aj being so powerful and in control all the time must make him such a bitch for domination or sexual displays of strength. like… ivan already being such a large, tall, big man must make him so damn weak at the knees, but… when he carries him to bed, or wraps his arm around his waist, or puts his big hands on his ass, it’s so… OOUUUUUUFFFF
or when aj is in a position that makes it hard to maneuver, ivan decided to help by either raising him by his hips or bearhugging him and just fucking the sht outta him with nothing but leg power… and god he loves it. goooooood.
Y’all I am losing my mindddd even my therapist thinks this woman is sending mixed signals that are hinting at attraction and I am realizing that I am not delusional, there is definitely something between us. I am not well. I am seeing this woman today and I cannot stop shaking ahhh.
My intuition has known from the moment I met her and I have been denying it because I am afraid of getting hurt or being wrong. I am still open to the idea of all of this being my own delusion. I have to hold onto that in order to stay calm. I do not want to mess this up.
A total ramble, because I haven't slept anywhere near enough.
My brain did that kooky crossover thing in my dreams, last night. It was a TLoU setting, but it was Dean Winchester trekking across the country with Jack. Dean was looking for Sam, while preparing to deliver Jack to rebel forces set to take on God and the angels.
The TLoU speaks for itself, but I have no idea why SPN got involved.
EDIT: I do know why. Episode Three of TLoU made me want to re-read a Wincest fic called The Last Outpost of All That Is. One of the best fics I've ever read.
I've been thinking about the templars lately. they were promised honor, virtue, told that they would be charged with protection of the innocent... And then those same people are systemically exploited and abused, abuse others because they're taught to regard everyone else as either sheep who need to be lead or potential threats. Never equals, except in their brothers/sisters-in-arms. They act as the guard-dogs and military arm of an entirely different organization that they're only a functionary member of but have no governing say in. Even the chantry aren't their equals- they function as the templar order's supervisors! And all this isolation and closing of ranks ends in disability, addiction, death, and abandonment by the system they spent their bodies in service of.
To top that off, retaliations against them just confirm the paranoia they were taught to embrace. It's probably a long hard road to get out of that hole.
Like, listen. the dichotomy of mage vs templars is a satisfying and easy one, but the system is tearing them apart too. have you ever heard of a retired templar?
at the end of it, mages and templars need to unite against the real threat. the chantry.
veiled behind ethan landry’s puppy dog eyes and sweet, boyish demeanor is a man with bloodstained fingernails who pounds you in front of a mirror and pretends to be preoccupied with marking up your neck so he can hide his grin as he watches you struggle to take him in the reflection and and and. whew. goodnight. that’s it for me. that is IT. he is SICK. TWISTED.