#i need them to have 1 happy day

[alucardsathomewife]

Happy birthday Sir Integra

#need to start celebrating hellsing characters birthdays more #today it seems people agree with that its her birthday so HAPPY B-DAY #mommy #hellsing ultimate #hellsing #hellsing fandom #sir integra fairbrook wingates hellsing #sir integra #happy brithday #i think #anyways cake #editing here again that making up random character birthdays when they dont have a canon birthday should be a thing #i need them to have 1 happy day

[andi-o-geyser]

all my favourite characters are just me seeing them and going "damn you sure do clean up well but I'd much rather see you grinning with blood between your teeth"

#also known as the 'i could fix them but its so much funnier to watch them go feral' phenomenon #i just want to see somebody who's usually composed covered in blood on their knees- *i am shot and my body is dragged offstage* #mizu being happy for one (1) second with her husband VS a fucking demon cutting people apart stopping at nothing for revenge #percy de rolo as a prim and proper lord VS possessed by a demon with a thirst for vengeance and burning orange eyes #james flint as a clean shaven british navy officer VS with a full beard and no morals beating a man to death with his bare hands #ellie williams as a sweet innocent kid VS a bloody tattooed woman on a self destructive quest for revenge knife fighting to the death #vi having a good day VS in a drag on knock out fistfight with another woman (i need her in a way concerning to feminism) #jason todd as robin VS the fucking red hood (he is covered in blood and half his mask is gone and i am going insane) #surprise! they're all on a quest for revenge #blue eye samurai #critical role #black sails #the last of us #arcane #batman #mizu #percy de rolo #james flint #ellie williams #vi arcane #jason todd #andis thought geyser

[theokusgallery]

The problem with my art right now is that 1) the little drawing time I have goes to @daily-basil ; 2) I have phases, and am currently deeply unmotivated ; and 3) when I do draw what this blog is currently about (Arsenic) I draw him in a gay way (because I love him deeply) and not like the unhinged person he actually is. I'm sorry I'm so soft about him right now. Yes I want Sunny and him to tear each other apart but they also need to love each other so so so much first

#siiiiiiigh... #im sorry i need him to hold sunny gently and tells him he loves him and yes he'll say it in horrible unhinged ways BUT #poor man who does not know how to love and does not know he can be loved. he is convinced he needs to manipulate people to make them stay #writing down arsenic lore for tosteur like two days ago made me so emotional about him. shaking and crying #there's not even like An Event it's just that his whole childhood sucks and he's never been accepted by anyone and he's so lonely and #(starts crying) #he does horrible horrible things but all he does to sunny truly comes from love. deeply inhumane and twisted love but love nonetheless #(except when he's being a selfish ass who doesn't have any sort of morals and generally doesn't give a shit about other people. of course) #god he's such a horrible person (/simplification) i love him #he does not care about hurting other people and only cares about his own selfish desires #he thinks he can do anything he wants and if other people get hurt by his actions it's not his problem #don't you DARE touch a single hair on sunny's head. not in a 'i care about my bf' way btw. #but because if sunny gets hurt. he has to deal with that and 1) it's boring unless it brings him something and 2) that's *his* plaything. #even when he does nice things for sunny he doesn't make it just to make sunny happy #he does it so that sunny will associate happiness with him and stay. #that's what he thinks consciously at least. he always had ulterior motives for everything he does #it doesn't really make him calculating because it's automatic at this point. it just makes him deeply selfish #my poor little boy who has never had anyone genuinely care about him before... #which doesn't excuse shit of course but hhhh i love him so much. #(D if you see this. this is about the OC not the guy. of course) #arsenic #rant #sometimes i think about nick like a normal person ('he's so awful and interesting') and sometimes i just slhrflfbfb. (cries)

[jrueships]

' it's the WaWaaas Pizza 🎶! for YoUuu and MeEe~😸🎶!

WaWa.'

#he is literally spongebob #'now we're delivering pizzas.. With! apollo :] ! ....here we goo--!' #he trusts his dog so much to be carrying those pizzas while he walks him omg #that is one good boy!! #mine would see something shiny or have to sniff something and one quick bolt and nvm on the neighbors pizzas #the neighbor talking to him like a happy teacher receiving an apple from her student lol #i need to be... where the maxey is #imagine going abt ur day then BOOM! babygirl be upon ye ! #why was he like booting up at the start of the video 😭 #like someone just finished cranking his jump lever or smthin #i just knoowww the video started off with a classic icarly '3...2..1' #hes so cute #maxey #such a cute pizza company name to support too lol #bro shouldve driven to the streets of philly and handed these out tbh bcs those neighbors were probably full of #um #idk #whatever rich people eat man idek the names of what they digest 😭 #...cannoli? #ok now i made them italian #idk i didnt even mean this tbh this was stupid im giving up goodbye

[be-good-to-bugs]

2023 / oh to be such a lesbian that your crush turns into a god and changes the laws of the universe itself in order to change your fate. meduka meguka you truly are like no other.

#madoka magica #pmmm #madoka kaname #magical girl #puella magi madoka magica #fanart #orbs art #anyway. these were quick lazy stuff but im very happy with them. trying very hard to change how i draw #i need to be more chill and silly about it. feeling to stiff and bleh about drawing lately. this was v good for me #i had wanted to shade this but itd take so much effort to shade the lineless and the lined its not really worth it #i think it looks good as is and ik id just get bored and then never finish this drawing ever if i tried to shade it #anyway. just rewatched this show and. its so good. it like. changed something in me when i first watched it 6 years ago #and not exaggerating. i have though about this show almost every single day since then. my brain ran with the whole concept #thats good though. its been 1 of 2 main focuses since i was 11. it means a whole lot to me. when i finally learned of and watched rebellion #my little brain was ecstatic. i hadnt felt joy love and inspiration like that in such a long time and i havent since. #idk. its my only main special interest that wasnt tainted by others thinking it was stupid. hell even my mo watched the show and loved it #anyway ill stop talking now uh. its 6am and im rambling. not that i wouldnt do that at 6pm too

[rabitzzz]

avoiding talking to my fp about feelings by ignoring them again peace and love on planet earth

#vent post #sorry i just #' let me be selfish this once ' i . always try #i dont know how to convince her that im not leaving #anytime i express happiness that fp2 talked to me ( which ties into a fear that i have about fps not speaking to me for days at a time ) #( thanks jay ) #he gets upset and immediately thinks ive just . replaced her as someone special in my life #when honestly at this point i dont think i could ever live without him ? really ?? #i dont know what i can do to finally make her realize that no matter what im literally still always talking to him at the end of the day #even when we fight even if someone else had my attention even when i have a partner thats not him #i dont know what to do and its scary and people are so terrifying i dont want her upset over me time and time again #he really needs to find a new fp or just try not to care about me so much because 1 ) im not something that should be cared about in the - #- first place and 2 ) i clearly just keep directly upsetting her over and over so im not good for him whatsoever #even if im not doing it on purpose he splits directly because of me and when i split at her its because ive let things stack up without - #- handling them for too long so its more like misdirected rage because im such a high strung person #i dunno man im just #one of my fps hardly talks to me and the other is too attached to me im stuck in a hell of my own creation #might call the crisis line again its such a time #man i so totally really love december nothing bad EVER happens in december !!!!

[snowflop]

Happy new year from me and my beastie 🎉

#wishing you all a safe and happy 2024. #i know everything is kinda... horrible forever but we all gotta persevere okay? lets do our best to find joy in the little things. #last year was. okay for me i think #like. i really didn't get up to much but i enjoyed myself immensely #and i did a few little hobby things i've wanted to for ages. made an itabag that was awesome #got a pin press. did some embroidery. did some painting. started collecting everything i need for my bjd #next year... i want to get into sewing doll clothes (both for my bjd and for plushies) and knitting (i'd like to make my own leg warmers) #it'd be nice to do more painting to. like traditional stuff. it's gonna be so bad but its fun so i keep trying #hobby stuff aside i'd like to attend 1 (one) convention. it's scary and expensive but... ahh i really really want to #we'll see if i can budget it in -w-) #i don't think i have any particular resolutions... ah wait. gonna draw AT LEAST 1 thing a month #was diseased or something last October and fell into a slump. not this year. 2024 is MY year. for art at least #i've lost the plot with the tags because i'm typing it between reading subtitles but you get the idea. i lived. you lived. we'll be fine #WAIT!!! i forgot the cats. wah. #the cats are hands down THE best thing that happened to me last year I love them. #Haru and Christopher (pictured above) are my brightest light in this cold dark world they make me so so happy every day #snow blogging

[bunnyb34r]

Well glad to know I'm not the only one not feeling the Christmas season this year. Mom isnt either

Now we dont know why, but here are my guesses. Feel free to place your bets.

Is it:

Bc our aunt/great-aunt died and essentially dissolved the family

|_> Bc of this we've faced so much bullshit from the surviving family we have left.

Bc the only remaining family we have are major assholes aside from like 4 people.

Long covid?

Work stress/ working under a tyrant piece of shit.

Bc I'm an adult now so the *magic* is gone?

All of the above??

#marquilla #we still havent made cookies and are like i want the cookies but i dont want to make the cookies... #so we agreed we can do it after christmas if need be #i really think it's all of that combined. like my g-aunt dying really tore this family apart. we weren't like close close before but i mean #everyone started taking sides (the executors (my mom) vs my cousins. like listen you motherfuckers she left you [insert number bc i also #got this amount and am not disclosing]. you little freaks need to get over the fact that she loved me as much as if not more than you. #maybe bc i wasn't a fucking entitled brat and was always a polite well behaved child (for her) and didnt take my mommy/daddy issues out on #her. you already got: 2 free cars. 3 fully paid for weddings. 4 college degrees (one that you're not even using bc you havent worked since #college bc you became a tradwife. (not dissing stay at home moms im dissing her making college a BIG DEAL for her and then just #essentially saying haha thanks for the 100k in tuition but no ❤). COUNTLESS hours and money poured #into your lives from her and our g-uncle. amongst the 4 of you. (only 1 is not a brat but thats bc they pretend she doesnt exist bc shes #annoying and autistic so a drain on them they were ever so happy to dump on their dad) #you aren't entitled to any of that. that was a GIFT. your inheritance was well thought out. it is an insult for you to suggest otherwise #anyway so theyre being whiny brats and oh boo hoo you exects are SO MEAN to poor Ally who didnt sign the fucking will and thus held up #$50k FROM A CHURCH. and my uncle (not their dad. their moms brother) is taking their side. his wife is a massive piece of shit ab it too. #dont know whose side dog cousin is on bc shes close to my mom but very close to them. and i know lesbian cousin is on moms side to some #degree. and idgaf what Murderer cousin thinks bc that bitch can and will rot in hell. #so anyway any one we could possibly spend time with this season is either dead or hates us. or lives states away and won't be in til after #and only for a day anyway. and we just dont have the fucking energy to deal with anything

[circle-bircle]

happy anniversary final fantasy 2!! thank you for your jank and thank you for (checks notes) snook-snook chit, getting vored, hot guys, hot girls, dragoons, and gordon final fantasy. and i guess the emperor too but whatevs. you will forever be a bad game but you'll always be my fav final fantasy... if the others didn't exist <3

#tbh though i love ff2 #the jank makes it special to me #i think my favorite thing about it is the music. i love ancient castle i love tower of the magi i love battle scene 2 #do these characters have any depth? no #but i'll give them as much as they need to fuel my desire to see them kiss and be happy #my number one wish is for more people to play ff2 #i guess nobody really talks about 1/3 for the same reason as it being nes-era and not that good #but ff2 is always considered the worst one when i think it has a lot of good concepts #it's a fun game to break i think #i'll wax poetic about it all day #blessed be the mother the father and minwu's chest. amen #:P

[oatbugs]

i can feel every single nerve and organ and bone inside my body. an exercise in emptiness: what will the next thought in your head be?

#i feel like im going insane . went in the psych department w my friend again i decided to stop hating it for no reason except that its not #maths . why the fuck dont you study ? because the module name starts with a PS ? i need to love it without #feeling shame for myself . i feel like im gonna get into trouble with my university for prying open locked automatic doors at 1 AM but its #alright (that building is haunted anyway). its not about him but it is but it really isnt its about everything it means its about the way i #cant cry for myself the way i used to its the sadness and happiness and that im turning 20 soon and im going a little insane but im shocked #that i still have friends i love im shocked that i am loved im shocked that i dont feel disgusted thinking about him yet #(and ill look for a man to turn me into a hare just like you did when you did what you did) #when alt j 3ww said . f5 f6 f6 f5 f5 #i constantly feel like my chest is about to explode and i have no idea why its a physical pain its great and also horrible #id like to rip out my ribcage and put a bird and some flowers inside it id like to rip out my sternum and pierce the thoughts with it #4 43 AM i have an exam about brains i stared at a vintage photo of a brain pinned and labelled i learned the names and positions of sulci #im learning about magic (action potentials) and gates inside your brain and every day i learn how hard your body tries to keep you alive #(his lips turn sharp when he smiles) (choking on flowers and music and fear) (feel every feeling inside my throat feel metal at the back #of my head) (i miss your hard edges i miss your bone marrow) #hypothesis : perhaps if i put my lips on someone elses lips and i dont let go of them for a few hours ill be okay #needle (sharp like the spice in what i made you) shooting 5 mg of haldol straight into the hypothalamus . gave myself a concussion and #since that night my head has been blooming . the violin today felt like liquid gold . moderato - spiritoso - the bow turned my heart inside #out . id like to scream and i have no idea why but one day i will turn my vertebrae into a bouquet of flowers for you all. #yesterday my boy with the beautiful hair looked at me and held me tight enough that i heard his heartbeat (or maybe it was mine) #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on him for this except his heart has been crushed by the mathematician discerning eyes #for a while and a half . #dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed and your hand touches my hand and every day i am amazed by the way your mind #turns my guts and my heart inside out #for a second or two and i wish i could lean on his bony shoulders for this except his lungs have filled with water #for a while and a half . dyed your hair red i dyed your hair brown youre on my bed i stare at the grace of her hands you are evidence #that angels and pomegranate seeds and create the economist of our dreams . game theory and good actions by any other name . #she makes the sound the sea makes knee deep in the north sea

[dahldahlbills]

juggling three different writing projects in my head rn i feel like im going insane

#this is why I try to avoid working on multiple wips at the same time hhhh #love having ideas but I hate bouncing between them and feeling like I can’t keep any of it straight #two of them are fics and ones an original project #what makes things worse is that im incapable of writing anything Short or Uncomplicated #noooo it always has to be a 100k+ fantasy saga of some sort with room for spin-offs #like im happy but also Sterssed #bc 1) there’s no time to actually work on these so it all just festers I’m my noggin #*in #and 2) I am SO SLOW so the longer the project means the none of these will see the light of day for at least a decade #esp when I’m splitting my time between all three #I could drop one of the fics but I’ve already been working on it for over a year I’m too committed #and if I put it on hold now I’ll never come back to it #other fic is jojo related and I wanted it to be SHORT AND SWEET but brain said no <3 #and my brainrot consumes me so I must indulge #I’ve put off the original project for over a year already #and I need to like .. make progress on that if I want writing/art to be a serious career choice #so yeah fun stuff 👍 #im literally sitting at my desk talking to my figurines trying to sort all my thoughts #they’re great listeners <3 #but hey im having ideas so that’s great at least #blahblahbills #AND DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON ART WIPS

[minglana]

idk what kind of stress im currently in that i cry just bc of the fact that its 12am and i can hear people speaking in the office next to my room

#maybe its the fact that the woman aggravates me so much #bc she follows /some/ of the dorm rules and she doesnt follow others #or maybe its just that things have changed so much around here that im no longer comfortable #or that /ive/ changed and im far too strict w everyone in general #or maybe that ive grown up way too used to quiet and i need my quiet time #and i cant even get ONE hour of silence in the day. not even at 1 or 2am anymore #that used to be my study hours bc thats when no one was awake in the dorms and there was complete quiet #but i cant even get that anymore bc apparently following rules is too 'hitlerian' and what do we care abt other ppl. right #and im not even talking abt myself! obviously im the one thats affected the most by it but theres like 20 other people on the same floor #that go to sleep EARLIER than the rest of us. and if you talk a LITTLE bit too loudly they can hear it too #but anyways the more i think about it and like. even if i had my required hours of quiet time. i dont think id be happy here anymore #what made me happy abt being here was having friends. and i dont have any anymore so whats the point right #actually i do (or did) have friends. but they dont seem to care that much abt me since they never even care to talk #even last yr they never asked me to sit w them or hang out w them. i always had to take everything into my own hands #and tbh that friend dynamic just doesnt rly do it for me. if you dont tell me that im allowed to do things. im simply not doing them. #as much as id like to. #ok i seem to have calmed down from crying now. i swearrrr im so done with everything. i think its seasonal depression #but im so close to wanting to end it all (as in everything. not just myself) #suicide mention #z xarre

[goldensunset]

Envy is absolutely the most cringfail sin. it's about spending your energy NOT minding your own business and being obsessed with what other people have. and it's the only one that grants you no pleasure. it's just misery. completely pathetic

loving the fact that you have an opinion on this and needed to say it. mutuals please sit down it’s time for the philosophy and ethics socratic seminar on tumblr dot com

#listen they’re all pathetic as long as you understand what they actually truly mean #and not the oversimplified broadened media ideas of them #like you see i don’t think jealousy is necessarily bad if it’s 1. something objectively good to have and 2. something with no scarcity #i.e. like if you wished you could be as kind and patient as someone you know so you seek to emulate them #you’re jealous of them in a way that hurts neither you nor them but leads you to greater personal virtue and appreciation of them #of course if it’s not a situation like this then yeah you’re right it is pretty pathetic #but i consider envy to be something different #jealousy is wanting someone else’s happiness #envy is resenting someone else’s happiness #envy says if i can’t be happy you shouldn’t be happy either #envy is that toxic person who refuses to make any effort to improve themselves #who just whines all day in the hopes of annoying you so they can take a minor comfort in your misery #this is also related to sloth though too #sloth is not refusing to participate in grind culture or whatever it’s never taking a stand and doing the thing when it’s needed #sloth is the person who’s too afraid of facing difficulties so they always have to be neutral. aka they’re useless. #alternatively envy is the guy who’s in love with this lady who’s already taken #and he retaliates by killing her boyfriend/husband (possibly as well as her too) #so yeah envy is definitely pathetic at best and downright monstrous at worst #but like don’t get me started on pride. that is peak immaturity #y’know the people who are like ‘I WILL ATTACK AND DETHRONE GOD’ yeah i’ve never met a happy and peaceful person who says that lol #it’s just weird… #pride is just about making it all about yourself #the thing is that being full of yourself is a problem of course #but then there’s also the toxicity of hating yourself #constant self deprecation is just as damaging as a huge ego #like the way to counter pride is not to be like AAAAAH I HATE MYSELF I’M GARBAGE girl stop. pick yourself up #ppl like that are still making a scene and making it all about themselves. it’s not healthy and they should seek genuine help #like just. chill. literally. go talk to someone. go do something. being trapped in your own mind can go one of two bad ways #asks #thanks anon

[inkskinned]

i think a lot about exactly 1 thing from the roman empire: the concept of bread and circus. the idea was that if your population was fed and entertained, they wouldn't revolt. you are asking us to give up our one small life, is the thing - for under 15 dollars an hour.

what would that buy, even. i am trading weekends and late nights and my back health. i am trading slow mornings and long walks and cortisol levels. i am trading sleep and silence and peace. for ... this. for what barely-covers-rent.

life really is more expensive right now. you aren't making that up. i make almost 3 times what i did 5 years ago, and despite an incredibly equal series of bills - i am still struggling. the most expensive line item i added was to own a dog. the money is just evaporating.

we were okay with it because it's a cost-benefit analysis. i could handle the customer harassment and standing all day and the manager's constantly changing temperament - i was coming home to hope, and my life planned in a blue envelope. three hours would buy me my dog's food for a month. i can give up three hours for him, for his shiny coat and wide, happy mouth. three days could be a new mattress, if i was thrifty. if i really scrimped and saved, we could maybe afford a trip into the city.

recently i cried in the car about the price of groceries.

business majors will be mad at me, but my most inflammatory opinion is that people should never be valued at the same place as products. your staff should not be a series of numbers in an excel sheet that you can just "replace" whenever you need something at that moment. your staff should be people, end of sentence.

it feels like someone somewhere is playing a very bad video game. like my life is a toy. like someone opened an app on their phone and hired me in diner dash ultra. they don't need to pay me well or treat me alright - they can always just show me the door. there is always someone more desperate, always someone more willing.

but i go to work and know i could save for years and not afford housing. i am never going to own my own home, most likely. i have no idea how to afford her ring, much less the wedding. my dog doesn't have his own yard. everything i love is on subscription. if i lose my job, i have no "nest egg" to catch my falling.

this thin life - they want me to give up summer for it. to open my mouth and throat and swallow the horrible hours and counted keystrokes. they want me to give up mountains and any non-federal holiday. to give up snow days. to give up talking to my mom whenever i want. to give up visiting the ocean and hearing the waves.

bread and circus worked for a while, actually. it was the kind of plan that would probably now be denounced by republicans as socialist commie liberal pronoun bullshit.

but sometimes i wonder if we should point them to the part of the history book that says: it worked until it didn't.

#spilled ink #warm up #writeblr #i have a good job please shut the fuck up before telling me to get a better job #girl i have vision and dental. #if u blame the victim that's wild. do u know about economic systems

[neofelis----nebulosa]

i dont want to like formally come out because like thats so embarrassing so instead im trying to like soft launch my sexual orientation and so far its not working out

#people are just not catching on #oh well #at the end of the day i dont really care what people think my sexuality is #like people still refer to me as asexual and its like i have not ided as asexual in like 2 years but like it would be so awkward to just... #...be like yeah so about that and explain everything so like i just dont correct them #it is kinda embarrassing tho bc i put so much energy into explaining my asexuality to people and trying to convince people of its validity #and then 4 years later its just like wait nvm #like i might not have been COMPLETELY wrong i am most likely still somewhere in the gray ace spectrum #i wont get into it but like i am just not as comfortable about stuff like that as most people are #though its just like how much of that is intrinsic and how much is internalized homophobia idk #its all very messy and complicated #and tbh i dont really feel the need to microlabel myself #i used to be into that stuff but now im just like idk just not #like im a taxpaying adult with a 9 to 5 i really just dont have the time or energy for all that #technically its not a 9 to 5 its an 8:30 to 5:30 bc my employer insists on us taking 1 hour breaks which is like so unnecessary but it is.. #...what it is #but yeah overall im actually pretty happy with my new job overall #this is way off topic lol #this is how it feels to be in my brain for all 0 of you who were wondering

[munch-mumbles]

booooo vent in tags BOOOOO TOMATO TOMATO

#feeling very frustrated with how bad i am at being a person #like i just do not have the energy to survive #nothing can hold my attention anymore and its fucking with my desire to create anything #and thats not even in like a 'i need to make something to be worth something' way its more #'holy fucking christ im so fucking bored every day all the time forever' way #im also realizing that i fucking suck genuine ass at just talking to people #i dont know what to say in conversation. like im just fucking stupid #i have a small list of preloaded responses and if none of them fit what was said to me i STRUGGLE #i didnt always feel like this but im decaying #if more than two different people dm me in a day thats a whole Event #had something i wanted to say but got dsitracted for a second and immediately lost my train of thought loollll (gritted teeth) #whatever tldr im lonely but im too 2 dimensional of a person to know how to make friends anymore #i WANT to talk to people but talking has become exhausting and i dont know how to get better #if i at least had the energy to keep creating my own content to keep myself entertained i would be fine honestly #but i cant have anything so even thinking about the characters that i love feels like something i have to force myself to do #and still struggle with because i cant pay attention to jack shit #i like to think that maybe i just need to be medicated for something. probably adhd. and then ill be all better and happy #but 1 money 2 time 3 effort 4 what if it doesnt work #yeah time and effort sounds like little bitch shit and yeah it is but im not exaggerating when i say i have no energy #sorry the tags on this are getting so long i keep coming back to add more so i dont bug anyone with a new post #i just. i dont know what to do. im consistently unhappy every day and it keeps getting worse #if i wasnt scared to die i wouldve ended it months ago