#i need a trepanation | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

chipika · 4 months

Text

Monkeys Observation Diary

Gojo/reader/Geto

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.

——Matthew 7:15

01-Monkeys Observation Diary

From a young age, you have enjoyed observing others.

You always notice details that others wouldn't, such as someone subconsciously touching their nose when feeling uncomfortable, the slight upward turn of the corner of someone's mouth when lying, the lack of genuine laughter in someone's eyes, which appear stagnant like a still pool.

When you were a kid, you would often accompany your parents to various parties and gatherings. In these grand occasions with many distinguished guests, people seemed lively and immersed in an atmosphere of nobility and joy. However, most of the conversations revolved around trivial matters. Adults liked to showcase their wealth through subtle details, such as prestigious watches, lapel pins, and tie clips (truly wealthy individuals never flaunt their wealth ostentatiously; that's something only nouveau riche would do). Children, on the other hand, were more direct. They would babble about the new and exciting toys their parents bought for them, and then another child would claim that their new toy was more expensive than the one mentioned before, leading to a competition of whose parents purchased the pricier toy. Essentially, adults and children are the same at their core. One could even say that children are a reflection of their parents, as they unconsciously learn from their parents' behavior and replicate it when interacting with others, especially peers. Whether adults or children, they all find joy in showcasing their status, reputation, and wealth. Ultimately, they seek validation from others to establish their self-identity. Their entire belief system is built upon gaining recognition from others, and this is what we call vanity.

It's not just the wealthy; you notice that most people are this way.

People always believe that the image they present to the outside world is more important than their true selves. They place great emphasis on others' opinions and strive tirelessly to receive praise, even if the end result may not align with their expectations. Ultimately, this stems from their own self-doubt, which is rooted in human nature's ignorance. In reality, the majority of people in society are dirty, despicable, shameless, base, arrogant, greedy, and lazy, always seeking trouble where there is none. The remaining few pretend to be "untainted by the mud" but may secretly be even more base and arrogant. They create their own clique, characterized by hypocrisy.

Similar behavior can be observed among chimpanzees, although their behavior is more primitive. A group of chimpanzees is ruled by the most mature and powerful male individual, establishing a social hierarchy from the highest-ranking ("alpha male") to the lowest. The dominant male carefully establishes and maintains his position within the hierarchy, primarily through displays of power, such as baring his teeth, pounding tree trunks, shaking branches, and throwing large rocks. Lower-ranking males and females usually respond with submissive and appeasing gestures to confirm their position. Even the contests between males for dominance can be seen as displays of prowess, as both sides try to impress the other with their strength without resorting to physical combat, until one side concedes in a submissive posture. However, in rare cases, these struggles are decided through physical fights, where battles involve beating, kicking, and biting, often resulting in severe injuries or even death. From this, it is evident that humans and chimpanzees are fundamentally the same, although they display their behaviors differently.

You discover that everything people wholeheartedly, tirelessly, and against all odds strive to pursue ultimately boils down to seeking the praise and admiration of others. Positions, titles, wealth, and social status are all just means to gain more respect from others. In this aspect, humans are as foolish as chimpanzees. It is a weakness in human nature, perhaps a result of civilization and social evolution. After all, humans are social beings and naturally seek the approval of others within the group. This emotion can be considered a powerful tool for those who wish to control others. Among various methods of "shaping" individuals, maintaining and reinforcing a sense of honor hold significant positions.

To verify this idea, you once conducted an experiment. You chose a male classmate from the same primary school as you, similar in age but a few months older. He came from a comfortable middle-class family, with both parents working as white-collar professionals. Though not particularly wealthy, they lived a decent life. There was no specific reason for selecting him as the subject of your experiment, except that he had once lent you an eraser during an exam.

The experiment was straightforward. You continually showered him with unrealistic praises. For example, if he achieved good grades in a test, you would compliment him on how smart he was, even better than you. In reality, you deliberately performed poorly on the test and asked for his guidance, creating an illusion that he was superior to you. Slowly, he started to believe that he was indeed a genius, while you appeared to be dependent on him, incapable of anything.

When the actual exam came, you scored a perfect grade while his score was lower than yours. Seeing someone he considered inferior outperform him, he fell into self-doubt and frustration. At that moment, you consoled him, saying it was just a fluke and that he would surely do better next time. However, his performance remained consistently poor in subsequent exams.

After experiencing repeated failures, his confidence suffered severe blows. It was then that you told him, "Perhaps this is as far as your abilities go," completely negating the "genius" persona you had built for him. His entire belief system was destroyed by your words.

Later, he stopped coming to school, and you didn't know what happened to him. You only heard from his mother that he seemed to be facing mental issues, not speaking anymore, becoming a complete wreck.

After this, you made another friend, but you didn't conduct the same experiment on him because you had already successfully validated your idea, and there was no need for another experiment. This friend was naive and obedient in nature, while you, deep down, harbored a tyrannical streak. You wanted to control his soul without any restraint, to mold him into what you desired. However, as soon as he obediently followed your lead, you immediately began to resent him and pushed him away. You loved his compliance, but at the same time, you hated it. You wanted him to be subservient to you, yet you also wanted him to disobey you. Yes, the process of shaping him was interesting, but the outcome was utterly boring. If he had eventually bitten back at you, you would have been even more delighted.

However, later on, you encountered someone fascinating – someone more genuine than anyone you had met before. He never concealed his thoughts and was truly consistent in his words and actions. In fact, he saw through your facade the first time you met him. That person was Gojo Satoru, the pride of the Gojo Family, the wielder of the Six Eyes, and someone who had been worth billions on his head since birth.

You met Gojo Satoru at a gathering when you were both kids. Your initial impression of him was that, like you, he was a loner. He disregarded the flattery of adults and didn't play with children of his age. He sat alone, playing with his Game Boy, emanating an aura that set him apart from everyone else. In short, he was an outsider.

Throughout the entire event, the only outsiders were Gojo and you. However, unlike him, you didn't isolate yourself with an air of superiority. To maintain good interpersonal relationships, you still participated in necessary social activities. Whatever you were thinking, as long as you played the role assigned to you by society, you could peacefully see off each day.

When facing others, you would put on a smile, accompanied by appropriate body language, while suppressing your own emotions and feelings, compressing your own space entirely. This way, you could expand the other person's space until it enveloped yours. Only then could they accept you, trust you. Everyone wants to be seen, heard, and valued, and you used this to manipulate others, but it was difficult for them to perceive it.

On normal days, no matter who you talked to, you would wear a smile, but deep inside, there was no joy. Gojo saw through this the first time he spoke to you. Nobody else had seen through your act, but Gojo had. At that time, you speculated that maybe his Six Eyes could even see through people's hearts.

"Can you stop smiling? Your fake smile is disgusting."

Gojo suddenly approached you, his expression void of emotion as he spoke. You thought he must be mocking you internally, just like how you mocked others.

Since then, you two would occasionally exchange a few words. Although this can't even be called a "friendship," only when chatting with Gojo, you don't have to disguise your expression. If it were someone else, they would surely wonder why you have a poker face. But Gojo is different; in front of him, your expressionless face is forgiven.

Perhaps for the same reason, he chose you as his chat partner when he's bored.

You thought you might want to transform him into the image you desire, but you didn't. He is already perfect, exactly the way you want him to be – he despises his surroundings, proudly detaching himself from this environment entirely. Moreover, he is the first person to see through your mask, and he unhesitatingly tears it apart. He is the person you have been searching for, a perfect subject of your observation.

And his eyes, oh, you love his blue eyes, which resemble the sky stretching infinitely into the distance. If he ever chooses to leave you, there's no telling whether you would dig out his eyes and preserve them in a glass jar for your solitary admiration.

Gojo is someone who enjoys eating sweets, to the point of an abnormal obsession. Since he has no other chat buddies besides you, he often drags you along to eat desserts, sometimes even going to several places in a single day. In the end, he becomes the only one eating the sweets, while you serve as a mere companion. It doesn't bother you, though. For you, it's an opportunity to observe Gojo up close, and for him, it's having someone to accompany him. It's a win-win situation, and you don't see anything wrong with it. After all, in the end, you both are just utilizing each other to satisfy your own desires.

Towards the end of winter vacation, Gojo called you out again. You went to Shinjuku, where various shops lined the bustling streets. The clear sky, trimmed by the scenery and tree of the street, glowed with a mysterious and distinct radiance. You could feel the apricity on your head. But besides the sun, you could also sense two intense gazes. These gazes were not the casual glances of passersby but rather the kind that stuck to you like goldfish droppings, or rather, stuck to Gojo.

The thought of the subject you were observing being observed by others stirred up a muddy emotion deep within you. However, you still spoke in a cold and indifferent tone, saying, "Looks like someone has their eyes on you, Satoru." Since Gojo call you by your first name, you also referred to him as "Satoru" (Note: In Japan, it's customary to use someone's first name directly only when you have a close relationship).

"I know." Gojo responded nonchalantly. Then, he suddenly stopped walking, glanced at a building behind him, and turned back, clicking his tongue. "What are those small fry staring at?"

At that very moment, those gazes disappeared.

"They're probably assassins looking to claim a reward using your head." you said.

"From your tone, it seems like you're finding joy in someone else's misfortune?"

"Not at all," you replied, "If even someone like me can sense their presence, it just proves that they're nothing more than that level. I know you won't be killed by those kinds of people, without a doubt."

Gojo let out a disdainful snort. "Why are even you starting to flatter me?"

"It's not what you think," you shook your head. "I genuinely believe you're strong, a person who's perfect in everything except for your personality."

He pouted in dissatisfaction. "What do you mean by that last statement, you bastard?!"

"Am I wrong?" you tilted your head and asked, looking at him.

Your words left Gojo speechless. Seemingly aware of his own shortcomings, so hedidn't respond to you.

Then, the two of you fell silent for a while and slowly entered a café on the upper floor of a building. It was lunchtime, and the café was bustling with customers. The staff were busy, but they still managed to find you and Gojo a window seat. As soon as you sat down, Gojo didn't even glance at the menu and ordered a caramel banana waffle with Hokkaido milk ice cream.

"Do you come here often?" you curiously asked.

He chuckled. At this moment, the usually mature young man showed an expression befitting his age. "First time here, but I looked up information online beforehand. The caramel banana waffle with Hokkaido milk ice cream here is delicious."

"You really came prepared." you said as you picked up the menu and looked at it.

The menu was handwritten, and based on the handwriting, there was a good chance it was written by a girl. Moreover, the menu had a spray of lavender-scented perfume.

"I'll have a French apple pie with vanilla ice cream, please." you smiled slightly at the female waitress.

"Sure, please wait a moment." the waitress replied with a smile and then walked away.

Gojo looked at you, raising his eyebrows slightly, displaying a look of surprise. "Your fake smile has improved," he remarked.

You laughed. "Are you praising me or mocking me?"

"A bit of both." he said. "But I've always wondered why you always try to please others. Do you really want to fit in with them? Yet deep down, you clearly look down on them, don't you?"

So, look like I'm being observed, you thought. But you didn't feel offended at all; instead, you found it intriguing. You wanted to know what conclusions Gojo had drawn from observing you.

"Why do you think that?" you countered.

Gojo frowned impatiently. "I'm the one asking you questions! Didn't your teacher teach you not to answer a question with a question?"

"I'm emulating Socrates. Wasn't he fond of using questioning to guide students to find answers?" you replied.

"Stop babbling and answer my question."

"If you continue like this, no girl will ever like you, you know?"

"I don't care if anyone likes me," Gojo turned his head away, muttering, "I don't like anyone else either."

Although he said so, you still noticed a hint of melancholy on his face. While he may not be aware of it, deep inside, he desires to be liked and loved. After all, he's still just a child, at an age where he needs affection. The love he seeks is not the love given by his family, not the love that stems from being the Six Eyes' bearer; it's the love given because he is Gojo Satoru. This is the conclusion you've reached after months of observing Gojo Satoru and his family. It's the imperfection that inadvertently revealed itself after getting to know Gojo Satoru.

The atmosphere seemed to call for a good performance.

"To be honest, I quite like you." you said with a serious expression.

Upon hearing your words, Gojo expressed a look of disgust, his once handsome face wrinkling. "That's so gross."

You locked eyes for a moment, then burst into laughter simultaneously. The surrounding customers cast strange glances at you, but you paid no attention, laughing heartily in your chairs.

"To be honest," Gojo laughed so hard he couldn't catch his breath, tears streaming down his cheeks, "I can't imagine you liking anyone, even me. The person you would like must be a weirdo."

"So, this is how you perceive me? Truly disappointing." you shook your head. "I genuinely like you, you know."

"Who are you trying to fool?" Gojo said, wiping away his tears and winking at you. "Weren't you just asking me why I think you try to fit into other people's circles when deep down, you clearly look down on them? It's because I've seen the pain in your eyes when you talk to others."

"Pain?" you asked.

"That's right." he nodded. "The first time I saw you, I thought you were strange. You gave me a sense of disharmony."

"Hm. Is that so?" you said thoughtfully.

"Then tell me, why do you torment yourself like this? Are you a masochist?" he joked.

"Shut up." you laughed. "I'm not torturing myself, and I don't have any intention of fitting in with them. I simply believe that the smartest way to live is to disdain the trends of that era while still living within their boundaries."

Gojo silently gazed at you for a while, then dramatically sighed, spreading his hands and saying, "I really can't understand you."

You smiled and said nothing.

You had never thought of making Gojo understand you, nor had you ever thought of making anyone understand you. If one day the people around you found out that you were a cold, merciless person, how difficult would it be to continue living? In comparison to the present, which situation would be more lonely? You pondered, realizing that there probably wouldn't be much of a difference.

As you contemplated this question, the waiter brought your meals to the table.

#anime #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x you #geto suguru #geto x reader #lobotomy kaisen #i need a trepanation #SoundCloud

36 notes · View notes