.

Then he takes me as far as he can and I feel like I’m floating. The sound that escapes me is choked and draws an amused hum from him. I allow my head to fall back against the headboard once more, the thud much louder this time, but force my eyes open, watching in the mirror as he throats my dick. I take in the way his head bobs over my hips and how his back is arched ever so slightly with the way he’s propped up. I admire the way he has one leg hiked up while the other is stretched out straight.

Between the slurping sounds and the way he’s rutting against the bed, I feel like I’m going to combust. He pulls off to breathe but continues to jerk me and I feel a bubble of disappointment settle in my belly. I know why he stopped but fuck it felt so good. He presses a series of kisses to my hips and thighs as he catches his breath and I almost have the strength to look back down at him but then he swallows me whole again and I almost pass out.

He’s working faster now, with more vigor, and I can’t dream of containing the noises he seems so set on drawing out of me. “Fuck, Lixie, slow down-” I groan, tangling a fist in his hair. He lets out a whimper at the tug and I notice how he bucks his hips harder at the contact as I’m watching his reflection. “I won’t last-”

He pulls off and stops moving, staring up at me. “Look at me.” His voice is oddly demanding and I can’t bring myself to deny him. I lift my head and make eye contact. “Sit up. I want you to watch me make you cum.” I have half a mind to flip things and pin him down, to teach him a lesson for getting so bossy with me, but I let it slide because I’m admittedly desperate to feel his mouth back on my aching cock. I resituate myself without a word and he gives a satisfied sound. “Good boy.”

“Thin ice, Lixie.” I warn and he lets out a soft giggle.

“Worth a shot.” He hums before growing serious again. “I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve gotten off to the thought of sucking you off.” He sighs almost dreamily before taking the tip back in his mouth. He looks up at me as he hollows his cheeks and swirls his tongue yet again, his hand working the rest of my cock. It’s clear he’s set on making me cum before I get the chance to fuck him, before I have the chance to get him equally as worked up.

He’s about to have his way. The knot in the pit of my belly is dangerously close to unraveling and I can’t stifle the noises he’s drawing out of me.

That knot comes undone the second I feel his free hand move to fondle my balls. “Fuck-” I almost drop my head back but the desire to have this image burned in my mind is stronger. Wave after wave of arousal floods my body as I shoot my load into his mouth, his fingertips just barely teasing my balls. I watch as he swallows my cum, my body on fire as he continues to work my dick until I’m about to beg him to stop.

He pulls off right before I open my mouth to stop him and licks his lips. He doesn’t say anything, just pulls himself to his knees and moves up the bed to kiss me. My arms are around his waist and his hands rest on my neck like before. I taste myself on his lips and when I sweep my tongue into his mouth. I’m straining up to kiss him as he’s towering over me and part of me wishes he’d sit down instead of standing on his knees. I don’t voice this, opting instead to focus on how good it feels to be with him like this.

My hands trail along his back, my fingertips ghosting over his skin, and he shivers. How cute. I let my fingers dip past his waistband and he sucks in a shaky breath, not once pulling away from the kiss as I give his bare ass a squeeze. I push his sweats and boxers down in one go and he finally breaks the kiss, looking down between us as his cock springs free. He presses his forehead to mine as I reach between us and he gasps when my callused hand wraps around his dick, his jaw hanging slack.

I realize this is the first time in my life I’m touching a dick that isn’t mine and I feel like a curious teenager all over again. I give an experimental tug, touching him the way I like to be touched, and he whines softly. The sound goes straight to my cock and I decide I have to keep hearing it. It’s just too pretty. He’s just too pretty. “What do you want? Tell me what you like, baby.” I whisper and his breath hitches. I can’t tell if it’s because of the name or the way my hand is working his hard-on, but I’m beyond caring.

“Just- just want you, Bin…” he whispers back and I shake my head.

“You know what I mean, Lix.” I gently nudge him back so I can meet his gaze and his face is bright red. How fucking cute. “I can’t just go for it without you telling me what you like and what feels good. I’ve never slept with a guy before. All the experience I have means nothing in this context.” My voice is gentle, not scolding. He already looks flustered enough.

He nods and swallows thickly as he tries to form a coherent sentence. I know the way my hand is slowly jerking him is making his mind run blank. “I-I’ll show you how. Just…please don’t stop-” His words are cut short by a surprisingly high-pitched moan when I dig my thumb into the slit. “Fuck- definitely don’t stop.”

I can’t help but chuckle softly at his response, feeling empowered by his reaction. “You like it when I do that?” I tease and he nods vigorously. “Words, baby. Tell me, do you like it when I do that?” I may sound like an ass right now but I don’t really care. I’m feeling high from this and every sound he makes pushes me closer to losing myself. I want to hear him say it.

“Y-yes!” He moans out, ducking his face into my neck. “Yes, I love it when you touch me like that. Want you to do it again. Please?” He’s quiet, his voice muffled by my shoulder, but I hear him clearly. I can’t deny him anything. I’ve never been able to deny him anything, even before I was nursing a crush on him. I dig my thumb in again and he lets out a choked sound, bucking into my hand.

He whimpers in distress when I release his cock, his head snapping up from my shoulder with wide, bleary eyes. He looks entirely dazed and disappointed at the loss of contact. Confused even. I sooth him with a quick peck before pulling him against my chest and flipping us so he’s on his back.

He looks pretty staring up at me like this. He always looks pretty, of course, but I’ve wanted to see him under me for so long now. I stare back at him for a moment before ducking down to kiss him. He moves to wrap his arms around my neck but I gently pin his wrists to the bed and he lets out a soft groan.

My lips move to his jaw and I press a few soft kisses there before beginning my descent. I nip at his neck and press chaste kisses to his collarbones; allow my tongue to flick over his nipples, earning a tiny squeak. “Let me hear.” I pause, looking up at him. I can tell he’s holding back and I want to hear every sound he makes. He nods slowly and I peck the center of his chest. “Good boy.” He keens at the name and I grin to myself. “You like being called a good boy, don’t you Lixie?”

“Fucking love it…” He whispers, his head falling back against the headboard. He’s more slumped than I’d been so I can just barely see his face as I move down his body. “Wanted to hear you call me a good boy for so long.” He sighs, allowing himself to get lost in the sensation of my lips on his skin.

“Yeah?” He nods and hums out a soft ‘uh huh’. “I bet you were thinking about it while imagining blowing me, weren’t you?” He gives the same response and I let out a quiet laugh as my lips ghost over his abs. He’s got well-defined muscles, which is a pleasant surprise for anyone who is blessed to see him shirtless.

His dick twitches as I kiss his hips and he whines softly when I don’t immediately touch him. I’m somewhat nervous now as I settle on my stomach between his legs. Again, I’ve had plenty of sex, but never with a man. I’m curious. But I’m also so unsure of myself. I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and hesitantly lick the tip, propping on one arm the way he had only minutes prior.

He gasps softly at the sensation and I do it again, looking up to gauge his reaction. His eyes are screwed shut, his brow furrowed as he focuses on my touch. His lips are parted, allowing puffs of air and soft sounds of pleasure to escape. Slowly, carefully, I wrap my lips around the head of his cock and he lets out a whine so stunning I think I might just pass away.

“Please- more-” He gasps out and I tentatively flick my tongue. “J-just like that…” he whispers, assuring me I’m doing this right. I repeat my actions over and over, my hand working the rest of him, until he’s a worked up, whining mess. I pull off briefly and his head snaps up, his eyes flying open. Before he can ask why I stopped, I lock eyes with him and allow a thick string of drool to drip down from my mouth and onto the tip of his cock before spreading it around with my hand. He whimpers helplessly at the sight and I feel his dick throb in my hand.

Without breaking eye contact, I take him back in my mouth with more confidence than before and set out to finish him off. I want to taste more of him. I ease myself down his cock, taking him as far as I can manage before gagging a bit. He’s nodding at me now, assuring me I’m doing a good job, and my mind runs blank. All I can think about is making him feel good. I finally have him right where I want him - under me - and I’m determined to make this worth it for him.

I repeat my actions over and over until he’s desperately tugging at my hair and bucking his hips. Every time he shoves his cock down my throat, I gag around him and he lets out another pretty moan. He’s losing himself now and I feel powerful yet again. Then he starts begging.

“Please- oh my fucking god- ‘m gonna cum-” He moans out, letting his head fall back against the headboard.

Immediately, I pull off his drooling dick and repeat his previous statement, though my tone is much more demanding. “Look at me. I want you to watch me make you cum.” He lets out one of the most distressed sounds I’ve ever heard from him and quickly complies, propping himself up on one elbow so one hand is still free to tug at my hair. “Good boy.” I coo and take him back in my mouth.

His jaw hangs slack as his grip on my hair grows tighter and tighter to the point it’s painful. I love it. I find myself rutting against the bed just like he had earlier as I dig my tongue into the slit. The sound he lets out isn’t simply a moan, it’s a cry. He’s desperate for release now and he’s so, so sensitive. “A-again! Please- do it again-” He begs and I can’t dream of denying him.

The moment I repeat my actions, I feel his cum against my tongue. I take it all but I don’t swallow. I want him to get a taste of himself. I move up the bed as he comes down from his high and immediately press my lips to his, much like he’d done earlier. I gently grip his chin, urging him to open his mouth. He complies eagerly and I use my tongue to push his cum into his mouth, sharing it with him. We exchange it back and forth for a few seconds before I pull away and swallow what’s left.

“I don’t know what the fuck that was, but it was hot.” He giggles breathlessly and I chuckle softly. If I’m being honest, I don’t know what came over me just then, but it was one of the hottest things I’d ever done. I realize we’re staring at each other but I don’t dare move.

Things are still again, like when I asked to kiss him, except now he’s smiling up at me. We’re comfortable now, less on edge, but I’m far from done with him. I bring my hand to his face and run my thumb over his cheekbone as he leans into my touch, his eyes slipping shut. “You’re so pretty.” I whisper and his cheeks go a soft rose color.

“You’re prettier.” He whispers back, looking up at me. I chuckle and shake my head before he gently pushes me back. I sit up, slightly confused, and he rolls onto his side. I want to pin him back in place but I also have no clue what he’s doing. “You should really learn to put these things away.” He teases as he reaches for something on the other side of my bed.

It’s then that I realize I left my lube laying at the top of the pillow, tucked just far enough out of sight for me to forget its existence. It had slipped between the pillow and headboard, just barely peeking out. I let out a soft huff of laughter and move to take it but he playfully swats my hand away. “Sit.” He gestures to the headboard and I comply, moving to sit with my back against the cool wood.

I watch as he grabs a couple of pillows to recline on and pops the cap on the tube. “I’ve always wanted to put on a show for you…” he murmurs, his legs falling open as he squeezes some of the candy-scented lube onto his fingers to warm it up.

“How fitting. I’ve always wanted to watch you put on a show.” I smirk and he lets out a soft huff of laughter before whimpering quietly as his middle finger circles his entrance. His face scrunches up cutely as he slowly works himself up, soft sighs slipping past his pillowy lips.

After a few minutes of teasing, he carefully presses his middle finger into himself and makes yet another beautiful sound. God I wish I were the one touching him like that. Maybe he’ll let me…

“Fuck, baby, you look so pretty like this…” I groan, watching as he finger fucks himself open for me. I wrap a hand around my dick and watch as he tries not to get too far ahead of himself.

“Yeah? How pretty?” He whimpers, adding a second finger as he looks at me. I see his cock twitch upon the realization that I’m enjoying what he’s doing and my gaze lifts to his face.

“So fucking pretty, baby. The prettiest.” His jaw drops and he lets his head tip back. It’s interesting to see just how much my words affect him.

Then he lets out a whine of frustration. “Can’t reach-” he huffs and I’m all too eager to offer assistance.

“Want me to take over, angel?” Stars fill his eyes at the name as he nods enthusiastically, immediately pulling his hand back to give me access.

“Please…”

I waste no time in grabbing the lube and squeezing some onto my fingers as I bring myself to my knees between his legs. I notice him tense and I pause, worried he might be uncomfortable. “Is everything okay, Lix?” I ask softly, still coating my fingers and warming the lube as I speak.

“Hmm?” It’s then that I see his eyes have become glossy and half-lidded. “Oh- yeah, everything is great.” He smiles up at me but I don’t move so he elaborates. “I was getting ahead of myself.”

“Aww, lost in thought about how it’ll feel when I fuck you?” He nods vigorously and I smirk as I lean down, propping myself up on one hand which is planted by his head. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, you won’t have to wait to find out much longer.” His face goes bright red again as I slip my hand between his legs.

In reality, I’m just as worked up as he is and I’m nervous. I’m talking a big game for someone who has never fucked a guy before. But I’m encouraged by his reaction as I press a slick finger inside him.

His jaw is still hanging slack and he lets out a soft whine. I’m honestly a little surprised by his reaction. He’s already stretched himself a good bit so it’s not a shocking sensation or anything. Is he really that affected by my touch? “C-curl-” He urges and I do, earning a high-pitched moan as my finger comes into contact with his prostate.

With a renewed sense of courage, I begin to finger fuck him, repeatedly dragging my finger over his prostate. After only a minute, he begs me for another so I give it to him, watching his face contort in pleasure as I hover over him. I lower myself down and begin to press kisses to his neck, earning sighs of pleasure.

But then he grabs my wrist, pushing my hand away, and I freeze. “Can’t- fuck, I can’t take it-” He grabs the lube as he speaks and puts more than a generous amount on his palm before wrapping his hand around my hard-on. “Please just fuck me already-” He begs as he coats my dick and it twitches in his hand. He looks up at me with a sly grin. “You like when I beg, Binnie?”

My cock throbs again and I instantly pull my fingers out of him and place my hand over his, bucking my hips when he digs his thumb into the slit. “I fucking love it, angel. Love that name too.” I see the stars in his eyes again and gently push his hand away. He takes hold of his own dick with his messy hand, biting his lip when I line up.

I slowly push in, watching as his lips part and he lets out a soft gasp. I’m short circuiting now. He’s tighter than any woman I ever fucked and now my jaw is hanging slack like his has been since he saw my dick pic. “Oh my fucking god, Lixie…” I choke out before I’m even halfway in.

My face screws up in pleasure and I hiss softly as my hips meet his. I don’t know if he wants me to move yet or not but I have to stay still for a moment or I will finish too early, I can feel it. “Binnie…” I manage to force my eyes open and his expression almost makes me lose myself. He’s staring up at me with half-lidded eyes, his pillowy lips parted and allowing little puffs of air to escape. “Kiss me…” He whispers, following it up with a soft ‘please?’ as he gives his cock a tug.

I don’t need to be asked twice. I plant my free hand on the other side of his head as I dip down to kiss him, making a mental note to change the sheets before letting him settle in for the night. Our lips meet and he tangles his free hand in my hair, giving a soft tug.

I groan against his lips and he continues to pull until it hurts. I wince at the pain and stop my hips from moving as he riles me up. He doesn’t seem to like this and gives another tug. He continues to give sporadic tugs as my tongue sweeps into his mouth until I finally buck my hips. He lets out a broken moan against my lips and I pull back so I can hear him fully.

“Gonna sing for me, pretty boy?” I tease as I snap my hips forwards, earning a loud, whiny ‘uh huh’ as he nods. “Tell me how you want it, baby.” I whisper, giving shallow thrusts as I listen for his response.

“I don’t care.” He groans, working his hand a bit faster. “I don’t care how you fuck me, Bin, just please make me cum.” He begs in a pathetic tone and a thrill runs through my body.

“Any way I want?” He nods and I sit up between his legs. I gently push his hand away from his dick and press his knees towards his chest, my hands supporting him so he can just relax and feel everything I’m doing to him. “Lix?” He looks up and I catch his eye. “Tell me if anything is off, yeah?” I’m so worried I’m going to mess this up somehow. Maybe it’s because it’s Felix, my best friend and the man I’ve had feelings for for over a year, and not just some random guy.

“Of course.” I breathe a sigh of relief and he bites his lip in a failed attempt to conceal a tiny smile. “But don’t expect to hear anything but moans.” I’m slightly taken aback but entirely flattered that he has so much faith in me.

He’s about to encourage me to carry on when I suddenly snap my hips forwards. His jaw drops and his head falls back to the pillows, a quiet moan slipping past his plump lips. “You mean like that?” I tease as I set a steady pace, suppressing my own sounds save for the soft cursing under my breath.

He nods frantically and I just barely notice him wipe his hands clean before holding his legs just above where I’m holding. “Please touch my cock, Binnie. I need it. I need you to touch me. Pretty please?” He begs as I begin to speed up, feeling more confident with every gasp and moan I draw from him.

I release his thighs and wrap my right hand around his dick, stifling a low groan as he lets out a breathy moan that vaguely sounds like my name. My gaze is volleying between where we’re connected, my hand tugging at his pretty cock, and his face, which is screwed up in pleasure. My hips falter slightly when I realize he looks just as pretty as he did in the dream that started this whole mess.

I quickly regain my rhythm and tap his hand, signaling him to release his legs. Once he does, I urge them around my waist. My left hand rests on his thigh, close to his hip, and I massage circles on his feverish skin with my thumb. “F-faster-” He chokes, one hand fisting in the sheets while the other blindly searches for my left hand.

He stops my absentminded motion and takes my hand, lacing our fingers. My heart races at the simple gesture and I give a gentle squeeze as I pick up the pace, hips pistoning at a pace I forgot I could reach. I’m about to speak but every thought leaves my mind when I look down at his leaking cock. Just past that, I notice a bulge that appears every time I slam into him.

“Holy fucking shit-” I hiss as I watch in wonder. A new wave of arousal crashes over me at the sight and I’m hit with the urge to breed him; to make him wholly mine. I know it makes no sense but I can’t help it. “Lixie, baby, you’re so fucking perfect…” I groan and he squeezes my hand.

I release his dick and ghost my fingers over the bulge appearing in his belly with each thrust. He whines in disappointment at the loss of stimulation but lifts his head when he feels my fingertips on his skin. He zeroes in on what I’m fixated on and I feel him clench around me, drawing a loud moan from me. “Oh fuck-” His jaw drops as he watches, precum dribbling on his skin at the sight, which only makes it hotter. “Oh fuck ‘m gonna cum-” He warns and I instantly wrap my hand back around his cock, set on finishing him off.

I’m fighting to stay composed as I fuck into him. I want him to cum first. And he does. He lets out a cry that resembles my name as cum spurts across his belly, his grip on my hand tightening as he shudders in pleasure. I don’t stop jacking him off until he’s trembling and squeezing my hand almost painfully. Finally, I release him. “Where do you want it, bab-?”

He doesn’t even let me finish speaking. “Inside. Please cum inside.” His tone is desperate as he begs and he sounds close to tears. Not being able to refuse him, I let go.

My thrusts become sloppy and a moment later my orgasm crashes over me. I rut into him desperately, my entire body overtaken by a euphoria I’ve never experienced before. I’m pinning his hands above his head as I fall into him even before the ecstasy has passed, hips still jerking as I crash my lips to his in a desperate kiss.

He moans against my lips, squeezing my hands as my hips slow. Finally, I still as my tongue dips into his mouth. He still tastes like that blue raspberry lollipop from earlier.

I hum as I pull back for air and he bites his lip as he looks up at me. We stare at each other in silence, both of us praying that this isn’t a one time thing but neither of us willing to ask. I release his hands in favor of playing with his hair after pushing it out of his face. “You did so good.”

“Mm usually I’m the one giving the praise, sweetheart.” I tease and he giggles softly, bringing his hands to my cheeks and tracing my cheekbones with his thumbs.

“Well I’m the one with more experience so I get to dole out praises this time.” He sticks his tongue out playfully before smiling up at me again. “Seriously though, you’re fucking amazing.”

I lean down and peck his lips again before sitting up, pulling him with me so we’re still chest to chest. I’m vaguely aware of the way our bodies are pressed together, his cum smearing across both of us now. More importantly, I’m aware of how the change in position drives me deeper into him; aware of the tiny gasp that slips past his lips.

“I think that’s you, baby.” I whisper and peck his lips again. I can’t help myself. I’ve wanted to kiss him for a whole year now.

He goes quiet for a moment as he looks at me and I wonder what he’s thinking. Before I can ask, he’s tipping us over and I’m landing on my back beneath him. “No, it’s you. I can’t get enough.” He whispers and rolls his hips.

I hiss at the motion and plant my feet on the mattress, trying to tighten my grip on him to hold him still while I buck into him, but he pushes my hands away. He grabs my wrists and pins my hands by my head at first, pulling back so he can look down at me. My softening dick begins to stiffen again and I make a mental note to contemplate exactly why it was so hot to be pinned down by him when he’s the most obviously submissive man I’ve ever met. Then he releases me and sits up properly on my lap.

“What have you done to me?” He whines softly, lifting himself up so just the tip is inside before dropping back down. I raise an eyebrow as my hands move to his hips and he tips his head back, looking up at himself in the mirror. “You already wrecked me, why am I still so fucking horny?”

I can’t help but chuckle at his complaint. “What? Tiny baby needs to be filled with cum again to feel satisfied?” My tone is mocking and I can feel the effect my words have on him. He clenches around me as his whole body tenses and I see his eyes slip shut in the mirror as he makes a pathetic noise.

“Yes! God yes-” He moans, pushing into my touch when my hands move to squeeze his ass. “Want you to fill me up again. Wanna make you cum for me again…” He babbles on as he lifts himself up and drops back down, letting out what almost sounds like a squeal.

He sets a steady pace like this, a symphony of the prettiest sounds I’ve ever heard falling from his lips as he rides me. His head lolls around, alternating between watching himself in the mirror and looking down at me. I can’t tear my eyes away from his body, fixated on the way his muscles contract and the bulge that appears as he fucks me.

I don’t know what possesses me to do this, but I slap his ass and he jolts on top of me. His dick twitches and he moans out my name. He leans forwards and places his hands on my abs, balancing himself as he rocks back on my dick. I buck my hips and he whimpers. “No no no, lemme do it. I wanna do this. Wanna make you cum…” He argues and I can't deny him anything so I comply.

It’s difficult to stay still but I settle for guiding his hips. His head hangs as he rides me, his moans growing increasingly desperate each time our bodies meet. My body is on fire at the slight overstimulation but I welcome it.

Felix doesn’t seem to be faring as well. His moans have turned into cries and he tries to hide his face from me by tossing his head back as he sits up. I see it though and I notice the tears. I’m worried but he’s still going, lifting himself up with much effort and dropping back down in a heap. “Baby, do you need a break?”

“J-just a little…” he wipes his cheeks but doesn’t stop moving. “But I wanna keep going.”

“Why don’t you let me take over, Lixie?” He shakes his head and I gently squeeze his hips. “Please, angel?” He freezes at the name and nods after a moment of silence.

I immediately sit up and make him lay back before pulling out, some of my cum leaking out of him. I don’t bother asking him to roll over, I position him myself. I put him on his belly and push one leg up, like the way he’d laid while sucking me off. I grab his ass and see him clench around nothing, whimpering at my treatment of him. “Please fuck me, Binnie…” He whines out and I squeeze some more lube onto my dick before I line up.

I push into him and set a rough pace, giving his ass a slap as I listen to his wails. His hands fist the sheets as lewd squelching and the sound of skin slapping fills the room. He lets out a pretty sob every time I slap his ass.

My gaze bounces back and forth between his ass - I can’t help but admire the way it jiggles every time I slam into him - and his hands twisted in the sheets. He looks so pretty on display for me like this, crying into my sheets. It’s better than any dream I could’ve had and my dick twitches inside him. Fuck I’m close.

“Fuck- Binnie, please cum inside! Please- want you to cum first and fill me up-” He begs and my dick twitches again.

“Yeah? Gonna take it all like a good boy? Gonna cum and make a mess of my sheets?”

“Yes!” He sobs and I can't help myself. I give in to the fire licking at my skin and cum, relishing in his moans as I fill him up. He shudders beneath me as he joins me, his body jerking with the force of his orgasm.

I don’t stop until I’m on fire, until I can’t take it anymore. He’s trembling now. I pull out slowly and he makes a small sound of protest. I lean down and press my lips to his shoulder, kissing there several times before sitting back up. “You did so good for me, baby. Took it so well.” I coo as I gently roll him onto his back, only to discover he’d had a dry orgasm.

“Yeah?” He asks hopefully and I nod, leaning back over him and swiping my knuckles over his cheeks to dry his tears.

“Yeah.” I offer a small smile before pecking his pouty lips. “Why don’t you let me get you cleaned up and then we can snuggle?”

“How about I go get cleaned up while you change the sheets and then we cuddle?” He laughs softly, taking in a shaky breath afterwards as he stares up at me in what I can only describe as adoration.

“Do you want me to help you to the bathroom?” I ask as we both sit up and he shakes his head.

“It’s okay. I’m okay.” He assures me as he stands. Part of me deflates a little because I want to dote on him, but that part is pacified when he turns around and plants his lips on mine. I rise up on my knees as we kiss, pulling him against me. I frown a little when he pulls back. “I’ll be right back.”

I nod and watch him walk into my en suite bathroom before pulling myself from my trance. Holy shit. I fucked my best friend.

I get up from the bed and quickly pull the sheets off, using them to wipe his cum off my stomach and clean my dick. I toss them in the hamper and grab a pair of boxers, pulling them on before going to the closet to get fresh sheets.

I’m wrestling with the fitted sheet when Felix comes out of the bathroom and grabs his boxers from the floor. “Need a hand?” He teases, his usual glow back tenfold.

“Maybe a little.” I chuckle and he helps me quickly finish making the bed before crawling under the sheets. I join him and prop up on one arm, resting my head on my hand. I take a moment to admire him, his bright eyes framed with long lashes and full lips that could easily put any Bratz doll to shame, before speaking. “How long did you know?”

He takes a moment to take me in as well before answering. “I only assumed, but ever since you told me you had ‘an intimate dream about a guy’ after icing me out for two weeks. It made sense. I wondered why you avoided me but then you told me you had that dream and I guessed it had something to do with me.”

“Then…how long have you thought about sleeping with me?” I might be pushing my luck but I’m curious.

“Long before you ever questioned your sexuality.” He scoffs at himself and looks down at my bare chest with a ghost of a smile, his cheeks going a soft pink. “I think it started that day at the park when we were in high school. Remember that picnic we went on? You were by my side the whole time and you complimented me a few times. You just looked so good that day and you were so laid back and fun, I couldn't help but admire you. That never really changed though, you being carefree.”

It’s my turn to blush now. A smile creeps onto my face as I listen and I finally wrap an arm around him, pulling him against me. “That long?” He nods and I kiss his forehead. “You must’ve known something I didn’t back then.” I tease.

“No,” he laughs. “I used to lament the fact I had a crush on the straight guy.” He snuggles into my chest and lets out a soft sigh. “Part of me wondered if I was ever obvious about it. I don’t know if I ever acted weird around you. I feel like I did.”

“If you did, I never noticed. You’ve always been a sweetheart, I just figured you were extra sweet in private with everyone.” I laugh in spite of myself. How did I never pick up on it? To be fair, I thought I was straight until a little over a year ago. “It’s endearing.”

“It is?” I can hear his smile in his voice.

“It is. Everything about you is. You’re the resident sunshine, after all.”

“I like when you call me stuff like that.”

“Yeah?” He nods. “I think ‘angel’ is your favorite, hmm?” He nods again and I kiss the top of his head before laying my head down. “Cute. Well I’m glad you like it because I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“You better not.” He’s pouting now, I’m sure of it.

“Don’t worry, baby, I won't.”

“Good. You better keep calling me your baby.” I can’t stop the smile I’m wearing from growing wider.

“I will because you are.” I hum. I don’t know what we are but I do know we’re more than friends and I do know I’m never getting over him. “Sweet dreams.” I whisper when I notice his breathing even out.

Whatever this is, I’m content to hold him in my arms for the rest of the night.

#kpop smut #stray kids smut #stray kids #stray kids changbin #changbin #changbin smut #chanbin x felix #changlix #changlix smut #stray kids felix #lee felix #lee felix smut #kpop pride #pride month event 2023 #this was the result of several months of severe brain rot #i hope you like it #because it's one of my favorites #alura’s works

[emophil81]

„The first time in the public swimming pool“ - a triple amputee story (fiction)

Ever since I got home from the rehabilitation clinic, I've had more time than before. I was no longer able to do my original job and the retraining measure had not yet been approved by the health insurance company. So I had to pass the time somehow. Even before the accident, I had always liked going to the swimming pool. The swimming pool in our city was a beautiful thermal bath including a sauna and wellness area.

I had completely lost both of my arms and my left leg after a motorcycle accident. My arms had been amputated from the shoulders and my left leg from the hip. I had been run over on my motorcycle by a drunk truck driver who had overlooked me. My life had changed forever in one moment. At the age of 25, I was suddenly a severely handicapped person and sometimes dependent on help in everyday life. It was made clear to me very quickly in the hospital that I would probably never be able to use prostheses. Since my arms and my leg had both been amputated without stumps, prostheses were out of the question for me.

I had therefore already started using my foot as a replacement hand in the hospital. In addition, they had begun to prepare me to cover short distances by hopping on one leg in the future. For longer distances I used an electric wheelchair that I steered with my foot. I still needed help in everyday life and had two carers who took turns accompanying me during the day. My carer, Nico, accompanied me to the swimming pool for the first time, helped me to change and now carried our backpack with my personal belongings behind me when I was hopping on one leg with a slide on my foot (it was wet and slippery in the bathroom) into the public area of ​​the pool from the changing rooms. I wore a blue Speedo, nothing else.

People made room for me and looked at me with a mixture of astonishment, shock and sometimes disgust, looks that I already knew well and ignored. It was unusual for me to be here in the swimming pool for the first time as an amputee. I headed for the sun loungers and Nico laid out our towels and put the backpack next to it. I positioned myself with small hops in front of the lounger and then sat down on it. "You want to get in the water right now, Tommy?" I was a little out of breath. "No, I'll rest for a moment. We can then get into the water in 5 minutes.” Nico nodded and sat down on the lounger as well.

I watched the hustle and bustle, there wasn't that much going on here in the swimming pool. I knew that just off the main pool was a nice hot tub that was also hidden from view by lots of jungle plants. It was something like a secret gay meeting place. I figured I'd go over there and relax in the warm water, maybe I could watch two nice guys making out. Nico was reading a book. "Nico, I'm going over to the jacuzzi." Nico smiled at me encouragingly. "Yes, of course, Tommy, do it, if something happens, just call, I'm within earshot." „See you later.” I said, swinging my right leg off the lounger and carefully starting to hop barefoot towards the jacuzzi. The pool was empty, I supported myself with my left side on the railing at the entrance to the stairs and, leaning against it, jumped step by step into the bubbling warm water. I sat down on the seat and closed my eyes.

Not a sound disturbed the peace. Suddenly the water in the whirlpool shook and small waves splashed on my neck. I knew right away from the noise that someone was getting into the pool. I opened my eyes. A man in his twenties sat down directly across from me. He had medium-length brown hair that was side-styled and very pretty green eyes. A slight growth of beard made him even more attractive. But what was most interesting, his right leg was amputated and on his left breast below the shoulder was a rainbow with the words "Gay Pride" emblazoned on it. He had a scarred leg stump, but it was now disappearing underwater. He smiled shyly at me, but then looked away as I maintained eye contact. The guy looked really good I thought to myself. Somehow he cast a spell over me. Just because he seemed so shy despite his masculinity made me a little horny.

I took a chance after the guy was openly gay and an amputee. I cautiously felt over it with my leg. Because of the foaming water, I couldn't tell exactly where he was stretching out. I noticed almost a little disappointed that he had sat down in such a way that there was a lot of distance between us. I didn't feel anything except water. Then a touch, but he immediately pulled his leg further away and gave me a startled look. I apologized and was amazed at this reaction. He nodded to me and said it was alright. I decided to end my attempts. Maybe I just wasn't his type.

But then his leg slowly came back and briefly pressed against me. His foot slowly felt up to my thigh. I took a deep breath and looked at him again. Again I saw his absolutely magical smile. Now it was clear to me that something would still work out with him today. This totally cutie guy was about to be mine and I couldn't wait.

I switched pool sides and introduced myself to him. "Hi there, I'm Tommy and this is my first time back at the pool since my accident." He was nervous and shy. Red cheeks suited him perfectly. Finally he thawed out a bit and also told me something. "I'm Andy. This is my first time here since I lost my leg. I watched you before when you hopped over here. You look really hot.” ​​he said. I listened to him and enjoyed how deep and manly his voice was. I liked that he finally opened up a bit to me. His shy look finally made me horny. I told him I was very tender and sensitive after he said he wasn't quite ready to have sex after his accident. If he wants, I would like to show him something more, I said mischievously. Andy seemed to think for a moment, his red cheeks glowing, but then he nodded. He also admitted to me that he hadn't had that much gay sex before.

I didn't just want to make love to Andy. I felt the urge to show him how beautiful gay sex can be between two amputees at that. Before my accident, I myself was often out and about in the gay scene. Of course he was self-conscious and shy because of his inexperience, but I would take that away from him. I hoped he would just give himself to me. Finally the afternoon got interesting I thought.

I began kissing his muscular hairless shoulders tenderly. He sat very still and enjoyed it. I snuggled up lovingly in the crook of his neck. Andy's lips parted slightly and a very soft moan was heard. I smiled briefly and couldn't hold back. I leaned over and placed my lips on his mouth. To my surprise, he returned the kiss and then even shoved his tongue into my mouth. I pressed a little more against him. Our tongues played with each other. He was so hot.

With my right foot, I explored his body beneath the surface of the water. I deftly took off his Speedo and placed it on the edge of the pool with my foot. Andy was also a bit trained. My toes slid over his pecs and played with his nipples, which were already stiff. I groped deeper again but still avoided touching his cock. He was shaking and breathing faster. We looked at each other the whole time and I noticed with satisfaction how my shy counterpart got horny with my attentions. Then I grabbed his cock with my foot. His cock was completely hard. Andy was circumcised and I felt the wide glans. I slowly jerked him with my foot. Again he moaned slightly and tried to hold it back. I kissed him briefly and whispered that he could indulge himself. He didn't need to be afraid. He gave me a short nod and relaxed. My jerk off movements got faster and I soon felt Andy's body start to tremble. His hard cock stretched a little and was now throbbing violently. I didn't want him to come yet and stopped. He looked at me in surprise, but I just kissed him again.

Now I sat down again on the other side of the hot tub opposite Andy. I presented my armless shoulders to Andy and smiled. I noticed how Andy pulled down my Speedo with his foot. I looked around, but still none of the other bathers took notice of us. As my speedo swam up, Andy took it and placed it next to his on the edge of the pool. I got up on my foot and my penis was now just above the water. I presented my stiff boner to Andy, which was now stretching upwards over the water surface. You could clearly see how swollen my cavernous bodies were and the thick vein on the top twitched slightly. Andy stared at my body and cock, frozen.

He now came in front of me and began to feel me carefully. I enjoyed his probing hands, it had been so long since anyone had touched me sensually. Finally he came to my cock. Very tenderly he took it in his hand and squeezed it. I watched happily what he was doing to me. Then he put his tender lips over my fat latte. Then I was surprised, because that's not how I would have judged my shy lover. He slowly swallowed the thick shaft and kept looking up at me. I threw my head back, struggling to stand on one leg and surrendered to his skill. The muscles in my armless shoulders and legless left hip twitched uncontrollably. Who would have thought he was so skilled with his tongue I thought to myself. Andy blew my cock while feeling my balls. Breathing heavily, I told him that he would like to go faster. He tightened his lips and slid up and down the throbbing pipe. His tongue circled my glans and then bored into the piss crack. He grabbed me on the left side of my legless hip and on the right side of my thigh and massaged me there. I moaned briefly as I came a drop of pleasure. Andy winced and asked if he had hurt me. I shook my head in satisfaction. He cared about me so much. I thought how nice he is.

He got up now too. We faced each other in the hot tub with the water up to our waists. He started massaging my legless hip with his leg stump. He bit his lip and looked at me shyly. At that moment I didn't care if someone was watching us. For me it was just the two of us at the moment. I could only smile. His wet one-legged body looked seductive. His slightly tanned skin, the stump still rubbing sensually against mine, the pronounced biceps, the slightly toned pecs - I couldn't get enough of Andy. He pulled me into his arms and stroked my armless shoulders and then down my back. Our hard cocks pressed against our bellies and I heard him sigh. Again I kissed him tenderly. Then I whispered in his ear if I could fuck him. Actually I was bottom, but Andy got me so hot, I wanted him here and now.

He looked me straight in the eye and I could feel him becoming insecure again. You can't do that in the whirlpool, he whispered and looked down. I snuggled my face against his cheek and just whispered in his ear that nobody else was here. He snuggled up to me and told me that he had recently been fucked by a rough guy. After that everything hurt and he even bled. Andy trembled briefly and said he was afraid of it now. I got a little startled and looked deep into his eyes. He didn't deserve that. Andy was so manly and yet tender. For a moment I got angry at the big guy. You don't do that, I thought to myself. For me, sex has to be nice for both partners, otherwise it doesn't make any sense. I asked Andy if he trusts me. He looked at me for a long time and said that we don't really know each other yet. I almost regret not having met him somewhere else. I would have liked a slow approach coffee encounter. But then he suddenly nodded, turned around and lay his spread leg stump over the wide edge of the pool. I was really happy. He would now feel how nice anal sex can be I vowed.

In front of me was his round bubble butt with a very light fluff. He had cute round ass cheeks. In front of me was his little rosy hole, which puckered invitingly. Andy still pinched it tight. I laid across his back and slowly kissed my way down. I carefully crouched down so that only my head was above the water. I carefully licked his rosette and let my tongue circling. Andy was tense and seemed really scared. He just lay there, frozen, looking like a statue. I briefly kissed his buttocks and told him to drop. Relax and enjoy. If it hurts him, he should tell me immediately. I would stop immediately. He listened and nodded. I finally noticed how he thawed a bit. My tongue pressed against his butt hole and was able to penetrate him a bit.

A sigh escaped his lips. I got bolder and started penetrating deeper with my tongue. His rosette just thumped and opened a little further. Andy now stretched his butt towards me and asked me not to stop. I had to smile briefly. When his ass was licked softly, I leaned back and slowly inserted my big toe. It was easier than I thought and my dream guy groaned softly. I gently fingered him with my toe, trying to massage his prostate. His circular rosette and throbbing prostate gland turned me on. I saw him jerking his hand under the water. Andy moaned louder now. He whispered that he hadn't experienced anything like this before and it would be nice.

At one point Andy said he was ready now. I pulled my foot out of Andy's hole and stood up, pressing my hard cock against his buttocks. He flinched. I kissed his neck softly and whispered that I would be very careful. My wet glans came to his slightly open rosette and penetrated. Andy stiffened but said nothing. So I now pushed my plump shaft into him. Since we were in the pool and everything was wet, it was relatively easy, even without lubricant. Then I was all in him. Andy was very tight. His bowels encased my throbbing boner and lightly milked me. I paused so as not to come immediately. I quietly asked him if it hurt him. He shook his head, his hair hanging in his face. I slowly pulled back and then pushed back in a little harder. I was able to stand on one leg better in the water because of the buoyancy, which made things easier.

Andy gasped and begged me to continue. Very tenderly I began to fuck him. His tight ass received my bumps and my balls slapped on it. Water splashed through the fucking movements. Now I had to moan too. My somewhat inexperienced friend here was a well-behaved mare who finally surrendered to me and enjoyed it. Andy was now quietly urging me to fuck harder, always afraid of getting caught. It would feel so good and he would feel me so nice. I would have loved to grab his waist now, but only the muscles in my armless shoulders were twitching uncontrollably. I rammed into him faster. His hole was now wide open and jerked horny. After a few minutes the fuck drive had taken over me so much that I had no control. I plowed through his little ass like a bull and meanwhile he even came to meet my thrusts. My precum also lubricated him so that I could now easily fuck in.

Then I noticed how he tensed. I didn't see it, but I knew from his reactions that he had come. His body shook and he cried out softly. His hole contracted almost painfully around my fuck stud. This was too much for me too. With one last powerful thrust, I sunk my stand deeper into him than ever before and felt the juice rise. My cock was pumping like crazy, firing several threads of thick cum into his sweet ass. I tried not to moan too loudly and sank exhausted onto his back. I felt so happy and hoped it was nice for Andy too.

We slid back into the water and my cock squirted out of its hole. Our sperm was immediately distributed in the foaming water. He turns to me and looks at me again with those beautiful eyes. Again his red cheeks glowed and he smiled sweetly. I snuggled my cheek against his, rubbed his face and then leaned in to kiss his lips. He took me tenderly in his arms and I felt his soft skin. "Well Andy, did you at least like it?" Andy nodded and said, "Oh yeah, that was nothing compared to what I've done with other guys before. You're really good Tommy."

Andy had his eyes closed and was relaxing. His head lay sideways on my shoulder. A strand of hair stuck to his forehead, he looked cute, so exhausted. He looked at me and grinned again. Then he thanked me and briefly kissed my neck. How I would have liked to freeze this moment. I wanted to feel Andy like this forever and never let go. Then it hit me like lightning. Did the famous love at first sight really exist? Could I recognize her, who has never had a long-term relationship? Why did it happen even though we really didn't know each other that well? Dare I tell him this already? Now I was more insecure myself than ever before.

Andy noticed that I wasn't relaxed anymore. He asked softly, "Tommy, what's the matter with you?" I hesitated and then whispered, "Andy, I like you so much but have only ever been in short relationships. But that, that was so different. I don't know feelings like great love and now I don't know how to deal with them." He smiled and then just said, "Tommy, I feel the same way. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me since my amputation and I think I fell in love with you straight away.” Andy just asked me to take it easy. Meeting up in a bar or a disco, dressing up for dinner and cuddling up in front of the TV at home he thought would be the next steps to see if it made sense with us. I nodded happily and was surprised at how my first visit to the public pool as a triple amputee that day had turned out.

#malefeet #bare foot #triple amputee #male amputee #amputeelife #amputee #gay guys #gay love #gay #story #fiction

[not-poignant]

Hi, Pia.....Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks if you want to answer...

Hi anon!

So... they change and tbh I'm going to forget a ton of characters I love and then scream in my head later like 'oh no but THAT character and THAT character and THAT character' but I'll do my best!

Kiriyama Rei from March Comes in Like a Lion - Probably my favourite character possibly of all time. Introverted, kind of ace-coded right up until the end of the manga when it changes (and since the anime never ended he stays ace-coded throughout that lmao), very human, extremely depressed, and I just think he's a very good depiction of like...what it's like to live with extremely repressive depression and post-trauma while not necessarily knowing you have those things.

Dazai Osamu from Bungou Stray Dogs - He's a brilliant intellect genius with too much ability to know so much about the world that he kind of ends up suicidal all the time due to his upbringing / some of the things he's done and also what he's experienced. I just enjoy him. (Notable runner up here is Nakahara Chuuya but dslkajf)

Felix Harrowgate from the Doctrine of Labyrinths trilogy - Angsty, PTSD, waspish, 'I'm going to hurt you because I was hurt and then hate myself and do very self-destructive things about it but keep that part a secret so I just look like a constant dickhead,' brilliant, very good at magic. Love this dude. Would walk hundreds of miles for this dude, like the song. Would definitely write a long-ass fanfic about him.

Daeshik from Love So Pure - I love this guy SO much. He's a side-story / secondary pairing in the manhwa but I LOVE him because he's so against type. He's dorky but not in a very cute way, he's overbearing, he's SO neurodivergent coded it's painful and sometimes hilarious, he's determined and ambitious, he's not 'hot' in any typical kind of twink way, and I know he's split the fandom between 'god he's so annoying' and 'Daeshik is the BEST.' The whole webtoon is fucking amazing anyway, but Daeshik has my whole heart in his journey from 'dorky annoying overbearing friend' to 'oh I just realised I'm gay and now everything is Pride Pride Pride and I'm definitely crying next to a dildo I bought that was too big for me.'

Presenting Daeshik:

You'll never guess what he's sitting on sdlkjfas (he fails abjectly and then cries about it in a way that's kind of hilarious honestly).

Dana Scully from The X-Files - I didn't know it at the time, but this was very much my bisexual awakening. I mean I'm pretty heavily ace now, but I'm mostly not into cishet dudes, and I had pictures of Scully up on my wall like how did I not fucking know. Anyway, scientist, smart, 'so done with your shit' and just wry and witty and *clenches fist* so short and tiny and powerful. I love her. (And Gillian Anderson).

Loki from the MCU - Not necessarily every iteration, but I do love how Tom Hiddleston plays him, and I appreciate the queerer representation. Adore this guy. Look at him, what an absolute dickhead of a god. 10/10 would read him in hurt/comfort fics and PWPs again.

Hyunsoo Seo and Youngchan Baek from Perfect Buddy / XXX Buddy - Possibly my favourite manhwa of all time and I really hope that stays true because it's not finished yet. Idk how to describe these characters because they're both very complex as you get to know them better, but basically 'angry wet cat man with past trauma that he hides exceptionally well vs. Gwyn-dimensioned blond puppy dog who is just pretending to be a puppy dog because he knows exactly how threatening he is and is willing to be to protect the people he loves.'

Murderbot in the Murderbot novella series - I think all of us - or most of us - find Murderbot incredibly relatable and that's refreshing as fuck in any novel series tbh. (ART as runner-up though, love that fucker).

Sebastian Michaelis from Kuroshitsuji / Black Butler - Honestly there were a lot of kind of 'extremely powerful but kind of shitty fuckboys' I wanted to put in this category including Gojou Satoru from JJK, Reigen from MP100, and even Louis from Beastars, but Sebastian's gonna win out because I still don't know if he's going to eat Ciel at the end of that series and I very much love not knowing because he's such a devious fuckhead. Love that not-actually-a-man.

Yuurakutei Yakumo (Kikuhiku) from Shouwa Genroku Rakugo Shinjuu - I just... *flails* Almost no one has seen this anime series and it kind of kills me because firstly the books were written by someone practiced in writing BL and even though this isn't BL you can still tell the vibes are there. Secondly, one of the most ace-coded characters ever. Gender-fuckery abounds, which is fun. Thirdly just, honestly, more folks should watch this?

There were a lot of characters I know I missed but I'm pretty satisfied with this list.

I've just given myself a bunch of stuff to rewatch and reread because of this anon! :D

#asks and answers #personal #inadvertent recs #i definitely have types! #there's not many women because of my own complex relationship with gender #but i did nearly put #debra morgan from dexter in here especially as played by jennifer carpenter #she nailed that role #and i also nearly put #sophie from howl's moving castle who is absolutely fucking goated #but i already have like 11 in this list so sdalfkjas #administrator gwyn wants this in the queue

[bitchyglitterfox]

Closer - Kara Danvers x F!Reader

Warnings: almost death, fluff, gaaaaaay, gxg, dumbasses in love

A/n: SOME ONE CALL THE PRESS LIV IS FINALLY WRITING A FEM X FEM FIC! and its with my fav JLA member! I restarted supergirl recently since I never finished the first time round. I love Kara so much and i hope you all love this fic one as well.

*********

I was taking a short break, writer's block had hit me hard this time around. What could one say about super girl that hasn't already been written about the caped heroine. She was gorgeous, kind and a national treasure much like her cousin.

Which is why I decided to hopefully get rid of this stupid writers block by getting fresh air on top of the Catco building, I was always able to just clear my head up here listening to the sounds of National city below.

I was stupidly in my opinion walking rather close to the edge of the building when I hear the roof access door open.

Two very familiar voices seem to be in a small argument. I stop my pacing to eavesdrop, who knows it may be more entertaining than just my own thoughts.

“Kara, you have to tell her. Your love struck eyes are starting to slightly gross me out,” one voice says, I realize it’s winn, one of my coworkers who sits just diagonal of me in the office, “I’m pretty sure by the way she looks at you she also has feelings for you”.

“Winn! Stop, it’s not that easy, besides we don’t even know if she even likes girls! I don’t want to get my hopes up,” Kara sighs sadly, my heart breaks a bit thinking that my long-time crush might have fallen for another.

“Kara, she has a 3 pride flags on her desk, plus she was just telling Janice about the new gay bar that opened up downtown not to long ago,” was winn talking about me? Kara Danvers, has a crush on me?

I try to step closer to hear a bit more of the now very interesting conversation between the two friends when my foot makes contact with an air conditioning duct and it makes a loud noise.

I look up to see Kara standing in front of me with a shocked look on her face and Winn with a smirk.

“Ugh, I am just gonna go, yeah I’m just gonna go back to my office and you guys can forget that I was ever here” I say starting to back away forgetting how close to the edge I was until it was too late.

I didn't process what was happening until I felt the free fall. I saw Kara’s scared face and her reaching her hands out but it all happened so fast. As soon as I felt the wind blow past my hair as I fell, I saw a flash of blonde hair and I felt something solid and warm wrap around me. I was once again on the roof of Catco.

When I feel myself being let go I lurch forward and release everything that was in my stomach. Once I am finished, I look behind me and see Kara and her disheveled outfit, all wrinkled from catching me. Wait wait wait, she saved me. How is that even possible unless she’s…

“YOUR SUPERGIRL?!”

“Surprise,” she says nonchalantly as though it was no big deal, however her face soon changes to one of concern. She holds my own face in her hands examining me, “How could you act so recklessly! You could have died, if I didn’t have my powers I could have lost you!”

“I am so sorry Kara,” I say, my lip quivering when the reality of my fall finally hits me.

She pulls me into the tightest hug I’ve ever had, the tears fall free as we embrace, I pull back after a short recess of crying, to look into her green eyes “So I assume after this traumatizing event it’s too soon to ask you out on a date?”

She smiles her gorgeous smile and shakes her head yes, guess I finally do have an article to write out the amazing supergirl.

SUPERGIRL FINDS LOVE

#bitchyglitterfox writes #dcu comics #kara danvers x reader #kara danvers #dc comics #arrowverse #arrowverse supergirl

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

reading update: june 2023

as promised (to myself) I spent all of gay months reading books by and/or about the gays, no exceptions! (unless you count the heaps of old Batman comics I was reading, but come on. it's all pretty fruity.) the trend will be continuing into July as well because I overshot and still have book I need to finish, so in the immortal words of Janelle Monáe: happy pride forever!

anyway, what have I actually been reading?

Empress of Forever (Max Gladstone, 2019) - man, I've been meaning to read this FOREVER! and I'm glad I finally did. Gladstone's space opera follows ultrawealthy tech genius Vivian Liao, a sort of dykey Lex Luthor who's CERTAIN that she's the good guy. okay, yes, she's trying to get control of the nukes, but she's not going to use them. it's just that the world's a mess and she needs to be in charge. unfortunately our girl Vivian doesn't get far in her master plan before she's transported across the galaxy and finds herself on the run from the all-powerful Empress in the company of a cybernetic monk named Hong and the legendary space pirate Zanj, the Empress' greatest enemy. from there our heroes are off on a slow, messy quest across the galaxy as they make new friends, grow as people, and strive to bring the Empress down. it's a very long book and can feel slow in places, but all of the time devoted to fleshing out the characters ultimately pays off as their stories converge into a resonant narrative about the notion of identity and what it means to be yourself. if you like Becky Chambers' Wayfarer books of the Guardians of the Galaxy movies, get on this shit.

also hey listen Max Gladstone is having a bit of a Moment rn; the book he coauthored with Amal El-Mohtar, This Is How You Lose the Time War, is getting a huge boost thanks to the Trigun (????) fandom??? over on Twitter, and you should definitely go check it out

Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men (Jane Ward, 2016) - Ward is a brilliant queer feminist writer; rigorous and insightful while keeping her work imminently readable. while the title may sound facetious, Ward actually takes entirely at face value that there are men having sex with each other an engaging in otherwise homoerotic activities - mutual jerkoffs, hazing rituals that involve anal penetration - that sincerely aren't stemming from a place of gay desire and asks us what the fuck we're supposed to make of that. what results is a fascinating look at masculinity and the intricate rituals that both subvert and maintain it. shockingly thought provoking for a book that contains so many transcribed craigslist posts of men looking for straight guys to have totally normal hetero dudesex with!

The Latinos of Asia: How Filipinos Break the Rules of Race (Anthony Christian Ocampo, 2016) - I was lucky enough to get to see Ocampo (who is gay) speaking at the National Conference on Race and Ethnicity this year, and naturally I had to buy one of his books while I was there. I strongly suspect he's about to become one of my new favorite nonfiction writers, because the Latinos of Asia was a brilliant read that I really couldn't put down. Ocampo (who's also Filipino!) delves into the formation of Filipino-Americans' racial identity, and finds that many feel caught between the most conventionally accepted racial categories - feeling alienated from the idea of Asian identity, which is often perceived as pertaining to East Asians like Chinese, Japanese, and Koreans, and instead relating much more firmly to Mexican-Americans and other Latinos. it's a FASCINATING study on race and one (of many!) loopholes that exists in this very large, messy, totally made up construct of race.

A Lady for a Duke (Alexis Hall, 2022) - for my pride month romance novel I wanted to read something that I might actually like. I've previously adored Hall's genre-fucking ultra-queer Sherlock Holmes pastiche, the Affair of the Mysterious Letter, and Lady for a Duke was really well-reviewed, so my hopes were high! and you know what? I fucking loved this. it was like cotton candy, perfectly sweet and made to be inhaled without a second thought. Our Heroine Viola was the heir to an estate who faked her death at Waterloo so that she could run away and be herself - that's right baby, this is a 19th century trans lady romance! she reconnects with her old BFF the Duke of Gracewood, who's been catatonically depressed since losing his best friend in the war, and reader, you will not believe what happens next. just kidding, you totally will: they want to kiss each other so bad! they're yearning so bad and it's great. it's a very silly book and Gracewood is the most unexpectedly forward-thinking 19th century duke EVER who is instantly down to accept Viola entirely as a woman and thinks that having biological children is overrated, and you know what? that rules. I'm not reading this book for historical accuracy I'm reading it to watch a man beg his girlfriend to fuck him tenderly in the ass. and she does!!! if I'm being honest everything after they finally hook up is kind of nonsense and the book probably is too long, but god it's a delightful time.

Chlorine (Jade Song, 2023) - back in the days of twitter I started following Jade Song as soon as they announced selling this book, the story of a competitive high school swimmer succumbing to obsession as she fantasizes about becoming a mermaid. finally getting to pick up the book from the library and actually read it felt crazy after existing in potentia for so long! while Song's novel is a little rough in some places in exactly the way I expect from a debut, it's still gripping and visceral. our protagonist lives in an intense and demanding world, striving to please an overly handsy coach, wanting to please the immigrant parents she can barely speak to, stumbling through sex with boys on her team while longing for her female best friend. through it all she fixates on mermaids, and the story is told in flashbacks building up to a drastic act of self-mutilation at a swim meet. it's definitely not the right book for the faint of heart or anyone looking for feel-good fluff, but it's harrowing in the best way.

Vagabonds! (Eloghosa Osunde, 2022) - gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous! Osunde celebrates queer life - those called vagabonds, society's outliers - in Lagos, Nigeria, slipping between the real world of social stigma, oppressive religion, judgmental family, and dangerous politics, and the world of magic, gods, and the unreal, blending the two together in an effortlessly dizzying effect. the ultrawealthy hide behind layers of flawless masks to conceal their identities, a lonely woman dying of cancer summons up a daughter than only she can see, and a young man channels the devil to raise his murdered lover. while the stories start bleak, firmly establishing the danger of life on the margins, they gather speed with increasing warmth and love as the story progresses, eventually bringing all of our protagonists together in glorious, life-affirming celebration of vagabonds and all who love them. Nigeria, in Osunde's hands, reads much like family - imperfect, sometimes even awful, but also capable of harboring tremendous love, surprising tenderness, and still worth holding out hope for. I think measuring books in terms of relatability is a fool's game, but as an American queer watching more and more legislation and persecution roll out against my people each day, it was hard not to feel a cord being struck. Vagabonds! is a beautiful reminder that queer resilience is eternal, and reader, I did cry.

Quietly Hostile (Samantha Irby, 2023) - I was a ride or die bitch for Sam Irby even before she picked up and moved to my small Michigan city, effectively becoming my neighbor. (not really, but she is married to the mother of a friend of a friend, so.) despite this, I will freely admit that I was a little underwhelmed by her last release, 2020's Wow, No Thank You. it's possible that WNTY was damned by its March 2020 release, putting it in the awkward position of being a humorous essay collection creeping out into the world at a time when everyone was paranoid and nothing was funny; maybe on a reread I would receive it a bit more warmly. Quietly Hostile, on the other hand, is just stupid funny right out of the gate. Sam Irby is old (see: in her early 40s) and going downhill, writing candidly about peeing her pants everywhere, adopting a rancid little dog, getting sent to the hospital with a severe allergic reaction, and jacking off to plot-heavy porn of elderly lesbian nuns. it takes a little bit of work to get me to actually laugh out loud at a book but man, I was chortling. if you don't already know her work, this is a sign from god (me) to check Samantha Irby out now.

what am I reading now?

Black Water Sister (Zen Cho, 2021) - the was one of the oldest queer novels(TM) on my list and I really wanted to knock it out for pride month. the Malaysian setting and culture is a welcome addition to contemporary urban fantasy, but I'm not sure I'm crazy about the story overall. and yet, I'm over 200 pages deep and don't want to give up, so ? I guess I'm persisting.

Giovanni's Room (James Baldwin, 1956) - my local library lost their copy just in time for pride month, so I bought one on ebay for all of nine dollars. haven't started yet, but I'm really excited to finally pop that proverbial Baldwin cherry!

#bookblr #reading updates

[cacklefrendly]

I love how you draw your gin and vodka!!!!!they so cool and cute!!!now I wonder what is you're gin backstory.like do he parent work with the organization or something like that??I'm just curious

:D AWW THANKIEEE ANON!! i keep telling myself that i'm gonna draw them being threatening and. it doesn't happen. they end up being sappy again. so im glad i'm not the only one who enjoys it regardless lmao

as for backstories. uh.

good question.

what backstory my personal versions of Gin and Vodka DO have — and my versions of the entire Black Org. team, too — is vague enough to be almost canon-compliant while leaving plenty of wiggle-room in case future canon declares any new information i think is interesting. it's not a tactical choice! working around canon to make things complicated is part of what makes playing with side characters fun for me. :>

also i'll admit: i usually don't think much about a character's childhood unless it gives something meaningful to the story. i don't think it matters too much why Gin got into the Black Organization? to me, it matters more that he's there and making it everyone else's problem :P i might change my mind later though, we'll see!!

for Gin and Vodka, at least, their backstories are more of a years-long, vaguely three-arc showcase of who they are at wildly different points in their lives together, which has some really interesting moments implied but not explicitly stated.

just for fun, here's a synopsis of those 'Arcs': (i remembered to write a transcript this time, it's under the read-more)

“ARC” 1: SETUP (met once, briefly, by accident.)

VODKA (asides: “Just some dude” & “he uses cheap ballpoints and it hurts my soul. he gets better I promise.”)

maybe grew up in a rural area?

recently finished college, working at one of the Black Organization's front companies

dealing with being a closeted gay man while also trying not to get involved in normal office drama and still hear all the gossip

Very Aware that the company is doing some shady illegal stuff and is SUPER CURIOUS, but 1), he'd like to keep being payed thank you, and 2), he has enough self-preservation to know better than to go snooping

honestly he's just Some Guy

GIN (asides: “dysphoria hoodie” & “[PROTOTYPE] called, Alex wants his damn clothes back.”)

where did you even come from-

working as a low-level assassin with the Black Organization but already starting to garner attention from some of the higher-ups

aggressive, paranoid, AND experiencing dysphoria all at the same time!!! uh oh!!

dealing with the gradual realization that being trans is. a Thing. while also having a really bad-ass action movie as a life, complete with betrayal and murder and explosions

starts transitioning after he climbs the Organization's ranks enough to carve out a place he KNOWS he's safe and can relax

“ARC” 2: MEET-NOT-CUTE (a year or two after “Arc” 1)

VODKA

suffering from the aftermath of The Incident and trying to grapple with the fact that he's been working for an international crime syndicate

and trying to understand his role in all of this mess

and trying not to get killed by his new boss

AND is trying not to think about the fact that his new boss is SO scary and mean

AND trying SO HARD NOT TO THINK ABOUT HOW HE'S KINDA INTO THAT-

GIN

high-ranked enough that he can no longer keep working alone and he HATES IT SO MUCH

it's not just a blow to his pride, it's also all the paranoia. it's mostly the paranoia, to be quite honest

called dibs on the most harmless, pathetic-looking man he could find who still seemed to be useful. and that man was Vodka

even so, spends a good while CONVINCED that Vodka will turn on him if Gin gives him the chance.

BOTH

Gin keeps trying to bait Vodka into trying to kill him and is infuriated as nothing happens.

Vodka sees the bait and is confused at first, later horrified when he figures out what Gin's expecting him to do

as Vodka shows his usefulness, Gin starts to calm down. full-on Trust takes several years to develop

the first time Gin falls Asleep near Vodka freaks Gin out more than a little

“ARC” 3: GET A FUCKIN ROOM (roughly a few years before and into Canon)

Vodka: “If you want coffee you gotta’ let go.” Gin: “*unintelligible sounds of disapproval*”

they aren't in a romantic relationship. they haven't even had a one-night stand. and yet they carry a very "aging gays who've been married for 30 years" energy. it drives the Team up the wall.

before the Trust developed, Vodka let Gin control/initiate all contact as an appeasement/self-preservation strategy. at this point he still does it, but out of habit more than anything.

plot twist, Gin's actually super tactile with people he trusts. he invades Vodka's personal space constantly. it's especially bad when he's cold or tired (so, most of the time)

they know each other's boundaries very well even though they never, like, sat down and talked about it. it's been trial and error thus far. it helps that they're also good at reading each other.

Vodka's uncomfortable attraction turned into a crush, which turned into quiet love. Gin's wariness turned into trust, which turned into love. BUT Gin's doesn't think much about trust OR romance so he's not actually aware (yet) that his feelings for Vodka are more than Really Strong Trust. he also doesn't know Vodka's feelings for him (YET)

there are so many ways this fucking slow-burn could end and I love all of them too much to pick just one

#gin detective conan #vodka detective conan #detective conan #long post / #cackle draws #not pictured: all the fuckim MURDER they do #canon has that handled already im just here to fill the gaps (make things gay) #cackle answers #cackle rants

[strugglinguist]

Obligatory Pride Post

Coming out was a thing I was concerned about 23 years ago or even 7 years ago. When I realized I was attracted to women at like 10 years old I became VERY concerned. I was a biblical literalist evangelical pastor's kid! This was unacceptable, and I obsessed about it so much until I convinced myself it was a choice. I remember being so relieved when I found a guy attractive because then I could just keep the other bit secret! Phew! Relief for everyone's heteronormativity!

Baby Taylor was already tortured enough feeling too fat and too nerdy and too other for everyone out there. She had some good friends there at the end of high school, though! You know what it was? She found the gays who took in her closeted and unintentional hateful ass 😉

She couldn't hide the queerness, though! WOW! Look at that hair 🤣

Anyway, I post this to say that if you've struggled with the idea of sexuality or gender or your own place in this world, there are some amazing things waiting for you. Come out only when you are ready and safe. You are loved. And in the meantime, your queer family will take you in.

#pride #lgbtqia #lgbt positivity #bisexual #pansexual #exvangelical #coming out #polyamorous

[kira-moonrabbit]

took a bit but that one post that i said "ten notes and i share my funy godgame cards" got the required notes. ideally i'd be reblogging said post and adding this under it but the boopometer is doing strange things to my dashboard right now.

To preserve everyone's dashboards because cards is big: READMORE! This dish contains a lot of spicy rambles of autistic machismo!

To get it all out of the way: none of these cards will enter the steam workshop. They're just funny cards for get togethers with the pals.

you will also find that i am super inconsistent with wordings and also forget important clarifications. but! that just makes the cards more fun. or less fun. it depends on how often the readers of the cards bicker, which in my case is never often. (i've only played with 2 friends thus far, but I have faith even still.)

i also cannot explain the mechanics of godgame. because.... there's a lot of mechanics. ...I mean, I can, but it's a lot of effort, especially when I don't physically have the board in front of me.

anyways here's our first card... one of my lobcorp OCs in fact!

Denny.... she's one of the originals. She's not as funky as everyone else so she doesnt see much sun nowadays but! I can count on her to be easy to make a card for at least. As the blurb says, she's not ALL hating birds. She, like, has a boyfriend. It's just very funny to play it up for the bit. (She also is easy to rile up.)

Side Note Number One... I have formats and shit. However I dont know and dont want to learn how to work photoshop. so it's all a bunch of pngs that i layer on top of one another individually rather than some sort of photoshop type thing.

this is about what it looks like. dont worry about what "overlay jewel office" means. i am not at liberty to explain jewel office because i didnt create it; i just invent the cards...

OK, card number 2!

sootpy. i drew Soot (another lobcorp OC) as peepy once. i was looking in my doodles folder for an image of another guy ive got in here and i found him. I fudged this card up in about 10 seconds not counting time spend actually putting the card together.

Actual Soot might function entirely differently from sootpy. i dont think the peanut part is capable of functioning.

Okie, next caaaaard...!

Memory Maggot! memory maggot's from my original universe type thing i call elsewhere; hence the unique background. It's a champion card, but since i'm biased and like making card backgrounds, cards from elsewhere get their own backgrounds.

originally this card had different (albeit not by much) art, but then I made my silly memory maggot pixel art and liked it better. memory maggot's a lot more than just memories, but i thought that idea for a card would be funny. and speaking of elsewhere champions...

this is the Everywhen. he also lives in elsewhere. i designed him, but at the same time i don't hold full custody over him so to speak. he's goofy levels of busted, yes, but I think Champions are allowed to be just a little bit like that. For fun.

I don't only make cards of my own OCs, though!

Example: these are the 01-kun, they're from yume 2kki. They don't actually have any of these abilities ingame, but I think I'm allowed to fudge things up a little bit when it comes to these sorts of things. Plus... it makes for a funny archetype.

Yes. The status icon for gay is dr pepper gay icon. I made that myself, actually. In the past I made a whole bunch of just. Dr pepper pride logos for some reason when I made drinking the stuff by the gallon my whole personality... I still have them, and I figured "why let them go to waste?"

This is Pupula-toru, also from Yume 2kki. This one actually has some basis in how the little guy appears ingame. Even if it is a little complicated for a basic card...

See, in yume 2kki, there's this thing called Variable 44. One of the easiest ways to check the status of this variable is to visit Pupula-Toru, as they're not too far in the dreamworlds. They'll be in one of 4 different poses depending on the variable, and two of them are asleep. Variable 44 is what changes other different forms of per-dream RNG, so knowing it is pretty useful for looking for certain things. Therefore, checking on Pupula-toru has a slight rng-manipulation association in my head, hence how it works.

...Well, errors are popping up when I try to post more images, so now I think I'll just make a reblog chain, or more posts and I'll add them to this one later. There's way more cards I wanna show off..........

#all the stuff in the chain will ALSO be readmore'd if i go that route. #so now its time... for Kira's God Game Moments.

[kafkaesquebird]

*Long post ahead*

Okay, I’m going to go out on a limb here and just say that Byler will happen--if not in volume 2, then most definitely in season 5. I’ve been lurking in this tag for some time, specifically ever since volume one dropped, and I have seen the endless essays of pessimism and doubt that’s been bogging people down. While I share your guys’ doubts to an extent, I can’t fully bring myself to accept that Byler won’t come to fruition this season or the next. I hope my little tangent will provide you with at least some reassurance, because to be honest I’m searching for as much as I can before our hopes are either fulfilled or brutally crushed in t-minus 23 days. I’d like to preface this with saying that character/ship analysis posts are not my area of expertise, but I’ll give it the good old college try. 

Alright-y. So. Season 4. There’s a lot to cover character-wise, but let’s just go right ahead and jump into the meat and potatoes of it, starting off with the dichotomy that is Mike Wheeler. According to Finn, Mike is trying to figure himself out this season, and, as we the audience know, he’s very kind of oblivious when it comes to his and other people’s feelings, and Finn also said Mike was a bit clueless. Up until this point, it seems that Mike’s character arc (vis-à-vis his relationship to El) has been flat and banal. They’re in a precarious place in their relationship right now; a fragile place. Having Mike and El repeat the same break-up-and-make-up storyline from last season is bland, and I don’t exactly see the Duffer brothers going in that direction again because it’s cheap and quite frankly a let down. This is where Byler comes into the mix. Despite the potential backlash it might face--having two main characters in a gay relationship in such a massive franchise--I do believe that it is in no way contrived, regardless of what some vociferous shippers might claim. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. The foundation for Byler has been laid since the very beginning, and if you rewatch the previous seasons you can see the evidence if you make a conscious effort to. Especially on Will’s side. And if you take into consideration the sudden wave of Byler content being churned out by Netflix social media accounts and the actors themselves (looking at you, Noah Schnapp), it becomes increasingly apparent that they are trying to warm the general audience up to the idea of Byler. Hell, I’m convinced Noah and Finn have had barely any press together because they’d be giggling and twirling their hair if the ship was so much as mentioned. Either this is some elaborate queer-baiting scheme (during pride month, too), or we’re genuinely getting Byler. But I digress. What I find particularly interesting, and what really has me convinced of the ship happening, is the amount of heart-to-hearts Byler share this season. The bedroom talk, the talk on top of the car, (and the leaked talk in Hopper’s cabin). Those talks feel emotional. Special. It feels like the dynamic of their relationship is beginning to shift, and what that entails has yet to be clarified until volume two comes out (get it? ha). It feels like it’s all building up to something, like a big reveal. But we’ll see when we get there. For now, I’ll just let the open closets next to Mike Wheeler speak for themselves. 

Before going any further into my excessively long post, let’s touch more on Mil*ven. A wedge has been intentionally driven between Mike and El for the second time. It’s undeniable to shippers on both sides, although the explanations for why begin to differ from there. Mil*ven’s relationship has been somewhat tenuous this season, and arguably it was tenuous in season 3 as well. It’s a dying flame that both Mike and El are trying to rekindle, with El seemingly putting forth more effort into salvaging it than Mike. Calling into question the integrity of Mil*ven for a second time seems odd to me, unless it’s going somewhere we least expect it. Now I’ve seen speculations floating around about how Mike can’t say ‘I love you’ back because of his parents’ inability to properly show love to one another, and while I sort of buy into that I think that there’s a deeper, less-superficial spin to his reluctance to say those three words, let alone write them to his girlfriend. Throughout this season, Mike has felt suspiciously off-kilter. Odd. Sure, he’s lovey-dovey with El when they reunite at the airport, and a little bit during their time at the rollerskating rink--but then the fiasco with Angela goes down, and this is where it takes a sharp nose-dive south. Mike makes an insensitive comment during dinner about the ordeal, which hurts El who abruptly leaves the room. Later on they have their argument, and El brings up the elephant in the room: Mike’s refusal to say ‘I love you.’ Rather than say it back to her, he gives her empty answer after empty answer. Answers she doesn’t believe. He even calls her ridiculous for raising valid concerns she has, and he gets defensive. Comparing this scene and the scene with Will and Mike in the bedroom, you can see the difference in Mike’s body language and his delivery clear as day. But where did his refusal to say/write ‘I love you’ come from? This passive, aloof attitude toward their relationship? If I had to wager a guess, it’s Mike unknowingly facing identity issues. He’s conflicted, and he’s confused. His awkward exchange with Will at the airport--a far cry from their farewell hug just a few months prior. His insistence that Will and him are just friends. Friends. His curiosity and reaction to Will’s painting. Mike loves El, there is absolutely no doubt about it. Whether it is romantic or platonic is the million dollar question, and I’m leaning towards the latter. Let me say that platonic relationships are in no way beneath romantic relationships, and a lot of times they are even stronger and run viscerally deeper. For Mike and El, they started dating at a young age before they could really, truly discover themselves and what they want. They dove into it head-first; two kids head over heels for each other--the girl with superpowers and the boy who saved her. They were perfect for each other; they’ve been through hell and back together, and share a trauma bond. But as time goes on, Mike starts to slowly realize that his feelings for El have been misconstrued all along. Being Mike, he’s too damn dense to reflect on himself and continues acting as if everything is fine when in reality it’s far from it. This sounds an awful lot like someone who is struggling with newfound feelings and trying to push them down to maintain a semblance of normalcy in a life that’s been extremely hectic and traumatic.

Point of the matter is, there is a method to the Duffer brothers’ madness. Everything they do in this show is tastefully methodical and so well thought-out to the minutest detail. They planned this story since the very beginning. I seriously doubt they will pursue such a pivotal plot point only to later discard it, especially since it could benefit all three characters’ arcs in a unique way. I think they’re definitely building up to Will’s confessing to Mike, and I have a book of theories centered around that that I will keep to myself for brevity’s sake. In short: have a little more faith in this ship. You’re not delusional, and you’re not over-analyzing. You’re observing things that are supposed to be observed, and drawing conclusions that need to be drawn. I will gladly eat crow if I’m wrong, but something tells me I’m far from it.

#Byler #will byers #stranger things #mike wheeler #ship analysis #i originally wrote this at four am and then went to bed before posting #didn't touch on if it's requited or not but i think it will be

[chrisis-averted]

Eurovision 2023 Personal Opinions

Albania: not my thing but cute, it’s a whole family!

Armenia: first female rap in ESC history, love it!

Australia: fucking BANGER! I l love this!

Austria: ah, yes, this is going to be stuck in my head for several years

Azerbaijan: alright, I get it’s in Liverpool but these guys look and sound like a Beatles cover band

Belgium: could be a Gay Pride anthem but as a song it’s kind of lacking

Croatia: I hated it at first but it grew on me, I find the concept kind of hilarious

Cyprus: genuinely a good melody and voice, not a fan of the lyrics

Czechia: the opposite, I love the lyrics but I can’t bring myself to like the song, the music video creeps me a little

Denmark: why does Walmart Justin Bieber look like a very good looking lesbian?

Estonia: like the song but I feel like it was written for a different voice

Finland: weird enough to be enjoyable

France: it’s sure french, but it has a nice modern beat, feels like the soundtrack of a femme fatale

Georgia: still can’t decide whether I like this or not

Germany: about FUCKING TIME Germany sent a metal song! Can’t wait to see this live!

Greece: he is BABY but his voice doesn’t fit his face, great song tho

Iceland: kind of falls flat after the last couple of years

Ireland: nice pleasant song, but kind of lacks feeling, I’d listen to this in my car

Israel: most dramatic start of this contest, the music is great up the second chorus then it gets worse

Italy: very disappointed, there were much better and unique songs in the contest and the most generic ballad won; by no means a bad song, it’s just something I’ve heard before

Latvia: nice song, depressing lyrics, it reminds me of Death Stranding for some reason

Lithuania: not bad, I’d sing this

Malta: genuinely funny and enjoyable song, also MOOD

Moldova: glad to see the tradition of having an ethnic flute at eurovision isn’t going to break, a genuine ethnic bop

Netherlands: I can hear the Duncan Lawrence influence, nice song and meaning, the harmony is exceptional

Norway: YOU GO QUEEN

Poland: ...she can’t fucking sing and the whole music video is just shots of her ass and boobs, what is going on?

Portugal: ethnic and fun, I don’t think it will be popular but it should

Romania: I’m...not sure what this song wants to be

San Marino: after the last couple years, they kind of fall flat, especially in song meaning, down there with Poland, and they sound like they sing at birthday parties rather than at international competitions

Serbia: keep it weird, guys, I’m absolutely in love with his weird moans

Slovenia: another car trip song, but this one with a flavor of depressing meaning, wow my generation isn’t ok

Spain: I’m glad they tried something different, but it’s really not my thing

Sweden: I love Loreen, but I don’t understand how this is the favorite, it’s not that great a song

Switzerland: currently my favourite, both in melody and meaning, I don’t understand the bad feedback, are people really that petty?

Ukraine: not really my thing, I get they’re the winners but meh

United Kingdom: is the curse broken?? this is genuinely a good bop!

#eurovision 2023 #eurovision #esc

[turtle-steverogers]

A look into the new Steve Rogers exhibit at the National Gallery in Washington DC.

my little crack at a pride fic

Read on ao3...

Here

Or keep reading below

                                     An Exercise in Vulnerability

                                A look into Steve Rogers’ mind in three parts

By Xavier Kelsy

June 4, 2016

When Steve Rogers came out as bisexual in June of last year, just a few days before gay marriage was legalized across the nation, it seemed that the country had split in two. Of course, this wasn’t a surprise seeing as so much controversy surrounding the LGBTQ+ community still runs rampant in this country. It felt like watching two parties play chess as Rogers expertly and gracefully navigated the bitter vitriol aimed his way. As I watched him turn his nose up to bigots through the screen of my phone, I distinctly felt that I was seeing the strategist I'd read about in all my history textbooks, taking on a world beyond the mask he wore on the battlefield. This was a personal war, where he was gaining the upper hand simply on the basis of staying true to himself. It was heartening. Inspiring. A saving grace to many in the nation who craved representation in its rawest form. 

Nearly a year later, when I had heard that Rogers was holding an exhibition regarding his queerness in the National Gallery of Art in Washington DC, I was eager to attend. As a bisexual guy myself, there was something enticing about seeing what sort of experience Rogers could translate through his works. I wasn’t sure how I would pull it off, however, until my boss came into my office one day and dropped a prepaid ticket to the opening onto my desk with a smile and a wink. And as such, the deal was sealed. 

The exhibition spanned several rooms, interconnected by open doorways, and included a range of mediums. Glass cases filled with sculptures. Canvases hung on the walls. Picture frames holding large sheets of paper filled with charcoal. 

I entered the exhibition amongst throngs of others in attendance who were not on the VIP list, and was barely able to enjoy the reprieve from the muggy DC air when my breath felt ripped out of my chest. Against the pristine white walls, Rogers’ works looked jarring. Colorful and gritty in equal measure. Raw in a way I wish I could recreate with words, and made me feel inadequate in my own humble artistry. 

Looking to my left, my legs carry me to the first canvas I see, eager to hide my shock with immersion. I am filled with curiosity and apprehension, wholly unprepared for what emotions these rooms might hold, and ready to freefall into this moment. 

So much of the world puts Captain America under a microscope, and it seems that here, Steve Rogers is begging to be seen instead. I feel compelled to follow that wish. I feel compelled to lose myself in each carefully placed brushstroke and pencil line. To find what parts of myself I might be able to see in these very personal pieces, because that is the thrill of a true, emotional artist. Seeing yourself, even when what you are looking at seems larger than life.

The piece before me felt innocent at first. A little boy on his knees, legs splayed out as he brushes the hair back from a doll’s forehead. It was sweet. Kind. Until you looked further and saw the sheer pain that embraced every fiber of the canvas the scene was depicted on. There were tears on the little boy’s face. Red, hectic spots high on his cheekbones, as if he’d been crying for quite some time. As I looked closer, I realized he is not in a house, but rather a store. Other toys filled the background, brightly colored despite the overall dullness of the piece. My eyes flicked to the piece next to it-- a seeming continuation as the shoes of the little boy were shown to be leaving off the side of the canvas. The doll laid lonesome on the ground. Left behind, but clearly so wanted.

It felt simple, but it hurt so bad, and I looked back at the first piece. The little boy had blond hair and a sharp nose. I saw the resemblance then. I saw Rogers in the jut, then dip of the little boy’s cheekbones. With an ache in my chest, I wished to reach through the painting and pick up the doll. Hand it to the little boy and tell him that he can have it. The ache was replaced with a distinct rage; little boys, queer or not, deserve soft things.

The next piece felt lighter-- almost silly. A slightly older Rogers laid upside down on a bed, cross eyed as he stared at his sketchbook, which was visible to the audience. On the page, there was a man, clearly naked. Rogers was sporting a rather massive blush that seemed to span down to his chest, and I found myself laughing at the relatability. It felt oddly close to home. The adolescent curiosity and shame shown so plainly to the audience. We’d all been there at some point, and it was nice to know that he had, too.

I moved through the rest of the first room at a slow, absorbent rate. It all seemed to focus on his adolescence. Growing pains and distinct fear. A piece of Rogers as a teenager, sitting in a bathtub with his face hidden in his knees and his hands covering his ears stood out to me especially. There wasn’t anything so explicitly queer about that piece compared to some of the others, but my stomach curled as I lost myself in the harsh lines of charcoal spanning the page. I knew that feeling. That helplessness. That fear. Wanting to drown out the thoughts that felt so wrong. So different. So dirty.

I wish I could tell myself that I wasn’t wrong. That I wasn’t dirty. I wonder if Rogers ever wishes that as well.

“The next room hits even harder,” someone said. I turned to see another journalist sporting his own notepad and pen, looking distinctly tight around the eyes. I imagine I must have looked similar, and we both glanced at the bathtub piece again. Clearly, it spoke volumes to many.

“Yeah?” I said, clearing my throat.

“Yeah, see for yourself,” the guy said. We hovered for another moment near each other, before I swiftly moved on. In an exhibit teeming with vulnerability, I wasn’t very eager to be seen for very long.

As it stood, the guy was right. Walking through the gaping entryway to the next room, I immediately understood why the exhibit had an age limit. Though there was nothing truly explicit, there was still a sense of unrestrained candidacy of the intimacy depicted in these pieces. Naked figures wrapped around each other, their limbs and extremities fading into smudged, blurred lines, but faces-- warped with pleasure and anguish-- clear and distinct. Most of the figures were random as far as I could tell. Rogers wasn’t bluntly featured in any of them, except for a smaller piece near the corner of the room.

The painting was quieter than the rest of the room, and my lips parted as I drank it in. Though, after a moment, I felt compelled to look away. As if the moment was not mine to see. It was far too personal. Too beautifully private. 

It was two young men in a room, one splayed on the bed, arm braced behind his head. He was wearing a soft expression, lips curved up into a smirk that felt entirely fond. Gelled hair fell over his forehead, mussed from the sweat that seemed to shine on his face. He was nude amongst the sheets of the bed, lithe body stretched out and relaxed. On the other end of the bed, the other young man-- shirtless, and clearly less built-- was bent over a sketchbook, though his eyes were on his lover. Before I looked at the plaque, I knew who I was looking at, and the name of the piece was so simple, I smiled. 

Bucky and I Before the War, Brooklyn 1940

It was no secret now, the nature of Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes’ relationship. But it was a secret then. One probably carefully and fearfully protected in hearts so eager to reach out and touch the other. It is not mine to heavily speculate about, but looking at this piece, I found myself hoping that they have found comfort in a time where they can let that love be seen.

At this point, I was nearing the end of the exhibit. There was only one room left, I realized with some sadness. Each piece had enthralled me so greatly that I hadn’t realized how far I had gotten. Turning to move on, however, my breath caught in my throat. 

Rogers and Barnes stood on the other end of the room, hand in hand as they looked at one of Rogers’ other works. Once more, I found myself compelled to avert my gaze. This felt private, too. Almost as private as the piece I had just looked at.

Barnes turned his head to whisper something in Rogers’ ear, and I watched as Rogers put a hand over his mouth to laugh. Reaching out, Barnes poked Rogers in the stomach, and Rogers doubled over a bit before reaching out to flick Barnes’ ear. I glanced back at the painting behind me. The two boys in Brooklyn, so shrouded by a society that yearned to silence them. 

I realized then, standing there, that it was them against the world. It always had been.

#Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #stucky #stucky fic #mikey scrawls #ignore the formatting i tried i really did #happy pride!

[blaqueswanzaghouliishiilikeda]

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k…so…hmm i don’t know if i’ll leave this up. im truly in a moment where i just wanna be lowkey. i don’t exactly want to be perceived too much rn. but this pride is really important to me. and i don’t really even know if this is worth anyone’s time, but i feel like i should say something...if only just to be able to look back and see that i did celebrate in my own way.

i don’t think i’ve had a pride where i’ve experienced it the way i would have liked, tho this is the year where i really feel whats at the heart of it the most. im queer and genderfluid/nonbinary. not just in how i love, but also how i live. i’ve had some recent revelations about all that that’s been really exciting, but a lot of figuring myself out happened in the midst of a great deal of crisis so there hasn’t been very much, joy or celebration these past few years. last year in particular was so hard i experience such a severe period of anhedonia and apathy i didn’t think i’d see the other side of it. iwtv was the first thing i was able to fully enjoy, and feel the enjoyment, and then coming on here and meeting so many amazing lgbtq+ people (espc. my black mutuals) has been mind altering. not even an exaggeration! talking and sharing ideas and laughing and just enjoying you guys has shifted my life experience in ways i wish you knew. i wish words could express it, but i don't think they really can. so i guess this is a thank you to my gay vampire show family as it is a very real celebration that i chose to watch it and that i'm still here.

there used to be a goal post for not being here. and wanting to see S2 shifted that. and then immersing myself within this fandom experience gave me reasons to push it further. and then suddenly i was being inspired to do things for me that i had given up on just bc connections i've made. and now i dont even know where that goal post is. it used to be so clear and in sight. i was almost a statistic in the worst way. one of the most effective way to erase us is by making us take ourselves out of life so they can say it was us all along. something was wrong within is. but nothing is wrong with all the beautifully complex and chaotic ways i exist. something is wrong with a society that doesn't want me in it when the world clearly does. when it keeps giving me reasons to keep going and keep fighting despite the opposition. even if i took myself out, i couldn't be erased anyways bc i’m so loved. as i am. im loved. and i love and that’s really untouchable. on the other side of not being able to feel, and not being able to care. im reminded im loved. and i feel it now. and i care so much about it that its given me fight. its given me the stubbornness and spite required to live in all this.

i think a lot about this.

[image description: a poem by Lucille Clifton titled - won’t you celebrate with me.

won’t you celebrate with me

what i have shaped into

a kind of life? i had no model

born in babylon

both nonwhite and woman

what did i see to be except myself?

i made it up

here on this bridge between

starshine and clay,

my one hand holding tight

my other hand; come celebrate

with me that everyday

something has tried to kill me

and has failed.

end image description]

i know theres a lot of pain. and grief and uncertainty that exists throughout this fandom. i know there’s a lot people are experiencing that they aren't sharing or getting into. if my life is anything to go by i know that suffering in this life can sometimes be so egregious you question what it’s all for. i question that a lot. even now. and i don't have an answer really. I don't think it’s my place to answer that for others anyways. but i’m celebrating you guys bc you’ve helped me feel. and care. and i attribute so much of the joys i’ve had these past several months to getting to experience you all. you were here when i came searching for something to connect to. even if i didn’t realize that’s what i was doing at the time. we’re here together now. and you may not know it or feel it. but just you being here ripples and reaches. so i really hope you’ll celebrate with me. they didn't kill us. and the ones that have passed live on in the ways we still love them. still grieve them. and honor them in everything we do. our lives are written in pen and permanent marker all over the world. they’ll tear off the flesh of their fingers, raw and bloody, before they ever succeed in wiping us away. we’re rooted in the core. the earth remembers us and keeps bringing us back. bc we belong here. happy pride.

#a little pride message to my fellow children of gay vampire divorce #this fandom has been really meaningful #also a personal message to myself about what it is to survive #i used to hate when people called me a survivor. it still kinda irks me #but i do like being something that can’t be killed #queer really and truly as in fuck you #but also queer as in i love you sm #🌈💕✨🫶🏾 #mw posts